#i'm going to !!! i promise !!! i intend on addressing everyone who has ever made me anything ever god willing but i'm slow & i'm sorry 4 it

[vellichorom]

1) do you sometimes answer non-anonymous questions?

2) are you pleased to see art from other subscribers:3?

and is it difficult to view all the people who mentioned you?

and sometimes some wait about a month.. :|

yeah hey, i'm sorry i take awhile to get back to people / reblog fanart but please don't do this

[linkspooky]

DOOMED SIBLINGS: THE TODOROKIS VS. THE FIRE NATION ROYAL FAMILY

I received an ask in my inbox about how Zuko doesn't owe Azula any forgiveness. Truthfully I wasn't even going to respond because this isn't an avatar blog, but then I watched this video.

Not only do I disagree with the basically everything in this video, but I am going to make the argument that both Zuko' and Azula's arcs are both incomplete with the way the show left the two of them in the final showdown.

In order to make my argument I'm going to compare Azula and Zuko's relationship in avatar to Shoto and Toya's relationship in My Hero Academia and use the latter as a more positive example.

Unnecessary Redemption Arcs

The common fandom opinion I want to argue against is this idea that Azula's ending is a perfect tragedy, and therefore doesn't need to be expanded upon. There's also a sentiment that redeeming Azula would somehow ruin the impact of this perfect tragedy.

I'm about to argue against both of these points.

Azula's arc doesn't work as a tragedy.

Because of this her arc is unsatisfying and unfinished.

I'm going to address the first bullet point but before that let me add another disclaimer. The reason why I think Azula's arc isn't an effectively written tragedy isn't because I like Azula.

Before we even get into the My Hero Academia comparison let me bring up something completely different. I do like Azula, but I like Terra Markov from Teen Titans a lot more and I would not change a thing about her tragic end.

AZULA'S ARC IS NOT A WELL-WRITTEN TRAGEDY

Terra in the comics is what a lot of people accuse Azula of being. She is stated in the text and by her creators to be an unfeeling sociopath. She was also never intended by her creators to be redeemed.

[About Terra] The very first time we see her, she’s trying to blow up the Statue of Liberty. It’s just that all the fans assumed because we went out of our way to make her cute — but not too cute, with the buck teeth and everything — everyone would assume that she was gonna become good by the end and that was never the case. First thing, we made a promise that day that we would never renege on our view that she’d never become good. It’s sometimes hard to do that with characters you like. You want them to become good or something like that. But we never liked the character enough—because we knew what we were doing with her—we never allowed ourselves to fall for the character. Because that’s bad. That’s bad storytelling. You’re doing what you want as a fan at that particular point, not as the creators. T

Now let me clarify, both creators of New Teen Titans say some nasty things about Terra and don't recognize her sexual abuse, but here's the thing. You don't have to read a story 100% the way the author intended, sometimes the story says one thing and the text says something different.

I am going to use Judas Contract as an example of a story where the character from the start was never intended to be redeemed and why that's a positive in this case.

Terra is a teenage girl, the bastard daughter of the king of Markovia and a random American woman who presumably has had no stable home her entire life because she's working as a mercenary at fifteen. She teams up with a man that is in his mid fifties and even starts a sexual relationship with him (this is statutory rape she cannot consent) and Deathstroke uses her to infiltrate the Teen Titans and learn as much as possible.

Terra is sent to live with the team and spy on them for several months. The whole time she only ever engages with them in a fake spunky persona, and never shows her real cutthroat self. She leads Beast Boy on in a fake romance to make him trust her and secure her place on the team. The way you'd usually expect this arc to go is that Terra would grow fond of the team and be torn in her loyalties.

Yeah, that never happens.

Terra loathes the Titans. In fact she's developed a superiority complex about her meta human abilities and she doesn't understand why anyone would use their powers to help others. She despises the concept of superheroes in general, and because of that never bonds with any of the Titans. Her feelings never change from start to finish, because her creators intentionally wrote her as a character that can't be redeemed.

Terra is written to be a psychopath, but even with that intention in mind there are scene that shows a greater range of emotions. She has what could amount to a trauma flashback when Beast Boy too aggressively flirts with her and tries to kiss her and she reacts violently, trying to bury him under the earth.

Let's go ahead and interpret Terra as what is used as the fictional definition of a "sociopath" that is someone who feels no bonds with other people, someone with shallow emotions and someone devoid of guilt. Even if we interpret her that way, her story is still meant to be read as a tragedy.

Terra succeeds in her mission of infiltrating the Titans. Slade captures most of them, and the only remaining member Dick Grayson goes missing. Dick Grayson then unites with Slade's son Jericho, and the two of them team up in order to rescue the rest of their friends.

Even after all she's done the Titans try to make pleas to Terra during the final battle, which she not only rejects but responds to with violence. Which only confirms what I said above, Terra never grew to love them, she never regretted her actions, she only ever engaged with them with lies.

(Terra always lies, Terra always lies, Terra always lies).

Terra is declared by Raven to be devoid of emotions: "Her thinking is unlike ours. She feels no true love or hate. Her soul is corrupt. What she does is done without remorse."

Even after Raven declares this, however she still pleads with Terra to stop because she's going to hurt herself. Terra feels Slade betrayed her because he favored his son Jericho over her, so she decides to take both Slade and the Titans down. As the Titans fight her she begins to mentally fall apart ignoring their appeals to her and lashing out at everything around her. Eventually she makes one last attempt to everything around her, but the Titans escape and she only manages to bury herself.

At no point in the fight do the Titans give up on trying to reach her even as she's loudly screaming how much she hates them. Even after she's buried and it looks like she's dead, Gar and Donna both try desperately to dig her up on the slim hope she's still alive. When they find the body they even give her a funeral afterwards, even though they all think that Terra was beyond redemption.

Even the prose narration that accompanies her death is incredibly melancholy and bemoans her fate, at the same time as it calls her a outright sociopath.

There's no reasoning with her now. However slim, whatever sanity Tara Markov possessed is gone. Now there is only primal hatred! Hatred born, nurtured, and fanned. Hatred that festers and grows without care, without feeling, without plan. her pursed lips part and the sounds which echoes force are garbled and inhuman. Hot, boiling blood gushes wildly from the earth's open wounds, its skin fractures and cracks, and if a world could cry, it surely would. Her name is Tara Markov and she is little more than sxiteen years old, and due to the fault of no one but herself she is insane. No one taught her to hate, yet she hates without cause, without reason. No one taught her to destroy, yet she destroys with glee, with relish. Don't look for reasons which do not exist, plainly Tara Markov is what she is, and she has taken a great power and made it as corrupt as she. Hers was the power over the earth itself she could have brought life to deserts, hat to the frozen tundra, food to sraving millions. She could have damned raging rivers, and tunneled water to packed lands dry and dead. her powers were limited only by the mind which controlled them. A mind which sought not hope, not love, not life, but death.

If you go with the text that she is just a sociopath beyond redemption who hates and hates and hates for no reason, the narrative still mourns her because a sixteen year old with her whole life ahead of being consumed by hatred and then dying because of it is in fact sad.

If you read into the subtext then you can argue that the events of the story, contradicts what the narration is telling us. Terra is being sexually groomed and groomed as a child soldier by a man who is much older than her, even if she thinks he's a partner he clearly has all power in the relationship.

If you think about it that way then Terra is the ultimate bad victim. She doesn't cry and call for help as a victim of sexual abuse, instead she tries to claim power for herself, she manipulates, and she destroys any chance she had for a genuine relationship because she only sees all relationships as transactions she can gain or lose from.

Even if you only go with the first interpretation, the narrative still remains tragic because the Titans themselves did not want to give up on her, they did not want to watch this sixteen-year-old girl destroy herself. They never stop reaching out for her and it doesn't work, because there was no way out for Terra but death.

Here's the thing I don't think Terra's status as a sexual victim automatically means an ending where she dies is offensive. It reflects a reality that victims like Terra often go unseen because they don't present their victimhood in palatable ways, and by the time anyone notices it's far too late. Sometimes tragedies are meant to reflect a reality where many people do not get saved.

There's two reasons that Judas Contract works as a tragic story. Number one the creators planned Terra's ending right from the beginning. Which meant they never gave her any moment where she shows that she's redeemable. There's no genuine bond between her and the titans, no wrestling with the guilt of her actions, nothing.

Number two, Judas Contract is Terra's story from beginning to end. It begins with her betrayal of the Titans, and ends with her death. The death is also brought upon herself by her fatal flaw her hatred, which is what makes her the protagonist of a tragedy. Tragedies are stories where heroes are undone by their flaws. Terra also goes out on her own terms. She buries herself underneath her own rocks. Her death is a direct consequence of her inability to let go of her hatred. Terra's not fridged for anybody else's arc, she retains her agency until the exact moment of her death.

To simplify into bullet points, Judas Contract works because:

The creators thought out what they wanted to do with Terra.

Judas contract is Terra's story.

Now, getting to the part where we actually talk about Avatar, and I start complaining about that awful, awful video.

AZULA'S ARC IS NOT WELL THOUGHT OUT

I just went on a long tangent on how Terra, a character written to have no redeemable qualities can still be tragic. How the creators marked her as clearly doomed from the start, and how she brought about her end on herself, how there no redemption for Terra. How this girl had no real chance, and how regardless of the fact Terra is a lil baby sociopath her fall is still tragic because of how well structured the tragedy is surrounding her.

It's awful to kill off a sixteen year old victim of sexual abuse, but the ending just fits because Terra represents a certain type of bad, unsympathetic victim who doesn't get saved.

Azula's arc isn't as well structured. The ending does not fit. I'm going to start by refuting some points in the awful, awful video I did not like.

"Maybe it's okay if Azula's story ends where it does in the series we would separate how we would treat a real 14-year-old girl from a villain in a series, ad that's why any redemption arc isn't need i a story after all. A character needs of deserves a redemption arc when it becomes the most meaningful way to explore their character and place in the story, but a character deserving redemption usually comes before the story really needing it, and I don't think Azula's done anything to deserve it yet. They've got to exhibit some willingness and action to change..."

So the main reason I'm using Terra as my first example is because Terra is the kind of character that Hello Future Me is describing. Terra was written with the specific intention she'd never experience a change of heart, all of the friendships she makes with the Titans are fake, she very loudly experiences no remorse, or even self-reflection over what she is. Terra's pretty proudly a monster and she never experiences any kind of self-doubt or regret over what she's become.

I can disprove right away Hello Future Me's blanket statement (with no actual cited examples, just trust him guys) that Azula never did anything to hint she may deserve redemption. That suggests Azula is an entirely selfish character who uses, manipulates and thinks she's right and worst of all is comfortable being the way she is, and therefore incapable of doing the self-reflection necessary for change.

Azula does show the capacity to do selfless actions several times in the narrative, and even consider the feelings of others. There's the apology scene with Ty Lee and the way she interacts with her friends in general with the Beach where when she's not fighting in a war or trying to complete a mission for her father Azula 1) interacts with her friends in a normal way and 2) seems to express a desire to experience normal relationships not the hierarchical ones she's experienced all of her life.

However, that's not the example I'm going to use as her save the cat moment. I generally intend to interpret that as a sign that even though she treats Mai and Ty Lee as subordinates and that power she holds over them eventually leads to them leaving her, their friendship isn't just Azula abusing them and lording her authority over their heads 24/7.

No, Azula's save the cat moments all revolve around Zuko. Which is funny, because the entire fandom seems to regard Azula as Zuko's evil little sister who exists to do nothing but torment her.

The first and biggest is Azula deciding to bring Zuko home in Ba Sing Se, and telling a lie to her father that he was the one to slay the avatar.

Ozai: I am proud of you, Prince Zuko. I am proud because you and your sister conquered Ba Sing Se. I am proud because when your loyalty was tested by your treacherous uncle, you did the right thing and captured the traitor. And I am proudest of all of your most legendary accomplishment: you slayed the Avatar.

Zuko: [Shocked.] What did you hear? Ozai: Azula told me everything. She said she was amazed and impressed at your power and ferocity at the moment of truth. [Inspired partly by this post]

Now the show seems to regard this action as Azula being an evil temptress who is there to tempt Zuko back to her side with everything he thinks he ever wanted.

That's only if you regard it from Zuko's perspective.

Think for a moment from Azula's perspective. Number one, Azula is someone thoroughly indoctrinated into Fire Nation propaganda who measures her self-worth based on 1) military achievement and 2) her father's approval and assessment of her talents. In Azula's own logic (wrongheaded as it is) she's helping Zuko. She's bringing him back home with his place in the line of succession restored and his father's approval.

Azula doesn't benefit from this gesture at all, in fact if her father discovers the lie she has as much to lose as Zuko does.

Now Zuko insinuates that Azula only brought Zuko along and told her father that he was the one who killed the avatar so she could let him take the fall if the avatar turned out to be alive.

However, if you look at the actual order of events that doesn't make sense. Azula saw the avatar die, she didn't know about the spirit water, and therefore had no way of knowing Aang could come back. In fact, it's Zuko who 1) knew about the spirit water and 2) decides to keep the spirit water and the fact the avatar might have survived a secret that is throwing Azula under the bus. After all she has as much to lose as he did and instead of sharing that information with her he decides to keep it all to himself.

Now Azula does imply that if the avatar were to turn out to be alive all of Zuko's glory would dry up, but this is only after Zuko 1) throws accusations at her and 2) makes it's pretty clear he's lying to her putting her on the defensive.

This is also a scenario where Azula doesn't have much to gain by bringing Zuko back, if you look at it from her perspective. If Azula just lets Zuko rot in a ba sing se prison, then her claim to the throne is secure. With Zuko back he's restored in the line of succession. She also, when making the decision to invite Zuko to her side probably didn't need him for her plan to succeed.

There is a dramatic moment of Zuko choosing to side with Azula over Katara which turns the tide in Azula's favor, but Azula can't see into the future and therefore wouldn't be able to predict that happening. If you look at it from Azula's perspective she 1) successfully infiltrated the city, 2) already had the Dai Lee in her pocket. She likely already thought she had the city secure at this point so her decision to extend a hand out to Zuko is therefore likely motivated by selflessness instead of self-interest.

That's important because usually when Azula usually only gives her help to others if it also benefits her in some way. Azula might genuinely see her recruiting Mai and Ty Lee to her side as a member of the royal family extending her favor and giving them status and security in their positions but it has the underlying motivation of 1) she keeps them in a position to beneath her and therefore in her complete control.

Azula will interact with Mai and Ty Lee like friends on the surface, as long she maintains control over them, but if they do anything to something that displeases her she'll do anything to regain her control.

Mai: I thought you ran off and joined the circus. You said it was your calling. Ty Lee: Well, Azula called harder.

This is set up in Azula's very first interaction with Ty Lee. Azula greets her like an old friends, Ty Lee even seems happy to see her, but the second Ty Lee tries to say no to her Azula goes to extreme lengths to "persuade her". Azula's friendship with Mai and Ty Lee is an abusive friendship because there is a power differential and even if Azula feels genuine affection for them both it's clear they're not allowed to say no. Mai and Ty Lee are put into positions where it's in their best interest to please her, and live in fear of the consequences if they don't do just that.

Here's the thing, I'm not arguing that Azula didn't deserve any consequences for her actions. I'm arguing that the setup doesn't match her eventual ending. Azula is set up to have Mai and Ty Lee leave her from the very first scene that Azula interacts with Ty Lee. It's satisfying because the set up matches the pay off.

It's also tragic because it's Azula continuing the chain of abuse. The video isn't entirely wrong (which is why they came to the wrong conclusion frustrating).

Azula's fall is about how differenting parenting styles can a child. Ozai's affection is exchanged for being useful. Something Azula would go on to repeat with her friends, whereas Iroh's affection is something freely given with patience for imperfections and failures, something Zuko goes then on to repeat.

It's like... there it is it's so close. Here's the thing, Azula is set up for a tragic falling out with Mai and Ty Lee (and one she deserves) but the set up is different with Zuko. Azula's save the cat moment revolves around Zuko, and her genuine attempt to bring her brother home.

Yes, the first time Azula interacts with Zuko in season 2, she tries to take him home by force. However, by the ending of the season Azula's perspective on the matter has obviously changed because she begins by trying to bring him back as a prisoner, and by the end of the season invites him back as an equal.

There's no moment in Season 3 where Azula treats Zuko the way she does Mai and Ty Lee (unless Zuko provokes it first and puts her on the defensive) in fact most of her interactions are either them interacting normally (such as when Azula goes to find Zuko at their old beach house because she knows he'll be there and advises he leave instead of dwelling on their depressing memories) or Azula deliberately trying to look out for Zuko such as when she advises him not to go visiting with Uncle because it'll make others suspicious.

On the other hand, Zuko never at any point looks out for his sister the way Azula is demonstrated looking out for him. He doesn't say, try to tell her where he's going on the Day of Black Sun, or try to convince her the fire nation is wrong. There's a scene in the later part of Season 3 where Zuko is watching Azula fall to her death while sitting on a flying bison and not only sits there and does nothing about it, but sounds disappointed when she doesn't hit the ground and become an Azula Pancake.

That's pretty much the opposite of a save the cat moment. It's a "let the cat fall to their death" kind of moment.

Yes they were enemies at that point, but Zuko's the one who's supposed to learn that affection is something freely given with patience for imperfections and failures, something Zuko goes then on to repeat.

How exactly is he doing that in this scene?

The thing is... this setup doesn't have to be bad. Of course Zuko has trouble has trouble empathizing with Azula, he doesn't even think about sending a letter to Mai, Zuko's shown at this point to be like a healing abuse victim who's understandably focused on himself.

This in fact could be excellent set up with step 1) learning what genuine love and forgiveness is and 2) demonstrating those two things by applying it to others.

However, that's not where we got. We got Zuko watching his sister have a complete emotional breakdown, crying and screaming while chained to a grate and looking somewhat sad.

And once again to bring Terra into this, Terra is what Stay at Home and parts of fandom argue that Azula is. Terra screams at the top of her lungs how much she hates the Titans, how much she was always lying to them, and the Titans STILL try to reach Terra with words, try to de-escalate the conflict, when she's about to bring the rocks falling down on herself warn her she's going to hurt herself, and then when she's buried under rubble try to dig her out begging for her too still be alive.

