#i'm always the person who messages first
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cookies sad hour whining hour ignore me (<- actually loves attention)
#i'm sad because i wish people would message me first more#i'm always the person who messages first#but when other people send me messages it makes me feel like oh you actually like talking to me and wanted to reach out and talk to me and#are giving me attention without me messaging first#i am a person who needs a lot of attention#and i don't mind asking for it bc i'm the kind of person who says what i want and need#but i get really sad at it sometimes because#when i'm feeling depressed or anxious then i isolate myself and if other people were to reach out to me first more then it would be less#likely to happen#like i even just want people to check in on me every now and then. ask me how i'm feeling if i've mentioned going through a depressive#episode#or whatever mental troubles#idk why i'm feeling so emotional about this suddenly#like i don't mind messaging people first but i guess when it comes to me struggling badly then i WISH people would message me to ask me#how i'm doing#@ all my friends reading this i am not upset at anyone at all btw i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert#almost no one messages me first which is whatever cuz i'm chatty and used to initiating conversations but i guess it also makes me sad#i dont ask people to because i'm not about to force people to be doing something that is uncomfortable for them#i do ask people to check in on me though if they know i'm having an episode#idk if it rly happens though#i just sometimes fear that if i stopped pulling my weight in relationships due to a mental health crisis that all of my friendships will di#because i'm the one who initiates everything#again i'm not upset at anyone i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert#vent#you can heart this or reply or whatever idc but rbs are off for obvious reasons
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Anyway asshole sneezed yesterday while I was driving and I nearly wrecked my car lmao
#snz kink#and he did it more than once too like excuse you#might as well have whipped his dick out smh#i didn't actually almost wreck tho I'm just being dramatic lmao#thank god he didn't bring up the fact that it's a kink again tho bc i might’ve fr wrecked ahdkalsk#but i was like 'don't do that I'm driving 😒' and he sarcastically apologized#to his credit he did try to stifle when he did it again but that was worse bc i felt bad lmao#'well don't do *that*' and then he snorted and rolled his eyes and was like 'there's no winning with you'#god he's so great to converse with even when we're playfully bickering lmao fuck#still crazy to me that I've never been into a cishet man before in my life and always thought I'd end up with a woman#just for the first person I've ever dated to be not only a cishet man#but also my fucking coworker after i said i would never date a coworker#hate this for me but also 🥰#also now I'm extra feeling some type of way about the fact that he sent me those voice messages while he was sick#like damn maybe that did do something to me ahdkkala#maybe I should listen to them again just to see 👀#nah I'm not actually gonna do that lmao I'd feel weird if i did#anyway rip to y'all who followed me for snz lmao this is basically just a simp blog these days#oh well it's my blog lmao#partner posting
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
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was just added to a group chat by an old friend (who i adore very much) inviting everyone to his bday party and just. there's nearly 70 people in that group. HOW. how do you find 60+ people you'd actually wanna celebrate your birthday with
#i mean i'm not surprised#he's the kind of person to make friends with everyone#in fact only the other day i was telling my mom about how he was the only one#of the older group of boys at summer camp who'd been there a few times already#who actually SAW little 15 y/o me#and who'd always talk to me whenever i walked past him and his friends in the hallway#(his friends didn't. or mostly talked to me after this guy talked to me first)#he was also the one who invited me to the yearly weekend hangout after camp that year#i wouldn't have been to shy to go if he hadn't messaged me on facebook and convinced me to go#so yeah. i'm not surprised he's the kinda person to know almost 70 people for a birthday party#but still. my introverted ass feels super overwhelmed just looking at that number#HOW. HOW DO YOU NOT IMPLODE#airenyah plappert
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at any given point in time there is a text i'm not responding to
#shitpost#how do people do this...how do they just...continuously talk to people...#how do they keep track of all the different people#i always forget who i need to respond to and when i last did#someone sent a message a few day (?) ago I should respond to#someone texted me back this morning but I texted first in response to a few days of not responding#so i. will wait?#i don't like responding immediately most of the time because what if /they/ respond immediately and then we're in Conversation#i can't just Enter Conversation on a whim#and then when I finally DO respond....they respond BACK#god maintaining relationships is hard <- has difficulty maintaining relationships disorder#also this is not about any one specific person#so no one who does message me feel bad okay?#my choice to engage with you and if I do so its because I like doing it#ophelia i'm saying this for you in case you see this you have nothing to apologize for <3#i'm just talking about myself none of this has to do with anything you've done
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i remember when klavier split off and how, like, happy we all were. because before him it was just me, dahlia, and nightshade all fighting with each other. like not just mental fighting like physically fighting with each other, my first interaction with nightshade was on a discord call where i had to mute because we were co-hosting and throwing shit and threatening each other. and then klavier comes and he’s an instant ray of sunshine and at the very least, me and dahlia realize that we had a missing piece. and the three of us became so much closer, dahlia and klavier were a little queer for each other and klavier made all these friends and dahlia would front to keep me from having breakdowns, or front to buy clothes, or front to talk to my therapist about us. and klavier would come out and listen to his like 7 hour long playlist. and we were happy because i was like, well, they’re not gonna go. they can’t do that.
