#i'm genuinely sorry for the long-ass hiatus | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hg-aneh · 1 year ago

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will you ever come back, or is this an indefinite hiatus/straight up dipping?

i don't know

all the i miss yous are making me want to come back but ik i would just be terrified and motionless as soon as i do

Vent-ish Rant downstairs

CW: Pedophilia, Antisemitism, Suicide, Ableism, Harassment, Bullying, all the important words except for murder basically

i want to fix things in private with the people who hurt me so things can be okay and I don't out them for being wieners

but i also want everyone to know who hurt me, yet I'm aware it's not the right choice to make. social media outrage barely leads to anything, specially where minors are concerned

hell,now that i think about it, considering the fact that they genuinely don't believe people older than them are allowed to have feelings, I don't even think talking would be the right move

it's scary, its fucking scary

fuck. the whole thing started with a person mocking the way i spoke about crowley telling me to stop babying him because i was a legal adult and shouldn't be speaking like that

i had just turned 18 and the person was only a year younger than me

like when it's gone to that point and shit is that fucked up, what can one person even do

i remember i laughed about it back then but truth be told, every single little thing I've been told and that I've listened to coming from the people who hurt me has fucking destroyed me as a person

I looked at my older Discord messages, from before this whole mess started. I was so fucking happy and shameless with my joy, now look at my sorry ass

i just.

it's crazy that i have to go around masking in social media of all places because there are people that take such offense to me being cringe that they legitimately turn into high school mean girls

it's crazy that there are people who claim I'm something i am not because they want to make me look bad in the eyes of their little circlejerking friend groups so they can feel like the hero of the story

it's crazy that empathy goes completely out of the window when an account is big, that people don't see human beings as human beings when they're behind a screen

"just log off lol" i am a lonely shut in motherfucker due to my autism (that, surprise surprise, hinders my ability to socialize), you do not understand what you're asking of me, specially while being in this country and at this point in time where I'm actively craving to kick the metaphorical bucket, at daily risk of doing so, and what basically is house arrest for my own safety and well being

(aka, avoiding to physically yeet myself into upcoming traffic or buying something to actually seal the deal)

thus far I've been accused of antisemitism, pedophilia, being too self-centered (which. bro, the reason why i talk about myself is because it's the one thing i can comment on without being scared of some random person coming to tell me "NuH uH" about it out of nowhere or worse, having their feelings hurt because I don't agree with them 100%), proshipper (which, to those people, the word implies wonderful labels such as "incest apologist" "pedophile" (again) "abuse endorser" among other things) ((sidenote, I'm on neither side on that particular discourse. my friends from both sides know this. I would elaborate on my stance if this wasn't already long enough, but it is, so I'm leaving it at an "I don't care, you do you, but please leave me out of it")), being... mean... because i blocked someone...? (this one is just. that's how the second wave of hate started btw. yeah, because i blocked someone. holy fuck), and there's probably a handful of other things I haven't seen yet. fuck it, there's probably someone out there calling me a zoophile because of my catboy au

My friends who I will not name because I don't want the high school mean girls crusade to get to them, have helped me stash out evidence for all of the accusations and bullying.

fuck, they were the ones who let me know about it on the first place, both actions for which i am eternally thankful for because it means I can defend myself properly should the occasion arise (dios no quiera)

I've already had to make a post on Xitter responding to the antisemitism and pedophilia claims, in which, for the latter, i had to reveal extremely personal information for the people who started this to give me respite if only for a while

and. ugh

What I'm trying to get at with all of this is. it's. coming back is scary. i want to but at the same time I don't think I can take this shit anymore

I wish I had people defending me like this when the harassment started because I'm a spineless little bitch who'd rather talk things out and at least be neutral with people than clap back and tell them to stop being stinky

but what's done is done and now i just gotta figure out how to fix my head before i do something stupid

this is not the full story obviously, I'm cutting off certain details as well as more personal depression stuff to not make this bible longer than it already is

fuck

TLDR: I need a hug, idk if I'm coming back, I probably will cuz I can't say no to people, and some teenagers are horrible

#aneh answers #aneh cries #sorry this is so desorganized and scattered #never been too good at writing #and to clarify #no im not outing the shitheads #i just feel like theres no way to fix things anymore #theyre far too... words #ngh

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cinnbar-bun · 7 months ago

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Important Message

So... haha... been almost a month since I really did anything on this blog...

Listen, I'm gonna keep it straight to you guys, the months leading up to my hiatus were, to put it mildly, some of the most disgusting I've seen in my years as a fanfic writer and fandom enjoyer. This is a bit of a vent post, because, well, genuinely, I really hope the fandom can get better. I'm assuming most of the bad experiences I've had came through people a bit younger/newer to fandom or tumblr/fanfic culture in general. If you want just an update on the blog, I will be posting that shortly after this one.

I'm going to list out some of the shit I had to go through (that I am sure many fanfic writers, but more specifically, POC fandom creators go through). This is a long post. Yeah, also, this is obvious but TW FOR: Racism (including slurs), Islamaphobia, sexism, death threats, suicide threats, harassment, and just flat out horrible behavior.

I'm gonna go list some of the slurs I've been messaged or called, I'll even rate them for you guys <3:

Camel jockey: oooo, haven't heard that one before. get more creative, 3/10

camel fucker: nice, bit more crass, still not original. 3.5/10, just a bit funny

Terrorist: wow, dude, oh my gosh, I can't believe I've never heard that one living in post 9/11 America! Wow! 0/10 try harder

I also don't know where the assumption came from that I was a hijabi... I am not. Calling me a BMO? Pretty unique but sadly does not fit me. :(/10

This barely scratches the surface of what I have dealt with after having been open about my heritage. I'm sorry my very existence offends you and requires you to come out and send me shit about hoping my family dies or that my favorite character brutally hurts me. I have read your messages, and after long consideration, I have decided to no longer be Middle Eastern. Yep, that's right, guys, I am no longer MENA! Don't worry about my family history or anything, I just choose not to be that anymore. There, now you don't have to send me messages about hoping my family gets killed <3

Let's see what else we should tackle.