Terra who's intentionally created by her writers to be as hatable as possible, is shown more compassion by the heroes in her ending than Zuko ever does to Azula. They also give Terra multiple opportunities to change until literally the very last minute, which Zuko doesn't do either.

What's set up is Azula has this save the cat moment with her brother, that Zuko is pretty much the only person she doesn't treat like a subordinate in the story (because she just like Zuko has a craving for familial love she tries to earn from her father). However, her ending with Zuko just taking her down doesn't fit that setup.

Azula's ending only fits if you consider her arc entirely from Zuko's perspective, which is the underlying issue. Azula's not the protagonist of her own tragedy, she's a plot object that's used to benefit Zuko's arc.

Azula's is written to have a downfall, the same way that Zuko loses everything at the ending of season 1 b/c of his inability to give up on the obsessive search for the avatar (and his father's love with it). Azula is written to be left by Mai and Ty Lee (this is the strongest point of writing when it comes to her since it comes from the beginning).

However, she's not written to be left completely alone and insane with the only empathy being shown is that her brother looks kinda sorta sad. That's only good if you view her as an object to further Zuko's arc, because isn't the ultimate culmination of Zuko beating his sister who has always been ahead of him at life? Azula needs to torn down completely without even some small glimpse of a hope of recovery so Zuko can be built up even moreor at least the writers of avatar seem to think so.

However, even Azula just existing for Zuko's growth and character development doesn't have to necessarily be a bad thing. This is where we get to MHA, which does the tragic siblings and the final Ag Ni Kai about 1000 times better with Shoto and Dabi.

THE GOOD

The comparisons between Shoto and Dabi to Zuko and Azula are made pretty often by the fandom. Shoto has a scar, Dabi has blue flames. Shoto has an arc about healing and learning what it means to be a hero, Dabi's arc is about self-destruction.

Dabi's not the center of his own story, he exists to foil Shoto and help Shoto reach the endpoint of his character development however that's not necessarily a bad thing. These are both two pairs of tragic siblings, the main difference is that MHA doesn't feel the need to tear down one sibling in order to build up the other. In fact, the final step to Shoto's arc is HELPING Dabi, not PUTTING HIM DOWN.

Not only that but the decision to help Dabi is a decision that Shoto makes on his own, and him going against the tide of a society that has already given up on Dabi and would much rather have Shoto shoot Dabi like a mad dog. Which makes the decision to do so even more powerful and emblematic of Shoto's growth.

Now you could say that Shoto and Zuko are too different to compare their arcs, Zuko has a redemption arc, and Shoto has what most people would probably term a healing arc. Shoto starts out the series as a hero.

However, this is what annoys me about the redemption arc debate. A redemption arc is really just a normal character arc. However, calling it redemption drags things like morality and forgiveness into the debate. if you take remove the discussion about moral philosophy both Zuko and Shoto have character arcs where they start the story defined entirely by their home situations and their father's abuse (hence why they have big obvious scars on their face), recover from their trauma, and go on to find an identity outside of their father and form healthy non-abusive connections with others.

In fact I'd see the theme of both arcs are the same, to literally find balance within themselves. Shoto is divided quite literally into right and left sides, fire and ice, and even seems to view himself as half of his father and half of his mother. Zuko is someone who's permanently marked and dishonored by the burn scar on his face. He suffers from an internal imbalance as well. Iroh says that Zuko is the descendant of both Roku and Sozin and therefore both pathways are open to him (but wouldn't that apply to Azula too). Zuko says to his father that the fire nation has destroyed the balance to the world and he's going to leave to assist the avatar in order to fix it.

Shoto's balance isn't just about fixing his internal trauma though, it's also about finding a balance between his family which has defined his entire life up until this point, and his desire to become his own hero not the hero his father groomed him into.

It's why the culmination of his arc is Shoto reaching out to save his family member Toya, because it's the ultimate balance in wanting to heal his family, and also the kind of hero he wants to be, someone who saves and brings peace to others instead of just violently putting down villains. He can bring peace to his family and become his own hero in one action.

However, let's go back to the beginning of Shoto's arc, because saving Toya as an endpoint to his arc is set up pretty early on.

Shoto's arc begins with Deku, a stranger breaking down Shoto's walls as an outsider in order to allow him to look past his own trauma and recall for the first time what he wanted outside of his resentment towards his father. This sets up the idea early on for Shoto that sometimes you need outside interference, help you didn't ask for, especially when you can't see outside of your own problems.

What Deku brings about ultimately is a change of perspective, Shoto's so hurt by the memory of his mother throwing boiling water in his face and everything that came after that he can't recall the memory of her telling him he could be who he wanted to be.

But, you want to be a hero right?

Shoto takes away two things from this arc, sometimes you need help even when you're not asking for it, and sometimes a change in respective is required in order to take the first step forward.

He goes to demonstrate these things multiple times, but here's two exaamples. The first Shoto demonstrates immediately after the tournament arc. When Iida is about to go down a dark path and commit a revenge killing on Stain. When, as a result of that IIDA is paralyzed and about to die in an alleyway, it's Shoto who both notices Midoriya and Iida are missing and shows up in the clutch. He's practicing the same thing that Deku taught him in the last arc: Giving help that's not asked for is what makes a true hero.

He even mentions the second idea, that a small change in perspective can be all it takes to save someone, and he wants to do for Iida hat Deku did for him. His words are the one who convinces Iida to stand back up again when he's paralyzed.

If you wanna stop this, then stand up. Because I've got one thing to say to you. Never forget who you want to become!

However Shoto's arc doesn't end here, because one of the major conflicts in MHA is that heroes don't pick and choose who to save and a true hero will give help even to those people who don't ask for it.

This is a point which further develops when Shoto's abusive father starts to show a change of heart at the end of the Pro Hero Arc. Shoto still holds his father accountable for what he did in the past, but he also acknowledges that if he had the capacity to change then so does Enji. This isn't about whether or not Enji is forgivable, this is an extension of what Shoto learned. Shoto originally believed he was controlled by the circumstances of his birth, that his fate was set in stone, but a change in perspective allows him to realize he can determine who he wants to be. So, Shoto is just applying what he's learned, Enji has the capacity to grow.

There's one final piece of setup that I want to cover before showing how these separate dies all culminate in saving Dabi. Shoto's not only someone who has to find balance between his family and his desire to be a hero.

The theme of balance is written into the quirk itself. Enji basically practiced eugenics to create Shoto as his masterpiece. He noticed a flaw in his own quirk where he could only make his flames so hot without overheating. So he arranged a quirk marriage with Rei who possessed an ice quirk to create a hybrid ice and fire quirk that he could use to cool himself off to prevent him from overheating.

Enji only ever cared about the fire half of Shoto's quirk. His ice quirk only exists for his flames to grow stronger. This is shown when Enji is trying to force Shoto to learn all of his signature moves, because he only cares about Shoto's flame quirk. Shoto was created to carry on his father's legacy, and surpass him with an even more powerful flame quirk. Part of his character development is him learning how to use his quirk in his own way.

This is a theme that continues in the class training arc where Enji is still repeating the behavior of trying to force Shoto to learn his signature moves instead of considering what he wants at all, because still Shoto only exists in Enji's mind to carry on his legacy.

This all culminates in Toya's decision to save his brother. The first is his action in choosing to identify with his brother. If Shoto believes in his own capacity to change, and even his father's, then why would he deny Toya that same chance to change?

The foiling between Shoto and Toya isn't supposed to reduce the two of them to "Shoto is the good one, and he's the bad one", but instead Shoto and Toya were both in a point where they were consumed by hatred and couldn't see any other path in life. Therefore if Shoto was able to change because someone gave him help when he didn't ask for it, then Toya not only has the capacity to change - but in order for Shoto to stick to his stated beliefs that the smallest of things can bring about a change in people he has to be the one to give his brother that chance to change.

It's not about whether Dabi is worthy or not, it's about the themes in Shoto's arc finally being paid off.

Shoto's identifying with Toya, and even parts where he tells Bakugo he'll make Toya sit down and make Toya tell him his favorite food indicate that from the beginning Shoto's intention was to find a way to stop Toya without killing him (which is what several of the adult heroes were encouraging him to do).

@stillness-in-green does a more succinct summary of this plan.

Just me?

Because, like, Shouto had a plan. He spent the time between the two war arcs specifically developing a brand-new combat technique that he planned to use to shut down Dabi's combat advantage without killing him. He convinced his dad not to change the plan like Endeavor was hesitantly sounding him out about[1]; he went out and talked and asked questions, and even if they weren't the right words every single time, he did his best and he did it with intention. If Dabi proves to be dead, it won't be because of anything Shouto did to him; it'll be because Dabi himself chose to stand back up, take a warp gate across the country, pick a fight with the guy who doesn't have the power set to shut him down without unduly hurting him, and trying to replicate an Ultimate Move specifically tailored for someone with a balanced power set Dabi doesn't have. And if Dabi lives, it's still going to be because Shouto booked it across the country and used that same technique to stop him again.

Shoto's decision to save Shoto is also a continuation of his decision to help save Iida from Stain. It's not enough for Shoto to experience a change of heart about his own life, he's got to take what he learned about people's capacity to change, and the importance of connections and then put that into practice and help others the way he was helped.

However, it also further develops the theme of giving help that's not ask for from Iida because Shoto's not saving a mostly heroic kid, he's saving Toya to help break a familial cycle of abuse (because murdering the abuse victim isn't how you end the cycle of abuse... actually).

Shoto's last lines to Dabi are also a refutation of this idea of destiny that he once thought he was ruled by. It's once again, Shoto teaching someone else the lesson he learned. Toya says a warped rail can never mingle with a straight and narrow one! In other words Shoto can never understand or get along with Dabi, because Dabi will forever be defined as the failure because of the circumstances of his brith, whereas Shoto will always be the success.

His final action is a decision to break the cycle they were born into: no, we're gonna mingle whether you like it or not.

Shoto's ultimate move Phosphor is not only a move he designed far in advance to take down Dabi non-lethally, it also is a rejection of his father's teaching method. Toya says he only ever taught me how to turn up the heat. Enji only valued both Shoto and Toya for their flame quirks. Developing his own quirk and breaking away from what his father wanted, specifically in order to save his brother. It's Shoto rejecting what his father created both of them for (a successor to his quirk) and finding his own path. By using that move to take down Dabi he's not only teaching Dabi their flame exists for more than just destruction, he's also by letting Dabi live giving Dabi a chance.

From a conversation with @class1akids

Dabi was the last push to unlock Shoto’s full power. Until then he was on the track of mastering flashfire like Endeavor planned for him (except for his own reasons) but realising the fighting Dabi with fire was gonna kill them both and also he’s simply no match fire only helped Shoto to fully take control of what his quirk is Like his quirk development goes parallel with how he faces each member of his family and finally meeting Toya is like the last piece of his puzzle to find his own full power and identity.

It's not just Shoto decides to save his brother because he's just that nice, his arc is literally incomplete without it. The act of creating phosphor a move specifically to save Dabi is both him unlocking the full power of his quirk (by balancing the fire and ice sides of his quirk) but also achieving balance between trying not to leave his family behind while at the same time becoming his own person and hero outside of his family circumstances.

Citing my conversation with class1akids again:

Toya is endangering everyone at Gunga. Endeavor has no means to stop him and when he tries to murder suicide Rei interrupts and his “hero way out” is taken. All he can do is watch helplessly as his family is about to burn to death with a bunch of strangers he tried to protect. But it would do Shoto dirty to use his heart technique to kill his family and the strangers so he comes in a clutch and I see that confrontation as the power trauma vs the power of healing in the family. With Shoto who is a true hero, they can put the fire out and save the family and strangertoo. Shoto become a balanced hero and bring relief and reassurance, Endeavor was completely helpless, and Toyas inner child got the attention he wanted, plus depending on how you read it, he may have become less suicidal.

Shoto also, and I want to point this out desires to stop his brother not to take him down but because he doesn't want him to hurt any more people. He's again finding a balance between two ideas 1) Shoto needs to stop his brother in order to stop him from creating more victims and 2) Shoto needs to find a way to stop him that's not just putting him down because Toya himself is a victim.

Shoto also, and I must point this out for the comparison between Zuko and Azula goes out of his way to engage Dabi in conversation, ask him why he didn't come home and what happened to him in the years after he died. This is especially poignant because unlike Zuko and Azula who grew up together, Shoto basically had no relationship with his brother (and the rest of his siblings really) before Toya died because Enji purposefully kept Shoto separate from all the "failures."

So yes, the act of saving Toya is more for the completion of Shoto's arc than any redemption arc for Toya but Toya's not just a plot object to move around for Shoto's arc, Toya has his own agency all throughout. In fact it's the fact that Toya resists being saved every step of the way that provides the challenge that Shoto needs to grow in order to be able to save him.

Toya's not just after revenge against his father that's the surface reason, Toya is also just blatantly suicidal. Toya's birth is marked as a failure, his death wasn't even acknowledged by his family and everything stayed the same in his absence, so he created Dabi while praying at his own shrine in order to mourn Toya. Dabi can't find any meaning in his life where he was born as a failure, so he'll use his death taking revenge against Endeavor for having been born in order to give his life meaning.

What makes Avatar look especially bad in its treatment of Azula in comparison to how MHA treats Dabi, is that Dabi is way, way less redeemable than Azula. For one Azula has clearly proven affection both her friends and her brother (and I don't think she even deserves Mai and Ty Lee's forgiveness they had every right to walk out on her and want nothing to do with her again.)

Dabi is probably the ugliest victim of the League of Villains. The rest of the league have far more moments in their bonds with each other. Toya is the outsider to the league even if there are some subtle hints to his affection (he tries to show up to save Twice, and also burns down Toga's family house to comfort her). The villains are mostly shown to be redeemable by their positive friendship with each other, and Dabi at several points denies the league's bond (he pulls a Terra and yells out loud at the top of his lungs none of the league matter to him). Unlike with Terra you can argue this is most likely Dabi trying to cover up his real feelings. However, the fact that he feels the need to hide his affection from the league shows he's purposefully distancing himself from any bonds whatsoever.

Unlike Azula who has gone out of her way to help her brother in one major way, and also shows hints in early season 3 of having that sibling bond with him Dabi just straight up wants to murk Toya. Azula also tries to murk Zuko, but that's only when Zuko leaves on the day of Black Sun (one without telling her, and two something that probably left her alone to deal with the consequences of lying to her father for his sake). Either way, Azula's behavior in early season 3 is setup for the fact that their sibling bond can be salvaged.

Dabi is way worse to Shoto in comparison. Dabi in the first part never saw Shoto as his own person, just a puppet of his father (puppets have no autonomy or personhood). His feelings towards Shoto only went so far as Shoto was someone who could kill in order to upset Enji. Dabi also doesn't particularly care for the rest of his family as well (only calling out Natsu's name when his brain is literally melting), they're either ways to hurt endeavor, or he wants to drag them in hell with him. Heck his last words after being saved is telling everyone to die and go to hell.

Dabi doesn't bother to make bonds with the league or have any lingering affection for his family because Dabi's determined to seslf destruct. He's given up on life the moment he saw that he died and nothing changed in that household, now all that's left is for him to create a meaningful death by dragging his family to hell with him.

Dabi is also even as a child made out to be an unpleasant victim. He attacks baby Shoto with his flames early on out of jealousy (even though he later admits that he was being unfair to Shoto). He makes the situation in the house worse by loudly screaming and demanding his father's attention. He screams at his mother and throws her complicity in Enji's abuse in her face.

This is in comparison to Shoto who in childhood flashbacks we are only ever seen either 1) crying, and 2) trying to comfort and protect his mother. Toya's even made out to be difficult to empathize with as a child - which like flew over half of the fandom's heads because he got accusations of somehow abusing his father and the rest of his family in that chapter at 10 years old. However, that in a way illustrates my point.

The fact that Dabi is so disliked by a certain portion of the fandom is because Horikoshi paints such an ugly portrait of Toya in the way he expresses his victimhood. It's done deliberately too, because number one Toya by resisting Shoto's attempts to save him and trying to self destruct instead retains agency as a character. He makes decisions even though they're bad self destructive ones, he's not just a prop. Number two, the fact that Toya is intentionally portrayed as such an ugly victim makes Shoto's decision to break the cycle of familial abuse by saving Toya and not leaving a single family member all the more poignant.

Toya is an uglier victim than Azula, actively trying to kill himself in a way that Azula isn't, and treats Shoto way worse than Azula ever treated Zuko and yet Azula isn't shown the sympathy or given the salvation that Toya is.

Because once again, the writers didn't think about the ending of Azula's arc or of Azula as her own character. Shoto defeating Toya is the culmination of his desire to break the cycle of abuse in his family. Zuko putting Azula down is just to make Zuko look better. It's in service of Zuko's character instead of both of their characters.

THE BAD

Avatar isn't setting up some gritty ending where the bad guys can't be stopped, they can only be killed. In fact it's pretty close in tone to MHA.

Season 3 especially is the season that really begins to hammer in on the themes that even the people on the enemy side are still human after all. The headband shows that Fire Nation children are indoctrinated into the war, but they are in the end still children. There's the story between Avatar Roku and Sozin, and once again Iroh saying that Zuko has both options becoming like Roku or becoming like Sozin available to him (but not Azula I guess). There's Zuko joining Team Avatar, even after he betrayed Katara in Ba Sing Se and should have burnt that bridge then and there. There's Zuko working to earn their trust again when no one on the team really owe it to him.

The main character of the show is a pacifist, who deliberately learns a way to stop Ozai without killing him before the final battle because he doesn't want to break the values taught to him by his culture.

If the entire theme of season 3 is redemption, healing and that the fire nation are not inherently evil then why does Zuko's sister and character foil end the last shot of the series screaming and crying with no one comforting or even attempting to sympathize with her. Why is this one character marked for tragedy in a show that is about redemption and healing and showing compassion to your enemies and very specifically not a tragedy.

Toya literally burns all of the flesh off of his body, and somehow he has a gentler ending than Azula, because at least Toya's arc ends with all the members of his family showing up to try to cool down his flames, and when he's on the ground burnt to a crisp his father finally apologizes to him. Toya is a skinless burnt chicken wing, my boy has no skin, and somehow he's better off than Azula.

