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lonelyfujoshi · 5 years ago

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Errink

Ink left again. He left Error all alone again and Error wasn't happy.

Error was in the living room watching his favorite series. Crying his nonexistent eyes out.

"Asgorooo!" He yelled, reaching for the TV screen when the scene of Asgoro having a heart attack played.

The pillow he clutched in his arms was wet with tears. Looking at him was laughable. Seeing the former destroyer cry easily like this.

In all honesty, the film wasn't the only thing he was crying about. He just decided to watch Undernovela to express his emotions while Ink was away.

Ahh, yes. Ink, the God of Creation.

He and Error had been dating for six years now. Almost seven. Two weeks from now will be their anniversary and Error couldn't help but be nervous of that.

Why?

He's been thinking that Ink is loosing interest in him. Error is scared.

He loved Ink with all of his life. He gave up destroying for the God of creation. He left the anti-void to live in their house for him. He tried doing good things out of his character for him.

He just loved Ink dearly.

And it all started ten years ago during Giftmas.

It was a special holiday for all monsters in the multiverse and the light and dark side has an untold treaty that no fight or attacks during this holiday.

No one established the rule, no one wrote it, no one spoke about it. It was just there. Monsters understanding the importance of the holiday.

Error sat on the cliff of Outertale where the stars shone to its brightest. His glasses on with his new galaxy scarf.

He sat there, enjoying the silence even when you can still hear the distant jingle in the town.

And Ink appeared.

Error scowled when the creator made his way to where he sat. He glared at Ink.

The creator however ignored the mean glare telling him to fuck off and sat down beside Error with a large grin. To close for the black skeleton's liking.

"What in the hell you doing here skittles?" Error grumbled harshly.

"Nothing much glitchy~. Just wanted to see the stars in this lovely night."

"Then go sit somewhere else. Don't ruin my night."

The smaller skeleton summoned his strings and began to play with it. Waiting for Ink's retort but it never came.

He looked up to see Ink staring at him with a thoughtful expression.

"... Nah." He finally said and Error wanted to hit the Ink blob with the brush he always had.

"But you know Error, tonight's Giftmas. I've given every monster I've encountered a gift to be traditional." Ink continued, looking up the sky.

Error glared at the string that somehow became tangled in his fingers and mumbled stuff like; "Who the hell asked?", "I don't give a fuck.", "Go do more of that and leave me alone."

Ink ignored his rude comments and summoned a window to his subspace. "So I thought... maybe I should give you a gift too."

"Hah! Did you really think that I'd want a gift from you?"

Again he was ignored as Ink continued to look for something in his subspace.

Error's socket twitched with annoyance. Watching Ink's body halfway through the window portal already, digging deeper into his pile of garbage as Error liked to call it.

The dark skeleton was about to push the lighter skeleton into wherever the window led because of his annoyance but Ink pulled back with a victorious laugh.

"Found it!"

Before Error could react, Ink placed the thing he got in front of the destroyer with a great big smile in his handsome face.

Error stared at it... Ink waiting for his reaction patiently.

In front of them was a pair of slippers. Red fluffy slippers that hugged your feet like socks and it had strings on the hole to tighten the hold if needed.

"Really?" Was all that Error could say. He didn't know what to feel about it. Ink, his supposedly mortal enemy, had just given him a 'gift' for some reason.

A pair of slippers no less. Error could tell that these were top quality and made for comfort. And how he loves comfortable things. The little sparkle in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by Ink.

"Well go on! Try it!" Ink encouraged.

Error grumbled but complied nonetheless. He threw his strings away carelessly and grabbed the red slippers, put it on and stilled.

"Ehh? What do you think?"

The darker ignored Ink's teasing tone and wiggled his toes.

"It's okay I guess." He said.

And that was a fucking lie.

'Oh my GOD! THEY ARE SO COMFORTABLE! I'M IN LOVE!' He screamed in his mind.

Unknown to him, the creator could see his softened look and the brightening of his eyes. The destroyer even unconsciously smiled.

Error looked up to see Ink staring at him with another one of those unreadable look.

"What?" He narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't tell me you expect something in return cuz I ain't giving you anything. And you can't take these back!" He hissed.

Blinking, as if snapping out of trance, Ink made a confused noise before laughing.

"What the fuck? What is it rainbow asshole?!"

"Hahahaha haha.. hahhh... I-It's nothing Error. I just realized something."

"Tell me what is it."

"I like your smile."

Even with his fucked up memory, Error remembered this.

He remembered that the next day after that night, he anonymously sent Ink a puppet version of the creator. Ink soon found out it was from him.

Since then the lighter skeleton never initiated a fight. He acted all buddy buddy with Error which pissed off the darker to no end. It frustrated him greater than his frustration with the 90's parasite.

Ink messed with his emotions. The creator popped up in his mind in random times that he thought he was finally becoming insane. He thought he was.

Three giftmas holidays passed and Ink surprised Error with a confession. The glitch outright crashed the moment the words that Ink said, I like you, was processed by his 'brain'.

Error fled the moment he came to, in Ink's arms. He thought he was gonna die because of how loud his soul pounded. It actually hurt his ribs.

For a month he couldn't stop thinking of Ink and he didn't even realize ha had fallen for the creator. He also locked himself in the anti-void. Time passed and he decided to go out and destroy. Maybe to let some steam out.

Ink was there. Wherever he go, Ink was always there, wooing him.

Every sanses and their counterpart in every universe knew about Ink chasing Error, courting the destroyer, asking for his love.

Ink was very sweet in those times. Always giving Error presents even when the glitch thought it was weird because it's not even Giftmas.

The next giftmas came and Ink knelt in front of Error. They were surrounded by the bright stars of Outertale.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Ink said and Error was looking sick at how blue his face was.

His soul pounding. Emotions overflowing even though he was extremely confused with himself. He didn't know what he is feeling or what he was supposed to feel but everything felt right.

Even his inner voice telling him to say yes. 'It's not like people are lining up to hang with me anyway.' Was there as an excuse.

"Fine."

He never regretted agreeing.

Now though, Error was really worried.

It's because of the event that happened two weeks ago.

Since Error lived in the same house as Ink, the taller had always made time for him. His schedule was simple enough.

Leave for work in the council every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Leave the house by nine am and come back at around seven pm. Sunday is their special day as they usually go on dates.

Error usually stays in the house or visit Blue while Ink is away. Other times he goes AU hopping and going to Nightmare's castle.

Until this peaceful cycle was disturbed.

"Where are you going?" Error asked softly. He just woke up from his nap on the couch and he was rubbing on his sockets to help him wake quicker.

Ink was putting on his scarf and fixing his shoes by the mirror making Error confused.

"I'm just going on a meeting babe." Ink simply said with a smile.

"But... it's Thursday."

"Yeah, I just got called. Said it was an emergency."

After seeing the worried look on Error's face, Ink went up to the smalled and kissed his lover's face.

"Don't worry, it's nothing I can't handle. I'll be back before four so have lunch without me."

Error nods. "But wait." He holds Ink's arm.

"Let me prepare your lunch."

"No need babe. And I'm in a hurry so I gotta go." Ink said with a wave before he jumped into a portal.

By Saturday, Ink left again saying that he had to meet up with Reaper.

Error thought nothing of it because Reaper, being a God, sometimes meet up with other gods to see how the multivers is going.

And he thought, 'Oh, it's been a long time since I've been able to visit Geno. Maybe I should now that he's finally alone.'

Error planned to stay there for at least three hours so he got some chocolates, ketchup for Geno, blankets and puppets.

