#i'm gonna analyze the data now because it's funny

[alichiraku]

Minato winning the popularity poll I’m gonna break something

[spiritelectric3]

My Journey Through Homestuck Act 3 (pt. 1)

So, am I really back? Let's find out as I begin Act 3 and will finally stop having to say ____ or GG.

This entry will cover pages 002260 through 002841

-Nothing pains me more in analyzing this series than IMMEDIATELY having the urge to look up how every character is described before named. I will resist the urge.

-This is an interesting way to rope in the theoretical player. Also I'm very glad that I can finally say Farmstink, which is definitely definitely her name... I hate this

-I like the war between narrator and player. It's a weird metanarrative that probably won't be too relevant, but is still charming.

-PUMPKINS.

-She is psychic. But we knew that.

-JADE! Finally I can fucking say it! Jade! Jade Harley! (I'm probably gonna forget the last name but whatever)

-Is her shirt gonna keep changing or...?

-It's interesting that the player controls the flute refrain, but one could argue that that is reflective of Jade's psychic powers. Perhaps she is even somewhat receptive to the whims of the player, who, while not exactly a God, does count as a "higher power".

-I have stuff to say about the pumpkin, but I'm gonna wait a few posts.

-Interesting that Jade hasn't set her fetch modus. Even more interesting that you can purchase them.

-I am terrified to see what happens when the fetch modus runs out of space. My guess is that it will pick a random item and fling it out.

-I want to note that fetch moduses are inconvenient, and so is Jade's. However, Jade's fetch modus is not particularly inconvenient for her because of her psychic powers. She has solved the fetch modus problem by applying it perfectly to her person. Compare that to John, who wings it, Rose, who picks something artful, yet particularly hard to use, and Dave, who picks the popular, "technically right" option (if I remember Data Structures correctly)

-I think it's funny that Jade actually does the absurd command, but this time, unintentionally finds a comfortable way to do so. There's a reason why she was separated from the other characters. Thus far she seems to be able to see through blind spots in logic, but often does not quite grasp their context. This is just after meeting her though, so who knows.

-Ah, it seems that this is in the past too. Oh god. Why does time have to be like this? It's like I have to keep a record in my head of what point of time every character exists in relative to each other. Roughly, this appears to be Jade -> Dave -> John & Rose -> Vagabond.

-What pumpkins?

-Also OH MY GOD! IT CHANGED AGAIN! Now it's the slug on John's shirt but blue.

-This shirt changing thing better not mean we're secretly cutting between many alternate timeline versions of Jade. Absolutely nothing I have heard about Homestuck PERIOD says otherwise.

-The fruit have faces on them.

-Oh I get it, cause non themed memory is just fruit.

-Jade is a furry?

-Also, is she a weird combo of the other three characters.

-WHY DOES SHE HAVE GUNS?

-Do we think Jade is going to point the gun at an innocent creature? Are going to actually trust the narrator with this?

-RIFLEKIND!? I mean, if you're actually expecting to fight, I guess so, but still.

-Jade is the min-maxxed character, isn't she?

-Jade's shirt is

Randice is a flower. He does need water, but not as much as he thinks. You shouldn't worry. If you are considering Randice, you should adopt Wavey as well. Wavey knows how to trick Randice.

-Oh, it's that simple?

-Why didn't anyone tell me that Jade is a furry?

-Jokes aside though, I really like this character.

-What if the magic 8 ball's right though?

-Y'all, I think I know why Jade is psychic.

-What if Jade's grandfather made Sburb?

-The base is truly perfect for Jade.

-WHAT THE FUCK!?

-So, not only did Sburb (supposedly) kill the dinosaurs, but the frog thing is that old? What is happening?

-How is Jade's computer not the one killing the Earth?

-I mean, it's gonna be a part of that, but still.

-mirth, though not his own.

-I REALLY do not like the striders. Though, I know I may have read this already. Still though. Goddamn it.

-I think it's interesting to see Dave make a song like this. It's much less intense than the version of him we see. We've already seen Dave be a little different around Jade, so it's nice to see he has someone he can show a different side of his creative expression to (that being said, I really do not remember the first song Dave played).

-Intermission eh?