and now they’re gone. dahlia last fronted for a life or death situation and then she left and i thought that would mean she’d be around more but, no, that was it. klavier always seems sad or upset with me whenever he fronts. rory and nightshade and cynthia and daisy and all the others i never knew the names of have never come back. the first alter, orchid, she’s never fronted either. not since it was too late. she might have fused with me but it’s hard to say because i haven’t been the same person for longer than two months in a very, very long time.
like is that not all fucking crazy to you? it’s crazy to me. it’s crazy to think that now people are going to say they were never real at all and it’s like no you don’t get it. i hear different languages i don’t speak in my head. i get flashbacks to trauma that isn’t my own. i have headaches that feel like my brain is splitting open that have lasted 5 hours because of non stop switches.
it’s not that they were never here. it’s the opposite.
#don't reblog#nightmare.system#it sucks that i will never believe people when they say they relate to my experiences#because i have gotten dm messages from the most closed off people from strangers even saying they get it#but i don't think anyone understands. because i don't think you can understand something that is nonexistent#to be honest i don't know what reality is anymore. externally or internally. i don't know the reality of my emotions my opinions my anything#and i can think back to all the moments where it should have been obvious#that my brain is just transplanted pieces of dialogue taht other people have said to me#their opinions and their own lives stitched together until it made a person out of me#and maybe that is why it's so deeply fucking upsetting that my alters have gone quiet#because this is the first time in my life that my brain has been 'mine'#and if anything about the way i've acted for months has been obvious it's that i don't know what to do with that#i don't know my age. i don't know who my friends are. i don't know what you think of me. i don't know my values.#i took two tests about my attachment style and i answered the opposite to the same questions on both. within an hour of each other.#and both were honest. but both contradicted. because it is literally impossible for me to believe anything wholly#and that's always been a uniquely me thing. klav tried to get it but he never did. same with the others to a lesser extent#but dahlia was as consistent as most human beings are she had her weaknesses and her contradictions#and she did petty and objectively stupid things while still pretending she was logical#but she was her. and i was fifteen people in a trenchcoat#i don't know why i'm saying all this. i don't know why it matters#i'm just so tired of not being understood. tired of people not trying to understand. and tired of people trying to understand#but never actually getting close.#myself included.
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(Previous DCMK-game anon) That was exactly what I was looking for! Thank you so much, you are was so helpful and so kind to take time out of your day to respond! Hope you've been well :) ❤️
[Game ask]
Aww, Anon 🥺 I'm glad I was able to help! I love talking "niche" DetCo content—there's a lot of fun stuff out there that I like bringing more attention to!—so I love asks wondering about that kind of thing. Gives me an excuse to ramble!
Thank you for such a sweet ask!
#replies#anonymous#please excuse the ramblings that are gonna follow but#i've often answered asks that don't even get a 'like' from the person who asked in the first place#so this message just really made me 🥺#and for the record it's totally fine to not 'like' my responses! i answer asks because i want to--not for 'recognition' or anything#but it's really nice to be appreciated thank you 🙏#i'm sorry i don't always answer asks the most quickly and sometimes struggle to answer at all but i read and appreciate every one!#hoping to be more present now--my laptop (that i got at the end of *last year*!) broke down#it took about a month for the warranty replacement to arrive and the older laptop i had in the meantime shuts off constantly#on top of all the traveling i was doing and some other irl stuff i've been working through#it's been difficult for me to be very present on social media#but new laptop is here! and i'm done traveling for a while#so i hope to be here more#y'all have been making so much good stuff while i was going through it! feel like i've missed so much!#ahh ramblings aside thank you again for the asks! 🙏
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Text.
