#i'll upload the next chapters tomorrow

[supercantaloupe]

hehehehehe. i think i finished buonnanotte.

[vynegar]

14% of the way through....

[causenessus]

ALSO!! I ASKED THE LOCAL OMI ENTHUSIAST @/NECTARDADDY WHAT OMI WOULD SMELL LIKE SO CREDIT FOR THAT BRAINSTORM SESSION GOES TO THEM I'M SORRY I FORGOT TO WRITE THAT IN THE EXTRAS </3

try again

part 0.4. NEXT TIME

"the playground seemed so big when they were younger. and now they’re here again, 10 years later, and it looks small. their world is bigger than just this playset now. the metal that forms the foundation of the structure is still a shiny, vibrant red, but the cracked, faded plastic shows its age. where has time gone? 'who are you now?' she wants to ask. as a kid, time goes by slowly, and you tell your parents you can’t wait to grow old. they tell you to enjoy your childhood, but you never believe them. and even now, she’s not sure she does. she's not old, but old enough to know time goes by fast. since their meeting in her office, she’s reflected more on how she’s grown up. she doesn’t miss her childhood– she likes the freedom that has come with adulthood, but at the same time, it’s slowly weighing her down. she’s old enough, that she can no longer spend her summers relaxed in a quiet house, laying in bed all day with the door open while both her parents are at work. she can't spend the nights stretched out on her back, against wet, dewy grass, looking at the stars with him while staining her favorite shirt. now she has responsibilities to take care of every day, and any little mistake can no longer be taken back. she’s an adult now, and no one is there to pick her up when she falls."

content warnings + notes: calling atsumu a little cupid whore (/lh), drinking, y/n is having a crisis, pay attention to unsent messages :) very long written part... oops </3

she downs the last of her glass in one go. 

it’s cheap whiskey, and she hates the taste. it’s probably the worst she’s ever had, but the burn down her throat is a little pleasant. 

completely going against her plan to drink something light, she decided she would need some liquid courage if she was going to do this. her hands are splayed across the cold bar counter as she stands from her chair, mind buzzing a little as she grounds herself. 

akaashi doesn’t notice her absence in his drunken state, but iwaizumi does. kita looks up as well, but remains seated, keeping akaashi company after nodding to iwaizumi who stands up.

“where are you going?” he asks following her out of the bar, pushing past a few groups of people in their way. he's not asking it like he's accusing her of anything, he just sounds concerned.

but he doesn’t need to worry, and she faces him as they make it out. “going to see omi,” she practically sings the answer, her voice careless as the nickname spills out of her mouth before she even realizes it. it comes too naturally to her, and the thought ruins the nice numbness in her veins from the alcohol. instead, she starts to feel the guilt build up again.

iwaizumi still stands in front of her, arms crossed, matching her own stance. “you’re going to see sakusa?” he repeats, brows raised.

“mhm,” she hums, shifting from one foot to the other. her shoes are starting to bother her, too. she'll probably take them off as soon as iwaizumi lets her go.

“where?”

she sighs, starting to feel restless just standing there. the warm lights and ruckus from inside the bar invite her back in, and so does the pull she feels in the opposite direction down the street, where she'll see him. “an old park, can i go?”

“no, hold on,” he stops her before she can even take a step, “you’re going to go meet a man you haven’t talked to in years after a single interaction at a park this late at night?”

“yes?” she quirks a brow at him, “it’s an old park we used to go to a lot. it’s not far from here and i know him. i’ll be okay.”

“i’m not saying sakusa’s going to do anything to you, but i’m not letting you walk there alone. especially when you’ve been drinking. let me make sure you get there safely and then i’ll leave you, deal?” he proposes, and she sees how much he cares in his eyes. they’re a pretty olive green and despite how sharp they are, there’s so much love in them. it reminds her of her own eyes, and how she feels when she looks at sakusa; her head starts to panic in alarm and get defensive, but at the same time, her heart slows down, as if telling her he's safe.

she knows iwaizumi makes a good point, and there’s nothing wrong with having a little extra safety, or a human purse. “fine,” she sighs, “but only if you hold my shoes.”

their walk to the park is silent, but it’s a peaceful silence. she’s walking next to him barefoot, feeling even shorter than before. he questions her a few times, to make sure she actually knows where she’s going, and she insists that she does. she’s had a little bit to drink, yes, but she’s not drunk. and she's confident she could still find her way to this park blindfolded. she’s walked these sidewalks hundreds of times, ran to this park from every direction and route possible. it was always their spot, whether they lay in the wet grass or sat on the playset. the memories of being with him back then make her feel a little grim, and iwaizumi looks down at her, noticing.

“you okay?” he asks, nudging her shoulder closest to him with his arm.

“yeah,” she sighs, watching the way her shoes clank against each other in his hand with every step they take.

“what’re you thinking?” he asks, still looking down at her and she looks back up at him.

“i just don’t know what i’m doing,” she says, trying to voice her feelings while she turns to stare back ahead of them. “what are we gonna do? what does he like doing now? what if i’ve changed and he doesn’t like who i am anymore? i'm so scared of disappointing him.”

“you’re good enough as you are, y/n,” he silences her and she glances back at him in surprise. “don’t let a man change how you see yourself. you’re good as you are, and if he doesn’t think so, he can fuck off. there's no such thing as an expectation or a right way for you to act. he’s probably changed too, and that’s just how people work. did he text you or did you text him?”

she gives him a smile at his words, nudging him back with her shoulder as a way of thanking him, “he texted me.”

he gives her a grin at that, “he texted you? asking to see you?” when she nods he continues, "damn that's ballsy. he really wants you, y/n. and i hope he's a good person. i’ve seen him around and worked a little bit with him, he seems alright.”  

she flusters a little bit at his words, “i’m sure it’s not like that. we just used to be very good friends, you know that. i’ve never stopped missing him, maybe he felt a little bit of the same way.”

he nods at her words, giving a hum in thought. they’re walking along the fence that’s been set up around the park, and she can see the entrance coming up, where a lone lamp post is lighting the way. “but you want him, don’t you?”

she knows he’s asking it in a romantic sense, and she does. she knows what she feels for him is more than just friendly, and she’s felt stupid for never being able to fall in love with anyone else because she’s been stuck on him this entire time. “i’m happy with anything,” she decides to say, “if we start hanging out again, that’s enough for me. i just want him to be a part of my life.”

they stop at the park entrance, and she can see the playset from here, just a bit down the path. “do you want me to walk you there? or are you’re fine from here? i think the walk helped you sober up a little bit, so i feel better about leaving you here now. just make sure you text me if you feel even slightly off, got it?”

“got it!” she responds with a smile, giving him a small salute as a joke. “thank you for walking me here, iwa. i'll be fine on my own now and i’ll text you when i'm walking home.”

he rolls his eyes at the salute but gives her a smile, “sounds good. i’ll check in with you then as well. i might come meet you halfway or who knows, maybe your guy will want to walk you home?”

he’s giving her another shitty grin that she’d like to slap off his face, and it’s her turn to roll her eyes, “whatever, iwa. see you in a little bit.”

she pulls him into a hug, trying to tell him all her feelings at once, thanking him for his advice and for walking her here, and he’s quick to reciprocate it, rubbing her back for a second before they pull away. he gives her her shoes and waves her off, making sure she steps onto the playground before he leaves, and she sees him.

tonight, it seems they’ll be sitting on the top of the playset, above a tube that connects one platform to another. she steps up onto one of the platforms first, dropping her shoes on it before clambering on top of the structure.

he offers her a hand after watching her (probably ungraceful) climb which she hesitates to take for a second. her heart feels like it's trying to escape her chest as she takes it, the contact sending chills along her skin.

“hi,” she whispers after she's sat down, stealing a glance at him, unsure of where to start.

“hi,” he says back, already looking at her. he looks better than when she saw him last, but perhaps that's just because today has been better for him. there are still bags under his eyes that she can see despite the lack of light around them, but she can also see that his eyes look brighter today. she wants to mention it, say she’s glad to see that he looks like he's doing well today, but she shouldn’t. it’s too early–

“you look good today.”

the words spill out of her mouth and she immediately slaps a hand over it. she had drank more after texting him purposefully, knowing that it would mess with her ability to reason and this was the consequence, although she wasn't sure yet if it was a positive or negative one.

he laughs in response, giving her a small smile that she hasn’t seen in years. she missed seeing it; she missed him.

“thank you,” he says, holding her gaze and she’s unable to look away, “you look good too. although maybe a little drunk.”

her cheeks are burning red and she feels hot despite the fact that she was practically shivering the entire way here, latching onto iwaizumi and his body heat. “no i– well– yes, i have been drinking but i didn’t mean it that way– i mean you do look good–” she has to take a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, “i meant you look happier today, sorry.”

he’s still looking at her, smiling. and maybe it’s a tiny bit bigger than it was before, and she smiles back.

she has no idea it’s because of her–that he seems happier today. he’s only just found her again after so many years apart, and yet he’s glad she’s in his life again. this is only the second time they’ve seen each other after so long, and she’s already had this big of an impact on him. and maybe it was due to atsumu’s influence, and the way that he kept bringing her up, and how it had been their entire conversation over dinner, but he didn’t really care. he was happy to be talking about her again, and to see her again. they had been so close, and it felt strangely nostalgic whenever he saw her, as if he was a child again, tossing and turning on a bed stand, sick to his stomach for home.

but he had been homesick for her this entire time, and he didn’t want to talk about her as if their time together had passed; he wanted to be close to her again. but only if she let him: “that guy you came here with, are you guys–”

“oh, no no no,” she immediately cuts him off, shaking her head before he gets the wrong idea. “he’s just a friend. my roommates and i went out to dinner today and then we went drinking. he just didn’t want me to walk here alone.”

he nods, feeling strangely relieved to hear that. “i just came from eating out with my roommates, too. i cut it short because one of them was being annoying.”

she hums in thought, a smile breaking out on her face, “hm, that can’t possibly be atsumu, can it?”

he can’t even joke back, just rolls his eyes with a sigh at the mention of his friend.

“i just texted him earlier tonight. finally scolded him for setting up that entire meeting between us. i mean– who even thinks to do something like that?”

“just him. he’s got one brain cell working for him and it’s got a funny way of working,” sakusa responds, looking forward to the field in front of them. they used to spin around on that field, trying to stay standing the longest before they both fell onto wet grass, too dizzy to keep standing. “i think it worked out nice, but there were definitely other ways he could have planned that out.”

she can’t help but look at him, slightly surprised. so he was happy to see her? perhaps she should’ve understood that by now; here they were sitting side by side on an old playset. “yeah, it did,” she can’t help but say, not even thinking twice about agreeing with him. “and if you don’t mind me bringing it up, do you think you will come back for a second meeting? i was just wondering.”

“yeah, i’m thinking about it,” he answers, still not looking at her, and she thinks maybe she shouldn’t have asked the question. she’s brought the topic of conversation back to her job, and reminded herself of everything she shouldn’t be doing right now. she shouldn’t be doing any of this. she’s looking forward to seeing him in her office again, but she shouldn’t. she should be treating him as a client, not as an old face or a silly old crush. and she shouldn’t be seeing him outside of the office; it ruins that professional relationship she should be trying to maintain. she's giving into him too easily, even after he had been the one to accuse her of something hurtful upon their first words to each other in years.

a particularly cold wind blows through and she shivers, breathing in sharply as her shoulders raise towards her ears on instinct, trying to protect them from the cold. in her defense, she hadn't foreseen sitting on a playset in the middle of the night today and had not dressed accordingly.

“are you cold?” he asks, hand already reaching towards the open black jacket he was wearing, a plain white shirt underneath.

she’s looking at him, face completely blank. her mind is so far gone, thinking about countless other things, including every single way this interaction could go. ‘what was she even doing here? why did she agree to come?’ the moment he texted her she put up little to no resistance. she lasted one text, trying to set up a boundary between them to prevent herself from getting hurt and then completely dropped it. how could he be so casual about seeing her again? was their friendship something shallow to him? something he could easily replace or come back to?

he’s saying her name, and her mind returns to the boy in front of her, blinking twice before responding, “sorry. i was just thinking about something. i’m fine. you don’t need to give me your jacket or anything.”

“but if i want to?” he asks and this is where she failed last time, and will fail again, and will always fail, because she can never resist him.

