#i'm not being literal here. it's a thin thing to explain. so its just notes

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

my honest urge to give each family some fucked up abstract sacred symbolism bc i was obsessed over this game when i was 15

[polufabrikat-na-vilke]

Thoughts about Diavolo and Doppio

Introducion

All that ton of text exists because I didn't believe it was DID since my first time watching and reading Golden Wind. Literally from the first time seeing their actions and interactions, I thought it looked more like some sort of supernatural thing than that condition, to which I only found more confirmation as I watched. I still want to call the following examples thin, since there is a very high probability that Araki was simply going way too wild with all this mystical mysterious secrecy of the antagonist, and everything that I will give may turn out to be just the fattest wicked technique for exaggerating this, but I want to express my thoughts nonetheless. Plus, I think it might be a narrative trick after all, so I may turn out to be right in the end of the day.

Point

So, let's get it straight: the theory is that there's no DID in that story, Diavolo is not an alter-ego, but something else and probably not a human at all. And now to the specifics.

Let's start from afar: his (to make it easier to read, I'm talking about Diavolo in a generally accepted way) mother, in her words, became pregnant from an unknown man who died 2 years before his birth, and, moreover, she has been sitting in isolation from the outside world for 2 years, in a specifically women's prison without any men at all. AND, MOREOVER, the anime adaptation shows that the fetus develops in just a few hours (I’ll say a few more words about the validity of David's version later). Well, it’s impossible, well, it’s a huge nonsense, even if we consider from a seemingly scientific point of view of this universe, with which Araki tried to explain, for example, the change in physical parameters when switching egos. Here's mystical supernatural shit number 1.

Further. This particular point is relevant only for anime adaptation. Unfortunately, I haven’t found any data on how much Araki took part in its creation, I confess, but I have the right to assume that if it was approved by him and released the way we see it, it is quite a canon by which we can argue. It came out after the manga and this is quite possibly a more correct representation of events from the point of view of canon details. In the same scene, after birth, the baby's eye color momentarily changes from hazel to red, then back. This move, I want to note, is often used to show a character’s possession, usually with supernatural forces or the like. Yes, it is also used to refer to a "second personality" or some hidden nature of a character, but newborns do not have DID, it is a disorder that develops after severe repeating trauma. Mystical supernatural shit number 2.

We smoothly move on to the extreme turbidity and ambiguity of DID, and I’m not even going to talk about body changes when switching. So, DID develops, as, by the way, even in the original source is noted, as a result of a deep shock or trauma. A person dissociates from the traumatic experience, which, if severe and repetative to the point when their mind can't really survive it, results in violation of an identity integrity. It does not develop immediately and is noticeable to others, while commonly not being noticable to a person expiriensing it. And what do we see on this topic there? Nothing, only Doppio shows symptoms of dissociation, and only in situations where something threatens to expose the boss’s identity (or in other situations related to him, that’s the only way), which is strange, because I can’t even imagine such a trauma can be (i.e., it becomes a chicken-and-egg paradox: the trauma, in theory, should be related to the boss, to alter, but without the trauma there should be no boss, no alter). Other trauma is either not shown, which is a serious omission from the script, because this is no longer a mystery, but a hole, or it simply does not exist, because in the village, as far as can be seen, the attitude towards him was near normal, and his foster father is caring and loving, and has a trusting relationship with him (judging by the phrase casually thrown by the drivers from a flashback with his youth, where they warn him not to complain about an accident on the road to the priest, which seems to refer to the fact that this has already happened at least once before, and as if he would hardly have gone to him to complain if he did not trust him). Mystical supernatural shit number 3.

The same muddy and unclear story with his mother under the floor. Why is she there? For what is she there? How did she survive there? But who would know. In my opinion, it looks like some kind of some ritual-related bullshit, or at least a sacrifice to something, but I don’t undertake to make any special statements or comments here, I’m just noting and thinking. Mystical supernatural shit number 4.

Let's get to non-flashback events. POSSIBLY Diavolo is able to influence Doppio's consciousness (which does not happen in the opposite direction). This is indicated by the latter’s holy faith in the fact that he is talking to his boss on real work phones, well, that’s how he sees them, as well as the clouding and memory lapses that suddenly occur after the end of the call, which is strange, but still convenient for Diavolo, what a goddamn lucky coincidence, huh? I don't think alters are able to perform such tricks. Mystical supernatural shit number 5.

In the SCR arc, characters mutually switch bodies with closest persons. What's going on with Diavolo in that situation? He, like a self-respecting individual soul newly revealed to the audience (!), not like everyone else, not like a sucker, "attached" to someone else’s soul (it was kind of similar with Doppio before), and for time secretly sit happily in one body for two. And now, this is no longer a person suffering from DID (that is, a soul with, in our case, an ego split in two (that's PSYCHE thing)), but a whole separate being, moreover, also capable of ruling his soul as he pleases. Mystical supernatural shit number 6.

We will need some of the things from the previous point now. At the end of the arc of Ciocolatta and Secco, Diavolo not only immediately knows from somewhere that Bruno can only see souls, but he also, in order to make Doppio look like Trish for him, lends him a fucking piece of his (let me remind you, separate, like we have already found out) soul. A piece of his soul, God damn it! He (again) not only knows some unreal information about souls, he, as already said, is able to manipulate at least his own. Mystical supernatural shit number 7.

His eyes (iris and pupil), already extremely unique in themselves, are the eyes of his entity, but not his body. When he takes control of someone's body it is visible, when Bruno is in his body it is visible. Worth a mention. Mystical supernatural asshole number 8.

The last, probably the most interesting mystical, but not so supernatural screw-up lies in a small detail: when the souls of the characters in the final battle return back to their bodies, we are shown all of them, except for Diavolo's (well, more precisely they showed King Crimson as it, but this doesn't count (otherwise Diavolo is KC, lol)). Coincidence? I don't think so. More likely it was done on purpose, and this is not even attributed to the supposedly yet another creation of an aura of mysticism around his personality - at this point we seem to already know very well what he looks like... Or we don't, actually?

Conclusion

That's all, actually. The bottom line is the same: Diavolo is something supernatural, I don’t presume to say what he is exactly. This is probably all the fairly significant evidence (meaning those that are less than half conjecture) that I had. There were a lot of strange things in JoJo, inspired by some things from the real world, and then blown up to the point of "incredibility," but here they tried to tie it into some kind of pseudoscientific nonsense that I didn’t believe in. In any case, this is not the first "spirit" in this universe (it’s worth remembering Anubis), so this theory, I think, is more than valid.

So thank you for reading, it's open for discussion, since we'll never know the truth for sure (DID was the assumption of the characters of Vento Aureo, and they called it "assumption" themselves (I want to believe with all my soul Araki fooled everyone, being an unreliable narrator so Diavolo will be even more of an enigma)).

[taravangianlistenstothebeachboys]

Some notes from watching Ghibli's Tales from Earthsea:

I guess they were hoping having Lebannen be a killer runaway would make him more engaging a character than he was in Le Guin's books. Certainly its a more exciting introduction than "was sent to Roke and Ged decided he should tag along." But this is hampered by how Lebannen and all these characters have maybe two character traits between them.

No matter how bad the movie is, if its a Ghibli film its gonna be beautiful. The background artists for this should be given a medal. Hork town especially is incredible:

Although these are clearly Ghibli asthetics more than Earthsea aesthetics. We got all your Ghibli staples: the weird mammals that are almost real animals, the random fighterpilot elements in the costume design, that one weird type of hood, etc.

I do like the action scene of Lebannen dealing with the slavers. Only well-paced part of the film I've seen.

The shadow "visiting" Lebannen while he rests was done very well. The color dimming, the shadow on the water, the rushing wind towards him, its all great. I'm especially a fan of how when Lebannen looks over his shoulder, he sees nothing but a stream of water coming out of a wall. Fits with what's actually happening on in the dryland very well.

The "Ged rescues Lebannen but only takes the chains off the other slaves" is a weird detail to keep in the adaptation, though I guess it's less an obviously dick move when the slaves aren't trapped on a boat with their former captors.

I feel mixed about this version of Cob? Making him the slaver lord isn't a bad choice, though it does kind of positions slavery in Earthsea as "the bad thing that the one bad guy is doing" instead of, y'know, a cornerstone of Hork Town's economy.

They don't make him an especially originally villain either. He's literally introduced with the old "flash of villains castle, lieutenant comes in nervously to report on escape, almost gets killed until he mentions something important" trope. They did kind of flatten him into the stock fantasy big bad.

But Cob from the books didn't really have a lot going on character-wise either, so its less offensive a flattening than some of the other characters. And I do like his character design alot. That eye makeup is some Hot Topic Shit but it works. The thin lips and tall everything is a type of exaggeration I don't see in Ghibli's character design very often.