#i'm probably not the person to be laughing at islamophobia considering I'm not muslim#and this is just online so there's enough distance to not be scary#but islamophobes don't care whether or not you are muslim in the first place#you kinda get used to being called a terrorist supporter and ISIS bride is the thing#and you start to find some of it really funny#like it's endlessly funny how Zionists keep seeing Hamas in their street‚ their cereal bowl and cat's litter box#and the Hamas=ISIS has always been amusing because IS hates Hamas#''do you condemn Ham—?'' ISIS: ''SO GLAD YOU ASKED FUCK THOSE GUYS—''#i was prepared for the natural evolution of Hamas=ISIS=Taliban#again hilarious to anyone who sees the Middle East as other than Terrorist Blob#ISIS and Taliban are currently too busy fighting each other like cats to bother anybody else#but yday a friend of mine got a message calling her a ''racist Hamas Boko Haram terrorist''#BOKO HARAM#how tf is BOKO HARAM going to#THAT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF AFRICA#I'm just. dyyiiinngg#💀💀💀#man I wish us non-Muslims could get the online Islamphobic bile. not only does it not hurt us it's also mostly hysterical#knee of huss
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"youre gonna be my bestie even if we don't talk as we did before"
#NO GIRL WE ARE NOT#YOU CHOOSE HER OVER ME#YOU ALWAYS CHOSE HER OVER ME WHEN I DID YHE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF OPENING UP TO U#i told her about my 2020 state#like.....i trusted her#it took her 3 months to shatter it into pieces like.......YOU ARE NOT MY BESTIE I DON'T THINK OF U AS A FRIEND TO...ITS MY NATURE THAT WONT#LET ME HURT U#you were the first person who made me feel unwanted after i told who how insecure i was about that thing#I've not opened up to my college bestie about this bc I'm scared that she'll do the same#this bitch gave me issues....#I'm about to ignore that message reply and not even read it
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I am extremely and horrifically unwell rn
#i relapsed#we have no water#before we lost water it was contaminated with god knows what every single fucking health department person i called was stumped and confuse#but now we have no water#my parents find me so anonying and stupid they don't want to spend time with me#i tried to voice to my ma that that hurts me and that didn't work out#my ma found out i relapsed#my life is falling apart and i might end up in the ER#i kind of still want to die#i might relapse again already#i'm tired#not a single person ever thinks about me unless i'm talking to them#no one checks in on me no on talks to me i stop existing if i'm not constantly messaging them since they never talk to me first#why would they#i'm tried of pretending to be happy like who am I doing it for?? it's not like it's helping me#it's just for the sake of keeping people from hating me for being 'too depressing' or whatever#but what's the point they don't wanna be around me anyway#everyone always leaves#maybe it's high time i stop making excuses for people who hurt me and neglect me and just accept they want nothing to do with me#maybe then i'd stop getting hurt
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"I don't think I could have the relationship with you that you have with me," she said. She was very casual about it, and I was immediately on the defensive.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
She put the book she'd been reading down. "It's just, the way you've described it, and the vibe that I get, I don't think I could do it how you do it."
"I still don't know what that means," I said.
"You're always doing this like ... micro calculation thing," she said. "You weigh your words. You try to time things. You have never once called me up while I was at work, or asked me for something when it was inconvenient for me, and you check and double check that you're not being a nuisance."
"And ... that's bad?" I asked.
"No, I love that about you," she said. "It's very kind and considerate. I know that if I tell you I'm not in the mood to hang out, you'll apologize and not push it. If you suggest that we get pizza and I say I'd rather have Korean BBQ, you fold instantly and we get Korean BBQ. I like that. I get the things I want. But it seems like an exhausting way to deal with people."
"I want you to be happy," I said with a small voice.
"I am happy," she replied. "You're great. You remember when we first got together I was like 'hey, look, if you want pizza, we can get pizza, it's just not what I'm in the mood for', and you kept insisting that you didn't care, that you would rather have me follow my needs? And I just thought, 'you know, maybe I should just trust that's what they actually feel'. And it is, as far as I can tell. There's not some secret part of you that wants me to break your way."
"You think I'm ... a simpering coward?" I asked. Even as I said it, it felt too accusatory, the wrong thing to say in the situation.
"Whoa, no, not at all," she laughed. "I think you do all that stuff because ... I don't know, you want to? Because otherwise why would you do it? It's how you are with every aspect of your life, you're a tryhard. I mean you said to me that you wanted to reclaim the term. Your relationship with me is that you're a tryhard (affectionate)."
"And you're ... not?" I asked.
"I'm not that way with anyone," she replied. "You know why I hang out with you so much? It's 'cause I like you. Most days, I am very much in the mood for you, and if you ask for a meetup, I'll say yes, and if you don't ask for one, then I'll ask you first. And for you ..."
"What?" I asked.
"It's like ... you're keeping track," she said. "You want to make sure that you're not sending me more messages than I'm sending you. You're balancing social micro stuff that I don't pay attention to. You're consciously monitoring how much each of us has said and making sure it's the right number of words or whatever."
"It's really not about the number of words," I replied. "It's more ... making sure that social and emotional labor is equitable, that there's a good rhythm to the conversation. I don't think you'd get good results by tracking word count."
"But see, I don't do any of that," she said. "I talk because I feel like talking. I listen when you need to vent because I like you and it feels good to give you an outlet. I mean you are undoubtedly putting in a bunch of work, and for me, there's no work. That's all I meant, really."
"You've thought about it," I said.
"Oh, I'm just reading this book, and there are two characters like us in it, and I was like 'yes, exactly', and then 'that would not work for me'." She shrugged.
"And if I stopped 'putting in the work'?" I asked. "Would we still be ... friends?"
"See, I don't know," she said. "Because that's never who you've been. You're asking me if I would still be friends with you if you changed your personality and how we interact with each other. Maybe? Probably? Who knows? Maybe we'd be better friends somehow. Maybe we're just two basically compatible people, and every time you've ever worried about anything it would actually have been completely fine."
"Or maybe it's load-bearing," I said.
"Maybe!" she replied with a smile that slowly faded. "You okay?"
"I'm thinking," I said. I didn't know if I could verbalize what I was thinking in a way that would be palatable.
"Do you not like being this way with me?" she asked. "Because I have never asked you to. I've made my preferences known, but if you've been bending yourself into knots and feeling a burden, then ..."