Should I tackle the fact that I've gotten messages from others to update a fic or answer a request or they will try to self harm or commit suicide?

Should I tackle the fact that some have tried to pressure or guess my sexuality (dude, what the fuck)?

Should I tackle how I got messages from others assuming my place because of my religion?

Should I tackle how I've gotten weird ass messages from people getting mad at me because how DARE I not write certain things during Ramadan?

Should I tackle those things?

I'll save you the hassle, no, I really shouldn't have had to, but fact is, the One Piece fandom has to be some of the worst I've seen and interacted with purposefully in a long time. And I was in the Hetalia fandom way back when. I should not have dumb shit about "liberating" me or oh, oh, oh, I love this one! People asking me if I have 'full armament haki' (I hope you genuinely, genuinely, get the fuck off your phone and go outside. Maybe have a walk and go talk to actual people.)

I've met some genuinely lovely, beautiful, and kind people. They truly are some of the most talented creators I've seen, and I'm grateful they chose to befriend me. The good does outweigh the bad. But the bad? Oh lord, I think you guys are genuinely some of the most disgusting pieces of shits I've ever had the displeasure of meeting.

Fanfic writers are not your slaves. I have a full time job, I have a full time life outside of my tumblr and my writing. I write when I want to because I like to write, and fanfic is a good creative outlet. You sending dumb messages crying about no updates after four days of me posting a new chapter, or threatening to harm yourself because of this is disgusting.

POC creators, especially, are not your fucking tokens. I'm not here to break down every racial stereotype for you. I'm not here to be sitting there mocked with crap I already hear in my outside life. And I sure as HELL am not here for fake support only to be called slurs and mocked the minute I don't do something for you. You are gross, you are not funny, you are genuinely a horrible person and if your ideal vision of humor boils down to the Instagram comments section, all I'm saying is, I'm not wishing you anything positive.

If you read this far, thank you. Truly. This was difficult to place and write down, but it needed to be said, because even to this day I still get messages similar to before.

Do better, One Piece fandom. Do better. Because you are only going to lose the fans who really care and who put effort into making things. How far can you harass fanfic creators, and especially POC ones, with your bullshit before you lose out on things?

I don't need to 'move on'. My identity and my existence is on a completely separate wave than so and so idk, liking a ship or a character. One is fake, and one is literally who I am. Putting false equivalencies to the issues within fandom because it makes you 'sad' is shitty.

I've only given you an idea of what I had to deal with. Now imagine this constantly by random people, both on tumblr and AO3, and then imagine that also in your daily life, on the media, in the news, in the music, on the radio, in the books- fucking everywhere. It's exhausting.

Just... fucking do better. Actually fucking listen to POC. I got nothing else to add that wouldn't just be me repeating the same shit I and others have tried to say.

Just be kind, for gods sake, and remember that creators are human, not the silly avatars we choose.

#rambles #important notice #tw racsim #tw sexism #tw slur #tw islamophobia

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inkblot22 · 4 months ago

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Minor Update; Nothing Bad

Hello!

So I haven't been very active on tumblr recently, not because I am no longer interested in writing horrible twst fanfiction but because I am a little bit busy with some personal things. I am closing requests but not the askbox, so if you decide to ignore that, just know it'll take me a long ass time to get to your request because I have like six or seven ones before you and I don't know the meaning of "taking it easy," so those requests will be getting the full deranged treatment (see literally any request I've worked on, especially this Ruggie fic. I spent days researching what hyena faces looked like as they aged so I could figure out what Vita's hair would be described as, which genuinely doesn't matter for the fic. Can't even say I'm dedicated to the craft, I'm just overly obsessive with little points. By the way, if you're not okay with gore, don't google image search that kind of thing {aging hyena faces, old hyena face} without a safe filter because it is NOT SAFE.)

I'd like to thank both my followers, one specific person who checks in with me to see if I'm alright because genuinely you are the sweetest, favorite askers (you know who you are,) and passerby for being so patient as I take this short hiatus. Once I come back, the main goal will be finishing that Epel series and getting those requests done. I'm particularly excited about the Ace one :D

Okay, that's about it, sorry for the rambling. Thank you again, and I'll be back soon!

#twisted wonderland #tw: dark content #the blot talks!#hiatus time #i'll do my best to be speedy about this #wish me luck and whatever thx #the blot gets personal???#my followers are the best #the blot talks for way too long!!

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wonryllis · 7 months ago

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hiii how are you?? its been a while since ive checked in but i see that youre on a semi-hiatus, so i wish you the best with everything ❤️

i came here to ask about the daddy issues fic, i suddenly remembered it after a while and i was wondering do you have an idea of when itll be posted? please dont take this as me rushing you, im just genuinely asking but i dont want you to feel pressured or offended, since i really dont mind any release date 💕

hello honeybun, i'm doing pretty fine. how have you been? and yeah i have been on a hiatus, life is just stressful and being on here sometimes adds to it sadly :( tysm, i wish you a really really wonderful day and days ahead <3

ahh that hehe, well i have been trying to write it but the thing is i have been in writer's block for a while now and it's been hard to write anything. just yesterday i got this sudden urge to write dilf hoon so i have been on a grind to turn that urge into a fic before i lose the motivation yet again. i honestly can't promise anything or tell you anything specific regarding when it'll be out. but trust that it will be out, it's my favorite fic of all time and i don't wanna gatekeep it but i don't wanna half ass it either so i hope you understand why it's taking me so much time ㅠ ㅠ )

it's okay don't apologize, as a reader too i completely understand where you're coming from and such asks just make me feel a bit motivated to try and write so don't be sorry! if at all im really grateful you're looking forward to it to such an extent to be willing to wait for however long it takes. appreciate it loves,

#﹙あり.﹚ 𝓯𝐚𝐞𝐫𝒾𝐞 𝓰𝐨𝐬𝐬𝒊𝐩 !#﹙⪩⪨.﹚ 𝒎𝒚 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐬 ˃̵ᴗ˂̵#🦢̼ࣳ ⋆ ٫٫ ⁽ anon ₎#` ㅤ𓄷︐ 𝓁ov𝐞 ba𝓈𝓀ℯ𝗍𝗌

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braindead-virtually-tv · 2 years ago

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Monday Night Raw 30/01/23

Just things I've wrote down while catching up read if you want to lose braincells.

