#i'm going back to minnesota where sadness makes sense

[apoemaday]

I’M GOING BACK TO MINNESOTA WHERE SADNESS MAKES SENSE

by Danez Smith

O California, don’t you know the sun is only a god if you learn to starve for him? I’m bored with the ocean I stood at the lip of it, dressed in down, praying for snow I know, I’m strange, too much light makes me nervous at least in this land where the trees always bear green. I know something that doesn’t die can’t be beautiful. Have you ever stood on a frozen lake, California? The sun above you, the snow & stalled sea — a field of mirror all demanding to be the sun too, everything around you is light & it’s gorgeous & if you stay too long it will kill you & it’s so sad, you know? You’re the only warm thing for miles & the only thing that can’t shine.

[derangedrhythms]

I know, I’m strange, too much light makes me nervous

Danez Smith, from I'm Going Back to Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense

[haveyoureadthispoem-poll]

"i know something that doesn’t die can’t be beautiful."

Read it here | Reblog for a larger sample size!

[fluttering-slips]

I’M GOING BACK TO MINNESOTA WHERE SADNESS MAKES SENSE O California, don’t you know the sun is only a god if you learn to starve for him? I’m bored with the ocean I stood at the lip of it, dressed in down, praying for snow I know, I’m strange, too much light makes me nervous at least in this land where the trees always bear green. I know something that doesn’t die can’t be beautiful. Have you ever stood on a frozen lake, California? The sun above you, the snow & stalled sea—a field of mirror all demanding to be the sun too, everything around you is light & it’s gorgeous & if you stay too long it will kill you & it’s so sad, you know? You’re the only warm thing for miles & the only thing that can’t shine.

DANEZ SMITH

[malaisequotes]

“I'm bored with the ocean. I stood at the lip of it, dressed in down, praying for snow. I know, I'm strange, too much light makes me nervous.”

I'm Going Back to Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense by Danez Smith

[hepatosaurus]

national poetry month, day 12

I’m Going Back to Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense O California, don’t you know the sun is only a god if you learn to starve for him? I’m bored with the ocean I stood at the lip of it, dressed in down, praying for snow I know, I’m strange, too much light makes me nervous at least in this land where the trees always bear green. I know something that doesn’t die can’t be beautiful. Have you ever stood on a frozen lake, California? The sun above you, the snow & stalled sea—a field of mirror all demanding to be the sun too, everything around you is light & it’s gorgeous & if you stay too long it will kill you & it’s so sad, you know? You’re the only warm thing for miles & the only thing that can’t shine. —Danez Smith

[new--tomorrows]

Have you ever stood on a frozen lake, California? The sun above you, the snow & stalled sea—a field of mirror all demanding to be the sun too, everything around you is light & it’s gorgeous & if you stay too long it will kill you & it’s so sad, you know? You’re the only warm thing for miles & the only thing that can’t shine. --Danez Smith, I'm Going Back To Minnesota Where My Sadness Makes Sense

[poetrysmackdown]

[woahpip]

rogue one / "I'm going back to minnesota where sadness makes sense by danez smith

[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 18: “Big Time Concert” (Part 3)

Highlights: 3/4 of Big Time Rush move on with their lives.

In my previous post, we'd just left off at the scene where Hawk and his assistant have made the decision to target James in their big "take down Rocque Records once and for all" plan.

Over at Rocque Records, Kelly informs Gustavo that since Griffin spent $2 million on the band, it'll take that same amount to get them back.

This scene brings back such memories of a younger me being so intrigued by Kelly's necklace because it looks like big pieces of Orbit chewing gum.

I just. I want to chew on that necklace, ok?

Kelly thinks she's figured out a way they can get that kind of money, and Gustavo is thrilled...until Kelly tells him he's got to sell his mansion.

Meanwhile, everyone is settling back in at the Knight house (minus James, who's out riding his tiny bike around and brooding). I like the touch of having the wall of family pictures that contain actual photos of the actors—I spot a handful of Kendall's headshots that I recognize. I especially like that there's the same photo twice.

Rather than seeing it as a funny mistake on the part of the set designer, I choose to believe either

Mama Knight likes that picture so much that she had to include it in two different frames

Or, alternatively, someone (maybe Katie or Carlos) decided at some point to pull a prank where they slowly start replacing every photo on the wall with that one single picture and see how long it takes before anyone notices.

