#i'm a looking at your bookmarks type of person but i also want to find the good unpopular fics out there i just wish it wasn't EXHAUSTING

[regheart]

i keep telling myself that i won't be mean or bitter about it but tell me why i'm on the jily tag on ao3 searching specifically for first war fics and give up on page five after at least half a dozen reiterations of atyd (translations, alternate pov, fanfic of fanfic), three fics that are mainly jegulus and about ten that are mainly any other ship

[the-bloody-sadist]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "the bloody sadist"?

YOU FUCKING BET!!!! I love having the opportunity to list my favorites for anything, though I'm also incredibly picky about fanfics, so I don't actually know (until I start scrolling my bookmarks and listing them) if I'll reach a whole 10 favorites!! But I might! (Note: these are in no particular order)

What I Want From You is Sweet by VampireFaun (Heaven Official's Blessing) [And basically every other work that she's written! But some of my other top favorites of hers are The Thing That Was Not His Highness and Beast With Two Backs]: When I can't get a fanfic out of my head, I usually end up drawing an illustration based on it, if I'm bold enough to risk depicting an author's precious words (rare). This is my MOST re-read fic and I won't ever stop. It doesn't help that VampireFaun/Deer is a WONDERFUL PERSON and I love her personality so much. She's an incredible writer!

Tenfold by dgalerab (Bungou Stray Dogs) : Baby's first fic! This was one of the writings that immediately roped me into the fanfic world. When I first was into it, I was under the impression that everyone just went there to write half-assed explorations of sex between characters, and that wasn't so appealing to me. When I discovered that some people can write entire 25-chapter PLOTS with the level of literacy that matches what I hoped to read??? I was hooked. Obviously you can see in this list that I have strong devotion to a handful of fic writers and my favorites are just the top best fics that I return to of their writing. If I find a great writer, I subscribe to them and go on a rampage of consumption through their list of fics, my fandom or not! Please consider doing the same for those authors that I mention like that!! You'll find so much gold. Everything by dgalerab is good in some way, I have almost all of their fics bookmarked. :') My only complaint about this particular story was that HOLY FUCK THE AUTHOR CUT SO MANY SCENES WAY TOO SHORT LMAO. Please let me have a full comfort scene for more than two paragraphs T_T I worked so hard for it. I cried so much. ANYWAY, STILL A HUGE INSPIRATION FOR WHAT I WENT ON TO WRITE!

What You Have Tamed by Parsnipit (Heaven Official's Blessing)

Love is Hard, Life Sucks by gev_ao3 (Bungou Stray Dogs) : A painful inspection of the nuances of domestic abuse. This one rang true to reality so much that I don't think I can re-read it without having a depressive episode. It's not finished, but it's Fyozai, and you know how I feel about that. Also side-plot SKK! I usually can't stand AUs, but this one fits the situations very well. It's the type of fic that only someone who knows a little too much about how abuse works on a victim can write.

Careful Fear and Dead Devotion by intimatopia (Trigun Stampede) : Yet another fic that I couldn't help but draw for! And intimatopia was kind enough to link it in his fic summary T_T - A super angsty sadomasochistic fic about Vash needing pain and Wolfwood needing to give it. If I don't list any other fics by him on here, it's because I'm such a huge enjoyer of his writing (one of my favorite fic authors), so nearly all of them that don't hit on personal triggers are in my favorites category. He's a master at pinning down the PERFECT depictions of characters that make them feel as canon as possible while also becoming more tangible and real. The ZhongXiao, AyaThoma and Kaeluc fics are incredible. Read them all! However, I will mention that one of his fics that first stuck with me was his Kaeluc AU Northbound & Reaching ! Carys has done a lot of BSD fics too, of which a few stick out to me like They Say You Gotta Fake It and that one Soul Eater AU he did where Dazai was a knife in Chuuya's drawer who gained a body. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT WENT CUZ I CAN'T FIND IT TO LINK YOU BUT GO LOOK THROUGH ALL HIS FICS FOR IT. IT'S REALLY UNIQUE.

Top 5 works, I guess?? As I mentioned several times while gushing, three of these account for entire lists of the author's works that you should enjoy if we share the same taste! VampireFaun, dgalerab, and intimatopia are my top fic authors, and I've read everything they've posted as long as it didn't contain anything personally triggering - and have learned about new fandoms even! Also, Alaruya didn't make it on this list, but they have a Fyozai fic that really inspired me with its imagery and language. I link it in my Sinner fanfic if you're interested!

I have quite a few other random fics I enjoy, but most were from a Heaven Official's Blessing craze recently and then BSD works that inspired me in some way, but they're not very unique or long, so I felt like this was the best collection to list. Most any fic that explores Dazai struggling with self-harm or neediness or asexuality has my attention. It just has to be written well!

AS FAR AS MY NAME - YOU'RE THE FIRST TO ASK THAT QUESTION! I'm a big fan of...how to explain...slightly dehumanizing titles?? Something that isn't really a name, but a description of me in some way. Something that makes me feel mysterious and yet also gives everyone who reads it an idea of the type of works I'm creating. Of course, my main personality trait is being sadistic, and I love the word sadist, and I love putting THE in front of literally any title because I DON'T KNOW LMAO...I'm THE ONE. That kinda thing. I'M THE GUY!! YEAH I'M THE BLOODY SADIST GUY! THAT ONE! I also love smashing words together, so I was like, I can't just be THE sadist....what else do I like....and that's about it. If I name myself I tend to have trouble ever using anything else in reference to me, so Sadist has stuck from the very beginning. It's going to be very hard to part with that name once I publish a novel and have to use a first and last name...

THANKS FOR THE ASK!! I HOPE YOU ENOY THOSE RECS.

[gffa]

How do find all those gems of fics because you have incredible taste im so serious

Hi! Aw, you are very sweet to say so, thank you! I freely admit that I have very specific tastes, but I know what I'm about and I'm recommending fics that I know I would enjoy, so it's a list perfectly tailored to what I want to see in fandom! As for a semi-serious answer about how to find the fic you want to read, it's sort of a collection of little tricks: 1 - Read a lot of fic. The more you read, the more you'll find that you like, and the more you'll develop a sense for finding what you want to read faster! 2 - Be willing to give up on a fic that's just not for you. The number of times a fic has gotten better after hitting one of my personal warning signs has been so low that now I almost never both to keep reading. If a fic says attachment and love are the same thing, good luck with your fic, author, but I'm out right then and there. If a fic crosses into Bad Dad Bruce territory, you're perfectly valid author, but I'm out right on the spot. If I don't vibe with the formatting or style (I need every new speaker/thinker to be in a new paragraph, I need reasonable sized paragraphs, etc.), I drop the fic and move on to the next. If a summary seems like it has the type of fanon that doesn't hit my id, I keep scrolling. This isn't a value judgement, those fics are fine! They're just not meant for me. But it means I have more time to move on to the next fic, rather than frustrating myself by trying to vibe with something that's just never going to be for me. If I change my mind later, I can always come back, but honestly this has allowed me to find a lot more fic that is for me, if I'm not spending time on something that I don't vibe with. 3 - I will sort by kudos to get started in finding authors to begin reading when I first start, but after that I'm heading to the bookmarks of authors I liked, filtering by "Other work tags to include" to find what I'm really looking for (usually a specific relationship), and start opening up fic. When you find another author you like, repeat the process! 4 - Check out when other people do rec lists, too! Like, I've picked up fic from @cacchieressa and @fantastic-nonsense in DC fandom, as they both do recs fairly often, or I'll do a search for whatever character I'm looking for on tumblr, like "search/dick grayson fic recs", and if something sounds interesting, I'll drop it onto my reader. (I hope I can give back in this way, too, I would love to help others find fic to read and if that inspires making a recs list, that would be great, too!) 5 - I do go through certain tags every night (I go through the Dick & Bruce tag every night, I go through the Anakin Skywalker tag every night, sometimes I'll go through the Jedi Culture Appreciated tag, etc.) and see what catches my attention that's new today, or I'll do a search by kudos and hit up the 300 to 500 number of kudos fics, the ones that are smack in the middle to find more authors that are often really good (which I will then hit up their back catalogue and their bookmarks). Basically, just figure out what really makes your motor run when it comes to fic, whether a favorite character, a favorite relationship, a favorite trope, and you'll naturally just start reading so much that you'll find a ton of fic you like. But also, seriously, hit up authors' bookmarks, if you like their writing, chances are good you'll like their taste in reading, too!

