#i'm legit so disappointed with this that i'm gonna schedule this

[hdawg1995]

i am the only person in the dragonfable fandom upset we have Tomix's animations now and i don't like it but i don't want to shit on everyone's fun but man am I grumpy Tomix no longer has unique animations while zhoom and artix still do after their classes got reworked.

[honey-tongue]

Going to try posting here again without it feeling like a chore.

Venting under the cut.

My headspace is so bad right now that I confidently would rather live in my head than attempt anything close to friendship irl. And I don't want to schedule a therapy appointment cause I'm anxious about what my therapist is gonna say to me about it. I legit don't want to do anything anymore and get disappointed when I want to try but never seem to push myself. I feel like I'm doomed. For real. If I think on it too long, I get anxious and scared. I feel like a freak. I'm too weird for people, and no one will ever understand me. People would belittle me and think the worst of me if they knew me. What is the point?

I'm scared. I'm scared. I can't keep living like this. I'm not happy. I'm not worth the life I was given.

[p---ink]

I'm sorry.

I might genuinely have ADHD.

There were some misconceptions about the disorder that I didn't know about...I thought there was just something wrong with me.

I don't take care of myself the way other women do...I don't moisturize, or do my makeup, or skincare, or eat healthy, or stay organized, because i'm lazy. Simply put.

Lack of eye contact I give people (mostly men) is because of being intimidated. Not because there is genuinely something wrong.

I can't seem to remember things that people just told me, because I'm a goldfish. no other reason.

Procrastination is just something about myself that I cant change. Simply put.

My need to daydream is something everyone does. Not because daydreaming is easier than putting in the work to make them come true.

My mood swings don't exist. I'm not crazy.

Theres like legit other things that I'm fucking forgetting because my mind is racing a mile a minute just like it always does. And i'm gonna get mad that I didn't include it after I remember it, think about going back to edit it, but then forget to.

I thought it was just genetics as to why I act the way I do. It very well still could be. The more I research it however, the more I'm convinced it could apply to me.

Y'all I love writing. SO much. Reading so much. My courses in school, and school in general I love so much....so tell me why I spend my time on my cell phone scrolling through bumble, and snapchat, and texting men or trying to get them to text me, only to be disappointed, only to go on rants, only to complain about how I should be doing the things I love instead.

Why do I find it so hard to do things I need to do, and want to do, but find myself lying in bed instead stressing about doing them.

I thought ADHD, was people who couldn't focus for shit, and were really hyper and talkative, and energetic. But there's so much more to it.

You could be mentally hyper...get mentally exhausted. But then I ask myself how did I already get this far.

I didn't. Ive always struggled, and just been doing enough to get by...I could have been doing so much better than what I am.

I feel like crying while writing this. I feel like screaming because even though I know all of this I cant do anything about it right now.

I shouldn't self-diagnose. I know I shouldn't. But I just feel it. And I don't want to have ADHD, but id be so happy to know if there is a genuine reason as to why I act the way I do...instead of just a me thing.

Im writing this though, because you've all been on my mind. And im sorry if you genuinely missed me, and wanted me to interact with you. Know if that's the case ive missed you too...and im not actively ignoring you because I want to. Because I want to interact as well. But I find it really hard sometimes.

Like seriously im sitting in a room full of junk, and filth that disgusts me. By next week, ill have eventually cleaned it, but it will end up looking the way it does again within an hour.

Scheduling...manifesting...praying and pep talks. I do it all the time...but it doesn't ever work. I need help...but im tired. And depressed that my wants are going untouched. I want to do my schoolwork. I want to read and write. But there's so much to think about and so much to do, that I don't want to do any of it and all of it at the same time.

this post will magically fix that I hope. I know it won't. But it feels nice to reach out. I wish my random bursts of productivity could be more consistent.

I need a hug.

@cocoamoonmalfoy @specialk-18 @viva-asgardia @swaggysposts

[dagss]

What did you think of this year's Césars? PS: I've been watching your movie recs andI loved Adieu Les cons, Gazon maudit and Raw. Zone Blanche is also ridiculously great.

u mean the winners or the ceremony itself ahah? (both weren't that great idk, although the ceremony was hosted by antoine de caunes my meowmeow ksjksjksj)

last year i had seen most of the movies and it's so cool to watch award shows when you know about every movie, but this year i missed a lot of them and only watched the women directed ones so i was out of the loop for most wins, mostly for illusions perdues which won a bunch of categories but i still don't feel like watching it idk 😢 i had watched all the shorts but my favorite ones (des gens biens & le départ) didn't win, sobz. my fav animated short (le monde en soi) didn't win either but the actual winner (folie douce, folie dure) sounds dope, ngl. will watch it.

so happy that valerie lemercier got the best actress one tho, she's so funny she deserves it for her whole career,,, still gotta watch aline tho.

i'm also kind of disappointed la fracture didn't get many noms/wins because it was legit amazing and highlighted a huge systemic problem with french healthcare so idk if you'd relate as a foreigner but it's still a really powerful watch!! lots of anguish and despair, chef's kiss

on another note there's also a small polemic rn on filmtwt about the way the animated movie category got shortened and the winners' speeches were rushed by management, because the program was like 30 mins behind schedule. personally, that felt really wrong to me since animation already lacks room to exist in this ceremony and more generally it lacks recognition in french cinema. i just sat there trying to listen to the super important points the animators were trying to make while the crowd and host were ostentatiously annoyed at the speech being "too long"... it literally wasn't.