I don't think the writers gave Azula such a cruel ending because they don't like her, but rather because they just didn't think about her ending outside of what it meant for Zuko. Which is why you get moments like Aang who is apparently a pacifist who doesn't want to kill the Firelord, watching his daughter fall to her death while sitting on a flying bison and doing absolutely nothing to save her. ALL LIFE IS PRECIOUS (except for Azula I guess).

It's not bad because a victim doesn't get saved, it's bad because it doesn't fit in with the rest of the story.

Not only is Zuko saving Azula a very natural conclusion to his arc, but there's far more setup for Zuko reaching out to his sister and saving her than there ever was for Toya and Shoto. Both Toya and Terra are screaming at the top of their lungs "I HATE EVERYONE, YOU SHOULD ALL JUST GO TO HELL." They're both making decisions and committing to their self destruction while Azula is a 14 year old girl having a mental breakdown.

Anyway, time to quote the bad bad video again.

"When does a villain deserve a redemption arc? When do we deserve a redemption arc? I know this is gonna hurt, but characters are not people. They are tools. They are represetations of people. They can be used to say other things. They can be symbolic representation of other ideas. Azula's story is not just about a fourteen year old defeated by her brother for the throne, Azula is Zuko's character foil, where she is ruthless and practical, Zuko is empathetic and emotional. Where Azula's a prodigy, Zuko has to work hard to earn eve a fraction of her power.

I specifically chose to cite MHA, because of how differently it decided to use Shoto and Toya's character foiling. Shoto recognizes himself in Toya, and how different their paths were in life. This is explicitly motivates him to save Toya. It's also the culmination of everything that Shoto has learned because Shoto is a hero who believes that actions speak louder than words. It's not enough for Shoto to resolve his own inner struggle, he also has to help Dabi with his because that's showing Shoto has grown rather than telling us.

I think that is where the major difference lies between Shoto and Zuko, we're told that Zuko has chosen the path of empathy and healing, that he's learned to give people love and patience like Iroh has but instead of showing that the culmination of his arc is having a fist fight with his sister in a denny's parkinglot.

Azula is Zuko's character foil, where she is ruthless and practical, Zuko is empathetic and emotional. Where Azula's a prodigy, Zuko has to work hard to earn eve a fraction of her power.

If Zuko is empathic and emotional and that is why he's gained friends while Azula is now alone after having lost her friends due to the way she treated them, then like... what a great opportunity for Zuko to SHOW that quality of empathy.

However, Zuko doesn't do anything that Shoto does in the final fight. He's not even here for Azula, Azula's just an obstacle for taking back the crown. He doesn't talk to Azula, engage her in any way, try to de-escalate and avoid the fight.

If you want to make the tragedy that Azula and Zuko have taken such different paths in life that that Zuko fighting with his sister is unavoidable you could um... at least show Zuko being sad over the prospect of fighting his sister or being reluctant in any way.

(Before you come in here with "Zuko doesn't owe Azula anything take" this isn't about whether or not Azula is a terrible sister to Zuko, this is about the story that avatar is attempting to tell. Shoto and Dabi's fight is tragic because Shoto doesn't want to fight Dabi, he wants Dabi to come home and for their family to be complete. Zuko never expresses anything like that so where does the tragedy come from?)

If it were 100% committed to a tragedy like Terra's death then I wouldn't mind. if it were 100% committed to a story of redemption like Shoto reaching out to Toya then I wouldn't mind. My issue arises from the fact they want to have their cake and eat it too.

They want to give this tragic end to Azula, and use it to illustrate how Zuko has grown as a character. However, you can't have both.

If Zuko's growth is about learning that his father's love based on achievement and 2) learning he needed to get lost in life in order to find himself then why doesn't any of Zuko's actions demonstrate this lesson Zuko has learned about love, and about how you can be your own person outside what your father expects from you.

If Zuko has grown as a character he should be able to show those actions. He does show his new understanding of love and friendship to Team Avatar, but as I said that's easy mode. That's Shoto's attempts to save Iida, it's a step in the right direction. It's also not really Zuko demonstrating a selfless love, because he's also at the same time trying to earn their trust and earn his way into the group.

It's also not Zuko breaking the cycle of abuse in their family in any way. Shoto is trying to break free from his role of his father's masterpiece, and at the same time helping Dabi break free from his view that he's the failure.

It's also such a natural ending for Zuko's arc, to take the lessons he learned from Iroh and give them to his sister who needs them so they can both break away from their father's parenting. As I said Zuko does solve the internal conflict within himself, but he doesn't really demonstrate that by helping someone else find their balance.

If you wanted the tragic end, then it would have to be about Zuko's failure to reach out to his sister, because he hasn't learned how to reach out to her. Or because he tries and is unable to. The writers don't seem to understand that though, they think the tragedy is about Azula bringing it all on herself, and not the inherent tragedy of a fourteen year old girl being unable to be saved.

The set up is right there too, because number one avatar is about balance. So, wouldn't the true ending be finding balance between the siblings, not having Zuko rise and Azula fall. Number two, Azula being alone and friendless because of her own actions is again a parallel to where Zuko was in early season 2 at his lowest point. Except Zuko can be the better person in this situation by reaching out to her.

Zuko doesn't break the golden child / scapegoat dynamic, he just flips it so now he's the success and Azula is the failure.

While Azula's fall comes from cruelty and rejection from friends and allies it is Zuko's humility and kindness and friendship that ultimately wins the day. Him sacrifcing herself for Katara and her bringing Azula down and then her healing him. Azula ending up imprisoned isn't something happening to a real person, it's a deliberative narrative choice by the author to say something about how people like this isolate themselves and end up alone. "

As I've stated above, I'm not saying Azula didn't deserve to take a fall. Her fall is actually set up from the first moment she met Ty lee. However, there's no set up for her fall being permanent.

Azula's given way more humanizing moments than characters like Terra or even Dabi. Which is why Azula being in an insane asylum for the rest of her life doesn't fit as an ending at all.

Azula is one link in the chain of abuse. Her father only gives out affection in regards to her usefulness. No matter what Azula is an asset first and a daughter second. Azula then repeats the cycle and treats her friends the same way. She has been shown through an improper model of parenting of using fear to dominate others with power and control and she replicates that in her other relationships.

Therefore, Ty lee and Mai leaving her is not only deserved, it's the perfect opportunity to pull the rug underneath Azula and to show her that her understanding of how relationships work is completely wrong.

This also mirrors Zuko's arc, because part of Zuko's arc is realizing just how wrong Ozai is for making both children earn his love, and that he doesn't need to measure his self-worth based upon his father's approval. He also learns about healthy expressions of trust and friendship from the gang.

Azula loses in part due to her own inability to form healthy relationships is losing people rapid fire, her brother leaves and joins the enemy side, Mai and Ty Lee betray her in favor of her brother, then her father in one action of leaving Azula behind and throws the title of Firelord to her after it's become completely meaningless reminds her of her place. Azula learns in about five episodes what Zuko had in 3.5 seasons to process that her father's love was always conditional and no matter what she did she would never truly "earn it."

People leaving Azula isn't exactly the problem, the problem is that Azula ends up alone permanently without being given the same chance that Zuko is. Terra, and Toya both get opportunities to turn back. They both refuse the hand that's reaching out to him. Mai and Ty Lee leaving is caused by Azula's own choices, but her ultimate end isn't. She's not even given the chance to turn away being saved like Terra and Toya do because Zuko doesn't even bother to try saving her. Her ending is not entirely brought about by her own choices, because the writers need her to take a fall to uplift Zuko.

Azula ending up imprisoned isn't something happening to a real person, it's a deliberative narrative choice by the author to say something about how people like this isolate themselves and end up alone.

I think once again it comes from the author's misunderstanding things because they don't want to look at the story from Azula's perspective, only Zuko's.

Stay at Home almost had it when he said the tragedy of Zuko and Azula was there to show how two different parenting styles affected these children.

The tragedy is that Zuko and Azula started in the same place, but Zuko had persistent guidance and someone who modeled for him a healthy kind of love. The difference is that Azula has never experienced any kind of healthy love or support on the level Zuko has, so she models all her relationships on the way her father treats her. It's not that Azula is offered some chance for change and rejects it, it's that Azula isn't even aware of the fact that there's another way because no one is there to show it to her.

Which is why I said once again, Zuko being the first one to show Azula the lessons he himself was shown by Iroh is such a natural place for his character to end.

Azula also even while completely alone and with no idea what healthy love is, knows that there is something wrong with her and is troubled by that fact in a way Dabi and Terra aren't.

Azula: I can sit here and complain about how our mom liked Zuko more than me. But I don't really care. My own mother... thoguht I was a monster... She was right of course, but it still hurt.

Then there's the famous mirror scene:

Ursa: I didn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation. Azula:Don't pretend to act proud. I know what you really think of me. You think I'm a monster. Ursa: think you're confused. All your life you used fear to control people, like your friends Mai and Ty Lee. Azula: Well what choice do I have?! Trust is for fools. Fear is the only reliable way. Even you fear me. Ursa: No. I love you, Azula. I do.

Both of these scenes indicate that Azula thinks of herself as a monster and is deeply uncomfortable with the idea. Considering Ursa is a voice in Azula's head and not a ghost, it also shows on some level Azula knew what she did to Mai and Ty Lee was wrong and feels conflicted over it.

Once again she's much more in conflict with herself than Toya and Terror ever are, and who's someone who's constantly warring with himself? Who's someone who could help resolve her inner conflict... Zuko (too bad the way the show's written he never does).

Azula doesn't choose to self-destruct the way that Terra and Toya did. Azula's ending isn't brought about by her choice not to change, because she's never given the chance to change in the first place. Her tragic ending would make sense if it was entirely of her own choices, but Azula doesn't retain her agency in the end it's literally taken away from her. She loses control of her mind, and her ending is being chained to a grate screaming and then thrown into an asylum.

I'm not arguing against Azula's ending because she's my favorite character and I don't want bad things to happen to her. It's because her tragedy isn't about her it's about Zuko, and her ending actively takes agency away from her where at least Toya and Terra both retain their agency up until the end. It's not good writing because the tragedy doesn't fit in with the rest of the story which is about balance and healing - and it's also ableist as hell.

THE UGLY

Azula's ending is unfitting to the tone of the story she's in, makes her and Zuko's arcs feel incomplete, and also is ableist as hell.

Here's yet more evidence that Azula's tragic ending is poorly thought out. Azula's mental breakdown doesn't exist in service of her character, but Zuko's.

Azula's issues pop up out of nowhere after episode 15, and take place over the last 6 episode of the series. The idea of Azula having a mental breakdown isn't necessarily a bad concept, but it's executed poorly.

The first way it's executed poorly is just how rushed it is. There's basically no hints of any mental instability beforehand. Of course people can have mental breakdowns spontaenously like that in real life, but this is a story and stories require foreshadowing. Azula spontaneously developing mental issues doesn't feel like it's planned as a part of an arc. First off, because the writers don't seem too sure about what Azula's symptoms even are. Hallucination, paranoia, manic laughter, but apparently she's still able to bend lightning just fine. Secondly, the writer's intentions for giving Azula a mental breakdown are pretty transparent.

The writer's room needed to come up with a believable reason why Zuko would suddenly be able to fight on equal terms with Azula, so boom sudden mental illness. The intent was not to create a sympathetic portrayal of a young girl struggling with both paranoia and delusions. The intent was to nerf Azula because they couldn't think of any other way this plot could end, other than Zuko and Azula fighting in a denny's parkinglot.

As I said they use mental illness as a plot device to take Azula's agency and choices away from her. It's not done with the intention of humanizing her, and in fact except for one small scene with her talking to her mother in the mirror it's a pretty negative and unsympathetic portrayal of mental illness. Not because the writers hate mentally ill people, but because they needed Azula to have a mental breakdown in order for a plot point to happen. Which is why they didn't think of the potential implciations of such a writing choice at all.

Now, people are going to argue about me so I'll use one final example. Azula's ending may be controversial but it's universally agreed upon that the Game of Thrones Ending was bad, right?

Game of Thrones uses mental illness as the exact same plot device, to explain why Daenerys Targaryen turns from a hero to villain in the last few episodes with absolutely no foreshadowing. In fact, the all of the show director's interviews about that choice are just blatantly ableist.

Rant from @hamliet

This quote is (likely unintentionally) gaslighting, ableist, terrible logically, and downright offensive. 

First, ableism: why, why, why are we conflating madness with evil? She was driven to madness so she killed a bunch of people and had to be put down? And you think this is a great message in the year of our Lord 2019? [...] Additionally, while good writing is to an extent subjective, there are general consensuses on what make good writing--and Game of Thrones hit all the general consensuses for bad writing, from bad pacing to confusing character assassination. Critics are like, pretty united on this front. No one thought Dany’s turn made sense, even the ones who expect Mad Queen in the books. Maybe if people love a character who is meant to be evil you're not writing them correctly... or maybe they aren't meant to be evil. 

Daenerys and Azula are incredibly similiar characters. They're both dragon themed, alligned with the element of fire, they're both colonizers they both represent the warrior princess archetype.

I'd say Daenerys is more of a tragic heroine though, because while Danerys is essentially doing the same thing as Azula, waging war in a foreign land and a culture that's not hers, for the purpose of then bringing back soldiers to her home continent so she can wage war again - while she is definitely a war mongerer she has good intentions. Daenerys for all of her faults, genuinely wants to break the chains and help out people.

I think Azula definitely sees herself as the hero for winning the war for the fire nation's sake, but she's completely uncritical of her own culture and she doesn't really have the good intentions that Dany has. She does it more out of a sense of duty, and her belief of divine right, not because she wants to break people free.

Daenerys's problem is that she doesn't understand the culture she's invading and the complicated world she lives in and despite all good intentions, is as I described above, invading a foreign power so she can go back and wage a war to reclaim the throne. Even if Daenerys would then proceed to go on to be the bestest queen ever that wouldn't change the fact her methods to get to the throne were incredibly violent, and she's sort of failing to break free from the cycle that led the Targeryen rule to fail in the first place.

Azula's problem is she sees herself as the hero and is therefore uncritical of fire nation values. She doesn't have any nobler intentions either other than service to her country, she just like Zuko is just trying to fulfill her duties as daughter and believe her birthright puts her above others. (I mean Dany does too but digressing).

Azula's more of a tragic villain who plays the antagonist role in the story, Danerys is one of the three heroes. However, she's more of a tragic villain in the sense that she's first season zuko pre character development just way more competent.

However, while Daenerys is a much more heroic character than Azula, here's the thing. I still think she's going to die. She is foreshadowed pretty heavily to die, and fail for her quest for the throne, because her entire story is a deconstruction of the warrior princess and the liberator archetype.

However, the story that GRRM is building throughout his books with Dany as an incredibly flawed heroine is different from what we got in the show, which was Daenerys going crazy and starting to murder people. That's because Daenerys turn to darkness wasn't about her character at all, it was just making her into a plot device to move their bad idea for a plot forward. That's why the turn is so unnatural and makes little sense with her character, that's why it's so rushed.

That's also why it's ableist, because it's using mental illness as a plot device to make a character unsympathetic and monstrous and give the other characters a reason to put them down.

The same for Azula, outside of one scene where he's talking to her mother, Azula's mental illness manifests in her screaming, maniacally laughing, looking like the joker did her makeup, and her instability also makes her violent and dangerous to be around. (Ignoring the fact that most people who experience delusions in real life are harmless, and more likely to be the victims of violence).

Her sudden mental illness isn't even used to make her more sympathetic in say Zuko's eyes and make him realize she's a victim, no it's just there to nerf her so she can be violently put down. The way she's drawn, the way she acts, it's to paint her as monstrous as possible. Her last action is like sobbing and screaming while being drawn as ugly as possible. She's not even given a small hope for recovery, because it just ends there. That's a pretty great message to send people that experience delusions, not only will you not recover or be shown sympathy, you'll also get sent to a mental asylum for the rest of your life. The choice for both Azula and Dany is not to portray any kind of mental illness in a respectful way, but to make a plot point happen.

As I said I expect Dany to die in the books, but there's a difference between dying as a tragic hero succumbing to your flaws but still having your good intentions acknowledged and just turning into a villain for no reason and being put down like a rabid dog.

(This is a quote I stole from a Shigaraki post but): "Why does she need to be put down in the first place, she has trauma, not rabies."

The problem isn't bad thing happened to my favorite character, the problem with the ending is it doesn't take Dany's setup into consideration.

Stealing from @hamliet again:

The thing about tragedies is that you have to manage expectations and clearly show that your tragic hero is doomed from the very early on–ie you have to show them making steadily worse and worse decisions (see: Eren Jaeger in SnK), if not directly tell your audience at the very beginning that this is a tragic story (ie see Greek choruses and Shakespeare, the prequels from Star Wars because everyone knows Anakin is Vader–plus I’d argue Anakin’s arc only works because we know he comes back to the light in the end. Audiences don’t like reversing on set up/undoing structure. To make Dany a tragic villain is to go against the structure of her arc in both show and book. That’s why people don’t like it, even if the books makes it seem more believable.

Kate then goes onto describe a character that's much more comparable to Azula's. Honestly Arianne is closer to Azula than Daenerys is.

You know who is set up as a tragic heroine destined to descend and die because of her flaws in the books, whose arc has almost certainly been combined with Dany’s in some sense in the show? Arianne Martell. (and another character known as f!Aegon) In the books, Arianne is incredibly ambitious, and especially resents her brother and his quest for power. Like Margaery (another tragic character), Arianne seeks power and is intelligent and manipulative in her quest for it. But Margaery’s fatal mistake is that in seeking power and prestige, she’s become more a pawn than anything else for a villain (Cersei). She chose to play with lions, and she’ll be torn apart; that’s not surprising. Arianne, as her chapters hint, is going to almost certainly marry f!Aegon, playing with fire, and die burning for it.   Arianne’s grasping for her own power is never portrayed as cruel or stupid like the main human villain (Cersei); on the contrary, we empathize with a girl who truly cares about her people, but resents her father’s preferential treatment towards her brother. That’s the difference between Arianne and Cersei: Arianne cares. She is not cruel. But her pride is still going to get her killed.