"No," I said, because I knew it was what she wanted to hear. "No, I like the way things are between us."
"Good," she smiled. "I do too."
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Oh hey are you into one piece now :D
Yeah, I'm working my way through it slowly. So far I really like the characters the most. I generally prefer more grounded world building in the stories I read, but when it comes to One Piece I find the over the top and silly stuff more fun because Oda makes it clear from the get go that's the kind of story it is so I was prepared for it going in.
Right now I'm still pretty early on--they just got Chopper (which is about where I stopped reading OP back when I was a kid ironically). I know a lot of what happens later on though because before I even watched the live action and got back into it, I watched video essays on the characters because I love video essays.
I've also been reading parts of the Fishman Island arc because my brain decided Arlong was my new favorite minor villain to love. It's been really hard to read parts of it though because sometimes the way it deals with the topic of oppression when it comes to the Fish-people/merfolk really bugs me and I have to put it down for a while.
But yeah, for now my posts will probably be about One Piece, particularly Arlong and the other fish-men because I find them neat. I still keep up with My Hero, but nothing in it lately has really got me to write about it.
#ask#thanks for the ask!#one piece#it's very slow going--i like but it's so long#so i need breaks#shonen has fun characters that I love#but from my very first time watching DBZ#i was always a little board by the fights#and so once the arc enters the shonen end of arc constant fights my brain wants to check out so bad#and idk how i'm going to finish fishman island#like i get the message but like so many stories that try to tackle racial oppression#it just really misses the mark#and falls into the trap of 'what if the bad guys was just an oppressed person who decided he wanted to be an oppressor?'#and also we are not actually going to engage much with the very valid reason they might be really angry#and the right way to fix oppression is not get mad and try and reach across the divide#even though no real work or change has been done by the offending party#like Otohime kind really pisses me off and I'm kind of happy Hody killed her and sort of felt like she deserved it#i mean the arc really wants you to like and side with the royal family but wow the stuff i have gotten through so far does not do that#like Arlong and Hody are really their own fault and although they admit they dropped the ball#it comes across as less 'we didn't protect our people from constant murder and kidnappings by humans which lead to hate'#and more 'we didn't realize these people started to really hate humans for a reason we won't really mention'#but idk maybe once I finish it it'll be better?#i mean i very rarely see people complain about it in this way so maybe I'm just misreading it idk
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jungkook fic recs! 💘 part 3
★ starry night (m) | jjk - @kithtaehyung (all you wanted to do was take your boyfriend on a super late date.)
★ Millisecond - @kookiepleasee (Jungkook just can’t get enough of you, but is too afraid to make a move, so he just admires you from afar, every day.)
★ Home: risky birthday 🔞 - @bonny-kookoo (In which you really don't know how he talked you into this.)
★ just a little... | jjk drabble - @soft4gguk
★ "big tiddie anime bitches" | jjk - @h0neypjm (Jungkook, bless his heart, has an obsession. An obsession with big titty anime girls and the idea of you dressed as them. His birthday is coming up, what better time to fulfil his weeb fantasies than on Jungkook's special day.)
★ WARM NIGHTS & CLEAR LINES — JJK (m.) - @awrkive (there haven't been a lot of people who have come into your life that became important to you – and you didn’t expect jeon jungkook to be one if it – not at all. but what started as a casual relationship turned into more than that, and now you find yourself deeply in love with him – and happily so. or; your first "i love you" comes out completely wrong.)
★ ( 전정국 ) . . . BURNING HOUR jeon jungkook - @jungqkook (there’s nothing better than spending an entire day at your boyfriend’s yatch, tanning and waiting for the sunset with a drink in your hand… too bad your boyfriend had other plans for you.)
★ fill with fire, exhale desire, m | jjk - @whatifyoulivelikethat (He smokes cigarettes. You hate it. You always have a lighter in your pocket. He is pissed off because it isn't for him, you say. So much is said, but the truth is in the silence.)
★ RAINY DAYS | JEON JUNGKOOK - PART ONE - @rklve (your life choices left not only yours, but jungkook's heart broken in peaces. now you're back in town, and just like pluto, even if it's cold and dark, he tends to orbit around his sun forever.)
★ Devoted to Trouble - @jeonsweetpea (In which the whole world finds out Jungkook is Spider-Man, but he doesn’t care about anything but you. OR Can you survive seven days of Jungkook pining over you while his identity is exposed to the world?)
★ whipped - JJK - @aquagustd (another day, another trend that you’re forced to participate in with your boyfriend. It was his idea but he somehow gets sidetracked, with his head between your thighs.)
★ campus affairs | jeon jungkook - @kooktrash (you transferred to a new college during second semester and you didn’t expect much excitement out for. that’s until jungkook came along and what had struggled to be a friendship was becoming so much more.)
★ [10:29pm] | jeon jungkook - @kookssin (established!relationship, smut, mirror sex)
★ Fall Back in Love | jjk - @bukguhope (jungkook somehow grew a reputation of sleeping around on campus, leaving him lonely and inexperienced with relationships. so when you, his old childhood best friend moves onto campus, he discovers what a relationship can feel like as he finds himself falling in love with you)
★ 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬: - @euphoricfilter (it’s not often your boyfriend calls you with a cryptic message to come over; especially when he’s meant to be at his parents’ place for the holidays.)