[thissortofsorcery]

💞A different type of rec list ask game, to rep your own fics and other authors you enjoy.💞 Spell out your user name with fic recs. If the letter correlates to one of your fics you rec it (no duplicates use a different fic for repeat letters.) If you get to a letter you don’t have a fic title for you rec one you‘ve liked from someone else. 💖Send this to someone who might need a little love on their own fics or just like spreading the love.💖

Oh, my username is LONG, this is gonna be HARD (haha get it). Keeping it Harringrove to keep it simple (for myself. I have over 3k bookmarks on ao3)

The Green Hawkins Tigers Sweatshirt, by me. 1k, Steve comforts Billy after a run in with Neil.

Hook Possum, by @platypanthewriter. 16k, Steve's a camp counselor and there's a guy Possum Mascot he's very friendly with. This fic had me laughing and giggling from start to finish. It's ART.

I Had to See You, by me. Almost 2k, Billy and Steve broke up three weeks ago, and Steve shows up on Billy's doorstep. One of the fics I'm proudest of.

sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, by @whenyouwishuponastar7. 94k, Steve is a professional babysitter, and is hired to look after Max after she and her older brother move to Hawkins. This was the first fic I read from her and I FELL IN LOVE. Absolute masterpiece. Every time she posts new fics I run to read them so fast.

Shout At The Devil, by @writerwhowritesao3. It's actually a series (155k) that has me by the balls, but the first fic(68k) can be read on its own just fine. It's a retelling of season 2 and it's delicious. It also gives Susan a personality. I would tag just the first fic, but I don't have a J in my username and I HAD to.

Of Cats and Men, by @ihni. 39k, Billy hits a cat with his car, and has to take care of three little kittens. Steve helps. This fics is EVERYTHING to me. Billy and cats get me every time, right in the heart. You will need to hug your pet when you read this, though.

Run for the Shadows, by @shieldofiron. 36k, this fic is DELICIOUS. Friends with benefits to lovers, OBLIVIOUS STEVE. So oblivious. Pure of heart, dumb of ass. I had such a great time reading this fic.

Towel Talks, by @weird-an. 10k, after s3, Steve finds Billy in the community pool sauna. I love this one because An does caring Steve SO WELL. I was like this 🥺 the whole time I was reading it. It's so so good.

On Loving Billy, by lilpeas. I don't know their tumblr. 16k, this is THE break-up and make-up fic. It hurts SO GOOD, their emotions are so beautifully written out. It wrung everything out of me. Love.

for what you have tamed, by skoosiepants. Don't know their tumblr either. 10k. Billy is a cat and a dragon, and he keeps saving Steve's life. I LOVE magical realism, and this fic builds the world incredibly well. It's such a good read.

Sideways, by @robthegoodfellow. 46k. THIS FIC. It spins season 2 on its head so fucking well, oh my god. Rob is such a good writer, I've read this fic more than once and it gets to me every time. Their Billy is incredible.

Only The Freaks Come Out at Night, by shippingmyarmada (idk their tumblr). 67k. GREAT post s2 fic. You know I cry from happiness when I find a post s2 fic. This one is really, really well done.

Rotten Apples, by @weird-an. 14k. It's. a. WITCHER. AU. Do I need to say anything else???????? I love this so much. So much. You have no idea.

Camaro, by @lovebillyhargrove. I'm cheating a little on this one bc I don't know the name of the fic and I wanted to include it, and it's about the Camaro coming alive after season 3 and going on a killing spree to avenge Billy. It gets EVEN BETTER from there. Ana wrote this so well, whenever a chapter dropped on tumblr I lost my shit.

every night fucks every day up, by anonymous. 8k. It's a modern AU, and you know I love my modern AUs. Steve and Billy interact through snapchat. I have a soft spot for snapchat because i first heard about this app reading a Sterek fic in january 2014. This has nothing to do with the fic.

Read to Me?, by lemonlovely (idk tumblr). 12k. Someone leaves books with marked passages at Family Video for Steve. It's SO CUTE. SO CUTE. I love it.

Yeah, It's Me, by @callieb. 29k. Another fic that's between s2 and s3, and this one is SOOOOO GOOD in that their relationship starts as a FWB that's kind of unhealthy and I just about died reading this. Happy ending though. Trust me, it's worth it.

And that's done! It took me over 2 hours to put this together lmao so go give these fics and these writers some love! They deserve it.

[haveyoureadthismcytfic]

Hi! I'm curious, so may I ask why you choose not to include info like ratings and Major Archive Warnings in the posts? I love, love, love the concept of this blog and I think it's a really fun way to bring attention to hidden gems, and while I understand why you might not want to include *all* the tag metadata, as including the rating, the MAWs, the ships, the characters, aaand the freeform tags would rapidly make your posts feel very long and cluttered; but if you are accepting blog critique at all, I do think there could be value in at least making the fic rating and any Major Archive Warnings clear in the post, or even just in the tags.

Alternatively/additionally, I know there's the spreadsheet from the form submissions, but a dedicated pseud (or fresh ao3 account, if there are several mods) for bookmarking all the submitted fics could be brilliant for the purposes of this blog functioning as a way for people to find new fics, as unlike the collections function (which also comes into a second pitfall in the fact that people can opt out of having their work added to collections) the bookmarking feature has the tag filtering system built in.

Sorry this got a bit wordy, feel free to ignore it. I hope the mod/s of the blog have a lovely day! <3

The reasoning behind not including tag information is because I assumed people would look at the tags for themselves if the fic interested them based on the content of the summary and potentially the note from submitter. I often tell people to make sure they look at tags anyway if they have things that trigger them or that they would rather not read. I didn't see it as necessary, especially since this blog is technically just a "have you read it" blog, though I will admit that the true intention is for people to share fics they love to give the authors love and give other fans recommendations they may not have found otherwise.

It is only me, one person, running this blog. I could potentially have a pseudo specifically for this blog, because getting a new account requires a week wait, but I've never done a pseudo account before. All of my fan works are posted on one account. Bookmarking is a good idea for filtering, however, so I could spend the time I was going to spend right now queuing up more posts to catch up and bookmark things. I shall look into it and see if it makes sense to me.

Thank you, I hope you're doing well as well.

Update: I tried to create a pseud for the bookmark thing, but it only tangled them in with my main account's bookmarks, so I am not going to do that. This blog still works for that, and the spreadsheet exists. Plus, I tag the fics with [fandom] fanfic or [fandom] fanfiction depending which pops up for me or which I type if it doesn't so that's one way as well. In addition, ctrl+F search

[bittsandpieces]

Sooooo I recently found your blog and started looking into fauxcest. I wasn’t sure where to look. Still don’t know many places. Like the main sites I’ve seen don’t have a lot. Like the same 10 videos uploaded from different accounts. Never thought I’d have a tough time finding content on the internet lol any sites you suggest? Also, you have fully got me into this now 😂 the fantasy aspect of it is sooo intriguing and honestly super hot! So thank you for corrupting me lol

I.... don't watch porn. Like, basically ever? I find it to almost all be over produced and fake in a way that's very off-putting to me, largely because what actually turns me on is the mental side of things: arousal, intimacy, emotional connection. Those are hard to communicate in a 20 minute video of two strangers fucking according to a predetermined script

Also, the reason you're not finding very many videos is because depictions of illegal acts by real peopls (even if it's being acted out and not actually done) range from legal grey area to an absolute no, your porn company will get shut down and there will be charges filed situation.

