#i'm glad they'll have more stability where they're going

[wistelligence]

💔

[hillbillyoracle]

So you want to print and distribute a free zine...

I wanted to throw together a short tutorial on how I print zines using this excellent COVID safety zine by @newlevant as an example.

Printing

First make sure you are clicking on the printable file. When you open it, it should look slightly jumbled. I always look for seeing the front cover and the back cover on the same page.

Then click "print" (usually a printer icon) and open "more settings".

The key things people tend to get wrong when they try printing zines is they forget to make sure that it is double sided and flips on the short edge. If you tried printing one and it came out looking wonky, make sure to check this.

Also, it will make your life infinitely easier if you use the collate option should you have it available to you.

Fit to printable area is a helpful setting to have on if you're printing zines who use a different paper standard than you. This zine didn't for me but I leave this on out of habit.

When you've got this all set up - print as many copies as you want to assemble.

Assembling

When you get them out of the printer they'll look like this. Just a big old stack. I highly recommend parsing out each individual copy before you try assembling any. I have made that mistake before.

This is how I stack mine.

I like to leave the cover side up as it makes for a clearer division as I'm assembling.

As you're flipping through these to parse and stack them, check them over for any issues with printing. I ran out of printer toner on the first three so I'm glad I checked.

Imperfections are fine but you're looking for anything that makes critical information unreadable.

To assemble a copy, get them lined up by tapping them on the table along a short and a long edge.

Both hands is a lot easier but I was trying to take a picture lol

Then fold them hamburger style and smooth down the spine as best you can. If you have a bone folder or similar use that.

Again, let go of perfection. We are looking for good enough here. Minor errors here should not make info unreadable so don't sweat the small stuff.

I recommend doing all your folding in one go to prevent errors. Or at least it really helps me.

Now it's time to staple. You will see my fancy stapler in the background - you do not require it and I would not recommend it. Unhinging a normal stapler is way easier to use in my opinion and this one gets jammed fairly easy. Use what you've got.

If you don't have staples, but you do have sewing supplies - check out this tutorial for a way to bind it with thread.

If you have no staples and no thread, you don't have to staple every zine. Smaller ones (~5 pages or less) do fine with no staple. They can be a little tougher for some people to use and don't hold up as well being taken in and out of places so I would consider that when thinking of where to leave them. They're still well worth printing and putting out.

This zine is small enough that one staple in the center should be enough to keep it together.

I opted to staple in two places - one about an inch in from either edge - mostly out of habit. It does add a little stability and will make them a little better for putting in Little Free Libraries and other places where they'll be removed and placed back.

Here is my partner looking over the zines to make sure my stapling didn't cut off any important information in each copy. It's a little tedious but it's pretty important. A quick flip through can mean the difference between someone getting the info you want them to have or not.

And here's the finished product

I made 15. I'm pretty privileged and have been making zines for over a decade now so it's almost like knitting or crochet for me. Feel free to make fewer copies or just one for yourself. It still counts.

I will stick some in each car and my bag. I have some medical appointments coming up so I will for sure be leaving some of these in the waiting room.

I'm also going to keep an eye out for Little Free Libraries and other place where people are looking for something to read. I might also toss some on the tables of a coffee shop I pop into sometimes (masked, take out only) and the library to pick up books (also masked).

I tend not to give them to specific people, even people I know, because people are way more open to information they've picked up themself than something it feels like someone is pressuring them to read. But if people bring it up in conversation, I'll be sure to offer a copy to anyone who is interested.

Hope this is helpful!

Go out there and print!

[allwormdiet]

Arc 5: Hive, Concluding Thoughts

Boy this arc had a little bit of everything, huh?

Okay, lemme go back through my posts for this arc, that interruption in the middle of the blogging put a fucking hole in my recollection

Somer's Rock was a neat sequence, as much as I hated having to put up with the fucking Nazis seeing the disparate factions of the city come together in service to the city's stability, and then of course it's immediately undercut by the fact that the bulk of those factions are immediately planning to use this alliance to seize greater power for themselves. Way to show that the system works and then immediately show that the system is ripe for exploitation and abuse.

I think at this point I've settled on the idea that the Merchants are, at this point, bit players who haven't warranted much attention until this alliance business. Maybe they'll matter more down the road, maybe they won't, but they're little fish in a medium pond and the Undersiders have sharper teeth than they do at this point, which is saying something. Still stupid as fuck that the leadership are all getting high on their own supply, but I guess when you're the cape you get to call the shots.

Once that's settled, we come back around to Taylor's civilian life, and god. Fucking. Damn Emma Barnes. What is up with this girl where she feels as diabolical as the fucking villains? Her dad can't be the only thing, obviously it's not great that he's threatening a criminal trial in order to keep his daughter from consequences but if he was a catalyst for her change it would've been well before high school. I guess Sophia is the only variable that we know about, but Sophia doesn't seem to give that much of a shit compared to Emma, so what gives?

The entire meeting with the school is fucking agonizing. The system is failing Taylor Hebert at every step, if anyone with authority did anything to back her up she could've been so much happier, but of course that didn't happen. Like, no fucking wonder she found her solace outside the system; there's no place for her inside of it.

Maintaining that Mr. Gladly ought to die screaming, hope that manifests

I like most of the team-up that we get to see, obviously Kaiser and the fucking Nazi twins are lousy to deal with but at least two of them got their fucking asses whooped by Lung, so silver lining

I like Newter, little nervous about the drugging people thing but as long as we're keeping things consensual (outside of fights, I mean) then no complaints. Kicked fucking ass during the fight, too, that was rad. Labyrinth is hard to judge given that she wasn't super present, but her power's neat and I'm glad they got her out of the asylum. Sundancer has a fucking sickass power and I'm sad that she's having a bad time with her team, be nice if she could just ditch them or something if they're such a bad time. Coil's mercs are fucking hardcore, where did he even find a guy who could still perform marksmanship with a busted leg?

The raid on the warehouse was cool, another great display of Skitter's power and versatility

Oni Lee is a terrifying son of a bitch, that fight was tense right up until Skitter figured out how to crack his power and coordinate the others to take him down. She's a natural leader when she's given the opportunity, it's a shame she's been so isolated for so long.

For all that Taylor has gripes about the extra effort to save Newter being a waste of time, she didn't know about his disease immunity and she probably wouldn't have felt good about herself if she'd skimped out on the extra sanitation.

Also, interesting to see that Taylor has a reason, however small, for being so weird about drugs and drug users. I just thought that was her being judgmental, and... okay it's still partly her being judgmental, but there's more going on.

And then there's Lung. Holy fucking shit, Lung, you only had fifty guys under your command before Bakuda went on her recruitment drive and you only bothered to take the Docks? Dude you could be putting up numbers across the entire city if you wanted to, so what's going on that you don't want to? Is it contentment? Can you be content when you've apparently conquered multiple other gangs?

Setting that all aside, this motherfucker puts on a hell of a show when he's fighting. Lung gets the absolute shit kicked out of him, gets impaled repeatedly, gets cooked to shit by the power of the Sun in the palm of your hand, and it takes Newter's hallucinogen to actually topple him. He straight up has them all dead to rights before Taylor snatches victory from the jaws of defeat, that was going to end so fucking poorly otherwise.