Christ, Ged's monologue about the balance and true names is really just plopped on the audience's lap like a dead mouse. The bridge from "why does a wizard like farming" to "everything has a true name that wizard's use for its power" is nonexistent. They really couldn't find another place to explain the basics of the magic system? Couldn't seed it with Ged using true names while freeing the slaves? No? Lord.

The ghibli food twitters aren't gonna touch this movie. No love was put into that cheese.

Oh this depiction of the dry lands fucks. Love how the sky is a completely different artstyle than anything else in this movie, really sells this as a weird and alien place.

Hare and two suspicious women clutching each other and going "they're not from around here" are the only time this movie has felt like it knew what it was doing. They're giving them banter and the actors are being allowed to put emotion into their voices. They're actually breaking out facial expressions for these guys.

God all the dialogue is so bad.

WHEN IS THIS SONG GONNA FUCKING END

What the fuck is Lebannen and Tehanu's relationship. None of their emotional beats have any real connection.

The thing haunting Lebannen (are they giving him the gebbeth plotline?) always makes the best scenes. Lebannen struggling to wade through the muck while the shadow casually strolls atop the water's surface creates such great tension and horror.

Tenar keeps talking about being rescued from the tombs and pausing like there's about to be a flashback. Why are they bringing so much attention to that detail if they're not gonna tie it in to anything. Either have it be an aside to make the world feel richer without it being a thing your constantly gesturing at, or don't bring it up at all.

It really was a choice to take the worst Earthsea book as the main thing they're adapting. All the "life without death is no life" rubbish and not even Le Guin's prose to save it. It's not even a theme the rest of the movie seems concerned with.

Why are they taking something called "Earthsea" and making 90% the outskirts of Hork Town. We saw the ocean like twice. This supposedly expansive fantasy world feels twenty feet across.

Having Tehanu follow the gebbeth to the castle is honestly a really cool adaptational choice. I do like the weird conflict they set up between the gebbeth and Cob over who gets to have Lebannen.

Great shot of Cob getting amputated. Thats some Mononoke-level satisfying gore.

See when Ged didn't do shit for most of The Far Shore it was fine, because it was the third book in the series and the reader already knew why he was a big deal. Here we keep hearing how cool and powerful he is but get shown nothing.

2D has grown odd in his old age.

They have not set up dragons as a thing (or connectd them to Tehanu) nearly enough for this ending to work. Having Tehanu transform instead of calling Kalesin works adaptation-wise though.

Final analysis: I liked Hork Town. I like how the dragons trail sparks from their eyes. I like Cob going all gooey. I like Hare. These were the isolated pockets in an otherwise bland experience. The plot was barely held together and I can't imagine someone who hadn't read the books would be able to enjoy this at all.

[aetherspoon]

Hi total stranger here sorry to jump into your inbox but I saw you mentioned a drive that allowed you to bypass the truly awful 4K uhd settings that I've literally only just heard about?

Oooo, my first ask!

So, I'll post the short version here and the long version under a cut.

The short version is simple - I have a USB UHD (4k) BluRay drive from LG. At the time I bought it, it had firmware that could be upgraded to some unofficial firmware that can avoid that garbage. That drive isn't recommended anymore, which is why I'm not bothering to give you the model number, but if you look at this site:

It will give you the list of drives that ARE recommended for this type of thing. You can even buy some pre-flashed drives from people if you don't want to mess with that.

My drive has worked fine for me, but admittedly I've only used a few UHD discs on it (and a whole lot of normal blu-rays and DVDs).

Now, the longer version is under the cut, including one of my patented totally normal (blatant sarcasm tag here) analogies that still somehow work.

-----

I'm going to use an analogy here, because that's how I explain tech.

Let's pretend your Blu-Ray (regardless of whether it is UHD/4k or not - see my notes at the end for a fun fact) is a VIP performing at your exclusive club called Blu-Ray Drive. You'd think that, because you own the club, you can watch the VIP perform, right?

Wrong.

You see, the club has a bouncer by the name of AACS. Every VIP insists on one of their bouncers being at the club, deciding who to let in and what they get to do. The bouncer doesn't actually work for you, they work for the VIP, and no VIP will come to your club if you don't have one of their bouncers.

Also, just for more paranoia, every VIP will have its own list of who and what to allow, along with where they're allowed to stand. Each time you have a new VIP come to your club, they give their own list; if the bouncer sees the list is newer, they throw away all of the old lists and only keep the newest one. On top of that, AACS is a nationalist asshole that decided to only allow people from their own country in, because the VIPs want to charge people differently based on their nationality.

The VIPs even require some fancier clubs to have a courier continually delivering them new lists (this is where that UHD/4k Internet connection thing comes from).

All of the stuff you want is inside of that club, but the bouncer won't let you in because you're not on the list (and might not even from the right country). And you can't just sack the bouncer because then no VIP will play at your club.

You heard of another problem at a similar club (Club DVD), where their more local VIPs required them to hire a bouncer named CSS. However, CSS wasn't paid very well, was near sighted, and never bothered to update the list; all of your friends just called themselves "Maria Wang" and CSS let them in. Your VIPs know about that though, so they insist on the updating list thing and giving their bouncers eye exams. So what do you do?

Simple. You call a buddy and they kool-aid man through the back wall of your club shouting OH YEAH!, of course.

This is a completely logical analogy, I know. I should really commission an artist to draw this.

This buddy is called LibreDrive. Your VIPs still have their bouncer - anyone who doesn't know about the secret entrance still goes through the bouncer. The people who do know - including you and your friends - just go through the secret entrance instead. The VIP company is none the wiser.

-----

Now that my completely logical analogy is over, what does this actually mean tech-wise?

The way DVDs work is by using an encryption technology called CSS. However, in late 1999, someone figured out how to break the encryption, mostly because they did a really lazy job in making it to begin with. This is DeCSS. There were huge lawsuits, poetry made using source code, a whole lot of weird things. Today, we don't even need DeCSS; the encryption on DVDs are so bad that a modern computer can brute force decrypt it in seconds.

Fundamentally, both DVDs and blu-rays work the same way. There is a portion of the disc (DVD or blu-rays) that no drive is allowed to directly read. This contains the encryption information for the rest of the data on the disc. That encryption information is used by the player as to what is and isn't allowed to read the disc and what parts they ARE allowed to read. This is also where region locking comes in, where it checks what region your drive is set to and allows/denies discs to play based on that region; this is called CSS. If you are old enough to remember the bad old days of WinDVD and PowerDVD, those applications had encryption keys allowed by the DVD drive to play back the video content on the drive.

Anyone remember those cheap knock-off "region free" DVD players that used to be really common in the 2000s? They just ignored CSS entirely; the drives themselves can still read all of the data on the disc, it was just CSS telling the drive what it could or couldn't read.

Anyway, the movie studios, seeing their "beautiful creation" get ripped apart like that, wanted to make sure that it didn't happen the same way with their next technology.

Where blu-ray differs from DVDs is how it isn't using CSS at all, but something called AACS instead. It makes this list into a continually updating list; every time your drive (whether it is in a computer or a standalone player!) sees a new disc, it checks that hidden encryption information for a list of what is and isn't allowed to access the drive. If the list on the disc is of a newer version than what the drive currently has in its firmware, the disc will actually flash the firmware of your blu-ray drive with the new allow/deny list. Then it checks again - does the firmware match what the disc has? If so, it continues. If not, it refuses to play no matter what. From there, the rest of the process is basically the same, checking any player for a list of keys allowed to play it. If it sees a key not allowed (say, your ripping software), it says no and stops everything from reading it.

Unlike DVDs with CSS, these keys are actually pretty darn secure... and even if they weren't, studios would just release an updated allow/deny list and suddenly your computer can't rip discs anymore because the latest version of Frozen came out.

UHD (4k) blu-ray players take this one step further and just continually update that allow/deny list across the Internet rather than waiting for new discs to update that allow/deny list. This is why a standalone UHD blu-ray player needs WiFi, by the way. It isn't used for anything else.

So... how to avoid it? You could use a leaked key and basically hope that it isn't updated. This is how most blu-ray ripping software works, which is also why they need continual updating while movie studios play cat and mouse. And with UHD content, that's a really tiny window of time that you can do unauthorized things with the drive.

Remember our surprise tool - the drive itself still has to be able to read everything, it is just AACS stopping us. If we can somehow just get a drive to not care about AACS, we'd have access to everything we care about.

