#i'm always like but it had to happen that way :/

[morlock-holmes]

The Conspiratorial Mindset

So, I've always had a bit of an interest in scams and hokum, and what people call "Cults".

One of the common refrains when you talk about religious Cults is, "If you think about it all religions have beliefs that seem odd to outsiders" and this is true, but as I read more about cults I started to think,

"Wait, a lot of these groups aren't united just by having unusual religious or supernatural views; a lot of them also seem to have matching patterns of behaviors that have nothing to do with belief in psychic space aliens"

I'm talking about things like,

Having a leadership structure which is absolute, where the top leaders cannot be disciplined or even openly criticized by lower members;

Exerting tremendous control over the dress and behavior of adherents;

Telling adherents that outsiders are untrustworthy and that contact with outsiders should be strictly limited and heavily monitored by organizational leadership;

The extensive and common use of shunning and reprogramming in response to violation of any of the above rules.

In some groups, failing to adhere to the dress code and spending a lot of time with outsiders is, at worst, the subject of a few little jabs at family gatherings. In other groups, those same behaviors are treated as Defcon one crises and become the central issue of the adherent's relationship with everybody else in the organization until they can be bullied back into doing the organization's bidding.

It was gratifying to learn that other people have noticed these patterns (Some people prefer the term "High Control Group" to "Cult" because it highlights what the actual problem is)

I am starting to notice similar dynamics in what are commonly called "Conspiracy theories".

The thing about conspiracy theories is... Well, conspiracies exist, and sometimes groups of powerful people get together to do something in secret which would get them in big trouble if they were to do it openly.

But I am starting to notice a particular, I don't know, a particular way of conceptualizing the organization and purpose of conspiracies which is unique to some people and which characterizes the kind of conspiracy theorist who takes Alex Jones seriously.

I kind of think of it as a "Witch-Hunting mentality".

For certain people in more primitive times and places, if they, say, slipped off a ladder and hurt themselves, their first thought would be, "That must have happened because a witch cursed me. We need to find and punish the witch who cursed me."

And this isn't just the attribution of malice that characterizes this idea:

One malicious conspiracy that might make you fall off a ladder is a manufacturer who doesn't care about safety ratings. Imagine that the manufacturer is really deliberately malicious here. A subordinate comes to him and says, "Our ladders can't reliably hold the weight of a person and a lot of them will probably break and cause people to fall and hurt themselves." and he says, "I know that but who cares, by the time people figure it out it'll be too late to get their money back."

That's a malicious conspiracy, but, importantly, if Bob buys a faulty ladder and falls off, the conspiracy wasn't trying to hurt Bob; it merely didn't care whether Bob got hurt.

Now, this distinction doesn't take away the malice and hostility towards Bob, but if you go to the ladder manufacturer and say, "Hey boss, Bob bought one of our faulty ladders, but he's really skinny so the ladder didn't break" the manufacturer will go, "Who the fuck is Bob? And good, that's one less angry person."

Whereas imagine Bob's ladder has been cursed to break by a witch. The witch did it because she hates Bob, and wants him to fall, and if she finds out he didn't fall, she'll go, "Curses, I'll have to find some other way to hurt Bob."

Conspiracy theorists, it seems to me, are far more inclined to conceptualize conspiracies as acts of deliberate malice aimed at them rather than acts of negligent malice.

@loving-n0t-heyting posted this article from the New York Post which contains a good example of what I mean:

“I thought I was on the cutting edge of promoting rights for gay people,” Yang said. “But then I started looking deeper into where this was coming from and who was paying for it, and I started to get very disillusioned...

I assume the people paying for it are LGBT advocacy groups? Did you, uh, not know that the people you were working for were paying you to work for them?

“When you really dig down you can see how much of this comes from documents and plans at the United Nations,” Yang said, referring in part to the UN’s “Gender Equality” initiative. “It’s part of a global agenda to restructure society, re-structure our social norms and the economy,” Yang claimed. “They are undermining the sexually dimorphic nature of reality and breaking down the differences between the sexes to break down our identity. They are constructing identities for us and they want us to adopt them.”

Oh, I see.

This is exactly what I mean. LGBT rights efforts make Yang and others feel disoriented, like society is being restructured and that they are being left behind, like they aren't quite in control of social norms and that stable identity categories can't be relied on anymore.

Now, one kind of conservative might look at that and say, "These are bad second order effects of LGBT people trying to assert their lifestyle in public and that's why we should oppose them."

But another kind says, "These changes make me feel unstable. Therefore, the main purpose of the changes is to make me feel unstable. In order to understand these changes, I need to figure out who wants me to feel unstable and what they would gain from making me feel unstable."

The idea that Yang's feeling of instability is simply a side effect of a series of efforts mainly focused on LGBT rights is incomprehensible. Instead, she believes that there is a series of efforts focused mainly on making her feel unstable, with LGBT rights as a kind of side effect to the main goal of making her feel unstable.

This kind of thing is, to me, a big red flag that indicates that we are starting to float away from reasonable conspiracy thinking into crazy town.

I am particularly curious if folks can recommend any writers or researchers who have noticed this dynamic.

[thewidowsledger]

Mistake

© thewidowsledger 2025 - DO NOT REPUBLISH AND PLAGIARISE

Pairings: Professor!Natasha Romanoff x College Student!Female Reader

Word count: 4.2k

Tags | Warnings: +18 smut, ANGST, vile, mean, obsessive, hurt and dark Natasha, Natasha has a penis, top!Natasha, bottom!reader, hate fuck, crying but def not dacryphilia, kind of dubcon, noncon breeding

Author's Note: This is by far the darkest fic that was requested to me…I might be overreacting but I just a baby. I don't know how Latin honors works from others so I just referenced it to mine. Plot is kind of inspired with the song Teacher's Pet but it's the other way around. Request

Navigation | Masterlist

⧗

"What happened to us?" She asked again. The question hung in the air, demanding an answer that you know yourself wouldn't be willing to give.

Because you just want to forget it, forget it all—forget her.

⧗

"Isn't Y/N your rival since like 8th grade? You always hated the girl man! How come you're confessing your feelings to her on our graduation day?!" Rhodey groaned while rubbing his entire face as he talked to his best friend who just told his deep shocking secret.

"That's when I started loving her too." Tony simply replied.

You and Tony were actually schoolmates since grade school. And you have always been a top performing student ever since, while Tony only got to show his skills and intelligence not until high school—late bloomer as they say.

Who would imagine that the shy weird kid back in grade school would turn into a big massive fuckboy slash science freak in high school until college?

"So what's the plan, man?" Rhodey can only ask. He and Tony have been side by side since forever so there is no way he will not support him in getting to you. "Tony, as much as I want to support you in this…thing. You know your reputation. First, you are Y/N's acads rival, as long as there are numbers and letters and numbers and letters mixed together you are enemies and everybody knows that. Second, you have a reputation of sleeping with so many women. You know you didn't have your name cleared about the sleep night with the entire cheerleading team two years ago, in fact you didn't want your name cleared because you liked having that reputation."

"That was two years ago, I'm different now, at least I am trying too."

"I can't believe this. But honestly, I'd hit that." Rhodey smirked, showing your beach photo wearing a maxi skirt, a crochet top and the black glasses you always wore.

"Okay, enough of that! That's…that girl is mine, man. Please bro code." He snatched his friends' phone away from him and turned it off. Tony doesn't need to look at your photos anymore since he had memorized each photo of yours because he had been checking on your Instagram for at least twice a day.

"I was just joking! Of course I wouldn't." Rhodey chased his phone and was able to get it before Tony put it in his pocket. "So what's the plan? How will you…you know?" He shrugged while looking intently at his friend.

"Don't worry, I'm never running out of plans and pick up lines." He let out a laugh while also flexing his biceps

"Hey, hey! Friendly advice man? Just cut with your bad pick up lines and be a man. You just told me she's the girl you want to marry and she looks like the type who wouldn't fall for jokes or pick up lines. This isn't any rom coms, if you want her to fall in love with you, compliment and admire her mind—her intelligence."

"O…kay…where did that come from? That was a good one, Rhodey. I never thought I would hear that from you." Tony tried not to laugh his ass off, but the words of wisdom his friend just told him was something he needed.

Rhodey just shrugged, a genuine smile on his face showing as he looked at his friend. "I've always had it in me, Tony. It's just you never asked for some advice. Besides, you're different and so am I. And now, seeing you genuinely in love with this girl? I just know you need some unsolicited advice from mister lover boy right here."

"Hey, I'm a mister lover boy too." Tony pouted.

"You can be. But first, we have 8 minutes to get to Mr. Coulson's class."

The two sprinted out of the cafeteria, not even noticing Professor Romanoff sitting in the corner, her nails grazing hard against her own coffee mug.

⧗

"You're not gonna run for Latin?" You asked Tony, you were frustrated, you expected him to be your rival up until the end but when you knew you were the only one who filed for latin honors in your class, you were infuriated. You should be thankful, really, because you have no more competition but…

"I had 2.75 in molecular dynamics in 3rd year, if you didn't know. So basically, I'm not eligible to run for latin since then." You huffed at his reply, you don't know if it's out of disbelief or relief because he had that grade that made him not qualified for latin anymore.

"Did you purposely fail that class?" You asked him suspiciously. "Because I don't want to have this honor if you just basically gave it away. Like what you did in our elemag quiz bee during 10th grade, you said I only won because you basically let me, because you were just forced to join."

Tony pinched his nose, trying to hold a giggle. You are so cute, he thought to himself. Always so competitive and he loved every bit of it.

"I sucked at the subject, I promise, princess." He replied sincerely, not teasingly and provoking like he always was when he talks to you. Like when he tells you to calm yourself down before you internalize everything you had reviewed for a quiz bee, because it's just him you're gonna have to contend in some stupid quizzes.

You hated the man, but he's like a part of your system. You wouldn't function without him infuriating you—without him always competing with you.

"So…congratulations, summa cum laude." You were shocked at his words and genuineness but you didn't let him notice. For once, he didn't annoy you—for once—he's not your rival.

Before Tony could hand you the bouquet of tulips he was holding, a student suddenly rushed up to you.

"Hey, Y/N," the student said, her cheeks blushing as her eyes darted between you and Tony. "Professor Romanoff is asking for you in her office."

Hiding the tulips behind his back, Tony feigned nonchalance while you fought back your irritation. You couldn't believe it—even after all this time, he still had an effect on the women in your school. Unknown to you, the student had glimpsed the flowers he was secretly holding in his hands where she thought were for you.

"R-right now?" You stammered and the student nodded before bidding goodbye to the both of you.

"Are you alright?" Tony asked, noticing you turned pale.

As Tony asked you if you were okay, you found yourself blurting out, "Can you come with me?" You immediately regretted your words, silently cursing yourself for asking for help from the one person you loathed the most.

Despite the tension between the two of you, Tony agreed to accompany you to Professor Romanoff's office. As you walked, he fidgeted awkwardly, still holding the bouquet of flowers behind his back. Whenever you stole a glance in his direction, he'd turn away, so you wouldn't notice the bouquet peeking behind him.

The walk was filled with an uncomfortable silence, neither of you uttering a single word until you reached the professor's office.

Tony was about to reach for the door handle to Professor Romanoff's office, you quickly stopped him, passing him your bag. He shot you a questioning look, his eyes filled with concern as he asked, "Are you okay?"

You just gave him a small nod. He took your bag without protest and offered a reassuring nod in return.

"I'll wait for you here," he said, awkwardly holding your tote bag and wiggling his fingers as you go inside. His other arm was tired from having to hold the bouquet behind his back.

He could give it to you after, he thought.

⧗

You closed the door, but you deliberately left it unlocked. After a moment, Professor Romanoff emerged from the bathroom, her eyes scanning the room until they landed on you.

"Professor." You said, your head bowed in submission. Despite your fear and trepidation, you couldn't bring yourself to meet her gaze, keeping your eyes on your shoes as you struggled to maintain your composure.

She walked towards you, your heart pounded in your chest, and you felt a cold sweat breaking out on your forehead. Your lips trembled, and your shoulders tensed up as if preparing yourself for the worst. Your shoulders grazed onto each other as she locked the door behind you, trapping you inside with her.

"Is the pictorial done for graduation?" She asked, it came out soft but cold.

You took a deep breath, gathering what little ounce of courage you had left and managed to stammer out, "Yes."

Professor Romanoff's eyes traveled down your body, scrutinizing your outfit. You were wearing a skirt that teetered on the edge of being too short, paired with a fitted white top and a cardigan. You fidgeted under her intense scrutiny, feeling exposed and vulnerable under her stare.

"May I ask why I was being called, professor?" You asked, you bit your lip after for trembling too much.

"You're the only candidate for the Latin honors in our program. I talked to Professor Coulson and others in the faculty, and all of them said that your position is already secured for it not to drop below a 2," she stated. "Many professors are rooting for you to deliver your speech in 5 months."

And you? You desperately want to ask but you hold yourself back, keeping the question locked inside your mind. You wanted to speak less to her as much as possible, so you just nodded.

The room was filled with silence for several minutes, and you just stood there while she was still sitting in her office chair.

"I missed you."

Your heart literally dropped. The last time you had heard those words from her was two years ago, when you both had been caught up in a dirty secret affair.

"Didn't you miss me too? Detka? " You begged in your mind for her to not to call you those russian pet names again, well, it's one of your weaknesses still after so long.

You shook your head side to side in denial and screwed your eyes shut, as if trying to block out the words and the memories they stirred up. The mere thought of admitting to missing her was too much for you to handle—because you did, you missed her so much and you hated yourself for it. So every time your heart flutters when you see her along the hallways, you move to a different direction just to avoid her or if your mind starts to think about her, you immerse yourself in studying which most of the time failed to work.

You tried to be strong and you think you're doing good at it. You told yourself as long as you're not going to be alone with her again, you'd be fine.

And you are definitely not fine right now...

"After you came back from your immersion program, you didn't talk to me anymore..." Her voice was dark and tinged with hurt that had festered over the time you had spent away.

"What happened to us?" She asked again. The question hung in the air, demanding an answer that you know yourself wouldn't be willing to give.

Because you just want to forget it, forget it all—forget her.

Her words echoed in the air, a single tear slipped down your cheek, your breath growing more labored with each passing second. You couldn't bring yourself to answer her, your throat tight and your body trembling.

"Did you even lo—"

You didn't let her finish, you don't want her to ask you that question because you're afraid about the answer that you had kept hidden, locked in the deep, dark corner of your heart. "What I felt for you was…genuine."

What a nice way to put it.

"Genuine?" She huffed, she could take that one for now, Natasha thought. "If it's genuine then why am I a secret?"

"It was a mistake!" You rushed out before you could even blink. What would people think if they knew? That the top student in the university only got her achievements because she was basically a professor's cock sleeve?

"Nat—Professor…what…what happened before was a mistake. I told you that, right? And you know it too! We talked about it after I went to my immersion, that we'll stop. God, please, you know how wrong it was!" You cried desperately, it's not loud but it's enough for her to hear.

"Mistake?" she snapped and you can see the hurt in her eyes. "The bar, yes. That could be a mistake."

You cleared your throat awkwardly, memories of that night suddenly flooding your mind. The way the two of you danced, the way she laughed, how her lips tasted like whiskey...and then, the realization that hit you both when you're both sobered up. That was the night you slept with her, so much for being drunk you didn't realize it was your professor—the professor you had a crush on.

"What about here?" She pointed to her desk, where she had pounded you for dear life after class because you had joked to her that if you get a perfect quiz then you'll have a reward from her—and you did, she had made you cum twice for the recitation and quiz she had prepared for class, specifically for you. "And there?" You looked towards her sofa, where a lot of things happened between you two. You sucking her when she gets so frustrated during a meeting, riding her if she's too tired from paperworks—all the dirtiest kinks were done on that sofa. Even the softest ones where you both cuddled up after you didn't win the regional college quiz bowl or when you straddled her while teaching her how to tie a necktie.

"Motels, my car, my apartment, here again in my office during prom where you begged me to fuck your ass while wearing your prom queen crown." Her voice grew darker, matching the intense memories playing out in her mind. "Tell me baby, were those a mistake too? It would really hurt my feelings if you said yes."

You sobbed, shaking your head side by side, trying to dispel the memories and she can see the fear and denial in your eyes. You can just walk right now and end this torturous reminiscing. But you felt trapped in place, trapped in those memories, and she was too—she was trapped in the need to make you remember…

"Please, stop." You hiccup, trying to hold back a sob. You continue to shake your head over and over.

"You can't just go around, fuck me up and then say that's it's just a mistake afterwards." She spat, standing to walk towards you.

She loomed over you, her tall frame casting a shadow, making you feel small and vulnerable. She could see you shaking, hear your ragged breathing and it only fueled her frustration.

"Bent over my desk with that perfect little ass in the air, waiting..." She moved closer, her hand reaching out to trace your collarbone.

She watched you scramble to your feet, a dark satisfaction gleaming in her eyes as you approached her desk. She followed close behind, her heels clicking on the floor. When you reached the desk, she pressed a firm hand between your shoulder blades, bending you over it.

As she bent you over, you let out a soft moan, your face pressed against the cool surface of the desk. She could see your body relax, falling into the familiar position. Her hand slowly inched up your skirt, feeling the soft fabric bunch under her fingers. "You still remember, don't you?"

She stepped closer, pressing her length against your backside, feeling the thin barrier of her pants between you two. You found yourself grinding back against her feeling she was growing harder.

"Fuck you're still such a slut for my cock." She smirked as she gripped your waist. "Is it still a mistake? Huh? Slut? You grinding your slutty pussy back against my cock?"

You shook your head side by side, biting your lip to contain your moans.

"I need you to say it, slut." She spat.

"N-no, it's…it's not a mistake, professor." You said in a shaky tone.

Without warning, she reached down and unzipped her pants, pulling out her thick, hard cock. She wrapped her hand around it, stroking it slowly behind your back, the tip rubbing against your ass through your panties. "Fuck, I've missed this," she pressed the head of her cock against your ass, rubbing it against your panties. "Gonna fuck this tight little pussy again, just like old times."

She pushed aside your panties, revealing your vulnerable entrance, "Missed how perfectly you take me..." In one smooth motion, she thrust forward, burying herself deep inside you.

"N-nat!" Your back arched even further as you cried out a breath.

"I missed you calling me by my name." She said in a ragged breath, "I want you to shout it so Stark can hear it behind those doors." Her other hand reached around to grab your hair, tangling it in her fist as she pulled your head back, forcing you to arch your back further and to look at the door of her office where Tony was waiting. You didn't know how she knew Tony was waiting outside for you.

Your voice only seemed to spur her on. She began pounding into you, the rhythm steady and intense. She pulled out slightly, just the tip still inside you, before slamming back in with renewed ferocity. "You made me struggle, everyday, seeing you walk around in those fucking skimpy clothes...and letting anyone touch you, but not me." Each word was punctuated by a brutal thrust. "I didn't reach you because I respect you so much, love you so fucking much. And I know you will run back to me eventually…"

"But you didn't…fuck, you didn't come back to me. Am I…am I that easy? Y/N?" She asked with so much vulnerability and hate. "Do you know how hard it is to watch you go on for a day without me? When I couldn't?"

You felt some hot liquid dripping down onto your bare back, your clothes being bunched up…are those tears? You are too dumbed down to think but you noticed how Natasha held back a sob, covering up trying to sound cold and resentful towards you.