The key here is to get into written porn, which does not have the same legal limits on it. Personally, I've been reading erotic fanfiction the whole time, regardless of me having any knowledge of the source material. Archive Of Our Own is the place to go, it has a comprehensive tagging system meaning you can search by specific kinks/story types! Personally, my usual filters are to go to whatever core tag I'm looking through (in this case it'd be "sibling incest") and then set rating to include only explicit ratings, exclude any fics with the rape/non-con warning, change completion status to complete works only, and set my word count to 3000-30000, as I've found that range is mostly likely to have well written stuff. Sorting by bookmarks rather than by date updated will give you the most popular fics first rather than the most recent, so you'll also find higher quality stuff that way! Sometimes I'll exclude the "established relationship" tag as well because I like first time sex best. Depending on your sexuality, you might want to change the "categories" section to m/f, m/m, f/f, or multi so match. The nature of erotic fanfiction specifically is that most of it will be m/m, so the filters might come in handy for that!

Hopefully this helps, I know it's more complicated than just like... searching for porn, but when you're into a kink that's genuinely not socially acceptable you've gotta put in a little extra work to get your rocks off lol

[time-travelling-chaos]

🍓🛼🥤❄️🏜️☁️

Thank you so much for the ask!

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

Oh I never had to get into it, I was into fanfiction even before understanding the concept of fanfiction. It always made sense for me to do something (art stories...) from the things I loved. Like when I was a kid, I loved writing and stories, and I also loved this children's book series the famous five, so of course, when I was around 9, I decided to write my own story with the characters (I had no internet at the time, so I had no clue it was actually a thing). I never finished that story but I had like one or two chapters written. Then I got into code lyoko and thought about creating my own fanzine with some of my own stories (still had no idea it was a thing as well). I spent a lot of my middle school doing some rp with my best friend for diverse fandoms by sending each other SMS (and it was at the time you had to pay for each individual SMS). But I got introduced to the actual concept when I got into the Doctor Who fandom and I read a lot, thought of writing some (I had so much ideas) but I never actually managed to write more than a few lines. Then we started actually writing a story together with a friend, based on a game we had played (still on the doctor who fandom). It might still be somewhere online btw but I'm not sure I'll even be able to find it. And then I got a bit away from fandom, but two years ago I went back to it with the le visiteur du futur fandom, and my friend was talking about their ideas for fanfiction, so I went back to reading some, got some ideas myself and started writing once more.

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

👼🏞🌳🎻📚

I'm curious to see if someone will find out what it is about 👀

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Oh no, this won't work. This is where my ability to follow rules stops. I can't recommend one author or fic, it doesn't work like that you know. It depends on so many things and without even looking at my bookmarks I have three coming on top of my head. So I'll recommend some, but not only one. (I'll do that in another post though to keep my recs at the same place)

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I have plenty of ideas for fics (and I'm not going to share them right now to not lose my motivation too much) but when it is my ideas, I often think I'm the best person to write it, because I know exactly what I want in it.

Though if I had to chose one that I don't want to write, I'd like a neurodivergent equivalent to the queer guardian angel Aziraphale /demon Crowley one, but I don't know who I'd see as the best writer for it (if anyone wants to give it a try though...)

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

All of them, I love comments ! But once again, if I have to chose, I'd say those who discuss specific parts of the stories or the small details I decided to put, or the ones that makes theories about what is to come next.

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

My AO3 one is Eweryan and it comes from my friend's universe and the language they created. It means nocturnal and I took it because I'm a night owl and I love the night. For my tumblr one, it comes from my reddit one, which is similar except for the last part. The last part was about chemistry, and I changed it because this is no longer something that I am sure is a big part of who I am. I put chaos instead, because, well, my mind is chaotic and so is this blog. The time travelling part comes from doctor who.

[fizzingwizard]

Since I just finished replying to comments...

The other day I saw a post talking about AO3, and one of its points was that if writers don't reply to comments, they shouldn't complain about lack of reader engagement.

Which I thought was interesting, because I never really knew how people feel in general about comment replies. I have always enjoyed replying, even just to say thank you.

But I started out writing fanfiction on fanfiction.net when I was 11 years old, way back when. On ff.net, the way you replied to comments ("reviews") was through basically a private messenger. No one saw your reply except the person who received it, and if the conversation continued it would also be through private messenger.

That meant that replies to comments weren't included in the overall comment count for the fic. If the fic stats said "50 reviews," then all 50 come from unique readers. But on AO3, when you reply to a comment it continues the public comment thread, and is counted as a new comment. You can still find out how many reader comments you have in the Statistics breakdown, but afaik that is only viewable by the fic author. What readers see is the total comment count including replies, similar to how the count of bookmarks in the fic descrip is different than in your Statistics because it doesn't include private ones.

That's why, when I started using AO3 more regularly a couple years ago, I wasn't sure whether it was OK to reply to comments. Obvs the feature exists, but I wondered if in terms of etiquette, an author replying to each individual comment would be seen as padding the comment count - intentionally trying to make 50 reviews look like 100 to impress or entice more readers. At the same time, not saying anything to thank a reader who consistently leaves comments feels like ignoring them. It's funny because although I replied to reviews on ff.net, I didn't often get replies to my own reviews, and it never bothered me. It never occurred to me back then to expect replies, and not getting them never discouraged me from continuing to review. "Padding review count" there was like leaving a bunch of anon reviews of your own fic etc and I think that was the sort of bad behavior in writers which was frowned upon.

So what I've done on AO3 is pretty much reply to every commenter, but not to every comment. If I post a new chapter, I reply to every comment it gets. But if someone goes through my fic and comments on ten chapters en masse, I usually only reply to the most recent one, not all ten. I'm always happy to see someone enjoyed themself enough to want to comment each time they reach the end of a chapter, but I also don't want to annoy them by sending ten variations of "Thank you" at once lol.

Which brings me to another point, and that's the content of comment replies. I often see posts about people being unsure about what to say in a fic comment, and that they feel bad only saying "I like it." As a writer I definitely love both long, in depth comments AND short and sweet ones - they both totally make my day. But what about the content of the comment replies? haha. That's where I get embarrassed sometimes lol. I'm typing "Thank you so much!" so many times that I wonder how many people would prefer to not get a reply if it's going to be the same each time. And then I look back and go crap, I said the same exact phrase to this person the LAST time they commented... or that I left a reply to one reader that is unintentionally almost a carbon copy of one I left someone else...

Detailed comments are much easier to reply to, because there's material to work with. I'm not even talking long comments - just one single detail, like "This chapter was fun, I especially enjoyed the picnic scene" is easier to think up a unique reply to than "I like it." But I equally love both comments - just with the latter how witty I'll manage to be depends on my energy level xP

None of this is anything that keeps me up at night! It's just fanfiction: both in commenting and replies to comments, there should be no pressure and no rules beyond the Golden Rule. The number one thing which threw me was author comments included in the full comment count on AO3. But the thing about ff.net is, we didn't have kudos - the number of comments on a fic was the only metric besides hits which could signal that a fic was well-liked, and considered more reliable than hits because hits were easier to inflate. But on AO3, you have the addition of kudos. Kudos to me is the equivalent of getting a like on a post on tumblr - it's really not very meaningful unless you're getting tons of them, but it's better than getting nothing. And now I realize that being used to judging fics by comment count is something I carried over from ff.net, and maybe not something AO3 users ever think much about - they probably think about kudos. Which does make sense. (ETA: I think I didn't make it clear, but my thoughts on kudos and comments relate to not wanting to run afoul of how they may be perceived by the majority, not because I believe they're actual proof of a fic's value. I think it's better not to consider number of comments, or at least not consider it very highly, and certainly not in comparison to how interesting the fic seems to you. Just read and find out!)

