#i'm glad it happened and i don't hate her really but underneath is just like the. i don't know.

[elytrafemme]

feel like a dick for not wanting to talk to my ex because we did agree to end our relationship as friends and we've been like cordially whenever we do talk but also like... i don't. like. like i know communication is the answer to everything etc etc but i feel like given the fucking everything going on during our relationship if she even noticed the half of it she should kind of intuit that i don't really want to talk about my feelings with her right now.

[monodreamin]

Rated: M (18+)

Genre: smut, fluff, one shot

Synopsis: after a bad break up you meet a handsome man in a dog park.  

Warnings: one ass smack, protected sex, cute nicknames and penetrative sex. 

Words: 3,049

Author’s note: I wanted to write something more soft and with autumn vibes. I just haven’t written in so long and wanted to put this out before winter. I mean it hasn’t snowed for me yet so I don't count it as winter yet lmao.

It was a cold crisp early autumn morning and you were walking your dog Jax, a Shiba Inu breed. Your ex boyfriend got you while on a trip to Japan. Your ex boyfriend left you with the dog he was yours anyway. The break up was a nasty one with your ex boyfriend. Ever made time with you he was either busy with work or hanging out with his loser friends you disliked so much.

Things weren’t always like this you once both loved each other very much after dating for 2 years decided to love in and build a life together you always wanted a dog so on a business trip to Japan your boyfriend got you Jax for your birthday you cried holding the small puppy in your arms the best birthday gift ever. 

Let’s be real, you felt like shit your boyfriend came over last night to pick up his stuff. He was moving in with his best friend, the one you hated because he was so far up your boyfriend’s ass honestly he should have dated him instead. 

When you and your ex boyfriend would get into heated fights  and he was anywhere nearby he was always picking a side and it was always his best friends of course even when he couldn’t be anymore wrong that was the bro code shit these men spoke of because it just didn’t make any sense to you. 

You were holding Jax's red leash as you entered the dog park. You could hear the fall leaves underneath your shoes crunch as you walked on the leaves that have fallen from the trees. 

You had a hand holding a hot coffee while the other held your dog’s leash tightly when suddenly a small black dog a mini pinscher breed it  jumped on top of your dog and it scared you a bit not knowing if they were playing or not you were paying to much attention to the two dogs in front of you that your hot coffee spilled all over your jeans. 

“FUCK” you yelled out feeling the coffeee seep through your pants burning your thigh. “I’m so sorry, is everything ok?” You heard a deep Aussie accent and as you looked up you saw the most beautiful man you ever came across. 

“Let me help you, I'm so sorry about that.” He rushed over with a stack of napkins handing them to you. You pressed the napkins to your thigh on the wet spot but your eyes never left his. 

“Lori come here” he lifted the dog up in his arms. Something about a man with a dog since your ex boyfriend wasn’t a dog person he just got you the dog because he thought it would keep you company and leave him be with his friends. 

“It’s ok I just got burned a bit by the coffee but I’ll be ok.” He opened his mouth in a gasp. 

“That is not ok let me make it up to you  I’ll get you a coffee. I’ll also get Lori here a new leash here since hers snapped. 

You watched the man be all lovey woth hos dog and it warned your heart instantly. “I can come with you if you don’t mind Jax here needs a new bowl.”

“Really? Well then let’s head over there now if you don’t mind” 

“So I know your dog’s name Lori and you know my dog Jax bit that is your name? My name is YN by the way.”

“My name is Christian I usually don’t let my dog loose I’m a responsible pet owner I promise but her leash unexpectedly broke and well she’s a playful dog and so when she saw the only other dog at the dog park she got a bit excited.”

“I see that it’s ok really.” You self consciously put a strand of your hair over your ear. 

“Well I’m a bit glad things happened the way they did I mean minus the hot coffee spilling on you.”

“So to the pet store then to the cafe to get my coffee? You owe me.” You joked.

“I’m a man of my word YN.” The both of you walked out the dog park making your way to the pet store. 

Christian looked through the dog leashes and decided on a black one you could see him testing out its strength. 

“I’m sure you’re good with that one.” You teased walking toward another aisle full of all types of pet bowls they had: stainless steel, ceramic, plastic, double bowls, elevated dog bowls the list went on and on.  

“Having a hard time picking one?” It was now Christian’s turn to tease you. 

“Well it’s much harder than picking from leashes I’ll tell you that.” 

“Ppft I digress.” Christian picked up a stainless steel double bowl and walked to the counter. 

You followed behind him “you needed a bowl too?”

“No, since I saw you having a difficult time I picked one.”

“That was nice of you thanks.” 

You both walk out and this time Lori is on her leash. Christian is still holding the brown paper bag with the bowl in it. 

“So the next stop is the cafe?” 

“Yes the cafe it is but let’s do outdoor seating since we have the dogs with us.”

“I mean that makes a lot of sense to me.” Christian smiles. 

The both of you walk two blocks down from the pet store and there is the cafe.

“Two… or should I say an outdoor table for four since we have our furry friends.” Christian says and we are seated by an older woman outside. 

“Are you ready to order?” The cute older lady says. 

“One iced americano and….” He looks at you for your order. 

“Hot coffee light and sweet three sugars please.” 

“Ok and I’ll bring some treats for the furry friends too.” The lady leaves. 

“She’s nice.” You say. 

“I feel like dog people are usually nice people.” Christian looks under the table at the two dogs who are lying peacefully on the ground. 

“I think we tired them out today.” Christians head pops back up from underneath the table. 

“I mean we walked everywhere maybe that’s why.”

“So tell me about yourself, where do you work? Do you have a boyfriend?” 

“ I work in marketing and no I don't. I had one but not anymore. You?” 

“ I work in the arts so painting and sculptures mostly. I don’t have a girlfriend I haven’t in a year.” 

“Oh that sounds so cool and why not? You’re very good looking and with that accent I’m sure you have no problems.” 

 Christian laughs when the older lady returns this time with a tray and two drinks she places the drinks on the table and gives the dogs treats. 

“Enjoy the drinks, anything else I can get you?” 

“No, we're done for now thank you so much .” You say. You both are sipping from your hot drinks. 

“When you truly love someone and have your heart broken it takes time to heal.” Christian continues the conversation. 

“I get it well I just got out of a serious relationship “

The both of you continue to talk about life and other things. You looked at your phone and you have been at the cafe for an hour now. 

“I should get going now, you know shower from the coffee that spilled on me earlier.”

“Let’s exchange phone numbers.” So the both of you did and you were on your way “I’ll walk you home if you don’t mind” Christian still held on to the paper bag he was such a gentleman. 

You and Christian walk along with your dogs. “Ok well this is me right here thank you for walking with me.” You say as you stand in front of your apartment building. 

“Let’s stay in touch.” He simply says and with that Lori  leads the way. You watch him for a bit then head upstairs to your apartment with Jax. 

When you reach your apartment you use the key to open your door to your surprise you see your ex boyfriend on the couch. 

“What are you doing here?” You were highly annoyed by his presence. 

“I got the last of my stuff and to return the key.” 

“Ok well thanks I won’t live here long anyway.” 

“Why not? And where were you?” Why did he care about you and what you were doing? He just needed to be on his way. 

Jax stood in front of you very protectively. 

“What does it matter to you? We aren’t even dating anymore.” 

“Are you seeing someone else?”

“You have no right to ask me that it’s none of your business.” You raised your voice and Jax started to bark at him. 

How dare this man be back at your apartment without a heads up and he had the nerve to be jealous when you broke up with him 2 weeks ago. 

“If you aren’t seeing someone it would be a simple question to answer but you can’t because you’re with someone else already I know it just tell me.” 

“You are sick and twisted, you know that? It is none of your concern what I do, who I say or who I don’t see now, get out of my apartment right now.” 

Jax barks got louder and your ex boyfriend got up from the couch throwing the key over your head. What a dick and he just reassured you that breaking up with him was the right thing to do. You wouldn’t ever go back to that. 

A month has passed since your break with your ex boyfriend and you had been texting Christian daily. It was cute flirty texts and getting to know each other better. Mostly you haven’t seen each other since the cafe date your break up felt so fresh you couldn’t move on just yet. 

You have been looking for new apartments because you thought moving from this old space you shared with your ex boyfriend would help in the moving on process. You reached out to a few realtors on some properties and waited for them to contact you for a viewing. 

You were getting ready for bed when Christian texted you again. You smiled as you read his text. He couldn't wait to see you tomorrow you replied and put your phone on the nightstand smiling to yourself you couldn’t wait to spend time with him again soon. 

You went to sleep and were awakened in the morning by your alarm clock. You hit the stop button getting up from your bed and you start to get ready for work where you will be counting down the minutes for when you’ll see Christian again. The day hasn’t even begun and you knew you would be dreading it. 

You finished your work for the day but acted as if you were busy with someone before you were given an extra task you didn’t want not today you had plans and you were excited for those plans you kept looking at the time hoping it would pass faster. 

It was 5:30 PM and you were clocking out. You had to rush to the train to get home to shower and get dressed for your… well not date you didn’t know what it was you and Christian haven’t discussed that yet and you both were just enjoying each other's company. Sometimes you would make out but before it got too intense, always stop yourself. You weren’t fully healed from your breakup and it didn’t feel right to have sex with another man in the apartment you once shared. 

Lucky you the train pulled up on the platform as soon as you finished climbing the stairs. You got on the train and saw a seat so you sat down. Today was your lucky day. Indeed, you checked your phone to see Christian had sent you a photo of him at his art studio. The man was gorgeous. He was so focused on his sculpture donning black frames to get a better look of his work. 

You almost missed your stop because you were  too enthralled with the photo. You grabbed your purse and rushed out before the doors could close. You had 3 blocks to walk before you were home to get ready and you were speed walking. You had a lot to do and you didn’t want to keep him waiting. You reach your building and let out a sigh of relief time to get pretty, you thought to yourself. You laid your clothes on the bed and stepped in the shower. You knew exactly what makeup and hair style you wanted. You got out the shower in your towel and started to prepare for… whatever this is. 

You took one last look at yourself in the mirror making sure everything was looking right then headed quickly out the door. You met up with Christian at the bowling alley and then after had sushi for dinner. You weren’t talkative and Christian seem to pick up on it. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked, popping some sushi into his mouth. 

“I’m sorry I’m so quiet, I'm just in my mind too much.”

“We’ll talk to me, what's on your mind right now darling?” 

Your heart thumped harder at the nickname. 

“Well…” you blushed, picking at your California roll with the chopsticks.

“Are you not into the date?”

There it goes he said it a date this is a date all your worries and headache went away with one simple word date you smiled 

“No, I love it and thanks for the date.” You drank the rest of the sake and started to eat and become more engaged with Christian now that he put your worries at ease. 

The date was done and you both had a great time and decided to head back to your place. Jax eagerly greeted Christian since they have become very much acquainted. 

“Hey Jax, did you miss Y/N? I’m sorry I kept her from you but she’s here now.” 

Jax jumped on your lap and you started to scratch his head. The both of you sat on the couch talking and taking turns petting Jax.  After a while Jax was asleep and you put him on the couch next to you. 

“I bet Lori misses you too.”

“My mom is taking care of her now.”

“Really why?”

“I’m leaving this weekend I have an art show. I was wondering if you would like to attend with me?”

“Of course I’m sure my mom won’t mind dog sitting for me.”

Christian leaned over kissing you unexpectedly but you reacted by kissing him back. The both of you were all each other on the sofa. 

“Let’s take this to my bedroom.” You said leading the way. The both of you went straight to the bed clothes were being removed and thrown on the floor. 

The both of you were naked and you laid in the middle of the bed Christian’s hands caressing your body. Something caught Christian’s eyes on your nightstand and you quickly knew what it was your vibrator that you had used earlier in the day you forgot to put it away. 

“Oh babe I see you were having fun without me.” He grabbed the vibrator turning it on. 

“I think I’ll have more fun with you now.”  You spread your legs giving him access to you. Christian smirked as he pressed the vibrator over your clit. 

“Is that ok?” He moved the vibrator in a circular motion. 

“Put it higher.” You bit your lip watching him work the vibrator on you. 

“I think you need more than a vibrator.” He said and you looked down at him and saw his erected cock. 

“You’re right about that I’m tired of my hands and vibrator.” 

“Well I can be of some assistance to you.” Christian got his pants from the floor and went in his pants pockets pulling out a condom. 

“I know you can.” You watched as he put the condom on then picked up the vibrator again placing it back on your clit this time with higher speed. 

You moaned at the high speed vibrating perfectly against your clit. Soon after Christian entered you slowly as he kept the vibrator pressed against you , the sensation of him in you stretching his walls and the vibrator would have you cumming in no time. 

“That feels so good Christian oh my God.” You threw your head back moaning louder. Christian picked up the pace, his hips slamming against yours as he put the vibrator on the highest speed. 

Your body felt like an explosion of sensation, a wave of relaxation and peace taking over your entire body shortly after. You couldn’t believe how quickly you orgasmed . I mean he was hot and extremely talented in bed. You have been deprived by a man for so long your body responded quickly to his. 

“Darling I know you didn’t cum that quick did you?” A very cocky grin played on his lips. 

“I’m I’m I’m so sorry I…. I…” you sounded like a broken toy repeated itself. 

“Oh no it’s ok I’m not done with you just yet babe. Now lay face down for me.” You did as you were told and he smacked your ass. Your legs were straight and hips slightly raised off the bed. Christian entered you from behind. He felt bigger than before in this position. 

Christian stroked deeper in you as he nibbled on your ear then softly bit your shoulder and proceeded to your neck. 