I'M SORRY I CANT INSERT A READ MORE I'M ON MOBILE

- They've gotten rid of the Cody-vater 😭

- Cody's AR logo looks better than the actual tattoo.... Let that sink in

- IWC: Yeah Cody is going to get boo'd out of the place if he wins the RR

Crowd:

- I also drove a VW Jetta before too Cody 😂

- I completely forgot about Dashing Cody Rhode's grooming tips 💀💀💀

- I mean yeah you can't actually be shocked at the men's RR choice this year like I said there is literally no other choice 💀😂

- I have to say Cody's a good baby-face but the Main event at the Rumble really reignited how much of an absolute heel Roman is and the crowd is really playing into it now because of it.

- Looks like Cody is challenging for both belts, hopefully they either split post WM or are split at WM

- Ohhhhh Judgement Day what are you doing here?

- DOM YOU DONT GET TO TALK ABOUT RUINED PLANS YOU RUINED YOUR DADS PLANS 😭😭😭😭

- JD has been good for Dom but he still has ways to go.

- Damien was this 👌 close to calling Cody a Nepo baby 😭😭😂

- "Are you tryna scare me straight?" JSHSJJSJHS CODY STOP 😂

- Dominik Mysterio shoots on all your fathers

- Why are there people dressed as bananas

- EDGE!!!!! BEAT THEIR ASSES

- Ohh Cody v Finn this is gonna be good

- So I'm at home so my mam is like in the same room as I am watching it and she gets a kick at me pointing out all the Irish people, so now I've just resorted to explaining people in relation to other Irish people, "See him aye? Hes married to Becky Lynch they have the young one together" (Explaining who Seth Rollins is) 😂😂

- Gable and Rollins is not a match I would ever of thought of but honestly both are EXTREMELY talented.

- The start of it where Gables going straight for Seth and does some legit wrestling shit to get him into the ankle lock was

- HEJJSUS IDK WHY BUT OTIS WALKING LIKE A MAM TRYING TO CLEAN UP A SPILL IN ANOTHER ROOM TOWARDS GABLE IS KILLING ME

- Obviously Seth was going to get it but has Gable ever been in a Chamber? Idk I feel like he'd be good in it. Or maybe not and he has been in it before and was completely not memorable 💀

- The theming of the advertising for EC is honestly like if I was presented with the duty of advertising, "Uhh idk it's in Canada and Canada is .... Cold?"

- I don't think I noticed Iyo eliminating Candice at the RR

- I don't really have much to say about this match, both Candice and Iyo are extremely good at what they do but my 2 month hiatus from wrestling up until Rumble means I don't really have a frame of reference for this story wise.

- Bayley looks like your favourite aunt you only see once a year and they let you take a sip of their drink and promises not to tell your mam about your boyfriend.

- The Poisonrana from electric chair was so cool to watch, nice one Candice

- Mia... Sorry, Michin, you were a bit late to grab Iyo don't you think? 💀💀

- ohhh NXT Vengeance Day is in Charlotte, nice to see they're getting out of the PC for PPVs again, I missed that. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the crowd at the PC

- I do think it was extremely good to turn JD's focus to Rhea, after Edge was ousted, they felt a bit aimless and goofy. And while they still are a bit goofy, they play into it as much as n ended while also seeming like an actual decent threat. I think this is due in part to shifting the spotlight to Rhea, because she is genuinely quite a big threat. Can't wait to see what the build to WM will be for her.

- RHEAS GOING FOR CHARLOTTE, THIS IS HER WRESTLEMANIA REDEMTION YESSSSSS IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!!!!! HOW'S THAT FOR THE LONG TERM BOOKING ASSHATS

- NAH BUT SERIOUSLY THE STORY OF RHEA BEING AT THE TOP OF NXT GETTING COCKY AND FEELING INVINCIBLE THEN LOOSING. THEN GOING ON A JOURNEY GOING THROUGH A FRIENDSHIP BREAKUP, FINDING HER PLACE AND LEANING INTO TO HOW TRULY DESTRUCTIBLE SHE IS TO GET REVENGE ON THE WOMAN WHO KNOCKED HER DOWN AT THE TOP OF THE HILL IS FANTASTIC.

- I think it was probably gonna be obvious that Seth & Logan Paul are going into a WM fued seeing what happened at Rumble. And while I have no doubt the match will be good, as much as I dislike Paul he is very good for such a new and part time wrestler, idk man I feel like Seth would be good in literally any other feud. But hey either way it's going to be a high profile match and lord knows Seth has worked hard to get where he is so good for him.

- The mere sight of JBL has stirred up some PTSD buried deep from childhood, at least I don't have to hear those stock bells 💀😂

- How dare you Corey, Gargano is Lumis' Wrestling Father in Law that's why he's here 😤😤

- I do kinda love JBL being ... Uh how do I explain this? Like anti-indie guys kind of? Like you know what I mean, the wrestlers who have been touted as indie darlings, normally brought in by Trips, who probably have a 5* match in the Tokyo Dome or some shit like that? I by no means hate this type of wrestler but it honestly fits Corbin and JBL really well.