He puts them in a handmade bag before jumping into a portal.

"Hey, Geno! Thought it might be a good time to visit since Reaper-... Reaper?"

"Hey Error. What's up?" Geno greets him.

"Uh... the ceiling?" Error was still very confused that he couldn't come up with a proper reply.

"That would've been good pal, it's just that this place doesn't really have a ceiling." The cloaked skeleton beside Geno chuckled.

"Why are you here?" The dark skeleton asked.

"Job's slow today so I decided to visit my bea. What are you doing here?"

"Visiting Geno too."

"Great, the more the merrier." Reaper said unenthusiastically. Clearly he wants some alone time with his 'boyfriend'. Well soon to be anyway.

"Uh heh, nice to see you again then, Error." Geno said awkwardly while Error stood there still.

"Aren't you supposed to be in a meeting with Ink?" The former destroyer finally asked.

"A meeting? Wha- Shit! We have a meeting?!" Reaper abruptly stood up, startling Geno.

"You forgot." His 'boyfriend' deadpanned.

"I didn't forget, I just didn't know." Reaper frowned.

"Uh maybe you should hurry, he left.. like an hour ago." Error said.

"Crap. I guess I'll see you later babe. Have fun with Error." Reaper left with a wave.

"Wow." Error and Geno said at the same time. They looked at eachother and laughed.

Half an hour later, there was a blanket fortress in the save screen. Two skeletons inside it, eating condiments and chocolates.

The 'screen' was blocked by Error's massive one way window portal and the watched Undernovela.

A portal opened and Error quickly lift the blanket up a little to see who it is.

It was Reaper.

"Oh hey Death, you finished your meeting with the creator?" Geno asked. He helped Error lift up the blanket.

"... Uh. No. I couldn't find Ink."

"WhAt?"

To be continued

#errink #story #ship #error!sans #ink!sans

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fuck-customers · 6 years ago

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Holy Shit Buckle Up Y'all

(TW: mentions of transphobia, racism, and self-harm)

A little backstory:

In November we hired three new people to help with our workload around the holidays, and we've kept them on. Two of them are very hard workers, have great personalities, and nice work ethics. The third, who I will be referring to as J.....does not.

She constantly asks to switch shifts instead of putting in for time off or changing her availability (said that its "inconvenient" for her to change it), if you're even a minute late to covering register for her when she's supposed to get off, she'll just abandon the register and clock out and then shop for thirty minutes, and she is constantly walking away from her post bc she's "bored" and "doesn't feel like working" when there are literally people in line.

So about two weeks ago, she scheduled for five days off. Sweet, shes learning. She then proceeds to call off the day before her five days and the day after. So now she has a week off. Dick move, but I can't say no one has done it before.

Her scheduled day back is a Wednesday. She texts one of my coworkers, P, and asks her to take her shifts for Wednesday AND Thursday. P agrees because she wants more hours, but all of us, including the managers, are irritated now. This is now nine days off she's gotten.

On Wednesday, I got a text from her asking if I could take her shift Friday. Now as of this point, I've been sick all week - hacking my lungs out, not able to breathe, but working bc we're short staffed (bc of her) and bc I need the money. I had Friday and Saturday off for the first time in MONTHS so no way in hell was I gonna take it. I just said no, firmly.

She continues to pester me, asking why, since I don't work Friday I should be able to, etc, and I kind of snapped:

Which, okay, maybe I shouldn't have snapped like that. But I was exhausted and frustrated and so sick of her getting to do this that I just couldn't take it anymore. I expected her to call me a bitch and then ignore me but hoooooo boy nope. (Names are blacked out) (and if this many photos aren't allowed feel free to delete this submission)

First of all, the racism comment:

She was buying cigarettes and even though shes a coworker, I have to ID her bc she's 19 and I can get fired for that shit. She told me she had lost her ID and asked to just put her birthday in. My manager said it was fine, so I did, and I made the offhanded comment about how she should get a new one so she didn't get pulled over by a racist dick while driving. We live in an area where the cops just looovvve to profile people (if you know Ohio, you know where) and I'd had that conversation with so many of my friends that I didn't even think about it, I was just concerned about her getting home safely to her kid. She didn't react negatively at the time, just said "oh I didn't think about that, thanks" and we moved on. If she had really had an issue with it she would have spoken to our managers, so clearly she's only bringing it up now to scare me. I just.....I mean obviously if I am being racist I want someone to tell me so I can fix my actions, but I didn't even think that came off that way in the moment. Maybe I was out of line, but the same thing has happened recently to my 16 year old cousin (he's fine dw) and so its been on my mind.

Second, no, I am not a manager. But aside from four other employees, two of which only work part time, I am one of the oldest members of staff (time wise, not age wise, I'm 23). So the managers put me in charge of a lot of shit, which means that I end up being in charge of people. Which apparently she did not like.

And third no, I do not have a kid. I'm not married, I don't have a partner, and I barely have the income to make half of rent with my roommate sometimes. I would not bring a child into this world if I could help it, and it pissed me off that she would imply that if I had a child, I'd be more mature. I wanted to scream at her and tell her that if having a kid makes you more mature, it clearly didn't work for her. I feel so bad for her kid; he's like two, and she's already constantly using him as an excuse for not doing things and not going to work. She lives with her mom and her boyfriend, so she has a support system (her mom is retired, and a very sweet lady). Like again, I don't have a kid, but all my coworkers who do don't pull this shit ever.

Anyway

I was physically shaking by the end of these texts, crying, because I HATE when people yell at me, especially when they know me IRL. And especially cause she was accusing me of some nasty shit. I sent them all to my manager in the least professional set of texts I'd ever written and then two hours later had to go to work.

My depression was up, my anxiety was through the roof, and as soon as our floater manager asked me if I was okay I burst into tears again. I showed her and the closing manager the texts and they were both appalled but then

They fucking started trying to "comfort" me by making racist comments!!! "Oh, thats just what her people are like" "you know she grew up in the ghetto part of town" "that girl is straight up hood" like!!!!

I was furious. I was so mad it wasn't funny, but they're my MANAGERS and i need this job and they're both old, so they don't think what they're saying is wrong. I tried desperately to derail it by saying things like "where she grew up had nothing to do with it" but they just kept going and I just....that made it so much worse tbh I just walked out of the office to do my fucking job.

A couple hours later, right as I've started to calm down, one of my coworkers started making really transphobic comments about one of our old coworkers who I'm still friends with, deadnaming her, saying that she's allowed to deadname her bc its part of her religion, etc etc.

Y'all I just....walked behind the photo counter and had a fucking meltdown on the floor. I dragged myself to the pharmacy to get their trash so I had SOMETHING to focus on and as soon as I got there the tech took one look at me and held out her arms and I just lost it again.

I go to my manager and basically just ask to do trash and go home. I was supposed to close, and I have left early only once in my life, when we were too dead to need me, but I had just mentally had it. I knew that if I didn't leave in that moment I wasn't going to make it to the end of the night without hurting myself.

She agreed, I finished trash, and got one of my friends to come pick me up.

My GM texts me the next morning (Thursday) and says she's giving me PTO for the hours I didn't work Wednesday night and for my day off on Friday. I almost cried again bc I was so stressed about the money.

Fast forward to a week later, today, and J still has a job, but she has now also called off 16 days in a row. Claiming she's still stuck in Texas with her kid (which was why she was asking to trade shifts last week).

I don't know how much longer my GM can hold out before firing her. I really don't.