The passion filled through your veins as his pace quickened. Your pussy pulsating in his cock adding even more pleasure you both were close to reaching your high. 

“Fuck I need to get on the pill again so you can fuck me raw.” You looked back at him as you both reached your climax and he pulled the condom out tying it up and threw it in the trash can. 

“Well luckily you are my girlfriend now and  we have a lot more time to do more of that on our trip.”  He grabbed your face kissing your lips and you both cuddled on the bed. 

[its-chelisey-stuff]

My final thoughts on Lovely Runner!

Things I loved about this ending:

No more time travelling. I was SO SURE we were going to go back in time one more time and had been bracing myself for it. And after seeing all these theories online, I really thought the one who was gonna go back in time was Sunjae. Beyond glad I was wrong about this. I was kinda dizzy with all these travels in time.

The way Sunjae got all of his memories from all the timelines back. I know it's technically the same person but the fact that the Sunjae we first met in the drama was fed up with everything and full of guilt always made me sad. That man needed a happy ending more than any of his "versions" lol I'm happy he got that and knew he was loved and saved, time and time again, by the girl he loved.

One hour of fluff! I'm so used to dramas pulling one last annoying twist in the final hour, that I'm pleasantly surprised it wasn't the case here. We got one hour of our leads being happy and in love. The romcom was romcom-ing till the last minute.

Taesung is officially the best second male lead in the history of kdramas. I don't accept any arguments. It's the truth. His character served a purpose and was key to ending that ill fate otp had with the psycho killer. He had the brain cells when our leads didn't lol And I love the fact that his friendship with Sol put him on the right path in life to become such a great detective and person. In a way, just like Sunjae, Sol's love for him, also saved his life.

Having said all this, and stating that this is gonna be a hard drama to top, I stand by the fact that romcoms in kdramas should be 12 episodes. Up until last year, some had been done that way and I don't know if this is somehow a controversial take to have, but I do believe this drama wasn't the exception *hides underneath the table*

Listen, I don't think it "dragged" because a lot of things were indeed happening, but my obsession for the story peaked at ep 8. If we never got a reason or backstory for the killer (which I don't hate but still why bring him in the first place? lol) we didn't need to expand the story another 8 eps. What we got instead, was more pain and trauma inflicted on the main leads, especially on Sol. Just to... what? Get even with Sunjae's love and own regrets?

Getting even with him and showing she loved him just as much, for me, was Sol going back in time to save him. I didn't need a "sacrifice" on her part to know that.

They were so cute this ep lol

Finally, I guess it's kind of poetic that Sol became devoted to Sunjae to the point of traveling time and space to save him, because of his songs, and once that purpose was served, he no longer had to be a singer in the new timeline. His love was why he wrote and made those songs. When he had no memories of Sol, there was no reason to longingly sing for her, but I still found it a bit sad. Like something was lost, you know? But this is me just being picky hahahah the fangirl in me will never like to lose the memories I have made thanks to the music I've loved.

And I guess in the end, it's kind of romantic only Sol and Sunjae remember those songs. Like a little souvenir between the two of how epic their love story was.

lol always a loser till the end.

[pablitogavii]

could you write smth where at like an event, people are saying that the reader isn’t rich enough or good enough to be dating pablo and she doesn’t tell him but he finds out and gets mad but the ending is sweet and cute <3

True Treasure

You attended one of the Barça events with Pablo after you finally went public about your relationship after five months of being together in secret.

Most of his fans were very kind to you especially since you weren't trying to use his fame for yourself but lived a normal life even when everyone found out you were his girlfriend.

You were very nervous about the event as it is because you get anxious in large crowds of people you don't know. And to make things worse some haters online really got you self conscious on your way there.

y.n.bebe

Barcelona, Spain

Ready for the dinner. Gracias amor por un foto <;3 @pablogavi

comments:

pablogavi: que guapa <3

hater123: that dress is literally so cheap!!

hatersclub: she looks so simple :/

besthater: nahh gavi buy her some clothes cause she poor!!

You were glad that Pablo put his phone on silent when he drove so that he didn't read any of those comments cause he would go crazy if he knew.

You didn't really care much abut branded clothes or shiny jewelry but when you arrived to the party, that's all you saw.

All the guys were in expensive suits, just like Pablo was and it looked so freaking good on him! All the women were either wearing Dior, Channel, Versace or some other brand I didn't even know about.

"You okay?" he asked snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you close and you just nodded faking a smile not wanting him to worry about this.

You were next to take photos and you never felt more uncomfortable. Everybody was looking at you smiling but all you thought was that they thought your dress was cheap and that you didn't belong here.

"Um..I'm sorry Pablo..I need some air" you said after the photos walking out to get some fresh air suddenly the whole room feeling stuffy and heavy. Pablo of course followed after you worried what happened.

"You feeling anxious princesa??" he said kissing your head and you just nodded your head looking at how beautiful Barcelona looked a t night from the balcony you were at.

"I'm sorry Pablo.." you said tears spilling down your cheek obviously not because you were anxious but because you felt like you didn't deserve him, like you were embarrassing him.

"Amor..que pasa? Tell your Pablito what's wrong please?" he pulled you in closer raising your chin and drying a tear from your face.

"I..don't belong here. I'm not rich enough..and I shouldn't have came" you said unable to keep quiet any longer really wanting to go home right now.

"Amor..where is this coming from huh? Of course you belong here! You're my girl and the most beautiful woman tonight" he spoke kissing your lips afterwards and you sniffled.

"But..but I'm not wearing expensive clothes like everyone here" you said and Pablo giggled pulling you closer into him and kissing the top of your head.

"And why do you think I chose you? Out of all those influencers flashing Versace in my face wanting me just because they want to be Barcelona Wags... I chose you because even in a simple white dress, you look breathtaking to me princesa.." Pablo spoke with his hands on your hips and you smiled blushing a little.

"R..really??" you say looking up and he smiled nodding his head and holding your face and kissing your lips lovingly.

"Mhm..now come with me and let's enjoy the party princesa!" he said and you nodded walking back inside spending truly a magical night together.

pablogavi

Love isn't about expensive clothes and jewelry...love is about connection, laughs, silly arguments and LOTS of cuddles! I can't believe there are people who can hate on such an angel who makes me so happy every day. My favorite thing she wears is my hoodie <3 Te amo princesa!! @y.n.bebe

comments:

gavifan: I read the comments underneath her latest post. some people are so hateful that it's unimaginable! just because somebody's not rich doesn't mean they are worthless. this girl is such a sweet soul and deserves all love that Pablo knows how to give <3

gavirafanclub: i love y.n because she is not one of those fake plastic influencers trying to get famous by being with gavi! she is the real one!!

y.n.fangirl: made me so angry to see them comment how her dress is "cheap" when it looked absolutely stunning on her! she's an 18 year olf girl and is dressing according to her age!

gavi_y.n_lovestory: this picture is soo cute!! she's so precious pablo! protect her at all cost <33

Pablo's post really meant a lot to you and it inspired all of your friends to stand in your corner as well which wasn't what you expected at all to happen.

mikkykiemeney story: people hating on this angel is unacceptable! true value is in your heart! <3 love you hermanita mia!

pedri story: amiga mia! you are more than amazing and we all love you very much! stop hating on good people!!

aurorapaezg story: hermanita mia preciosa! I love you so much and don't let any haters get you down! you're the best thing that happened to my hermano and we love you so much!!! <33

siramartinez story: I'm in complete disbelief that this girl is receiving hate! she's the sweetest human and always there to support her boyfriend! ps. pls let me borrow that dress cause it's bomb girl!!!

[holewithinahole]

Brown and Green | Olivia Octavius x Reader

Summary: After the accident with the collider, you end up on Earth 1610 in the Alchemax building. Dr Olivia Octavius is here to greet you. You can't help but notice all the resemblances with your own Octavius.

Ao3 Link

Warnings: shameless smut, no genitalia specified, no pronouns specified (reader), tentacle sex, restraints, orgasm denial, overstimulation, fantasising, non-native writer

I hesitated posting it here, but we don't post non-beta'd shit to be a coward. I wrote this in a few hours and took three days to resign myself and just post it. But after seeing Across the Spider-Verse, I had to re-watch the first one and I was, once again, hit in the face by my bisexuality and my obsession towards Dr Octavius. Tell me I'm not the only one...

Oh, reader is part of the Spider-Verse, I wrote with no gender nor genitalia in mind, I hope everyone can enjoy it!

Ok. Let’s do this one more time, shall we?

My name? Not really important because for the last few years, I’ve been the one and only Spiderman. You all know the story by now: being bitten by a radioactive spider which suddenly allows you to skip workout, the loss of a loved one... The usual Spidey-stuff.

I shoot my webs; I swing from Brooklyn to Queens to the Bronx to stop supervillains, rescue cats stuck in trees and help your grandma cross the road.

One day as I was doing my super-work, something weird happened: a flash of light and boom, I was in New York. But not my New York, a new New York. As for where I crashed, well–

“You seem tensed, Spiderman.”

You can feel your bones crack as those weirdly smooth, plastic-y tentacles wrap tighter and tighter around you.

“You, ow–” you hiss, out of breath. “You could say that.”

A shimmering laugh answers you and it’s just so weird. But after all, what could you expect from a parallel universe? You still have a hard time wrapping your head around the whole concept of dimension warping… and alternate versions of your enemies.

“What did you say your name was?”

“Dr Olivia Octavius.” She draws closer, that ridiculously hot smirk at the corner of her lips.

Fuck, can you concentrate for once?

“It sounds like you already knew the answer,” she says. With her free hands, she pulls her curly hair up, rebellious strands framing her face. Is amazing hair a multi-universal law for all Doc Ocks?

“‘Can’t say that I did–” you pause as long gloved fingers slide under the edge of your mask. “Hey! That’s a no-no, lady!”

She snaps the mask right off your face, an interested glimmer in her eyes. You feel like a mouse spread apart for dissection and she sure looks ready to whip out a scalpel. Was she really hiding a complete latex suit underneath her clothes? Not to be the one to pat supervillains on their shoulders to congratulate them on a job well done, but she really mastered the inconspicuous chemistry teacher cosplay.

Focus.

“It is quite fortunate that your portal opened here,” Octavius says conversationally as she readjusts her gloves. “I would have hated to run after you everywhere in the city.”

“Oh, you know me.” Your shrug looks like an uncontrolled twitch of your shoulder. “Always glad to help.”

“Indeed,” she chuckles. She grabs your face, inspecting it from every angle, ignoring your string of offended words. At the corner of your eye, an actuator reaches for a– ah, there is the scalpel. “Now…”

Oh hell no…

“Hey! Hey lady–“ Struggling is pointless and the more you try, the more she grins. “Olivia– can I call you Liv’?”

Octavius laughs. “Only my friends call me Liv.”

“We can be friends I’m sure.” You make sure to put on your best smolder. It looks painfully ineffective. “Or, you know, we can come to an arrangement.”

She raises an eyebrow at that but doesn’t answer. She’s not considering it, is she? That’d be a lucky day for the smolder – not that it doesn’t usually work of course (It doesn’t.) You keep smiling but her slow approach makes all your senses – spider and regular, tingle. It takes all of your brain power to tame your fight-or-flight response and not recoil as much as you can.

Are you seriously sweating right now?

“Oh, that’s rich.” Her smile is predatory. “Is it a usual Spiderman tactic to try to seduce their enemies?”

The actuators tighten even more around your torso. The discreet cough you let out widens her smile.

Toothy.

“Perhaps not in your universe.”

You’re relieved when the scalpel is dropped carelessly on the table behind her. Even more relieved when the tentacles lessen their grip around you. Your relief is soon replaced by surprise as one of them curls slowly around your left leg. It’s definitely better than being cut open, right?

“Alright, little spider.” Octavius stares down at you. “I’ll entertain the idea.”

Right?

In a blur, she steps in between your legs, helped by the arm holding your limb hostage. “And to answer your question…” Her hand comes to rest in the dip of your hip, feeling up muscles under her fingertips. Somehow it’s this simple gesture that sends a strong shiver through your nervous system.

“You can call me ‘Doctor’ from now on.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Liv.” The actuator tightens around your throat. “Doctor!”

A low laugh answers you. And that’s just not fair. Octavius has you in the most vulnerable state you’ve ever been in. Except perhaps that time when you had to face Captain Stacy, near the corpse of your bestfrie— oops, no, wrong mind folder. The most physically vulnerable you’ve ever been then.

“You never stop talking, do you?”

Earlier, Octavius had taken all the time in the world to push your arms out of your suit, her actuators handling you like a puppet, until your torso was bare for her to enjoy. You did try to yank at the tentacles keeping both your arms secured behind your back but thanks to whatever kind of sick machinery she put in them, they just wouldn’t budge. You were genuinely impressed at the technology allowing those arms to both be flexible and unbreakable. Even your Octavius had to favor titanium steel when he built his own.

The actuator that isn’t wrapped around your throat – a menacing yet tantalizing statement, or holding your limbs down, creeps from the top of your thigh to your chest, not unlike a viper chasing for its food.

Ah yes, the situation at hand.

“To be fair,” you huff. “You love to hear yourself talk as well.”

“You seem to know a lot about me, little spider.” Her hand travels from your hip to the underside of your right thigh. “Altercations with my alter-self then?”

You chuckle, a breathy fucking embarrassing thing. “Oh, plenty.”

Your suit pools uncomfortably at the bottom of your stomach, the sleeves flapping underneath you. It must be so practical to have strong mechanical arms capable of holding your enemy one meter above the ground without even breaking a sweat. But you feel way too warm. Isn’t it hot right now? Isn’t she hot?