Kendall asks Logan to go over where they are currently in their "Rebuild our Minnesota dreams schedule," and can I just say that the guys (minus James) have slipped back into their lives as nobodies in Minnesota seamlessly? Like, I know it was James's dream, and the whole reason they went was because Kendall's offer made it so James could have that shot at stardom, and Kendall never really wanted to be in a boyband, but still. They had so many opportunities in that short time, experienced so much, made friends, established romantic relationships, and saw how amazing that life can be. You'd think they'd all be mourning at least a little. Unless they're just in a different type of denial than James was.

Although, I suppose their response can make sense when you look at their individual personalities. Logan's pragmatic, so I'm sure it could have been easy for him to brush off their brief taste of stardom with self-assurances that it wasn't a sturdy, logical career to pursue anyway, and failure was much more likely than success in the long run.

Carlos is such a carefree, go-with-the-flow, high-on-life guy that he can find happiness anywhere. He rolls with the punches and just looks to the next exciting thing (ie. becoming a radioactive superhero. Love that for you, Los)

Kendall is a little trickier because he does kind of have an obsessive personality, and he's just as determined about things as James. I'm almost surprised he doesn't take the end of the band, his chance with Jo, and so on harder. But then there's the part of me that says there are other things at play that overpower whatever sadness Kendall might have, such as him seeing it as a chance to finally relax for a bit. He'd been working so hard to hold everything together in L.A., churning out pep talks and dealing with Gustavo and constant shenanigans. He can take a breath now. Also! While I don't think Kendall has necessarily had a difficult life overall (it's clear he's had a good, loving upbringing, has a nice house, etc) I don't think his life has been easy. He watched his parent's marriage fall apart when he was super young; his dad walked out, his mom has had to work her butt off to support him and Katie, and Kendall also has a job (I think the only one of the boys who does) to help bring in extra money. That kid knows that sometimes life throws you a curveball, and you've got to hold your head up and just keep going. No time for a pity party or wallowing in "what ifs."

So yeah, anyway...tangent over. My favorite part of this little scene is the look Kendall gives to Logan after he reads the first item off their list.

Look at him. There's so much love in that look. He's so proud of Logan going after his dreams. I love Kendall, and I love their friendship, and I love this stupid show.

And I need to briefly get off topic here solely to mention how much I've always liked Logan's accent. Love the way he says words. He turns the short "e" sound into short "i" in so many things. "Ten" becomes "tin," and "Kendall" becomes "Kindall." I also have a distinct memory of one episode where he manages to turn the two-syllable word "ruin" into the single-syllable word "roon." Always got a kick out of that.

With all this sidetracking, it is going to take me FOREVER to get through this episode. I am barely twenty minutes in.

After Super Carlos bursts into the room and announces they're going to start righting the wrongs they left behind when they moved to L.A., the guys go to apologize to Mrs. Magicowski. They promised to shovel her walkway if she let them use her car to get to the audition, then they ditched her and went to be a band, lol. I love Mrs. Magicowski; she's such a sweet old woman. I want to know more about the relationship the boys have with her. I imagine they took good care of her prior to leaving—checking in on her, shoveling, raking leaves, bringing her meals—and in return, she was like a grandma to all of them.

They look ridiculous, btw.

I mean, Kendall I can excuse, but Logan and Carlos look like they've just rung a doorbell and are waiting for candy on Halloween. Bunch of weirdos.

No, wait, you know what? This is exactly how they looked on Halloween night as kids, I guarantee it. Carlos as a superhero, Logan as a doctor, Kendall as a hockey player, and James like a rockstar. Speaking of James, what's he up to?

Oh.

Shake it off, Jamesy.

Also, the tiny bike still is very funny, but @day-dreams22, I'm pretty sure you're right that it's a BMX bike. After he gets hit, there's a shot where you can see the words "goose" on the bike, which means it's likely a Mongoose-brand BMX trick/stunt bike. And look at that hop off the curb. James Diamond, secret BMX stunt rider CONFIRMED.

Ok, you know what? I was aiming for 4 posts total for this episode, but it looks like it'll end up being 5 because I'm rambling so much during these. Hope no one minds having to split it into so many parts, but I worry if they're too long, they'll be difficult to read and get through. Anyway, I'm having a lot of fun being able to just go on about whatever, haha.