The eye thing is. Okay so I still don't know if that's Taylor's inclination, Lung's luck, or both. I don't know if Lung is gonna get to stick around for long after a defeat this thorough but maybe they'll keep gouging them out when he's in the Birdcage, I dunno. Meanwhile I suspect that Taylor is only going to move onward and upward when it comes to inflicting bodily harm on people, but if eyes continue to feature... I dunno, it'll be telling at least.

And then more hangtime with Rachel! Learning more about her, how she thinks and operates. God willing between the fight and these revelations Taylor figures out how to smooth out their interactions and actually be, like, friends. The thing with the jacket was cute.

And then with the interlude there's two big highlights. First and foremost is obviously Gregor the Snail, which. I like his vibe. I like his vibe a lot. He seems like a very cool dude to hang out with, and I feel bad that he has to put up with so much shit as a "monster cape." Fucking shit luck on that one, hope his life gets easier at some point.

Second is what I'm guessing is Cauldron. Not only bottling up powers but selling them, or else distributing them to their own ends, and using human experimentation to refine the process without much care for what happens to the victims. Not comforted at all by the fact that they apparently can just give people retrograde amnesia, that's a fucking alarming power for a parahuman to have and I shudder at the abuses they could get away with as long as that's in their toolkit.

...Man. Buying yourself a superpower. That's fucked, is what it is. All the benefits and you don't have to suffer immense trauma.

Hoh boy, okay, no use speculating on that much longer. Arc 6 next, and once again utterly goddamn flummoxed at what's supposed to come next. Coil maybe? He's been properly introduced and I know he's going to matter more down the road, so maybe this is the point where he starts gaining further prominence? That can't be the entire arc though, there's gotta be more going on than that, but fuck me if I can predict what it is.

Only one thing to do if I want to find out.

[amethystina]

i hope youre doing well 💗i will always support you, regarding your recent post whtd helped me through probably the most trying time of my life and was one of the only things that bought me happiness at one point so im really grateful for you writing it and bringing it to life :) thank you so much. I’ve been rewatching tdj and in ep1, theres a schene where yohan is comforting a victim; he yawns and then his eyes start watering. I was wondering, do you think it was for show like gaon did, and he yawned to stimulate tears, or do you think it was genuine as he won the first case, making him a step closer to avenging isaac and isaacs look alike was standing there the whole time?

Id love to heard your insight and im so excited for chapter 42 thank uu ^^

I'm so glad that I could bring you happiness and help you through a difficult time 💜 I never set out to do that with Who Holds the Devil but, from what I've heard, it's become a source of joy and stability for a lot of people. Which is honestly amazing.

And, knowing that, I'm so happy that I started posting it when I did. Usually, I will try to finish a fanfic before I post it but Who Holds the Devil became one of the exceptions because I was afraid that if I didn't start posting, I would never do it (because I was so scared of fucking up) or, alternatively, never finish it. And it's kind of dizzying to think what would have happened (or hadn't happened, I guess?) if I hadn't done that.

So yeah. One of the best choices I've made, clearly, considering where it took us all xD

As for your question, I think that it's all fake on Yo Han's part. It's true that it's the first trial towards avenging Isaac, but even if that's big, I don't think it would be enough to make Yo Han genuinely cry? Not to mention that there are still so many steps left and he's probably already focused on the next one.

To me, it looks like Yo Han was faking compassion towards the crying woman. As she's telling her story, they make a lot of eye contact so it makes sense that Yo Han would go: "A normal person would cry now" and start faking his eyes getting watery. Because they're already shiny from tears before he embraces her. And then, as he's hugging her, he yawns — because he's not actually that invested — and a tear just happens to fall.

So, in some ways, I guess the tear itself wasn't planned and just more of a side effect of him trying to appear compassionate towards one of the people he's trying to trick? He needs to sell himself as the people's judge so, naturally, he needs to be seen caring for them. But the moment the woman wasn't looking at him anymore, he yawns. The tears he faked remain, though, and, eventually, they'll spill over like tears tend to do.

And then Yo Han realises that Ga On is watching and, because Yo Han is an asshole, he looks all smug and challenging. So the initial show was for the woman but Yo Han seized the opportunity to unnerve Ga On, too, for... idk, shits and giggles? xD

That's what I think! :D

And chapter 42 is up now! I hope you enjoy it 💜

[yournightowl]

Your Nightowl #058

i'm gonna go ahead and assume we're all on the same page here: (￣ε￣＠) We know our countries are at war with each other; they just do it through proxies and secondaries and guerrillas and spies instead of tanks and riflemen. It's hellish, accepting that people are going to fight and die for causes they don't believe in, directed by people who don't care about them, and all of its not even going to get a proper label in the history books.

But that's where we're at.(ง ื▿ ื)ว

What's less clear is where the divide lies between nations playing checkers with smaller nations as the pieces and Corporations playing chess with superpowers as their pawns.

The State is powerful, powerful enough to hide whatever it wants from whoever it cares to But the State is also big, and still analog in a lot of places. There are paper trails for every unsavory task they've ever ordered, even if they'll probably remain buried under the sands of filing cabinets until the sun goes cold.

Megs are different- Younger. Not quite as all-powerful (y'know, in terms of stockpiled bombs), but also not as restricted. So when they want to go to war with one another, they don't have to sing songs about peacekeeping or stability

They just send in the Consultants.▓▒░(°◡°)░▒▓

That's what they're called, apparently. Dryworkers or Dockworkers are also code for it, according to my research, but those terms might be falling out of use. It's dumb,(╬ Ò﹏Ó) having to use codenames on your business cards, but i guess you can't just put "corporate espionage" on your resume either.

Which probably looks something like

-2 years destabilizing foreign governments -1 year derailing non-foreign government opposition -2.5 years misting peoples heads in the jungles around the equator -proficient in pitching

i wonder, of the two, who gets the nicer bronze umbrella? Who's more fun at parties? Government spies can at least say they "serve their country" Corporate spies just have to count on people being able to read between the lines

┐(￣ヮ￣)┌i imagine that which path you choose depends what you're more afraid of: A court martial and jail time or breaking NDA and getting sued into oblivion

You end up in the same place, if you really do go bankrupt.(O.O) Attempting to scratch tally marks in a fairly comfortable prison cell wall made of an alloy you can't pronounce Glad that you're not homeless But missing home (っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)

Maybe i'm being too soft. Lots of people enlist in order to get a start on their career But to go straight into Consulting

You'd have to be pretty goddamn coldblooded.

loafing off in the crows' nest, your nightowl

[outsidereveries]

do you think therell ever be an idol group over the age of 26 debuting any time soon? it seems like in kpop 15 is the new 20 and aside from the groups i am already familiar with theres no one too new whos in my age range. personally i would love an all singing group to debut like btob but fresher or varied in their skills but with limited dancing as im not often fussed about kpop dances. its more so that there isnt much else to music that i like and i think if kpop keeps following trends only then its missing out on all it could offer if it just stepped outside its comfort zone and did something.

even them sending blitzers over to my country didnt surprise me bc i was already familiar with the general set up of these groups and how they display their performances so they have to be similar to groups like skz and ateez for instance and do really unusual or have varied talents yet at the same time they should also be more relaxed about it bc kpop seems to be rushing x amount of groups out in short time periods to fit with the latest trends, for someone my age it eventually gets boring bc like i say they could still do so much with the groups they already have or had. yet they dont soo its like its got great premises but has such a boxed in way of going about their groups.

glad to see you back!