Oh, she definitely is, submit your traitorous mind.

“I’m sure we must have been tormenting you intensely.” She giggles, examining a large scar running from your pectoral to your lower belly. With a finger, she traces it like words on paper.

“That’s from you, actually.”

Your Octavius had looked so smug when it happened.

She looks up, smirking. “His actuators are way more pointy than yours,” you explain.

The double-entendre doesn’t go unnoticed, but she doesn’t comment. “Actuators, uh? I haven’t heard this denomination in a while, since my research paper on radioactivity in fact.”

“Yeah, I did my homework.”

You exhale shortly when the teasing actuator wrapped itself around your middle section allowing the others to tug at your suit. Octavius stopped her reverential petting to observe the spandex clinging to your skin, slowly displaying your legs and your underwear-clad pelvis like an exhibit. A free one at that, with free food and everything.

“So,” Octavius asks after discarding the suit to a corner of the room. “What’s the name of my counterpart?”

Both her hands come resting on your legs again. “Otto,” you mutter through clenched teeth.

“Funny,” she says, taking her sweet time feeling your backside muscles. She likes to grope, doesn’t she? “That’s the name of my father.”

Your nose wrinkles. “Ew, what a way to kill the mood, lady.”

Strangely, she doesn’t mention your slip, simply laughing while resting her palm on your– nether regions. The mood is far from being killed however judging by the humiliating wetness spreading through your underwear. She presses her palm down a little forcefully, and you moan loudly. Raising an eyebrow, it’s with a certain – perhaps misplaced – curiosity that she alternates between stroking up and down and toying with the tips of her fingers any potentially sensitive region. And you can’t contain the noise.

To be fair, you’ve never really been ashamed of anything.

There’s a daze settling in your mind, a fog behind your eyes as you only focus on the diffuse pleasure settling down there. You’re pulsating, every blood vessel tight, engorged as a blush spreads on your skin. You’re drifting, fuck– you’re so–

“Eyes on me, sweetheart.”

You don’t have time to reflect on the fact that you obeyed so eagerly because her touch's gone and it's the only thing you can focus on at the moment. She knows that too because her smugness is plastered all over her face – some things never change, and you want to cum all over her arrogant little smile.

“That’s–” you struggle to catch your breath. “So uncool.”

“The arrangement is you get out of here alive and I,” Octavius smirks. “get to do what I want with you.”

The shiver that travels through you speaks volumes. So the key to the ultimate fuck was ‘travel to a parallel universe’ all along? Talk about a joke.

“Now.” She straightens up, towering over you. “Tell me a little more about your Otto.”

The tentacles raise you higher in the air, pushing your hips at almost eye-level to Octavius.

“Self-centered much?” You joke, trying to ignore the actuator crawling along your leg.

“Curious,” she replies, enjoying the show. “You didn’t go around flexing those beautiful muscles in front of his face, did you?”

“What–” You try not to blush but fuck– it’s hard to concentrate when there’s the equivalent of an alien tentacle nuzzling you through your underwear. “Hey! I’m a very respectable – ah!, person ok?”

She laughs loudly at that. “It’s not a no, is it?”

“It’s part of the job!” You huff, avoiding eye contact. “Nothing ever happened with Otto. I care about my life, you know.”

“But not enough to avoid trying your ridiculous seduction tactics on me?”

You wonder if there’s a sliver of internalized misogyny reprimanded somewhere but, in your defense, the smooth head of the actuator now slowly creeping towards your opening is hard not to focus on.

“Worth a shot?” you pant.

You let out a surprised groan as the rough feeling of your underwear breaches your entrance, pushed inside by the blunt head of the mechanical arm. Not nearly enough to truly be inside but the movement is a warning at worst, a promise at best.

For fuck’s sake, listen to yourself.

As the actuator keeps pushing against your hole, you’re assaulted by the wet sound your garment does as it moves. It’s reminiscent of your evenings alone in your shitty apartment when you have enough time to tease the shit out of you. And as Octavius’ hand is back on your crotch, sensations and recollections drive you mad, spilling moans and gasps from your open mouth. Are you going to cum just like this? Groped through your pants and your hole teased like a fucking teenager? You’re too old for that.

Octavius hums to herself, observing you and cataloguing all your reactions as she would do for her research. Her undivided attention on you is exhilarating, and you watch her through half-lidded eyes wishing you could see the curious glint in those wide brown pupils.

What the fuck?

“You seem out of it, Spiderman.” She chuckles. “Drifting away?”

You gulp. “You could say that.”

It’s like she can see right through you. “Fuck– I’m–”

She suddenly disengages, leaving you once again panting, muscles tensed under smooth plastic. “Oops,” she giggles. “Butterfingers.”

You can only stare, heart skipping a beat. She couldn’t possibly have–

“Let me help you with that.”

In seconds, she discards you of any remaining pieces of clothing, holding you upright in all your naked glory. Still dizzy from everything, the touches, the words, you don’t say anything.

“Well then.” She tilts her head to the side. “Spider got your tongue?”

As latex-clad fingers dip inside your mouth before you can even muster a clever answer, you let out a moan, obsessed with the slick feeling of spit on her gloves. Lost in thought, a smooth arm soon takes its rightful place on your groin, pocking, rubbing and your sex glistens, sticky and sensitive to the air. Octavius keeps pressing her fingers down your tongue, sampling every single strand of your DNA when she pulls them away. Now that she’s so close, you can see her green eyes through her goggles. Wait, green?

“Have I finally broken you, little spider?”

Her laugh is supposed to be taunting but it just releases another spike of arousal through your whole body as if she somehow managed to alter your genes, confuse every nerve. Your entire self had changed with a single bite from a radioactive spider, who said you couldn’t go through the same process all over again?

“Not by a long shot,” you chuckle breathlessly.

“If I’d known it’d be this easy…” Her wet fingers graze against a hard nipple and you bite your tongue to not release another embarrassing noise. “Perhaps your Otto should take lessons.”

You let out a breathy moan, weak against the surge of all those sensory attacks and perhaps from the superposition of brown and green, tiptoeing the leyline linking her universe to yours. Unlike him, she seems to see right through you, deciphering the codex of your fantasies with a single look.

“You should describe him to me.”

“What?” you sutter. “What for–”

The twist sears through you, making your knees shake, pleasure distorting pain. The actuator against your throat tightens imperceptibly, just enough to make you remember its presence.

“Come on,” she whispers. “Are we alike?”

You scoff. “Not at all. He’s…”

A pain in the ass. Always in the way, always stealing money, always speaking about grand schemes and higher purposes. Completely mad, a total whacko, undeniably intelligent, brilliant–

“Tall.”

It makes her laugh. The touch of the actuators against your feverish skin is almost enough to cool it down. “And?”

“Uh, large?” you mutter. “He’s like a mountain or– something…”

One hand keeps playing with your nipples as the other traces random figures along your stomach which, you realize, aren’t random at all but just the complex network of your battle marks. When she runs a finger along the scar adorning your torso, you gasp softly and her gaze is all-knowing. Octavius drives you insane, and you’ll soon be complete putty in her hands, using your body as she pleases while you’re assaulted with visions of large hands and uncovered skin.

“He has uh…”

Get a fucking grip.

“Uh, he has short brown hair.”

You realize that her spit-covered fingers have travelled all the way down when she uncaringly presses a digit inside. Breath knocked out of your chest, you still hiss at the dry and unpleasant sensation but the lone actuator is quick to distract you again. When you think you had enough time to gather all your unholy thoughts and the remnants of your oxygen, her finger is joined by another, spreading you open.

“What else?” she asks, focused on her task.

You sigh, annoyed. “He has brown eyes–”

The actuator’s head suddenly splits open, revealing four small appendages and the opening of the tube that controls it. It stares at you, almost mocking, and you can’t take your eyes off it before it starts to dip down.

“Wait, wait, what do you think you’re doing–”

The echo of Octavius’ laugh is registered far at the back of your mind as the arm traps the entirety of your sex like the mouth of a carnivorous plant on a powerless bug. You feel it suck, making you throb, sputtering everywhere. The rippling of the plastic membrane makes it look alive as if it was waiting to swallow everything your body has to offer.

“Whe– where they even– fuck!, designed for th–ah!”

Octavius retreats her fingers, laughing again before getting rid of her right glove with her teeth. You try not to dwell on how filthy it is.

Fuck, it’s the filthiest thing you’ve ever seen.

The suction on your crotch increases and now you can only pant, gasp and droll everywhere. It's a sensation like no other, making you ignore everything else. Nails dip in your cheeks as Octavius grabs your chin to look at you, pride of your current state written all over her face.

“His eyes, you said?”

You want to kill her. “His– eyes?”

“Yes.” She giggles. “I don’t think you finished your sentence.”

You want to kiss her.

The actuator around your throat releases you, leaving you gasping for air. But your relief is brief as it soon slides against your loosened hole, slowly but surely pressing in.

‘They’re– they’re,” you stutter, arching towards her, brain devoid of any coherence. “Brown?”

She grips your face more forcefully and every sensation suddenly comes to a stop. “Have your brain already melted through your ears?”

You whine. “Ok, ok– they’re big, too gentle even–”

She smiles, a predatory thing. Aren’t spiders supposed to be predators? One good, strong suction on your crotch has you moaning so loudly you’re afraid all Achemax will come running in. “Beautiful– he’s–”

The actuator pushes inside smoothly, leaving you a shaking mess, split apart by the chaos of sensations running underneath your skin. No casual sexual encounter could have ever brought you to such a delightful, painfully aroused state. Your senses are attacked, assaulted from every direction as you’re watched, dissected under the gaze of an enemy. Octavius takes immense pleasure watching you completely surrender to her, and you can’t not picture the smug crooked smile of her counterpart in the wrinkles at the corner of her lips. There’s a lot that you could question about yourself if you hadn’t left your higher brain functions under the hands – and the tentacles, of a magnificent opponent.

“I think you have some self-reflection to do, little spider.”

You register the press of her lips late. Still holding your chin in a death grip, she kisses you like a snake strikes its prey. Eyes rolling back as she sinks her teeth into your lower lip, you arch strongly towards her, arms hurting for being held down for so long, legs spasming and chest heaving. Her tongue plunges into your mouth and she sucks at your lips not unlike how her actuators pump in and out of you, suck you dry, drive you insane…

Suddenly, she draws back, exhaling harshly against your reddened lips and you can feel her body moving forward. You only have the time to register that her hips are trusting against the actuator stuck to your crotch before she grabs a fistful of your hair and pulls harshly.

“Come on,” she pants in the crook of your neck. “Break down, sweetheart.”

You come like this, lightning travelling up your spine as you release on the mouth of the actuator, overstimulated by the trusts inside of you and the feeling of Octavius’ teeth on your skin. You spasm like an insect trapped in a web, a mouse constricted by the body of a python, arching, trusting your hips up over and over as the arm milks your orgasm out of you. Your throat is raw, your tongue is heavy and all your muscles scream from overuse but you just can’t stop coming, wetness spreading against your groin. When the actuators finally move away, you drip all over the floor, as your sex pulses, crimson red and spent.

Breathing air like it’s the first time, you try your best to calm your beating heart as you’re finally free from the arms’ grip, lowered on a nearby chair. Octavius lets out a sigh, tugging a rebellious strand of hair behind her ear.

“Oh well.” She smiles. “Good, very good.”

She throws your suit at your face. “You better run, little spider.”

“Uh?” You put it back, ignoring the uncomfortable stickiness between your thighs.

“This is my gift to you,” she says, putting on a clean glove. “You have five minutes before I hunt you down and use your body for my experiments.”

You laugh awkwardly, voice rough as you limp through the room. “I’ll be gone then. See ya, Doc!”

The giggle she lets out is hunting. As you swing away to central New York, the traces of her abuse all over your body, you think about your Octavius.

Perhaps you’ll try a new technique next time you meet.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Holy crap I’m loving your writing! Im especially obsessed with Ken and the ranch owner

I’m wondering if you’d be willing to do an fem human reader x Ken where the reader gets a bit sick, nothing too serious but Ken absolutely freaks out and thinks the reader is dying or sum (he learned about death from Stero Barbie. Also spiders. He’s terrified of both) and the reader thinks it’s a bit funny so she’s like “yeah I’m dying” but then he gives her the most terrified and sad kicked puppy look and she has to explain that it’s just a cold lol

Awh thank you!! Im glad that ppl still love my barbie movie stuff even though barbie summer has come and gone 💔

........

There were only two things that Ken feared after beginning his new life in the Real World:

One is the mortality of humans, as Barbie told him all about how fragile their lives were and the two paths they were given: either growing old and dying peacefully in their beds, or some terrible occurrence cutting it short long before their time on this earth was up.

The second was spiders.

He especially hated the spiders.

You only recently discovered he had that fear after finding one of those 8-legged critters in your house--or more specifically in his room, where he came barreling out from as though he accidentally set something on fire.

At first, you thought he really did start a fire until he dragged you back into there, begging you to get rid of the "strange beast".

You had no clue what he could possibly be referring to....and then he pointed to the corner, where a little cellar spider sat completely unbothered, weaving its web.

In that moment, you realized you may have turned him arachnophobic, considering you did show him one insect-themed horror movie this past Halloween. He kept freaking out over it potentially growing horse-sized or injecting venom into his bloodstream when he was asleep.

But despite you assuring him neither of those things could happen (and insisting that the spider was more afraid of him), Ken refused to go into the room until it was gone.

You find it hard to fathom that this same doll who led an entire revolt, came to terms with his own identity crisis, and bravely made the transition to humanity....was totally inconsolable in the presence of a tiny bug.