So this long-winded post is just me expressing surprise at the differences I'm still experiencing switching from ff.net to AO3 even all these years later. I always thought of replies to comments as something I like to do, not necessarily something readers look forward to receiving. And I still don't know if they do overall, like the post I referenced at the beginning suggested. But I'm so grateful to all my readers and commenters. And if anyone asks me to stop replying to their individual comments, maybe because they're a prolific commenter on many fics and get deluged with "Thank yous" too often, that should be easy to manage xD

[dayseternal-blog]

Heya! I think I may have mentioned this to you before years ago, but I love your stories! (Pardon me if I gush) White Lilies absolutely killed me with the angst, but it fits so well with canon, particularly Naruto realizing he's in love with Hinata because he's jealous of another man showing interest in her (since that's literally what happened in The Last, and was confirmed in the movie's official databook). I also love how you don't have Hinata stuttering over her lines in your stories, since in canon she stopped doing that in the Invasion of Pain arc, yet a lot of other fanfic writers, including fellow NH fans, still like to write her as a stutterer, which just regresses her. Please keep up the good work! I can't wait to see what else you'll write! 🥰

I'm starting to think about making my own AO3 account because FF seems to be dying out as of late (my FF moniker is the same as my Tumblr one, although I haven't updated either of my two stories nor my bio in years). I was wondering if you could maybe give me advice or the pros/cons of having an AO3 account? Any help is appreciated as I think about this! 👍🙏

💗💗💗 I'm so glad that you enjoyed White Lilies!!!! About Hinata stuttering, I do write her like that sometimes... Uhhh it depends on how old she is in my fics, but if she's high school age or younger, she sometimes stutters, like in "Last Chance" and "Little Samurai." But yeah, if she's older, I like to think that she is a stronger communicator. Thank you for your enthusiastic support 🥺💖

So about AO3!!!!!!!! ✨I love AO3.✨ I'm so happy with AO3, I don't feel the need to post my fics anywhere else, besides here on Tumblr. I highly recommend getting an account for these reasons:

name familiarity & building community - I love being able to recognize readers. I've been thinking about how writing is a fairly "lonely" type of activity. When I first started writing, I began to recognize the usernames of people who regularly commented or left kudos on my fics, and I just loved those people to pieces. It's just nice to have a sense of familiarity on AO3.

Bookmarking - If you want to save a fic for later, you can bookmark it and make a note of the chapter you left off on. It's a nice feature, especially if you're the type to keep tabs of fics you haven't read yet open. I use Bookmarking as like my personal favorites recommendation list because it's right on my AO3 profile. I also use other people's Bookmarks list to find good fics, and I've read a lot of random pairings in fandoms I'm not a part of due to Bookmarks.

Subscriptions - You can subscribe to a fic so that you get an email when a fic updates. You can also subscribe to users so that you can get an email every single time that writer updates or posts anything.

Archiving - You might want to consider migrating your old fics over to AO3 because it has a whole legal team and successful fundraising efforts to preserve your work, even if you might think your old fics aren't worth reposting. AO3 has so much strong, passionate support, there's very little chance of AO3 disappearing.

Preferences - You can customize AO3. So you can turn off the warning banners that always pop up on mature-rated fics and control what you receive email notifs for. You can also set a Site Skin from the AO3 options and the user-created ones, like the rainbow pink one I'm currently using. It just makes life that much happier. You can use all sorts of Site Skins that change the color of the background, change the text font to be easier to read, or hide your hit counts and other stats to protect your sanity as a writer.

History - Your account will keep track of all the fics you've read, so if you're looking for something you can find it again. Also, it's just interesting, but it will also tell you how many times you've visited that particular fic. Uhh apparently I've visited "21 Days" by BunnyHoodlum 455 times :D That must be partially because I've recommended it so many times.

Mark for Later - Besides subscribing or bookmarking, you can click a button that marks the fic for later. You would find this list on your History page. It tells you when you last visited the fic and whether there's been any changes to the fic since you last read it. So this is another cool way to keep track of all of the fics you're reading.

I've never posted on any other fanfiction site, so I can't compare, but I love how organized AO3 feels. The tagging system is to-die-for.

I love the posting features, like posting under different Pseudonyms, setting a fic as part of a series, linking in an inspired-by work, or gifting a fic to someone. I feel like AO3 put a lot into consideration so that it is user-friendly.

Another thing that writers can do is post challenges/claim challenges. I've never done this, but Sessakag has recently written for VulgarAssassin's prompts! This is one way that AO3 encourages community.

Another amazing thing that AO3 has is the ability to distance yourself from your own fics. You can orphan your own fic so that it is no longer linked to your page but will still be on AO3. The only problem is that you can't get it back. You can also add your fic to an anonymous collection, and I think if you ever wanted to, you could take off the anonymous hat and reveal yourself as the writer. I've never done this.

When I was considering cross-posting on ffnet and wattpad, people told me that I would reach way more people because people use those sites more. I mostly decided not to cross-post because I can't rationalize the extra work to upkeep multiple accounts and respond to comments. So perhaps the only downside to creating an AO3 account is that you'd have more accounts to manage and the platform has a smaller audience.

I hope you create an AO3 account!!!!!! I hope everyone makes an AO3 account!!! It's such a well-run site!!

[pith1a]

Hi, I noticed one of your bookmarks when I looked through the ones of a fic. I noticed that you have a very interesting way of doing those 🥰 mind sharing how you did this?? Or where I can DIY for dummies for me? Would be quite thankful 🙇‍♀️

Hi! Yeah I can explain the logic behind the tags, no problem :D Before I get into that though, some unasked for advice: Please add a profile pic and bio, there's too many bots in everyone's inbox these days so this ask was almost lost in a "report bot first, ask questions later" type rush, before I realized this was an actual question and not spam😂 So, the tags are a new thing for my ao3 account; I've been on ao3 since 2015 and the amount of fics I've read is ungodly- but I didn't have a decent way to go back and look through the fics I had saved (either in private bookmarks, marked for later fics, or spreadsheets even), so there's a small amount of fics publicly tagged compared to how many are actually saved, since I only really came up with this system like this past week. (There's a lot of information so I'm gonna cut the post here bc I probably went into too much detail)

The short Summary and Last Accessed section is from a browser script, it generates those automatically when I press "bookmark". You can find the script here (works with a simple browser add on like Tampermonkey, I use the script with Tampermonkey on both PC and Mobile on Firefox, not sure what other alternatives exist for other browsers).

The tags are all based around being able to look for fics to re-read later; so every tag serves the purpose of letting me know few key things about the fic and also to let me filter works based on niche things.

There's a few "Utility tags" for lack of better word, that I use for things like marking the pov character ("X-Character centric"), and if they're AUs the character or event that the AU is centred around: so "Jon Snow Variant" for Game of Thrones fics where his character is different and "Red Wedding Variant" for fics where the Red Wedding goes differently and the divergence from canon starts there. Some fandoms also get custom tags for the Event Variant tag (because I think I'm funny).

Similarly I might tag the type of AU or content: "Time Travel", crack and crack-ish fics, crack treated seriously, angst, different types of AUs as I come across them.

I'm personally a big Crossover reader, so you'll see a lot of "X Fandom Crossover" in the tags or "Into X Fandom Crossover" (the second version used to signify what canon/world the fic is in). I also use "Get Isekai-ed" for fics where a character gets... Iseakai-ed or transmigrates or gets reborn into another fandom basically. And lastly there's tags I'd categorize as "The impression the fic left me" so if a fic made me cry irl (see: "I'm not crying there's just something in eye I swear"), if I really like the world-building and original characters, if i thought the fic was all around really well developed ("Excellence 🤌" or "5⭐️" the difference here is vibe based, I can't explain it any better), if I was going feral while reading, if I thought a relationship was really well written, so on and so forth.

