#i'm cheating so hard with those
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top 5 oboe concertos đ
kalliwoda. yes i am counting it even though it's labelled a concertino. idc. it's great and i love it
mozart. yes i know this answer is Basic. but if it was good enough for flutes to steal it's good enough for this list
marcello. i have a soft spot for baroque, sue me. also if this counts then the kalliwoda definitely does. play it in c minor if you're a real one
strauss. idk i just like strauss
vaughan williams. honestly not my thing to play but with the orchestra accompaniment it really is something special to listen to
also honorable mention has to go out to the grunge concerto by scott mcallister. i heard someone play two movements of this at oboe camp a couple summers ago and it's like...the concentrated essence of contemporary composition. it is So
[ask meme]
#sasha speaks#ask meme#sleepover saturday#nablah#ty!#limited myself to oboe and excluded EH here but if i didn't know that the fiala EH and clarient concerto would be on this list#this was tough! i don't actually listen to or play concerti that much. i am very much not a soloist#(<- says the person playing kalliwoda for her recital next month. and played the donizetti EH concertino for the competition last fall.)#(well the rest of my recital material is chamber music. and i have a collab piano major accompanying the kalliwoda.#so i won't be alone up there. i always play better when i have someone to play with anyway)#and tbh once you push past like. the 1840s. a lot of solo oboe rep starts to lose me...#idk i just do not stylistically Get a lot of late romantic and modern stuff from a musicality pov#like it's lovely to listen to but i have such a hard time interpreting it in my own playing#i had a haaard time learning the vaughan williams. i gave up on it ngl. not for me#and i'm not really into a lot of modern concerti. i think they tend to prioritize crazy technique over like...sounding good#and i'm in it for the musicality anyway not the technique. no one will call me a virtuoso by any stretch and i am fine with that#anyway. the grunge concerto gets an honorable mention cause it kind of broke my brain when i first saw it performed lmao#the third mvt is titled 'headbanging' and when i heard it i was like. wow. someone invented metal for oboe. finally#anyway albrecht mayer has an album called Lost And Found that's just a bunch of lesser known 18th century oboe and EH concerti#and i'm obsessed with it. i would list all of those here but that's cheating since...i mean they're Extremely Classical and they all#kiiind of sound the same lmao. but idc!! classical is my bread and butter i LOVE that shit#i really ought to get the sheets to some of those and learn em myself. and the strauss too. finally a late romantic i can get behind...#well my eyes were on something fiala next i think. so we'll see#oboeposting#LONG RAMBLING IN THE TAGS. sorry lmao. i have a lot of thoughts#sorry goossens but i don't care about you <3 idc if you win competitions i'm keeping kalliwoda
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just because my brain is a lil mushy for writing-- and the mood to do this struck me-- imma piggy back off some earlier chatter with Jackie ( @akumanoken ) on that "list of voices that 'do thingsâą'" just because--
Disclaimer before i start: For the VA entries here, reference points are going to be given via the characters i know them best as/who's performance best fits the sprit of this list-- These are also in no real order, mainly just whatever order i thought of names first lol
Morikawa Toshiyuki
{as Tsukinami Carla - Diabolik Lovers}
Okay so, Carla is slightly an outlier in this group-- seeing as I've never had the chance to play any of the game series he's from (and may not ever be able to, unless i find finished English patches and try to fuck around with that route--) But regardless of that, i've heard his voice via some videos online in the past-- and My God-- this man could end me. (and i should i get to play any game routes featuring him, imma probably die on the spot--)
Sakurai Takahiro
{as Mukami Ruki - Diabolik Lovers}
Again, i doubt i'll ever be able to play his routes in game, but-- i do believe at one point i watched the anime adaptation that was made for More Blood, and even if it was a train wreck (like the rest of the anime for this series lol) i can at least recall enjoying Ruki's VA out of all that mess XD {also, bonus mention for one of his characters songs here, as i just now heard this one today-- and rather enjoyed it u w u}
Daisuke Ono / J. Michael Tatum
{as Sebastian Michaelis - Kuroshitsuji}
I-- don't really have much to say on this point lol, aside from the fact that these men doing their voices for Sebastian 100% fit the spirit of this list XD (i'm also skipping giving a link here, because i'm sure anyone reading can go find an example of both VAs in this role very easily lol)
Morita Masakazu
{as Yanagi Aiji - Collar x Malice}
Yanagi sits in kind of an odd space honestly lol-- because on the one hand, i enjoy just listening to him-- thanks to "older brother/caring dad" sorta vibe he gives me... but at the same time, i can't deny that certain voice dips he does-- they do hit a lil different. {for a better show case of what i mean, check out this vid of his "interview" via the voice recorder extra-- tho i sadly couldn't find one with the eng sub}
Kimura Ryouhei
{as Shiraishi Kageyuki - Collar x Malice}
hhhh-- Shiraishi, my boi... i love this man-- and like, his voice wins a spot here because, much like with Micchan-- i'd lowkey die if i ended up as a target of the teasing he enjoys doing. {and the bonus voice recorder section for him as well--}
Suwabe Jun'ichi
{as Abraham Van Helsing - Code: Realize}
Van somewhat falls in line with Yanagi, as i find his voice rather soothing to listen to... and i admit, my frame of reference for them both is a little fuzzy--thanks to not having played either game for a while... But-- i do remember an extra story from the first C:R game, which gives us all sleepy voice Van, and just-- that one lowkey ended me.
Hirakawa Daisuke
{as Saint-Germain - Code: Realize}
{& Itsuki Mito - Secret xxx / Therapy Game}
listen-- just... listen-- Hirakawa earns his place here because as both bois, i could listen to this man talk for ages-- (much like the mentions below--) But-- thanks to certain scenes from the Secret xxx CD... i can not unhear this man doing spicy audio-- and that fact is forever going to end me. (and Itsuki doesn't get an example link, simply because i don't think i've got anything timmed from the CD he mainly features in--)
{Honorable mentions} This section is for voices that I adore listening to, but, they don't quite fall into the same category as the above list-- More so just that type of mood where it's the "i could listen to you talk for ages" sort of vibe lol
Hirakawa Daisuke's performance as Laito Sakamaki {Diabolik Lovers}
Taniyama Kishou performance as Ikki {Amnesia VN Series}
#{|ooc post|}#this uh... i feel like i went too hard with this post after a while lol--#but-- i'm gonna throw it into the wilds anyway-- because why the hell not?? XD#and honestly-- i probably could've eaten at least three or four spots on this via just bois from the Diabolik Lovers cast--#but that felt like major cheating lol--#especially considering that most of them would've been thanks to the virtue of 'the noises these men make when biting'--#so imma resist that lol#and my og plan wasn't to make this list out of mainly japanese VAs-- or those from visual novels-- but uh--#if we tried going into singers-- then posting this would've taken me like three more days probably LOL
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ËË°âą*ââ· OH! SO YOU'RE INTO OLDER MEN?
Ëâ·âłâ„ JJK MEN SHOWING YOU HOW A REAL MEN FUCKS! satoru gojo, suguru geto, kento nanami, toji fushiguro â§Ë · .
tags: afab!reader, reader is mentioned as a female, use of nicknames (baby, princess, doll, slut, whore), cheating, degradation, caught cheating, getting caught, unprotected sex, blowjob, pussy slapping, mating press, breeding, age-gaps, virginity loss [...] rbs are appreciated!
satoru gojo (Daddyâs girl)
well, thatâs the word he used for the little girl you're babysitting right now. heâs a great dad and husband. thereâs just this tiny whiny little thing he couldnât do rightâ and thatâs loving his wife as he should.
likeâ itâs not that he doesnât feel guilty, itâs just⊠well, you looked really cute in that mini dress, he and his wife have been fighting lately andddâ he could tell his daughter liked you more than her fatality of mother she has these days. she even called you mommy by accident once! and that was the last water drop gojo needed for the glass to break.
âOh- I bet youâd love to be full of me right now.â His thrusts became messier each time he pounded on you, âMhh, fill you up ân make me a daddy againâ youâd like that princess?â you couldnât even talk anymore with how good heâs making you feelâ he had your legs pressed on the bed thanks to his arms, almost bending you in half, he was making sure that mating press works.
âFfffuckk- You feel sâgood babyâ He felt your walls clenching again, no matter how many times he made you come, heâs making sure youâre coming again after he does. A not ending cycle for him. âSuch a slut for me hm? Coming all nice and pretty to this house just to be ruined at nightââ his words made you feel dirty, but the euphoria of it was stronger, âsuchâ slap, âa nastyâ slap, âslutâ slapâ âand all fâmeâ with those last thrusts your body couldnât take it anymore, spasming and trembling while your poor hole was filled up again. gojoâs wife didnât even bothered to break your little encounter, she suspected it long time ago.
all that was left was a wide grinning gojo satoru and some divorce papers.
suguru geto (Daddyâs best-friend)
you didnât intend this to happen⊠you always knew your dadâs best-friend was hot. heâs geto, âcmon. he brings a new girl every weekend whispering in your dadâs ear swearing sheâs the one this time.
he saw you grow up, turn into this beautiful and strong woman. so how he couldnât love you? you were like a doll for him, so beautiful and radiant in every way. a porcelain doll he needed to protect, he couldnât lose you to any dangerous or stupid man, he swears he would beat the shit out of the guy who breaks your heart first.
âShhiiiittâ Hehâ I can tell how tight your pussy is princessââ His cock was stretching the living shit out of you, touching places never in a thousand years you could imagine you would feel. âwhat dâya think daddy would say if he saw his little girl being fucked by his best-friend huh?â your brain was a fuzzy mess, you couldnât make coherent words to say, and just feel how good geto is making you feel. you couldnât remember how many times he had made you cum with his toungue and heâs just starting to fuck your pussy.
â âm such a lucky guy if i'm the first youâre giving this pussy to, donât ya think so doll? marking it as mine, baby I swear youâll need no man to ever fuck this pussy of yours againâ shit I wonât need another woman for myself, youâre the one babyâ those words filled your heart of a tingly feeling, making more butterflies roam around your tummy, touching yourself you could sense getoâs cock coming and leaving with every thrust, your brain full of air and in need of more of his cock.
he couldnât resist himself anymore when he was next to you, his cock would get hard the minute he enters your house, and thankfully he has a pretty doll to release himself with.
kento nanami (Big Boss)
Nanami thinks heâs a good and mature guyâ At least for his wife and kids⊠He has this aura of a serious and mature guy but inside every time heâs just this close to breaking it, just to say what he really thinks or feels.
the first time he saw you at work with your tiny skirts and tight blouses he didnât mind any type of attention to it, you were another cute worker, thatâs all. One of anotherâ he can think other women are pretty too right? maybe even prettier than his wife⊠and nicer, and cuter, and more homely feeling to be a mom. but he wouldn't do anything he would later regret right?...
âYouâre sâpretty baby, such a dirty whore for my cock mhm?â he had you pounding from behind, his desk becoming even messier than it was before, one of his hands keeping you laid down on the desk arching your back like if heâs trying to break itâ a sudden ringing brought you back from your unconsciousness of nanamiâs cockâ he answered the call, not a single sing of him trying to stop thrusting into you.
âYeah?â his voice was out of breath, almost sounding like a sigh when he answered the call, âWhere am I? Huhâ Iâm at the office r-right nowâŠ?â he wasnât even sure if he could keep this act, losing himself more in the feeling of your pussy clenching on his cockâ âOh yeah- Iâm okay, uhh- the kids? yyeah, yeah, theyâre with my mom right nowââ the feeling of keeping up a call with his wife while fucking you made his cock twitch inside of you, feeling like a teenager kissing their crush for the first time. it was no surprise for him that his wife was cheating, but he wanted to keep it like that for the sanity of his kids.Â
âQuit the act Kentoâ I know youâre fucking somebody else right now. See ya at home.â
toji fushiguro (Step-Daddy)
you hated when your mother started dating new guys. they just kept breaking her heartâ but you just stopped telling her that it's okay to live without a partner, that she had you by her side, but well⊠this new man was something else i guess and you didnât say anything for the sake of your own good mother.
you didnât like him, but for the sake of your mother you pretended like you doâ and letâs be honest, toji doesnât like children, so when he first met you he wasnât as social as others⊠your mom was just too good to simply let goâ but the way you moved, talked, dressed caught his attention, and as time passes and he spends more time with your momâ he's no longer drawn to your house just to see your mother, but to see you.Â
âSshhiit- Youâre making me feel sâgood babyâ the lack of air was making you feel giddy, but the way his cock twitched inside your mouth made your core get even wetter. âCâmon baby, ride my shoe,â you wasted no time before your hips started moving, trying to gain some friction and release that tingly feeling coming from your core.Â
âDâya think your mother would like to see her daughter being full of his step-daddyâs cum?â he gets one of his arms behind himself trying to gain some support while his other free hand caresses your cheeks while you continue suckingâ this same hand moves out your head and frees his cock out of your mouth, a small strand of saliva connecting your mouth with itâ
âFuckâ guess i choose the wrong out of you twoâ
#gojo satoru smut#geto suguru smut#nanami kento smut#toji fushiguro smut#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo smut#geto smut#nanami smut#toji smut#toji fushiguro x reader#gojo satoru#geto suguru#nanami kento#toji fushiguro#gojo satoru x reader#geto suguru x reader#nanami kento x reader#fushiguro smut
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remembering how i not only filled my school folders with drawings, but also i drew elaborate things on my desk all the time out of boredom, and i actually met the girl who went to the afternoon shift in the same classroom and spot i sat at during that year as she was a cosplayer i briefly met for being in the local anime con scene.
i once tried to talk to her to maybe make friends with her, but she was very dismissive of me, and at a later date she just left me a message on our desk telling me to stop drawing stupid things and erased most of it, at which point i just felt really bad and never bothered or saw her again.
#like sure i get it you don't want some rando messing up your desk. but also these desks were all fucked up and filled with shit anyway#random signatures gross insults cheating text etc.#so i wouldn't have thought that me drawing some elven dude in erasable pencil amongst that would have meant much#but also that really doesn't matter? i'm just thinking about how that's like my history with friendships in retrospect#where i make a weak attempt at communicating with someone and immediately feel like i did something wrong and should leave#when honestly maybe she just wasn't very cool to begin with. or wasn't interested in making friends. whatever really.#and she doesn't have to have been. but it's also not something i should have been hard on myself for.#like i'm just reminiscing about how i have a really twisted perspective of what is 'allowed' in any given social context#because of experiences like those since i was a kid (plus issues with my parents)#and i always feel like i'm overstepping and should just leave as a result.#and now that i'm in my late 20s is when the reality of this not being normal or healthy is becoming really apparent#but i don't know if that damage can be undone at this point sooo. lmao.#it is a work in progress. or so i like to think.
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Shiu smut + N$FW audio
âą minors do not interact!
ââââ In Shiu's eyes, you were a goddess. And if your neglectful boyfriend, Toji, didn't treat you as such, Shiu would gladly fulfill that role.
Your moans echoed throughout the room as Shiu's tongue roamed your vulva. One of the man's hands firmly gripping your exposed breasts while your eyes rolled back feeling Shiu simulate a thrust with their tongue at your tight entrance.
Your fingers gripped the black strands of his nape as the male hands descended now to grasp your quivering thighs. Fingers sinking into your sensitive skin, Shiu's agile tongue snapped loudly as it explored every inch of your needy intimacy.
"Ugh... Shiu~" You called out in a plea, lifting your partially naked torso to look at him. The dark deeply hypnotic eyes granted you attention, that sensual gaze making you wet within seconds. "Toji will be back soon, y-you have to go..." You cautioned, practically struggling to resist Shiu's intoxicating touch.
In response, Shiu held you even tighter between his hands, inching his face away from your needy area. "Don't talk about your little boyfriend while I eat your pussy, doll." Kong's pink moist lips formed a smirk before he returned his attention to your intimacy.
Your relationship with Toji was not on the best way, often feeling like he used you as a toy only for his moments of boredom. Today, for instance, Toji had agreed to spend the whole day with you, but the disappointing reality came to light when you found out through Shiu that he had gone out to gamble again. But despite feeling neglected in your own relationship, you still felt terrible for cheating on Toji with his own friend, even though Shiu gave you the attention that Toji never even bothered to give you.
"We both know he doesn't deserve you, sweetie" Shiu said, dragging his wet lips along the inside of your thighs. "He shows you off like you're an accessory, but doesn't even care to truly take care of you" Shiu's face quickly turned dark and serious, his slightly wet hair covering his forehead. "Toji doesn't know how to appreciate the queen he has by his side, my love." As painful as it was to hear those words, it still felt so good to be appreciated like that by someone.
"But, we're acting wrong... Hmm, shit! " You said, trying to control yourself from fucking your needy pussy against Shiu's face who just laughed mockingly at your protest and moved closer to your pussy again.
"I wonder what his reaction would be if he saw us like this. Would he learn how to treat you properly?" Shiu said, dismissing other thoughts, leaving a chaste kiss on your sensitive and swollen clit. "I'd love to see the look on that jerk's face watching another man devour his girlfriend's needy pussy" He needled, staring at you.
Shiu sucked your clit hard, hungrier, more ravenous, delighting in your tearful moans that escaped straight from your throat. "Let me enjoy your sweet little pussy just a bit longer, doll, I promise it'll be worth it in the end." You felt Shiu's hot tongue slickening you up more as he promptly inserted two fingers into your needy and slippery hole. Your eyes rolled with the intrusion, Shiu's name repeatedly falling from your lips in the form of a moan, causing him to grunt. "Let me take care of you, my goddess."
â
â
Shiu's version! I'm curious to know what you guys think. đ€
Any other character suggestions? Tell me.
Your interaction is very important to me, reblogs and comments are always welcome. đ«¶đ»đ
#shiu smut#shiu x reader#shiu x you#shiu kong x reader#shiu kong x you#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#shiu x y/n#jjk x fem!reader#jujutsu kaisen x female reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#shiu kong smut#shiu imagine#shiu x female reader#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jjk imagines#shiu kong#kong shiu#shiu#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jjk x reader smut#jjk shiu#shiu jjk#jujutsu kaisen shiu#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk scenarios
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đ»đȘđŻđźđđŒđŹđŸđ»đœđȘđČđ·đ«đȘđ·đ°đŒ
đœđđđđđđą đ»đđđ | đđąđ§đ€đŠđđŹ đđđđ đđ«đđđđ„đđŹ
đ»đïżœïżœ đđšđđđ„đȘ: đđ đŠđđ đđđ€đ€đ đđ€
đżđđđđđđđđ!đđđđ đĄ đČđđđđđđ!đđđđđđ
warnings: older!rafe, age gap (college senior with rafe in his 30s), secret dating, angst, fighting, suspected cheating, name-calling, swearing, pet names, rafe grabs the readerâs face, spanking, spanking with a belt, bdsm, wet and messy, squirting, edging, multiple orgasms, threats, unprotected p in v, orgasm denial and control, rough sex, fingering, manhandling, soft!rafe at the end, praise, dirty talk, brat taming, teasing
đ All of my asks got deleted đđ so I'm not sure who requested this, but thank you! This was not a kinkmas ask, but I made it one đ The premise is that Professor!Rafe has been distant and now after cancelled plans you want to know what the hell is going on.
Masterlist
Readerâs POV:
The brisk December air bit your cheeks as you stepped out of your apartment and headed downtown. Christmas lights glowed warm along the street, but your mood was anything but light. You stuffed your hands into your pockets; your arm looped in your friendâs, head tilted on her shoulder as you suffered in silence.
All your finals were done, a long, relaxing break to look forward to, but all you could do was think about himâŠ
For months, you had been navigating your whirlwind romance, secretly dating your Professorâsexy, intelligent, successful⊠And you had fallen hard against your better judgment. It was wrong⊠It was risky as hell⊠But it was real. Or, at least, you thought it was.
Lately, though, Rafe has been pulling awayâcanceled plans, vague apologiesâ his lingered gaze that you had gotten so used to fizzling away. Tonight was supposed to be a celebration. A night away, just the two of you, celebrating your completion of the semester and a week of rest and relaxation for the both of you.
He hadnât even brought up winter break⊠Rafe wasnât looking toward the future anymore. He was completely checked out.
But tonight was different⊠He canceled, and unlike before, you didnât ask for an explanation. And to your disappointment, he didnât give one either.
âForget him,â you grumble, momentarily wallowing in self-pity.
âForget who?â Your friend asks with a laugh as she squeezes your arm a little tighter.
You bite your lips, taking a shallow breath as you let those two words slip your lips. âThis guy from my econ class,â you lie. âHe blamed our B on meâŠâ Another lie.
âWho complains about a B in college?â Your friend scoffs and laughs, tipping her head on yours. âForget him? Fuck himâŠâ
âAgreed,â you smile, the wavering in your tone making her raise an eyebrow, pressing again.
âIs that why you didnât want to come out?â She asks as she softens her voice. You flutter your lashes, feeling the emotion youâve been pushing down bubble up in your chest.
Itâs not like anything has happened⊠Nothing has happened, as a matter of fact. He was giving you nothing, yet you felt his silence was speaking louder than any words could. And who could you talk to about it? No one.
âBabe?â She tries again as your friends walk across the bustling street, heading into the flooded downtown area.
âJust not feeling like myself latelyâŠâ Your voice floats away with the winter wind as you see Rafe open the door, holding it open for a woman to pass through.
He looks handsome in his fitted suit and black wool overcoat, his hair brushed back, giving you a glimpse of his perfect face and chiseled features.
Your friend coaxes you forward, but your body freezes in the middle of the sidewalk. You watch as Rafe and a beautiful woman in a powder pink dress fall out of sight, disappearing behind the doors of The Flora Room.
âSeriously, whatâs going on with you?â She asks, shaking you playfully to get you out of your daze.
âWhere do you guys wanna go?â One of the girls in your party calls out. You look around the little town square, seeing bar after bar, knowing it would be a tough sell to get your friends to sit down even for a single drink in there when they could buy three shitty drinks for the fee of one overpriced martini.
You watch your friends drift to one of the downtown sports bars, but you keep your feet grounded. Your friend reads the room, hanging back with you, following where you lead, her curiosity piqued.
âYou gonna tell me whatâs goinâ on?â She mumbles from the corner of her lips as the two of you pass through the doors.
Thereâs no bouncer at the door; your shoes donât stick to the ground with each step. Screaming, laughing, and a deep bass rumbling from the speakers are exchanged for light conversation and piano music. Itâs rich and elegant, the polar opposite of what the two of you are used to on a typical night out.
âWeâre just gonna sit at the bar,â you smile at the hostess, who extends a hand, ushering you back. Your eyes dance around the space, looking for Rafe and the women as you feel your anger and unease fester.
So busy you couldnât see me, huh? You seethe as you position yourself just far enough away from him.
The situation is hard to readâa party? You look at the group heâs with; the lot of them dressed to the nines. Watching with your breath held as she laughs, his head tilting slightly as if the woman said something clever.
She looks sophisticated and expensive, her curves hugged in a dress that seems to have been made for her. She reaches out, squeezing Rafe's bicep as she chuckles again, making your stomach churn.
The bartender rests your martinis in front of you. You keep your eyes locked ahead; the tears in your eyes sparkle in the bar lighting. It's impossible to see without blinking, but you know the second you do, theyâll fall.
Your friend's hand rests on your thigh, and with that little bit of physical contact, your eyes shut. Tears roll down your cheeks and fall off your chin. She looks ahead, following where your attention was paid before looking back at you and back at him again. âOhâŠâ she breathes, before her eyes widen.
âYeah,â you whimper, knowing she put two and two together. âJust donât-â
âI wonât say anything,â she assures before you can even finish, reaching over, blotting the tears off your cheeks with a bar napkin.
You reach in your purse, hands tightening around your phone, and without thinking, you open the text thread⊠The one where Rafe left you on read.
You: Weâre done.
You watch as Rafeâs phone buzzes in his pocket. He adjusts slightly, looks at the lock screen, and sees the notification with your name on the front before stuffing it back in his pocket, not giving it any more attention.
Missed call after missed call; text after text⊠It only took a few blocks before Rafe finally pulled his phone out of his pocket and gave you the time of day.
You couldnât help but give him a similar treatment, watching as all his attempts rolled in, you not making any effort at all. You look over your shoulder as you walk into your apartment; there are so many texts from Rafe that you know he canât be far behind.
You pace your apartment, just waiting for the inevitable. Regardless of what that was or what that wasnât, heâs been ignoring you. How simple would it have been to let you know where he was going and the real reason why he canceled?
That womanâwho the fuck was that? A friend, Iâm sure⊠But you couldnât even fathom Rafe watching that all go down. He would feel the same fucking way, especially if you were giving him reasons to worry before.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
You hear Rafeâs heavy footsteps on the other side of the door, making your stomach sink, jarring you out of your thoughts.
âBaby,â Rafeâs familiar voice called from the other side. âWhat the hell is going on, huh? Open the door.â
Your fingers curl into fists by your sides, annoyed at how easily Rafe could demand your time. How he only seemed to care when you sent those three words. âGo away!â You shout, feeling goosebumps spread across your body.
âNot fucking happening,â his tone was firmâthe frustration bled through his words. âOpen the door.â
âNo.â
âYou kiddinâ me?â BANG. He bangs his fist against the door in frustration. You hear his voice soften as he gets closer to the door's seam. âWhat the fuck is going on?â He hisses.
âWhy donât you tell me,â you step a little closer as well.
âIf I knew, I would apologize. Alright? I got nothinâ to hide from you-â
âBullshit,â you cut him off. âWho was she, Rafe?â
âWhat?â He cries out as he jiggles the door handle rapidly, testing it and then testing it again. âWhat the hell are you talkinâ about?â
âThe women from the bar, Rafe. I was there.â
âPrincess⊠What the hell?â He breathes. âYou donât understand, baby. Câmon.â
âOh, I understand perfectly, Rafe,â you snap as you bang against the door yourself. âYouâve been ignoring me for days, you barely look at me anymore, you're canceling our plans, not telling me where the hell youâre going, and then I find you on the night we were supposed to actually spend some goddamn time together flirting with someone else. Yeah, Rafe. I understand. Youâre a liar.â
Silence falls heavily outside the door. You furrow your eyebrows, looking through the peephole straight at your neighbor's door, your heart breaking when you donât see him on the other side.
Your phone vibrates in your pocket, making your heart leap.
Rafe: Have a great night, sweetheart.
âYouâre joking me,â you huff as you push out into the hall, gasping as Rafe pushes you back in.
âI love you. But youâre being a fuckinâ brat,â he grunts as he lets the door clap shut behind him before dragging you a few steps to your room, slamming that door as well.
âYou have five minutes to explain, Rafe,â you shout, âthen Iâm kicking you out.â
âFive minutes, sweetheart? After all this time? Thatâs generous of you.â
âTalk or leave,â you snarl before Rafe shoves you down on the bed, making you gasp again as he mounts you fast, his hand slapping against your mouth, holding it shut.
âStop fucking testing me and listen. Alright?â You mumble underneath his trembling palm. âIf I lift my hand, youâre gonna listen to me, do you understand?â
Your eyes narrow on his, and he cocks an eyebrow at you. âIâll tape your mouth shut if you wonât listen to me. You know that, right?â He asks in a gentler tone, contrasting his dark words.
You roll your eyes, finding yourself getting more annoyed by the second. âThe fuck has gotten into you, huh?â He asks as he looks down at you below him, wearing a new defiance youâve never shown before.
He lifts his hand, and you huff out a breath, scowling as you look up at him. The older man looks back at you with the same disgusted look.
âWhat, Rafe?â
âThereâs been a rumor circulating around the campus that a professor has been sleeping with a student⊠Iâve been dealing with thatâI have not been avoiding you for any reason other than that. And that woman⊠That woman who could never be you, princess, is not who you think. Okay?â
âSo, who is she, then?â Your glare softens slightly, the bite of your tongue still there. âBecause you sure seemed like you were enjoying her company, Rafe.â
Rafe sighs deeply, dragging his hand through his hair as he steps off the bed. âSheâs the new University President⊠That was the faculty Christmas party. I forgot to tell you because I was too caught up in all this shit.â
âYou forgot?â You ask. Rafe is taken aback by your attitude, even after telling you everything.
âYes. I forgot,â he answers, his tone sharp. âBecause Iâve been trying to figure out how to protect us,â he chides as he gestures between you. âThe scandal, the risks⊠You kept sayinâ everything was fine, so I wasnât worried. I have never worried about you.â
You feel a slight guilt creep in, seeing him so vulnerable. You would be lying if you said you didnât assure him everything was okay and that the two of you were fine. âWell, maybe if youâd told me, I wouldnât have assumed the worst.â
âAssumed the worst?â Rafeâs scoffs, his frustration crystal clear. âYou mean accusing me of cheating and ending things over a text? A text? Because thatâs a rational response right there, sweetheart. Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?â
âYou donât get to turn this shit around on me, Rafe. Youâve been distant. When I told you I was âokay,â I wasnât⊠Didnât you notice a change between you and me? Couldn't you hear it in my voice that I clearly was not okay? Youâre so distant. Itâs like weâre not even together-â
âIâve been distant because Iâm dealing with thisâthis shit has real consequences, princess. This isnât a fuckinâ game. If anyone finds out about us-â
âThen talk to me!â You yell over him as you step closer. âYouâre acting like Iâm irrational. I would have understood. All you had to do was tell me whatâs going on!â
âAnd all you had to do was ask instead of throwing a fuckinâ tantrum,â he shoots back.
Your jaw drops, temper flaring even more. âA tantrum?â
âYes,â he says firmly, his gaze unwavering. âA tantrum. Youâre acting like a spoiled brat-â
âFuck you,â you hiss. âGet the fuck out of my apartment.â
âWhat the hell?â He laughs at you weakly, looking back at you like youâve gone completely mad. âWhereâs my girl? What the fuck is happening?â
âDo you need help finding the door or what?â
His eyes widen; the man struck utterly silent. âPlease tell me you haven't been feelinâ this way the whole time weâve been together,â he asks, the exhaustion of the fight wearing on him as he looks back at you, shoulder slumped, breathing heavy.
âThe last few weeks, yeah-â
âBut not the whole time, right?â He asks, the tone of his voice letting you know you both know the answer.
âNo⊠Not the whole time,â you mumble.
âCouldnât have given me the benefit of the doubt, princess? I mean hell, sweetheart. You could have looked around the goddamn bar. What the hell would I be doinâ hanging out with your Econ teacher if I could be spendinâ the night with you? Why would I be rubbinâ shoulders with Dean Richardsonâ your Dean, by the way, unless I had to, huh? Don't you think Iâd rather spend my night with you?â
You look back into his piercing blue eyes, your cheeks burning with a mix of shame and anger. You open your mouth to speak, but he steps toward you fast, standing above you as you sit on the edge of the bed. You squeak as he grips your cheeks in his big ringed hand, forcing your gaze.
âI love you, princess⊠But you need to grow up. Use your words. Stop jumpinâ to conclusions and start cuttinâ me some fuckinâ slack.â You mumble, but he pinches your cheeks even more. âStop cuttinâ off before I can explain myself.â Rafe slots himself between your thighs, loosening his hold slightly.
âIâŠâ You hesitate, taking a little breath as you look at him. âIâm sorry. I justââ
âNo.â Rafe silences you as he leans down, pressing a gentle kiss on your lips. âApologies are fine, but you need to listen. This isnât some fling. This is real. And if weâre gonna make this shit work, you have to trust me. Even when itâs hard,â Rafe whispers, letting his lips graze against yours.
Your heart pounds in your chest, thighs drawing in slightly. âI trust you, baby,â you breathe, your voice barely above a whisper.
Rafe pulls away, his gaze softening more than before, but his frustration hasnât completely faded from his beautiful blue eyes. âThen show me⊠Stop playinâ these games.â
âI wasnât playing games,â you protest, but he cuts you off with a look that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand straight.
âYou sent me a breakup text, then ignored me when I came here to fix it,â he chides. âIâm not some frat boyânot some college kid you can pull that shit with. Aight? And if you donât think that little stunt you pulled is a game, I donât know what is. Do you know how many times I called you?â
âI texted you too, and you ignored it,â you mumble as you look away, feeling the weight of his gaze as your face heats up.
âNâwhy do you think I had to do that, huh?â He adds condescendingly.
âIâm sorry,â you whisper. Knowing that answering a text from you, a mid-faculty party in the light of a scandal, probably wouldnât have been Rafeâs best move.
âWeâre done with this little back-and-forth bullshit. If you have a problem, tell me. And if I screw up, Iâll do the same.â You nod, looking at Rafe again as he cups your face, his rough thumb tracing your bottom lip.
âRafeâŠâ You pout.
âYes, baby,â he responds gentler than before.
âWhy arenât you talkinâ about the future anymore? I know you wanted to take the heat off us but didnât even ask what Iâm doing for break. You didnât even make plans with me-â
âShhâŠâ He shushes you as he looks down at you tiredly, about ready to lose his mind that youâre still challenging him in some way. âTake out my phone,â he mumbles. You lower your gaze slightly, reach into the pocket of his dress slacks, and pull out the device. âYour birthday, baby,â he hums his passcode. You unlock the phone, looking up at him again. âOpen my emailâŠâ
You pull up Rafeâs Gmail and see the confirmation for the Four Seasons Resort and Residences in Vail, with your name attached to the reservation made a week ago.
âYou drive me insane, you know that?â He murmurs as he grabs the phone off your hands, tossing it to the side.
âIâm sorry-â
âYeah. Yeah.â
âI mean it, Rafe. I-â
âYou think you can sass me, throw a tantrum, and walk away without consequences?â He mumbles. âI think itâs time someone teaches you a lesson about being a brat, princess,â he whispers as his lips find your neck, licking and sucking your hot skin, making your pulse race.
Rafeâs loosened tie hangs from his neck, sweeping against your thighs as his teeth graze along your ear. You grab it, pulling him toward your lips, making him chuckle against yours.
âGot some shit you wanna say, sweetheart?â He laughs darkly.
âMaybe I like being a brat, Rafe,â you whisper, feeling him smile against your lips.
Rafe kisses you deeply, sucking off your bottom lip, taking it between his teeth, nipping with enough pinch to make you whimper into his open mouth. âThen I guess this is going to be a long night for you, princess,â he rasps as he grabs your tights between his fingers, ripping them open. You inhale sharply as he cups your pussy in his big hand, rubbing your sex over your wet panties.
âFuck,â you whimper as he slaps your cunt, making your thighs draw in just for him to force them apart. He continues to tease you over your panties as he gathers your hair with his other hand, tugging it back.
âThese last few weeks⊠Fuck, theyâve been frustrating, huh?â He asks as he pushes his big fingers into your entrance, the threshold of the wet cotton blocking him from going any deeper than a knuckle deep. âAnd youâre gonna misbehave? Make it harder on me? You know I could have just taken my frustration out on this pretty little pussy, baby,â he mumbles as he hooks his finger around your panties, pulling the fabric tight, making you whimper.
âRafe, please-â
âWeâre at the finish line. Two days away from a vacation that Iâve been planninâ for weeks. That I was gonna surprise you with⊠and youâre actinâ like a fuckinâ brat? Whatâs that about, huh?â He asks as he paws off his tie, tosses it on the bed, and pops open the buttons of his shirt one by one.
You take in his gorgeous body as he exposes more skinâhis broad chest and his cut abs, the deep ridges of his v-lines kissing the top of his pants. You bite your lip, stripping yourself of your tattered tights and clothes as he undoes his leather belt, releasing it with a crack before tossing it on the bed.
âStand up,â he orders, and you do as your tummy flutters. âTurn around. Hands behind your back.â Rafe reaches for his tie, running it through his big fingers as he takes in your body. âWrists, baby,â he mumbles against your neck as he stands close, his rock-hard cock pressing against your ass.
Rafe binds your wrists and grabs your hips, sitting down on the bed, guiding you to lay over his big thighs, your ass in the air. Rafeâs rough fingers drift up the back of your legs, making you tremble, your wetness already weeping from your aching hole.
He chuckles as he runs two thick fingers right through it, taking it between his lips, moaning around his digits. âFuck, princess⊠Youâre a problem aren't you? Gettinâ wet off this shit, huh? Like gettinâ yelled at and punished.â
âYes,â you whimper.