Then again, maybe showing him that movie--and allowing Barbie to explain why arachnophobia was among the top fears humans had--was a huge mistake.

Regardless, you made it your mission to get rid of the critter.

Oddly enough Ken insisted that you didn't actually kill it, but you found you it sweet that he valued its life despite it scaring the shit out of him. So you contained it in a cup, putting a napkin underneath it before releasing it outside.

After that, you mentioned how most people usually killed spiders and other pests that invaded their home.

He looked wildly uncomfortable at that fact, before he began talking about some rather... concerning things: like if the spider knew how short its lifespan was, how easily it could have been crushed, if it feared death or if it was even aware of it at all-

Before he could derail and start rambling about death itself too much, you stopped him, asking if he was feeling alright.

And he went quiet for a moment, before smiling and giving you a kiss, reassuring you he felt better.

Yet even as he left the room, he still appeared awful tense.

It was that day where you worried that it's more than just spiders he feared..

.......

"Babe, what's wrong? Are you sick??"

"...unfortunately, but it's nothing serious. Just a stupid cold I caught at work." Sighing tiredly, you sat up in bed, seeing Ken walk into the room.

He looked nothing short of horrified at how drained and exhausted you sounded this morning. "A-Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I don't want you to catch anything, so I'm sorry...but no kisses today."

"Then..what about tomorrow?"

You just rolled your eyes, drinking some tea you made for yourself. "Maybe, but we'll see if I wake up."

Although it was meant to be a little joke, your foggy brain forgot how seriously the blond often took jokes, and he rushed to your bedside, kneeling down.

His eyes were wide as he took your hand. "If you wake up??? Are you dying??"

Putting down your mug, you sighed once more, trying to figure out a way to remedy this situation before you upset him too much. "No....I mean I just feel like I'm dying, but.." You paused, noticing the tears coming to his eyes. "Ken?"

Now that he was a lot closer, you could see the utterly terrified look on his face--as though you kicked a puppy right in front of him.

Yep, it was already much too late. He was upset.

"I-I know tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone, but you have to get through this, [y/n]! Please..I can't lose you, too...not when you've done so much to help me." He was extremely close to crying, his lips trembling.

Your heart sunk as you placed a hand ober his own. "Oh honey, I was only kidding around when I say-"

"Why do humans joke about death so much? Don't they know y-you...you can't come back? That they have such short lives?? O-Or sure, some believe you can be reincarnated but that doesn't make it any-"

At this point, he was just blubbering nonsense, so you took him into your arms. And for a moment he fell silent, before burying his face into your chest, trying to calm himself down. "I-I'm sorry.."

"No, no..I'm sorry. You're right..I shouldn't be joking about death around you." Frowning slightly, you stroked his hair. "I promise I'm not dying. Not today, or tomorrow..not for a long, long time. This cold will pass and I'll feel better soon enough."

".....a-are these the irrepressible thoughts of death Barbie had?"

'Oh.'

It finally hit you.

He was going through the same thing she once did.

"Ken.." You had him sit up so you could see his face. Aside from it being a little red and his eyes puffy and watery, there were tear marks trailing down to the stubble that had formed along his jaw and chin. "Why didn't you tell me you were having those thoughts?"

Sniffling, he just shrugged. "I don't know. And... I don't know why I'm thinking them. Barbie could blame it on somebody who was playing with her, but...I can't. Because I'm not a doll anymore, I'm human....a-and...those were my thoughts alone." He shuddered, terrified at that realization. "I guess I just..didn't wanna scare you, b-but obviously it's too late for that..."

A small chuckle came from him, although it dissolved into a small sob as he wiped his eyes. "S-Sorry, I....I want these thoughts to just pass already."

"And they will." You nodded, squeezing his free hand reassuringly. "It looks like you're just experiencing them for the first time, and that's okay. They won't be all you think about. And you don't have to apologize for how you're feeling, as long as you're honest with me."

"Th-Thank you.." He sniffled. "I should be taking care of you, not the other way around. Do you need you anything? More tea? Meds? Anything at all?"

You smiled fondly, leaning forward to kiss him on the forehead. "You're all I need right now, sweetheart."

That response seemed to bring Ken's giddy old self back, as he smiled bashfully in return. He melted back into your arms when you wrapped them around him, and he listened to your heartbeat: the only assurance he needed that you were still living.

Eventually...those thoughts of death did pass him by, and he felt okay again.

[according2thelore]

different anon jumping in here but hot damn i'd read 500k of just your slice of life vignettes about this ls/es crossover. plot is so beyond unnecessary for this one holy shit just please hit a million word count giving us this juice. not sure if you had plans for first time/established but i'm now fantasizing about the added layers of all the varieties of it. the dark spiraly angst of es!bros who never crossed the line and have just barely begun to think about it, all naked panic and throes of guilt and excitement, trapped in a timeline with ls!bros who crossed it years back and can't help poking at the es versions of themselves bc they both know how hard it was for them. or, even better, if all 4 are still sort of peeking over the fence at the possibilities and ls!bros are going on year 30 of angsty mutual pining and here come the versions of themselves who made these emotions the ugliest that they ever were ... yum. yummyyyyyy please keep going

AAAA thank you so much!!!!!! :,)

i'm so honoured and glad that you like them! 🥰 these are so fun to write, so i hope you all keep thinking they're interesting, lol!

in my head, i've been picturing ES!Sam&Dean as being not "together," and as LS!Sam&Dean as being pretty firmly together/established.

it happened around a year and a half back, the slow realization that they both felt the same way, that the ownership and protectiveness and fear that close wouldn't be close enough, that they had for a while--single digits while. there wasn't any big "thing" that did it, just a bad hunt and a slow recovery and with all the god business, it just seems fair that they finally get to have this. it doesn't even feel like anything "new," more like an extension of what they already are to each other, what they already do. more of an equilibrium, a homeostasis, the world settling back into how it is supposed to be.

sometimes dean finds himself in the reflex of leaning away before he remembers that he can actually lean forward if he wants to. sam kicks his brother's shins under the table when he's being a dick but kisses him afterwards.

but ES!Sam&Dean are still stuck in the early stages. ES!Dean spent years mourning and hating sam for leaving, thumbing old polaroids of him in his middle school theater costume until the film starts to peel away and the picture underneath chips. sam had been hoping that the time apart would make his stomach less riotous, something with more ability to be tamed, but after jess and during the quiet moments spent in motel rooms, driving while sun filters through the windscreen and warming denim-clad legs and old leather, sam realizes that nothing has changed.

it makes him feel even more wretched because was he using jess this whole time? no. he loved her. he really did. dean just chips away at the hardest parts of his grief, the most isolating, with quips and burgers and big, earnest eyes. but how can someone find space for anything that's not dean in their chest, when he looks over with a betrayed moue and his hand glued to a beer bottle?

with sam's nightmares shaking him awake almost nightly, they've gotten in the habit of touching each other, fingers on wrists and dean's palm at the back of his neck and ankles crossing under tables and eyes tracking chapped lips and sides pressed together all the way down shoulders-biceps-forearms-waists-hips-thighs.

so when ES!Dean tries to find LS!Dean to ask him about the keys to the armory--because, hey, cool--he sees the door to his bedroom open. he sees the two pillows. sam's house shoes on one side of the bed. dean's on the other. the lube on the fucking nightstand that they don't even bother to put away because who ever comes over

and ES!Dean is...floored. fucking agog. and he gets even more flustered around LS!Sam and more convinced that this is some kind of alternate timeline/universe or something in which sam actually wants him back

he's blushing whenever LS!Sam looks at him and can't stop looking up at his not-so-little brother, built like a statue and making dean sweat with his fond smiles. he can't stop jerking off to imagining what it would be like to pull him down into a kiss, or feeling him from behind as he presses in. and this makes LS!Dean even more unworthy in ES!Dean's opinion, a murdering bastard drowning in gold and splendour. he thinks about it all the time--can't stop thinking about it. ES!Dean tries to catch LS!Sam's attention like 'me too, right? i'm good enough too, right?'

plus, it also fuels his anger at LS!Dean bc how did sam find out? how did this happen? did you force sam into this, you sick fuck? we swore on mom's grave that he'd never find out. no way sam actually wants us, no fucking shot.

if ES!Sam finds out, it would all kind of blow up, i think. it would be messy and sam would be furious because is that what ES!Dean's been trying to do and why he suddenly can't look either sam in the eye?? he wants to fuck LS!Sam?? what is different about him that ES!Sam doesn't have? it's kind of a betrayal on both fronts: a brother that only wants a specific not-ES!Sam version of sam, and a version of his older self that steals his brother out from under him.

not to mention, the whole time LS!Sam&Dean are looking at their younger selves with a weird mix of glee and pity, bc they don't even know yet, know what the word "brother" means, how it can mean everything at once, and to what extents they are willing to go to keep each other.

ARGH! it would be so messy!!! the tangled webs of longing and possession and just sheer goddamn need!

but anon!!!! you're so right!!!!!!!!! if neither of them are together, and suddenly they have to interact with these younger versions of themselves, who, if they can't have each other--who knows? with their big eyes and clear admiration and longing? these feelings have never been easy, but with ES!Sam&Dean, they're so messy. they bleed want, and it's agonizing to witness. idk...makes u think...

anyway. thank you for this lovely ask anon! and for your kind words!! if only i could write a million words about them, lol! x <3

-lizzy

(for the new: ES = early seasons, LS = late seasons; the other ES/LS posts can be found here!)

[mandos-mind-trick]

I'm forever grateful for this fandom

I've been meaning to post something like this for a while. I debated doing it during my next follower milestone (which is very close) but today just felt right.

I've been in a funky place these last few weeks due to a lot of things going on, and this time of year is always a struggle for me. I'm feeling better now, putting aside how today makes me feel, and some things have happened that are going to continue to make things improve slowly but surely.

Today marks twelve years since my mom's death. She died of colon cancer, which the diagnosis for came on rather suddenly and traumatically (that's a story in itself) and she fought for two years before finally succumbing to it on August 14, 2011. I was only 15 when it happened, sitting across the room from her when she took her last breath.

She and I were very close. I was a surprise child, born about 20 years after my siblings so I was raised as an only child. My mom was everything to me since my dad took on the more stereotypical gender role of working all day. (I was close with my dad but not nearly like I was with my mom.) My mom was the glue that held our family together and her getting sick and then ultimately passing really took its toll on my family, and me.

My mom was the one that introduced me to Star Wars. She loved the movies. She went and saw the original trilogy when they came out in theaters, and she instilled that love into my siblings and I. I still remember the day when she finally let me watch The Phantom Menace. I think it sticks out to me because if you had known her, you wouldn't have thought Star Wars would be something she was into. We went and saw the two remaining prequel trilogy movies when they came out in theaters and even the Clone Wars movie (the last one to come out before she got sick) and it was just so special that we shared this thing as a family that we all loved.

I didn't watch Star Wars for ten years after she died.

I rebuked anything and everything that had to do with Star Wars. Every new movie, every new show that came out, all I could think was how much she would have loved it (even the sequel trilogy.) I tried so hard to hate Star Wars because every time I saw anything related to it, it just brought up all those horrible feelings. The pain and grief of losing my mom and in a way I felt like I was betraying her because she'll never get to watch Star Wars again.

I don't really know what changed my mind. I honestly couldn't tell you what switched, what caused me to risk dipping my toe back into the world of Star Wars. Maybe it was all the Baby Yoda memes.

I decided early last year that I was going to watch The Mandalorian. It felt like a safe place to start since there were no emotions attached to it like other things. Also, I've been in love with Pedro since Game of Thrones so that also helped. Watching it, it didn't really feel like Star Wars, but at the same time, it reignited the feelings I used to get watching it with my mom. It took me a long time to watch the first two seasons (the only two that were out a that time) but I'm glad I did it. I went back after I finished those and rewatched the prequels and decided I was going to watch the Clone Wars show. I never really got into it when it was on TV, since I was reaching that stage of pubescence where I was trying to distance myself from anything that felt too childish.

Well, long story short, here I am now. The Mandalorian helped me ease myself back into the world of Star Wars, and the Clone Wars dunked me in head first.

I still think about it, I still think about her when I watch things. It's less painful now and more bittersweet. There's a sense of melancholy underneath everything that just kind of sits there. It never goes away, but sometimes it gets buried enough I don't feel it.

I certainly don't regret coming back to Star Wars. I certainly don't regret getting involved in the fandom side of things. When I decided to watch Star Wars again, I was sort of flailing between fandoms. That awkward spot when you leave one and have to find something else to occupy your every waking (and sleeping) moment. I had just left Marvel due to a toxic friendship (that's a whole other thing in itself) and had briefly jumped into Kpop (I still love Kpop but yikes at the fandom side.) I needed something and Star Wars decided to be that thing.

I didn't plan on getting so involved with the clones. I originally started this blog as a Mando blog (hence the name) and my first Star Wars fics were Mando fics. A lot of them have never seen the light of day and probably won't and that's okay. I hadn't realized, even when I first started getting into the fandom, that there was such a community centered around the clones. I remember when the Clone Wars movie came out, I desperately searched for any fics related to the clones, and there was nothing. So to return fourteen years after searching to find an entire fandom based around the clones...it was a bit unbelievable.

I'm so glad I found this place and eventually became active within it. Y'all have helped me more than I can ever say. I went from debating quitting writing entirely to enjoying it again. I'm writing like I did seven/eight years ago. It no longer feels forced, like I'm forcing myself to write so I don't lose my ability. I like what I'm writing. I'm proud of it. Y'all have helped me get over the impostor syndrome, the hatred I used to have for my writing. I can look at my works and feel confident in them because I know that they're good and I believe that they're good. That confidence and positivity has translated into other areas of my life. I still struggle sometimes, I still question myself, but it's never to the end of "I should quit because this is utter garbage" anymore. (When I say my writing is trash now, it's coming from a joking place, not a serious one.)