- KICK OUT OF THE DEEP SIX!????

- Do you think JBL uses Just for Men?

- HDHSJSJSJJS LUMIS NOT THE AXE I'M DYING PLEASE I HOPE THERE'S A GIF OF THAT SHOWING IT TO JBL

- Honestly sad for Corbin but Gargano for the US Championship fits better in my opinion

- I have to wait till Friday to see the fallout from the RR's main event? I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH SAMI, KEVIN AND JEY 😭😭

- I will never not love MVP, when I was kid I used to put masking tape on my nose to pretend to be like MVP, I wish I had a picture 😂😂 I cannot implure to you how funny it would look, pasty white Irish child in her nightdress thinking she was MVP

- So with Bobby looking like he's going into a programme with Brock it doesn't look like he's getting the US Title back anytime soon. But honestly I could have Bobby as US Champ for ages, man has really grown on me in the last three years, he's one of my favs now.

- HYPE UP BOBBY MVP YESSS

- I forgot about Brock F-5ing Theory in the Chamber last year LMAO THAT WAS GREAT

- Is... Theory trying to be Cena with this Ruthless Aggression stuff 💀 No child... No

- Guys you should all be worried about your health it's important and you all live in America where that shits expensive

- BOBBY MY MAN HERE HE ISSSSS

- I WANT ANOTHER ARM WRESTLING CONTEST, LET BOBBY HOLD HANDS

- "Listen to your Daddy!" Theory is salty because Gargano doesn't want him anymore and Grandad Vinny left 💀💀

- Listen Dom, I say this with love and as a woman who is currently growing out a mullet, Please go to a hairdresser

- Don't ask me why and this has probably already been done and has just escaped my brain, but I want a tag team consisting of Miz & Dolph Ziggler

- BOOGS IS BACK LOOK AT THAT MAN HE'S BEEN ON THE VITAMINS HASNT HE?

- I wish he went to SmackDown purely because I want Pat's reaction 😭

- Oh Mr.Pearce if only you had the same backbone for the Bloodline you had for the Miz, Sami wouldn't have to go into witness protection 💀😂

- Boogs just straight up manhandling the Miz for the shits and giggle tho

- OTIS IN MAXIMUM MALE MODELS I CANNNNTTT PLEASE LET THIS BE A THING

- wait if Jey & Rikishi still like Sami is he allowed to the Cook Out or nah?

- NOT THE SLOW MOTION EDIT OF SAMI BEING DROPPED 😭😭😭😭

- Bayleys hair colour is gorgeous I kinda want it myself, I wonder if they'll let me dye my hair at work?

- Yeah, Becky ain't done with you hun, you've never made an Irish woman mad before have you? We don't let it go Bayley, never 💀

- I do like the thinking of How Becky didn't need the RR win and she was making sure Damage CTRL didn't, that's actually smart writing and a good way out of some the strongest women in the division not winning

- "I don't like you Rebecca" Idk that got a chuckle out of me 😂

- IS BAYLEY TRYNA SLIDE INTO ROLLINS DMS?

- NOT BAYLEY IMPLYING THEY GOT MARRIED BECAUSE BECKY WAS PREGNANT HAHHAHAH OH MY LORD

- I'm sorry I'm not over this is a fantastic promo segment

- HAHAHHA SHES DRAGGING OUT DAKOTA BY THE HAIR THIS WOMAN IS TRULY IRISH I LOVE HER BECKY FOR PRESIDENT (After Micheal D is finished of course)

- I had no idea Bronson Reed was back, good for him

- EC is for Bianca's title, I've got a good feeling about Asuka, that'll be a great matchup in Asuka's new package.

- NOT CHELSEA GREEN BEING A KAREN LMAO WELCOME BACK GIRL

- Carmella is coming back, fair play to her, she's had a rough year and hope all is going okay for her

- There's my favourite musty man Ziggles

- Ali asking Dolph how he keeps getting opportunities gives me the same vibe as that Nardwaur(spelling?) interview that's like:

"How do you keep your pants up?"

"Belt." 😂😂😂

- Dolph have you ever heard of Olaplex?

- Yeah guessed the outcome of this one, Dolph's had many Chambers, Bronson was the right choice on this one

- oh Carmella is back with some form of the Princess of Station Island gimmick let's goooo

- Asuka owns 51% of this company 😂

- Oh Asuka going with that Business-Horror-Casual, very chic

- Boogs and the Profits, that's some sort of a team up I need to see at least once.

- Boogs v Elias is a feud that writes itself

- Street Profits = Joy, that is all

- Wait did my catch up service mess up or were we not meant to get a Bianca promo tonight? Like there's about 20 mins left but we're at the Main Event? 🤔

- No matter what you think about Cody, man always looks feckin' extatic to be doing what he's doing

- I wonder if Elle is aware Finn's wearing pants 💀😂😂

- I don't understand the big hoopla of WWE now mentioning other promotions tbh. Like to a majority of the audience it doesn't really matter nor do they care. Like cool they mentioned New Japan, good for them? like I didn't notice when they never mentioned other promotions and it makes not odds me either now that they do. Like yeah cool give a bit of backstory on a competitor, it's not the big deal some of the IWC make it to be.