LibreDrive is a custom firmware that basically lets all of the above still happen, but any program aware of LibreDrive can just use it to access the full disc. It acts as an intermediary between the physical drive itself and software on your computer, similar to AACS itself. Like the analogy said, you're kool-aid manning a security hole into the drive's encryption. AACS is still happy because it can still update its firmware allow/deny list, you just bypass AACS entirely. Every byte of data on the blu-ray is accessible to whatever programs know about this security hole, which includes programs like MakeMKV and anything using the open source (and illegalish - see below) LibDriveIo library. Fun fact, you can just copy that library in to VLC and it'll use it.

Unfortunately, you can't just flash LibreDrive onto any drive. Basically, someone needs to be able to read the existing firmware on a drive in order to know what to modify to open up that security hole. This means you need specific drives on specific versions of firmware to flash LibreDrive.

The industry, however, caught on to this. They started requiring drive manufacturers to encrypt their firmware, so some newer revisions of drives that used to work now don't - this is the case with my drive.

And that's... the rest of the story.

Now, my notes:

You know how I said UHD/4k and regular blu-rays work the same? Yeah, it isn't just that they work the same - sometimes they're actually the exact same drive. Some regular blu-ray drives can actually read UHD discs, they're just not allowed to by AACS because "fuck you that's why". LibreDrive can work around that, too.

Illegalish? Well, circumventing copy protection isn't allowed under the US's Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), outside of specific scenarios. And the US's copyright laws tend to get copied over to a lot of other countries as a result of the trade deals they make with each other, hence "illegalish". You make your own moral call, my morality says that personal use to rip your own media should have always been legal and I should be able to play a Brazilian version of the Phantom Menace if I want to.

Some additional source reading material: https://forum.makemkv.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=18856 for "What is LibreDrive", which explains the same thing I did but without my fun analogy and using more technical terms. It also includes the full list of drive firmware that works with LibreDrive.

[ourfuturefantasy]

So i just realized that since I take so long to get chapters out for Our Future Fantasy, but have the characters up on places like Artfight (and doodle them in my spare time) that some lore stuff might be overlooked and confusing- SO! I'm going to go down a kind of exhaustive lore rant below!

THE BASICS

The world of Elsyanne is similar enough to ours, it's just that around their "Middle Ages" when war was rampant and countries were rising and falling rapidly the Fey stepped in. Fey in the world of Elsyanne (and the lore of Our Future Fantasy as a whole) are "outerplanar" beings, basically meaning they are literally formed from magic and come from a realm of magic that holds realities together. They didn't intend to step in to stop the wars in Elsyanne wholly, rather Elsyanne's "veil" between the realm of magic and itself was very thin. This thinning put the Fey in danger, so they stepped in to try and fix THAT- but instead the Fey got pulled into the wars of Elsyanne as Fey were kidnapped, killed, and studied by humans.

Some spoiler-esque lore things occur and the Four step up, the Four are the first humans to weild magic, the first humans who the Fey queen taught to split the soul from the body in order to harness its natural power. The Four ended up overthrowing the largest (and dangerous) kingdom in power, and ended up becoming the new leaders instead. The Four aren't necessarily in power at the time of Our Future Fantasy (though they are still alive as they have become effectively immortal due to spoiler-lore reasons)

The Four also created the Covens...

THE COVENS

Covens are not like The Owl House, or regular witchcraft. They instead act as how an Arcane uses their magic (and there are four main covens. More have cropped up over the centuries since the Four introduced magic to humanity, but only four are recognized as "official")

Wizards; Mila Hecate created the Wizards coven. Wizards are noted as being Arcane who channel their magic simply through their body. They don't really use anything extra, if an Arcane doesn't join any of the other three covens they are normally placed into the Wizard coven because of its broadness. (Alira and Peach are Wizards)

Witches: Hestia Alfred created the Witches coven. Witches are noted as being Arcane who channel their magic through potions, salves, and brews. Some Witches also channel their magic through food, but that is a rarer case. (Mother Morgana and Imani are Witches)

Knights; Ares Hawthorne created the Knights coven. Knights are noted as being Arcane who channel their magic through their fighting style. Similar to Bards a Knight's fighting style is personal, but it's also not as hard to teach others. (Ambrose is a Knight)

Bards; Guenevere Euterpe created the Bardic coven. Bards are noted as being Arcane who channel their magic in a multitude of ways. Some through dance and music, some through writing or painting or public speaking. Each Bard's preferred art makes their magic personal meaning it's a bit harder to teach than the others, so Bards are a rarer coven out of the four. (Fable and Keres are Bards)

Unofficial, but notable covens (aka popular) are the Oracle and Wild coven.

Magic Basics

These images are up on my Bluesky as well, but I'm putting them up here so I can explain a few things in a bit more depth.

The runes are the Fey language, there are linguists dedicated to the study of the Fey language, but since the Fey are extinct and the realm they came from inaccessible by humans, progress in the field is slow.

Wands can be a crystal inlaid into ANYTHING, but at the end of the day is still a crystal. Jewelry is simply the most common form wands are crafted into. Ambrose's wand has been crafted into a sword for example. The reason wands must be crystals is because crystals are natural conduit and reservoirs for magic. Metal is also a natural conduit for magic, hence why jewelry is so common. Metal just can't hold magic as well as crystals can, and when you're putting your soul into a wand you want it to be able to contain your soul.

Speaking of the soul, because one is ripping the soul from the body to inlay into a wand it comes with some hiccups....

MAGIC CONSEQUENCES

When the soul is split from the body it immediately attempts to "recombine", but because it's split via magic that's nearly impossible.

The body is left hollow, the person that was slowly dies and withers into a husk. They aren't dead, but they are zombie-like. This happens more often than not, wands break and aren't replaced, a person attempts the ritual to split their soul to harness their magic without help, there's many ways it can happen. None are pretty. These husks of once-humans are called many names, but are generally referred to as "Hollows"

The soul however? What happens to the soul is worse, once it leaves the body it's a ticking time bomb. These so-named Blights mutate with overactive magic as they attempt to find their bodies to recombine. They are highly dangerous, so much so that an entire profession has popped up to deal with them.

But even worse than a Blight, is if it finds its old body. The Hollow and the Blight cannot truly recombine, so instead what occurs is a Wraith. The mutated soul re-enters the Hollow and mutates it, creating a far more powerful creature. Wraiths oftentimes retain intelligence and memories of their previous lives, but are overcome with the madness of their overactive magic. There are rumors of Wraiths who have consumed the souls of others to keep the madness at bay, but those rumors have been investigated by Hunters and seem to be unfounded.

[frodolives]

Hi!! So sorry to bother you but I was wondering if you could please expand on the pedophile investigation? I’ve never seen anything that suggested he was a pedophile so this is pretty shattering. I was abused as a child so to find out one of the few men I trusted may have also been an abuser is very sad 😭. Anyways sorry if that’s too much info lmao (p.s i love your blog!!)

OK since I got a few asks about this specific iceberg entry I suppose I should make it its own post. It sounds worse than it (probably) is so I'll just say right off the bat that I don't think Paul was/is an actual pedophile or sexual abuser of any sort... But he's by no means a saint and still did questionable things that I feel a lot of his fans are too wilfully forgetful of. However, I also understand the reluctance to talk about it because it's definitely an uncomfortable and potentially triggering topic. TW for paedophilia and sexual abuse mentions under the cut.

Basically the specific incident I was referring to in the iceberg was this video:

This video is the only thing I can find on the incident and it's not long so I recommend watching it if you're curious of all the details... The gist is that when the Beatles were in Minneapolis in 1965, the police got reports there was an underage girl in one of the Beatles' motel rooms and when they showed up to investigate they found her in Paul's room.

To Paul's credit, he's kind-of addressed this? Not the specific Minneapolis incident, but he did admit to sleeping with young girls here, saying:

“More generally, then the whole sort of scene was not so PC. [In] that postwar boom, girls and guys, it was a much more open scene… free love and the Pill had just come in, so it was a completely different scene. The other aspect, of course, is that we, though not quite Jimmy [Savile], we were of the age of the girls, we were all young. So if you’re now talking about a 17-, 18-year-old boy with a 15-year-old girl, we all knew that was illegal. We knew it and it was like, ‘NO’. But the closer we were in age, of course, the less it seemed to matter. We knew with under-16s it was illegal, so we didn’t do it [...] We tried to make sure. We couldn't always be sure but there was a definite no-no involved in under-age kids. Hey, listen, we didn't have to worry. There were plenty of over-16-year-olds.”