“i–”

the jacket is already around her shoulders before she knows it. it’s warm, and the weight of it on top of her shoulders is comforting. the smell of him is enveloping all of her senses and her entire mind, and she squeezes her eyes shut, trying to focus on anything but it.

it was simple, and really not that heavy or distinctive of a smell. just clean clothes–his detergent, and maybe a hint of lemon or lavender. it was easy to get used to, and it had become familiar to her after being around him so long in the past, but she hadn’t smelled it in so long, she felt like she was suffocating now. with the smell came so many memories associated with him, and it took everything in her not to let out a shaky breath, giving away her emotions.

he didn’t know what to say, looking at her. her chin was resting on top of her knees, pulled up close against her chest, and her eyes were closed, brows furrowed as if she was trying desperately to hold something in. had he come off too strongly? he liked to think he still knew her, could read her mind, tell when she was cold, and when she needed something, but maybe he was wrong, or just moving too fast. maybe she didn’t feel the same way, and didn’t want to be friends again.

“thanks,” she murmurs finally, eyes opening again, although she’s staring at the ground below them, and he’s unsure of where to look–at her, or the ground as well.

“yeah,” he replies, and the conversation falls quiet between them again.

it’s almost comfortable between them. it would be if she wasn't feeling like she was ruining everything and only digging herself a bigger hole. maybe they went quiet because he was sick of her now, and regretted asking to see her. and should she even care or not? should she get up and leave right now? what was the right thing to do right now, objectively? not what was right according to her heart, but according to her head?

she should be keeping her distance from him, not allowing him to get closer, giving him the chance to hurt her again. he had let them get distant, she reminded herself. he had let their friendship crumble without saying a word, he didn’t see her the way she saw him, and she couldn’t rely on him to be there for her.

“how are you?” he breaks the silence, and the question sets off every nerve in her body. it’s like her mind is being torn in two, trying to find an answer to the simple question. it’s not really that simple– he’s asking it, referring to the last 10 years of her life, and he’s asking her to be vulnerable and share about herself, and she can’t do that.

“don’t do that to me,” she says, shutting her eyes again.

“do what?” he’s looking at her, at his jacket draped around her shoulders, and shoves his hands in his pockets, trying to hold himself back from reaching out to fix her hair, which has been slightly caught underneath the jacket. 

she lets out a heavy, quiet breath, “don’t ask me that– like you care.”

“i do care,” he responds immediately, and she’s sure if she looked up at him, he’d be looking at her. but if she looks at him, she’ll break.

“we shouldn’t be doing this. we can’t be doing this. i shouldn’t be seeing you outside of my office. i listened to you talk about your struggles for an hour that you would've otherwise paid for if it wasn't the first meeting. you can’t turn around and ask how i am for free. that’s not fair. we should be nothing more than a therapist and a client. it’s easier for me to look at you that way because–” her voice gets caught in her throat for a second as she tries to talk confidently, but her voice gives away her feelings. she sounds like she’s on the verge of tears before they even reach her eyes, but she blinks through them, “because i look at you and still see what we used to be. but so much happened between us, and then you left, and that still hurts.”

‘then will you let me make it up to you? then can we go back to what we were before? and can we be more?’ the words are heavy in his head, and too forward to say out loud, but he has to say something. he has to say something now because he didn’t say anything back then.

he had always assumed that she had just been disappearing from his life altogether–from his notifications, the school hallways, and his walks home, but he realized now she had done that on purpose. she had purposely removed herself from his life so they would never see each other, and he had never stopped her. of course she hadn’t believed him, when he had said it was good to see her in her office, and of course she hadn’t fully understood what his ulterior motives were when he texted her out of the blue about wanting to see her again, because he had never showed how much he cared back then. but he had to tell her now that she was worth everything.

“i don’t mind paying it,” he ends up saying, and finally gets her to look at him, “i don’t mind paying to see you for an hour. i’d pay to be around you anyday, especially if you’re going to refuse to see me anywhere else, then i’ll just force you to put up with me for an hour every week.”

she laughs with a shake of her head, “you’re not forcing me to see you. i want to see you outside of that time…i just–i shouldn’t.”

“why not?” he can’t help but ask. “you’re still friends with atsumu, too. you text him outside of your appointments all the time.”

“yes but–” i like you more than a friend. hell, i’ve been in love with you for the past 10 years of my life. actually, probably for even longer, but who’s even counting at this point– she takes a deep breath again. she should leave soon, and think about this. she’s going to end up letting him convince her if she keeps listening to him, “maybe next time. i’ll tell you how i’ve been next time, okay?”

she’s giving him a next time, and he’ll take whatever he can get. they can start slow again. being her client is like being her acquaintance. people are always acquaintances before they’re friends; they can grow from here.

"when is next time?" he responds quickly, realizing it sounds like she’s going to stand up and leave soon, but he's not losing sight of her again.

she avoids looking at him, keeping her knees are pulled to her chest as she picks at the worn-down plastic of the playground tube they're sitting on, "i don't know, sakusa. i really need time to think about all of this. i don’t know what i’m doing here, or why i showed up tonight.”

her words feel like a burn in his lungs, but even when his sides are aching on his morning runs, he keeps going. "but you showed up anyway."

she finally looks at him, and he swears he could get lost in her eyes forever. he can’t believe he went through their entire friendship without telling her how beautiful she was, in every single way. he can’t believe he ever let go of her. perhaps that cliche saying was true, that you never know how important something really is until you lose it.

"i did," she echoes, continuing to stare into his own eyes.

"are you going to leave?" he asks, unable to look away.

she looks back down at the threads of green plastic she was pulling at, and his eyes follow. they used to meet at this playset all the time. during the summer, when she’d sleep over, they’d stay up until three in the morning, and then she’d nudge him about sneaking out. he used to worry about what would happen if his parents checked on them and saw that they were gone if they sneaked out, but she always ended up convincing him in the end. they rarely fought or had disagreements. with enough talking, they always managed to persuade the other to agree with them.

“i am. because we both need time to think. you need to think about if you’re going to see me again for therapy and i just need to think. about everything," she replies, and he watches her grab the edge of the tube, steadying herself as she moves to stand before he slides himself off the tube onto the ground below. it’s not that far of a drop for him now, although it was the scariest drop ever as a kid. now he stands eye level with most of the playset, but she's looking at him like it's still that big of a fall, mouth slightly agape in surprise.

“i’ll help you down,” he says with a smile and she blinks.

“no, i’m fine–” her words die out as he looks at her, brows raised in expectancy. this is what he meant: they were always able to push the other to do something, no matter how much they tried to resist in the beginning.

she lets out a sigh, trying to buy time as she fixes her skirt, preparing herself to slip off the tube. it really shouldn't be that scary, but she exclaims as she drops, barely registering the hands on the sides of her waist that catch her while her own clamp down on his shoulders.

her face is red as he lowers her down gently to the ground. whether it’s from the embarrassing noise she let out or the fact that he caught her, she’s not sure. maybe it’s both. even when he lets go of her, she can feel his hands on her still, as if they've been permanently etched into her skin. he’s looking down at her, and there’s a hint of playfulness in his eyes and the smile on his lips. he's too close to her, and she can't stop looking at his lips so she looks down at the ground instead, clutching at the jacket around her shoulders before she remembers it’s not hers.

“oh, here’s your jacket back,” she starts, moving to take off the piece of clothing before he stops her with a hand over he own.

“you can keep it for a little longer if you– if you let me walk you home,” he says, on the verge of losing all of his confidence, but he just can’t let go of her. he doesn't want to watch her leave, but he knows she needs a break.

she looks up at him, feeling like her lips are quivering with how nervous and flustered she feels, “you don’t have to do that, really. i can walk home by myself.”

“but if i want to?”

it’s a repeat of a conversation they had earlier, because she can never give him a complete no, and he always knows to take that as a yes.

she’s ruining everything she’s trying to do for herself right now. she’s trying to set a boundary between them, and horribly failing. because what if he walks her home, and he happens to live nearby again? what if they start to see each other more often? or worst of all, what if he ends up leaving again?

well what if he doesn’t?

oh, whatever.

fuck the what ifs.

they can try again.

.

.

.

"it's gonna rain soon / and pull me back in.

"i had the words / you thought a hundred times

"oh darlin' / will you still walk me back home?'"

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extras <3

not really any extras! i just hope u enjoyed <3 and that this chapter was good and not too long or just a bunch of rambles!! i had like three ideas i had randomly wrote down and then just copied and pasted into this chapter and was trying to make them all fit 😭

IWAIZUMI AND Y/N HAVE A PLATONIC SIBLING-TYPE RELATIONSHIP!!! JUST MAKING THAT CLEAR also i'm a sucker for iwaizumi but that's besides the point

omi just kind of got up and left at some point during dinner when atsumu got tipsy and started talking to shoyo and bo. he said goodbye to osamu and then left

they all have each other's locations anyway and shoyo and bokuto trust him to know what he's doing

kita, akaashi, and iwa ended up going home soon after iwa got back from walking y/n to the park and then he and kita stayed up all night waiting for her to come home while akaashi was passed out <3

this fic lowkey goes a little bit off the rails!! but hopefully u guys enjoy it <33

AND I KEEP FORGETTING TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS I'VE KIND OF LOST IT NOW!! but y/n's pfp is a pufferfish because they symbolize protecting yourself and setting boundaries <3 interpret that as u will

taglist: @eggyrocks @wyrcan @guitarstringed-scars @strawberryuri @violetesensou @kakeru-eem @glmge @heytheredemonsss @mollyrolls @bemebiu @daszy @snail-squasher @0moonii @thiisisntlovely @todorokiskitten @rory-cakes @iiwaijime @iatethemochi @yuminako @savemebrazilhinata @kismyscars @bokutoko @nobodybutnnoorr @wolffmaiden @daisy-room @softpia @lees-chaotic-brain @v3nusplanetofluv @crispchocolates @phoenix-eclipses @hhoneyhan @encrypta @rockleeisbaeeee @cr4yolaas @zombriesworld @localgaytrainwreck @moucheslove @hibernatinghamster @notverymarley @certaindreampost @akaakeis @ciderscape @lucien-luna @strawbrinkofdeath @wave2mia @samuel1004 @01trickster10 @dazqa @cosmiicdust @chemiru

[gguk-n]

Chapter 1- Anonymous Conversations

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N formed an unexpected bond with a boy behind the screen. He doesn't have many interest it seems, except for reading her stupid poems.

{Reader's POV}

12/07/2012

Dear Diary, Stella is leaving for Canada tomorrow forever. Today was the last day of school before the summer break so I went to Stella's house after school. It's so shitty, how can she leave me like this and before the start of high school. I don't have any friends other than her, what am I supposed to do??? This isn't fair, first Faye moved back to her home country a couple years back and now Stella. It's like they don't even care about me. I made a google plus account so we can stay in touch. Actually everyone's on google plus, I'm just late to the party. I'm sure we'll still be close.

02/01/2013

OMG!! I think I'm in love. There's this new boy band, One Direction. Ava told me about them last year but I brushed her off saying they weren't my cup of tea, but OMG!!! They are fucking perfect and I love Niall so much. He's so cute and has the dreamiest eyes and his accent, I'm gonna faint. I bought the Take Me Home album yesterday!! I even put up their poster above my bed, hehe!! Sooooo, I may or may not be writing now. I think I'm gonna be an author. The stuff isn't great like Shakespeare but I'm sure I'll improve. I've written a couple poems and Aria read them and she thinks they are great. I'm gonna start uploading them on google plus. I made a separate page for it, under a pseudonym. If I really improve, maybe I can publish my work.

I was sat at my laptop, typing the latest story I came up with during lunch so I could upload it. There were a lot of people who were reading my work and even encouraged me. There is improvement, but then again, we can do better, I'm sure. My parents aren't very happy with how I'm wasting my time writing instead of focusing on my education since I'm in high school now. I finished typing the story and clicked the upload button, I got a comment on the post. It was from this guy, named Max, just Max. He always read all of my work and writes the nicest comments under them. I haven't spoken to him personally ever since my mother kept warning me about stranger danger and that it could be some 50 year old dude. But his comments are encouraging and make me want to write more. I hope he knows the kind of effect he's having on me.