âYes, what, princess?â He groans as his hand comes down on your ass, making you cry out.
âYes, sir,â you sniffle. âI like getting yelled at and punished.â
âAtta girl⊠Look at you. Already turninâ that little attitude of yours around, huh?â He asks as he thrusts his fingers in your pussy, making you wail. He fucks them into you fast and hard, your warmth squelching lewdly.
You crane your neck, eyes widening as he goes for his leather belt. You struggle slightly, your natural reaction to move away, but his big arm wraps around you, holding you in place. âThink youâre gettinâ away from me?â He chuckles. âNot a fuckinâ chance.â
CRACK.
Rafe delivers a loud smack on your supple flesh. You let out a loud cry, feeling the sting and tears welling on your waterline.
âYou had a lot to say before, baby,â he mocks as he drags the leather up the back of your thighs. âWhere did my bratty little bitch go, huh?â He mumbles as he lands another hit, making the tears spill over.
Rafe tosses the belt to the ground, plunging his fingers into your slickness again, only to find that youâre even wetter than before. âStop enjoyinâ this shit so much, pretty,â he breathes, his smug smile heard in your tone as he curls his fingers inside you.
âYes, baby,â you moan as your head falls forward, feeling yourself about to cum around his big fingers. âOh, Rafe.â
âMmm⊠I should stop, shouldnât I?â He asks as he continues his brutal pace.
âNo⊠No, please,â you sniffle as you feel your body tighten around him, your peak approaching fast. You lift your ass in the air, following his fingers as he pulls them away gradually, yanking them out right before your body gives way. You gasp, breathing heavily as Rafe robs you of your orgasm, your heart banging in your chest.
âHow do you think it felt gettinâ that text tonight, hmm?â He asks as he lifts you off his lap, shoving you on the bedâyour chest on the mattress, and your feet on the floor. âThe love of my life⊠The only thing-â CRACK. He spanks you yet again, making you scream. Rafe laughs mockingly into his next couple of words, âThe only thing that has ever truly mattered to me,â he mumbles as he lowers himself to his knees. The warmth of his breathing hits your throbbing cunt. âBroke up with me⊠through a text message. Fuckinâ insane, right?â
His tongue plunges into your drooling hole, fingers swirling on top of your throbbing clit making your thighs tremble. Rafe sucks and tongue-fucks you like a god, taking you right to the edge of ecstasy again. Your muscles clench, fists balled up, rising on your tippy toes reeling, and right when you're about to break, he pulls away again.
âRafe, please!â You sob.
He steps forward, the front of his muscular thighs flush with the back of yours. You whimper as he draws away just enough; his swollen head rubs through your drenched folds, teasing your clit, toying with your glossy hole âtil youâre burying your face in your comforter.
"Beg for it, princess. CâmonâŠâ He whispers as he taunts you with his tip.
âPleaseâŠâ You beg, lips quivering with every breath. âPlease⊠Iâm begging you, daddy. Mâsorry. Iâm so fucking sorry,â you whimper. âI love you⊠I love you soâoh, fuck,â you cry as he sheathes his cock into your swollen cunt.
Rafe grabs the edge of his tie, knotted around your wrist, using it as a hold to fuck into you deeper, gliding into your greedy hole, your body quickly cumming around him, pussy flutter wildly, but he just keeps on going.
He yanks the tie, pulling it loose. He flips you to your back, looping your legs over his shoulder before plunging in again. Rafe brings his big body closer to yours, folding you in half, toned hips clapping against your body with each rough stroke.
âDidnât ask for permission, princess. Creaminâ around my dick when I should be usinâ you like my personal fuck toy...â You follow his gaze, looking down at the place where you context the creamy ring of your arousal glistening around his thick base, the picture alone leaving you feeling like you could cum on sight. âYou better ask⊠I know you're about to cum again. And if you do-â
âRafe, I-â You grit your teeth, fighting back another orgasm you know heâll deny.
âIâm not done talkinâ. Fuck, have you learned nothing?â Hot tears roll down your cheeks, wetting the bed below as your body shakes. âIf you cum without askinâ, I'm gonna tape those pretty little lips of yours shut, grab that vibrator from your nightstand, and have you cumminâ âtil you pass out.â
âPlease. Please. Please,â you sob.
âMight do it anyways, princess. Itâll be good for youâŠâ
âRafe!â
âCum for me, baby.â
You grab the edge of the bed, holding on tight as Rafe makes good on his words, taking his frustrations out on your tight cunt as you squirt around his length.
"There you go, fuckk. There's my girl,â he murmurs, smiling smugly, tilting in and kissing your forehead sweetly, his punishing strokes telling a different story entirely as he chases his climax, emptying himself in your fluttering cunt with one final thrust.
Rafe lowers your trembling legs, dragging back, but you grab his hips, pouting your lips and shaking your head âno.â He smiles down at you, lowering himself to your lips, kissing you deeply.
âIâm sorryâŠâ You whisper.
âDonât be, baby. I never want you to think I don't care. Okay? I'm sorry⊠Should have let you know what was goinâ on. I should always be takinâ care of my girl,â he mumbles between gentle kisses. âYou were right. Alright?â He whispers before kissing your forehead.
âI thought you didn't want to be with me anymoreâŠâ
âThatâs crazy, baby. âCourse I do. I was serious; you're the only thing that truly matters to meâŠâ
You bite your lip, smiling into your kiss. âI love you, baby.â
âI love you, princess.â
tags: @rafesthroatbaby @littlelamy @kisses4angels @watchmerora @buckybarnessweetheart @anamiad00msday @namelesslosers @cades-outsider @romaescapes @starkeysprincess @oxpogues4lifexo @unrealmirrorball @sleepiibunniiii @gri959 @rafesgiirl @daryldixon83 @akobx @hyperfixationgirl @lhhlver @rrafeswhore @slut-4-gojo @blair-bears-blog @loveesiren @cameronwillow @rafegf-real @alphabetically-deranged @ariana2saucyy
#rafe cameron#rafe#outer banks#obx#rafe cameron smut#rafe x reader#rafe smut#rafe cameron x reader#rafeyscurtainbangs kinkmas 2024 âïž#rafeyscurtainbangs library đ#rafecore#rafe fanfiction#professor!rafe#professor rafe#older rafe cameron#older!rafe#rafe kinkmas#rafe cameron kinkmas#rafe cameron obx#obx rafe cameron#rafe cameron one shot#rafe cameron x you#rafe x female reader#rafe x reader smut
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Oh fuck. Ashton and Orym are probably getting new art next episode, if they haven't already.
I don't think I'm willing to re-do the fashion frame I themed around Ashton on Warframe but I might be okay with changing the outfit for my Orym dragon on Flight Rising. Especially since I'm not actually going to be able to finish the latter until December unless I suddenly become willing to pay a premium for some apparel. (Stupid wrong-color crystal moon ball I don't even know what I want to use for the second moon *grumblemutter*)
The pose on fae dragons really makes me wish some of the accessory apparel had more than one option for placement because as it stands if I want to give him a shield I can't give him the vines and flowers on his hands because they get covered up. The compromise I came up with was to put it on the fae dragon's tail but that's kind of unsatisfying.
It's probably a good thing that I haven't even started on the outfit for an Ashton dragon on FR because the idiot wildclaws I'm trying to breed keep spitting out the wrong color ranges. I really don't want to do an all-wildclaw breeding project but I refuse to compromise and settle for a different dragon. I doubt I'll have a suitable dragon for Ashton this year unless I get absurdly lucky in a search.
#ignore morg#I do have a tendency to get absurdly lucky but it tends to be for weird things#If I get a perfect Ashton dragon it will be an Earth G1 with perfect colors and I'll have to spend crazy dragon money on all gem genes#because *that* is how luck works for me.#I got two shiny female sobbles in pokemon within a couple of hours when I played Pokemon Sword#what I was *trying* to do was get a hidden ability rookidee off of Wonder Trade (no I do not accept that gf renamed it fuck off)#and I was breeding my starter in order to have something decent to trade away. It took me actual days to get that fucking rookidee#Which of course also had to have one of two very specific pokeballs and be male#but I was able to fix those details by breeding the rookidee I actually got once I had it#I fucking wanted that Mirror Armor Corviknight man and I didn't continue with the game until I had it.#pissed off a friend of mine too by insisting on bending the game to MY will but I'm in the right so who cares? She got over it.#and I got mine which is the more important thing#Later used an exploit to force the game to spawn a second male Mirror Armor Corviknight that was shiny so now I have *both*#I don't usually cheat to get shinies but this method was fairly labor intensive and I needed him to be *perfect* so I went for it#produces legal pokemon too. Kind of a shame they patched it since it was about as hard as actually shiny hunting.#Guess they didn't like that once you had your custom shiny you could distribute it through raids.
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hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT
Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.
When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examplesâI mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.
I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.
Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitationâthere were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.
For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.
Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.
The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studiesâthere's literally no way around itâso you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forwardâisn't that a fun prospect!!
It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.
I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skillsâthe other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).
Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)
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velvet lies
pairing: gojo x fem reader synopsis: crippling debt and possible evictions have ruined you. working two jobs with no downtime, and a five-year-old son, you really don't know the meaning of taking a break. after continuous questions about his father, you have decided to finally let your son meet his dad. only thing is, he has no idea said son exists. and to top it off, you have not a single clue about what kinds of things will transpire from this sudden revelation. tags/warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, fluff, romance, alcohol, classism, mom! reader, lying, abuse, MAJOR angst, slow burn, exes to lovers, (mentions of) cheating, scandals, death, blood, drugs, drama, family drama, miscommunication, blackmail, unhealthy coping mechanisms, depression, manipulation wc: 5155 a/n: hi everyone! i'm so excited for this piece of work as I have a lot of exciting ideas planned in store! this will probably have slow updates, so please please please be patient with me. thank you all for reading! i'm aiming for at least 15ish chapters, maybe more or less, depends how much i write in one chapter in the future. series masterlist < next chapter
âCash or card?â
âCard.â
The sound of light dinging follows, the transaction completed. âHere you go, Miss. Have a good day.â
âThank you, you too.â The woman takes the small bag from your outstretched hands, giving one last smile before exiting. The bell at the top of the door rings, signifying her exit. You sigh and look at the clock, one more hour. Itâs not that long. But youâve been here since opening and the shoes youâre wearing are beginning to hurt your feet. Maybe you shouldâve broken them in more.
Itâs a quaint little cafe. Most of the customers are teenagers, college students, or overworked office workers who need caffeine to get them through the day. Other than that, you have no qualms. Of course, it does get a little annoying having to tell the newer, much younger co-workers that they canât do this or that.Â
A mundane routine of making coffees, packing orders, and ringing them up. Just one more hour.Â
As soon as the clock strikes 5:00, youâre clocking out and saying goodbye. The school is an exact walk of ten minutes, six if youâre fast. Then another ten back to the apartment. And finally, another fifteen to the convenience store.Â
Hustle and bustle is all youâve ever known. Sure, you like it most of the time. But you just wish you could get a break. Itâs always go, go, go, but never take a rest and time to yourself for a moment. But when you see that adorable smile plaster on those chubby cheeks you never shy away from pinching, itâs all worth it. âMama!âÂ
âBaby!â you crouch down and open your arms. The young boy wastes no time in throwing his body into yours, face nuzzled into your chest and arms around your neck. âHow was school? Fun?â you ask, hand rubbing his back up and down.
He nods. âMhm! Mr. Ito says I got the most gold stars out of everyone in class.âÂ
Your smile grows wistful, aweing. âWow, such a good boy, arenât you?â
You carry Koji into your arms, starting the walk back to your very humble apartment. He chatters innocently the entire trek, with you occasionally adding on or asking questions. His soft white hair pokes at your cheek, to which you straighten down with one free hand. Itâs days like these where you wish you could just lounge at home with him, basking in his sweet innocence. But while most people are ending for the day, youâre barely starting your second half.
You feel the self-deprecating thoughts fill your mind like a virus while stationed near the light, waiting for the pedestal symbol to indicate. Your grip tightens around your son slightly, as if anchoring yourself to reality and reminding yourself youâre doing it all for him, and to keep going for him.Â
Itâs hard, yes. But so is parenting.Â
The symbol comes on and you walk, seeing the building of your complex in the distance. Forcing any lingering negativity away, you clear your throat. âSo, what did you learn today, baby?â
Koji looks up at you. âWe learned how to add! I helped Mina.â
âThatâs very nice of you.â
He giggles bashfully, leaning into the kiss you place on his cheek. Eyebrows raising as a sudden memory hits him. âOh! And Mr. Ito said Dad Appreciation Day is coming up soon. Thereâs gonna be food and music.â
Your smile wavers, footsteps momentarily pausing before continuing. âOh, really?â you ask, inhaling a wavy breath of air. âThat sounds like fun.â
âMhm.â Koji nods, then tilts his head curiously at you. âBut everyone is bringing their daddies. I wanna bring Papa too.âÂ
And you really try not to make your guilty grimace visible. âI know, sweetie. I know.â
âCan Papa come?â he frowns.Â
No, he canât. But youâre not about to tell your five-year-old that the reason his father canât make an appearance is because he doesnât even know he has a son. Itâs been a difficult conversation for you. Youâre not sure when or how to have these sorts of hard ones with children. So youâve been dancing around the subject. Saying his dad is away on vacation, or fighting intergalactic dragons, or some other excuse youâve been forced to use. He believes you, most of the time. But that doesnât stop his curiosity and growing impatience.Â
The last thing you want him to think is that he has no father in the first place.
He does. Youâve shown him pictures and videos occasionally. Of, and of course, heâs an exact carbon copy of the man. From his bright blue eyes, albino hair, and all the way down to his stubborn personality. You were a little annoyed when your only child took quite literally everything from his father, only leaving him with a couple of things from youâyour nose and helpful nature.Â
âWeâll see. Papa is busy, remember?â you gently reply, walking through the parking lot of your complex to the lobby.
Kojiâs frown deepens and so do the metaphorical scars on your heart. âBut Papaâs always busy! I wanna see Papa.â
âI know you do, baby. You will soon, okay?â
âDo you promise?â
You hesitate but eventually nod with a forced smile. âMama promises.â
After leaving Koji with the babysitter, you give him a quick kiss and recite the list with the babysitter before rushing off to your second job. A convenience store.Â
Not the most savory place, mainly because you get all sorts of crazy and odd customers, but also because you are close. You hate closing. But you need the second disposable income and this is the only place that fits with your schedule. Itâs also a little more leaned back than the cafe, when there are no customers, you spend your time browsing the web for jobs.
Youâve probably sent in over 500 applications over the years, with not even half of those places reaching out. Even then, youâre not guaranteed a job. The job market is horrible nowadays and youâre living through it.
Whatever, you think to yourself as you clock in. One day at a time.
Itâs around eleven at night when you're slugging back into your apartment, lights dim, and silence enveloping the place. âThank you, Sana.â You mutter, exhausted but still sparing the 20-year-old a smile. You hand her a small envelope. âFor today and last Saturday. How was he?â
Sana thanks you kindly and grabs her stuff. âAll good, no tantrums today.â
âThatâs good.â you walk into the kitchen, grabbing some food youâve meal prepped. âGet home safe, okay?â
âThank you, Y/N. Sleep well.â
When she leaves, you give yourself a moment to slump over the kitchen island, sighing in both relief and lingering tiredness. The silence feels nice, like an old and familiar friend welcoming you and praising you after yet another day of the same routine. Youâve always loved routines, but you canât help but crave at least some sort of spontaneity. Putting the tupperware of chicken and rice into the microwave for a minute, its light humming makes you zone out. The conversation from before with your son ringing in your mind like a very annoying bell.
Soon, images of his father, your ex, flood your mind. An old fluttery sensation residing in the pit of your stomach, your body suddenly feeling all too warm for your liking. Your fists clench to stop their light trembling, shaking your head free of him.Â
Not now.
You stop the microwave at one second, before it makes that obnoxious beeping and wakes your son. There are two chairs at the small dining table, you sit at one of them and eat your now warm meal. Youâve started meal prepping after one too many missed meals and a few incidents where that light-headedness and blurred vision caused you to faint. Luckily, you were alone when that happened. Unluckily, you were alone when that happened. Nursing a few bruises to your forehead after making contact was not a fun time.Â
You take time to eat, in no particular rush. Although you know you should be getting ready for bed soon for another early day tomorrow, your body doesnât move. Either consciously or subconsciously. The end of the day is when you find yourself attempting to unwind and detach from the dayâs events. But, the stress of unpaid bills, debts, and worry for the future always find time to crawl back.
Itâs exhausting, extremely so. Sure, youâre an adult and this is normal. But donât you deserve at least a little bit of time when you donât have to worry about anything? It feels like every waking second your mind is working overtime, your body in a constant state of motion. Itâs worn you down completely over the years. But you have a son who needs you, so you suppose you shouldnât be feeling pity for yourself.
This is what parenting is all about, isnât it?
Making sacrifice after sacrifice for your child. However, when you feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper, slowly losing more of yourself, what if thereâs nothing left to sacrifice in the first place? The eviction bill from this morning taunts you as it lays upright in front of you in the middle of the table.
Itâs then do you think, no, you do have one thing left.Â
Koji.
If Kojiâs gone, then you really have nothing left. Thereâs no reason to live if that happens. And with the path youâre going down, thatâs feeling more and more like a dreaded possibility.Â
I wanna see Papa.
Kojiâs words play repeatedly. For a second, you feel yourself resonating with your son. Only for a second. You reach for your phone and go to Google, typing in a name that still haunts you. Youâre barely three letters in before his name appears and youâre clicking.
A smiling image fills your screen along with other general information.
For some unknown reason, your breath hitches. You feel like heâs almost staring at you, smiling at your pathetic predicament. Grip tightening around your phone, swallowing down an unexpecting lump, tears fall from your eyes and onto the phone screen.
Why youâre crying, you donât know. It could be many things, but you wonât address that right now.
Gojo Satoru.
The father of your child, your ex of 4 years.Â
You rarely look him up, almost never. Only in desperate times when you feel yourself drowning and needing some sort of comfort. Itâs stupid. You havenât been together or even seen him in five years. Not since you ended things with him. Not since you felt his hands roam your skin, whispering sweet words.
He didnât even protest or question why. Almost like he knew your breakup was inevitable. Youâre not sure if that hurts more.
Youâre twenty-eight now. But while your life still feels the same from when you met Satoru at the ripe age of nineteen, youâve reached a plateau. But him? Heâs thriving, of course. Making a name for himself, as an heir to one of the biggest conglomerates in Japan, the Gojo Group.Â
Youâre happy for him. But where is that happiness for yourself?
You feel a little, no, a lot jealous. You always were of Satoru. Being given everything he wants without much thought, never worrying about money, and a stable home life. Youâre extremely jealous of that bastard.
But right now, jealousy isnât in the picture. Itâs your sonâs father. And if you want to keep your son, give him everything he wants, that starts with one person.
Letting him meet his father.Â
âHoney, do you like your pancakes?â you ask your son whoâs currently scarfing down his plate of breakfast. Adorned in an adorable shirt uniform shirt and some little black trousers. He hums back excitedly with a muffled âyes, mamaâ. With a chuckle, you dry up the rest of the dishes, then your hands. Dropping him off at school is the first thing on your agenda, as per usual.Â
The walk to his school is a familiar one, wanting to get your son knowledgeable with the route so when the day comes that he needs to walk him himself, heâd know his way back. You pass by other kids and parents, some children yelling bye as they step onto the school grounds, with others giving their children long-lasting hugs.
You walk until you reach his door, his teacher, Mr. Ito, standing outside and greeting his students as they enter. When he makes eye contact with Koji, he smiles a bit wider. âGood morning, Koji.â
âGood morning!â your son happily replies, waving up at his teacher. With one final hug and kiss shared, heâs running in to already begin talking to his friends. Standing back up, you see Mr. Ito already looking at you. And you especially donât miss the way his eyes not so subtly rake up and down your figure. You clear your throat. âGood morning.â
He meets your eyes again. âGood morning, Y/N-san. How are you today?â
âGood, and you?âÂ
âVery good.âÂ
The way his tone is almost causes you to visibly shiver, brows furrowing slightly in discomfort. One of the things you dislike the most about Kojiâs school, his teacher. Although he hasnât outwardly done or said anything inappropriate, youâre a smart woman. âThatâs good. WellâŠhave a nice day.â Doing anything you can to quickly end this dreaded conversation, but still wanting to maintain a level of politeness.Â
Youâre about to turn on your heel and leave when he calls out. âAh, Y/N-san?â
Damn it, what now? âYes?â you turn and look at him.
The distance between you reduces as he steps a little closer. âI have some concerns regarding Kojiâs behavior in class. Would you be available to set up a conference anytime this week?â
âBehavior? Has he been misbehaving?â You did not expect that.
âWell, itâs complicated. He has some trouble listening as talks when he shouldnât. Iâd like to nip this in the bud before it grows out of control.â Mr. Ito cooly replies, smile looking more like a hidden smirk. âSo, will you be available?â
You hesitate, not really. With your two jobs, you barely have time for yourself, let alone your sonâs teacher. But if itâs regarding a behavior problem, then do you have any choice? âI think Iâll be free this Saturday. Weekdays are very hectic for more.â
He nods. âThatâs fine, we can grab coffee.â When your head tilts slightly, he adds on with a chuckle. âAnd discuss Koji over coffee. On me.â
Right, of course. You know what this is, but just think about your son. Thatâs the priority. âOkay, 8 am at Latte Lounge sound good?â
âSounds excellent, Iâll see you then. Have a wonderful day.â
With a simple nod back, you turn around and finally leave. Practically feeling the way his eyes shamelessly check out your behind. A frown inevitably grows on your face, why wouldnât it? As long as this man doesnât try anythingâŠmore, you should be fine. And if he does, 1) youâll be in public, and 2) youâll tell him straight up.
Whatever.Â
âPizza or teriyaki?â
âPizza!â
âOf course.â you chuckle and put the frozen pizza in your cart, your son clutched onto your right hand after announcing he can walk on his own because heâs a big boy. The grocery store isnât crowded during this time of day. Rightfully so. Itâs 7 pm on a Tuesday, most people already cooking dinner by now. You always grocery shop at this time, your son appreciates it too. Thereâs been a few times when you both got quickly and very overwhelmed with the bustling nature of the grocery store on a weekend morning. Currently, youâre moving through the snack section now, picking up a few of your and Kojiâs favorites.Â
âMama, can I pick a cereal?â Koji asks and points to the cereal aisle next over. When you nod, he happily runs off. You still however make sure to look over at him frequently when picking up and putting down a few snacks.Â
You reach up to grab a pack of Hello Panda, the pink and chocolate ones, before a hand beats you to it. âOh, Iâm sorry.â As soon as you look over, you and the stranger meet eyes.Â
Immediately, thereâs a silence that falls over you two. Eyes each blown wide in shock.Â
Oh, youâve got to be shitting me.
Just your luck. As soon as the stranger speaks, a strange nostalgia fills you. âY-Y/N?â
It almost sounds weird coming from his lips. Your friendâwell, ex?--friend gets out. He still looks the same, just moreâŠmanly.Â
â...Suguru, IâIâmïżœïżœ surprised to see you.â you awkwardly laugh. Reunions were never easy.
âOh my god,â Suguru breaths out, shaking his head with a faint smile. âWell, shit. I mean, how are you? You..you look good.â His eyes move down your figure in an appreciative way.
âThank you, Iâm good. How are you? Your hair is longer.â you motion to his sea of black, healthy locks. â âM a little jealous.â
He laughs with you, the sound reminding you of old times. âYeah, been working on it. And Iâm good.â
Another pause is permitted, as if you two arenât very sure what to say to one another. Well, in all honesty, it has been five years. âWell,â he clears his throat and puts his hands in his pockets. âWhat are you up to?â
âOh, you know,â you glance down at your cart. âJust some shopping.â
He also looks down, head tilting slightly. âAh, right.â With a nod, he juts his head toward the direction of the kidâs toothpaste. âJust for one?â He laughs, joking of course.Â
You mentally curse yourself, putting a pack of cookies on top of the toothpaste to hide its already revealed existence. âUh, yeââ
âMama! I want this one!â Koji runs up to you, showcasing his desired cereal.
WellâŠ..shit.Â
As if things werenât already complicated.
With Suguruâs eyes even wider than when they were staring at you, his mouth is practically on the floor when the young boy looks at him. His sharp eyes dart across his features andâŠ..
âI-is thisââ
âKoji.â you cut him off, gulping and shifting the child closer to your leg. âMy son.â
Suguru spends another good minute staring at the boy, who innocently stares back. When his eyes slowly move from the blue ones to yours, there are a million and more questions swirling in his brain. Heâs not even sure which one to ask first. But he goes with the obvious. â...IsâŠ.is heâŠ..â
You nod uncomfortably.Â
He lets out a breath he didnât even know he was holding, hand running through his hair. âHoly shit, I meanâŠ.holy heck.â
Your lips purse, putting Kojiâs cereal in your cart before picking him up in your arms. âKoji, this is Suguru. Say hi.â
âHi.â Koji childishly smiles at the older man. âAre you Mamaâs friend?â
Suguru spares you a glance. âUhmâŠyeah. Yeah, kid, I am. Nice to meet you.â He then shifts weirdly, not sure if he should shake the boyâs hand, which seems too formal. He decides to gently ruffle his hair. âSoâŠhow old is he?â
The question is directed towards you, but Koji answers. âIâm five!â He holds up five small fingers.Â
âFive?â Suguruâs brows furrow at you. Itâs surprising how quickly you recognize that scolding look of his. âHave youââ
âNo.â you once again cut him off, shifting Koji to your hip. âI havenât.â
âWhy?â
Thatâs a good question. One you know the answer toâŠslightly. But with Koji looking between you two curiously, you canât exactly say why. At least not here. âIâŠ.I justâŠhavenât.â
Silence.Â
You can feel Suguru regarding you with many emotions, but the main one is confusion. He bites his lip as he thinks over how to react properly to this situation. From the looks of it, Koji is just as clueless as him, maybe even more. âJesus Christ, I donât even know what to say right now.â Heavily sighing, he looks back at Koji, then you, then Koji, then finally you. âYouâre going toâŠright? I mean, he deserves to know, Y/N. Youâve justâI mean, come on.â
Thereâs not much of a response to that, much to his expectation. You always used to do this when you were guilty. But Suguru has always been the more⊠empathetic of the two. âLook, IâI know youâre probably going through your own things, butâŠâ
You look at him again, remorseful. His lips purse and with a heavy sigh, he takes a card out from his pocket and hands it to you. âHereâs my business card, it has my number. We lost your old one, so.â
Your hand reaches out to take it, examining the words, Rising Futures Foundation. "Building futures, one child at a time.â You meet his eyes again, forcing words out. âOkayâŠthanks.âÂ
âNo need,â he waves you off, taking down the two Hello Panda boxes and putting them in your cart. âIâm sorry, I have things to do right now, but pleaseâŠgive me a call, okay?â
With slight hesitation, you nod. He mirrors you before focusing on the child again, a smile forming. âSee you, buddy.â Suguru pats his shoulder lightly before walking away and away from your vision.
Your mind is being overrun, body feeling stiff and stuck, unsure of how to process what the fuck just happened. No doubt heâs about to tell his best friend. Then said best friend will find you and Koji. Then maybe heâll try taking you to court for hiding his son for five years. Youâll obviously lose because you have no lawyer and Satoru has the best. Your son, your one and only, your sole happiness will be taken away from you and youâll be left alone to rot in anguiâ
âMama?â Kojiâs small hand is put to your cheek, stirring you from your mild comatose state. âAre you okay? You have tears in your eyes.â
âWhat?â Raising your hand to your eye and sure enough, you are letting loose some tears. âNo, no, Mamaâs okay. Iâm not crying, justâŠjust tired.â
But with growing age, so is his perception. âAre you sure? Did your friend make you cry? I donât like him then.â
Oh, how sweet. You smile, head tilting. âNo, baby. Donât say that, okay? Mamaâs fine. I promise. See? Iâm smiling. Wanna smile with me?â
Like clockwork, he follows your emotions and smiles, giggling. âYeah, I wanna smile with you. I like smiling with you, Mama.â
âAnd I like it when you smile with me too.â
Maybe, this isnât too bad. You were just thinking that you want Koji to finally meet his dad. So, this is good. This ensures a meeting. But, it also ensures a deep-rooted, most likely bad confrontation that will take place between you two. Why wouldnât it? At least youâll be able to prepare yourself now, mentally.Â
You can imagine the harsh words he might say. The raised voices and brutal questions about how you can do this to him and so on. In hindsight, you deserve it. What kind of woman does do this to a man? Children are supposed to be bundles of joy, not hidden secrets. Of course, thereâs the lingering worries of what legal action Satoru, or his family, might try to take.
That would quite literally fuck you over so hard.
ButâŠmaybe Satoru will go easy on you because of your past. You really donât know. This situation is messy as fuck and itâs mostlyâa lotâbecause of you. You have no one to blame but yourself. Hopefully, heâll take pity on you, even though you hate when others pity you. Itâs different when it comes to him, the father of your son. It always has been and it probably always will be.Â
Honestly, youâre a little relieved that you ran into the best friend of the man than the man himself. Now that wouldâve been bad.Â
The sounds of skin against skin fill the room, mixed with heavy grunts and airy moans. The headboard repeatedly hitting the wall plays like a drum, the lights dim and the view of the dark city landscape is exposed. Satoruâs gripping the womanâs hips, leaving crescent-shaped indents in her fair skin. Her constant mewls sound heavenly in his ears. âGod, you feel soâŠ.goodâŠâ
âS-satoru!âÂ
âYeah, say my name. Just like that, baby.â
He presses a firm hand down on the small of her back to keep her arch in place, feeling his release invade her warm walls, filling her with a lovely warmth. She clenches around him, moaning out once more as she finishes with him.
He collapses against her back, his heavy breaths tingling her ear. âBaby, that wasâŠso goodâŠâ she croaks out.Â
Satoruâs mind is fuzzy, vision blurring slightly. He hums in response and leans back up to pull out, discarding the heavy condom with his load into the trashcan beside the bed. âStay.â With a small pat to her hip, heâs forcing his limbs out of bed and to the connecting bathroom to grab a warm rag. Aftercare. Although most of the time, he really canât be bothered to do something like this. Cleaning her up feels like a chore sometimes, but the last time he voiced that opinion, it led to a huge argument between the two.Â
In just a few minutes, theyâre both cleaned and changed. Wearing his sweats low on his hips while she indulges in just one of his oversized shirts. Another small pet peeve he has. And another thing he must keep his mouth shut about. âWhat time do you have to go into the office tomorrow?â Himari asks, snuggled up against his chest, dainty fingers tracing circles along the firm muscles.Â
âSame time as always,â he sighs, grabbing the TV remote and putting a random show on. âYou know that.â
âI know, butâŠcanât you just call off tomorrow? Please? I wanna spend the day with you.â
When he looks back down at her, sheâs frowning. A small tug is pulled at his heart and before he knows it, heâs pulling her closer and placing a gentle kiss to her hair. âCanât, baby. Maybe this weekend?â
Satoru can feel her ready to protest again, but the sound of the front door downstairs being opened and closed interrupts the moment. Followed by the familiar voice of his friend. âSatoru! You here?â
Satoruâs brows furrow slightly. A small grunt falls from his lips as he maneuvers Himari off his chest, standing up and walking out. He looks down the staircase and sees Suguru staring up at him. âWhat do you want? Iâm sorta busy.â Himari comes out and hugs his waist, proof of his so-called âbusynessâ.Â
Suguru holds back an eye roll when the woman gives him a look, focusing on his best friend. âNeed to talk to you. Privately.âÂ
âFor what?â
âItâs important.â
âSo just say it now.â
âDamn it, Satoru. Just come down and kick your friend out.â
âGirlfriend.â Himari corrects with a scowl.
âYeah, sure.â Suguru waves her off and motions for Satoru to come down as he walks into the manâs kitchen.
Sighing with his eyes closed, he turns to Himari. âSorry, babe. My driverâll give you a ride back.â
Once again, she frowns. âBut Iââ
âPlease.âÂ
His bottom lip pokes out in a small, but convincing pout. âIâll see you later, mkay?â Satoru reaches his thumb out and brushes it along her cheekbone, which he knows sheâs weak for. Confliction and hesitation dance in her eyes but she concedes. Gathering her purse and shows, she gives Satoru a dramatic kiss on the lips before leaving.Â
âFinally,â Suguru huffs from the kitchen, swirling a glass of whiskey. âI thought you guys broke up.â
âIt was a break.â Satoru grumbles, walking over to stand across from his friend, snatching the glass out his hand and sipping. âAnyway, whatâs so important you come unannounced for and demand my sweet company to leave?â
âThat woman is not sweet.âÂ
Satoru smiles and shrugs, âShe tastes it.âÂ
A groan is heard from Suguru, eyes rolling before he shakes his head. âLook, you should sit down.â
âThat good, huh?â he plops down in the nearby chair and leans back, arm resting against the back of it. He nods. âAlright, shoot, baby.â
Suguru takes in a deep breath and steels himself for the more than likely hard conversation. A part of him feels like heâs intruding, like itâs not his place to reveal such a thing to him. But at the end of the day, itâs his best friend. And you, wellâŠheâs not exactly sure if youâre still friends or not. âWhat I tell you might sound crazy, but I need you to promise youâll stay calm until Iâm done speaking, got it?â
Satoruâs brows raise in mild astonishment, seeing Suguru get all serious like this is quite amusing. âOkay, I promise.â He shrugs again. âCanât be that bad, right? No oneâs hurt.â
Not yet, Suguru says to himself. He claps his hands together, mulling over how exactly to break the news. âSo, I came across an old friend today.â
âOh yeah? She cute?â Satoru swirls the alcohol in his glass.
Suguru holds back another eye roll. âYeah, she is.â
âNice, man.â the white-haired man chuckles, head tilting. âSo what, did she make a move on you or something? Now thatâs crazy.â
âIâll have you know, Iâm actually quite favorable amongst women.â
âAre you now?â
âListen, you ass. No talking, just listening.â When he doesnât get a response back, he takes it as a sign to continue. âAnyway, I saw an old friend. AndâŠshe had a kid with her.â Satoru nods slowly, already getting lost on his this information is even remotely crazy, or relevant to him. But he stays shut, deciding not to face another one of Suguruâs mini-lectures. One more deep breath is let out from Suguru and he gets to the point. âIt was Y/N, she has a kid.â
A small beat of silence follows as Suguru gauges his best friendâs reaction. He doesnât look like heâs flipping out, but he doesnât show much emotion either. Confusing Suguru, he waits for the inevitable lash out.
âWho?â Satoru ends up asking.
His best friend knits his brows, trying to see if the other man is serious or not. When his expression doesnât change, he replies. âY/NâŠâ he speaks slowly. â...your ex?â
Still, no emotion. But his grip on the glass does tighten. âAnd she has a kid.â Suguru reiterates, almost in nervousness now.Â
âSatoruâŠ.the kid looks exactly like you.â
a/n: thank you guys for reading!!! Sorry if this chapter was a little short, iâll try to make the next ones a little more longer. But writing super huge chapters isnât my forte. Anyway, stay tuned for chapter 2 :)
#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#jjk fanfic#gojo x reader#gojo x reader series#gojo satoru series#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#gojo smut#gojo satoru smut#jjk x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo#satoru angst#satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk#x reader#jjk angst#gojo x you#jjk fanfiction#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jujustsu kaisen x reader#gojou satoru x reader#dividers by /@cafekitsune#dad! gojo satoru#jujustu kaisen
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Villain! Seungcheol
â Synopsis: After facing constant rejection from your own boyfriend, you discover heâs a superhero flying around the city. Seungcheol, the so-called 'villain,' stepped in when you were left as bait, exposed to your boyfriend's enemies. It turns out, he's the one who truly took care of you. â WC: 13k â WARNINGS: fantasy, angst, smut, crack, cigarettes, stalking (for good), physical fights, injury, murder, death (not the reader, not seungcheol), paranormal elements (superpowers, misshapenness, telepathy, and floating), moral ambiguity (unclear distinctions between "heroes" and "villains"), sex toys, oral (f. & m.), getting caught masturbating, cock riding, edging, creampie, DIRTY TALK.