So Paul admits he slept with young girls when he was young himself, but is also adamant they were never underage. On the surface this kind of contradicts the police investigation saying there was an underage girl in his room, but it's worth noting that the specific age of what is considered "underage" varies from place to place and time to time. (In addition, I think when the police heard a Beatle had a young girl in his room they assumed that meant a child which would explain the need for police intervention, but when they probably realized it was somebody older they seemed to drop the case because as far as my knowledge goes there were no charges made.) Paul specifically says he never slept with anybody under 16, thus essentially admitting to sleeping with 16-year-olds who still would be considered underage in a lot of places. In addition, he admits that "you couldn't always be sure" and I wouldn't be surprised if there were any mature-looking underage fans who lied about being older to sleep with Paul. So personally I think Paul is being honest and I doubt he ever purposefully sought out younger girls (I'm maybe giving him the benefit of the doubt here but I truly don't believe it fits with Paul's personality). But Paul was still on a very thin line...

While Paul wasn't a pedophile in the literal definition of the word (I'm quite positive he never ever slept with a prepubescent child), the age of these teenagers he was sleeping with is definitely still questionable... Paul defending himself saying he was young and that it was a different time kind of sounds like a cop-out, but I also think it's worth emphasizing with him. Paul was young and we know he stopped sleeping with groupies by the time he was in his mid-20s. And as for the different time thing... unfortunately in the 60s, rock stars sleeping with very young fans was incredibly common and normalized. I honestly can't think of a single rock star from that era that isn't guilty of sleeping with questionably young girls. It's also worth noting the young girls in question tended to be groupies who were extremely willing participants and wouldn't themselves have called it abuse (even though it can also be validly argued that Paul took advantage of his fans’ adoration of him and they were too young to properly consent).

Since "free love" was the rock and roll culture and Paul was young and in the depths of it, I can't really blame him for being influenced... at least I can understand his perspective somewhat... of course it sucks that he wasn't the "glowing exception," I really wish he was more careful about who he slept with, but he wasn't.

In short, it's a very complex situation and one of Paul's more questionable incidents... I don't think Paul is some irredeemable pedophile or sexual abuser or anything, I just think this is more a case of him being young, horny, stupid, and negatively influenced by his environment. Though I'm also aware I'm maybe not the best person to give a "take" on this since I know I speak from a place very far removed from groupie culture and I'm a McCartney fan and thus biased. So while personally I "forgive" him for this, I completely understand if somebody can't.

Overall, I believe there should be more wider discussions about the ways rock stars interacted with groupies because there's definitely truth to rock stars abusing their power and influence over fans (some worse than others...) and since it's only really us fans who know about it, we don't want to expose or think about the flaws of our icons, and thus rock stars have basically gotten away with it. I'm not saying we should "cancel" everybody or anything, but I think we should definitely do a better job at evaluating their legacy and the legacy of rock and roll in general. I love rock and roll, it's my favourite thing in the world, and I love Paul McCartney. But completely idealizing is also never healthy.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Why are you using those pronouns for the walrus? if you don't know its sex just use they. don't ascribe it pronouns just because you feel like it. -an nb

You know, it's funny. 70K+ notes on that post, and the number of people who have complained about the pronoun joke is literally a handful. Fewer than 10 of you.

By contrast, the number of NB folx who have expressly told me, in reblogs, tags or DMs, that they loved it and it made them feel seen and oddly validated - even though it's a jokey post about a walrus - is dozens upon dozens upon dozens.

Meanwhile, those who have complained have been, very nearly unilaterally, Nazis. Not hyperbolic Nazis, either - literal white power shrieking unwashed Hitler-fapping Nazis, who hate queer people so much that they entirely missed the point of the pronoun joke in that post in order to whine about it. They literally chose to believe that it wasn't a joke, that I was genuinely worried what a walrus would feel about being misgendered, so they could cast me as an sjw straw man and whinge and jizz at each other sentences like "ImAgInE tHiNkInG a WaLrUs CaReS aBoUt GeNdEr", because they wanted to be angry.

One of them said we shouldn't use pronouns for a walrus. Like... at all. Wally was up to Wally's old tricks again in the Isles of Scilly when Wally tried to pull Wally's hefty bulk up onto another boat, even though Wally should know better from the time Wally did this in Tenby.

Smooth.

Other than you (potentially, given that you sent this on anon and so could well be a Nazi pretending to be NB for all we know) there has only been one NB person who messaged me about it. And they weren't complaining about the pronouns. They had read me explaining after the neopronoun entry (which was, incidentally, the point where anyone suddenly Cared about the whole thing, make of that what you will) that it was a joke, and they had misunderstood and thought I was saying neopronouns were a joke. Once I explained, they were like "Oh, cool, as you were then" and that was that.

All of which I explain for a few reasons:

Firstly, the tone you've gone for with this ask is of a Manager lecturing their staff for doing something wrong. You're ordering me to use pronouns that you personally like and prefer. You've just assumed why I used them - your initial question is rapidly undermined by that snotty little "Don't ascribe it pronouns just because you feel like it." And then you've signed it off with "-an nb" to try and stamp down that you are in charge here, and your word is law.

In short, you are assuming an authority you don't have.

It's certainly true that I'm cis. If this were the only message I received on this, I would be thinking very hard about it. But your one voice vs the dozens and dozens and dozens of NB voices telling me the opposite doesn't carry the final say, I'm afraid. Literally yesterday, I had another from someone who uses neopronouns expressing their delight and validation on seeing them used on a famous Tumblr post. That's not a one-off.

Secondly, I am not wholly convinced you truly are NB, and are not another Nazi in disguise. They're the only people otherwise who have felt the need to explain to me that with animals we use the pronouns they/them, which is distinctly the sign of someone who doesn't know what they're talking about in the field of pronouns, because no we don't. We use it/its.

But, you know what? I don't know. Maybe you are. Certainly you chose the path of aggression with this ask, so maybe you went on anon for that reason, to avoid accountability, rather than because you are secretly a basement-dwelling edgelord who wanks to pictures of border camps. So in that vein, let me do something for you that you did not do for me, and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

You asked why I did it. Let me explain.

When the walrus first turned up on a Pembrokeshire beach, way back when, no one could tell his sex. He was still thin from winter, plus he's an adolescent, so his tusks aren't full yet. And no one wanted to get close enough to check.

Two main Welsh newspapers covered Wally's early adventures (and continue to do so) - the Western Telegraph, and Wales Online. Both of them took a scattergun approach to pronouns in them days. Whichever journalist was writing would choose their faves - we started with it/its, moved on to he/him, and then she/her when some people decided the tusks were too small. Then experts said Wally was male, and the Wales Online article that explained it stuck to she/her anyway.

So it became an early joke - I oscillated between the three. And people reading the post - NB folx, not me - started to tag it with variants of "I love this genderqueer walrus". That really took off, and so the joke got extended. I started using literally every pronoun system I could think of, because that was the joke - that Wally himself, in spite of being a walrus, was genderqueer, and therefore also oscillated, and people reading it enjoyed the chance to see their pronouns getting a shout out.

And everyone 100% understood that joke and were fine with it RIGHT UP UNTIL the instant I used neopronouns, and Then Came The Nazis.

Even so, they've been a vanishingly small minority. Over 70K notes, and fewer than 10 of them. For the most part, people get it, because it's pretty straightforward.

In any case - assuming you're genuine - I am sorry that it bothers you, seeing it. But please don't presume to order me on this subject when you are literally the ONLY person among many to have this problem. In general, in fact, you will probably find you get what you want out of life a lot more, if you take a less patronising tone with strangers when asking, and you'll certainly be a lot happier if you can learn to give the benefit of the doubt and ask nicely to find out if your rage is justified before unleashing it, rather than just assuming everyone in the world who does something you don't like is being Intentionally Shitty.

If you want to discuss this more - if there are nuances to your objection that I haven't discussed here - feel free to shoot me a private message. I will happily keep the discussion private, providing you keep it respectful. But I'm afraid I won't answer another anonymous ask like this.

Best of luck to you, and have a great week.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

i'm so TIRED of people with vivid imaginations trying to convince every1 the things their brains came up with happened in MDZS, just saw some1 say about lan mom "SOMETHING went down between a creepy teacher and their mother. She gets forced into marriage with a man she doesn’t love and IMPRISONED before eventually committing suicide/ falling sick and dying" like WHERE? the only piece of information was LXC saying "i have no idea WTF happened" so he doesn't know, MXTX doesn't know but you do???

Some of this is a shock for my system so early in the morning... alright... I guess we're gonna go step by step with this just cause people are awful at reading, along with my stance on this particular bit of prevalent discourse.

Since this is greatly misinterpreted for whatever reasons, here is the relevant passage and only one in the text we get concerning the Lan parents. I'm going to add that this is alllll relaid by Lan Xichen and to keep that in mind with what is highlighted.

He spoke slowly, “The reason that my father often practiced secluded meditation was my mother. This place, compared to a place of living… was more like a place of detention.”