My birthday is in a couple of days, I don't know what I'll do since I don't really have a lot of friends. Even Aria is away during that time, so I don't really have anyone to go out with. My parents are busy as always.

So, out of desperation or sadness, I don't know which one, I posted on google plus saying that it was my birthday. The first person who replied was Max as always. I really wanna know when this guy sleeps or how he gets any work done if he is online so much. He messaged me personally too, to wish me again and even asked what I did. I couldn't lie because my heart was heavy, so I told him. I literally just unloaded about not having any friends and spending the day alone because work was more important for my parents. He was so nice about it. He spent the next hour talking to me and cheering me up. He's apparently 15, from Netherlands. He loves cats and lives with his dad and sister. He sounds like a fun guy.

After that, both of us ended up chatting on google plus regularly. I would message him immediately after school and spend the next couple of hours talking to him. Some times, he'd be gone a couple weekends but it was no biggy. I'm sure he had other commitments instead of entertaining a dumb teenager.

Max's birthday is on 30 September. I wanted to be the first one, so I stayed up late to match the dutch timings and wished him. He replied a little while later. He wasn't very excited about it. I get it, maybe his friends aren't there or couldn't make it to his birthday. I was gonna cheer him like he cheered me up. I wish I could send him a present. He really was a light in dark time. When I had no friends in school I could rely on, he came like the knight in shining armour. I just want to be a good and reliable friend to him like he is to me. He is such a sweetheart. We've never spoken on call yet. I guess I'm still a little scared and we've only known each other for a few months. I'm gonna hold on that but Max is a genuinely nice person in my eyes. But his dad doesn't sound like the nicest person from what he says, but I can't tell him that his dad is shitty so I just read his texts.

18/12/2013

Dear Diary, Maxie is the cutest. I haven't seen or heard him yet but I feel like he is. Otherwise, why would he encourage me to follow my dreams? He was so understanding and gave great advice. You might wonder why I needed the advice, diary. I told my parents I wanna pursue a degree in literature and we had a huge fight since apparently I'm throwing my life away and I should try to get a proper degree that might get me a job. Apparently, I'm not thinking straight. I've been thinking about becoming an author for some time now, it's my one passion, I've realised. And if it means struggling, I would rather struggle and be happy than be in a dead end job. Just because they are some big shot business people doesn't mean I wanna do that do. ugh!!! I hate them. Maxie calmed me down honestly, he heard me out and told me it was okay to follow my dreams. I think he is such a good friend. I won't tell him that, he has a big ego as is. LOL!!

I've been gaining a lot of traction on my posts on google plus. I have a couple thousand followers but Max is the most active of them all. Max is so effortlessly funny. He did ask one time if we could talk on call, I told him that my microphone was broken. I'm still a little skeptical. I know, even though I'm literally sharing everything with him, I've never spoken on call or video with him. Maybe some day.

04/03/2014

Dear Diary, I got a new phone and a new number. The previous one was one of my parents multiple numbers but this one is my own. I feel like an adult, hehe!! I made a whatsapp, maybe I'll share my number with Maxie and we might start chatting on there. Google plus had become a bit of hassle and I'm not uploading on it like I used to. I usually only open it to talk to Max. I think it would be better to shift it to another service. He's been a little busy this year compared to the last, didn't tell me much but I think it has to do with him being in his final year of high school. Can't relate, but I hope I'm done with high school soon. It fucking sucks. But on the bright side, I've gotten close to Nia and Aria and I could call Aria my best friend but she considers Nia her best friend. I don't mind being her friend. I have Max anyways.

Max has been quite busy lately, but I don't blame him. I would be busy in my final year of high school too. Even with all that, he has taken time out to talk to me. I did share my number with him, so now instead of google plus, which is a barren wasteland, we text on whatsapp. I've suggested talking on call some time when he's free, which hasn't happened yet.

We had set up a time to talk, it was really early here but I didn't mind, I was up anyways. I couldn't wait to hear his voice. I was anxious as well, what if he's some pedophile; all these thoughts raced through my head when my phone rang. Max- Hi, Y/N! Y/N- Hey, Max!! How are you? Max- I'm good, what about you? Y/N- Yeah, I'm good too. haha!! This is so weird talking to you. Max- yeah, you sound pretty. Fuck was he flirting, is this flirting? A million thoughts ran through my head, no one's ever flirted with me before. I felt my cheeks heat up. Y/N- You sound nice too. I mean....you have a nice voice. Max- haha, thanks, this is the first time some one has said that. Y/N- soooo, what have you been up too?? You've been so busy lately. There was a pause on the other end. I heard shuffling. Max- yeah, I've been busy with stuff. I'll be done soon for a while now. Y/N- That's great I need my best friend back! The conversation flowed smoothly. It didn't feel like we were talking on call for the first time. I had a lot of fun talking to Max. He sounds like a teenager, much to my relief. He's just as funny on call as he is on text.

After that, we ended up calling each other regularly. Max would answer my calls whenever but sometimes I felt bad about calling him at the crack ass of dawn in Netherland so I would avoid calling him whenever. He is so kind and listens well but damn does he talk. Every one who knows me calls me talkative, if they heard Max their ears would bleed. But I like hearing him talk, he has the most random and vast knowledge, he's helped me write too many of my papers because I didn't have to research, I could just ask him; he's like a walking encyclopedia.

17/05/2015

Dear Diary, I think I'm in love. It's not some celebrity this time but I think it's Max. I don't even know that dude's last name but I'm in love. He not like the guys in school, he's so mature and funny and sweet and understanding and he supports me so much. I didn't know when or how but I think I love him. Obviously I won't tell him. It's prolly a crush since I have't dated anyone ever. I'll get over it, can't ruin my friendship over this. As is, he has gotten so busy. I think he is going to college. He didn't say it explicitly but why else would he be so busy right now if not applying for colleges. I don't know the dutch education system but I'm sure he busy pursuing higher education. He said he liked cars, I think he'll do something with cars. I didn't really ask in more details. I'm sure he'll tell me when he wants to. We have a chill friendship, we share when and what we want to. Alas, I hope this crush doesn't ruin my friendship.

09/08/2015

This is bad, my crush on Max has only gone on to increase. He's so kind to me, what am I supposed to do? Also he's the only one who can calm me down after a fight with my parents regarding my future. Sadly, he gotten so busy. He's gone for a while every few weeks. But lately he's been free. We've been talking a lot. He sounds a lot more rested lately too. I'm sure college is tough. But he's strong and I know he'll do it.

[Little did Y/N know, Max was busy racing across the world in Redbull's junior team. He was in his first year as a formula one driver, hence he was so busy. Max had no intentions of telling her, he liked being just Max, a guy from Netherlands who could talk to her. He enjoyed the disconnect he got with her]

[ziggyzolch]

Headache (Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

Summary: If you could describe yourself in three words, they would be: little shit speedster. Causing trouble was your favorite pastime, and you've never been caught. That would change, however, when an angsty witch is assigned to capture you.Warnings: Cursing

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

❅❅❅

The stench of vomit and cigarettes fills your nose as you duck and hide in an alley next to a nightclub. Wiping sweat off of your forehead, you peek your head out of the alley and watch the police cars that were chasing you turn the wrong corner. After making sure the coast was clear, you let out a breath then fall to the ground in laughter. “Idiots.” You push out in between giggles.

Being a little shit was your specialty. From egging random houses to stealing the batons of unaware police men, there was nothing you weren’t up for. Graffitiing police cars wasn’t something you did often, but definitely what you had just done. You were adding the finishing touches, pubes, to the massive penis you just spray painted on the car when a cop finally noticed you. It was embarrassingly easy to outrun him, you can’t blame him though.

You discovered your superhuman speed the first time you got caught messing around, and your shit-headedness increased tenfold. The early years of your childhood were a mystery to you, only rarely getting short, useless flashbacks to being in a lab of some sort. You figured that's where your abilities came from, but in all honesty you didn’t really care. Whatever you didn’t remember was not your problem.

A good 3 minutes of laughing later, you catch your breath and sprint back to your dorm, ignoring the glowing red light at the corner of your eye.

❅❅❅

Walking into your dorm room, the first thing you notice is how cold it is. The door closes behind you, a red mist dissipating around it. Your eyes widen and you let out a quiet ‘What the fuck’ before the sound of your chair moving catches your attention. Your window was open. The first explanation you think of is that your roommate is playing a stupid prank. “You aren’t funny, Kate. Why are you even still up-” You pause, a figure suddenly appearing in front of you.

That is most definitely not your roommate.

They cover your mouth right when you're about to scream.

“Shh, she’s sleeping. Move.” The stranger, which you now know is a woman, turns you around and pushes you out of your dorm, her hand still covering your mouth. Your thoughts start racing. ‘What the fuck! I should’ve brought my rape whistle with me. This is definitely human trafficking. Couldn’t they kidnap me tomorrow, I have homework-’

The woman turns you around “Shut up! For fucks sake- ew!” She stares at you in shock. Did you just lick her hand? After an awkward stare off you finally speak, “Fuck you, rapist!” You turn to run when you’re stopped by a…red cloud?

You can hear her voice getting closer while she stomps towards you, “Don’t even try to run, and I’m not a rapist you little shit.”

“Let me go!”

“That’s not happening.”

“Yeah cuz you’re a RAPIST.”

She pinches the bridge of her nose, “Tony told me you were a handful but I didn’t think it’d be this bad.”

“Yeah well…Fuck you and Tony!”

“Oh my god.”

“Rapist!”

“Enough!” You’re about to reply with another accusation when red fills your vision.

Wanda picks you up from where you passed out and sighs in exasperation. Tony’s in for a ride.

❅❅❅

Next Part

A/N: This is the first chapter! I'll probably upload more on AO3 and Wattpad, @ziggyzolch on both :)

[mirrorbvllhoon]

COFFEE: 300 takeout coffees later

Masterlist

Cafe owner!reader x idol!Sunghoon

a/n: I just recently recovered from covid and could gather enough strength to write this chapter, I'm in the middle of exams (since here in Mexico it's already exam season, at least in my college) Hopefully I'll start to upload the next of the chapters weekly.

Hope that you enjoy !

WC: 2.1 k

You found yourself cleaning the café, it was close to midnight but after a tiring weekend there were a lot of things left to do and the rest of the employees had to leave early for different circumstances, leaving you alone. 

After mopping the floors and washing the dishes ,you debated yourself between finishing the dough for the cookies or preparing the tiramisú for the next morning, your eyes fluttering wishing to be shut, telling you to go to sleep yet there you were in the middle of the café staring at the mirrors that adorned the place, your eyes looking tired and in the midst of your tiredness you heard the bell ring, you forgot to lock the door…again.

“We’re closed we will open tomorrow at 10 am…”, your voice had a shade of irritation in it

“I know, I just… I forgot something”, the familiar voice answered, it was Sunghoon again, however, you had cleaned the place already and hadn’t seen anything, either way you nodded and allowed him to roam all over the place.

Time was ticking so you decided to finish the cookie dough and finish the tiramisú that would be served the next morning, and after you left everything inside the fridge, Sunghoon was standing in the door frame.

“I already found it”, he said shyly, you nodded in response waiting for him to leave, “Is that tiramisú?”, He asked, seeing the small portions served the leftovers that you often saved for you and the other employees that decided to stay after the closing hours, however that weekend it was only you, and the boy in the doorframe with the puppy eyes and moles adorning his face.

“Yes, do you want some?” you asked, seeing the shyness in his eyes but the small smile in his lips you continued, “I usually save two portions to eat after we’re done cleaning after closing, but today the rest of the employees had to leave early, so… you can have the portion if you want to… on the house of course” you said, your voice was now filled with a hint of sadness and tiredness but Sunghoon could trace a small hint of sincerity in your words, so he accepted the tiramisú portion.

“If you want to leave since it’s already late I can put it inside a “to-go” container”

“I actually want to stay, if you’re okay with that”

After the long day you debated yourself on what to answer, “I actually need to close, so if you want we can eat it in my house, it’s around the corner… like literally around the corner…”

“You live in those departments?” he asked, signaling the ones that looked across the window of the cafeteria, you nodded once again, arranging the portions of tiramisú inside a to-go box.

“I mean I barely know you… you don’t even know my name… I shouldn’t have said that” you tried saying, recognizing how stupid you had sounded just a few seconds ago.