Really, if you want to start tagging your bookmarks the thing I'd recommend is just not putting too much thought into it. You want your tags to be simple in a way you'd understand while looking through them (or alternatively just use them as comments for the fic, that's how my tag system started).

tl;dr -Use tags you don't need to think about for more than 2 seconds to know what they are -Tag based on what feels right for you and customize your use of bookmarks as you see fit -Have fun with it

I hope this helped :D

[v-67]

I don't know what is it about Bl manga/comics/anime

But i swear as soon as I finish reading/watching them, I am filled with such an awe for everything

Everything seems possible

And i have so much, so much love within me, so much warmth and so much happiness

I feel like I can do anything, all those things that overwhelm me, or i brush away

I feel like I can do them all

I love how the characters make me feel, the way they care about each other, the embrace, the warm emotions and love which isn't superficial

It is so pure and so beautiful, it just fills me up with awe

And i want to find someone, someone who I can share the same kind of love with, make a story within and ruin them with so much love and happiness, ruin in a better way not the red flag way, I want to hold them and keep holding them

But it gets a little sad after I watch such shows and come back to reality in 2-4 days

Which is disappointing because I need to push myself more, and I'm sure if i do and put in the effort which is required in the very beginning, the things I want will make their way to me

The only things difficult are the beginnings because the outcomes are so uncertain and you don't know if something's worth your effort

But I will get over that thought process, and i will begin.

I am always too scared, especially of falling in love. I know it may sound silly but I'm scared that if i break, i may never be able to pick myself up and i will remain there, shattered.

But I need to learn, by learning to love someone i will also learn things about myself and heartbreak isn't always bad, I mean ofcourse it is, it's terrible, it hurts so much. I feel so much heartbreak over fictional characters and friendships, I can only fear about love when I compare them.

But coming back to the point, Heartbreak isn't always bad because it's necessary, to feel broken once and even though, however difficult, to pick up your own self is an important lesson.

Plus heartbreak is just proof that you cared, and isn't caring for someone the most human thing we do?

I kept rambling from wherever i started

But yes, The characters from any Bl script are so beautiful, so warm. They bring the words alive. They break boundaries of roles of genders, there are no stereotypes and there is such a depth, such careful depth and creativity with each character. The exploring of oneself, to know what you want and to acknowledge your fears and parts. Small excerpts of yourself being showcased by someone who looks at you like their favourite book, picking out lines and re-reading them, embracing them. Bookmarking each and every page because they want to revisit all of you. The eyes, the fingers, the hands, all whispering love, just for you.

Anyways coming back because I seem to sway away with my words, the exploring of themes is just so beautiful. Especially regarding mental health, the gentle ways of talking about it and not taking it lightly, that is my most favourite part.

I am a straight person regarding my sexual orientation, so manifesting the kind of guy who is warm, loving, caring, helpful and not stereotypical. I hope everyone reading this finds the type of person they deserve to be with. And everyone deserves warmth and love. So yes.

Manifesting the kind of love we all dream and get excited about. And here's to hoping the same for my fictional characters too.

Just a side note but fr i was sad about John wick's death, not in a why kinda way but more like grieving and analysing kinda way and I'm happy he's at peace but also I'm sad. And i cannot watch endgame ever again because I miss Tony a lot. I also miss Rengoku so much, i swear I cried so hard about him. I miss so many characters. Theo. Rufus and Mateo.

Okay I'm gonna go now

This feels like a diary entry

Anyways good day to everyone and manifesting good energy and happiness for all😚

[lilacline001]

As a fic writer, how do you stay positive and not stress yourself out with constantly comparing?

I've been really struggling with that. I start spiraling when a certain chapter doesn't get as many comments as usual, comparing my hit counts and kudo counts to other fics, and it's really not healthy but I'm struggling with knowing how to stop, how to just be happy and proud of the response I've gotten. Any thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated.

Hi, anon! First of all, thank you for asking this because you might need to hear it, but so do I! I needed to write this out, so I really appreciate your question and I’ll try to take my time to answer it.

With that, let me say, it takes an incredible amount of courage, time, & effort to create in any type of way. Writing, drawing, edits, etc are all content that fans create for other fans. Life can be hard sometimes. So it’s truly amazing in itself that people are inspired enough that they create something.

I’ve been in fandom culture a while, and it took me years to work up the nerve to create and post a story. I didn’t contribute to fandom culture; I consumed fandom culture. This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. But it was bad that I often felt like I was tapping down an urge to create because I didn’t want to face ridicule. I was scared of a negative response, and didn’t understand that practicing is a way to hone your craft. Not everything has to be perfect. In that way, creating and posting to share any form of content is an amazing accomplishment in itself. Anon, you should celebrate yourself for taking that step! I’m so proud of you!

Listen, I have never shared my writing in real life. I was terrified of posting something and getting negative feedback & I’m doubly afraid of that happening to my face. So the closest I’ve gotten to sharing my work irl, is talking about my work to only my closest people. Right now, I can’t imagine sharing my AO3 account with anyone irl. So I take time to celebrate that I’m finally creating! I’m not tapping down the impulse anymore, and most of the time, I’m so excited to create my own story.

Also, I think an important point to consider is that social media has completely screwed with our perceptions of what success looks like. Oftentimes, we equate success with “going viral,” in a sense. The more hits the better; the more kudos the better; the more bookmarks the better. But success isn’t always having the most “popular” story.

Now, my work with the least amount of everything on AO3 is Mirrorball. It currently has 16 kudos and like 250ish hits. Which in a social media, “viral” perspective isn’t that much, but think of it like this, 16 - SIXTEEN - actual people clicked on that fic and thought it was good enough for a kudos. Like imagine 16 people in a room with you. Socially anxious, introverted me would be overwhelmed. But all 16 of those very real people gave my story kudos. They read my story and said “oh this is good!” Again, I haven’t shared any of my writing outside of AO3, so to have 16 people read my fic in general is kinda of amazing.

So that’s part of it, for sure. My definition of “success” is different, and it’s not about getting a lot of hits. Define “success” for yourself, and what you hope to accomplish. Hopefully, you can find it in yourself to celebrate the fact that you created something, that you posted anything. I’m celebrating that fact that I’m at a place in my life where I’m somewhat comfortable having people read words that I’ve written. It’s an accomplishment, an achievement that I’ve made.

Beyond that, any and all comments that come from posting, I take them and hold them close to my heart. That’s an actual person somewhere in the world that likes your story enough to leave you a comment!

And then for Nocturne some people made art! ~Blows~ my mind honestly. I vividly remember getting the notification that Byler Fic Recs had made a graphic for Nocturne. I literally couldn't stop staring at it, and it was the same for all the art that followed. It’s so special that other people loved my story so much that they drew art for it.

So yeah, celebrate where you’re at! Take joy in your success! Express gratitude if you feel led to! Appreciate where you are!

And if after that spill, you’re saying something like - “but Lilac the numbers, the numbers are so small.”

Listen, I hear you. We can’t help but compare. I feel like this is like a life thing as well. We can't help but compare ourselves to other people and other authors and their progress, their story, their journeys. But if you write looking at everyone else, who’s going to tell your story?

Personally, what finally drove me to create for fandom was that I have a story to tell. One that past me would love to read. I finally stopped tapping down that impulse to create and just started.

Tell the story for yourself. For the reader you once were. Finish the story for yourself. For the past you, that searched desperately on AO3 for a fantasy/ coffee shop/ horror AU, for a fluff/ angst / family fic that ticked all your boxes.

And if you have to compare, compare to where you started.

Has your writing gotten better? I bet it has. If anybody writes in their free time, I bet it’s gotten better. The same for drawing, making edits, if you spend time doing a hobby, you are going to get better, more confident. The words might come more quickly. The planning might become easier. And at the end of the day, you get to say, well, I’ve self-published *#* of words on AO3.

At the end of this year, I hope I’ll be able to say I finished a whole novel *cough* Nocturne *cough.*

So here’s to you anon! 🎊 You created something!!

I hope you continue to create! I hope you continue to find joy in telling a story, in making art and honing your craft!

💜💜💜

[obitohno]

Babe!!!!!!! Omg!! Going on anon cause I'm shy 👀 anyway. I'm a virgin and I had bad past relationships with boys but I don't regret not doing it cause I always hear girls saying their first time was disappointing or how men don't even make them cum most of the time and!!!!! Aaaah I wanna buy a dildo so bad but I have zero privacy!!! I live with my roomate and we share a room and she always snoops in my stuff 😭😭 I don't think I could hide it somewhere. Plus she's mostly at home with me but I wanna buy one!!!!!!!