A lot of that growth has come from me and the work I've been doing, but you all have had a hand in it. I'm so grateful for all of you, from the silent readers to the dedicated commenters. You've helped me in so many ways. I'm not going anywhere, no matter how bad things get. I may have to take breaks but I'll always come back here because I have a reason to. You're stuck with me for the long haul.

I'm so glad I found my love of Star Wars again. I'm so glad I decided to engage in this fandom space. You're all so special to me and I love each and every one of you and I am so thankful for you. I can only continue to repay you with my writing and my unhinged thots.

[braveclementine]

Victoria Tries Killing Me With a Soccer Ball

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Twilight characters or locations. I do own Davina Mikelson and Marcel. I also own the backstory for my OC. I do not condone any copying of this.

Davina P.O.V.

It's been about a week since we got back from Kentucky and both sides of the field- Vampire and Werewolf- was filled in about everything on the trip.

I was preparing for a date tonight with Carlisle. Alice had dropped yet another dress off at the house for me to wear. Honestly, it was starting to get ridiculous. My closet was more full of Alice, Rosalie, and Esmes' left over things than my own.

The dress was Jade green- the best colour on me- and had almost no sleeves and a very swishy skirt. I wore silver jewelry, held a silver purse, and wore silver heels with this outfit. Not to mention after I finished curling my hair, I put in silver pins to hold some of it up. Pearl earrings though.

I was nervous because Alice seemed so overly excited for this date which made me wonder what was going to happen.

Probably nothing.

She was probably just glad that Carlisle and I were going out on a date. We hadn't been on one since we'd gotten back from Italy.

Carlisle showed up, wearing a tight sweater with a white shirt underneath and a tie. He was always wearing ties. He reminded me of Elijah Mikelson sometimes- just without the three piece suits.

Which reminded me! We had binged watched Vampire Diaries ever since I had gotten back from Kentucky. The guys watched it in interest, mostly to see what us girls liked about it. Bella watched some of it, but it wasn't really her thing.

However Esme, Alice, Rosalie, and I couldn't get enough of it.

We knew the guys got easily jealous and were comparing the guys in the TV show to the guys in real life and saying who we'd rather date. Carlisle especially hated it whenever I fawned over Damon Salvatore- probably because Carlisle was blond and was starting to wonder (according to Edward) if he was even my type.

It was quite fun.

Of course, even if Damon Salvatore existed. . . okay so maybe I'd have to have both Damon and Carlisle but that wasn't really a problem, was it?

Oh well.

I headed down the stairs, making sure the lights and stove were turned off before I answered the knock at the door.

"Hey." I said happily, letting Carlisle scoop me up and zoom to the car. It was raining and vampire speed was far more effective than an umbrella.

Carlisle sild into the other seat.

I stared at him, wild ideas swimming through my head and he glanced over. "What?"

"Just thinking." I said with a small smile.

"About what?"

"If you can drive and cuddle at the same time." I admitted, flushing slightly.

He chuckled lowly. "Vampires can multitask."

And in a flash, I was sitting on his lap, my face, facing towards him as he drove, one hand on the wheel, the other around my waist. I rested my forehead on his shoulder so that he could still see the road.

I snuggled into him, feeling his cool, but strong arm around me. "I love you Carlisle. I love you so much."

He pretty much purred into my ear, "I love you too Davina."

After a few minutes of content silence I whispered, "I think I understand why I was so at home with the wolf pack now. It's because I should be one of them."

"I'm glad you're not though." Carlisle said softly. "It would very hard to be together. Not because I wouldn't like you for being a werewolf, but it's very hard for a werewolf and a vampire to be in the same room together."

"I know." I whispered. "I'm glad I've never transformed either. Although now I'm afraid that I might either not be able to become a vampire at all, or I'll have to become a vampire sooner than I wished so that I don't turn into a wolf."

"I'll keep you happy enough that you won't be angry enough to turn." Carlisle kissed my cheek, slowing down. "We're here."

He pulled into a parking space and I saw the fancy restaurant in front of us.

"Don't worry." Carlisle murmured, running his lips from my ear, down my jaw, to my neck and up again. "Just dessert. Nothing else."

I giggled. "Am I dessert?"

Carlisle's eyes flashed black before turning gold again. "You could be. . . if we don't hurry."

He licked slowly up my neck with the tip of his tongue, making me giggle again and shiver. I pressed my lips to his in fervor. I felt his tongue swipe across the bottom of my lip and opened my mouth slightly, allowing his tongue to enter my mouth, swirling around, colliding with my tongue, fighting for dominance that I knew he would win anyways.

I pulled away slowly, breathing for air. "Dessert. Sounds good."

Carlisle chuckled lowly, pecking my lips before pulling the keys out of the ignition, and opening the door. I climbed out of the car, fixing my dress as he stepped out as well, slamming the door shut, and locking the car.

He held out his hand which I took. The rain had stopped, the clouds swirling above us.

"What's the last name?" The hostess asked promptly without any gawking at Carlisle which was a first.

"Cullen." Carlisle replied.

She looked at the computer, tapped the screen a few times, gathered up two menus, and said, "Right this way."

"All business, I like her." I muttered under my breath for only him to hear.

He chuckled lightly as we followed her through the quiet, romantic restaurant. He squeezed my hand as we got a table in the back which was very close to being empty.

He slid into the seat with his back to the wall, while I slid in the seat across from him, facing the wall.

"I already ordered, just so you know." Carlisle said softly, reaching across the table to take my hand. "I know what you like."

I smiled gently, slipping my heels off, placing my feet on his legs, out straight, one foot on each leg.

"You're very touchy tonight." Carlisle said with a smirk, but also honest curiosity in his voice, "Is anything wrong?"

"No." I said, shrugging, running my thumb over his knuckles. His skin was so smooth. "I just. . . I want to be as close to you as I can get."

The waitress came out a few moments later with the dessert, setting it down in front of us. I smiled down at it as she walked away. "You do really know me." I admitted.

The Hot fudge cake looked so appetizing. The large dollop of whip cream on top of the large chocolate brownie and vanilla ice-cream sandwich. The cherry leaked juices, penetrating into the whip cream, dying it a red and probably tainting the taste. Chocolate sauce leaked over the edges of the cake, pooling on the plate.

[I'm honestly craving these now that I'm writing about. Someone help!]

"It does look good." Carlisle admitted.

I picked up the spoon, carving into the dessert, popping a piece in my mouth and closing my eyes, nearly moaning at the decadent tastes that melted in my mouth. "Carlisle, this is so good. Thank you."

He chuckled, squeezing the hand that wasn't holding the spoon.

I opened my eyes. His gold eyes seemed brighter, a new emotion I'd never seen behind them. "Say. If you added blood to food, would it taste like anything?"

Carlisle thought about it. "I have no idea."

"Hmm," I thought about it. "I mean, maybe not normal solid foods. But like. . . I don't know. Adding blood to a chocolate smoothie or something. I don't know if it would work. I should experiment later with that."

He chuckled, "Making sure you can get your chocolate after you're a vampire?"

"Exactly." I winked at him.

I finished off the dessert rather slowly. For one thing, I didn't want to look like a slob eating it. For another, I wanted this date to last as long as possible.

"Davina. . ." Carlisle said softly as I finally put the spoon down and dabbed my mouth with a napkin.

I looked at him, wondering what he was thinking about. He stood up and I was going to get to my feet before he got down on one knee, pulling a box out from his pocket.

Oh.

"Davina," Carlisle's golden eyes were burning. I was frozen in my seat, my heart beating harder than I could've thought possible without bursting out of my chest. "I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you. I fell in love with your beautiful onyx eyes and your quirky personality. The way that quotes just roll off your tongue, even if I don't completely understand where they come from. I love the way that you know exactly what to say when I feel down to make me feel better. Your touch makes me feel alive in ways I haven't in nearly three hundred years. I will never love anyone the way I love you. I need you in my life. So, Davina Hermione Michaelson. . . Will you Marry me?"

So many emotions were conflicting in my chest as I stared at Carlisle. Azim's face popped up, the first person that I thought I would marry. But Carlisle wasn't like that. Carlisle was different. Carlisle was my soulmate.

I swallowed. "Yes."

Carlisle carefully took the ring out of the box. It was rather large and definitely old fashioned and he looked at me, slightly apologetic. "I know it's not. . . in the fashion. It was my mothers."

I was getting a ring from the 1640s? Wow.

"That's alright." I whispered. "It's not the ring I care about you know."

He smiled as he slid the ring onto my left hand ring finger. It had a simple gold band with an intricate. . . almost flower like design with a large diamond in the center. Smaller diamonds circled around the large one.

"It's beautiful." I murmured. "I love you Carlisle."

"I love you too." Carlisle murmured, bending down to kiss me. I leaned into the kiss eagerly. The ring rested easily on my hand. "I suppose I should've asked Sam for permission first though."

I chuckled, "He's my brother, not my father."

Carlisle nodded a little. "Ready to go home?"

"Yes." I said softly, standing, taking his arm and we went home.

------------------

"Stay in La Push today." Carlisle warned.

"I know." I said sincerely.

Alice had foreseen that Victoria would be coming back today. Edward and Bella were in Florida at the moment. Edward had wanted to get Bella out of Forks when she came. Meanwhile, the others would be hunting Victoria. Alice knew exactly where she was going to be.

"Please stay safe." I said, kissing Carlisle fiercely. He wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"Carlisle, we have to go." Alice said. "We have twenty minutes."

"I'm going." I murmured, hurrying from the house, climbing on to the motorcycle, and taking off for La Push. I arrived there in under ten minutes, pulling up to Harry's house. Seth was already waiting for me with his soccer ball.

"Hey Mom!" Seth said happily as I climbed off the motorcycle. "Are you ready to see my wicked moves?"

"Of course." I grinned. "But we should stay along the treaty line."

I had already called Sam and let him know that Victoria was going to be here. Seth wasn't allowed to participate which was slightly annoying to him.

"Come on buddy." I said, ruffling his hair.

We headed into the forest, laughing. We were going to head to the creek and stand on either side and make ridiculous throws at each other for the other to catch. It was going to be fun. Alice hadn't seen any problems, so there shouldn't be any.

We arrived at the stream and there were no problems. The water was rushing past quickly though. "You gotta be on the other side." Seth said. "You know, treaty line and all."

I giggled, "Sure thing werewolf boy."

I walked evenly across one of the logs, making it to the other side of the river. The water wasn't too deep, maybe six feet. Swimmable, but not drownable.

"Alright Seth! Let's see what you can do." I said with a grin.

Carlisle P.O.V.

We waited, still and silent, in the place that Alice had said Victoria would come to. Alice was in front, Jasper closest to her on her right with me on the outside of Jasper. On the left side of Alice was Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett.

I tugged the sleeves of my navy blue sweatshirt up slightly.

Alice was staring out into the woods while we checked the surrounding area. I was nervous- not for myself and only a little bit for my family- but say Victoria crossed the treaty line. . . would the wolves be able to protect Davina?

I liked to think so, especially after they'd discovered about Sam, Davina, and. . . Embry being connected by the same father.

"Are you sure this is where you saw her?" I asked Alice.

Jasper stepped closer to Alice who said, "She's almost here."

Everything stayed silent. I didn't even hear any animals, much less a vampire rushing through. But we were counting on Alice for that part if we didn't catch it.

"On your left!" Alice shouted.

I turned, running as fast as I could towards my left. This was near the werewolf territory, near the treaty line. That was most definitely worrisome.

I was gaining on Victoria, but Emmett got closest. He reached out for her, not breaking speed, grabbing down on her shoulder until she flipped him over it and he crashed into the nearest tree, tumbling to the ground.

I sped up, trying to gain on her. I had to kill her- Lord and I both agreed on that- for Davina's sake. And for Bella's too.

And then, we neared the treaty line and she jumped, landing on the wolves territory. We skidded to a stop. "Wait. She's on their territory now." I said, holding out my arm. I knew she wouldn't go in deep, and we could track her from across our border.

And then the worst thing imaginable happened. A voice- a human one- was carried upstream.

"Wow Seth! That was a good one!"

It was Davina's voice.

Victoria's head snapped up, lips curling back into a grin, and she took off running. We ran parallel to her and I had to hope that Davina was on our side of the treaty line or else I was going to break the treaty.

"She'll get away!" Esme shouted.

And that was when two wolves hopped down. They were the larger ones, the older ones and I knew they cared about Davina greatly.

"NO SHE WON'T!" Jasper and Lord roared together.

We didn't see Davina or the boy she was hanging out with for a long time. She jumped back to our side, far ahead of us, to avoid the wolves snapping at her feet. That was when the soccer ball came out of nowhere, almost hitting Victoria in the face.

Victoria snatched it out of the air- I couldn't see her face.

"SETH LOOK OUT!" Davina screamed and then I saw her go flying through the air, the soccer ball to her stomach. I leaped, away from Victoria and everyone, as Davina plunged into the water, after her.

Davina P.O.V.

Seth had kicked the ball high and I laughed as it disappeared into the forest.

"Well damn," Seth said, crossing over to my side. I gave him a warning look which he ignored. "We're going to have to-"

And then he froze, "Vampire."

"Well, duh." I chuckled, ruffling his fur. "The Cullens-"

And then the redheaded blur came towards us, holding our soccer ball tightly in her hands. She flung it with vampire speed.

"SETH LOOK OUT!" I screamed, pushing Seth into the trees, catching the soccer ball in my chest.