Tldr; coworker asks me to take a shift for the hundredth time after calling out for a week, I say no (albeit a bit rudely), they start screaming at me via text, and I have a mental breakdown.

#fuck co-workers #fuck coworkers #fuck managers #tw: racism mention #tw: transphobia #submission

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popliar · 6 years ago

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BTS: Love Yourself in Hong Kong

23 and 24 March 2019 - I loved it and had many thoughts about it below the cut.

For the Saturday 23 March show, our seats were basically looking onto the podium at the end of the catwalk so they were great. But the venue is honestly so small that any seat would've been good - this was the 3rd of 4 shows in Hong Kong, and probably the smallest shows they played on the Love Yourself tour and the smallest they'll play in years (except for Muster, lol).

For the Sunday 24 March show, our seats were one section further away from the stage, but it was still a great view with a broader angle that gave me a better view of the staging and VCRs. Both nights, I had a better view than I did at the Sydney Wings show in 2016 - this was just a smaller, closer arena.

And I enjoyed both shows so much! The shows were almost 3 hours long each but they felt like they went by in a flash. And they played so many songs, but also there were SO many more I wish they could've played - their discography is really wild at this point, it's just PACKED with hits.

In many ways the live show is the ultimate piece of fan memorabilia - but it holds a kind of tension within itself too. On the one hand, it's a unique, irreplaceable experience that can't be duplicated or repeated. On the other, especially in kpop where we have so much access to fancams and concert footage, there's pressure for the experience to meet the expectations that we have, to live up to the hype of the previous shows.

(Those two things play off each other too. How else would we - or some of us, anyway - know to watch out for those micro deviations, those little moments when Jimin runs away from Namjoon in Anpanman, when Taehyung and Jin look like they're gonna make out in So What?)

But this idea of the experience as unique and non-replicable is not quite true or not quite as simple as that. We live in an age of digital media and - this is especially true in kpop - incredibly high quality fancams and photos. Sitting at a remove of many metres, and viewing only one side of the stage, there were definitely moments that I 'missed' and had to discover later through social media. And also there's a concert DVD and a concert movie which captures maybe not your show in particular, but the essentials of this tour.

One thing that can't truly be replicated - the atmosphere. It made me laugh, in a delighted way, when the crowd just screamed and sang along to every MV and BT21 CF shown before the show. I just love the comraderie of fandom, the build of excitement. Or how pretty it looked when all the Army bombs were lit up, or when we all took out our phones. It was a good feeling. (Though as @proteinscollide said some Korean-speakers in the row behind us pointed out - it was noticeable that the crowd was much quieter when it was the Korean rather than English! LOL.)

Some of the very brief ments early in the show were repeated the following night, but their ending ments were unique to each evening. A Cantonese translator from behind the scenes translated after each of them spoke, except when they spoke in English - this helped me a little, but my Cantonese is so poor and the crowd was so LOUD that again I had to check on twitter afterwards for full translations! A few of them tried to also say some phrases in Cantonese which was very endearing; out of them all, Hoseok had the best pronounciation (which I guess fits in well with his history of having pretty good Japanese and English pronounciation too).

ETA: oh and I loved Jin with the disco ball sunnies and the pirate mask for each of the end ments!!! He's so ridiculous....I love him....

Notably on the 23rd, it was the first time Namjoon referenced their upcoming Map of the Soul: Persona comeback. On the 24th, he mentioned again that comeback was coming and it felt like it was really soon - you're telling me LOL.

Okay brief notes on the setlist:

Idol - what a way to start the show with a bang. As far as live staging goes, it's so dynamite.

Save Me/I'm Fine - I always feel like Save Me is such a tease because it stops right before my favourite verse from Hoseok and Yoongi lol but I DO love I'm Fine!

Magic Shop - lots of walking around on stage rather than choreo, this is such a lovely song!

Junghope VCR - this VCR omg. I had seen blurry fancams of it before but can we just pause and reflect for a moment on how immensely shippy it is? THEY ARE IN LOVE! SO DOMESTIC! THE RED STRING OF FATE don't look at me.

Just Dance - wow, Hoseok just makes such amazing use of the stage. Even after having seen the LY concert movie and NUMEROUS fancams, it really is true that the full impact of this stage is best experienced live (this is a great thread). The way he uses the entire space, on the raised platform and then on the catwalk, how he interacts with the crowd - he's just DYNAMITE.

Euphoria - the aesthetic of this song is so Jungkook to me, the optimism and the brightness. Also I don't know how but on the first night I somehow did not notice the gold glitter in the air AT ALL? I guess I was too caught up in JK and the dancers!

I Need U/Run - I JUST LOVE THESE SO MUCH THANK U. I was rewatching the MVs today and I just… what a time, what an era. HYYH gave us so much.

Minjoon VCR - this just screams Lake House AU, doesn't it? Separated by time but not space… Speaking of AUs, it's fascinating to think about how this was originally Yoongi and Jimin (shown in the concert DVD behinds). So they originally paired up Serendipity and Seesaw? I think it makes more sense the way it is now. Would be super interesting to see the unshown VCRs though.

Serendipity - I looked for Jimin’s tattoo both nights! And did not see it, argh! Yet the fansite photos clearly show, it was there. Sometimes, you don't see it at all at the time. This is a great stage, Jimin is such a magnetic performer and it's a super impressive dance. Also, bubbles!

Love - the boldness of Namjoon to perform this completely solo, no dancers, no stage effects aside from lighting - I admire that so much. He has the charisma for it. (Also it is very great when Namjoon slips off his robe and Hobi helps him put on his jacket, in a neat reversal of what they did for Boy Meets Evil/BST at an awards show a couple of years ago, p.s. Namseok.)

DNA - The screams for this! Both during the show and before the show when the MV was showing - it really speaks to how many people became fans in the LY era, I think. I think I've come really full circle on DNA. I grew almost tired of it when it was at its peak, but now with a bit of time and distance, I can really enjoy it again. That choreo is still wonderful. (And it's hilarious seeing that Vhope moment in the beginning get more and more casual over the course of this tour. At both shows, they just held hands or just hugged.)

Medley - the first night was I think Boyz with Fun, Attack on Bangtan, Fire, Baepsae, Dope. Second night was Dope, Go Go, Blood Sweat and Tears, Boy in Luv, Fire. I enjoyed both immensely! Hobi did the splits for the Baepsae dance break! I will never be over BST! I LOVE!

Airplane Pt 2 - this is just such a superior song and superior choreo, it's SO GOOD, thank you.

Taehyung VCR - this is so stunning, I can't even. When it pulls back and he puts his hand on the glass… and it frosts over... At the end my friend leaned over and said 'house of psychics' and was she wrong? NO SHE WAS NOT.

Singularity - this stage was immensely beautiful and breathtaking and Taehyung is purely charisma. I found out after the show that he was kind of sick on the 23rd? I honestly could not tell.

Fake Love - I've seen this so many times but you know what, this choreo is still GREAT. And Bangtan in all black, all emo is such a look.

Yoonjin VCR - this was the most straight forward of the VCRs. Again, fascinating to think it was originally Namjoon and Seokjin, Love and Epiphany.

Seesaw - the staging for this is so fun, Yoongi doing his dances and sliding off the bench and running back up again - he's so good at this!

Epiphany - oh good crying time. I did actually get a tear in my eye when this played the first night. It's just a song that means a lot to me… MUSIC, EMOTIONS! A POTENT COMBINATION! And Jin is very handsome.

