#i'm also still bothered; this was so much longer and more ramble-y last night in my initial draft.

[iniziare]

✵ + Dan Heng for Jingliu ( I just wanted to give jingliu some attention djfhdsk f)

Prompt: Send ✵ and my muse will answer. // Accepting. // @resolutepath

Their first impression of your muse: Dan Heng is a very complicated one, for the simple reason that, well— we have to touch on her memories of another; for Dan Heng is and will never be able to fully sever himself from Imbibitor Lunae, at least not for those who knew him previously. With that in mind, when Jingliu first looked at him, I can't describe what she felt in that moment any other way than... 'wistful'. She sees a man that is in essence, a shell of the former High Elder that she once respected, a shell of her lifelong friend, but also of that same friend that she was forced to raise her sword against because not only did he fulfill the unforgivable, his actions also threatened the Luofu. But Jingliu remembers the High-Cloud Quintet fondly, and seems to yearn for the days where she thought those would live on indefinitely, it's what she seemed to want in the first place— and it all ended at Baiheng's self-sacrifice for the gain of the rest of them, and a mistake that can never be undone (even if the intentions may have been noble). So seeing Dan Heng is... difficult, because she while she recognizes that is he is only an incarnation of Imbibitor Lunae, he is also still exactly that: an incarnation of someone that was, once upon a time, significant to her.

Current impression: Rather the same as the above as little time passes between their first and last meeting. She bears him no ill-will at this point, but still seems to conflate Dan Heng and Imbibitor Lunae, even though very consciously so. But one thing is rather clear to me, and it's that she wishes to bring an end to the Abundance across the board, but also specifically: "Maybe, when I witness the fall of the Abundance, you and Yingxing will find true release." Her farewell to him is not one of ill-will.

Are they attracted to your muse? Dan Heng? No. And I would say no to Imbibitor Lunae as well at this point, but I also only super recently learned that they were possibly the closest within the HCQ. I'm using this meme as a test for her, Charlie, bear with me.

Something they find frightening about your muse: Again, this is one where she actively conflates him with his previous incarnation, but she does so very consciously, it seems. Now, I'm not certain that 'frightening' would at all be the right word, but we'll humor it. That he was, quite frankly, capable of enacting what he ultimately was responsible for starting. They all held Baiheng dearly in their hearts, as they seemed to across the board, but there is a frightening element to someone's character to go as far as to break laws (when your position revolves around them so firmly) for anything, or anyone, to go beyond the laws of even nature and fate.

Something they find adorable about your muse: Not the right word, or specifically, it's not adorable in the traditional or intended way. But I think she finds herself amused by how insistent he remains that there is enough separation between he and Lunae, while it really seems quite evident to her that his curiosity speaks loudly enough in regards to his memories.

Would my muse sacrifice themselves for yours? Dan Heng, no, Imbibitor Lunae back in the day? Yes, it is the greatest honor for any Cloud Knight after all, to give their life on the battlefield. And if that, on top of it all, would be for a friend, who is there with her? Yes.

Would my muse go on a date with yours (platonic/romantic)? Charlie, the 'Dan Heng? No' and 'Imbibitor Lunae--' is driving me crazy. But Dan Heng, no, Imbibitor Lunae, a yes on the former.

One word my muse would use to describe yours: At this point in time, confused.

Would my muse slap yours if they could? Why slap anyone, if you can raise a perfectly great sword forged by a mutual friend (or if we're speaking Dan Heng, then the point remains but simply a different sword).

Would my muse hug/kiss yours? Despite the fact that he doesn't come across as the type for either very easily, Dan Heng wouldn't be the recipient for either of them, either way. ;)

[raggaraddy]

Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh. 

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n.  I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."

[kuroos-babie]

falling in love with a single mom hcs

INCLUDES: nishinoya, tsukishima, yaku

you spent a good part of your childhood with nishinoya, chasing away the dogs that had a penchant of scaring your best friend shitless, climbing trees and playing treasure hunt

it was funny, to say the least, seeing how he grew from such a scaredy-cat to the energetic and confident noya everyone knows

throughout highschool you watched him chase girl after girl and he watched you turn down guy after guy

the dynamic you two had was that of a feral gremlin child and its chill owner holding the leash and everyone, including you two, thought you would always be together

everyday was fun with nishinoya's energy hanging around you, no doubt

but when he asked you to travel the world with him right after graduation, he was met with a hesitant refusal

"i'm planning to go to college, yuu"

"it'll be fun, y/n! like going on an adventure!!"

"visit me once in a while"

his heart clenched at the way you smiled at him with teary eyes, "i can't change your mind can i?"

with a soft shake of your head, he sighed

he leaves in three days

the first few months of him being away were filled with calls and pictures of his trips, smile seemingly wider and brighter than before and a part of you regretted not coming with him

but college starts in a week, and with that came missed calls and ignored messages

at some point, neither of you just remembered to hit the other up, caught up with the stresses of your own life and before either of you knew it, 5 years have passed

he came to visit home for the first time in years, no longer the boyish noya you knew but he still had that warm aura around him

you were the first thought to come to mind the moment he step foot in town, his whole body buzzing with excitement at the mere thought of seeing you again

so of course he went straight to your house, feet taking step after memorized step and hands clutching bags of things he got from his travels

"Y/N!!!!!", he calls out as he enters your house which was answered with a harsh shushing

turning a corner he saw you in the living room, lovely as ever-- he thought, and with a baby sleeping soundly in your arms, "the baby's sleeping, yuu"

"whose...?"

you laughed at the cracking in his voice, "mine, who else's?"

man, he looked like he was about to cry

he quietly approached you, careful as to not wake the baby

"for you", he mumbled while handing you the bag of snacks and stuff

the room was filled with silence after you hummed a short thanks

he was looking at the child's face, it looked like you, he thinks

he asked when you got married, "you didn't tell me, didn't even invite your best friend to your wedding", he whined

"i didn't, i'm not married"

his eyes were wide as they looked at you

you told him about getting pregnant shortly after college graduation and getting ditched

he thought of himself selfish as he heaved a sigh of relief

"it's fine though, my parents are helping me a lot", he notes how you looked at your baby with such fond eyes and his heart swelled, he felt like crying

you chuckled at the look on his face, "hey don't look so sorry for me, can't be happier to have her"

"what's her name?"

you looked at your daughter's face and pet at her cheek with a finger, "yui"

nishinoya couldn't hold it in anymore and so he let himself cry and pulled you close

and for the nth time since the day of your college graduation he asked you again, "come with me, y/n, let's travel the world" but you have a child "i'll stay with you here until she's old enough", he said while kissing the tears that slipped down your cheeks

"then we can all go travel the world together"

he liked working at the museum, he really does

at least that's what he tries to tell himself as he led the group of preschoolers through the sendai museum

they were cute, yeah, but also very chatty

especially this one little boy with the frog hat

"what's this called?"

"it's a fossilized remain of--"

"how about this one?"

"it's--", and before he could answer, the child was already running to the other side of the exhibit

he just sighs

the tour ended and he was getting ready for his lunch break, proceeding to the cafe by the entrance as he always does

his eyes almost caught the flurry of green that passed beside him but he chose to ignore it

but of course it wasn't long after he sat down with his order when he heard a familiar bubbly voice

"mama that's the dinosaur guy!", he heard the little boy whisper loudly, "he's so tall, like a brachiosaurus!"

he couldn't supress the chuckle at the child's remark and he turned in his seat, "so you were listening, i thought you were just bouncing all around the place"

"oh sorry, did he give you a hard time?"

your voice drew his attention and he smiled at the sight of your worried face, something that surprised even him, "not really, no"

he invited you two to sit and eat with him and he listened to your son ramble all about dinosaurs and prehistoric animals

"a smart one, i like him"

your son really liked him too and asked you to take him to the museum again and see tsukishima

and so it became a habit for you to visit the museum every friday with the little boy, waiting for the tall blonde to get off work so you three could grab something to eat

and every time he sees you in the little cafe by the entrancne with your son, tsukishima couldn't help but smile a little and pat at his chest to calm the subtle fluttering as he push the door open

it was a weird feeling he never knew would come so naturally at the mere sight of you two

he bought your son picture books and and figurines and copies of the "walking with dinosaurs" documentary

"we should watch it this weekend..." his eyebrows shot up for a moment at your meek suggestion

of course the little boy was elated, excited to have him over at your house "yes! let's go now! i wanna watch it with tsukki now!!!"

tsukishima returned his gaze on you, "if it's not too much trouble then i'd love to go now"

and so the rest of the friday night was spent on your couch with all the lights turned off and a narration of al the allosaurus' life

you looked over at the other side of the couch to see your son laying on tsukishima, eyes fluttering shut with the man passed out and lightly snoring

he must've been tired

you draped a blanket over the two of them and waited for sleep to visit you too and it soon did

morning came and you woke up to the smell of coffee

"i borrowed your coffee maker, i hope you don't mind", his voice was still low, trying not to wake the little boy

"yeah, sorry i didn't wake you up last night... you looked tired"

he chuckled as you walked over to the kitchen to take out two mugs and prepared some toast, "i don't mind, it was the best sleep i've gotten in a while. i hope it wasn't too much of a bother for you though"

you leaned on the kitchen counter as you took in his appearance; hair ruffled and eyes puffy with sleep, "i don't mind it one bit"

he huffed a laugh and looked over to the sofa where your son still laid

"he likes you a lot"

"so it seems, i hope you do too", his face was smug but you didn't miss the red that tinted his cheeks when you told him "of course i do, in fact i was thinking maybe we should do this more often"

his smirk grew, "just say you want to wake up everyday to the sight of me and leave it at that"

you rolled your eyes at his comment but smiled nonetheless, "oh shut up"

he had just come back from the nekoma volleyball team reunion, head lightly buzzing from the few bottles of alcohol kuroo forced down his throat

making his way through the carpeted hotel hall, he could barely make out the sound of little feet hurriedly padding on the floor and quiet sniffles

taking out the keycard to his room with the blissful thoughts of finally sinking into the soft mattress was interrupted by a soft bump on his thigh, a muffled thud and a small "ow..."

it took a few moments before the sight of the little boy on the hotel floor registered properly in his brain

it was well past 2 am... why the hell is there a child running around the halls

"uh... hi?"

big bright eyes looked up at him and he can't help but sigh at the sniffles increasingly growing louder

"where's your mama, little guy?", yaku crouched to the little boy's level, careful to keep his balance as the booze and exhaustion was catching up to him

however, at the mention of his mother, the little boy's eye filled up with more tears and was ready to burst anytime, "mama..."

"oh no no no no"

yaku's too tired for this

so with a sigh and a groan, he took the boy in his arms and entered his room

"let's look for her in the morning, okay? i think i still have some cookies in my room, would like some?"

the little boy nods his head, earning a relieved sigh from yaku

the rest of the night was spent with cartoons playing on the large hotel room tv, yaku leaning against the headboard with the little boy snoozing away while being tucked in his arm, cookie on his hand and crumbs all around

morning came and panic surged through your body the moment you realized your 3 year-old son was nowhere inside your hotel room

your hurried to the security desk to report and hopefully make an announcement, head reeling and aching with the sudden rush of adrenaline first thing in the morning

with your head in your hands, you let out a groan while trying not to cry at all the possibilites flashing through your mind

your wallowing was cut short with an "excuse me, i found this child last night"

turning your head back to the security desk, you see a man in his pajamas and slippers, hair ruffled from sleep and a sleepy little boy laying on his shoulder

"oh my god"

the whole conlict ended when you came up to them and introduced yourself, the little boy quickly recognizing your voice and whipped his head over to you, "mama!"

your son reached out for you and yaku couldn't help but notice how pretty your glossy eyes were despite how disheveled you looked

"mama, yakkun gave me cookies and we watched cartoons aaaaall night!"

yaku's eyes widened at the little boy's words and let out a nervous chuckle, "you make me sound so suspicious"

he turned to you and explained how your son bumped into him at 2 am and he was just too tired to bring him down to the security desk

"my tired tipsy brain thought it was a better idea to just let him sleep in my room and look for mama in the morning", he ended with the tips of his ears tinged red

you laughed at his nervousness, "well we can talk more about it over breakfast, what do you say yakkun? my treat"

with the way you were smiling at him, how could he even refuse?

the rest of the morning was spent with coffee and waffles, juice and fruits and chatter

he learned you and your son were in town for a few days, "i wanted to go see the fishies in the aquarium!", the little boy quips

with the new volleyball season just around the corner, yaku knew he'd have practices but he offered to tour you two around tokyo

he wanted to see you two again

briefly taking care of the toddler last night and having breakfast with you, he realized, were very much a welcomed change of pace in his hectic pro volleyball life

"are you my dad? mama told me daddy was working in tokyo" he remembered your son quietly mumbling last night, "i haven't seen him though, not ever"

the rest of your stay in tokyo was spent hanging out with yaku, your son growing more and more attached to him and slept over at his room every night

as promised, he took you and your son on a tokyo tour and even brought you to practice, introducing you to the national team and teaching your child receives

of course your trip eventually reached its end, promises of meeting again drowned in the little boy's tears as he tried to reach out to yaku

"we'll meet again, little guy", he says while ruffling the boy's hair, "i'll even go visit you and we'll play lots, okay?

of course he made a point of contacting you frequently, often video chatting during meal times and bedtime and a few more hours after, relishing in the time he could spend talking alone with you

"i can't wait to see you two again", he always says right after "good night"

taglist: @churochuu @bakarinnie @faithieeee @strawberriimilkshake @paulazockt @pattys-got-cakes @hidden-otaku-stuff @haikyuubabie @sachirou-senpai @your-local-abyss @stcrryskies @toosaltyforacookie @mrs-kuroojinguji @shawkneecaps @miyastrology @galacticstxrdust @wakaushi @boosyboo9206 @sugawara-sweetheart @threeconsecutivefs @chichibia @diyosku @curiouslilbeast @cowbeboppy @tsukkaria @yyvveess @kirakirasaku

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[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S3:E3; Chapter Three, The Case Of The Missing Lifeguard - [Pt. 5]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

𝘌𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋&𝘋. 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦.

⚠️: Castle Byers scene. Meaning lots of angst, self destructive thinking, and misguided self punishing

📝: Started making it... had a break down [fr tho]... ¯\_( ツ)_/¯ bon appetite! 👩‍🍳 [edit: told ya 💀]

🔑: underlined and bold means they're talking in Russian

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

Warm rain spits from the angry blanket of clouds, falling through the sky and drenching Mike and Lucas to the bone despite their rain gear. Mud splashed up onto their ankles and drenching their socks as their bikes skid up the Byers driveway. Without a thought, they throw their bikes into the ground before racing up onto Will's porch.

It had taken far longer than they cared to admit to decide to go and find Will. To make things right.