There's a lot of game of throne females you could compare Azula to because GOT is full of queens, but like. Azula may be a tragic villain firmly on the side of the antagonists but she's not Cerseie. She's not queen, she doesn't wield the power that Cersei wields. In fact one of Azula's downfalls is finding out she doesn't have as much power as she thought she had, and ultimately was just a tool of her fathers.

She's not Rhaenyra or Alicent, because yes she may be grabbing for power but her character isn't affected by misogyny. Because once again, the writers simply didn't think about misogyny except for a really surface level "girls can be just as strong as boys" way so we really have no idea how women are seen in the fire nation. The show doesn't really explore if being a woman makes things harder, or makes people treat her differently than Zuko because the writers just didn't consider Azula's perspcetive on that matter.

Azula is alike to Danaerys in several ways, but as I said I think her ultimate end comes from Azula understimating her own importance in her father's eyes, and quickly realizing when her father is her only family left she never had his love or loyalty in the first place.

But Margaery’s fatal mistake is that in seeking power and prestige, she’s become more a pawn than anything else for a villain (Cersei). She chose to play with lions, and she’ll be torn apart; that’s not surprising.

Azula's most famous quote is about how Long Feng isn't even a player, only to find out her father considered her a pawn from the beginning and be broken by the revelation.

The difference being of course that Avatar is not Game of Thrones and it won't even kill the evil fascist dictator so it doesn't make a lot of sense to hand Azula the ending that Arianne got. They have the same fatal flaw.

Anyway, I made this big post but I can explain why Azula's tragic ending down't work in one sentence.

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER IS NOT A TRAGEDY.

Maybe the reason Azula should get redeemed is because THE SHOW IS ABOUT F&%CKING REDEMPTION.

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 70: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

CCS FANS!

It's here, finally!! My post for this chapter took so long and I'm sorry for it but man....the mess they made with the releases AND the content of the chapter certain didn't help with the writing and posting of this commentary!! 😅 I haven't been able to focus for most of today and yesterday, took some time to elaborate....man, I KNEW chapter 70 was going to be special because it's a round number and because it's going to be (at this point almost certainly) the last chapter of volume 14, but was I prepared for this storm of feels? No, I really wasn’t. I think no matter how much I would’ve tried to prepare myself, I would still be in the mess I am right now. 😂 After all, I love Kaito very much. And I think I can say with confidence I wasn’t the only one, I pretty much saw everyone around me being completely shocked by what happened, as it was mostly unexpected (some people knew and actually believed in this outcome till the very end, and my love and greatest appreciation goes to them – you know who you are) Therefore, you’ll forgive me if this post will be particularly long, but I feel like I need to analyze a lot of things and I would like to include them in my analysis of the script and translation. This chapter has been focused on Kaito for a good half of it, but due to the magnitude of the revelations, it felt like it's mostly about him. It's ok, these things needed to be addressed at some point. This month we had few translation mistakes, but quite annoying, especially about a translation that ended up suggesting an incorrect interpretation of what happened in the chapter, so I definitely suggest to check it out! Let’s start with the usual tradition that I hope to include till the very end, the gif of the month!

And now, follow me under the cut to find out why chapter 70 shocked everyone!

The Color page

What a pretty Sakura in kimono!! Yes, she’s sad, probably the saddest and melancholic she’s ever been in the color pages of Cardcaptor Sakura, but she looks...so mature, so grown up, I can’t help but think about how beautiful she looks. I know this color page made many people worry when it appeared online before the actual chapter was released, but in the end we found out that the sadness of this chapter isn’t directed at her at all. The JP text here says “Exchange, the Card that was born out of Sakura's wish. With the [magic] that is here, one story ends and begins”

The Two Alice

Sakura opens her eyes. We’re back to the play, the real play. It’s the moment of the meeting between the Red Queen and Alice, and……..Akiho and Sakura switched roles. Sakura is now playing the role of the Red Queen, wearing a cute dress that honestly it’s really reminding of a more classic Red Queen, while Akiho is Alice, wearing a very Alice-like outfit too. Can you recognize these two outfits? Yes, they are the costumes Tomoyo originally worked on, before changing her mind and re-doing them completely:

When Tomoyo made Sakura and Akiho try them on, they were still pretty much in tacking stage, while we can see that now they have “colored” parts and details/accessories added, but they’re the very same outfits. The lines they say are those we know well by now, Sakura says she’s the Queen of this land and Akiho asks her name, to which Sakura replies “They call me the Red Queen”.

The font, something we became used to check in the last 5/6 chapters, is indeed that used when Akiho and Sakura speak in their roles of the play. Akiho makes a curtsy and introduces herself as “Alice in Clockland”. And here we get the second surprise of the chapter: Syaoran, behind the curtains, is voicing the Cat, exactly like he intended to do initially. The Cat welcomes Alice to this land, and she realizes the one who’s talking is her beloved cat from her home – and here we get our first little translation difference:

ENG: Didn’t you promise me you’d come with me to the world I wanted to show you? JP: I did promise to escort you to the world I wanted to show you.

In all the instances where we’ve seen the kids reharsing or talking about the play, we always got only to the point when Alice meets the Red Queen. Even in the play itself (the first time around), the story was pretty much interrupted by Kaito sending them all into the *real* Clockland. Now we finally find out how the story continues. The Cat asks Alice if she met the Red Queen and what she thought about her. Akiho replies “She looks like me”. Choir comes back on stage, singing again the iconic song that was composed by Yamazaki:

JP: This is the story that Alice chooses (for herself). A story for Alice. The [Cat] guides her, and her wish is waiting for her at the end of the road. The wish Alice had forgotten is waiting for her. Remember, Alice.

I wanted to put the JP as the ENG changed/omitted some words, but nothing serious.

Alice asks the Red Queen if she’s always been in this land. The Queen replies that maybe yes, maybe not, she can’t really remember anything aside from her name being the Red Queen and the name of this land. She can’t even remember why she became Queen in the first place. Alice reiterates that they’re very similar. So she tells the Queen something. An anecdote from her own family. They’re 3 people in her family, but at their table there’s always a fourth chair. She always wondered who that chair was for, and why they never put it away. So she wondered if that chair was meant for someone very dear to them. The Cat, projected on the curtain and with Syaoran’s voice, tells Akiho to touch the person she’s thinking she wants to touch right now...because when she does, she’ll remember something she forgot. And so Alice touches the Queen’s hands.

The scene here is really beautiful, loaded with emotion, and a huge callback to this other scene here that happened precisely during the reharsals of the play:

Alice finally remembers. She wasn’t born as an only child, but had a twin. That twin sister disappeared to another world, and with her all the memories she and her parents had of her. Here there’s a small difference between the ENG and the JP: the ENG says not all of their memories disappeared, while the JP uses a different word that got a slightly different meaning - 想い, which means “thought” and even more often “feelings”. So the memories of the lost sister disappeared, but the FEELINGS survived the loss. Remember this. Remember it well, I’m telling you now, as I suspect this play will also work as a parallel with another situation.

That’s the reason why they never removed the 4th chair. For the other “Alice” that had disappeared. The Red Queen finally understands, shocked. Alice says:

JP: Guided by the Cat, I’ve come to take you back home. You, the other “Alice”.

On the top of the school building, Kaito observes from afar the play coming to its final moments. Momo is with him, in her full form. She asks him how he’s feeling right now. Kaito answers “I suppose I’m relieved...because the Exchange Card was created”. But pay attention to his face and the background of that panel. There’s the usual “smoke effect” they use when the character is distressed or *not* having happy thoughts. Kaito seems indeed relieved here at first glance, but if you look at him better, there’s a streak of sadness to his expression. And what’s that “I suppose I’m relieved”? He’s not even sure himself of what he’s feeling right now.

Momo frowns at him after hearing his reply. She *knows* there’s something he’s not saying. She continues saying that the Card has indeed changed things. First of all, by Sakura’s wish, the Card changed her role with that of Akiho, making her the Red Queen.

I gave you all of me

And then, finally, Kaito’s wish. In a shocking revelation, we find out that Kaito’s wish and intended use of the Exchange Card was NOT what everyone thought. Kaito says it himself: he wished to exchange his own magic artifact -the pocket watch that we learned to identify him with- for the artifact inside Akiho’s body -the infamous book that is currently hosting magic from a multitude of books that her Clan forced her to record on herself. And thanks to Exchange, that swap succeeded. Kaito is once again using “ore” as a pronoun here, while still talking in keigo. He will keep using it freely till the end of the chapter. A sign that at this point he doesn’t have to pretend to be the perfect and polite butler anymore, but he still holds lots of respect for Momo, hence the use of keigo. The panel where he explains his intended exchange takes an entire page, and the fact they used a portrayal of Akiho when she started travelling with Kaito (the outfit is the same of the flashback featured in chapter 39) makes things even more bittersweet. This has always been his goal all along. Taking onto himself what he mistakenly caused to be engraved into her when they both were just small children. But more on this later, at the end of the post.

Momo points out that Kaito’s watch is all broken, and Akiho doesn’t have magic (remember this well, she STILL doesn’t have magic! Cause giving her magic was never Kaito’s goal to begin with) so she won’t be able to use it. Kaito comments “There’s no reason for her to use it, right? Because with the Transparent Cards that Sakura-san had created, along with all I could give of me, I was able to activate the forbidden magic of the Book of Time, which you watch over”. Momo keeps frowning at him, while he says so.

The infamous play is finally over, everyone in the audience is clapping their hands enthusiastically. Sakura and Akiho go backstage where Naoko, Chiharu and Tomoyo await to congratulate them! Chiharu even says she teared up a little when the two Alice made it back home! We see that Yamazaki is still his usual self, praising/teasing Syaoran over his meowing skills (to which he yells that it's not true), and Naoko joins the kids in congratulating the girls, saying how happy she is that she casted Sakura and Akiho as Alice and the Red Queen. Then, nonchalantly, she delivers the second surprise of this chapter:

JP: You’re twins, and it shows!

BOOM. Kaito explains that inside Momo’s book it is possible to record the events of someone’s life, and with the use of the Forbidden Magic, it is also possible to rewrite them. Therefore, he wished to record the memories of Akiho and Sakura into that book, and then change them to make them twins born on the same day, who spent their life together. In the beginning, I thought Kaito changed to a very deep level the events that happened in Akiho’s and Sakura’s life, but thanks to a follower on Twitter I’ve actually re-read better the JP text and it seems Kaito changed only the memories of the people. Sure, that also brought substantial, concrete changes to their reality (I suppose Akiho lives with Sakura and so there surely will be a bed for her, all her stuff etc) to accomodate Akiho into the “new” version of their lives. The ENG translation in this sense is quite deceiving because Kaito talks about rewriting the lives, but in the JP it’s clearly written 記憶, “memories”. I’m not sure to what level we should consider this change to take place (like, did Nadeshiko actually gave birth to both of them or it’s just a collective hallucination the forbidden spell put all of them under?), but I’m sure we’ll understand better with next chapters. We can clearly see how everything else in Sakura’s life seems to be exactly as it was before, Kero and Suppy are still there, Nakuru too, even her relationship with Syaoran seems to be still the same (for a small detail at the very end of the chapter, that I will point out later, but you can stop freaking out about that). The only difference is that Akiho has been included in Sakura’s family. Kaito observes that’s something else that successfully changed.

Momo points out that every successful “rewriting” leads to some kind of discrepancy. However, Kaito answers that thanks to this change, Akiho won’t be harassed by the Clan and the Association anymore, and she would be protected by the Kinomoto family and all their kin.

(I know, I’ll leave my comments for last, as I said).

Momo asks the question. She always asks the questions.

JP: What about you?

For how formidable he can be, Momo hints that it’s impossible for him to deal with the huge amount of magics that were written onto Akiho (just imagine how magically battered her body was), especially in the state he’s in now.

And that’s when it happens. We all more or less imagined that we might end up seeing a tragedy happening in front of our eyes, but being this CCS, we probably didn’t believe it 100%.

The Seal of D.

Kaito doesn’t reply to Momo’s question, but keeps his usual enigmatic smile, that at this point is more a weak smile of acceptance of his destiny. A book appears under him, the huge book that used to spread at Akiho’s feet whenever the artifact was going to overcome her.

The effect Mokona sensei used on these pages, like blots of ink, looks actually like it’s blood. It’s terrifying to see that in CCS.

A flashback. The Association headquarters. There are both representatives of the Association and of the Squids Clan.

Kaito looks like a child, a teenager at best. He really looks like he’s the same age as Syaoran, or one year older. And yet, the ENG translation stubbornly keeps making the same mistake over and over again.

Because Kaito IS A MAN in their heads, even when he’s clearly a kid. Below the JP version which stays more true to the original meaning: JP: Letting this magician travel along with the artifact… is too dangerous. If he uses time magic, he might exploit the magic artifact. Let’s cast the “Seal of D” on him. There’s a sealing spell that can be casted only on magicians of rank D. If you engrave this spell onto your body, we’ll let you travel (with her).

Alright, on top of being already emotionally compromised by the sheer cruelty of this scene, there are also two mistakes in the ENG translation that make me see red. The first, as I said, is the use of the word “man” instead of “magician”, which is the word used in the JP version. It doesn’t make sense to use “man”, since Kaito here is a kid, because this is a flashback of when he offered himself to go travelling with Akiho. The ENG translation criminally contributes to the misconception that Kaito was already an adult when he decided to accompany Akiho, when in fact it’s not true. Do you find it hard to believe that a teenager could escort a little child around the world? Then how do you believe that a ten years old could live all alone in a foreign country? Come on folks, these people have magic. Moreover, I’ve seen some fans genuinely confused due to this mistake, and they had to re-read twice to understand exactly who the members of the Association were talking about in that moment.

Not only that, but they also translated the fact that Kaito could’ve exploited the artifact with “suppose he uses the artifact for evil?”, paradoxically making them look like they’re wary of Kaito using the artifact for evil!! THEM! THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL OF THIS STORY! Like, this is completely ridiculous. Of course they wouldn’t give a damn about that, they don’t have morals, they were only worried about Kaito misusing the artifact however he wanted, and not in their interest.

My grievances with the translation aside, I would like to bring attention to the use of the word 封鎖 fuusa, which can be meaning “block, seal-off, lockdown, sequestration”. I wanted to point it out because it might be useful to guess what will happen to Kaito after a couple of pages.

Kaito agrees without hesitation to that demand.

To my bafflement, the members of the Association and the Clan ask Kaito if he knows what he’s agreeing to. Because not even someone with the level of magic he’s got can remove that spell. And if he dares doing anything to the artifact, that spell will be put into execution at once. And when it activates, he won’t be able to come back.

Here it is!

“Omae wa mou modorenai”. The phrase Sakura kept hearing from an ominous voice in her dreams. I’m positive this is the final source of that phrase, because in fandom we’ve been wondering for years who could’ve used “omae” while talking to Sakura, since there aren’t many characters that use that kind of pronoun for “you”. And it totally makes sense that the Association uses that with a younger member. Turns out, the “warning” wasn’t directed at Sakura at all, but actually at young Kaito. Sakura, thanks to her magic power, has been hearing the warning that hinted at Kaito’s destiny this whole time.

And now, the scene that tore apart the heart of so many fans.

JP: “I...am glad I was able to successfully complete a magic I’ve sincerely wanted to use for the first time”

Kaito uses a particular verb here, 編み終えられて, which caught my attention and literally translates to “finishing knitting, weaving”. The verb 編む amu, “knitting”, gets associated a lot with creating magic spells. I’m not really sure if it’s a use of that verb that only CLAMP makes in this sense, or if it’s common to refer to the creation of magic spells as if you were knitting a sweater, but I think it’s kinda...warm? Cute? In this specific case I get really emotional about it, because I can’t help but feel that the magic Kaito created was like a warm blanket he knitted for Akiho with all of his love, to protect her, cherish her and give her the happy life she deserved when he'd be gone. I know, I’m probably projecting on a simple verb but I don’t think I’m far from the truth.

Anyway, with these last words, the Seal of D. activates on Yuna D. Kaito, engulfing him.

Momo, the only one who is able to witness his departure, can’t contain her emotions anymore. A tear mixed with anger, frustration and sorrow appears at the corner of her eyes, and she yells with all that she’s got “This...blockhead!!!”.

It’s like Momo’s shriek reaches Sakura’s ears. She turns around towards the top of the school building, with a strange feeling. Syaoran immediately noticed her unrest, and rushes to her side to ask what’s happening (I told you, this is the most evident proof they still have the same relationship. He does that all the time with his girl). Sakura answers…

JP: I...thought I felt something...but now it’s gone.

In front of Sakura, the top of the school building is empty.

And just like that, the chapter (and probably volume 14) ends.

Alright, now that the technical part with the analysis of the text/translation is over, let me express my feelings on this chapter.

Oh, I have so much to say. So much. Starting from the fact that yes, I’m not ashamed to admit it, this chapter made me cry. Like, real tears, not figuratively. Yes, I love Kaito just that much. My general feeling he was a good person all along has been confirmed at last, but also the heartbreaking smile he embraced his “end” with, that really did it for me. I always knew Kaito was a kind soul. I was sure of that. I was just scared that his self-loathing, his desperate situation while being driven to a corner would have lead him to a dark place, where he might have crossed what’s morally considered acceptable. When Exchange appeared, I fell into CLAMP’s trap. And I really have to commend them, because they were able to lead the fans to think something for 70 chapters (alright, a bit less) while in the end it turned out to be something completely different, and everything STILL makes perfect sense.

But let’s start from the beginning. The play finally got to its conclusion, one way or another. We finally witnessed the whole story for how it was intended by Naoko, and it was a simple, but cute story with a happy ending. And we found out that this is basically a reality where everything seems to be exactly like before, but the memories of the characters have been rewritten to accomodate for Akiho becoming Sakura’s twin sister. Certainly the memories weren’t the only thing that was changed, as I was saying above, but it probably doesn’t entail a complete rewriting of history like the ENG translation suggested? Therefore, it’s a less drastic change that will be easier to rewind? We’ll see with next chapters, especially I’m curious to know if Sakura still got her problem with the rampant powers.

