#i'm already on 1000mg a day i don't want to take more !!!!!!!!!!!!!! even if it makes me less crzy

[dykethang]

logically i know i need lithium so i don't go completely nuclear but if i'm gonna be crazy on lithium anyway what's the point in even taking it

[nathank77]

8/11/24

3:23 p.m Updated/Added to Significantly 3:51 p.m

So the half frames are great but they leave those marks on my face, I've since switched to my Ray-Bans.

I feel more like me in my half frames but as stupid as this sounds my Ray-Bans are now my face lol I still want half frames that are comfortable but maybe next year. I've decided I'm going to invest in the Ray-Bans and have the lenses replaced next year assuming my prescription changes anyways.

They may touch my cheeks sometimes but I mean less now that I lost weight and they are branded. They take up my whole face but whatever. I do like the idea that when someone sees the side of my face they can read Ray-Bans and think I'm not poor. Also I do sorta like them but they take up half my face.

I remember talking to Elise about glasses and how I hated how some people wore glasses that took up half their face and then I ended up being one of them :/ maybe that's why no one wants me.

I shaved my face but I still got to trim my bread and I'm going to buzz my head instead of shaving it.... bc it's cheaper. Gillette is expensive. And buzzers are cheap and mow through it. I really wish I could get all my hair waxed off or plucked out so I never had to shave again. Then I'd just have to keep my chin strap edged up nicely and get rid of the nasty mustache.

I noticed my facial hair is slowly filling in. I feel dirty cause my beard is too long but I can't find a happy medium. If I shave it to a 1 guard you can see my double chin and I feel the hole stands out just as much as when it's longer....I also think when it's longer I can move it/fluff it persay to cover the hole a little. I didn't fluff it in this photo. I notice the bad side is starting to fill in.

Last week my beard was perfect length but within 4 days it was too long and now it's bothering me. Maybe I'll keep growing it but idk I'm prob going to try a 2 guard. Idk sometimes I just do the 1 so I don't have to trim it for a couple weeks but I always regret it.

I can't find the right length. If I let it grow longer for a while then I mean maybe I'll get used to it feeling "dirty." I'm just more clean cut.

Hair feels dirty on me idk how to explain it. It's a symptom of being bald for years. My fringe or whatever feels nasty and dirty too around my bald head. Even though you can barely pinch it.

I'm worried about money. I have to get cigarettes in new Hampshire this Friday... I had to replace the apple usb port cause I don't game like I used to and i deserve to play. Twitch already fucked me. A 4 hour video of minecraft had muted audio. It disconnected. And no one watched, a .1 average viewership it's too depressing to see all the same issues. I chose recording and YouTube for a reason. I know how long someone watches. I know how they find my video. I know if they return to my videos. I can see certian parts they watch more frequently (when I get enough of a following).

But yea I'm worried about money and I'm worried about continuing to take White mulberries at 3000mg but I had a lot of caffeine yesterday. I cut myself off at like 1 or 2 p.m today. If I have an involuntary movement or something that is a twitch instead of a Spasm I'll drop down to 1000mg of white mulberries but I really think it was caffeine. I say twitch versus spasm bc spasms could still be due to the statin drug... that side effect can last 3 months... twitches are not common for statins.. I did actually have a Spasm today in my leg but it wasn't a twitch I do attribute it to the statin side effects wearing off.

Today was a cheat day I had smiley fries and Simulate nugs. My hallucination makes me want to jump off a bridge.

I hope I fall asleep quickly tonight. I'm not going to bother gaming. When I get my adapter I'm going to game at night but not have caffeine after 2 p.m... and see if it's just the caffeine bc I can see the commonalities between all 4 nights:

1) caffeine consumption was high bc even the day I only had one red bull I drank 3 or 4 v8 and Gatorade cause I didn't know it had caffeine.

I truly hope this microsleep trauma will lighten eventually. I see Erin and Mike tomorrow.... and that's it for therapy for the week.... that's the sad part....

Idk what I'm supposed to do I can't get abandoned again by another bot.