Youâve dated a guy from the basketball team in high school, a guy from the cafeteria you used to frequent, and had your flings with⊠normal people. Gym rats or those who sang at the local bar.
But never... a hero?Â
He was kind, and romantic, and treated you wellâin the beginning of your relationship. But then he became distant, always desperate to go home at night, barely sleeping at your apartment. You thought about a whirlwind of things, like a normal person would think of; that he was cheating on you, that he had stopped loving you.
Tonight, youâre making dinnerâa last-ditch effort to please him, to make him notice you again. The TV in the living room is tuned to the news, the background noise almost comforting. You chop vegetables with precise, almost robotic movements, your mind drifting.
âHeâs probably just busy,â you mutter to yourself, trying to believe it. But itâs hard to ignore the nagging feeling in your chest.
Just then, a headline on the TV catches your attention. You glance up, expecting to see something mundane. Maybe an officer, a firefighter, or even a regular person with good sociology. Instead, you see your boyfriend, wearing a red hero cape, flying around the city. The spatula in your hand falls directly onto the ground, clattering loudly.
[Hero is seen flying between skyscrapers to make the city of Seoul increasingly safer.]
âWhat the...?â Your heart races as you stare at the screen, unable to believe your eyes.Â
Your boyfriend, the man youâve been worrying over, is a fucking superhero? Just like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy?Â
The front door opens and he walks in, looking tired but carrying the same gentle smile that used to make your heart flutter. Tonight, though, it only fuels your confusion and frustration.
âHey, babe,â he says, stepping into the kitchen. He pauses when he sees your expression, the dropped spatula. âWhatâs wrong?â
You point at the TV, unable to form words. He follows your gaze, and his face falls as he sees the news footage.
âAh, you found out,â he says softly, rubbing the back of his neck. âI was going to tell you, I swear.â
[...]
This is how it started. It's as if, when you didn't know, he still made a point of being present here and there. But now that you know, he doesn't even care about it anymore. âI have to save the country, love,â youâve heard this a bunch of times.Â
So when you turn on the TV, you have to see him flexing those stupid big musclesâthat he gained out of nowhereâmaking you doubt if heâs using padding or prosthetics under that cheesy costume.
He shouldnât be seen around your house, so the 'villains' donât know where you live.
You don't recognize him anymore. Was it egotistical to wish that he never had superpowers? That he was just a regular human, just like you?
"Hey," his voice breaks you out of your thoughts. He's standing in the doorway, looking worn out but with a familiar, almost hesitant smile. "I brought takeout. Thought we could have a quiet night in."
You glance at the food in his hands, your heart aching. "A quiet night in? Like the ones we used to have?"
He sighs, setting the bags down on the table. "Yeah, like those. I know things have been... different. But I'm trying, Y/N. I really am."
"Trying?" you repeat, incredulous. "You disappear for days, and when youâre here, itâs like youâre not really here. You're always thinking about the next mission, the next villain."
"I know," he admits, running a hand through his hair. "The powers, the responsibility... it just happened."
"Did it?" you snap, unable to hold back your frustration. "Because it feels like you chose this. Like you chose being a hero over being with me."
His eyes widen, pain flickering across his face. "That's not true. I didn't choose this over you. I chose this because... because I want to make the world a better place. For us."
You shake your head, "But what about making our world better? What about being here, with me? Being present?"
As you sit down to eat, the TV plays in the background, another heroic feat being broadcasted. You hesitate, looking at the man you once knew so well, now feeling like a stranger.
With great insistence, you managed to make him sleep in your bed. When you left the bath to join him in your sheets, he was already sleepingâhibernating, snoring like never before. You sigh, laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. You stayed like this until you saw the perfect clouds through the window, fluffy, looking like cotton candy, with the blue sky painting a canvas behind them. It was a beautiful morning.
You donât remember leaving the window open, so you get up to close it, stopping the wind from hitting your face. The sun was radiating, and you could see people enjoying their morning. But still... why do you feel this smell of storm coming?
The water started to flow, not from the sky, but from your eyesâyour tears. The next storm is the one inside you, making small whirlwinds and huge hurricanes, carrying you and destroying you. Obviously, your boyfriend wasn't home. His smell wasnât there, his presence was like bills payable, only at the end of the month.
You made your bed, some of your tears ruining the perfect white duvet. You walked around your kitchen, picking up the single coffee mug on your countertop and washing it.
Your coworkers noticed your faceâlike you had slept nothing last nightâand even asked what was happening. How could you explain this? How could you explain that you were dating a guy for some years, and he turned into a superheroâflying around the city with underwear over the costume?
Of course, they would laugh, not only because it's the biggest turnoff they will ever have seen, but also because they would think it's a joke, a badly told joke. It makes you feel even more stupid for being complicit, an extra in his comic book.
You arrive home. You look at the window, open again. You roll your eyes, closing it to prevent the wind from coming in. âAre you flying through my windows now?â you mumble, half expecting an answer.
You wonder if you should watch the news again, and see your boyfriend flex his muscles in front of the pretty journalist, putting out a fire in an establishment, looking at the camera to see if they've captured his heroic act, or when he carried a mail car with one arm in front of a group of girls who were walking on the sidewalk.Â
You cringe, remembering all of them.
Dropping your bag on the couch, you plop down and grab the remote. You flick through the channels, each news report showing another heroic deed of his. "Great," you mutter sarcastically, landing on a channel where heâs giving an interview, his muscles practically bursting out of his suit.
Heâs talking about his latest rescue, grinning at the journalist whoâs batting her eyelashes at him. "And whatâs next for our hero?" she asks, her voice sugary sweet.
"Iâm just here to help," he replies, flashing a charming smile. "Wherever Iâm needed."
You snort, turning off the TV. "Right, wherever you're needed. Except here," you say to the empty room.
You wander into the kitchen, the silence pressing in on you. You fill the kettle and set it to boil, needing something warm to soothe your frayed nerves. As you wait, you think about the early days, when he was just a guy you loved. Back when his biggest concern was making you laugh, not saving the world.
The kettle whistles, and you pour yourself a cup of tea, the steam rising in lazy spirals. You take a sip, leaning against the counter. "Why canât you just be normal?" You whisper to yourself.
A sudden whoosh of air makes you jump, causing your hand to bump into the kettle. The same speed you touched it, you yank your hand back, a little burn forming. Itâs nothing too serious, but enough to make you curse under your breath.
Your boyfriend widens his eyes and rushes over. âLet me help you,â he says, reaching for your hand.
âFuck off,â you snap, pulling away. âI donât need your help.â
He frowns, clearly hurt. How can someone not want his help? âIâm just trying to help.â his voice laced with exasperation.
Irritated by everything and the little burn on your hand, you cut him off. âWhat are you going to do, huh? Use lasers from your eyes?â You turn to the sink, running cold water over your hand.
âYouâre always complaining,â he starts, his voice rising. âBut youâre so difficult to deal with lately.â
You whip around, glaring at him. âDifficult? Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?â
He crosses his arms, his expression turning snobbish. âAnd itâs a walk in the park for me? Iâm out there saving lives.â
âYeah, and flexing your muscles for the cameras,â you retort, your voice dripping with sarcasm.
He narrows his eyes. âYouâre never supportive. All you do is whine about how hard your life is.â
You feel your blood boil. âSupportive? How can I be supportive when youâre never here? When you act like being a hero is the only thing that matters?â
He throws his hands up in frustration. âBecause it does matter! Iâm making a difference.â
âAnd what about us?â you yell, the words spilling out before you can stop them. âWhat about making a difference here, with me?â
He looks at you, anger and confusion on his face. âIâm trying to balance it, but youâre making it impossible.â
Tears prick at your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall. âYou know what? I wish you never turned into a hero. I wish you never had these stupid superpowers. I preferred it when you were just human, like me.â
He scoffs, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. âThatâs the thing. I donât want to be weak like you humans anymore. Youâre just jealous when you should be cheering for me.â
The words hit you like a punch to the gut. Jealous? Is that really what he thinks? âJealous?â you echo. âIâm not jealous. I just miss the person you used to be.â
He shakes his head, looking away. âIâm still that person. Youâre just too blind to see it.â
"Blind? Are you fucking serious?" you scoff, turning your back to him. "Leave," you grunt.
He furrows his eyebrows, shocked. Never in your relationship did he think he would see you like thisâhis cute girlfriend who begged for him to stay just one more minute, asking him to leave?
"I'm not going to repeat it," you say coldly. "You're making me feel sick."
"Fuck you then!" he curses under his breath before he storms out, leaving you stiff in the middle of your kitchen.
"Oof, I wouldn't let him get away with it if I were you."
You turn toward the voice, coming from the windowâthat one that you had to close again even though you already did in the morning.Â
A man is sitting there with the help of the fire escape stairs outside the building. Heâs dressed all in black, and you canât even distinguish how many layers of clothing heâs wearing. His hair is black, and he has one eyebrow raised as he smokes a cigarette.
People react differently when scared. Some scream, some run. But you⊠you feel like your feet are glued to the ground, and from your throat, not a sound escapes. Your mouth opens and closes like a fish as your eyes widen in shock.Â
He doesnât seem to care. He drops his cigarette, watching it accidentally fall on someoneâs head below.
He hisses, "Ooh, sorry about that." Then he jumps from the window, landing gracefully in your living room as he brushes off his shoulders.
âYou know, you should be more careful when locking your windows. Youâre the superheroâs girlfriend, I meanâex-girlfriend now, I suppose. It seems like he didnât teach you some basic security stuff.â He looks around your apartment, studying it. âI even drank a coffee in your Hello Kitty mug yesterdayââ
âWho the fuck are you?â you cut him off, your voice finally finding its strength.
He raises his hand mockingly, rolling his eyes. âRelax, Iâm not here to hurt you.â He smirks, glancing at the mug on the counter. âNice collection, by the way. Just here to talkâ
"Talk?" you echo, incredulous. "You break into my apartment, drink my coffee, and now you want to talk?"
He smirks, leaning against the wall. "Yeah, something like that. Seems like your boyfriend left you in quite a state.''â
You cross your arms defensively. âI donât need your pity.â
âPity?â he chuckles. âNo, I just find it interesting. Youâre dating the cityâs golden boy, and yet here you are, all alone. Doesnât quite add up, does it?â
You narrow your eyes at him. âWhy do you care?â
âLetâs just say I have a vested interest in your boyfriendâs activities. And you,â he says, pointing at you, âare a fascinating part of that equation.â
You scoff, still on edge. âFascinating? Whatâs so fascinating about being left behind?â
He smiles, a glint of devilishness in his eyes. âNothing you need to worry about. Just keep doing what youâre doing. Maybe even... enjoy the freedom a little.â He winks, heading back toward the window.
As he climbs out, he turns back one last time. âOh, and lock your windows. You never know who might drop by.â With that, he disappears into the night, leaving you standing there, more confused and unsettled than ever.
You move to the window and lock it firmly, your heart pounding.
Your boyfriend had warned you that this might happen, and it happened at the worst timeâwhen he wasnât there.Â
Honestly, you couldnât sleep that night either, now worried that a fucking stranger could break into your apartment, and instead of just drinking a coffee, he might bake a whole cake in your kitchen or, worse, do something to you.
So, you do what a ludic person would do. You start packing an emergency bag and ask to sleep at your friendâs house, using the excuse that youâve broken up with your boyfriendâwhen in fact, you were more scared than anything.
[...]Â
More terrifying was when you needed to return home.Â
You open your front door, putting the bag on the floor. Before you can turn around to close the door, a hand clasps over your mouth, and the door behind you closes. You feel a warm body pressing against yours as you close your eyes tightly.Â
Itâs your end, you think.
You donât even dare to open your eyes. When the hand is removed from your mouth, all you can mutter is, âDonât hurt me, please.â
You hear a scoff, and then you open one eye. The person takes his hood off, revealing the same guy from the window.Â
âAre you stupid? Why would I want to hurt you? Iâm not a coward.â He detaches from you, looking at your still-squeezed form. âWhere were you? And you did a great job locking the other windows, but your laundry window was not locked.â
You can only stare at him, your heart racing. He rolls his eyes. âCan you stop being a pissy little girl? Youâre a grown woman. Iâve told you Iâm not going to hurt you, and if it comforts you, I wonât steal your mug collection either. Maybe some coffee powderâbut, well, can you stop?â
You think youâre going crazy. Was all of this supposed to be normal?Â
He rolls his eyes again and disappears into your kitchen. You take small, shyâand scaredâsteps toward the kitchen to find him using your coffee machine, watching the coffee brew. His arms are propped on the counter, and he turns his head to look at you.Â
He sighs, seeing your still-compressed form, like youâre still scared of his presence.
âSeriously,â he says, straightening up. âIâm not here to hurt you. You need to relax.â He takes a mug from your collection and pours himself a coffee, casually leaning against the counter as if he belongs there.
âWhat do you want from me?â you finally manage to ask, your voice trembling.
He takes a sip of coffee, savoring it before answering. âJust checking in. Making sure youâre okay. Your boyfriend isnât exactly around to protect you, is he?â
You glare at him. âI donât need his protection. Or yours.â
He smirks, clearly amused. âSure, keep telling yourself that.â He sets the mug down and steps closer, his eyes locking onto yours. âBut hereâs the thingâyouâre involved now, whether you like it or not.â
You swallow hard, trying to hold your ground. âI donât want any part of this.â
âToo late,â he replies, his tone serious. âYouâre already part of it. So, you might as well get used to it.â
You begin to shiver as his words sink in. This is your life now, tangled up with heroes and villains. And thereâs no going back.
He sighs, seeing the fear in your eyes. âLook, I know this isnât what you signed up for. But youâre tougher than you think. Your boyfriendâex-boyfriend, whateverâheâs not around, and that puts you in a vulnerable position.â
âYou mean, youâre here to spy on me. To see if you can use me against him.â
He shrugs. âI'm here ensure youâre not caught in the crossfire. Believe it or not, I have some principles.â
You laugh bitterly. âPrinciples? Breaking into someoneâs home and terrorizing them is principled now?â
He sets the cup down and steps closer. âI didnât mean to scare you. But you need to be more careful. This world youâre tangled inâitâs dangerous.â
You stare at him, unsure whether to believe him. âAnd youâre what, my guardian angel now?â
He smirks. âHardly. Think of me as a⊠concerned party. I donât want unnecessary casualties.â âStay out of trouble. Keep your head down.â
With that, he finishes his coffee and heads toward the window. âRemember, I'm not your enemy, but I'm definitely his. Don't make me your enemy too.â
"Wait!" you call out. He stops and turns around slowly, his expression curious. "W-who are you?" you stammer.
He tilts his head, a smirk playing on his lips. "Do you really want to know?" he asks, his tone dripping with mocking curiosity.
You nod, trying to keep your voice steady. "Youâre practically living here. I should at least know your name."
He chuckles, a low, amused sound. "More like a roommate situation, huh? Alright, if you really want to know, you can call me Seungcheol. And if youâre genuinely interested in what I do, maybe Iâll take you to my HQ someday, show you my plans."
You grimace at his tone, which only makes him laugh harder.Â
Before heading down the emergency stairs, he looks back at you. "Stay close, alright? I need to keep tabs on you. Youâre a bit exposed out here." He winks and disappears, leaving you standing there, more confused than before.
Seungcheolâthe window guy, as youâd come to call himâdisappeared physically for some days, but his presence lingered in odd, unsettling ways. You started finding pieces of ripped paper around your house, each with a different message.
âKeep your windows locked.â
âLog out of your social media from your home computer.â
âCheck your door lock twice before bed.â
âDonât leave your spare key under the mat.â
And one particularly embarrassing note: âI know you miss your hero-boyfriend, but can you also hide your sex toys? Iâm traumatized.â
The embarrassment lasts only a few minutes each time, but then you think, nobody asked him to keep coming into your house. Still, there was a strange sense of security in knowing he was keeping an eye on things, even if his methods were invasive and borderline creepy.
Days turn into a week, and the silence feels heavy.Â
You find yourself almost missing the bizarre meetings. One night, as youâre cleaning up after dinner, you catch a glimpse of movement outside the window. You draw the curtains aside to find Seungcheol lounging casually on the fire escape, looking like he belonged there.
âMiss me?â he quips, flashing you a smirk.
You roll your eyes, opening the window slightly. âYou really need to get a hobby, Seungcheol.â
âThis is my hobby,â he says, slipping inside without an invitation. âKeeping tabs on you is surprisingly entertaining.â
âYou know, you could at least pretend not to notice my vibrator,â you snap, half-joking, half-mortified.
Seungcheol grins, âHey, itâs hard to miss when itâs just lying around. You could be more discreet.â
You huff in annoyance, continuing to clean up. He opens your fridge, rummaging around like he owns the place. âAny news?â you ask, trying to sound casual.
He casually bites into an apple. âYep. One of his enemies is planning to invade your place tomorrow at 7:48 p.m. The exact time you get home from work.â
You spin around, eyes wide. âWhat?! What do I do?â
âI suggest you stay close to me,â he shrugs. âI can keep you safe, make sure no one uses you as a pawn.â
âYou want me to trust you?â you ask, incredulous.
He raises an eyebrow. âDo you want to be safe, or do you want to have some alien freak shoving its tentacles down your throat?â
You give him an exasperated look. âI knew youâd have this reaction,â he says, shrugging. He places a flash drive on your kitchen counter. âWatch it yourself.â
You close your eyes, massaging your temples. You donât know if youâre ready to see whatâs on that flash drive, much less trust a stranger who claims to be your ex-boyfriendâs enemy.Â
âI need you to leave. Even if heâs my ex, I still canât do something like this.â
Seungcheol nods, looking up like he expected this. âYour boyfriend wonât be here to rescue you if thatâs what youâre counting on.â
âHow can you be so sure of that? I donât even know you!â
âBecause if your stupid boyfriend didnât buy those superpowers, heâd be nothing. Without that silly red cape and the TV cameras, heâs just an insecure guy who wants to be seen. Andâ come on, he didnât care about the girlfriend he had waiting at home. You think he cares about saving random people? Donât be dumb.â
His words sting, and you feel like youâve been slapped in the face. He nods negatively as he walks out again, leaving you standing there, the weight of his words sinking in. You donât want to believe him, but deep down, you know thereâs some truth to what heâs saying.
With a sigh, you look at the flash drive on the counter.Â
The next day was a mess from the moment you woke up. You couldn't find your white shirt, and your baby liss was nowhere to be found. Running late, you had to leave without fixing your hair.Â
Work was a blur of you staring blankly at your computer screen, your mind preoccupied with the fear that some tentacle monster might actually show up at 7:48 p.m.
Were you being stupid for believing a guy you met barely a week ago? Absolutely. But who wouldn't be a little suspicious?
As you stepped off the bus and walked along the sidewalk toward your building, your watch read 7:58 p.m. You glanced up at your window. The lights were off, and everything looked normal. No way a villain would get you, right?
"I knew he was lying," you mutter quietly to yourself, almost convincing.
But your conviction didnât last long. A massive purple tentacle exploded through your living room window, sending concrete and bricks crashing to the street. Your eyes widened in disbelief. Was that a person in the middle of those giant tentacles? Were you homeless now?
"Are you gonna hop on or let these ugly tentacles suffocate you?" Seungcheolâs voice cuts through the chaos.
You didnât need to look to know it was him. You turned to see him in his black outfit, waiting on his motorcycle. Your instinct was to kneel on the ground and cry about your now-destroyed apartment, but you didn't have time for that.
You sulked a bit before grabbing the helmet from his hand and hopping onto the bike, your hands wrapping uncertainly around his waist.
As Seungcheol sped off towards his HQâor hideout, whatever it wasâyour tears started to flow. "My apartment... it's ruined. All my stuff, my mug collection, my unicorn pajamas I didnât even get to wear yet," you whined into his back.
Seungcheol fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Seriously? We're running from a monster, and you're worried about unicorn pajamas?"
âYes!â you sniffled. âThey were so cute. And now I donât even have a place to sleep. My place is ruined, and all my goods are probably destroyed.â
âFocus on staying alive first,â he said, trying to sound more patient than he felt. âWeâll deal with the rest later.â
âBut my mugs⊠My unicorn pajamasâŠâ you continued, your voice muffled against his back.
âAlright, alright,â he said, trying to placate you.Â
Seungcheol had to concentrate to keep from crashing as he listened to you cry and whine about your lost belongings. He knew you were overwhelmed, and though it was annoying, he understood. Reaching his hideout, he finally stopped the bike and helped you off, letting you lean on him for support.
Your first instinct is to look around. Itâs a large industrial loft, the walls made of bricks, and the long windows hidden behind some opaque plastic.Â
The place seems to have only the essentials: a large bed with a vintage headboard, a couch, a TV. Turning around, you notice the kitchen has a coffee machine just like yours.Â
Then your eyes widen as you spot familiar items: the white shirt you were looking for this morning, poking out of a huge black bag, a big box labeled 'mugsâ in bad calligraphy, your hair iron with the princess tape patch on the cord, emerging from another black bag.Â
Several bags are sprawled on the floor, all looking ready to burst.
"M-my things!" you squeak as Seungcheol looks unbothered, though you can see the faintest hint of a smile at your happiness. You run to him, giving him a clumsy hug that he doesnât reciprocate, before opening the bags.
"It was very difficult to bring all of your stuff," he says, trying to hide his amusement. "Can I know why you have three... inflatable flamingos all the same color?" he asks, clearly judging the quirky items he found while gathering your things from your dresser.
You donât respond, too busy rifling through the bags like a kid on Christmas morning.Â
You open another bag with a big smile on your face, which quickly fades when you see whatâs on top: your vibrator, handcuffs, and lube.Â
You widen your eyes and try to close the bag with an awkward smile, but itâs too late. Seungcheol turns his head to the side, taking a deep breath as if trying to pretend he wasnât the one who had to gather your spicy stuff.
You clear your throat, standing up and brushing off your knees. âWhen did you get all of this? I meanâhow did you do it so quickly?â
"Some friends helped me," he answers, watching your reaction.Â
You widened your eyes, and he knew why.Â
âChill out, I packed your Christian Grey stuff myself,â he said, looking up as if remembering something. âAnd what's with that neon green, dildo? Seriously?â
You stuttered, your face flushed. âI-I didnât use that, it was a gag gift!â
âTrust me, I donât want to know,â he said, cutting you off with a furrowed brow.
âThatâs⊠oddly considerate of you,â you admitted, still processing everything.
He shrugged again, âDonât get used to it. Iâm not a nice guy.â
âThanks, Seungcheol.â
âWhatever,â he muttered, turning away. âJust donât make a big deal out of it.â
You sighed, âThanks, I guess. Itâs just⊠embarrassing.â
âDonât sweat it. Iâve seen worse,â he shrugged.
âWorse than a neon green dildo?â
He chuckled, âYouâd be surprised.â
You point at the large industrial loft around you. âSo, this is your place?â
"Not as fancy as yours, but, yes, it is," Seungcheol responds, shrugging nonchalantly.
You shake your head, still taking in the surroundings. "I wouldnât call my place fancy. Just... more pink."
He chuckles, nodding. "Yeah, I noticed. You have a thing for unicorns and pastels."
You look around, taking in the mix of sparse furniture and personal touches. "Why do you have my stuff, anyway?"
He leans against the counter, arms crossed. "Had to make sure you had everything. Can't have you running back to your place and getting into trouble."
You shake your head, still in disbelief. "You really donât look like a villain."
He scoffs, giving you a sideways glance. "That's because I don't have a red cape? You donât look this naughty either. I discovered it in the worst way."
You try to slap his shoulder playfully, but he catches your hand with his quick reflexes, smirking as he lets go and starts walking toward the loft above. You follow him, curiosity getting the better of you.
âDifferent from your boyfriend, I donât need muscle superpowers to be relevant,â he says, glancing back at you as he ascends the stairs.
You glance around as you reach the upper level, which is filled with computers, chemistry equipment, and some jackets thrown randomly around. "So, what exactly do you do here?"
"Let's just say I have my ways of keeping an eye on things," he replies, tapping on one of the computer screens. "Information is power, you know."
You nod slowly. "And what's your plan with all this power?"
He raises an eyebrow, amused by your question. "That depends. What do you think I should do with it?"
You let out a nervous laugh. "I'm not exactly an expert on villainous plots."
Seungcheol chuckles, shaking his head. "Relax, I'm not planning world domination. Just...taking care of some business."
You tilt your head, still trying to piece everything together. "And what kind of business would that be?"
He sighs, looking frustrated at youâbut trying to be patient. "Let's just say there are a lot of things that need fixing, and sometimes you have to break a few rules to get it done."
You frown, thinking about his words. "And my ex-boyfriend...does he know about any of this?"
Seungcheol shrugs. "He knows I exist, but he doesn't know the details. Probably too busy flexing for the cameras."
You canât help but smile. "Yeah, heâs definitely good at that."
Seungcheol looks at you seriously. "Look, I know this is a lot to take in, but trust me, itâs better you know the truth. You canât go back to being ignorant."
"So, what do we do? I can't just hide forever."
Seungcheol sits on the edge of a desk, looking thoughtful. "Youâre here because youâre vulnerableâ"
"Vulnerable?" you interrupt, crossing your arms. "You make it sound like Iâm helpless."
Seungcheol stops for a moment, looking at you blankly.Â
"Think fast!" he says suddenly, throwing a sock ball in your direction. You instinctively step back, catching the ball, but your back overtakes the loft railing.Â
Seungcheol gets up from his chair, moving swiftly to grip you tightly before you fall to the floor below. You go static as you look at him, his hands firm on your waist, grounding you.
"You're good at catching," he says, glancing at the sock in your hand. "But you need to have a better sense of space."
Your heart pounds, both from the near fall and his closeness. "What was that for?"
He releases you, but his eyes stay locked on yours. "Training. If youâre going to stay here, you need to be alert."
You nod. "Okay, but maybe warn me next time?"
He chuckles, stepping back to give you some space. "Where's the fun in that?"
You roll your eyes, tossing the sock ball back at him. He catches it effortlessly. "So, whatâs the plan? How do I learn to protect myself?"
Seungcheol tilts his head, considering. "I don't know... Maybe some basic self-defense? For example, if i do thisâ" He moves quickly, throwing a punch towards youânot to hit, but to test your reaction.
You manage to dodge, but not gracefully. He smiles. "Not bad for a beginner. We'll keep working on that."
[...]
You still miss your apartment, and a lot of your things are still in bags, which you pick through only when you need something. You always wondered what really happened in movies when heroes destroyed the whole city during battles. Now, youâre experiencing it firsthand. Your apartment is being repaired by the buildingâs construction company, with help from insurance. So, more days living with Seungcheol.
Itâs not bad. Itâs strange, for someone used to being alone at home. He leaves at night, just like your ex-boyfriend, but spends more of his days in the loftâmore than your ex-boyfriend ever did.Â
Heâs actually teaching you something useful. The two of you spar in the loft, not even needing to move furniture since there isnât much. And heâs hard on you.
You support your hands on your knees, panting, while he looks untouched. "Câmon! Are you tired already?"
You straighten up, mocking his tone. "Unfortunately, my ex who fights around didnât give me a preview of how to box."
He puts his hands on his hips. "Your boyfriend doesnât know how to fight. He only has his powers to his advantage."
âYou didn't watch what was on the flash drive, did you?â he asks.
You shake your head.
He sighs and asks you to come up. He sits you in his chair, in front of his computer, and opens a folder. Thereâs a video of your boyfriend inside a laboratory. It looks very old.
"I need more than just strength and flight," your boyfriend says in the video, addressing what looks like a scientist. "Weâve been studying this for years. My time has come."
âAre you sure? Thereâs no turning back,â the scientist asks.
âIâm sure. I canât keep living this mediocre life,â your boyfriend replies.
âBut what about the people around you? Theyâre at risk,â the scientist says.
Your ex-boyfriend's response breaks your heart, though you canât deny it fits his recent arrogance. "I donât care. I need this."
The scientist sighs and then injects several different colored serums into your exâs body. He groans, and as he begins to levitate, the video blurs and turns off.
You stare at the blank screen, processing the information. Seungcheol leans back, giving you space.
"See what I mean?" he says. "He wasnât thinking about you, or anyone else. Just himself."
âSo, he chose this. He actually wanted this.â
Seungcheol nods. âYeah, he did. It wasnât some accident or noble cause. He was just desperate to be more than he was.â
You sit back, processing the information. âHe used to be so different. I donât even recognize him anymore.â
âThatâs what power does to some people,â Seungcheol says, leaning against the desk. âIt changes them.â
Seungcheolâs screens start to beep urgently, pulling his attention away from you. He walks calmly to the other side of the room to grab his jacket. The steady rhythm of his movements contrasts with the beeping noises filling the space.Â
Heâs about to leave again when he pauses, his back facing you.
You watch him, restless, pacing back and forth as your mind churns over the recent revelations. His peripheral vision catches your agitation. He glances sideways, noticing the anxiousness in your steps.
He moves towards the door, then hesitates and turns back. âIf you need anything, justââ
âYeah, I know. Just call you, right?â You finish his sentence, giving him a small, knowing smile.
He smirks, nodding. âExactly. Stay put. Iâll be back soon.â
With that, he leaves the loft, the door closing behind him.Â
You knew Seungcheol would arrive home late, and you needed to calm down. Unfortunately, the last bottle of wine was finished yesterday when you couldn't find anything else to drink with your popcorn.Â
Sweets maybe? Well, a villainâs house would have sweets? No, just as you thought. The only thing left was a pack of cigarettes on the kitchen counter.
You find yourself on the rooftop of Seungcheol's loft, the cigarette smoke filling your lungs and burning your throat. You didnât like the smell of cigarettes and coughed every time the smoke filled your lungs.Â
But thatâs what you had to dissolve a bit of your anxiety, your last moments with your ex replaying in your mind. So he never cared at all?
Suddenly, your cigarette is slapped out of your hand. You turn around to see your ex, his costume perfect, but his eyes deep and face scarred.
âThis is what Seungcheol has taught you then? Arenât you ashamed?â He sneers.
You open your mouth to answer, but he comes closer, making you flinch.
He scoffs. âWhat? Youâre scared of me? Let me tell you something... He is the villain. And youâve joined his side, my enemy, after all we had.â He spits the words out with venom.
Rage boils within you, making you feel not like yourself. âSeungcheol took care of me. If I were alone, I would be dead. You donât know what kind of superpower this is.â
He grabs your arm, making you feel dizzy, your vision cloudy. The pain is intense and senseless.
âWhat? You thought a villain would help you? Youâre fragile. You need attention so bad that I couldnât even handle you.â You fall to the ground, the pain spreading through your body as you groan.
âYou know what? If you think heâs going to be your enchanted prince, youâre wrong. So damn wrong. The chances of him wanting to kill you are greater than that stupid dream of yoursââ
You hear an impact, and the dizziness and pain slowly dissipate. You breathe properly again. When you come back to your senses, you look up to see Seungcheol, fighting with your ex. Seungcheol is taking a beating, only advancing when your ex's power falters, like a lag.
You could leave sneakily, but was it right? Seungcheol literally protected you from your own ex, showed you his true colors, and taught you the best of himself. Even though he is cold and "cruel" as they say.
As you're thinking, a glass sound pulls you from your mind. It's an injection.Â
You see your ex crawling desperately to get it. Seungcheol gives you an exasperated look, signaling for you to pick it up.Â
You grab it, walking back as your ex roars for you to leave it. You clutch it in your fist and, in a moment of desperation, inject it into your leg.
Your ex widens his eyes. But the substance is too powerful for you. You fall again, the pain overwhelming you.
He laughs, but Seungcheol is on him, beating him relentlessly. The fight intensifies, Seungcheolâs blows becoming more furious. You can barely focus on their struggle, the pain in your leg is consuming your thoughts.
The injection burns through your veins, making you feel like youâre on fire. You clench your teeth, trying to endure it. Your ex's laughter turns into cries of pain as Seungcheol lands a particularly harsh blow.
Seungcheolâs eyes briefly meet yours, and you see the determination in them. Heâs fighting for you, protecting you with everything he has.
Seungcheol pauses, turning his attention away from you as the hero rises once more, clearly summoning his last reserves of strength.
Seungcheol stands confidently, knowing he has a chance to defeat himâif only he weren't standing on the edge of the building.Â
Unfortunately, he doesnât possess flying superpowers. Instead, he grips the edge of the building with nothing but the strength of his fingers, looking up at the hero who towers above him.
Yet, Seungcheol has one special superpower, the reason he's considered the villain: the ability to listen to those who need help, like an echo in his mind. He hears the calls for aid and responds in his own way, without the expensive, extraneous superpowers the heroes pay billions for.Â
Unlike them, who need to buy their abilities, Seungcheol was born with his. He helps those living on the margins of society, without seeking fame or recognition. He doesnât want to appear on TV or in the news.
Inside the heroes' world, he is well recognized, but without the money and science they have.
Seungcheol has nothing in his favor.Â
Yet, he still manages to help people. They canât understand him. And hate can come easily to that which is too remembered.
His body can't manage more than thisâmore than his telepathy.Â
If it could, he wouldnât be in this situation. Heâs going to end up like this. His death wonât be caused by a big octopus or a giant RoboCop, as other heroes did. But by a great show of charity. He would do it for any citizen, but the fact that itâs you makes him have no regrets at all.
Seungcheolâs fingers start to slip, and he knows his time is running out. The hero stands above him, a look of triumph on his face. But Seungcheolâs mind is calm, even serene. Heâs made peace with his fate.
The hero moves closer, ready to deliver the final blow. But in that moment, Seungcheolâs telepathy kicks in stronger than ever. He hears the cries of the people heâs saved, their voices filling his mind.
He has always fought for those who couldnât fight for themselves, without the need for glory or recognition.Â
The world may see him as a villain, but he knows the truth.Â
His life has been a quiet rebellion, a stand against the notion that only the powerful can be heroes.Â
Seungcheol's mind becomes silent, and he can only hear your groans. His eyes close as he tries to hear from you again.
âY/N?â he telepathizes, his voice entering your mind, velvet and deep.
You groan again, and he asks. âIâm here... are you alright, my love? Can you walk?â
The affectionate nickname makes your heart flutter. Seungcheol agonizes when the hero's steps on his fingers, but he agonizes more because he can't hear a proper response from you. Desperation sets in.
âAnswer me, please. Iâm not going to last,â he telepathizes again.
âSeungcheol...â he hears your voice and breathes out, relief washing over him. He looks down, watching the movement on the street below. It was too much of a drop to survive. His fingers were burning with pain.
âSeungcheol...â you call again. He shuts his eyes, clinging to the sound of your voice. âLet go,â you tell him. The words hit him like a jolt. He doesnât understand. His arms tremble with the effort of holding on.
âTrust me, trust me, trust me.â He hears it like a whisper around his head. The conviction in your voice pierces through his fear.Â
He loosens his grip, his fingers slipping from the edge.
The air envelops his body like a hug as he falls, the distortion from the speed making the street sounds blur into a cacophony. The only thing he can think of is how youâre going to live by yourself now.
As he falls, memories flash before his eyes. He remembers every face he saved, every life he touched, his quiet acts of heroism, every moment of your brief time together, and then, vividly, your face.Â
He thinks of your smile, your laugh, the way your eyes light up when youâre happy.Â
The moment Seungcheol hits the ground, he expects the pain, the end. Instead, he feels a strange warmth spreading through his body. He blinks, realizing heâs lying on a soft cushion of air, suspended just above the pavement. The hero stares down in disbelief.
Seungcheolâs body is gently lowered to the ground. He looks up to see you standing on the rooftop, your hand outstretched, eyes closed in fierce concentration. As his feet touch the ground, your eyes snap open, and you breathe out in relief.Â
Before Seungcheol can react, you advance on the hero, the two of you disappearing in a blur of motion and light atop the building.
Blinding flashes illuminate the rooftop as Seungcheol scrambles to his feet, urgency driving him forward. He runs into the building, tripping on the flights of stairs in his haste. The sounds of the battle above echo down to him, and he pushes himself harder, every fiber of his being focused on reaching you in time.