"Natasha…" you called out to her, you wanted to hold her against you but she snapped forward continuously and sloppily, hitting a spot inside you that made you whimper. "F-fuck!" You cried, it was loud and that made you cover up your own mouth.

Her climax hit and she buried herself to the hilt inside you, holding perfectly still as she rode out her orgasm. Waves of her hot cum filled your pussy, coating your insides, but she didn't say a word, she didn't tell you or even warn you. She just stayed frozen, her body shaking with the intensity of her release.

She gazed down, biting her trembling lip as she observed her cock, slick with both your arousal and her release, still buried deep inside you. A shudder ran through her as she felt the last drops of cum seep out on the tip of her shaft. Slowly pulling out, she couldn't help but moan softly at the erotic sight of her thick cum slowly oozing out of your well-used pussy. You innocently wiggle your ass as you move and it only intensified the lewd display.

You stood all by yourself and she calmly situated herself back into her leather office chair, cleaning herself up, refusing to look at your trembling form.

"N-nat?" You called, a tear running down your cheeks. You saw her reddened eyes and flushed cheeks—you were right—she was crying, but so are you. You slowly backed away, frantically tugging at your disheveled clothes, you could feel her cum still dripping slowly into your panties.

"Nat? Can we talk?" You tried again, you didn't like the feeling of this. You felt used.

"You can go now." She said flatly, her voice devoid of any emotion.

You walked towards the door, desperation etched on your face, hoping for some kind word, any sign of affection. You hated yourself for expecting some that you wanted to slap yourself. You frantically swiped at your wet cheeks, trying your best not to break down in front of her. But no matter how hard you rubbed, more tears spilled out. You couldn't catch a break, each blink bringing forth a new wave of salty drops.

And her? She just sat there, staring at her computer screen, her expression cold and heartless as if nothing happened.

She has done her plan for you anyways. So there is nothing to talk about anymore, the last thing on her list is you running back to her.

As you rushed your way out, you saw your bag on the chair with a bouquet of flowers. "Hey, Y/N. This is for you, I had to leave for the chess team. I really hate doing this but I'd like you to be my date on senior night. —T.S."

You could only huff, your brows pinching together to hold the tears that are threatening to fall again. But you weren't able to help it, you ended up having a break down outside her office, with the flowers on your arm and the evidence of what she did to you still oozing inside of you.

⧗

"Ladies and gentlemen, faculty, family, friends..." Your voice cracked slightly, betraying your nerves, but you steadied yourself, refusing to let the ghosts of the past dictate this moment. "We've worked tirelessly, overcome obstacles, and in some cases, experienced pain both personal and academic."

You glanced down at your notes, a faint smile playing on your lips as you continued. "I'd like to thank my family and friends for their unwavering support, my blockmates for turning sleepless nights into unforgettable memories, and lastly, I want to express my deepest gratitude to the professors who have molded us into the graduates we are today."

As you scanned the audience, your gaze landed on Professor Romanoff, who sat upright, her expression unreadable. You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat threatening to choke you. With a deep breath, you concluded your speech. "Thank you, and congratulations to the class of 2025!"

The graduation ceremony drew to a close, and the air was filled with joyous cheers and the clicking of cameras. As you mingled with your fellow graduates, collecting well-wishes and hugs, you couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. It seemed like everyone was drawn to you—your classmates, their families, even some of the professors. You were the center of attention, the summa cum laude, the valedictorian.

As you made your way through the crowd, congratulations ringing in your ears, a different sort of tension gripped you. You shifted uncomfortably, trying to ignore the growing pressure and the whispers that began to rise around you. Your swelling stomach was becoming more prominent by the second, stretching the fabric of your gown. You caught a few raised eyebrows and exchanged looks of confusion among your peers, their eyes glued to you.

The whispers grew louder, more urgent, as realization dawned on everyone. The batch valedictorian delivered her speech with a baby bump that had been concealed beneath flowing gowns and baggy clothes all semester, but now...there was no hiding it. Exactly four months along, your secret was suddenly the most spoken topic at this joyous event.

Tony stood near enough to be seen by you, a bouquet of roses hiding behind his back. He had been about to confess his feelings, to tell you that your intellect and beauty had captivated him all these years you had been rivals. But now, as he noticed the unmistakable curve of your belly…you noticed how he stepped back. His perfectly prepared speech shattered in his mind.

He walked away from you as if he was disappointed in you. At the same time you could feel the shift in the atmosphere, not just from him but the disappointment radiating off the crowd like a physical force.

You tried to smile to those around you to mask the dam that is going to break soon, but you still held your chin up with the little courage and confidence you had left in you.

"Mama, I'll just talk to someone. I'll meet you in the car." Your mother has been very supportive of you, yes, she scolded you when she got the news that you were pregnant. She always looked up and expected more from you, but still, she accepted and took care of you.

With a deep breath, you marched down the corridor towards her office. There were no people around and that's when it suddenly hit you. Tears started rushing down your cheek as your heels clicked urgently against the polished floor even though your OB gyne told you to stop wearing elevated shoes, you wiped them away frantically because you don't want to face her feeling vulnerable like this. The determination etched on your face chased away any lingering doubts. You were going to face this head-on, consequences be damned.

As you pushed open the door, she glanced up from her desk, surprise momentarily flashing across her features before smoothing into a smirk.

She leaned back in her leather chair, folding her hands atop the polished wood. "Y/N, to what do I owe this unexpected visit?"

"Natasha…" you stepped forward, your hand traveling down your stomach. Your built up mask breaking, feeling vulnerable and exposed in front of her. You held back your tears, shaming yourself. "I have never been with anyone but you. I'm pregnant…I—I think you got me—"

She got your message, of course she did. Because this is exactly how she planned it to be, her claiming you in a way you didn't expect, you running back to her all vulnerable, and her turn saying…

"It was a mistake."

[rachelvelascoart]

I got to spend the entire year chasing my dream of doing art related jobs full time and I got SO close i'm convinced it will happen this year. I do set design, scene painting and prop fabrication now and I have connections to a galllery that might let me do a show this year. I moved out of our crappy apartment into a rental house with some friends and now i get to see them all the time. I GM'd a long campaign for the first time in Lancer. I got way better at time management and I dont spend days feeling like i didnt accomplish anything. I celebrated my third wedding anniversary and my husband is really really cool. I got my mom out of a time share scam. I managed to avoid the adult syndrome of "Halloween/ Christmas dont feel like Halloween/ Christmas this year" I learned how to make really good soup AND i learned how to make macaroni and cheese sauce from scratch. I read so many books! Including Pride and Prejudice, and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which i have always wanted to read. I tried getting a booth at a couple vendor shows and conventions and I did pretty well at ALL of them. I suckered more of my friends into learning how to paint minis with me. I decorated our kitchen to look like it was owned by a wizard. I pet so many dogs! Much more than normal for the year! I have an art/theater mentor now and she is so nice! I got to see a total solar eclipse with the glasses and everything and it was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. I told my mom Im bisexual. I got to go see the Beetlejuice Musical on my birthday! I got to see the Dracula Comedy of Terrors play that got memed to death and it was SO GOOD and completely rerouted the way my brain thinks about set design. I went on a lot of completely unnecessary road trips and i had a blast on all of them. I learned I LOVE roadtrips. I will take them for any reason going to any destination. This "once a summer" thing isnt doin it for me I need MORE. Some bad stuff happened this year, but the world keeps on turning. I hope your 2025 goes better. Make some time to rest, and make some time to learn and read and do all the things youve always wanted to do. And find a way to be closer to people you care about. Thats my takeaway from last year.

hey honest question, did anybody have GOOD stuff happen to them in 2024? cause it was really bad for me and for most people i know, so it would be nice to hear about anything that's been going WELL for any of you. even if it's small stuff. just to know there's light out there.

[doubleddenden]

Listen, I know it's not really my lane here, but I need to say something because Tumblr isn't concerned with a deadly attack in New Orleans that killed between 10 to 15 people last night on Bourbon Street during NYE or so. About 30 were injured, too, and it looks as if it was an almost worse terrorist attack because of IED's they found in the truck responsible. One was found in the French Quarter and detonated by cops.

The far right is already jumping on the blame game to illegal immigrants, especially Trump, but the man from the truck was gunned down after attempting to open fire on police and revealed to be a 42 year old American Vet- however, he seems to have one of "those" names and had an Islamic State flag on his truck, along with a gun with a silencer. FBI thinks he didn't work alone because of the bombs found, and the Airbnb the guy rented was lit on fire.

I'm not talking about this to scare you, however because the majority of Tumblr doesn't give a shit about the south unless it is to point at us and laugh, and I have seen zero posts about it here, I would implore you to do a couple of things

1. If you're in New Orleans or Louisiana, or near borders like i am, please listen to the news. I'm getting mine from AP and CBS.

2. If you know anyone that may have been there, please check in on them. I'm relieved to know two friends of mine in NO are alive and well, but I'm concerned for a couple of others.

3. I think most probably can already guess, but I'd personally get ready for another wave of xenophobia and violence towards vulnerable people that could be affected, the same way it always happens when a non white person does something like this. Take precautions to keep yourself, friends, and family safe, please.

Sources:

I'll delete this once things finally start circulating here. I'm just trying to get the word out because I almost lost friends to this.

[7seas-of-ryy]

5 Years of Agony

Author’s Note: This was another unfinished draft but I loved this idea so much so I had to finish it!! This one is more fluffy than angsty even though the title makes it seem otherwise :)

Summary: You are close to everyone except Azriel and he needs to know why!

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Warnings: none :)

Azriel had never been quite so unsure of himself. He had his fair share of self doubting and insecurities but for some reason, this time was just... different.

Rhys had brought you to the Night Court, saved you from an awful situation and given you a place within his own family, the inner circle. Everyone loved you, how could they not? You were caring, kind, intelligent, and the most beautiful being Az had ever seen.

You had your own separate hobbies/hang outs with everyone. Everyone except Az. You went shopping with Mor, drew with Feyre while she painted, sparred with Cass, accompanied Rhys when he went to other Courts, and even researched with Amren. But you never spent time with the Spymaster of the Night Court.

It was starting to bother Azriel, seeing as he had been trying to approach you for the 5 years you had been living there. For some reason, it felt like you were avoiding him.

The first few weeks you were at the Night Court, the shadowsinger actually thought you didn't speak ever. That is until he was talking to Cass and Rhys and they brought you up. They began to tell him how funny you were and how much they enjoyed the insightful conversations you held. It hit Az then, you just didn't talk to him.

5 years in and you've only shared a handful of words. You were kind, telling him hello and goodbye but if you two were in a shared space, you normally were together in silence. He can't even think of a time you had a conversation for more than a couple minutes.

He could only think that he was the problem...right? You got along with everyone else, maybe his shadows intimidated you. Or you just didn't like him.

You were sat in the kitchen eating your lunch when you noticed a few shadows floating in. Azriel soon followed them in and started fixing himself something to eat. He took a seat across from you and began eating. The two of you ate in silence for a bit, you looked up and he was already looking at you. He gave you a smile, trying to show there was nothing to be intimidated by. You returned it with a tiny smile of you own and looked back down at your plate.

You could feel your cheeks heating up and started to get embarrassed. Before he could notice, you quickly got up and left. A frown took over Azriel's features as he looked to the chair you were once sat in.

A few weeks later you were in the Night Court's library reading. The small area you were in was nearly pitch black, the tiny light on the desk the only light for you to read your book. You didn't want to disrupt anyone so you always chose to read there.

It wasn't the best, but at least you weren't an inconvenience. As you strained your eyes to read the last line on the page, you felt a cool shadow brush across your neck. A shiver ran down your spine at the thought of who accompanied that lone tendril.

"How on Earth are you even able to read over here? There's no light!" Azriel spoke behind you.

You jumped slightly turning to look at the large male standing behind you. You placed your hand on your chest, feeling your heart beating quickly from the surprise.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," His features softened, "I happened to notice you reading over here and wanted to offer you my reading spot. It's much better than this one... no offense."

"Um... I'm okay, I don't want to be a burden-" You began to turn his offer down but he cut you off.

"It truly is no problem at all. It's out of the way, no one goes there so you won't be bothered by anyone." He tried to persuade you.

After a few moments of thinking it over, you gave him a small nod and a slight grin. He held out his hand for you to take and you hesitantly took it, winnowing to the place he wanted to share with you.

It was a gorgeous area of the library that you had never seen before. There was a small desk in front of a large wall of books. And to the right of the desk was an open balcony with the most amazing view of the mountains. The night sky was all the light you would need to read. There were long sheer curtains hanging from the ceiling and a slight cool breeze flowed through the area making it even more perfect than you thought was possible.

"Wow" was all you could whisper as you drew closer to the railing of the balcony.

Az followed close behind you, keeping his eyes on you and memorizing the look on your face.

"I come here to read or clear my head a lot. No one comes by here so please feel free to use it whenever you'd like." He softly told you.

"Thank you-" You turned around to speak to him but quickly realized how close you two were. You raised your head to look up at him, your nerves felt like they were on fire.

"Why don't you enjoy my company?" He whispered, you could feel his breath on your face.

"What are you talking about? I do." You responded just as quiet and turned back around, looking out at the mountains.

Azriel moved next to you, so close your shoulders were touching. He was silent while he enjoyed the view like you.

"You avoid me every time you see me, and you never talk to me. But you only do that to me." He spoke while staring straight ahead.

"...I..." The words got caught in your throat.

"Have I done something to offend you? Are you scared of me? Am I that awful to be with?" He quickly asked.

Your heart broke for him. How could he think any of those things would be true?

"The truth is embarrassing." You muttered, still staring at the mountains as well.

"Please, I will get on my knees and beg, just please tell me what I did wrong. This has been the hardest 5 years of my life." The feared spymaster pleaded with you.

"It's so stupid" you muttered, "...when I first met you, I thought you were the most beautiful male I had ever seen. I was so intimidated, I literally choked on my words."

You could see his head snap to look at you out of the corner of your eye, but you didn't look at him. You were so embarrassed, your face must have been blood red by this time.

"I was terrified I was going to embarrass myself by saying something stupid so I stayed quiet. Only, that never went away and I thought too much time had passed for me to change how I was."

There was a long moment of silence, then Azriel started to laugh...hard. He was full out belly laughing, you had never heard him do that before.

You couldn't help but crack a smile at the sound.

"So you're telling me, I've been killing myself over this for 5 years. Thinking I did something to hurt you, only for the real reason to be you think I'm attractive??" He said through laughs.

"I am truly relieved, oh darling.." He drifted off as he saw the mortified look on your face.

"When I first met you, I thought you were the most stunning being I had ever seen. Then the first time I heard you talk, I thought I needed to hear that voice every single day. The first time I saw you spar Cass, I thought you were the most breathtaking warrior I had ever seen. I hope you understand what I mean by all of this." He spoke, getting softer as he went on.

Looking over to the male next to you, you urged him to go on.

"If Cass stopped talking to me for five years, I would consider myself blessed. If Rhys stopped talking to me for five years, I would be a little concerned but appreciate the quiet. You, a female I have never met before, avoid me for five years and it felt as if my heart was being pulled out through my chest." He confessed as his shadows swirled like crazy.

"Well, if I knew you were in agony I would have swallowed my pride and talked to you." You told him with a slight smirk.

He rewarded you with a stunning smile.

"I suppose I should've confessed my love for you a while ago then, hm?" He stated smoothly, stepping closer to you.

"That was you professing your love?" You teased him.

"I can do it again if you'd like." He told you as he raised his hand to tuck some hair behind your ear.

You gazed into his eyes, saying nothing.

"I would very much like to kiss you right now but I think a gentleman would take you on a date to get to know you more first." He whispered, so close it felt as if your breath was one with his.

"Well I mean, you have known me for five years." Your voice unwavering.

Azriel's pupils were blown wide at your words and he wasted no time wrapping his fingers in your hair and pulling you in.

"You're such a tease." He whispered before his lips touched yours.

It was soft at first, then it turned hungry as Az realized what he had been missing all this time. His kisses turned sloppy, trailing down your neck before he pulled away.

"If I don't stop now, I don't think I ever will." He spoke, his lips brushing over the skin of your neck.

"Then don't." You moaned out.

Azriel groaned into your neck, already craving more of you.

"You're gonna be the death of me." He muttered as his lips started moving against your skin once again.

[captain-huggy-bear]

A Love that Gives, Gives, Gives

Pairing: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Toplessness/nudity but completely non-sexual, just intimate/tender

Summary: Sometimes you think you have the perfect fitting bra and it turns out that it's actually a traitor in disguise. Sometimes your boyfriend is personally offended that an article of clothing would hurt you so much because he's a sap.

Notes: Reader's skin goes red from the pressure of the bra band so apologies if this isn't what happens for you i'm just basing it off my experience as someone who's skin goes bright red.

Totally happy to take requests/ideas/prompts at the moment in my ask box :)

Writing Masterlist

There's a special sort of excitement as you get older about seemingly boring and uninteresting things like new underwear. A new fun pair of socks makes your day a bit better, new knickers make you feel more put together than the old ratty ones in your drawer and a new bra make you feel more confident, like you can take on the entire world.

Today is no exception, you had gone into your long day with a sense of confidence thanks to a new underwear set. It had fit just right, or it had originally felt like it had fit just right, when you'd put it on at 6am before going to work. Either way, in that first moment of the day, you'd felt like a bad bitch and like you could take on anything.

Your day had been long, like normal you were out of the house from 6am until near 6pm, and in that time the comfort of your new bra had shifted to a discomforting sort of torment. A level of discomfort that had fallen into pain.

If there was one thing you cursed about being a woman it was the inconsistency of bras. How you could buy the same size in different places and find that they all fit differently, how one style could fit perfectly and another could be torturous, what you hated even more than that was that a bra could feel comfortable and like it fit right for the first few hours, for the time that you tried it on, only to betray you later in the day when it was too late.

This bra had done just that. Perhaps it had been that the band was too narrow? Or maybe that the straps were too tight? Or the style was just the wrong sort for you? Whatever the root cause, by the end of the day you could feel the band of your new bra digging into the skin of your side and back so harshly that you were certain it would be imbedded in you forever if you didn't get it off immediately.

You were quick as you unlocked the apartment door, slamming it a little too hard behind you as you kicked off your shoes, dumped your work bags on the floor without much care and began to rush past Quinn who had sat up from his space lounging on the sofa to greet you.

"Hey, baby," You barely acknowledged him, not more than a grunt as you passed and he frowned. Those green eyes of his following your hurried footsteps to where you disappeared into the bedroom.

It wasn't really a choice that he found himself up and following behind you, leaning against the doorframe of your shared bedroom. More of a compulsion really, an unthinking action, something he couldn't have not done if he tried. Where you went, he followed. You weren't always in the best of moods when you got home, but when you weren't in a good mood you usually sought him out, curling up into his lap as soon as you could for comfort. It was unusual for you to practically ignore him and it left a bad taste in his mouth, a worry that festered.

You feel bad for practically ignoring him, but the burning discomfort of cotton and lace digging into your skin was a more pressing matter, literally. You can feel Quinn's eyes on you from the doorway as you rush to peel out of your work dress in such haste that Quinn's almost certain he hears a rip as you shrug it off your shoulders.

He watches as you reach back, fingers fumbling with your bra clasp and slipping each time despite the years of experience with it. It's your urgency, the frustrated whine you let you that has him stepping forward and reaching for you unthinking, not questioning why this is so urgent but knowing it.