Mike was realizing far too late just how right Will was. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. El had become such an important piece of his life, but he hadnt realized until now just how much he let his feelings screw up all the wonderful things he had in his life to begin with. He missed how things used to be. With the party. With Y/n.

With Will.

All the anger he feels towards himself is channeled into his fist banging on Will's front door.

"Will!" He cries. "Will, I'm sorry, man, alright? I was being a total asshole. I've been a total asshole. Please, can you just come outside and we'll talk?"

No answer but the thundering clouds rolling over their heads. He pounds on the door again.

"Will!"

Lucas hurries to the window, cupping his palms against the glass and peering inside. He knocks on the window, doing his best to peer around the curtains and furniture obscuring his sight.

"Hey, Will! Come on, man! We're sorry!" He knocks again, growing nervous. "Will!"

||𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

'Sorry, man. Curfew,'

'For the last time, Will! No!'

-'What, so I should be locked up all day, too?'

-'Maybe!'

Huffing, I throw the wrinkling comic book into the old mattress. Nothing was working. Nothing was enough to distract me. I was too angry.

I looked down at the withered cover of the comic book I had just thrown, my chest sinking further. Dustin's X-MEN 134, he gave it to me after that night at the hospital.

Thinking about it now, I can't even remember the last time all seven of us hung out as a party. I don't count Dustin's welcome home. Mike and El couldn't be bothered to pretend to care, and Lucas and Max kept ganging up on Dustin. Dustin was understandably upset and not wanting anything to do with us, leaving just me and Y/n. And now, not even her.

How did everything get so messed up?

What was I doing wrong?

I looked around the walls of Castle Byers, a lump forming in my throat. Everywhere I looked, I was painfully reminded of the truth.

My friends don't want me anymore.

I keep telling myself that's bullshit, but the more I do the more it feels like a lie.

They're moving on without me.

Friends don't just forget you, I reasoned. They don't just abandon you.

Then why were they doing just that?

Maybe they weren't my real friends. Friend's don't do what they did.

Everything hurts. I've been telling myself I'm fine, that I'm overreacting but I don't think I am anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tried of feeling like this. I'm tired of being pushed aside, especially when I need them most.

They didn't use to be like this, I tell myself. But somehow that just hurts more.

I had people that cared about me, who were willing to risk their lives to save me. Twice.

And now they don't give me a second thought.

I was shaking now, but I don't think it's from the rain. The storm had finally reached me, seeping through the walls and dampening my clothes and hair.

Another painful realization hits me; Castle Byers looked just like it had the night I built it with Jonathan.

Even though this night was so much like the night Castle Byers was constructed, it couldn't feel more different. More unfamiliar.

My teary eyes find my first D&D manual, propped up against the wooden walls, soaked and forgotten like me. I'm painfully reminded of the night all this started.

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday, and yet it feels light-years away.

'Something is coming. Something hungry for blood.'

《•••》

"What is it?" I ask, edging further off my seat.

This time it's Dustin who cuts in, "What if it's the Demogorgon?"

Oh, great, I think, throwing myself back in my seat with an anxious huff. We're not ready to face a Demogorgon!

Beside me, Y/n draws in an equally anxious breath.

"Oh, Jesus, we're so screwed if it's the Demogorgon." Dustin rambles on.

"It's not the Demogorgon." Lucas says, assuring us all.

《•••》

My eyes trail to one of my favorite drawings; Will The Wise and Y/C/N. The one I had made when Y/n was first constructing her character. The one that hung in my room for so long, always cheering me up. The one that gave my mom the idea to help me communicate my now memories.

The one that Y/n always threatened to steal for her room as often and as recently as her last visit. The memory of her warm touch lingering on my cheeks burned as bright as the blush raging over me that night so long ago.

'Wait a minute... Did you guys hear that?'

《•••》

The anticipated silence in the basement left by Mike grew louder as he leaned in.

"Boom..." His voice grows louder. "Boom," Louder.

"BOOM!" Mike bellows, slamming his hands against the flat surface, rattling the table and all its contents.

The sudden noise was enough to make me and my friends jump, as was the sudden hand grabbing for my own.

All the more startled, I look down to see Y/n's hand grasping my arm like a lifeline. I feel my skin flush, my cheeks surely reddened as I catch her eye. She looked flustered, smiling a small smile before retracting her hand and returning to the game, unknowingly leaving me in a dizzying blush.

•••

"Will, your action!"

"Fireball!" I cry, throwing the dice to the board with a satisfying rattle.

"FOURTEEN!"

My friends erupt into cheers, all around me as we celebrate together.

"BOOM!"

"Direct hit!" Mike cries, beaming proudly at me across the table. "Will the Wise's fireball hits the Thessalhydra!"

Our excited shouts fill the basement, each and every one of us victorious. My smile can't get any wider when I feel Y/n's hands grip my shoulder and begin shaking me excitedly. We both laugh, feeling on top of the world with our cheering friends by our side.

《•••》

Pained, I look away only to find the proof right in front of my eyes. My three favorite pictures; all of them, my friends and me — happy — staring back up at me.

Our photo from the science fair, encased in the popsicle frame Mike had made bearing all of our characters' names along the side. I brought it here, I brought all my favorite pictures here, to Castle Byers — to my safe place — cause that's where I knew I would need their comfort the most.

But as I look at them now, all I feel is bitterness and pain. I'm reminded of just how much everything has changed.

The science fair was a reminder of the good thing I had before that night. Before everything started.

Y/n and me, at the Snow Ball. My arm wrapped around her, the two of us grinning nervously. It wasn't just the night Y/n and I had first kissed, it was also the first night I felt like the Party had gotten bigger. All of us, Max and El included had been happy. Everyone was laughing and getting along, the happiest we had ever been — the strongest. But now I see it was really the beginning of the end.

It had been coming for so long and I didn't even see it.

And Halloween. Last Halloween, everything had been perfect. For just one. Single. Stupid. Moment.

Shakily, I pick up the photo Jonathan had taken of all of us in our costumes. We were all smiling.

We were all happy.

'Who you gonna call?'

《•••》

I beam as I see my friends pulling up, looking just as excited as I felt.

"Ghostbusters!" I finish, watching as they look me over, happily surprised.

"Hey, Spengler!"

"Egon! Looking sharp!" Y/n grinned, pulling me into a quick hug.

"Janine!" I beam. "Venkman!"

《•••》

As I look at it now, my eyes and throat stinging as Mike's voice echoes louder than ever in my mind.

'I mean, what did you think, really?'

What was I thinking?

'That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day, playing games for the rest of our lives?'

How could I have been so naive?

'it's not my fault you can't move on!'

How could I have been so... so...

"Stupid." I tell myself, my voice splitting in my throat. "So stupid!"

My hands trembling violently with rage and my own sobs, I tear the photo in two.

I was stupid. Stupid to believe I was as big of a priority to them as they were to me.

I rip the drawing off the walls, tearing it to pieces.

Stupid to ever think they'd still cared about me.

I rip and tear and crumple up every meaningful piece of them in an act of defiance.

They won't care. I think bitterly. They won't miss these, they probably won't even notice. Not like I would have.

I grab my bat.

How could I be so fucking stupid?!

Why was I hanging on to all this stuff anyway? Why was I clinging so tightly to something that was already gone?

Because I've been stupid. I'm just some stupid kid that won't grow up.

I storm out of the tent.

I'm just some stupid kid who can't grow up. They made that perfectly clear.

I stand in the pouring rain now, heart thundering in my chest as I stare at the piece of my childhood I couldn't let go of.

So. Stupid.

And I start swinging.

I swing and I swing, with an anger and frustration I've never felt so intensely until now. It's been building my whole life and I didn't realize it. Every swing is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever felt. Every slur I've heard from my dad, from Troy, is channeled into the bat. Every ounce of frustration and fear I felt since I came back from the Upside Down that nobody understood. Every laugh, every jeer, every single moment I've felt alone is channeled into the destruction of the one place on this earth I ever felt safe.

But it holds up and in the back of my mind, I hear Jonathan again.

'And it took so long cause you were so bad at hammering'

And I start kicking, and I start ripping the walls apart until it's a crumpled heap and I stop.

The sight of Castle Byers in ruins breaks me even harder.

I didn't want it gone, but I did it anyway. That part of me that was angry at myself, told me to keep going. Cause that's what I deserved for believing things could stay the same even though deep down I knew that wasn't true.

I finally stop when I see the castle in ruins.

Exhausted, I collapse to the ground beside the wreckage.

As I sob, stewing in the pain and overwhelming grief I felt I was drowning in, the rain pours heavily over me, soaking me to the bone.

Just as it had the night it had been built.

And now, Castle Byers was gone.

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

When blue meets yellow in the west.

8:41 pm. It was almost time.

The yellow and blue clock hands were illuminated by a flash of lightning, streaking through the mall's skylight. Starcourt had long since closed, and the real activity was just beginning.

Stationed at the loading docks near the back, standing under the worst storm Hawkins had seen in years were two guards. They watched through the downpour as the scheduled truck backed its way under the concrete cover.

And perched on the roof, just out of sight sat Dustin, Steve, and Robin, scouting from under their rain slickers.

"Look for Imperial Panda and Kauffman Shoes," she reminds them.

Steve wipes away at the rain dripping into his eyes, squinting even further to get a clear picture Dustin already has.

A man in a bright yellow raincoat emerges from a hidden side door, a trolley cart full of packages marked with a familiar insignia.

"They're with that whistling guy!" Dustin says suddenly, motioning out from behind the only pair of binoculars.

"What do you think's in there?" Steve wonders, eyeing the Lynx logo on the back of their many yellow jackets.

"Guns? Bombs?"

"Chemical weapons?" Robin tries.

"Whatever it is," Dustin says, now cautiously studying the heavily armed guards. He had to admit to himself, they really weren't trying very hard not to be obvious. "they're armed to the teeth."

"Great," comes Steve's sarcastic voice, once again rubbing at his eyes, silently wishing he had brought a coat with a hood. "That's great."

A soft clink that would have been obnoxiously loud had it not been for the noise of the storm brings their attention to another guard. Having pressed a glowing button on a small control panel, two large metal doors swung open to reveal another room.

"Hey!" Robin says, squinting through the rain as she tries to get a glimpse without the binoculars. "What's in there?"

"It's just more boxes,"

"Let me check it out," Steve says, grabbing for the binoculars.

Huffing, Dustin fought to keep his grip on the binoculars. "No, I'm still looking!"

"Lemme see it!"

"Hang on!"

Steve's grip had loosened with the slick of rain, sending the binoculars knocking into the cement. The issue had already been forgotten when they saw the guards' attention had been stolen. Simultaneously, the three of them dove to the ground in a panic.

The guards began to pace, grip on their firearms tightening as they gaze out into the night. Seeing nothing but empty roofs and angry skies above them, they unknowingly miss the trio huddled against the roof wall.

Just out of sight to the right of Dustin, Steve and Robin sat panting as they try to calm their racing hearts. Way too close a call. And neither of them had realized what they had done until their eyes landed on their entertained hands. Just as quickly as they notice, they break apart, embarrassed.

Down below, the guards were now on high alert. One of them, unable to shake the feeling of being watched, stalked into the rain with his eyes deadset on an open spot on the roof. He was certain he heard the noise come from that direction.

"Stay here!" He orders to the other. "Watch the door!"

Reluctantly, his partner complies and inches back towards the doors.

When he finally reaches the top of the stairwell, he hesitates only a moment before he throws the roof door open, gun cocked.

But he was met only with steady claps of thunder and an empty roof.

Had he been wrong?

Or had he just missed whoever had been here?

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Clothes drenched, their shoes sloshing underneath their feet like sponges, Steve, Robin, and Dustin slip out from the shadows and make their way throughout the back halls behind the scenes of Starcourt.

"Well, I think we sound your Russians," Robin quips.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Black Trans Travel Fund:

For The Gworls:

"The Black Trans Travel Fund is a grassroots, Black Trans led Collective, providing Black Transgender Women with financial and material resources needed to remove barriers to self-determining and accessing safer travel options"

Trans Women Of Color Collective Fund

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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[villageofroses]

Burning rum

Loki x GenderNeutral!Reader

Angst/Fluff

(Loki is gender fluid so there are she/they/he pronouns in this :D There are no pronouns for Y/N {its written in 2ed person})

ALSO THE LOKI SERIES IS COMING OUT TOMORROW!!

You were doing it again, this always happens. You were currently lying on your couch drinking in your lifeless apartment. It’s become a cycle at this point. Dragging the bottle of burning rum to your lips, to only regret drinking the bitter liquid. You don’t really like alcohol but it was the only thing keeping you grounded, from feeling completely numb. What led you here, honestly you couldn’t say, all you know is you were pulled out of this grim cycle, by this person, you didn’t know how to describe him. They were mysterious but kind, she had mid length raven hair all neatly brushed behind his head, not a single strand seemed to not have a place. A beautifully sculpted face and body fit for a god. His piercing raw green eyes that could melt into the soul of even the most broken person, kind, tender,to give and feel love, but also had a striking sense of pride and greed to them.

You went out for the first time in weeks, and he was there at the back of the bar drinking the most expensive and royal alcohol they served there. You were drawn to them, opting to sit next to her instead of alone at the same bar stool you sat at every time you peeled yourself out of your apartment. He welcomed you even though everyone else pushed you away. He told you his name “Loki” you told him yours “I’m Y\N” you talked while drinking, you were having fun, something you haven’t done in what felt like years. Then disaster struck, your phone started ringing. You apologized and answered, it was your mother. Gods why now. “Hello” you spoke like every other call she started by telling you everything your siblings and cousins have done, then asked you what have you been doing with your life as always this is where you fall short of an answer. This is where it always starts, the yelling. You sere, she only called you to yell at you, tell you now how much she hates you, how much you have messed up, why you did not deserve to be here.

After she finished you just hung up the phone, you would regret it later but you didn’t really care. Maybe you might make it so there isn’t later. You walk back over to Loki sitting down and looking at your glass, it seems more bitter than before. You turn to Loki to apologize and tell him you're going to go home and pay your tab, but before you can get a word out he speaks. “Tell me about what's bothering you Y\N.” After that you broke. You didn’t know why exactly, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the surprise of it all, maybe it was the overwhelming feeling that someone wanted to listen. So the two of you sat there at the grimy table at the old bar and talked. You started off with your mother, explaining the phone call and how she always reminds you how you have messed up. Then your job, or jobs. You have had several in the last year or so. You couldn’t seem to keep one. Right now you are working from your home, a sales marketer, it’s going ok. The job is pretty simple, but since starting it you don’t leave the house much. You just started to ramble on about your life, small things that happen that make you happy or what you wanted to go to school for.