-Imagine Homestuck's Homestuck's Homestuck's Homestuck

-Wh- what? Did the Act just... stop?

-Oh, back to Midnight Crew I guess.

-Wait. Is Dave supposed to be fighting his brother or Cal? I mean, his brother is clearly op, but I'm assuming he can change Cal's difficulty settings.

-Though I doubt ____ would let his brother go at his favorite puppet with an actual sword if he wasn't confident Dave would miss. (Oh God ITS HAPPENING AGAIN)

-I can't believe this is how Cal attacks. Nevertheless, I'm sure ____ has better things to do during the APOCALYPSE

-How much does Jade know? I mean, she didn't know what Sburb was, but still.

-Fate plays a very important role in this series. Of course, we already knew that. Still, Jade seems very encouraging about Sburb, but she is apparently unaware about the role it plays in the apocalypse.

-Ah, yes. That's what the end of the world is. Fun. A game in fact. A fun game. After all that fucking happens after this point, we better not end with all the characters on their computers on Earth having finished the game. What little I recall from the Sarah Z video opposes that but still.

-And now we return to the apocalypse.

-I can't believe the dead cat was a part of the plan this whole time.

-Granny healer

-Ah yes. The classic feeling of hitting enemies and hoping they'll tell you how much you're hurting them.

-worm

-Interesting, an entity on the supposedly good side has a supposedly evil sword. I say supposed cause I have a real feeling that this is much more complicated than good and evil.

-So, as I've mentioned before, I'm not strictly reading Homestuck. I'm watching the dub on the Voice Over Nexus YouTube channel. For the most part, I think this has been a good decision. It requires much less reading on my part, the voice acting keeps me engaged, and the inclusion of the flash game sections allows me to experience them without having to download the best version of the comic onto my computer. However, here is where a particularly weird quirk comes out. See, up until now, the Sburb guide has been written by Rose. This is something a reader would come to know through context clues, but it certainly helps to hear Rose's VA. For this segment, I can distinctly hear John's VA, which perhaps gives away something before it is revealed.

-Oh, he just said that Rose asked him. Oh well. Another day, another pointless paragraph I guess.

-It's interesting to see John figure out a significant part of the game, It's also interesting how the punch cards are based in something theoretically plausible, though I'm not sure how many combos of captchalogued things there really can be.

-Also it's weird that this entire system is based off of the English language

-For the record, if my math is correct, there are 68719476736 codes. I feel like there are more things in the universe than that.

-Oh that's so weird.

-Oh. My math is way off. Goddamn it. And here I thought I pulled a gotcha.

-It is cool to see that the writer thought through this.

-Excuse me!? Rose has some very important business to attend to.

-Seeing logos relevant to sburb on a company logo is VERY concerning. I mean, they were there before with Jade, but Jade and her world are both eccentric enough to potentially justify it.

-Why is Jade's house black and white now?

-Oh no. Don't tell me Jade's grandpa's weird interest is taxidermy. (It is, isnt it?)

-Oh-no more hobbies!

-Jade and everything around her are such wild cards.

-Jade has sisters?

-Another worm?

-WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?

-Oh, CG is a _____, aren't they? First relevant in Act 5 my foot, my poor poor foot.

-Again. Is there no way to access the leaves on the tree?

-AHA! Still not sure what to do about the cat though.

-Skaianet? Oh-no

-NO! THEY KILLED THE WORM!

-There must be something thematic about timers in this series

-A note about the Striders and their fight. Dave and ____ have two distinctly different fighting styles. Dave's fighting style prioritizes heavy hitting and strong attacks, while utilizing dodges at his primary defense tactic. ____ alternatively uses blocking, and prefers to attack in ways that catch the opponent off guard, not even using the sword to do so. What's also notable is that Dave puts more focus on offense, trying to get in as many hits as possible, while ____ puts more focus on defense, blocking until he can catch his opponent off guard. Notice that this is the perfect counter to Dave.

-I wonder, if this company is here, then what is the supposed fate that drives everyone forward? Is it a higher power, or is it an illusion of a higher power generated by the exploits of an institution?

-So, if there are meteors spawning without a session, what starts the meteors? The game is involved, but what is it doing?

-I feel like the meteors are coordinated to destiny or something, which is pretty messed up.