He has the clasp undone in half a second, and the gasp he lets out is as sharp and loud as your sound of relief when the bra falls away from your body and to the floor. Your skin is indented, a divot where the band of your bra had dug in over the day, flesh bright red, every stitch mark clear as day on the surface. It looks so uncomfortable to Quinn, painful and he can tell by your relief that it is.

"Baby..." There's abject concern in his tone, a quiet sort of worry that can be heard in his voice but also felt in the way his fingers barely graze your side. Fingertips careful and cautious as he traces the edge of the welts in your side.

"It's fine...I just clearly brought the wrong size...or style or something..." You lift your arm, looking at your skin in the mirror as you say this. It doesn't reassure Quinn, in fact your casual disregard for your own comfort pisses him off.

"It's not fine." Quinn's tone is short, clipped. His hands find the dip of your waist pulling you back against his chest, chin dipping down so he can press soft kisses to your shoulder, as if it will erase the discomfort of your skin, "Burn it."

"Quinn, I just bought it! It cost like $80!" The price itself makes you wince, $80 on something that seemed to fit but actually couldn't be worn comfortably for more than a few hours no matter how pretty it was.

"So? It hurt you, it can go in the trash and i'll buy you a more comfortable bra, one that won't do this," His hands trail up from your waist, over your skin until they meet the welts in your side. He's gentle, so, so gentle, as he massages little circles into the red marks. "Or, you can go without, who needs bras anyway?" He grumbles into your skin like bras were a personal affront to him. In that moment they felt like they were, anything that hurt his girlfriend was personally offensive.

"Quinn, I can't go around work with my nipples out. It's highly unprofessional." You roll your eyes at him even as you relax into his touch. His fingers are just cool enough that they provide a sense of relief against your burning skin. It's almost like he thinks he can massage the marks away, that if he caresses them enough they'll disappear.

"Okay, so just wear those bras that are stretchy." He thinks to the bra in your drawer, the one that you've managed to fall asleep in before, that never left marks on your skin

"You mean my bralettes? The ugly, shapeless things?" You think of the white that's now off-white from overuse, the fabric pilling, the elastic overstretched from wear. It's not exactly a bra you consider sexy, something practical instead, comfortable.

"They're not ugly. They're comfortable." He mumbles it into your neck, beard scratching your skin and making you twitch. His fingers are running along the indents in your side, giving up on small circles, and going for long strokes instead.

"I...I just wanted to wear something pretty."

"You're pretty enough on your own, baby," Quinn's kisses travel up your neck, pressing into your jaw and cheek as if he can kiss the thought into you, as if he can make you believe it with just a few presses of his lips, "but...if it's that important, we'll go get you fitted properly at one of those fancy lingerie stores and I'll buy you all the pretty bras you want as long as they don't hurt you."

"Really?" You catch his eye in the mirror, the look he gives you is soft and sincere, eyes crinkling at the edges. Quinn's good with his money, responsible, but he loves to spoil you, even more so because you don't expect it or ask for it. Even more so because you're so careful with your own money.

"Mmmhmm, still prefer you without a bra, but I can compromise, for you." He smirks as you twist to whack him in his shoulder, he laughs as his hands slip back to your waist.

"Quinn." Your voice is a bad attempt at sounding disapproving, the slight laughter you're trying to hide still coming out from underneath as you frown at him.

"First things first though," You watch as Quinn slips to his knees in front of you, still tall enough that he reaches the centre of your chest. There's something about him on his knees like that, looking up at you from beneath long lashes that feels devotional, like he's praying at an altar or shrine. It feels practically blasphemous and makes your stomach flip nervously.

"What are doing?" Your hand fingers his hair without much thought on your part, fingers glinding through dark waves, nails lightly scratching his scalp in a way that makes his eyelashes flutter.

"Kissing it better, then you're going to get into one of those really oversized t-shirts I have and we're going to watch your favourite movie and i'm going to order your favourite take-out."

"All because of my bra?"

"Mmhmm, gotta look after my girl."

He doesn't entertain your conversation any further, Quinn's lips trail over waist before they meet the left side of your ribs. He kisses across angry, red skin, warm to the touch from the pooling of blood under your skin. He takes his time as your eyes flutter close, revelling in the simple quiet intimacy, the tenderness as he cares for you. It's perhaps all in your head, but you think every kiss seems to erase a little bit more pain, a little bit more discomfort.

Your nails trail across the back of his neck as he shifts, lips pressing kisses across your ribs until he reaches the marks on your right side. He's as careful, as gentle as before as he presses kisses over the deep red grooves, nose brushing the skin lightly as he goes. It sets an ache of the best kind in your chest, an ache of affection of love, for this man who will supplicate himself to you, who will press kisses to your skin over something as simple as a too tight bra.

Until Quinn you'd never known this sort of love, all consuming, but not loud. Quiet, gentle. The sort of love that seeks to provide for you in every way imaginable even when you argue, even when you fight. The sort of love that sees all your broken and tender parts and just seeks to soften them, soothe them. A sort selfless love that seeks to give, give, give.

"I love you..." You whisper it, the quiet atmosphere too tender and delicate for anything louder. Your thumbs moving to rub against his cheeks as Quinn places one last kiss on your skin before looking up at you like you've hung the moon.

You're not entirely sure what you did in a past life to deserve Quinn and the sort of love that he gives you, but you choose not to question it. Scared that if you do it will disappear like a puff of smoke.

Quinn is no less gentle when he rises to his feet and guides you by the hand to your bed, no less gentle when he finds the biggest, softest t-shirt he can find and helps you slip it over your head.

His love for you is evident when he puts your favourite movie on without asking what one it is again, its evident when you hear him on the phone ordering your exact favourite takeout order, not forgetting a single item off the list. He doesn't need to say it, it's evident in all his actions, still he does. He mumbles it into your hair as you curl up together in front of the television.

For Quinn there is no greater goal in life than making you feel seen, known, loved and he does it so effortlessly.

[absolutebl]

Best 24 of BL 2024 - Quirky Awards

ONLY shows that ENDED their runs in 2024 are up for awards.

SHOCK & AWE AWARDS

1. Biggest BL surprise of 2024:

Cherry Magic Thailand. TayNew's version was truly a lovely experience and very much its own take on the original, an adaptation rather than a remake. I'm so relieved and grateful that GMMTV managed to pull it off, and sad it wasn't more widely available.

2. The “that country did WHAT?” award:

Meet You At the Blossom from China. From start to finish it is exactly as it claimed to be, wuxia BL, including more than the expected amount of sexual claiming (dubious consent to the point of rape) and actual kisses, wife language, floaty sleeves, you name it. FROM CHINA!!!

3. Biggest casting whoa! where did you come from? award:

Up & Poom in My Stand-In. I mean, WHERE did you two come from and how did this happen? Holy smokes. My goodness are we grateful!

4. That studio did WHAT now? award:

Youku putting Unknown out wide and easily avaiable on YouTube (for most of us). It's just really rare for a Taiwanese BL to get any kind of distribution. And to do that with arguably the best TaBL of the year and not some sad little mew mew? Amazing.

5. I’m sad you were ignored award:

Sugar Dog Life - such a charming JBL, so hard to find. I'm so sad it didn't get distribution. It's charming, one of my favorites of the year, worth tracking down if you can.

6. 2024 BL That Actually Made Me Lose My Mind Award?

I gotta be honest, it was The Sign. I was such a chaotic mess of a show but never once was I bored. It was the only one that drove me into memes and captions and silliness.

I did go a bit feral for a while over Love for Loves Sake and Wandee Gooday not to mention The Only One (until it went tits-up).

NARRATIVE AWARDS

7. Best story 2024:

Cherry Magic (Thai remake). I know, but it worked just as well in another country, if not better. I always enjoy this kind of magical realism concept (after all Color Rush is one of my all time favorite BLs) and despite the increased length, the pacing was solid on this one... even from Thailand.

8. Best narrative structure 2024 award:

Love For Love's Sake. A KBL isekai about a man who must win a game by convincing a reserved teen outcast to fall in love with him. Of course, that teen represents himself and his own unhappiness. I drowned in this show and liked it that way.

9. Best 2024 dialogue (script) award:

We Are, it was just so much fun. And so FUNNY.

10. Favorite scene 2024:

Like anyone needed to ask. Unknown, of course.

11. The most rewatchable BL of 2024 award:

We Are

It's just all the couples are so cute and the core friendship group is so charming and endearing.

ACTORS & CHARACTERS AWARDS

12. Best performance of a queer actor in a leading role:

no award this year, yeah the whole damn industry should be thoroughly ashamed of itself

13. Best pining 2024:

The Time of Fever. That feeding him orange while lying on the floor scene ALONE.

14. Best wingman 2024 (The Namgoong Award)

Yai in The Sign.

15. Biggest OMG I LOVE you boys together, YAY!

SailubPon from Pit Babe & This Love Doesn't Have Longbeans, from the softness of one to the health code violations of the other. Sure their shows are bonkers, but man are these two good at bonkers (and bonking).

With a nod to BigPark from Monster Next Door.

16. Most unexpected return of a BL pair? award:

OffGun. There were rumors that Off was out at the beginning of 2023. And then they came back with 2 shows in 2024 (Cooking Crush and The Trainee)!

17. Well aren't you two just the prettiest? award:

I dithered a lot (Babe's damn waist and OMG The Sign's sex scenes hawt), but in the end it had to go to GreatInn. They were just so good at showing their characters having FUN together. There is a lot of beauty in enjoying sex and another person's company. It's so rare to see that portrayed in a BL (and it shouldn't be rare).

18. LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

I'm actually giving it to OffGun. Ya know, where others falter, these two just keep going. It's kinda amazing.

RANDOM PICKS

19. Favorite Linguistic Moment of 2024:

The general flirtatious banter from Last Twilight.

20. Biggest disappointment of 2024:

Addicted Heroin (Thai version). Some of the very best original material + one of my favorite Thai actors (who I've been waiting eons to see in a BL again) and THIS was the result? They could have fixed China's worst BL mistake, instead the made everything worse. I'm gonna be bitter for a really really long time.

I gotta sat The Only One comes a real close second tho. And I'm still mad about Last Twilight, too.

21. Best Wardrobe/Prop Use 2023

Meet You At The Blossom - I love a pretty boy pissing contest over who has the biggest sleeves. Twirl you beautiful bastards, TWIRL!

22. Best Queer Rep 2024

Again, not great this year. I loved the fun sex and play in Wandee, but there were precious few femme characters, and in general it felt like we took some steps back from queerness this year. So I'm gonna give it to Deep Night, because at least they gave us honest poly for the first time.

23. Best Meta Trope call out

Love for Love Sake - Korea taking to task the Dead Fish Kiss when they are often the worst offender was...... amusing.

But Deep Night having male sex workers having to act like they were in a BL for a couple chicks...... literally gay for pay depicting gay for pay and just, well, that's frankly a gut punch. There was some sarcastic clapping on my side of the screen.

24. Well aren't you getting all Live Action Yaoi retro with your bad self?

Dominant Yakuza and Wimpy Corporate Slave gets my vintage af award. I flipping LOVED it. Would I recommend it? Only if you, yourself, are a bit vintage.

Final question: which of the 24 was the hardest for me to pick?

20 Biggest disappointment of 2024. Look I had some pretty high expectations of some returning pairs, some great ideas, and some intriguing remakes. 2024 was full of disappointments.

2022's Version of the Quirkies

2023's Version of the Quirkies

Remember I only pull from shows that were completely finished by the end of 2024.

(source)

[mangostarjam]

kiss me at midnight — haikyuu, miya atsumu x f!reader, established relationship, reader is called "babe" and "baby", fluff, suggestive, 1.2k words

Your hand is in his face before you realize it.

"Mmrph!"

It's so fucking dark.

"'Tsumu?" you whisper, squinting at the shadowy lump next to you. Your boyfriend's familiar fingers wrap around your wrist. "What is it? What's happening?"

Miya Atsumu finally frees his face from your hand. You wince at the wet saliva rapidly drying on your fingers. "Babe," he huffs, "didja hafta shove me?"

"You're the one who did something weird," you shoot back quietly, though your half-asleep brain can't quite remember what that thing was. "Did you… lick my hand?"

"Do ya want me to?" Atsumu asks curiously, his large hand sliding up to your fingers. He drops your hand immediately, and even in the dim moonlight filtering into the bedroom you can see him make a face. "Eugh, why's your hand wet?"

Oh, god. Fondness blooms in your chest even as you blink yourself more awake.

You laugh. You can't help it. "You licked it! Why are you acting all surprised?"

"Oh," Atsumu props himself up on an elbow and flicks on his bedside lamp. You squint at the sudden light, shivering against the cool rush of air beneath the blankets as he shifts. "That's 'cause ya put your hand on my face! Jeez, babe, I know ya like touchin' me, but watch the goods."

"I hate you," you laugh. Atsumu grins down fondly at you, backlit by his lamp. Golden strands drift up in a messy tangle, his bed head somehow terrible even though you've only been asleep for — "'Tsumu, why are we awake right now? It's not even midnight!"

His grin grows sheepish. "It's New Year's Eve."

"So? We should be asleep!"

Your boyfriend's half lidded gaze sweeps over your form — you're wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of shorts, nothing fancy, so there's no reason for him to be looking at you like that. He licks his lips. "Don't you wanna… ring in the new year?"

"No," you say, rolling your eyes. "What, are you planning on jacking off for the next —" you squint at the clock, "— forty minutes? I think your dick might get hand burn or something."

"Well, I was hopin' it'd be in somewhere wetter than my hand," Atsumu mumbles, flopping back into his pillow with a thump. He pulls the blankets back up over your shoulders and grins when you relent and snuggle close.

He's so warm and solid and he smells like your citrus body wash, which he swears he never touches except your bottle always ends up emptying way too fast. You slip your hand up beneath his shirt and smooth along the muscles of his back, smiling to yourself as he presses a kiss to the side of your head.

"I thought you didn't care about new years," you mumble into his neck. "You were whining about your beauty sleep during dinner."

"I wasn't whining," Atsumu splutters. You snicker into his skin and then you kiss him, a featherlight brush against the pulse fluttering in his neck. His grip tightens on your hip. "I was bein' considerate! You had a long day at work, right? I thought ya might wanna have a quiet night. I was givin' you an out."

"What part of waking me up before midnight counts as 'considerate'?" you ask curiously.

"Well, if I made ya cum a few times, you'd be more relaxed and we can both rest easy," Atsumu says.

"And you didn't think of this before we fell asleep earlier?"

Atsumu sneaks his hand down and pinches your butt, grinning into your hair when you yelp and swat at him reflexively. "Sorry, nope," he says. You can feel him half hard against your thigh. "But I can make it up to you."

"I'm sure you could," you breathe, leaning up to kiss the smile off his face. "Is this why you offered to let us get 'beauty sleep' instead of meeting our friends at the shrine tonight?"

"Swear I wanted to let you rest," Atsumu murmurs between kisses. He licks into your mouth with a hum, catching your bottom lip between his teeth as he groans. "My girlfriend's just way too hot. Have you seen her smile? Makes me get butterflies."

"Flirt," you pull back with a grin. He brushes your hair away from your face as you yawn, jaw cracking with the force of it. "Sorry. That wasn't very sexy of me."

Atsumu laughs and kisses the tip of your nose. "You'll always be sexy to me. Want me to turn off the light?"

"Don't you like being able to see me when we fuck?"

Your boyfriend gasps. "Language!"

"Shut up," you laugh. "You're the one with the filthy mouth."

Atsumu just grins, lopsided and soft. He presses a kiss to your forehead. "You really are tired, aren'tcha? Let's go back to sleep. Sorry I woke ya up."

You open your mouth to protest — you can feel him hard against your thigh, and your insides are warm enough to generate some sparks if he just keeps kissing you — but a yawn interrupts you before you can get any words out. Atsumu snorts and reaches behind him to slap the lamp off.

"Sorry, 'Tsumu," you mumble. He tugs you into him, rolling onto his back so that you can rest your head on his chest, tucked into his side. "I can wake you up with a blowjob or something."

"Don't worry 'bout it, baby," Atsumu says quietly. His arm is heavy around your waist, and you feel his other hand shuffling beneath the blankets before he finds one of yours and clasps it above his heart. "I just wanna wake up next to you."

"Is that your only new year's resolution?" you ask sleepily. His heart beats a rhythm you feel in your bones, deep and sure. An anchor to keep you from drifting away.

Atsumu hums. "I wanna win Setter of the Year," he says. "And I wanna get Omi-Omi to give me a high five during a match."

"You should be more realistic. Kiyoomi-kun might spike a ball to the back of your head if you're not careful," you say. "You're definitely getting Setter of the Year, though. You're amazing."

Atsumu chuckles and squeezes your hand. "What about you, babe? Any resolutions?"

"I guess I want to drink more water," you muse, "or else Suna will keep sending me hydration memes."

"I can help ya with that," Atsumu says. Your voices are both low, creeping towards sleep. "Anything else?"

"Mm… not that I can think of. Do you have more?"

It's quiet for a bit. You think maybe he's fallen asleep, with the way his breathing is so even, but he squeezes your hand and his heartbeat thunks in his chest.

"I wanna keep wakin' up next to you," Atsumu says. "For the rest of our lives."

You stop breathing.

"I didn't get you a ring yet," he mumbles. "'Samu said I'd pick something stupid."

"Atsumu…"

He squeezes your hand again. "Think I'll make that one come true, too?"

You shift and he's loose, lets you move to prop yourself above him, keeps his hand carefully at your side in case you need help balancing. "Atsumu," you whisper.

"Is it time to kiss for midnight?"

His eyes are glimmering in the moonlight, deep warm pools you could sink into forever.

"Yeah," you say, barely glancing at the clock. "Yeah, I think you've got that one in the bag."

[cherrygirlfriend]

pairing: frat!rafe x tutor!reader synopsis: reader attends a frat party where the theme is to dress up as your type warnings: fluff! wc: 1.3k i got this idea from the wonderful @rafeyscurtainbangs and it had me dead because it's so funny and i can picture him wearing that… i also tried out a new kinda formatting for funsies ^_^ also i'm surprised i’ve never posted for frat!rafe? anyway first fic for 2025!

you'd never really been much into parties, your best friend constantly trying to get you to go to some of the various parties the social butterfly had gotten invited to, but you simply held up the book you were in the middle of and let out a soft hum as a way to say that you had your own plans. after some more pleading, lexi always gave up trying to convince you to come and left you in your own devices, returning in the early hours of the morning, trying to be as quiet as possible yet waking you up every time.

but this time, all the girl had to do was mention the frat party she was going to that night when you let out a sigh and told her you'd come with her. maybe there was a second reason you wanted to go, other than to just please your friend.

"we're having a party this friday."

you chuckled, turning your gaze from the book in front of you to the boy next to you, "you're in a fraternity, rafe. i'm pretty sure that happens every friday without exception."

your words caused the boy to roll his eyes, yet the small grin you'd grown to like still remained on his lips as he repositioned his backwards cap, "yeah, but it's a themed party. you should come."

"why?" you furrowed your brows in suspicion and confusion as to why he'd want you to attend, "what's the theme?"

"you're supposed to dress up as your type."

"and what are you going as? some kind of variation of jennifer from jennifer's body? or regina from mean girls?" you let out a small snort.