i asked weeks ago about something related to older idols debuting in the industry (which answer was negative) and considering their birth rate i doubt that will happen in the future unless it increases way higher than now. i see that koreans are in need of people to work various stuff and it's the same for the entertaiment companies, so unless the birth rate increase x times (as much as it's needed), then i doubt it because the companies have no choice but to catch potential trainees when they're kids, like literally.

the new generations 100% lack even vocal talent. if it was vocal stability for the 4th generation (mainly), then the 5th literally lacks the basic vocal ability (on live, everything can be edited after all), it really feels like the talented groups are so little that i can count them with my hands. again, i am typing overall for the generations i've mentioned. the choreos and synchronisation isn't even worth mentioning where the live vocals aren't even there ffs, so that's why we don't see as similar groups as mamamoo and btob. i'm seeing kiof being mentioned as the talented 5th gen group or something like that but i really believe that even if belle's really talented vocal-wise, they just don't come close and it's not the same in my honest opinion, at least compared to mamamoo and i hope they'll prove me wrong in the future.

about anything else, unless we criticise everything in the whole industry, then there won't be change about it. i'll give example with hybe. they don't try to change their tactics but instead trying to prove themselves they're right when in reality they aren't! and this isn't only in the k-pop industry but with everything. i am personally pissed that we don't talk about anything's individuality when we want to see more from it🥲

[themcst]

Okay. It's Comic Con haul. I will not deny I spent like £400 at comic con alone and it isn't counting the Danmei books. Including them it's a good £520 since they where all around ��20ish each on average. It sounds like a lot but it has to be noted I have been slowly saving for the past 4 months since I got my job and got some stability in my life.

On with my haul though! Hoyoverse! I didn't spend as much on it compared to last year. I did grab a Neuvillete ita bag and it was the most expensive individual item I spent money on this entire con. Welt I couldn't get much merch of him bar the two items you see. I did grab a sticker book since I decided it was time to get one as I do tend to have a lot of stickers that I dunno where to put. It's already in use. Couple of posters and standees related to Childe and Zhongli. And then there's 3 charms that I adored as there's like gold flakes in them giving it a nice effect!

Next is the Nu:Carnival merch. I am genuinely surprised I even found anything related to this series. I did forget to put the little patches I got in my photo but here's a link to what they look like! I also found surprise fanart of the boys. I bought all bar one but I'll most likely buy from this artist again in the future since they do plan to do more if these sold well! I am very please that I finally own some official merch of this series as I have been dying to do so for years now!

Next Danmei merch. The little 3 posters that match, I'm certain there was a Lan Zhan one but there was none left so I couldn't get the entire 4. I am going to hopefully buy it online sometime. I just need to find the seller who did it. I do have their business card, I just completely forget which one it is in my small bundle of artist cards! Just some other misc merch and then the danmei books I bought. I genuinely didn't need to buy half of these but I saw them and wanted them. I will be ordering more from these publishers again when I can!

Some misc art of a few fandoms. I needed some art of my splatoon girls. There wasn't as much as I thought there would be but I'm glad I found what I did. Cookie Run stuff isn't big either but I did get a couple prints and stickers and a random P5 protag too. I didn't think I'd find bugsnax things but I did and I couldn't help myself but get a few keychains. What isn't here is a lanyard I got off eeveelutions and it can be seen here in this photo but it's a little hard. I did get stickers of them so they'll be down below. And then there's just some oc art that people did. I love the frogs. The artist seemed thrilled that someone was buying the entire set. And then the monster girls was a mystery set of 4 and honestly they're all so good!

And final photo! It's of stickers I got along with patches. 3 patches aren't here. They would have been two of my star sign Aquarius and a digidevice.. I left them at my friends along with some free stickers I won't in a shop. They'll send them to me at some point along with the snacks I left behind. I am planning to get a jacket for my patches as I've built a small collection up but I'm unsure as to when I'll get it but it is a want to do one day!!!

That's all I got! I am happy with what I obtained. I actually got no pins for once which is a surprise but I think that's more me knowing I don't have the room right now. Everything pin related keeps ending up in my pin box as I have to redo my walls but I'm never really here to do it so for now they're not a concern. But overall I'm glad with everything! I do hope to get to put some of these things up in the future or put them in my poster folder for the time being until I can give them a home.

[percyaugod]

I'm really glad you like it. ^ ^ Smaller sections to read help me keep track of what's being asked so I miss less, but aren't necessary.

The fact Bishop cares about L-10 is part of the problem. He's used to being in control and can't even control his feelings let alone the thing causing them. Everything has its place and role, and there there's L-10. It frustrates Bishop to no end and he now has targets that look similar enough and he can hurt without feeling guilty about it.

They eventually make up, though it does take a while. If nothing else Bishop is the one constant thing L-10 can remember growing up. If something happens where he's shaken enough that he needs that stability he'd go back without a second thought. Bishop after having lost L-10, even temporarily, let his walls crumble at least a bit. Him actually hugging L-10 when he returns. Bishop even trying to joke that L-10 is so grounded.

Bishop definitely tries to hunt down the turtles. If nothing else because he knows L-10 is curious by nature and now knows about them, so he might seek them out.

As for L-10's relationship with the other turtles, He's used to usually doing his own thing unless the scientists want to try a new experiment. So them constantly seeking him out and then usually either being loud, getting frustrated, or plain awkward is a bit much at first.

At least Splinter is good at just existing as a soothing, quiet presence. He never comes to L10 but is mysteriously in a room he's going to every so often. At least he's trying to be discreet.

Having stuff to build and work on helps. Gives the others something to ask about and he can just keep talking so they don't get to ask any more questions. It's obvious they don't understand most of what he's saying, but he does appreciate them listening. He makes sure to return the favor occasionally. They're not that bad once he starts getting used to them.

April is kind of like one of the scientists since she wants to examine him, "just to get a better understanding of what they did to him". This is something he's very familiar with so it makes her feel a bit familiar in return. He's going to have to go through her stuff and mess with her later to complete the experience, but he can work with this.

L-10 gets along best with Casey. It's just so fun to mess with him and makeup facts to see what he can get Casey to believe. Nothing at all to do with Casey being a tall, somewhat intimidating man with black hair, nope.

The other scientists when he was growing up in the facility were both amazed by the fact he was revived at all, let alone to the point he could think and speak at such a high level. This astonishment turned into fear the more it got loose and started quietly taking over. Watching even Bishop unable to control was reality-shattering.

He was not allowed to make modifications to his prosthetics. After he did so anyway and the design intrigued Bishop, he was allowed to design the prosthetics and make them in one of the labs with actual equipment and parts, not with things he stole while in his cell.

L-10 never asked to be on projects, he just got bored, started messing with random things, and left a little smiley face in the notes. Some were grateful for the assistance, others cursed being outdone by something that they felt shouldn't even exist. Bishop refused to admit he smiled himself whenever he saw it.

L-10 loves building things, it's his passion, but biology is also a special interest.

Bishop did figure out he's not an alien, but he still needs to figure out what exactly can turn a turtle into this. Is there more? A way to replicate it? Could he possibly use it on other animals? Humans? Make an army of supersoldiers?

Good Genes is the double-mutated Donnie. If it does happen it's going to be so much worse because L-10 will grow, but his prosthetics and parts won't. They'll be too small and rip through the growing flesh, falling to the ground. If there's and shell left under the fake one it's shattered and done now. Now not only is he feral and aggressive, but in pain and lashing out. Unless the mutation heals the injuries he's at risk for infection as well.

