#i'm 300 something days clean but the razor is still there. it's still singing it's siren song | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lilyimmsim · 2 months ago

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he was here he was in my house.. he was rotting my bedroom, what if he touched the same doors i touch. he's smoke choking my lungs, he's a lingering taste of bile in my throat, he's inescapable. his presence screams for me to hurt myself, it croons and cries out for bitterness and revenge, it yells at me to destroy myself and it was here. he walked these halls not five hours ago. i wasn't here but he was and i can feel it. my room is colder tonight.

#tw #tw sa implied #tw sh implied #this is crossing the boundaries. it does not matter i wasn't here. home should be safe.#i'm exhausted #i don't trust myself to shower but i desperately need to #it's going to take a few days to be able to breathe properly again #and it's still a fight #i'm 300 something days clean but the razor is still there. it's still singing it's siren song #maybe it always will #i'm terrified. exhausted. and he was here.#i don't know how to explain this. i can't. i should.#but how do i tell the people around me that last night i was crying. i was hollow. i was scrolling thru pics of other's sh.#i was not there. i was too stressed to sleep. too tired to do anything else.#i can't bring that up naturally.#i don't want to think about it anymore

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