"guess you'll have to come if you wanna find out." the boy poked your forearm with the rubber end of his pencil, licking his lips, "i wanna see what kind of guys you are into. i bet it's some thrifty hipster dudes or some broody bad boys that secretly get hard for poetry and emily dickinson and shit."

you felt your cheeks warm from the memory as you placed the backwards cap on your head. you looked in the mirror, clad in loose jeans that hung low on your hips so it'd show off the calvin klein logo on your underwear, and a sweatshirt adorning the logo of your university. the outfit you wore looked just like something rafe would wear during one of your tutoring sessions. hell, he probably had.

lexi looked at you with raised brows, the muscular girl who usually wore dark, baggy clothes looked strange in the blue sundress she'd borrowed from you, her biceps basically protruding from the short sleeves, the girl's short black hair pulled up into a tiny attempt at a ponytail, wearing some simple makeup that you'd helped her apply.

"you're going as a frat guy? to a frat party?" she snorted, taking in your ensemble, "damn, you date so little that i had no idea that's the type of guy you were into."

you rolled your eyes, throwing her the handbag that she'd asked you if she could borrow, "and you're going as...?"

"a straight girl." lexi said, her usual shit-eating grin taking over her lips.

"in that case, you could've just worn like, a grey hoodie, those flared leggings, and a pair of white nike air force ones. most straight girls here do. i think you've failed at your assignment."

"shut up."

you were surprised by how many people actually dressed up according to the theme, especially over the number of frat boys wearing different types of skirts and dresses, some of them even sporting poorly done makeup looks on their faces.

having gotten separated from lexi almost the moment you arrived to the party, you were now leaning against the living room wall, hiding a part of your face behind a red solo cup half-full of some sort of concoction you'd found as you looked around. you'd always been better at standing aside, observing what everyone else was doing, rather than trying to join in.

you lifted the cup to your mouth and drank some of the nasty liquid, nearly spitting it out when you spot rafe chatting to his friends, just about managing to swallow it before you keel in laughter.

he stood confidently in a grey cardigan strewn over a white button-up that was so small on him it actually turned into a crop top, showing off the lower part of his abs, a faint happy trail as well as a defined v-line leading to a short black pleated skirt, his calves covered by black socks that ended just below his knees.

it seemed that your amusement had caught rafe's attention, as the moment you'd finally managed to straighten yourself up, the boy was strutting over to you, his hands on his hips in a way that almost caused you to go into another laughing fit.

"what's so funny?" rafe asked with lifted brows as he reached you, looking over your outfit with a pleased look on his face before gesturing to his own, "you don't think i look hot?"

"oh, definitely. the hottest." you snorted, bringing the drink to your lips and taking a small sip before pursing your lips in thought, "so, what's your type? britney spears?"

the boy's brows furrowed at that, "huh?"

"you look just like her in one of her music videos." you explained, your lips falling open in shock as his eyebrows continued to remain furrowed, "you don't know 'baby one more time'?"

"i haven't seen it." rafe shrugged, "what, you can't recognize who i'm trying to dress as?"

"i can't say i do. who?"

"i'm dressed as you."

you knew that if you were able to see yourself, your eyes would comically widen the moment the words left rafe's lips; and as you looked at him up and down, you realized, that his outfit was something you'd usually wear; just more lewd. "you're... dressed as me?"

"yeah. and clearly you're dressed as me."

"based- based on what?" you laughed incredulously, feeling your cheeks light up, bringing the cup to your lips and drinking just so you'd be able to hide a part of your face from the boy.

"well," rafe snatched the cap on your head, placing it on his instead, making his entire ensemble look even goofier, as he took hold of the front of your sweatshirt. "i'm pretty sure i've worn this exact same outfit."

"that doesn't mean anything… plenty of guys wear this." you mumbled from behind your cup, only to have rafe grab it from your hands, your eyes widening as you watched him finish it in one swallow, scrunching up the cup and throwing it on the floor somewhere.

cupping your chin with his finger and lifting it up so you were looking up at him, rafe brought his face closer to yours, his ice-blue eyes looking into yours in a way that made you feel like you were naked as his lips twisted into a knowing grin, "it doesn't?"

"n-"

before you could finish denying it, rafe's lips were pressed against yours; your eyes still wide open when his free hand slid to your waist, pulling you closer to him.

slowly, you felt yourself melt into the kiss, your eyes automatically closing as your lips moved against his. your hands were pressed against his chest, slowly moving down to feel his defined abs over the sheer button-up.

you could feel rafe's grin against your lips before he even pulled away, looking down at you with a knowing look on his face, the boy licking his lips causing you to bite down on your lower lip, your head spinning from just kissing him.

"so, that didn't mean anything, huh?"

[mrsbarnesblog]

one step at a time

masterlist

summary: after being rejected by you, the person who managed to catch Rafe's attention in a way no one else ever had, he goes spiraling into his addiction even more. you happened to be the only one who was able to pull him out of the turmoil in which he had buried himself in the last years.

words count: 6.5k

warnings: drug addiction, withdrawls, mutual pinning, angsty with happy ending

a/n: i've been writing and rewriting it since august and i still don't know whether i like the final result or not, so i'm ready for your feedback. aaaand happy new year to all of you, my precious followers. hope this one will bring you only the best💘

You felt your skin getting hotter under the intense gaze of a particular guy who had been starring at you whenever you two were in the same room. The one who was present in your head all the time, no matter how hard you tried to get distracted and convince yourself that it was not the person that you needed in your life.

Rafe Cameron.

He was in a circle of his so-called friends, mostly not paying attention to them and instead watching you. You didn’t know when it started to happen—when the looks that you gave to each other started to get longer and more frequent, when your eyes started to search around the rooms until they found what they wanted, when the small talks that you had during official Kook’s events became so awkward and nervous.

Your fathers worked together for a few years, so you weren’t friends, more like acquaintances who occasionally attended the same galas and parties, where you usually ended up in the same circle of people. And who, well, might have developed a secret crush on each other. 

The thing is, you didn’t know why you felt that way. Rafe was certainly not the nicest person on the island, yet you didn’t have a real reason to hate him either. He was a menace; he was spoiled and thrived on attention from others. But Rafe was undeniably hot, so damn attractive without even trying, and you just wanted him. Your whole body was gravitating towards him, no matter how you tried to get this bullshit out of your head. 

Still, you knew for a fact that no matter how much even his presence in the room affected you, seeing him do countless and countless lines at every party pushed you away from him more than anything else ever could. You were not the one to ever judge people for their addictions, but seeing many times what drugs did to people, you didn’t want to deal with it at all. Remembering the first time you noticed it, the first time Sarah cried because of how her brother became so reckless and that she was scared for him, a shiever ran down your spine. 

You excused yourself and left from inside the house when the air became to thick with the smell of smoke, alcohol, and sweat from people all around you and when your thoughts started to wander in the familiar direction. You found a semi-quiet space at the balcony on the second floor, but it didn’t take too long until someone else went there, as you heard footsteps approaching you. 

“What are you doing here alone?” You instantly turned around at the sound of Rafe’s smooth voice, only to catch him looking at you up and down with a gleam in his eyes. You heart raced, almost breaking out of your ribcage, while you tried to visibly not freak out.

“Nothing, just needed some fresh air.” You shrugged. “And why are you here?” 

“Honestly?” He chuckled, seemingly feeling nervous, as his right hand started rubbing the back of his neck. “I followed you.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, kinda wanted to talk to you alone for a long time.” He stepped closer, mostly looking at the floor and licking his lips. You didn’t know whether it was the chill air or the fact that Rafe’s presence had a weird influence on you, but you shivered. “You’re so pretty tonight, y’know? I mean, always. Thought I could ask you to hang out sometime. Like without shit tons of people around us?”

Your eyes followed the movements of his slightly trembling hands and the realization that he was high again made your heart sink. It were drugs speaking, you were sure that he wouldn’t have done it with a sober mind, so you just pursed your lips at the bitter feeling in your chest. 

Rafe was almost jittery, either from finally asking you out or the powder that was currently flooding his system — he didn’t even know that himself. He wanted to ask you out for ages, always thinking about the way you pulled his attention like a magnet, the way he craved you more with every passing day, but it seemed like there was never a good moment for that. 

“Rafe…” You breathed out his name, your eyes finally finding his. Pupils dilated, almost covering the pretty blue color, and the look so distant, weird, as if he wasn’t even fully there. “I can’t. This is wrong. I don’t want to do it like that.” 

“You-you’re looking at me. I know I’m not fucking crazy. You look at me the same way I look at you, don’t bullshit me, Y/N.” His eyes narrowed, his throat suddenly dry from the nerves and a hurting feeling of rejection. He stepped closer, which seemed like a way to intimidate you, but you weren't afraid of him, not even in this state of mind. 

“I’m not… denying it, okay? I like you, for some reason.” Your cheeks heated, and you started fidgeting with your fingers, but still looking up at him with seriousness and concern. “But I hate your lifestyle, Rafe. Say whatever you want, but this is not normal. You’re high even right now—I see it in your eyes. Will you even remember this party, me, our conversation the next morning?”

Was it anger that was bubbling inside of him right now? Or maybe agitation? Whatever it was, it hurt him deeply, more than he could admit. For the first time ever, Rafe actually, genuinely, became interested in someone, not with the intention of a meaningless hook up, but just because something was pulling him towards you. And, of course, he had to fuck everything up again with his dumb ass desicions. 

Who was he kidding, thinking that you wouldn’t care about the coke? You were possibly the sweetest person on the island, despite being a kook, and he had never even heard any rumors about you doing anything illegal. You were just the definition of a rich girl who enjoyed her perfect life on an island, hanging out with your friends, doing your hobbies, and never getting into trouble. 

Rafe just wanted to hit his head against the wall from the amount of mixed feelings and thoughts that his poor overstimulated mind was experiencing right now. 

“Rafe, please listen and understand what I say. I’m not rejecting you. I’m just saying that I can’t commit to anything if you’re not even fully there. If the situation was different, I would’ve happily accepted it.” His attention was focused on the floor, but from the way his jaw was clenching while you were talking, you knew that he was listening. “These people are not your friends, because they let you do that and they do not care. You should stop destroying your mind and your body with drugs while you can.” 

You tried to reach out to touch him, but he flinched. 

“Yeah, I–I get it. See ya later.” He mumbled under his breath, not even looking at you.

“Rafe, wait! Rafe!” You tried to call out, but he was already gone, mixing in the croud of people in the main room.

You pushed on the button on the doorbell for the third time, but it seemed like Cameron’s house was silent. Rafe’s truck was on the driveway, as was his red bike, so you knew that he must be home. 

After that talk with Rafe almost three weeks ago, you only heard about him and caught a few glimpses with his friends at Figure 8. People talked that he had gone even crazier than usual and that Shoupe arrested him twice. You were worried that it might be your fault, but just when you decided to catch Rafe the next time you see him, he vanished for the whole day. 

You had to call Sarah to ask what was wrong with her brother, making up a stupid excuse for your sudden interest, and the only thing that she told you was him not getting out of his room and acting weird.

Maybe it was a bad idea to come here uninvited when clearly no one else besides Rafe was home, or because you weren’t even that close, but it was too late to go back when you opened the front door and slowly went up the stairs to his room. 

You were in the house a few times already, when your families had their usual gatherings together, so you pretty much knew where you had to look for Rafe. You stopped in front of his door, unsure of your actions, but before you could run away like a child, your hand had already knocked on the door.

The soft groans and mumbling were heard inside, as well as the sound of the bedsheets and something falling on the floor. Your first thought about him having someone over there made your heart drop for a second, but another groan, almost painful, filled you with concern.  

“Get—get the fuck away, Sarah. T-told you a million fu-ucking times.” Rafe’s voice was hoarse, and it seemed like he was trembling with the way it shaked. You heard cussing and more groans. He did not sound like himself with those strange pauses and unusual sounds, which made the level of your worry skyrocket. What if he was doing coke in there, or maybe something stronger? His ego must’ve gotten hurt because of your rejection, and now he was putting that shit up his nose again. 

“It’s not Sarah, Rafe. Open, please.” You rested your head on the door, listening to the complete silence after your words. He was thinking—you knew that. He was trying to figure something out, and the fact that you didn’t know what was exactly happening frightened you. "Fuck, are you doing it again? I won’t go until you open the door. Rafe, this is not funny!” 

You didn’t expect to see what was in front of you. As soon as the door opened, another version of Rafe was looking at you. He was barely standing straight, gripping the side of the door for dear life, shaking like a leaf and sweating. His face was pale, with almost white lips and bloodshot, exhausted eyes. 

You gasped, covering your mouth with your hand, but stepped closer to take a hold of his face. He took something worse than cocaine. He’s high again. It’s bad. Your mind immediately went to a dark place, already feeling tears at the brim of your eyes. 

That’s when Rafe’s eyes met yours, and you froze in place. 

“You are clean.” You said, not asked, breathlessly. Tired, red, and slightly watery, but still clear, eyes looked right at you with a mixture of shame and relief. He licked his lips a few times, probably dehydrated, trying to stay focused on you despite feeling too sick to stand up straight. “Oh my god, Rafe, I thought—What's happening?” 

When he didn’t respond to you, with a new wave of confidence, you pushed him back into the darkness of the room, closing the door behind you and looking around. It was a mess, but no empty bottles, white powder, or random credit cards were seen, and you sighed with relief. 

Rafe was barely holding himself up. His body was fighting against him, craving that poisonous relief again. He swayed on his legs, suddenly feeling way too hot again, even though his skin was covered in goosebumps. It started to become more than he could handle, but another reminder that you were, in fact, right in front of him came in the form of your hands holding his face. 

Your soft eyes were searching for something in him while he tried to focus on your face. He thought that maybe he started hallucinating because, why else would you be there? Rafe leaned forward as his face curled in pain. You hummed in response, taking some of his body weight on yourself. Your hands stayed on his face, while his own trembling ones fell on your waist for some kind of support. 

At first, he thought that he was mad at you. After you rejected him, when he finally found power in himself to talk to you at that party, he was furious. He came back to his friends, immediately pulling out a plastic bag from his pocket and emptying it on the table in front of him. He inhaled more than he needed, hurt and angry from what you said to him. It blocked his mind for some time as everything around got muffled and blurry. His heart was pounding, his breath shallow, but his mind spun faster than he could keep up with. Every word you’d said echoed in his head, sharper and more painful each time.

It went on like that for some time, and at one point Rafe couldn’t even figure out what day it was. Everything was just a blur of parties, his coke buddies, and countless lines on every surface possible. It was bad, and at the back of his mind he knew that he was spiraling somewhere he wouldn’t be able to get out of, but then again, he had no one to try for. Ward didn’t care as long as Rafe didn’t cause any problems; his sisters gave him stares that he thought were either pity or disgust, as you... you weren’t there to fully see it all, so he did everything to prove God knows what, knowing damn well that it was hurt.  

The coke gave him fleeting moments of numbness, but it never lasted. The hurt always came back, heavier and sharper, gnawing at him when the highs faded and the quiet of his thoughts became unbearable.

It all was adding up, until one time Sarah caught him blacked out on the couch besides the pool. He still didn’t know whether it was a game of his mind or it happened actually, but he remembered her faint silhouette, sitting in front of him. She sounded like she was crying, but he wasn’t sure—too high to actually understand. What he remembers were her words, that surprisingly his mind was able to comprehend even in that state. “I thought you were gonna get better. I thought Y/N would be the one to pull you out of this.” Her voice cracked, a mix of sadness and disappointment that cut through the fog in his brain. “But look at you, Rafe. You’re worse than ever.”

Rafe’s vision blurred, though he couldn’t tell if it was from the high or the emotion clawing its way to the surface. He tried to move, to sit up, but his body felt like lead. He hated how vulnerable he felt in that moment, laid out in front of his sister like a broken mess.

“He cares about you, you know. She told me a long time ago how much she liked you. I know you do too. And you could’ve had it all if only you were able to get out of your own way.” Sarah said, her voice soft but edged with frustration. “But instead, you’re here, killing yourself slowly over something that you could fix. Or maybe you’re just too scared to try.”

“I’m not scared.” He gritted his teeth, groaning at the baanging noises in his head.

“Then prove it. Fix your life, Rafe. Until it’s too late.” 

He didn't remember what happened after that, but then he woke up with a more clear head, still confused and disoriented. Sarah’s words were hanging at the back of his head.

What was he even trying to prove? To you? To himself? He’d spent so much time running from the pain, from the rejection, from the fear that he hadn’t realized he was running in circles, destroying everything in his path.

Rafe stood shakily, gripping the back of the couch for support. His reflection in the sliding glass door caught his eye, and he barely recognized the person staring back. Bloodshot eyes, hollow cheeks, and a gauntness that hadn’t been there before. It was a version of himself he couldn’t stand to look at anymore.

He wasn’t sure where to start or if he even knew how to fix it, but he knew one thing: Sarah, once, was right. If he didn’t make a change now, it would be too late. Too late for you to ever see him as someone worth caring about again. Too late to prove to himself that he could be better.

Dragging a hand down his face, Rafe took a shaky breath. One step at a time, he thought, Sarah’s voice still echoing in his mind. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he could do it. He didn’t know if it would be enough, but for the first time, he wanted to try.

“It burns. I feel like my body is on fuckin’ fire. It’s in my veins. I can’t take it anymore, Y/N.” Rafe’s eyes flattered, and his breathing became heavier as another wave of heat washed over him. “I don’t wanna take coke again, but shit—-“

“You can, Rafe. I know you can. You’re doing so well. You have to fight it just a little longer.” You ran your thumbs over his cheeks and realized that he was way too hot. “You need to cool off a little. Can you take a cold shower? Can you do that by yourself?” You slightly patted his cheek until his eyes focused back on yours.

“You actually came?” His voice was hesitant, almost fragile, and a sad smile touched your lips.

“I did. I’ll help you, okay?”

“Mhm… Stay here? Please.” He almost begged, leaning into your touch and licking his dry lips again. With your touch still lingering on his face, Rafe stumbled into his private bathroom while you decided to prepare everything for him. 

After politely rummaging through the room, you found new bed sheets to replace the old ones. Then you quickly aired the room, brought a couple water bottles from the kitchen downstairs, and turned on only one light to not disturb Rafe and his sensitive mind right now. 

As you were cleaning up, you got lost in your thoughts about what had happened in the past few weeks. From Rafe asking you out, then seemingly going crazy because of your rejection, and now his attempt to quit drugs. Not that you didn’t believe in him, but he was so stubborn, and with the amount of problems constantly surrounding him, it wouldn’t be so surprising if he had just ignored you and continued living his own way. 

But you wanted him to get clean so badly because you hated the way coke was affecting him. You knew him for a pretty long time now, and you couldn’t miss the changes in his behavior after he started using. You wanted to see the real him, wanted to help him out, no matter how cliche it sounded. 

You hated that he was so careless about his own body and mind that he willingly put that shit up his nose again and again, thinking that it would change anything. You had feelings for Rafe, you did for a long time, no matter how many people openly said that he was a disaster and a big problem. One thing that you knew for sure was that if he really wanted to try, then you would support him. 

You heard the bathroom door creak open and turned to see Rafe leaning against the frame. He looked exhausted, his damp hair falling into his eyes, his skin pale but no longer feverish. He wore a fresh pair of sweatpants, the towel he had used slung loosely around his shoulders. His expression was a mix of vulnerability and shame, like he wasn’t sure he deserved the care you were giving him.

“Hey.” You said softly, walking over to him. “You feeling any better?”

He nodded faintly, his eyes meeting yours. “A little.” He admitted, though his voice was hoarse. “Thanks for… all this.”