★ fast forward - JJK - @aquagustd (If every single person you knew was against you, it wouldn’t matter, doesn’t matter because Jungkook would be there for you. That’s why you don’t question his words when he repeats ‘I’ll be back’ one disconcerting morning, and you respond with ‘I know. I trust you.’ He’ll make you eat your words.)
★ paired & puppy-eyed | jjk - @yoon-kooks (When Jeon Jungkook agrees to be your partner for a class project, he doesn’t realize what that might escalate to until you show up at his door in a teeny-tiny crop top and cling to his tattooed arm like his naughty little kitten.)
★ risqué ; timestamp #15 - @mercurygguk
★ LOVE ME | JJK - @wnderkoo (I guess I'm just a sucker for love.)
★ CRIMINAL ! ... halloween special - @voyter (your boyfriend ends up loving your costume idea for the two of you more than he initially lets on.)
★ 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢 - @pennyellee (You, a determined fashion designer, find yourself entangled in a collaboration with the irresistibly charming and egotistic heartthrob, Jeon Jungkook. Will this partnership remain strictly professional, or will he make the lines blur?)
★ grumpy!jk - @awrkive (jungkook is usually a nice guy from the way he interacts with other people – but the only exception comes to you. and you can't figure out why.)
★ MOTHERFUCKIN’ TRAIN WRECK! ⋆ 정국 - @lovieku (when renowned fuckboy jeon jeongguk catches feelings, he loses his mind. only when it comes to you, though.)
★ CRAZY | JJK (Part 1) - @girlygguk (you know it sounds twisted. that most people would see hyungwon as the perfect boyfriend. healthy, balanced, all the things that relationships should be. that’s when you realized... you weren't like most people. but that's okay. because neither is jungkook.)
★ metro inhabitant!Jungkook x survivor!female reader - @runariya
★ Closer To You - JJK (18+) - @back2bluesidex (You know that you and Jeongguk are completely different individuals from every possible aspect, and there is no future of this relationship but you can’t push him away, not when he only wants to come closer to you.)
★ next door - jjk - @sugaimhome (Jungkook is obsessed with you. All because of some badly designed architecture and house planning, he’d do anything for you, and when he sees you struggling to orgasm, he takes matters into his own hands... or camera.)
★ PRESSED IN THE STEAM - @97kuu (There is only so much he can handle visually of your wet, hot and exposed body in an a private onsen before his member starts craving more than simple touches and thrusts between your thighs.)
#jungkook#jungkook fanfiction#bts fanfiction#jungkook angst#bts angst#jungkook fic recs#bts fic recs#jungkook x reader#bts jungkook#jungkook series#jungkook fanfic#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook smut#jungkook fic#jungkook recs#jeon jungkook#jeon jungguk#jungkook imagine#yandere jungkook#jungkook reader#jungkook x y/n#jungkook x yn
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night of secrecy
<Sylus x fem!reader>
the extension of Nights of Secrecy card by syluss-littlecrow ♥️
warnings: smut, pwp, unprotected sex, steamy fucking, pussy eating, overstimulation, orgasms for sure, Sylus should be a whole ass warning by himself!, extension scenes for LADS card, canon events (TO ME!!!),
a/n: I'm back!!! At least for now... Also happy new year my little crows. I apologise for the extreme inactivity. Life caught me by the throat and flung me unfortunately not into Sylus's arms 😔🙏🏻 nonetheless, I was the happiest person on earth when we finally, FINALLY, got a spicy card for Sylus!! It was... WOO. definitely needed to extend the in-between scenes because thats what I wanted and y'all are suffering with me. Love you all as always and take care ♥️ also! Please give me a while to go through my inbox!! I'll try to answer your messages as much as I can! 🙏🏻
w/c: 2.8K
“Looks like we’re on the same page on not wanting to waste time.”
His voice pulled your attention back to him. You watch the way his eyes are pretty much devouring you whole, and you've suddenly forgotten what he tastes like. And obviously, you’re ready to go in for seconds.
Your mind is slowly clouding from the desire seeping into your veins. The intensity of Sylus’s gaze on you suddenly dawn's onto you and you're briefly distracted by the snow pattering against the windows, your gaze grazing the midnight sky with snow looking like glitter, dousing the whole area outside of the warmth you're enveloped in.
Before you realise it, Sylus snaps your attention back to him.
Your eyes are back on him, and the way he's staring right into you sends you fucking shivers.
“Don't get distracted at a time like this, kitten.”
Your hands wrap around his neck and you yank him closer, not missing the way Sylus’s eyes widen for a split second before he’s tasting you again.
God, you taste so fucking good.
The kisses grow deeper and more desperate, just like the first round on the couch, but this time, Sylus wants to make sure he's the one eating you whole. You let soft moans slip out between exchanging tastes, and you hear Sylus take a deep inhale. He’s got his weight pressed onto you, but he's trying not to crush you, and you feel his thick cock pressing hard against the inner of your thigh.