Akiho becomes Sakura’s twin sister, then. I’m pretty sure nothing changed about her, we’ll still see her with her passion for books, her singing skills, her friends are all still there, her best friend actually became her sister, now she’s got a lovely family who can protect her (how is Touya going to interact with her? I...suspect he won’t tease her), but most importantly, she doesn’t have that ticking bomb of an artifact that was about to annihilate her soul. And, she stays magicless. Kaito never wanted to give magic to Akiho. He never showed any sign of it, not with words, nor with his actions.

On one side, I’m glad to see this development just as a “what if”, provided that...it goes back to normal, in the end. Because I always envisioned Akiho’s family to be Kaito and Momo, and I always wanted to see them living together as a funny household, with Momo finally dropping her secrecy and walking around in all her glory while spoiling Akiho with love and scolding Kaito till kingdom come 😂I think Akiho would be very happy. They are her most beloved people, after all. Sure, the idea of the Kinomoto family adopting her is sweet and all, but who has always been by her side? It was Momo and Kaito. Momo, in particular, I feel like she deserves her quality time with Akiho, after watching over her ever since she was born, in complete secrecy. Unable to reply to all the lovely chats Akiho had with her, thinking she was just a plushie.

Oh, don’t get me started on Momo in this chapter. How I sympathized with her. I always have, but in this chapter we finally see her losing all composure and crying her tears for how UNFAIR everything is. Once again she's the spokeperson of a good chunk of the fandom. Kaito’s goal was noble and all, but it was at the cost of his life (?) and he ended up sacrificing himself without even acknowledging why he did all of this. Her angry “insult”, わからずや literally means “someone who doesn’t understand and listens to reason, no matter how much you try to persuade them”. And for Momo that is a huge failure, in itself. She witnessed another tragedy happening. Still, I remind you she left some help behind, precisely at Kinomoto’s home (probably something that would stay even after the activation of the forbidden magic) so she’ll probably be waiting for the girls to realize it.

And then, Kaito. My beloved Kaito.

I know many people might be shocked at this turn of events, as they didn’t see it coming. CLAMP have carefully laid down a pretty game with us, where they tricked us on purpose into believing that Kaito had ill intentions till the very end. But at the same time, carefully leaving all the hints that he actually was a kind soul and he wouldn’t have hurted Sakura to give Akiho the happiness she deserved. It all clicks perfectly. One of the simplest hints is that he always spoke very politely of Sakura, using keigo and praising her skills multiple times (not only hers, but Syaoran’s too), while for the Association he always had a spiteful speech pattern. He hated them, for what they’ve done to Akiho. Kaito ensured that the forbidden spell would’ve influenced Sakura’s life at the minimum, so she would still have all of her friends, her most beloved person, her family, her happy memories. The only different thing is that now she’s got a sister (I still have to wrap my head around this, even though I’m pretty sure it’ll be momentary. It’s too big a change to keep it permanent).

As I said previously, I’ve wavered multiple times on the way he would’ve brought to completion his plan, while I never had a doubt about what his goal was. Never. I never even thought he wanted to give magic to Akiho, as he unfortunately knows very well how magic can lead to unhappiness. It certainly did, in their case. I knew Kaito had a kind soul, because kind people seem to be the ones who suffer the most. And Kaito suffered too. A lot. Not only physically, due to the time rewinds. He’s grown up completely alone, never experiencing love from anyone. Feeding on energy bars, till Lilie tried to make him change habits. Lilie planted a seed in him that bloomed only now. It’s just that, it didn’t bloom in the correct way. We will certainly learn what’s behind his persistence in not understanding that he did all of this for Akiho because he cared for her, cherished her. And so he should’ve asked her what kind of happiness she wanted. Is it fear? Did he purposely keep himself distanced from her, forcefully stopped his hand that everytime was going towards her, because he knew that he soon would be gone? I’ve theorized about that many times, here. What’s the point of creating a connection with someone if you know you’re gonna leave them? Moreover, would he deserve creating that connection with the very person he contributed to condemn to a tragic destiny? Kaito’s self-loathing goes to those lengths and way beyond. But in that last page, before he disappears engulfed by the book, he looks so….satisfied with the result he achieved. He *really* gave all of himself to ensure that Akiho would have a happy ending. He villainized himself in the eyes of her friends, dispelled all the attacks from the Association along the years, suffered the consequences of the time rewindings on himself, all while knowing that he was carrying upon himself a horrible curse. Touch the “artifact” and we seal you off forever. When I found out, I was livid. I kept saying “I should’ve known, they are stupid but *not* that stupid”. They imposed a curse like that on such a young boy. For Kaito to accept it without a second thought, it either means he was so disillusioned with life that he didn’t care about dying, or that he wanted to make things right at all costs. Judging by the word used in the JP version, Kaito might not be exactly dead in this moment, but just sealed off somewhere. Since the book appeared at his feet, he might have been sealed inside the artifact itself. I’m just picturing what would’ve happened if Kaito tried to remove the artifact while it was still inside Akiho….and I shiver, because she would’ve absorbed him, sealing him and all his power inside herself. Such huge power would’ve annihilated her soul at once, destroying all that Akiho was. Exactly what I’ve imagined as a “bad ending” in one of my angsty moments.

But the problem is, how do you reach him there? And how do you bring him back, while he’s harboring in himself all those damn magic spells? Because he deserves another chance. Another chance at life where he can experience happiness too.

The fact he thought of taking into himself the artifact that was engraved in Akiho because of what he said is honestly so heart-wrenching. He took full responsability for a thing that wasn’t even really his fault. And also goes to show the lenghts he would go for her.

Ironically, the fact he was sealed off might be precisely the thing that’s saving him, for the moment, because those spells will certainly kill him for the state he’s in right now. But while being sealed, maybe they won’t have effect on him. This is going to be a tough task, for Akiho. Yes, because I know she will remember at some point and will go out there to save him. And that’s why we have our wonderful heroine Sakura with her, whom for the first time might get to use her immense power not to play with a deck of cards but actually to save someone’s life. The bar has been raised quite a bit, right?

Kaito’s idea to exchange the book with his pocket watch was very clever. But also...it left with Akiho an object that will certainly lead her back to him. The watch will be “the chair” of the “Two Alice” play. An object left behind by someone dear. Whose watch it is? Why does she have it with her? Why is it all broken? Akiho used to associate that watch so much to Kaito, she recognized that it must have been something very important to him, so I’m CERTAIN that it will trigger a memory in her. Ohkawa in one of her Spaces at the end of December said clearly that Akiho will work very hard in the finale of Clear Card, and honestly I can’t wait to see it. She’s been accused by the fandom of literally doing “nothing” for the whole series, so the time has come for her to show what she’s capable of. Without magic. Heh, when Kaito said “she won’t need to use it (that watch), right?” my heart squeezed because he was so resigned to the fact that she would forget about him and go on with her life….little does he know, that watch is going to lead her back to him.

The final scene with Sakura feeling a glimpse of something before it disappeared was another smack to my face. It’s really worthy of the most tragic scenes, when someone can feel that someone else is gone.

I think next chapter we might get a glimpse of the life of Sakura and Akiho as sisters, and I’m very curious about that...curious to see if Akiho knows that her sister got magical powers, how Akiho interacts in the new family….for me it’s like witnessing a temporary AU. But as I said, I want things to go back to normal because somehow I feel that’s the right thing for both girls. Hopefully the discrepancies Momo mentioned will start showing up right away, so we can move to the final big task quicker. And then it’s hopefully icha-icha time for everyone, as Mokona sensei wished.

Well well, this post has been infinite and I DEFINITELY didn't say everything I wanted to say over the big revelation of this chapter, but I can create another post for that. So, a quick reminder of the dates for the next chapter, chapter 71: March 1st, on CLAMP's Youtube channel (digital, JP and other languages) March 3rd, on Nakayoshi (paper and digital, JP)

As you can see, I can only give you these two dates as the situation with the digital releases of the ENG and JP version is still very chaotic. We'll see if anything changes till March.

As usual I await your asks in my inbox!!

[muddyorbsblr]

secret notes part 8: send me the moon 

Series Masterlist See my full list of works here!

Summary: It's your final live show as The Lonely Avenger and the whole team is there to finally see the one behind the voice. Including Loki.

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: 2 curse words; other than that, nothing…this is a fluffy story with a fluffy ending [let me know if i missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: the last scene's a little hot…like 0.5/5 spicy

"Could you two drop me off near Groove instead of at the Tower?" you asked Clint as you were on your way back to New York, the mission going off without much complication, or bloodshed. You left those guards still breathing, after all, so really there were no casualties on this mission, and as far as you were concerned, that was an absolute win.

"Does this have something to do with the invite that was forwarded to me while you were in their base?" he asked you, a smirk playing on his face. "You wanna get the jump on everyone else, finding out who Laufeyson's bird is before we even get there? Vet the girl, make sure that she's good enough for Mr Horns?" 

"Not exactly," you answered with a smirk of your own. "More like I have to do sound checks. For my live show." That made him slam his hand on the Autopilot button and stare at you with eyes as wide as saucers, making Natasha laugh from her co-pilot seat. "Surprise, Hawkeye. It's me. I'm the bird. Caw caw." 

"How did I not see that coming?" He eyed Natasha, who you had no doubt was smirking and snickering to herself. "I'm assuming you already knew about this, Tasha?" 

"I've known for months," she said casually. "Wanda and I watched her first live show. Morgan knows, too."

"Hold on how'd you get Morgan to not tell Tony?!" You mumbled Natasha's promise to the tiny Stark that kept her from spilling your secret. "Sorry, birdy, what was that?" 

"Nat promised her that she'd be the flower girl at the wedding," you enunciated every syllable, making him chuckle. "Oh, and by the way. Thor knows, too." She turned her now wide eyed gaze towards you. "He baited me with a singing meme and I was caught off guard. I suppose by now he knows that I intend to tell everyone anyway so I'm trusting that he's keeping his mouth shut around Mischief." 

"Aww, babes, it's really happening, huh?" She grabbed your hand and lightly swung it. "It's like the end of an era." 

"Yeah. By the end of the day there'll be egg on my face because Loki's finally gonna know how stupid in love I am with him, and that's it. That's the end of me." 

"At the risk of you stabbing me, Y/N, I gotta say it. I think you're an idiot if you actually believe that things would end badly if Horns knows how you feel about him. I saw you two before you boarded the Quinjet; that's a man in love. God. That's a god in love. Whatever happens in the live show, I'd put money on all this ending with you singing a whole new set of notes in his apartment that none of us ever want to hear. I don't think even Tony has the money to cover the therapy we'd need if we hear that." 

You smacked him upside the back of his head. "Dork." He gave you a shrug as if to say eh, you're not wrong, which made you chuckle. "Just drop me off near Groove, please." You placed a hand on Nat's shoulder. "And please make sure that he actually goes to the live show? If I'm going to rip off a bandaid, I'd prefer to rip it all the way off in one move." 

"I'll have Thor drag him out if I have to," she promised, placing her hand over yours. "Don't look so nervous, babes. Everything's gonna be fine. More than fine." She tilted her head to address Clint. "We should probably all stay out of the tower for a few hours once they exit the bar. You know, so we don't have to charge Stark's account for therapy." 

By the time that Natasha and Clint returned to the Tower, the team was already buzzing with bets on who it could be, most of them already gathered around the common area clearly dressed for a party. The Russian spy  made a beeline for Wanda, looking like a Christmas ornament in her sparkly red dress. 

"Anyone on to our girl?" she whispered to the sorceress.

"Just Thor…he's been hinting at it since Tony found the invite." 

"That's because Thor knows. Baited Y/N with a meme the morning before we left. Anyone else?" 

"I think Rhodey knows, too. But he's been suspicious since before the first live show, so I can't be too sure. You two should go get changed, we're just waiting for--"

"Ah, there he is! Brother! Are you excited to finally know the identity of your lark?" 

Natasha looked at the stairs, her eyes widening once she'd seen the effort that Loki put into his look for your show, wearing a form-fitting dress shirt set in his "old faithful" shade of green tucked into tight slacks that had her questioning if he would be able to even sit down without ripping open a seam, and a pair of black Oxfords. It was obvious that he spent a considerable amount of time on his hair, too, styled in a half bun that had a few loose tendrils framing his face, trying to look effortless but anyone who knew how much effort that really took knew that he spent at least 20 minutes trying to get that down right, even with his magic.

He looked over to where she and Clint were standing, his gaze searching for someone clearly absent. "Where's Y/N?" 

Natasha defaulted to her classic excuse for you. "Had to run an errand." He nodded at the answer, a small smile tugging at the side of his mouth. "Said she'll meet us at Groove instead." 

Another twenty minutes later and they were on their way to the bar, already filled to the brim with people buzzing about your identity as the unmistakable sound of your voice overflowed out of the bar and well into the queue of people hoping to be let inside. 

Once Natasha and Wanda walked up to the door, the guards let them through, along with the rest of the team, and they were all escorted toward the front of the stage, where they waved at the sight of you on stage, wearing an off-shoulder little black dress that fell just short of mid-thigh and strappy gold heels. 

"WOOOO LET'S GO Y/N!!" Sam shouted as he made his way through the crowd, making you chuckle in the middle of your song. "That's my friend right there!" he hollered as he clapped his hands, causing the rest of the crowd to clap along with him.

"I'll wait for the day when we finally say now or never Until then I'll be here wanting more as I settle for atmosphere" 

As you began the final chorus of Send Me the Moon by Sara Bareilles, you noticed that nearly all of the team already sat in the area you had reserved for them, noting some of them trying to covertly pass around the money that they lost when they were placing bets on your identity all those months ago. 

Surprisingly, the money was split between Sam and Bucky. 

You shook your head slightly at their antics and returned your focus to the rest of the crowd, your roaming gaze stopping short at the sight of Loki two feet away from the stage, looking up at you with such a venerational relief in his eyes it nearly made your knees buckle. 

As you finished the song, and you took in the applause, and the standing ovation from your team along with the wolf whistles from your girl friends, a smile began to grace his features as he mouthed, "It's you." 

You could feel a tugging at your heart, as if your world was about to crumble, but you no longer cared. Whatever happened, even if everything were to fall apart at your feet today, you'd be fine. You'd rebuild from whatever you had left. Your experiment was done, the resolution from the beginning of the year a hilarious failure. And yet, you knew in your heart that you could recover from this.

It was that resolve that had you returning his smile with one of your own, a bit more somber, as if you'd come to make peace with an impending loss. "It's me," you mouthed back.

As the applause faded, you looked into the audience once more and spoke into the mic. "Hi. I'm Y/N Y/L/N. And this will be the last song I sing as The Lonely Avenger." 

"What's gonna happen to your channel?" Sam's voice boomed from the crowd.

You shrugged in your team's direction. "I suppose I'm just gonna change it to my name. Can't exactly be anonymous anymore," you answered with a chuckle. "Maybe I'll do some drunk challenges with Nat and Wanda." 

"THAT'S OUR GIRL!!" Wanda chirped up from her seat, making you giggle at her enthusiasm. 

"Anyways…" You raised your iced tea perched on a stool nearby toward the crowd. "To The Lonely Avenger." 

Most of the crowd raised their glasses and repeated your sentiment. You heard Tony shout "to jellybean", while the rest of the team shouted "to Y/N". What had you confused was Thor's sentiment, as his distinct voice rang louder than the buzzing of the audience. "To my sister." 

You turned your gaze to the band and they began to play out your final song: "Tell Me" by He Is We.

"Take a video, Wan. We'll wanna go back to this moment one day," Natasha instructed the sorceress. She quickly took out her phone and began recording you singing your final song as the anonymous Lonely Avenger, switching the camera's focus back and forth between you on the mic and Loki's reactions to your performance.

"Eyes can only see so far Tired of wishing on Northern Stars So I close my eyes and pray Nothing comes to mind so I let my heart say Tell me don't give up…"

As you finished the song, Wanda made a motion to turn off the video but Nat's whispered "not yet" made her keep recording, and she watched with wide eyes and a slacked jaw as Loki walked up to the stage, his hand outstretched up toward you. 

"Take his hand, babes!" Nat hollered, cheering as you walked over to the edge of the stage, placing your hand in his. She and Wanda where all out squealing the second her brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles. 

"For fuck's sake, Bambi, kiss her!" Tony spoke through cupped hands. 

Thor started clapping thunderously as you placed your hands on Loki's shoulders and he placed his hands on your hips and lifted you from the stage, setting you back down in front of him. On a whim, Wanda used her magic to point the mic toward you.

"My lark. My Y/N." Wanda held back her squeals as he brought his hands up to frame your face. "My love." 

The whole bar erupted into cheers as he leaned down and laid his lips on yours, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close to him and causing you to place your arms on his shoulders. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, The Lonely Avenger!!" a new voice announced as a man walked up the stage, encouraging a fresh round of applause from the crowd. "I for one am glad to see this turn of events. Who isn't a sucker for a good happy beginning?"

A murmured voice escorting you backstage to the green room was heard through the speakers, giving Wanda the cue to stop recording. Although she immediately regretted turning the camera off once she saw the unmistakably mischievous grin on the god's face as he wrapped his arm around your waist and lifted you off your feet, walking you both towards the aforementioned room with a little twirl of your dress. 

"Dammit this means I owe Morgan a hundred bucks," Tony muttered, making the sorceress turn an incredulous gaze toward him. 

"Tony, Morgan knows," Natasha told him, making the billionaire's eyes widen in pure disbelief. "Since before Y/N's first show. She's the one who told Wanda."

"Duped by my own daughter," he muttered. "Is it weird that I'm proud of her?" The team shook their heads as he turned to look at the blonde Asgardian. "And why did you forfeit, Point Break? You would've won."

"I found out before Lady Y/N left for her mission with the assassins."

"WHAT?!" the remainder of the team all but yelled in unison, proceeding to ask the god about the hows of it all. 

The moment the door to the green room closed, Loki cradled your head with one hand and had your body trapped between him and the door, his other hand now resting on your side, thumb gently stroking your stomach. "My darling," he said softly, the brilliant smile on his face never fading as he leaned in and pressed his lips to your exposed neck.