You knew his name, but you decided to ignore that fact, not wanting to creep him out at the moment or in any upcoming moment, “I’m Sunghoon” he said finally.

“I’m y/n”, you answered and he smiled.

“Well then I think I can say yes to the offer”, he answered, unsure of why he had agreed as easily, maybe there was something in you that surprised him, maybe that’s why he had came back to the cafe in the middle of the night, inventing a stupid excuse of a lie to see you again, hoping that you hadn’t seen through the facade.

You smiled once again, and after taking the container and your bag, you closed the cafeteria and guided him to your department. The cozy interior welcomed the both of you and although you wished for it to be tidier than it was, you couldn’t blame yourself… The weekend had ruined your sleep schedule completely, not allowing you to clean or to sleep properly as a matter of fact, yet now you were sitting in front of Sunghoon who ate the tiramisú as if it was the best thing left on earth.

“It’s really good…” he said, you giggled for some seconds, “I think I need to eat this everyday”

“Well, at least now you know where to find it”

The time passed and you hadn’t even noticed the second you fell asleep on your own chair and table, in your own department, but your already-too-tired eyes decided not to open anymore, what a surprise when you woke up, thanks to you alarm, in your bed, tucked and covered with your blanket and hugging a pillow, and just when you were about to walk to the bathroom, a smell hit your nostrils, fresh coffee.

You decide to step into the kitchen, seeing Sunghoon preparing an espresso in your own machine.

“Good Morning”, he said, as if staying there the whole night was normal and mundane, as if you were already close friends who stayed in each other's departments because of the already built trust, but you weren’t, you had barely known him and neither did he know you.

“You stayed?”, you asked, confusion lingering on your face, your brows joined together as if skimming for an answer that was so oblivious you hadn’t noticed it.

He nodded, “You fell asleep and I decided to take you to your bed, and then I fell asleep on your couch, hope that you don’t mind”, you turned to see the couch covered in a thin throw blanket, his skin filled with goosebumps every second that passed, of course he was cold, “Then I decided to prepare you coffee as a “thank-you” for me staying over��

You found him and his actions cute, but you could notice how cold he was and that was stressing you a little, you decided to grab him a wearable blanket, one that resembled a hoodie, and handed it to him, telling him you would finish preparing the coffee and some breakfast, before the two of you could depart, you to your cafeteria and him, to wherever ídols like him go.

“Don't you have other places to be? I don't mind you leaving at all”, you said, hoping that your voice sounded concerned and not rude.

“No, we ended the comeback promotions yesterday and we have this week as a kind of vacation”, he answered, and while your reminisced your busy weekend you do remember seeing one of those promotions on the TV screen, and now that very man was in front of you, 

You nodded your head slightly, “What would you like for breakfast? I can make you eggs benedict or if you want something sweeter… pancakes or waffles…”

“Anything goes well”, he said and smiled once again, his eyes turning upwards as if resembling a smile and his mouth peaked his fangs.

Since you liked having a salty breakfast you prepared the eggs benedict, however you decided to prepare him some pieces of pancakes so he could have them with his coffee.

“So… Do you enjoy working at the café?”, Sunghoon asked, his voice lacing over the kitchen sounds of the eggs breaking.

“Yes, It can be tiring but I really enjoy it, that was my dream after all…”, you answered while opening the fridge and taking a pack of salmon and milk out.

“To work at a café?”, he asked while you whisked the sauce for the eggs

“To own a café”, you said and he chuckled, changing the atmosphere of the place as you flipped the pancakes and took out two plates to serve the breakfast.

“Do you want the coffee prepared as the one from the last time?”, you asked, preparing your own cup of coffee while waiting for his answer.

He nodded, so you took out the vanilla syrup and prepared him an iced latte before sitting in front of him.

“Do you enjoy being a singer?”, you asked in order to break the ice.

“I do, it can be tiring but I feel like my friends also help me overcome all of this, and then performing in front of the fans it’s also amazing…”

“And did you always want to become an idol?”

“No, I actually wanted to be a figure skater, but then I just fell in love with the music and dancing… all of it, and now… here I am”

“I used to dance when I was a kid, but I broke my ankle and haven’t tried since… then after all those College years of drinking coffee I kind of loved all the process behind it and here I am now ” you said while taking a sip of your iced americano.

“College years? what did you study?” 

“Linguistics and phonetics… but I no longer work in that area, not since the café”, you said once again, taking a bite of the eggs, “You should eat otherwise it will get cold”

He chuckled at your comment and started to eat the food in front of him until there were just hues of the sauce and small residues on the plates that would be thrown in the dishwasher alongside the cups in a few moments.

“It was nice being here”, he said after some seconds, “Hopefully we can talk again, I enjoyed your company”

“I can say the same about you”, you say before guiding him through the door.

“Hope to see you later y/n”

You smiled before closing the door once he left into the empty corridor, and you went back to prepare for the day ahead.

₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿ ☕︎‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

The time flew by, and before you could notice it was already noon, the day had gone by pacific, with only a few people stopping by to grab a coffee and have a small chatter, and with some high-schoolers grabbing a coffee milk and bun before their day went by, since your store was relatively unknown you barely had delivery orders, and they were even less unusual during mondays, your coworker could see the surprise in your face when a notification rang through the computer.

  4 latte

         / 1 add on vanilla syrup

  2 Americano

  1 lavender taro

  1 tiramisú

  2 coffee buns

  1 almond matcha croissant

  1 choco-mint muffin

Total: ₩ 40,500

        Tip: ₩. 40,500

“Hey… come and look at this…” you told the worker next to you, “Since when do we receive such large tips?”

“Are you sure the system isn’t glitching?” she asked you, refreshing the page on the computer, but the same balance appeared over and over again, “Maybe… we should send a message to the buyer… just to make sure”

I nod my hair, not believing the screen in front of my eyes, I tap the message option and send a quick message.

“Hi, thanks for your purchase, just to make sure… on our system it appears that you left a 40,500 tip on the purchase you made… is that correct?”

“Yes” was the only answer that appeared under the message you sent, and without thinking about it twice, you started to prepare the beverages and the pastries, waiting for the rider to arrive and pick the food to deliver.

The day continued as boring as a monday could be… and then the day ended before you could even notice you were home, cleaning and organizing the mess of a department you called home.

And then Tuesday arrived, and not even an hour had passed since you opened the café. You had a delivery order, this time two elements but a huge tip, the same as the day before.

1 Latte

         / 1 add on vanilla syrup

1 Tiramisú

Total: ₩ 9400

       Tip: ₩ 40,500

On Tuesdays you worked alone, since it was the slowest day of the week for the café, and the same thing as the day before happened, you prepared the order and it got delivered, not a busy day…you went home at nine sharp and had eight hours of sleep a luxury you hadn’t had in a long time.

Weeks went by and there was not a single day that went by were you didn’t receive a delivery order that contained a vanilla latte, sometimes iced others hot, paired with a tiramisú and a tip of  ₩ 40,500.

You were oblivious as to who could be ordering the same thing over and over, for almost a month, until you went home during that chilly october evening, missing your favorite wearable blanket, an accessory you wore on days like this, but after searching for every part of your department you couldn’t find it… because you didn’t have it anymore, it hit you like the rain falling to the pavement, like the sound of lightning.

Sunghoon.

[waywardserpent176389053]

Natsuki's Doki Doki Panic

So, I wrote this awhile ago and thought it would be a good idea to post it here as well. I'll upload the other chapters in the next few days.

Anyway here is chapter one.

The Clubroom Incident.

Natsuki woke up tired. Groaning, she forced herself out of bed and moved to get dressed. Lately she had been getting more and more exhausted, worn out by simple day to day effort. Natsuki had already stayed home from school a few times, but she was falling behind on class work and had to study for the big test. Besides, today was Literature Club and Natsuki wouldn’t miss it if her life depended on it.

As she put her shirt on a spike of pain lanced though her chest. This had also started happening recently, and it bothered her even more than the exhaustion. Natsuki rubbed her sternum, was something wrong with her heart? No, it couldn’t be, she was young and healthy. Natsuki shook away her troubled thoughts. She was going to school, she was going to Literature Club, she was going to talk to Yuri, and she was going to have a good time. Filled with resolve she headed down the stairs to start her day.

Monika was already finishing up breakfast when Natsuki entered the kitchen. The smaller girl gave a quick wave and hoped up to take a seat at the central table. "Hope you prepared extra!" Natsuki said with a smile.

The club president turned to her ward, "Natsuki! I thought you still weren't feeling well?" Monika asked. It had only been a few months since Natsuki came to live with her after Natsuki escaped from her fathers 'care', and the smaller girl had spent a not insignificant portion of that time ill.

Natsuki shrugged her shoulders "I got better." She responded simply. "And I'm hungry, so if you could." Natsuki gestured to her empty plate. Monika rolled her eyes before dropping a pancake onto Natsuki's plate, which the girl immediately attacked.

Monika sat across from her friend and began to eat her own food. "This is the most energy you've had in a while Natsuki" Monika said. "I hope you still have enough to make it to Club after school."

Natsuki nodded as swallowed another bite of pancake. "That's the plan. And I need to catch up on classes, even with your study help I still think I'm missing some things..." Natsuki trailed off.

"I'll ignore that insult" Monika stated calmly before taking a sip of her drink. Natsuki reddened immediately in response "Sorry I didn't mean-"

"It's fine Natsuki, I'm aware that I have limits and it was a joke anyway." Monika gave Natsuki a soft look. "I'm not him, I won't get angry for no reason, okay?" Natsuki released a breath and nodded. They spent the rest of breakfast quietly chatting.

Finally they made their way outside getting inside Monika's car. Right before leaving Monika turned to Natsuki again "You are sure you're fine?" Monika questioned.

Natsuki beamed. "Never felt better" she lied. Together they set off.

Unfortunately for Natsuki she wasn't fine, there was something wrong with her heart. While she had recently escaped her father’s abusive hold, the years of malnutrition had reaped a toll, stunting her growth and, critically, weakening her heart. If Natsuki had been in good health before she had starved then perhaps her heart would still be in good shape. But fate could not be so kind, in addition to the malnutrition Natsuki had been born with a heart murmur. On its own it would have been harmless, but working in concert with the malnutrition it created a critical flaw in her heart. Now with a ticking time bomb in her chest Natsuki went about her day with little knowledge about how close to death she was.

The day had been a hard one. Natsuki had struggled to stay awake through her classes, and had twice more felt sharp chest pain. By now Natsuki had decided that she would go to the doctor, probably tomorrow if she could manage it. Not tonight though, it was probably already too late to schedule an appointment anyway. And Yuri... Natsuki really wanted to see Yuri again. She had become increasingly sure that Yuri probably liked her back, and that thought was just so exciting. Her happy feelings were interrupted by another jab of pain. Natsuki sucked in a breath and clutched her chest. That one had really hurt! She waited a moment for the pain to recede before continuing on, now very sure that there was something wrong. Suddenly, a pair of arms embraced her.

“Hey Nats! How ya doing?!” Sayori nearly yelled. Natsuki smiled even as she fought down another wave of pain. ‘God, if she does that again I might have a heart attack’ Natsuki thought to herself.

“Fine” Natsuki lied. The pain was fading once more, but it wasn’t completely subsiding. Sayori gave a quizzical look.

“Are you sure Natsuki? I mean, you missed a lot of school recently.” Sayori had a concerned look.

“While I got better.” Natsuki said with a grin sticking out her tongue. Sayori smiled back.

“Well, I guess there’s nothing to worry about then.” She began to make her way to the Club room and Natsuki followed. “Oh! By the way MC won’t be here today.” Sayori explained.

Natsuki turned her head “Why Not?”

“Some family dinner thing or something” Sayori said as she waved her hand about.

“Shouldn’t you know? You’re dating him, Sayori.” Natsuki laughed and Sayori did as well.

“Well I don’t know everything he does!” Sayori exclaimed as the two friends shared their mirth.

Meanwhile, within Natsuki’s chest her heart continued to suffer. Going through back to back jolts had unbalanced the organ even further. It would now take only one or two more pushes before failing completely.

At last Natsuki and Sayori arrived at the club room. Monika had set things up as usual, and Yuri had already seated herself in the corner. She was beautiful, her purple hair flowing over her shoulders, her face a picture of perfection, and her chest... Natsuki calmed herself, no need to get too excited.