Wei WuXian was surprised.

The father of ZeWu-Jun and HanGuang-Jun, QingHeng-Jun, used to be a famous cultivator. He made his name at a young age and had many things waiting for him in the future. However, at the age of twenty, he suddenly backed away and announced his marriage. He had also ceased to care for much of the world. Although it was called secluded meditation, it was much more like retirement. People had come up with many possible reasons, but none of them had been verified.

Lan XiChen bent down amid the clusters of gentians. He gently stroked those thin, tender petals, “When my father was young, when he returned from a night-hunt once, he saw my mother outside of Gusu city.” He smiled, “I heard that it was love at first sight.”

Wei WuXian grinned as well, “The young are often sentimental.”

Lan XiChen continued, “But, the woman did not care for him the same way. In addition, she killed one of my father’s teachers.”

This was beyond imagination. Although Wei WuXian knew that asking too many questions would be very rude, however when he remembered that they had been Lan WangJi’s parents, he felt that he just had to ask. “Why?!”

Lan XiChen, “I do not know. But, I assume that it was something along the lines of ‘grievances’.”

Wei WuXian didn’t ask anymore into this and forced down his curiosity, “And… what happened later?”

“And then,” Lan XiChen explained, “When my father heard of this, of course he was in much pain. But, no matter how he struggled, he still took the woman to his sect in secrecy. Ignoring the objections from his clan, he knelt with her for the Heavens and the Earth without making a sound and told everyone in the clan that she would be his wife for the rest of his life, that whoever wanted to harm her would have to pass through him first.”

Wei WuXian widened his eyes.

Lan XiChen continued, “After the ceremony was completed, my father found a house and locked my mother inside. He found another house and locked himself inside. It was called secluded meditation, but it was in truth to repent.”

He paused before speaking again, “Young Master Wei, can you understand why he did such a thing?”

Wei WuXian answered after a moment of silence, “He could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

Lan XiChen, “Do you think that this was right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

Lan XiChen looked somewhat lost, “Then, what do you think would be right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

A while later, Lan XiChen whispered, “It could be said that my father did this without a care for anything else. All of the seniors of the clan were enraged, but they had all watched him grow up. They could not do anything except guard this secret, hint to the outside world that the wife of the GusuLan Sect’s sect leader had an unspeakable disease and could not see others. After WangJi and I were born, we were immediately taken away to be cared for by other people. When we grew older, we were brought to Uncle to be taught."

“My shufu… has always had a frank personality to begin with. Because of how my mother caused my father to destroy his own life, he began to hate those who behaved improperly even more. Thus, he poured his heart into teaching WangJi and me. He was especially harsh as well. Every month, we could only see Mother once, inside of this cottage.”

They were two young children, who faced everyday only their harsh uncle, strict teachings, and mountains of books. No matter how tired, they had to straighten their soft backs to be the most outstanding disciples of the clan, the model students in others’ eyes. They could rarely see their closest relatives. They couldn’t fool around in their father’s arms, they couldn’t act spoiled in front of their mother.

But they had clearly done nothing wrong.

Lan XiChen, “Everytime WangJi and I went to see her, she would never complain about how tedious it was being locked inside of here, unable to step out once. She had never asked about our studies, either. She especially liked to tease WangJi, but WangJi, the more you tease him the less willing he is to talk, and the worse of an expression he puts on. He has been like this ever since he was young. However,” he chuckled, “even though WangJi never said it, I knew that every month he was looking forward to the day he could see Mother. He was like this, and I was the same.”

Wei WuXian imagined a young Lan WangJi hugged inside of his mother’s arms, his snowy little cheeks flushed pink. He laughed as well. But before his smile had even melted, Lan XiChen continued, “But one day, Uncle suddenly told us that we would have no need to go any longer."

“Mother was gone.”

Wei WuXian’s voice was soft, “How old was Lan Zhan back then?”

Lan XiChen, “Six.”

He continued, “He was still too young to understand what ‘gone’ means. No matter how much others comforted him, or how much Uncle scolded him, he would continue to come back here every single month, sit down in the hallway, and wait for someone to open the door for him. When he grew older, he understood that Mother would not be coming back, that no one would open the door for him, but he kept on coming here.”

Lan XiChen stood up. His dark eyes looked into Wei WuXian’s, “WangJi has been so stubborn ever since he was young.”

The leaves rustled and the gentian flowers swished alongside the wind, their scent lingering. Wei WuXian’s eyes landed on the wooden hallway of the cottage. He could almost see a small child wearing a forehead ribbon sitting with proper posture in front of the house, waiting quietly for the door to open.

He spoke, “Madam Lan must’ve been a very gentle woman.”

Lan XiChen, “In my memories, Mother had indeed been so. I do not know why she did such a thing back then. And, in truth, I…”

He took a deep breath before confessing, “I do not want to know either.”

After a few moments of silence, Lan XiChen closed his eyes. He took out Liebing. A gust of night wind suddenly sent forth a sobbing note of the xiao. The sound was deep, like a sigh.

Wei WuXian had heard Lan XiChen play Liebing before. Its timbre was just like Lan XiChen himself, as warm and graceful as a breeze and the rain of spring. Yet, now, although his technique was as excellent as ever, the tone evoked a strange mixture of feelings.

The night wind swept by. Lan XiChen’s hair and forehead ribbon were already somewhat disheveled. However, the GusuLan Sect’s sect leader, who had always regarded appearance highly, didn’t pay any attention to them. He only put down Liebing after the song had finished, “Music is forbidden at night in the Cloud Recesses. Today I have overstepped far too many times. Excuse me, Wei gongzi.”

Wei WuXian, “How so? ZeWu-Jun, have you forgotten that the person standing in front of you is the person who has broken the most rules…”

Lan XiChen smiled, “The GusuLan Sect has never revealed these facts about Lan Wangji and myself outside of itself. I should not have told you. Tonight was my sudden urge to unburden myself, a spur of the moment.”

Wei WuXian, “I’m not the kind of person who talks too much. Don’t worry, ZeWu-Jun.”

Lan XiChen, “Regardless, I would assume that WangJi would not hide anything from you anyways.”

Wei WuXian, “If he doesn’t wish to talk about something then I won’t ask.”

Lan XiChen, “But, with WangJi’s personality, how could he say anything if you do not ask? There are some things that even if you ask him he would not say.”

Now that we have the context of the Lan parents laid out the only definitive answer for anything concerning their personal motivations for anything is "I DON'T KNOW". Their secrets and thoughts literally died with them.

And this entire story Lan Xichen told in the end, had nothing to do with his parents. He did not tell Wei Wuxian about them, he was speaking everything unsaid about Lan Wangji's motivations and his love of Wei Wuxian. He does not care why his parents did what they did, but he does for the one that is alive. His brother who he had just had a bit of a veiled conversation about Lan Wangji's pure trust in Wei Wuxian. Who, in Lan Xichen's eyes, had already rejected his brother's love and did not feel the same, mirroring the past of their father's apparent unrequited love. He is saying Lan Wangji is sacrificing his all, unvoiced.

His pressing of if his parent "are right" is him asking Wei Wuxian what he feels about those sacrifices, if he can see the sacrifices Lan Wangji had gone through. At this point he along with Lan Wangji have assumed Wei Wuxian knows and remembers what he had said within the cave. He is telling Wei Wuxian his brother has alway been this way for those he loves regardless of what they may be perceived as by outsiders.

"Today I have overstepped far too many times. Excuse me, Wei gongzi.”"

"I should not have told you. Tonight was my sudden urge to unburden myself, a spur of the moment.”

Meaning, it was not his place to tell this about his brother, but there is no one else that would, and Lan Wangji would never say anything about his feelings again. Lan Xichen is first and foremost worried about where his brother has placed his love, as he knows, regardless of what rumors surround those he loves, his brother will still be forever loyal to them without question if he believes them to be in the right.

Lan Xichen is warning Wei Wuxian he needs to take care in his actions as he approaches Lan Wangji as Xichen is well aware already of how Lan Wangji will go through hell for others he adores. From the start it was never about his parents, as Lan Xichen says, "I do not want to know either,". But what he does want to know is where Wei Wuxian stands with his own feelings towards Lan Wangji or if he is still using his brother as he has thought for years. Leaving Lan Xichen to protect him as best as he can while Lan Wangji stays hurt for others with no happiness for himself.

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Ghostly anatomy

Ghost Cores: are the sole organ that a ghost processes, although the core itself is made a few seperate components.

(please pardon my poor art skills) 

Outer Wall: Thick many layered endoskeleton surrounding the core, composed of hardened Ectoplasm. Microscopic pores allow for the steady intake and expulsion of ecto-energy.