The Truth Untold - vocal line all in a row like four flowers, they're just so good! The way this stage used the raised platform and the four screens was also really effective. It's such a lovely song.

Tear - I've seen so many fancams for this and the concert movie but I was still? blown?? away????? Rapline are just absolutely monsters of charisma and stage presence, and the way they deliver this with complete commitment - I was slain right there. Hoseok's ending verse, FUCK.

Mic Drop - NO ONE DOES IT LIKE BTS thank u

This was the 'end' of the show but of course we all knew there would be more. Strangely, or perhaps this is cultural, this led to a subdued interlude. There were definitely attempts to get fanchants going - sometimes successful, sometimes not, I laughed a little at some of the awkward pauses - and especially on the 23rd, there was a touching crowd singalong to Spring Day. But overall it was more subdued than I expected given how loudly the crowd did scream when BTS were on stage.

So What - SUCH A CLUB ANTHEM, it was so delightful seeing them all having so much fun! I had fun too! Fun for everyone!

Anpanman - the cutest fucking choreo, and the cutest fucking group, that is all.

Answer: Love Myself - all the ending feels… emotionally wrung out… a little exhausted… but just seeing how happy they looked and how happy I felt - I love concert.

#bts #love yourself tour #hong kong #190323 #190324 #kpop #actually using tumblr as a blog how strange

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rainyrowan · 6 years ago

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Sunkissed - Chapter 1

description: Wedding of the century rolls around as the previous college clique, along with the rest of their family members, stay in preparation for it. During this time, Riley meets Lucas, a gorgeous, green-eyed wallflower who happens to be immediately taken by her. Little did she know, he has a deep secret. One that will either change her views on him forever or make her feel closer to his world.

word count: 2,626

pairings: riley x lucas

Song: Annabelle’s Homework by Alec Benjamin

chapter one; riley

Sparkley Farkley: Did you know that the slowest marathon time ever is 54 years, eight months, six days, eight hours, 32 minutes, and 20.3 seconds? Yeah, in 1912, an Olympic marathoner from Japan supposedly disappeared during the middle of a race. Some say that he stopped to get a drink from an outdoor party, but ended up staying longer than he should have. Risque, if you ask me. Anyways, he was too embarrassed to finish the race, so he flew back to Japan instead. Years later, he decided to finish what he started by running the whole marathon himself. What I'm trying to say is WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? Riley, you're seriously taking much longer to get to the boardwalk than this Japanese marathon guy. Hurry!!

I looked at the horrifically long paragraph Farkle had sent me and sighed. Being best friends with him also meant being best friends with your very own encyclopedia, which can be extremely useful at times. Although, it really isn't when your phone is constantly being bombarded with numerous texts about everything and nothing.

Gentle reminder that I live farther from the beach than you do. I'll be there soon! Don't miss me too much :)

I quickly text back. I gripped onto my camera strap, which is draped over my shoulder, as I start quickening my pace.

When we became closer over the years, Farkle and I both created a tradition of spending almost every Saturday down at the boardwalk. In regards to this, the main rule that we've agreed upon would be that if one of us couldn't make it, we would have to have an extremely valid excuse. Me being the more "laid back" friend, I've been pretty lenient on Farkle if he couldn't make it. Wish I could say the same about him, though.

Last night, I had to stay up till two in the morning helping my mother out at the flower shop. Arranging flowers isn't as easy as one may think. In result, I woke up later than usual, causing me to be about 30 minutes late. So far, I've received a fact text from him for every minute I ran late. It truly amazes me how he could just drop these facts off the top of his head.

I'm practically already running when I see Farkle by the entrance, arms crossed.

"I'm sorry!" I pant. I take a second to breathe before I continue speaking. "I.. I woke.. Wow, I'm not cut out to be.. an athlete, huh?" I joke.

He rolls his eyes as a grin forms on his face. "Where were you?"

"I was up all night helping my mom with the flowers. I woke up super late. I'm so sorry."

He nods in approval of my excuse. "That's okay. However, I don't think we could go to the diner now. Brooklyn and her minions are there. Seated in our spots too!"

The thought of Brooklyn made me sick to my stomach. Brooklyn was the Regina George of Harbor High School, and basically all of Santa Cruz. Like your typical teen cliche, she was the popular girl who also the prettiest. Brooklyn also had her own entourage, as she always had two minions following her. With her bitchy personality, you may say that it's surprising that she gets all the guys. With her body, though, it really isn't. It's probably how she had my crush of four years and counting, Charlie Gardner, falling for her.

"Well, I guess we would have to postpone our meal then," I say, linking my arms with his. We enter the boardwalk and head straight for the arcade. We're surrounded by all the games you could never ever get tired of. From Dance Dance Revolution to laser tag to racing games, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk Casino Arcade has you covered. Farkle and I have our common favorite, air hockey.

He let go of my arm, dashing straight to the air hockey table. "You ready to get your ass beat?"

He asks, slipping in a token. We love each other very much, but when it comes to air hockey, it's like we're two different people.

"You should be asking yourself that, Minkus." As air starts to shoot through the tiny holes from the table, we both grabbed our paddles. Suddenly, the puck falls through my pocket instead of Farkle's. "Well, that's a first! I guess I'm starting."

I hit the puck as hard as I can towards his goal. Hoping that this time my first hit would make it, he blocks the puck in a swift move and smiles. "Not today." This goes on for quite a bit. I concentrate on the puck as it glides across the table back and forth. That is, until a distraction came my way. Charlie.

I offer him a double take before actually realizing that it was him. He probably didn't even notice me, which was a good thing on my part. I didn't want him to know that I was here. Out of impulsive thinking, I ducked down to hide behind my side of the table. This wasn't really the best decision, though. Farkle managed to make a goal and yell on behalf of his victory. I don't even have to see what's happening to know that attention was surely brought towards us.

"Farkle!" I call out in a whisper. He walks around the table and takes a seat next to me.

"So, explain to me why we're hiding behind- "

"Riley!" Charlie exclaims. Mortified, I lift my head up to find him standing right in front of us.

"Hi, Charlie." I saw awkwardly. Thankfully, Farkle gets up off the ground and pulls me up, as I was too scared to even move.

Farkle clenches is jaw subtly enough that no one could notice, except for me. It's safe to say that he never liked Charlie. I don't blame him. Most of the time, he can be a total jackass.

I'm not too sure how or why I've liked him for so long, and still currently do. I like to think it's because of the fact that I'm always seeking the best in people. I don't necessarily like making assumptions out of people based on looks or first encounters. For Charlie, I realized how much of a good person he is, deep down, whilst working on a school project with him in the public library. My father, who so happened to be my teacher, assigned both of us as partners for a project that we had to turn in a matter of three days. Within those three days, we'd head to the library at night to work, but we were never productive. All we did was talk. Well, all Charlie did was talk. About himself, of course. I would just sit and listen. It was kind of odd not taking part in the conversation, but I mostly did not mind. As a matter of fact, I remember feeling like it was for the best since I would most likely say something stupid. Plus, I got to learn more about him and who he truly was. The downside of it was that I had to take our project home and finish it myself, but I thought that it was worth it. From that moment on, I couldn't help but keep thinking about him, about us.

Charlie extends his hand out to Farkle, expecting a shake, but he steps back. "I'll wait for you outside." He tells me. No, no. Please don't leave me alone with him.

"Well, that was awkward." He laughs. "But anyways, I am so glad I caught you. I was wondering if you're free like right now? I was hoping that you could help me out with something."