Who's gonna drive who crazy first?
The silk bedding beneath you only grows warmer, completely taken over the heat both of you are emitting.
“No looking.”
His palm blocks your vision, shutting off your sight, the intensity of your other senses slowly setting ablaze.
His kisses are relentless, sprinkled with soft bites along your bottom lip. His fingers find yours on the bed, tightening your grip, his moans and breathing growing in intensity against your lips. You want to keep this sensation and him in a jar and lock it up forever.
Sylus lifts his palm off your eyes, knowing he's had his fill for now and knowing that he has you soaked and sticky, he watches you catch your breath, your eyes in a daze. The faint smear of your lipstick on his lips from ruining yours catches your attention.
Maybe you should wear red lipstick more often.
His eyes are back on you now, his breathing still heavy. Even though the lights are dim and warm, the way you have his cheeks dusted with red all the way to his ears makes your heartbeat accelerate. You've never come this close to seeing the leader of Onychinus look like this.
Your fingers trace below his left eye, and a rush of possessiveness bleeds through your words, barely a whisper.
“Am I being too greedy…if I want you to keep your eyes only on me?”
A soft chuckle comes out of Sylus. He catches your wrist before it falls and presses his lips gently against your palm before he locks his eyes with you again
“You've always had that right. Which means you could be even greedier.”
And his lips dive for your cheek, and trails down to your jawline, and down to your neck, setting the patches of skin he kisses ablaze. He bites and sucks, making sure he leaves his mark, hiding his satisfaction whenever he hears you whine his name.
You feel the warmth of his palm slide down your thigh, and it gives you goosebumps. You watch the way he kisses the top of your knee as he lets his fingers trail lower down.
“Do you want it, kitten?”
The “yes” that spills out of your lips almost instantaneously draws a smirk from Sylus. He's ready to leave your clothes in pieces. But your palm presses against his bare chest just before he gets a chance to go further, as if stopping him. Sylus pouts slightly, grabbing your thighs once more.
“You haven't changed your mind, have you? You just said yes?”
Only when he catches the playful grin you wear that he realises that you're painfully teasing him. Nonetheless, he plays along with you–spoiling you with kisses as he pulls you by your legs closer to him.
“I'm hoping your answer is still yes…”, he mutters, switching his gaze between you and your supple thighs.
“…because I'm not holding back anymore.”
His fingers hook the waistband of your panties, and he slides it off your legs, his lips curled in a satisfied smile when notices the glistening sheen of your panties.
He thinks you're so fucking pretty when you're unraveled and wet for him.
Sylus has his palms pushing your legs apart, his attention now on your soaked pussy, practically inviting him for a taste.
He presses his lips against your pussy lips, his tongue then gliding up and down, brushing against your clit, over and over. You hate how he's so perfectly precise at finding your weakest spots. But then again, you let him into your territory, and that's your problem to enjoy.
Your breathing gradually staggers, your fingers curling against the soft white locks of his hair. Sylus is forcing your hips to stay onto the bed while he fucks you with his tongue. He hears you whimpering his name every time his tongue flicks against your clit, the pleasure shooting up your spine over and over again.
“S-Sylus..”, you mumble, your pussy pulsating once more when he sucks on your clit. “Gonna cum. Fuck.”
Sylus doesn't directly respond to you, but rather, his fingers that aren't holding your lower body down circles the entrance of your soft pussy, and then he pushes his fingers in.
You gasp, your body jolts slightly from the pressure. Now you're clawing the bedsheets and your moans pour out of you freely, competing with the squelching and wet sounds coming from your cunt.
His muffled moans vibrate against your cunt, as if beckoning you to just let it all out, and it drives you over the edge topped with his fingers fucking your pussy, long enough to hit your most sensitive spots.
“Fuck, fuck! Sylus I'm cumming-”, cutting off when your orgasm hits you fucking hard in waves, the pleasure tingling down your spine, your mind in a beautiful, horny mess, only filled with Sylus.
Only when your body settles down, and your legs snap together by instinct, does Sylus slowly lift his messy lips off you, and his fingers, covered in your cream, staining the red bedding in the process.
He really pulled every single orgasm out of you–you’re left catching your breath, and trying to stop your thighs from shaking.
In a haze, you watch Sylus drop his shirt onto the floor, his fingers unbuttoning his pants impatiently. He slides both apparels off swiftly, letting his thick cock free from the fabric tightness.
You swallow at the size of him, but at the same time, you just really want him to fuck the thoughts out of you so fucking bad.
Sylus combs his hair back, the red flush on his face growing more obvious.
Then he's back to distracting you with his kisses down your thighs, slowly going back up to your lips, not forgetting to give your tits a nice squeeze.
You feel his cock brush against your pussy, drips of his precum mixing into your mess.
Your fingers stroke his hair as he deepens the kiss. You feel the cold metal of his necklace pressing onto you, and it's definitely heating up.
His lips hover near your ear.
“Could I, kitten? Please?” It almost comes off as a beg and it tickles you ears so good.