The breath was knocked out of me, and the force that the soccer ball hit me in the stomach sent me flying off my feet. I had definitely broken a rib or two. I flailed around before I hit the water.

The cold water shocked my body, making me inhale the water, I tried coughing, but as I was underwater, all I did was succeed in getting more water into my lungs. I thrashed around, trying to break surface, panicking.

Something else hit the water, I could hear it. Something else had entered the water. Something smooth so it definitely wasn't a werewolf.

Victoria.

Of course, I doubted Carlisle would let her get close to me. I hadn't thought there would be a problem along the treaty line? Especially not out here. . . but maybe out here was exactly where a problem would have been.

My vision started to go black and fuzzy as two hard arms pulled me closer to their body, erupting out of the water. I tried to inhale the air, but I couldn't.

I was flung onto the rocky ground, hard hands pressing against my chest, hard lips on mine, trying to get me to breathe.

"Come on Davina." Carlisle begged.

"Mom!" Seth's voice was frantic and I felt a warm hand on my arm.

"What happened?" Sam's voice roared across the river.

I could hear growling from a wolf and Emmett. "Paul, back down." Sam ordered.

"Emmett, come back here." Alice's voice said, laced with worry.

Had Emmett tried getting across the treaty line? Where was Victoria?

Water trickled from my mouth and I gasped, starting to cough. I spit the water out of my mouth, sitting up.

"Ow." I said, gingerly putting a hand to my stomach.

"You've got a broken rib." Carlisle said, his golden eyes laced with worry but also professionalism. "We can get you back to the house and I'll wrap it up."

"Are you okay?" Seth asked, his eyes round with worry, shaking but only slightly.

I reached out, ruffling his hair. "I'm alright. You okay?"

"Perfectly fine. I could've taken her."

I chuckled, "I'm sure you could've. Speaking of which, is she dead?"

I looked from my vampire family, to Sam, Jared, Paul, and Embry.

"Well. . . no." Carlisle said, looking between the wolves- specifically Paul- and Emmett.

I got to my feet gingerly. "What do you mean no?"

Carlisle sighed, "Emmett tried leaping the boundary line to go after her. One of the wolves stopped him. The two of them bickered instead of going after her. She's gone."

"It's not my fault." Emmett muttered.

I stood there for a second, looking from Emmett to Paul, and then I said angrily, "Are you kidding me?"

All the vampires quickly backed away from me and I knew why. If I got angry, there was a chance I transformed, and none of them wanted to be to close when I did that. Seth on the other hand, stepped closer, and Carlisle wouldn't step to far away from me.

I turned to Paul, "Emmett wouldn't have magically turned from hunting Victoria to hunting La Push residents! And you-" I turned to Emmett and gave him an annoyed look, "-you knew where the treaty line was. You shouldn't have tried crossing the river."

"Sorry Mama bear." Emmett muttered.

"Sorry mom." Paul muttered.

I sighed, turning to Alice. My anger was completely burnt out and Carlisle wrapped his arms around me loosely, not wanting to hurt me, "When is the next chance she's coming back?"

Alice made that head movement like 'I don't know.'

I sighed, "Alright, Carlisle, take me home."

I didn't even get to say good-bye to the other wolves as Carlisle was already running through the forest back towards the house.

He yanked the door open, bringing me to his study, settling me down on the long, soft couch he had in here.

"Well today was very fun." I muttered, trying to sit up, but he kept a hand on my upper chest, forcing to me to continue to lay back.

He pushed my shirt up so that only my stomach was exposed. He grabbed the bandages, feeling deftly along my ribs, noting when I winced.

"It's just the lower one." He sighed, finally allowing me to sit up so that he could wrap it tightly. When he was done, he sat down on the couch and carefully pulled me onto his lap, my back flush against him. "That. . . don't do that to me ever again."

I chuckled, "Don't worry. I don't plan on being near Victoria ever again. I hadn't planned on it today either."

He shuddered, holding me closer. "I should've sent you to Florida with Bella and Edward."

I snuggled into his chest, ignoring the pain in my ribs. "No thanks. I'd rather be here with you."

He sighed, "Me too."

I turned around completely so I was facing him. He lowered his head slightly, bringing our lips together. I wrapped my arms around Carlisle head while he wrapped his under my shoulder blades, pulling me closer.

My fingers delved in his hair, ruining is normal wavy hairstyle, and when we broke away from the kiss- so I could breathe- I ruffled his hair to make it messy. He grumbled lightly, but didn't try to fix it.

I chuckled lightly.

"Do I look like that Elijah guy now?" He asked, raising his eyebrows which made me giggle.

"Maybe a little. But you know I love you the best." I said, holding his stone cold yet smooth face in my hands. "Oh, and you should know that Alice plans on having us married in two weeks."

Carlisle sighed, "If only it could be sooner."

I chuckled. "If only."

"You're letting Alice plan the whole wedding?"

I was silent for a moment. "I told her to invite only people in Forks. I think Marcel likes me and I don't want to hurt him. I definitely don't want to invite Joshua. And I told her that every wolf was invited along with the council elders. Oh and that you could invite the Denali clan if she wanted. And. . . I told her to send an invitation to the Volturi so they knew. I thought that might stop them from coming."

"I see." Carlisle said, his arms tightening just slightly. "You should invite Marcel. Jasper read his emotions and doesn't believe he read any emotions of lust or love. Not that kind of love anyways, though he cares for you like a little sister."

"Well that's good. I'll let Alice know." I murmured.

"Are you staying the night?" Carlisle murmured, brushing black curls back from my face.

I smiled up at him, "Sure. Why not?"

He leaned down to kiss me again.

[fullstcp]

"Manic" by Halsey Sentence Starters

ASHLEY

"I can't remember why the decision wasn't mine."

"It seems I'm only clinging to an idea now."

"Took my heart and sold it out to a vision that I wrote myself."

"Someday, when I burst into flames, I'll leave you the dust."

"I told you I'd spill my guts."

"Seems like now it's impossible to work this out."

"I'm so committed to an old ghost town."

"Is it really that strange if I always wanna change?"

"If only the time and space between us wasn't lonely."

"I'd disintegrate into a thousand pieces."

"Think I'm making a mistake."

"But if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?"

"I told you I'd ride this out."

"It's getting harder every day."

"Somehow, I'm bursting out of my self."

CLEMENTINE

"In my world, the people on the street don't know my name."

"In my world, I'm seven feet tall."

"In my world, I'm constantly having a breakthrough. Or a breakdown. Or a blackout."

"Would you make out with me underneath the shelter of the balcony?"

"I don't need anyone."

"I just need everyone and then some."

"Wish I could see what it's like to be the blood in my veins."

"Can you feel it too when I am touching you?"

"Left my shoes in the street so you'd carry me."

"Would you make out with me on the floor of the mezzanine?"

"I left my daydreams at the gate because I just can't take them too."

"Know my heart still has a suitcase, but I still can't take it through."

GRAVEYARD

"It's crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment."

"Let that sink in."

"The hand you wanna hold is a weapon and you're nothing but skin."

"I keep digging myself down deeper."

"I won't stop 'til I get where you are."

"They say I may be making a mistake."

"I would've followed all the way, no matter how far."

"I would've followed all the way to the graveyard."

"You push right through me."

"It's funny how the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies."

YOU SHOULD BE SAD

"I gotta get it off my chest."

"Got no anger, got no malice. Just a little bit of regret."

"Know nobody else will tell you, so there's some things I gotta say."

"You're not half the man/woman you think that you are."

"I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you."

"You can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you."

"I feel so sorry, I feel so sad."

"I tried to help you, it just made you mad."

"I had no warning about who you are."

"I'm just glad I made it out without breaking down, and then ran so fucking far."

"I really meant well from the start."

"Take a broken man/woman right in my hands and then put back all his/her parts."

"You can't fill the hole inside of you with money, girls, and cars."

"You should be sad."

FOREVER ... (IS A LONG TIME)

"I spent a long time watering a plant made out of plastic."

"I cursed the ground for growing green."

"I spent a long time substituting honest with sarcastic."

"I cursed my tongue for being mean."

"You cut me open, sucked the poison from an aging wound."

"Who'd reach out and grab the moon if I should ask or just imply that I wanted a bit more light?"

"I could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it."

"What am I thinking?"

"What does this mean?"

"How could somebody ever love me?"

DOMINIC'S INTERLUDE

"Your eyes are fragile and timeless, it's beautiful."

"There's power in the words you whisper."

"Your eyes are open when you kiss him/her."

"You can take a chance, come take my hand."

I HATE EVERYBODY

"I'm my own biggest enemy."

"All my empathy's a disaster."

"I don't know what they all think of me."

"I don't even remember anything but thinking you're the one."

"I can force a future like it's nothing."

"I'll just hate everybody."

"Why can't I go home without somebody?"

"I could fall in love with anybody who don't want me."

"I just keep saying I hate everybody, but maybe I don't."

"I know I've got a tendency to exaggerate what I'm seeing."

"I know that it's unfair of me to make a memory out of a feeling."

"I notice every single thing that's ever happening in a moment."

"Infatuation's observation with a cause."

"But none of it is love."

"If I could make you love me, maybe you could make me love me."

"If I can't make you love me, then I'll just hate everybody."

3AM

"Think I took it way too far."

"My insecurities are hurting me."

"Someone please come and flirt me."

"I really need a mirror that'll come along and tell me that I'm fine."

"I do it every time."

"I keep on hanging on the line, ignoring every warning sign."

"Come on and make me feel alright again."

"I'm calling everybody that I know."

"I need it digital cause, baby, when it's physical I end up alone."

"I know it's complicated."

"Know that my identity's always getting the best of me."

"I'm the worst of my enemies."

"I don't really know what to do with me."

"Will you please pick up the fucking phone?"

WITHOUT ME

"Found you when your heart was broke."

"I filled your cup until it overflowed."

"Took it so far to keep you close."

"I was afraid to leave you on your own."

"I said I'd catch you if you fall."

"If they laugh, then fuck 'em all."

"Tell me, how's it feel sitting up there?"

"You know I'm the one who put you up there."

"Gave love about a hundred tries."

"Just running from the demons in your mind."

"I didn't notice cause my love was blind."

"You don't have to say just what you did."

"I already know."

"I had to go and find out from them."

"So tell me, how's it feel?"

FINALLY // BEAUTIFUL STRANGER

"You've got hips like Jagger and two left feet."

"I wonder if you'd like to meet."

"Your voice is velvet through a telephone."

"I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss."

"I'm terrified, but I can't resist."

"Beautiful strangers only come along to do me wrong."

"I think it's finally safe for me to fall."

"I've never recognized a purer face."

"You stopped me in my tracks and put me right in my place."

"Used to think that loving meant a painful chase."

"You're right here now and I think you'll stay."

ALANIS' INTERLUDE

"I can't change my appetite."

"It doesn't matter to me."

"I have never felt the difference."

"I think I'll probably die before I have you."

"I live for loving impolite."

KILLING BOYS

"Told me pick my battles and be picking 'em wise. But I wanna pick 'em all and I don't wanna decide."

"Tell me, have you ever keyed a Ferrari before?"

"I won't ever feel this way again."

"Cause you don't need me anymore."

"I won't ever try again."

"All I want in return is revenge."

"So where do you go?"

"I don't wanna Uma Thurman your ass."

"I don't need you anymore."

SUGA'S INTERLUDE

"I've been trying all my life to separate the time between the having it all and giving it up."

"I wonder what's in store if I don't love it anymore."

MORE

"Wanna scream, but what's the use?"

"Feeling so incomplete."

"Wonder will we ever meet?"

"Would you know it right away, how hard I tried to see your face?"

"I still believe it won't be like before."

"When you decide it's your time to arrive, I've loved you for all of my life."

STILL LEARNING

"I should be living the dream."

"I got a paranoia in me."

"I know that I've done some wrong, but I'm tryna make it right."

"Get me out right now."

"And know that I love you."

"I'm still learning to love myself."

"No one wants to really commit."

929

"Can't remember half the time that I've been alive."

"They say don't meet your heroes, they're all fucking weirdos."

"God knows that they were right."

"Because nobody loves you, they just try to fuck you."

"Who do you call when it's late at night?"

"I wasn't in love then, and I'm still not now. And I'm so happy I figured that out."

"I've got a long way to go until self-preservation."

"I think my moral compass is on a vacation."

"I'm still looking for my salvation."

[lythea-creation]

Caught on Camera - Shams x fem reader (Chapter 9)

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter

warnings: none

word count: 1.032

----------------

I did not hear a word from Shams throughout the rest of the weekend. No texts, no calls, no meetings. It was freaking me out as I was constantly wondering if my mind had made it all up.

When had all of this even begun? Didn't I use to hate her? How could I fall in love with her all of a sudden?

I was anxious to go to school today, not sure what was going to happen.

But when I passed by Shams in the corridor, she only sent me a short smile and then continued her way, not really paying attention to me.

I was utterly confused and frustrated.

Nadeen noticed my dire state and attempted asking me about it, but I was too scared to let my hope fade to tell anyone.

Actually I even tried to talk to Shams once while giving her the clothes back, but she was avoiding my eyes and giving curt answers.

Later I was glad we had P.E. because I could at least let it all out by moving my body, although I was not the best football player.

I was running after every ball, compensating my lack of talent with effort. The others did not bother all that much to keep up with me as I was running as fast as I could without losing the ball. Shams did though.

She was on the opposite team, playing defense right now and she was not letting me through. Instead she was keen on getting the ball back.

At one point our fight became so heated that we both fell. I was not sure who had fallen first and how we had managed to pull the other down with us.