Crap. As much as I would love to help him, I promised Farke that I would spend the day with him. However, as I was looking up at Charlie's mesmerizing brown eyes, I seem to have ignored that fact. "Um, sure." I squeaked. I clear my throat and try again. "What would I be helping you with exactly?"

"You see, we're doing headshots in drama, and you're kind of known to be a really talented photographer," I blush as he says so. Along with the fact that his words make me swoon, another thing about Charlie that I liked was the fact that he is a performing arts fanatic. I'm presuming that it's something that he would like to achieve in the future. He's actually really talented if I'm being honest.

"So, would it be alright if you got a couple of portrait shots of me by the beach?" Charlie asks.

"Maybe in return, I can buy you a milkshake afterward."

Farkle is so going to kill me after this. "Er, okay."

"Great! C'mon, let's go." He starts heading towards the exit as I trail behind him. Hoping that he was the gentleman I thought he'd be, I expected him to open the door for me. Instead, he ends up leaving it to close behind him. I sigh, disappointed for getting ahead with my thoughts. Once I've exited the arcade, I immediately scan my surroundings in search for Farkle.

"I'm here." He calls out from behind me. I turn to find him leaning against a wall.

"You're going to hate me," I confess.

A smirk creeps up on his face. "Not gonna lie, I was already kind of assuming."

"You're not mad?"

"No," Farkle says softly. "I still hate that bastard, though. But I mean if you like him that much-"

I pull him into a hug. "Thank you," I whisper.

"Yeah, okay." He wraps his arms around my back and chuckles lightly.

"Riley?" Charlie yells.

I pull away from Farkle and adjust my outfit. This would technically be the first time I get to hang out with Charlie alone, so I obviously want to look presentable. However, that's clearly not the case since I'm currently in my maroon Harvard sweater that Farkle had actually bought me from when he visited last year, along with a pair of faded ripped jeans.

"Do I look okay?" I ask.

He holds two thumbs up. "Can't say no to a girl in Ivy League gear."

"I love you, and thanks a bunch!" I plant a quick kiss on his cheek before running towards Charlie.

Once I've caught up to him, we both head to the beach together.

I truly do love the beach. I love the ambiance of waves crashing against the shore, along with the wailing of seagulls as they soar across the sky. Not to mention, the smell of the ocean beach as well. Everything about the beach is so captivating and peaceful, especially since it's a little early and not a lot of people are here. The afternoon is the absolute worst time to visit the beach. The fact that there are so many people who usually come on a day to day basis, makes me a little anxious to go.

Charlie leads me to where the dock is located. Farkle and I would usually come to take pictures underneath the dock. This area is quite aesthetically pleasing.

"I think this is a great spot." He says, placing his bag down as I begin to adjust the settings of my camera. I let him know that I'm ready once everything's all set. Charlie then runs towards the shoreline and starts posing of a shot. Since I'll be capturing portrait shots, I made sure that my camera is set so all my photos can have a shallow depth of field. This way, Charlie will be in focus as the background will be a bit blurry. After taking a few photos here and there, I stop to look at them. Charlie was perfectly centered, the lighting was on point, and all shots have great composition. Perfect. I think to myself. However, Charlie apparently doesn't exactly think so when he sees them.

"Yeah, this situation just isn't working for me. Let's try something different." He looks around for a moment. "Here, why don't you get some bird-eye shots of me laying on the sand."

I was a little offended that he didn't like the photos I originally took. I spoke out, irritated. "I thought we were taking portraits?"

"I'm just trying to think outside of the box here, Riles. Maybe the photos will turn out better." I scoff at what he had just said. What difference does it make? You're just going to be lying down. And I thought all headshots were portraits. There he goes acting like a douche, but here I am, still taking interest in him.

Charlie lies down on the sand and places his hand behind his head. From the looks of it, he could pass for a Hollister or Abercombie & Fitch model. I stand directly on top of him to get good shots. If I'm being honest, this isn't the ideal position I'd want to be in. It's a little uncomfortable and weird, really.

Suddenly, water hits the shore and Charlie attempts to save his khaki pants by jerking straight up. Instead, jerking straight up somehow caused me to tumble forward, allowing both of us to fall back down. I also end up dropping my camera on the sand. Water continues to run beneath Charlie, which caused his whole outfit to be soaked. "Shit!"

The water still kept going around us. I panic as I watch it slowly ooze towards my camera. Miraculously, the water stopped before it could reach it. I graciously let out a sigh of relief. "Will you get the fuck off of me now?!" He yells in annoyance. I flinched when he does so and realize that what was happening: I was on top of Charlie Gardener. Because I was on top of him, I didn't get hit by the water at all. I quickly scurried to my feet and grabbed my camera. I turned to Charlie, who was still really angry that he was drenched. He got up from the ground and gathered his stuff. "Thanks to you," He snaps. "I am soaking wet, and I have rehearsals for the musical after this!"

I feel a familiar tightness gripping my throat. As Charlie continues to curse at me, a burning heat rushes through my body and I can hardly breathe. The DJ over by the boardwalk starts blasting music that seems to be ten times louder than usual. My surroundings then become too horrifically bright. My hands become clammy as I start to lose control of my body. My vision starts to get blurry and my heartbeat begins to speed up to the point where I could hear it.

Once Charlie finishes grabbing his stuff, he walks over to me. He stops and takes a deep breath. "Just email me the photos whenever you can." And with that, he walks away. When I've lost sight of him, I walk towards the pebbles near the ocean. I stare out to sea, trying to take big breaths. I stay until I've finally coaxed my heartbeat back to normal.

#gmw #rucas #riley matthews #lucas friar #my fics #girl meets world #well here she is! my lil project that ive been ingacnito with #hope you enjoy!#chapter 2 is linked to my wattpad #so feel free to check it out:))

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ksjknj · 7 years ago

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oh MOOD haha i always have so much junk in my bag too, but it really is such a cute (and big) bag! it just feels like it has so much personality ahhh just like hobi

(2/2) i’m so sorry omg i clearly just like typing a lot so it spilled out into another ask but i didn’t want to be rude and not answer your question ;;;; i’m not terribly busy rn! my parents are visiting me though so it’s a full house and my brother graduates on saturday so it’s going to be a pretty action-packed weekend, but it’s all good things. work is in a little bit of a lull for me rn and hopefully it only picks back up after i’ve recovered from the new album!

(please don’t apologise about the length you know i’m unable to shut up and always write essays ashjdsa so no worries there)

his bag is gigantic but it really has a personality of its own lmao (the big rainbow flower that was very possibly a gift from joon!!!!) but yeah he makes it look good he makes it work with all the colours and everything

yeah, exactly that!! i think we all wanted an ending but then by young forever we’ve kinda accepted we’d never get it so that was an ending in itself, of sorts? like you said - an open ending with multiple interpretations which was kinda nice

but thank you for wishing me luck god it’s been getting busier and busier i feel like i don’t have time for anything.. your ask has been sitting in my askbox for a week and yet it feels like one day?? i just wanna rest but uhh it was just a small concert of a local band, nothing big.. but it was a great night

i hope having your family over was fun even if crowded!!! and that your brother’s graduation went well - did you have fun? i’m hoping work isn’t too busy and you can follow the promotions over the next few week bc that’s one of the most exciting parts of every comeback ahh can’t wait to see the choreo properly

oh i just realized the comeback show tomorrow is evening KST (which uh makes sense sksgsisk) but i have an early meeting so can’t watch any of it :c but i hope you can catch some of it and enjoy the new performances!! i’m excited to see airplane pt 2 (and i think? anpanman?) being performed, what about you? is there any other specific song off the new album you’re really looking forward to seeing performed live?

