#i'm happy you haven't had to deal with that but i think it's fundamentally Flawed to argue 'it IS an individual problem'

[brittlebutch]

it does feel a little bit like. those posts that go 'the only way to get through life is to go out and meet people and make friends and be in a community etc etc etc',,, i'm not saying they're fundamentally Wrong but also it does kind of feel like those people have never endured the horror of going to community after community after community and being quietly excluded from all of them for the crime of being Too Weird, sorry to say it. sometimes when people reply 'it isn't that easy' they're not just being tar pits, sometimes it really Isn't that easy

[bondsmagii]

I find the whole discussion about therapy very needed. I have been going to an analyst for more or less four years now, and it made me capable of becoming who I wanted to be. But I'm very lucky. I have many friends who are stuck with shitty therapists or that therapy has not helped at all. It is not the answer for everyone.

Therapy shouldn't be a dependency, it should be a tool. The goal should be to be able to live without it. At least that's my take on it. I needed therapy to learn how to deal with myself, but some people learn it by themselves and that's fine. I also have a mood disorder and take meds for it, and the way people treat my recovery drives me insane sometimes. Folks gotta stop minding other people's health honestly. If I take meds or not is ultimately my choice, same with therapy. They don't fix my issues, they don't change who I am. There is no right or wrong path, just different approaches for different people.

definitely agreed on the "therapy should be a tool" thing -- I think, in an ideal situation, a person who wanted to explore therapy would do so only for as long as they needed to get by without it. I don't really understand the people who go to therapy just as a "check up", or alongside their daily life, with no end goal in sight. I don't think it's a good idea to give that much authority and control to somebody when they're trained for specific things that you don't have -- I feel these people would benefit from a life coach more than a therapist, and at least where I'm from this is not how they're used at all. but as a tool to get to a specific place? if it works for somebody, fair enough.

however, the main point I'm making is that therapy is obviously based in the field of psychiatry, which is fundamentally flawed and harmful. I'm very happy that you found what you needed, but it wasn't because of any profound good in the field. you just got very lucky -- you were only ever one therapist away from having the experience your friends had. I'm glad you got lucky, extremely so, but my focus is on making this option safe for everybody. those who are pro-therapy are in just as much danger from a bad therapist, and the only way that we'll weed out all these things that make a bad therapist is if we criticise and draw attention to the fundamental issues in the field itself. therapy is a tool, but it's based in something inherently harmful. those who haven't been harmed were lucky -- only lucky -- and hoping to get lucky/assuming you just will should not be the basis for deciding to undergo any medical procedure.

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2021 - April

I have to say I had a lovely reading month - even if there is a part of my brain screaming 'you could have read more'... (I'm working on this) As always, here are my unplanned, gushy, and not proofread thoughts!

Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo (Six of Crows #1)

I still have mixed opinions about this book - it was a reread and I definitely enjoyed it more this time around. However, I still don't love it as much as I thought I would... I can't connect to the characters and I don't know why?! Okay, I do adore Nina. But the rest of the Crows aren't doing it for me, possibly because of the disconnect between their ages and how they act... I don't know though.

It's a decent YA novel, and it is technically a huge step up from Grisha, but I prefer Grisha trilogy for both plot and characters. Maybe I should just give up on heist stories for good? I just found the whole plot a little bit too convenient and lacking stakes - and this is coming off the back of Grisha! I will be returning to Crooked Kingdom at some point though. Hopefully I'll be more on board then!

Lady Windermere's Fan - Oscar Wilde

This was the only 'bad' book of the month, tragically. I adore Wilde, especially his plays but this one didn't do it for me... I disliked the silliness of the resolution, I HATE the way Lord Windermere treats Lady Windermere (if he called her "child" one more time Inwas ready to riot), and I thought it was badly paced. The writing was stunning, as usual, but I didn't find it funny. This could be a case of it ageing poorly or that I haven't seen a production of this one, so I'm willing to.give it the benefit of the doubt for now.

Small Gods - Terry Pratchett (Discworld #? Honestly I've lost track)

I ADORED Small Gods! I thought I would, given that it's Pratchett's take on religion, but it astounded me. So the plot isn't particularly strong, but that's not the point. The point of this book was to explore the relationship between gods and their believers, organised religion and true faith, religious belief vs practice, and how religion can be manipulated and abused. It was Pratchett's exploration on religion, especially monotheistic religion (aka Christianity in this case), and it was handled so well. It was a nuanced and sensitive discussion, which showed both the positives and negatives of religion. Stunning!

Also, I do have to give a shout out to Brutha, our main protagonist, I didn't love him to start with but by the end he was up there with Moist, Vimes, and Granny Weatherwax as a favourite Discworld character! I loved his subtle strength, convictions, and how he changed while remaining fundamentally himself. Also the final scene was perfection. Would highly recommend to everyone, even if you don't read fantasy!

What Matters in Jane Austen? - John Mullan

So, the fact I actually finished this book speaks volumes. I rarely read non-fiction cover to cover, especially this quickly. I just read what interests me and then move on. But I loved this book, probably because I was also rereading Emma.

It was so well written (literally laughed in places?!), very well researched, and covered a broad selection of topics you wouldn't necessarily think of when reading Austen yourself. I particularly enjoyed the chapters on the weather, blunders, and reading. However, I enjoyed the vast majority, expect the chapter on games which was a little bit dull for me. Would highly recommend if you like Austen or the regency.

Emma - Jane Austen

Okay, technically I finished this today (1st May) but I've been rereading Emma for ALL of April so I'm counting it! I also feel like I should say more about this, so I'll probably do a separate lengthy review at some point, especially as I annotated the hell out of this book, there isn't a single page without my scribbling all over it!

But safe to say I ADORE Emma, book and character. It's my favourite Austen! I will fight you on this book being both technically the best and most enjoyable of her novels. The writing and narrative voice alone is perfection, nevermind the character exploration and romance (before anyone mentions the age gap, I know! I don't care!)

Emma Woodhouse is the best realised of Austen's heroines, her character is both real and realistic. All her flaws are on display and she has to deal with them. They can't just be brushed under the rug in the name of a happy romance (*cough* Elizabeth Bennet *cough*) and she has to change for herself before she can be happy and get married. I know Emma, I understand her flaws and strengths, and I know she's not perfect. But, like Mr Knightley, I love her in spite of, and because of, her flaws. I am also a bit too much like Emma to be flattering, but let'snot go down that path for now...!

Anyway, read Emma, and then watch the 2020 film!