It was getting late, later than you normally stayed out. Normally you would get bored around 9 or 10 and go home to sleep, but currently it’s around midnight and you are out talking to this stranger about how sucky your life has been. It was odd, your body felt exhausted, the alcohol making you head pound, but all you wanted to do is stay. It felt weird, this warm intoxicating feeling about him. You didn’t care what it was, all you wanted was this to last a little longer. The feeling of being wanted. Someone listening to you. You should go home, It’s late. There was a silence between the two of you. You had finished with your pity party and he said nothing. Oh gods you messed up didn’t you. “Thank you for sharing”, he said. He spoke, and thanked you. “Uh, yeah. May I ask, what are you doing here?” “Ahh yes, it’s half hiding from my brother and half boredom,” he replies. “Why are you hiding from your brother?” “I did something a couple of years ago and he still thinks I'm this evil person who can’t be left alone.”Aw man, that sucks, you don’t seem bad.” “really?” “Yeah I’ve met some bad people, you're not like them at all.” you both fall into a silence, like a mutual agreement.

“It’s getting late” you say. “Mmh..” is all you got as a response. Abruptly he stands up and goes over to the bar, probably to pay his tab. You walk over to the bar as well to pay yours, but the worker said yours was already paid. You stood there for a second, then it hit you Loki. You thank the worker and rush outside to try and catch them. You reach outside and look around, alleyways near the bar, main street, corners, crosswalks. He wasn’t there. Defeated, you make your way home. Back to your, now, a little less lifeless apartment.

Time passes, you get back to your normal boring routine, still with the thought of that person you met that night in the bar. 3 weeks, a whole month. You haven’t gone back, what if they were waiting. You should go back tonight, see if she’s there. You go to your closest and pull out half-way decent clothes. Grab your bag, wallet, keys, and other crap you probably don’t need. Walking down the street over to the bar you start to second guess, but there's no going back now. Walking you you start a tab and order your favorite drink and look around, nothing. You knew he wouldn’t be here, you go back over to a bar stool and sit down, might as well finish your drink.

You sit there drinking and listening to all the other people there, people talking, yelling, fighting, flirting, people walking around, people leaving, entering. You don’t look up thought all you want to do is finish your drink and pay, so you can go home and feel stupid by yourself. Then, someone sits next to you, great, another person to see you in your misery. You look to your side and yep just an old guy drinking a beer. You stand up, pay for your drink and leave. Walking down the street really not caring at this point, you bump into someone. “Oh geez I’m sorry” You say to the person, about to walk along. “I thought you would be happier to see me?” the person said. That voice… It was Loki. “Loki, omg I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was you” “It’s fine were you out with someone else you look nice” he said you look nice!? “Oh no, I wasn’t. Actually I was at the bar hoping to see you” ''Oh I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner, well to make up for that you would like to go get dinner. My treat.” “I would love to, but wasn’t paying my tab last time a treat though?” “Mmmh, yeah but what else does someone as beautiful as you deserve.” “Ok, whatever you say.”

[lil-papaya-tifosi]

Masterlist

Word Count: 3777

Summary: Things rarely happen during the night shift, but tonight, it seems like the whole world is ending. Well, only according to my neighbor.

It was a night like any other. After 1am people rarely came into the small shop to get anything, be it food, drinks or other things they found here. Therefore I often had some peace until the end of my shift, which wasn’t until morning at 6 o’clock. It was exactly the same now. I had just said goodbye to the last customer and let myself fall on the small stool that always stood behind the counter. A quick look at the small digital clock next to the cash register told me that it was just after 1. If someone stormed into the store now, the world really had to be ending. And by that I didn’t mean a miniscule storm, but something bigger. Like a nuclear war between Trump and North Korea or the outbreak of the zombie apocalypse.

For a short moment I closed my eyes and enjoyed the silence. As long as you could call the buzzing of the refrigerated counters and the quiet music coming out of the speakers silence. I had become so accustomed to the constant background noises that they almost had a calming effect on me. Every now and then the flickering neon tube above the candy shelf attracted my attention. Not a soul was to be seen far and wide. The view I had from around the heated counters for the baked goods, onto the small side street confirmed this. At this time of day a lone car rarely drove here and if one ever did, then mostly only to avoid the idiotically operated traffic lights of the main streets.

I sat down normally again and dug out my papers to study. I did that almost every night shift I had. One of the reasons why I really couldn’t understand why each of my colleagues avoided the night shift. Unlike during the day, it was always quiet, because exciting things rarely happened during the night shifts. I was almost always able to concentrate on learning, and I hardly ever had to deal with annoying customers or noisy children. Usually they brought up the argument that I could also learn at home and should spend the nights sleeping. But the big difference was that I wasn’t paid at home also I didn’t sleep at home anyways, when I was spending the nights learning. Besides, a student knows no sleep during the Finals week. It’s basically an unwritten law. Thus this argument was also void. Therefore I preferred to be paid for learning. >Okay, let’s have a look.< I thought to myself before I buried my nose in my anatomy book.

The loud ringing of the bell above the shop door, which had been violently torn open, tore me away from my notes. Frightened, I flinched and automatically looked at the small digital clock next to me. The small display showed shortly after 3. At this time there really must have been a nuclear war outside or the zombie apocalypse must have broken out, otherwise I couldn’t explain the heavy steps and heavy breathing, which echoed through the shop. I could hardly see anybody from my position. This was also due to the fact that the heated counter blocked my view of most of the shop. The unknown person seemed to have stopped because the steps had ceased. But now the whirring of one of the refrigerated counters became louder, a sure indicator that he had opened one of the doors. Slowly the situation scared me a little and I hoped that I would not be asked for the entire contents of the cash register in a few seconds. But wasn't there a first time for everything? A very loud >>Fuck! << let me flinch again, the fridge door being slammed in annoyance. Cautiously I got up and peered as well as I could over the shelves, while from the back of the shop an indefinable long strand of curses came floating towards me. So if one really intended to rob me now, whoever it was, was on the completely wrong side of the shop, since all you could find back there was milk in every variation. On the other hand though, if he really intended to steal milk I would definitely worry about the average salary of our society, because milk was really not expensive.

I timidly took a step out of my cover and continued to spy across the shelves. Apart from a black mop of hair I couldn't see anything. Gathering all my courage, I spoke up, not leaving the protection of my counter. >>Can I help you in any way? << Surprisingly, my voice trembled less than I expected. Quite contrary to my hands which were shaking uncontrollably. The black head shot up jerkily and looked over the shelves at me. I resisted my initial instinct to jump behind the counter again to hide and took a step forward to make myself more visible. >>Y/n? << It suddenly came quite confused from the unknown gentleman. My heart was racing now. Although I knew the voice, I couldn’t immediately identify it because of my nervousness. My instinct took over when the stranger came out behind the shelves and let me take another step back behind the desk.

A wave of relief washed over me when I saw who had stormed into the store. >>Jungkook? << I asked just as confused as he was while leaning against the shelf behind me, completely ignoring that I had just successfully knocked over everything on it and exhaled deeply. >>My God you scared me. Can’t you come into a shop like a normal person? << I grumbled at my neighbour and raked my hand through my hair. However, it didn’t seem to interest the black haired guy in any way that he had just almost given me a heart attack, because he came running towards the counter with quick steps and almost threw himself over it to reach for my wrists. A little surprised by the sudden contact I stiffened briefly, but he didn’t even seem to notice that. >>Y/n...I have a problem. A very big problem even. << Almost automatically my eyes wandered to his crotch. So either his problem wasn’t as big as he said or his sweatpants did an extremely good job of hiding it. I felt the heat rising into my cheeks as he put his hand on my cheek and gently stroked it. >>It’s really important that you help me with this, ok? << he spoke now as his eyes wandered over my face. However, his tone of voice irritated me a little. If he really wanted me to suck his dick, he should stop beating around the bush about it.

A snap in front of my face brought me back to reality. I felt my face take on the colour of an overripe tomato. >>I have no time for your thirsty ass because my ass is thirty too. << he exclaimed not making the situation any clearer for my brain. >>For Banana milk! <<< he groaned at me, this time visibly tense. Either he could read my mind or I had just undressed him with my eyes. Since I strongly doubted the former, I had to be satisfied with the latter. Much to my embarrassment. At that moment I wished for nothing more than the ground to open up and devour me. I would even prefer the zombie apocalypse. I would even voluntarily throw myself into Zombietrumps arms and present myself as a willing victim to get out of this embarrassment. A little confused, I blinked at him, while Jungkook moved from one leg to the other. >>Do you still have any in stock or not? << he asked with a little more emphasis and nodded his head towards the fridges. >>What do we still have in stock? << I asked more confused than before and looked at him like a deer in the headlight. >>Banana milk! << he almost yelled now, leaning over the counter even further, if at all possible. In the meantime he had placed his hands on the counter top to support himself a little further while his face was hovering a few centimeters in front of mine, his eyes looking at me insistently.>>Please Y/n...<< his voice was now nothing more than a pleading whisper. With big eyes he looked at me. Under normal circumstances, I would now ask the customer to keep a little more distance, but under my neighbour’s intense stare I couldn’t get a single useful word out. For a few seconds we just stared at each other, while I, for my part, tried to reconnect my tongue to my brain, and him obviously waiting for an answer. Just as I was about to open my mouth again to tell him that if there wasn’t any left the fridge I would have to look in the stockroom, since my brain was thank god already that far, the bell above the shop door distracted me again. Jungkook didn’t move an inch when I tried to look past his extremely muscular, broad form. >>Y/n? << a voice I knew all too well called out. >>Are you there? << I looked back at the black haired one in front of me, who still stared me down with an unaltered forceful gaze. Steps echoed through the store and approached the counter. >>Jimin? << I asked mentally thanking my brain for re- establishing the connection to my vocal chords in time. I was given a relieved breath as an answer. When he finally appeared in my field of vision he stopped abruptly. >>Do you know him Y/n? Is he bothering you? << my fellow student asked anxiously and came a little closer. Typically Jimin.

I had met him during one of my lectures. At that time we had sat next to each other for almost half a year, but none of us had made any attempts to start a conversation. Until the day I had fallen asleep on the table completely knocked out. The two nights before that had been spent with studying only so I had been running exclusively on coffee. Apparently I had complained in my sleep about the curriculum. Jimin, the angel he was, had fortunately woken me up before more people around us could hear my ramblings.

How it became us suddenly going out for a coffee every day after university and then spending the afternoons or evenings together, I hadn't quite figured out yet. Regardless, because I liked him I didn’t worry too much about the how. At some point he had started to visit me at night on my shifts, after he had found out about my job. Most of the times he payed me a visit we used the time to learn together or just to talk a little.

I just pieced together an answer as Jungkook cut me off this time. He whirled around and looked at the blonde. >>No Hyung! Nothing is ok! I have a serious problem! For days I haven't been doing anything else than learning and now the worst of all emergencies has happened: << he took a short break and inhaled deeply. >>I don’t have Banana milk anymore! How am I supposed to study now? << Now I was completely confused >>Wait...you know each other? << I asked no one in particular. Jimin nodded before he looked at Jungkook urgently. >>When was the last time you slept? << he asked, honest worry etched into his features. Jungkook looked at him as if the older one had just suggested a Threesome on the counter. I wouldn’t say no to that, since both men looked extremely good even though it would take a little bit of convincing. >>Is it important when I slept the last time? << he avoided the question. >>I currently have a much bigger problem. I. Don’t. Have. Any. Banana. Milk. Left. << he said and spoke each word accentuated slowly.

Jungkook turned back to me. By now he was looking like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. Jimin’s face, on the other hand, showed a mixture of deep concern and pure amusement. At least he looked exactly like I felt inside. >>I’d have to go to the storeroom to see if we still have any left. << I finally said what I had been trying to say for a good few minutes now. >>Were there no more on the back shelf? << I asked the standard question. Although I was very aware of the fact that he probably wouldn’t be standing here in front of me, begging to get the milk if it was still on the shelf, it was just a habitual question. Now Jungkook looked at me as if I had just told him that I liked Jimin’s unspoken orgy idea.

Looking for help he turned to Jimin who was too busy trying not to laugh. >>Don’t you think I would have disappeared into my study hell long ago if I had found some in that damn refrigerated shelf? << he groaned quite desperately. I bit my lower lip to stifle a smile and shook my head. >>Y/n...please...it’s really important. Otherwise I can’t continue studying and if I don’t study then I fail and if I fail my parents are incredibly disappointed in me because they would have expected something better and if my parents are disappointed in me I don’t know what to do anymore and... << His flood of words was interrupted by Jimin looking at him with his eyebrow raised. >>Now take it down a notch, Kook. You act as if the whole world is going down because of your banana milk. << He only got a sulking Jungkook as an answer. I just nodded silently and quickly disappeared to the back of the store.

In the storeroom I shook my head laughing. He probably just exaggerated the situation. It was a bit amusing what some finals could make out of us poor students.

I quickly managed to find what I was looking for, finishing the trip to the storage room. With the desired milk on my arm I went back to the sales room. Jungkook was running restlessly up and down in the counter area, while Jimin sat relaxed on the counter top typing on his mobile phone. I decided to let my stressed neighbour fidget a little longer and hid behind one of the shelves. A few seconds passed in which Jungkook continued to run up and down until Jimin was fed up with it. >>You look like you’re about to have a complete breakdown and your last resort is this stupid banana milk. << he deadpanned and looked at the black-haired guy over his phone. Jungkook glared at the blonde. >>That’s easy for you to say. I know you’ve already finished your finals. But maybe I should ask Y/n what you look like when you’re close to  them. << he snapped at the older one and I bit my lower lip to avoid giggling. Jungkook wasn't completely wrong. Jimin could look a lot worse when we were close to the finals. To be honest, I’ve never seen a person who could be so stressed over a test like Jimin was. Well, except Jungkook. >>Where do you know each other from? << Jungkook asked changing the subject. He dropped himself cross-legged to the ground. Apparently he had given up trying to demolish the floor. Jimin shrugged. >>She sits next to me in my main lectures. At some point she fell asleep on the table and complained very energetically about the subject matter. I finally woke her up before the whole course heard her tirade of abuse. << Jungkook chuckled quietly. >>And you? << Jimin asked him the counter question. Jungkook leaned back, supporting his weight on his hands. I was able to see his biceps flexing under the short sleeves of his shirt. >>She is my neighbour. << he answered briefly. The only thing that made it clear that the young man was still under tension was his restlessly wobbly leg and his eyes that were continuously darting in the direction I had disappeared before. >>How long does it take her to find this damn milk? << he grumbled, now and stretched out a little hoping to get a better look through the open storage room door. Again Jimin shrugged. >>When was the last time you had sex? << The blonde suddenly asked bluntly. Jungkook looked at him completely stunned and also caught me off guard with the question. Jimin meant his question completely seriously, since no mockery could be found in his voice. Almost synchronously both Jungkook and I raised an eyebrow. >>Honestly, sex is my least concern at the moment. If you haven’t noticed yet, I’ll write my finals next week, haven’t slept for 3 days and live on banana milk and coffee. << Now Jimin also raised an eyebrow. >>As long as you don’t pour the milk into the coffee. << My neighbour remained suspiciously silent for a few seconds. >>Why do you even ask that so bluntly? << he asked after a few seconds and looked critically at Jimin, who only gave a slight chuckle. >>Forgot that I'm a med student? Sex helps to reduce stress and helps to relax. You need both badly. You could also masturbate, because what counts in the end is the orgasm. << The blonde took a dramatic break. Jungkook looked at him a little disparagingly. I, on the other hand, couldn’t resist a grin. It was so incredibly typical for Jimin to come up with ideas like that, even if he was not wrong this time. The endorphins the body released during orgasm really helped with stress relief and relaxation. Jimin continued carefree despite my neighbour being visibly unhappy about the topic. >>But it’s more fun with two people. << he finished and wiggled his eyebrows, a shit-eating grin on his face. My neighbour snorted unamused before reaching into the shelf behind him and threw the first thing he could reach for at Jimin, in this case a chewing gum container. The blonde man caught it with playful ease.