What I did know was that the eye-contact and the tension were back. That my environment simply faded for a few seconds as my focus was solely on the girl underneath me.

Now she was not avoiding my eyes anymore at all. Rather the opposite.

“Hey girls”, Coach Feras called out. “Are you okay?”

That made us both snap out of it and I got off of her, giving her a chance to stand up.

“Yeah”, I assured him and jumped back to my feet.

I shortly glanced at Shams before the game continued.

Afterwards Shams vanished once again. I did not see her in the changing room nor during break. But Nadeen was not letting me off the hook.

“So that's what's distracting you so much today”, Nadeen concluded, grinning at me. “What happened between you on the weekend?”

I contemplated whether to tell her or not. But what bad could it do? So I told her the whole story, except my nightmare, and ended with the almost kiss. If you could call it that.

“Seems like you have a hand for that. For a moment I wondered if you two were gonna kiss right in front of us”, she noted.

“Was it really that obvious?”, I questioned.

She nodded, a sly smile planted on her face. “It felt like we weren't even there.”

“I'm not imagining that Shams and I are on the same page, right?”, I reassured.

“Well … I'm just saying she couldn't keep her eyes off of you and didn't make any move to get away from you. And she's spending time with you after all the shit you pulled on her”, she considered.

“Wait! The two of you are kinda friends as well. Did you ever talk about me?”, I wondered.

“Maybe”, she alluded.

“What did she say?”, I inquired.

“Sorry, can't tell you. I'm not telling her that you're madly in love with her either, am I?”

“That's just cruel”, I complained.

“Just talk to her”, she encouraged me.

“I tried, but she's avoiding me since last weekend”, I declared.

“Well, I know just the right place to find her”, Nadeen proclaimed.

Then she started walking off, telling me to follow her.

I did not expect to end up at the old school bus. But after about a minute of Nadeen going inside, Shams was right behind her.

“Now talk with each other instead of me. See ya”, Nadeen announced and walked off with a lazy wave.

“What was that?”, Shams remarked.

Anxiety was creeping up inside of me, the fear of rejection feeling overwhelming.

“I'm sick of this”, I thought aloud.

“Sick of what?”, Shams shot back.

“I don't think I ever really hated you. Honestly I don't quite get it myself, but I do know that I was pissed that my mom interrupted us at your house. And that we were surrounded by people during P.E.”, I stated.

“So what are you saying?”, she questioned.

I took a step toward her and she did not back away. I leaned in to her, stopping right before our lips touched.

“I'm saying that I want to know if you want this, too”, I whispered.

As an answer she closed the last little gap between us.

I completely forgot we were at school, the pain of my scraped knee from our fall before completely erased.

My track of time was cracked. I had no idea how long our kiss lasted, only how it ended.

“Finally”, Nadeen exclaimed, making us jump away from each other out of surprise.

Apparently Nadeen had been secretly watching us.

“What kind of friend does that?”, I yelled at her while she was approaching us.

“A great one”, she proposed. “I mean … look at my creation.”

She turned Shams' camera around to us, revealing a picture of our first kiss.

Without us noticing Nadeen had caught us on camera.

“When did you even take that with you?”, Shams wondered.

“When you were too distracted worrying about your upcoming conversation with (f/n)”, Nadeen confessed.

“I'll definitely keep that though”, Shams considered.

I stepped behind her to take a look at the picture as well. It was really cute and the perfect proof that I had not just imagined our kiss. It was sure to be treasured.

The End

---------------

Honestly it feels so weird to end this story. This story just feels like the starting point of my journey with all of you here. I hope you'll all stay with me. I love talking to all of you and looking forward to creating more together with you!

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[minquiec]

🎶 itsssss beeennnn 🎶 a hotttt minuuutteeee 🎶 sincccee iveeee went insane on here so let's just get into it yeah

Yall already know what it is

jia + the archer x not strong enough

When the trend first like got popular I was like eeehhhh that's not rlly jia

Haha lol

the archer:

'screaming who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay'

the spiderman curse

Or smth idk HAUSHA the canon events and everyone dyinnnggg

And also her own personal life like her parents didn't even stay soooo

Who would (COUGHCOUGHXOUGHOBJEHUHC)

And while jia isn't like uhhh how do I put it

She's not insecure yet she's also deeply insecure at a more ??? deeper level??? Idk how to say it

Like it's more like "I hate the way I have become because of things I cannot control and the way it makes me FFFFUUCCKING LONELLLYYYY"

but in a sadder way HAHSJS idk she copes by ignoring her problems (js like me fr)

So while at the same time she's like yeah I'm just a person I'm good with it 👍 she's also like what, could anyone possibly see in me to stay (side affects of distant parents!!!! Side note: THISNISNT TRAUMA DUMPING IM FINE)

'cause they see right through me'

They as in all the people she's known and don't know

That doesn't make sense gimme a

Like they as in the people of her city, people within the hq probably, people shes acquainted with, friends with, etc etc etc

They as in all people other jia herself sees right through her and fail to see just *her* per se

And it's probably her own fault tbh I mean she kinda like

Masks it so who's damn fault is that girl 🤷🤷 DAMN

But despite them never truly seeing the her that's incredibly lonely, she'd much rather prefer to keep it that way which then rolls onto the topiccc offffff

'can you see right through me'

okay this is kind of personal interpretation and changing the lyrical meaning to fit her lore BUT IDDDCCCCC IM RUNNING THIS SHOOOWWW LET ME BEEEEE

Y'all already know who this is directed at hirjejkejejkejekejejejjejejejks

hob

HEHIIEHHRBBBBDBBBB

Anyways

Like the last one I said she'd much prefer to keep her self under wraps and ignore the problem

But obviously since I'm FUCKING delusional and SOOOO fucking CRIMGEE ofc he's an exception HHHHHRHBBBHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRB&-!-!

And because he's the only one who's ever really gotten underneath that layer

She was

Sooooioioioooooo

Fucking confused by it

And because she's never addressed her issues properly, she's not used to this and so this line would almost be like

She's BEGGING him to just pllleaaase be like the rest

Please just see through her because this kind of thing has never happened before and she's SCCCCARREEDD to care too much and what if he leaves too and what if it's all for naught and what if what if what i

Girl we get it

But anyways the last line was

'I see right through me'

Would obviously be referring to her own denial to see herself by ignoring 🧚🧚 herrr fuckingnnnn problemmmsss and feeelinngggsss 🎶🎶 cause hey. Why be sad when u can be glad and very very silly

Anyways the next part

'always an angel never a god'

BITCH

I feel so strongly abt this line rn

Obviously I'm on,

Jjk tok and so I kind of got the train of thought from there but

Always an angel never a god cause she can save as many lives as she tries but she can never save all the lives she cares about

Always an angel never a god cause despite being blessed with a power that gives her the parallel of an angel she can never save her world that will inevitably be destroyed by its own deity that granted her that power (since ig angels work under god/gods and so she'd be that angel working under the deity which would be the god and do you get what I mean)

ALWAYS AN ANGEL NEVER A GOD CAUSE WHILE SHE WANTS TO DO SO MUCH GOOD, YET SHES NEVER A GOD BECAHSE SHE DOESMT HAVE THE BENEVOLENCE OF A GOD CAUSE SHE STILL CARRIES THAT SELFISHNESS OF NEVER WANTING TO BE SPIDERGIRL AND HAVING THAG RESPONSIBILITYAJNNNNWNNENEJDD AUAUAYAUUUUUAHGGEEEUUEUEUEUUEUEUE BREAKS DOWN AND STARTS DISNETNTEGRSTING

yeah okay that's all and this is all just personal interpretation btw so it might not match up to its original meaning but HEY

im gonna go draw them hugging now or smth idk bye bye

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS IN LOVE - Chapter 3 - Part 1

BOOK THREE: 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning Adult Content*

Samuel Moretti

I watched as Noah grabbed a girl's hand and led them away.

She was pretty, really pretty.

She had nice, long legs underneath her short leather skirt.

I met her a couple times, her name was... something with a C, maybe an S?

I wanted to throw up but I also didn't want Noah to see how much that bothered me.

It hurt to hear him be so cruel to me and see him with someone else.

Not that I didn't deserve it, I knew I hurt him way worse.

Didn't he know how much I regretted that?

If I could go back in time and not hook up with Noah's friend, I would but life didn't work that way and karma had a sick way of getting back to remind you of what you've done.

I stood there, my heart squeezing in pain as Noah walked right past me as if I didn't exist and out the front door.

To watch someone who meant so much to me, not wanting to even acknowledge me, was a hard pill to swallow.

I made a mistake, coming here was a mistake.

I could be living in an apartment with my boyfriend right now.

My boyfriend who I really really liked.

I texted Kai that I was leaving but before I did, I went to the kitchen, poured myself a shot of tequila and downed it.

Outside the house, I called Benjamin.

"Hey, sweetheart," he answered.

"You settled into your dorm?"

"Almost. I got invited to this First Saturday party at some frat house. I guess it's like a ritual to..."

"Don't you start School on Monday? You're already partying? Don't get involved in those crowds. It's bad news."

Sometimes I hated how good Ben was.

Good in the sense of staying out of trouble. all work, no play.

"It's Saturday night. It's not like I'm gonna get fucked up," I said defensively with a harsh tone but I didn't mean to lash out at him.

I was just upset at seeing Noah.

"Are you okay?"

I sighed.

Benjamin seemed to always know when something deeper was bothering me.

"I'm..."

Something I forgot to mention to Benjamin?

I was attending the same college my ex-boyfriend was.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry I was harsh."

"You're not okay. Tell me what happened, babe."

'Babe?' I didn't know how I felt about that.

Kicking a rock as I walked down the dark pavement towards the apartment building, I said a little nervously...

"I have to tell you something."

"Huh? Okay. What's up?"

Rip the Band-Aid off.

Rip the Band-Aid off but I couldn't, so instead I said...

"I just really miss you."

Benjamin chuckled softly.

"You just saw me a few hours ago."

"Yeah, maybe I should've taken you up on the apartment offer," I jested which was a mistake.

"Please don't joke about that, not unless you're serious. I don't want to get my hopes up."

Benjamin's tone was delicate but with pain.

Like a wounded puppy.

Guilt washed over me.

"You're right, I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me to say."

I made my way into my building.

"It's okay."

There was a moment of silence and I didn't know what else to say. but I didn't have to because after twenty or so seconds, Benjamin said...

"I miss you too."

I smiled to myself as I entered the elevator, pressing the 'ten' button.

"So, I actually wanted to take you to a restaurant tomorrow night," my stomach felt woozy.

"You don't have school Tuesday, right?"

"Right," I confirmed.

"Perfect, so I can pick you up at seven."

And if Benjamin said seven, he meant exactly seven.

He had never been late to any occasion.

I knew he secretly hated it when I took longer to get ready,but he waited patiently and still offered me his opinion on my outfits when I would ask.

"We'll go to this restaurant, you'll love it, it's Italian. authentic Italian," he pressed excitedly which made me chuckle but I was glad he wasn't here in person, otherwise he'd know something was off.

He was doing this on purpose, taking me to a restaurant that serves my favorite foods and for what?

Did he think that was going to make me magical fall in love with food and *bam* my relationship with food was restored but I knew Benjamin wasn't doing this to be cruel, he was trying to help, so I said...

"Sounds good and then you can spend the night in my dorm?" I suggested with a hint of lust in my tone and also to change the subject.

"That was my plan," he chirped.

I pulled my dorm room key that was attached to my lanyard 'Gay Crisis' written in black lettering all around it and unlocked my door before entering.

"So... what have you eaten today?"

I wanted to groan but I refrained as I set all my stuff down, kicking off my shoes.

That was the topic I was trying to avoid.

"I had Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Their flatbread sandwich is really good," he told me.

"What about you?"

"Um, I had a yogurt which you saw me eat this morning, some of those cashews, you bought at the gas station."

'Fuck, I swore I ate more that day.'

"Hmm and then?" he questioned when I didn't continue.

"And then at the party there was some food."

That wasn't a lie. I just didn't eat any of it.

"What kind?"

"Bennnn."

That time I did groan.

"Do you want me to send you videos of me eating?" I questioned, my mood shifting from annoyance to anger but I knew I had no right to feel either of those emotions, Benjamin was only looking out for me.

"Baby, I just want to know you're taking care of yourself and eating. Promise me you'll eat something tonight."

"I..." sighing, I said...

"I promise," it wasn't like I didn't know what I was doing was bad but when you tell yourself food will only make you gain weight and when people say things like...

'Wow, you've lost some weight in your face, no more chubby cheeks' from my grandma, you build this mindset and condition your brain to think... 'Do you see how many calories that is?' and you tend to not wanting to eat.

And for me, the nauseous, shameful feeling I got every time I ate something over 300 calories, I could do without but still I knew it was wrong.

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

"You don't have to apologize. I just, I need you to be okay," Benjamin's voice cracked and I knew he was upset.

I hated making him upset.

"I am," I assured.

"I'm going to eat, right now. I actually saw this on Tik-Tok, it's a rice cake with peanut butter, which is protein," I added as if he didn't know.

"And I cut up bananas and then top it off with raw honey. It's so good," I said passionately.

"And it fills me up. I'm so full afterwards."

"That does sound good."

I smiled, hearing his tone lighten up.

"I'm going to make that but I'll text you?"

"Okay, have a good night, Baby."

"Have a good night," I told him then hung up.

After getting into some comfy clothes, jogger sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, I made the peanut buttery delicious snack I told Benjamin about.

I placed it on a paper plate and settled into my bed with my food at my side and laptop in front of me.

