#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane

[californiaquail]

anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before

[sunshine-alibaba]

some excerpts from various Magi stuff i have in drafts:

*notes are bold

~~~

He’d either shrivel up into the fetal position and cry on the floor of the parking lot, randomly start throwing hands at the next person he saw, or he'd drive off and probably crash his car in the process (again). Any of them work.

~~~

He was soon startled out of his deep thinking when a hand tapped him on the shoulder--shocking him so bad he screamed like a dying ostrich and fell onto the floor with the grace of a chicken being chased by a feral coyote.

~~~

The taller man smiled in a concerned way, making Alibaba feel as if he was the biggest idiot on the planet because he didn’t know something as simple as how to cry (which he did quite often, so he does know how, thank you very much).

~~~

He was such a fucking dumbass. Dumb of ass. Dumber than ass. Dumbest of the ass.

~~~

Buffie cleared his throat. “Well, anyway… Uh, where did you hit my car?”

Alibaba was confused. “Here… In the parking lot…?”

Buffie blinked for the fifth time. “I meant on the car…”

~~~

"I died and was brought back to life; I am outside the god's jurisdiction."

~~~

"My bones are filled with rage and my blood with anger. You think you could kill me with fire? All you did was make my blood boil, like water boiling over a flame."

~~~

"I have experienced death face to face in the most intimate way one ever could, and yet here I am, standing right in front of you. What makes you think the likeness of you, a mere solider controlled by the hands of the monarchy, could ever hope to quell me?"

~~~

“My name is Ugo. You are currently in the Sacred Palace. You’ve just died, but you were not meant to die so soon.”

“What the hell is the Sacred Palace??”

“It’s like a control room of sorts. I am essentially the governing body of your world.”

“So… you’re God? Our Lord?”

“N-no… Not really… I am a god of sorts, but I'm not the God--”

[squints] “You control our world, right??”

“Well, yes--”

“Then you’re God, aren’t you?”

“I--” [sigh of defeat, shoulders slump] “Sure. Yeah, I’m God.”

“Great! How the fuck did I get here.”

~~~

If you think you’ve ever seen emo before, wait till you meet this bitch

~~~

she literally Jumps Off The Boat And Swims To Port just as the boat takes off

~~~

they make out and cry its great

~~~

these last ones are more of a bonus. i was taking down notes when trying to get info on the other demons from the Lesser Key of Solomon for AUs and OCs and i think some of them are very funny. the stuff in brackets [] is my commentary, otherwise its notes. ill put the name of the demon in parentheses () in front of the note. all the info i got is from wiki bc i just wanted a vague idea and nothing big, wanted to leave the interpretation up to myself.

(Asmodeus) Hates water and birds apparently [weird but go off ig]

(Gaap) Steals familiars from others [????] [*takes ur dog*]

(Gaap) Can make men stupid [LMFAOOOOO]

(Seere) Helps in finding hidden treasures or in robbery [Alibaba getting this Djinn instead of Amon: ayo? *calls over the Fog Troupe*]

(Sallos) Rides a crocodile [ohh this guy fucks, thats wicked]

(Gremory) Described as the “Munich Manual of Demon Magic” [okay it said described in the “Munich Manual of Demon Magic” but im leaving this here bc its funny]

(Gremory) Appears in the form of a beautiful woman, but still uses he/him pronouns [so valid]

(Vapula) Depicted as a griffon winged lion [isnt that just what griffon’s are?? Um ok]

(Orias) “3 riding upon a Horse Mighty and Strong” [like has three horses or theres three of him?? Whats happening here]

(Andrealphus) Appearance of a peacock [ooooohhh fancyyyy]

(Andrealphus) “but also including the ability to make men subtle in all things pertaining to Mensuration” [I THOUGHT THAT SAID MENSTRUATION SEND HELP]