Seungcheol bursts onto the rooftop again, his breath ragged and his heart pounding. The sight that greets him makes his blood run cold.Â
Your ex-boyfriend lies lifeless on the floor, a pool of blood spreading beneath him. In your trembling hand, the heroâs heart reactor device glows faintly, now smeared with blood.
âY/N!â Seungcheol shouts, rushing to your side as your knees give way, collapsing under the weight of what youâve done. The powers from the injection still course through your veins, but your energy is completely spent. You tremble in his hands, your body feeling like itâs made of lead.
The weight of what youâve done hits you like a ton of bricks. You stare down at the reactor in your hand, the blood smeared on your fingers, and a violent shudder runs through you. The metallic smell of blood mingles with the acrid scent of smoke, and itâs all too much.
âI never wanted it to end like this,â you whisper, your voice breaking. Your face is frozen in shock, eyes wide and unseeing as you try to process the magnitude of your actions. âI-Iâve killed someone.â
Seungcheol shakes his head, his grip on your shoulders firm yet gentle. âYou did what you had to do,â he says, his voice low and steady. âHe wouldâve killed you, Y/N.â
You shake your head, tears spilling down your cheeks. âBut it wasnât supposed to be like this,â you insist, your voice trembling. âI didnât want to become a killer.â
Seungcheolâs eyes soften, and he pulls you into a tight embrace, his warmth seeping into your cold, shaking body. âListen to me,â he says firmly, his lips close to your ear. âYouâre not a killer. Youâre a survivor. He put you in this position, not the other way around.â
You cling to him, your fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt as you sob uncontrollably. The reactor slips from your grasp, clattering to the ground with a dull thud. âI just wanted to be safe,â you cry, your voice muffled against his chest. âI didnât want any of this.â
âI know,â Seungcheol murmurs, stroking your hair gently. âI know, Y/N. Itâs going to be okay.â
You pull back slightly, looking up at him through tear-blurred eyes. âHow can you be so sure?â you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.
âBecause youâre strong,â he says simply, wiping a tear from your cheek with his thumb. âStronger than you realize. And because Iâm not going to let anything happen to you.â
The sincerity in his eyes makes your heart ache. Despite everything, thereâs a flicker of hope in his gaze that you canât ignore.
Seungcheol brings you back to his loft, your body feeling heavy and numb. He helps you inside the shower, carefully removing your clothes. You sit on the floor, naked, as the warm water cascades over you, washing away the blood and grime.Â
Thereâs no malice or ulterior motive in his actionsâonly a quiet, pure care. You stare blankly at the tiles of his shower, lost in your thoughts, while his hands work methodically, washing your hair and scrubbing away the blood stains from your skin.
You needed this.Â
The side effects of the injection, the strain of using powers you didnât fully understand, have left you weak. So weak that you need him to do something as simple as this for you.
Once youâre clean, Seungcheol wraps you in a fluffy towel, drying you carefully. He dresses you in one of his shirts, the fabric soft and comforting against your skin.Â
He guides you to his bed, tucking you in. You sink into the mattress, the exhaustion pulling at you like a heavy blanket. Seungcheol sits beside you, watching you for a few minutes. His body aches from the fight, but his concern for you overrides his own pain.
âThank you,â you whisper.
He nods, his eyes never leaving your face. âYou need to rest. Let your body recover.â
You nod, closing your eyes. The events of the night replay in your mind, but thereâs a strange comfort in knowing Seungcheol is there, watching over you. âYou donât have to stay,â you murmur, feeling a pang of guilt.
âI want to,â he replies softly. âJust sleep, Y/N. Iâll be here.â
As you drift off, the last thing you feel is the warmth of his hand holding yours, grounding you in the midst of the turmoil. The darkness of sleep pulls you under, but for the first time in a long while, you donât feel completely alone.
He waits for you to fall asleep before quietly moving around the loft, gathering whatâs left of your belongings.Â
With quick, calculated motions, he loads his things, along with yours, into the trunk and backseat of his truck. The apartment, once filled with traces of both your lives, now stands empty, its furniture the only remnants of your presence.
When he looks at the empty space one last time, he takes a deep breath, then returns to the bedroom. Gently, he lifts you into his arms, careful not to disturb your sleep.Â
Youâre so exhausted that you donât stir as he carries you to the truck. His eyes flicker to you now and then as he drives, taking the road that leads to the other side of the country.
Long hours later, the sun starts to rise, casting a golden hue over the landscape. You wake up, eyes still adjusting to the brightness of the day. You find yourself parked outside a roadside restaurant, the car silent. Seungcheol is nowhere to be seen. Sitting up, you notice a blanket draped over you and realize youâre fully dressed, not just in his shirt anymore.
You take a moment to gather your thoughts, fingers curling around the edges of the blanket. The sound of footsteps draws your attention, and you see Seungcheol approaching with a box of food in his hands. He opens the car door and slides into the driverâs seat, placing the food on the console between you.
âHey,â he says softly, glancing at you. âHow are you feeling?â
You blink a few times, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep. âTired,â you admit, your voice still groggy. âWhere are we?â
âWeâre on the road,â he replies, a small smile tugging at his lips. âI thought you could use some breakfast.â He opens the box, revealing a variety of pastries, fruit, and a couple of sandwiches.
You nod, reaching for a piece of fruit. âThank you,â you say, taking a bite and savoring the sweet taste. âFor everything.â
He watches you eat for a moment before responding. âYou needed to get away from there. Itâs not safe.â
âI know,â you reply, your voice soft. âBut where are we going?â
âSomewhere safe,â he answers, his tone reassuring. "Somewhere, they wonât find us.â
You look at him, studying his face. Thereâs a determination in his eyes, a resolve that gives you a sense of security despite the uncertainty of your situation. âOkay,â you say, trusting him.
He nods, his eyes softening. âFinish eating. Weâve got a long drive ahead.â
As you pass through small towns and sprawling landscapes, a sense of peace begins to settle over you. The rhythmic hum of the truck and the steady presence of Seungcheol at your side are comforting.Â
You share the occasional snack with him, your fingers brushing against his lips, eliciting a small smile from him each time.
As the truck continues down the road, the cityscape starts to take shape on the horizon. Tall buildings stand proud, their windows reflecting the sunâs light. Itâs a bustling place, full of life and opportunity.
 Itâs everything youâve been yearning forâa fresh start, a new chapter.
After you arrive, your legs stretch as you step onto the new asphalt. You look around, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings, and ask, âWhere are we?â
Seungcheol smiles, a hint of mystery in his eyes. âIâm going to show you,â he replies, leading you towards a big, white house. The house stands in stark contrast to the urban scene around it, classic and serene.
You follow him inside, and immediately, you notice people dressed in white moving about with purpose. Some are tending to children, others to elders, each room filled with an atmosphere of care and compassion. It's a place of healing and sanctuary, you realize, a refuge from the chaos youâve just escaped.
As you walk through the house, you reach a garden at the back. The same people in white are there, playing with the children and dogs, the air filled with laughter and joy.Â
You notice a girl in white sitting by an easel, her fingers pressed to her temples. To your amazement, the brush on the canvas moves on its own, guided by her powers.
You stare in awe. âSheâs painting without touching the brush,â you whisper, your voice filled with wonder.
Seungcheol nods. âYes, sheâs using her powers. This place is a sanctuary for people like her, like us. A safe haven where they can learn to control and use their abilities for good.â
You look around, taking in the peaceful surroundings, the sense of community and support. âItâs beautiful,â you say softly, feeling a sense of hope blossom within you.
The next stop is a small, vintage apartment where you and Seungcheol place your things. The walls are adorned with faded floral wallpaper, and the furniture has a charming, old-fashioned feel. You sit on the living room floor, surrounded by boxes, and trail off, lost in thought.
âSo, youâre a hero, not a villain,â you murmur, looking up at Seungcheol.
He pauses, glancing at you with a thoughtful expression. âI guess itâs not that simple,â he says, sitting down across from you. âPeople see what they want to see. To some, Iâm a hero. To others, Iâm a villain.â
You nod, digesting his words. âBut you saved me. You brought me here. That makes you a hero in my book.â
A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips. âI just did what needed to be done. Sometimes, the line between hero and villain isnât so clear.â
You lean back, propping yourself up on your elbows. âItâs strange, you know? All this time, I thought I knew who the good guys and the bad guys were. But now⊠everythingâs different.â
He nods, his eyes distant. âLife isnât a simple story. Itâs messy, complicated. People have layers, motives that arenât always black and white.â
You turn to Seungcheol, who has laid himself out on the living room floor beside you. The gentle hum of the old radiator fills the silence between you as you finally ask the question that's been on your mind.
âCan I ask you something?â you say, glancing over at him.
He turns his head to face you, nodding slightly. âSure. Whatâs up?â
âHow did you meet me?â you ask, curiosity lacing your voice.
Seungcheol sighs, looking up at the ceiling. âItâs a bit of a long story,â he begins, his tone thoughtful. âI first heard you every single night in my head before I even knew where you lived. It started with your thoughts and feelingsâyour fears, your doubts. I heard them all.â
You blink, trying to process what heâs saying. âYou heard me in your head?â
He nods. âYeah. I didnât know who you were at first, just that there was someone struggling. I could sense your pain and your frustration. It was like an echo in my mind.â
He pauses for a moment, then continues. âWhen I'vve found you, I started watching the movements in your apartment. I saw you and your boyfriend fightingâa lot. I saw the nights you were left alone...â
You shift uncomfortably, thinking about all the arguments, the hurtful words exchanged. âWhat did you see?â
âI saw things that were hard to watch. There were nights when your boyfriend would come home drunk, lashing out at you for no reason. I saw him bringing people over, strangers who didnât have your best interests at heart.â
Your heart aches as you listen. âSo, you were watching all of this?â
He nods. âI was. I needed to be sure of what was happening before I intervened. I couldnât just act without understanding the full picture. He was involved in some dangerous activities, connections with people I didnât want you to be near.â
He looks at you with a serious expression. âI knew I had to do something. Itâs my job, in a way. The place I showed you before, is where people like me come from. Weâre spread out across the country, helping those in need.â
You nod slowly, absorbing his words. âSo, you felt like you had to save me.â
âExactly,â he says softly. âIt was more than just a job. It was a responsibility. When I saw how much you were suffering, I knew I couldnât just stand by. I had to step in.â
As you lie there, processing everything Seungcheol has told you, it dawns on you that the man who once seemed so mysterious and distant wasnât a villain at all. He was the one who sat on your window, smoking and wearing a black outfit, seemingly a shadowy figure.Â
He was the one who risked falling from a building to ensure your safety, who gathered your belongingsâeven your mug collection, and your⊠dildoâbefore your apartment was destroyed by an alien.
He was the man who, despite the doubts and fears, saved your life and now laid by your side as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Seungcheolâs presence beside you, so unexpectedly comforting, makes you feel secure in a way you havenât felt in a long time. His gaze meets yours, a question in his eyes as if trying to decipher the whirlwind of thoughts running through your mind.
Unable to hold back your emotions any longer, you roll over and drape yourself across him like a koala. The sudden weight makes him emit a funny gasp. You both end up laughing, the sound filling the room with warmth. He wraps his arms around you, reciprocating the hug with a soft giggle.
âWhat?â he asks with a playful smile, his eyes twinkling.
You look up at him, your heart full, and press a soft kiss on his lips. Seungcheolâs eyes flutter closed, and he melts into the kiss, holding your face gently as if heâs been waiting for this moment all along.
But then, he pulls back slightly, his expression thoughtful. "Wait, no, are you sure about this? I mean, youâve just come out of a⊠complicated relationship.â
You can see the concern in his eyes, the careful consideration behind his words. âI am sure,â you say softly, pressing another kiss to his cheek. âYouâve been amazing. Youâre not a villain, and youâve shown me what itâs like to be cared for.â
You move to kiss his forehead, then his neck, making him giggle again, his laughter bubbling up despite the seriousness of the conversation. He closes his eyes, savoring each tender kiss, his heart racing with every touch.
âI guess Iâm just worried,â he says, his voice a mix of hesitation and affection. âYouâve been through so much. I donât want you to think that Iâm just trying to fill a void or something.â
You shake your head, placing one last kiss on his lips. âYouâre not just filling a void. Youâre something real and true, and I can feel it.â
âCan you⊠feel it?â he asks.
You smile against his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to reassure him. âOf course I can,â you reply, your voice barely a whisper.
The moment your lips meet his again, you notice his reaction is less restrained this time. His arms tighten around you, pulling you closer as if heâs afraid you might disappear. His kisses grow more passionate, each touch of his lips filled with a desperate need to communicate everything he feels.
You can taste the sweetness of his affection, feel the way he melts into you, and you respond with the same intensity. Your hands explore the familiar contours of his face, as if memorizing every detail, every emotion he's conveying.Â
His breath quickens, and you can feel the heat of his skin, the way his entire body seems to respond to you, to the connection thatâs unfolding between you both.
He pulls away slightly, his forehead resting against yours, his eyes locked onto yours. âYou make me feel things I didnât think I could.â
You brush your lips against his once more, a soft, tender caress. âItâs because itâs real,â you whisper. âItâs something Iâve needed for a long time.â
[...]
If you ever thought your life would change drastically, you never imagined it would be like this.Â
When Seungcheol left to handle his tasks for the night, it felt different. The house, though quiet, seemed fuller now.
His presence lingered in the way he had filled it with his energy, his routines, his little touches that made the space feel like more than just four walls. The absence of his constant presence was noticeable, yet somehow, it felt like a comfort.
You wandered around the house, touching things you hadnât noticed before. There were small, personal detailsâlike a collection of old vinyl records stacked neatly on a shelf, and a set of quirky, handmade coasters on the coffee table. They made the house feel lived in, like a real home.
In the kitchen, you found a note Seungcheol had left on the counter, scrawled in his familiar handwriting: âPick a movie tonight. Iâll be back soon.â You smiled at the simple gesture, a small piece of normalcy in the midst of the whirlwind youâd been through.
When he arrives at the apartment, the warm aroma of dinner wafts from the stove. He glances around, noticing that the movie on the TV is paused at the very beginning. Itâs strange that youâre not here; usually, youâd be curled up on the couch, waiting for him.Â
His eyes sweep over the space, and he hangs his jacket on a dining chair, the soft thud of the fabric against the wood mingling with the hum of the refrigerator.
A sudden noise catches his attentionâan âAh!â from somewhere in the apartment.Â
Seungcheol freezes, his heart rate quickening. He tilts his head, straining to hear again. The sound came from the bedroom. Curiosity and concern propel him forward as he moves cautiously toward the door.
Pushing the door open just a crack, he peeks inside. His breath catches in his throat as he takes in the scene before him.Â
Youâre sprawled out on the bed, your legs were spread open in a way that revealed everything.Â
Your body glistens with a sheen of sweat, and youâre arching back, clearly horny. The vibrator, the very same one he had glimpsed in your old apartmentâa sight that had piqued his curiosityâwas now pressed tightly against your clit.Â
He could see the pleasure etched across your face, the way you bit your lip and gripped the sheets. He hesitated at the doorway, not wanting to intrude but unable to tear his eyes away from the scene unfolding before him.
The sight is so intimate, so raw, that he feels a blend of emotionsâdesire, awe, and a sense of protectiveness. His initial impulse is to step in, to be there for you, but heâs also painfully aware of how private this moment is.
His own breath hitches as he wrestles with the decision of whether to interrupt or simply stand back. He knows this is a vulnerable part of you, one that you might not be ready to share with him just yet.
Seungcheol takes a deep breath, his desire is real as he steps fully into the room. The bulge in his pants is a constant reminder of just how affected he is by the scene unfolding before him. But he pushes past his own need, focusing on you.
He kneels beside the bed, careful not to make any sudden movements that might pull you from your reverie. His fingers, though trembling slightly, are gentle as he reaches for the vibrator. He eases it away from your clit, the sudden absence making you gasp, a sound thatâs part surprise, part frustration.
You blink rapidly, trying to catch your breath as you process his presence. Your cheeks flush a deep red. Just as you begin to open your mouth, ready to speak or perhaps to protest, Seungcheol silences you with a touch.
Without a word, he positions the vibrator back against your wetness, the cool touch of it sending you screaming on your bed. Slowly, he guides it back to your clit, applying a steady pressure as he begins to circle it.Â
His eyes are locked onto your every reaction, absorbing each tremor and gasp as if they were treasures.
The immediate pleasure that jolts through you is overwhelming. You clench his forearm, your grip desperate and needy as you roll your eyes back in pure, unfiltered sensation. The way he controls the vibrator, the way heâs so deliberately attentive to your bodyâit drives you wild.
The intensity of your arousal triples, the added thrill of Seungcheolâs touch making it feel like every nerve is on fire. You sob, the sound escaping from you as you struggle to stay grounded amidst the stimulation.Â
Each circle of the vibrator on your clit feels like an eternity, stretching out the sensation to a nearly unbearable edge.
Seungcheolâs gaze never wavers from you. He watches you with an intense focus and tenderness, his own breath coming in uneven puffs as he fights to keep his own desires in check.
Heâs controlling your pleasure with an expert touch, making sure that each movement is precise and perfectly tuned to your reactions.
He knows youâre on the brink, and heâs both savoring and prolonging this moment for you.Â
The control he exerts is deliberate, his movements are carefully calculated to push you to the edge without letting you fall over just yet.
As your body writhes beneath his touch, Seungcheolâs expression softens. He can see how much you need this, how much his presence, his touch, is amplifying everything youâre feeling. Itâs a heady blend of power and vulnerability, and heâs completely consumed by it.
As the waves of pleasure begin to crest, you feel your moans transforming into quieter, breathless gasps. Your body tightens, with every muscle pulling taut as you approach the brink of orgasm.Â
Itâs right there, just a heartbeat away, when Seungcheol suddenly pulls the vibrator away. The abrupt absence of its buzzing sends a shock through you, your body jolting as you let out a delayed cry of frustration.
Seungcheol doesnât look at you. Rather, he sets the vibrator on the bedside table as if it were a routine, doing so with practiced ease.Â
Then he gets to his feet and strips off his shirt, baring his chest. Your need is heightened by the sight of him, so masterful and totally devoted to you. You watch him, breathless and with wide eyes, while he dismisses your little cries of protest.Â
He seems determined to show you something more personal than the toy could ever offer, judging by the steady, unwavering look in his eyes.
He says, taking off his belt, âI want to see you cum for me, not for a toy.â âI want to see you cum in my mouth,â he murmurs.
You swear you see your soul leave your body just like in a cartoon,with his words. He spreads your legs wide, putting himself between them. You can almost feel the need in your body quivering with anticipation.
His mouth feels like fire when it first touches your clit; the buzzing vibrator has made you more sensitive. You gasp, your hips jerking involuntarily. His tongue is moist and warm as it hungersily probes every part of you.
You let out a deep moan as he laps at your entrance, gathering your slick and spreading it over your clit.
He sucks gently, then more firmly, his tongue flicking over your most sensitive spot in a way that has you writhing beneath him. Every nerve ending in the body is hyperaware of intense pleasure.
Your hips are held in place by Seungcheol's hands as he consumes you. You can feel the strength in his hold, the way his fingers dig into your skin just enough to anchor you. His eyes glance up at you, watching your reactions, ensuring heâs giving you exactly what you need.
âSeungcheol,â you gasp, your voice shaky. âIâm so close.â
His response is a deep hum against your clit. He intensifies his efforts, his tongue moving faster, his lips sucking harder. Your hands fly to his hair, fingers tangling in the strands as you hold on for dear life.
Every muscle in your body tightens, your breath coming in short, sharp bursts. He doesnât let up, his focus entirely on you, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.
When your orgasm finally crashes over you, your back arches off the bed, a loud moan escaping your lips. Seungcheol continues to lick and suck, drawing out every last bit of your pleasure, his eyes locked on your face as you come undone.
You take a deep breath, your vision slowly clearing, and catch sight of Seungcheol gripping his cock through his boxers. The outline looks thick and big, making your mouth water at the sight of it.
âSeungcheol,â you murmur, your voice still shaky from the intensity of your orgasm. His eyes meet yours, dark and round.
âYes?â he asks, his voice husky.
You reach out, your hand trembling slightly as you press your palm against the bulge in his boxers. He inhales sharply, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment as you touch him.
âI want to make you feel good too,â you say, your voice gaining strength.
He groans softly, his restraint slipping. He helps you pull his boxers down, his erection springing free. It looks even more impressive without the fabric, flushed, throbbing, and you canât help but lick your lips in anticipation.
You lean forward, taking him into your hand, feeling the warmth and the weight of him. He watches you, his breath hitching as you stroke him slowly.
âYouâre so big,â you whisper, looking up at him.
He chuckles, the sound low and rough. âAnd youâre so beautiful.â
You smile. Leaning down, you place a soft kiss on the tip, tasting the salty precum. His reaction is immediate, a shudder running through his body as he groans your name.
Encouraged, you take him deeper into your mouth, your tongue swirling around the head. His hand finds your hair, not pushing, just holding you gently as you work him with your mouth.
âJust like that,â he breathes, his voice thick with pleasure. âYouâre doing so well.â
You hollow your cheeks, taking him deeper, feeling the stretch in your jaw. His size is a challenge, but youâre determined to make him feel as good as he made you feel. His groans and gasps spur you on, each sound a reward for your efforts.
You bob your head, taking him as deep as you can, your hand stroking the base where you canât reach. His hips begin to move, a slow, careful thrust that shows how close he is to losing control.
âY/N, Iâm close,â he warns, his voice strained.
You look up at him, your eyes locking with his as you continue your movements, letting him know without words that you want this. He curses softly, his grip on your hair tightening just a bit.
One thing he didnât notice was your sneaky hand grabbing the forgotten vibrator on the bedside table. With a naughty grin, you hold the base of his cock to keep it still, then turn the vibrator on and press it against his length while your mouth sucks on his tip.
Seungcheol lets out a deep grunt, propping himself up on his elbows, his eyes closing tightly. âYou littleââ he curses, his voice strained. Your smirk widens at his reaction, the vibrations traveling through his body, making him shudder.
âWhoâs the villain now?â you tease, your tongue swirling around the sensitive head of his cock.
His response is a strangled moan, his hips jerking slightly into your mouth. âYou... youâre the villain here,â he groans, his hands gripping the sheets. âFuck!â
The combination of your mouth and the vibrator makes his body tense. You can feel him throbbing in your hand, his muscles tightening as he gets closer to the edge.
You increase the intensity, your hand moving the vibrator up and down his length while your mouth continues its assault on his tip. His breathing becomes ragged, and heâs practically panting now, his moans growing louder with each passing second.
âY/N, Iâm gonnaââ he chokes out, his voice desperate.
You let go of his tip, a knowing smirk playing on your lips as you realize youâre giving him a taste of his own medicine. The vibrator still buzzes in your hand as you reach for his cock, straddling him and slowly sinking down.Â
The sensation is electricâyour drenched, sopping cunt engulfs him almost like a vacuum, drawing a desperate moan from his lips. His eyes flutter shut, and you can tell heâs loving it just as much as you are by the way his face contorts.
When you bottom out, Seungcheol squirms beneath you, his hands gripping your hips. He reaches for your wrist and places the vibrator on your clit, the sudden jolt of pleasure making you clench around his length.Â
His moan mingles with a teasing smile, his eyes dark with lust. If he wasnât a villain before, he definitely looks like one now.
You ride his cock in circles, the vibrations on your clit making your body curl inward, your nails digging into his abdomen. The pleasure is overwhelming, your breaths coming in short, ragged gasps as you move faster, chasing the high thatâs just within reach.
His grip on your hips tightens, guiding you as you move. âThatâs it, baby,â he growls âJust like that.â
Seungcheol sneaks a hand to the vibrator and turns it to the highest level. You grunt, throwing your head back as the intense vibrations radiate through your entire body. He can feel them inside you too, the added stimulation making him groan.
âFuck, Seungcheol!â you cry out, your voice shaking as you jump up and down on his cock. Your pussy meets his length and then his base, the sound of skin slapping echoing in the room.
âYeah, take it all, baby,â he growls, his eyes locked on yours. âYour pussy is so fucking tight around me.â
You moan louder, the dirty talk driving you wild. âTell me more,â you gasp, craving more of his words, the filthier, the better.
He thrusts up into you, his own pleasure building as he watches you ride him. âYou love this, donât you? Being my little slut, taking my cock so well,â he says, his voice strained with the effort of speaking through his moans.
âYes! Oh god, yes!â you reply, your movements becoming more frantic. âI love it, Seungcheol. I love beingâ Fuck!â
He grins. âYouâre so fucking wet for me. Look at you, bouncing on my cock like a desperate little whore.â
You shiver at his words, your body responding eagerly. âShit, Seungcheol, you feel so good inside me,â you pant. âI want to cum all over your cock.â
âDo it, baby,â he encourages, his voice rough. âCum for me. Show me how much you love it.â
âIâm gonna cum again, Seungcheol,â you gasp, riding him faster. âI want you to cum with me.â
âFuck, yes,â he grits out, his hands sliding up to your breasts, squeezing them. âCum for me, baby. Let me feel you.â
âCum inside me,â you moan, your nails digging into his chest. âFill me up, Seungcheol.â
He thrusts up hard, matching your frantic pace. âYou want my cum? You want me to fill you up?â
âYes, please,â you beg, leaning back to get a better angle, driving him deeper. Your voice breaking with need. âI need it, Seungcheol. I need your cum.â
His grip on you tightens, and you can feel him getting close. âYouâre gonna get it,â he promises, his voice rough. âIâm gonna fill you up so good, baby.â
Seungcheol presses the vibrator harder against your swollen clit, and you convulse on him, your body shaking uncontrollably from the combined sensations.Â
âFuck,â he growls, âYouâre creaming all over my cock. Look at you, so fucking soaked.â
You moan loudly, barely able to respond as the vibrations and his cock drive you wild. âYes, Seungcheol,â you gasp, your voice trembling. âIâm so wet for you.â
He chuckles darkly, his eyes locked on yours as he continues to thrust upward, hitting every sensitive spot inside you. âHm⊠The way youâre dripping all over me. I can feel every drop.â
Your nails dig into his shoulders as you bounce harder, trying to chase the overwhelming pleasure. âI canât stop cumming,â you whimper. âItâs too much.â
Seungcheolâs breathing grows ragged, his gaze fixed on the way your pussy pulses around him. âThatâs right. Let go for me. I want to see you lose control. Youâre such a fucking mess for me.â
The pressure of the vibrator against your clit makes you cry out. âIâm cumming so hard,â you moan. âI canât handle it.â
He grunts, his voice deep and raw. âThatâs it, baby. Cream all over my cock. I love how youâre losing it. Iâm gonna make you cum so fucking hard.â
Your eyes roll back. âSeungcheol,â you cry out, your body arching and trembling. âIâm gonnaââ
He groans as he feels your inner muscles clench around him, the vibrations making every nerve in your body explode. âYeah, let it all out,â he commands. âShow me how much you fucking need me.â
You convulse one last time, your vision blurring as the orgasm washes over you. Seungcheol holds you tightly, his cock still buried deep inside you as he continues to grind against your clit, making sure you get every last ounce of pleasure.
Seungcheol wastes no time, flipping you over onto all fours like you're a rag doll. The sudden shift leaves you breathless, your body pliant and obedient to his every move. He quickly turns the vibrator off and tosses it aside, not caring where it lands. His hands find your ass, squeezing and fondling your cheeks.
Without missing a beat, he thrusts his cock back inside you, abusing your sweet spot with relentless precision. You feel the sting of your skin meeting his pelvis with each strong thrust.
You bite down on the pillow, muffling your sobs as your body trembles beneath him. The orgasm still pulses through you, but now Seungcheol is fucking you through it with a ferocity that has you seeing stars.
His grip tightens on your hips, one foot propped up on the mattress to give him more leverage. The bed creaks under you, the mattress springs creaking.
His moans become whiny and throaty. You can feel him getting closer, his cock twitching inside you with every thrust, and the sight of the white ring around his shaft driving him feral.
Summoning strength you didn't know you had, you lift your head and glance over your shoulder. You need to see his 'bad boy' posture crumble.
Seungcheol's face is a picture of raw emotion, his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth open in a silent cry. His expression is utterly shattered, as if he's about to break down and cry like a boy.Â
The sight of him like this, so helpless and undone, makes you squeeze harder around him. The reaction is immediateâSeungcheol's eyes roll back, and his hips slam into yours, grinding deep as he reaches he orgasms.Â
You feel the warmth of his cum filling you completely. He groans as he cums harder than ever before, his hips twitching with each spurt. The room is loaded with the sounds of his heavy breathing and the wet, obscene noises of your bodies joined together.
He stays buried inside you for a moment, savoring the sensation of your bodies connected, his cum still dripping from where he's filled you to the brim.
Seungcheol sleeps soundly, like a baby, his face peaceful and unburdened. In that moment, it doesn't matter who he is or where he is; his mind is completely consumed by thoughts of you.Â
The room is quiet, the only sound being your synchronized breaths. Exhausted and spent, you don't even have the strength to clean up. You sleep without a care, even as his cum slowly drips down your thighs.
[...]
Morning breaks gently, the soft light of dawn seeping through the curtains. Seungcheol stirs, his senses gradually returning to him. But something feels off. He blinks his eyes open, expecting to see you lying beside him. Instead, heâs met with a sight that jolts him fully awake.
Youâre floating.Â
Your body is hovering a few inches above the bed, suspended in mid-air. Your eyes are wide with shock, mirroring his own as you both take in the surreal scene.
âSeungcheol,â you whisper, your voice tinged with panic. âLower me down.â
He scrambles out of bed, his mind racing to process what heâs seeing. Without hesitation, he reaches out, his hands gently guiding you back down to the bed. The moment your body touches the mattress, the floating sensation ceases, leaving you both staring at each other in stunned silence.
You sit up slowly, your hands trembling slightly as you brush your hair back. âWasnât the injection supposed to last only for a few hours?â you ask.
Seungcheol, still healing from the sight of you floating, nods slowly. âYeah, thatâs what they said. ButâŠmaybe thereâs more to it. Maybe itâs affected you in ways we didnât expect.â
âSo, does this mean you can fuck me while I'm floating in mid-air?â
Seungcheol's eyes widen, his cheeks flushing a deep red. He laughs, a surprised sound escaping his lips as he runs a hand through his hair, clearly caught off guard by your audacity.
#seventeen reactions#seventeen headcanons#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#seventeen smut#seventeen x reader#svt smut#seventeen#seventeen fluff#svt imagines#seventeen fanfic#svt fanfic#svt x reader#seungcheol smut#seungcheol imagines#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol x you#seungcheol#scoups smut#scoups x reader#scoups x you#scoups x y/n#choi seungcheol#seventeen seungcheol#seungcheol fluff#scoups#choi seungcheol fluff#choi seungcheol imagines
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June 14th 2024 Developer Q&A (from the official BioWare Discord)Â - Complete transcript
Under a cut due to length.
Update:Â This post has now been updated into a word-for-word transcript.
[Link to video recording of Q&A]Â |Â [Link to equivalent post for second Q&A (August 30th)] |Â [Link to video recording for second Q&A]
Update:Â This post has now been updated into a word-for-word transcript.
If you would like to listen to the Q&A for yourself in video format, or listen to it again, Ghil Dirthalen recorded it and has now uploaded a video of it here. This blog post is linked in the description under the video. ( Ë¶ïżœïżœ á” `˶ )
Corinne Busche, John Epler, Matt Rhodes and Community Manager Katey were the devs that were there.
----
Katey: Hello!
John: Hello.
Katey: Beautiful, your mic sounds beautiful. How's everybody doing?
John: Excellent. I, just as a headsup, I have some folks doing some service, in the next room so, if I, if you hear background noise, that's what that is.
Katey: No worries at all. Well I hope that everybody who's been waiting in here is really excited, because I'm super excited. I'm Katey. I'm the Community Manager. If you don't already know, you can usually see my name at the top of this Discord server. But I'm joined here with some awesome guests that I'll let introduce themselves. Let's start with Corinne.
Corinne: Can you hear me okay?
John: Yep.
Katey: Yep, we can hear you beautifully.
Corinne: Great, perfect. I'm Corinne Busche, Game Director of Dragon Age: The Veilguard.
John: Awesome. I'm John Epler, Creative Director of Dragon Age: The Veilguard.
Corinne: John!
John: Hello.
Katey: And then we've also got Matt Rhodes, who may be struggling to find the unmute button which is at the bottom left.
Corinne: Our, our resident artist-poet, Matt Rhodes.
Katey: I could unmute him, actually, I don't know if I can unmute him, but if he needs help, he can message me on the side.
John: The joys of being a giant nerd is I spend a lot of time on Discord anyway, so.
Corinne: Well there you go, right?
Katey: Fair enough. Alright, well, we have a ton of questions to answer. We probably won't be able to get to all of them today. You all have sent in so many really really great answers, sorry, questions for us to answer. And if we don't get to them today, we're hoping to be able to do things like this in the future. So without further ado, I'll get started. First question's a bit of a soft ball, I feel. If you could belong to any of the main factions shown in the game, which would you choose?
Corinne: I mean, listen Katey, you say softball, but like, this is hard! Iâm gonna cheat, and Iâm gonna give you two. So for fashion, the Antivan Crows, all day long. Their threads, youâre gonna love it. For vibes, though, like the ones that capture my vibe, Mourn Watch. Gimme those necromancers.
John: Those are good answers. I have, I have one for fashion, and also for, just general faction Iâd like to be a part of. Veil Jumpers. Who doesnât like a nice walk in the forest, yâknow? Even if that forest is filled with horrifying monsters and terrifying anomalies, but yeah.
Katey: I love that. I know that Matt has a few technical issues â oh, heâs unmuted. There we go. Or maybe not. Thatâs okay, I think we can move on.
John: The Fade has taken Matt.
Corinne: Thatâs right, thatâs right.
Katey: Yes. One quick thing, if you check your settings, the cog-wheel in the bottom left, make sure that your voice, like, your audio is all good. If youâre still hearing the music, feel free to maybe, force-quit Discord and rejoin by just joining the stage directly. And mute the music before you come in. Okay. I can move on to the next question for now. Iâve seen, so this question was from Acra. Iâve seen a lot of talk about only having two companions in your party instead of three for this game. What is the reasoning behind this and will we still get the same companion conversations and banter as seen in the previous Dragon Age games?
Corinne: Ooh, this is such a good question. Thankyou, whoever submitted this one. Yeah, Iâll guess Iâll start and then Iâll turn it over to John Epler. So, first of all, as you saw in the gameplay reveal, this is a much more intimate experience. Weâve pulled the camera in. For those that arenât aware, the reason why is we want you to feel like you actually are in this world, right? Like, youâre walking these city streets of Minrathous, youâre looking up, seeing the buildings all around you, youâre a part of this place. So itâs much more intimate, and we believe as the narrative unfolds this creates a lot more immersion. Now, how that relates to companions is in doing this, we went back and forth on it a lot, but we actually found, with this perspective, having two companions, really allows them more visibility and presence. Weâve talked about the incredible depth and focus weâve put on fleshing out these companions, theyâre very fully-realized. So here, you really get to see them more clearly, you get to see them shine. When you see Lace Harding jump into the air and unleash a volley of arrows, you can only really get that because of that more intimate view. So I love the spotlight thatâs been put on them. But, I think, in addition to the banter, one of the things that people are wondering about is, okay, but what about gameplay? So again, this has come about from our testing, working with the internal team, also our lovely Council of players. We just found that when youâre playing in the combat system, when youâre planning your strategies, two really felt like the right number to manage. So keep in mind, Rook has a lot of different types of actions, Abilities, individual attacks that are more fully fleshed-out than ever before. Timing and positioning matter a lot. So this really felt like the right balance to have. The number of inputs and actions weâre asking you as a player to take, including directing your companions, is higher than ever before. And I will also say, I engage with the companions, like I actively control what theyâre doing more than I ever have before in any of the other three games. But John, Iâll toss it over to you for the banter. Thatâs kind of like the, we got a two-for-one there.
John: Yeah, yeah.
Corinne: I think thatâs a, a great question.