So how I get off, hope you don't mind me sharing lmao. I need to have something, I don't really like porn cause it's so violent and just dick dick and ugh. I like audios or Twitter videos sometimes. I do ride my pillow or use my electric toothbrush holder 🫣 like use the vibration. Anyway it takes me a few minutes and I feel a good sensation that last a few seconds and that's all :/ Is that an orgasm??? I mean it does help me release and it feels good but it's not overwhelming like I read about it 😭😭 I'm starting to think I never had one or maybe I don't know how to do it

sfdfd, first of all, hihi!

this may be tmi, but i used to be a big part of the nsfw community on twt a few years back, n i actually ended up buying quite a few toys for content >.< i now stash my hidden toys in one of the drawers under my bed bc it’s the easiest place to hide stuff, so if you can fit anything under your bed, a small box would be my recommendation bc if you’re in the mood, it’s nice to have easy access (trust me, wasting time rummaging around for sex toys bc you can’t find the one you want is a mood killer). also! maybe put some boundaries in with your roommate beforehand, n make it clear that you don’t want her snooping through your things anymore bc, one, if it was the other way around, i don’t think she’d be so willing to allow you to look through her belongings without permission, n two, it’s just rude??

secondly, if you feel that release, then i’m pretty certain that you’ve had an orgasm before. a lot of the time, orgasms can be rushed n the end result isn’t always so intense bc it’s a ‘quickie’ (if this makes sense). again, tmi, but some orgasms can be pretty ‘small’ n underwhelming for me, n i’m just chilling like ‘oh, was that it?’ the best kind are the ones that you slowly build up to—or even ones that you deny—before releasing. if you have the time to, experiment with which types of videos that you like to watch. homemade porn—especially solo masturbation videos—are my personal favourite, so if i’m in the mood, i like to lay there n watch a bunch of them as a little teaser for myself. have a search online, see which videos you like the most n favourite/bookmark them to keep for a later date. sometimes, if i really like a video, i’ll rewatch n see how long i can hold off before i cum ;-;

again, it’s all down to personal preference, n as cliche as it sounds, you literally have to take the time to explore your own body. experiment with hands, toys, even pillows or mattresses n if it works for you, then dw about what other people are doing. everyone is different, so i can only say what works for me, but any orgasm, whether rushed or drawn out, is yum (imo), so ig i can only wish you the best of luck going forward?? i hope this helped a lil >.<

[moscarific]

Yuletide Letter 2023!

Dear Exceptional Human,

I am beyond delighted that you’re writing for me! I’m a gold star Yuletide participant: I’ve signed up every year, and written at least one story every year, since the challenge began. That’s great news for you, because over the years, I’ve learned that the best Yuletide gifts are the ones that weren’t quite what I had expected, and also that gifts are satisfying and joyful for me as long as it’s clear that the author put effort and care into them. Basically, as long as you avoid my Do Not Wants and run spell check, I’m going to be over the moon with excitement at whatever you write for me.

My biggest non-obvious DNW is babyfic. No pregnancy, no babies, no little kids. I’m also a grumpy Jew, so I’d prefer not to receive stories with strong Christmas themes. The “five things” format is not my favorite. Please don’t center your story around ships that I did not ask for.

While questions of gender and sexuality are baked into several of my requests this year, I am not looking for issuefic centered around negotiating those identities. I’d rather read about queer and/or BIPOC folks doing stuff in the world. Should you bring up how race, gender, sexual orientation, disability, and body type figure into doing stuff? Yes, please. Should the entire fic be a Socratic dialogue about how marginalization impacts the characters’ lives? Not my first choice.

But I like a lot more things than I dislike! I usually read my Yuletide gift(s) while riding the L down to Chinatown for my family’s annual dim sum feast, so please give me something to make me smile, laugh out loud at, or feel uncomfortably aroused by on public transportation. Porn is optional, obviously, but: oral sex, eroticized hands, exhibitionism, shower sex, gender play. I like experimental structures and styles, as well as more standard ones, and I am fine with whatever POV and tense you choose. If you are the kind of person who does multimedia or interactive fiction, or just clever footnotes, I am all for that. I love worldbuilding, whether it’s adding detail to a sprawling superhero universe or fleshing out the local color of a small American town. I like stories that stick close to canon or present interesting “what if” canon divergences, and I also like superhero and In Space AUs.

I've been on a bit of a hiatus from fandom lately, but when I'm not, I tend to write the fic I want to see in the world. You’ll get a good sense of me by browsing my AO3 account. My AO3 bookmarks are a recs list, and therefore a great way to see what kinds of fic appeal to me and make me happy.

Here are the individual requests from my sign-up, with a little more detail added here and there. 

Some Like It Hot (1959 movie): Jerry "Daphne"

Every time I watch this movie, I'm more aware of Daphne being some kind of non-binary or genderqueer, and I would love a story that expands on that in some way. Tell about what happens to Daphne after the film - does he attempt to live as a woman, go back to presenting as a man, or find a period-consistent way to exist somewhere between the two? How does his marriage to Osgood work out? I will swoon for detailed historical accuracy, especially about 20th century queer subculture, jazz, or resort culture. Or go to another extreme, and retell the film's story In Space. I'm not sure it's possible to be as briskly and effortlessly funny as this movie, but I'd prefer a story that stays close to its silly, madcap tone. I have a sort of time-displaced horniness for young Jack Lemmon, so do with that what you will. Note that I'm using "he/him" for Daphne, because that's what he uses in the film, but feel free to use other pronouns if they fit your vision of the character better.

DNW: Stories centered around pregnancy, babies, or raising children. Strong Christmas/winter holiday themes. Prolonged despair, depression, self-harm, or suicide.  Extensive, graphic descriptions of homophobic violence or sexual violence. Phonetic representations of accents or “broken English” used for comedy (I’m especially sensitive to this when it comes to native Spanish speakers).

Poker Face (TV 2023): Charlie Cale

Charlie Cale immediately became one of my favorite TV detectives ever, and what I want from fic is simply more of her, solving mysteries in her quirky way. Basically, I want casefic, however you want to define that. Set the story in your hometown and bring it to life for me, or highlight a subculture you know a lot about. Or give me drag queens, figure skaters, or an academic conference, the weird cultures that are close to my heart. Crossovers with other fandoms are welcome, especially if they feature Charlie inserted into other media, solving a murder in that universe. (Poker Face in Discworld? Poker face on Deep Space Nine?) Keep the show's dry wit and down-to-earth tone as much as you can, and feel free to play with time and tell the story out of order, as the show often does. Explore how Charlie's lie detector powers and her talent for crime-solving have affected her, and how these abilities work in her head. What I'm looking for is a lost episode of Poker Face - either one that could be an actual episode of the show, or something improbable but fun.

DNW: Stories centered around pregnancy, babies, or raising children. Strong Christmas/winter holiday themes. Extensive, graphic descriptions of homophobic, transphobic, racist, or sexual violence. Phonetic representations of accents or “broken English” used for comedy (I’m especially sensitive to this when it comes to native Spanish speakers). Copaganda - depictions of the police as exceptionally noble or heroic, above the law, or justified in violence or manipulation. I'm not interested in more than passing references to romantic relationships for Charlie.

Gen V (TV 2023): Jordan Li

I'm in new fannish glow for this show, and I'll be excited to read anything that develops Jordan's character. They're an officious asshole, and I love them in their prickly, self-righteous, antihero messiness. In fact, one story I would love to read is Jordan doing something horrific, intentionally or by accident, and dealing with the consequences of that villain turn. I'm also very into all of Jordan's romantic and sexual relationships, the ones shown onscreen (primarily Marie) and the ones implied or suggested (Luke, Professor Brink). How do Jordan's ability and gender identity interact with their relationships? I'd like to learn more about Jordan's experiences at God U. before the show begins, or about what they're like many years into the future. Gen V is full of gratuitous gore and sex, so feel free to pile on the gross-out and grindcore elements if they're fun for you. If not, I'm happy to read about Jordan in a quieter moment. There's a lot of worldbuilding to be done in this universe, so another option is to use Jordan as the narrator or center point for exploring the world more broadly.