You shook your head. “You don’t have to thank me. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Rafe’s movements were a little slower than usual when he came closer to you, as if he craved your presence around him. “Just made you a fresh bed. I also brought some water because you’re probably dehydrated. You should try to fall asleep, and I’ll stay here if you want to.” You softly smiled, not missing the way his eyes were glued to your lips, as if he were trying to understand you better. 

“Yeah—shit, I mean okay.” Rafe started breathing heavily again, shaking his head to clear the fog and trying to stop his hands from shaking. 

In a few minutes, you managed to get you both into his bed, with you sitting against the headboard and Rafe’s head comfortably placed on the pillow on your lap. He was facing you, so you could see the way his eyes were flattering while he tried to control himself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked quietly, mindlessly running your hands through his long hair.

“Didn’t think that you would care about it, ‘cause you clearly said no to me.” He shrugged, while one of his hands sneaked under the pillow on your legs and touched your thigh. It wasn’t sexual in any way, but it gave Rafe some kind of comfort.

“I care about you. You are my friend.”

“I don’t wanna be your friend, Y/N.” 

You shook your head at his stubbornness, sliding your fingers down the side of his face. “I know, but we are. At least for now.” Rafe scoffed, tightening the grip on your thigh and trembling as another wave of chills washed over his body. “Sh-h. Remember, I didn’t say ‘no’. I said that I can’t commit to anything if you’re not fully here. It would be unfair for both of us. So now you have to get better, and then we’ll work from there.” His tired eyes met yours as if he were trying to understand whether you were serious or not. “When was the last time you used anything?”

“Yesterday morning.” 

“Mhm, so it’s your second day already. That’s amazing, Ray.” 

Rafe just hummed in response, his mouth suddenly feeling extremely dry. You made him drink some water, trying to convince him that his body needed to get rid of the toxins, and one of the best ways to do it was by drinking a lot of fluids. He was surprisingly obedient, just going back to his previous position with one hand on your leg and facing you. 

You two settled into a comfortable silence, both too lost in your own heads and thoughts. 

Rafe’s eyes didn’t leave your face. No matter how hard it was for him to focus, he studied your features that were perfectly illuminated by the small lamp. He looked at you countless times, always sneaking glances when no one would notice, but right now he thought that you looked the most beautiful. With a soft smile and eyes and slightly messy hair. 

Your hand that was brushing through his dump hair and then touching his face like a feather was almost too good to be true, making Rafe almost forget about the poisonous cravings and unusual reactions of his body. You, you, you—were the only thing on his mind. It was soothing and peaceful. It was calming the storm in his head, so Rafe didn’t want this moment to ever end. 

You mindlessly traced lines on Rafe’s face, just admiring the way he seemed to be calm and relaxed, as much as it was possible in his condition, and how it differentiated from the way he had always acted. Maybe it was stupid on your part to get closer with Rafe so easily, because, let’s face it, he could go back to his habits as soon as you stepped out of the house. Everyone around you constantly talked about him being the type of person who would never change to please somebody and who would never put his pride aside. 

But no matter how hard you tried, the boy in front of you, the one who looked at you with trust and unusual softness, made your heart beat faster. Your body and mind were screaming that you did the right thing and that he was worth saving, so you couldn’t just walk away and pretend to feel nothing. 

As you watched his eyes start to flutter with sleepiness, your own hands slowed down. With the wave of comfort that his company and the atmosphere of the room had brought you, you didn’t notice how you fell asleep. 

The next few days were rough for both of you, with Rafe trying to pull his shit together and not give up and with you trying to be as helpful as possible. He struggled a lot. You saw that pretty clearly, but what you also saw was how actually strong Rafe was and how determined he became to get through it. 

It was underestimating to say that your help and support meant everything to him. Your words of encouragement, your genuine kindness and willingness to help, your visits and time that you spend in his room—it all made it seem like the efforts were not worthless and that there was a reason to fight. 

After almost a week since the day you first fell asleep in Rafe’s bed, your relationship started progressing rapidly. You started actually getting to know each other, and countless text messages and phone calls were proof of that. 

He was feeling much better; the worst of the withdrawal symptoms had passed, and the fog in his mind started to lift. It wasn’t perfect, and there were moments where he felt overwhelmed by the weight of everything he had to face, but he was getting there. You could see it in the way he started to smile more often and how his voice had grown steadier on the phone; he became calmer and wasn’t always on the edge of snapping. 

Your attraction to Rafe grew rapidly whenever you saw the real version of him, the one that was soft and caring, brought up to the surface—the one that had been buried beneath layers of anger, frustration, and his addiction. The version of him that you knew had always been there but had been clouded for so long. It was these moments, the quiet ones when he was relaxed and open, when his vulnerability came through, that made your heart ache in ways you hadn’t expected.

Sitting on the porch at your house, you thought about Rafe and your time together, and your tummy fluttered with anticipation for what was yet to come. You saw that longing look in Rafe's eyes, and you weren’t one bit surprised because that night he clearly said that your friendship was not enough for him, but you hoped to move slowly. 

Even if your breath always hitched whenever he stepped closer or lowered himself to say something to you. 

Even if your heart skipped a bit whenever you saw a message with his name next to it. 

A notification from your phone brought you back to the present, and as soon as you saw Rafe’s text, you proved yourself right. Your heart skipped a beat again as a shy smile touched your lips. 

Café near the beach? My treat. I have something to show you

k, i’ll be there in fifteen

When you got out of the taxi, your eyes scanned the people sitting in the open area under the light of the setting sun, but you didn’t see one particular guy who started messing with your head in the best way possible. 

That was until you saw someone turning their head back, as if they sensed you standing there, and your mouth fell open in shock. 

You came closer as Rafe stood up from his chair with a smug look on his face, but your eyes were too hungry, taking him in, to even try to be respectful. 

“Your hair! Oh god, Rafe! How—why—when?" Your hand reached out to touch his freshly buzzed hair, rubbing it back and forth. 

“Texted you as soon as I finished. Just wanted to get rid of the past, y’know.” He shrugged, soft eyes studying your face that was way closer while you inspected his new haircut. “Don’t you like it?”

“It’s hot—I mean, you look hot. It suits you.” You stepped back, looking up and down, trying to memorize a new image. Rafe did look hotter. You suddenly noticed his sharp jawline, strong neck, and shoulders. Damn, he looked bigger. He looked healthier. With that spark in his blue eyes, smoothed, tan skin, and muscles... Oh god, you felt your face getting hotter as your eyes lingered on his arms way too long. 

How the hell did you miss his sudden transformation from being a frat guy to a rich golden boy? Was it the effect of his quitting drugs and finally drifting apart with his previous lifestyle and friends?

“It definitely does. Though I'll miss playing with them.” You mumbled, suddenly nervous and shy under his gaze.

“You think I look hot, hm?” He teased, placing a firm yet gentle hand on your lower back.

Touchy, but never overstepping. 

“Don’t you know that already?” You bit your lip to hold back a smile, placing your hands on Rafe’s upper arms and looking up through your lashes. You both felt that sudden tickling feeling running through your veins at the eye contact, and it made you both start smiling without any words being said. 

“A’ight, I think we should go get something to eat.” 

You were going around the people who flooded the beach house that you were currently in. With you constantly spending time with Rafe, your friends almost begged you to the party, only to leave you almost instantly as they got too interested in the experience of alcohol. Not that you were too upset about it, because you still asked Rafe to come with you, and he was more than happy to do anything for you. 

The music was too loud in the main room, and you went through the back door to an open yard that led right to the beach and was still full of drunk people, but at least there was some fresh air, and Rafe had already been waiting for you on the bench near the big wooden table with lots of drinks. 

You left him just for a few minutes just to use a bathroom, but when you stepped outside, you saw him talking to a guy that you had only seen around when Rafe was doing drugs. Your heart started beating faster at the sight of their obviously not so calm conversation, and you rushed closer to know what was happening. 

“Rare? What’s going on?” You stepped beside him, brushing your hand against his stiff back. “What do you want from him?” You pointed a finger at the guy whose name you didn’t bother to remember, and he just snickered back at you. 

“Nothing. It’s alright, sweetheart.” 

“Quit being a pussy, man. I have the best shit with me today. You’ll get high as a kite.” The guy completely ignored you, only looking at Rafe. You could physically feel the anxiety washing over you at the thought of it happening again, of Rafe just walking away with him right now and leaving you here alone. 

You tugged at his arm, trying to catch his attention. “Rafe, you promised. We should go now, please.” He looked back at you, nodding without hesitation and catching your hand to interlace your fingers. 

“Told you that I quit it. Go chase someone else, Hugh.” 

“Because of this bitch?” The moment this word left his mouth, Rafe’s hands gripped the front of Hugh’s t-shirt, backing him against the table and knocking over a few bottles. 

“Call her a bitch one more fucking time and I’ll knock off your teeth.” The guy lifted his hands in surrender, as Rafe was seething with anger, without a doubt meaning what he just said. 

You tugged gently on his arm again, trying to ease the situation. “Rafe, let’s just go, please.” You urged, your voice soft but firm, hoping to ground him before things escalated any further.

Rafe’s breath was heavy, his grip on Hugh’s shirt still tight, but his eyes were fixed on you now, softening at your touch. Slowly, he released Hugh, stepping back and running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, we’re done here.” Rafe muttered, his voice low and controlled, though the anger still simmered beneath the surface. You guided him away from the curious people, who were already whispering about the unfolded scene.

You sat on a wooden bench under a giant tree, with your legs thrown over Rafe’s and almost no distance between you two. It happened so instantly, so naturally, that none of you even thought about it. Rafe had his warm hands laying on your thighs and knees and rubbing your exposed skin in small circles, keeping his eyes down.

A silence lingered between the two of you, and while Rafe was too lost in his head, you took your time to admire him. You spent so much time together over the past month, not because you felt obliged to, but because it was simply amazing. Underneath all of those layers, you found real Rafe, the one who was teasing, who was funny, and the one who was super protective and incredibly caring.

You had never expected to be absolutely down for a man like him, but he was getting so much better with every passing day, never giving you a reason to doubt his intentions. Of course you didn’t forget Rafe’s words about him wanting to be more than your friend, and it lingered over your head every time you caught him staring at you. Though he had never rushed anything, wanting to have that natural bond between you grow stronger and only showing his hidden desires with glances full of admiration and with careful touches. 

Rafe’s head suddenly shot up, eyes clear yet narrowed. He smirked, seeing you already looking at him and subconsciously tightening his hold on your leg. He held eye contact for a few seconds, making a smile tug at your lips before he looked away, shaking his head with a deep chuckle. 

“What?” You half-whispered, suddenly feeling shy. 

“Do you even know what you’re doing to me?” You tilt your head slightly to the side, trying to hold back a smile, but miserably fail when he moves a tiny bit closer and all you can see, feel, and smell is him. “You’re like— I’m— Fuck, you made me stutter like a damn middle schooler…” He was completely infatuated by you, barely able to handle his violently beating heart.  

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, the sound warm and full of affection. The way Rafe was fumbling with his words, clearly flustered, made you feel something deep in your chest—a flutter that wasn’t just attraction but something more vulnerable, something you hadn’t expected to feel when you first started spending time together.

“Rafe…” You whispered, leaning in just a little, your voice low and teasing. “You’re so cute when you’re like this.”

His eyes darkened slightly at your words, the smirk on his lips turning into something more sincere, more tender. He took a deep breath, shifting so he was closer, his chest nearly touching yours. His fingers slowly and carefully traced the edge of your skirt, and the way his gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips made the air feel thick with tension.

“Don’t do that.” He said softly, his voice a mixture of amusement and longing. “I’m trying not to make this harder for myself.”

“Trying?” You raised an eyebrow, your teasing smile not leaving your lips. You knew exactly what you were doing, enjoying every second of his reaction. “You’re doing a pretty terrible job of it.”

Rafe exhaled sharply, his hand now resting on your waist, his thumb brushing back and forth slowly as if he were trying to steady himself. You could feel his breath on your skin, warm and erratic. He leaned forward just enough to close the space between your faces, his lips hovering over yours, but not touching. The energy in the air around you suddenly shifted, and you raised your hand to his neck to pull him even closer.

“I don’t want to rush this.” Rafe murmured, his voice low and serious, his forehead gently pressing against yours. “But god… you make it so damn hard to hold back.”

You could feel his heart beating against yours, the rhythm erratic but strong. You didn’t speak for a moment, simply breathing with him, caught up in the quiet intensity of the moment.

“You don’t have to hold back. I’m not going anywhere, Ray.” You said softly, your voice almost a promise.

And with that, the tension seemed to snap, the silent understanding between you both growing stronger. He finally closed the space between you, his lips pressing gently against yours, tentative at first, as if he were still unsure but desperate to feel you. And as the kiss deepened, as he pulled you closer to his body, you were completely lost. 

The kiss deepened further, his tongue gently coaxing yours into a slow dance. He was lost in you, the intensity of the moment making everything else fade away. The way you responded, so naturally, so eagerly, only fueled his desire. Rafe’s grip on you tightened, pulling you onto his lap, your bodies fully pressed together now, the heat of his body seeping into yours.

When he finally pulled back, his lips still brushed against yours, his breath shaky and uneven. He looked at you, his eyes full of something deeper than just desire—there was a tenderness, raw and vulnerable, something that had been buried beneath the walls he’d built around himself.

"Thank you." Rafe breathed out, his voice thick with emotion. "For being here. For helping me... through all of this. I don’t think I could have done it without you."

You smiled softly, licking your lips before speaking. “You don’t have to thank me. You should be proud of yourself for being able to do that.” You traced your fingers down the side of his face. “Just promise me you won’t stop trying if something hard happens, okay? You have me, and you have your sixers who care about you too.”

“Okay. I won’t. I promise.” Turning his head to the side to place a kiss on the palm of your hand that lingered on his face, Rafe pulled your body closer to him. There was still a lot to work on, but hidden away from other people, you finally savoured a quiet moment between you two, and for the first time, there was nothing but peace and warmth in both of your hearts. 

[raya-hunter01]

The Christmas Present

One-shot

PAIRING:  Roman reigns x OC Starr

Word Count: 5,832

Warning: Smut

What do you do when your bestfriend you've known all of your life tells you he wants to unwrap you for christmas and you've always wanted him to be your first?

Sorry this one was late, it was requested months ago and i'm finally working through requests in my inbox. Happy New Year everyone

As I made my way inside, I felt somewhat out of place as it seemed I had walked into a tense situation as Jey guided me further into the house. I already was two hours late because I had to help my mom wrap some gifts for my niece.

“Jey, who was that yelling before you opened the door?” I asked. “Just Sarah acting a damn fool,” he said continuing to guide me through the beautiful two-story home.

“Wait…Sarah, as in Roman’s cheating ass ex…Roman told me she was history.”

“Oh, she is…..Has been for about months but won’t take the hint.”

 Everything seemed calmer now that I was inside, as Christmas music filled the room, and everyone seemed to be in their own world.

Seeing a few familiar faces, I waved but stayed close to Jey as my eyes scanned the room finally spotting Roman and Sarah talking in the corner.

His stoic expression and powerful stance made many nervous but not me. I could tell he wasn’t pleased she had crashed his party but was trying to be respectful.

“How is he really doing, Jey?” I asked as he sighed looking at his cousin shaking his head. “He’s on edge you know, especially with the back-to-back losses. Big Uce, is getting better though.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make Alfa’s funeral; I wanted to be there.” I said looking at my best friend really taking him in. He looked so tired, his beautiful beard more full and now had spots of gray.

“Starr, stop that…..You came home to be with us for Uncle Sika’s funeral, stood in the gap for me and was there for big Uce.”

“Hey, that’s what family does,” I assured him giving him a hug.

“I’m glad you home, we be worried about you.” he whispered as I caressed his back.

“I’m fine, besides I didn’t re-enlist this time, twenty years in the Airforce is enough,” I said as Jey held me tighter.

“I am so happy for you…I know he's gon’ be happy you back home. I mean it is for good right?”

“Yea, I’m home for good.”

“Good, cause that beautiful house you bought deserves to be lived in.”

“I know and thank ya’ll for helping mama keep it up for me.”

“You know dat wasn’t a problem. We were just worried about you all the way over in Italy by yourself.”

“I know but at least I’m home now.”

I knew how much they worried about me, but I was so thankful they supported my decisions. We had all been inseparable since the age of five, so it was a big change when we all graduated, and all went our separate ways.

The twins and Roman went off to college and I went into the Airforce following in my father’s footsteps. What can I say, we were some ambitious young people with the world at our fingertips.

“Booger we missed you!” Jimmy yelled, pulling me out of Jey’s arms scooping me up in a hug bear hug as I rolled my eyes.

“Ugh get off me, you just always have to bring up that mean ass nickname,” I hissed as he put me down laughing.

“Ignore him, you know he’s special,” Trin jokes slapping him on the shoulder as Jey cleared his throat trying to stop laughing.

“Aye, it ain’t my fault she kept a booger nose when we were kids.”

“Just like it ain’t my fault your bed stayed pissy when we were kids,” I countered as Jey and Trin busted out laughing.

“Daaaammmn! She got yo’ ass.” Jey laughed as Trin, and I embraced.

Our banter cut short as we heard Roman raising his voice. “Look just leave, Sarah!”

“I ain’t leaving without you! We can work this out!” she screamed as I looked at Trin and she shook her head as Jey’s wife Candice came over.

“Can you believe this shit?” she asked as Jey pulled her close and kissed her on the temple.  “Bae, let it go.”

“I mean how you cheat on somebody and now you here begging like ain’t shit happened?” Trin asked as I shook my head as Jimmy tapped me on the shoulder gently.

“What do you have in mind, sis. I see you thinking over there?”

“I’m gonna get Roman outta here, maybe have him take me home so he can get a break,” I said looking at my watch realizing it was close to 11 :00 anyway.

“You do that, and we will get her outta here, then shut down the party and lock up,” Trin said as I left them heading towards the ex-couple.

The look of happiness on Roman’s face when he spotted me made me smile as he ignored Sarah, scooping me up in his arms as soon as I was within arm’s reach.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home,” he whispered in my ear as I chuckled. “What’s the fun in that, now come take me home..I want to give you your Christmas present” I whispered feeling the tension leaving his body.

“Shit, I been ready for that.…let’s go, you ain't gotta tell me twice,” Roman said ignoring Sarah putting me down as Jey tapped her on the shoulder.

“Aye, time to go shawty, party is over for you,” he said as she scoffed.

“Wait, so you gon’ throw me out Jey and you leavin’ with her Roman!? Roman…Roman come back!” she screamed as Roman, and I headed towards the backdoor.

---

Roman’s POV

I looked back just in time to see Trin grabbing Sarah by the arm leading her out of the living room. Something tells me that I wouldn’t have a problem with Sarah after tonight by the look on Trin and Candice’s face.

 They both had been looking for a reason to beat her ass since they found out she had cheated on me and was still sniffing around.

I was anxious to be alone with Starr. The last time we were alone we almost crossed a line, there was no coming back from, but we stopped ourselves.

As I helped her in the car, I really didn’t even know how to approach the elephant in the room. Closing her door, I gave myself a pep talk as I walked around to the driver’s side.

“Don’t fuck this up, just be in the moment with her.” If it happens, it happens. If it does or doesn’t nothing changes between ya’ll.”

Four months ago

“Roman we got to stop,” Starr panted as I kissed her neck, my hands roaming her body.

“Why..This what we both want,” I moaned pulling her closer wrapping her legs around my waist grinding against her as she gasped in shock.