Honestly you couldn't say no even if you wanted to, you're as hungry for him as he is for you.
You push him away. For a second, Sylus is ready to cease in case you really aren't ready.
Instead, you slowly spread your legs once more in front of him, the initial shyness replaced by boldness.
“It's all for you Sylus. Didn't you say I could be greedier?”
Sylus knows he's the luckiest man in the fucking world.
He bends and pushes your legs, almost folding you into half. His cock is lined right at your pussy hole, almost teasing you. But before any words could come out of your mouth, he pushes in, filling you instantly, stretching your hole open. You take a sharp inhale, grasping Sylus’s outstretched hand, and Sylus pauses, waiting for you to adjust, even though he's only half way in.
“You're so fucking tight for me, kitten. I'm only half way in.”
You squeeze his hand in retaliation, and Sylus is amused by the pout you wear on your face.
“You're too big..” you mutter.
Sylus only chuckles, stroking your thighs in an attempt to comfort you.
He feels you relax, but he watches for your reactions, and when you give him the green light, he stretches you out with the remainder of his length, knocking the wind out of you. He leans in, mostly hovering over you so he doesn't crush you with his weight.
“You gotta let me in, sweetie. You're squeezing me a little too good here”, he teases, his lips trailing down your neck.
You're practically breathless and filled to the brim. It feels like fucking heaven–squeezing against his cock and hearing Sylus gasp when you tighten around him.
You catch his lips with your palm when he's about to bite against the skin there.
“No biting here.”
His hands release your thighs at the same time, instead, taking both your wrists above you and holding them down with one hand.
“First you want it rough, now you want it soft. Aren't you a hard one to please tonight, kitten?”
He opts for kisses instead, and it melts into your skin, once again sending shivers.
“Why won't you be a good girl and tell me what you want you really want kitten?”
The way he's calling you a good girl with a voice velvet and drizzled in honey sends you shivers.
“I'm not falling for your tricks…” you mumble.
Sylus kisses your ear and his low groans whenever he feels you tighten around him.
“Then I'll start moving, kitten.”
You nod. Unfortunately, your hands are still bound above you, so that's the most you could do.
When Sylus begins thrusting slowly in and out of you, your mind slowly goes blank. All that's flooding in is how fucking good he feels in you. Your greed grows into a bottomless hole at an exponential speed. His name spills from your lips like a mantra, and you call him over and over again, sometimes getting cut off with a moan when he hits the perfect spot.
“I love it so much when you call my name, sweetie. It sounds like heaven in my ears.” He's barely able to form his sentence when you squeeze him again, sucking him back into the endless rounds of euphoria.
“Feels good. Sylus, you feel so good,” you whimper, realising you're letting yourself get lost into his heat. You feel him smile against your skin while he presses more kisses all over your face and neck. He pulls out momentarily, leaving you empty and slightly frustrated.
The tension builds, and he releases your hands in the midst of his kisses, letting you switch positions–landing yourself above him.
Your ego swells up slightly when Sylus casts you a suprised expression. But it quickly turns into a smile.
“Ah, so what you wanted was control?”
His cock is just resting right at your ass and you feel the warm, sticky fluids slide right down to your pussy.
You watch him lick his lips.
“Unfortunately, I can't give it to you”, he says. “At least, not yet.”
His hands glide upwards to the round of your ass, pressing his cock right at your pussy hole.
You lift your hips slightly, his cock pushing into you the second time, with much less resistance thanks to how wet the both of you got. It still takes your breath away when he fills you up. You swear he's bulging in you.
Sylus’s warm hands rub circles from your hip to your waist to soothe you, despite the fact that he almost could break just from watch you take his cock right in front of him.
“That’s my good girl. You're taking all of me so well.”
Your mind is threatening to fall apart from the pleasure once more. It's dizzy and thick, building a thick haze in your mind once more.
You lift your hips and he pushes you down, his cock filling you up again.
And soon enough, you're bouncing on his cock.
His grip on your waist is firm yet tender. He guides your hips, and peppers words of encouragement while he fucks you from below.
“That's it, kitten. Like that. Just for me.”
“Feels good hm? Of course it does. Look at your pretty fucked out face.”
“Good girl–hng–! you're such a good fucking girl for me.”
You watch the ways his eyebrows knit in pleasure. At times, he’d barely have his eyes open, from the way he's doing everything in his power not to explode in you. Not yet. He wants to be a little more greedier.
Maybe just a little more. He doesn't want it to end so quickly.
After all, greed can't be satisfied. Only momentarily.
Sylus knows that all too well. And god forbid he'd keep you locked up in here with him as long as he wanted.
Shit. You're taking so much from him and it feels so fucking amazing.
Your thighs are trembling from riding Sylus. It's too much yet not enough at the same time. His thickness presses against your g-spot endlessly, and Sylus swallows hard when you throw your head back, the sweat trickling down your neck, past your tits, all the way down, while your whole body shakes in sheer pleasure, accompanied by the obscene wet noises.
“Look at me, kitten.” His voice lures you back to him, like it always does.