- I have no clue what it's called but that thing where Cody drops really quickly to one knee and slaps his opponent is really satisfying for some reason

- Best Powerslams in the business: Randy Orton, Dustin Rhodes & Cody Rhodes

- I was wondering why Damien shoy.off but Edge just defending the crowd, that man is PISSSSEDD

- BETH PHOENIX MY BELOVED WHERE WERE YOU AT THE RUMBLE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE COMPETITED 😭

- Ngl as much as I like Cody, I cannot take his finisher seriously 💀

-Why are Edge and Beth looking on Cody like they're proud parents 💀😂

- And that's it, pretty good episode overall, kept me hella entertained start to finish 👌

#wwe raw #catch up on wrestling #wwe

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babyboyxiao · 1 year ago

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been a while huh

hello!!! so i know i've been pretty MIA for the past year or so, i've just been working and studying a lot, and a ton has changed in my life. however, i should be back to writing mid-way through january 2024 so expect some new stuff around february-ish? not making any promises tho. if you made a request before my long ass hiatus, i'm so sorry they've taken so long and i'll be finishing those up for you as soon as i'm back.

will probably have to update some of my rules and what media i'll be writing for, but i do genuinely hope that there's at least one person who is looking forward to that bc i am. thank you so much for your patience, see you soon lovelies! 💚

#sora speaks

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dinosaurdragon · 8 years ago

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for those of you who read twots

i feel the need to give an update on my status/explanation for my extended hiatus

unfortunately, no, my hiatus is not yet done (goddamn wish it were though)

the tl;dr: trying to get my RL shit together, but the government and my job are making it more difficult than necessary

more under the cut.

the deets: basically, i’m busy af. and when i’m not busy, i’m tired af. i have not had enough time, energy, and willpower simultaneously to write the way twots and you deserve, but i’m unwilling to put out subpar writing atm, especially since i’ve already made you wait so long. it’d feel damn shitty to make you wait only to hand out the writing equivalent of stale, moldy bread, okay. i’m gonna get this done, i’m gonna write it well, but it’s just taking.... a lot. i haven’t even finished a single chapter since going on hiatus, and it’s not for lack of trying.

additionally, in case i’ve received any comments .... basically since november, i want to apologize for not replying, because i’ve been avoiding my ao3 page the whole time. it, um, kind of makes me feel guilty that i can’t write. sorry. i might check soon, if i think i can handle it.

the reasons, in bullet points, are more or less as follows:

i’m trans. i started hormone therapy in october, applied for a legal name change in november, and have been running around to collect everything i need to get a passport with the right gender marker, but shit takes time. i’ve got the name change, at least.

i’m also working on getting top surgery. i’ve met with a surgeon and gathered everything to send to insurance, so now i’m waiting on that. it might not happen until early april or later, even though i was really hoping for early march. hopefully, i can write more while recovering, since i’ll be incapable of working.

speaking of which: work. holy fuck. i’m a stocker at target. specifically, i work grocery. leading up into the holidays (thanksgiving and christmas), we were SLAMMED over in grocery. i was working more than i have in my life, and it’s a very physically demanding job, so there were days that i’d come home and pass out until my alarm went off to go to work again.

ive never been very athletic. a lot of average days still leave me physically exhausted.

you’d think that since the holidays are LONG over we’d be fine, except literally 2/3 of our team has either been moved or quit, so we’re still working a fuckton to make up for that.

not a big deal to a lot of people, because there are many less fortunate than i who work more, but i’ve not had a vacation since starting this job back in june. this is the longest of consecutive anything i’ve ever done, so it’s--i’m trying to deal with it, but it’s exhausting me.

on top of THAT, i’m intending to move to japan to teach english. like, as soon as i’ve healed enough for air travel after top surgery. seriously. i still need to do a WHOLE LOT of preparation for this, as i’m sure you can imagine.

this includes basically saving up for & purchasing nearly an entire new wardrobe, because i have no appropriate attire in the first place, let alone appropriate male attire.

this ALSO ties in to the whole passport issue. i’m trying to make my life easier by having that passport when i go so i don’t have to deal with (too many) questions about being trans, and whether it makes me unqualified to teach. [thankfully, i do have a passport. i just need to update the gender and name on it, but both of those require other documents.]

i also have anxiety. so dealing with working retail and trying to get all the stuff i need for the various pieces of my transition plus preparing to literally move out of the country is... kind of all i can handle right now, emotionally and mentally.

i love twots. i do. i am dedicated to writing and finishing it. but it does take a lot of emotional and mental energy, especially since it’s written from first person POV of an anxious busybody. i simply don’t have enough to spare right now for consistent, frequent updates.

(minor reminder that vir’era is, in fact, a self-insert at his core.)

i AM on medication, which is... honestly, it’s probably the ONLY reason i’ve managed to get even nearly as much done as i have, especially in terms of being able to go to work the vast majority of days i’ve been scheduled.

as if all that wasn’t enough, my mom is switching jobs, my sister’s abroad (and has run into some minor troubles), and my dad has had health issues. since none of those are directly related to me, and out of respect for their privacy, i won’t go into detail, but all of it does have an impact on my energy levels, thus the mention.

i’m sorry if this came off aggressively or like i’m being an entitled whiny baby or whatever. i thought it was prudent to give some kind of update on... everything. i’ll try to get a proper chapter up at some point and link to this or another, better-organized update. if we manage to get at least one more person on grocery team at my target, maybe i’ll start having enough consistent free time & energy to write again.

until then, i’ll be floating around on tumblr. feel free to message me, if you want to know more, or if you just want to talk, be it about dragon age or twots or what kind of ice cream you like best.

#the pterodactyl speaks #twots #i'm genuinely sorry for the long-ass hiatus

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undertaleheadcannonsfromagremlin · 2 years ago

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Can i get a match up? I'm 5'9, brunette with shoulder length soft, fluffy hair and pale ass skin who is curvy and a bit plump. I love doing little doodles but have been in a bit of a funk with little energy to do anything more elaborate. I enjoy cooking and especially cooking with or for others. My favorite cuisine is Italian hands down, making or eating it just brings me joy. And I'm a super cuddly and goofy person who's soft spoken around new people and can be self conscious at times.