He proceeded to trail his lips down to the base of your throat and across your collarbone, humming a sound of contentment against your skin as he kept on murmuring your name between kisses. Your breathing became erratic as you gasped for air, your heaving chest pressing your skin even more against his lips.

You let out a hybrid between a squeak and a moan as he placed his hands on the back of your thighs, adjusting his hold on you and making you wrap your legs around him, giving you a flashback to earlier this year when he did the exact same motion to help you reach your mug at the top shelf. He trailed his kisses up to your lips once more, claiming your mouth with his at a languid, decadent pace. As if you had all the time in the world. You couldn't help but to sigh against him, allowing yourself for just a moment to be content with what was happening.

"I love you," he mumbled against your lips, pressing one more tender kiss upon them before pulling away, his grin one of obvious repletion, before spotting the look of consternation on your face and his expression quickly faded into one of concern. "What's wrong, dear heart?" 

"Do…do you love me or…"

"Oh, my darling mortal," he whispered as he cupped your face and pressed a frantic kiss to your lips. "I love you, Y/N. I've loved you long before you first sang under that moniker. Long before Stark's party." He pressed his lips against yours once more and you could feel your body physically weaken the moment both felt and heard him moan against your mouth. "I will tell you in the plainest words I can find, my love. I am maddeningly in love with you, Y/N. And I wish for you to be mine." 

"I'm yours," you said in a breathy exhale, unable to breathe as you felt his lips latch on to a particularly sensitive spot between your neck and shoulder and proceeded to lightly suck on the skin. "I've--fuck--I've always been yours." He had you arching into his kiss once his lips moved lower, playing at the neckline of your dress, just above your heart. "Please…please, Loki, I need--"

"I know, my darling," he cut you off, pressing his body harder against yours, muffling your moans with another kiss to your lips. "I know. But I do not wish for our first time together to be in the back room of a bar. You deserve more than that." He once again peppered kisses up the column of your neck. "You deserve to be worshipped. Savored. For hours. Days, even." Your breath hitched at the very thought of being at his mercy for hours, let alone days. "Just say the words, my love. Say them and I will make it so. You would be mine to do with as I please, and I yours."

He pulled away from you with a final kiss to your jaw, making you arch toward him again, silently begging him to resume his attentions. He didn't. Instead he simply stroked your cheek with his thumb, causing you to lean in to his touch. 

"I won't kiss you again until you say them, darling," he teased. "So say them and allow us both our rapture."

"I love you," you all but shouted, the evident desperation in your voice making him bite his lip as he smirked at you. You took a breath, trying to calm yourself. "I love you, Loki." He smiled, leaning in until your lips were barely touching. "Make me yours."

"With pleasure, my darling Y/N," he said with a soft kiss to your lips. "You must know, my love. You've never been alone. You have me. You've always had me." His next kiss felt like a promise, as if he was casting a spell that sealed your fates together in that single kiss. "Shall we?"

"Just lemme get my things," you said breathlessly. With a wave of his hand, your bag disappeared from the table in a flash of green. "We should at least tell the team we're leaving."

"I believe they're aware. Or they should have surmised by now that we do not intend to return to their company for a while," he answered with a smirk. "I'm sure by now my brother's told the staff that we've most likely disappeared from this room and it's safe to enter once more, so I believe our next move is to do precisely that." 

"You have to put me down, you know," you said with a giggle. "You can't just lug me around like a weird captive koala."

"I won't lug you around anywhere like a small furry animal. I intend to hold the woman I love in my arms; I will put you down only once there is a bed in our vicinity. Not a moment sooner." He pulled your body closer to his, securing his hold on you before pressing a tender kiss to your cheek. "Close your eyes, my love," he whispered in your ear. You did exactly that.

When he told you to open them you were no longer in the green room; rather you were in an opulent bedroom with a central motif of marble and a faded shade of gold. Looking at the view from the balcony you could tell that you were still within New York, but this was definitely not the Tower. "Mischief? Where are we?" You looked at his face and your breath hitched at the simpering look on his face.

"I took the liberty of acquiring us some accommodations for the week." The week? Your breathing thinned as he walked over to the bed, gently laying you down upon it. "Did you truly think I would bring you back to my chambers? Where my brother could so easily barge in like the brutish oaf he often is? That I would have my fill of you after one night?" He kissed his way down to your clothed stomach, before lightly grasping one of your legs and pressing a searing kiss to the back of your knee. "My darling, if you did, you've sorely underestimated how desperately I have longed for you." 

You had no words left in you except, "A week?" 

"Only because that is all I could manage without starting a war with our dear Captain over monopolizing your time, and leaving our team short of two resources at once," he answered you simply. "So, my lark…" He kissed the back of your knee once more before slowly crawling up your body. "My darling Y/N…" He kissed the exposed skin of your chest, just above your heart. "My love…" He captured your lips in a slow, sensual kiss that left you breathless. "Shall we begin?" 

A/N: I can't believe the series is already over, but that's it. That's the end of the main story of 'secret notes'! I hope y'all enjoyed going on this ride with me and in true 'me' fashion, this isn't really the end. Outtakes will come…I don't know when but I know they are happening.

But more importantly…it means that I have my schedule all clear for the collab series I've been talking about, and I can finally reveal that my fellow writer for this is none other than @mochie85!!

Taglist:

Everything: @lokisgoodgirl @lokischambermaid @imalovernotahater @mygfloki @lucylaufeyson3 @thomase1 @springdandelixn @fictive-sl0th @mochie85 @laliceee @xorpsbane @gigglingtigger @silverfire475 @cabingrlandrandomcrap @vickie5446 @salempoe @lokixryss @sinsandguilt @lokidbadguy @alexakeyloveloki @glitterylokislut @arch-venus25 @freefrommars @littlemortals @cakesandtom @girl-of-multi-fandoms @mischief2sarawr @thedistractedagglomeration @five-miles-over @goblingirlsarah @peaches1958 @huntress-artemiss @lilibet261 @iobsessoverfictionalmen @holymultiplefandomsbatman @lovingchoices14 @avoliax @devilsadvocactus @purplegrrl27 @lokiprompts @sititran @imherefortomhiddleston @ladyjames78 @stupidthoughtsinwriting

Loki: @calumance @severuslovebot

[trash-writes]

hey darl, since you opened the requests i'd love to make one! a little fic where jon is just constantly bumping into this one gal in the library to the point they worked up a routine and basically come there every week, same hour, both of them really not coming to read anymore but just to meet up and talk, and jonathan working up the courage to finally ask her on a real date? i'm so sorry if this doesn't make sense, i seem to have lost the ability to form coherent sentences lmao

It’s totally fine and thank you so much for being my first request! I hope you like it and don’t mind that I didn’t do reader insert since I’m not good at those. Enjoy!

It’s well known that the Gotham City library is home to thousands of books on thousands of subjects, so it isn’t unusual for a gothamite to come across a rogue or two while browsing for a new book to read. Of course nobody ever really does anything out of fear of being attacked or pursued by said rogue, and so the library at some point became a sort of neutral ground between the civilians and the villains (cops not included).

----

It started with a book.

All Jonathan wanted to do was find something new to read since his collection at the hideout was getting boring. While it was normal for his acquaintances to be approached in one way or another by civilians, people tended to steer clear of him, and he honestly couldn’t have it any other way. Of course, all good things have to come to an end at some point or another, and for him, it consisted of a four hundred page copy of Rebecca to be dropped just inches away from hitting him.

“I’m so sorry! Oh my god, are you alright? Did I hit you?” A female voice came from the other side of the bookshelf as a hazel eye peered at him through the small gap between two books before vanishing. He could hear said person scrambling to get down from whatever they were standing on as they obviously began to rush over to his side of the bookshelf, presumably to apologize once more and retrieve the book that they had just almost dropped on him. Within moments he was staring down at the woman’s curly mop of hair while she picked up the book, still apologizing. “I’m so so so sorry! I swear, being short is a curse considering the fact that they seem to put all of the good books on the top of the shelf! Are you alright? Did I hit you? Wait I already asked that-” She cut herself off when she stood back up and looked up at Jonathan with crooked glasses, “oh, you’re Dr. Crane!”

He gave a small smile (that he quickly got rid of) when she addressed him by his title instead of his villain name, and upon noticing what book she had picked up he decided to respond instead of just walking away like how he originally intended. “Yes, I am. Might I ask who you are?” 

This seemed to make her somewhat happy considering the fact that she smiled while fixing her glasses. “I go by Kat, with a ‘k’ of course because apparently everything has to be spelled weirdly for some reason, it actually started as just a nickname from one of my friends. I don’t really know why they began calling me that seeing how my name had no ‘kat’ in it and I honestly think that they just started calling me that to see how long it would take for me to correct them, which I obviously haven’t done yet considering the fact that I actually changed my name to...Oh sorry! I’m rambling aren’t I?” The woman who he now knew went by ‘Kat’ glanced up at the clock on the wall before looking around and grabbing a book off of the shelf, thrusting it into his hands before rushing off. “Sorry, If I don’t hurry I might miss my bus! I recommend this though! Most people think that it’s just for kids but it’s still really good. Have a nice day!” 

With that, she was gone and Jonathan Crane was left with a copy of Coraline in his hands. Raising an eyebrow, he read the flap copy before shrugging and continuing his search for more books, keeping the one that she gave to him as he went to leave.

-----------------

It didn’t take long for Jonathan to finish his stack of books, and so he returned to the library the following week to get more. He would never admit to anyone that he read the book that the woman from last week (Kat, he remembered) gave him, and he would also never admit that he found it interesting. 

That promise to himself went out the window the moment he bumped into her, well, more like almost tripped over her considering the fact that she was seated on the floor while looking at the books on the very bottom of the shelf.

“I’m so sorry! Are you alri-Oh it’s you! How are you? Did you like the book? I know a lot of people say that it’s just for kids but I think it’s really good and I thought that maybe you might like it, of course everyone has different tastes when it comes to books so may-Sorry, I’m rambling again.”

To be honest, Jonathan didn’t mind the rambling, in fact, he found it a little cute, but that was something that he would never tell anybody. “No no, it’s fine. The book was good and I really liked the ide-are those….pumpkins on your glasses chain?” He asked, leaning forward a tad bit to get a closer look and he was in fact correct. Kat had little jack-o-lanterns on her glasses chain. How cute.

“Oh....well….yes. My other chain broke last week after it got caught on something on the bus. I don’t really wear this one unless it’s September or October but I couldn’t find any of my other chains and so I decided to just go ahead and use this one. Besides, who doesn’t like Halloween?” Her eyes widened once she remembered who she was talking to and she began to fiddle with the book that she had in her hands, opening and closing it nervously.

Chuckling at her nervous behavior, Jonathan held a book out to her. “Relax. I don’t intend to cause any trouble today, and yes, Halloween is nice. By the way, I recommend this to read.” 

With a smile, Kat took the book and thanked him before gesturing to a small and slightly hidden reading area. “Care to join me Dr. Crane? It’s fine if you don’t want to, I just thought that maybe since I don’t actually have anywhere to be this time that mayb-”

“I’d love to.”

-----------------

This went on for a while, the two of them meeting up at the library to exchange book recommendations and sometimes read together, and as time went on they began to read less and talk more. Over time Jonathan began to learn small things about Kat, like how she was a student at Gotham University (“You know I used to teach there.”), how she was currently getting her masters in professional writing, and her love for rats (which he only found out about when she brought a small bag that she revealed to have her pet rat in).

It didn’t take long for Jonathan to realize that he was slowly falling in love with Kat. He couldn’t ignore the way his heart sped up whenever she suggested that they go sit, or how it jumped whenever her hand brushed against his when she pointed to something that she found exciting. Eventually, he found himself talking about her to Edward, who would just get annoyed and say that he should just ask her out. 

The idea of asking Kat out was one of the few things that made him worry. What if she rejected him or only thought of him as a friend? He couldn’t possibly live with just being her friend. She was his Mistress of Fear! He needed her! It took a lot of convincing from Edward, but he eventually decided that he would ask her out the next time that they meet up.

-----------------

Sitting in his usual seat at the library, Jonathan looked at the clock on the wall every so often while he waited for Kat to show up. 

Ten minutes passed, then fifteen, and eventually thirty as he waited nervously. What if she decided that she didn’t want to associate with him anymore due to his status as a villain? It hadn’t been an issue before but maybe something happened that changed her mind? Thankfully his worries were put to rest when he noticed her walk up and sit in her usual seat next to him.

“I’m so sorry I’m late Jonathan! I had to go to the bank to straighten some things out with my account and I got caught up in a robbery because apparently everyone thinks that they can rob a bank, then my bus got stuck in a traffic jam because Poison Ivy apparently escaped today and so the GCPD were checking every vehicle to make sure that she wasn’t hiding in one, which honestly I think is kind of stupid because why would she hide in some random person's car or on the bus when she hates people so much? It’s much more logical that she would immediat-Oh I’m rambling again, aren’t I?” Kat stopped talking and reached into her bag to pull out the book that Jonathan had earlier lent her from his personal collection and held it out to him, “thank you for letting me borrow this!”

With a smile he took the book and sat it on the small table between him, “it’s no problem Kat, I was honestly surprised that you had never read this one before considering the fact that it’s so popular with fans of the horror genre. By the way, I have a quick question for you.” This was it, this was the moment where he would ask her out. There was no backing out of this now.

“Would you want to go to dinner sometime?”

“Do you want to go out for coffee?”

Jonathan looked at Kat with wide eyes, who in turn was looking at him with equally wide eyes.

“Did you just-”

“Are you-”

Kat covered her mouth and nodded eagerly before lowering her hand and grinning. “We both had the same idea, didn’t we?”

“More or less.”

[ilyamatic]

Echoes: In Another Life

Hey y'all! I'm bouncing around @arcana-echoes to bring you a glimpse into these Ayitians' alternate lives:

Tiny hands dug into the rich soil. It was days like this that Andrico remembers that he could be happy. It was hard otherwise. Sure he was a hero, damn near a national treasure but the people’s adoration did little to quell the unrest in his heart. Almost 13 years after the war the smell of blood still lingered wherever he went. His fallen men still visited in his dreams, angry and rotting. He should have done more. He could have done more. If he wanted to win so badly he should have sacrificed himself. Instead he led his men to slaughter while he lived the cushy life. No matter how tormented he lived it, how unfulfilled. A life full of politics and policy when his soul craved sweat and soil.

But out there in his garden that didn’t matter.  All that mattered there was him, his little Fabienne, and the sunshine. Her wide gapped-toothed smile could chase away his most stubborn demons. It was a shame that she could never stay.

“Are you ready to clean up for lunch Fabi?” He asked as he pet her hair.

The little girl began to pout. “But Papa, you promised me we would plant all the flowers today!”

“Your mother would be very cross if I let you go hungry.”

Not that she wouldn’t find something else to be cross about, he thought bitterly.

“You don’t usually stop for anything when you’re in the garden,” Fabienne argued as she crossed her arms. 

“Haven’t you heard Fabi? Se yon neg andeyo mwe ye!”

“Maman says that you are a country bumpkin.”

Andrico could feel his eyebrow twitch.

“Good thing she found a nice city boy to marry, hm?”

Fabienne made no comment as she stuck her hands back into the dirt. He should press harder, be a little more authoritative. But everyone, including the girl in question, knew that Fabienne had him wrapped around her little finger. There was no point in fighting it. All she had to do was look up at him with those coffee black eyes, eyes that were so like her mother’s, and he was a goner. Moreover, he wanted to pretend just a little longer. He didn’t want to be General El-Saieh. He didn’t want the nightmares, or the panic attacks, or the failed marriage, or the strained relationships with everyone around him. He wanted the sweat and soil and for his little daughter to remember her papa as a man who loved the earth and the people on it. Who kissed booboos and chased away monsters and sang her to sleep on the nights she stayed with him. So Andrico kissed the top of her head and handed her another bulb.

Lunch could wait a moment or two. 

She should head left. There is nothing stopping her from going left. It wasn’t like there was anything worth staying here for. She was tired. Tired of the expectations, the lessons, the everything. She should leave her teacher behind, go left, and see where life takes her.

Jasna took a few steps and stopped. She could go left.

But what about my family?

Could she live with not seeing them again for years? Possibly ever?

The path she was on was irritating at best, stifling at it’s worse. But it was sure. Jasna knew where she was going, where she would end up. The idea of starting over was tempting. All her life all she ever wanted was the option to choose. And there it was, presenting itself as a caravan heading to a city called Vesuvia.

She could go left.

“Jasna,” her tutor Frantz called out from their wagon. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “Just needed to stretch my legs.”

With that she turned on her heels and headed right.

Jai, Andrés, and Marie-Carmel under the cut

They watched as the shoreline got smaller. The Augustine Regime had fallen Their uncle was dead, beheaded by a ‘young upstart who just learned to wipe his own ass.’ Jai felt no sympathy, no remorse. They did not bat an eyelash as their family uprooted themselves in the middle of the night, fleeing onto a boat towards hopefully friendlier lands.

It’s what they deserved really. Their uncle for being an absolute tyrant, their parents complicit to the horrors, and them… and them for their silence. But not any longer. No, they refused to hold their tongue ever again.

They could hear light footsteps come up behind them. Their mother called out a name that never fit, never belonged to them. They squared their shoulders.

“Jai,” they called back.

They could feel their mother’s confusion.

“What?”

“My name is Jai,” they continued. “That person you’re looking for is not here. My name is Jai, I go by they, and you will address me as such.”

Their mother walked up and stood next to them. From the corner of their eye Jai could see their mother’s exasperation, anger, and grief.

“Must you do this now?” She practically spat.

“Yes. If not now, then when?”

They could feel her eyes bore into the side of their face.

“I have lost my home,” her mother said quietly. “ I have lost my home, my friends, and my country. Must I lose my daughter too?”

Jai could feel giggles and tears war in their gut. They could argue how their mother has not lost her child at all, that they were there, it was just that she had refused to see them for who they were. Jai could laugh in her face because all that her mother mourned was gained on the backs of a suffering nation. Instead they turned to look her in the eye and parroted her words from years ago.

“You cannot lose something you never had, cheri.”