>>I would prefer it if the goods would not get wings. << I finally revealed myself, while it cost me some serious self-control not to laugh out loud. The incredibly annoyed expression on my neighbour’s face turned into a wide beam when he saw the boxes in my arms. >>Before anything breaks here. << I finished my statement and put the boxes on the counter next to Jimin. >>Is that enough? << I turned back to Jungkook who jumped up nodding gleefully. >>You are the best Y/n! << he exclaimed cheerfully and embraced me impetuously. Since I hadn’t expected it, I stiffened reflexively briefly, which he didn’t seem to notice in his euphoria. I couldn’t resist a smile as I wrapped my arms around his narrow waist to return the hug. However, he seemed to see it as a kind of invitation to wrap his arms a little tighter around my form, which only elicited a suffocated sound from me. Classic case of underestimating one’s own strength. A squeak escaped my throat as he suddenly lifted me up just to hug me tighter. A quiet giggle echoed from the counter, which could also have come from me, if my neighbour wasn’t busy squeezing any air left out of my lungs. I had never experienced so much enthusiasm about a few bottles of banana milk.

Instead of just putting me back on the ground, he still kept me firmly pressed against his body. Meanwhile I had put my hands on his upper arms to stabilize myself a little. I could feel his muscles tense under the fabric of his T-shirt. It had not remained hidden to me that the young man was 80% pure muscle, since I had met him too often in the morning, when he was on his way to the gym and I was on the way to my flat. Besides, I really wasn’t blind. Although, feeling the muscles under my fingers was certainly not an unwelcomed experience. >>Thank you! Thank you Y/n. You're saving my finals. << he said. If we were now in one of these cheesy romances he would kiss me now. Also something I wouldn’t complain about. But we weren’t. I became painfully aware of this when he put me back on the floor and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. A little disappointed inside, I went back behind the counter and pushed Jimin, who sulked at me, down without further ado. >>This isn’t a seat you dingus. << I said drily and let the black haired man pay for his banana milk.

Suddenly a strange silence laid over us. We looked at each other a little awkwardly while Jungkook grabbed his boxes. >>I’ll go then...<< he mumbled into the silence and nodded giving us a friendly smile before he left. >>Don’t forget what I told you earlier. << Jimin called after him causing the younger one to turn around. The blonde pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek and made the corresponding hand movement. Jungkook shook his head snorting before he disappeared through the door with a loving >>Fuck you Park! << . Bewildered I looked at my friend and hit him on the arm. >>Not everyone is such a fucking nymphomaniac like you! << I exclaimed outraged and made Jimin burst out laughing. Rolling his eyes, I brought the chewing gum container back to its place, while in the meantime, still giggling quietly, he was roaming through the shop and grabbing some snacks from the shelves. >>I just desperately hope he doesn’t really pour the milk into his coffee. << he said when he came back to me. I shrugged and scanned the things he had put on the counter. >>I don’t think we’ll ever know. << Jimin laughed quietly as I pushed the card reader over to him. >>But during the finals your brain is totally strained, so I wouldn’t be surprised. I don’t have to remind you what you do when you’re stressed, do I? << I teased him a little. The blonde just grumbled as he took the bags. >>See you tomorrow? << he asked before turning to leave. I nodded approvingly. He said goodbye and with that I was alone again. Grinning I looked at the clock. Shortly before 4. I sighed quietly and let myself fall again on my stool behind the heated counter. At least I could still use the last hours for studying.

[ticklikeabomb]

The Language of Limbo - Part 4

Pairing : Chris Evans x Plus Size Reader ; Marvel Cast x Plus Size Reader

Warnings : Language ; Angst ; Mention of drinking

Word Count : 2.7k

You sprinted out to your trailer and ignoring Hemsworth's calls in the process. Once you got inside your safe space, your leaned against the door and let yourself slide down, crying your heart out, a mix of emotions going over you : sadness, disappointment, anger, shame. Your mind kept replaying Rebecca's word on a loop and you lost it completely until you eventually fell asleep on the couch. You were woken up by knocks on your door. You sighed heavily not wanting to face anyone but the person behind the door was persistent. You opened up not bothering in cleaning the traces of your sadness. Elisabeth entered in your trailer and without a word hugged you. A fresh new wave of tears cascaded down your face while she was rubbing your arms in support. "I heard the news, I'm so sorry Y/N." You nodded, hiding yourself from her. "The cast is also worried but wanted to give you some space. They send their regards to you nonetheless", she continued slowly.

You sat down on the couch and took a deep breath before exclaiming, "God this sucks." She sat beside you, comforting you. "It does. I don't know what came over the ones in charge, you were doing so good. I don't understand. Now we have to reshoot the scenes all over again", she told you. "Months of preparation and hard work and I didn't even get the chance to prove myself", you replied with a cracking voice. She grabbed your face and looked into your eyes, "Listen to me Y/N, you are strong and will nail the Shield agent part. I know you will, so show them what they lost." You nodded and hugged her tightly. "Thank you Lizzie." She wiped out the remaining tears and told you that RDJ was hosting another get together for the newbie. "I know it's delicate but it would be good if you were present." You shook your head, "I'm sorry I can't. I won't be able to be there and act like nothing happened. Rebecca, she…", you said but cut short to it. "She what Y/N?", asked Lizzie. "No nothing, it's nothing. I can't go, I'm sorry and besides I have work to do in memorizing the new lines." She nodded in understanding and left. "If you need anything you know where to find me." You thanked her again and saw her leaving.

Meanwhile during RDJ's get together

Just like they did to you, Scarlet and Mackie showed Rebecca around while doing small-talk and trying to get to know her. "I guess you will have to catch on fast on all the fighting moves for the scenes?", remarked Mackie. "Oh I think it will not be so difficult, I'm a fast learner and in good shape, I'm sure I'll know all of it in two days' time", she replied all smiling. "Ohhhkay", replied Mackie slightly taken aback by her assurance. They arrived at Downey Town and the rest of the cast greeted her. Elisabeth put on a her best fake smile while doing so, smile that caught the attention of Rebecca, who saved that expression for her future plans. She asked about the shooting so far and felt particularly intrigued at one of Robert's remarks. "I'm curious how you will top Y/N's chemistry with Chris." She gave him a skeptical look and asked, "What do you mean?" The older actor cleared his throat and replied back with a teasing smirk, "Y/N and Chris are love interests in the movie and their chemistry showed onscreen because it was already flawless offscreen." She scoffed not believing her ears. "Well it's a good thing that she won't play Chris's love interest anymore, since I'm Y/C/N now. I'm not afraid, I like a challenge, if we could call that one." "You seem really confident there?", mumbled Hemsworth from the other end of the table. "I know my strengths and what I want in life. Once there's something I want, I'll do everything I can to obtain it." Some actors nodded, not understanding the whole meaning of her words. "That's a good philosophy", replied Mark with a smile.

After a while, she set her plan in motion. "I don't want to overstep or anything, I mean you've been around her longer than I have but I don't get why you're all praising Y/N so much. I mean, I met her the day they revealed us who was casted and had some time to chat with her and she just seemed extremely rude to me." The cast frowned at her words, not really believing her. "Nonsense, Y/N is one of the sweetest people I know", counterattacked Elisabeth. Rebecca gasped and said, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble or implying anything, it was just my feeling at that moment, the way she talked about some of you and all." The last part caught everyone's attention. "What do you mean 'talked about some of us'?", asked Tom cautiously. She shook her head and said, "You know what? Just forget that I said anything. I don't want any drama or whatever. I just want to be part of this already established family and do good in the movie." The rest of the cast looked around at each other thinking about her words, some not entirely sure if they should believe her since they've spend time with you and saw that you weren't like that. At the same time, some others began to question themselves, because they didn't know you for long.

Elisabeth was fuming, seeing an outsider not only take the place that was rightfully yours but criticize you on top of it. "Thank you Robert for diner. I'm going to bed", she said before abruptly standing up and leaving the table. "She seems upset", said Rebecca with her best sweet voice. "Yeah, she's friends with Y/N. I don't think your little comments from earlier made her happy", announced Jeremy. She bowed her head in fake shame but was mentally smirking. "I'm really sorry it wasn't my attention", she whispered with a cracking voice. "Hey let's not worry about that. Think of it as a new start, focus on your job and everything will go fine", comforted RDJ in a fatherly manner. She nodded and thanked him before excusing herself and call it a night. "I planted the seed, now I'll have to wait until the little bees come and collect their nectar", she mumbled proudly to herself once in her trailer.

It's been a few days since the recasting. You would either stay inside your trailer, hit the gym to let some steam off or spend time at the small cafe around the corner, going over your part in the script. You began shutting everyone out one by one because you were trying to focus on how you wanted to embody the tech agent without turning it into a complete cliché. The more you stepped back the more Rebecca used it against you to get closer to the cast and have them on her side. She began dropping hints here and there about your absence and how antisocial you were.

One day, she took advantage of Elizabeth not being present to criticize you. "It makes me wonder if she really cared hanging out for you or because of how much she could gain in being associated with you", she said once when they were on the lunch break. "Why are you always talking bad about her?", asked Mark slightly annoyed of hearing her complain all the time. She swallowed harshly and put on her best innocent act. "I'm just frustrated. I know she hates me, she has made it clear but it just annoys me that she talks shit about you but when she's in front of you, she acts all friendly and all. Her hypocrisy makes me sick." It was Chris (Evans)'s turn to speak up. "You keep saying that but do you have any prove of it."

She scoffed annoyed before bursting out, "I know she keeps asking questions about your personal life for example, just like a stalker would. You must be blind to not see how smitten she is about you. It doesn't only revolve around you but goes beyond. I was drinking some water after a scene and saw a phone churn on the table. I recognized her phone and a certain Scott Evans was texting her. I suppose it's your brother", she finished. Chris clenched his jaw in anger, not believing you would go that far to get to him. "Is it true? Did you noticed it too?", he asked around him. Some of the actors seemed uncomfortable because it was indeed true that there was a time where you would ask them about Chris and his personal life. "It happened once or twice", revealed Scarlet. Rebecca saw the glimpse of the prominent fracture occur in front of her eyes and pushed it further. "And other things she does. I overheard her once on the phone when I was walking to my trailer, where she was criticizing you Scarlet, saying that she didn't know how people could be so dumb and believe in your talent. She said you were just a body and with no talent behind. It clearly shows how jealous she in fact is. Or when she said how you Mackie should shut the fuck up already because your jokes weren't funny at all", she rambled while pointing at them. "And let me not start with what she said about you Robert." "It's enough, I don't want to hear about it", he replied not interested. The thick air surrounded the cast, Scarlet, Mackie and Chris fuming about what they just heard. Chris stood up angrily and walked away, isolating himself in his own trailer, thinking about what he should do with all these information.

Today was your first scene as the Shield agent. You walked out of the makeup trailer and marched to the set. When you arrived you saw that they were still filming a scene and not just only a scene. THE scene, where Steve and what was supposed to be your character, would share their first kiss. You saw Rebecca launching on Chris's lips and it made you sick. "It was supposed to be me", the thought crossing your mind. You bowed down your head before taking control of your emotions and focus on your part. You left your phone on silence next to your chair and went over your lines one last time. "Y/N? you're up", you heard one of the Russo brothers shout. You stood up, leaving your script and phone on the chair and got in position to shoot your scene. While you were shooting a scene between Mark and RDJ, Chris sat on his own chair who was beside yours. He was taking a gulp of his water when the reflection of the screen beside him caught his attention. It wasn’t his intention to look at it but when he saw his brother's name, he paled.

From Scott Evans : Hey Y/N, how are you? How has it been going regarding Chris?

His blood began to boil and he clenched his jaw in fury. "So it is true", he quietly mumbled to himself. You finished your scene and head back to your seat. You noticed Chris looking angry and frowned. "Everything alright?", you asked him. "We need to talk !", he spat. You were taken aback by his hostility and before you could answer, he stood up and walked away, leaving you dumbfounded. The small altercation didn't go unnoticed by some of the cast and especially Rebecca who was biting on her lip in order to control her grin. "The fuck", you whispered to yourself. You continued your work the best you could but Chris's expression and tone he employed were always on your mind. During breaks, Mackie would make jokes but because you were thinking about the altercation, you wouldn't laugh. "Jeez, apparently some do think my jokes suck and instead of telling it to my face, just prefer to be fake", he said while looking directly at you. You didn't caught the meaning behind his words but it still sting a little to you. The day was over for you and left the others behind who still had two scenes to shoot.

Elizabeth approached Mackie and asked him what was his comment about. "Nothing, forget about it", he just replied before turning around and rolling his eyes at her for defending you. She walked to Scarlet with a frown and the blond actress asked her what was going on. "I don't know, I feel like everyone is just being cold with Y/N and I have no idea why", mumbled Lizzie. Scarlet cleared her voice before commenting, "I don't know, maybe Y/N isn't who she pretends to be." To that, Lizzie looked at Scarlet in the eyes and with an annoyed expression, "What is that supposed to mean?" Scarlet sighed not really in the mood but eventually told Lizzie what was going on. "That's why we're keeping our distances. Chris found out today that she's indeed in contact with his brother and that the main topic of conversation was Chris." Lizzie gasped not believing her words. "Come on Elizabeth we know you're friends but you're not that close. You've worked together, what, 5 years ago. People change and besides it's not like it's a close friend of yours. She might be using you too", declared Scarlet. Lizzie was lost, not knowing who to believe in. It was indeed true that you weren't that close. If it wasn't for Aaron she probably wouldn't even know you but still she found it hard to believe.