Part of this was written in 2020, and the Underfell part was written currently, after the long hiatus, haha, I'm sorry

Boyfriend Papyrus

It may be surprising, but being around this skeleton does make things more lively, exciting the more down to Earth type of people, so you better be prepared. He's your hype man, he's going to be excited about your achievements, he's going to absolutely love your cooking! You're talented, and he admires that about you! The two of you cooking together may be chaotic, but crazy fun (though you do have to keep an eye on how he does things, since he still struggles to make edible food. He loves your doodles, and how your super affectionate. He scored the jackpot with you as his s/o.

Romantic Interest: Red (Underfell Sans)

Honestly, it was surprising to him that someone like you was rather kind to him, because, well, he viewed you as someone mostly different than himself. You were good with others, while he had a hard exterior, a tough barrier to break/gain his trust, but you had somehow managed. And he was grateful. You were just so... Positive and loving, that at first, he wasn't used to it. But after some time, he had come around, he even thrived on the genuine gestures you shared with him. Of course, he does notice that at times you do have your bad days, he understands that everyone has that, but he just won't let you deal with it alone. You deserve someone to lean on, and he's more than happy to be that monster. Heh, you really are special to him, more than you know.

Best Friend: Toriel

Big mom friend (maybe cause she can't turn off being a mom since, well, she is a mom) she will be on your case about healthy habits, if she notices that you are struggling a bit more. She's a great supporter, and with a shared love of cooking, the two of you have a blast in the kitchen (and yes, you better believe she will make you food as gifts if you're running low on your own supplies). A plus side with her being your best friend is that she will help teach Papyrus to make his food... better. Yeah, she doesn't mind your energy levels, she is understanding that not everyone has a lot of energy, so you bet that you two will do some fun, low energy activities (such as puzzles, cooking, etc). Your confidence will seemingly soar with a friend as supportive as her at your side.

#undertale matchups #undertale match ups #underfell #uf sans #papyrus #toriel

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indianamoonshine · 3 years ago

Text

Strawberry | Chapter 12 | Flames

Summary: Will joins the family dinner. The night can hide many things.

Rating: (+18) for…situations.

A/N: I'm SO SORRY for the long hiatus. Please accept this peace offering (jealous!Din) as a token of my gratitude.

TAG LIST: @t3a-bag @lumimon47 @dodgerandevans @hallway5 @dancingwiththeplanets @steeevienicks @orneryscandallousandevil @ficthots @gaiusfrakkinbaltar @reginagina-blog1 @loveme-tenderly @lastphoenixrising @rattlemyb0nes @rebellou @alljusthumans @gaiuswrites @lovecatsnotpeople

The symposium of a midwestern dinner sounds a lot like Bach's work.

Difficult notes with high to reach places and then very low caverns just a moment later. The cicadas in the background are a nice touch; it's something Tchaikovsky might have wished he could capture. Silverware - old enough to be considered vintage now - clank against the porcelain dinner plates. Charlotte lets out her fae-like laughter and Rhea listens intently, eyes gazing dreamily upon Tommy as he carries on conversation. The house is full tonight.

You suppose it was out of the kindness of your father's heart to invite Will to this dinner. Everyone within a two mile radius usually came to these spur-of-the-moment things. Will was an old family friend and his father supplied yours with fresh goat's milk and chicken eggs, so it wasn't all that strange he came along. Still, it made the meal a bit more difficult to swallow. Quite literally.

Din is sitting directly across from you. You think it might have been intentional because Will chose to plop his happy ass right beside you, grinning that lopsided smile and charming his way out of the discomfort with a joke. You play the part by laughing when he tries to outwit everyone in the room or by asking him how the farm manages these days. Will isn't a cocky person by nature, but something about the rigidness of his composure when Din asks for the green beans makes you all too suspicious.

It doesn't make any sense. Will broke things off with you. If he were to be jealous, it wouldn't be for anything but pride and show. A year ago it would've bothered you that Will was cajoling the room for the sake of his vanity, but now it was just embarrassing for everyone involved.

"Din, do you remember the summer of '90?" your father asks across the table, clearly involved in another conversation that pertains to this anecdote.

The man across you hums and shakes his head with a reluctant grin. "I try not to," he fibs, cutting at his steak.

Your father chuckles. "I was nineteen and Din was..." he pauses. "Jeez, Din. How old were ya?"

"Seventeen."

"Ah, right! Rhea hadn't been born yet but Scarlett was pregnant with her by the end of the summer. That was our last free year, wasn't it? Well, mine anyway." You dad points his fork in Rhea's direction, a bit of steak dangling from its end. "And then you came along."

Rhea scoffs. "Well, geez. My bad for existing."

There's no darkness in either of their words so the exchange makes everyone at the table chuckle in good humor. Your father and Din go back and forth about the irresponsible and, well, illegal things that had been done that summer. Underage drinking. Trespassing. And somehow Din always got away with it.

"He never got us caught. Ever. I still don't know how you did it." Your father says to his friend, eyes wrinkling with a genuine smile. "Damn good thing too considering how much pot we smoked. It's a good thing my girls didn't get that rebellious streak."

A witty response is formed upon your lips but only until Will cuts you off.

"I don't know about that," he pipes in.

You're taken aback, quite literally tossing your head to gauge his interjection. "What?"

An indifferent silence hushes the dinner party. Your sisters chew their food carefully, eyes glued upon the scene before them like it was one of their soap operas. Your father awaits an explanation with a rather scandalized look upon his face, but Will's father - Clarence - doesn't seem at all fazed by any probability of illegal activity.

Will rolls his chin to serve you an exasperated look. "Oh, come on. We're adults now; we can come clean." He drenches his steak in more A1 sauce before revealing: "Your daughter was the one to egg the sheriff's house."

The entire room initially goes as silent as a graveyard before everyone chokes on a snort and begins to roar with laughter. Clarence slaps your father on the back as the two of them snicker like a pair of hyenas.

"Will!" you growl. "You said you'd take that to your deathbed!"