“I do but You’ve been drinking, and so much is going on. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“Oh, so now it’s something wrong with me because I want to make love to you. You told me, you wanted me to be your first, remember.” I said throwing back a conversation we had months prior.

“Roman, I do but you know right now isn’t the right time. Roman, stop you’re drunk and this isn’t you,” Starr moaned finally pushing me away as I held my hands up in the air in surrender.

She was right.. I didn’t know what had come over me, maybe it was the alcohol and everything that had happened.

“Look, I’m sorry… I’ll just crash in the other room,” I whispered grabbing my shirt not wanting to make the night worse.

“Roman, I want us to ta-”-

“Talk? Is that what you were about to say? Well, I’m tired of talking to people.. I just- I just wanted…. Look forget it, this was obviously a mistake coming here, so I’mma crash in your spare bedroom.”

“Roman, we gotta talk about what all this means, you can’t just turn off your emotions. You got to talk about it,” Starr pleaded as I shut down.

“Look, I buried my dad a few days ago…Things will never be the same for me ever again and I just wanted to be close to you.  I thought you felt the same, and I just made an ass outta myself. What else is there to talk about.”

“I do want - I-I-just not like this, please-”

“Starr, I’ll catch you in the morning before I head out,” I said leaning over kissing her tenderly on the forehead before leaving the room ignoring her pleas for me to stay.

I made a total mess of things that night, but Starr never judged me. We went about things as usual and had never discussed that night. Two weeks ago on the phone she asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I laid it all out on the table.

“I sent your present off today; I hope you like it since you wouldn’t cooperate and give me some idea of what you wanted for Christmas.”

“You ain’t ready to know what I really want for Christmas, especially since you’ve been all I’ve been thinking about for the last four months.”

 “I've been thinking about you too. I wish I could be there in person but I’m still waiting to find out if they approved my leave or not,” Starr said moving around her kitchen as watched her every move.

“ You know what i really want for christmas....

"What?"

"I just want to unwrap you and get lost in you.".

"Roman."

"Aye, you asked and I told you . The shocked look on her face making me shrug my shoulders. Hell I ain’t have nothing to lose at this point. One thing my father's passing taught me was that life was too short, and i'm gonna go after what I want...And I wanted Starr.

“Roman, stop playin’ with me.” Starr stuttered nervously as I chuckled.

“I’m serious, you asked me what I wanted for Christmas.”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting you to tell me that you wanted me as a Christmas present.”

“Even if it’s only one night I can’t imagine a better gift than to get lost in you.”

“Roman-”

"Beautiful tree, fireplace, and you under me writhing in pleasure as I take you to heights you couldn’t dream of,” I groaned hearing her gasp.

“You’re not playing fair, this is dangerous,” she whispered as I smiled.

“I love danger,” I said dropping my voice an octave deeper knowing it was driving her crazy. I knew it was because I knew my Starr.

“Ro-”

“Tell me you ain’t curious, especially after what happened that night? Look just think on it.”  

Man, I still can’t believe I said but it got us here..Well at least I hope. Listening to her hum along with the Christmas songs on the radio brought me out of my thoughts.

“I-I-I don’t want a lot for Christmas,” she sang softly as I felt my heart flutter.

“Alright Miarah Carey,” I joked as she blushed. “Don’t do me, I can carry a little tune.”

“Yea, you can which is why I just let you do your thing,” I said pulling into her garage.

“Oh, you pulling in the garage like you know you staying,” she joked getting out the car as I felt my dick jump in my pants.

“I wouldn’t be against it,” I mumbled getting out following her close. Her phone ringing almost startled her as she sighed picking up.

“Ma’ I just made it home,” she said putting the phone on speaker walking around cutting the lights off downstairs as I unplugged the tree.

“Damn, you meant you weren’t staying long when you said it, huh? Did you get to see everyone?”

I smiled hearing her mom giving her the fifth degree as Starr shook her head.

“Yes, I saw everyone Ma… The guys are fine, matter fact Roman just dropped me off,” Starr said putting her finger over her lips as I chuckled following her upstairs.

“Mama, I’m about to go to bed and I will be over before Riely gets up.”   

As soon as the door closed, I closed the distance between us wrapping my arms around her trying to ease her nerves. “Relax….I gotchu,” I assured her as she blushed.

 I mean it’s one thing to talk on the phone and talk about what you want to do, but to actually do it is another thing. I knew as bad as I wanted to be with her, if she said no I wouldn’t push the issue.

“Roman are we really about to do this,” she whispered looking at me in wonder as I gently kissed her on the forehead.

“Only if you want..I don’t want you to do something you don’t want,” I confessed truly giving her an out even though inside I was pleading with the gods that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

The thought of being the first man to make love to her stirring something primal within me.

“Make yourself comfortable. I got to get outta this dress,” she whispered putting her phone down heading into her master bath putting any questions I had to rest.

“Take all the time you need.”  Heading over to the fireplace, I took my coat off. The beautiful vintage Christmas tree illuminating her bedroom. The ice sickles hanging from the tree with the old school Christmas lights and ornaments were a beautiful touch.  

Starr’s POV

“Ok….Just calm down. This is Roman not some stranger. You’ve wanted this since you were fifteen,” I whispered trying to build up my courage, pulling my dress off and jumping in the shower.

What if I disappoint him…..Fuck, what if he disappoints me?

Who the fuck am I fooling, Roman knows what he’s doing. I’ve seen this man and the shit he does when he’s on TV. What if I get addicted to him, I mean it’s supposed to be one time right?

 My mind instantly thinking back to Sarah, even though she cheated, Roman still has her ass sprung…. Getting out of the shower I was still trying to make heads or tails of the situation I found myself in.

“You ok in there Starr?” Roman's deep voice penetrated the walls as my thighs clenched thinking about him penetrating something else. That damn voice.....Gives me chills...Oouu, I wonder does he talk you through it?

Damn, I’m officially in my brain and nervous as shit now.

“I’m ok, just got out the shower, I’ll be out in a minute,” I said drying off as I heard him move away from the door. Get it together Starr, you a grown ass woman and this is what you both want..Stop making it complicated."

Who am I kidding, it is complicated…I love him…I’ve loved him since high school…”Yea, this is a bad idea,” whined quietly before taking a deep breath up because even if it was a bad idea, there was no turning back now.

After putting on some lotion I tied one of the red satin Christmas bow sashes I had ordered around my breasts and another around my hips. Yea, I wanted him to get the full picture of unwrapping me from top to bottom.

Slipping on my robe I came out to see him sitting on the edge of the bed admiring the tree.  “I turned on the fireplace.”

“Um, thanks. The bathrooms all yours.” I almost forgot to breathe as he stood up and took his shirt off.

“Thanks, beautiful. I promise I won’t take long,” he said dropping a tender kiss on my forehead before going in the bathroom. I finally released the breath I was holding when he closed the door, and I heard the shower start.

Taking off my robe, I turned the covers down. “It’s a night of fun…Just enjoy, don’t think.” I kept repeating to myself over and over as I laid on my side and faced the bathroom patiently waiting for Roman…I mean good things do come to those that wait.

Hearing the water cut off, I sat up on my knees anxiously waiting for him. A newfound confidence took over me as the door opened and I heard his sharp intake of breath as he stood there clad in only a towel. His body still glistening, and hair wet.

“Damn, you look so beautiful,” he whispered licking his lips as I bit my lower lip nervously.

“Merry Christmas,” I whispered reaching my hand out to him as he slowly made his way towards me dropping his towel.

Oh…My…God..He is a Greek God…Keep your cool Starr.

“Are you sure?” he asked his voice thick with need as I blushed only pulling him closer truly taking in all of him for the first time.

“I don’t want you to fe”-

Grasping his hands I placed them on the satin bow, my eyes never leaving his. “I want this, and I want it to be you.”

I couldn’t help but moan as I watched him through hooded eyes. “Just let me know if you want me to stop,” he whispered, our lips finally touching and like a moth to a flame I surrendered. The unbridled passion behind it taking my breath away.

“Unwrap your Christmas gift, Roman,” I whispered as his hands touched the satin red bow, a low groan escaping his lips as his eyes trailed over my body.

The fact he was so turned on and unsure where to start made my heart race. The sexy deep groan his that spilled from his lips as my hips moved against him made my pussy purr in need.

“Shit, you look so beautiful like this…Anxious to give yourself to me.”

His voice…Oh my god his voice.

“Please, Roman,” I pleaded as he licked his lips. “Can I unwrap my Christmas present,” he murmured as I nodded anxiously.

“Use your words… Can I have my Christmas present now?”

“Yes, you can,” I gasped as he finally untied the sash. Leaning down, his mouth enclosing around my breasts, taking his time exploring each one as I squirmed beneath him ready to come undone from the sensual action as his eyes never left mine.

“Mmhm, I knew you were sensitive. Bet you so wet,” he rasped. Moaning softly, I entangled my fingers in his hair as he feasted upon my breasts seemingly determined to stay there having discovered how sensitive I was.

“Roman, I need it,” I pleaded. His hands cupping my breasts kneading them together as he took both nipples in his mouth devouring them as if they were his last supper. His gaze still piercing my soul.

“Fuck, just thinkin’ bout you, got me bout to cum?” he mumbled as his mouth continued to ignite a deep fire within me as his kisses move passed me stomach, his tongue swirling, then dipping inside my navel.

“Go lower, please.”

“You taste so good, baby.” He praised, as I writhed beneath him. Hand hands masterfully untying the second red satin bow leaving me now fully exposed.

“Merry Christmas to me,” I faintly heard him whisper, the first stroke of his long tongue against my pussy almost making me cum as I gasped looking down at him in shock.

“Roman!” Shit he’s dangerous, that was just one stroke. Watching him flatten his tongue, with each long stroke I became more undone.

 “Umhm, it’s Roman and I’mma bout to make you cum all night. Now hold dem legs for me,” he commanded bending them towards my chest as I compiled.

Roman’s POV

The quiver in her legs and pleasure etched across her face as I made love to Starr with my tongue will the imprinted in my mind forever.

The strangled whine that escaped her beautiful lips as I began thrusting my third and forefinger along with my tongue continuously stroking her, ignited a deeper purpose within me….

To blow her fucking mind… For her to feel what it was like to be with me…Hell, to ruin her for every man after me that would even dare try to have her writhing under them in pleasure.

“You gon’ cum sweetness?” Yea, that’s her new nickname from now on..Pussy sweet like honey.

“Yes, I’mma cum…. Ooouu, right there..Right there….Fuck, just like that, Roman, don’t stop,” Starr cried as my fingers and tongue moved in sync determined to make her cum harder than she ever has.

“Yes! Oh, fuck Roman!” Starr screamed, her legs falling onto my shoulders as her back arched in pleasure satisfying my thirst for the moment.

Fuck, I love a good squirter… “Good fuckin’ girl,” I praised, removing my fingers, grasping her hips, wanting more…I needed more.

“Roman!” Starr squealed as I flipped her over onto her knees spreading her legs slightly.

“What are y-”

The words dying across her tantalizing lips as I laid between her legs on my back straight Salivating at the sight of her dripping pussy above me. “I want you to sit on my face and I want you to nut like you ain’t never nutted before,” I commanded as she looked apprehensive.

“Roman, I’m too bi-”

Not giving her a chance to finish her that thought I pulled her onto my face moaning in appreciation as she began to wind her hips slowly.

“Is this what you wanted?” she gasped, planting her hands on my stomach beginning to ride my face with more confidence, chasing the nut she craved.

“Fuck yea, this what I wanted.” I moaned against her pussy smackin’ her ass before getting back to business.

Starr’s POV

The feral growl that fell from Roman’s lips as I rode his face sent chills down my spine. His beard, mouth and tongue all together were kryptonite.

His dick standing at attention, glistening with precum and begging to be sucked wasn’t helping my thoughts either. It was too tempting; I needed to taste him.

Moaning, I leaned down licking the sensitive mushroom shaped head as Roman hissed tearing his mouth away from my pussy.

“Gon’ put it in your mouth, Starr. Don’t be scared, suckdat dick.” His words making my body tingle in excitement as he continued his assault on my pussy with his masterful tongue.

I wanted to see how much of him I could take in my mouth and with each strategic bobbly of my head, I took him deeper as Roman nearly bucked me off his face…

Got’em….I may be a virgin, but I got some secrets myself.

 “Fuck, that’s how you get down?” he groaned momentarily stopping his assault.

 “Mmhm, surprise,” I whispered after coming up for air briefly before getting back to the task at hand as he growled, “Fuck," before diving back in himself as our moans filling the air.

Suddenly I began to feel that familiar coil gathering in my stomach, my body tingling all over. Releasing his dick from my mouth, I sat up and began riding his face with a purpose.

“Yea, take whatchu want from me, sweetness,” he moaned gripping my hips, moving me faster as my legs began to shake reducing me to a chanting mess..

“Oouu, Roman- Yesyesyes,” I moaned stroking him faster in sync with my hips.  His beard, mouth and tongue had me on demon time and he knew it.

 “Give it to me,” Roman growled as I came undone. “Roman! Fuck..f-f-fuck here it comes,” I cried at my body exploded coating his face with my juices as he happily and greedily drank. 

“Mmhm, I love that shit, tastin’ so fuckin’ sweet…. Sweetness gon’ be your new nickname, baby girl.” I heard him whisper between slurps as I indeed had cum harder than I ever had before, still continuing to stroke him riding out my high.

I was euphorically drunk on him, but I wanted him to feel just as good as he had made me feel. Catching my breath, I leaned down taking him once again in my mouth.

“Fuck, I don’t wanna cum yet,” Roman groaned as I turned, kneeling between his legs.

Oh sir, you put that mouth on me like that…You about to get this nut…..Period.

Steadying my hands on his welcoming thighs as I tended to the task at hand,innocently staring up at him. “Yea….Take it all for me..Fuck that feels so good. You’re such a good girl.”

Humming in agreement, I refused to stop sucking him tortuously slowly and deeply as he gripped my hair.

“Suck dat shit, girl…..Damn.” Roman groaned bending his knees, planting his heels, accepting his fate.

“Fuck, here it cum, just for you, sweetness,” he growled cummin' hard.

 I almost came myself watching him. As long as I live, I will remember the look on his face. Cracking a small smile, I opened my mouth for him to see his cum coating my tongue as he bit his lower lip.

“Mmm, does my sweetness spits or swallows?” Roman asked, his deep voice making my pussy drip as he caressed my face, desperate to know my answer to his question. 

“Who says I can’t do both,” I whispered, letting his cum spill from my lips onto his dick as it jumped in response.

“Mmm, my good girl," he whispered watching through hooded eyes.

“Oops I made a mess…..Let me clean up behind myself,” I mumbled once again taking him in my mouth greedily sopping his cum back into my mouth and swallowing it.

“Fuck!” He moaned, his resolve crumbling in a heap. “I’mma fuck da shit outta you,” he professed taking me in a searing kiss that left me breathless and on my back at the foot of the bed before I could blink.

My senses on overloaded as his hands roamed my body “Please, Roman, I need you so bad,” I pleaded as we both looked down at our bodies about to become one as he slipped past my wet folds.

“You sure baby,” he whispered as I nodded pulling him closer. Both of us lost in the moment as he slowly rocked his hips. Suddenly feeling pop and burst of pain.

“UMPH!” I cried, clinging to Roman as he looked at me with indescribable passion in his eyes as we shared a tender kiss.

“Look at my good girl learning how to take my big dick. You doin’ so fuckin’ good,” he moaned grasping my thighs continuing to slowly slip inside deeper inside me.

“Roman, I-I,” I whined, overwhelmed as he caressed my face. His body trembling against mine as he’s fighting an internal battle within himself to take it slow and not lose all control.

 “Mmm, I know it…I know it baby.. God, thank you so much for choosing me,” he whispered showering me with kisses as I relaxed against him.

“I wanted you to be my first,” I gasped, starting to somewhat relax in spite of the pain. “Yea, that’s it, relax beautiful….Your Ro Ro's gotchu,” he whispered, filling me more and more with each thrust of his hips as I tried to breathe through the pain.

“Ro! It’s too much,” I cried pushing at his stomach as he went deeper kissing away my tears. “I know it seems that way baby, but I’m almost in. I promise it’s gon’ feel so good, move your hands.”

“Ro-”

“You trust me?” he asked gently kissing my forhead as I nodded “Then mov’em for me.”

I complied and with a snap of his hips, he bottomed out as I clawed at his back. “Roman! I feel so full, I – I can’t,” I gasps as Roman captured my lips in a passionate kiss.

“Yes, you can..Breathe….Just breathe sweetness,” he whispered against my lips surging forward, my pain suddenly becoming something more with each powerful thrust….

 “Roman, faster,” I pleaded wrapping my legs around him. “Yea…..There she go, there’s my good girl,” he moaned as my hips moved against him. “You feel so good,” I cried as Roman buried his head in the crook of my neck.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to cum inside you, you feel so good… You gon’ let me cum inside you, baby?”

“Bear, please-”

“Answer me, Starr?” he groaned, even more turned on as my other pet name for him escaped my lips.

"God, yes!"

 “Uh huh, you gon’ let your bear fill you up, I promise it’ll feel so good,” he rasped marking my neck as I clawed at his lower back and nipping at his shoulder as he properly dicked me down.

“Fuck I want to cum inside you so bad..Tell me I can again," he moaned angling his hips taking me by surprise.

“Yes, I want you to cum inside me,” I screamed, the new position and thrusts sending chills down my spine, making my toes curl.  Lifting one of my legs in the air with a firm grip on my heel Roman continued to rearrange my insides, lifting his head slightly to watch me.

Roman’s POV

“You’re such a good girl, Starr… Savin’ this good ass pussy just for me, and you gon’ let me cum inside her. Just my good girl, ain’t you?”

“Mmhm, only your good girl,” she moaned, her words filling my heart with relief and love.

“Only my good girl…..Damn, I love how dat pussy creamin’ listen to that shit, she just purrin’ ready to squirt for me again.”

The squelching sounds, as I claimed her, along with our bodies colliding, filled the room. A blush suddenly crept onto Starr’s face as she listened and tried to bury her face in my neck as I praised her.

“I been waitin’ for this Starr…Let me see you, beautiful,” I moaned willing her eyes to mine as I bit my lip in anticipation and appreciation. Fuck, she looked and felt so good, I want to keep her this way forever. Up under me begging me to make dat pretty pussy cum again and again… Merry Christmas to me, indeed.

Fuck, why we waited so long to do this. And the fact that I am the first man to ever be be inside her makes my dick get even harder and I didn’t think that was possible.

She just doesn’t know what she’s done, we’re tied together forever now.

Starr’s POV

“I’m ruinin’ you for any man thinking he can have you cause’ he can’t.” Roman growled as our lips met in a sloppy kiss as our tongues battled for dominance with me finally surrendering in the end to his power.

“Dat pussy jus pulsin’ for me and suckin’ my dick back in, get it baby. Get dat nut...Sweet ass pussy, just coatin’ my dick,” he moaned, as I began to lose my grip on reality.

 His words, his nasty words making me wetter as I writhed under him searching for my next release. “I know what you need…My sweet Starr needs to cum, don’t she?”

“Yes, I need it, Roman,” I begged as he bit his lower lip. His hair framing his beautiful face, looking like a real-life romance novel cover coming to life as he continued his delicious torture as I pulsed around him, helpless as he continuously brought me to the edge to only to pull back.

“Please let me cum,” I whined as his other hand went under my arm gripping my shoulder trapping me as he began to thrust harder and faster.