You were finishing putting on your clothes when harsh knocks were heard on your door. You quickly buttoned your jeans and put on your sneakers before opening the door and seeing Chris stand in front of you. "Can I come in?", he asked with a firm voice. "Ehm sure", you replied with a frown. The air was thick and uncomfortable. "So what do you wanted to talk about?", you asked. He sighed before looking angrily at you. "I don't know why you've been asking around about me but I don't like when people put their nose where they don't belong, especially if it involves my family." Your mouth opened in shock and your face was burning in shame. "Wha-what?", you whispered. "I know you've been texting my brother about me and I also know you've got a thing for me." He walked closer and you took a step back, the movement making him stop. He took a deep breath before declaring, "You and me. It's never gonna happen, so stop stalking me. Don't talk to me ever again and stay away from my family !" You stood there in shock and felt the silent tears sliding down your face. "Get out", you whispered. "What did you say?", he asked. You gulp harshly, "Get out ! GET OUT ! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TRAILER"!, you shouted in despair, pushing him out. His eyes went wide and he almost tripped while exiting. You smashed the door on his face and felt on the ground, crying, deeply hurt by his words. Mason who was on his way to your trailer, saw you pushing Chris out of your trailer, a crying mess and he had to control himself to not launch on him and punch him in the face. He followed Chris until he was out of sight and his eyes landed on Rebecca who was hiding in a corner, smiling proudly. He promised himself to dig into it and have an eye on the one he immediately felt a bad connection with.

You took your phone, wrote Scott a small and vague message before deleting his number. You cleaned your face and got out, heading to the cornerstone. Once you arrived at the aisle you were looking for your gaze fixed for a long minute the bottle of whiskey in front of you. You grabbed two bottles along a bag of chips, so that the cashier wouldn't find it suspicious. You payed him and grabbed the bag before quickly heading back to your trailer. You took the groceries out and opened the first bottle, taking a large gulp from it. Burning your throat, the liquor gave you the comfort you needed. You kept on drinking until you couldn't stand on your feet. You opened the second bottle and drank from it until it was half empty before passing out on the floor.

* gifs not mine, credit to owner*

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[lnr1625]

Not Easy To Forget

Character: Bucky Barnes 

Prompt: “If I don’t make it out of here, remember I love you”

Warnings: Mentions of death

Summary: Bucky makes a friend while struggling to adjust to modern life, but after a while, he wants to be more. 

Word Count: 5.1K

A/N: This is for @hollandroos 15K, congratulations! Also, This isn't heavily edited so I'm incredibly sorry for the grammatical errors. 

Bucky wanted to kick a wall when he couldn't find his tie on Saturday morning. He had made sure the night before that he laid his suit, the one Steve had made him get a few weeks back, out on the chair that lay opposite of his bed. The man double, triple checked that every part of the suit was laid out last night before he went to sleep. Yet here he was getting ready in the morning, but with no tie to complete his look. Today was important, he had more crucial things to be worried about than a disappearing tie. So after a look around his room once more, with still no results, he decided to just grab a tie from Steve.

Bucky made his way over to Steve's room knocking first to make sure Steve wasn't there. He quickly moved through the room, grabbing a black tie, right on top before looking in Steve's full body mirror and watched himself as he rather quickly did his tie, making the suit come together. Lucky the practice of tying a tie hasn't changed in the last 70 years and his metal arm had surprisingly nimble fingers. Once Bucky was done with his suit he took one look in the mirror giving himself a once over and flattening his jacket before looking to his face. His hair as tame as he could get it. But his eyes with deep bags under them, stubble still would have been present on his face had today not be enough motivation to do a clean shave. Bucky hadn’t been sleeping well recently, actually, he had not slept well since he had started trying to adjust to the modern world. As Bucky took one final look in the mirror, seemingly debating internally with himself before he headed out the door, locking it on his way out, thankful that his best friend wasn't home to ask him about his whereabouts. Bucky loved Steve with his whole heart, they were as close as family. But Bucky had been having a rather hard time adjusting to the modern world so fast, especially after everything he went through. There were so many changes to have to get used too, from technology to mannerisms and everything in between. Steve, was nothing but supportive through the whole thing, concerned for Bucky's wellbeing and mental state. This could get a little annoying, being treated like a broken toy, despite Steven well-meaning intentions. So sometimes Bucky would need to get away. Think on his own. Walking was always a good way to do that. So walking tended to be a regular thing for him. Multiple times a day, some days. Especially at the beginning.   And walking is where he met her. Y/N. Bucky had met the girl only a couple months after Bucky had regained his memory and started living with Steve.  At the time Bucky was not doing much else than just learning how to adjust, no boxing, no work, no travel. He had to go to a therapy session every week with a S.H.I.E.L.D therapist that got him nowhere. Early on in this process walks were constant. A handful every day to escape all the information that was being shoved on him so fast. Walks were a good way to take in nature. Something that hadn’t changed very much in the last 100 years, other than the fact there was just less of it in the world, which was an upsetting realization. However, there was still plenty to take in on the outside world as well as nature, Taller buildings, faster cars, New, more revealing clothes. He was never bored on his walks. Bucky had in deep thought about these things on the day he met Y/N and didn't seem to realize that his wallet fell out of his jacket pocket. Bucky assumed that she had seen it drop and, was a decent human being because she stopped him to give it back to him. “Excuse me, Sir, you dropped this” She called to him. Taking the soldier out of his thoughts and turn around to see where the voice was coming from. She came up to him and gave him back his wallet which he thanked her for doing. Bucky had assumed that was going to be the end of the conversation and so he turned to walk away. But he barely made a step before she had other ideas, and to this day Bucky was very glad she did. “Are you new here?” She asked, In a semi-quiet voice, as if she didn't mean for the words to come out. Bucky was surprised. With his intimidating demeanor, single friend, and lack of knowledge of the current world Bucky didn't exactly get the chance to work on his small talk. But here, was a woman, willing to talk to him, who knew nothing about him, a person wouldn't treat him like a bomb that's about to explode. Normal conversation was something  Bucky desperately wanted for once. So after some internal debate eventually, he convinced himself that talking to this random girl might be good for him. “Yeah, you could say that” He shrugged. With a hollow laugh. He watched her face as a small smile of excitement grew. Making Bucky's chest well. A feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. Suddenly he wanted to keep talking to her, he wanted to know what else would make her get excited. “I've lived here my whole life, so if you wanted I could show you some good spots to go when you wanna be alone… Unless that's creepy… then I'll just shut up and keep walking” she spoke going beat red in the face and rubbing the back of her neck. No longer making eye contact with the man. Bucky could tell that this girl didn't have a habit of talking to strangers and so he couldn't help but wonder, what about him made him approachable? But despite his question, he appreciated that she was also nervous to be talking and so he tried his best to calm her down. “That sounds like a pretty good deal to me. What would I owe you?” He asked with a small smirk, confidence growing in him as he remembered how back before the war he was rather good with girls. Her eyes lifted to meet his, the embarrassment that once filled them, started to go away and was instead replaced with shock and eagerness. “Just good conversation” She smiled at him. And that's how it started. Bucky and Y/N’s relationship, and from that day their relationship quickly grew. They met up a few days later and went on a rather long walk with her pointing out different landmarks, both famous ones and other ones that just meant something to her. She asked him questions and he would keep his answers vague, not wanting to unload his heavy baggage on her and scaring her away, as he enjoyed her company way more than he was willing to admit. In return, Bucky would ask her questions and she was usually much more detailed with her answers, oftentimes rambling too long, caught up in a memory or other, and then apologizing. But Bucky didn't mind when she talked, he liked that she was willing to talk because he was a rather quiet person, especially since his years of brainwash. Apparently, she enjoyed his company as well because when the walk was over she quickly blurted out that she'd like to do it again. And so for weeks every Saturday, they’d meet, walk, and talk. He found out that she works as a Chemistry teacher at Midtown School of Science and Technology. She has two older brothers and a younger sister. She loves watching movies and traveling with her family and friends. He found out more than he ever thought he would but never once was he bothered by her. After weeks of there Saturday walks, she asked him if he would want to go get lunch with her. It was at that lunch they exchanged numbers, Bucky kept it to himself that she was now the second number in the phone and probably going to be the only other number in the phone, ever, but he was okay with that.

Months of walks had ensued, only ever being canceled for rain, and if that was the case then the two would meet up for dinner or another indoor activity.   He hadn't felt, what he was feeling for Y/N in seventy years, and it wasn't a feeling Bucky thought he was gonna ever be capable of feeling again. But here it was, the warm feeling in his chest every time she smiled. The smile that grew on his face out of pure joy every time she laughed. Wanting to be around her all the time. To protect her, despite the fact that she lived about the safest life that he had seen. The need to keep her happy. Seeing her only once a week grew to be hard. It didn't help that Bucky never told Steve about Y/N and so he couldn't talk about this amazing girl, his feelings toward her to anyone, and it was killer, however, he reminded himself that the reason he kept his relationship with the girl a secret because he wanted one singular part of his life to himself, he didn't want Steve to worry about a relationship that might not even last. Bucky assumed that Steve had his suspicions about why Bucky would leave and come back in a rather happier mood than when he left. But Bucky respected that Steve never dug too deep into it. Without realizing it, Y/N also did a great deal with helping Bucky adjust better to modern life, never making fun of him for not knowing something. He could listen to her for hours rant about some new science article she was reading, or a lab she had planned for her AP Chem class. Even if Bucky didn't really know what she was talking about he loved to hear the passion in her voice and would urge her to keep going even if she felt she was boring him. One week, he remembered, was bad. He was getting frustrated, with Steve but couldn't say anything because he knew Steve was just trying to help. So without being mean, he said he was going out. But as soon as he was out of the apartment he called up Y/N asking if they could meet up. Needing to talk to someone about trivial things. That was the first time he had been to her apartment and learned that she wasn’t the best cook, but she liked to bake. It wasn’t very long after that when Bucky thought he was going to lose her. When he grew up enough courage to tell her who he was. He had decided that he had strong feelings for the girl and didn’t want, whatever it is that they had to be ruined later by her running scared of him and his past. However, when he came clean, told her about himself. It was as if he hadn't just revealed one of the biggest secrets in the world to her. All Y/N did was shrug and claim that she ‘Kinda knew’. Which left Bucky almost dumbfounded. “Wait, what?” Has asked shocked that she had responded so casually. “Buck, you have a metal arm, that’s hard to miss if you think I didn't notice that at some point, despite your constant attempts to hide it, then you must think I'm dense. You keep Your answers rather short, you don't know a whole lot about how society works….” She smiled. Taking a pause and rubbing her hands together nervously, as if she wasn't sure if she had crossed a line or not as Bucky was not exactly the easiest person to read. But she couldn't seem to stop herself from finishing her thoughts.