also disappointed for adam driver who came all the way here, sat through 3 hours of lame french jokes and didn't win anything 💀

there was a lot of positive things too tho, it was way less boring than other years, the sparks performed so may we start live (i sang my heard out ngl), omar sy was there and made people dance, xavier dolan read a tear-jerking homage letter to gaspard ulliel (dunno if you know who that is but he's an actor who recently died from an accident and it was so sudden and shocking coz he was only 37), cate blanchett's speech was admirable and she spoke french my love!! (even though she told people to shut the fuck up lmao that's going to be a meme on french twitter now)

the extra positive thing is that, despite getting many noms, bac nord didn't win anything, and that's great since neonazi scums reclaimed it almost immediately after it came out & the (white) director didn't want to clarify, nor admit his movie was political, nor acknowledge it had an obvious right-wing vibe about its depiction of poc and Paris' poor districts 🙄 i don't know if i'm gonna watch that one, regardless of the director's initial intentions, his reaction to justified criticism really bothers me, and so i'm glad it didn't win 'cause the nazis were like: >:(

anyway i think i'll add onoda, maalbeek, folie douce, folie dure, aline & le sommet des dieux to my watchlist. from the nominated movies i'd already seen, i'd recommend la fracture, the father (obvi) & annette (i hated most of the songs tho ksjksksksj). oh and also boîte noire was super cool and i love pierre niney!! (i might have said that already i think???)

--

i'm so glad you liked my previous recommendations, ah!!! was gazon maudit funny to you? i'm so scared the humor might get lost and the movie might feel weird to people from other cultures 😭 i'm especially glad you like zone blanche omg, even in francophone countries people don't talk often about it, smh.

[jakganim]

I'm back, and I didn't mean "coming on to strong" as in the girl making the first move but like,,being really serious in the relationship early on? Mostly I'm just nervous to talk to him bc I think I'll make a fool out of myself and expose my feelings before I have a chance to be his friend D:

ahh i see i see!! yikes i can see how that could be an issue :((

honestly, i believe in you!! you never really know til you really know. my only advice ever in these situations is to really try and get to know the person. (assuming you’d like any advice from me at all lmao i’m not very good at this) i think it’d be better for the both of you! either you find out you rly like this person and wanna pursue further or you find out it was just a crush and won’t be anything more. no matter what happens, it’s nice to have closure. unless of course you enjoy just watching from afar, which is also understandable.

edit: don’t ever be afraid of ur nerves. tbh sometimes they’re extremely helpful and endearing. when ppl are nervous when they first meet me, i appreciate that more. it means that despite it all they decided to talk to me. that’s courage more than anything else. and if u make a fool of urself, don’t hesitate to laugh about it. be upfront about it too. like hey man it’s hard for me to talk to strangers first but hEY im tryin. and i’m sure he’ll appreciate it too.

no matter what, like i said, i’m rooting for you!! even if i can’t be helpful, i’ll be with you on this journey if you want :’)

and now for a fun anecdote about jordan & crushes, under the cut cos i ain’t tryna drown everyone in my love life (or lack thereof to be more accurate) but i swear this is relevant!!

so one time a few yrs back, i had a crush on this complete stranger. i saw him once on the bus i took on my commute to school everyday. the crazy thing was, i took a bus and two subways to get to this school and he ended up being on that same bus, and later the same subway cart, which led me to believe he went to the same school as me. he did. it’s hard to make friends when you go to a commuter school. sometimes i see ppl and never see them again so i didn’t think much of this guy. he was cute was all.

later on that week i saw him waiting for the same bus going back home this time. i msged my cousins (we have a gc on katalk lmao) and was like mY DUDES. I’VE SEEN THIS CUTE GUY TWICE ALREADY. IF I SEE HIM A THIRD TIME IT’S FATE RIGHT? and they were like talk to him if you see him again.

now i’m normally not the type to talk to strangers out of nowhere ok? i mean, it’s all case by case but even tho i’m psycho crazy i’m still an introvert at heart and p shy.

BUT I KID YOU FUCKING NOT, AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT, i saw him again on the bus. this time it felt a lil like the world was pushing us together. my bus gets crowded at a certain stop in the morning cos it stops picking up people at a certain point so i’m lucky to get a seat. but there was an empty seat next to me. i knew it’d get taken though so i didn’t rly care to see who was getting on the bus (there was a huge line waiting) but when the person sat next to me i automatically looked up at them out of habit and legit did a double take bcos lo and behold it’s Bus Guy. same hat, same bag, same everything, all black getup. up close he’s cuter. i was like semi freaking out at this point. it was now or never. either i was gonna take that crazy leap of faith and talk to this guy, or regret not being the crazy one for once.

so i legit was just like hey i know this is weird but i’ve seen you on this bus a couple times already and i recognize ur bag and you go to /insert school name here/ right? and he was like !!! yeah!! and wtf we hit it off, he was very straight up and open and i LOVE that in a person. i love when they speak their mind and are receptive and all that. we were very compatible, talked like nonstop and exchanged info. he thought it was really brave of me to just suddenly talk to a stranger. i thought it was too. we were both surprised tbh. we became bus buddies. whenever we could we tried to match our commute schedules. everything was awesome, i was like i wanna be friends with this guy forreal cos like i said, it’s hard to make friends for me. or close friends at least. and commuting buddies?? the best.

turned out he had a gf and was about to graduate and was just really working on getting his life together. and when i found out he was taken i wasn’t even mad. ye i was a lil disappointed bcos imagINE but at the same time, he was such a cool dude. i gained a new friend. and knowing he had a gf meant i could get over this crush, no regrets. the worst that could’ve happened was he turned out to be a douche and then i would’ve DEFINITELy gotten over the lil crush. but he wasn’t a douche and i think it was super cool that we met like that, even if it started with me going wOW HES CUTE. and now it’s a cool story i get to tell ppl. moral of the story: make a friend if you can. take that step and i swear things will happen :’) you got this fam.