 “You ready baby?”

“Yes!.... I-I’m close!”

“I gotchu, just let it go, baby,” he encouraged in my ear releasing my leg and moving his hand between my thighs, stroking my sensitive throbbing clit, as his lips swallowed my cries of passion.

 Feeling bold, I reached down and placed my hand on top of his moving his fingers faster against my clit as he growled feeling the spasms taking over my body.

 We couldn’t stop; it was too hypnotizing as we both looked down watching his dick sink deeper and deeper inside me. “Cum for me, let it out Starr. Stop fighting it.”

“Mmh, here it comes…. Just for you,” I gasped beginning to squirt.

“Fuck yea..Squirt for bear,” Roman moaned pulling out, slapping his dick on my pussy before thrusting back in, taking me hard, fast and deep.

“Shit! I- I-” I cried out losing my train of thought gripping his ass, totally fucked out as I came undone again for him.

“Oh, fuck yea, give me it all…. Fuck, here it cum, just for you,” He groaned cummin’ in a violent rush, grinding his hips into mine, bowing his back prolonging our euphoria before collapsing beside me.

His breathing ragged as I my body continued to spasm in the aftermath.

“Fuck, you are dangerous, Starr,” Roman chuckled as I looked at him like he was crazy.

“No, your ass is dangerous,” I whispered blushing as we shared a gentle kiss, trying to come back down to earth.

“Thank you for tonight.” I whispered against his lips as he shook his head.

“No, thank you for choosing me.” And in that moment no other words were spoken i as we just wrapped ourselves up in each other and were just were us.

A little while later, Roman ran a bath and helped me clean-up, which I have to say was the most erotic thing I had ever experienced.  He washed me from head to toe, taking his time kissing and caressing my body.

This didn’t seem or feel like a one-time thing, but I was scared to ask, and I didn’t want to make it weird.

 “You know I could have done this myself?” I whispered enjoying soaking in the warm water as he kissed my neck. “Not when you’re with me you won’t,” he said as I smiled. “Are you sore?”

“A little but the warm water is helping,” I said reassuring him I was ok. His alarm going off made us both sigh. “Santa duties are calling mister Reigns. You know if Uncle Roman doesn' have that barbie dream house  put together and waiting in front of the tree for Harmony it’s gonna be hell to pay.”

Every year, Roman goes over to his sister’s after the kids fall asleep to help put out their gifts and put their toys together. It's a tradition for them every Christmas and birthday.

“I know, but I hate to leave. I don’t want it to seem-”

“Roman, it’s ok I’m fine, I’ll see you later on today.” I wanted him to stay but I knew he needed to go. After sharing a gentle kiss, he stood up to leave.

“You sure you good,” he asked, stopping by the door.

“I’m good Roman, give Savannah and the kids my love.”

He seemed so torn about leaving, so I gave him a small smile. “Merry Christmas, bear,” I whispered as he smirked. It was almost as if he was remembering what had transpired tonight.

“Merry Christmas, Sweetness.”

“Roman!” I blushed as he shrugged his shoulders. “I told you that was gon’ be your new nickname from now on and I meant it.

“Don’t say it around people,” I hissed as he smiled. “Why not, only you and me will know what it means?”

“I know you…You’re gonna say it in a flirty way and Jey's gonna figure it out and run it in the ground.”

“So, what-”

“Roman!”

“Fine, I’ll try but I ain’t making no promises but seriously thank you for my Christmas present, sweetness.

“You’re welcome and thank you for um...”

“You don’t have to say anything baby girl…Just know this ain’t over between us, cause’ I’ll have you know; you were the best I’ve ever had, and I don’t plan on letting you go.” And with a deep groan, he left the room before I could respond.

“Well i guess there is my answer……Merry Christmas indeed Mr. Reigns, because I’m not letting you go either.”

Taglist:

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[extinctlesspains]

OMG I LOVE UR WRITING, YOU GOT ME STAYING UP TILL 3 IN THE MORNING TO READ UR FIC<33

I was also wondering if you could write yandere fic for saebyeok, when her and the reader are dating, but then the reader finds out she has been killing people that are close to her and trys to break up with her but ends up getting kidnap by her.

I know it's a lot for detail, but I would very much appreciate it if u wrote about it<33

A/n: I'm so glad you enjoy my writing! And I appreciate you choosing me to write this for you!! I hope you enjoy! ♡

𝑂𝑏𝑠𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 [𝐾. 𝑆𝑎𝑒-𝐵𝑦𝑒𝑜𝑘]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛᴇᴅ: ʏᴇs ᴏʀ ɴᴏ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ! ᴋᴀɴɢ sᴀᴇ-ʙʏᴇᴏᴋ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: ᴅᴀʀᴋ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ, ʜᴏʀʀᴏʀ, ᴛʜʀɪʟʟᴇʀ.

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: sᴀᴇ-ʙʏᴇᴏᴋ’s ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴠᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇs ʜᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴇʟɪᴍɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ sʜᴇ sᴇᴇs ᴀs ᴀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏɴғʀᴏɴᴛ ʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ, sʜᴇ ᴋɪᴅɴᴀᴘs ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ ᴇɴsᴜʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ’ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʙᴇ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ. ᴛʀᴀᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴇʀʀɪғɪᴇᴅ, ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴢᴇ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ’s ɴᴏ ᴇsᴄᴀᴘᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ʜᴇʀ ᴛᴡɪsᴛᴇᴅ ᴠᴇʀsɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴅᴇᴠᴏᴛɪᴏɴ.

ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs: ᴘsʏᴄʜᴏᴛɪᴄ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ, ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ, ᴍᴜʀᴅᴇʀ, ɢᴏʀᴇ, ᴋɪssɪɴɢ, ᴋɪᴅɴᴀᴘᴘɪɴɢ, ғᴏʀᴄᴇᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　

Sae-byeok was never one for grand gestures. Her love was in the small things—the way she’d carefully tuck your scarf around your neck on cold mornings, her habit of silently refilling your water glass before you even noticed it was empty, the protective way she always walked on the side of the sidewalk closest to traffic. She made you feel safe. Cherished.

But that safety began to feel like a cage when the people around you started disappearing.

It began subtly. A friend from work, Jisoo, stopped answering your texts after Sae-byeok had glared daggers at her during dinner one evening. Then Minho, your old classmate who had a knack for teasing you, was suddenly "out of town indefinitely," according to his sister. And then there was the broken leg your coworker Hana mysteriously suffered after you mentioned her in passing to Sae-byeok.

You wanted to believe it was all coincidence. You really did.

But there was the way Sae-byeok’s eyes lingered on people too long, her lips pressed into a thin line whenever you laughed a little too loudly at someone else’s jokes. There was the time she came home late, her sleeves damp and her expression grim, brushing off your concern with a clipped, "Just a rough day."

The final straw was Jisoo’s disappearance. She was your best friend, someone who had been like family to you since childhood. When you mentioned your growing worry to Sae-byeok, her response was chillingly indifferent.

"Maybe she had problems you didn’t know about," she said, her tone light but her eyes cold.

You spent that night piecing together the fragments of your unease—the disappearances, the injuries, the way Sae-byeok always seemed to know too much about your friends’ lives.

It wasn’t until you found the blood-stained scarf stuffed at the back of her closet that your suspicions solidified into a horrifying truth.

The confrontation happened the next night. Sae-byeok returned home, her face lighting up when she saw you waiting for her in the living room. But her smile faltered when she noticed the scarf clenched in your trembling hands.

"You killed them," you said, your voice breaking. "Jisoo. Minho. Everyone. It was you, wasn’t it?"

Sae-byeok’s face remained eerily calm. She stepped closer, and you instinctively backed away.

"They were bad for you," she said simply. "They didn’t deserve you."

"Deserve me?" you repeated, incredulous. "They were my friends! My family! You had no right—"

"I had every right," she snapped, her calm facade cracking for the first time. Her voice trembled with emotion. "They would’ve taken you away from me. I couldn’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen."

Your heart pounded as you realized how deeply her obsession ran. "I can’t do this anymore, Sae-byeok," you whispered. "We’re done. This... this isn’t love. It’s sick."

The silence that followed was suffocating. Sae-byeok’s dark eyes bored into yours, unreadable and unrelenting. Then, she smiled—a small, heartbreaking smile that sent a chill down your spine.

"You’re upset," she murmured. "You’re not thinking clearly. You’ll see... this is all for the best."

Before you could react, she moved faster than you thought possible. Her grip on your wrist was like iron as you tried to pull away, panic surging in your chest.

"Sae-byeok, let go!" you shouted, but she didn’t budge.

"You’ll thank me someday," she whispered, her voice soft yet resolute. The last thing you saw was her determined face before the world went dark.

You woke to dim lighting and the smell of lavender. Blinking groggily, you realized you were lying on a bed in an unfamiliar room. Your wrists were bound with soft fabric, tight enough to keep you from moving freely but gentle enough not to leave marks.

Sae-byeok sat in a chair across from you, her posture relaxed, as if she hadn’t just kidnapped you. Her gaze softened when she saw you stirring.

"You’re awake," she said, a small smile gracing her lips. "I was starting to worry."

"Sae-byeok," you rasped, your throat dry. "What is this? Where am I?"

"Somewhere safe," she replied. "Somewhere no one can hurt us. Or take you away from me."

Tears burned your eyes as you struggled against the bindings. "This isn’t love, Sae-byeok. You can’t keep me here!"

Her expression hardened, the gentleness in her eyes replaced by something far darker. "I can’t keep you here?" she echoed, her voice dangerously low. "Do you think I’ve done all this for nothing? I’ve killed for you. I’ve bled for you. And you think you can just walk away?"

Her words sent a shiver down your spine. "You don’t have to do this," you pleaded, tears streaming down your face. "Please, Sae-byeok. Let me go."

Her expression softened again, but it was almost worse—her love was twisted, her obsession suffocating. She leaned forward, cupping your face in her hands.

"You don’t understand," she murmured, her thumbs brushing away your tears. "No one will ever love you like I do. No one else deserves you. I’ll keep you safe, even if it means protecting you from yourself."

You sobbed as her lips pressed gently against your forehead, the act so tender it felt like a cruel mockery of love.

Sae-byeok pulled away, her dark eyes gleaming with a terrifying mix of devotion and determination. "You’ll see," she said softly. "You’ll thank me one day. When you realize that we’re meant to be."

And as she stood to leave, locking the door behind her, you realized that there was no escape—not from Sae-byeok’s love, nor from the nightmare she’d made of it.

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Pomegranate | Nikolai x F!Reader

Bonus content!

This is just a scene that I couldn't fit into the previous chapters but I wanted to treat you guys for being so enthusiastic over the last update 💕

cw: cw: dark fic, dubcon/noncon, reader is being trafficked, human trafficking,

Masterpost

There was a pale pink box sitting on the bed when you got out of the shower. Nikolai always found a way to make your jaw drop. It was a gorgeous lingerie set. Black silk with sheer tulle and blue-pink beaded embroidered flowers. Bra, panties and garter with matching stockings. He left the price tag on. You didn't even know a bra could cost almost a thousand pounds.

He was waiting for you in the living room, lounging on the couch, cigar in hand.

"You dance at the club, no?"

"Sometimes." It wasn't your strongest talent. You could shake ass when needed but you weren't a big moneymaker on stage like other girls.

"Want you to dance for me." He fiddled with the remote, dimming the lights and turning on music. "Come here."

You stood between his knees, trying to sway to the beat the best you could. He had a small smile as you turned to sway your hips and ass in his face. He looked more amused than turned on.

"I'm sorry." You stopped. You shifted between your feet. "I don't really do this part."

"You are not good, that is true." He stuck a finger under the bottom elastic of your bra. "Still pretty."

He snapped the elastic, "On your knees, over the coffee table."

Nik kept you between his legs on the couch, panties wet with his spend dripping out of you. You traced his tattoos. You wanted to ask about them. You'd heard a lot of Russian tattoos had deeper meanings.

"Kolya?"

"hmm?"

"What does this say?" you asked, underlining the Cyrillic letters on his chest. He huffed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"It's my mother's name. She killed herself when I was young."

"I'm sorry." You kissed his left pec. It was easy to forget that you both existed outside of this building. That you each had lives before this. You could guess all the horrible things he'd done to get to where he was, you never thought about all the horrible things that could have happened to him.

His face didn't betray any emotion as usual. He had two stripes of white in his beard, just faint lines. How old he was, you supposed you'd never know. Old enough to be born in a country that no longer existed, watch the wall crumble and all the chaos that followed. You dragged your fingers across the lines.

He chuckled and caught your hand, pulling your fingers into his mouth to nip at them.

"Don't remind me I'm old." His teeth skated across your knuckles.

"I don't think you're that old." He raised an eyebrow at you. "Most old men don't leave bruises on my hips like you."

He laughed, tugging you flush against him.

"Keep talking like that and I'll never send you back." A flutter of hope. Nik was a deeply awful man and you'd come to understand that what he did to Marcus was a show of restraint. He was the snake in the garden, Hades in the underworld, a fae - dangling fruit in your face hoping you'll take the bait.

He'd never let you go if you did.

This is pretty unedited but I felt like I owed you guys once again.

[maximoffcarter]

New Year’s Eve.

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x reader.

Summary: Ever since reader joined the team, Emily has felt captivated by her. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh, her personality, literally everything about her. But, friendship was before anything else, so she kept it bottled up. But New Year’s Eve was always eventful, anything could happen.

A/n: This is for @storiesofsvu 's Holiday bingo with the prompt 'New Year’s kiss'. AND IM BACK! Sort of. Like I said a while ago, adult life sucks and I barely have time for myself, so it’s been hard to get to write, plus my laptop is kinda failing so it’s not so easy to write on my phone cause I get easily distracted hehe. But two other christmas shots are coming, Calex fics. I also did not proof read this, I never do until it's too late haha, so my apologies. I'm working on everyone's request still, I miss writing so much, and I've been so busy. Hope you guys enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

A/n 2: And happy new year, my pretty friends✨ have a wonderful new year, and let’s make it the best🫶🏻

Rossi had decided since October that he’d be hosting a party for New Year’s Eve, inviting the whole team and their respective families (meaning only JJ would be taking her family cause she was the only one with family along with Hotch having Jack). JJ and Penelope had told Emily that it’d be her chance to her with y/n.

Emily has laid eyes on her since the first moment that she had joined the team. She was mesmerized by her, everything about her was perfect, and she couldn’t get enough of her. But just the thought of ruining things, of losing her just for her feelings, kinda ruined it all…she didn’t want that. They had become so close since the very first moment, they were inseparable, they were everything Emily had always wanted in a friend…and she was way more. But still…she couldn’t lose her.

Finally, at Rossi’s, Emily stood by the doorframe staring at her; her dress was definitely distracting, showing off her curves and legs, part of her back was bare and god, she wanted to just walk to her and-

JJ chuckled softly as she stood beside Emily, raising her brow. “Enjoying the view?” She said in a playful tone.

Emily slowly turned to JJ, her eyes narrowing before turning back to look at her. She tried desperately to not let her eyes linger down her body but she was failing miserably.* “Shut up.” She said in a quiet voice, her eyes still not leaving her.

“Please, everyone here can see you eating her with your eyes.” JJ smirked as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Please tell me that today is the day. And you’ll finally tell her.”

Emily finally turned to look at JJ, her face flushed red with embarrassment as she quickly looked around the room to see if anyone was actually staring at her like JJ said. She quickly shook her head as she looked down. “I-I can’t…what if she doesn’t like me…? What if she laughs or worse, what if she doesn’t even talk to me after this?” She said quietly as her worry grew.

“She won’t ever do that. She wouldn’t be like that with you. Specially you. You’re too important to her.” JJ tilted her head as she sighed. “Em…if you don’t do it, you never will. And not that I’m pressuring you, because I definitely do not want to do that. But…you know…it could happen?”

Emily bit her lip as she glanced back at her, then back to JJ, and kept bouncing her eyes back and forth. “God, I don’t know…I really want to but-“ She shook her head as she looked down again. “What if I ruin things between us? I can’t lose her, JJ…I can’t lose her for my stupid feelings.”

“They’re not stupid. They’re feelings. And they’re valid. And it’s y/n who we’re talking about. She could never hate you or stop talking to you…” JJ said softly as she stared at Emily, tilting her head.

Emily’s eyes shot back up to her and stayed there. She stared at her longingly as a soft sigh escaped her lips. “God I can’t get enough of her…that stupid, beautiful smile.” Her eyes suddenly widened as she realized what she had said out loud but quickly looked back to JJ. “Don’t…tell anyone I said that…”

JJ laughed softly, shrugging as she playfully grinned. “We all know…except for her. She’s a profiler…she should know by now, because you’re not even subtle about it.”

“God, how obvious am I?” Emily buried her head in her hands, shaking her head. “What if she’s just playing dumb and she’s actually realized? And she’s secretly making fun of me about it…or she’s trying to think of a way to let me down gently-“ Emily was now thinking of every scenario that could happen right now making her grow more anxious as her chest became tighter. “God I’m starting to hyperventilate-”

“Hey, hey, hey…” JJ turned to face Emily and placed her hands on her forearms. “Stop overthinking. Just enjoy the party, alright? Don’t think too much about it. Just go to her and act like you always do with her. Be the Emily that you’ve always have been around her.”

Emily’s heart was racing but she slowly nodded and closed her eyes taking a deep breath and started to calm down. “Yeah…yeah, you’re right…I’m just overthinking again like I always do...” She looked back over to her one more time, her eyes lingering a bit too long before she looked back to JJ. “Thank you…I think I’m gonna go get a drink…”

Emily eventually made her way to the bar, grabbing herself a whiskey, straight up with 2 ice cubes. With the glass in hand, she turned around leaning against the table as she took a sip, her eyes wandering around the room as she wondered where y/n was now. In that moment, y/n noticed Emily over at the bar and she smiled softly. She grabbed her drink and walked to her, noticing that she was looking around the room as if she was looking for someone.

Y/n stood behind her and leaned in, whispering in her ear. “Looking for someone?” She smiled softly.

Emily’s eyes widened, her mouth opening in a silent gasp as she felt y/n suddenly behind her. Her body froze as she whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. She swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat as she took a sip of her drink. “No! I- I mean…” She shook her head as she turned around to face y/n. “U-Uh…no one…no one in particular.”

“Mmm, I see.” Y/n grinned as she looked at where Emily had been looking. “Enjoying the party?”

Emily took another sip of her drink to try and cool herself down before nodding. “Y-Yeah…yeah, it’s a nice party. Uh-“ She looked y/n up and down, her eyes lingering on her dress again. “You- uh…look nice.”

Y/n looked back at her and smiled softly, blushing slightly at her words. “Thank you.” She said softly. “It’s the one time that I actually dress up.” She chuckled softly.

Y/n then let her eyes dart down Emily’s body, loving how she looked in a suit. She normally wore those, or cargo pants, but this suit just looked so good on her, and the red blouse she had? And the two top buttons undone? She was killing her.

Y/n looked back up into her eyes and smiled. “You look really nice too. Red is definitely your color.”

Emily blushed deeply as y/n looked her up and down and complimented her suit, almost dropping her drink when she felt her eyes on her chest. “Thank you…” She smiled softly. “I could say the same for you. You look stunning in dresses. You should wear them more often.” She smirked as she joked.

Y/n chuckled softly, nodding her head. “Oh, yeah sure. I’ll be wearing this dress to impress the unsubs. And then I’ll be chasing them down with these heels.” She grinned as she showed off her heels.

