#i'm not even gonna get into the enby stuff and how tiring it is to just let people misgender you on a daily basis cuz you gotta keep

[timeladix]

Y'all wanna know what's so fucking cool about figuring out you're aroace?

It's that, after, when like the adrenaline is over and it all *clicks* you finally FINALLY breathe. Nothing's changed, you're the same person as before, you just keep on living like you've always done and just continue being you.

So what actually changed? The expectations you put on yourself, the "i gotta try and learn how to behave like a person that could potentially feel those types of attractions and try to relate to people that do" when you don't and you can't. Yk how fucking exhausting it is, not only masking to fit in with the neurotypicals, but also masking to fit in with the allo people??

I👏Need👏A👏Fucking👏Break👏

And knowing i'm aroace kinda (even tho it shouldn't be a requirement) gives me permission to just be. Like NO MORE FUCKING EXPECTATIONS, I'M DONE PRETENDING AND ANALISING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERY INTERACTION I HAVE. Please i just want to liveeeeee

Ughhh

Yeah

Thanks for listening to this aroace autistic's ted talk.

[parksprout]

Sprout Journal 11/11/24-11/12/24

OKAY so this is part 2 of my journal I posted earlier today! That one was mostly thoughts about my love life and me yapping about my own feelings (boring, right?) so unless you're absurdly interested in my feelings of longing and desire to date this really cool, cute, interesting and sweet enby then think of this as the one and only journal entry for yesterday and the day before!

So two days ago was pretty eventful for me! I had my first doctors appointment since I was like 10, and it went surprisingly well! I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac. My health paranoia typically comes from my weight. I'm overweight and have been for about half of my life, but I think I've always been a little too self conscious of it - I'm not unhealthy, I'm very strong and can run and never get winded but.. I still have always been fully convinced I'm basically on the verge of death from being unhealthy. The doctor mitigated my concerns a lot yesterday, and.. she genuinely made me feel a lot better about myself than I have in a long time both through testing and words of encouragement, the later of which was really unexpected. All of my vitals are really healthy, my blood pressure is almost perfect, my heart rate and lungs sounded excellent, almost any aspect of health that everyone beats into your head would be "terrible beyond salvaging" by being overweight I actually tested well within healthy matrics for. The only thing that wasn't actually very healthy is the vision in my left eye lkajsdhflkasjdf I can't see a goddamn thing. I have an eye doctor appointment later this month where I might finally get eyeglasses! I think I'd actually be super cute with glasses so I'm kinda hoping that I qualify laksdflasdjf. Anyways, after that I had a pretty okay rest of my appointment! I had to get my blood drawn and I almost fainted alskjdfasjdf I was fine at first, just chilling, but it was taking a really long time so I looked over at the nurse and she was filling up her 5th big ass vial and that made me feel light headed - it seemed like so much.

After my doctors appointment I had a pretty chill rest of my day. I did my first pixel art, I took a realllyyyy relaxing nap, and then i got dinner with my former coworker/friend Ethan! He's a lot older than me so we can't really relate on most things but to be fully honest he kinda fits an older broter/mentor role within my life so it was really good talking to him and asking him for advice! I asked him for advice on relationships, healing, how to find myself again and more. He always has a lot of introspective but also funny things to say aklsjdfaskjdf he helped me a lot, even if some of the stuff isn't exactly what I wanted to hear. We got Mexican food btw! I got myself a burrito and an empanada but I sadly didn't really like the empanada :< I ended up giving about half of my meal to this homeless/destitute woman who was hanging out in the parking lot, she wanted money but I didn't have anything to give so I asked if she wanted the food and she said yes! Yesterday was a reallyyyy simple day. Work was super boring so I have absolutely nothing to say about that, and then once I got home I just went and worked out really hard and then bought stuff at the store to make soup!! I couldn't actually finish making the soup last night so that'll be what I make for dinner tonight!! I'm getting tired of writing and I'm in class rn so I'm gonna call it here! Byeee tumblrrrrr <3 if you wanna read my weird emotions check out part one of this journal, if not then STAY AWAY WHY WOULD I CARE ANYWAY!!!!! RAH!!!

[brothermouse]

Hey hey! I don't really know how to ask this, so, I'm just gonna do my best. I'm the bishop's kid. I'm also a toric he/they enby. My parents don't know (though they do know I ID'd as bi in the past, they think I'm straight now. Conversion therapy-), and they're huge second coming preppers. It's just been rough. They're talking about having to repent and stuff and I keep trying to distance myself from my identity because I'm scared of it. How do I feel better about myself as I am?

I'm not sure if I'm really qualified to give anyone advice on anything, but if you're willing to give me shot, I'm willing to take it.

Feeling better about yourself as you are is something that I've struggled with. I'm not sure if my solution will work for anyone other than me, but here it is:

I fell in love with myself.

Deeply, hopelessly, head-over-heels in love.

Full on Jane Austin, 90's RomCom, Corny poetry love.

I did this by first making a list of the things I like about who I am. I tried to avoid superficial things like dress and apperance and focused on the things that were closer to the core of who I really am.

For example: I'm hard working and determined, even when I'm tired I keep moving forward. I don't lose faith easily. I always try to keep positive, even when I can only see negative. Etc. Try and pick out things that will last even when you're old and grey, the admirable qualities of your soul. Also try and get a good variety of things, if you can.

Then you need to become your own secret admirer. I've bought and made gifts for myself, sent myself letters, and just spent time enjoying my company. Write poetry to yourself, take yourself out on dates, make yourself a gosh-darned friendship bracelet if you have to. Just do whatever you need to do to convince yourself that you are in love.

Finally, and most importantly, you've got to take care of yourself. Keep good hygiene, drink water, eat right, get some sun, and dress cute when you can. The more you care for yourself the more you'll care about yourself.

Jesus taught that we should love our neighbors as ourselves, and He said we should love our neighbors a lot. So it follows that we are not only allowed but flat out COMMANDED to love ourselves. God knows that you are a wonderful, beautiful, fantastic person, and I believe that He wants you to see yourself how He sees you. You can always ask Him what He loves about you.

The world wants you to hate yourself. If you hate yourself you'll spend more money on whatever they say will make you happy. Loving yourself is an act of quiet yet profound rebellion that all the forces of earth are powerless to stop. You are worthy of loving and being loved and you don't have to sit on your hope chest waiting for someone else to come along and realize that.