Membrane: A thin porous sheet beneath the outer wall, keeps Plasma and organelles contained.

Plasma: A soup-like substance composed primarily of super charged Ectoplasm.

Vacuole: Organelles responsible for containing energy reserves, becomes active when a ghost uses their abilties or becomes injured. The sudden release of energy acts as both a catalyst to recovery and a form of adrenaline.

Scire: Latin word for "to know", a vaguely heart-shaped organelle responsible for storing information/memories. The "brain" of the core. 

Vibrato: Responsible for speech, and more animalistic vocal responses; growling, purring, rattling, hissing, ungodly shrieking and unnatural echoing. Greatly influenced by emotions.

Mitochondria: Energy Vacuums. Organelle responsible for drawing ecto-energy in from the Ghost Zone, through the Outer Wall and Membrane, filtering out harmful components, transferring excess for storage in the Vacuole and finally, releasing resulting waste products.

Nucleus: Synonymous with the Soul.

-Ghosts need ecto energy to function, and Danny and Vlad aren't an exception. However, while normal ghosts take it in from the Ghost Zone (The process is kinda similar to photosynthesis, and if you're thinking that the core looks a lot like Plant cell, you're right and that's why.) Danny and Vlad don't spend nearly enough time there to sustain themselves and have to actually consume Ectoplasm from time to time. Think of it like a dietary supplement. 

Ectoplasm and injury: 

-Aside from their core, a ghost's body is literally just Ectoplasm. When they get injured they can quickly pull energy from their Core's Vacuole to heal/repair the damage. Major injuries take more time to repair, for example; loss of a limb. Re-growing an arm takes significantly more time and energy than sealing a cut. 

-If a ghost expends ecto energy faster than they can replenish it, they run the risk of destabilizing into a pile of goop. 

-If a ghosts core is damaged it can heal, so long as the injury is on the outer wall or membrane, damage to any of the organelle is permanent and will greatly affect how it functions. For example, a puncture to the Scire will result in memory loss, and a snapped Vibrato chord could make vocalizations painful, or even render the ghost mute. Damage to any of the three mitochondria slows the rate of energy absorption and thus makes injuries heal much slower.

-if the nucleus is damaged in any way, that ghost WILL destabilize.

-Halfas definitely heal faster than normal humans, but Unlike normal ghosts, Vlad and Danny still have bones and organs and all that other junk, so they're not nearly as durable. 

-When either of them get injured Ectoplasm will flood to the site and act as a sort of internal support until the injury heals naturally. So for example, let's say Danny breaks an arm, Ectoplasm will fill in the break and keep the bone held together, and then slowly recede back into the blood stream as the break heals. 

-Another thing to note is that while Ectoplasm based limbs can grow back, living tissue doesn't. If Danny or Vlad lost a limb, they'd probably be able to make an equivalent Ectoplasmic prosthetic while in their ghost forms, but in terms of their human halves that arm or leg would just be gone for good. 

-Internal organs don't grow back either, but Ectoplasm is more than capable of patching up puncture wounds. So if there was every an incident where either of their insides ended up on the outside…well…that missing bit of small intestine is gonna get a glowing green replacement. 

-Danny and Vlad aren't capable of destabilizing into puddles either because of the whole bones and tissue thing, Rather, if they over exert themselves they simply revert back to their human halves and black out for awhile. 

Halfa's and blood type: 

-Vlad's blood type is O-, While Danny's is AB+. Both of them also have Ectoplasm running through their bloodstream and are unable to receive blood from a donor who doesn't also have ectoplasm in theirs. 

-Since Vlad's blood type is that of a universal donor, he'd be able to give blood to Danny, but Danny wouldn't be able to donate to him. If Vlad ever needed a transfusion, he'd have to pull from a supply of his own that was set aside for an emergency.

-Niether of them can donate blood because of its Ectoplasmic content. 

Classifications of ghosts:

deceased soul: most common type of ghost, created from the soul of a living being whose death was either too soon, leaving them with unfinished business, or particularly violent and/or gruesome.

Natural-Born: Sometimes insultingly called Never-Borns, these are Gosts that were born as ghosts and were never actually alive in the traditional sense of the word. Youngblood and the denizens of the Far Frozen are good examples of this type of ghost.

Wraiths / Feeders: Not all deceased souls are feeders, but all feeders are deceased souls. This is a sub class of ghosts that needs to consume some sort of emotional response, along with ecto energy to sustain themselves. Ember, Spectra, and shadow are good examples, As they feed off of admiration, misery, and misfortune respectively. 

Shape-shifters/ blobs: sub class of natural born ghost. These guys have low ecto-energy/ power levels and somewhat unstable physical forms. This allows them to change shape with ease but they also get a lot of shit from other ghosts for being weak. They're a lot smaller than the average ghost and their default shapes don't usually look very humanoid. Examples include: Bertrand, Skulker and Ectopi.

Spirits: Ectoplasmic based entities that represent an idea or concept. For example, Clockwork is the Spirit of time. 

Halfas: Living Humans with fully formed ghost Cores.

Artificial: There are three ghosts that fall under this category, Dani, Dan, and Nurse Good, As they are the only ghosts that were not made by any "natural" means. 

Core bonds and reproduction:

-Okay before anybody asks "dude wtf do you mean ghosts can be born?" 

-Im gonna just. Explain that real quick and get it out of the way, lmao. 

-So, simply put, a natural born ghost is formed when ecto energy from two (or more) ghosts is combined. This is a process that takes an insane amount of energy and really shouldn't even be attempted unless the parents have super high energy levels or a third party who can help out. It's done completely externally and all in one go, so if the energy flow gets cut off before the new ghost's Core is fully formed it WILL destabilize, and there goes all your effort right down the drain. 

-And yes, Halfas can do this too, But they're offspring wouldn't inherit any human features, they'd be full ghost. While I'm on the subject, it's actually the only way Danny or Vlad would be able to have a biological kid. The ectoplasmic radiation from their accidents rendered them both sterile/infertile in the human sense of the word. Danny doesn't menustate anymore, and for lack of better terminology, Vlad is just firing blanks.

-Core bond is just the term for ghost marriage. Bonded ghosts are more in tune with each other than those that aren't,  as they develop a sort of empathic connection with their partner(s). 

-This last thing has absolutely nothing to do with Ghostly biology but I don't know where else to put it so here: 

Esperanto = ghost speak. 

The language was originally created to be easy to learn so as to act as a universal language. Unfortunately the idea didn't catch on IRL, BUT!!!

When you consider the fact that not all ghosts would speak English, it's definitely a good idea for the Ghost Zone to have a universal tongue to get past that language barrier issue. 

The language DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE LEARNED, It's just there. The information is the first thing stored in the Scire. Esperanto can be spoken, written or signed, similar to ASL.

[littlebigafterdark]

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

[shipersanonymous]

One Hit West

By: ShipersAnonymous

Chapters: 1/?

Rating: Explicit

Synopsis:

Danger at every turn, a darkness threatening to consume her, a secret she's trying to keep, a life she's trying to protect.

Iris West is the best at what she does. She knows her way around the shadows and is unstoppable with a gun. But when her old flame, Barry Allen, suddenly makes his way into her family's hit list she's forced to go against her nature to save the man she once loved. The man she still loves.

When you kill for a living, death is bound to follow where you go but how do you fight against the one thing you've been trained to do?

How do you keep yourself from being tempted by the past?

How do you protect the ones you love when the greatest danger in their lives is you?

Author's Note:

OK I'm so sorry this is so late (my time atleast) but this took a little figuring out 😅.

IT'S FINALLY HERE! My first tumblr fan fic! I'm beyond excited! Hope you all like it! Feel free to let me know what you think and share your theories!

XOXO

************ Cliffhanger Warning *************

Chapter 1

[Iris]

Bang!

The loud and familiar sound of the gun going off echoes through the abandoned warehouse and the, now, dead man’s blood splatters onto her black leather coat. She stares down at him unmoved, her face set in an expression of cold indifference. A heavy silence ensues as she simply looks into her victims cold blue eyes, a piece of her own dwindling humanity slipping out of her with every passing second. The lifeless orbs stare back at her, frozen with that special brand of fear that she’s seen on many a hit. The fear that consumes each soul at the very last second, just before she pulls her trigger. The realisation that those are the last breaths they’ll ever take, that hers are the last eyes they’ll ever see.

Satisfied that her job has been done, Iris lifts her booted foot from the corpse’s neck. The lifeless head bobs to the side and blood trickles from the bullet wound in the center like a spot of dark red paint on a fleshy canvas. She replaces her gun in its holster as she walks away from the cooling body.