The High Priestess bathed the infant in a tub full of hibiscus petals and fragrant oils. Blessing babies was meant for the acolytes, a routine job regarded beneath her station. However, Andrés could hardly find it in herself to give two shits.

As the human embodiment of the All Mothers, was she not to embody them? Was she not to walk in humility and kindness? To treat everyone with respect? If the All Mothers hadn’t hidden their spirits away in their realm Andrés would find the sisters that came before her and give them a tongue lashing. As if any task at the temple was beneath her. As she would ever pass up giving out The Mothers love. Idiots, the whole lot of them. But those were worries for another day.

Andrés gently wrapped the squirming baby in a soft linen cloth and handed them back to their parents. 

“Go, my children. The love and the light of your Mothers will see you through to the end of your days.”

Teary eyes looked up to her gratefully. Often she wondered what people saw when they looked at her. Did they see a living goddess? Did they see power? Did they see The Divine Feminine in her?

Or did they see her, Andrés? A young woman thrust into adulthood too soon? Someone without all the answers but who tries her best for everyone? Do they see her regret?

“High Priestess,” an acolyte called from the doorway of the shrine. “The next family is ready.”

Andrés nodded as the previous family left, praises to the All Mothers and their Chosen Daughter heavy on their lips. She stood tall as the next family walked in, took their tiny baby in her arms with confidence, and began her blessings. In the presence of her children, there was no room for doubt.

“I love you,” he said as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. Marie-Carmel smiled lightly, enjoying the sun and the fresh air. She rested her head against her husband’s shoulder. It was a beautiful summer day. Her dear husband decided it would be the perfect day for a carriage ride. It was nice. It was romantic. She could not stop the words from spilling out. 

“I love you too,” she said quietly and today it felt like she meant it.

It was terrible, she knew. Martine was not a bad man, not by a long shot. He was kind, generous, and smart. He was what anyone would want in a spouse. It was what she wanted in a spouse. And yet.

She does her best not to think of the loves of her past, the gentle Claudine or the funny Francois. They were all kind, generous, and smart but Mimi always found them lacking. And now Marie-Carmel was there, married to a man her Mimi adored but she found herself loving only on occasion.

Marie-Carmel does her best to not think of the notice on the community board.

Best Divorce Lawyer in Town!

Jean-Jacques Deroleaux Esq.

5555 Gardenia Street, Port Joyeux

Get your appointment today!

Her ‘friends’, all people of high society as her Mimi intended, were properly scandalized. She played the part, titterting behind an open fan at the depravity of it all but in her heart she wondered.

Her Mimi would be so disappointed! She would lose her friends! And Martine, poor sweet Martine. Oh he would be so heartbroken!

And yet.

Marie-Carmel rested her head on her husband’s shoulder, the flyer burning a hole in her dress all the while.

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

These Violent Delights Ch. 4

The Black Card

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x OC

Word Count: 2.4K

Warnings: Talk of murder, that’s pretty much it in this one. The next few chapters will have more warnings. 

Author’s Note: Smaller chapter than the last two, but it’s definitely needed to help progress the storyline. I do hope you guys enjoy this one!

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥

<< Chapter 3 || Series Masterlist || Chapter 5 >>

Elijah quickly walked into the conference room. "What do we have?" He asked as he looked over at the other officers in the room. 

He had gotten a call moments ago that he was needed down at the station asap. Without hesitating, he was there at the station in record time. All he knew was the information coming in was about Damon Salvatore. 

"We got word that Damon will be making a few calls today." One officer said, looking over at Elijah. "No doubt calling Rosa to confirm that she got the black card. "

"We've got a direct line to overhear the conversation, courtesy of Rebekah." Another officer added before handing Elijah a case file.

Elijah's eyes scanned the file. The only thing that was considered noteworthy was that Damon had already called Elena minutes before he arrived.  Closing the file, he tossed it on the nearest desk. 

"Alright, all ears in this room need to be open." He said as he addressed the room. "Whatever piece of information you think might be of use, write it down. If Damon is making this call to Rosa I want to know where she is in this city.  If I catch anyone that so much as yawns during this call, you'll have me to deal with."

A throat cleared, getting Elijah's attention. "Sir, he just made the call."

"Bring it up." Elijah said with a nod. 

The officer connected the call to the speakers in the room. The ringing played through the speakers, and it seemed as if everyone held their breath for a second. A moment later, the call connected. A distorted voice answered. 

"Are you fucking nuts, Damon?" The distorted voice asked, earning a chuckle from Damon. 

 "I take it you've picked up the kitten." His voice clear over the line. 

"Obviously. You know I don't mix business with personal affairs." The voice said, causing Elijah's eyebrow to rise.  "This is definitely crossing my line of mixing the two."

"Take note of that." Elijah said as he snapped his fingers, wanting someone to take down that as a note. If Rosa didn't entangle herself in personal affairs, there might not be a hit after all. At least Elijah was hopeful about that thought. "Rosa isn't happy with who is on the hit list." he noted. "She might actually have a heart."

"Come on, Rosa." Damon said, not missing a beat. "You know this type of kitten a lot more than anyone else. You can train it in your favor until you get it to Elena."

"You're missing the point-"

"I get the point, Rosa. I get how attached you used to be. But things changed from the last time we were all in the sandbox and I need this done."

That was enough for everyone in the room to know Rosa had known her target intimately. This hit wasn't just some random person that Damon needed to be handled. It was someone who they both knew. 

"Run a list of known associates to Damon." Elijah said, looking over at an officer. "Go far as back as you can. Including classmates. There's a connection in there somewhere."

"Don't expect me to do the works on this. I'm changing it to a drop and run."

The chuckle that came through the line from Damon was dark. "Just think of all the fun you'll have beforehand. You might hate dropping it off later but at least you'll enjoy it while you can. While dropping and running would be easier, you know you've been waiting a while for this."

"Fuck off, Damon."

"Has anyone ever found out what 'the works' meant?" Rebekah asked as she entered the room. 

"Still working on that." Elijah mumbled as he listened to the next part of the call.

"It seems I've struck a nerve."

"No shit. I've got half a mind to back out of this and return it to sender."

"But no one does it as good as you do. Come on, Rosa. You promised if I called, you'd answer. Plus it'd be a shame if I had to have a talk with V about this."

"I dare you Salvatore. It'd be an eye for an eye and there's only one of them that's currently a sitting duck. While a personal visit would be fun, I have friends in low places that would be willing to help a girl out."

"There it is." Elijah said with a small smirk. "Our list can be narrowed by anyone with a name starting with a V or even their nickname. That's where our ticket to Rosa will be."

"As much as Rosa has been a pain in my side since taking this position, I do enjoy her threats against the Salvatores." Rebekah said with a smirk pulling at her lips. "We'll need a list of anyone who has access to both Salvatore brothers."

Damon sighed. "Look, I want this taken care of, and you're the best I've got. It's a bad one to you, and I get that. But name your price, and I'd gladly pay it if you don't walk away from it. We don't need anyone else being involved."

There was a brief pause in the conversation. It was as if Rosa was debating on whether or not she wanted to do this. Both Elijah and Rebekah held their breath. They hoped it would be easier for them all if Rosa just opted out. 

"Triple the payment, upfront." The voice said a moment later. "And I'm cleared from your database."

"Done." 

"That is one hell of a payout." Elijah noted as he looked towards his sister. 

Rebekah nodded her head in agreement. "He's got enough to do just that."

"I'm serious, D. After this, I'm out. Our contract will be over and I expect you to find someone else."

"Deal. We won't discuss business at the dinner table anymore." 

Without another word from Rosa, the line went dead. 

A thought crossed Rebekah's mind as the call came to an end. "That payout is so she can completely disappear after she makes the hit."

"Looks like we'll just have to catch her before she does." Elijah said with a small smirk pulling at his lips.

_____

Adriana threw the phone across the room the moment she ended the call. She wanted nothing more than to strangle Damon for this black card. Damon knew all of her reasoning for why Adriana never wanted to mix business with personal dealings. And yet here she was. 

After seeing Elijah's name at the bottom of the tablet's screen, Adriana couldn't get herself to go to dinner. She couldn't face the girls knowing that Elijah was her intended target. She couldn't sit there and pretend that everything would be okay. That she wasn't having an internal panic attack because she was supposed to kill the only positive best friend she had. 

She hadn't even bothered to look at the complete file. The initial shock of it all forced her to shut down the tablet and put it away until now. She couldn't bring herself to look at any of the details just yet. Her heart wasn't ready for it. 

It wasn't ready to find the traces of her past inside of it. Or learn the new things Elijah had gone through while she was gone. But this was a part of the job that she usually would breeze through. And with every passing second, it was a reminder that she was about to cross a line. 

Part of her believed that she would already know a lot of the information contained in it. Even though it had been years since she last spent more than a few hours with Elijah, she still knew a lot of the details of their past.  And that alone is what made her the right person for the job, just as Damon mentioned. 

What she wasn't ready for at all were the plans Damon had forced on her. "The works" was a term that she and Damon used when Damon wanted Adriana to weasel her way into the target's life. Once she was in and they were least expecting, Adriana would make her kill. 

But this was Elijah Mikaelson. The very guy that she had known for the majority of her life. He was the one that could easily tell when there was something wrong with her. And now, she was going to have to put on a brave face if she went through with this. 

If

Now it was a matter if she could do it or not. She may have demanded triple the payment, but she didn't believe Damon would give it to her. But when Damon wanted something, he usually got it. What made it worse was Adriana never failed at her assignments. It's what made her the best on the market. 

Elijah Mikaelson was going to either break her streak or make it so she could disappear from her life as Rosa. Adriana just didn't know which one she wanted to go with yet. She knew from the moment she left home that her life as Adriana Vega was a distant memory. Her life as Rosa was about to end if she completed this job.  But it was the ghost of her past that was about to make or break everything. 

_____

"What happened at Dinner last night?" Bonnie asked as she handed Adriana a cup of coffee. 

Taking the cup, Adriana led her down the street. "I took a look at the travel arrangements after I left the bar last night." 

"And?" Bonnie asked as she walked right beside her. She brought the cup up to her lips, taking a drink. 

"I couldn't face the three of you after I found out who it was." She admitted. "This was never a life you were a part of-"

"That's bullshit." Bonnie said, cutting her off. "While we may not have known the life you were in, we were still a part of the same crowd."

Adriana's tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth. "Same crowd or not, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to this hit. Damon crossed a line with this." Her words had barely been above a whisper. 

Bonnie sighed. "How close is this person?" 

"We were all in the sandbox together." Adriana said with a nod. "But I can't give you more than that." She shook her head. 

Bonnie nodded her head in understanding. "You obviously care for this person. I know this is going to be hard for you to take care of."

"Taking care of it is the easy part. It's getting my emotions in check that will be the hardest." Adriana's voice was emotionless as she spoke about it. 

"What happens if you don't go through with this?" Bonnie asked curiously. She probably shouldn't have asked, but she couldn't help it with how Adriana was looking at the moment. 

Adriana thought about her answer. All she could think about was Greta's voice in her mind at that moment. 

"You are not to fail." Greta said as she circled Adriana. 

Adriana stood tall as Greta took her steps around her. After all the training Greta had put her through, Adriana was the perfect killing machine. Everything Greta knew, she taught Adriana, and she made it better. 

"And if I fail?" Adriana asked the moment Greta was back in front of her. 

The woman took a few steps towards her until she was right in her face. "You may as well as turn that pistol on you before the buyer finds out. It's never pretty, Rosa. Cause once they get a hold of you, you're gonna wish you had done it yourself."

Sighing, Adriana brought the cup up to her lips and took a drink of the hot liquid. "It's either them or me. And I kind of like having the air in my lungs."

"Damon wouldn't-" Bonnie began, but Adriana stopped her. 

"This is a business." Adriana stopped in her tracks and looked over at Bonnie. "I knew what I was getting myself into the moment I left. Salvatore is no different from his father, and I've seen what is done to those who go against Damon's orders."

Adriana didn't miss the way Bonnie's eyes widened at her words. As much as Bonnie had been learning from Elena and Caroline, they were blind to what went on behind closed doors.  It is evident to Adriana that this wasn't the world Bonnie belonged in. 

"Are you going to go through with it?" Bonnie asked a moment later. 

Adriana shrugged. "We'll see how deep down the rabbit hole I go tonight."

_____

Marcel's eyes scanned the list of connections to Damon Salvatore that started with a V. The list still held a decent amount of people on it. Most of them had a record. While a part of the list was still locked away and a few others were six feet under, two names were sticking out to him the most. 

Shaking his head slightly, he sighed. The names were going to make things harder. Getting up from his seat and grabbing the paper, he headed over towards Rebekah and Elijah, who had been talking away about the case. 

"You guys might want to see this." He said as he approached them and held out the paper. 

Rebekah took the paper, and her eyes scanned the list. "Is this the known associates of Salvatore?"

"Yes." Marcel said with a nod. "Going back as far as the sandbox."

It was as her eyes landed on the same names Marcel had taken notice of that they widened. "That doesn't mean anything." 

Elijah took the list away from his sister as she spoke. He went through the list quickly, trying to figure out what they had been talking about. His heart dropped at the names. 

"We knew this." He said, shaking his head.  "Vega and Salvatore were always tied together."

"You heard Rosa, though." Marcel said, looking at Elijah. "Only one of them was a sitting duck."

"It might be time to go speak with them and see what they know." Rebekah said, placing her hand on her brother's shoulder. "Victor is the only one who is still out in the open, and he might just be the connection to Rosa we need."

Elijah sighed. "Adriana isn't going to like this."

“The Mikaelsons to come and question a Vega isn’t going to sit well with either of them.” Marcel added. 

“It might be better to give her a call as a heads up.” Rebekah said as she turned to grab her things.

Marcel grimaced. “She’ll still give us hell.”

Elijah shook his head. “Better to have before than after we get there.” He pulled his phone out and dialed her number. 

The phone rang a few times before Adriana answered. 

“Hello?”

“Adri, I hate to be the barer of bad news, but we are going to be heading over to speak with your father.” Elijah said as watched Marcel grab his things. 

“Is there a reason, Mikaelson?” Elijah hadn’t missed the venom in her words. 

“We believe he may be able to help us out in a case.” He wanted to give her as much information as possible without actually discussing the case. 

“What case? The same one you questioned Caroline for?”

“Yes.” He said with a nod, even though she couldn’t see it. “Just a couple questions. If you’d like someone to be there, we’ll wait.”

“If my father leaves in cuffs from the house after you are done asking your questions, you won’t like what comes next.”

A small smirk pulled at Elijah’s lips. “Is that a threat, Adri?”

Adriana’s chuckle came through the line before she hung up.

Always & Forever Tag:

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The Originals Tag:

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[judgement-free-sideblog]

Occupational hazards

Barry Berkman x Reader

Three part series: It was just another job, he doesn't even had to kill anyone, but the way she looked at him was more dangerous than the bullets.

Part I Part II Part III

Angst with a happy ending

Warnings: Violence, cursing, blood, stalkers.

Part II

Adrian's face smiled at you in the mirror, she was a nice looking woman, a few years younger than you, yet ten times more of a functional adult.

"Reservations are at 10:00 for brunch, and your... friend is waiting in the living room" Her voice had an ounce of disgust referring to Barry.

"Great! He is on time, and please don't be so harsh on him, I'll be down in a minute, chat with him, he is nice" She rolled her yes at you and walked out of your room, you knew she meant well and it made you happy having someone that caring around, even when this time you have lied to her about the true nature of your relationship with Barry.

You finished fixing up your hair and put on the summer dress you had picked up for you date it was the middle of June and it felt nice to have a reason to leave the house well dressed beside the fear that one of the many paparazzi lurking around would get a picture and sell it to a magazine with a stupid title.

And on the other hand even when you don't want to admit it, you were desperate to spend more time with Barry, you were not sure if he changed his mind out of pity, ambition or if he genuinely wanted to help you, but there was something about him so interesting you just needed to know more.

"You look beautiful" His del voice and the compliment take you by surprise "Shall we?" Even when chivalrous things like offering his arm like that or opening the car dormant nothing to you, it felt nice coming from him. "There was a bug in your living room, in the lamp next to your couch" He said once you were inside changing his voice back to the monotone he had used the day before and you felt a bit disappointed that his flattery was a lie.

"You know what? You are fired I'm going to kill him myself" You said jokingly, shaking that feeling away "How on earth did that psycho put a microphone in my house? I'm going to destroyed that shit the minute I get back" you started driving faster without noticing, the road helped to calm your nerves.

"Oh that that won't be necessary" He said showing you the small device crushed in his palm. "I crushed before Adrian could see"

"Then what you said earlier..." You started confused.

"That was a compliment, do big actresses don't receive those anymore?" He asked and youu could see a small grin on his face.

"So you met Adrian?" You better change the subject before things get complicated.

"I did, how much exactly did she knows? She send me an email with your address, and a few notes about places you like to go and stuff like that but she didn't mention anything else" He was looking at the road and you suspected he haven't see this side of L.A. before.

"Well, she knows I'm from Columbus, so I told her you were a childhood friend that came to work here as an extra in a movie I had a small role in, that we reconnected over emails and that now we wanted to explore more of that feelings" a complete fabrication but she had believed it and that made you feel worst about lying.

"I'm from Cleveland, but that would do. So you finally didn't tell her the truth?"

"I couldn't, you were right, is better if less people know" you were already at the restaurant so you allowed the valet to take away your car and you took his hand cautiously waiting for a reaction but he didn't pull away and just started walking in "How did your boss take it? That you end up taking the job?"

"Fuches is not my boss" He said again exasperated, just what you intended, there was a cute frown on his forehead when he do that "And he is happy, he didn't want to work with you either, so now he can ignore the whole thing and simply change his work number."

"A true dream that guy huh?" Even whit the heels you have to look up to him every time you talked to him.

"He is... terrible" He said after struggling to fine a compliment for Fuches "But just like you feel about Adrian, he is family." He talked low so only you could listen and you both walked behind the waitress to your table, in the open area of the restaurant. He opened the chair for you and wait for the waitress to walk away to ask a question that clearly was trying to get in the conversation since earlier "This Maverick guy, is he dangerous? Did he ever beat you or..."

