#i'm barely verbal and i am losing my ability to function to brainfog and everyone around me treats me like i'm their little pet idiot
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fallowtail · 1 year ago
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i try not to let it get to me but the knowledge i am always going to be The Stupid One in every situation i’m in just…really, really sucks. sigh. oh well. i stay silly :3c
#cant even blame it on being audhd because everyone else i know who is#is smart and talented and their brains work alright 😭 i'm just stupid and incapable#i feel like i’m the only person out there who does not get to experience any of the benefits or joys of these things#for me it is nothing but brain damage and endless suffering with no brightside or intelligence or anything#but then everyone tells me i’m the bad guy because if there was a magic button that would make me not audhd i would click it immediately#like why am i wrong for not wanting to suffer#everyone else seems to have a special interest or a fixation and they can remember information about those things but i...dont. i can't. LO#i do not experience the autistic joy everyone else talks about. i dont have the adhd focusing on what you like superpowers or whatever#my autism made me barely pass highschool and i couldnt handle community college and i had to drop out and i can barely handle having#an entry level job that everyone patronizes me about#i'm barely verbal and i am losing my ability to function to brainfog and everyone around me treats me like i'm their little pet idiot#but wanting to change that about myself makes me evil and bad or something i guess#sorry to whine on tumblr like the good old days but twitter is sick of my shit LOL 😭#pmdd making me spiral worse than usual#one of those times where i'm realizing that if everyone else experiences these things totally different from me than maybe that was never#what was wrong with me in the first place lol. maybe i dont have an explanation and i'm back to being 10 15 19 24 sobbing wondering why im#like this. why i'm so stupid. not even in a self hating way in a legitimately proven way that i am functioning below average intelligence.#ok im done sorryyyyy god i forgot how good tumblr is to vent on#z
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