-The only comment I have on John's fighting style is that he is improving, but must actively rely on others to find success. Or at least that's what I would leave it at, if I didn't acknowledge that unlike Dave, John is finding success. Perhaps Dave cannot defeat his brother alone, but he might if he had the help of an ally.

-OH GOD DAMN IT! There goes several of the points in my Act 1 analysis! See you all next fall!

-So, is Sburb fucked up or isn't i?

-The worst part is I just know there are homestuck fans who perfectly know every grist type, possibly including future me.

-Dramatic Irony for Granny at work

-Riddles are a recurring motif in this series. Just making a note of that.

-Oh this is different.

-The shaving cream sound should not have made me laugh as much as it did.

-I should note that Graveyard Stuffers is an interesting phrase in that it antagonizes John and his father for a legitimate and understandable reason. If we step back a moment, we can realize that John isn't just killing enemies in a game, he's killing people with feelings... I'm gonna do all this analysis to make the evil side look good and then watch them do the most reprehensible shit, aren't I?

-Also has anyone else struggled to not call Sburb "Homestuck"?

-And so we are the Peregrine Mendicant, who is our first exposure to the side of "good". Seeing as they killed the friendly worm, I'm not too confident in them.

-I'm fascinated by the nature of being trapped in Homestuck. We've seen two of these strange entities trapped in mysterious spaceships, but also, the nature of Sburb traps players in their homes, requiring them to expand their homes rather than leave and venture somewhere else. The one question I'll ask for now is this: If you are trapped somewhere for an extended period of time, does it become your home?

-The doctor died in the apocalypse, didn't he?

-All the senders and recipients of mail are probably dead. This is just sad.

-Prediction: The PM (Peregrine Mendicant) will be able to use this computer to mind control Rose (or at least another main character)

-Oh, interesting glimpse of Future Jade

-What if Jade isn't psychic, but is instead being sent messages from the future?

-Okay. It seems my prediction is immediately proven wrong. Sigh.

-Wait. WTF? The machine just explodes!?

-Wow. A tea set.

-This entire situation is so weird. Like this is for an alternate version of Rose and with a separate cat? Perhaps this is a representation of a younger Rose's room?

-I'm intrigued by how much they've built up John's Father's room.

-Okay, black and white colorization is an interesting way to convey darkness.

-I want to make fun of Jade's grandpa's beliefs that Jade should arm herself, but I really don't have it in me

-I love how the narrator is just arbitrarily picking and choosing who to focus on at a particular moment. Such is the nature of elaborate storytelling.

-Oh, never mind. I guess Dave is just not in a good spot right now.

-Is Jade's grandpa... dead? That's... unexpectedly morbid. Who's been looking after her?

-This fight scene would be funny if I wasn't still shocked by Jade's dead grandpa.

-I have nothing yet to say about Jade's fighting style.

-Good on Jade for successfully confronting the adult figure in her life and choosing to live how she wants... I guess?

-This is actually really sad.

-good worm

-Did I hallucinate a cat meowing in Homestuck!?

-Also is that Polybius? (The scream of my first creepypasta phase can be heard in the distance)

-Oh. It's just an appearifier

-Time traveling in Homestuck is fucked

-Wouldn't the nature of the Butterfly Effect (albeit the pop culture version) just prevent the removal of all past objects in general?

-O... kay. I certainly wasn't expecting a time machine trying and failing to create a copy of Jasper from the past would be how we rope him back into the plot.

-Wait. So Jasper was appearified, presumably in the then present, and then his corpse just showed up? Either that or we're building up to a major paradox.

-Also what's with all the major plot points about corpses!?

-Oh-no. Jasper being missing in time for a week can only mean time travel. Can't wait for Rose to break time in Act 5 Act 2 (I'm being sarcastic here, but if this is actually right then holy shit).

-This is so haunting

-Is the cat with Rose now Jasper from the past? Yea-probably.

-Woah. New location.

-Also. It just occured to me that there is probably a corpse in Dave's life that I just don't know about yet.