Emily smiled as y/n played into her joke, giggling a bit. “Mm, you’d be an unstoppable duo. Sexy and badass at the same time. You’d make any unsub give themselves up instantly.” She said as she looked down to her heels, her smile growing. “I doubt you’d actually be able to run in those heels though.”

Y/n blushed slightly as Emily said she was sexy, biting her lip softly as she chuckled. “Oh, wanna bet, Prentiss?” She smirked and raised bed brow in a teasing way. “I’m great at running, and you know it.”

Emily rolled her eyes as she chuckled. “You might think you’re great at running but I still don’t see you actually running around in those.” She teased back. “And I’m definitely not betting against you cause that would just be…dumb.” She smirked.

Y/n placed her hand on her chest and pretended to be offended. “Right in my heart, Em. Right here.” She pointed to her heart as she looked back at her, smiling playfully.

Emily’s smile grew as she watched y/n place her hand on her chest. “Oh please, you’ll live.” She teased before finishing off her drink. “So what are you doing here? Hiding from the party? Standing here with me for no reason?” She raised her brow in a teasing way with a small smirk.

Y/n rolled her eyes and then shook her head, looking back at everyone. She shrugged as she took a sip of her drink. “I don’t know…I just…I’m not exactly a party girl, you know that. And…I feel comfortable with you, so I rather be here.” She smiled softly.

Emily smiled as y/n said she felt comfortable around her, her chest feeling a bit warm at the realization. She swallowed hard as her eyes darted from hers to her now empty glass. “Mmm, I know you’re not a party person. Which is good, means I don’t have to worry about other people trying to hit on you all night.” She smirked slightly.

Y/n raised her brow curiously as she looked back at Emily. “You don’t want people to hit on me? I’m looking for my midnight kiss, though.” She smirked.

Emily raised her brow in a playful way but the idea of someone else hitting on y/n or trying to kiss her, it made her stomach tie in knots. “Your midnight kiss? Please, you don’t need anyone else to give you a midnight kiss.” She said before thinking to herself ‘I would give you a midnight kiss.’ She shook her head, getting rid of the thought.

“Well I’ve…never done that, and Morgan said he used to just kiss random people, so I said…” Y/n shrugged. “Why not? Doesn’t hurt. And I’ll finally get to experience kissing someone by midnight.”

Emily rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. “Oh course he-“ But as y/n mentioned the whole getting to experience kissing by midnight, she felt her stomach tie in knots again as her jaw clenched. The idea of y/n kissing someone else made her feel sick. “So…who’s the lucky person?” She asked, trying her hardest to sound casual.

Before y/n could say anything, Penelope decided to interrupt them. “Y/n! Y/n!” Penelope ran to them. “Need you on team with me! Come come!” She grabbed her hand before she could even say anything else and dragged y/n with her. Leaving Emily with a knot in her throat.

Emily swallowed hard as she looked around, needing a drink desperately. The thought of seeing y/n with someone else, it made her stomach spin and twist in an uncomfortable way. She quickly made her way to grab herself another whiskey, needing the alcohol to calm herself down. But as she was about to get herself a drink, she noticed Morgan walking to her.

“Ugh, go away.” Emily grabbed the bottle of whiskey and filled her glass again.

Morgan chuckled as he leaned over the bar. “What did I do?” He smirked.

Emily rolled her eyes. “A stupidity, as always.” She looked at Morgan. “Why would you tell y/n to kiss a random stranger to get a midnight kiss?”

Morgan scoffed. “Prentiss, if I said that, was for you to take your chance to finally get your girl.”

Emily furrowed her brows. “What?

“I knew she’d want to be with you, because she’s always by your side, and you by her side. You two are inseparable, and I knew she’d want to be with you in the countdown. So…” Morgan smirked. “It wouldn’t be a complete stranger. She’d have you by her side.”

Emily’s heart raced at the thought, just staring at Morgan. “You- I…” She huffed. “I don’t think she’d do that.”

“Oh, she would. Trust me on this.” Morgan smirked.

Emily looked back at y/n for a moment, watching her play with Penelope. “Well…”

“Just try it out, Prentiss. And you’ll see...” Morgan poked her nose. “…that I’m right.” He winked.

Emily rolled her eyes. “You’re impossible.”

“You’ll love me after midnight.” Morgan chuckled.

********************

Emily was now on her 3rd whiskey, leaning over against the wall as she watched everyone around her getting ready for the countdown. Her eyes darted around the room, trying to catch a glimpse of y/n before the countdown. But it seemed as if she was nowhere to be found, and she was slowly starting to panic.

“Please tell me you’re not hiding here. The countdown will start soon, and everyone is already outside.” Rossi stood beside Emily as he spoke to get her attention.

Emily’s head snapped to look up at Rossi as he suddenly appeared beside her. She swallowed hard, her hand gripping the now half-empty whiskey glass. “U-Um..I’ll be out there in a minute…I just need a minute to….think.” She tried to lie, her eyes darting across the room again, still searching for y/n.

“Y/n is by the swing. She finished playing with Penelope, and then seemed like she had a conversation with her and then went to sit down. So she’s outside.” Rossi smiled, knowing that Emily was looking for her.

Emily felt her heart race, her eyes widening as Rossi revealed where y/n was. She quickly got up from the wall, downing the rest of her whiskey in one go before putting the empty glass on a nearby table. As she took a few steps towards the doorway outside, she suddenly stopped and turned back to Rossi. “W-Wait..why are you telling me this?”

“Because you should go get her. We will soon be welcoming the new year and…you both could start the year with a kiss.” Rossi winked at her and then walked outside.

Emily blushed as Rossi winked at her, feeling like the whole team knew about her feelings for y/n but she tried not to focus on that right now. Taking a deep breath, she quickly walked outside, searching the crowd for you until her eyes finally landed on her. Emily slowly made her way to where she was sitting, taking a moment to admire how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. Her heartbeat was fast now, feeling her nerves build as she finally reached her, clearing her throat softly to get her attention.

Y/n looked up at Emily and slowly stood up, smiling softly. “Em. Was hoping I’d find you before the countdown.” She said softly.

Emily smiled softly, her heart rate speeding up even more as y/n looked at her. “Y-Yeah I was just…” She trailed off, her eyes wandering down her body before quickly bringing them back up to meet hers. “I-I was just grabbing a drink and all…” Completely forgetting she, indeed, did not have a drink on her hand.

Y/n blushed slightly as she noticed the way Emily stared down at her body. She chuckled nervously and nodded softly. “Good.” She said softly as she stared directly into her eyes. She smiled softly. “I was hoping I’d be in the countdown with you.”

Emily felt her own cheeks heat up as y/n blushed from her staring and tried telling herself that it was just a coincidence cause of the lighting out here. She swallowed hard as she said she wanted to be in the countdown with her, a smile forming on her face. “You-“ Emily cut herself off, blushing deeper. She knew if she finished that sentence, she most likely would spill everything to her. “Why?”

Y/n cleared my throat, unsure of what to say. What was she supposed to say? That she was hoping she’d receive the new year with her? That she was hoping for something? “Well…I wanted…to countdown with you.” She chuckled nervously.

Emily’s heart was racing, her mind running wild at her answer. She wanted to countdown with her. But, what did that mean? Did that mean she wanted to kiss her when it struck midnight? Or was that just her being delusional again? Her eyes darted to her lips as she licked her own. “Why me?” She asked with a small chuckle.

“Because it’s you, Em. Why wouldn’t I? I told you…I feel more comfortable around you.” Y/n said softly as she smiled.

Suddenly, Rossi announced that the countdown was about to start and to get their drinks ready. And then, the countdown started. “10…9…8…”

Emily blushed deeply at y/n’s words, her stomach now feeling like it was on fire, the way it burned whenever she was around her. She couldn’t stop her eyes from darting back to her lips again as the countdown started. She didn’t know what to do…. She kept second guessing herself. Should she lean in, would you lean in? Was she waiting for her to make the first move? Emily swallowed hard, trying to calm herself down as her heart was now practically pounding against her chest.

Emily was just about at her limit. The countdown was getting closer and closer to midnight and she was here, looking more beautiful than ever as the moonlight was shining on her. Emily swallowed hard, her eyes darting between her eyes and her lips as she finally worked up the courage to finally speak. “You look so beautiful…god you look so gorgeous right now…” She said in almost a whisper, taking a step closer to her.

Y/n’s breath hitched as her eyes slightly widened, not expecting her words, or…anything at all.* “I…” She chuckled nervously. “T-Thank you…”

“7…6…5…”

Emily’s heart skipped a beat as she slowly reached her hand up to gently cup y/n’s cheek as her eyes darted down to her lips again, taking another step forward to close the gap between them. She spoke in a low voice, her heart aching with need. “I hope you don’t hate me after this…” She whispered softly.

Y/n shivered at her touch, her lips parting as she stared into her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. But then she furrowed her brows at her words. “Hate you?”

“4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Emily’s heart was racing so fast now as the last few seconds of the countdown went by. At the sound of ‘Happy New Year’ and the sound of all the team and people cheering, Emily moved quickly, cupping y/n’s face with both hands as she suddenly pressed her lips against her own. The second their lips met, fireworks went off in Emily’s mind. Their lips were as soft as they had imagined they’d be. Emily felt like she was flying, like she was in some sort of dream, as she tried to savor the feeling, savor her lips against hers. Her hands moved down from her cheeks, wrapping around her waist as she pulled her closer to her until y/n was pressed up against her body, her heart thumping in her ears. Y/n wrapped her arms around Emily’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer, kissing her back after smiling against her lips. This was finally happening, and her heart was about to burst out of her chest. Her whole body filling with butterflies.

When air became a necessity, they pulled away, y/n’s forehead rested against hers and smiled. “That…was better than I expected.” She chuckled softly.

Emily felt like at any second, her heart was going to beat out of her chest. She felt lightheaded, trying to catch her breath. She was still holding her tightly, making sure this was real, wanting to savor the feeling of y/n in her arms. She chuckled softly, her smile brighter than it had ever been as she spoke, her words coming out in almost a whisper. “I didn’t think you’d kiss back…”

“Of course I’d kiss back. I…I was actually going to kiss you, but then you started talking about me being beautiful and gorgeous and…you distracted me.” Y/n chuckled softly as she moved her hands to Emily’s cheeks, stroking them softly.

Emily blushed deeply, leaning into her touch and closing her eyes. She felt butterflies in her stomach again as she moved her hands down to her hips, holding her close. She opened her eyes again, smiling. “I was so scared…” She admitted, chuckling softly. “I thought you wouldn’t kiss back…that I’d ruin our friendship…”

Y/n shook her head, furrowing her brows as she stroked her cheeks. “No. Why would you ruin it? I…I was hoping you’d stick with me and we would do the countdown and I’d kiss you. And finally tell her how I really feel.” She smiled softly as she brushed her nose against Emily’s. “I’m…so in love with you, and today seemed to be the perfect opportunity.

Emily chuckled, remembering how nervous and anxious she had been the whole night, and this had been the end of it, and she was not complaining. “I’m so in love with you. God, you have no idea.” She then captured her lips again, in a soft, gentle kiss which y/n happily reciprocated.

Morgan chuckled softly and fist bumped JJ and Penelope. “Told you this would work.”

“Finally…” JJ sighed softly.

Penelope cleared her throat. “You…guys realize that now they’ll be disgustingly adorable and lame, right?”

“Worth it.” JJ said as she smiled.

[specersbriefcase]

the end...maybe? | s.r. x reader

summary; you and spencer's relationship has recently become rocky and you decide you both need a break, leaving you both heartbroken.

genre; angst, angst, and let me think... angst!!! for all the girlies who need a good cry right about now. (aka me)

should i make a part 2??

The night was all a blur in Spencer's mind, memories flashing through his mind that always brought him warmth, was now not bringing anything for him, and he was losing them. The way your eyes crinkled when you laughed, the way your hand fit perfectly in his like the puzzle pieces―it was all slipping away, like little grains of sand falling through his fingers.

He stood in the doorway of your shared apartment, the place where you both created the most wonderful memories that would've taken a lifetime to read if printed on paper. And now, it all felt foreign. You were leaving. It was something Spencer would've never imagined you doing. Leaving him.

He watched you pack your things in front of him, keeping your head down to try and avoid his face, which you knew wore the most heart-shattering expression at the moment.

Love isn't enough when two people can't communicate how they're feeling, or even enjoy their time together.

The silence was deafening between the two of you. There had never been silence between you two unless it was when you were both cuddled up in bed with a book in hand. He wanted to say something. He wanted to say something so badly. He wanted to tell you to put your toothbrush back in the holder by his, to put your clothes back in your shared closet. But he couldn't seem to bring himself to say anything.

After staring at you pack your things a moment longer, he knew he had to say something.

"Do you remember the night we met?" He finally spoke, his soft voice cracking in almost a desperate plea.

You looked up from your things and right at his face.

"Like it was yesterday." You replied quietly.

Spencer's eyes flicked to yours, studying your face and trying to gaege what you were thinking. He couldn't quite make it out.

"What do you remember?" He asked softly, unable to keep that hint of hope out of his voice. He hoped that if he couldt just make you remember that specific night together, maybe it would change your mind, even if it was only a little.

You watched his expression for a moment. "I remember bumping into you on the street and you asking for my number. You were definitely head over "heels" for you to outright ask for something like that."

Spencer chuckled softly, a hint of smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He remembered it too. The way you had run into him―literally―and immediately apologized.

"I couldn't help myself. There was something about you... I just knew I had to see you again. I didn't care how desperate I looked." He spoke.

You smiled softly and looked down at your packed bags. "You were too cute. I couldn't say no to you."

Spencer's heart ached at the sound of your words. He stepped closer to you, watching you carefully.

"I'm glad you said yes. I don't know what I would've done if you had said no."

You looked up at him again, your heart aching intensely. "Me either." You replied.

Spencer took another step towards you, gently taking your hand in his and tracing small cirles on your skin with his thumb. "And what happened after that?" He asked softly. "Do you remember?"

"Reid, I know what you're doing." You said in a slighlty warning tone.

He inhaled deeply, taking in the sound of his name from your lips for what could possibly be the last time. God, the way you said it with a hint of warning and sorrow. It made his heart ache even more. But he couldn't give up. "And what am I doing?" He asked, till caressing your hand gently.

You looked up from your interlinked hands and at him. "Trying to get me to stay."

"Can you blame me?" He asked softly, his eyes mixed with saddness, pleading, and an attempt to hide the pain in them. He squeezed your hand.

Your eyes welled with tears and you shook your head confidently. "No." The word fell from your lips in the same desperate tone as his, the way I spoke it making his heart almost stop in his chest.

Seeing your eyes well with tears broke Spencer's heart into a million little shards. He desperately wanted to reach up and brush you tears away, but he didn't know if he was allowed to anymore.

He let go of your hand and took a step back, his voice barelya whisper as he spoke. "Then why are you still leaving?"

You swallowed, already knowing your reason. "We need it. We need to be apart for a while, hun."

His heart skipped a beat at the nickname you always called him. It hurt. It hurt like hell.

"For how long?" Spencer asked quietly.

You shrugged loosely. "Until I feel ready. Until we feel ready."

Spencer closed his eyes for a moment, attempting to collect himself.

"And what if we never feel ready?" He asked, a note of desperation in his voice.

Your heart merely shattered at the way the words left his lips. "Then I guess it's the end." You replied shakily.

Spencer felt like something had broken within him, the idea of it being the end for you two almost too to bear. He stood there, unable to speak. The silence stretched between you two like a chasm, growing wider and wider with every passing moment.

You stepped closer to him and wrapped you arms around his neck, looking up at him with tearful eyes.

"I love you, Spencer Reid." You spoke shakily, the words making his heart fluttered.

At your touch, Spencer's arms immediately wrapped around your waist, holding you close against him. The feeling of you against him was all he needed in that moment.

"I love you, too. So much." He replied.

Your heart ached once more, and you ran your finger down the bridge of his nose, booping the tip of it gently like you always did. He couldn't help but smile. Spencer knew exactly what you were doing―trying to lighten the mood. And damn it, it was working.

"I'll always love you." You said lightly.

He leaned down and nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck. "Forever." He whispered, holding you tighter.

You pulled away slightly, cupping his face with the utmost care. "One more kiss?" You asked.

Spencer's heart ached at the question and nodded. This was it.

"One more." He said quietly, cupping your face with both hands, his fingers trembling slightly. Spencer leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, savoring the feel of your mouth on his. It was a soft, gentle kiss―full of love and heartbreak and everything in between.

When you both pulled away, you said your lasts words to him.

"Goodbye, Spencer."

His arms fell to his sides, the word "goodbye" hanging in the air like a heavy weight, and he couldn't bear to watch you pick up your things and walk out the door.

Spencer squeezed his eyes shut, the sound of your footsteps disappearing down the hall ringing in his ears like a death knell.

"Goodbye." He whispered after you were already gone.

He stood there, the silence in his apartment nearly deafening now that you were gone. Spencer ran his hand through his hair, trying to process you were really gone, unsure if you'd return.

Spencer walked over to the couch, collapsing onto it and curling up, the night stretching out before him, long, dark, and lonely.

okay so that was actually heartbreaking to write!!! heh!!! vote my poll on my insta story if you want part 2!!!

[planetsnakes]

I get this y'all right. I've never used AI to write an essay and never will

why the hell am i only given three months to write four different essays tho? Like sure some of the problem is my poor time management because I literally just became an adult.

For my dissertation I had to submit 3000 words (all jam pa ked full of fucking research) I had a couple of months to write this essay so what they did was wait until we had two months to show us how to write the essay, on a retreat which I couldn't go to thanks to getting sick. I asked if i could see the example essays another time and this just never happened due to copyright bullshit.

Now I didn't just get sick. I got really sick. 3 days in A&E just to be kicked out because they didn't find the problem. Literally everyone in my life is worried about me im so brave. The uni assured me this would be taken into consideration as long as I could get a doctors note.

I could not get a doctors note. They wont even pick up the phone it's been a month since I submitted this request.

So I spent ages setting up meetings to discuss with people in the uni my problems so they could write me a note. They didn't.

Now it's too far into the year to defer. I will lose so much fucking money if I give up now so here I go!

I completed the essay in like two weeks and I think i got something wrong on the timescale but ive been sick since november on and off getting better and worse.

I cant even remember writing a single essay for my university im fairly certain I'll never use these skills again because the only people who write academic papers are academics and I don't want to be an academic.

I can hear you saying "this isn't the norm"! Everyone goes through this at least once.

I know a lot abt uni life, I know a degree can be taken away if they found out someone cheated to get it no matter how long it's been since they got the degree. I know I didn't work this hard to never know if I could make it on my own merit

Yet there are places where the university could have supported me better. Students are expected to do so much and im gonna be so real the you're only cheating yourself narrative is just annoying. I could do this much better if every time I wasn't rushed because they gave me the resources last minute or constantly told me to check back later.

I'm fortunate enough to always get an extension when I ask thanks to my DID diagnosis & I actually considered myself lucky when I caught covid (yeah I also caught fucking covid I was sick for so long I missed so many lectures that I can't catch up on at all) but like seriously?

I haven't even mentioned the poverty, living conditions, the fact most of us have to work through uni, ow the internet changed the way unis talk to students, covid messing students up or international students and how unfair the system is to them.

I feel this could be a chance at a brilliant conversation about how much stress students are put under because even when we have the skills we don't get the opportunity to use them