John: So - itâs a great question, yeah. I mean honestly, I donât think you could actually stop the writers from writing banter. I will say for myself, itâs, itâs one of the more light but fun things to do. You get to write little stories, little arcs between different characters. And I mean, The Veilguard is no different. Banter is still absolutely core part of it. You know, weâve got global banter, you know, the general stuff that you get in all spaces, as well as mission-specific stuff. But, yeah, itâs definitely still a big thing. I think itâs, if anything itâs the most weâve, weâve ever done for pairings of companions. Beyond that weâve also made sure, and I mean Iâve been on Dragon Age for a while, and I know thereâs been issues, you know, things like, okay, well I donât wanna miss this banter. So weâve even added stuff like some interruptible and resumable banter as well, just to make sure that, because again, itâs a core part of the experience. Everyone loves hearing these companions talk to each other, everyone loves hearing these little stories and relationships develop over the course of the game and, as mentioned before, companions are the heart of this experience and banter is a big part of that, so, you still have it, itâs, if anything, like I said, you could not stop the writers from doing it even if we tried, so.
Corinne: Thatâs right, thatâs right. Well, John, you know, listening to you speak, one thing that comes to mind, maybe people are wondering, with two companions in the field do I get less interaction between, that, like do I get to see my companions interacting in a broader group more often.
John: Oh -
Corinne: And, the way youâll gather them around the kitchen table, thereâs just so many of those moments where theyâre all interacting with each other.
John: Well, I think â
Corinne: Those are some of my favorite parts.
John: Yeah, and I think, yeah, and actually thatâs a, a good call, because I think the other side of it is, weâre not talking too much about your home or anything, but, we also want to make sure that they feel like they have a relationships and a life outside of just, the times you take a certain pair of companions out on the field. So we made sure that, they have those interactions there as well.
Katey: Love that. Letâs see. Um, Matt, are we, are we all set, are we good? Yes? No? Okay. I can continue and we can come back to some of your questions. Alright. So that, I loved the answers to those. How customizable is the backstory of Rook? Will we get to determine their past in the Character Creator? And that was asked by Briar.
John: Yeah, so. Absolutely. So, one of, each, Rook has six different backgrounds that you can choose from. Each of them is tied to one of the major factions in The Veilguard and each one sets out who Rook was before they recruited, were recruited by Varric, and. Well that sets out the broad events. As you go through the game, as youâre gonna have conversations, either with members of your faction, other characters, you can define, not just what those events were, but what they meant to you, what was your motivation, what was the kind of person you are as you build up Rook, because again, we wanna make sure that roleplaying is at the heart of this experience. And taking Rook, giving them, again, giving them background to ground them in the world but then letting you decide what that means and what that says about you is also a big part of it, so. And again, there are six different factions in this game, two which, anyone whoâs played Dragon Age for a while will remember. Youâve got the Grey Wardens. Youâve got the Antivan Crows. We also have, in addition to that, we have four new ones, because weâre in northern Thedas. We have the Veil Jumpers. We have the Mourn Watch. We have the Shadow Dragons, and we have the Lords of Fortune, so. Again, a lot of different options, a lot of different background, and a lot of opportunities to really define what your, who your Rook was, and who they are now, so.
Katey: Amazing. Will crafting return? If yes, has it been improved over the system in Inquisition? Asked by Some Dude.
Matt: Testing.
Katey: Oh hey Matt!
Corinne: âSome Dudeâ, is that, Iâm gonna assume âSome Dudeâ is a username. Great question.
Katey: Yes.
Corinne: Welcome Matt, the lovely Matt Rhodes.
Matt: Testing, testing.
Corinne: Welcome, welcome, hello. Alright, so, will crafting return? You can absolutely improve and customize your gear, yes, that is a big part of RPG progression, so yes you can improve and customize it. I will say, though, itâs different this time around, and it does get into spoiler territory, so I, Iâm gonna be a little bit cagey about it, but there might be a mysterious entity that assists you with that thatâll be an important part of the narrative.
Katey: So mysterious.
Corinne: Oooh!
Katey: Matt, Iâm gonna actually go back to our first question so that you can answer, so everyone knows.
Matt: Thank you.
Katey: What faction, what faction you would choose if you could choose one for yourself?
Matt: Absolutely, oh, for me itâs definitely the Lords of Fortune. Iâve had a chance to try out a bunch of them, but I think Iâve finally settled on them. And itâs largely just because pirate-barbarian is just such a great combination of elements, so. Treasure-hunting plus beaches and palm trees and all that stuff, itâs a, itâs a really good mix, so thatâs kinda my default.
Katey: I think Iâm with you there, for sure. How about this one - this one was definitely asked probably amongst the most in Discord. Axolotl asks, can we kiss or romance Manfred the skeleton?
Matt: Uh, I, I would say, not that skeleton, but weâre not saying no skeletons.
Katey: I love that answer.
Corinne: This is my favorite answer so far.
Katey: Alright, so Iâm gonna get back on track here. Alright. What, what were some of the development considerations that you had to take into account to ensure that this new game flows and functions with prior games, and Dragon Age Keep, if Keep is being utilized?
Corinne: Ooh, thatâs a good one too. So, first of all, I would, I would point everyone to, we did an interview with IGN that goes into some of the details there, so, like, if you want a deeper dive on it, check out that article. But just to summarize, we have taken a different approach on how you import your decisions this time around. Itâs now actually been fully-integrated into the Character Creator, and kinda serves a dual purpose, to be honest. I, I playfully, itâs not called this in-game, but I playfully think of it as âLast Time On Dragon Ageâ.
Katey: I love that.
Corinne: Right? Now, when I talk about its dual purpose, itâs been ten years since the last Dragon Age game released, so it serves as a refresher on critical events as well as allowing you to re-make those decisions that are critical to you. The thing I love about it is, itâs very highly visual, it uses the familiar tarot card aesthetic, so itâs actually really visual and playful experience as you go through it. It is very much important to us that itâs built into the client, though. You can play this game entirely offline. No connection. You donât have to link to your EA accounts, like thatâs been a really big request. So, the refresher plus make those decisions in-client, I think weâre all pretty happy about that. I donât wanna spoil anything by revealing what decisions you can import, like, look, yâall donât want the spoilers, but I will say, itâs been a really interesting creative intersection for us, because on the one hand, this is a whole new adventure. Youâre in northern Thedas, these locations that youâve literally never been to before. So that affects some of what will matter and what weâre not using this time around, as far as decisions. But obviously thereâs some very, very clear connections to existing characters. Itâs no secret that the Inquisitor, our dear Inky, is gonna show up, so, thatâs, thatâs a factor.
Katey: Peachy asks, will this next game be an open-world game, or is it just contained to Tevinter?
John: Yeah, thatâs a great question. So, you are in northern Thedas, but the game only begins in Minrathous, it doesnât stay there. Iâm, I think one of the most exciting things for me, honestly, and again, to Corinneâs earlier point about spoilers, I donât wanna get into too much spoiler detail, but getting to go to, and work with the art team, work with the narrative, work with the design team to build out these locations that weâve talked about. Places that characters have referred to as where theyâve come from, places that characters, obviously, in previous games, have hailed from, has been absolutely exciting. So, itâs, you do start in Tevinter, you do start in Minrathous, but again, thatâs not the entire game by any stretch. So yeah.
Corinne: Yeah, and the first half of it is, is it an open-world game? Weâve gone back to what we believe delivers the best, most curated â
John: Mhm.
Corinne: - intense narratives. So, this is a hand-crafted experience, itâs mission-based. Now, these locations can open up. You can go back, solve mysteries, do some really great side-content. Not fetch-quests, not grind-quests, some really great side content.
John: Mhm.
Corinne: But, I wanna be clear. Itâs, itâs a really curated, hand-crafted experience.
John: And just to, just to bounce off of that very quickly. The most important thing for us, to what Corinne was saying about hand-crafted, obviously weâve talked about how, you know, narrative, story, characters, are the most, are critical to us, and this has allowed us to build these experiences in a way that emphasize that, extremely long, while still, again, tying into the story threads and the story beats, so.
Katey: Awesome. TastefulToxel wants to know - will the companions have unique specializations like Dragon Age II, or will it be the same ones we will have access to as the player in like DA: Origins, or Inquisition?
Corinne: Oh, cool. Hey TastefulToxel. Yeah, so, cool question. I think the best way for me to describe this is that, yes, our companions will have Abilities that are truly unique to them. But also, the companions do fall into the archetypes of mage, rogue, and warrior. Like, for instance, you might be surprised to hear, because she has a bow, but Bellara is, in fact, a mage, and I, I love that. So, some of the Abilities, the bulk of the Abilities of the companions are based on their own unique personality. Like, Neve is the only mage that is an Ice Mage, so you get distinct Abilities for her. But, because sheâs a mage, she does have access to Abilities that all the mages share, like Time Slow. So we really like the balance there. Itâs like a good mix of representing their archetype, their class, and also their distinct specialization or personality, whatever you wanna call it.
John: Yeah, actually, I would actually say the word âpersonalityâ is a really great one because thatâs, again, each of these characters exists, each of these characters have a history, have a story of how they became who they were, and part of that was finding that intersection between narrative and gameplay, and making sure that, again, we, we serve the needs of gameplay but also allow these characters to breathe and exist as their own people, not just in conversation, but out of conversations, as well.
Corinne: I would also say as part of that core mage kit, healing spells are there, so any of your mages, you wanna make âem a healer, do that.
Katey: Lunasoul Darkmoon asks, will The Veilguard have tactical combat still?
Corinne: Ooh, such a good one, such a good one. Okay. Yes! Combat gets quite tactical, like, obviously this is an evolution of the combat system, and I talked about immersion, wanting you, to put you in the world, like youâre actually living and existing in it, but it is very tactical. And, I will say, we have a robust difficulty system. The tactics are increasingly important the higher difficulty level you go. So like, look, if youâre showing up for a highly tactical experience, I would crank that difficulty level in particular. But I wanna make clear, Iâm, super, I wanna make sure Iâm super clear in my answer. You saw the gameplay reveal. Our pause-time tactical mode is not overhead. It stays close to Rook. It does allow you to cycle between targets, both in and out of combat, thereâs a reason for that. As the game progresses, and you didnât see this in that opening hour of the game, but itâll display strategic information on the enemies, so like, what are their vulnerabilities, what are their elemental weaknesses, their enhancements, what are they resistant to? So your type of Abilities, learning into elemental gameplay, matters a lot. Iâd also say, this is a long answer, itâs such a good question â tactical decision-making also takes the form, I would say this is front and center, of coordinating your Ability usage between Rook and your companions to create synergies, or really devastating â we call them â detonation combos. So, let me give you a couple of examples, because it can be a little hard to visualize, so hopefully this helps. So one of the tactics that I personally enjoy in my own builds, I just recently played as a Veil Ranger, I love it, itâs one of my favorites. If Iâm fighting Fade-touched enemies in Arlathan, I like to use Bellaraâs Galvanized Tear to pull enemies together, itâs like a gravity well. You then Slow Time with Neve and, Slow Time affects the world around you, but it does not affect you, so you clump them up, you Slow Time, and then with Rook, I come in and do, like a devastating AOE or damage over time spell or Ability, and itâs even better if itâs a lightning-based Ability, because the Fade-touched in Arlathan are vulnerable to that. So thereâs so many layers of coordination and strategy and tactics. Now we did talk about the devastating, like, detonation combos, honestly, thatâs probably one of my favorite features, because thatâs when youâre really leaning into explicit teamwork between your companions and Rook, or, the companions together. So when I, when I build out my team and Iâm going into a mission, I try to ensure that I have at least a couple of possible synergies, detonation combo synergies within my team. Might be between Harding and Neve, or it might be between Neve and me, or it might be both. So here, I would go into battle, Iâd pause time, open the Ability Wheel, get information on the enemy, and the Wheel will actually tell me that there is a synergy combo, you might have seen a screenshot that says âcombo availableâ. It will remind you of those synergies between companions. You can queue both of those Abilities up at the same time, go, close out of the pause-time menu, theyâll both execute, both Abilities will happen, then the detonation AOE happens, applies debuffs to all the enemies in a radius of it, itâs so satisfying, itâs so satisfying, I canât wait for yâall to see it. But the interesting thing is that too is a tactical choice. Iâm choosing to use my companions to do that, and that means, in that moment, Iâm not using them to heal me, or to give me that defense bonus, or to knock an enemy off a ledge, so itâs about the opportunity cost. I, I could spend the rest of the session talking about this, I, apologies for being long-winded, but this is just one of my favorite parts of, of the game.
Katey: That was a great answer. Can you choose Rookâs pronouns? If yes, being, is being non-binary an option? And also, how detailed is Character Creation?
Corinne: Hell yeah you can select your pronouns! Absolutely. You can actually select both your pronouns and your gender, because those are related concepts, but theyâre not actually the exact same thing, so. Itâs really cool. Yeah, you can be non-binary. We have they/them, she/her, he/him. Yes, emphatic yes. How detailed is the Character Creator? Oh my goodness, yâall. Like. Very! I donât wanna give away too much just yet, but itâs very, very deep. It has been revealed, itâs out there in a couple of articles, about the focus on hair, the focus on skin-tones that are done respectfully, full-body customization, hell yeah, we love to see it. But weâre, weâre gonna, weâre gonna come back, weâre gonna show you a lot more on Character Creator, but we wanna make sure we have the time and space to, to do that.
Katey: Will there be a Photo Mode in-game?
Corinne: So that is something weâre actively looking into. We know thereâs a tonne of interest, so stay tuned on that one. But we are very much looking into it.
Matt: I can add to that, is a feature that is, that, we like, we like the idea of, and, and, itâs not just player-facing but internally, itâs a really helpful thing for us as weâre, as weâre building things out to have that so itâs, itâs, weâll let ya know.
Corinne: Yes, yeah, absolutely. We, we are as geeked on that possibility as you all are.
Katey: A lot of people were asking about Abilities. This one is from Clemmy. Abilities, I donât think I saw this answered yet, but are we going to be limited in how many Abilities we can pick from the Wheel?
Corinne: Ah! Yes, yes, yes. So, Ability Wheel does have a capacity. You have to choose which three Abilities you wanna bring for Rook, which three for one of your companions, and which three for another companion. And what I, what I like about this is there is, kind of, an emergent gameplay depending on who you and your companions are coming into the mission with. Now the reason for that is, it actually creates really interesting balance of strategizing, having to do that strategy about your kit, your combat kit, before the mission. And then the tactical decisions once youâre in the field in combat, deciding what to do. But, I do wanna clear one thing up, because, while there are three Ability slots for Rook, thereâs so much more than that. Other actions that you can perform directly from the Wheel include, youâll have an Ultimate Ability, associated with your class or your specialization, so thereâs variance there. Thereâs a type of items that youâll get that function like Abilities, theyâre typically like buffs and enhancements in form of Runes. So youâll control that for Rook and/or the team from the Wheel. You may have also seen that you can direct which targets your companions will focus on, but what you might not know is that a lot of the companion gear really synergizes with that directing your companions. When you issue those commands, that too will proc based on the gear they have equipped. Really interesting and strategic effects. They can be more Ability-like, more, like, procced effects, thereâs just so much from the Wheel, that once you get in and see everything working together, becomes more and more apparent.
Katey: We have another question from TastefulToxel which is, will Fireball and Cone of Cold be back as skills, or as spells in Dragon Age: The Veilguard?
Corinne: Ohh, I love, all these combat questions, really good. So Fireball and Cone of Cold arenât specifically back, however, their successors are. Frost Nova and Meteor. So these serve the exact same combat role and function as those other Abilities. I would also say, it gives âem quite the glow-up, so. Meteor in particular, like, so satisfying nuking a group of darkspawn with a well-placed Meteor, itâs really wonderful.
Katey: What accessibility features are available? I would love to know if thereâs an arachnophobia mode. Will there be mod support?
Corinne: Oh my goodness, arachnophobia. I am wicked afraid of spiders too, my partner always laughs at me. Iâm just terrified of them. That said, thatâs one weâre going to save for a little bit closer to launch before weâll go into full details about accessibility features. But I do wanna assure you, weâve spent a lot of time thinking about this topic so you can play the game in a way that really works for you. Iâm, Iâm excited to share that with you when the time is right.
Katey: So this one is from a username named Cookie. How long is the time-skip from Inquisition to The Veilguard? I know weâll probably get more info on this, but Iâm so curious.
John: Yeah, so, anyone whoâs paid attention to Dragon Age, and I can say as somebody whoâs been on Dragon Age since Origins, timelines are always a little iffy. They change, and they morph over development as we see how long events taking. But, for The Veilguard, we were actually pretty consistent from the start. Itâs been about ten years since the events of Trespasser. As you may or may not have noticed, Varricâs become a little bit of a silver fox. I know, Iâve heard, seen, Iâve seen a lot of comments on that on social media, but, yeah, ten years. Solasâ ritual is taken time to set up and youâre kinda coming in at the end of that hunt, so.
Katey: Siddy is asking the hardest-hitting question which is, is Solas still bald?
Matt: Yeah. I mean, if youâve watched the gameplay thing, we can all confirm, yes, Solas is still bald, Solas is still Solas. Weâve, weâve, I really, I really like how Solas has turned out this time around. I will say, hereâs a comment on this specific question thatâs gonna sound like a non-sequitur, but, once you get a chance to play it a little bit more, maybe youâll see it. In Thedas, ancient elves, they go bald when theyâre like millennia old, so. Solas wasnât always bald. So if you were to end up, end up seeing what Solas looked like in the past, things might be a little different. Youâll have â
John: - Now, now that said, Iâm sure some of you are wondering what happened to Solasâ wig from Tevinter Nights. Iâm sure he still has it somewhere, so.
Katey: Heâs just taking care of it elsewhere.
John: Heâs just taking care, itâs, itâs his most important possession.
Corinne: The Pride there, huh?
Katey: I have another one for Matt. This is, will we be able to, will we be able to change companionsâ appearances and outfits, or are they fixed, similar to Dragon Age II?
Matt: Yeah we, Dragon Age II was, we loved how the followers turned out in that but it was, it was sad given, given our constraints that we had to keep them with just one, one basic outfit. So we really tried to make some space for them this time around. So theyâre, they still have, kindâve iconic color palettes and things like that, but they do have a wider range of appearances that you can, that you can find for them. Some, some are just cool, but then there are some that are tied directly to their, to their narrative and just kinda whatâs happening in their life.
Katey: Another one for ya, which is, will we be seeing or visiting Kal-Sharok? Itâs, and, Tyrant says that theyâve been obsessed with it forever.
Matt: Yeah, me too. I, I will say, whatâs, whatâs been really cool, so in previous games, weâve kindâve alluded to this before. It was a lot of fun to hint at the locations that were off the map, the mysterious places that you werenât gonna go, you werenât going. And so you could just bring in some props or some characters, a piece of art, things like that, and you know, even Tevinter was only vaguely hinted at and then we would just add drips and bits and pieces, so that stuff was really fun. In The Veilguard, weâre actually getting to visit, most, like a whole lot of those locations that had only been hinted at for real, so you actually do run around Tevinter and a bunch of the other locations that weâve revealed. But this also means, like, weâre not completely filling out the map, and so that there are actually new things that we can start hinting at, that we can start drip-feeding, and so, itâs, itâs kindâve fun. Iâd say, yeah, for what we can show of Kal-Sharok, and, and other locations, itâs just, thereâs, thereâs more to do.
Katey: Awesome. MrFightmonster118 asks, will the dialogue wheel slash options be similar to Inquisition and Mass Effect: Andromeda in the sense that itâs more tone-based?
John: Yeah, so, we have a number of different types of wheels in our game. All the dialogue wheels are based off the same principle. Anyone whoâs played a Dragon Age game remembers what they look like. In Dragon Age: The Veilguard we have tone wheels which are, you know, again, roleplaying your character, picking consistent tone. We also have emotion wheels where you can pick specific emotional reactions. And choice wheels which are, I donât have a strong emotional or tone tie here but I do want to make a choice based on what I do. Investigates obviously return as well, but. We do want players to understand as much as possible what it is theyâre going to be picking, and understand, and again, choice and consequence is fun, we wanna make sure the choice is clear, even if, again, one of the best parts about consequence is making sure thatâs not entirely clear, so.
Katey: How extensive are Rookâs decision trees for dialogue going to be with the companions and also with NPCs throughout the game?
John: Huge. I mean, again, itâs a Dragon Age game, we wanna make sure you have choices, we wanna make sure you can choose both your roleplaying but also choose outcomes of conversations, choose how events unfold, so, I mean, again, itâs a Dragon Age game, we wanna make sure that we also react to decisions youâve made, so. For example, you may be talking to a follower who is an elf, and if you yourself are an elf, obviously youâre gonna have a different perspective on events than someone whoâs not an elf. Sometimes that means different conversation options, sometimes thatâs going to mean entirely deep dialogue trees, as well as based off decisions youâve made throughout the game so, again, making sure that the game feels like itâs noticing what youâre doing is a huge part of how weâve written out the dialogue wheel, or dialogue trees, in this game.
Corinne: Blueberry has a question for Corinne. It was mentioned that there will be, that we will be able to romance who we like. Does that mean that all companions are romanceable by all player characters regardless of race or gender, as it has been in the past?
Corinne: Yeah, yeah. So, we have talked about this in some of the interviews, Iâve seen a few articles about it, so Iâd recommend everyone check out those articles. But let me just give you a quick overview. Each of the seven companions have full romance arcs and they are romanceable by all genders, absolutely. But something thatâs really important to, to us on the team, so I wanna make sure that we clarify and just double-down on, that doesnât mean playersexual. And if anyoneâs unaware of what we mean by that, it doesnât mean that they can form or twist their identities to who you the player are, like they, they wonât suddenly have a preference for men or women based on what youâre playing, right? Instead, they have their own fully fleshed-out identities, they are true and authentic to that. So in this game, they are all pansexual, with their own histories of romance. Sometimes youâll hear about preferences, or things of that nature. And what I really love is, if you donât pursue a romance with them, theyâll actually build their own romances with each other. So, in one of the interviews I talked about Lace Harding and Taash getting together. I give that example because honestly, itâs one of my favorites. Iâm gonna put a question back to the community, though. Iâve heard weâre going with âLaashâ for that ship-name? You tell me, like, what is that ship-name?
Katey: That one just rolls off the tongue, I feel like that works. This next question is from FallenArtesia. What are the markings on the faces of the elven Warden and Veil hopper?
Matt: So thereâs a, quite a few, probably, I think, easily more than weâve done before, tattoos from various, various cultures. Weâre bringing the vallaslin back, of course. But thereâs, yeah, ton of different options, especially when weâre, again, going into all these new regions. Each, each area has its own kindâve visual language for that. But yeah, we are bringing the vallaslin back and then a couple of the characters have them, but weâve kindâve customized them a little bit, theyâre a bit more specific to their personality.
Katey: And this is a question for all of you. What are you, what are you as a developer most proud of about the game, and what are you most excited for players to experience when itâs out?
John: Ooh, thatâs a good question.
Corinne: Isnât it?
John: Corinne, you wanna go first?
Corinne: Yeah, sure. Gosh. So I suspect for most of us, myself included, it is really gonna be the depth and authenticity of the companions, journeying along with them on their arcs, learning about their hardships, what they care about, being by their side, that, that authenticity is just so good. They all feel like my dear friends. But, I have to say, the closest runner-up for me, has to be the Character Creator, has to be. That Character Creator, the makeup options, the range of sliders. Iâm a qunari fan, so even just the, the way you customize the horns and combine that with the really great-looking hair. Character Creator has to be my, my, like very close runner up.
Matt: Oh yeah. For me, I would say, as far as, what, what I can say Iâm most proud of on this one, the, I can speak for the art team. We worked incredibly hard to make the story more visible than ever. Games are a visual medium, but, you know, itâs, sometimes itâs easier to do things in text format or written in a Codex somewhere or alluded to off-screen. But we really leaned in to trying to make sure that every design, prop, character, environment, the VFX weâre choosing, everything, all, all these choices, were putting the story on-screen so that you can really see it unfold. And I think, having worked on all of the Dragon Age games, I would say Veilguard represents one of the best attempts at that weâve made yet.
John: Iâm gonna cheat, because Iâm going last and I get to do that when I go last, and kinda combine both Corinneâs and Mattâs answer. Honestly, the companions are, for me, the absolute highlight of, just, being able to work across all the disciplines, building characters who look and sound and behave in very specific and characterful ways. These are the deepest companion arcs weâve ever done. Not just on Dragon Age, but at BioWare in general. Each, each companion has their own story arc, you can go through decisions you can make, they really do take center-stage, and I think, as you play through with them you see the care and love that the team has put into each and every one. I mean thereâs, thereâs moments in each arc that make you cry, make you angry, make you excited and, and the way that they integrate into the story as a whole is just, for me, something thatâs been really fun. Finding ways to bring these characters together, finding ways to make this, this narrative, this story of, you know, you need to put together a team and stop the end of the world, itâs just been absolutely exciting and thrilling. And again, you see the teamâs love in every single piece of it. As for what Iâm most excited? For me, Iâve been, I mean Dragon Age has been part of my career, part of my life for literally the last decade and a half. Iâve worked on it since Origins and thereâs something about The Veilguard that feels like a amazing mix of, novelty but also familiarity. Itâs like coming home in a way that I think is going to be very exciting for people who are existing Dragon Age players, but thereâs also so much here thatâs just new and exciting for people, new players and old players alike. And going to parts of the word, seeing things weâve never seen before, and just getting to take this amazing world, this amazing series and expand on it and build on it in ways that have just been, honestly, an absolute thrill, the best part of my career. And Iâve been in games for seventeen years now, this has been the absolute highlight for me, so. Thatâs what Iâm excited about.
Corinne: John, that was, that was such a good answer, and I just, I just wanna âyes, and -â that. It, I so completely agree with you. Thereâve been times in the companion arcs where even, knowing exactly whatâs going to happen, we work on the game, with some of these decisions, I, Iâve had to set down the controller, let out a heavy sigh and go âoh my god, what am I gonna do here?â Yeah, the depth of them is wonderful. And, I do wanna say, I, Iâd be, I wanna put this out there, when we talked about as a developer, what are we most proud of, can we just give a big shout-out to the dev team? I am so proud of them. This team has poured their heart and soul into this.
John: Absolutely.
Corinne: Anyone from BioWare whoâs listening in, thank you so much, yâall are just the best.
John: Hear, hear.
Katey: I absolutely love that. I knew that question was going to have some of my best, some of my favorite answers, and it delivered, so thank you three. This oneâs a fun one. Why does Varric have dark hair now? I feel like John mentioned this a little bit earlier, but.
John: Just for [inaudible].
Matt: Heâs been, heâs been adventuring for a while now. His hair is, is more gray, but heâs been in very dark scenes so far, so. Weâll see him in some more contexts.
Katey: In this question, we actually took from Tumblr, because there were a few really good ones in our ask box. Will the Inquisitor be appearing in the flesh, or are we just choosing their major Dragon Age: Inquisition decisions?
Corinne: Alright! Yeah, yes! They will. The Inky does appear. We know how attached yâall are to the Inquisitor, Iâve seen the love for your OC. Yes, the Inquisitor shows up. Now, we, weâd already confirmed that in a few places, so, let me just say, you can also customize them, includes some of our new customization options, yeah, theyâre gonna show up and theyâre gonna be your Inquisitor.
John: And I think, I think beyond that, I mean, the story of Solas and the story of the Inquisitor, obviously are tied, theyâre tied together as much as any story, so. It would have been strange for us not to bring them in for this one. They have, theyâre gonna be a part of the story, so.
Katey: Will there be any planned DLC? Just curious, as I always love the DLCs. Oh, and transmog armor. This one came from Lavell.
Corinne: Oh, heck yeah, good question. So, right now, our focus is entirely on the quality of the game. Like, itâs so important at this stage for us to be all-in, all attention on, just, finishing this game and delivering on the quality, the promise of it. So honestly, like, thatâs all I can really say about it. Weâre 100% focused on this being the most complete game we can make it. I will say, kindâve related to that though, and I just wanna underscore this, I wanna emphasize it. Thereâs not gonna be any microtransactions, thereâs not gonna be any battle passes, you donât have to connect online, our focus is making this the most complete singleplayer game we possibly can. Now, this was kindâve a two-for question, I love when we do that. Will there be transmog? Hell yeah. Iâm the kindâve player that, that believes fashion is the real end-game. Yeah, thereâs a transmog system, absolutely, itâs sick.
Katey: And then this next question is from Scott. I was asking if any of the characters will be explicitly asexual, or on the ace spectrum?
Corinne: So good. Such a good question. So, look, Iâm just, Iâm gonna be really forthcoming with yâall and a little bit vulnerable here. Iâm ace, Iâm a gray-ace, I donât mind sharing that, Iâm kindâve public with it. I will say though, that none of our companions this time around are explicitly ace. When we look at the characters, their motivations, who they are, we always assess, like is, is this the right time? This time it wasnât. But what I will say for everyone on the ace spectrum out there, I would love to represent an ace relationship sometime in the future when it feels like the most authentic fit for a companion, when we can do it best. Oh, and I do see some questions, you know, some questions, what do we mean by ace? Asexuality. We often refer to it as the ace spectrum.
Katey: Can mage Rook do blood magic? Will blood magic be a skill tree separate from regular magic?
Corinne: Okay. Um, this gets a little spoilery, so let me just say, Rook has some pretty good reasons to avoid blood magic. Rook is not gonna want to be interested in that. But I will say, the mage skill tree is packed with all kinds of spells, traits and perks to give you a ton of flexibility in your magic. Gonna go off-script just a little bit, because â
John: Oh no.
Corinne: Iâve seen, like, can you tell us about the specializations for mage? Iâm not gonna tell you the deets, but there is a necromancer one, there is an elemental one, and there is one thatâs actually more of like a combat mage, itâs my favorite.
Katey: Can we name the griffon? We also have a griffon emoji now in this Discord server.
John: Excellent. So, someone on your, in your party, again, spoilers, may have already named the griffon, but, donât worry, Assan is a very good boy, so.
Corinne: All these griffon emojis are, yâall are killing me.
Katey: Yeah, I love that, griffons in the chat. Let's see. Will we have a camp/home/headquarters that weâll be able to customize?
Matt: Well this time around, in Inquisition you had Skyhold. In this case you have a headquarters called the Lighthouse. More to be seen on that. But, itâs, it, narratively it, it serves kindâve a different purpose but also the same purpose. As far as customization goes, there are elements of it that change over time, and some things that you can adjust. I, I donât know how much weâre really going into that at the moment.
Katey: This one is â
Matt: But yeah, I would say, itâs like, thereâs some, it, one thing I like about it is it definitely does start to feel very much like a home over time.
Katey: Sorry for almost cutting you off there Matt. We have another very hard-hitting question, if I'm, if I do say so myself.
John: I love this one.
Katey: We need to - Same. We need to know, does pasta and noodles exist in Thedas? Thank you.
Matt: Well, and Iâll take it as a chance just to geek out about worldbuilding, because, again, weâre, The Veilguard for us is a really kinda dream opportunity to go to places that weâve only ever heard reference to, or weâve seen hints at. And so, in going through the worldbuilding process and trying to, trying to build these places out, not just as neat things from the IP but also as, you know, if youâve, if you've read about this stuff, if youâve been following along, youâve got your own version of it in your head. Youâve imagined what it might be like, youâre, and probably hoping for something spectacular. And our brains are always far better at creating this stuff than any game developer, any artist, or anyone can really do justice to, so you really have to swing for the fences to make something very satisfying and exciting. You know, is, that can be everything as big as architecture and landscape and biomes and ecosystems, but it does get into things like art and culture, costume design, and also food, and this time around we did, you know, that was one of the many things that we, that we did, looking to, just to try to catch the character and the feel of a place to make it feel believable and lived in, so. Thatâs my really long answer for, yeah, Iâm sure, I've, at least one place does have pasta.
Katey: I loved that. This next question is from Spectre Karro. Are we getting a mabari?
John: Ooh, thatâs a good question. I will say, youâre spending most of the game in the north of Thedas. Mabari are not nearly as big of a thing up there, so. In this particular instance, no, you will not get a mabari, sadly.
Katey: Honestly, I shouldâve pulled this one up to where we answered the first question about the griffon, but, can we pet the griffon?
Matt: You, Iâm really sorry to have to be the one to tell you â nah, Iâm kidding, yes you can. But itâs not even just petting the griffon. Iâve, this isnât a spoiler, I think you can actually, Iâve actually hugged the griffon, so, that feels like, even there, a step up. Yeah.
John: Thereâs lots of opportunities to interact with the griffon.
Corinne: Can we see, can we see Assan in chat if we wanna see him in the Lighthouse hanging out?
Katey: Assan in chat everybody.
Corinne: Assan in chat, alright!
Katey: I love it.
Corinne: Okay, yâall this was so important to the team too. Like, this is the teamâs like, just such huge support for this feature, so props to them.
Katey: This one is from Coriander. Will we get to see any of the Character Creator before the game releases?
Corinne: Yes, yes you will. Weâve got a, youâve probably seen, weâre laying out a roadmap for, you know, what weâre gonna show and when weâre gonna talk about, so, yes you will see it as we get a little bit closer to launch.
Katey: And then weâve got this question which is, will we be able to play as a qunari, dwarf, elf, or human?
Corinne: Hell yeah, hell yeah you will. All four, and all four have that full-body customization. I already talked a little bit about, I mean listen, Iâve always loved the qunari. I will say in Dragon Age: Inquisition it was hard to get a good-looking qunari hairstyle, so yes you can play as them, you can customize them, the horn options are rad, the hair options are rad. And also, I guess related to this, your lineage gives you a lot of really unique dialogue options, so thatâs a really lovely aspect of choosing your lineage as well.
John: Yeah, I would, so to actually just to bounce off that, to an earlier question about backgrounds, each lineage, there, depending on the lineage you choose and the background you choose there are some specifics call-outs to, for example, if itâs the Mourn Watch, the Mourn Watch being a faction from Nevarra of mages, you play as a dwarf, obviously your experience in that faction is going to be different than, say, a human or an elf, so. There are also specific call-outs tailored to those combinations and, with again, giving, the intention of giving each lineage their own little flavor as to how they're, they fit into that faction as a whole.
Katey: Okay, John, Iâve got a question from someone named Joe for you. Where is Barkspawn and is he okay?
John: Thatâs a Great question. Barkspawn is safely gnawing on a bone next to a fireplace somewhere in Ferelden, donât worry, heâs fine. You may question, ask yourself, but John, itâs been so long, in which I say, mabari live exactly as long as they need to.
Corinne: Getting into the deep-cut questions now.
John: Deep-cut questions, yeah.
Katey: Yeah. We are really speedinâ through these. Letâs see. Will Rook have a set of default name?
John: Yeah so, Rookâs last name is defined based on their faction, again, we wanted to tie that into your backstory, but also, thereâs a, thatâs a name generator that can give you a selection of first names. Obviously if you want to make your own first name, thatâs definitely something we support as well. If youâre somebody who maybe has a little bit more difficulty coming up with a name, so for example you name every single character âBobâ because thatâs the only name you can think of, we also give that opportunity for that generation, so.
Katey: I definitely always have trouble coming up with what I wanna name my characters, so thatâs great. This next question is, when will the voice acting cast be announced?
John: So, we worked with a lot of very talented actors on this one. I am super excited to talk about the voice acting cast. Weâll be talking a bit more over the summer, weâre not quite ready to announce names yet.
Katey: And I think we have a similar answer to this next question, which was, will there be a Collectorâs Edition? When can I pre-order?
John: Yeah, same answer, we have, weâll talk more about the different editions of the game soon.
Katey: Are there any special musical guests writing the sound-track? Will tavern songs return.
Corinne: Oh my goodness, yeah. There are tavern songs. And huge credit to the audio team and performance teams because theyâre pretty great. Thereâs one in a little tavern in Minrathous called The Swan, and the song you hear there might just, it might be, itâs up there, it might just be my favorite of the tavern songs.
Katey: Letâs see, are there any â ope, I have just asked that one. What are the required PC specs?
John: Much like the other two, we will have more information on required PC specs soon.