DNW: Stories centered around pregnancy, babies, or raising children - this includes stories about Jordan's childhood, and especially stories that make more than passing mention of childhood abuse or narcissistic parenting. Strong Christmas/winter holiday themes. Extensive, graphic descriptions of homophobic, transphobic, racist, or sexual violence. Some degree of sexual coersion and manipulation (dubious consent) is fine in this fandom, but no overtly non-consensual sex. Misgendering characters or using pronouns other than those established in canon.

[flickpulse]

Introduction Of Flickpulse

During my work hours, I struggled to balance my desire to watch movies with my responsibility towards my startup. Although I was at a slow pace, things were working out well for me. So, I decided to limit my movie-watching to weekends only.

Initially, this system worked well, as I could watch movies only on weekends and use my other working days more effectively and productively. However, I soon found myself spending more time searching for movies than actually watching them during the weekend. 

Even when I set a time limit for myself, I would often waste half an hour scrolling through options in my preferred genre.

Ultimately, my biggest concern was wasting time. I didn't want to spend my weekends watching a lackluster movie that I would end up skipping through.

I began keeping track of the movies I watched and enjoyed, compiling lists and seeking out the best sources for my weekend viewing. My bookmark collection is extensive.

As I frequently discuss movies on my Instagram and with my friends, many people began asking me for recommendations. They were happy with my suggestions and even passed them along to their friends.

Realizing that people appreciated my movie expertise, I began writing about films on my blog. Eventually, I started a newsletter to share recommendations with larger groups of weekend movie watchers.

Introducing Flickpulse

Designed for weekend movie watchers, the newsletter includes recommendations for 5 movies in each of the 7 genres, which creates an opportunity to find what you missed out on and also try new types of movies you would love.

Key features of Flickpulse:

It's free and also has a premium subscription option 

Contain 7 Genres movie category

Action Genre

Comedy Genre

Horror Genre

Musical Genre

Mystery Genre

Romance Genre

Sports Genre

Have Detailed Movie Reviews: I include a short personalized description of the movie from the experts.

Special Look alike Movies: Movies that share similarities, John Wick to Nobody (2021)

How you can get involved

Subscribe here: Flickpulse

I'm currently in the testing phase and would love to have your feedback to make My Newsletter even better. If you're interested in trying it out for a week to know how much it saves time on weekends or want to learn more, please leave a comment

[regenderate-fic]

When I Run Away (You're Who I Run To): Chapter 11

main post read on ao3

Word Count (Chapter): 2,567

NOTES: pretty much all the reddit usernames in this chapter are from esther fab_wolf_in_the_gloom some of them are doctor who related but at least one of them is straight-up one of his usernames 2. if anyone is interested i made a collection for fics featuring disability/disabled characters, anyone is welcome to add their fic in there. i'm going to add stuff to the collection's bookmarks too. it's called time and relative disability in space and i've added this fic to it too so if you click the read on ao3 link you can find it there (right now it's. mostly my fics. for i guess obvious reasons. but i would really really love to see more).

Finally, after two days of almost non-stop interaction with Rose and Penny and Donna, Yaz was alone. Or, not quite alone— Monday night was when she had her aerial silk class, a hobby she’d picked up a few years back after she’d said something about wanting to build her strength again and Rose’s friend Shireen had suggested she try aerial. She had gone more or less on a whim, but she’d enjoyed it way more than expected, and now it was a grounding point of her week. She knew everyone else in the class, at least in passing, and she liked how the classes pushed her body, forced her to become comfortable with herself.

Today, though, she could barely focus. She went through the motions of the class, but she could feel she wasn’t pushing herself like she usually did— too much of her mind was occupied by the sudden, freight-train-like realization that she had feelings for Rose Tyler. It felt sudden, out of nowhere— 

Except… there had been some warning. Like the dream Yaz had had a week or so ago. Or even just the fact that she’d been willing to share a flat and a business with Rose, when normally she got annoyed after a few hours with any one person. 

She couldn’t bear it. Rose had been right about her liking girls this whole time, and of all the possible ways in which Rose could have been right, this had to be the absolute worst. If she’d figured it out any other way, she could’ve talked to Rose about it, and she would’ve gotten a bit of needling for it, but it would’ve been okay. But if Rose was the girl she liked— she sighed. She couldn’t even tell Dan. She didn’t think she could bear the way she’d feel if she had to face the knowing look in his eye as she told him.

The second she got home and through the shower, she pulled out her computer. Surely there were other people on the planet who’d gone through something similar. Right? But when she opened the search engine, she realized she had no idea what to type. She was not going to be the kind of person who put am i gay? into Google and started taking quizzes. (Anyway, Rose had already gotten her to take a bunch of those quizzes, mostly for fun. Yaz’s results had been inconclusive, but she’d also been way too self-conscious to be anything like definitive in her answers.) But anything else she could type felt like too much of a confession, even just to a search engine. She almost yelled in frustration, but of course Rose would hear if she did that, and then she’d want to know what was wrong, and the whole problem was that Yaz couldn’t tell her.

Finally, she typed in, in love with friend? Up popped article after article claiming to know what it felt like to fall in love with your best friend, what to do if you fell in love with your best friend, how to tell if your best friend was in love with you. Yaz clicked a few, but they weren’t telling her much— most of them were clearly just written to get clicks, and the advice was overwhelmingly geared towards straight women. But Yaz kept scrolling, clicking through various pages, until finally she wound up on a Reddit page, reading story after story of people’s relationship issues. It did, actually, make her feel a bit better: at least she hadn’t found her partner on Tinder, or had anyone post compromising pictures of her on social media. 

She was about to close the page, and then she hesitated. She couldn’t talk about this with Rose, and she definitely couldn’t talk about it with anyone who knew Rose, which eliminated Penny and Bill, and she couldn’t talk about it with Dan, either. But maybe an anonymous post, to an anonymous forum, would help. 

She started typing.

I (30F) might be in love with my roommate (29F). What am I supposed to do? - u/throwRAjustgoodfriends

Okay I'm going to try and keep it vague because I REALLY don't want this to get out. Basically, for the last few years I've been living with this girl Lily (fake name). We met at work eight years ago, and we recently opened a business together. I consider her my best friend, and she considers me hers. For context, Lily is openly bi, and she’s dated a few people (men and women) since we’ve been friends. 

Recently, things have gotten kind of weird. I've always identified as a heterosexual woman (Lily’s been trying to convince me I’m into women for years, for what it’s worth, but I honestly thought she was projecting), but I haven't been dating much in these last few years. I thought it was because it's so hard to find decent men, but last week I found out that a bunch of our friends thought we were together, and this morning Lily and I were staying over at our friend’s place and I watched her wake up and suddenly it was like she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. And ever since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, and I think I'm starting to act really weird around her, and she knows me well enough that she’s going to notice any change in behavior. What do I do? I’m terrified of ruining this friendship— she's been my rock for the last eight years. Like, pretty much my entire adult life. I never had a friend like this before her. Help?

Before she could talk herself out of it, Yaz hit post. She closed the laptop and climbed into her bed, trying to pretend she wasn’t thinking about what it would feel like to have Rose here with her. 

By the next morning, she had almost forgotten about the post. It was only when she reached for her hairbrush on her desk and caught a glimpse of her laptop that she remembered. Instantly, she was hit with a wave of complete mortification. But she forced herself to open the computer and load the post anyway. She already had a few comments. 

Comments (sort by: New):

u/silurianagelovesong: Ok so how does she act around you? Like is she touchy with you, is she friendlier to you than anyone else, does she smile more around you, etc?

Yaz had to think about it. 

u/throwRAjustgoodfriends [OP]: I don’t know. I mean, of course she’s friendlier to me when we’ve been best friends for years. Same for the smiling. She’s touchy, but she’s just kind of like that. Like she’ll sit in the same chair as me or whatever. But she’s always been that way, it’s not really a big deal anymore.