The pain in the ass beside you howls with laughter, holding his stomach, and having to pause from drinking his beer. "Daffi, it's fine. They can't do anything about it now."

"That's not the point!" you scowl.

Din is grinning from ear to ear, obviously amused by your humiliation. It was a childish thing to do but the sheriff was a dick in the worst way and you wanted him to know it. That was a hot summer - record breaking, actually - and by the time he'd woken, the egg had dried upon his lawn and across the face of his home. Ole' Sheriff Winslow scoured the town for weeks before finally abandoning his quest altogether.

"You got something to say, Mister Djarin?" you inquire playfully, scolding him with a fire in your eyes.

Din clears his throat and furrows his brows. "No, no. I wouldn't dare."

The two of you exchange a glance that was far too intimate for this dining room. His eyes softened upon meeting yours and his smirk was silly, drunk on something other than the beer in his hand. If it weren't for dear Will's additional reminiscence, you might've fallen under the spell lingering in the space between you.

"Yeah, that was a great summer. We had our first kiss that year, remember?"

You blink, all thoughts of Din's mouth upon yours fizzling away like steam. Instead, it is replaced with the frayed-edged memory of Will's rusted pick-up parked in the darkest corner of the local McDonalds. It was hardly a first kiss worth mentioning if it hadn't been for how good he was at it and how bad you were. Still: what the fuck?

You wanted to say just that but refrained from doing so. Instead you say, "Lots of awkward fumbling if I recall." It comes out sharp - petty. If he wanted to behave like a child, you could do it too.

Din's trying so desperately hard not to glare at Will. You can see it in the deliberate chug of his beer.

“What. The. Hell.”

“I know.”

“Wait,” Charlotte holds up a hand, expression dumbstruck. “I’m not done.”

You roll your eyes and scrub at a particularly stubborn dish, waiting for her dramatics to be over.

“…was that?” she finishes.

Rather anti-climactic.

“It’s Will,” you tell her, voice bored but teetering on the edge of fury. “It’s fucking Will. What do you expect?”

Charlotte shakes her head, eyes bulging with disbelief as she blinks over and over again as though trying to compute. She takes a dish from you, sopping wet, and begins to dry it with a rag. You know Charlotte is eager to gossip because she never - never - offers to help clean after supper.

Everyone else is carrying on from the awkward conversation by sitting at the bonfire and making pudgy-pies. It’s the kind of snack one eats when they need to forget about anything other than the impending weight gain. You watch from the window as Rhea slathers Nutella upon a piece of white bread and then some cut strawberries. Honestly, you could really go for one, but the idea of being anywhere near Will makes your skin crawl.

“Did he say anything to you? Before dinner? Or after? Like…why would he say something like that?” Charlotte carefully stacks the delicate plates atop each other. They clank against one another noisily.

Like cymbals within the symphony.

“Nope,” you tell her. “Not a word. I have no idea what’s gotten into him.”

Charlotte goes silent, rubbing at the plates until they’re dry as a bone, and then whispers, “He obviously knows.”

You square your jaw, glancing around to make sure no one is in the vicinity, and then let out a great sigh. “Yeah, I’m sure he does. I was all over Din at the bar.”

Your dear sister brightens at the mention of the night prior. She stops her drying and places her hands upon your shoulders so that you may look her in the eyes. You see mahogany. Deep. Rich. Full of life and excitement. In her eyes, it is proof that she’s a good spirit and in good health. (And…well, maybe a little tipsy, but that’s besides the point.)

“I like him. For you.” Is what she confesses. She places her hands upon your cheeks and squishes them together. You protest, taking her wrists and wrestling her, but giggling all the while. “I mean it. I think he adores you. And so do I.”

You nod in her grasp. “Okay, okay! I know, yes. I know!” you chuckle, breathless from the lack of air supply. She still has you in a chokehold. “Can you please let me go now?!”

Charlotte releases you from her trap and you gasp a throat-full of air, belly aching from laughter. The two of you embrace one another in a hug, attempting to lift the other, and then falling upon the linoleum - sore with serenity.

There is something stirring in Din.

It is a fire that has just been fanned from embers he sought to snuff out. But they hadn’t perished, despite how hard he had tried. The coals burned. He burned.

For you.

At the bar, Din ignored Will to the best of his ability; sort of like how one ignores an irritating bumblebee. Leave him be, Din had chanted. He’s harmless. After all, Din had years stacked against Will. How was it possible to be so insecure by this kid?

Because that’s essentially what he is, right? He’s so goddamned young; he looks as though he’s never taken a hit in his life. He’s too pretty, too put together. He’s firm skin and tight abs. And Din, well…

Din was not.

Din was old. He was well past forty years of age now, playing house with a woman over twenty years his senior. No matter how well he managed to keep the façade so believable, it would one day end in disaster - embarrassment. Heartache. And defeat. He can’t bear the thought.

It wasn’t like him. He’s never given a shit about anyone’s perception of him before, nevertheless mulled over the ex of a romantic interest. Not to say that Din’s ever felt the way he did with you; no one has even come close. Xian was his longest “situationship” and when it inevitably burst into flames, he didn’t bat an eye. (He wonders if that makes him a terrible person.) If his toxicity with Xian was worth anything, it was just a testament of his endurance.

But you. The world fucking blurs when you’re near.

So when Will - cocky as Din once was - utters unsolicited bullshit, it takes every ounce of dignity he has left to remain silent.

We had our first kiss that year, remember?

There is a primal urge to reach across the table and wring the smug expression from Will’s face, to grab you with an unfamiliar hunger, carry you across the acre, and toss you onto his bed and just…

No. That was brutish. He wasn’t like that. He couldn’t allow himself to feel possessive over you because you couldn’t be owned. He knew that. But that fire licked at his inner conscious until he had to excuse himself from dinner altogether.