-The PM is rather endearing

-Also, I just realized. PM can also stand for Post Man

And that's it. To be honest, I think I'm gonna put off the Act 2 Analysis for a bit longer, assuming I even do it ever, if for nothing else than just that I'm getting really into it now. Besides, the space between Act 3 and an Act 2 analysis is the perfect spot for my own special intermission. For now though, I'll see you around next time for the rest of Act 3.

[twinhood-2dot0]

Spotify's Top Tracks, Analyzed (To the best of my abilities, that being, programmatically, and not lyrical, because I'm not a songwriter)

Good morning Alex, I’m delivering on the promise I made last week (was that a promise? I think I just stated it, anyways). Yeah there’s nothing much to preface, I’m just gonna go straight to the data.

Audio Features

Spotify’s API provides a few details on tracks, namely in the context of this post, danceability, energy, valence (How “happy” a track is purely based on the music I assume, I don’t think lyrics are factored).  You’ll notice the graphs contain acousticness and instrumentalness, however that data is not accurate, it’s sometimes 0 and sometimes a very low number which does not accurately reflect the track (the features range from 0 to 1).

Songs above 500 Million streams

So, apparently, top songs are on average pretty danceable and energetic but not overly, and happiness seem to be almost balanced.

Top 50 Songs right now (actually, a few days ago, but the calculation takes time and tends to fail midway sometimes so I am not going through that ordeal again)

Seems like it’s pretty much the same, except sadness slightly wins out this time, I guess we Gen Zs really are a depressed generation.

Over The Years

2017 was apparently the best year for music. I would have thought 2013 or 2014, but that’s cuz I’m an EDM gal and all the bops came out in 2013-15.

Decades

2010s wins by a considerable margin, obviously, but 2020s somehow has more than the 2000s??? I probably shouldn’t be surprised but it’s only been 3 years (yeah, apparently 3 years have passed. Doctor Manhattan probably just decided to delete 3 years like he did with the DCU, I refuse to believe it’s been three years) so you get why I am. 

Keys

Probably less interesting but the most popular keys are, in order, C Major, C# major and minor, and F# minor. I find it kinda funny that the most basic scale is the most common. Also, take this with a grain of salt, Spotify can be inaccurate, I forgot to factor in confidence because I’m no therapist smh Spotify can get their self confidence issues sorted out elsewhere.

Genres

500M+

This one’s kinda predictable I guess, but do not ask me what trap and post-teen pop is. I know trap is EDM but it’s kinda not my EDM. Also, get this, the most popular country is Canada, by a huge margin. There are 51 Canadian pop artist, while the runner up UK Dance has 18. I didn’t know Canada was so big, off the top of my head I can only name Justin Bieber and The Weeknd. Also, the next region is Toronto rap lmao

Top 50 RN

Yeah I have no idea what these are.

Mine because I’m self obsessed

I added a “pop not edm” category because a large amount of the EDM artists I listen to are also pop so pop becomes my top genre :/ My top country is Sweden :P obviously. I can’t for the life of me tell you where the R&B came from. I don’t even know what that genre is (Oh okay I googled and apparently Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston are R&B).

Finally, the Artists

Not the most popular, just the artists with the most tracks in the top 682.

Nothing too special here sadly, it’s just everyone you’d expect. I’ve never heard a song by Drake but he’s always #1 or #2 on monthly listeners so :P and here’s mine for good measure

I'm dumb and I forgor to include the words charts, so I'm editing this in now

"The" is obviously the most common word, most common noun is also obviously, love. I also included two word combinations, and the most common turned out to be "let me", albeit with only 4 appearances. Tying for second are "like you", "can't stop", "what you", "the middle", "save your" "your tears" and "gimme! gimme!" which is because of ABBA's "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man after Midnight), and Save Your Tears appears thrice, one being the original track by The Weekend, and 2 remixes with Ariana Grande which seem to be identical, I'm not brave enough to subject my ears to both of them, but they're both 3:11 minutes so I'm gonna assume they're exactly the same.

You can find my horrendous code and JSON for all the compiled data in this Github repo

Byeeeeee

I thought this was a more interesting topic than it is :P sorry, anyways, see you on thursday, buh-bye - Alia

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXI)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Kisses, Jealousy and Sexual Tension

(6x10/6x12)

Hi dear Fandom! Are you swimming too in this big pool of Cockles? They want us dead for sure... 😏💙💚

Ok, this is another volume from season 6, we'll have a lot of fun because I'll analyze Caged Heat

With the Megstiel kiss and the jealous 😏.