“Alright everyone, we’re going to have a light day today, no poem readings or anything like that.” Monika said with a smile.

“So just personal reading?” Yuri asked.

“Yep!” Monika replied. She had already pulled out her own book and taken a seat. “You can read together of course, but I’m sure you already knew that.” She said with a knowing glance in Natsuki’s direction.

Natsuki could take a hint and had already made her way over to Yuri. “Mind if I sit?” she questioned.

“Well you would have to if we want to finish our book” said Yuri with a soft smile. Natsuki returned the smile and took up her seat next to Yuri.

Together they picked up where that had left off. Each took turns reading out loud as they flipped each page. Being so close to Yuri, sharing this experience with her, the book itself, all of it combined to make Natsuki very happy. The warmth sunk into her chest which caused another wave of fresh agony.

Natsuki grimaced and rubbed her chest. ‘Goddamn it! Not again’ she thought, trying very hard to make Yuri not notice.

“Is something wrong Natsuki?” Yuri said as she turned around. Natsuki had failed.

“Um, well nothing really. I feel fine.” Natsuki lied. Yuri gave her a stern look.

“You sure? You missed a lot of school. And just then you looked like you were in pain? Natsuki, if something’s wrong you can tell me.” Yuri wore a look of concern.

“It’s nothing serious,” Natsuki replied. “I’ve just been tired lately, that’s all.”

Yuri gave an unsure and worried glance towards Natsuki. “Okay” she replied. They returned to their reading, surrounded by a new uneasiness.

Meanwhile, Natsuki’s heart rate began to rise, half due to nerves, half due to the malnutrition and murmur. Natsuki shifted around in her seat, a small trickle of pain flowing into her chest. Suddenly Yuri spoke again.

“Sorry. It’s just that...” Her sentence trailed off and Natsuki froze, waiting for her to finish the sentence. Yuri took a deep breath before continuing, “It’s, well, I don’t know how to put this...”

Natsuki had moved to the edge of the seat. Both Sayori and Monika were trying to hide their very clear glances behind their books. Yuri was blushing heavily now, twisting her hair between her fingers, she continued. “I just really care about you and... I think I might like you Natsuki.”

The room was silent. Natsuki sat bug eyed on the chair next to Yuri, her face just as red as hers. Her breath was coming out fast as she hunted through her mind for a response. “Yuri...” Natsuki began, then the most awful wave of agony Natsuki had ever felt washed over her.

Acting on instinct Natsuki moved her hand to her chest, digging into the shirt above her left breast. “I...” she tried to communicate something, a warning, a cry for help perhaps, but it died on her lips as she struggled to draw in air. Yuri was immediately next to her, her expression one of fear.

“Natsuki! What’s wrong!” Yuri said, almost falling out of her chair as she rushed for her companion. Sayori was almost immediately next to Natsuki as well, helping her out of her chair along with Yuri. As Natsuki stood black spots began to creep into her vision. She tried to walk, but her legs felt like they were made of lead. Sayori was trying to help her walk (when had she started walking?) but she had no balance. Her legs gave out, she reached out to grab a desk, succeeded, then her arm gave out spilling her to the floor. Natsuki was aware of her friends surrounding her, their desperate voices, and the overwhelming sense of her heart seemingly being crushed.

Within Natsuki her heart had taken too much, the organ was beating out of control and rapidly heading towards complete arrest. With every skip and stutter a new pulse of torment swept through her. Within moments the pain became too much for Natsuki’s consciousness and she fell into the black void of senselessness. Her heart couldn’t take the punishment either, within a moment of Natsuki sinking into unconsciousness ventricular fibrillation took hold. With that Natsuki’s life began to slip away.

The Club erupted in chaos, Sayori stood over the collapsed Natsuki in shock, Yuri had fallen next to the girl and was shaking her shoulders begging her to wake up, and Monika was only just beginning to process what had just happened. Monika shook her head, she needed to focus, a friend and Club member was in trouble and she looked to be the only one who could help. Monika moved to Natsuki’s side, kneeling down and rolling the girl over. Natsuki’s eyes had closed and worryingly her lips were turning blue. Monika checked Natsuki for breath or pulse, and unsurprisingly found neither. For a moment terror threatened to overwhelm her, one of her close friends was literally dying in front of her. Monika took another deep breath and steeled herself.

“Yuri! Call 911 now!” Monika shouted. “Sayori! Run to the theater and get the AED!” Monika was already undoing Natsuki’s blazer, her fingers gliding along the clothing.

Sayori nodded immediately and sprinted out the door. Meanwhile Yuri, shaking, handed the phone to Monika. “911, what is your emergency?” Asked the voice from the phone, calm and focused.

“My friend just collapsed, she isn’t breathing and doesn’t have a pulse” Monika quickly spoke into the phone, her hands struggling to undo Natsuki’s vest, it’s zipper jammed a third of the way down.

“Do you know CPR?” The operator questioned as Monika continued to wrestle with the zipper. Yuri was next to her and, without a sound, handed Monika a knife. Monika took it without hesitation, using it to slice through the vest and white button-up underneath. Natsuki was now left only in a simple black bra.

“Do you know CPR?” The operator repeated her question as Monika interlaced her fingers over Natsuki’s sternum.

“Yes'' Monika replied with more calm than she felt as she forced her weight forward. The compressions were fierce, each one crushing Natsuki’s chest in and rocking the rest of her body to and fro. “We are at Grancastle High School, room 119.” Monika was composed as she forced her friend's heart to pump blood, keeping a steady pace of fast compressions. Monika switched her gaze up to Yuri, who looked on the edge of tears.

“Yuri,” Monika said quietly, “I’m going to run out of steam if I have to do all this alone, I’m going to need you to breathe for Natsuki” Yuri’s eyes went wide as she turned red.

“But-”

“I’ll show you how to do it” Monika said as she finished the first round of compressions, she moved towards Natsuki’s head. “It’s easy” Monika said with forced serenity, “You tilt her head back” Monika handled Natsuki with great care as she bent her head back. “Then you pinch her nose shut and give two breaths.” Monika’s lips met Natsuki's, the smaller girl’s cheeks puffing out and her chest expanding with the breath. Monika lifted her face from Natsuki’s for only a small moment, huffing in another breath before forcing it into Natsuki’s body. Respiration completed, Monika returned to compressions without hesitation, hammering her friend's sternum.

Monika looked up at Yuri who still looked petrified. Monika’s gaze pierced into Yuri’s “Yuri, if you don’t help, Natsuki will die” her words were edged with ice. Yuri took a deep breath and steeled herself. She moved next to Natsuki, close enough to hear the air forced out from her lips with every one of Monika’s compressions, Close enough to see her crush’s stomach bulge as her chest was forced down, close enough to see her feet sway in a fast rhythm. Yuri rested her hand on Natsuki’s head, already it was beginning to cool. Yuri forced down a wave of nausea as Monika finished the set. “Breathe!” She commanded, and Yuri, drawing in a breath, obeyed.

Natsuki’s lips were slack as Yuri's own met them. She didn’t move or react to the contact in any way, Yuri’s breath merely moved into her causing her chest to expand. Yuri sucked in another gasp of air and forced it into the girl again. The same result followed. Mechanically Monika moved back into position and once more tried to force Natsuki’s heart to beat. Natsuki remained still, her only motion caused by the outside effort of the CPR.

The sound of sprinting foot falls heralded Sayori’s arrival as she practically leaped through the door, AED under her arm. “I’m sorry! I forgot where it was for a second and I paused-“ She was crying as she knelt down with her friends.

Monika quickly glanced her way, not once ceasing her compressions. “It’s okay Sayori, just set it up.” Monika didn’t bother to look up from her frantic work. Sayori unzipped the machine and flipped it open.

“REMOVE CLOTHING FROM PATIENTS CHEST” The AEDs voice was unsurprisingly flat. Sayori snatched up the clothing shears, and moved to Natsuki’s bra as Monika paused her compressions. Sayori hesitated only a moment before cutting the last piece of clothing on Natsuki’s chest. Immediately Monika was crushing down Natsuki’s chest once more, the smaller girls exposed breasts moving in pace with the rhythm.

“REMOVE AND ATTACH PADS AS SHOWN” Was the next prompt. Sayori unpeeled the pads and attached them around Monika’s hands: one on the right under Natsuki’s collarbone, the other on the left below Natsuki’s swaying breast. “DO NOT TOUCH PATIENT- ANALYZING HEART RHYTHM” The machine stated before beeping twice. Monika and Yuri moved back leaving Natsuki laying still on the floor. Though invisible to the rest of the club, the AED carefully measured the electrical impulses of Natsuki’s heart, finding them chaotic and not fit to sustain life. “STAND BY- PREPARING TO SHOCK” the AED announced before releasing a high pitched whine. The AED continued: “ EVERYONE CLEAR. PUSH THE FLASHING BUTTON” Sayori reached out and pressed down on the blinking red light.

The stored charge rolled though Natsuki’s body striking her fibrillating heart and causing her body to spasm slightly. Her head lolled to the side and fingers twitched as the AED did what it could. “SHOCK DELIVERED. ANALYSING HEART RHYTHM.” Once more the machine searched for a stable heart rate, but the shock had been ineffective and Natsuki’s heart still shook uselessly within her. “CONTINUE CPR” Without missing a beat Monika returned to keeping Natsuki alive.

“Shouldn’t she have woken up?” Yuri said as tears began to streak down her cheeks. “It doesn’t always work on the first one” Monika didn’t bother to look up from Natsuki’s chest as she answered Yuri.

“Then…” Sayori attempted to form a question before Monika interrupted her. “Then we shock her again and we keep going until the medics get here or she wakes up.” Sweat was gathering on Monika’s brow, the toll of the constant, exhausting compressions. Her face was expressionless, her gaze focused on making sure that every push on Natsuki’s rib cage carried enough strength to force blood through her dying friend’s system.

“Breathe.” Monika said, almost as much to Natsuki as Yuri. Yuri once again forced oxygen into her crush’s system, then repeated the action. As Natsuki's chest rose with Yuri’s breaths it became clear that a large bruise had settled between her breasts.

“DO NOT TOUCH PATIENT- ANALYZING HEART RHYTHM” The AED’s voice shook Yuri back to attention. Once more the AED searched for a life sustaining heart rhythm, and once more found only an ever-weakening fibrillation. “STAND BY- PREPARING TO SHOCK.” Monika and Yuri moved back, while Sayori already had her thumb over the shock button. “EVERYONE CLEAR. PUSH THE FLASHING BUTTON.”

Everyone’s gaze was locked on Natsuki as Sayori practically hammered the blinking red light. This time the shock was much more visible, arching Natsuki’s back slightly. It only lasted for a brief moment before she crashed back down, her small breasts swaying with the impact. Once again Natsuki laid still and gave no response. “SHOCK DELIVERED. ANALYSING HEART RHYTHM.” A brief moment passed, “CONTINUE CPR.”

“Goddamn it” Monika whispered under her breath as she returned to keeping Natsuki alive, the rest of the club looking on with increasing horror. They didn’t say anything, perhaps they were too frightened that saying something would cause the worst to happen. A sudden pop sound caught their attention, Monika briefly pausing before continuing to force down Natsuki’s sternum. “What was…” Sayori started before Monika interjected “I broke a rib, it happens.” Monika was clearly exhausted, her breathing had become haggard and even more sweat covered her. Tried as she was she did not relent, she wouldn’t until Natsuki got better, her body gave out, or she was forced to stop.

Monika finished the set, “Breathe” she gasped out as Yuri scrambled to position. Two breaths and more canned AED dialogue as the club waited. The machine searched for electrical activity and found none, not even the chaos of fibrillation. After the last shock Natsuki’s heart had fully given out slipping into complete cardiac arrest, it now lay still in her chest. “NO SHOCK ADVISED. CONTINUE CPR.” The voice said.

“Fuck!” Monika practically yelled before going back to desperate compressions. “Wait” Sayori said eyes wide “What does that mean?” Yuri’s hands covered her mouth, she was beginning to shake. “It means we keep going,” Monika huffed out with difficulty. Doubt was beginning to eat at the club, as far as they could reckon their friend was dying on their watch.