The darkest parts of him pace during the bonfire, though he manages to sit still and interpret Will’s behavior. His youth glows betwixt the crazed flames, an ombré of red and orange dancing across everyone’s skin. Din watches, he listens, he notes every little thing like hunters do. Because for some reason - some ungodly, twisted reason - Din felt as though Will were a bounty now. It’s the only way he could feel superior.

“Daffodil!” Will calls out suddenly. “Get over here!”

The hinges in Din’s jaw pop as he clenches his teeth, grinding them so forcefully he thinks Rhea - who sits beside him - might hear. When you arrive from the house (he guessed you were cleaning up, just as you always do), he notes the skimpy length of your cotton shorts and…

Wait. Is that his shirt?

It is. It’s the very same shirt Din offered you after the rain debacle after the bar. It was one of his favorites despite how plain it was; just a grey t-shirt that fit snugly on him but dwarfed you entirely. It skimmed the top of your knees and pressed against the swell of your chest. That something within him growled once more.

“Come sit,” Will instructs, patting at his lap.

You hesitate. “I…”

Will chuckles, urging you with waggling fingers. “We’ve been like this since we were kids, Daffi. Come on.”

There’s a pathetic attempt to steady himself as Din watches you perch upon Will’s lap.

You’re wearing his shirt. You’re wearing his shirt. You’re wearing his shirt. You’re wearing his shirt…

The group chats a while longer, exchanging stories Din’s never heard, but none of it matters. You’re on another man’s lap. And despite Mark’s very obvious presence, he wants so badly to grip your wrist and run.

“I’ve seen you before,” Will says suddenly. He points a finger in Din’s direction, eyes a little hooded from drink. “Weren’t you at the bar a couple of nights ago?”

Those who partook in the rendezvous go silent. Rhea freezes and Charlotte blanches, looking towards their dear sister who’s pale in the face now. Mark, in his sheer oblivion, raises a brow. Din’s been in every intense situation imaginable, but something about now makes his gut churn.

He could loose you. Right now.

He’s about to lie, to make up some bullshit excuse about having ‘one of those faces’, but Rhea pipes in.

Her voice is strong and firm when she says, “What the hell are you talking about? He wasn’t there.”

Effortless. Shoulders sag, the tension subsiding thanks to Rhea’s impeccable skill.

“Strange. Swore I saw you with…” he shakes his head and shrugs. “Never mind.”

An artificial laugh - so sickly sweet that it’s almost impossible to digest - escapes your lips. “You must’ve drank too much. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

His kiss takes you by surprise.

You’re walking back to the house after the men have soiled the fire and everyone’s said their good nights when he just does it.

It’s covertly enough, but it’s shocking. A massive hand encircles your wrist and pulls you behind the shed out back, pressing you against the mossy wood and stealing the breath from your lungs. It’s the biggest risk the two of you have taken. For God’s sake, your father is just now walking inside the main house and Din’s mouth is attached to the hollow of your neck.

You’re dizzy, gripping his shoulders so tightly that the fabric of his shirt warps beneath your fingers. “Din,” you breathe out. He kisses you speechless again and you break for air. “Din, what’s the matter?”

He curses under his breath. It’s sharp. Fuck. It’s not angry, per say, but it is damaged. You weave your fingers through his hair as he settles his breathing, concentrating on the strings of your shorts that he fiddles with.

“I…” He sighs, pressing his nose against your cheek. His breath is warm and you shiver. “He touched you.”

He sounds ashamed. Embarrassed. You can’t imagine how difficult it must be to vocalize your self-doubt as someone who relishes in secrecy. He had a wall built around him and it was made of iron.

“Not like you,” you whisper shyly.

You had some walls of your own. He was tearing them down like that of Jericho.

There’s softness in the air. The two of you are silent, eyes closed, and mouths inches apart. Exchanging of breath. It’s an ancient form of intimacy.

You trust him. You trust him with your life.

His hand feels natural in your own as you lift it to your breast. The trembling of his fingers is almost endearing; the man was far older than you and he still shook at the mere touch of a woman.

“No one can touch me like you.” Your hands glide south, pressing underneath the fabric covering the raw parts of you, until you stop at the band of your panties. “No one can.”

It’s all he needs to hear.

Soon after, he kisses you fiercely, but not without nodding in agreement. And that very hand, which grazes so deliciously at your belly, finally dips.

Sparks.

#strawberryfic #din djarin x reader #mando x reader #din x you #din x reader #din x y/n #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years ago

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Hi Steph, hope you and your loved ones are doing well(: Do you have any long fics (+100k) that are about character development? I like casefics but I would like to read something that the focus in the story are the characters, even if there is some cases. I just read The Adventure of the Silver Scars for the first time and now I'm adrift lol. Thank you so much, you make my day most often than not, *virtual hug*.

Hi Nonny!!!

AHHHHHHH I’m so happy that you’re enjoying my fic lists, and that I make your day <3 I want to argue that I PERSONALLY find any story that long has a LOT of character development, so I’m gonna be an ass and add a part two to my last 100K w. fic list :) Hee hee hee! I don’t get a lot of opportunities hah. I haven’t read very many 100K fics since my first list last May so I apologize for the length.

Because I’m so focussed on trying to read more long fics lately, it’s taking me a lot longer to get through them, so I’m sorry I don’t have a lot for you. BUT I’m going to ALSO link you to my other longer fic list posts PLUS my case fic lists since you’re looking for those too :)

I genuinely feel like a lot of the fics I rec that are long have a lot of character development, because otherwise I don’t think I would have been able to get through them. It’s a weird quirk of mine: I need to get into the world of the characters if I’m going to invest that much time into them, so yeah :P I hope you enjoy what I have for you!

PS AGREED I loved Silver Scars! It’s actually on this list because I only recently read it, hahah :D

NOVEL LENGTH FICS: 100K+ W. Pt 2