I want to give thanks to my friend @agusvedder , she's currently very busy with a lot of projects but she discussed with me, as always, the episodes.

Ok, no more cháchara. Here we go!

Working for Crowley, not saying a word to Cas

Ok, just a little reminder, and the beginning of episode 6x10 "Caged Heat", Dean and Sam deliver a rugarou to demons, and one of them mocks Dean, well... We could say he let Dean without words...

DEAN: Wait, wait. Hold up, hold up. Are we ever gonna see Crowley again or is he just gonna keep sending his demon extras to pick up his laundry?

DEMON: I’m sorry. I know you’re speaking, I see your lips moving, but I can’t understand what you’re saying ’cause I don’t speak Little Bitch.

Demons get in their car and drive off.

DEAN: Remember when we used to gank demons?

Here we have the humiliation for working with demons. The humiliation feels Castiel for doing that.

But we have a data here, Dean and Sam didn't tell Cas they were working for Crowley... Unfortunately, we had a big difference between these two situations, as I marked before. Dean and Sam are under threat, and Cas made the deal voluntarily.

The prelude for the Megstiel Kiss

If you recall first episode from season 5, we had Dean and Sam captives by Meg and her demons. In that moment, Meg teased Dean and kissed him in the lips.

This time was so similar. Because Dean and Sam were captured again by Meg and her demons, she was teasing Dean, but she didn't kiss him.

And because we needed to recall that kiss between Meg and Dean, we had the following situation...

MEG: It’s a deal then. Hugs and puppies all around!

DEAN: You gonna untie us?

MEG: Please. Don’t pretend you don’t enjoy it.

She turns to leave. One of her companions walks up to Dean, staring intently at him.

DEAN: You gonna kiss me?

MEG [calling back over her shoulder to the demon]:Come on!

There was this male demon approaching Dean, eye fucking him, and Dean went for that comment about the kissing. Just to remind us, people... Dean was kissed by Meg the first time...and as if this was an indirect kiss, Castiel will be kissed by her too.

Still mad at Cas

First of all, if you recall my Sam and Cas meta, they weren't in the best point of their relationship by the firsts seasons, they barely knew each other and they didn't trust in each other... Adding soulless!Sam condiment to the soup, you have this interaction...

CASTIEL: I’m mid-battle, Sam.

SAM: I could give a rat’s ass about your little pissing match with Raphael.

CASTIEL: Listen to me, Sam –

SAM: No, you listen! I don’t care what you’re dealing with up in Heaven. You owe me.

(For all the times Castiel didn't answer to his prayers...)

CASTIEL: You may not care, but believe me –

SAM: I’m sorry, do you think we’re here to talk this out?

CASTIEL: Sam, I can’t just –

SAM: If you don’t help us, I will hunt you down and kill you.

Gif credit @demondetoxmanual

SAM: I don't know yet. But I will look until I find out, and I don't sleep.

Cas knows Sam's situation and by the end of the "conversation" he shows concern about the younger hunter. "YOU NEED HELP,SAM."

But when they find Dean, we see Dean is still mad at Cas...

DEAN: You actually showed. Wow, Sam, I owe you a chicken dinner. What happened?

SAM: No big. This is what friends do for each other.

Ok... Dean wasn't trying to call Cas for sure, because he knew Cas wasn't attending his calls... And he remained mad at him, but Sam called him with a lie. And then... The sarcastic comment.

There's something symbolic about what Castiel says while watching porn

Ok, I know this was a funny scene, but... Pay attention to the description Castiel does about the pizza man and the babysitter.

Gif set credit @attackofthekillermexisaurusrex

And he ended... "Perhaps she’s done something wrong."

You would say... What this got to do with Destiel, well... If the pizza man truly loves the baby sitter (if Dean truly loves Cas...) why does he keep slapping her rear? (Why he keeps treating him badly?) Perhaps Cas has done something wrong... 😏 This is dirty minded but... A good point.

Now, let's jump to the juicy here, Jealous!Dean.