It was then that the paramedics burst in, wasting no time in surrounding the fallen Natsuki. There were two of them, both men dressed in matching blue. One had already begun to move Monika away from her friend while the other took over CPR. “Easy now,” said the one pushing Monika back, “We’re going to help your friend now, but I need to know some things, okay?” The man's voice was calm and Monika gave a shaky nod.

“How long had she been down?” The paramedic asked as he opened a bag, revealing an EKG. He removed the AED pads and with haste attached the leads of the new machine, the green screen flaring to life displaying a straight line. He turned to his partner “Asystole” he reported.

“Seven minutes” Monika guessed, Sayori nodded in agreement. “We gave her two shocks from the AED, but it told us to stop.” The paramedic nodded as he took out a pen light and opened Natsuki’s closed eyes. He shined the light in as Monika continued, “She just collapsed, I don’t think she has any condition.”

“Pupils reactive,” he said to his partner, “Anything else? Drugs maybe, she’s sick?” Sayori piped up: “She’s been out of school a lot lately. She said she was too tired to come.” The paramedic knoded, “Giving her a dose of epi, continue CPR” he said as he removed an ambu bag and attached it to Natsuki’s face. He quickly forced three breaths into her before pulling out a syringe and an injection port, he attached both to Natsuki’s neck. The injection was quick, and he immediately returned to the ambu bag, casting his gaze towards the flatlining monitor as the other medic forced Natsuki’s dead heart to beat. The club members had also turned their attention to the EKG, Sayori and Yuri holding one another in blind fear, Monika beside them trying to regain her energy.

A minute passed, then another, as the drug slowly worked its way to Natsuki’s heart. As the epinephrine came into contact with the cardiac muscle it began to twitch and spasm. On the outside the EKG began to spike and surge at random, both medics snapping to attention and grabbing the defibrillator out of the case. “Set for 300,” said the medic with the ambu bag as he set the paddles where the AED pads once laid. “Charge set” his partner stated, the other medic nodded as he turned to the club, “Stay clear.”

The AED shocks had been much smaller in visibility than the full defibrillator, the shock arching Natsuki’s back in full her chest straining against the paddles. Her body fell back to earth with a jolt, shaking with the impact. The monitor showed a large spike settling down into another flatline before picking up again, the arrhythmic peaks of V-fib returning. “Continue CPR, prep second shock” said Ambu bag medic as he returned to his assigned role, his partner doing the same.

Natsuki’s body shook with each compression, but as before she did not reawaken. The paramedics counted softly as they crushed her chest. Before long the paddles were charged again. Another yell of “Clear” preceded another discharge of electricity into Natsuki, but once again her heart failed to return to a proper rate.

As the efforts to revive her friend continued Monika watched the EKG. The longer the resuscitation went on the weaker the waves became, the once high peaks of the arrhythmia flattening out. They were running out of time, if Natsuki fell into asystole a second time the chances of saving her would plummet.

Without comment the paramedics charged their third shock, their expressions set into determined masks. They carefully set the paddles on Natsuki’s naked chest and glanced around at the other girls. Each had their gaze locked on their friends, each face set in a different mask of fear. The paramedics didn’t bother to say clear.

This third shock bowed Natsuki’s entire torso upwards, body seeming to stay in that arched position for a full second before gravity cast her body down with a harsh thump. All attention turned to the EKG, which after the shock had gone flat. A breathless second passed, followed by another. Hope began to flee the room before the EKG announced with a sharp beep and the green line twisting into a peak that Natsuki’s heart had contracted. Then another beep and peak traced across the screen, and a third, and a fourth.

One of the paramedics dug his index finger into Natsuki’s throat, “Sinus Rhythm, slow but stable.” Immediately Natsuki was being placed on a stretcher and wheeled, out her friends following behind. Within moments the paramedics were placing her in an ambulance, the club tentatively standing close by.

One of the paramedics turned, “ Does she have any family to contact?” he asked.

Monika shook her head, “No, she lives with me right now.” The paramedic nodded, and reached out helping her into the ambulance. Sayori and Yuri watched as Monika turned to them with a terse smile. “I’ll call you if anything changes.” Her friends wordlessly nodded as the ambulance doors closed and it drove away.

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #36] DENIAL

warnings: drinking, star lovers (the drink), star lovers (the people), v wholesome! v lovely! loverboy jjk, the bday chapter

a/n: just one tonight 'cause im a bit pressed for time :( I'll upload some extra ones tomorrow hehe

wc: 9k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

"Stay," Jeongguk lazily whines into his pillows, hair a tousled mess, skin clammy and glowing in the dusky haze of an early spring morning.

Light pours in through his unclosed curtains, the city intruding on your peaceful state of slumber, stealing you from the sanctuary of shared dreams. His arm is looped around your waist, your back to his chest.

He's keeping you close. Doesn't wanna do anything, just doesn't wanna be alone. More specifically, he doesn't want to be without you.

Is paralysed by a new fear, it would seem; one in which you leave.

He wants to keep moments like these bottled up. Safe. Unbreakable.

An empty bed is really nothing to fear, but he's had a taste now of you with someone else. Has seen you with another man. Has met your ex. The guy you once thought was your forever .

Jeongguk isn't sure that he's capable of thinking that far ahead, but he has watched The Notebook upwards of a hundred times with Jimin. When he thinks of Noah, he thinks of Allie, and when he thinks of Allie, he thinks of you.

See, Jeongguk is more than capable of thinking that far ahead.

It's just that he was trained by the girl who used to hold his heart that forever was a silly concept. It's a slow process, but gradually, he is unlearning it. He didn't ever get his heart back from her; instead a new one bloomed in his chest where the empty space once was. It's armoured, this time. Little squares of silver glass act as a protective casing.

If it were ever to break, the pain would be catastrophic. He might just die.

And so Jeongguk would like you to stay.

As much as you'd like to, you know you can't - Danbi and Hoseok have pre-booked you in for a 'friend date.' Under absolutely no circumstances are you allowed to bail on it, even if it does mean leaving an incredibly sulky Jeongguk to survive his hangover alone.

You're not sure at which point last night you both decided that sex wasn't on the agenda. It was never discussed. Just never happened.

Instead, Jeongguk had kissed you.

Again, and again.

Until your lips were numb, and yet you could feel every deliberate coming together of your bodies. Soft declarations of affection, reserved only for the gentlest forms of love. Something of which you know better than pretend you could have with him.

It's well established, now, that Jeongguk is simply breaking down your intimacy boundaries. Is showing you that you can do all these things you deem to be intimate, without them actually having to mean what you think they do.

In theory, it's working. Kissing Jeongguk doesn't scare you.

In practice, Kissing Jeongguk does terrify you.

Not for the act itself. You do that willingly. Wantingly.

But for the fact that you're unable to think straight when you look at him, these days. It's not working. You can't separate the intimacy from the act, but you're so far gone now that it's almost impossible to go back, so instead you're stuck in this limbo.

You never want anything to change, but you're doing this all because you're trying to encourage change. It's fucked. Utterly, undeniably fucked.

These two entities - who you both are during the daytime, and who you both are when the sun goes down - are converging at rapid speed. It's getting harder to distinguish which is which.

All that's certain is that two orbiting stars will eventually, always, inevitably crash.

It's a countdown. Celestial union, or blackhole. Both feel equally terrifying.

Much better to pretend as if it isn't happening.

Easier.

"Can't," you whisper. Reinforce boundaries that have long since been broken. "Told you, I'm a busy girly. Book me in for a friend-date next time you wanna see me."

The phrasing is deliberate. A reminder of where you currently stand with one another, as declared by him more times than you care to remember.

"We had a night out," he sulks. "It automatically is a two-day affair. Always is."

"No, it's not," you softly laugh, getting out of his bed and finally putting your clothes back on. Your outfit from the night before is pretty basic, so you don't need to steal one of his shirts to protect your dignity. Disappointing .

You're out the door by midday, leaving Jeongguk to fester in his hangover pit alone - of which he does. For hours .

It's partially the hangover. Mainly the fear-induced paralysis that has overtaken his body. All he can do is stare up at the birds and wonder how the fuck it got to this point.

By the time Taehyung shows up at Jeongguk and Jimin's place that evening, Jeongguk's wearing clothes. Has managed to go a whole thirty minutes without complaining about his hangover. It's a record. Jimin knows. He's been counting.

It's bad. Skull-splitting, eye-dehydrating kinda bad. A hangover he wouldn't wish upon his own worst enemy.

This is a lie.

He wishes Seokjin nothing but hangover headaches for the rest of eternity. Scowls when he thinks about Seokjin. The tension of his muscles further exacerbates his headache. He knows it serves him right for thinking such negative thoughts - but as far as he's concerned, it's just another to be annoyed at Seokjin for. Prick.

Throughout the day, you've sent him pictures of your incredibly sorry state - glitter everywhere, hair piled on top of your head. Kind of matches his hair, of which is still tied in a scrunchie that you'd put him in the night before.

The last picture you'd sent through had dropped into his inbox fifteen minutes ago. Was read immediately.

Carrying a soda the size of your face, you're with Danbi and Hoseok, as promised, heading into a movie theatre downtown. He can't remember what you'd said you were seeing. Some superhero movie, he thinks, that he knows he'd care way more about if he didn't feel like such ass.

In fact, Jeongguk thinks he'd rather die than be at a movie theatre right now - but he also does like the idea of a dark room right now. Perhaps you aren't entirely insane.

Jimin had insisted on something 'healthy' to get Jeongguk out of his hangover slump, which is why, as Taehyung chucks his coat on one of the bar stools in the kitchen, he's stuffing his face with a chicken teriyaki wrap.

"Fuck me," Taehyung laughs. "A little worse for wear?"

Jeongguk just grunts. Hair all over the place, still haphazardly half-tied up by one of your scrunchies, he's covered in glitter.

There's no mistaking who he spent the night with - not that he cares to hide it. Can easily explain that you put the glitter on him, if anyone asks. The scrunchie, too. And if they don't? Fine. Let them assume what they like.

"How's DB?" Taehyung follows up, stealing a little lettuce from the chopping board, before plonking himself down next to Jeongguk - which earns another groan.

"Fine," he says through a mouthful of chicken and tortilla wrap. It really is not his finest hour. "Said she wanted to die just before they got to the cinema, so I'm sure she's gonna have a great time."

Funny, how those little phrases and intricacies of your identities seem to weave together these days. You're apparently constantly on the verge of death, and he's perpetually covered in glitter. Quite the pair, you make.

"S'pose that's what birthday weekends are for, aren't they?" Taehyung shrugs, not really thinking much of it, and not noticing the way Jeongguk seems to freeze.

Mouth full, wrap in hands, he almost chokes.

Jimin just asks, "It's Danbi's birthday? Why didn't you mention it? We could have-"

"Oh, no. It's not," Tae says, narrowing his eyes in confusion. He tilts his head. Why on earth would Jimin assume that?

The confusion is contagious. Not a single one of them understands exactly what's happening.

"Danbi's birthday isn't until the summer," Tae continues, a little caution in his tone. Has had it in his calendar since the first date. Is already planning a trip away for them both. Looks at Jeongguk, who is still frozen in position, like a frame in a cartoon that the animators forgot about. And then, he realises. "Gguk..."

"Oh, fuck," Jeongguk says. It's a miracle he doesn't choke, mouth still half full, even if he has tossed the rest of the wrap back down onto his plate.

The penny drops slowly, and then all at once.

"Oh, holy shit," Jimin says, getting to his feet, 'cause apparently the shock is that severe.

"You didn't..." Taehyung gasps, not finishing his question. "Gguk!"

"I didn't!" Jeongguk insists, swallowing down the bite of his wrap that had been suspended in his mouth for far too long.

And he really didn't - didn't forget , that is.

You've never told him your birthday. He's never asked.

"Fuck."

"Fuck," Jimin parrots.

"Fuck," Tae also echoes, but adds, "Dude... what the fuck?!"

Jeongguk stands. Begins to pace. Moves his hands in bizarre little motions as if he's trying to piece everything together.

Not once have you ever told him your birthday, he thinks.

"I swear, she never mentioned it," Jeongguk whines.

And he's right.

You haven't.

It's not without reason.

In a few short weeks time, it'll be a year since your first purple starfucker.