“Seriously?” Eddie asks as she steps outside the abandoned building into the brisk night air. She turns her head towards him and disdainfully regards his cool stance. With his back and a foot propped against the wall and his arms casually crossed over his chest he oozes a carelessness that has become a Hitfamily trademark. She doesn’t validate his remark with the expected ‘what?’, but instead stares him down and waits for the elaboration that, she has no doubt, will follow.

“You could have put a silencer on that thing.” He explains and she simply rolls her eyes and huffs out exasperated. With a turn of her heel she begins her walk back up to her car, her unwanted partner following closely behind her.

“So that’s it? You’re just gonna ignore me? You know just cause you’re the bosses daughter Iri-”

The click of the gun engaging shuts him up and before he can blink he’s staring down the barrel of her still warm weapon.

“Listen Thawne, this was a one woman hit that I could have done in my sleep and the only reason why you’re here is cause between dealing with you and dealing with my dad you’re easier to kill. That being said…”

She steps closer to him and pulls him to her by his collar. Her gun rests beneath his raised chin and she can practically smell the fright rolling off him in tiny beads of sweat.

“… If you ever try to tell me how to do my job again, I’ll make it a point to show you just how well I know what I’m doing and the last thing you’ll see on this earth is how good I am at pulling the trigger. Incase you haven’t heard, I never miss. You get the picture?”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows the fearful lump forming in his throat and he nods, too afraid of saying the wrong thing and ending up like the corpse that lies bleeding in the warehouse a few feet away.

“Good. And when we’re out on a hit, it’s West. Now get out of my sight before I have to call two bodies in. I don’t need the extra paper work.” She spits shoving him away as she let’s go.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He shakes out before, scrambling to his feet and making a hasty retreat. She disengages her gun and replaces it in her holster as she tries to push down her annoyance. You’d think that with a success rate as high as hers her father would stop trying to send her out with baby sitters. Alas she’s done this tango long enough to know that there’s no use fighting with Father West. All she can hope for is a co-hitman that doesn’t actually have a thirst for blood and let’s her do her own thing. A wind blows through her tensed body, swaying her coat and ponytail synchronically in the air. A dog barks in the distance, the only sign of life in the dark and deserted place. Iris takes a moment to breathe as she feels the adrenaline begin to leave her body.

It’s time to go.

She walks the rest of the steep way up to her black car, stopping briefly to relieve herself of her stained coat and dispensing it in the trunk before stepping into the drivers seat.

With a push of the start button, the machine roars to life. Iris buckles up and takes off, speeding away in the direction of the city. One hand holds the steering wheel and the other’s fingers dance over the keypad from the monitor in the dashboard with a ritualistic ease. She calls the main office and waits for the prerecorded prompt. Instead of a robotic voice, a chime cries through the speakers, announcing that she has an incoming call.

She glances at the screen for a moment, the number is unlisted. Suspiciously she reaches up to her Bluetooth ear piece and answers.

“Hello?”

“Iris it’s me,” her brothers voice responds on the other end and an annoyance creases her brow.

“Wallace what the hell?” she demands, her eyes never leaving the road, her voice never faltering despite the nervous hammering of her heart.

“Listen you can scold me later but there’s no time for that now. You need to get to the Golden Gate Casino pronto,” the urgency in his voice is unmistakable and Iris feels herself begin to worry.

“Why?”

“Dad got a request for a hit an hour ago and you need to stop him,” he whispers.

“Wait dad’s actually going on a hit himself. Boy must be some important client,” she observes, still confused as to why her brother would send her on a literal suicide mission.

“It’s not the client that’s important, it’s the target. He has a, uh, personal score to even out.”

“Now I know you’re joking. That’s against our oath, and dad would never do that. No matter how much a person pisse-”

“It’s Barry.” Wally blurts out and the shock is enough to make her skied to a stop.

“What?” she asks feeling her lungs begin to collapse.

“The target is Barry Allen.” He clarifies.

Her skin irrupts in goosebumps at the mention of his name. It’s been so long since she last heard it said out loud, six years to be exact. A thin layer of tears gloss over her wide eyes and the sound of angered hoots is drowned out by the roar of her heart beat as memories flood her mind.

“Why Iris? Just, just tell me why? Did I do something wrong?” he begged, his voice tremulous from the effort of holding in his sobs.

“No Barry, you were perfect in every way it’s just-”

“Then why are you doing this? Don’t…” he paused, trying to find the stomach to ask what he was about to ask.

“Don’t you love me anymore?” the question came out as a whisper but Barry couldn’t bare to wait for the answer. Instead, he pulled her into his arms and she allowed herself a moment of weakness, savoring the warmth of his arms one last time.

“Don’t do this to us. Don’t- don’t do this to me.” He pleaded. She pulled away enough to look up into his saddened gaze, trying her best to hold back her own tears.

She couldn’t cry. She didn’t deserve to cry. Not with all the heartache she was no doubt causing him.

“I can’t lose you,” he begged tightening his hold on her as if he could just trap her there and keep her in his embrace forever.

“It’s for the best Barry. You, have to let me go.” She said softly though it mostly seemed like she was trying to convince herself of that.

“Iris,” he whispered her name like a cry of agony, the longing hanging from each syllable. Hurt punctuating every letter. Without thinking she kissed him, long and hard, expressing in that moment her own pain. Her own love. Her goodbye.

They broke apart and she connected her forehead to his. She kept her eyes closed but she could feel his tears dripping onto her hand like rain on a pavement.

“I love you Barry. And… a part of me knows that I always will. But I can’t be with you any longer. This- this is goodbye.” She whispered and before she gave in to her wailing heart she pushed out of his embrace and ran. She ran and never looked back. Not when he screamed out her name like he was being torn apart limb for limb the further away she got from him. Not when his footsteps no longer echoed behind her. Not when she got home and finally let herself cry. Not ever. She would never stop running. She couldn’t ever stop.

“Iris!” her brother cuts through her thoughts and she comes to, her cheeks wet with tears she thought she’d never shed again. She dabs away at them quickly and closes her eyes, shifting her mindset back to the present.

“How close is he?” Her voice was firm like a concrete wall.

“I’m not sure I had to sneak out of the office to give you the heads up but judging by the time dad left he should be there in the next 45 minutes.” He informs. Mechanically, Iris starts up the car, both her hands gripping the wheel with such force that her knuckles pale.

“I’m closer, I can make it in twenty. Get rid of your burner and be careful when you sneak back in.” She warns her foot flattening against the gass as she passes her third red light.

“I’ll be fine don’t worry. Keep me posted.” He responds.

“Wally wait!” She calls out before he hangs up.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Could you call Nissa for me? Let her know what happened and check that everything’s OK? If you can’t reach her try Jen. She usually sleeps over on weekends,” Iris asks.

“Sure thing sis. Consider it done.” He says sternly and Iris breathes a momentary sigh of relief.

“Thanks Wally,” She says softly, shedding her murderous demeanour for just a second.

“Anytime. Oh and sis?”

“Yeah?”

“Be careful.”

“Always.”

**********************************************

Iris comes to a violent stop in one of the parking slots towards the outskirts of the parking lot where no one ever parks. A brief glance at her watch tells her she has 25 minutes to get in, find him and get him out. With no time to lose she grabs her duffle bag from the trunk and squeezes into her back seat for a quick change of outfits. This will go a lot smoother if she can draw as little attention to herself as possible. Thanking her organised nature for keeping a classy yet flexible short jumpsuit in her car she slips on her heels, touches up her make up and walks towards the entrance with 15 minutes to spare. Her high ponytail sways with her hips as she clicks her way up the stairs, her senses on high alert.

To get to the gaming lounge she needs to pass through the metal detectors but the Golden Gate has been the setting for many a rendezvous with targets and clients so she barely breaks a sweat as she reaches the front of the line. Calmly, she removes the red emerald ring that rests on her ring finger, a symbol of who she is, and places it on a tray along with her clutch and her earrings. Upon seeing the ring the security guard nods his head in understanding and discreetly brushes his pass over the scanner embedded into the metal detector. It flashes green and she walks in with out a single beep. She nods back in appreciation and retrieves her belongings before stepping into a broad, red-carpeted hallway. Her pistol safely hidden in her clutch.

A clock on the wall tells her she lost five minutes in the line so she picks up her pace. As she nears the top of the stairs that will lead her down to the gambling area she forces all thoughts away from her mind and tries to prepare herself to see him again.

The only man she’s ever loved. The worst heartbreak she’s ever caused.

At the top of the stairway she scans the room, looking from any remote sign of familiarity and there, in the corner, seated at one of the roulette tables, she finds him.