but yeah it’s tomorrow eve!! i’m sorry that’s bad time for you ahh i really wish you could watch it too tho i’m still not sure whether i’ll actually catch it or not? depends on how classes go tbh but i’m hoping i might see at least a part of it bc like you said!!!! the performances of the new songs!! new choreo!! boys being cute ahhh i can’t wait just thinking about them performing again makes me 💘

i think anpanman will be a really fun song to perform live!!! airplane too bc they’re both very upbeat and hype songs that are easy to sing along to and i absolutely can’t wait to see the choreo also all the films they’re gonna show?? can’t wait for suga’s sight and hidden film ahHHhH HHHh h h

i think love maze and magic shop are songs that are gonna be great live (both for the boys as well as the audience) but ofc i’d love to see my faves .. outro would sound sick live rap line would probably ruin me

#asdjfdks see i get carried away so easily man i don't think i know how to quit talking #i hope you're having a fantastic day !!!!#ask #goodoldmoon #long post

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prettiestsupersoldier · 8 years ago

Text

Better Than Before

5k+ words

AN:This was supposed to be posted damn near 2 weeks ago but so many distractions the Kingsman trailer eggsy my love and my favorite video game getting an update and school to a much lesser degree than the first 2. also my laptop hates Buckys name now so that great and I still suck at endings and titles and writing in general

The first part A year and Six Months

@babemichael

Friday afternoon to Sunday night Bucky isn’t an Avenger he is a dad with a daughter. A daughter that loves piggy back rides and stories before bed. A daughter who hates apples but loves carrots more than any bunny rabbit in the world.

“Daddy!!” The now 2 and a half year old screeches in a fit of giggles as Bucky chases behind her. Her tiny legs carrying her as fast and as far as they can away from him.

It had been a long almost 2 years for you and Bucky after being away for so long it was a little weird in the beginning. He was insistent that you stay for longer than the few days you had intended so he could get to know everything he had missed out on in the year and 6 months you had been away. He was more then happy to take care of all the diapers Jamie had while you were there “A few poopy diapers is nothing compared to what you’ve had to deal with.” and any late night feeding he was more than ready to jump up and go get a bottle.

“Princess, I'm gonna get you!” He's a few steps behind her and there's a giant smile on his face. He hasn't been as happy as he is now in such a long time. There are toys all over his floor of the tower. His once plain black bed sheets and cover are now a bright purple with Doc McStuffins on them. There are crayon drawings on every appliance in his kitchen. There’s an abundance of princess dresses and crowns in his room closet. His kitchen that once only contained the bare minimum, A few beers, plums, and leftover take out, was now stocked with vegetables, dinosaur chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese and any other thing a growing almost 3 year old could ever possible want. His once bare and empty floor is now full of color and life.

There's a shriek that snaps Bucky back to the present and he sees his daughter tumbling forward. She's tripped over one of her monstrous toys uncle Tony insisted she needed to have, he isn't sure which one but in his opinion they are all death traps. He leaps the few feet that it takes to get to her before she can fall, both arms braced for her to fall into him. There is a small squeak from the impact of her falling into his arms but no tears which was always a good sign.

“I'll always be here to catch the princess before she falls” He smothers her face with kisses and tiny bites as he tickles her sides and makes his way back to his room for bed.

“Now, bedtime so we can see mommy tomorrow.” He says as he pulls out her favorite paw patrol pajamas.

‘Family Day’ had been hands down the best idea Bucky had ever come up with. He knew it was pushing the limit when he asked for you guys to spend an entire saturday together and he was sure you would tell him no there was no point in you being around while he spent time with Jamie, but you hadn’t, you wanted the best for your child and a full day with both parents just having fun and being a family you felt was the best for her because even if you and Bucky couldn't make a relationship work you could still be a family.

She pouts and he swears you must have taught her that. The way her bottom lip sticks out and her eyes get all shiney. It's your pout the one that you gave him when you asked to go out for a late night walk at 2 in the morning because you were convinced the fresh air and quiet atmosphere would help you sleep better ( It did help you sleep better because the second you got to the park and sat down on the bench you were fast asleep and bucky had carried you all the way back home, when you woke up the next morning you didn't remember going for the walk and bucky didn't bring it up completely happy with the memory of carrying your sleeping form all the way back to the tower.). He helps her jump into her shorts and pulls the shirt over her head. He can’t help but to laugh as her tiny hands search for the arm holes.

“Story.” She was so tired and he heard it all in her voice the way it got softer and the way her sentences completely cut off to only a few words. Saw it in her actions she got cuddlier and more affectionate, and bucky thought of how you used to get that way when you got sleepy or sick. Then his mind wondered to what you must have been like all big and pregnant, how you must have been so adorable, wondered who you cuddled with when you were almost due, wondered if there was another person who laid besides you and rubbed your back the way you liked. He didn’t like to think about that, didn’t like to remember that it was his own fault he wasn’t there.

“How about I tell you a special bedtime story?” He hated thinking about you with someone else and then he thought that there must have been a time when you felt that way.

She crawls over to him and settles her tiny body into the space between his neck and metal arm. In the past he would have tried to move her over to his human arm out of fear of hurting her, but he's learned a lot in this year and the fact that she loves his metal arm almost as much as you had is always his favorite to remember.

“peas?” Her tiny voice asks and he can't say no, never wanted to tell her no.

“Anything for you.” And it true he would do anything at all if she asked. So he begins quietly telling the only story he could think of. The day you met.

He remembered that day more vividly than anything else. It was early maybe 4 in the morning when he and Steve had come back to the tower and of course F.R.I.D.A.Y. wasn't going to let them just sneak in. There had been a short but loud alert to let the team know that they had arrived back and as the team filled out from the back bucky had taken a mental note of everyone. Natasha didn’t even look a little bit tired and that terrified him. Clint looked dead on his feet and that seemed pretty normal for him. Tony Bruce and Rhodey all looked like they hadn’t even been to sleep yet. Then you walked in leaning heavily onto Thor's broad back You had been almost invisible standing behind the giant asgardian but he saw you. He couldn't stop looking at you.

He remembered your hair being a mess and all over your head. He would always tell you he liked your hair any way you did it but when it was a mess that was his favorite it reminded him of that moment. You had dried up drool in the corner of your bottom lip clearly F.R.I.D.A.Y. had interrupted a good deep sleep. Your pajama shirt was riding up your belly and your shorts were practically twisted all the way around our legs.

“She was so pretty.” He sounded like he was in a daze and he kind of was remembering how you couldn't even keep your eyes open when he and Tony had made amends that night. He remembered how you cuddled up on the couch after that and refused to be moved until morning when you woke up again. He knew his daughter wasn't listening at this point by the soft even breathing coming from her. He kissed her cheeks one final time before picking her up and laying her down on the bed next to him.

“Ready to go home?” You ask reaching for your daughter. It was now Sunday evening and the family day was over and you were beyond tired. Jamie had insisted she wanted to go see the puppies at the park after breakfast and he couldn't say no to her and you couldn't say no to either of them so you went, and you and he had spent the entire day chasing after her as she ran with the dogs.

“Stebie…” Her tiny voice whines as she holds on to Steve's shirt for dear life. This is Bucky’s least favorite part about weekend visits. When you guys have to leave after family day and you have to say goodbye and he comes to the crushing realization that after all this time you still aren't back where he knows you belong. That you still don't go to bed next to him every night or wake up next to him every morning any more.