"Or?" You said rising a brow but he couldn't get the words out "He is not that stupid, he wouldn't do anything that could physically incriminate him, but he was rough in verything, I really don't like to talk about it". Your palms were sweaty and the knot on your chest start tightening.

"I'm sorry" He said seeing your obvious discomfort "Is just that I have a friend, and I think she is working with him"

"A friend?" You asked very interested and it was his turn to be uncomfortable "Look Barry he is a bad men, I won't sugarcoat it for you, but it all depends on how known she is, he preys on extras and new faces with promises of big parts, but if she has a talking named role he probably would leave her alone."

"She is one of the leads I guess, is that movie of the moms that get divorce and fall for each other?" He said relieved with what you have said.

"Fantastic Richard make a movie to make everyone around him believe he is a feminist and I'm here paying a men to make me look like a decent woman" you said bitterly "Don't worry she would be fine, he would be the most perfect gentleman for everything about that project to cover his ass, your friend is safe" you reassure him and the waitress returned to take your orders, just when you were desperate for a drink.

"Are you ready to order?" She had a big smile with white teeth and bright pink lipstick and you could see her checking out Barry without discretion.

"Two black coffees please" He said before you could speak "I want the mushrooms omelet and the fruit cocktail" He said giving back the cart.

"And you madame?"

"A whites only spinach omelet, thank you" You said and she walked away no without giving one last look at him. "Coffee?"

"Decent women don't drink at 10 am" that actually made you laugh and he was pleased with your reaction "But actually there is somewhere I would like to take you after this and it would be better if you are completely sober" You gave him an intrigued look but he didn't say much else about it.

You eat in a comfortable silence, and you studied his face and his movements, how he keep moving his cup on the table and how he drink never taking the cup by the handle, like it was a glass. Then a loud ring interrupted the moment and you could see your least favorite person name popping up in the screen, you were going to turn the phone off but he took it first.

"Hello?" He said casually "Hi, I'm Barry, who are you?" you couldn't hear the response but you were almost sure he should be mad. "Oh that is not possible, she is very busy at the moment, right sweetheart? Do you want to leave her a message? Oh look he hung up" He give you back the phone and you immediately turned off. "Adorable guy".

"He is going to be pissed" You said with a big smile on your face "Thank you"

After the meal he took the car to drive outside town, there was something relaxing about it, that deserted area away from everyone and everything was definitely a place where nobody will follow and you felt completely safe next to him.

"Fuches told me how you get his number" he said opening the door for you. "And I invited someone here that may be happy to see you again" He said pointing at a man a few yards from you, he was wearing a hat to hide from the sun and a black best, but you could recognize his pale skin almost instantly.

"Hank?" You asked and he start approaching "Oh god is you, I'm so happy to see you.

"Y/N! This is gonna be so much fun, when Barry said he was working with you I was so excited" He said smiling and holding both of your hands.

"Wait a minute what is going to be fun exactly, and do you know each other?" You asked but it was obvious that they did, wich confirmed that NoHo Hank was everything but an ordinary men.

"Of course we know each other, Barry trained my men to be as good as him and take down the Burmeses but then he went crazy and kill them all. But hey! Water under the bridge right Barry?" He talked about murder an mafia the way he talked about color schemes for small rooms, and you could see just how dangerous Barry Berkman's world really was.

"You worked for the Chechen mafia?" You asked Barry.

"As a consultant" He said with indignation "Let's get started, put this on" he said tossing a bag with Gym clothes from Lululemon "I .... I guessed your size" He said a bit embarrassed.

"What exactly are we doing here?" You asked him and looked at the clothes, it was a nice purple sport bra and matching leggings.

"Well your ex is an asswhole, and I'm not that sure this plan of your will work, but since I can't stay at your place all the time to stop him for get close to you, I thought it would be good if you learn to defend yoursel" He said confidently. "Also I made some recon around your house this morning, your window is facing a blindspot on a roof perfect for someone to watch you from there" You remember the insidious calls from Richard and got chills thinking he may have been watching you from so close.

"Decent women don't drink at 10 am" He said sarcastically, making you laugh "I'm kidding, I actually want to take you somewhere else after brunch, and I'll be better if you are completely sober" he said with a playful look on his eyes that was enough to convince you to quit drinking...at least for that week.

You went to a small tent they have set up and put on the work out clothes to start, sadly your physical shape was no match for his, and after what he called just warm up you were sweating and panting. But you felt touch by the gesture, and your heart start holding to the illusion that he may not be doing all this for the money.

"Come on, like you mean it!" He said after you tried to hit him on the groin with your knee but stopped midair not wanting to hurt him.

"Hit him baby! Barry can take it" Hank said cheering you up, he was not actually helpful but it was nice to have him around.

You close your eyes and try to concentrate on Richard, on all the pain he caused you and how much you have sacrificed to get away from him and then you hit him again this time with all your strength, and even when Barry was way stronger he bend with paint for a moment.

"Barry? Oh shit I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" You start looking at him while he still had his hand holding his hurt manhood.

"No, it's fine" He said gasping for air "That was good, now do it to Hank" he said and start laughing watching how Hank went even paler. "Oh fuck that hurt" He said no longer holding his weight and Hank run to help you stand on his feet.

"I think that's more than enough, come on big guy I'll take you home" You said and helped him back in the car. "Thanks man" You said to NoHo Hank and offered your hand but he went for a hug.

"Barry is a good guy, he could be good for you" He whispered in your ear and you nodded with a blush in your face, either you were being obvious or he was just that sensitive.

You drive to your place in silence, except for you asking him every few minutes if he was okay. You helped him to your couch and went to the kitchen to find him some ice and an ibuprofen.

"That went well" He said once you were sitting next to him on the couch and he took the pill "Now make sure you do that if that son of a bitch comes near you"

"You can be sure I will, but seriously apart from probably keeping you from being a father I have a great day" you really meant that, maybe it was the way he looked at you or the way he spoke but he made you feel safe.

"I should leave" He said then putting apart the ice pack, "I have to work in the morning and I'll go to the hospital to make sure I don't have an hernia" He said and laughed at your concerned face "I'm kidding, I'll call you" He stood up and he gave you a handshake but following your instinct you pull him closer to kiss him on th cheek, he didn't move nor say anything but gave you a timid smile and just walked outside.

The peace you felt that night, that would extend for the next month was intoxicating, for the first time in a long time you went to sleep without worrying what would the tabloids were reserving for you in the morning, even when Pop sugar had a vicious article about the "Mysterious man taking Y/N on dates in L.A." the next morning, Barry made you happy, and maybe the only cloud in your sunny day was that your relationship wasn't real, it had an expiration date and a price tag attached to it.

Week after week you tried to keep you from falling for him, forcing you to remember how you actually met, but despite the fact that he was in fact a murderer he was a good man, and even when he called himself a bad actor he was excellent at faking caring for you, at holding you in his arms at the beach and giving you his jacket so you wouldn't get sunburned.

He mastered the art of making you believe he get nervous when he would get at your place earlier than planned and you would be walking around in a see trough sleepwear dress. And you have to force yourself to believe that a tender kiss on your forehead in public was just part of his job and meant nothing because otherwise you would be done when he left.

On the bright side was that people were talking about you two and the insidious calls and the nasty presents and threats have stopped, and since one friend of yours on Variety wanted an actual exclusive on your relationship by mid July you agreed to give her a candid interview about how marvelous your life was since Barry came along.

"Nervous?" You asked him and stop a minute to admire him in his old Marine uniform, you never quite get the kink about it until now, he did look amazing and the unholy thoughts in your mind were about to make you blush, you even had stop smoking to make the lie believable but god you could use one now.

"Not really, it's just weird I haven't use this in years" It was all part of the photoshoot that will go with the interview "Thankfully it still fits"

"You can always take it off and that would get attention too" You wink at him, your more efficient form of coping with your feelings was being extremely flirtatious, at least that way he would think it was a joke.

"Hi, I'm Danielle" the reporter said and shake Barry's hand once he was out of his uniform and you both were siting in a nice couch with the cameras around you. "First I want to say that you guys are a lovely couple, and it's such an honor that you allow this space to talk about it"

"Thank you for having us" strangely you felt actually nervous and when he notice you rubbing your hands together he took it one on his and hold it tight. "With all the things that are out there even when I like to keep my life private I prefer to tell the truth once before it hurt my relationship" You said, as you both have practiced for the last three days, your friend Charlie had been nice enough to send a copy of the questions to Adrian and you have choreographed your answers, now she would asked about how did you meet.

"So Barry tell me, all this media attention have had any negative impact in your life? How do you cope with being called a walking purse, as some headlines had said?" The question came out of nowhere and Charlie that was sitting behind the cameras was looking as baffled as you, and ypu could imagine who may have something to do with this.

Barry stay silent for a second that felt like an hour and then he finally spoke with a composed tone.

"When I first move to L.A. I have this delusional idea in mind of becoming an actor, and I used to think the spotlight was the goal, but then when we started dating I realized how damaging that could be for someone, the amount of pressure people put on women is insane, look ar this beautiful and wonderful women next to me, people should be talking about how great she is acting, how far she has get on her own, and how much she does for her community in her free time, I'm nothing, just an extra in a couple of commercials and a clerk in lululemon. If they want to call me a purse be my guest, nothing would make me happier as long as people give her the recognition she deserves"

If the interviewer was mad she didn't show, but that passionate speech was enough to make her back to the scheduled questions and the rest of the interview went smoothly.

"Well that was interesting" Barry had a sad smile in his eyes when he dropped you at your house "I think I overstepped, I'm sorry"

"Don't be, thanks for having my back, I froze I should have said something". It had make you feel week again and that was hurting you.

"Is fine, well good luck tomorrow" He said referring to the Emmy nominations that would be announced in the morning and that you had actually forgotten about.

"God you are right, well another reason to keep me awake I guess" Your mind formed an idea and you were not able to shake it and since he didn't respond you took your chance and went for it. "Would you like to stay? I mean I'm to anxious to sleep and I have some movies we could watch"

He looked completely taken by surprise, and he went dead silent, for a moment you even feard you have gone too far and that he might be mad at you for saying it.

"I would love to, we can finally watch one of those movies you always talk about" He walked in front of you to get in the house and you followed him more happy than you have ever been.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: McKenna, don't suppose you've got my debit? Checking around before I cancel it Buster: Hang on, I'll have a scout Buster: Not seeing it Rio: Great Buster: Want me to call the club? They might have it Rio: Don't bother, place was so sketchy they'd probably just keep it themselves if it wasn't knicked by a random Buster: I can't remember Buster: Where were we? Rio: Gonna get far calling them then weren't ya? Rio: Krystle Rio: first in a series of bad ideas Buster: Weren't complaining at the time Buster: I remember that much Rio: Speak for yourself, dickhead Rio: that was probably some other bitch you're 'fondly remembering' over there 👌🍆 Buster: Give me some credit Buster: Even if a thief has fucked yours Rio: What, not working on your overall score last night? Buster: Wasn't in the mood strangely enough, almost like I'd been at a funeral Rio: 🙄 what a terrible inconvenience for you Rio: not what she woulda wanted for you, respect the dead's wishes Buster: Too busy fulfilling the wishes of the living Rio: Sure, didn't need that much convincing Rio: Didn't fuck my brains out, lad Buster: I'm not the one acting like I did Buster: It happened I'm not gonna cry about it Rio: Fucking should Rio: Your Ma certainly would Rio: mine too if she weren't otherwise engaged Buster: Fuck that Buster: She's got room to talk Buster: Her and my dad grew up together just like we did Rio: Hm Rio: True enough, McKenna Rio: just following family tradition of being fucked up Buster: Following in my parents footsteps like a good lad Rio: well, I'd suggest you find another cousin to maintain the legacy with but if you go near any of them I will kill you myself Buster: Nice to know that's what you think of me Rio: Did you expect a different reception? Rio: What the fuck Buster: Don't drag them into this shit, alright? Buster: We did it. Us Buster: I'm not collecting cousins Rio: I'm not saying I didn't but I know my reasoning Rio: Why did you? Buster: 'cause I wanted to Rio: No shit, I knew that, I was there, remember? Rio: but why, and fuck it, don't need to tell me but ask yourself maybe Buster: I don't know what magic words you're expecting Buster: It's not that deep Rio: Don't be stupid Rio: I want to know what's wrong with you Buster: Ain't nothing wrong here Rio: Fine Rio: Whatever helps you sleep at night, McKenna Buster: I can pay for a shrink, Cavante, I don't need your amateur attempts Rio: So can I Rio: Dunno if the funds will stretch for all 9 of us though Rio: Spare a thought Buster: I already do Rio: Does your philanthropy know no bounds? Rio: Feeling the love Buster: Surprised you've got room next to the guilt Rio: what the fuck are you saying Buster: Such a big mistake, yeah? Rio: yeah, what else could it be? Buster: A good time Buster: They're in short supply around here right now Rio: Whatever you say Rio: Not like this kind of thing isn't what got me here in first place Buster: Drew being a perv had nothing to do with you Rio: You're wrong Rio: hardly one-sided either Buster: Yeah it was Buster: Everyone knows that Rio: I thought he was hot, I'd say as much, I flirted with him Buster: Even if you were wet for him you'd never have gone there Buster: You wouldn't do it to Indie Buster: She idolises that cunt. Or did Rio: Wouldn't I? Rio: Think what you like, I don't wanna talk about it anymore Buster: We don't have to, but come on, Rio, it ain't about what I think Rio: No, it ain't Rio: Don't matter what any of us think or say Rio: too late Buster: It's his fuck up Buster: not yours Rio: and where the fuck is he then? did you see him at the funeral crying his heart out? Rio: 'cos I fucking didn't Buster: No Buster: I wish I had, I'd knock him out Rio: Lol Rio: no one would be rushing to stop you Buster: Good Buster: You at home? Rio: why? wanna come round and meet the parents? Buster: Of course Buster: Parents love me Rio: you love yourself Rio: and stop trying to make me laugh Buster: Yeah, and? Buster: I'm not trying anything Buster: Natural gifts, babe Rio: Everyone's got to have something they're good at, suppose Buster: Man of many gifts Buster: Won't rub it in though Buster: Sore enough today, aren't ya? Rio: Don't push it, McKenna Rio: what I should have said Rio: nothing but grazes from the wall, handled worse Buster: I'll wait 'til tonight if you don't like it in the cold light of day Buster: Since you were saying everything but then Rio: and you've never said anything you regret in the moment, eh? Rio: must've said something to Chlo you didn't mean for her to be so 😍 Buster: What's the point if it worked at the time Buster: She heard what she wanted to hear, I never lied Buster: I'm not gonna feel bad for how she interprets things Rio: Heaven forbid Buster McKenna ever feels bad about anything 😜 Buster: Why should I? Rio: If you've done something wrong Rio: but fair on her, not saying otherwise there, she's clearly a 🐰🍲 Buster: Like I said, ain't nothing wrong here Buster: Cheers for the backup on that though Rio: Perhaps not in your fam Rio: but people as a whole would disagree there Buster: I can't speak for anyone but myself, babe Rio: You're seriously infuriating Rio: But I'm sure you already knew that 😏 Buster: Today I'm actually not trying to be Buster: It is what it is I guess Rio: Old habits Rio: Wouldn't be right if you were nice all of a sudden Buster: Yeah Buster: And I do aim to please so Rio: Thanks Rio: for not falling back on cliches 'cos you don't know what else to say Buster: Again, gimme some credit like Rio: Nah Rio: give you an inch, like Buster: Can't argue that, good as I am at it Rio: tell me, had you considered a career in law? 🤔 Rio: how's uni going anyway? Buster: Acing it as per Rio: 🙄 Glad I asked Rio: still, nice to be near Jay, less desirable to be near her Ma but what you gonna do Buster: Too right Buster: I've got her for a few days when I go back Buster: Chlo is treating this time in Dublin like it's a holiday and reckons she deserves one Rio: Naturally Rio: everyone knows how rowdy Irish wakes get Rio: practically Ibiza with the lads Rio: at least you actually enjoy having your kid around so not the punishment she intends it to be Buster: Exactly Buster: You can come see her if you're that way Buster: And want Rio: Better not, eh Rio: Cute distraction, as she is Buster: I'll pass it on Buster: She don't hold a grudge for long yet Rio: she can't even hold her own head up Rio: come for me when you've got object permanence, babe 😂 Buster: Made you laugh Rio: You're baby-brained, McKenna Rio: telling me you've got my nose in a sec Buster: You'd fall for it Rio: Fuck off 😂 Rio: Might not be a Mum but I've got 9 youngers I've been entertaining since the cradle days Rio: 10 if you count Indie Rio: well, back down to 9 now, ha Buster: How is she? Rio: Fucked Rio: Not only is her Dad worse than she let slide already Rio: well, you know Rio: Hi sis, bye sis Rio: I'm doing my best to look after her but Buster: If there's anything Buster: Call me, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Got a cape? Buster: I'll splash the cash this afternoon Buster: Consider it done Rio: fit the ego Rio: oops i meant alter-ego Buster: Nah you didn't Rio: Nope 😘 Buster: I'll let you go and cancel your cards then Buster: Unless there's anything else Rio: One last thing Buster: Go on Rio: Reckon we're going to hell? Buster: Fuck that Buster: There's no god to judge us Rio: I'd like to think so Rio: so, just this once, take your word on it Buster: I won't tell anyone it's alright Buster: You can carry on letting everyone know I talk shit Rio: And who's rep are you really protecting there? Rio: Sneaky Rio: I see you Buster: You always have done Buster: Doubt yourself on whatever else you want but that's not up for debating Rio: Too right Rio: Buster I Rio: Never mind actually Rio: you can go Buster: Fuck off leaving me hanging like Buster: What? Rio: Hang on Rio: Just debating if I lie or that's even more shaming Buster: Just tell me Rio: I wanna see you again Rio: before you go Buster: I'll be there Buster: Where are you now? Rio: Sofa surfing Rio: Come get me Buster: Text me the address Buster: I'm getting in the car Rio: On it Buster: See you in 10 Rio: Hurry Rio: no don't Rio: that was a fucking stupid thing to say Rio: be careful, okay? Buster: I promise you