“Plus, I saw your face a few months back in the Captain America exhibit in the Smithsonian, and your face isn't easy to forget” Bucky had wanted to be offended by her explanation, but he couldn't be. He had honestly more relieved that she wasn't attempting to leave or ‘ghost’ him  (A term he had learned the previous week from Y/N) He should have realized that he couldn't hide the obvious stuff from her like his arm, or his museum presence. A small part of the back of his mind at the time was a little concerned that his story was in an exhibit, but that was a concern for a different day. At the moment he was more focused on Y/N.    He looked at her curiously. He used to be a Russian assassin, who's killed more people than he even knew. He was brainwashed and a danger to society according to, well everyone, why wasn’t she running scared? Or did she not know about that specific part of him? “You’ve never said anything” He eventually came up with, not knowing where to take the conversation from there. “I figured you’d tell me when you're comfortable. I’m not one to need immediate answers, we all go through stuff, you, way more than most. I’m not gonna bring up stuff that you don’t want to talk about” She explained, looking at him straight in the eyes so he could see how serious she was. Her explanation put a smile on his face at how innocently sweet she was. He couldn't help but wonder if she was like this around everyone or just him?   “You’re not terrified of me?” He asked. Smile dropping.   “Terrified? What reason have you given me to be terrified?” She asked, seemingly genuinely confused at Bucky's questions “Everything I’ve done” he responded, tearing his eyes away from hers in embarrassment. Someone like him, should not be with her. She deserved better than a monster like him. “I don’t know that side of you Buck, I got to know you before I figured out your super side. And what I got to know was this kind, sweet and caring man. To me, that's what you are, nothing else, until you show me something else.” He didn’t think it was possible but everything he felt towards the women had grown tenfold. So on that days walk, for the first time, Bucky did most of the talking. Indulging into his life story. Skipping over the parts he didn’t want to talk about. Y/N not seeming to mind at all. He started off with his childhood. Basically anything pre-war. The good stuff. Many of it memories Bucky had stopped himself from thinking about since he got them back. She invited him over for dinner. And Buck continued talking into the late hours of the night. He talked until Y/N fell asleep on her couch. She was the first person that Buck told almost everything too. More than he told SHIELD, more than he told the other Avengers. The only person who knew as much as Y/N now was Steve. The two had had their friendship for 6 months when Bucky finally decided that he couldn’t ignore these feelings any longer. He was going to ask her on a date. An official date. They were on there Saturday walk and at the end is when he had built up the courage to ask her. “Hey, Y/N… I was wondering if you'd wanna go on a date...with me tomorrow night?” He asked. “A date? Haven't we been on dates?” She asked-head cocked to the side. “No, I mean an official date where I ask you, and pick you up while being fancily dressed and we go to dinner and then another activity” He tried again, still with confidence in his voice. “Why the formal asking?” She blushed, giving Bucky the sign that maybe she had similar feelings that he did. “Because I enjoy being around you. You’ve helped me in more than I could even fathom and over these six months, I've had feelings, that I never thought I was going to get to feel again. I’ve decided that I want to act on those feelings and for you and me to have a real relationship. And I don’t know how these things have changed in the last 70 years but usually, a date is the first step in that direction” He rambled, trying to sum up all the reasons he wanted to date her, call her his girlfriend.   There was a single beat of silence, enough to think that maybe she was going to turn him down. “I would love to go on a real date with you Bucky. But I have a single request” she giggled. Bucky wanted to jump up and down in excitement like a little kid. His heart swelled and all he wanted to do was pick up the girl and spin her in a circle. But instead, he contained himself and nodded his head, telling her to go ahead with her request. “We have to set the date after I get back from this weekend” “Where are you going this weekend?” He had been waiting months for a real date, he didn't mind pushing it back a few more days and he hoped that his question did not come off as angry. “I have to go give a speech at a conference,” she said in an annoying tone while rolling her eyes. “How’d you get dragged into that?” He chuckled at her reaction, she wasn't normally one to get annoyed about anything, so this was rather foreign for him. “Apparently it’s ‘highly recommend’ when you have the best AP Chem scores in the state. It makes the school look good...I act annoyed but honestly I don’t really mind” she shrugged as she shoved her hands in her pockets. “Well that sounds thrilling” the sarcastic words left his mouth. Causing the girl to lightly slap his real arm. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s the most dangerous thing a person like me could do.” She spoke with a sense of fake seriousness in her voice. “I bet. Not like you’re talking to a person who’s been on more life-threatening missions then you could imagine” Bucky smiled enjoying the girl's enthusiasm and the fact that he was getting to the point where he could openly and jokingly talk about his past. “How dare you mock my dangerous task. You don’t know what I’ll be facing.” She claimed in a dramatic voice as if she was going on a secret mission. Bucky opened his mouth to give another sarcastic response but was cut off. “No, don’t speak…. Bucky, if I don’t make it out of there. Remember I love you” she joked with him. Bucky knew the words were only friendly but he couldn’t stop the warm feeling that filled his chest.   That was the last real thing she has said to him, other than the goodbyes before she left for her conference. The last conversation the two had shared. The last conversation the two were ever going to share.   As Bucky straightens his tie. He wiped away the tears in his eyes. Took a deep breath thinking about there last conversation. A conversation he could no longer find amusing as those last words were filled with unknown irony. Bucky looked at the little sheet of paper in his hand checking to make sure the address was right. RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCH. He knew he was in the right place as he watched the numerous amounts of people walk into the building, all in black tie dress. Bucky couldn't help but let out a little chuckle at the venue. Bucky knew through there time spent together that Y/N wasn't particularly religious despite the fact that her family was. He couldn't help but think she wouldn't like this. All the attention is on her, especially in a church setting. As he walked inside and saw the setup. The picture, the flowers, the casket. His body had physically stopped moving, he fought back the tears that wanted to come out. It really had happened, sure he heard about, and read about it, cried about it. He thought he had accepted what happened, but being here. Seeing what was in front of him. It all became real, there was no way to convince himself otherwise. It made him want to vomit. It had been a car accident. On the way home from her conference, her uber had slid on some ice and flipped killing both the driver and Y/N. Bucky only found out about it because of the local news. The funeral had been mentioned in the newspaper and Bucky knew he had to go. Even if he wouldn't know anyone else or get to speak about how much she meant to him. If there were even words to do so. He had to go to make sure it was real. So here he was, looking at the casket of the girl whom he loved. The girl who meant everything to him. Now she was gone, and for the first time since he found out, Bucky realized that he really wasn't okay, the more real it started to feel, the more he wanted to leave. She was his rock that kept him tied down. What was he supposed to do now without her here? Bucky, forced himself to look anywhere but her. First for a seat, which he decided should be in the back of the church as he figured there were probably more important people that wanted to sit up close. Then he forced his eyes to look at the people who came to mourn Y/N. Bucky didn't know what to expect, she was the perfect person, why wouldn't there be a million people at her funeral? But yet the copious amounts of people that had shown up still really threw Bucky for a loop. Young kids, a lot of teenagers, who Bucky assumed were Y/N students and by the sounds of it even some of the more troublesome kids had shown up for the teacher. Adults her age, older adults, senior citizens. Bucky then set the task to try and figure out who her family was before the funeral started. The ceremony was nice. Y/N was talked about and celebrated, as she should have been. Lots of people gave speeches talking about her many accomplishments and community service.  Bucky almost fell out of place, like he shouldn't be there.  Sure he knew a ton about her. But no one knew about them, no one knew who he was. Bucky was never around for the important parts of her life. Sure he had heard about them, but he was never around for them. He wanted to be though. He wanted to be her significant other and meet her family, and be an important person in her life. He even had a plan to do so. But apparently, the two weren't meant to be as Y/N lay dead in a casket not 30 feet away from where the soldier sat. Once the ceremony was over everyone shuffled out of the church, ready to walk to the cemetery where Y/N would be buried. The only sounds were the shuffling of people and murmured voices as they made there way out of the church. Bucky waiting until closer to the end. He kept waiting for anyone to ask who he was, but it seemed that no one even gave him a second glance. Other than one of the teenagers who stood behind the pack of his classmates. Short with brown hair, couldn't be older than 15. He was standing with what seemed to be a friend. But as they carried on there conversation and walked past Bucky, the kid gave a second glance to the super soldier, as if the kid knew who Bucky was. But quickly the kid turned back and walked out of the building. As they all stood around the grave, Bucky near the back again, some more people spoke as before the casket was closed, Bucky decided not to look, he couldn't. He didn't want his beautiful memory of her to be tarnished by what she looked like dead. As she was lowered into the ground Bucky could no longer hold back his tears. The only person he thought he would ever care for, was dead, leaving him alone in this world, again. Why did this keep happening to him? The process of getting her buried was tedious, it felt like a lifetime. He knew it was selfish but he was waiting for everyone to leave so he could be alone with her like they always had been. Eventually, little by little, everyone trickled away, most of them to go to the reception, a few stayed to speak to the woman's grave. Bucky kept his distance, not wanting to seem out of place. Finally, there was just two left. Bucky, and the kid that caught his eye earlier. The kid wasn't talking to her grave, he was just staring with wet eyes. Bucky decided it was okay to finally walk up to the burial site. Next to the kid, but a safe distance away. “Was she a good teacher?” He asked the kid in a quiet voice. “The absolute best, you couldn't find anyone better” He immediately responded. “Are you just saying that because she's gone?” Bucky asked, hoping the kid didn't mind his bluntness. The kid didn't seem too. “No, Obviously you knew her. Do you think she would be a bad teacher?” He shot back. This question threw Bucky off, but not in a bad way. He appreciated the boy's wit. With a small smirk, he responded back. “No, I think she would have been a great teacher.” “She cared about us. Checked in on us. Would give the best, most inspiring speeches you've ever heard.  You couldn't pay attention to her you know? She was passionate about what she taught, and have you ever taken chemistry? It's not something that easy to get passionate about. But on top of that, she took the time to learn ways to get all of us passionate about the subject. I've known her a long time and of all the people in the world. She definitely didn't deserve this.” The boy spoke, tears escaping his eyes. Even Bucky could tell that Y/N was more than just a teacher to him. Bucky loved that Y/N affected all these people in such a good way. It wasn't just him, apparently, she was like this with everyone, and he was beyond glad because it means everyone got to see the best parts of her. Bucky just nodded his head. Not a word needed to be spoken between them, just mutual understanding as both their eyes stayed glued to the grave. “How did you know her?” The kid spoke, as he seemed to get through his processing, his eyes glancing up to the soldier, but not without taking a second glance at where his metal arm would be, had it not been covered by a coat and hand in the coat pocket. Bucky brushed the look off, telling himself it was just coincidence. “She was a... “ He started to say but stopped when he couldn't find the right words. There was no one word to describe who Y/N was to Bucky. She was his everything, but he knew he couldn't use that word. He wanted to say girlfriend, but that would have been inaccurate. “She was a really good friend” He settled on, wanting to cringe as he knew that description wasn't correct. The kid nodded. Eyes trailing back to the grave one more time. “Well, I've seen you waiting for a long time, I assume to be alone with her, so I'll go talk to my uncle and leave you two alone,” The boy said before turning and walking away from the grave. Bucky turned his head slightly to watch the kid walk away, confused about what he meant by talking to his uncle, there was no one else around. but as soon as he was out of hearing distance, Bucky forgot about the kid completely before turning back to Y/N. He stood in silence, just staring for the longest time, not knowing what to say. “You know, out of all the scenarios I ran through in my head about how we could have played out... Us dating, maybe getting married, breaking up, you run like hell after you found out the truth about me… Even the possibility of me dying came up. But out of everything, I sat in bed and thought about at night, you dying on me, was never one of them because you lived such a safe life. I'm sorry this happened. If I could trade us out, I would in a heartbeat, you deserved better. So, so much better. I'm sorry…. I'm so so sorry” When the words stopped pouring out of his mouth. Bucky then realized he was crying as the tears slipped down his cheeks and suddenly it became incredibly hard to breathe. Within a few seconds, he was sobbing on his knees, hand covering his mouth. Unable to keep anything in any longer. Finally accepting the fact that she was gone. Those were the only words he spoke too her. Yet, he stayed by her grave for hours on end. Trying so hard to come to terms with what happened crying stopping for only a few minutes, before starting up again in a never-ending cycle. It was when day turned to night, and the temperature dropped to below freezing, did Bucky even consider leaving. Even then it took him another few hours to even move. Eyes glued on the flowers stacked high on the pile of dirt that covered the women who held his heart. Only when Steve had called him, did he decide to actually go, taking everything he had to look away from the gravestone, and walk away from his love and head back home? No looking up, not feeling anything. He stood outside his and Steve's apartment door for minutes, not ready to face a million questions that Steve was gonna ask him out of concern. Eventually, he decided that he had to go in at some point and so his ripped off the band-aid and walked in. “Where have you been all day?” Steve asked from the couch. “What are you an overprotective parent?” Bucky smiled at his best friend. This caused Steve to break his concerned look, instead of giving Bucky a smile that took him back to the 1940s. When times were simpler. “I just get worried is all” He admitted throwing his hands in the air. “I'm good… I was… Just visiting an old friends grave” Bucky confessed to Steve. Memories of the girl, and what had happened to flood back into him. Causing him to let out a heavy sigh. Bucky watched as Steves' face fell again. Memories of his own flooding into his eyes. There was a silence in the air as the two were trapped in their own thoughts for a while. Bucky getting changed and joining Steve on the couch. Head threw up to the ceiling. “Hey, do you wanna bring me to the gym with you this week?” Bucky asks out suddenly. “The gym, I thought you were done with all that,” Steve said giving a questioning glance to his best friend. “I thought I wanted to be, but I need something to occupy my times, and I think I'm done with walks for a while… There's nothing there for me anymore.”

[taenamseok]

Small droplets ping against the metal bucket that sits in the middle of my living room, slowly filling it up. The landlord refuses to fix the leak in my roof, saying it'd be too expensive. I don't mind it though. Some may think my apartment isn't the greatest. The lack of insulation making it slightly difficult in the winter, but I'm not bothered. I keep many thick blankets in my house, so when it gets cold, I get to bundle up in them to stay warm. I also have a large window in my kitchen that faces the street. This is where I sit, watching the rain pour down outside, splashing on the pavement. Few people pass by, their colorful umbrellas adding beauty to the dull grey surroundings. I think of the water, how far it must've travelled just to fall onto my street. The rivers and oceans it must've flown through, the wonders it could've touched.

Life is beautiful

I carry my mother's frail body from the couch to her bed, empty bottles clinking as my foot bumps them. I've been doing this since I was fifteen. My father was gone before I was born, and my mother hadn't taken it well, drowning in alcohol. I've never once seen her sober. Through my childhood, I didn't even see her that much. She worked so many jobs to keep us alive, she was rarely home. Whenever she was home, she yelled at me or hit me whenever she looked at me, saying I looked too much like my father. I always hid in the closet with a flashlight, reading books that I got from the school library. My love of literature has only grown since. As I lay her down, she groans, rolling over to face me. "Namjoon..." she whispers. "You're such a disappointment." Those are her last words before she slips into a deep slumber. I kiss her on the cheek before I leave, stepping into the warm sunshine. Being able to walk out of there, no longer trapped in her clutches is the best feeling. I am free, able to do whatever I want.

Life is beautiful.

As I sit here, surrounded by my sobbing family members, I stare at the closed casket containing my grandfather. They lower it down into the ground, and my grandmother screams, sobbing into my uncle's chest. I've kept it together for so long, not letting go of my emotions. Her wails cause a single tear to roll down my cheek, her heartbreak causing my own pain. My grandfather was a great man. Out of all my family members, he was the only one that actually seemed like he cared about me. He would give me old books, read me to sleep whenever I went to their house because my mother got into trouble, he even taught me English to broden my horizons, being able to read more wonderful books. As the funeral ends, I walk through the graveyard, thinking back on fond memories. As I walk, I spot a small sapling protruding from the ground. I kneel down to examine it, and I smile. One life is taken, one is started. This sapling will grow into a strong tree, and I will come visit it, as a memorial for my grandfather.

Life is beautiful.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kim, I don't know how to say this." The doctor says, looking over his clipboard. I sit across from him, wondering what he's reading. "The tumor has grown to a size that would be impossible to operate on. I'm so sorry, you have maybe a year at most." He says. I let his words sink in. I thank him and shake his hand before exiting the hospital. I walk over the bridge with my hands in my pockets. A year at most. At twenty five, I'll be gone. It wasn't long, but it was good. I sit down on my favorite park bench, watching people pass by. I spot a young couple sat on a blanket, having a picnic together. They look so happy, laughing and smiling at each other. Love radiates off of them, and I smile, their happiness warming my heart. What a wonderful feeling that must be, being loved by someone, loving them.

Life is beautiful.

I sit in the small diner, chatter from it's regular occupants reverberating off the walls. I sip my coffee as the waitress cleans the bar around me. I've been coming here for years, the aesthetic relaxing me. As I look around, I see a new face. A young woman tucked into a corner booth, resting her head on her hand as she pokes at her food with a fork. She looks out the window, a small smile tugging at her lips as a dog on a leash passes by. She licks her chapped lips as she turns back to her food, yawning as she rubs her eyes.

She is beautiful.

I start to come to the diner more often, and she's there most of the time. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she just has a coffee and reads. It took three weeks to gather the courage to talk to her. I sit down at her booth, and her eyebrows raise. "Can I help you?" She asks. Today was a coffee and reading day, and I notice the title of her book. "Les Miserablés. That's a great read." I smile. "You've read it?" She asks, shifting in her seat. "I read it three times." I reply. "Isn't it amazing? The structure is phenomenal, and the description, the imagery, just, incredible." She rambles. She seems so happy. It's great to see a genuine smile on her typically somber face. We sit for hours talking about our favorite books. Her voice is so soft and sweet, I feel like I could listen to it every second of every day. Sooner than I expected, the waitress came to tell us it was closing time. We nod, standing up so she could clean the table. We stand outside, saying our goodbyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." I say, not wanting her to leave. "It's Y/N." She smiles, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She is beautiful.

We start seeing each other more. Instead of just the diner, we see each other at our houses, go out together, we even had a picnic together. I've never been so happy in my life. She's told me her past, how her parents abused her and kicked her out of the house at only fifteen, how she had to drop out of school to work full time to support herself. Through all she hardships she's faced, she still came out strong with a positive outlook on life. Through the darkness, she always saw the light, and focused on that, no matter how dim it was. I admire her for that. She's like me. Even with all the negativity in the world, there is always something positive, and she understands that. She is brave and sweet and caring.

She is beautiful.

She loves me. It took a month, but I finally told her how I felt, and she feels the same way. "I love you, Kim Namjoon." She said that. I kissed her too. Her lips were so soft against mine, like a rose. I want to be with her forever. However, I don't have forever. I told her about my tumor. She cried, and I apologized for making her sad. I never want to see her sad. I held her in my arms as she cried into my chest. Seeing her so upset hurts, and I make her look at me as I wipe her tears. "Y/N, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted that. I couldn't help myself that day. I shouldn't have wrapped you into all of this but I did. I'm so sorry." I tell her, a tear streaming down my cheek. She reaches up, holding my hands and placing a small kiss on my palm. "Namjoon, I want to stay with you until it's time. I will be with you until the end. I love you and I will never leave you." She says. I hug her tightly, shaking slightly as I cry silently.