Bishop hearing about this will feel regret like never before for what he caused. Him having everyone available working nonstop on a cure. Leatherhead helps only his friend and because he can see how desperately Bishop is trying. He wouldn't try to change the containers though, having much more faith in L-10s to hold him than Stockman's. They can attach extra equipment and monitors from the outside.

L-10 will go on patrols with them so he can go outside and be able to look around. He's no longer allowed to fight after breaking a guy's jaw with his metal hand. So now he has to learn to control his teeth he's never actually used before because he's never fought before.

He instead snipes people with a tranquilizer gun. They wouldn't let him use a real one. All he's saying is the problem would no longer be a problem if it was permanently gone. Still no? Bippy didn't trust him with one either.

He keeps the tools on his prosthetic simple to not be too suspicious but can help him in certain situations. So just a lock pick, laser, and glass cutter.

Bishop does stop hunting the turtles down because once he makes up with L-10 they're practically always "visiting" so he never had to look for them. Doesn't stop him from trying to kill them when they try to get on his nerves and for them to ninja away laughing. Great. Now there are four of them. He wants to go back in time and lunch his past self for constantly asking if there was more. Bishop pops up randomly in the lair at one point drinking tea with Splinter, the only one he can stand, and the looks on their faces are priceless.

L10 AU

03 AU where one winter when the turtles are kids, maybe five or eight, there's a collapse in one of the lairs, could be because of something like an earthquake, construction failure, etc. In the collapse, Donnie is crushed and dies. The pieces of rubble are so heavy the others can't move it to get the body and regretfully have to leave it.

The extreme cold preserves Donnie so it's still in perfect condition when Bishop and his team come to investigate reports of an "alien" being found in the sewers. They're even able to revive it with experimental procedures since the head was mainly left unharmed. A few of the less important organs, what appeared to be a shell, and the left arm needed to be replaced though.

The subject had no recollection of anything before being revived, likely a side effect of being dead for an extended time even if the effect was lessened by the cold. This means Bishop couldn't get any answers from it about whether there was more like it or where they might be. Though he could still stuffy it and test its capabilities.

The newly labeled L1038451 has an unexpected problem that messed with the data. The subject couldn't feel pain and they had no way of knowing if this was normal or another side effect of it temporarily expiring.

Bishop sitting in his lab wondering what he could do next with this creature when he notices it running across the doorway of his lab. He immediately gets up and chases it down, which is surprisingly hard considering its small size.

Bishop demands who let it out of its cell when he notices one of the tools from an earlier experiment in L10's hand. When did it even grab that? Bishop looked from it to L10's face and saw the most cheeky smile. Why this little- Bishop is going to make sure it can never leave its cell again.

It leaves its cell on its own again less than two days later. Making sure to pull on Bishop's pant leg and everything so he knows.

Bishop doesn't understand! No matter what locks or security system he puts up it somehow opens them! At the same time making sure to erase the camera footage so he doesn't know how. Then it just seems to seek him out to show off its win. Worst of all it started greeting him with this irritating "Guess who, Bippy?"

As Bishop is grumbling he notices hasn't seen L10 in a while. Why doesn't he believe it's because he's finally contained that thing?

Bishop searched the facility and found L10 in his cell. With a bunch of parts that weren't in there the last time Bishop put him back in. Is- Is he making a drone in there? How does it know how to make a drone?

Before Bishop realizes it he's sitting in the cell with L10 watching it build and sometimes offering tips and ideas. When it's finished and L10's eyes light up with joy Bishop almost feels… pride?

That feeling is short-lived as L10 gets up and runs out of the cell giggling, locking Bishop inside behind him.

L10 does eventually learn how to hack into Bishop's bank account and order stuff to be sent there. Bishop's looking so confused when he sees purchases under the name "Elton". Elton? El-ton. L-10. L10!

[twstedtales]

Hello there Athy and nice to meet ya!

I read the rules carefully and i hope i did not make a mistake.

Also may i have a request of Malleus, Idia, Leona and Azula (seperate) with a darling fem! s/o who love giving le boys some affection or comfort, if the boys have problems or recall their sad past they will listen what they're saying which is they understand em what they felt and give em some love and comfort.

And s/o been like they'll be right by their side and wont leave em.

Ps: i hope it wasnt too much, feel free to ignore! you have le right to decline if my request is wrong ^^

Oooh, nice to meet you too! And another sweet request, huh 👀 don't worry, anon-chan, you did it right ^^ this also contains spoilers for both Leona and Azul's backstory, but since we don't know anything about Malleus and Idia yet, I write them a little vague! I hope you don't mind. 

By the way, I was listening to this song [Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You] when writing this. It would be perfect background music and inspiration ^^

Pairings :: Malleus, Idia, Leona, Azul × Female Reader

TW :: none!

𝖒𝖎𝖗𝖗𝖔𝖗, 𝖒𝖎𝖗𝖗𝖔𝖗 𝖔𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖜𝖆𝖑𝖑 ...

Malleus doesn't have much experience in interpersonal relationships with humans, let alone hold a romantic one. He will be a little clumsy here and there so he'll love it when you teach him things so that he could learn more about how to take care of you. To return what you had given him and more. How sweet.

Malleus loved it when you were sweet to him, taking care of him like he was a vulnerable child even though he was positively way older than you are. He would undoubtedly use what you teach him against you though, so I advise to be careful. 

At first, he lets you treat him like a kid just because he found it amusing and stuff. But as the time passed by, he found himself wishing you would do it all the time. Of course that would be impossible, but that doesn't mean he has to like it.

Like he would find his mood tad a bit more irritable the moment you were gone, and he would find himself idly musing how nice it would feel like the next time he held you in his arms again. Or vice versa, really. He doesn't mind being the little spoon as well. So long you were comfortable with it. More than welcome, in fact.

At times where his past come haunting him down were the times that he likes you to be next to him. You would happily provide him the emotional and mental stability and assurance, and repeatedly tell him that he should be aware now that nothing can change your love for him, even if it was Malleus himself. And during those times as well that he tells you that he has no plans of ever letting you go anyway.

"I'm afraid I shall cut off all your escape if you do find a way to break free from me...and return you to my arms once again."

Idia doesn't quite know how to act towards you, and your rather affectionate self. You were like one of those SSR protagonists in the otome games he plays, one that belongs to a band of cool characters and goes on misadventures and fun stuff. 

How in the name of the Underworld King you ever saw in him and loved him is already beyond his mortal comprehension. The first time you confessed, Idia almost told you how terrible your taste in men was with a beet red face. Although he couldn't admit even to himself how glad he was that you chose him of all people. He would keep that down to him in his grave no matter what.

The first time you told him you wanted to cuddle with him, Idia almost short-circuited and ran away from you. He knew you two were in a relationship, but please give him time to adjust! It would probably take months before he becomes comfortable holding your hands and you kissing his cheeks without trembling and fainting in embarrassment. But at least he was improving, no?

As time passes, Idia would get used to your random bursts of sweetness. Although the swaying red tips of his blue hair says that he was still a little shy returning your affections. During these times he would finally muster up the courage to at least initiate cuddling and holding hands. 

Although you told him that he need not to improve anything to himself because you loved him the way he was. And no matter how much he hated himself and secluded himself, you would continue to hold him as he was, and love him without a doubt. That would probably the turning point in your relationship, because Idia will finally let you in completely.