Introducing Jealous!Dean

Ok my friends..., We will see this season the born of Jealous!Jensen with Megstiel. And this will continue in the following seasons (7 and 8)

Let's check out this... When Meg saw Castiel with them, she was very flirty.

MEG [to Castiel]: Remember me? I sure remember you, Clarence.

CASTIEL: Why are we working with these abominations?

MEG: Keep talking dirty. Makes my meatsuit all dewy.

DEAN: Alright, simmer down. We know where Crowley is.

This scene is witnessed by Dean, and his face is priceless, he sees some kind of sexual tension between the angel and Meg... And that bothers him... And the last flirty quote from Meg, made him cut her out.

Here you have Dean's facial reactions to that dialogue...

After this... We had Meg doing a big check out of CAS...

Gif set credit @angel-e-v-a

And meanwhile Dean like...

What is going on? Are you flirting with MY angel, really bitch?

Now... The kiss... First Meg, it was a convenient excuse to kiss Castiel, she liked him, she wanted to steal his sword... But Cas surprised everyone with this...

And Dean was like...

Gif set credit @frozen-delight

Unexpected aaaand... His eyes at the end are like... Ugh... Maybe CAS likes her...

Another juicy thing coming up..

More sexual tension...

And this is one of my fav Destiel stares... Ok, the discussion was hard, they were talking about Sam, he had recover his soul back, but he was unconscious... In episode 6x12 "Like a Virgen"...

CASTIEL: I'm sorry, Dean, but I warned you not to put that thing back inside him.

DEAN:What was I supposed to do? Let T-1000 walk around, hope he doesn't open fire?

CASTIEL: Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should have done it outright.

Gif credit @some-people-call-it-tragic

Look at this... The dominant energy coming from Castiel, with his fierce words, recalling Dean the first encounters with this beautiful creature. Castiel approaching him and looking at him that way... Dean is speechless... Look at his face, his eyes all over Castiel's eyes and lips. That's, my friends, purely Destiel sexual tension. And we are here for this.

To conclude

Meg came back to reminds us the kiss with Dean in the same episode she kisses Castiel (indirect Destiel kiss).

With Megstiel we had the introduction of Jealous!Dean, so delightful.

We had a curious symbolism in Castiel's description about that porn movie... Hilarious but interesting...

And the sexual tension between Dean and Cas always alive...

I hope you like this volume, c-u in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @bre95611 @thewolfatmydoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous s6 volumes, here you have the links...

Vol. XV, XVI, XVII,XVIII, XIX, XX

Buenos Aires July 24th 2019 10:23 PM

[cancerbiophd]

hey julia, im really sad because after a year or so of writing for a published paper, the prof analyzing the data found an inconsistency in my database and when he fixed it the new results he got changed the outline of our paper in a big way. i'm still getting primary authorship because i did all the data collecting and initial writing, but pretty much all i wrote is gonna have to be scrapped :( i was really proud of what i wrote and having it go through editing because it was mine (1/2)

(2/2)I feel so disappointed with everything though and i know it’s my first ever real writing experience but i was hoping it would work out a bit better :c im still gonna have access to see how the paper evolves and be invited to the talks about it, but it just isn’t mine anymore and i kind of feel like i failed, i was banking on this paper to apply for grad school because being published gives me an edge but it doesn’t feel like its my work anymore :( what do u do when u have a sad science day?

Oh maria /biiiig hug/ i’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. it’s ok to feel sad and disappointed because i know it’s tough to watch something you’ve worked so hard on get scrapped like that. but you know what? you’re tougher! and i know you’ll get through this. 

Firstly, give yourself a warm hug for completing the monumental task that is writing a manuscript, regardless of what ended up happening. Finishing something so challenging is not trivial! And you know what, all those experience points you gained by going through this journey are yours to keep. So when it comes to writing another manuscript in grad school, you’ll know exactly what to do! And that’s pretty great, yeah?

Secondly, I know you feel bad, and that’s ok, but I want to slip a note into your thoughts that you have not failed, my friend. You have not failed. Mistakes happen, even to seasoned professionals, because mistakes are a part of life. I guarantee you that every single research lab in existence right now (and have existed) has had to go back to square one or two and start over at some point. And they did, and fixed what needed to be fixed, and then carried on to do great things. Sometimes you gotta erase what’s already on the paper to make room for something more beautiful. 