Her words are beautiful.

These past months have been the best of my life. Every time I see her my heart warms up, my smile never fades. Knowing she still loves me makes the last year of my life worth while. I've learned everything about her, and the more I learned, the deeper I fell in love. After a few months she wanted me to move in with her, so I did. being able to hold her in my arms every night is the best feeling. She's treated me amazing, and I've given her the same treatment. I want to prove to her as much as I can how much I care about her. I can tell that everything is taking a toll on her. Even though she is drained, she still shows that she loves me. I don't want to leave her.

She is beautiful.

She brought me to the hospital. My head hurts so bad, I collapsed yesterday. I have a feeling today is the day. It's too soon. There's still so I wanted to do with her. I wanted to marry her, have a family with her, grow old together. She holds my hand as I lay in the hospital bed. She hasn't left since she brought me here. "Y/N, you need to eat something. Please, go to the cafeteria and get something." I beg her. "No. I'm not leaving your side. I promised you, until the very end." She insists. I smile sadly at her, and rub her hand softly. This woman has given me the best year of my life. I'm so lucky. "Tell me something beautiful." I request. She thinks for a moment, smiling when she gets an idea. "Do you remember the day we met? How windy it was out? The trees looked so beautiful swaying in the breeze, the leaves drifting through the air." She describes. "That picnic we had next to your grandfather's tree. The lilies we left there for him. I'm sorry, I must be doing a terrible job at this." She sniffles. "No, you're doing an amazing job. Please, keep going." I asks. She nods, and thinks again. "That night we were in the park, and it started to rain, and instead of running like everyone else, we splashed in puddles, danced, and sat and watched the droplets fall. The sound was so calming, and sitting on that park bench, the water soaking through our clothes, I didn't want to be anywhere else. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at rain again without thinking of that day." She starts to tear up again. "Y/N, I want you to know how much you changed my life. Everything got so much better when I met you. Maybe in another life I can try to make it up to you. I'm so sorry." All of the good times we had were coming to an end. I'm so thankful she came into my life

She made my life beautiful.

A/N: We take so many small things for granted in our lives, not realizing that any day could be our last. Please, take this as a lesson of sorts, and enjoy the minor things in life. Watch a sunset, play in the rain, have fun. Do what makes you happy, and enjoy the time you have.

[urlocal-lgt-rep]

Be my Valentine? Pt 2

Pairing- Awkward! Calum and Y/N

Guess this is going to be 3 parts...

    Everyone wakes up early that morning besides you. You kept trying to fall back asleep every time you woke up because you wanted to continue your dream of an ice cream and a sunset boy, but you finally decided to get up and make a little magic in Ashton’s room.

   You grabbed a bag you had hidden in Ash’s room long ago for a previous prank but forgotten about. As you lay the contents out, you knew this was going to make him pissed-but you still decided to do it. You covered all of the posters in his room, which there were a lot, with new and improved posters. That's right, Viagra and Hello Kitty posters now covered the walls of Ashton’s room.

  As you walked out and acting as if nothing happened, you saw Mikey eating a pack of Oreos. Yes, that probably wasn't the best breakfast choice, but you knew you wanted them anyway.

 “What? You want an Oreo? Sorry, this just so happens to be my last one, Y/N,” Michael laughed, but not for long because you ran towards him and the Oreo he has in his hand. His arm was raised so you couldn't reach it. He tried to run away but realized there was a chair behind him, yet instead of stopping, he thought it was a brilliant idea to try and flip over the chair. You heard an “Holy fuck!” from Michael as you and Luke started to cry of laughter.

  As you ran over to Michael to take the Oreo- you mean, make sure he was okay- you saw him put it in his mouth before you could take it.

“Michael Clifford, you son of a-" just as you were about to curse him out, Calum’s deep, groggy voice interrupted you.

 “We have another pack, Y/N,” there was no emotion in his voice, and he didn't even bother looking at you as he grabbed the Oreos for you.

 “It's- it’s okay, I'll just have something else…” your voice trailed off as you wondered where this attitude was coming from. He had been awake for hours, so it couldn't have been that he wasn't a morning person.

  Calum wasn't exactly sure why he was acting this way either. He had enjoyed talking to you a lot yesterday, but he couldn't bring himself to show it. He couldn't be mean to you either, so he entire manner just came across and douchey. That didn't stop him from taking glances at Y/N every now and then-something he didn't know why he wanted to do so bad, but he couldn't resist.

 He saw her with an amused grin on her face as Ashton walked towards his room, and then Calum remembered that she was planning on getting him back.

  Ashton opened the door to his room and screamed, “What the literal fuck Y/N!”

 As the you and the rest of the boys gathered around his room, there was laughter all around. You even swore there was a slight smile from Calum as he peeked into Ash’s room, and the memory of his hearty laugh from the night before filled your mind. You knew you needed to hear it again today even if it was the last thing you did.

 “Hey, losers! Wanna go to the club tonight?” you pitched the idea of drinking partly because you knew the boys would love it, but mostly because you wanted to take your mind off of Calum for a damn minute. You didn't know why he was suddenly all you could think about, and you weren't sure how much you liked it . He was your friend, after all, and nothing more.

 Of course the boys agreed, but Calum decided that he wasn't going to drink. He told everyone it was because he was going to be their driver, but he knew that if he got drunk he might try to hook up with some girl, or even worse, Y/N. He did not want to explain to Ashton why he was being so handsy with Ash’s almost-sister.

 It wasn't like he hadn't gotten drunk around Y/N before, but he didn't trust himself this time. He wasn't sure why, but he knew something was different. He thought about her more than usual now-not that he thought about her on a regular basis or anything….

  You decided to try your best to let Calum be for the night. You weren't going to think about him or talk to him- this was your night to be free of any men hanging around your mind. The best way to start that, you decided, was to get dressed up. Feeling a bit more beautiful never hurt anyone, right? That meant that you had to go home, so you planned a time with the groaning boys who just wanted to leave now.

 When you finally arrived back at the boys’ house, you were greeted by a whistle from Luke and a glare from Ashton who pulled you aside.

“What's going on Y/N? Why are you so dressed up? Guys will be staring at you all night!” he interrogated.

 “And I'm trusting you to punch them when they get they do. I'm just looking for a little fun, Ash,” reassuring Ash was hard, but you knew it was important if you wanted him to leave you alone for the night.

  Calum couldn't bare to look at you. He had expected you to look nice, because -well- you always did. It's not like he had a crush on you or anything, but rather that he knew when to admit that someone was attractive, which you were. But tonight you had dressed up more than usual, and Calum hadn’t been prepared. Jesus, how was he going to be able to look away from you all night? He wanted to admire you, but in a friendly way because he appreciated your friendship and liked to see how confident his  friend was.

    Upon arrival, everyone who was drinking took a couple shots and then split up to do their thing. Michael was being social, Luke was dancing with a girl, and you were pretty sure Ashton had a group of girls and even a guy or two around him who he was flirti- you mean, entertaining with his charms. Calum looked to be scrolling through Twitter on his phone, and even though you had planned not to talk to him, you were drunk and sober-Y/N didn't matter right now.

  “Heeeey Cal! Whatcha doin’ babe?” Sober you was definitely going to regret this.

 “Uh-um are you- are you okay Y/N?” Calum wasn't expecting you to come up to him. He knew you could handle your alcohol pretty well, so he had never seen you drunk before. You must've had a lot more than a couple shots.

 “I'm feeling great, babe, but you need to loosen up. Stop being Mr. Grumpy-pants!” Your pouty face made Calum’s cheeks turn even redder. Why were you calling him babe? Why didn't it make him mad?

  “Um- Y/N. I think- I think that you're pretty drunk right now… do you want me to bring you home?” he couldn't stop the struggle he was having to get his words out. This wasn't normal; he was a songwriter, he was supposed to know what to say.

  “Home? Why would I want to go- ‘scuse me, Cal-" you broke off your sentence by running in the bathroom and throwing up in the first stall. You starting sniffling and a couple stray tears ran down your face. “Cal, cam you take me home?”

  “Oh, god. Of course! Here, take my hand,” He offered his hand to you so you could steady yourself, but you still toppled over and directly into Calum’s arms.

   “Guess I'll- I guess I'll just carry you then…” Calum was completely flustered by the drunk, emotional you that was in front of him, but he knew he had to suck it up for you. He picked you up bridal style as you giggled and walked you across the parking lot.

 “Ash!” you cried out in worry.

  “He'll be fine, Y/N. I told them to take an Uber. He's not that- he's not very drunk.” Calum couldn't help but feel something  at the thought of you being absolutely hammered and still worrying about your best friend.

   As Cal was driving you home, you couldn't help but ramble on and on about everything that came to mind. “Calummm! Why are you so grumpy-grumpy? You were so happy and cute yesterday!”

  Calum immediately felt a tingle in his chest and heat on his cheeks. Was I just called cute by Y/N? Sure, the fans called him that sometimes, but never Y/N. It made him feel…special. God, what was he thinking?! He sounded like a schoolgirl with a crush...not that he had a crush or anything of course! Why would he have a crush on Y/N? Sure, she's funny and beautiful and cares for others and likes songwriting… But she's also Ash’s little sister! That's just weird.

  “I- I don't know?” was all Calum could muster.

  “What? Are you not sure? Or is the sexy Calum Hood at a loss for words?” Definitely going to regret this.

  Calum was freaking out inside. Sexy? “I guess I am, Y/N. At a loss for words that is. Not sexy. I wasn't calling myself sexy or anything-that's just weird. Not that you're weird for thinking that! Many fans think that about me too. Wait, that sounds worse. I swear I'm not a narcissist!”

  You started to giggle uncontrollably at his flustered ramblings. “Cal! You're so fucking adorable. God, do I have such a crush on you!”

 That was it. Calum Hood was official broken. He was a mess of stuttering and blushing and thank God we just got to your house because any longer and I would've had to respond to that.     

 “Alright, time for you to go inside,” he said, leading you to your room. Calum got some pajamas for you, and after you got dressed he ran you a bath. While you were getting clean, Cal even put your throw-up clothes in the wash.

  Then came the hard part- getting you to lay down. For someone who couldn't walk at the moment, you were surprisingly energetic. Eventually, Cal had to pick you, put you in bed, and tuck you in.

 “Okay, Y/N, time for you to go to bed and for me to go home. If you need anything, just-"

 “But I want you to stay!” you whined. “Please? Can you sing me that song you were singing last night? With the gold and stuff?”

 “I uh- you heard that?” -you nodded- “Sure, I guess.”

 "I can take you out, oh oh

We can kill some time, stay home

Throw balloons, teddy bears, and the chocolate eclairs away

Got nothing but love for you, fall more in love everyday

Valentine"

[saeranoppa]

Hi! Can we get the RFA trying to comfort an MC who feels inadequate joining the RFA because everyone's so accomplished in there (either rich, a genius, or talented tbh) and she was just kind of thrown in because of Unknown? I'm sorry if that's oddly specific, but I just had that thought earlier and I love your scenarios/imagines. Thanks~!!!

i’m such a huge piece of shitfor taking this long. i have over 60 requests. i suck ass. i’m sorry. i’msorry. i’m sorry but like i have other stuff i need to do and inspiration justdoesn’t come and it would turn out really shitty otherwise. oH, and thank youso much! and also, it was kind of easy to write this since i can kind ofrelate. i’ve been feeling like that lately.

Two days ago, the entire RFA attended an interview since theassociation started getting more and more attention with each passing day. Youractions not going unnoticed by the world, so it was only natural for the worldto want to know more about all of you.

You were ecstatic about the interview.

They started with Jumin, CEO of C&R International, who wasfollowed by Zen, renowned and incredibly talented actor, then Jaehee, (was/is)head assistant at C&R International and an incredibly hard working woman.After her, they started interviewing Yoosung, who was now an incredible studentat one of the most prestigious universities in Korea and who had an extremelybright future. 

Seven decided not to take part in the interview for securityreasons, but he was a genius and the brains behind the app and security of theorganization. But everyone knew he was essential to the RFA. 

Finally, it was your turn to be interviewed. You had thepossible answers for the interview well-rehearsed thanks to Zen. Everyone haddone an amazing job which only made you strive for perfection.

“How did you join the RFA?”

“What do you do for theorganization?”

“Is it true that you took thelast Coordinator’s place?”

“Do you think you’re living upto the last Coordinator’s prestigious reputation?”

You noticed that the questions started getting harsher andharsher, and it wasn’t until some technical difficulties with the lights andsound, that the interview came to an end.

You were sure Seven had something to do with it. 

Your friends and lover weren’t dumb, they noticed the anxietythat soon started suffocating you thanks to your body language. Zen was thefirst one to notice, so when the interviewer asked if they could continue theinterview elsewhere, he intervened and told her in his ever-charming way thatthey were unable to stay any longer. 

It didn’t surprise you when the interviewer and the producersdecided to call it a day.

You were finally home. Everyone was gone because they all had work to do and you conveniently had a day off.

Sitting on the couch, you started going over the interview andit suddenly hit you.

You weren’t worthy of being inthe RFA.

There was a suddentightness around your throat as the fact that the only reason you joined wasbecause you had to. That the only reasonyou were part of this amazing organization was because you had been dumb enoughto listen to a stranger and go deliver a phone that wasn’t even yours. The onlything you did was put yourself and the entire organization at risk.

You were not special.

You were nothing.

Yoosung

You were supposed to see each other today to go on a date. Why?Because exams were over!!!!! And this nugget was excited to celebrate with yousince he had a feeling he did an amazing job.

He was surprised when he noticed that you weren’t already at thecafe you agreed on meeting at. 

15 minutes went by and there was no sign of you.

Worry started filling his mind when fifteen minutes turned intothirty.

He’d sent you a couple of texts but you didn’t reply.

Finally he decided to call you, and when he was about to end thecall, you answered.

Your voice sounded slightly hoarse and he swore he could hearsome faint sniffling.

“Uh, (y/n). Where are you?”

Shit. Your date. 

You shot up from the couch and ran towards the closet, trying tofind something decent to wear.

‘Wow, even for a task as easy as remembering acompromise, you really are incompetent.’

He heard shuffling on the other end of the line and that wasenough to let him know you were home.

He also heard you drop something which was followed by a longstring of curses with a shaky voice he knew all too well.

In a matter of minutes, you heard the front door open, thenclose, and finally your name being called out by the man you love.

“(y/n), where are you!?” hecalled out, concern evident in his voice.

You quickly made your way to the bathroom and noticed that youreyes were still slightly red and puffy.

You quickly rubbed your eyes and as you were about to splashsome water on your face, your boyfriend appeared by the doorframe.

Yoosung wasn’t as naive as everyone thought he was. Yes he wasyoung, but he wasn’t stupid nor blind.

Therefore, he was quick to put the pieces together. 