"B-But maybe that's why I'm perfectly satisfied being the foolish man who's completely at your mercy...even if you're a normie..."

Like Idia, you have to have the patience of a saint when dealing with Leona. He will act like a grumpy cat to you at first if you were giving much attention to others instead of him.

This was due to the fact that he was always categorised as the "second" and never been the first. Deep down, he was afraid that you would discard him like others and lose you. That one day, you will realise that he was good for nothing and find someone better than him.

This is where you have to come in. Because Leona, despite all the negative thoughts plaguing his mind, would never spoke of them to you. You have to tolerate him keeping his thoughts away from you, Leona won't budge on that. So, its either you use someone else's Unique Magic to force him to speak the truth to you, you have to be good at the guessing game or reading him, or you'll annoy him to no need until he gives up.

Either way, as time passes and you deepened your relationship with him, Leona would most likely be grumpily vocal at how he wants things to be. Like how he wanted you to arrive at this time of the day to cuddle or nap, how you should wear fluffy clothes so when he placed his head on you, it'll be comfortable. Or how he secretly loves it when you patted and petted his sensitive areas. Leona won't vocally express his satisfaction with this, but instead, you will hear his silent purrs and contented sighs.

During times of him recalling his past, make sure to reassure him that he's the best, maybe not for the world, but for you, for Ruggie, for Jack, for the whole Savanaclaw. He loves it when you silently whisper reassuring words during the cold night and listen to his apparent "greatness" as you cuddle him to sleep.

"With how things are going before, I didn't expect to be given anything at all, but the world just went ahead and gave everything I ever wanted..."

At the beginning of your relationship, Azul would likely be a little stiff and seemingly slightly distant to you. But that's only because he doesn't have much experience in handling relationships, especially when it comes to romance. He would be a little clumsy here and there, but with enough guidance from you, he'll be in no time get accustomed to it.

I think Azul is likely the type to not admit that he likes your affections and attention on him. This is due to the trauma he had experienced when he was young; when people make fun of him. And even though he knew himself that you were much different than his bullies, and very much kinder than them of course, he can still shake off the feeling that one day, you would get tired of him and dump him alone.

During these times, he wordlessly expected you to catch on what he had been feeling. He always loved it when you gently soothe those haunting thoughts that keeps him awake at night, shaking. Azul would bury his face on your neck or chest for warmth and comfort as you would whisper sweet nothings to him, promising to never leave him and never stop loving him. 

It was only then he could show his vulnerable side to you without the hesitation and fear of being brushed aside. As much as he was good with words and persuasion, he would always be seeking for comfort and reassurance from you during the days where his past comes haunting him down, or during the sudden recollection of his ungainly rampage. 

Also, Azul can be emotionally volatile and unstable as well. It would help him if you would patiently wait for him to calm down by rubbing his back and telling him that he did great, and he doesn't always need the validation of other people in order to feel accepted. That you would always stay by his side as long as he needs you to be.

"What's up with you?! Just how happy do you intend to keep making me before you're finally satisfied that you've done enough?"

[spencers-dria]

Things Left Unsaid

Someone To Stay Ch. 12

Content/Trigger Warnings: mentions of drug abuse

"Where is he?? Where's Spencer?!"

You run through the hospital doors into the waiting room to find your Aunt JJ and Derek sitting quietly.

JJ quickly stands up and grabs you by the shoulders, trying her best to calm you down.

"Y/N, hey, look at me. It's okay. He's okay. Take a few deep breaths. Spencer is fine. We are waiting till they say we can go back to see him. Why don't you come sit for a minute? Just try taking deep breaths okay?"

You follow her to a seat, reluctantly. She rubs your back soothingly as you feel your breathing start to slow. You fall back into a seat in between her and Derek. The more you feel yourself calm down, the quicker reality hits you. Tears start to fill your eyes, threatening to fall as the memories play over and over again in your mind.

You're woken by the ring of you phone across the room. You rub your eyes and look around. You fell asleep watching Netflix on the couch again. You stumble your way over to your phone as you answer with a groggy voice.

"Hello?"

"Y/N, hey its JJ."

"Hey, what's going on? Are you guys still out on a case?"

"Umm yeah, that's why  I'm calling actually. I know you and Spencer have gotten to be pretty close friends and..."

Her voice trails off and the line goes silent. You feel a lump start to grow in your throat. In that instant, you feel your switch flip off, the switch to your emotions, allowing you to focus only on what needs to be done, and not how you feel about it.

In a cold voice, void of any emotion, you finally speak up.

"Where is Spencer?"

"He's in the hospital. He's been shot. It was pretty close to some major arteries. He's in surgery at a hospital here in Seattle."

You take a deep breath in, processing all the information you've just been given. "Okay, okay I'm on my way."

"No! There's nothing you can do here. They're going to stabilize him, then we plan to have him transferred to your hospital. By the time you get here, they'll probably be done and getting ready to transport him. I know it's hard, but just stay there for now. We will see you soon."

You stay silent for a moment before answering. "Okay. I'll stay here. But I want someone to tell me as soon as he gets here!"

You hung up the phone and walked back over to your couch. As you sunk back into it you felt your mind wander. The  image of Spencer getting shot, of him bleeding out...Spencer on an operating table, or hooked up to a ventilator...

You feel your switch threaten to come back on. You know if you let emotions in now you will fall apart. You are determined to stay unemotional, unattached. You are preparing for the inevitable hurt you know will be coming your way. So you sit there in silence, in the dark, waiting.

You sit there for two more hours until you get the call, the call that he is out of surgery and is on his way to your hospital nearby. You snap out of your stupor and into a sharp focus. You jump up from your couch and grab an overnight bag. You quickly stuff it with pajamas, comfy clothes, meds, glasses, contacts, toothbrush and anything else you can think of. On your way out the door, you grab Spencer's spare key. About a week and a half ago it had been his idea to exchange spare key's "in case of emergency". You had never thought any such emergency would arise, but here you were.

You quickly drive to his apartment. You jump out of the car and run up the stairs of his old building, the wood floors creaking below you as you move as quickly as you can. After unlocking the door, you see an empty black duffle he uses for a go bag for work. You grab it and make your way to his room. You don't think Spencer will mind. The two of you have become extremely close, and this IS an emergency. You stuff his bag with all the same essentials, but you make sure to grab a large assortment of his favorite comfort go-to books. You look at your watch, seeing you still have some time before they arrive.

You decide to swing by the store on the way to the hospital. Running into the grocery you grab a few of his favorite snacks including his favorite coffee.  You know just how bad the hospital's coffee is. You make sure to grab some chocolate iced donuts from the bakery section. Once at the checkout you see a couple science-based magazines, recognizing them as ones he's read before you grab those as well. You take a few deep breaths. You know you have to calm down if you want to get to the hospital safely.

As you sit in the waiting room, all you can think about is that phone call and the series of events that brought you here. You run your hands through your hair, pulling on it out of frustration. You focus on your breathing as all the noises around you fade into the background.

You aren't quite sure how much time has passed when one of the nurses approaches JJ and pulls her to the side to update her. JJ walks back over and sits beside you.

"They're letting one person in for now. They said after he's a little more awake, he can have more visitors. You're his best friend. I think he'd want to see you first."

She gives you a comforting smile as she squeezes your hand.

"The rest of the team will be coming by in shifts to check on him. Let us know if you need anything."