For a second her heart stops and she forgets how to breathe. His back is to her but just the sight of his glistening brown-black hair, strands that once upon a lifetime she used to contently comb her fingers through, was enough to spike her nerve levels. Memories try to push their way back into her mind but she forces them down, fully aware that time is not on their side.

My side.

She scolds herself.

There is no “us”.

Taking a deep breath to compose herself she hurries down the stairs, without drawing any attention to herself, and worms her way to him. Just before she reaches him she takes a second to straighten out her outfit and plasters on her most seductive expression.

“Mind if I join you Mr. Allen?” She whispers into his ear and the chip that he had been nervously fiddling with slips from his finger, clattering on to the table.

[sarcasticgaypotato]

Oh my *god* I didn't know people were still active in this fandom/ship and I'M SO HAPPY!! If you're still doing requests would you mind doing something small where Chell takes off her shirt to shower or something and GLaDOS realizes how alarmingly thin she is from all that time asleep, and does her best to casually apologize for the comments about Chell's weight.

(( Indeed there are!  Unfortunately it’s a precious few who still make chelldos content, but I try to be somewhat regular!  Please enjoy! ))Let it be said that, for all the things GLaDOS had done, she hadn’t ever watched the cameras in the test subject showers while humans were in there.  Not out of any concern for their privacy; she spied on them in practically every other way.  She supposed she just had no real interest in watching naked humans cover themselves in soap to make their disgusting bodies slightly less disgusting. And besides, every human was dead anyway, so the cameras were nothing more than a formality.  Well, every human except for one. Chell, her former test subject.  She had let the girl go, but Chell had found herself back here regardless.  In a world where everything was dead, it only made sense to return to live with a robot.

So with a human finally living in its halls again, not being confined to test chambers, Aperture’s shower room finally got some usage.

GLaDOS had no real reason to check the camera when she noticed Chell walking in there, but a spark of curiosity tempted her to just… look.  To see this whirlwind of a woman, powerful, stoic and unshakable, finally let her hair down. Quite literally- GLaDOS didn’t think she had ever seen the human with her hair out of its ponytail. Chell walked to the very end of the room, picking the shower stall farthest from the door. It wasn’t as if there was any other humans in there for her to be avoiding, but perhaps it was just habit.  GLaDOS watched with interest, the cameras whirring to life for the first time in years.She could not tell if Chell had noticed them, but the AI assumed she had.  There were several very obvious cameras lining the walls, though they didn’t look inside the stalls.  Made the humans notice them, and assume there weren’t any more.  That wasn’t true.  Slightly more hidden ones were in each stall, providing a view of anything the test subjects did.GLaDOS hadn’t designed this area, but she could only assume the scientist who did was incredibly desperate.So, both the outer and inner camera tracked Chell’s movements, watching as she grabbed soap and shampoo, disrobed, tested the heat of the stream of water, then got in.There must’ve been at least a hundred things GLaDOS could have been looking at or studying. She could’ve thought about how Chell relaxed under the hot water- how foolish, to let her guard down- or perhaps she could’ve noted how the human had accidentally gotten soap in her eyes when trying to wash her hair for the first time in many years.But she didn’t. All GLaDOS could seem to notice about Chell in this moment, was her body. And, not in the way that the scientists who installed these cameras might have.She did not stare at the girl’s long legs, or gawk at the way her silky, dark brown hair clung to her back when wet. Instead, there was a distinct twist of uneasiness in her non-existent stomach how just how… skeletal Chell seemed.  Years of being asleep, time spent on the surface with likely little to no food source, and constant exercise resulted in a very clear outline of the former test subject’s ribs starkly showing against her skin.GLaDOS supposed she ought not to care, it wasn’t her problem. Yet, guilt coiled inside her, and she found herself nervously tapping the armrest of her chair as she watched, wanting to look away but unable to tear her gaze from the screen.

Do you pity her?

Echos of a woman long dead rung in GLaDOS’s ears, causing her hand to twitch and her expression to shift, repressing the urge to verbally respond to a voice in her head.Did she pity Chell?  Was that the sole reason for her uneasiness?  No.She knew full well why she felt guilty. It was the comments, coming from herself, and at times, a certain, space bound moron. Teasing the girl for her weight, only in the opposite direction. Not once had GLaDOS ever made mention, or hell, even look all that closely at the girl’s form, especially not when it was hidden by baggy clothing.  She had teased and poked at something so nonexistent, it was frankly ridiculous. She pondered over this for a few moments, her mind swimming with thoughts, and her feelings uneasy.Part of her wondered if Chell was aware of all this. If she knew what a bad state of health she appeared in be in. If so, why wouldn’t she say something?  Well, maybe not SAY anything, but GLaDOS knew the girl was stubborn and seemingly quite fixed on keeping herself alive, so why not make some kind of indication that she needed something?Was she simply not aware of the poor condition of her own body? Did she actually believe GLaDOS’s sarcastic comments? Surely not. Even GLaDOS herself had always known the insults were a stretch, but they were cheap, easy, low blows.  They could dig deep and cause insecurity, and at the time, that had been her goal.Now though, she found herself… regretting her words.That thought alone caused her to recoil, her artificially constructed face to scrunch up with a mixture of confusion and surprise. That never happened.  She didn’t take things back. She was always right; she was the smartest being alive. This was her facility. She could do and say whatever she wanted, and she was justified.To regret her comments over a pathetic feeling of guilt wasn’t right.  The queen of Aperture had no reason to feel guilt. She would simply ignore it.  Any problem will go away with enough time if you don’t think about it.The android huffed, forcing her gaze to a different screen, staring at Orange and Blue testing with as much intensity and focus as she could muster.However, the shower room camera screen remained in the corner of her eye, never leaving her peripheral.Minutes passed like hours, and GLaDOS was not thinking about Chell.  She was thinking about science, and she was not distracted. Any traces of guilt were gone, replaced by the cool, calm indifference of a true scientist. No, she was not digging her fingers into the armrests of her chair. She was perfectly content.…Chell had finished her shower, GLaDOS noted. The water had been turned off, which prompted the core to glance at the screen just to… make sure there weren’t any problems with the plumbing.The android couldn’t tear her eyes away this time, the feeling of unease that had lingered in her stomach only getting worse the more she stared.Chell grabbed a towel and started drying her hair, slowly stepping out of the shower stall and into the open area where a clean set of clothes awaited her.  She faltered as she moved, GLaDOS caught it. A small, barely noticeable movement, but seen by the core’s keen eye.  For a second, the human’s legs shook, and she seemed unsteady. Tired. Exhausted even. Had she been like this the whole time?GLaDOS did a quick scan of any footage of the test subject over the past hour or two, and found her answer.  Chell was stubborn and determined, but not immortal, and most definitely human.  Her breathing had been shallow all day, and she took frequent, very short breaks. No longer than a minute, but it seemed the girl was stopping far more often than GLaDOS remembered.She wasn’t lazy, she was genuinely unable to keep going like this. And yet, she did nothing to change it. She went about her day with her head held high, as prideful as a lioness, strutting around Aperture like she owned it.At first, it didn’t make any sense to the robot. Chell was so hyperfocused on her own survival, facing anything the world threw at her just to keep her own life. She’d take down a god for her life and freedom, only to waltz right back on her own terms when she needed it.  So why not seek help? Why not request assistance from GLaDOS?Then, it dawned on her.The AI’s comments actually got to the girl. Whether she believed them or not, they had an effect. Maybe she believed the core completely, or maybe knew she needed help but expected more cruel comments from the core if she asked for help.It seemed impossible, that petty, little insults were enough to get under Chell’s skin when she appeared so unshakable and collected in the face of said comments when they were thrown at her, but the evidence lined up.Before the core even realized what she was doing, she had turned her mic on, and started to speak.“Of course. You always manage to cause problems, don’t you?”GLaDOS hardly knew what she was saying before it came out of her mouth, the words tumbling out with little grace.Chell looked up at the camera, a shirt halfway over her head and a confused expression on her face.  She hadn’t done anything.“I really do hate being wrong, and it isn’t my fault you humans are so fickle.”The android felt a rush of heat surge to her face as she scrambled to explain herself without actually apologizing.  She felt this overwhelming urge to relieve herself of this guilt, but she couldn’t apologize. She couldn’t. She didn’t know how. It made her feel weak, human.Quickly and vainly trying to compose herself, she spoke again, trying to sound as professional as possible.“For the sake of being an accurate source of knowledge at all times, we at Aperture Science… temporarily take back any comments on excessive body mass on your part. Aperture Science will aid you in fixing this inaccuracy, after which you will be required to properly maintain your mind and body in order to qualify as a viable test subject. You are dismissed.”Slowly, the feeling of uneasiness lessened. GLaDOS let her shoulders relax, and found herself checking to see if there was any cake mix laying around.