If you feel this paper doesn’t feel like your baby anymore, that’s ok. I totally understand why you would feel that way, and if squishing and squeezing your emotions into accepting the paper like it was before is adding to the bad feels, then you don’t have to. You can just focus on and own the black and white facts of the paper: the experimental design, the science behind the data, the major conclusions, the impact on society, etc. There doesn’t have to be an emotional attachment to go with it if you don’t want to. 

And you know what, the changes to this paper doesn’t change who you are. Maria: you are still the smart, funny, caring, kind, and passionate person that I’ve gotten to know you as. You’re still the awesome person who took the time to put together the most in-depth and hilaaarious powerpoint of fish and fauna to see while snorkeling in the Bahamas for me. You’re still the brilliant marine biologist who has a (really impressive!) CV that 100% reflects your passion and commitment to your work. You’re still a person who will leave the world a better place, and I know this because you’ve already made my world a better place. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. 

I hope you’re starting to feel better now :) If not, here are some things I do if I have a Bad Science Day:

Cry it out. There’s an odd sort of comfort that comes after a good cry. So sometimes if I feel like I’ve been holding back, I exhale softly and let it all out. It doesn’t solve anything, I know, but I do feel a teeny bit better and a teeny bit more whole. 

Write it out. Something I’ve learned about myself is that my brain tends to over-exaggerate things when it’s just swirling thoughts. But when I write it out and everything gets organized, it turns out things aren’t so bad after all. So give it a go, either in a word doc, an actual journal, or even a tumblr post (that you don’t have to publish, of course). 

Talk it out. Related, going on a verbal rant (or even written rant to someone) helps in a similar way. Even if it’s in private to my favorite stuffed animal or a pet. Just anything to get the thoughts out!

Listen to “comfort” music. I have a playlist of my all-time favorite songs and I listen to it on the drive home and I always feel a lil better. It’s hard to not feel a little happy and carefree when your favorite jam comes on. 

Sleep it off. Sometimes all I need is a good night’s sleep (or even a nap) to clear my head. Also I love sleeping, so it always feels good no matter what. 

Do something comforting. Anything to release those sweet sweet endorphins. My ideas of comforting routines are: eating whatever I’m craving at the moment, watching a favorite TV show or movie (usually something I’ve already seen), curling up with a good book or magazine, scrolling through Tumblr, doing my nails, hugging my dog and/or husband until I feel better, and walking around Homegoods, my favorite store (I’d honestly live there if I could). Doing these things also helps in that it takes my mind off whatever’s bothering me, even temporarily. 

Give myself a pep talk. Ok, oddly enough, the pep-talk-voice in my head is Gordon Ramsay. I don’t know how it manifested as him, but when he’s not yelling at chefs to get their shit together, he has a really encouraging and soothing voice! Anyway, sometimes he sits me down and tells me that everything is going to be ok, and here’s what we do next alright? Just one step at a time ok? That’s it. Good job. Good job. 

Just keep working. Sometimes my Bad Science Day starts at 9 AM in the morning, or it’s just a continuous Bad Science Week/Month/Year. So I put those feelings on hold and just stick to my schedule and try to be as productive as I can. Because even if Experiment 1 didn’t work, Experiment 2 might, and if it does, I’ll feel a little better! And if Experiment 2 doesn’t work, well, at least I finished it, and I’ll still feel a little better! And in any case, my projects aren’t gonna do themselves, no matter how I feel. So in the wise words of Dory: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”

I talk to my PI. I’m super lucky to have an understanding PI, and I’ve talked to her about my frustrations on more than one occasion and she’s worked with me to come up with good solutions, or have said things to make me feel better. PIs are full of wisdom from experiencing their own fair share of Bad Science Days so they have lots of advice on how to feel better, such as looking at my results a different way so it goes form :( to :)

I let the passing of time lessen the hurt. Time doesn’t always heal, but it does make things that were terrible at the moment not so bad anymore. So if nothing else makes me feel better, at least I know “this too shall pass”. 

I hope this helps. I know things are ugh right now, but you’re going to be ok. And I’m here for you, ok? Feel free to reach out via chat or email. I would very much like to help you feel better