You nod as you follow the nurse back to his room. You recognize her. She's transferred patients to you several times. Thank goodness she doesn't try to greet you or make any small talk. All you care about right now is making sure your friend is okay.

As you walk through the all too familiar halls of the hospital, it feels like time begins to slow down around you. You can hear your heart beat in your ears. This is so different from the your usual cool demeanor amongst the many horrific things you've seen within these very walls.

When you finally reach the doorway, your eyes land on your friend. You feel your heart stop. You know that he's okay, but you never expected to see him like this. He's sleeping, probably on all kinds of heavy medication. His hair is even messier than usual, the dark circles under his eyes more defined. He looks like a ghost of himself. You see the bandages covering his shoulder and chest and tears finally push their way out, spilling down your face. You let them go for just a minute, letting it out of your system. You can't let him, or anyone else see you like this. You quickly wipe them away as you make your way to sit in a chair beside the bed.

You reach over and grab his hand, holding it as though he would slip away if you let go. You steady your breathing as you take a moment to look at him. He really was beautiful. His overly defined features, long lashes, plump lips, caramel curls falling softly to frame his face. Its as if someone painted him to be perfect. You reach up with your other hand to brush a piece of hair out of his face.

You whisper softly. "You really had me scared you know. They said you would be okay but... It just seems like everyone I care about leaves. I like to think by now you wouldn't do that to me, not on purpose anyways. I'm so glad you're okay. We have a lot more adventures to go on, you and I. I have a feeling that we have a lot of wonderful things in our future. So you've got to stick around for a long time, okay? I need you to stay."

"You can't get rid of me that easy."  You hear a soft reply and a chuckle, causing your eyes to shoot up. Spencer is looking over at you from hooded, groggy eyes, still clearly in a medicated haze.

"I'm so glad you're okay Spencer. I don't know what I would have done if you had.."

"But I didn't." He cuts you off.

"We don't have to think about that okay. I'm just glad you're here."

You suddenly feel embarrassed, that you were the one to rush to his side, and no one even questioned it. A couple of months ago you were strangers, and here you were, the first one he sees when he wakes up in the hospital.

"Oh well...JJ and Derek, they're here too. The rest of the team will be coming by in shifts. We were all worried. We all really care about you."

He smiles at hearing this. "I don't deserve you...uhh any of you. You're all like family to me."

"I almost forgot, I brought you some stuff."

You pick up his bag and set it next to him on the bed, allowing him to look through it.

"Hospital gowns really suck. And I know it can get really boring in here. Sorry I went through your stuff. I was just in such hurry and well, you said to use the key in an emergency and I figured this..."

"Hey." Hey cuts you off as her grabs your wrist. You had started to spiral, another side effect of your anxiety.

"Take a deep breath. It's okay. I really appreciate it. I actually can't believe you did this for me. You even grabbed all of my favorite books." He smiles as he pulls out a couple to set on the nightstand. He also grabs his glasses. He probably hasn't been able to see properly since the surgery, since they would have taken his contacts out. He makes his way into the snacks and starts munching away happily.

"I can't believe you did all this for me!" He smiles up at you, face full of food, like he hasn't eaten in weeks.

"Only if you share," you laugh as he hands you one of the donuts.

"What's in the other bag?" He asks curiously, glancing over your shoulder.

"Oh that's just my stuff." You shrug, not wanting to make much of it.

"Your stuff?"

You roll your eyes, knowing he won't let it go.

"Yeah you know, clothes, pajamas, toothbrush, etc." You turn a bit read, knowing how presumptuous you had been in bringing all of it, but you don't care. Spencer is priority, not your pride.

Spencer opens his mouth to reply but you continue.

"And before you can say anything about it, no I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here."

You still fully expect him to argue with you on the matter. What you don't expect is the giant grin he gives you as he pulls you down toward him, leaving a soft kiss on your cheek before pulling you in for a hug.

His head is buried in your shoulder as you hear

"Thank you Y/N...for everything."

The two of you stay there for a moment before a knock at the door causes you to jump up.

JJ steps inside "Hey Spence, I brought some people to see you."

She's followed by Derek and Penelope, who has her arms full of flowers, candy, and stuffed animals. You hadn't expected any less from your colorful, cheerful friend. She really knows how to brighten up a room, and goodness knows these dreary hospital rooms could use a dash of Penelope.

Spencer exchanges hugs with the three as they all sit down to talk with him. When they start talking about the case, you find yourself having to walk out of the room. Spencer seems unbothered by the situation. You get that it must be normal for him and the rest of your friends, but you aren't used to having the people you care about in harms way.

To them the guns, the blood, the danger, its all just another day at work. The blood you were used to, it's the putting their life on the line every time they go out into the field that makes you feel uneasy.

You make your way to your hospital floor, greeting some of your coworkers, explaining why you're there on your day off. They offer hugs, kind thoughts and prayers before you make your way back to Spencer's unit.

Hotch, Rossi, and Alex are now sitting around the bed. Spencer is sitting up more, looking a little more alert than before. He also looks in pain, but you know he won't say anything. In your experience, the men usually try to tough it out, especially with other people around.

You lean over near him and talk low enough for only Spencer to hear.

"Do you want me to call the nurse? We can get you more pain meds. I'm sure it's well overdue."

He brushes you off. "No, Y/N, I'm fine."

You're slightly annoyed at the front he's putting up, but not surprised.

"Look it's not a big deal, no one is going to judge you for needing a little help to get through this. Any normal person would. Why don't I just go ahead and..."

"I said no!" he grabs your wrist before you can hit the call light.

You're too stunned that he's yelled at you to say anything in response.

"I told you I'm fine. I don't want any pain medication, okay? Just take no for an answer and leave it alone."

You are completely used to moody patients yelling at you, taking out their frustrations on you, but this came out of nowhere. It's so out of character for him.

The other three take this as their cue to leave, as they each hug you and Spencer goodbye before exiting through the door.

"What the hell, Spencer?! All I'm trying to do is help you! Why did you just yell at me in front of everyone?"

You look over to see not anger in his eyes, but sadness. He's looking down at his lap as he fiddles nervously with his hands. You can tell he's on the brink of tears. You assume he must still be moody as the anesthesia wears off, something you've seen often.

"I need you to stay." he mumbles under his breath.

You scoot into the bed next to him, wrapping your arms around him to comfort him. You pull his head over to you, as you rub his back, trying to sooth him. You don't know what's wrong, but you can tell he's hurting.

"Of course. I already told you. I'm not going anywhere."

"Not j-just tonight...always. If I tell you everything, I don't think you'd stay in my life any longer. You're my b-best friend, and I can't lose you."

You feel his tears start to soak your shirt, but you don't care.

You whisper your promises softly "There's nothing you could ever tell me that you make me walk away. I'm not going anywhere. I don't care if you're one of the, what do you call them... unsubs or whatever. I'm staying right here, Spencer Reid."

He takes a shaky breath as he tries to calm down. He begins to tell you the story of one of their cases, and how it led to him being kidnapped. It was a man with DID, one personality the abusive father who had kidnapped Spencer, another being the son who thought he was helping.

"I tried to convince him to let me go. He wanted to help, but he was too scared of his father. He decided the only way he could help me was to take the pain away..."

Spencer gets choked up as he struggles to continue. You knew he had seen a lot of dark things and endured the trauma with Maeve, but clearly this affected him deeply in a way you had never seen.