It wasn’t long before two replies popped up. 

u/silurianagelovesong: …always been that way with you, or always been that way in general?

u/throwRAjustgoodfriends [OP]: I haven’t really been keeping track. I don’t think there’s anyone she’s as close to as she is to me, though.

u/silurianagelovesong: 🤦‍♀️ 

u/cleverboy123 [4 awards]: hey OP are you sure you and this girl aren’t already dating

u/throwRAjustgoodfriends [OP]: YES.

The next comment was even more concerning.

u/oswinftw: Hey jsyk depending on where you live you might be common law married. Like if you live together and your finances are mingled and people see you as a couple.

u/lesbianarachne: That’s not how common law marriage works. You have to actually know you’re married for it to be valid. And most places have gotten rid of it.

She typed her answer quickly, and got a response almost as fast. 

u/throwRAjustgoodfriends [OP]: Huh? We’re in the UK and I’ve never heard of this.

u/profsong: That’s because it’s not a thing in the UK. You’re fine.

u/mrpond: I thought it was in Scotland?

u/profsong: Nope. They abolished it in 2006.

u/mrpond: Huh. Good to know.

It was the third comment, though, that nearly gave her a heart attack.

u/pennyintheair [31 awards]: not vague enough i’m showing rose

u/throwRAjustgoodfriends [OP]: WAIT NO YOU CAN’T DO THAT

I’M COMING OVER RIGHT NOW

FUCK

u/silurianagelovesong: LMAOOOOOOOO

Yaz barely had the presence of mind to put shoes on before running out the door and across the street, thanking a God she barely believed in that Rose hadn’t woken up yet. She burst into the bakery, still in her pajamas, startling the few early-morning customers. 

Ace was at the counter. She looked up. “Hey, Yaz! Coffee?”

“Er— not right now,” Yaz said. “Where’s Penny?”

“Donna said not to tell people where Penny is,” Ace said, her face the picture of innocence. 

“Ace, you— I came up with that rule!” Yaz shouted. 

Ace shrugged. “Doesn’t matter, anyway. All I know is she’s not in today.”

“Right.” Yaz walked right back out the door and into the stairwell to Penny’s flat. She marched up the stairs and banged on the door. “Penny, I know you’re in there!”

The door opened a minute later, Penny’s wide-eyed face poking through the gap. “C’mon, Yaz, you’re really going to make me walk all the way to the door? In my time of vulnerability?”

Yaz rolled her eyes. “Don’t play dumb with me, Penny.”

Penny pulled the door further open. “Fine. In my defense, it’s really boring, resting all the time.” 

“You need your rest,” Yaz said. “And you don’t need to be antagonizing me on Reddit.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t need to be making a Reddit post about how in love you are with your best friend,” Penny pointed out. “To a sub with literally millions of users. I mean, honestly. Did you really think no one you knew would see it?”

“Oh, God.” Yaz swallowed. “What if Rose finds it?”

“C’mon.” Penny pulled Yaz into the room. “Was joking about you making me walk all the way to the door, but I do actually need to sit down now.”

Yaz followed Penny over to the kitchen table. “I should delete the post,” she said as she sat down. “Was stupid of me to even make it. I just didn’t know who else to talk to— I mean— everyone else knows Rose, and I couldn’t face Dan, and—”

“It’s all right,” Penny said cheerily. “Saves you the trouble of having to talk to your friends directly, doesn’t it?”

Yaz buried her head in her hands. “That’s not what I was trying to do.”

“Yeah.” Penny grew more serious. “I know.” She reached a hand across the table to rest on Yaz’s arm. “It’s going to be okay, though.”

“Is it?” Yaz groaned. “Penny, I can’t lose this friendship.”

“You won’t lose it,” Penny asserted. “C’mon, Yaz. You know how much you mean to Rose.”

“Do I, though?” Yaz shook her head. “I mean, I know she— I know I matter to her. But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be weird if I’m in love with her.” To her dismay, she felt tears rolling down her face. 

“Would it still be weird if she liked you back?” Penny asked. 

Yaz shook her head again. “She doesn’t, though. I mean— there’s no way. She’s always talking about asking out other people.” Of course, the only person Rose had talked about asking out lately was Penny, and Yaz wasn’t exactly going to share that. “Penny, I don’t— I don’t know what to do here.”

“Well, do you want to tell her?” Penny asked, very practically.

“No,” Yaz said immediately, the word coming out with force. “I mean— I don’t think so. Everything is finally so— so perfect, with the shop and our flat and everything. I don’t want it to change.”

“But—” Penny paused, frowning in concentration. “But what the change is for the better?”

“There’s no guarantee it will be,” Yaz said. 

Penny raised her eyebrows. “And we’re talking about the girl who regularly makes the active choice to sit directly on top of you, yes?”

“That’s just how she is.” Yaz waved a hand. “It’s always been like that with us.”

Penny’s eyebrows shot up even higher. “Yaz. Has it been like that with anyone else?”

“What do you mean?” Yaz asked. 

“Like—” Penny waved a hand. “Look, I’m not the greatest with this sort of thing, all right? But if you say you and Rose are always like that, it bears asking if Rose acts like that with anyone else.”

“She used to be like that with Mickey,” Yaz said. “Ages ago. Back when we’d just met.”

“Mickey?” Penny asked.

Yaz sighed. “Her ex.”

Penny raised her eyebrows.

“She doesn’t—” Yaz faltered. She’d been about to say Rose didn’t have any other close friends, but that wasn’t true. She was still close with Shireen from her secondary school, and she had a few other work friends she went out with sometimes, even though they hadn’t worked together in years. Rose had always had an easier time than Yaz, socially speaking. Yaz thought back. Was Rose as physical with Shireen? She wasn’t sure. Rose had no problem slinging her arm around another girl’s shoulders, but usually if she was with someone else and Yaz, Yaz was the girl whose shoulders her arm was around. So there wasn’t much opportunity for comparison. And that made sense, didn’t it? Everyone knew they were a pair. 

Oh.

Everyone knew they were a pair.

Yaz looked at Penny. “Okay. Maybe you have a point.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Yaz, you’re denser than one of Ace’s bagels.” 

“Ace makes bagels?” Yaz asked.

“Not very well. We're working on it.” 

“All right, fine,” Yaz said. “You’ve proved your point.” She groaned. “Still don’t know what to do about it.”

“You could always talk to her,” Penny suggested. “Honestly, Yaz, I can’t imagine it’ll go badly.”

“It’s too much of a risk.” Yaz sat back in her chair. “I don’t know. Maybe— maybe once I’ve had some time to process.” She looked at Penny. “You’re not actually going to show her the post, are you?”

“Nah. I was just joking.” Penny shrugged. “Like I said. Resting’s boring. Perfect opportunity to mess with one of my mates falls in my lap? You can’t blame me for taking it.” 

“I think I can, actually.” But Yaz was smiling. She checked her watch. “Right. I’d better get back.” 

“What, Rose wondering where you’ve been?” Penny teased.

Yaz glared at her. “Yes, as a matter of fact. Because we’re business partners.”

“Right.” Penny dragged out the word. “Just business, then?”

“Screw you.” Yaz stood up. “I really do have to go. I’ll come back after work, if you like. Rose too, probably. Make your life less boring.”

“Sure,” Penny said.

“But you can’t say a word of this to Rose,” Yaz added. “God, I hope she doesn’t see the post.” 

“My lips are sealed.” Penny mimed a zipper across her mouth. “Can’t promise the same of Reddit, of course.”

“Ugh.” Yaz shook her head. “Whatever. I’ll see you later.”

“Later.” 

Yaz went down the stairs, turning towards the bakery. She might as well grab coffee, if only so that when Rose asked where she’d gone she had an answer. Besides, it would be good for her to have a moment to collect herself before going back across the street. 

With a deep breath, she pushed open the door, only to see Rose’s silhouette at the counter.