You make eye contact with him, your eyes so pretty and glazed, as if in a spell. Under his spell.
“How are you feeling?” His finger traces down your chin.
“So full. I’m feeling so full of you”, you manage to reply, lifting your hips, letting Sylus see the full view of the wet, creamy, sticky mess you've made on his cock. You still have the rest of him stuffed deep in you, and you're not lasting any longer.
Every thrust he pushes into you drives you closer to the edge a second time.
Sylus groans and bucks his hips when you lower yourself on him once more. At this moment, he realises nothing in this world could be better than this.
“Feels weird, Sylus”, you mutter, pulling your pussy lips to take more of him in. You're grinding slightly more desperately, the tension builds. Fuck, you're gonna cum again.
The sounds of skin slapping only grow wetter, thicker and louder. Sylus bites his lip when he feels you go tight on him, his hands now on your ass, taking a handful and guiding you to fucking him.
“Fuck. Feels so good, kitten. You're gonna cum all over me?”
Too delirious, soaked in complete pleasure and begging to chase the high, you nod.
He listens to you sob and cry when your second orgasm washes over you, fluttering all over his dick. Sylus cups your cheeks and pulls you in for another wet and messy kiss.
“Cumming too, kitten. Be a good girl and take it all.”
Unfortunately he doesn't give you a chance to answer, mostly because you have your tongue out for him to devour and he doesn't hesitate. His low moans flood through your ears, his warm and thick cum filling you up so much that it leaks out of you before he pulls out.
He hears you squeal but the sounds of wet kisses override it, and he still makes you bounce off his cock until he's satisfied with emptying everything in you.
The air is thick and still for a moment when the both of you pull away, pants filling up the room.
The both of you have red flushed on your cheeks. His grip on you loosens. Instead you move in for a kiss on his forehead, which takes him by surprise.
In the second, he realises how much he adores you.
You're his first love, and you'll be his last.
Your phone pings in the middle of the day, just as you reached home after dropping Sylus off from cleaning up his mission.
There are two messages–one from Sylus and one from…Luke and Kieran?
The message preview from Sylus stating to call him when you're home safe. But your curiousity is piqued with Luke’s message. Before you could respond, Kieran’s messages pops into the groupchat with the three of you in. You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion at first, but then you laugh it off.
Luke: Did you know if something happen to boss-man? I've never seen him glow like this before.
Kieran: holy shit he actually smiled and greeted us when he came in 🤔 is the world ending?
#l&ds sylus#lads sylus#lnds sylus#love and deep space sylus#love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#sylus#l&ds smut#love and deep space smut#sylus x reader#sylus smut
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can we talk about the funniest thing of the whole experience was someome who sb me for almost 10 months straight saying they were upset i wasn't nice/distant/cold and didn't apologize for it and when i called out their behavior there was no apology from them they just didn't want to talk anymore lol
#literally laughed out loud reading the message#like one of us wanted was trying to be a murderer without getting blood on their hands (literally) and i'm the asshole bc i had the normal#HUMAN response to their bullshit#honestly they ought to consider themselves lucky i'm much more stable than they are or will ever be#the hilarious cherry on top of the whole fuck sundae is i wasn't even in therapy for at least the last 3 months of it all and they were#which is incredible#also a stark reminder that if (some) people can't be honest with their therapist then why are even you going roflmao#granted ig if you tell them you were actively trying to harm or threaten someone i think they're legally obligated to hold you in a ward#the level of narcissism was u n r e a l#it's not like i pretended to have been a perfect example of how to handle things but! there's! no! rulebook! on handling a sb piece of shit!#the truth shut them down & up so quick it was almost cathartic#kudos to them ig for cutting back on it after but goddess help the next person they try it on and give them the same patience/fortitude#moral of the story (for me) don't lie to your therapist (or another person's) or hide things from them#1) you aren't going to get any better 2) they have spent years learning to read people and they can see you for who you are and 3) you won't#even get the proper medication(s) (if you need it which goddess they need a significant number) for your illness(es)#honestly might explain quite of a bit of their spiral tbh and listen to your therapist when they tell you smoking weed exacerbates paranoia#i'm not saying don't smoke i'm saying smoke intelligently and safely. there's no shame in taking a break to better your mental health first#i've certainly done it#they could always start with why they were yelling about someone oddly specific on different occasions bc you know#it didn't present as suspicious in the least or why they couldn't pay others certain compliments like you're not subtle and again#not to be a broken record but that's what your therapist should be there for!#Falling Apart And Coming Together#i should come up with a label for it for me and when they potentially wanna snoop on my blog again rofl#but to anyone who('s) goes/going through similar i'm so sorry and i hope you refuse to give them the power to influence or control you#it usually comes from a place of them feeling like they have no control over themselves and it shows#i will say the closest i ever got to snapping (meaning yelling) was when they whispered to Nettle they hoped she'd die and manhandled her#several times#accidentally killing a stranger's cat might have awakened something in them but i sure as fuck wouldn't them try intentionally harming mine#or the one's they own#i think they even collected payment still after the incident which is actually sickening
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