"He injected me with dilaudid, multiple times. In the end, I had to shoot him. I had to kill him. And before I left, I took the drugs with me. I used for months after. I didn't know how to deal with what I had gone through it seemed easier just to...escape I guess. It made it easier to deal with problems in my life too, issues with my mother..."

You continue to rub his back, making sure he knows you are still here for him, despite divulging the horrors of his past.

"I have been clean for years now but...addiction it never really..."

You give his arm a squeeze causing him to finally look up at you. His eyes are puffy and red from crying. His cheeks are tear stained.

"I get it, Spencer. I understand. I'm sorry I pushed you, if you weren't ready to tell me. But it means a lot that you opened up to me about this; I know that can't have been easy. Just know, there are options here, non-addictive pain medications, if you really need them. But I won't push you okay? Just tell me what you need."

He wraps his arm around you before laying his head down on your chest, letting out a deep sigh of contentment and closing his eyes.

You swear you hear him whisper "You" before he fades back into sleep.

You make it your purpose to lay as still as possible, as not to wake him up. You lay your head back, letting yourself drift off to sleep as your mind swims with thoughts of feelings and things left unsaid.

A/N: If you're enjoying the story, I'd love to hear your feedback!! Thanks friends 💖✌🏻

I wanted to come back and add this. For anyone struggling with substance abuse or any mental health issues. You are not alone. You are always welcome to message me. I encourage you to talk to someone, anyone. That is why I will be adding a few hotline numbers below here. These are available 24/7

Resources:

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: 1 (800) 662 – 4357

https://www.samhsa.gov/

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

[spencers-dria]

Someone To Stay

Original story by Fairytales1896

Content/Trigger Warnings: mentions of drug abuse

12. Things Left Unsaid

Y/N POV:

"Where is he?? Where's Spencer?!"

You run through the hospital doors into the waiting room to find your Aunt JJ and Derek sitting quietly.

JJ quickly stands up and grabs you by the shoulders, trying her best to calm you down.

"Y/N, hey, look at me. It's okay. He's okay. Take a few deep breaths. Spencer is fine. We are waiting till they say we can go back to see him. Why don't you come sit for a minute? Just try taking deep breaths okay?"

You follow her to a seat, reluctantly. She rubs your back soothingly as you feel your breathing start to slow. You fall back into a seat in between her and Derek. The more you feel yourself calm down, the quicker reality hits you. Tears start to fill your eyes, threatening to fall as the memories play over and over again in your mind.

*You're woken by the ring of you phone across the room. You rub your eyes and look around. You fell asleep watching Netflix on the couch again. You stumble your way over to your phone as you answer with a groggy voice.

"Hello?"

"Y/N, hey its JJ."

"Hey, what's going on? Are you guys still out on a case?"

"Umm yeah, that's why  I'm calling actually. I know you and Spencer have gotten to be pretty close friends and..."

Her voice trails off and the line goes silent. You feel a lump start to grow in your throat. In that instant, you feel your switch flip off, the switch to your emotions, allowing you to focus only on what needs to be done, and not how you feel about it.

In a cold voice, void of any emotion, you finally speak up.

"Where is Spencer?"

"He's in the hospital. He's been shot. It was pretty close to some major arteries. He's in surgery at a hospital here in Seattle."

You take a deep breath in, processing all the information you've just been given. "Okay, okay I'm on my way."

"No! There's nothing you can do here. They're going to stabilize him, then we plan to have him transferred to your hospital. By the time you get here, they'll probably be done and getting ready to transport him. I know it's hard, but just stay there for now. We will see you soon."

You stay silent for a moment before answering. "Okay. I'll stay here. But I want someone to tell me as soon as he gets here!"

You hung up the phone and walked back over to your couch. As you sunk back into it you felt your mind wander. The  image of Spencer getting shot, of him bleeding out...Spencer on an operating table, or hooked up to a ventilator...

You feel your switch threaten to come back on. You know if you let emotions in now you will fall apart. You are determined to stay unemotional, unattached. You are preparing for the inevitable hurt you know will be coming your way. So you sit there in silence, in the dark, waiting.

You sit there for two more hours until you get the call, the call that he is out of surgery and is on his way to your hospital nearby. You snap out of your stupor and into a sharp focus. You jump up from your couch and grab an overnight bag. You quickly stuff it with pajamas, comfy clothes, meds, glasses, contacts, toothbrush and anything else you can think of. On your way out the door, you grab Spencer's spare key. About a week and a half ago it had been his idea to exchange spare key's "in case of emergency". You had never thought any such emergency would arise, but here you were.

You quickly drive to his apartment. You jump out of the car and run up the stairs of his old building, the wood floors creaking below you as you move as quickly as you can. After unlocking the door, you see an empty black duffle he uses for a go bag for work. You grab it and make your way to his room. You don't think Spencer will mind. The two of you have become extremely close, and this IS an emergency. You stuff his bag with all the same essentials, but you make sure to grab a large assortment of his favorite comfort go-to books. You look at your watch, seeing you still have some time before they arrive.

You decide to swing by the store on the way to the hospital. Running into the grocery you grab a few of his favorite snacks including his favorite coffee.  You know just how bad the hospital's coffee is. You make sure to grab some chocolate iced donuts from the bakery section. Once at the checkout you see a couple science-based magazines, recognizing them as ones he's read before you grab those as well. You take a few deep breaths. You know you have to calm down if you want to get to the hospital safely.*

As you sit in the waiting room, all you can think about is that phone call and the series of events that brought you here. You run your hands through your hair, pulling on it out of frustration. You focus on your breathing as all the noises around you fade into the background.

You aren't quite sure how much time has passed when one of the nurses approaches JJ and pulls her to the side to update her. JJ walks back over and sits beside you.

"They're letting one person in for now. They said after he's a little more awake, he can have more visitors. You're his best friend. I think he'd want to see you first."

She gives you a comforting smile as she squeezes your hand.

"The rest of the team will be coming by in shifts to check on him. Let us know if you need anything."

You nod as you follow the nurse back to his room. You recognize her. She's transferred patients to you several times. Thank goodness she doesn't try to greet you or make any small talk. All you care about right now is making sure your friend is okay.

As you walk through the all too familiar halls of the hospital, it feels like time begins to slow down around you. You can hear your heart beat in your ears. This is so different from the your usual cool demeanor amongst the many horrific things you've seen within these very walls.

When you finally reach the doorway, your eyes land on your friend. You feel your heart stop. You know that he's okay, but you never expected to see him like this. He's sleeping, probably on all kinds of heavy medication. His hair is even messier than usual, the dark circles under his eyes more defined. He looks like a ghost of himself. You see the bandages covering his shoulder and chest and tears finally push their way out, spilling down your face. You let them go for just a minute, letting it out of your system. You can't let him, or anyone else see you like this. You quickly wipe them away as you make your way to sit in a chair beside the bed.

You reach over and grab his hand, holding it as though he would slip away if you let go. You steady your breathing as you take a moment to look at him. He really was beautiful. His overly defined features, long lashes, plump lips, caramel curls falling softly to frame his face. Its as if someone painted him to be perfect. You reach up with your other hand to brush a piece of hair out of his face.

You whisper softly. "You really had me scared you know. They said you would be okay but... It just seems like everyone I care about leaves. I like to think by now you wouldn't do that to me, not on purpose anyways. I'm so glad you're okay. We have a lot more adventures to go on, you and I. I have a feeling that we have a lot of wonderful things in our future. So you've got to stick around for a long time, okay? I need you to stay."