Though it was Hoseok's break-up you'd been commiserating, your own hadn't long since passed. The wounds still stung and it was better to lick salt off the back of your hand before a tequila shot than it was to sprinkle it in your emotional damage instead.

Drowning your sorrows had led you to Dionysus, your heart break just as fresh as the lemon that followed the tequila shots. The bitterness of the fruit didn't compare to the bitterness in your heart.

Hardly a surprise, though.

Break-ups are never easy - just like forgotten birthdays are always sad.

When your boyfriend asked to reschedule dinner plans and then showed up to your apartment at just gone midnight with no apology? No realisation of what he'd done so terribly wrong? A little ruby red rouge on his earlobe that you both knew came from the lips of someone else?

Oh, it was tragic .

Counter arguments of 'if it meant so much to you, why didn't you remind me?' frustratingly cursed in the dead of night, and pleas of 'I shouldn't have to beg you to give a shit about me' framed your demise.

And so Jeongguk has never experienced your birthday. Can't forget it, if he never knew it, you theorise. Not like Seokjin should have done.

Jeongguk doesn't know the flavour of cake you'd pick, or if cake is something you even choose to have on your birthday. He doesn't know how you do your makeup, 'cause he knows most girls go for glitter on their special day - but by that metric, every day would be your birthday.

You're thankful to have not had to discuss it. Part of the reason you like spending time with Jeongguk is the fact that he lets you forget ghosts of the past - and this time last year does still, regretfully, haunt you.

It's not like you properly celebrated Jeongguk's birthday with him, either.

Granted, it had been a boy's night - and a pretty quiet one, at that - but still. It was six months ago, though. Longer, in fact. So much has transpired since then.

The entire fabric of your friendship has been embroidered and embellished to the point of it being unrecognisable. What once was cheap tulle is now layers upon layers of glittering, sequin-emblazoned material, stitched with the finest of threads. There are constellations in your hems, and stardust between the seams. One of a kind. Impossible to replicate. Many will try; all will fail.

"Was it today? Yesterday?!" Jeongguk frantically asks Taehyung, 'cause he seemingly knows more. This acknowledgement pisses Jeongguk off. He should know this shit. Taehyung shouldn't. "How do you know?!"

"There's a bunch of birthday cards in their apartment-"

"Fuck," Jeongguk groans.

"Was literally yesterday-"

"YESTERDAY?" Jeongguk shrieks. Stops dead in his tracks.

If the Rock, Paper, Scissors battle had gone a little differently, he'd have known.

If he'd have insisted on taking you home, he'd have known.

So many tiny, meaningless decisions had led you back to his place last night. If he'd have been wiser or smarter, maybe he'd have realised. Maybe you had been giving him signals, and maybe he had missed them all.

And then his mind is jumping from conclusion to conclusion.

Did Seojoon know? Had he gotten you a gift? Oh, God. It's all so fucked.

But then he's thinking about Seokjin. Has seen white roses and a calling card on more than one occasion. Not for a while, granted, but he also saw the look on Seokjin's face when he'd insinuated that you'd moved on.

"Roses," he panics. Looks at Taehyung with such horror in his eyes, that it's a miracle he doesn't burst a blood vessel. "White roses. Were there any at their place?!"

"I don't think so?" Taehyung guesses, trying to remember what the apartment looked like when he last left. "I mean, I don't remember noticing any."

Jeongguk nods. Puffs out a breath from his marshmallow cheeks. Holds his knees as he keels over a little, body ravaged by a stress he doesn't quite understand. He resumes his posture a little too quickly, the pain of his hangover shooting straight back to his brain.

"Right. Shit," he curses. Then curses a couple more times. Pushes his hand back through his hair and then looks at his friends.

Though they're both well aware that missing a birthday is never good, Taehyung and Jimin are surprised at just how badly Jeongguk is taking this.

Feeling bad is one thing. Looking like he's just committed crimes worthy of jail time? A little excessive.

As Jimin smirks, Jeongguk snaps, "What?"

"Nothing. You're just acting like-"

"Don't," Jeongguk warns.

"-You're in love with her, or something."

He doesn't deny it.

Just rolls his eyes. Doesn't have time to waste debating the true nature of his feelings right now - especially not when he knows Jimin would never believe his denials, regardless.

"She never told me," Jeongguk steers the conversation away from matters of the heart. Wants to focus on logic instead. "Was with her all evening, and she literally didn't mention it once."

He explains the night before. Leaves out the part where you were his favourite date of the evening. Also leaves out the part where he held your hand on the entire cab ride home, and the way he'd kissed you once you were finally in the confines of his room.

There were no expectations; no illusion that it would lead to anything beyond a kiss.

And it didn't.

He'd kissed you just to kiss you. Slowly. Intentionally. Kept his dick well away, 'cause he knows how often the pair of you escalate things beyond the point of no return.

It had confused you at first. Made you worry a little - but the way he encouraged you back in whenever you pulled away let you know just how deliberate he was being.

"Shut up," Jeongguk had smiled into your lips when you'd given a small hum of perplexion. "Just kiss me."

And now he's standing in the living room, stroking at his bottom lip as if he's trying to remember the way you felt; if the poutiness has been from pleasure or disappointment.

"Okay. So?" Jimin just shrugs. Really does think Jeongguk should chill out a little, but knows that he won't. "She must have not wanted you to know."

Jeongguk doesn't like this. Scowls. "Why wouldn't she?"

"Some people just don't like birthdays," he shrugs again.

"Nah, Danbi baked her a cake," Taehyung interjects. Laughs to himself. Is disgustingly fond. "Danbi is great at many things, but baking is not one of them. I don't think she would have gone to all of that effort if DB doesn't like birthdays."

Just one look at you is enough to know that you're the kind of girl who enjoys birthdays. Of course you do. The pomp and pandemonium of party poppers? How could you not enjoy such occasions?

"Fuck," Jeongguk curses as he begins to pace once more.

On the one hand, it's not the end of the world - but on the other, he feels awful that he didn't make a fuss. Didn't get you a present.

But then there is also the worry - what if you had told him? What if he's just forgotten? What if the only reason you didn't mention it was because you wanted to see if he remembered?

The aching lull of his hangover subsides. Is overthrown by the stress of failure.

Jeongguk is uncertain as to whether or not you like surprise parties - but he does know the effort you went to for his final exam celebrations. Knows that what you did for him is likely the sort of thing you'd like to be done for yourself.

After all, people show their love in the ways they wish for it to be reciprocated. You're both acts of service kinda lovers. Nothing is too much trouble. Anything to make the lives of the people you care about easier. Better. Happier.

"Okay," Jeongguk eventually sighs as thoughts begin to formulate. "We need to do something."

We ? They think, but don't voice. This is not a group project. This is a Jeongguk thing.

"Yeah," he thinks out loud, totally in his own world. Jimin and Taehyung watch on as he triumphantly nods to himself. "Do something. Okay. Fuck. Do what? What would B like? Fuck."

And then he groans. Throw his head back. The motion is a little too fast. His hangover pounds, reminding him of his fragile state - so he reaches for the chicken wrap he was half-way through demolishing when Taehyung dropped the birthday bomb on him. A little bit of brain food will surely do him good.

"You know her better than us, mate," Taehyung shrugs. Knows what he'd do for Danbi, but also knows Danbi is the type to arrange her own surprise party. "You're the best judge. You and DB are basically attached at the hip these days."

"Okay, one - no we're not," Jeongguk scoffs.

"Yeah, you are," Jimin objects through a mouthful of chicken. Is glad he's not the only one who's noticed. Yoongi's been so busy with wedding preparations recently that he's not been around to shake his head in despair at you both.

"We're not," Jeongguk insists.

"Danbi reckons you are-"

"Oh my god, let me breathe," Jeongguk whines. Rolls his eyes. " You're the one who's always with Danbi."

Taehyung smirks. Raises a brow. "Yeah? She's my girlfriend, Gguk."

The silence that follows is left vacant by Jeongguk. There's no response he could possibly give that would convince either of his friends that he doesn't feel a certain type of way about you.

It's written all over his face whenever you walk into the room; how Jeongguk fucking glows in your presence, glitter sparking on his once pristine skin. You've corrupted him, and he hates to imagine life in which he doesn't notice specs of glitter on his skin in the early morning light. He's a better man for knowing you. He thinks his friends would agree.

Undeniably, they would.

"Whatever," he eventually dismisses. Sighs. "How the fuck do you throw a party for the living personification of a disco ball?"

"Maybe you don't," Jimin suggests. "Maybe she is the party."

Jeongguk isn't sure what Jimin means by this. "Huh?"

"I don't know," Jimin admits. "Just thought it sounded cool. Disco balls are, like, the centre of everything, right?"

He's not wrong - at least not in a party setting. The disco ball you'd been gifted for Secret Santa is proudly hung up in your bedroom, and whenever the light hits it right, the walls are dappled in the most glorious of sparkles.

You really are the embodiment of one, Jeongguk thinks.

And as if he's just been hit with a dozen speckles of refracted light, Jeongguk gets an idea.

"Tae, have you got the code for their place?" He frantically asks, to which his friend nods.

Jeongguk has your door code, too. Knows it from the times you've invited him over and told him to just let himself in. Doesn't want to admit to that, though, which is why he asked Taehyung.

"Okay, text Danbi," Jeongguk says. "We're breaking in."

"We?!" Jimin exclaims. "I'm not breaking the law just so you can get your dick wet-"

"Jimin!"

"What?" He feigns innocence, as if he's not airing Jeongguk out like a freshly washed load of laundry.

"This is not about getting my dick wet," Jeongguk says in disbelief. "We don't even fuck-"

"Bullshit."

"-And shut up, she's your friend, too. We're all breaking the law, because that's what friends do for one another."

"We literally all know you fuck. You've got an incredibly warped sense of friendship, Jeongguk," Jimin assures him. "And committing crimes definitely doesn't fall under the dictionary definition of it, either."

"It's not breaking the law if I've got the code," Taehyung interjects, though if he's being honest, he's not really sure of the law. Just assumes it's fine. "What are we doing, though? Why are we breaking in?"

Jeongguk declines to answer. Instead, says, "Text Danbi. Tell her we're going there. They'll easily be another, what, two hours? At the cinema, right?"

Shrugging, Taehyung supposes that the timeframe is probably accurate.

"Okay," Jeongguk nods, head down, brain trying to order things succinctly. "Let me just shower really quickly. How far out is the place you get your art supplies from, Tae?"

"About forty minutes," he explains. Jeongguk's been with him a couple of times. It's always been Taehyung driving on those occasions though, so he doesn't really remember the location. "It's on their side of the city."

The plan is beginning to formulate in Jeongguk's head. Dots are connected. One big idea is trickling down into achievable steps.

"Alright. If I give you a list, can you run there and pick some things up? Jimin, you good to come with me to their apartment? To set things up?"

He doesn't elaborate on any of his plans. Will just waste time if he does - and the boys know not to delay a frantic Jeongguk. Will just make him even more irritable, and he's unbearable enough with a hangover.

"You didn't throw me a party," Jimin huffs - but is reminded that Jeongguk did in fact pay the bar tab for a night of extremely heavy drinking in Dionysus, instead. A week's salary? Pissed away. "Yeah, fair enough."

"Anyways," Jeongguk adds. "This isn't gonna be a party. Just us three and those three, I think. It's a bit too last minute for anything big."

"What about Nabi? Hayun?" Taehyung innocently asks - but the glare thrown his way by Jeongguk for even thinking to ask such a question says everything he needs to know. Eyes wide, a soft smile on his lips, Taehyung holds his hands up. "Hey, was just asking!"

"Well, don't," Jeongguk offers.

There's an ambiguity to Hayun's place in Jeongguk's life, these days. A couple instagram reels sit unopened in his inbox from her, 'cause he doesn't care to entertain her. The last time he'd seen her was at the surprise party you threw after his exam. The same one he left early, 'cause you weren't there and it made him feel all funny inside.

On occasion, he wonders if he's being too harsh. Wonders if maybe he should just talk to her; explain that he's not the guy he was. No better, no worse. Just different.

"She said you've been ignoring her," Taehyung adds. Doesn't doubt it.

"We've just got nothing to talk about these days." Jeongguk shrugs. He's in no mood to even so much as think about Hayun. This weekend is yours. Thoughts about her aren't welcome. "Anyways, doesn't matter. She's not Byeol's friend. There's no need for her to be there."

