#i'm clinging onto life and happiness with white knuckles and copious amounts of snot

[eatsless]

life updates bc why not (idr what my last ones were so may be some repeats):

i stopped counselling bc it made me feel sooo much worse

my dad promised to take me camping last month and we'd go hiking and have a campfire and it'd be amazing but he decided not to and instead to ignore my existence again

i've started smoking again and am so mad at myself all the time

got a job at a local pizza shop and i'm constantly exhausted now

got my first ever c- in a class (all 6 of my other classes are a's) and had a full blown breakdown and am still Not Okay

constantly on the verge of a panic attack and honestly am feeling so worn out and awful and like i just want to give up

i saved a neighbors dog last week and she wasn't even grateful

i bought a pair of mini platform uggs and i feel cute (girlies at college were making fun of my regular uggs bc they're a bit torn up and it made me sad)

i got some cute clothes from brandy melville and 2 scarves which i love

got sick and am still sick but pushing thru bc i don't have the time or luxury to actually be sick until mid december

i went abruptly from not being able to cry at all to crying all the time. idk what's going on in my brain chemistry but like it can chill out now, i don't need to be crying this much or at all, plsthx

i got my life is strange tattoo a few weeks ago and on friday am getting my final fantasy xv shoulder tattoo and i am hyped

the check engine light in my car came on, the awd is off and won't come back on, the temperature gauge is Not Okay, and now it's shaking and devouring gas, like my gas usage has doubled and it's so freaking expensive. i have to drive 2 hours every day to go to college and back and don't have time or money to take it to a mechanic so the anxiety is making me wanna throw up and cry some more