"You can't get rid of me that easy."  You hear a soft reply and a chuckle, causing your eyes to shoot up. Spencer is looking over at you from hooded, groggy eyes, still clearly in a medicated haze.

"I'm so glad you're okay Spencer. I don't know what I would have done if you had.."

"But I didn't." He cuts you off.

"We don't have to think about that okay. I'm just glad you're here."

You suddenly feel embarrassed, that you were the one to rush to his side, and no one even questioned it. A couple of months ago you were strangers, and here you were, the first one he sees when he wakes up in the hospital.

"Oh well...JJ and Derek, they're here too. The rest of the team will be coming by in shifts. We were all worried. We all really care about you."

He smiles at hearing this. "I don't deserve you...uhh any of you. You're all like family to me."

"I almost forgot, I brought you some stuff."

You pick up his bag and set it next to him on the bed, allowing him to look through it.

"Hospital gowns really suck. And I know it can get really boring in here. Sorry I went through your stuff. I was just in such hurry and well, you said to use the key in an emergency and I figured this..."

"Hey." Hey cuts you off as her grabs your wrist. You had started to spiral, another side effect of your anxiety.

"Take a deep breath. It's okay. I really appreciate it. I actually can't believe you did this for me. You even grabbed all of my favorite books." He smiles as he pulls out a couple to set on the nightstand. He also grabs his glasses. He probably hasn't been able to see properly since the surgery, since they would have taken his contacts out. He makes his way into the snacks and starts munching away happily.

"I can't believe you did all this for me!" He smiles up at you, face full of food, like he hasn't eaten in weeks.

"Only if you share," you laugh as he hands you one of the donuts.

"What's in the other bag?" He asks curiously, glancing over your shoulder.

"Oh that's just my stuff." You shrug, not wanting to make much of it.

"Your stuff?"

You roll your eyes, knowing he won't let it go.

"Yeah you know, clothes, pajamas, toothbrush, etc." You turn a bit read, knowing how presumptuous you had been in bringing all of it, but you don't care. Spencer is priority, not your pride.

Spencer opens his mouth to reply but you continue.

"And before you can say anything about it, no I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here."

You still fully expect him to argue with you on the matter. What you don't expect is the giant grin he gives you as he pulls you down toward him, leaving a soft kiss on your cheek before pulling you in for a hug.

His head is buried in your shoulder as you hear

"Thank you Y/N...for everything."

The two of you stay there for a moment before a knock at the door causes you to jump up.

JJ steps inside "Hey Spence, I brought some people to see you."

She's followed by Derek and Penelope, who has her arms full of flowers, candy, and stuffed animals. You hadn't expected any less from your colorful, cheerful friend. She really knows how to brighten up a room, and goodness knows these dreary hospital rooms could use a dash of Penelope.

Spencer exchanges hugs with the three as they all sit down to talk with him. When they start talking about the case, you find yourself having to walk out of the room. Spencer seems unbothered by the situation. You get that it must be normal for him and the rest of your friends, but you aren't used to having the people you care about in harms way.

To them the guns, the blood, the danger, its all just another day at work. The blood you were used to, it's the putting their life on the line every time they go out into the field that makes you feel uneasy.

You make your way to your hospital floor, greeting some of your coworkers, explaining why you're there on your day off. They offer hugs, kind thoughts and prayers before you make your way back to Spencer's unit.

Hotch, Rossi, and Alex are now sitting around the bed. Spencer is sitting up more, looking a little more alert than before. He also looks in pain, but you know he won't say anything. In your experience, the men usually try to tough it out, especially with other people around.

You lean over near him and talk low enough for only Spencer to hear.

"Do you want me to call the nurse? We can get you more pain meds. I'm sure it's well overdue."

He brushes you off. "No, Y/N, I'm fine."

You're slightly annoyed at the front he's putting up, but not surprised.

"Look it's not a big deal, no one is going to judge you for needing a little help to get through this. Any normal person would. Why don't I just go ahead and..."

"I said no!" he grabs your wrist before you can hit the call light.

You're too stunned that he's yelled at you to say anything in response.

"I told you I'm fine. I don't want any pain medication, okay? Just take no for an answer and leave it alone."

You are completely used to moody patients yelling at you, taking out their frustrations on you, but this came out of nowhere. It's so out of character for him.

The other three take this as their cue to leave, as they each hug you and Spencer goodbye before exiting through the door.

"What the hell, Spencer?! All I'm trying to do is help you! Why did you just yell at me in front of everyone?"

You look over to see not anger in his eyes, but sadness. He's looking down at his lap as he fiddles nervously with his hands. You can tell he's on the brink of tears. You assume he must still be moody as the anesthesia wears off, something you've seen often.

"I need you to stay." he mumbles under his breath.

You scoot into the bed next to him, wrapping your arms around him to comfort him. You pull his head over to you, as you rub his back, trying to sooth him. You don't know what's wrong, but you can tell he's hurting.

"Of course. I already told you. I'm not going anywhere."

"Not j-just tonight...always. If I tell you everything, I don't think you'd stay in my life any longer. You're my b-best friend, and I can't lose you."

You feel his tears start to soak your shirt, but you don't care.

You whisper your promises softly "There's nothing you could ever tell me that you make me walk away. I'm not going anywhere. I don't care if you're one of the, what do you call them... unsubs or whatever. I'm staying right here, Spencer Reid."

He takes a shaky breath as he tries to calm down. He begins to tell you the story of one of their cases, and how it led to him being kidnapped. It was a man with DID, one personality the abusive father who had kidnapped Spencer, another being the son who thought he was helping.

"I tried to convince him to let me go. He wanted to help, but he was too scared of his father. He decided the only way he could help me was to take the pain away..."

Spencer gets choked up as he struggles to continue. You knew he had seen a lot of dark things and endured the trauma with Maeve, but clearly this affected him deeply in a way you had never seen.

"He injected me with dilaudid, multiple times. In the end, I had to shoot him. I had to kill him. And before I left, I took the drugs with me. I used for months after. I didn't know how to deal with what I had gone through it seemed easier just to...escape I guess. It made it easier to deal with problems in my life too, issues with my mother..."

You continue to rub his back, making sure he knows you are still here for him, despite divulging the horrors of his past.

"I have been clean for years now but...addiction it never really..."

You give his arm a squeeze causing him to finally look up at you. His eyes are puffy and red from crying. His cheeks are tear stained.

"I get it, Spencer. I understand. I'm sorry I pushed you, if you weren't ready to tell me. But it means a lot that you opened up to me about this; I know that can't have been easy. Just know, there are options here, non-addictive pain medications, if you really need them. But I won't push you okay? Just tell me what you need."

He wraps his arm around you before laying his head down on your chest, letting out a deep sigh of contentment and closing his eyes.

You swear you hear him whisper "You” before he fades back into sleep.

You make it your purpose to lay as still as possible, as not to wake him up. You lay your head back, letting yourself drift off to sleep as your mind swims with thoughts of feelings and things left unsaid.

A/N: If you're enjoying the story, I'd love to hear your feedback!! Thanks friends 💖✌🏻

I wanted to come back and add this. For anyone struggling with substance abuse or any mental health issues. You are not alone. You are always welcome to message me. I encourage you to talk to someone, anyone. That is why I will be adding a few hotline numbers below here. These are available 24/7

Resources:

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: 1 (800) 662 – 4357

https://www.samhsa.gov/

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/