And James getting hit by a car seems like a fitting place to leave this episode. Hope he survives <3

[northcountrymaid]

my favorite poems

the second coming - yeats

the hanging man - sylvia plath

dogfish - mary oliver

i'm going back to minnesota where sadness makes sense - danez smith

[livesonthebside]

A couple of months ago, my penpal asked me if I had any favourite poems/quotes that could be read over the graves of men from the FE. He didn’t find any this year, but in honour of Fitzjames, I thought I would post some of my selections:

Terror & Erebus by Gwendolyn McEwan:

This is the end of science.

We left it behind us,

A graph in the snow, a horrible cipher, a desperate code.

And the sun cannot read, and the snow cannot either

Franklin's Passage by David Solway:

We know differently.

Ice is meant to be grappled with,

broken through,

trudged over,

listened to,

died on.

We know this, too.

The Northwest Passage

is where it always was.

It is here right beneath our feet.

Northwest Passage by James Pollock

When you set out to find your Northwest Passage

and cross to an empty region of the map

with a headlong desire to know what lies beyond,

sailing the thundering ice-fields on the ocean,

feeling her power move you from below;

when all summer the sun’s hypnotic eye

won’t blink, and the season slowly passes, an endless

dream in which you’re forever diving into pools,

fame’s image forever rising up to meet you;

when the fall comes, at last, triumphantly,

and you enter Victoria’s narrow frozen Strait,

and your Terror and Erebus freeze in the crushing floes;

in that long winter night among the steeples

of jagged ice, and the infinite, empty plain of wind and snow,

when the sea refuses to be reborn in spring,

three winters pass without a thaw, and the men,

far from their wives and children, far from God,

are murdering one another over cards;

when blue gums, colic, paralysis of the wrists

come creeping indiscriminately among you;

and you leave the ships, and set out on the ice,

dragging the lifeboats behind, loaded

with mirrors and soap, slippers and clocks,

into the starlit body of the night,

with your terrible desire to know what lies beyond;

then, half-mad, snow blind, even then,

before you kill the ones who’ve drawn the fatal lots,

and take your ghastly communion in the snow,

may you stumble at last upon some band of Inuit

hauling their catch of seal across the ice,

and see how foolish you have been:

forcing your way by will across a land

that can’t be forced, but must be understood,

toward a passage just now breaking up within.

Some pro-explorer poetry was On First Looking Into Chapman’s Homer by Keats

Much have I travell'd in the realms of gold,

And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;

Round many western islands have I been

Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold.

Oft of one wide expanse had I been told

That deep-brow'd Homer ruled as his demesne;

Yet did I never breathe its pure serene

Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold:

Then felt I like some watcher of the skies

When a new planet swims into his ken;

Or like stout Cortez when with eagle eyes

He star'd at the Pacific—and all his men

Look'd at each other with a wild surmise—

Silent, upon a peak in Darien.

and The Imitation of Christ, because it’s the origin of the title of the Edwin Landseer painting:

According to our resolution so is the rate of our progress, and much diligence is needful for him who would make good progress. For if he who resolveth bravely oftentimes falleth short, how shall it be with him who resolveth rarely or feebly? But manifold causes bring about abandonment of our resolution, yet a trivial omission of holy exercises can hardly be made without some loss to us. The resolution of the righteous dependeth more upon the grace of God than upon their own wisdom; for in Him they always put their trust, whatsoever they take in hand. For man proposeth, but God disposeth; and the way of a man is not in himself.

And my personal fave, I'm Going Back to Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense by Danez Smith:

Have you ever stood on a frozen lake?

The sun above you, the snow & stalled sea - a field of mirror

all demanding to be the sun too, everything around you

is light & it’s gorgeous & if you stay too long it will kill you

& it’s so sad, you know? You’re the only warm thing for miles

& the only thing that can’t shine.

[extollingtheeveryday]

Danez Smith // "I'M GOING BACK TO MINNESOTA WHERE SADNESS MAKES SENSE" [ID in alt text]

[redwinesupernova]

there's a poem in here somewhere probably

minnesota by samia / i'm going back to minnesota where sadness makes sense by danez smith / exits: sooner is relative by hanif abdurraqib / a lake + a field + a mountain + someone’s home

[ao3dorian-gay]

on haku & haunting devotion violence love mercy grief fathers zabuza

ft. naruto + a glossary of haunting / the pain scale / woodtangle / wuthering heights / before dispossession, or surviving it / i'm going back to minnesota where the sadness makes sense / the reasons / the day after / folding a five-cornered star so the corners meet / snow and dirty rain

[malaisequotes]

“O California, don't you know the sun is only a god if you learn to starve for him?”

I'm Going Back to Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense by Danez Smith