Katey: Saph from the Discord server noticed that two, Dragon Age IIâs main theme from the soundtrack brought back much of the iconic thematic material of Originsâ main theme, but I heard less of it in Inquisitionâs. Can we expect The Veilguardâs main theme to recall more or less of that original thematic material than Inquisition?
John: So weâre not, weâre not quite ready to talk about music yet in specifics, but in broad strokes I can say the process for us is always the same. Working with the composer, working, figuring out themes, figuring out what kinds of elements we want to keep, tying specific elements to, maybe specific characters. Itâs a really in-depth process and a really collaborative process. We have some fantastic audio people on our team that have done an amazing work, amazing job, working with composers, and, with the team as a whole to make sure that, again, we said earlier about cohesiveness. Making sure that the music feels like a cohesive part of the experience.
Katey: And this one, I see is also for John, but I think anyone can answer this. When writing the overall story of this game, what themes did you want to have as the prominent focus?
John: I mean again, itâs interesting, so itâs interesting, because when we were writing these games, and this has been true on every Dragon Age Iâve been part of, what you start with and where you end up arenât always necessarily the same. Sometimes you start writing out a theme, you realize actually itâs more interesting if we attack from this angle, or maybe if we twist it a little bit. I will say for Dragon Age: The Veilguard, from the beginning one of the biggest themes has been regret. How regretâs shaped peoplesâ lives, how people deal with their regrets, how people maybe move past their regrets and, each of the characters, you know, the stories as a whole, have elements of this tied throughout. We really wanted to have that thematic, that cohesiveness to the gameâs story and the gameâs writing so.
Katey: And I know that, you know, weâve, we've kindâve already answered this a few times, but can we play as dwarves and does the world react to your race and backstory? Probably be good to just directly answer that one.
John: Yes you can play as a dwarf. Yes the world does react to your race and backstory. And, again, youâll have unique dialogues or unique conversation options based on that, on that backstory and as well as that race.
Corinne: Iâll give you a little nugget here, because I saw it scrolling through real quickly. Do you have beards, like. So when I think about can I play as dwarves I think about, do we have glorious fantastic beards? Hell yeah, we do.
John: Yeah, I can say, as somebody who plays a lot of games with character creator, the beards on, I donât know what magic the character art team did for the beards, but they feel like a beard should feel like, itâs great. They look awesome.
Corinne: Just saw somebody say âitâs beard timeâ, I love it. Itâs beard time!
Katey: Will our heroes and companions leave us if we go against their wishes?
Corinne: Oh my good â do yâall just love pain? Do you want us to make you cry? If you go against their wishes, if you make decisions they donât like, I will tell you, you can piss them off, you can, they might not agree with you and they, they will take some time away. That said, this is the biggest threat to Thedas weâve ever seen, so theyâre, they are always gonna be willing to show up to defend Thedas but, yeah, you can piss them off and theyâll leave for a minute. As it relates to them showing up to defend Thedas, well yeah, they will, unlessâŠ
John: No spoilers Corinne!
Corinne: Aughhh, Iâll leave it there, Iâll leave it there.
John: No spoilers.
Corinne: Okay, alright, alright. But they want it!
John: Yep.
Matt: Donât try to stop me, Smee!
Katey: This oneâs a fun one about some inspirations for the game. Dracanmo would like to know if any songs, books, movies or anything have had inspired any of the writing for the characters?
John: I mean, honestly, the thing about art is, art is always a synthesis of your own experiences both in the real world but also the art you consume, the art you pay attention to. I donât think that any characters have what I would describe as, this character was a direct reference or direct inspiration but, I mean, yeah, theyâre all inspired by the things that we do, the things, both, again, in the real world, and also in the media we consume. And youâre gonna see elements of characters that, yeah, the things that weâve enjoyed, the things thatâve shaped us, show up in these characters. I think, for me, itâs, it comes down to, and I, I, writing is a deeply, can be a deeply personal experience, so even if you donât intend for it to be the case, things, parts of you are going to show up in your character, I think thatâs true for all the characters in The Veilguard. And, you know, sometimes itâs, exploring, exploring the, yâknow, things that, about yourself that you may like or may not like, and itâs also about exploring things about characters that you like or donât like, so. Thatâs kinda my long-winded way of saying yes, itâs impossible to not have that happen when youâre creating art. But I wouldnât say that thereâs one where you can say, oh this is this character, this is this character.
Katey: What was the thinking process behind making Harding a companion this time around? Was she always going to be one or did it evolve into one because she was such a lovable character?
John: Ohh, yeah. So Harding, I mean. When we released Inquisition, it was impossible not to see the love that people had for our murderous girl next door dwarf. Sheâs always been a fan favorite obviously, but I think beyond that, itâs something that there, that Hardingâs writer wanted to explore. There was more of a story to tell there, more perspective, and beyond that, Harding obviously has a strong connection to Solas, and to the, to Varric, and to the events of the past ten years, so. I wouldnât say itâs always been, but Iâd say Hardingâs probably one of the first ones we settled on as like, yes, this is a character we want and the writer had a story that they wanted to tell with her, so, it just made sense.
Matt: You know, I think actually, to piggyback on that, thatâs something I hadnât really even thought about that much, but, and itâs not a huge part of her character, but, she tends to be one of the people that have the most insight into he was.
John: Yeah, thatâs exactly it, thatâs exactly, and yeah, thatâs a great way of looking at it too. It also provides you with a little bit of that, that perspective. For players whoâve been around, you know, who played with previous Dragon Age games, but also for new ones, who was Solas? What kind of character was, was he?
Matt: Yeah.
John: Yeah, itâs a great, itâs a great, using characters to provide windows onto the world is honestly one of my favorite things.
Matt: And, and when I say was, I just mean, in Inquisition.
John: Yes, thatâs, thatâs exactly it, yes. Thank you for correcting that.
Matt: Yeah.
Katey: And what approach are you taking to quest and world design in The Veilguard?
John: I think for us it just comes down to relevance and narrative heft. We want to make sure that each quest provides either a perspective on the world or perspective on the characters, or feels immediately and obviously relevant to what youâre, what youâre doing here. Youâre here to save the world and, again, at the end of the day, one of the things that we heard, we heard loud and clear, was some feedback about how relevant, or in this, in our case, not relevant, previous quests have felt, so for Veilguard, we really wanted to make sure that these quests felt like something that you, somebody faced with the end of the world would believe was necessary and important. So, again, thereâs quests of all sorts and sizes, but all of them share that same feeling of, this is the kind of thing that The Veilguard would do. This is the kindâve thing that my hero would do, especially faced with the end of the world.
Corinne: Yeah, thatâs, thatâs really good John. Thatâs so right. I would just, again, double-down on how hand-crafted all the quests are, and whether, whether youâre doing, like, the main story, or youâre journeying with your companions, or youâre out exploring and you encounter a mystery. Everythingâs handcrafted, intentional. We spent a lot of time listening to what yâall said, and of course everyone has slightly different tastes, but, you know, youâre not gonna be gathering shards in the Hinterlands. Everything is built with intention, and, you know, a dev there lovingly handcrafting the experience.
Katey: Are there any locations in the game that can only be accessed by making specific story choices?
John: So I donât wanna get too much into spoilers here because this does start getting into spoiler detail, but I will say that locations can fundamentally change based on decisions you make. Some of the parts of the world that you go to, you can have, the decision, the choices you make have an impact on how these spaces exist and develop, so, yeah, and again, donât wanna too many into, into story spoilers, but, your decisions do impact how the world shows up.
Katey: And will we be able to control our companions in combat through tactical mode, or if the PC, or player character, gets KOâd, like in previous games?
Corinne: Right, so. If Rook gets KOâd, your player character gets knocked out, this time around it is time to re-load your save, or better yet, the companions have really interesting progression, you can spec them out to be able to revive you, but thatâs, thatâs if youâve invested in their own progression and what they can do. And that said, I, I mentioned this earlier but I, I personally spend more time in the nature of this combat system when everything comes together, interacting and directing the companions than I have in any of the other games, so, like, like that, that interactivity between them, once you play it youâll see how, just engaged the team is.
Katey: A user named Itâs Sarah said, my real most important Dragon Age question is, will Solas still occasionally or dramatically speak in iambic pentameter?
John: You know, I was, I actually spent a little bit of time trying to figure out if I wanted to answer this question in iambic pentameter and then I very quickly gave up. Massive kudos to Patrick who, who always writes Solas so well. Again, Solas is a returning character, itâs the same Solas you know and love, or hate, depending on who you are. Same writer, so, I think, this has been, the answer is, well of, yeah, itâs Solas.
Katey: Will our decision of who in particular was left behind in the Fade be important?
John: So, while that decision does not show up, that â sorry, let me, restart. Not for The Veilguard. That decision doesnât show up here. Now, that said, that doesnât mean thatâs thatâs not a decision that will ever be important in the future, so. Again, not for this one, though.
Matt: Iâm glad to hear you say that, John, because one of my favorite stories was Bob getting stuck in the web in reboot and it just feels like -
John: Thatâs a, thatâs a deep cut!
Corinne: Very, thatâs a deep cut.
John: Holy smokes.
Corinne: My goodness.
John: The sound of my childhood.
Katey: Will we have mounts again? If so, any hints to what types weâll have?
Matt: So no, no, mounts, excuse me. Mounts were, they were, they addressed a need in Inquisition that we donât have in Veilguard, and youâll see why, when you get to play.
Katey: LightningStar asks, how is the side quest design? Will they be mostly story-based, or will there be a lot of radiant quests or resources or Power, like in Inquisition?
John: We talked about it a little bit earlier, but, no, they are all hand-crafted and story-focused. Again, narrative, the companions, not just the companions but the characters in the world as a whole are so much at the core of The Veilguard that, anything other than hand-crafted quests just felt like it would be a disservice to the game we were building.
Corinne: Yeah. And maybe, we can clarify as well, because, like Power was such a divisive mechanic in Inquisition. Thereâs no mechanic like that that blocks your progression until you fill a bar, right, like thatâs just not a thing in this. You have the autonomy to engage in these, these quests as you like. Thereâs no, like, y'know, grind-out gates before you can progress.
John: Thatâs right, yeah. Again, we wanna make sure that, again, that doing this content feels as natural and part of the logical flow of the story as possible.
Katey: So, it looks like we only have time for three more questions, so Iâm going to get through those. With this next one, is from someone named Jason. Will there be a similar system to the War Table missions?
Corinne: Ooh, interesting. So, we havenât talked much about the playerâs base, the Lighthouse. And weâre gonna save that for a beat, but what I will say is that the Lighthouse, your headquarters so to speak, it has its own unique purposes and functions this time. So thatâs an area that weâll, weâll leave for you when we talk more about the Lighthouse, and then when you have a chance to hop in, youâll be able to see what those unique purposes and functions are.
Katey: If there is dual-wield for warriors, will it rely on dexterity or strength?
Corinne: Ah, okay, yeah, yeah. So we did wanna bring dual-wielding back. It is part of the rogue kit this time. So warriors are really focused on mighty two-handed weapons, canât wait til you see, when you swing and connect with those weapons, thereâs, thereâs a real heft to it. And then of course sword and shield, so. Weâre leaving the dual-wielding to the rogues, but you, you can see just, the amount of hits you can get in in rapid succession dual-wielding as a rogue is really satisfying.
Katey: And the last question that weâre able to get to today, is, what have been some of the challenges and advantages of working on a single, on a single game for so many years? How did you sustain the work in yourselves and the process?
John: That is a fantastic question. I will say for myself, Iâve often joked, and I donât know how much of a joke it actually is, that when this game is out and I suddenly donât have to keep all these pieces of game and lore and story and everything straight in my head, Iâm suddenly gonna be able to speak Latin or something because thereâs gonna be a ton of brainpower freed up. But for me itâs just, you know, it's, the thing that keeps me sustained is just knowing the game that weâre building is the right one. Knowing that the beats are coming together, and knowing just how much people care about this franchise, care about these games, and how excited people are going to be when they get to see the fantastic work that the team has, has been doing. And that really is, I can say, Iâve been on this project since the start, and even today, I see things on a daily basis, Iâm like holy â smokes, sorry, I almost swore, I canât believe what the team is doing, I canât believe the, how good this looks, I canât believe. Because itâs a huge game. Thereâs pieces that I, I donât see every piece of the game every day so, I get pleasantly surprised on a daily basis and that, I will say, you know, confession, sometimes if Iâm having a particularly long day, Iâll spend about an hour late at night just watching cutscenes coming in, watching the work coming together and just, sitting back and being like, holy smokes, I cannot wait for someone who hasnât seen this every day for so long as I have to experience this and just be blown away by the work, so.
Corinne: It's, itâs been very real, hasnât it? And, and I will just say, speaking on behalf of the dev team, everyoneâs working so hard, theyâre putting so much passion, so much of themselves into it. Like this is a franchise they truly love, and seeing your support, cheering us on, itâs just meant a lot to them, so, let me just say thank you to all of you.
Katey: And I wanna say thank you to you three for taking the time to do this. I know that it matters a lot to the community to be able to, you know, get some time with you guys and, you know, make sure that some of their dying questions are, are answered, so thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to do this. For anyone whoâs still listening I promise that Iâm that Iâm working on a way for these questions to be immortalized somewhere. Stay tuned for that so that you donât have to worry about this, just, you know, disappearing into the ether. So, stay tuned, thank you all for your time. Anything else we wanna say before we jump off?
Matt: Thanks everyone.
John: Thank you. Yeah, Iâm super excited to show more of this and, yeah, this is gonna be, hopefully this is the first of many of these opportunities to talk to you all directly. Again, itâs been a while, and getting to talk about this game has been absolutely exciting. I know for myself, as well for the rest of the team, so thank you all.
Corinne: Just thank you, itâs, the Dragon Age community, how much it means to you, how much it means to us, itâs just wonderful to see you all so invested and excited to come here and talk to us. Thank you again, truly.
Katey: We'll hopefully do something like this again soon. Okay, cool, have a great day everybody! Talk soon!
John: Bye yâall!
Matt: Bye.
[source: The dev BioWare Discord Q&A on June 14th]
Update: If you would like to listen to the Q&A for yourself in video format, or listen to it again, Ghil Dirthalen recorded it and has now uploaded a video of it here.
#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: dreadwolf#dragon age 4#the dread wolf rises#da4#dragon age#bioware#video games#long post#longpost#solas#feels#lgbtq#mj best of
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You are watching Sukuna. And Sukuna is watching his brother's girlfriend... Until he is watching you.
-> This is Part 2 of this drabble
Modern!Sukuna x Reader (female) Fluff + angst with a happy end. Word count: 4k. Angst, lots of pining, unrequited love at first, mentions of alcohol. There is no cheating. Sukuna and Reader get their happy end. Minors don't interact.
This small series was inspired by this beautiful art by @nayasch.
Also, for the best experience, I recommend listening to "Is there somewhere" by Halsey while reading this. I had it on repeat while writing. Divider @/hitobaby
It's a spilled drink that brings you closer to Sukuna.
Just a moment ago, you were holding your breath as you walked past the tattooed, pink-haired boy who makes your heart race, too shy to even look his way when you were so close to him. But then someone knocked into you, and now you are standing there like a deer in the headlights, your hands wet, your shirt ruined, staring wide-eyed at the big red stain soaking the front of your crush's white t-shirt.
You faintly hear some guy behind you apologizing. You have no idea if he is apologizing to you or to Sukuna. All you know is that Sukuna is glaring daggers at him,
"Get out of my sight before I punch your stupid face!"
And then those beautiful maroon eyes snap to you, and you forget how to breathe. You wished for Sukuna's gaze to find you, dreamed about it all the time. Hoped he would notice you, hoped that fate would hand you a chance to get closer to him. But now that it happens so unexpectedly, you don't know what to do. A muttered "S... sorry." leaves your lips.
Sukuna's gaze travels from your face down to your shirt, which is just as soaked as his. And that attractive lopsided smirk appears on his face, the one that gives you butterflies, especially now when he is standing right in front of you, close enough to touch. He shrugs,
"Wasn't your fault. I'm gonna change into a fresh shirt. What about you? Want one, too?"
You barely manage a nod before Sukuna starts walking away, and you quickly follow him to his room with your heart beating up to your throat.
He doesn't bother turning away but just pulls his soaked shirt off right in front of you, making your stomach flutter and your face heat when you see his firm abs and chest adorned with those sexy tattoos.
He laughs softly, probably seeing how flustered you are by his bare chest. But he doesn't comment on it and hands you one of his clean shirts, a white one like the one he was wearing before you spilled your drink over it.
He leaves the room after slipping into a fresh shirt, leaving you alone in his room so you can change in peace.
You sit on his bed afterward, pulse fluttering as you feel the soft fabric of Sukuna's shirt on your skin. You bring it to your nose to inhale its scent. It's fresh out of the laundry, so it mostly smells just of fabric softener, but it was in his dresser with his other things, and you can very faintly smell his cologne on it, making you close your eyes and sigh softly, overcome by a longing so bad it almost makes you choke up.
It's ironic. As if fate is taunting you. Here you are, sitting on Sukuna's bed and wearing his shirt like a girlfriend would. But he is already gone again, back to the party, where he will gaze at his brother's girl with the same longing in his eyes that fills yours, too, when you look his way.
Your hand reaches out to touch Sukuna's pillow, fingers sprawling over it, while you stare longingly at the dent where his head rests every night. What you wouldn't give to sleep in this bed with him. Feeling his strong arms around you, your body snuggled against his. Holding him, loving him, showing him that he can have all those things he longs for.
If only things were different.
It's hard to pull yourself away and leave Sukuna's room again. You feel a strange mix of emotions as you walk back to the party. Exhilaration upon getting Sukuna's shirt and being in his room, mixed with that familiar heavy feeling in your chest because you know he isn't yours, and he probably never will be.
You enter the living room and see him leaning casually against the wall in his fresh shirt, tattooed arms crossed over his chest, biceps flexed enticingly, head tilted back, a bottle of vodka pressed to his lips as his eyes are once again on his brother and his girlfriend, who are dancing in the middle of the room.
You leave the party shortly after to go home and crawl into your bed, still wearing Sukuna's shirt, hugging your pillow to your chest, wishing it was him.
Is he alone in his bed, too? Does he yearn, too? Does he, too, think about the one he craves but cannot have?
The thought makes your heart throb painfully.
Another party, another evening of watching the boy you secretly love from your safe space across the room. His gaze is unsurprisingly on the girl standing next to his brother. Yuuji says something to her, and she laughs happily and hugs him tightly, nuzzling her face against his shoulder. And you see Sukuna's jaw tighten, see his Adam's apple bob as he gulps hard, see the burning jealousy and pain in his eyes.
You blink against the tears threatening to well up in your eyes. His pain is almost palpable to you, but no one else seems to see it. No one seems to care enough to really look at Sukuna. They all just see Sukuna's mocking smirk and the arrogance and roughness he wears like armor. They don't see the pain in those beautiful maroon eyes. They don't see that his heart is aching.
Maybe you only recognize the signs because you feel the same way.
Maybe it is this all too familiar pain you see on his face that makes you brave tonight. And after all, you have a good excuse to walk up to him and stop in front of him, tilting your head to look up at his beautiful face, and say softly,
"Hey, Sukuna... thank you for the shirt you gave me last week. I wanted to give it back to you."
You don't really want to give it back. You have slept every night in it since last week, snuggling into it, inhaling the faint traces of Sukuna's scent, dreaming about having him in your bed, hugging him, feeling the warmth of his body seep through the thin fabric of the t-shirt.
But you reluctantly put it in the washing machine yesterday, folded it neatly, and put it in your bag to return it to him tonight.
You hand him the shirt, and Sukuna takes it, his large hand with the tattoos and various rings brushing over yours, sending the butterflies fluttering in your stomach like crazy. You know how nervous you must look when you smile a shaky smile at him,
"Thank you again. That was really nice of you."
There is surprise in his eyes as if no one ever tells him he is nice. Maybe he isn't. Or maybe people just don't see the small, nice things he does sometimes. Maybe he doesn't want them to see.
"No problem, princess."
You lie awake that night, in your own shirt this time, but with Sukuna's low, velvety voice playing over and over in your mind, calling you princess. You know it means nothing, but it still makes your heart race and a giddy smile lift your lips.
You clutch your drink tightly as you watch the boy you secretly love from across the room, just like you do every weekend. If only you weren't so shy. If only you were brave enough to walk over to him without needing a reason like giving back his shirt.
You sigh longingly as your eyes trail over Sukuna's face. Longing is what you can see on his face, too, as his gaze is on the happy couple at the other end of the room. Your chest feels so tight that it hurts.
I want to take the pain away from you, Sukuna. I wish I could be the one to make you happy.
But you are standing here, and he is standing over there with his eyes on someone else.
A sad love song starts playing and the air in the room feels suffocating all of a sudden.
Maybe you should leave.
What are you even doing at this party, where you are surrounded by so many people but feel more alone than at home, where it is only you and your bed?
What are you doing, coming here week after week just to stare at a boy you can't have? Hurting yourself when you see him looking at someone else. Drowning in desperation when you realize week after week that he is just as alone in his pain as you are and that you will probably never be able to break through his walls.
He is in pain, and you are in pain, and nothing will change about that.
Might as well leave and never come back. Stay away from those stupid parties. Find other places to go to. Maybe after some time, you will be able to forget about pink hair and black tattoos and maroon eyes.
Right when you push yourself off the wall, Sukuna turns his head. That beautiful maroon gaze lands on you, and all you can do is stare back at him.
Time seems to slow down as you and Sukuna look at each other across the room. You are sure he can see the tears threatening to spill over, can see the pain in your eyes, can recognize it for what it is because he carries the same pain in his eyes.
Maybe that shared pain is what makes him slowly walk over to you. He stops in front of you, his typical teasing smirk on his lips, but the same sadness still unveiled in his eyes.
For a moment, you think he will ask you to go to his room with him to fuck. And it fills you with dread because you know you would just be a rebound. You would just be someone he uses for sex to take his mind off the girl he really wants. It would mean nothing to him. And yet, you know that you would say yes. You would go with him, would lay down in his bed, would let him take everything he needs from you until you have nothing left. And in turn, you would take anything he is willing to give you, too, even if it was just meaningless sex. Because even if he just used you to distract himself, it would still be better than nothing. Even if it were just impersonal sex, without any feelings involved from his side, you would still go with him just to feel his skin on yours.
But to your relief, the question never comes. Instead, he says in that calm, low voice,
"You look like you aren't enjoying this stupid party either. Even the pizza tastes disgusting. I'll make something myself. Wanna join me?"
You follow him as if you are in a daze. Everything around you is blurred as you walk behind Sukuna's tall figure, following him to the kitchen, your head spinning, making you feel light-headed even though you barely drank any alcohol.
You sit on the kitchen counter while he cooks. Studying his beautiful face while he is focusing on the pan in front of him. The pain in his eyes is not as burning anymore while he stirs the vegetables and adds various spices. Maybe this is why he wanted to come here. Maybe cooking distracts him enough to ease the pain at least a little.
Those maroon eyes you love so much meet yours while Sukuna tells you how tired he is of those parties all the time and those people he cannot stand in his apartment. He doesn't say what he really means, but you know. How tired his heart is of the longing, of the pain, of having to pretend like he is ok.
You tell him he is a good cook when he hands you a spoon to try, and a smile flickers over his face. A genuine smile, not the typical smirk. And it makes you fall. Makes you tumble down an abyss that you know you will never be able to get out of again. As if you needed to fall even more for him. As if you weren't already too in love with him.
You know you are lost. Lost in everything that makes Sukuna Sukuna. You thought you knew him and already fell in love with what you knew about him on a surface level. But now you have caught glimpses of the boy beneath the surface, and it makes you fall even deeper in love with him. Makes your chest hurt even more. Makes your every fiber scream with longing.
He hoists himself up on the kitchen counter next to you, handing you a plate and grabbing one for himself, too. You sit in silence, eating side by side, while the sounds of the party dimly drift to your ears through the closed door.
You praise his cooking skills some more because you are too nervous to think of anything else to say and because you like the way his lips curl in a smile again and how the pain in his eyes is almost completely gone when he turns to look at you.
He tells you where he got the recipe, how he adjusted it over several weeks, and that he enjoys cooking a lot. The way he says it doesn't sound like he is simply doing small talk, but rather as if he is letting you in on a secret. As if this is a side of Sukuna that people aren't supposed to know.
And you smile softly at him, hoping it conveys that you are grateful that he lets you share this moment with him.
His thumb brushes over the corner of your lips to scoop up some stray sauce, making your heart beat so fast you think you will black out.
When you leave an hour later, you tell him that you really enjoyed yourself,
"Thank you for letting me try your food. It tasted delicious... and I..."
You want to tell him how happy it made you to spend time with him, just the two of you in the kitchen. That you will always keep those moments in your heart like a treasure. But you are too shy to say those words out loud, and so you trail off sheepishly, smiling nervously at him and nodding awkwardly.
"Bye, Sukuna. Have a nice rest of the night."
He watches you closely with those beautiful maroon eyes, a thoughtful expression on his face, saying nothing. But he holds the door open for you like a gentleman in those old movies.
You can still feel the ghost of his touch on your skin when you lie in bed with a smile on your face and a warm feeling in your chest for the first time after coming home after one of those parties.
You are standing in a corner, taking a sip from your drink as your gaze wanders to the tall figure leaning against the wall across the room. Tattooed face and arms, pink hair, and maroon eyes.
You are prepared to see his gaze glued to his brother's girl. You are prepared to see the familiar longing and pain on his face. But you frown when you realize Sukuna's gaze isn't staring at a fixed place but instead wandering slowly through the room, scanning it as if he is searching for something or someone, even though the object of his pining is right in front of him. And yet that gaze slips over her and continues to wander.
Until it lands on you.
It catches you so off guard that you spill your drink again. This time, only over your own shirt, but you cannot bring yourself to look at the mess. Your eyes are on Sukuna, watching wide-eyed as he walks toward you, brushing past the girl you thought he would look at without so much as sparing a glance at her.
He looks amused when he takes in the mess on your shirt. A raised eyebrow, a boyish grin lifting the corners of his lips, a long tattooed finger pointing at your chest,
"Need one of my shirts again?"
You are back in his room a few minutes later, changing into one of his clean shirts while he has his back turned to you, making your heart beat so fast that you fear he can hear it thundering in your chest.
He leans against his desk while you sit on his bed, finding it hard to breathe with how nervous you are. With how lovesick you are for him. The longing to hold him so bad that you feel dizzy from it.
And he talks to you, tells you about a new recipe he tried, about a cooking show he watched, about this and that. Like he wants to keep you here in his room. Like he wants a reason to stay here and not go out to the party again. Like you are his escape.
His shirt feels soft on your skin, his bed so tempting under you. You grab a small pillow to hug to your chest, and the butterflies flutter like crazy when you smell Sukuna's cologne wafting off it.
He jokingly asks you,
"Did you spill your drink intentionally so you could get one of my shirts again? Liked it so much, huh?"
And you chuckle and tell him,
"Well, the end justifies the means. That shirt you gave me last time was really comfy. I slept in it a whole week."
You feel your face heat up when you realize what you just admitted. But Sukuna just laughs, and those beautiful maroon eyes sparkle like two precious jewels.
He tells you to keep his shirt this time.
"So you have something to sleep in."
And your voice wavers nervously, but you still tell him:
"You are really nice, Sukuna. Do you know that?"
He scrunches his nose at that,
"That's something I've never heard anyone tell me before. Are you sure you got the right Sukuna?"
"Yeah. In my eyes, you are nice. At least when you want to. You give me your shirts, and you let me try your self-cooked meals, and you hold open doors and talk to me and... make me feel less alone on these parties."
The last part comes out in a whisper, your emotions threatening to choke you up as you are overcome by your feelings for him. Being so close to him, spending time with him, seeing him smile and joke around with you. Sharing those moments with him that seem like something special.
Sukuna's eyes widen, an emotion flickering over his face that you cannot place. Surprise, maybe, but also something else. Something much softer. He looks away for a moment, staring at his wall that is adorned with pictures of pretty landscapes and bright red shrines and an old man standing in the middle of two pink-haired boys.
When he looks at you again, there is a vulnerability in his eyes you have never seen before. His voice is soft when he tells you,
"You make me feel less alone, too."
Sukuna kisses you for the first time at a party two weeks later. And it is not a kiss in the middle of the party. It is not a kiss in front of his brother and his girlfriend. It is not a kiss meant for someone else. It is not a kiss to make someone jealous. It is not a kiss only for the show.
No, it is a kiss that is real. In his room, where he sits next to you on his bed. It is soft and slow. Sukuna's hand is cupping your cheek gently, his lips brushing over yours slowly as if he is scared to hurt you or hurt himself. As if he is scared that he is fucking things up. Or maybe as if he fears he doesn't deserve this.
It's a kiss that makes you fall apart and makes you whole at the same time.
You kiss him back as tenderly as he kisses you. Slow and gentle, your eyes closed, your hand landing on his neck and caressing the short stubble of his undercut. You kiss him like you are writing poetry for him with your lips against his, putting all the words you are too shy to say into this kiss, all your longing for him, all the tenderness you feel for him, all your love. And he kisses you like he is a drowning man who finally reached the saving shore.
You walk out of his room side by side. Sukuna holds your hand, tugging you along to the kitchen to cook another homemade meal he wants to share with you.
Your heart feels like bursting with happiness. No traces of pain are left in Sukuna's eyes when he hands you a plate of stir-fried rice. And that smile is lighting up his face again. He is so beautiful, and you tell him so without worrying that he will make fun of you.
He kisses you again when he walks you to the door, right there in the hallway where anyone can see, his lips lingering against yours before he pulls away as if he doesn't want to let you leave.
You smile at him and nod when he tells you to text him once you are safely home.
"I like you."
Sukuna tells you in a soft voice while you are straddling his lap, currently cleaning some food experiment gone wrong off his tattooed face with a wet kitchen towel.
Wide, terrified maroon eyes look at you as if their owner thinks he just handed you a knife for you to ram into his chest and twist in his heart. It makes your own heart throb painfully even as you feel elated to hear that your feelings are reciprocated. Seeing this rough boy so scared. Scared of his feelings, scared of admitting them. Scared what you will do with that confession. Because all he knows about love is that it is painful and that it hurts and never gets returned.
You want to cry for him. For the boy who, until now, only knew meaningless sex and hopeless longing for what he thought he couldn't have. For the boy who believed that love wasn't meant for someone like him.
The first tear slips out of the corner of your left eye as Sukuna's large hands sprawl over your waist possessively, and he repeats his words despite the fear so evident in his low voice, the words nothing more than a hoarse whisper,
"I like you so fucking much."
Your hand with the towel is hovering in midair, your lips twitch, and finally, you cannot hold back anymore, and the tears spill over, running down your cheeks in hot rivulets. A broken sob falls from your lips, followed by a choked-up sounding:
"I like you too."
Sukuna closes his eyes for a moment, long black lashes fanning over his skin, a beautiful image that makes you drop the kitchen towel and cup his cheek with your hand. Your thumb brushes tenderly over the tattooed lines on his skin when those beautiful eyes open again and look deeply into yours.
He is braver than you are. Adding more to his confession. Making sure you can destroy him fully, if you like,
"Do you know what I mean? I.. I think I am in love with you."
"Sukuna..."
Your voice is thick with tears, but you continue despite the fresh tears welling up in your eyes, despite how much you are trembling in his arms,
"I... I am in love with you, too. Have been for months. Or maybe I was in love with an idea of you back then. But now I know the real you, and I fell even deeper in love with you."
You can see in his eyes that he half expected to get turned down, and it breaks your heart for him, even while happy laughter bubbles out of your trembling lips.
You cling to him when he kisses you, never wanting to let go again. Filled with the need to show him that this love won't hurt. That it won't slip through his fingers. That love can be good and safe and give him peace. That he deserves love, too, and that you are here to love him with everything you have.
It's another Saturday, and you are at Sukuna and Yuuji's apartment two hours before the party starts, helping them with the preparations. Yuuji's girlfriend is there too. You feel a bit awkward, a bit uneasy when you see her. But she smiles a genuine smile at you and greets you with a hug.
You work next to her for an hour and realize that she probably never was aware of Sukuna's feelings. She might look at Sukuna, but she doesn't truly see him. She only sees Yuuji. Her gaze is filled with love when she looks at him with an expression on her face that lets you know she has found her person.
You turn around to glance at Sukuna, a mix of fear and hope in your heart. What you see makes your chest fill with warmth. Sukuna isn't looking at Yuuji's girl. He is looking at you. Looking at you with the same expression as Yuuji's girlfriend when she looks at Yuuji. And you know that Sukuna has found his person, too.Â
You wake up in Sukuna's bed with his tall, firm body behind you, just like you do almost every morning now. You feel his lips against your skin, trailing gentle kisses up and down your neck. His voice is still hoarse from sleeping when he murmurs,
"Mine."
His arms tighten around you and pull you even closer to him. And you answer with a smile audible in your voice,
"All yours."
Your cheeks almost hurt from smiling so broadly when you feel Sukuna's matching smile against your neck and hear his whispered:
"Just like I am all yours."
I cried so much while writing this and listening to the song and looking at the beautiful fanart and the sadness in Sukuna's eyes. This version of Sukuna is my Achilles heel. I love this broken mess of a boy so much. I want to love him so bad and make him happy :(( This story hit me so hard, and the kissing scene is one of my favorite scenes I ever wrote. I am so emotional right now, but also so happy to share it with you.
Thank you so much to everyone who commented on the first part of this story, wishing for a happy end. I needed a happy end too, and I am so glad I wrote this!! This story is very personal. I could relate to Reader 100%, and I got the impression that a lot of people could see themselves in her, too. So I hope you could enjoy your happy end with Sukuna, just like I did đ€
#sukuna x reader#sukuna#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#sukuna fluff#jjk fluff
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i love the idea of there being this big huge secrecy regarding you and bakugou's relationship for years, like it's not something he ever officially confirms or denies. the few times you've been spotted out in public aren't intimate enough to prove anything, and every single time he's asked about you, he's either walked away from the question or demanded a new one (in those forced interviews he begrudgingly gives in to).
he's so incredibly private about his personal life and he wants to keep it separate from his career, works very hard to, though it does nothing to quell the pryingâespecially after pictures surface of you out and about, obviously pregnant.
nobody says anything, not even his friends (and the media tries them, too), and despite continuous efforts, mum's the word. you'd never know, if not for the here-and-there articles that come out speculating about his family, his private life.
but the internet goes absolutely berserk after he agrees to some magazine spreadâa men's health issue, about workouts and how many meals he's eating a day and how it all affects his quirkâand this comes out:
what's one cheat food you just can't seem to avoid?
the pro-hero has to think for a moment, because he doesn't look like the type of guy that even knows the meaning of 'cheat food': "these little cinnamon cookies my son eats," he says casually, with a shake of his head. "i'm always sharing that **** with him."
#everyone goes NUTS#nobody is expecting it from him hehe#brain hurty havent written in a second#okay bye love you#âż thoughts: bakugou#âż theme: dad bakugou#cw children
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Unconditional
PAIRING: jaehyun x afab reader
WORD COUNT: 1.9k
SUMMARY: dating a hot actor is great and all, until you find some texts on his phone that make you wonder if he's really the man of your dreams
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm back after another unplanned hiatus. Even when I'm not posting here, I'm always thinking about writing things and wanting to share more. I have written a couple things for Ao3 so those will be up there soon. As usual, Mr. Jeong Jaehyun himself has ruined me again with his new song and video to the point where I sat down and wrote this in one sitting and never looked back. More from me soon, I promise xx
WARNINGS: established relationship, domestic fluff, explicit smut, swearing
PLAYLIST: Unconditional by Jaehyun, Smoke by Jaehyun, Birthday by Ten, Honey by John Legend
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âI just donât believe you Jae! Do you think Iâm stupid?â
Your cheeks are burning red and you know your chest is splotchy as your temperature rises, heart pounding. Ever since you were a kid, your skin would turn bright red the moment you started to get agitated, making you a terrible poker player and never one to even try to lie to anyone. It was one of things that endeared you to Jaehyun immediately, his bright red ears the moment someone teased him or he felt embarrassed.
âBaby, baby,â he starts, groggily reaching a large hand to you from the mountain of pillows and plush white sheets. His hair is still pushed back in that stupid plastic headband he fell asleep wearing the night before, making it hard to take him seriously in the heat of the moment.