He was by your side in a matter of seconds, his arms envelopingyour smaller frame.

“What’s wrong?” he mumbled, hislips resting on your temple.

You shook your head and put on a kind but fake smile, just asZen taught you, and looked up at him.

“You worried me. You hung up so suddenly andcame here unexpectedly! I’m so sorry I forgot our date! I know you were eager,but it’s okay. There’s still time. Let’s go! We can have a lot of fun if we putthe time left to good use!”

And you started rambling. That was never a good sign.

“(y/n).”

“Come on Yoosung. Let’s go!” you tried breakingfree from his embrace, trying hard not to let him know what was truly botheringyou.

“(y/n),” he repeated himself.

“I read that it was going to be cold today soyou better get a coat or something!” just as you were about tolet go Yoosung did something he rarely did.

“(y/n)!!”

He raised his voice.

That was enough to snap you back and make you stare into thosebeautiful violet orbs.

“Please, tell me what’s wrong. I’m worriedabout you,” he carefully turned you around before running hisfingers through your (h/c) tresses.

What made you crack was how apprehensive he looked. You didthat.

A few tears started filling your eyes, but not enough for themto spill. You’d cried enough by yourself and it was difficult to shed even moretears now.

“I…” you rested your foreheadagainst his chest, “Remember the interview we had acouple of days ago?”

He nodded, his hand now running up and down your back.

“It made me realize how I’m… nothing comparedto all of you.”

He blinked once, twice, before frowning and pulling back,staring down at you with nothing but rage in his eyes. 

“I knew that interviewer was crossing the linewhen she was asking you about your job in the RFA! I knew it wasn’t just me!”

He sounded enraged, his lipsnow finding their way to your cheek.

Slowly, you shook your head as your hand came to rest on yourboyfriend’s shoulder, “No, she was right. I… I wasforced to join. I had no choice. Not that I regret joining, I just… Ijust had to.  I enjoyedit, I still do. Being part of the RFA is a big blessing, I got to meet you.But… I’ve done nothing. I’m no one.”

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

“Says the guy who’s part of the top universities in the countryand to top it, one of the best students in their generation. The one who was abright future ahead of him and is sure to succeed in everything he wishes. Youwere made to be in the RFA. I just… I’m…”

“You couldn’t be more wrong.”

His voice was surprisingly quiet and calm, but you couldn’t helpbut feel a twinge of sadness.

Just as you were about to speak up, he said, “Before you came into the RFA you know exactly whereI was, who I was, how careless and utterly depressed I was.You know how much of an impact you’ve made on my life. I knowyou do because I always tell you. And you’ve also touched and changed the othermembers’ lives. You changed me. You gave the comfort and that push I needed to move forward. You did that. Youalso deal with some of the most important persons and businessmen and women, thatis no easy task at all. Please don’t underestimate yourself. You’reso special. You’re one of a kind. I… I don’t know what would’ve happened tome if you hadn’t come into my life. You’re my blessing.”

Still, you didn’t cry. You really, really couldn’t bringyourself to. Instead, your arms snaked around the blond man’s waist as yourforehead rested on his chest.

“You sure know how to make someone feelbetter,” you giggled before sniffling twice.

“I meant it.”

“I know.”

Zen

He came home from rehearsals that night.

To be honest, he’d been quite worried for you lately. 

We all know this man’s a great actor, so trying to out-act himwas… well, impossible.

He saw right through those fake smiles, through those “I’m fines”, and noticed the slight wavering of yourvoice.

He knew the reason why. He knew.

Zen just wanted to give you time to process your feelings andthink rationally, but it seemed that he would need to intervene this time.

But that night, instead of being greeted by a kiss, it was bythe faint sound of sobbing in the distance followed by silence.

You definitely heard him come home.

Immediately you covered yourself with the bed sheets and triedyour best to even your breathing, attempting to find a steady rhythm but to noavail.

You heard the soft click of the door being opened.

“I know you’re awake, honey,” hisvoice was soft and laced with worry.

Still, you refused to move. You didn’t want him to see you likethis. He who shined so bright only being clouded by you.

Your breath hitched when you felt weight on the other side ofthe bed followed by a strong and muscular arm being wrapped around you,bringing you close against his chest.

“It’s the interview, right?” heheard a soft sob escape your lips and his hold on you became slightly tighter.

You cursed at yourself for allowing such thing to happen, still,you were busted. Might as well go with it.

“Y-Yeah,” you said shortly.

He nodded once before gently removing the bed sheets from you,somehow managing to position you on top of him, his lips resting on yourforehead. 

“Babe, you know you’re essential to theorganization, right?”

Silence.

“You can’t be serious…” hemumbled, his grip loosening slightly.

“What? Feeling disappointed? No wonder. I mean,you’re Zen, the prodigy actor, human embodiment of angelic beauty! You shine sobright, you are just… blinding. And I’m just me. Dull. Gray. I did nothingspecial to join, I was just stupid enough to obey a complete strange-”

You weren’t allowed to finish because you were suddenly turnedaround and a pair of soft lips were pressed firmly against your own, as yourboyfriend’s hands slowly ran all the way down to your lower back, pressing youcloser to him.

“First of all,” he mumbledagainst your lips, tickling your skin with his breath, “you aren’t dull. You brought my dull life a lot of meaning. I’mnot ungrateful towards my fans or my fellow cast members, even less towards theRFA. It’s just that… every day was the same and you suddenly came in andchanged everything and I just. I love you. And I want you to believe inyourself more. You aren’t nothing. You never were. You’re a powerful beingwho’s able to completely turn around a person’s life for good. You are amiracle to the RFA.”

The man didn’t even allow you to speak since his lips werealready back on yours and never left your body that night.

Jaehee

Unlike the other two, the day after the interview she was quickto be by your side and hold you close.

“Are you okay?” she placed herhands on the side of your arms, rubbing them in a comforting manner. 

You simply stared at her, a lump suddenly appearing in yourthroat, “I… I’m unworthy. I’m inadequate to be in the RFA. I… Jaehee,I’m nothing. You’re… You’re incredible. You’re so strong, independent, yourun your own business, you were Jumin’s assistant, you helpedthe RFA more than any other member ever did, more than I ever did and I amcalled the damn coordinator,” you scoffed, “What a joke. You, Jaehee, you’re incredibly, you’re so hardworking, you’re capable of anything and I… I’m nothing.”

Nope.

She wasn’t having it.

This woman was treated like she was nothing for a big part ofher life and she didn’t want the person she loved most in this world to feelthe same. She just wasn’t going to let thathappen.

Jaehee grabbed your hands and brought them to her lips, all thewhile keeping eye contact with you, enjoying the light and unintentional blushthat managed to creep onto your face the moment her lips made contact with yourskin.

“Please, (y/n), you are… you are amazing.I know I’m not very good at constantly saying things like this. But I need youto listen to me,” she cleared her throatbefore looking into your shining eyes, God, she was so in love with you, “You may think you’re nothing. But believe me. You’re not. Youhelped me overcome a completely unhealthy living style, you pushed to start myown business, you are what made my life worth living. You are whatmakes me want to take risks now, you are the one person I always want to bewith. I don’t know what my life would’ve been if you had never shown up. I… Iam so in love with you and hearing you say things like that about yourselfbreaks my heart. So, please, love, don’t. You are amazing as you are. And Idon’t care what you say, you need to believe me when I say that you’rehardworking and ambitious and kind and simply a beautiful human being.”

She was out of breath when she finished talking, it was quitecute. 

“Do I make myself clear?” shepressed a gentle kiss against your lips, lingering for a few moments beforepulling back.

Jumin

You’d been quiet thatnight during dinner, answering his questions about your day with shortsentences.

“Honey, are you feeling okay?” he asked as his hand reached for yoursmaller one.

You offered him a smallsmile before nodding once and setting your fork down. You didn’t have much ofan appetite that night.

“I’m not really hungry, baby. I think I’m going to shower and then headto bed…” you trailed off and stood from your chair.

But before you couldeven make it to the door, there was an arm blocking your way.

You looked up only tofind his piercing metallic colored eyes looking at you with concern etched intothem.

“You really are bad at faking a smile,” he stated quietly as hisfingers moved to cup your delicate face.

You scoffed playfullybefore shaking your head briefly and gently pushing his arm down.

“I’m fine, really. I just need some rest.”

And the subject wasdropped.

It wasn’t until hewoke up in the middle of the night, tried reaching out for you, only to findyou gone.

He shot up from thebed in an instant and rushed outside, frantically looking for you.

This man was fucking mortified because he just couldn’tfind you anywhere inside the penthouse.

Just as he was aboutto contact security he noticed the outline of a person leaning against thebalcony, your outline.

In a matter of seconds,he was outside, his ears soon drowned by the sound of your soft sobbing.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. C r a p.

He wasn’t sure how toapproach you, since there was a reason you chose to cry by yourself.

But you looked solonely and his heart couldn’t take it. It was impossible for him to just leaveyou like that. He couldn’t.

It was his job as yourlover and husband.

Slowly his arms snakedaround your waist as his lips came to rest on your right shoulder.

He noticed the initialtension that overtook your body at the unexpected embrace.

But you graduallystarted relaxing.

No words wereexchanged for a couple of minutes until he cleared his throat and said, “Can you tell me what’s troubling you now, mydear?”

His hands startedrubbing slow circles on your sides, the now steady rhythm of his breaths managingto calm you down significantly.

“I’m sorry I worried you, Jumin,” you mumbled, turning aroundcarefully and brushing your lips against his own.

“It’s just that…” you let out a shaky breath before continuing, “Am I really worthy of being part of the RFA?”

He was caught offguard.

To be honest, he neverexpected you to ask something like that.

“What do you mean if you are worthy of being part of it?” he almostcouldn’t believe your question.

How could you everdoubt something like that?

“Well, yeah, it’s just. I,” you paused briefly before continuing, “I’m nothing special.”

And then it hit him.

The interview.

Zen wasn’t the onlywho noticed how your body language started screaming “anxiety” during theinterview, but back then he really couldn’t understand why you would get likethat. He really thought you were just getting nervous because it was your first time being interviewed.

But he had been utterly wrong.

“What are you talking about, (y/n)? Younot special?” his voice expressed nothing but pure disbelief, “You are one in a million. One in a billion.You’re unique, my goddess.”

This man alwaysmanaged to make you blush.

But still…

You shook your head,resting your forehead against his chest, taking in his addicting smell.

“No. I’m not. I’m just some dumb girl who thought that doing somestranger a favor would do some good. But instead I successfully put everyone’slives in danger. The questions made me realize how utterly useless and patheticI am compared to Rika.”

Her name left a badaftertaste on your mouth.

But this man wasn’thaving.

He pulled back fromthe embrace, his eyes boring into yours.

“Listen to me very carefully, (y/n). I never, ever, want to hear you speak in such a way of yourself. You are thewonderful woman that was capable of bringing down the walls that surrounded me.You are the woman who manages to bring life to a dull room. You are someone whomanages to make everyone around her smile. You are an amazing person, my love. AndI don’t want you to think of yourself as anything less than a Queen, because that iswhat you are. My beautiful Queen. The fact that you weren’t capable of coming tome at first really hurts me, (y/n). I beg of you, next time, if something everbothers you, please don’t hesitate and talk to me, that’s what I’m for. I’mhere to be your support just as you are mine, my dear.”

Seven

Of course he knew whatwas wrong with you.

He was the one whocaused the technical difficulties.

And as soon as youcame home you felt his arms wrap around your body.

He caught youcompletely off guard.

You wouldn’t even tryto hide it from him.

It was common sensethat he understood what you were feeling.

“You do realize you’re essential to us? To me?” his words were whatmade the tears you’d been holding back, spill.

You hid your face inthe crook of his neck, your teeth biting into your lower lip to keep your sobsfrom being released.

You didn’t want Saeranlistening to your annoying sobbing.

“I am nothing compared to all of you, Saeyoung. You are a genius, Jumin’s a CEO, Jaehee might aswell be the real Coordinator of the RFA, Zen is a prodigy, and Yoosung’sassisting one of the best universities in Korea. And what am I doing? Nothing.I just answer stupid e-mails. I was idiotic enough to endanger all of you bylistening to some random stranger!”

Your hands were nowlost in his ginger locks, grabbing fistfuls and gently tugging on them.

His smell was welcomingand slightly soothing. The simple fact that he was right there, in front of you,brought you immense comfort.

Once those words leftyour lips, the man carried you, locked your legs around his waist and made his way towards your shared bedroom.

He let himself fall onthe bed, bouncing a couple of times before finally looking straight into youreyes.

“I just want to let you know that you were the one that brought me andmy brother together. You were the one who made me open up, who made me believeI deserve happiness in my life. Who stood by my side even against great odds.You are the person I completely fell in love with, you are the one who saved mefrom myself. You are. No one else.”

He kissed you brieflybefore continuing.

“How can you be worse than the woman who killed the man she supposedlyloved? How can you be worse than the woman who kidnapped a child and made himbelieve his brother abandoned him? How can you be worse than the woman who threatenedto hurt her friends? How can you believe you are worse than that evil witch?(y/n), you are my angel. My savior. My real, honest to God, savior. You are myhope, my life. I don’t know where I would be without you. So please, don’t everthink of yourself that way because it breaks me. It breaks me to see someone aspure and kind as you belittle yourself in that way. I’m the one who’s doneawful things. I was part of a secret agency. And you still chose to stay by myside. How on Earth could you be useless?”

The look he gave youas he spoke, transmitted nothing but raw, strong loving.

His hands were on yourback, pressing you closer with every passing second.

At this point, alldoubt left your mind.

He made it all goaway. All the pain you were feeling just up and vanished because he was right.

He was your light andyou were his.

Your hand cupped hischeek, a few tears slowly running down your face.

“How can I love you so much, Choi Saeyoung?” you whispered.

Your fingers startedtracing his pink lips, your eyes never leaving his.

“You are my angel, (y/n). Please don’t ever doubt that,” hewhispered back.

“And you are mine,” you murmured, your breath now tickling his lips.

He couldn’t stand it.

Saeyoung’s hand made its way to the back your head, his fingers tangling with your hair, beforepulling you closer.

He was too slow.

You wrapped your arms aroundhis neck and let your lips hover briefly over his own, “I love you.”

The kiss didn’t startslow and gentle, like it usually did. It was hot and desperate and needy.

Saeyoung wasdesperately trying to bring you closer and closer to him, his hands tugging onyour hair ever so lightly.

You responded byslowly pushing back against the bed, never breaking the kiss.

It was almost as ifyou were clinging onto each other for dear life.

And it wasn’t until theboth of you were completely out of breath that you pulled back.

Saeyoung’s handsslowly started running up and down your back, his lips hovering over your jaw.

“I love you too, (y/n).”

And that night wasfull of searing kisses and gentle touches.

I’m sorry if this was shitty. I haven’t written in a while bcs I’m a huge piece of shit :)