“You know you guys are always welcome to stay here for a few extra days.” Steve says rubbing circles into Jamie's back and giving quick glances to his left at Bucky who was staring off into space.

“That would be great but I don't have any clothes here.” You would love to stay at the tower it had been such a long time and you honestly missed the team so much. Having late night drinks and movies with Natasha and Wanda. Annoying Tony with Clint and Scott. You missed them all and it would be so nice to finally spend time with them again.

When you looked at Steve and Bucky again you saw his lips move but didn't hear exactly what he’d said.

“What'd you say buck?” You asked honest curiosity evident in your voice.

“Of course you still have clothes here how could I throw them out?”

“I … uh I said that...” He was floundering and he needed help bad.

“He said we can find something for you to wear around here.” Steve provides without missing a beat and if he wasn't already eternally indebted to Steve he is now.

“Well then I guess it's settled.” You said as you smiled up at the three of them.

After you and Bucky put Jamie to bed, her insisting that she wanted to sleep in her room of the tower next to her favorite uncle Steve’s (“Why doesn't she love me as much as she loves capsicle?! I sneak her cookies all the time! IT'S NOT FAIR!!” “You're a grown man Tony.” “WHO NEEDS LOVE AND AFFECTION!”), you both went your separate ways.

You went off to one of the many spare rooms in the tower a hot shower was calling to you. You were sweaty and hot and your bones were aching after running around with Bucky and your daughter. Luckily with all the running she did Jamie would definitely sleep through the night.

Less than 5 minutes after you had gotten out of your shower there was a knock on the door and before you could even get up to open it, it had been flung open revealing a very excited looking Natasha and avery apologetic looking Wanda.

“I have rum and vodka!” Natasha sings as she shuts the door behind them with her socked foot.

“Wanda has popcorn and oreos let's do this!!”

So that's how you spent the next few hours with the girls laughing at stories about the the team, your team that you missed. You would occasionally pipe in with stories about Jamie when she came up and both Nat and Wanda would tell you how lucky you were to have such a beautiful baby girl.

“Do you know how awful it was watching the winter fucking soldier mop around this place? It was terrible.” Natasha said face first into the bed sheets.

You laughed bitterly at that. You couldn't imagine Bucky being upset over you not being around after what hed done. You had on several occasions thought about what and who he had been up to while you were away. How many people he had in his bed. How often he would go out looking for a new person to keep his bed warm and it made you sick to your stomach every time you thought about a new person in his bed.

“He didn't do what you're thinking.” Wanda stated before standing up from the floor.

You must have looked like a deer in headlights when you whipped your head around to look at her.

“After you left he didn't have anyone else. He told the woman not to ever come back and kicked her out and then … then there was no one else.” She said looking cheerfully in your direction before pulling Natasha to her feet.

“We better get out of here it is super late good night!”She called out as he hurried her Natasha from your room.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. is Sergeant Barnes in his room?” you asked the AI unite as you checked the time. It was barely 3:30.

“Not yet Miss he is leaving the common room from talking to ones Mr. Wilson and Captain Rogers.”

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y.” you replied before you collapsed onto the bed fully intending on getting some sleep but you couldn't. You needed to talk to Bucky.

Bucky on the other hand had gone in search of Sam and Steve for much needed advice. He found them not long after he started his search in the living area of the tower watching some terrible movie he didn’t know the name of. He plants himself on the opposite couch from both sam and steve and stares down at his hands.

“I need help with Y/N.” He didn't need to look up from hands to know that they were staring at him so he just kept talking.

“I know that I've always wanted a family I … I can remember always wanting a family with a girl I couldn't get enough of. A big one with lots of kids and a dog or two.”

“Yeah Buck you always talked about it when we were coming up.”

“I never wanted to be a ‘baby daddy’ or have a ‘baby mama’ I wanted to be married and to have a wife. Y/N was what I wanted and only Y/N. I want my best girl back.” He dared to look up now. Steve was still looking at him but Sam had turned his attention back to the TV.

“You missed that train dude.” Sam said flipping through some channels on the TV.

“Sam.” Steve warned.

“Buck are you sure you wanna tell her all of this now? What if she still needs time?” Bucky looked over at Steve to see if he was serious about what he'd said. He couldn't possibly be he had waited way longer than he needed to and he was ready to tell you. He had too.

“What!? He's already wasted so much time sitting on his ass and moping. I’m surprised she hasn't moved one yet. A gorgeous girl like her with such a cute kid if she wanted to she could have definitely done better by now.”

“Sam stop. Buck why don't you just wait it out a little longer.”

“No Steve. He's been sitting around here waiting for too long expecting us all to feel sorry for him because the light of his life left him. News flash dude no one told him to be balls deep into the next woman. If he felt the way he says he does, as bad as he says he does then he should grow up and act like it. Tell her. Now or never.”

Having Sam give him an ultimatum like that put more of his thoughts into perspective. Sam was definitely the hardest on him after you left and Buck had assumed it was because he was the one who had known you outside of the avengers first but after a few months Sam had confronted him about his actions. Sam had screamed at him for nearly an hour and a half about how he’d let the best thing that ever happened to walk out and he was forced to listen to him. Listened to him yell that he had never seen Bucky happier than when you were around.

“He's right.” Bucky said getting up from his seat on the couch. He'd made his decision, he was gonna tell you tonight come hell or high water.

By the time he made it back to his floor all he could think about was telling you everything. He wanted to talk about all the ways he had messed up from the tiniest things like leaving his clothes in the washing machine for days at a time to this last huge one. He didn't care if you were with someone new … well he did but even if you were he would still tell you.

He was drawn from his thoughts at the softest knock on his door. He knew there was no way it was anybody but you at this time of night so he swallowed all the nervous and all the doubt and told you too come in.

You weren't drunk by any means. Tipsy absolutely, but not drunk you still had a child to look after the next day and a hangover wouldn't help with that at all. You were just a lot braver now which was what had you knocking on his door so close to 4 in the morning.

You walked in wearing the pajamas Steve had given you earlier that night. You recognized them the very second he handed them to you, your favorite sleep shorts and one of Bucky's way too large for either of you shirts. A part of you hoped he would be asleep by now, hoped that in the time it took for him to get from the common area to his room he would be dead tired. Before he would try and be in bed by 12, but now you had no idea what his sleep schedule was like. When you finally got the courage to knock on the door it took no time at all for him to tell you to come in.

When you walked in you were shocked everything was different. The queen sized bed he used to have was replaced with a giant California king. The blackout shades that covered his window before were gone and there was nothing in its place showing off the starry night and New York skyline. You always thought his room had the perfect view. The walls that were once bare now had pictures of Jamie smiling as she was pushed on a swing and ones of her in a pretty pink dress as he and Steve stood either side of her in suits. You’d have to ask about that one later. You laughed a loud to yourself as you noticed the Doc McStuffins bedspread.

Buckys eyes followed yours around the room. When you laughed his decision to tell you was solidified.

“She said Doc McStuffins would help with the nightmares.” She had said that a few months back after he had come back from a 3 week long mission. He had come home beat down and tired and only wanting to see her face and when he finally had he cried. He hated being away for more than a week, of course he had a job a to do being one of earth's mightiest heroes but he was always a little more anxious now that he knew he had a tiny child depending on his safe return. That night he had slept with her cuddled close enough for him to hear her even snores but far away enough that should he have a soldier's nightmare she was out of harm's way. He had had a nightmare that night. He had to watch his daughter be dragged away from him while he sat strapped into that goddamn chair as she cried out to him to help her. He’d woken up covered in sweat and tears and million and one ideas about what would happen if HYDRA could get to her. How he’d do anything and everything to get her back even if he had to be the soldier again. So he cried again over all the things that could happen to his daughter and all the fighting he would go through all over again just to keep her safe. She had woken up at the sounds of his sobbing and all he could do is give her a watery smile and open his arms to her as she crawled in and wiped his tears away.