You wipe a single tear from your eye before it can slip down your cheek and turn away from him, throwing his phone onto the covers with more strength than you thought you had in the moment.
Dating a famous actor who spends most of his time at premieres in Seoul and on movie sets around the world wasnât easy. You had turned Jaehyun down the first few times he slid up on your Instagram stories, a mutual stylist friend having introduced you at a small birthday dinner you both were invited to.
Grabbing his phone off the nightstand instead of yours this morning had sent you into a spiral, shaking him awake in the bed to ask for an explanation about why heâs messaging someone about a âgorgeous girl named Honeyâ and how he âcanât wait to spoil her the way she deserves.â
âWeâve been together for a year and now youâre going to start cheating on me? Really original, Jeong.â
Your eyes roll back into your sockets and you scoop all your long, curly hair onto the top of your head, pulling running shorts and socks from the dresser near the window as you continue to grill him.
Jaehyun sits up fully, the comforter slipping off his shoulders and exposing his bare, chiselled chest. Heâs still pale from having spent the whole winter filming in Canada, not having had enough trips to the nearby beach to have his adorable freckles reappear on his cheeks. His hair is bright white, platinum, and long in the back, soft in the morning light streaming in the floor to ceiling windows.
âYou know I went out with Mingyu last week to that Dior party and he said if I ever wanted it to be a real date, just say the word and he would drop everything and everyone.â
âDior? You wound me,â Jaehyun replies, mockingly rubbing his pec as he rolls his eyes. You know how much the statement had to hurt him, he always had been worried about your closeness to his friend Mingyu (and Mingyuâs long wavy hair, sparkly eyes, and massive biceps), even if he lets that go unsaid now.
âIâm going for a run and when I get back, I really hope youâve managed to get up, shower, and figure out how youâre going to tell your PR team about this, unless they are all in on it too,â you finish, wobbling near the foot of the bed as you try to put your socks on while standing.
A firm hand is on your wrist, instantly balancing you. You look up to meet Jaehyunâs eyes, soft and glittering and sending you back to the first time you ever met.
âWho needs the candy, you look sweet enough to eat,â he had practically purred in your ear, pressing a hand between your thighs, under the silky material of your Vivienne Westwood skirt in a private booth in the back a dark room, surrounded by tall crystal jars of sweets.
Your marketing executive job had your team planning events for high end clients on a regular basis but this event had been extra special as your best friend had finally launched her own luxury cosmetics brand. The event was a mix of rich pops of red, velvety cushions and extravagant accessories, diamond necklaces draped across necks of models with artistic and bold eye looks. You had spared no expense for your friend and your assistant had the mountains of receipts to prove it.
The guest list was no exception, you had made sure every A-list name had received an invite and hundreds of attractive and trendy faces from fashion and entertainment filled the event space. That included Seoulâs hottest star, known for his striking and stoic look and deep, rich voice.
âYou are not using that as an opening line on me,â you had sighed, trying to push down the moan bubbling up in your throat as long fingers toyed with lace dangerously close to slipping out of place.
âTechnically, I asked you if the brownies had tree nuts because my body guard is allergic,â he quipped back, thumb brushing over you with intention.
You had bit your lip in frustration and swatted his hand away, grabbing his phone from his coat pocket and giving him your number, insisting that he had to reach out first because you were busy with a âreal jobâ. He had laughed, sucking his now wet thumb into his mouth and letting it slide out with a loud popping noise and a simple âYes, maâamâ.
That same phone was now in his hand a little under a year later, his fingers moving quickly against the glass screen.
âYou donât have anything to say?â you ask in shock and before you can say another word, your doorbell is chiming and heâs up from the bed and down your hallway, wearing nothing but his stupid boxers with lemons on them.
You roll your eyes and move to your large kitchen for a glass for water, almost letting it slip from your hands as he places a large Prada shopping bag on the marble island.
âA bag? A fucking purse is supposed to make me forgive you? How did you even get that this fast?â
âBaby, just look inside and it will explain everything,â he speaks calmly, sliding the bag carefully closer to you.
You untie the ribbon holding it loosely closed and you think youâre losing your mind when you see the bag move on its own. As soon as the thick paper opens, a tiny brown and curly head of fur appears. Neatly groomed ears are shaking and a tiny black Prada collar is clasped around the neck of the puppy.
âA dog?!â you exclaim in disbelief. The puppy lets out a small but high pitched bark, demanding to be let out of the bag with a fluffy paw nudging your hand.
âA chocolate French poodle puppy,â Jaehyun corrects, moving behind you and wrapping his arms around you, pressing his bare chest into your back. He lifts the puppy from the bag and places her into your waiting arms, the puppy taking no time at all to snuggle into your neck.
âHer name is Honey,â he tells you and you can practically feel his smile from the way he speaks.
âHoneyâŠâ you repeat. The dogâs eyes are wide in curiosity, head tilting to the side as she appears to recognize her name.
âYeah, baby?â he jokes back, pressing warm lips to the short hairs at your hairline. You can tell he thinks heâs funny for that joke and you donât need to turn to see what kind of look is in his eye. He trails his mouth to your ear, nudging the metal hoops along the shell and kissing the â14â ink at the skin behind your ear.
Your mouth is suddenly so dry that you canât speak so you simply turn in his arms, letting Honey drop to the floor and bound excitedly on your slippery floors.
âHow long had you been planning this surprise for me to just ruin it with my paranoia?â you murmur against his forehead, pressing a tender kiss to smooth skin.
âA couple months, I was just trying to find the perfect puppy for us,â he replies, fingers drawing circles on the bare skin exposed between your sports bra and shorts.
âIâm so sorry,â you reply, feeling embarrassment heat up your cheeks and sweat start to prick at your hairline.
âDonât be,â he smiles back with his million watt smile that landed him his first commercial at eight years old, plucked from his class trip to a theme park by a talent scout.
âYou know how I feel about you, nothing is going to change that. Not even if you go on 127 million dates with Kim Mingyu,â he finishes, sealing his lips over yours.
You open your lips and greedily press your tongue behind his annoyingly perfect teeth, lifting your fingers up to tug at the hair almost touching his shoulders.
âGod,â Jaehyun growls in between kisses, grabbing at your ass to hoist you up on the counter, tugging roughly at your shorts to push them down to your ankles and ripping your legs open.
Youâre panting, resting back on your wrists as he holds your knees open and presses wet kisses to your inner thighs. His energy is wild and chaotic, exactly as youâve always expected from him and your mind is starting to go to that numb place it always goes when gets his tongue on you.
You arch your back in pleasure, letting moans tumble from your lips freely, trying desperately to ignore the adorable face now perched on your couch, eyes curious but also dozing off from exerting energy after running the full length of your penthouse.
You let your eyes fall to the rolling waves out the window, morning sun blinding you and forcing you to look down at the bobbing head of the blonde man between your legs. He meets your gaze with sparkling eyes and drops a kiss to his self proclaimed favorite tattoo of yours, a small rose on your hip bone. You smile softly at him before shrieking and almost crushing his head with your thighs when he takes sharp canines to the spot, almost drawing blood.
He jumps up and starts running towards your bedroom, scooping a startled Honey off the back of the couch and holding her in front of him he runs backwards.
âJaehyun, you cannot use our child as a shield!â you yell, almost slipping in your socks as you bound after him.
When you round the corner, you slam into his bare chest, standing at the foot of the bed. Honey is curled up on the same pillow Jaehyun had tucked under his arm as he slept, already dozing again.
âOur child? I like the sound of that,â he says seriously, his voice velvety and tempting. His hands are at your waist again and you are having a hard time thinking straight.
âCalm down there, mister,â you chuckle, pushing him back to sit on the edge of the bed and dropping to your knees in between his open legs.
âLetâs see how you do with this dog first,â you mutter, hands pushing down his boxers easily to take his hardened length between experienced fingers.
He smiles with his whole face at your words, eyes crinkling up in the corners and shoulders shaking a bit as you move your mouth over smooth skin, letting his soft moans fill the room and calm your racing heart.
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for lovers who hesitate - choi seungcheol
warnings: cheating ex, mentions of pregnancy (not reader), shotgun marriage (not reader), some curse words, mentions of blood (seungcheol in a fight), some angst (mostly on seungcheol's part, some of reader's towards the end) + this is a long fic so I'm sure I missed out stuff, my apologies. please let me know what I missed out so I can add them in!
pairings: choi seungcheol x reader
genre: fake dating, resurface of old feelings (reader) & a down bad choi seungcheol
wc: 13k (not sure what happened i was aiming 3500-5000 but oh well.)
a/n: 13k words...my longest fic on here yet..... this took quite awhile, even proofreading was a challenge, so I hope you guys enjoyed this one! but fr, I early respect and admire authors who always belt out 30k word fics, it's really not easy i don't even wanna think about it. it's one thing to get a long fic done and another to proofreading it all oof. ... and no writer really only proofreads it once
check out my masterlist! // cheol's m.list
âyou've got mail~â seokmin sings down the hallway of your shared apartment, âit looks like a wedding inviteâŠâ his voice trails off, âare any of our friends getting married? why didn't I receive one?â
seokmin's question was reasonable, you did both have the same friend group, you grew up together, having tons and tons of mutual friends, you went almost everywhere together. he's like the brother you never had. but now he's got your interest piqued as well. who could it be?
on your hand sits a wedding invitation, beautifully adorned with gold accents, pink flowers litter the edges of the invite, a bright pop of colour in contrast to the plain white.
seokmin snatches the invite out of your hand, opening the invite as he reads, âyou are cordially invited to celebrate the joy of han- what the fuck? is this a joke?â seokmin shuts the invite close and crumples it, âwhat the hell does that guy want?â
âhan minjun?â you asked as curiosity plagues your mind. seokminâs reaction only amplifies your own confusion, and you reach out to grab the crumpled invitation from his hands, smoothing it out with trembling fingers. his name stares back at you, a name you had once thought youâd never have to see or hear again. but here it is, boldly printed, like a ghost from the past come to haunt you.
âhan minjunâŠâ you murmur, your voice quieter now, filled with a mixture of disbelief and absurdity. the memories come rushing back like a tidal wave, each one hitting you harder than the last. you remember the good days first, the laughter, the late-night talks, the way he made you feel like you were the only person in the world. but those sweet memories are soon overshadowed by the darker ones, the ones you had worked so hard to forget.
you remember the way heâd become distant, how the warmth in his eyes had faded, and the excuses heâd given whenever you asked what was wrong. you remember the pit in your stomach when heâd cancel plans at the last minute, claiming he was swamped with work, even though you could hear the laughter of friends in the background whenever he called.
then there was that one night, the night everything shattered. you had gone to his apartment, unannounced, carrying takeout and hoping to surprise him. the sight that greeted you instead was something youâd never forget. minjun had been in his living room, his hand tugging on another girlâs hair, the other on her waist as they makeout heavily. their light giggles echoing through the walls you thought you knew so well. youâd dropped the food in shock, the containers spilling onto the floor, and the way minjunâs face had paled when he saw you⊠it was a moment forever etched into your heart.
âits not what it looks like,â heâd said, scrambling for an explanation, but all you felt was betrayal, the heartache, the realization that the person youâd trusted had broken you in a way you never thought possible.
you come back to the present as seokmin's voice pulls you back, âoh i dropped a post it, âhope to see you there - kim hannaâ who the hell is kim hanna?â seokmin reaches for the invite again, his eyes scanning the words imprinted on the paper, âkim hannaâŠisnt she the girl he cheated on you with? that little bi- how dare she send this invi- SHE'S MARRYING HIM?â seokmin's mouth ran faster than body allowed, never finishing his sentence, but you heard and understood every word.
you snatch the invite back. the wedding is in 2 weeks.
are you hurt? no. heartbroken? no. sad? no. upset? just a little bit. angry? oh yes, yes you were. all the anger still simmering beneath the surface as you grip the wedding invite tightly. seokmin watches you with concern, his earlier frustration shifting into worry as he notices the way anger starts to consume you.
âyou okay?â he asks gently, placing a hand on your shoulder.
you softened, âyeah i just⊠i canât believe heâs getting married after everything he did.â
seokminâs grip tightens, his protective brother instincts kicking in. âyou donât have to go,â he says firmly. âand if you decide to, you wonât go alone. iâll be right there with you, you know the boys will be too. whatever you need.â
his words bring a small sense of comfort, but the invitation still feels like a dagger, reopening wounds you thought had finally healed. âoh I'm definitely going,â
âwhy?â
âjust because. & I need a date-â
âI can be your date.â
âno you can't.â
âwhy not?â
âbecause i need my date to be my fake boyfriend. i cant show up all single to an ex's wedding & everyone knows we grow up together. we're practically siblings we would never ever date each other! that's disgusting."
seokmin's fake dramatic gasp only leaves your laughing, the anger that once resided is now long forgotten. âhow can you say that?â he continues, âdon't you watch movies? don't you read books? or even better, fanfiction? that's like a really popular trope and it's popular for a reason! why? because it's real, it happens. what if I'm in love with you and you just don't know it? then what? you could have seriously hurt my feelings!â
âyeah could have, that means I didn't. and don't think I forgot about the time we all played truth or dare and chan dared you to kiss me and you literally threw up from how repulsed you were by me. how could you possibly be in love with me? unless...you puked because you were nervous.." you said as you wiggled your eyebrows disturbingly. âalso what hell fanfiction do you read? why didnt i know about that?â
âEW!!!" he screams as he steps away from you, "AS IF YOU COULD EVER MAKE ME NERVOUS!"
â& the fanfiction? what do you read? come on, spill!â
âthat's none of your business.â
âseok-â
âbeyonce x reader.â it was almost as if he was dying to tell you.
the laugh you burst out only brings relief to seokmin, now he knows you're really okay. you've moved on, just angry at the audacity of them. âplease beyonce would never pick you.â you joked as you got up from the sofa. âcome on, be serious, this is serious stuff. I need a fake boyfriend.â
âask seungcheol.â seokmin answers easily without missing a beat, as if the answer was obvious.
âwhy seungcheol?â you heart raced at the mere idea of seungcheol being your date for the night, let alone boyfriend.
âbecauseâŠhe never says no to you. like ever,â he gives a brief, small smile before he turns to walk away. âoh and also, don't you think he'd fit the role perfectly?â
[â]
but that's what happens when seokmin plants the idea in your head, because you now find yourself in seungcheol's apartment.
you sit in seungcheolâs living room, heart pounding as you try to muster the courage to speak. heâs standing in front of you, arms crossed loosely over his broad chest, looking at you with his usual gentle, patient expression. but somehow, today, that patience makes your nerves worse. youâre not sure why youâre suddenly so embarrassed; maybe itâs the way his dark eyes seem to search your face for any hint of whatâs coming.
âso⊠what did you want to ask me?â he prompts, his voice warm and inviting, though thereâs a hint of curiosity lurking beneath it.
you swallow, your palms damp. âyou can totally say no if you want to, thereâs no pressure at all but um-â
seungcheolâs eyebrows furrow at your hesitation, âyouâre making me nervous,â he jokes, though thereâs a genuine note of concern in his eyes. âwhatâs going on?â
you inhale deeply, avoiding his gaze as you force the words out. âso, i got this wedding invite. fromâŠmy ex.â you donât have to elaborate for seungcheol to know which ex you mean. his jaw tightens almost imperceptibly, a flash of something dark passing over his expression before he smooths it out.
âhan minjun,â he says, and the way he says the name makes it sound like a curse. his hands uncross, one clenching the back of a chair as he leans into it. âare you⊠are you okay?â
âyeah,â you say quickly, âiâm okay, really. justâŠit's in two weeks, and heâs marrying the girl heââ you stop yourself before the floodgate of bad memories start flowing. you look up at seungcheol, feeling your face grow warm. âanyway, thatâs not the point. the point isâŠi need a date.â
seungcheolâs eyes soften, his tension melting away just a bit. âoh,â he says, and a smile tugs at his lips in realization, âyou want me to be your date?â
âyes. i mean-â you fidget with the hem of your shirt. âonly if youâre okay with it. you donât have to-â
âof course,â he interrupts, his answer immediate, his voice firm. âif itâs for that, thereâs no way iâd say no.â his protective instincts flare up at the mere thought of you facing your ex alone, and he wants to be there for you, to shield you from any pain that might resurface.
you feel relief wash over you, but then the real request lodges itself in your throat. you take a deep breath. âbut⊠not just as a date,â you say quietly. âi need⊠i need a fake boyfriend. i canât just show up to his weddingâŠsingle.â
seungcheol blinks, and for a moment, he thinks youâre joking. you watch as his expression shifts, surprise giving way to something more complicated. his smile falters, and his eyes search yours for any hint of hesitation, or a joke even. any indication that you might realize what this could mean for him.
a fake boyfriend. the words echo in his mind, and his heart aches, even as he tries to keep his face neutral. heâs spent the past 3 years hiding his feelings, protecting your friendship, waiting for a moment that never seemed to come. and now, here you are, asking him to pretend.
âa fake boyfriend,â he repeats, and his voice is steady, but thereâs a hint of something broken underneath. he canât help but imagine what itâll be like to hold your hand, to smile at you, to pretend to be the one who gets to loves you openlyâŠonly to have it all stripped away when the charade is over. he knows heâs setting himself up for heartbreak, but how can he say no to you? how could he ever refuse you when you look at him like that?
âcheol?â you ask hesitantly, noticing his pause. âis that⊠is that too much to ask? iâm sorry, itâs just-â
he shakes his head quickly, forcing a smile that doesnât quite reach his eyes. âno, itâs not too much,â he says softly. âif thatâs what you need, then⊠iâll do it.â
âreally?â your eyes light up with hope, and he wishes he could bottle up the way you look at him, keep it forever.
âreally,â he confirms, even though his heart is already starting to fracture. he pushes down the longing, the desperate yearning to be more than just a fake. because he knows this is all heâll getâa bittersweet taste of something he canât truly have. but for now, heâll take what he can get. even if it means breaking his own heart for the chance to be close to you.
[â]
ârules. we need rules. oh and boundaries. just to be safe, you know? not make it weird.â you informed as you pick up a piece of blank paper & pen from your desk before jumping onto bed.
seungcheol lies on his stomach on your bed as he waits for you, âwhat kind of rules and boundaries do you have in mind?â he asks.
âwell for one, no falling in love. like, we both have to promise that this stays strictly pretend. we canât let it mess with our friendship.â
for a moment, silence fills the room. when you glance at seungcheol, his expression is unreadable. âno falling in love,â he repeats quietly, his voice almost too steady. you donât notice the way his jaw tightens, the way he clenches his fist against the sheets.
you give him a nervous smile. âexactly. we both need to agree to that.â
âright,â he says, his voice softer now. âno falling in love.â he repeats louder this time, his heart aches at the irony, because if only you knew how deeply heâs already fallen. but he forces himself to nod, to play along, to act like he isnât breaking the very first rule you laid out just by being here. âany other rules?â
âum, yeah,â you continue, scribbling your next point onto the paper. âokay,â you say, oblivious to the turmoil in his chest. âit has to be believable. like, no half-assing it. if weâre going to do this, we have to commit. but, uh, within reason, of course.â
seungcheol chuckles at that, the sound breaking through the tension. âwithin reason?â he echoes, his smile genuine this time.
âyeah, nothing tooâŠ.much,â
â& what exactly is too much?â
âkisses,â you answer without missing a beat.
seungcheol smiles, "so, i canât kiss you, even if itâs just for an act?"
you pause, thinking over his question. the way he says it, so casual yet so heavy, sends a shiver down your spine. âi mean⊠kisses are too intimate. that crosses the line.â you say, hoping your voice doesnât betray how nervous the thought of kissing him makes you.
seungcheol watches you closely, a faint smile tugging at his lips. âtoo intimate?â he repeats, almost teasingly, but thereâs something more in his eyes, something you canât quite place. âbut arenât we supposed to look like weâre really together? wonât people think itâs suspicious if we⊠donât at least pretend that weâre comfortable with that?â
âno oneâs expecting a porno of us making out,â you argue, your cheeks warming at the implication. what a poor choice of words. âhand-holding, hugs, maybe a forehead or a cheek kiss if weâre feeling bold. but anything beyond thatâŠâ you trail off, your mind spinning and butterflies threatening to invade your tummy at the thought of seungcheolâs lips anywhere near yours.
he hums thoughtfully, propping his chin on his hand. âso, kisses are off the table. got it,â he says, though thereâs a hint of disappointment in his voice that you dont pick up. âany other rules?â
âthat's all i can think of for now, what about you? anything you dont want me to do? anything to add?â you ask.
âno, I'll do whatever you want me to.â he says, a mixture of fondness and longing swirling in his chest.
âokay, i guess we're really doing this huh?â you ask as you feel some tension leave your body.
âyeah,â he murmurs, even as his heart screams at the unfairness of it all. if only you knew just how real it already was for him.
[â]
âdid you actually really ask seungcheol to be your fake boyfriend?â seungkwan questions, taking another sip from his iced americano, his eyes narrowing at you suspiciously.
you sigh, pressing your palms to your face. âhow did you even find out about that?â
âseokmin told me. now answer me! did you actually?â seungkwan presses, his tone both exasperated and concerned. heâs your best friend. he knows every secret, every late-night confession, and every tear youâve ever shed over seungcheol.
you glance away, fiddling with the hem of your sleeve. âyeah... i did,â you admit softly.
seungkwan lets out a small groan, leaning back in his seat. heâs silent for a moment, and you can feel the weight of his judgment hanging between you. but thereâs something else there, too. something heavier, deeper. regret, maybe.
four years ago, you were a helpless mess, pinning after seungcheol like a lovesick fool. seungkwan remembered the way youâd light up whenever seungcheol was around, the way your laughter sounded a little brighter, your smile a little wider. and he remembered the way seungcheol seemed oblivious, never showing a sign of returning your feelings.
seungkwan had wanted to help you. heâd been desperate to see you happy, to save you from the heartache that came from unrequited love. so heâd done the only thing he could think of at the time: heâd set you up with someone else.
âdo you remember when i introduced you to minjun?â seungkwan asks, his voice suddenly quieter, more somber.
you blink, caught off guard by the question. âof course i do,â you reply. how could you forget? youâd been resistant at first, clinging to the faint hope that seungcheol would notice you one day. but seungkwan had been insistent. heâd told you that minjun was a good guy, someone who could make you happy, someone who could help you move on.
âyou were so against it,â seungkwan recalls, his lips curving into a wistful smile. âbut you finally agreed, and... well, you actually hit it off.â
a small laugh escapes your lips, though it lacks any real humor. âyeah. we did.â
for a while, dating han minjun had felt like a breath of fresh air. he was charming, thoughtful, and everything you thought you needed. for a moment, youâd even believed youâd moved on from seungcheol. but now, years later, here you were again, tangled up in your feelings for him, pretending to date him, no less.
seungkwanâs expression softens as he looks at you. âyou know, i really did think minjun was a good guy back then. i just... i didnât want to see you hurt anymore.â his voice wavers, and you can tell he feels guilty, even if it wasnât his fault that things turned out this way.
âi know,â you murmur. âyou were just trying to help.â
seungkwan sighs, setting his juice box down. âbut now youâre back to seungcheol, except this time itâs... fake. and that worries me.â
your throat tightens, and you donât know how to explain that being with seungcheol, even if itâs just for show, feels better than being with anyone else. even if it hurts a little. or maybe a lot.
âitâs complicated,â you whisper, but seungkwan isnât satisfied. his eyes bore into yours, filled with worry and protectiveness, like heâs already bracing for the heartbreak heâs sure is coming.
[â]
âdo you think we should pick something that matches or just, you know, kind of goes together?â you ask, sifting through rows of dresses, your fingers brushing over various shades of fabric.
seungcheol tries to focus on the suits in front of him, but heâs barely listening, too distracted by the way your voice lilts at the end of your question. âhm?â he clears his throat, hoping you donât notice how heâs completely lost his train of thought. âyeah, matching is⊠good.â
you raise an eyebrow at him, a small smile playing on your lips. âthat didnât answer my question, cheol.â
he laughs nervously, scratching the back of his neck. âsorry. what was it again?â
âdo you want our outfits to match?â you repeat, holding up a dress. itâs a deep, elegant navy blue, and seungcheolâs heart does a weird little flip. âlike this one? itâs the same color as that suit youâre holding.â
seungcheol swallows hard, imagining the two of you side by side, perfectly coordinated, like a couple in a fairytale. he tries to shake the thought away. âyeah, thatâs⊠perfect,â he says, his voice coming out softer than he intended.
you seem satisfied with his answer, disappearing into the dressing room to try it on. seungcheol stands there, shifting his weight from foot to foot, heart pounding for no reason he can justify. heâs known you for years, been by your side for countless moments, but something about thisâthe idea of the two of you dressed up together, the way you trusted his opinionâfeels different, it makes his heart race.
âcheol?â your voice pulls him out of his thoughts, and he looks up, his breath catching in his throat as you step out of the dressing room.
heâs not prepared for the sight. you look⊠breathtaking, the dress fitting you in a way that leaves him momentarily stunned. his eyes widen, and he opens his mouth to say something, but no words come out. itâs like heâs forgotten how to speak.
you tilt your head, concern flickering in your eyes. âis it bad?â
âno!â he blurts out, voice cracking embarrassingly. he clears his throat again; surprised at his own voice, his cheeks burning. âno, you lookââ he stammers, searching for the right words, his mind a complete mess. but then, he smiles his boyish smile, his dimples dipping more than they usually do & says âgod, you look⊠beautiful. really beautiful.â
you blink, taken aback, and seungcheol swears he sees your cheeks flush a little. heâs painfully aware of how warm his own face feels, how his hands are suddenly clammy.
âthank you,â you say, your voice softer now. you look at him, eyes wide and earnest, and seungcheol canât handle it. he has to look away, but not before he sees the small smile spreading across your face.
he fiddles with the cuff of his suit jacket, trying to regain some semblance of composure. âyou⊠you really think this is the one?â he asks, his voice cracking again. he winces.
you nod, your smile growing. âi think itâs perfect. but⊠what about your suit?â
heâs still trying to recover from seeing you in that dress, but he manages to nod. âright, my suit,â he says, forcing himself to focus. âiâll go try it on.â
you sit down on a bench, and seungcheol practically sprints to the fitting room, his heart pounding. he stares at his reflection as he pulls on the navy suit jacket, trying to breathe. he looks like a mess, his hair sticking up from how many times heâs run his hands through it, his face still red.
âcome on, cheol,â he mutters to himself. âget it together.â
when he finally steps out, he catches the way your eyes light up, the way you look him over and nod approvingly. âthatâs perfect,â you say, and his heart does that stupid flip again. âweâll look great together.â
he laughs, but itâs a weak attempt to hide how fast his heart is racing. âyeah. we will.â the words come out before he can stop them; even he knows he sounds completely & irrevocably smitten but he canât help it, not when youâre looking at him like that.
[â]
âso, did you say yes to being her date?â seokmin asked casually, thumbs tapping furiously at the controller in his hands as he and seungcheol tried to hold their ground in the game. âyou know, her fake boyfriend and all that?â
seungcheolâs fingers faltered on the buttons for a split second, and he shot seokmin a glare. âyah, focus on the game, we can't lose,â he grumbled, feeling his face heat up. but, of course, seokmin had to bring it up now.
âwait, what?â wonwooâs attention snapped away from the screen, his character on the verge of getting attacked. he gawked at seungcheol. âwhen did this happen? and why didnât you tell us?â
soonyoungâs eyes widened, and his character in the game momentarily stood still. âhold on, hold on,â he said, nearly dropping his controller in shock. âhyung, youâre telling us you agreed to be her date and fake boyfriend, and weâre only hearing about this now?â
âcan we not talk about this?â seungcheol muttered, trying to refocus on the game, but his heart was racing. the way his stomach twisted at the mention of you and the fake dating arrangement wasnât something he wanted to discussâespecially not with his friends teasing him about it.
âabsolutely not,â soonyoung protested, his competitive spirit momentarily forgotten. âthis is big news, hyung! you have to spill.â
âyeah, seungcheol,â wonwoo added, a sly grin spreading across his face. âwhy didnât you tell us? donât act like itâs not a huge deal.â
seungcheol sighed, his shoulders tensing as he kept his eyes on the screen. âbecause itâs not a big deal, its only for a day anyway,â he insisted, but even he could hear the strain in his voice.
âyouâre so full of it,â wonwoo said, barely holding back a laugh. âyou've been in love with her for god knows how long, now you agreed to be her date and pretend to be her boyfriend. how is that not a big deal?â
unfortunately, soonyoung & wonwoo, have possession over seungcheol's not so secret, secret. but really, everyone knows, it's only a secret to you, seungkwan & seokmin although seokmin has been starting to catch on for the past few months. everyone else has miraculously managed to somehow keep their mouth shut around seokmin and seungkwan for 3 years; knowing how close you are with the two of them. I guess in a way you could say the boys are loyal to him? anyways.
seungcheolâs grip on his controller tightened. âcan we just focus on winning?â he pleaded, desperate to change the subject, but his friendsâ curiosity was palpable.
âfine,â soonyoung said with an exaggerated sigh. âbut weâre coming back to this later.â
just as seungcheol was about to let out a breath of relief, the sound of the front door opening made his heart stutter, and he turned his head, unable to help himself. you stepped into the apartment, bags in hand, looking slightly windswept but effortlessly beautiful.
âhey, iâm home!â you greeted, smiling at everyone.
seungcheolâs mind blanked, his focus slipping away entirely as he took you in. he barely registered seokminâs frantic warningââhyung, watch out!ââbefore his character was obliterated in the game.
âyes!â soonyoung cheered, throwing his hands in the air. âwe won, wonwoo!â
wonwoo leaned back with a smug smile, âthank you,â he said, looking over at you.
you blinked, confused. âme? what did i do?â
wonwooâs eyes glinted with mischief. âitâs nothing you need to know⊠yet,â he replied, his voice teasing, and he shot you a knowing smile. âbut thank you anyway.â
you tilted your head, clearly still confused, but you shrugged it off. âokay, if you say so,â you said, heading down the hall. âiâm gonna go take a quick shower.â
seungcheol watched you disappear, his shoulders slumping as he realized just how badly heâd let himself get distracted. he could feel the heat rising to his face, embarrassment and longing twisting in his chest.
seungcheol couldn't let it show. or at least, he thought he didnât. he tried to play it cool, act normal around you, and pretend that his heart didnât stutter every time you called his name. but apparently, seokmin noticed.
âyouâve got that look again,â seokmin pointed out, a teasing lilt in his voice.
seungcheol turned to find seokmin leaning against the backrest of the sofa, a grin spreading across his face. he blinked, feigning ignorance. âwhat look?â
âyou know,â seokmin drawled, pushing himself off the backrest to lean closer to seungcheol âthat look you get when sheâs around.â
seungcheol felt his pulse skip, an uncomfortable warmth creeping up his neck. he avoided seokminâs eyes, choosing instead to stare at the floor. âi donât know what youâre talking about,â he muttered, hoping his voice sounded steady.
âsure you donât.â seokmin plopped down beside him, elbow nudging his ribs. âcâmon, hyung. youâre not exactly subtle.â
seungcheol rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit he couldnât seem to shake. âitâs not like that,â he insisted, though even he knew how unconvincing he sounded.
seokmin raised an eyebrow. âreally?â he asked, voice softening. âbecause the way you look at herâŠyou look at her like you'd burn down the whole world for her.â
seungcheolâs throat tightened, and he pressed his lips together, finally meeting seokminâs gaze. there was no judgment there, only curiosity and a quiet sort of understanding.
âi didnât mean to,â seungcheol admitted, voice barely above a whisper. âit just⊠happened.â
seokminâs smile was gentle now, the teasing gone. âand what are you gonna do about it?â
seungcheolâs hands fisted the fabric of his shirt, a sense of helplessness washing over him. ânothing,â he said, bitterness seeping into the word. âsheâs too important. if i mess this up⊠i canât lose her.â
seokmin studied him for a moment, the silence stretching between them. âbut what if you donât lose her?â he said quietly. âwhat if she feels the same way?â
seungcheolâs heart twisted painfully. the thought had crossed his mind more times than he could count, but he always pushed it away, too afraid to hope. âand what if she doesnât?â he countered, his voice breaking. âiâd rather be close to her like this than lose everything.â
seokmin sighed, leaning back on his hands. âi get it,â he murmured. âbut you canât live your whole life being afraid. sometimes, youâve got to take the risk.â
seungcheol let out a humorless laugh. âeasy for you to say,â he mumbled, but his chest felt a little lighter, the weight of his secret shared, even if just for a moment.
seokminâs smile returned, playful once more. âhey, iâm rooting for you,â he said, clapping a hand on seungcheolâs shoulder. âbut seriously, the way you look at her⊠itâs gonna give you away one day.â
seungcheol swallowed, a smile tugging at his lips despite himself. âmaybe,â he whispered. âbut not today.â
seokmin grinned, standing up and offering a hand to pull seungcheol to his feet. âwell, just know iâll be there to say âi told you soâ when it happens.â
seungcheol took his hand, rising to his feet. âyeah, yeah,â he said, but his heart felt a little less heavy & a lot more hopeful.
[â]
seungcheol stood outside your bedroom door with seokmin, heart pounding as he took a steadying breath. it wasnât the first time he was picking you up, but today felt different. maybe it was the gravity of the wedding you were attending, or maybe it was the fact that this arrangement had slowly become more real for him than he ever dared admit.
âhyung, you okay?â seokmin asked, glancing at him curiously.
seungcheol blinked, snapping out of his reverie. âyeah,â he lied, his voice sounding far more confident than he felt. âletâs justâŠget this over with.â he lied, it hasn't even started yet but he doesnt want it to end.
seokmin gave him a sorry look but said nothing, and before seungcheol could dwell on it, you opened the door to your room. his breath caught in his throat, and for a moment, he forgot how to speak. you stood there, radiant in a simple yet elegant dress, hair styled perfectly, eyes sparkling with nervous anticipation.
he was so down bad for you, it was almost pathetic.
he couldn't help the boyish smile that adorned his face, âyou look⊠beautiful.â he didnât trust himself to say more, afraid that if he did, the truth would come spilling out.
a faint blush dusted your cheeks, and you smiled, the kind of smile that made his heart feel like it was doing somersaults. âthanks, cheol,â you said shyly, adjusting your dress. âyou clean up pretty well yourself.
he let out a laugh, hoping it masked the way his pulse was racing. âyou ready?â he asked, extending his hand to you. âour grand entrance awaits.â
you hesitated for the briefest moment, but then you slipped your hand into his, and he had to fight the urge to hold on tighter, to pull you closer and never let go. he couldnât, of course. this was all an act. just a performance to keep up appearances, to help you save face in front of your ex and everyone else.
but god, how he wished it were real.
[â]
the car ride was quiet at first, the only sound being the hum of the engine and the soft music playing from the radio. seungcheol couldnât help but glance at you every few seconds, noting the way your fingers fidgeted with the hem of your dress. he knew you well enough to recognize the signs of your anxiety, and his chest tightened.
âhey,â he said gently, reaching over to take your hand in his. your eyes widened in surprise, but you dont pull away. instead, you stared at your intertwined fingers, and he wondered if you could feel his heart pounding.
âare you okay?â he asked, his voice softer now, more careful. âif youâre not, we can turn around. we donât have to go.â
you shook your head, a small, determined smile forming on your lips. âiâm fine,â you whispered. âitâs just⊠weird, you know? seeing him get married.â
seungcheol swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. he hated that minjun hurt you and how he couldnât do anything but hold your hand and hope it was enough.
âif you want to leave at any point,â he said, squeezing your hand gently, âjust say the word. iâll get you out of there, no questions asked.â
you looked at him then, really looked at him, and he felt like he was being laid bare under your gaze, your eyes boring into his. âthank you, cheol,â you murmured, and your voice cracked just a little. âi donât know what iâd do without you.â
his chest ached, a mix of longing and fear swirling inside him. he wanted to tell you that heâd always be there, that heâd never leave, but he didnât. instead, he settled for rubbing soft circles into the back of your hand with his thumb, hoping you couldnât feel how badly he was trembling.
the silence in the car was comfortable, but electric, charged with something unspoken. the way your shoulders relaxed under his touch, the way your breathing evened out as he held your handâit was almost enough to make him believe that you felt the same way.
but that was dangerous territory, and seungcheol knew better than to get his hopes up.