Pressing 'play' on The Vampire Diaries, I stared at the rice cake for a minute, contemplating.

'This is healthy, Sam. Eat it. This is good for you.'

I picked it up and took a bite.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 53 - Part 4

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

Despite the doctor saying I only needed to be monitored for twenty-four hours, Wren stayed with me for three days and brought me to my follow up appointment.

My head was healing nicely and I could start gradually going back to normal.

However, Wren was still worried I would miraculously become brain dead if he didn't have eyes on me at all times.

In the afternoon on that third day, Wren was driving me to the Hanson's house.

Yesterday, I had called them to let them know of the situation with Olivia and now we were going to their house to try to figure out what we could do to get her away from our parents.

Wren was still unwilling to talk about anything concerning the two of us, which I couldn't really blame him for even if it irritated me.

We had a lot of other things to talk about with everything going on.

It seemed like anything else was paling in comparison to what we were dealing with.

An audiobook was playing as we made the drive.

It was the very same one we had already been listening to together.

We picked up right where we left off.

It felt good that he hadn't gone ahead without me while we were apart.

Wren paused the book when we got to the Hanson's house and the two of us got out of the car.

I was nervous about what was going to happen.

I knew Mr and Mrs Hanson would want to help but I hated adding more to their plate.

They had already helped me so much and now I was going to be basically begging them to help my sister out too.

Wren must have sensed my nerves, so he placed a hand on my lower back and led me toward the house.

His touch comforted me as we walked up the porch steps and knocked on the front door.

Matthew Hanson answered the door almost instantly, pulling me toward him in a hug.

"You know you don't have to knock," Matthew said, patting my back before releasing me.

I felt so at ease in the embrace of Matthew Hanson.

He and his wife, Anne, truly did save me from a horrible fate.

They brought me into their home, treated me like their own and never made me feel bad about it.

I owed them so much and I was about to owe them even more if they took in Olivia.

Matthew greeted Wren as Anne popped into the entryway, motioning for us to come in and shut the door.

"Oh, Landon," she said, pulling me in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry you're going through all this."

The four of us went into the dining room and sat down.

Wren and I sat next to each other, across from Matthew and Anne.

"Landon, sweetie, you should have called us if you thought anything was going on with your sister," Anne said, concern in her tone.

"We would have helped."

"I know but," I muttered in response.

"I just hate to burden you with more of my problems."

"It's not a burden," Anne replied.

"You have never been a burden to us."

I would probably end up crying at some point if we kept talking like this.

Wren placed his hand on my upper thigh underneath the table and I was so glad to have him there with me, to not have to face any of this alone.

"Do you have any ideas about getting Olivia into your care?" Wren asked, looking between the two of them.

"We'll have to go to the police," Matthew said, placing a hand down on the table.

"With Landon it was a little easier because his parents weren't trying to keep him there, but with Olivia that's not the case. We need to go to the police with some sort of evidence to show that her parents aren't fit to take care of her and see if we can foster her for the time being until we can get more permanent things arranged."

"We expect they'll fight us on it," Anne added.

"So it won't be easy but Olivia could help. If she tells the police, the social workers, the judge that she doesn't feel safe with them and would rather be placed with us, that could help a lot. She's at that age where they'll take her wishes into consideration."

"What if it doesn't work?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"What if we go to the police and they don't do anything?"

"Then we come up with something else," Matthew replied with a sad smile.

"There's no way to know how all of this is going to go. In a perfect world, it would go exactly how we expect it to, but we just can't really be sure."

"I can't thank you guys enough for helping with this," I said, looking down at the table, overwhelmed with gratitude.

Anne grabbed my hand from across the table.

"Landon, you're family," she said.

"You don't need to thank us."

We were interrupted by a loud bang on the front door.

We all looked around at each other, confused.

Then there was more banging on the door.

Matthew stood up from his seat and marched over to the front door.

Dread filled me when he opened the door and I heard an all too familiar voice screaming at him.

"I know it was you," my father screamed.

"I know it was you."

"What are you talking about?" Matthew asked.

"Quiet down and tell me what this is about."

"Care to explain why the police were at my door this morning interrogating me?" his voice boomed throughout the house.

"Peter, I have no idea why the police were at your house this morning," Matthew told him.

"So, why don't you calm down?"

"Stop lying to me," my father snapped.

"You either called them or you're helping Landon. You meddled with one of my kids and now you're doing it with another. They're my kids."

I stood up from the table and started making my way to the front door.

Wren grabbed my arm before I could leave the dining room.

I looked back at him and he just shook his head at me.

"Let me do this," I whispered.

"I need to do this."

I leant in and kissed his cheek before pulling myself out of his grasp and leaving the room.

[jonesatheart]

Touch Averse

Some more plot exploration from the WIP containing Alleyway and Make It Stop. If this piece is included in the final version of this work it will likely come toward the end after both of the above mentioned posts, but they are not required for context here. That said, there is implied and allusions to past noncon.

April relaxed back against Casey's side, stretching her arm across his lap as she did so, and rest her hand on the outside of his thigh.

She glanced up when he took her hand by sliding his own underneath hers and squeezing it lightly.

"Casey?"

"Hm?"

"Are you comfortable like this?"

He frowned and glanced down at her. "Yeah, but I can move if you need more room or somethin'."

April smiled wryly at him. "You're already up against the arm of the couch so good luck with that. I meant with my arm on you." She squeezed his hand.

Casey glanced down at her arm rested across his legs. "I mean, I hadn't really thought about it. I guess so."

April nodded. "I just noticed that when I sit like this with you, you pick my hand up off your leg and I want to make sure I'm not making you uncomfortable or touching you in a way you don't like."

"Oh. I...guess I hadn't really noticed it," he chuckled, non committal.

"It's okay if it does," April assured. "I'm not going to be offended. You're allowed to tell me not to touch you in specific ways or even at all," she added when an uncertain look passed over his face. He pulled his feet from the table and April pulled her arm away to let him sit up more fully. "I don't want to put you through all that again."

"Guess I just...hadn't thought about it before."

April nodded. "That makes sense, that's what your brain used to protect you before."

Casey snorted. "Some protection. Feels more like I let myself be abused."

"The things our brains do, especially when it comes to things like trauma, don't always make sense, sweetie. When put into a new and scary situation, your brain froze and chose to wait out what was happening and maybe even went to fawn to prevent anything else bad happening to you. That's not your fault. Not wanting to think about it or talk about it is another way your brain tries to protect you. Like your body tuning out chronic pain in order to maintain functioning in life."

"That's not really a healthy thing to do," Casey noted.

"No, it's not," April agreed. "But sometimes it is what we have to do. And coping skills are things that can be learned and adapted. And while some are maladaptive, that doesn't make them useless. In moments of danger fawning and freezing have helped and protected you, and humans, especially autistic and traumatized ones are very good at picking out patterns, even if they're not always consciously aware of it. And when those patterns are seen even in the slightest way, the brain will fall back on what it knows works."

"That's why I never thought about the whole being touched thing." Casey sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. "I hate this," he murmured.

"I know, sweetheart, but being aware is what let's us start finding better things to cope and help us feel more comfortable existing in moments like this without relying on those fight or flight type responses."

"I don't even know where to start with that though," Casey complained.

"You're doing it right now," April encouraged. "You're having an incredibly vulnerable conversation with me and you're staying present and not just agreeing with everything I say. Anxiety being present doesn't inherently mean your doing something wrong."

"It helps I don't feel like I gotta worry about you gettin' mad at me."

"I'm really glad you feel safe with me. I feel safe with you too. I think that's a big reason of why we can have these conversations. Because as hard and scary and vulnerable as they are, we feel safe with each other."

"Bein' nervous or afraid isn't always bad though, right?"

"I think it depends on what's behind them and what they set off. But I don't think they're inherently bad, they just might need a little extra conversation."

Casey nodded.

"What are you thinking?"

"Thinking I kinda wanna try starting over. But actually pay attention this time."

"With my hand on your leg?"

Just another nod.

"Okay. We can absolutely do that. It is okay if you decide if you don't like it, though," April reminded as Casey leaned into the back of the couch. Once he was settled she nestled against his side again then rested her arm across his lap, resting her hand again on the outside of his thigh.

"I think I figured it out, but ya can't look at me otherwise I'm gonna get stuck."

"I'm listening," April promised, keep her eyes on the coffee table.

"I don't think I mind ya hand there, but the whole arm feels like...too much. But I pick ya hand up so I can feel like I can move it when I need to move without makin' it a whole thing. The other thing is the whole...'feels good' phrase kinda...makes it feel...gross. The context it's usually in makes my insides squirm."

April pulled her arm back and rested her hand on Casey's knee nearest her. "Is this more comfortable?"

"I think so."

"Okay, thank you for telling me. I'll do my best to not do the other. Is asking if something is comfortable okay or do you want to come up with another way I can check in with you?"

"That one's okay. It sounds less..."

"Sexual?" April offered. She smiled at the grimace she was sure Casey was sporting. "It's okay. Honey, I am not going to mock you for being uncomfortable with those topics or themes."

"I feel stupid for it," he answered quietly.

April took a breath and decided to take a calculated risk. "You are more than welcome to tell me no, but I can I blunt about something for a second?"

"Is this one of those 'you know I love you, right?' kind of a things?"

April thougt for a moment. "Kind of. It is something that might be hard or a little uncomfortable to hear, but it's not exactly 'tough love' like the other is usually used for." She waited patiently for Casey to decide.

"Yeah, alright, lets hear it," he decided.

"Being sex averse in anyway will never make you less of a man. Especially not to me. I know society and stereotypes would tell you otherwise, but they don't care about you and they're wrong. They're so wrong. The expectations put on you aren't fair, the things that society would lead to believe you need to place your self-worth in a wrong. You are invaluable to me as you are. And being sex and touch averse can never take anything away from you."

"Thanks, April," Casey answers quietly.

"No matter what kind of relationship we have, even if we just stay here, I'm always going to care about you. That isn't something you're ever going to have to earn with me."

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Flashdance • What a Feeling • Irene Cara" on YouTube

Tommy F says a portion of flashdance the movie has occurred and then he says that somehow they got sealed underneath ships of his and did a second flashdance portion will occur shortly. And it's saying that it's like a flash in the pan. But what he thinks is that we're the ones who are designing and inventing inventions with our Giants and he believes their hours and that the helms are by them and the blasters and you can't find any just trying to kidnap my husband in order to get the positions out of him or me. And that's what's going on. And it could well be true. And you guys have a version. And to cover up the other one possibly but my husband says that it has having them do it too and I understand that and I know about it too. So Tommy f is looking for them desperately and you're always in the way so he's trying to get rid of you.

Hera Zues

You can see it in the movie and it's the Hudson Bay incident and it's with the motorcycle there are other incidents with his bicycle are you saying we're encountering Giants and they disappear I want to know what the hell this is and Tommy F you better tell me and he says no way so we're going to capture you these Giants are huge you don't know Giants until you've seen these. They're well over a hundred miles some of them are 10,000 Miles high and you got to be kidding me okay these people are afraid and you're pushing them it's well over the top if they're real the imagery might be faked because we're going to get from Tommy F second hand and he has Giants and he wants to create fear and use project Blue beam but they might be real because we saw them kick his ass and disappear and her friend says we put them under the ships to force us to take over the Black ships not that he's being honest and he hates them and he can't stand what people are doing we better get ready to get f***** up

Mac

Oh my God it came out again

Preston

I can't believe I'm saying this crap but we do is doing stuff the whole time just sitting there is going to like you're doing now but really you're inspiring him and Trump's and BJ even more it's ridiculous cuz you do it to us and we see what he's saying

Billium

I'm hearing what he say to me stuff it I do see what he's saying the Giants control other beings and I'm sort of wondering something how long do we have to sit here and bother him and hope nothing happens and see it happening his little turds have to go and we're not doing it

Biden

I've got to get on track this is ridiculous they're huge and we noted how many and there's a lot of them if they arose all at once we will be toast and Tommy F would be toast and he's correct it can kick that things ass those ships

Mac

Let's put this on the map we're going to condition red I'm going to send out people right now especially to this area in PG this is terrible here

Olympus

I'm glad you got it out I'm glad she had you this has been waiting and brewing for a long time

Thor Freya

We're also sending out Cockfoster beer, globally and we're trying to set up the original brewhouse right now we are trying to lease in that little barrel within London and they don't seem to want to do it but they see what kind of thing they're getting already and it's a special brew and I designed it and we have our German brewhouse doing it and it's made in one day and it's a very high pressure and pressure vessels and we can pump out tons of tons of beer because it's made one day we don't need huge amounts of storage we just need to plant and we're going to put them all over the place it's selling like madness and we know why it's our beer and everybody wants to know where the cock is

We're in this too but we have a lot to say there's a lot going on here and all over the world people are going after the warlock and taking them down all of them including clones they've had enough and it's too much it's like five a million an hour and after a short time if they're going to be gone right now they're trying to load up still and getting killed and they are also getting killed in the tap roots in massive numbers there all together it's 20 million octillion an hour and they're staying on Australia and pretty soon we'll say it's brave but he fell for it just didn't react it says what four of those too many here so it's going on now huge numbers of them are falling massive numbers globally

Olympus

RED ALERT HOW'S IT TO STAY INDOORS AND SHELTER IN PLACE WE RECOMMENDED OTHERS DO WHO ARE NOT MILITARY THE MORLOCK ARE BEING ATTACKED FIERCELY THEY ARE DYING IN DROVES HUGE PILES ARE MADE GIANT BUGS GO THERE IT'S EXTREMELY DANGEROUS OUTSIDE

This is a real red alert

Olympus