“Doc Mcstuffins makes the bed dreams go away.” She had yawned out to him and the very next day he had gotten rid of his black bed set in exchange for his current one.

“She’s great like that.” You smile at him as you walked over to the window admiring the stars in the sky.

“She gets her greatness from you.” He says looking at the stars from his spot on the bed.

“Well her dad is pretty great too.” You turn to look at him as he watches the stars behind you

You take this time to note the similarities between him and Jamie. The way they both look at something they really love with gold in their eyes. The crooked smile they both have on their faces when they think no one can see it.

“Can I um ask you something?” You don't wait for his response before you start asking all the questions that you've wanted to ask for so long.

“Why wasn't I enough?” and then you're crying and you can't stop and your mouth is still going, asking questions you aren't sure you even want to know the answers to.

“Was it because she's prettier than me?” There's a loud sob and it sounds so far away from where you are right now, so foreign to your own ears but you know it's you and you can't stop the next one that crashes through you. There is one last question that leaves your lips before you can stop it.

“Did you really love me?” Your bottom lips is quivering as you stare back at him.

Buckys heart is shattered with the first question you ask and it shatters into tinier and tinier pieces with each question you ask but it's the last one that turns the pieces to pure dust.

You'd never cried around Bucky before, not when you first broke your arm on a mission, not when, You had to watch a dog be taken from her pups not even when you left that night. You were crying now though and it hurt for Bucky to know it was all his fault.

He jumped up from his position on the bed to walk towards you.

“Doll please this wasn't your fault it was me 100% me and me alone. You were perfect … always so perfect.” He reached to wipe your tears away, he didn't want to see you see cry over his stupid mistakes.

He wanted to hold you and kiss you but he knew better than to do any of that, now wasn't the time. He had to talk first, tell you everything thing he had been telling himself for so long.

“Y/N, Doll you gotta sit down okay? I don't want you passing out.” You were hyperventilating and it was scaring him. He was reaching for your hands now to lead you towards the bed. You nodded tears still flowing down your hot cheeks you didn't reach to grab his hands though instead rubbing at your eyes as you walked over to the bed.

“I'm just gonna talk now okay? I just need to talk and I really want you to listen but if you don't I'll understand completely.” He sat at the end of the bed facing you, as much as he didn't want to look at you while you were crying he needed to look into your eyes to tell you this.

“I ...I messed so terribly bad. I did. I wish I could say that it was something that just happened, unplanned but I can't I knew what was going to happen that day and I was fully aware of her intentions and what she wanted from me and what I wanted from her.” He could feel his throat closing and his breath was coming out hard and fast but he wasn't finished he still had so much more to say.

You just stared back at him tears slowly but steadily flowing the more he spoke.

“I have regretted that day every single day since it happened and every single day I have beaten myself up about it.”

You could believe that, Bucky was definitely the type of person who beat himself over things that he had control over just as much as things he didn't, especially after HYDRA and all the brainwashing he'd been put through. He spent countless nights recounting to you all of the things he'd done and you'd listen to everything he had said, listened to the way he blamed himself over the HYDRA agents that ruined him, listened to how he beat himself up until his throat was raw and broken remembering everything he had done.

“Every night since you left has been the absolute worst of my entire life only made worse by the constant reminder that I failed not only you but our precious daughter.”

Your daughter, god he remembered the first time you said she could stay at the tower with him and the entire night he just stared at her looking at your eyes and hoping beyond hope that she turned out exactly like you. He thought about how he started crying when she first said ‘daddy’ and he broke down to his knees in front of her a complete mess and her chubby hands wiped his tears away and he knew she would be exactly like you.

He looked away from you and out the window again.

“I took the blinds from the window down a few weeks after you left. I couldn't get a good night's sleep Steve said I looked like a zombie. That was his way of being nice.” There was a scratchy laugh from him you could tell he wanted to cry but he wouldn't “I looked horrible my hair was a mess knotted together I hadn't showered or eaten in days.”

He thought back to Steve trying to get him to do anything to go for a run, to eat, to come out of his room for longer them 5 minutes. But he just wouldn't, couldn't get himself to care about anything or anyone let alone himself. He felt sick and guilty and not worthy of being around the rest of the team. So he stayed in his dark room and sulked away for weeks until one night Steve had suggested he take the blinds down.

“He said that looking at the stars would calm me down help me an okays night's sleep.” You were still looking at his face as he stared out of the window wondering where this was going.

“I took one look at the stars that night and they reminded me of when you used to smile at me whenever I would and your eyes would crinkle at the very edge and sparkle just like the stars.”He finally looked backed at you. His eyes were glossy and he sounded like he could just barely breath.

“I love you so much doll.“ He choked out.

“I don't deserve for you to love me back I broke your trust and if you never forgive me again I can't blame you. But i'd really love to try and prove that I can do so much better than before even if that means starting all the way over … well not all the way over you can't put jamie back inside of yo-.”

“Buck!” You giggle out hoping to cut him off.

“Right right. I want to try again for you to give me one last second. Just one and i'll do so much better. For you for Jamie for our family. I love you so much doll and I always will no matter what you decide.” He looked down at his hands for a few beats then decided he need to look at you to see how sincere he was in that moment.

You looked him in the eyes for the first time that night and you believed and trusted him. It scared you to trust him again, to be so ready to believe him again, of course it did and it would take a long time for you to be able to not feel fear when you said you trusted him.

“I love you too.” It's whispered into his chest as he crushes you into a hug and you don't wanna leave his embrace not now not ever.

It wasn't gonna be easy road from here on out and you knew that, you knew there would be days when you would remember all he’d put you through and want to leave all over again, knew that there would be times where you got into arguments and you both would bring up the past and say things you didn't mean. You knew that things would never be the same going forward, but you also knew you still really wanted to try again so you would.

The next morning when you wake up, a cold metal arm wrapped around your waist, a scruffy chin buried into your neck and long hair falling against your cheek, you think that there is no way your morning can get any better. Then there’s the sound of the door opening and closing you keep your eyes closed knowing exactly who it is. You feel the ruffling of the bed as she climbs up and over you to squeeze in between yourself and Bucky. You assume she’s just jumping into bed for a cuddle before she asks for her breakfast. So you decide to close your eyes and go back to bed he was more than capable of making her breakfast.

“Daddy?”

He was used to waking up at the drop a hat. He had to be in case Steve's breathing had suddenly changed when he got sick and Sarah was away at work. When he would have to listen to the feet of his enemies from miles away as a soldier back in the war. Listening for the steady slam of heavy boots on tile floors before he had to be wiped again. So when he heard the door knob turn he was already awake.

“Yes princess?” Then she is climbing into bed over the body that laid in front of him and there's a smile on his face that's at least 5 miles long. You went to sleep where he knew you should have been sleeping since the beginning and soon you'd be waking up where he knew you should be. You were home and he was complete.

“Cuddle?” She says as she not so gently squeezes her body between yours and his and even though he gets elbowed in his stomach and chest he definitely couldn't be happier than now lying with his best girls.

#Leeah Writes #leeah is also hella tired its 1 30 in the morning #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barns x reader #marvel x reader #c'ya

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