âyou know,â he said lightly, trying to steer his thoughts away from the ache in his chest, âyouâre kind of incredible. not everyone could handle a situation like this with so much grace.â
you laughed, the sound soft and a little self-deprecating. âi donât know about that or this grace you speak of,â you said. âiâm still trying to convince myself not to run away.â
âif you run,â he said, a teasing grin tugging at his lips, âiâll run with you. we can both escape and go somewhere far away. just the two of us.â
the joke made you laugh, but there was a wistful note to it, and seungcheol had to look away to keep himself from saying something stupid. his heart was a mess, pounding wildly with every word, every touch, every second he spent in your presence.
âthanks, cheol,â you said again, your voice quieter now. âreally. iâm so lucky to have you.â
seungcheol drove on, your hand still in his, hoping that this moment would last a little longer.
[â]
the wedding had gone off without a hitch, at least on the surface. the vows had been exchanged, laughter and applause filling the air, and now the reception was in full swing. seungcheol had been trying his best to stay close to you, to keep you from feeling the weight of the memories this day might bring. but as he returned with your drinks, he froze.
there you were, standing stiffly, looking more tense than heâd seen you all night. and, of course, minjun was in front of you, a smile that didnât quite reach his eyes as he leaned in, saying something seungcheol couldnât quite hear. your polite smile was brittle, your shoulders tense, and anger flared in his chest.
he forced himself to take a calming breath before approaching, setting your drinks down on a nearby table and stepping in between you & minjun, âhey,â he said smoothly, his voice calm but firm. âeverything okay here?â
your eyes darted to him, a flicker of relief crossing your face. you tried to smile, but it wavered. âyeah,â you said, your voice a little too tight. âwe were just⊠talking.â
minjun glanced at seungcheol, an eyebrow arching. âseungcheol?â he asked, a smug smile playing on his lips. âfancy seeing you here, i dont remember including you in the invite?â he quirked an eyebrow.
you opened your mouth, your voice coming out steadier this time. âactually, he's my plus one, since we're dating.â
âdating? as in, he's your boyfriend?â minjun asked as he sneaked a glance at seungcheol.
âyes, actually.â your words sent your stomach doing flips.
the disbelief on minjunâs face was palpable. he snorted, his gaze flicking between the two of you as if youâd just told a joke. âboyfriend? really?â he smirked, clearly unconvinced. âcome on. thatâs a little desperate, donât you think?â minjun tries to reach for your hand.
before you could react, seungcheol stepped forward, his hand moving to reach for yours protectively; staking his claim. âi donât think your wife,â he said, emphasizing the word with a hint of sarcasm, âwould appreciate you making my girlfriend uncomfortable.â
minjunâs smile faltered, but he didnât back down. âprove it,â he challenged, crossing his arms. âyou really expect me to believe this⊠whatever this is?â
seungcheolâs jaw clenched. âwe donât need to prove anything to you,â he said, his voice low and controlled. â& you certainly don't have the right to ask for anything, much less a proof, not after all the shit youâve done.â
minjunâs expression soured, but before he could respond, seungcheol turned to you, his eyes softening. âcome on, pretty,â he murmured, his voice gentle and eyes earnest,. âdance with me?â
you stomach did somersaults, seungcheol watches you intently, he watches the way your expression melts into a grateful smile. you leaned in close and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. âthank you,â you whispered, so quietly he barely heard it.
his heart stuttered in his chest, warmth flooding through him. but he forced himself to push the feeling away, to remind himself that this was all for show. you were only doing this because minjun was watching, because you needed to keep up the pretense. there was no way you actually meant that kiss, no way you felt the same fluttering in your chest that he did.
but he couldnât help the way his heart betrayed him, the way his entire body seemed to light up at the simple touch of your lips on his skin. he swallowed, hoping you didnât notice the way his cheeks flushed, and offered you his hand.
âletâs go,â you said, taking his hand, your smile genuine and warm.
the music had shifted to a slow song, and seungcheol led you onto the dance floor, his fingers still intertwined with yours. his heart was pounding, his mind racing, but he tried to focus on you, on the way you were looking at him now, your eyes so full of trust and something he couldnât quite place.
âthank you,â you said again, your voice a little steadier this time.
he gave you a small smile, trying to keep his emotions in check. âiâll always be here for you,â he said, his voice soft. âyou know that, right?â
you nodded, your gaze flickering down to where his hand rested on your waist. âi do,â you whispered, and for a moment, he thought he saw something more in your eyes. something he desperately wanted to believe in.
seungcheol tried to ignore the way your body fit so perfectly against his, the way your smile sent his heart racing. he couldnât let himself read too much into the way you were looking at him.
but it was so, so hard.
âcheol,â you said suddenly, pulling back just enough to look up at him. âcan i ask you something?â
he swallowed, his throat dry. âof course.â
âwhy did you say yes?â you asked, your voice hesitant. âto being my date and⊠pretending to be my boyfriend?â
his breath caught in his throat. he hadnât expected that question, and he wasnât sure how to answer without giving himself away. âbecause you needed me to,â he said finally, and it was the truth, even if it wasnât the whole truth. âand iâd do anything for you.â
your eyes softened, and he wondered if you could see right through him, if you knew just how badly he was hurting, just how desperately he wanted this to be real.
âyouâre too good to me,â you whispered.
he shook his head, a sad smile tugging at his lips. âno,â he said. âiâm just⊠selfish.â
you tilted your head, confused. âselfish?â
he opened his mouth, then closed it, the words dying on his tongue. he couldnât tell you. he couldnât ruin this. ânever mind,â he said, forcing a laugh. âjust⊠ignore me.â
but you didnât. your gaze lingered on him, searching, and he had to look away before he did something stupid, like confess right then and there.
âcheol,â you said, your voice so soft it made his heart ache. âwhat are you hiding?â
ânothing,â he lied, pulling you a little closer, trying to focus on the music instead of the way your eyes were looking right into his soul. âiâm not hiding anything.â
but he was. he was hiding everything. the way he loved you, the way he wanted you, the way heâd give anything to be more thanâŠthis.
âokay,â you said finally, but he could hear the doubt in your voice. âif you say so.â
âyou know,â he said as he let out a small sigh, his voice barely above a whisper, âyou didnât have to kiss my cheek just now. not for minjunâs sake, anyway.â
you tilted your head, looking up at him with wide eyes. âi didnât do it for him,â you said quietly as seungcheol watches your eyes sparkle and dilate, for a moment, he forgot how to breathe.
âthen⊠why?â he asked, his voice cracking slightly.
your gaze searching his face. âjust because.. i wanted to.â
seungcheolâs mind went blank, his heart pounding so loudly he was sure you could hear it. he didnât know what to say, didnât know how to process the sudden, overwhelming rush of hope that filled his chest.Â
âshould we call it a night?â you asked, your voice gentle as you turned to seungcheol, who still seemed lost in thought. you werenât sure if it was because of the way you had kissed his cheek earlier or if he was still worried about you, but his expression had been hard to read.
seungcheol blinked, snapping out of whatever daze he had been in. âyeah,â he said, nodding slowly. âletâs head home. but, uh, let me hit the bathroom real quick first?â
you nodded, offering him a small smile. âiâll wait by the entrance.â
he nodded back, his eyes lingering on you a moment longer before he turned and made his way to the restroom. as he walked, he felt his heart racing, the memory of your soft kiss on his cheek replaying in his mind. youâd said it was just because you wanted to, but that couldnât mean anything... right?
 seungcheol washed his hands, letting the cool water calm him down. he took a deep breath, trying to gather his scattered thoughts. he doesn't really want this night to end, he's not ready for that yet.
but thatâs when he heard it: voices coming from one of the stalls, low but loud enough to catch his attention.
âman, i still canât believe you're actually married,â one voice said, a hint of mockery in his tone. âand only because you got her pregnant. how the hell did you screw up that bad?â
what the hell? seungcheolâs jaw clenched, but he forced himself to stay quiet, listening.
âdonât remind me,â minjunâs familiar voice replied. âi know, okay? itâs not like i love her or anything. but i couldnât just bail, you know? had to do the right thing, i guess.â
the right thing? seungcheol thinks to himself, yet cheating on you is okay?
the friend laughed, a harsh, grating sound. âstill, hannaâs nothing compared to your ex. that girl is so much hotter than your wife. you shouldâve stayed with her.â
seungcheolâs grip on the sink tightened, his knuckles going white.
âhey, i made a mistake,â minjun grumbled, clearly defensive. âshe really is hot. i was just thinking with my other head back then, okay?â
âyeah, well,â his friend drawled, âi wouldâve made a move on her tonight if she hadnât walked in with that new boyfriend of hers. whatâs his name again? seungcheol or something?â
âyeah, well, i tried to,â minjun admitted, and seungcheol could practically hear the smirk in his voice. âbut he showed up before i could.â
âdid you see the dress she was wearing?â minjun laughed as he added, âshe's got such a killer bodyâŠbet I could make her cheat on that boyfriend of hers, what do you say? 50 bucks? bet on it?â
that was it. the final straw. anger flared hot and fierce in seungcheolâs chest, and before he knew it, he was storming over to the stall. he yanked the door open, and the look of shock on both menâs faces did nothing to quell his rage.
âwhat the fuck did you say? you think you can talk about her like that?â seungcheol growled, his voice low and dangerous. âafter everything youâve done?â
minjun barely had time to react before seungcheolâs fist connected with his jaw. the fight was quick, brutal, and messy, with fists flying and the sound of grunts echoing off the bathroom walls. seungcheol didnât care about the pain in his knuckles or the way his cheek throbbed from a poorly blocked punch. all he cared about was defending your honor, protecting you from these men who had no right to even think about you, let alone look in your direction.
when seungcheol finally left the bathroom, his heart was still racing, adrenaline coursing through his veins. his cheeks were slightly bloodied and his knuckles were bruised.
but before he could reach the entrance to get to you, someone grabbed his arm. he turned, only to see hanna, minjunâs wife, looking at him with wide, concerned eyes. âoh my god,â she gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. âwhat happened to you?â
at first, she seemed genuinely worried, but then her eyes raked over him, and her concern twisted into something more flirtatious. she reached out, her hands brushing against his arms. âyou look so hot like this with all the bruises,â she whispered, her fingers trailing down his biceps.
seungcheol stiffened, every nerve in his body screaming for him to pull away. âdon't,â he held a hand up, âi have a girlfriend,â he said firmly, stepping back. he glanced around, hoping you hadnât seen any of this.
but you had. your eyes had caught sight of the scene, the way hanna's hands lingered on seungcheolâs arms, and your stomach twisted painfully. you didnât understand why it hurt so much to see it, why your heart felt heavy and your chest ached. this was seungcheol, your good friend. youâd moved on from this heartbreak years ago... right?
you tore your gaze away, your mind spinning. you couldnât deny the pang of jealousy, the way your pulse quickened at the sight of him with someone else, but it made no sense. seungcheol was just your friend. nothing more.
when seungcheol finally made his way over to you, unaware that you saw him & hanna, was careful not to mention it or the fight that happened. instead, he focused on the gossip heâd overheard in the bathroom. âhey,â he said, his voice gentle, âdid you know?â
you barely registered his words, your mind still replaying the image of hanna's hands on his arms. your chest felt tight, and you couldnât explain why.
âapparently,â seungcheol continued, âthis whole wedding is a shotgun marriage. sheâs pregnant, and thatâs why theyâre doing all this.â he paused, searching your face for any reaction, but you werenât really hearing him.
âhuh?â you finally said, blinking as you came back to the present. your eyes widened when you took in his bruised knuckles and the cut on his cheek. âoh my god, seungcheol. what happened to you?â
âdid you hear anything of what i just said?â he asked, a mixture of frustration and worry in his voice.
you glared at him, your concern overshadowing everything else. âno, but iâm sure itâs nowhere near as important as this,â you snapped, gesturing to his bruised face and bloodied hands.
seungcheol sighed, his shoulders slumping. âitâs nothing,â he insisted, but he knew you wouldnât let it go. not when you looked at him with so much worry, so much care, and it made his heart ache.
ânothing?â the depth of your furrowed brows going deeper, âyou're bleeding, cheol.â your tone angry. âcome on,â you said, your voice softening. âiâm taking you back to my place. i need to take care of those wounds.â
he tried to protest, but you wouldnât hear it. âplease, cheol,â you whispered, and the way you said his name made his heart stutter. he wanted so badly to believe that you cared, that this wasnât just about him being your friend.
âfine,â he relented, his voice barely above a whisper. âbut only because youâre so stubborn.â
you gave him a small, relieved smile, and he felt his resolve weaken even more.
back at your apartment, you lead seungcheol to the bathroom, rummaging through the first aid kit with a determined focus. he sits on the edge of the bathtub, watching you with a mixture of awe and longing. itâs overwhelming how gentle you are with him, the way your fingers tremble slightly as you gather supplies to tend to his wounds. he wants to believe this moment means something more than simple concern for a friend, that the tenderness in your gaze holds feelings heâs been longing to hear you speak out loud.
âdoes it hurt?â you ask, your voice barely above a whisper as you dab a damp cloth against the cut on his cheek, your touch feather-light.
âno,â he says, his gaze never wavering from your face. the sting is nothing compared to the ache of wanting you. his heart pounds relentlessly, each beat echoing the longing heâs kept hidden for so long.
you move to bandage his knuckles, your fingers lingering on his for just a moment longer than necessary. âyouâre so reckless,â you murmur, but your tone is soft, carrying nothing but worry.
he swallows, throat tight. âi couldnât stand hearing them talk about you like that,â he admits, the words escaping before he can second-guess them.
your hands freeze. you look up at him, brows furrowing in confusion. âwhat do you mean?â
he hesitates, regret mingling with vulnerability, wanting to tell you everything but afraid of what might come next. âjust... they were saying things they shouldnât,â he settles on, the explanation falling flat compared to the storm raging inside him. âi couldnât let it go.â
the bathroom feels smaller, the air thicker. you lean in closer, a wrinkle of worry creasing your forehead. âseungcheolâŠâ
his hand lifts before he can stop it, and his fingers brush your cheek, gentle and unsure. âi just want to keep you safe,â he whispers, voice cracking, heart lodged in his throat. âeven if it means getting a little bruised up.â
youâre so close now that your breath mingles with his, warm and intoxicating. your chest tightens, and something inside you shifts. you canât tell if itâs the tenderness in his voice or the way his eyes seem to hold a secret youâve always yearned to know. you feel your pulse spike, your mind racing. all the feelings youâve tried so hard to bury come rushing back with an intensity that scares you.
you kneel in front of him, biting back the realization that you never really moved on, that you never truly stopped loving him. your feelings have been buried, but they resurface now, raw and undeniable, and you canât pretend anymore.
âtonight was...a lot,â seungcheol says quietly, breaking the heavy silence. his eyes search yours, trying to make sense of the tension thick in the room.
you nod, hands trembling slightly as you pull back, though not far enough to break the spell. âyeah,â you manage, voice unsteady. âit was.â
seungcheol watches you with a gaze so full of longing that it makes your heart ache. heâs proud of you, heâs always been proud of you, but the way heâs looking at you now is different. âyou were amazing,â he says, the sincerity in his voice making your breath catch. âthe way you handled everything⊠iâm so proud of you.â
his words break something inside of you, and before you know it, youâre leaning in, closing the distance. itâs an impulse, a mistake, but you just couldn't help yourself. your lips brush against his, and for a heartbeat, time stands still.
seungcheol freezes in shock, but then he responds. his hands fly to your waist, pulling you closer, and he kisses you back with a fervor that leaves you breathless. the tension snaps like a taut wire, replaced by a burst of passion, and everything youâve both kept buried pours out.
his fingers tighten around your waist, your hands finding their way into his hair, and you lose yourself in him. the way he tastes, the way he holds you, feels like a dream you donât want to wake from. your heart races as the kiss deepens, desperate and all-consuming.
but then reality crashes over you like a tidal wave. you pull back abruptly, breaking away, your eyes wide with shock and horror. seungcheol looks dazed, lips parted, hair slightly mussed from your hands, and the sight of him so undone because of you only makes the guilt worse.
âi-â you stammer, voice cracking as you scramble to your feet. âoh my god. iâm so sorry.â
âwait-â he begins, but youâre already moving, stumbling backward, cheeks flaming with embarrassment. âi shouldnât have⊠we promised we wouldnât-â
âitâs okay,â he tries to reassure you, his voice gentle yet laced with desperation. he stands, reaching for you, but you take another step back, your emotions spiraling.
âno,â you whisper, shaking your head, overwhelmed and terrified by the feelings that wonât stop crashing over you. âi ruined everything.â
you feel tears prick your eyes, your chest aching with regret and confusion. the kiss shattered the fragile balance between you, and you donât know how to piece it back together. âyou should go,â you manage, voice cracking. âits getting late,â your head starts feeling dizzy, âI'll call you tomorrow.âÂ
before seungcheol can argue, before he can make sense of the whirlwind between you, youâre gone. you rush out of the bathroom, heart hammering, not sure where to go but needing to escape. the apartment feels suffocating, your feelings too much to handle, and you slam your bedroom door behind you.
you lean against it, sliding down until youâre curled up on the floor, tears spilling down your cheeks. what have you done? you kissed seungcheol, and now everything is a mess. the love you never let yourself acknowledge burns bright, and it terrifies you.
in the bathroom, seungcheol stands frozen, the ghost of your kiss still lingering on his lips. heâs never felt more hopeless, more in love, and more afraid that heâs lost you forever. the echo of your apology rings in his ears, and he clenches his fists, wishing he could take away the hurt and confusion youâre feeling.
he tells himself heâll wait for you to call, but heâs terrified that this time, waiting might not be enough.
but still, seungcheol waits.Â
the days stretched on, each one feeling heavier than the last. it had been a week since the wedding, a week since that kiss had turned his world upside down, and still, there was no call from you. you had promised, but the days passed in silence. he wanted so bad to be the one reaching out, but he knows you well enough to know that it wouldnt end well, and that you needed your own time to process things. but he couldnât stop thinking about what had happened between you. each morning he woke up with a sliver of hope, a quiet, desperate wish that today would be the day you would reach out. but by every nightfall, the silence was all he had. the silence, and the ache that gnawed at him constantly.
he kept replaying that moment over and over in his mind, the feel of your lips on his, the way your eyes had searched his face afterward. the hope, the confusion, the raw vulnerabilityâit haunted him, leaving him restless and on edge. there was something about the way you pulled away from him, your apology spilling out in a rush, that made his heart ache. his own feelings were a mess, tangled up in things he hadnât fully understood until that kiss, much less you, right?
he tried to keep busy, to drown the thoughts that plagued him. the gym became his sanctuary, his second home, a place to work out the frustration, the ache in his chest. he lifted weights until his body screamed for rest, hoping that physical exhaustion would bring some peace. but no matter how much he tried to tire himself out, the ache remained, lurking at the edges of his mind, waiting for the quiet moments when it all came rushing back.
work was just a blur, the hours blending together as he went through the motions. he found himself distracted, staring at his phone more often than usual, his thumb hovering over your contact, only to put it down before he could hit send. what would he even say? what if you weren't ready yet & him reaching out only made things worse? what if you didnât even want to hear from him? what if his feelings were just a one-sided mess that heâd have to live with forever?
the days bled into one another, each one more unbearable than the last. he couldnât tell anyone how much he missed youâhow much he longed to hear your voice, to see you again, to figure out what all of this meant. so he kept it all inside, bottled up, carrying the weight of his emotions on his own. there were moments when he could feel it, the weight of his longing pressing on his chest, making it hard to breathe. he had tried to be patient, to give you space, but with each passing day, that patience was wearing thin.
he wondered if heâd done something wrong. had he misread the situation? had he pushed too far when he kissed you back? maybe you only kissed him because of the atmosphere or adrenaline or whatever? every time he thought about it, he felt sick. maybe you didnât feel the same way. maybe he had crossed a line, and now he was paying the price for it. the thought of you slipping further away from him was unbearable.
his phone sat on the coffee table, screen blank, mocking him with its silence. he had told himself heâd wait, that youâd reach out when you were ready, but the longer the silence stretched on, the harder it became to believe that. he wanted to hear your voice, to know that you werenât angry with him, to know that the kiss hadnât ruined everything between you. but instead, he sat in his apartment, surrounded by the deafening quiet.
& seungkwan? seungkwan had been on you about it for days.
"seriously, youâre just going to leave things like this?" seungkwan had said one morning, his eyes narrowing at you over his cup of coffee. "you kissed him. you kissed seungcheol hyung. and now youâre acting like it didnât happen. you think heâs not waiting for you to come around?"
you hadnât responded at first, unsure of how to even begin to process it. all you could think about was the kiss, and how everything felt so wrong and so right in that moment, and how now, in the aftermath, everything was a mess.
"youâve been so quiet about this. and itâs obvious to everyone. youâre both miserable. donât you get it?" seungkwan continued, his voice growing more insistent. "you canât just let it go, not after that. you owe it to yourself & especially to him to figure out what this is. what he is to you."
you had shaken your head, turning away, not wanting to face the truth. "i donât even know what it is. i donât know if iâ"
"youâre making it worse by not doing anything," he cut you off, his eyes narrowing. "stop running from it. just talk to him, okay? if you donât, youâre going to regret it."
you sighed heavily, sinking back into the couch. you had never been good at this kind of thing, especially when it came to feelings. but something in seungkwanâs words made you pause. the last thing you wanted was to regret anything.
"i donât know if i can," you murmured. "i donât know if heâll even want to talk to me after everything."
seungkwan rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "stop thinking like that. he doesnât know what to do either, so youâre both stuck, waiting for the other to make a move. just go to him. get your act together."
before you could respond, the door to your apartment unlocks, interrupting your conversation, and there stood seokmin, looking far too cheerful for the somber mood that had settled over you.
"hey, whatâs going on in here?" he asked, stepping inside with his usual bright smile.
you shrugged, feeling the weight of seungkwanâs words pressing on your chest. "nothing much. just⊠thinking."
seungkwan immediately jumped in, as if he couldnât help himself. "you need to go talk to seungcheol. iâm so done waiting for this mess to sort itself out."
seokmin raised an eyebrow, a knowing look on his face. "ah," he crossed his arms, settling into the couch. "youâre still haven't called huh?"
"no," you admitted, your voice small. "i donât know what to say to him."
"yeah, well, youâre not the only one," seokmin said with a sigh, his tone softening. "but running away from it wonât solve anything. look, and you know what cheol's like. if you tell him you need space & time & that you'll call him, he's gonna listen & wait for you. heâs not going to make the first move until you do so go talk to him, okay? figure it out. or at least to put that guy out of his misery."
you nodded slowly, trying to take in his words. it wasnât that simple. it never was. but seokmin had a way of speaking to you that made you feel like maybe, you could take that first step.
seungkwan was still persistent, though. "seriously, iâm not letting you off the hook. you still love him after all these years, donât you?"
"i donât know," you said, your voice cracking. "i think i do, but i donât even know how to deal with even coming to terms that i like him. everythingâs so messed up. i kissed him, and now i⊠i donât know what to do with all of it."
seokmin looked at you with an almost knowing smile. "sometimes, things donât have to be figured out all at once. itâs okay to just⊠see what happens. go to him and talk. take it one step at a time."
seungkwan nodded eagerly, as if the suggestion had finally gotten through to you. "exactly. just go. trust me, youâre both miserable. just fix it."
the decision was made. somehow, someway, you had to go to him. you didnât know what you were going to say, or how you were going to fix everything that had gone wrong, but you knew you had to try. the thought of never knowing how he felt, or whether you had a chance, was unbearable.
it had been days since you last saw him. days since everything had spiraled. and now here you were, on the verge of either fixing things or making them worse. you stood frozen, unsure of what to do. your hands trembled slightly, and for the first time in a long while, you felt completely out of control.
you knocked softly, but the sound felt too loud in the quiet hallway. a few moments later, you heard the shuffle of footsteps from the other side, and your heart skipped a beat.
the door swung open, and seungcheol stood there, looking absolutely stunned to see you standing there. his eyes widened in confusion, and for a brief second, you both just stared at each other in silence.
he seemed to take a deep breath, as if bracing himself. "you⊠youâre here," he said quietly, almost as if he couldnât believe it. "are you⊠okay?"
you didnât know how to respond. you wanted to say so many things, but words felt like too much. you stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to form a coherent sentence. the silence stretched, and then he spoke again, his voice breaking the tension.
"come in," he said softly, stepping aside to let you in, but you didnât move. "did i⊠did i do something wrong? if i upset you, iâm sorry. i didnât mean to. i really didnât." his voice was strained, as if he was holding back something. "i know we agreed on the whole fake dating thing for just 1 night, and maybe i crossed a line. but i didnât mean to. i didnât mean to make things complicated. I.. I didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.â
he sounded so genuinely sorry, and that was the moment it hit youâseungcheol was just as lost as you were.
you swallowed, forcing yourself to step over the threshold. you walked inside, every part of you feeling as though you were making a decision you couldnât take back. the door clicked shut behind you, and you stood in the middle of the living room, unsure of what to do or say next.
he gestured toward the couch, but neither of you sat. there was a tension hanging between you two, something unsaid but felt in the air. you stayed there, frozen, trying to process your thoughts while he watched you, waiting for something.
he cleared his throat, his voice quieter now. "come sit, please," he said. "talk to me, please. is it something i did? i⊠i can't fix it if i dont know what i did wrong."
you shook your head slowly, still unable to find your words. you felt like a mess, and you could tell by his expression that he felt the same. the weight of everything that had happenedâthe kiss, the awkward distance between you two afterâwas hanging over you both.
finally, you spoke, your voice barely above a whisper. "itâs not your fault."
"what do you mean?" he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion, a mix of hope and worry in his gaze. "whatâs not my fault?"
"i kissed you," you muttered, the words coming out rushed, almost in a panic. "it was me. i shouldnât have done it. and iâm sorry."
he seemed taken aback, a flash of guilt crossing his face. "but⊠why? why did you kiss me?âÂ
you bit your lip, looking down at the floor, avoiding his eyes for a moment. "i donât know why," you admitted, the confession escaping before you could stop it. "i wasn't thinkingâŠi just⊠i was jealous. i saw hanna with you, and i couldnât stand it. i⊠i kissed you because of that, but now, iâm not sure if it was jealousy or because i like you."
seungcheolâs face softened, his eyes searching yours as if trying to make sense of it. "you were jealous?" his voice was barely audible, as if the question itself was too much to bear. his eyes were glossy, and his hands trembled slightly at his sides. he took a step closer, his voice breaking as he spoke. "you⊠you like me?"
you took in a deep breath, feeling the tears prick at the corners of your eyes. "i think so, i donât know..I'm not sure but i donât want to lose you over a stupid kiss."
seungcheol exhaled shakily as his heart falters to the pit of his stomach. he felt a mixture of anger, bitterness and heartbreak flare in his chest, his fingers threading through his hair as he took a moment to gather himself. "a stupid kiss," he repeated, âyou dont know if you like me?â and there was a bitterness to his voice that made your chest tighten. he looked at you, his eyes shining with something raw, something that made your heart splinter.
"it's not just a stupid kiss to me," he whispered, and your breath caught. "do you know how long iâve been in love with you? do you have any idea how many times iâve tried to hold back these feelings because i was terrified you wouldnât feel the same?"
your eyes widened, your knees nearly giving out at his words. "you⊠you're in love with me?" you whispered, barely able to believe it.
he let out a bitter laugh, the sound cracking in the air between you. "yeah," he said, his voice breaking on the word. "iâm in love with you. itâs been hell, watching you, waiting for the right moment, praying that maybe, one day, you'd feel the same. and then you kissed me, and god, for a second, i thought it was real. i thought maybe you felt it too."
your hands shook as you tried to process his confession, the weight of his words pressing down on you, leaving you breathless. "cheolâŠ" you started, but he held up a hand, his gaze turning away from you.
"don't," he whispered, pain etched in every line of his face. "if you're not sure, if you don't know what you want, please⊠don't say anything. because this? this hurts too much."
your chest ached, your heart breaking at the sight of him, of the way he was barely holding himself together. "iâm sorry," you choked out, tears finally spilling down your cheeks. "i didnât know. i never realizedâ"
"thatâs the thing," he interrupted, his voice strained. "i've always been here, and you never realized." he swallowed hard, his jaw clenching as he tried to hold back his own tears. "i canât⊠i canât keep doing this if you don't feel the same,â
seungcheol softens as he took in a deep breath, âI can accept, noâI can understand if you donât love me back,â he says, his voice breaking, âbut i need you to at least be sure you like me. if you canât even be sure you like me, then i donât think i can do this.â his hands curl into fists on his knees, the weight of his words pressing into the air between you.
the tears come without warning, spilling down your cheeks as everything youâve been holding back crashes over you. âcheol,â you begin to confess, voice trembling, âi was in love with you four years ago. back then, before everything. before my ex.â your confession hangs heavy, and you can see the shock and pain in his eyes.
âfour years ago?â he chokes out. heâs crying too, his tears slipping silently down his face. âwhy didnât you tell me?â
you wipe at your face, trying to catch your breath. âbecause i thought it was over. i thought my feelings had become platonic, that theyâd evolved into this safe, distant affection. but seeing you... seeing hanna flirt with you... it hurt. it hurt because i realized i never really let you go. i still love you, cheol. and itâs not just this soft, easy love. itâs the kind that makes me want you even when it hurts.â
his sob catches in his throat, and he reaches for you, his hands trembling. âiâve loved you for so long,â he confesses, his voice cracking under the weight of it all. âi tried to hide it. i tried to hold it back, but i couldnât. youâve always been the one, even when i knew i shouldnât feel that way.â
the two of you sit there, crying together, the years of longing, misunderstandings, and suppressed emotions finally crashing down. he cups your face, thumb brushing away your tears. âso now what?â you ask, voice small and broken.
seungcheol pulls back slightly, looking at you with a playful glint in his eyes, but there's something vulnerable there too. he smiles as he rubs soothing circles on your cheek with his thumb. "now... now i ask you out on a date," he says, his voice softer, but his tone filled with so much emotion. âbutââ he pauses, his smile fading slowly as his gaze turns serious now, âiâll give youâŠfive dates.â
âwhat? what do you mean?â your eyebrows scrunch in confusion.
seungcheol's smile returns as he takes in your pouty face before clearing his throat, âi'll let you decide if you still want me after that. no pressure. in case you change your mind.â his hand goes to reach for a stray hair near your cheek and tucks it behind your ear as he gives you a soft smile, still holding a certain sadness and uncertainty to it.
you smile softly, shaking your head. âi donât need five dates to know my answer, cheol. i'm not changing my mind.â bold adrenaline suddenly pumps through your blood, and you hastily pull seungcheol closer to you in a quick motion, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, and then you place a quick kiss on his lips. it's nothing romantic by any means, neither was it movie-scene-worthy. it's nothing like that, but it is more than enough to soothe your soaring heart, and it's definitely more than enough to send your message across to seungcheol.
seungcheolâs eyes widen in surprise as you pull away. "youâreâŠsure.â this time, it wasn't a question.
"i'm sure," you repeat anyway for him, stepping into his arms as your heart flutters at the feeling of him finally pulling you in, his embrace as warm as you'd imagined.
his arms wrapping around you with a warmth and desperation that sends a shiver down your spine. It feels like everything you've both been holding back for so long is coming unraveled, like this embrace is the start of something fragile but real. His face buries into the crook of your neck, and you feel his breath, heavy and uneven, as he holds on like he's afraid to let go.
"i've waited so long to hear you say that," he murmurs, voice muffled against your skin. His words are shaky, the tremble betraying the vulnerability heâs still trying to hide. "iâve wanted this for so long, but i never imagined it would feel this terrifying."
your hand finds his back, holding him just as tightly. "itâs terrifying for me too," you admit softly, your voice trembling. "but... iâm tired of being afraid.â
he pulls back slightly, his forehead pressing against yours as his eyes search your face. âletâs give this a real chance, even if it scares us. even if itâs hard." he whispers, a hint of a smile breaking through the sorrow that had clouded his expression.Â
you nod, your eyes locked with his. "i want to," you say, feeling a fragile hope bloom in your chest. "i want us."
a soft, relieved laugh escapes his lips, and he pulls you into a real kiss this timeâgentle, slow, and full of everything unspoken. Itâs not perfect, but it feels like a promise, like a beginning you both desperately needed. you lose yourself in the moment, your heart pounding as the weight of everything finally starts to lift.
when you both pull away, breathless but smiling, seungcheol rests his forehead against yours. "so, about those five dates, even though you say you dont need them," he teases, his voice a little lighter now, a spark of his usual playful demeanor coming back. "should we count this one, or start fresh?"
you laugh, the sound bringing color back into the space between you. "maybe we should count this one," you say, your heart feeling impossibly full. "but only if it means you have to try extra hard to make the next four unforgettable."
his smile widens, the warmth in his eyes chasing away the lingering shadows of doubt. "deal," he says, his hands still resting on your waist. "iâll make every single one worth remembering, just you wait."
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I just feel like even if we all vote and Biden wins, Trump won't accept the loss, and eventually they'll just put him in anyway. And then there won't be another real election. Even if Biden wins and somehow is actually confirmed (which again, I think is unlikely) we're going to have to do this for 30 more years because of the SC, and that isn't at all sustainable.
All this isn't to say I won't vote but I just think people are being way too optimistic about what happens if Biden wins. I don't think him winning will keep Trump out or the horrible fascist future at bay.
Look, I get the fear. I do, I do... but this is also one of the times when you have to ask if it's actually telling you something true, or if it's just preying on that generalized feeling of doom to make everything seem hopeless even if we win again. And that is... there is absolutely no actual mechanism for Trump to be installed as president if Biden wins the Electoral College (since as we have repeatedly seen, the popular vote is immaterial). SCOTUS is horrible and evil and are trying to interfere as much ahead of time for Trump as they can, but part of that is because they can't simply issue an order for Biden to be removed and Trump to become God King By Fiat. That is not how it works. If Biden wins in November, he will be president until his term ends, he steps down, Kamala takes over, or anything else.
Trump tried a coup with all the entire overwhelming might of the US government as the sitting president last time; fortunately, it failed. Reforms to the Electoral Count Act have been made to prevent another January 6. The Department of Defense and the military are still under (and would be on another January 6) Biden's command, not Trump's. That's not to say that Trump won't try some shit with his insane cult followers, but he is just a late 70s conman from Queens out on bail and under sentence for a criminal trial, who is already the biggest and most disgraced loser and asshole in American political history. He is so desperate to cheat his way back into power because in a real sense, this IS the last-chance saloon for him. He can't put off the legal proceedings, however long they take, for another four years. He's losing his marbles at a rapid rate. I'm just saying: we don't know what or when, but there will be (and already have been) real consequences for him. That is why he is scrabbling so hard.
"Even if we vote, nothing matters and Trump will win anyway" is another of those insidious lies that works to make you feel as if the battle is endless and pointless and none of its victories matter. Of course it will not all be magically fixed forever if Biden wins. We will still have to figure some godforsaken fucking way to expand SCOTUS or kick Alito and Thomas off it. But we will have bought ourselves, our democracy, our country, and the world time to do that, and put another nail in Trump's coffin. That matters. It matters a lot.
Fascism wants to present itself as overwhelming, irresistible, inevitable, and ready to happen no matter what you do, and that's what your brain wants you to buy in now. But that's not the case, Trump is not inevitable or some all-powerful monolith (in fact, another of the debate takeaways seemed to be that Biden looked bad but people still hate Trump too much for it to really shift anything). He is a loser, a fraud, a conman, a liar, and a crook, and he WANTS you to fear him like an almighty god. Don't give him or the MAGAGOP the satisfaction.
Frankly, having to endure another four months of this might kill us all, and I know that we are tired and scared (me too). But IT IS NOT INEVITABLE THAT WE ARE DOOMED. Not at all. Let's hang onto that and tell that anxiety doom voice to shove it.
Hugs.
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