Taehyung pushes it no further. Respects Jeongguk's reasoning.

"Right you are. Give me your list before your shower," he says, wanting to get a head start on whatever it is Jeongguk's got planned. Doesn't wanna be the reason it fails. Knows Jeongguk seems to have a lot of emotion riding on this, and he wants his friend to succeed. Thinks it's about time a little happiness came his way.

Just like Danbi thinks you deserve it, too - which is why she insisted on going straight home after the cinema. The plan had been to go for a drink, or grab food - but Taehyung's slightly ambiguous but very desperate texts were all she needed to see to change the plan.

"Careful," Danbi laughs with you as you meander up the stairs to your apartment, a little uneasy on your feet because you're still feeling a bit rough. Popcorn tub in hand, you've barely touched it - which is unheard for you. No matter how large the serving size is, you nearly always finish it before the films even started.

You just couldn't hack it today. Put it down to the hangover. The sweet scent of the popcorn usually has you salivating, but it made you feel slightly sick today.

"If you don't want it, I'll have it," Hoseok offers, not wanting it to go to waste. He's already demolished his own popcorn and half of Danbi's. Just loves it. Think it's the closest thing humans have got to magic.

"Not so fast!" You say. "I will eat it - just need my stomach to settle."

It's the only big symptom of your hangover that's still lingering. Usually, it's your headache that is the most stubborn - but the surround sound of the cinema bullied that right out of you. Showed no mercy. Forced you to confront it head-on.

"If you let it go stale before you let me have it, I'll end the friendship," he warns - and you do know he'll absolutely be a baby about it. Will most definitely have a little tantrum, but nothing that would serve to end your friendship. He might just not share his own food for a few weeks.

"I won't," you insist. "And hey - it's my birthday weekend. You can't be giving me ultimatums like this, Hobes. Totally unfair. You should be, like, worshipping the ground I walk on."

Danbi checks her phone as you and Hoseok babble nonsensically, tailing just a little behind you to make sure you don't see her message thread. Sends one to Taehyung.

Home soon x

It's reiterated to Jeongguk and Jimin, who quickly get into formation - which is really just a straight line blocking the view of the coffee table.

Nibbling down on his bottom lip, there's really no need for Jeongguk to feel such anxiety - it's just that he knows he shouldn't know about your birthday. Knows he shouldn't be in your apartment right now. Knows you won't be expecting this. Knows that he runs the risk of upsetting you, just in case there's a more substantial reason as to why you withheld your birthday from him.

"Fuck," he whispers, hearing the three of you amble up the stairs. "Do you think we should go?"

"Gguk," Taehyung deadpans. "It's a bit late for that."

"I know but-"

"Shush," Jimin laughs, as the sound of your conversation grows closer. "They're near."

Nodding, Jeongguk does as he's told, bottom lip kept stable beneath his top row of teeth. Tongue toying slightly with his lip ring, he doesn't even know how to explain what you're about to walk into. Decides it's better to just simply stop thinking at all.

The beep of your door code being entered echoes the thump of his heart, until the lock clicks. Bolt retracts. The door is pulled open, and Jimin counts a quiet, 3, 2, 1.

The way in which all three of them - Jeongguk, Jimin and Taehyung - burst into a chorus of 'happy birthday to you' is comical - all singing at slightly different tunes, volumes, and tempos. It's a jumbled mess, and they all refer to you by different names - but as you stand with a bemused smile by your door, Jeongguk knows it's worth it.

And finally, he begins to smile, too.

The anxiety and nerves are replaced with the unadulterated joy that comes with seeing you - and given the way you had said goodbye to him earlier that morning, he's glad that you seem equally as pleased to see him.

It's not that you'd had an unpleasant goodbye. Not in the slightest. If anything, it was too pleasant.

Jimin hadn't yet woken. The pair of you had been standing in his doorway; you fully dressed and ready to go, Jeongguk in a pair of sweats and nothing else, save for the scrunchie of yours still in his hair.

The pair of you had been a mess of giggles and 'go,' despite him pulling you back. 'I'll text you later' and knowing nods, but then 'wait, come back.' Grabbed waists and stolen kisses that neither of you had any business taking from one another. So many kisses. Pretty, dainty kisses, on his pretty, darling lips.

He'd held your hand as you walked away from him for the final time. Was a broken man when you eventually let it fall from your grasp, turning around with a coy smile as you headed for his elevator.

Glitter in his dishevelled hair, stars in his dark brown eyes, Jeongguk had been everything . Had been the boy next door, with his sweet giggles and appled cheeks. Had been the bad boy you know you should stay away from, with his messy locks and tattooed skin. Had been the mirror of you, with his glitter-covered skin and love-drunk gaze of adoration.

You'd spent a great deal of your time in the cinema fretting over it. Overanalyzing. Overthinking.

What if it was too much? What if he knew just how violently the butterflies had been swarming in your diaphragm? What if he'd just been reciprocating your actions because he hadn't wanted to make you feel bad?

Yet when you see him now, you know that none of those questions, nor their answers matter. Whatever is happening between you both simply doesn't matter.

You don't want clarification. Don't want to open yourself up to hurt. Just want things to stay exactly as they are.

Funny, really, how Jeongguk had been fretting just the same. Worrying that he had done too much. Is aware of how deeply intimate you regarded kisses to be. Should have held back. Should have fucked you last night. Should have done a bird. Stuck to the rules.

Instead, he had just kissed you.

Is well aware of the message it sends. Has been worrying that it perhaps isn't a message you wish to receive. Still doesn't know for sure - but knows that he'd like to keep things exactly as they are.

Just like you do.

Might be reading different books, but you're on the same page. It's like being in a mysterious book club. Just gotta wait until one of you decides to read aloud - but neither of you wants to be the first to go.

"What is this?" You laugh, utterly confused by everything in front of you.

Jeongguk, Jimin and Taehyung stand in a row, adorned in the silliest of photo booth props - party hats, feather boas, novelty glasses. The room around them is dressed to the nines - steamers, lights, bunting, things hanging from the ceiling - and there are half a dozen packets of polaroid film for your camera.

"It's your birthday party," Jeongguk says a little shyly. Looks behind himself, as if to check it's all still there. Smiles when he looks at you again. "You really thought you could get away with it, huh?"

Puffing your cheeks out with a little air, you scrunch up your face, surprised that he's scolding you - albeit very playfully - in front of other people. Flirts like this are typically reserved for your time spent alone together.

"Don't know what you mean," you smile, as Danbi and Hoseok encourage you further into the room. Looking around, you can't hide just how touched you are by the chaos surrounding you. There's something new, something different everywhere you look. "This is insane."

And it's only even more overwhelming when the boys part ways, and reveal the coffee table to you. On it are a dozen different papier mache shapes - Roman letters for your initials, ambiguous animals, and different-sized spheres - and what must be thousands of tiny mirrored squares. There are adhesives in abundance. Everything you need to make your very own disco balls - or some sort of iteration, at least.

"Guys," you say softly, appreciation lacing your voice. Have stars in your eyes, not just around them. "What is all this?"

When you pout in their direction, hands over your heart, Jeongguk thinks it looks like you might cry. Hopes you won't. Fears you will. Pulls you in for a hug to remedy it. The rest of your friends talk amongst themselves. Greet one another. Enthuse over the state of the place. Give you guys a second to one another.

"What the fuck?" You laugh softly into his chest. "Gguk, you didn't have-"

"Shut up," he smiles. Presses a kiss against your hair. Is discrete enough that no one notices. Smiles. "It was your fucking birthday , B."

"So?"

"So," he emphasises as he pulls away, holding your shoulders. "Birthdays aren't about the birthday person. Not really."

"No?" You laugh.

He beams. "Nope. They're for the people who love the birthday person."

It shouldn't come as a surprise that your best friend loves you. It should be expected. Shouldn't make you feel the way that it does. Oh, it's all so beautifully fucked.

"Kinda like a funeral," Jeongguk ponders out loud, not dwelling on the unintentional mention of love. "They're a time to show appreciation for the deceased. Birthdays are just the same."

Laughing, you shake your head, and let him manhandle you a little further into the room to have a better look around. "I don't think birthdays and funerals are that similar."

"Well," Jeongguk says. "You didn't tell me about your birthday, and I doubt you'll be the one telling me about your funeral, either. So they'll be similar in that regard."

Cringing, your shoulders tense slightly. Jeongguk simply rubs them, easing your awkwardness. "You've got a point."

"I know I do," Jeongguk laughs. Drops his hold on your shoulders to grab you a glass of the premade drinks. There are six of them. Long, not short. Purple. Raising your brow as you accept it, Jeongguk nods. Confirms your assumptions. "The long version of a star fucker. Star lover, I think we called it."

Fitting .

Joining your friends to sit around the coffee table on the floor, music humming from the speaker, you're lost for words.

There are no actual words that can be used to express your gratitude, you think. Nothing you can say to articulate how much this means to you.

"How did you even plan all of this?" You laugh, unable to contain your happiness.

"Don't look at us," Jimin laughs right back. Nods over to Jeongguk. "He's the mastermind, over there."

Glancing across to Jeongguk, you can't help but let yourself indulge in the nonsensical idea that his starry eyes are reserved for you, and you alone. He shrugs.

"You didn't give me much choice," he asserts.

"Wait," Hoseok interrupts, finally piecing it all together. Had just been in a bemused state of 'what the fuck' since arriving. Looks at you with horror. "You didn't tell him it was your birthday?!"

Awkwardly scrunching your face up, you shake your head. "I just didn't wanna be a bother."

It's not entirely a lie, but it is also an incredibly superficial explanation. There are layers to your reluctance to share your birthday with Jeongguk. Reasons. Past disappointments. Ones that Hoseok and Danbi are well aware of.

Even though he thinks of it, Hoseok doesn't mention last year. Doesn't reiterate his opinion of Seokjin being a heinous asshole for what he did.

Instead, he accepts your answer. Does tell you that you're an idiot, though.

"Hey," you whine. "It's my birthday weekend. You have to be nice."

"He's right, though," Jeongguk backs him up.

The smile he gives you is fond. Could call you the nastiest names he likes, but with a gaze like that? All you'd hear is a sweet melody reserved just for you, sung only by him.

Laughter echoes around the room as the evening settles in. All opting for slightly different shapes, your disco balls are truly an embodiment of who you are. Danbi is decorating a T, and Taehyung is decorating a D. It's all very vom-inducing - but they're too sweet for you to take the piss.

Jimin does it enough for everyone, anyway. Tells them that they're the most disgusting couple he's ever known.

Funny, how this attestation makes Jeongguk glance in your direction. Wonders what he'd think of you two as a couple. Knows that he'd probably also think you were disgusting if he saw how the pair of you behave together, sometimes.

Hoseok has gone for one of the animals. It's just the head. Can't decide if it's a cat or a dog, but decides it doesn't matter. Tells everyone it's definitely a squirrel. Nobody else can see his vision.

Jimin was going to do a J, but upon seeing Danbi and Taehyung's couple letters, opted for a cube instead. Disco balls go against all of his interior design desires, but he'll make an exception for you.

Traditional in his choice, Jeongguk is painstakingly trying to perfect an actual disco ball. Chose the second biggest size. Wanted to do the biggest one, but also wanted to use this as a practice run. Maybe he'll make a hobby out of restoring broken disco balls.

Beside him, you're also doing a sphere - just a much smaller one. Cuter. Daintier.

"That's so unfair," Jeongguk pouts when you finish your first row of mirrored squares. He's barely even begun. Wishes he'd set his sights on something smaller.

"Go big or go home," you remind him - then head to the fridge to get the jug of Jeongguk's special cocktail. Topping up everyone's glasses, you know exactly how this night is gonna go - and you couldn't be more pleased.

"You're trying to get me drunk," Jeongguk grins when you finally reach his glass. "Trying to sabotage my disco ball making skills, aren't you?"

"I'm doing nothing of the sorts," you assure him - but honestly, you think the imperfections, if any, would only add to the charm. "You made the drink. It's on you if you can't handle it."

"Oh fuck off," he laughs, challenged. Takes a sip. A really fucking big sip. Nearly finishes it. "I'm a bartender, baby. I can handle it."

Laughing, you pretend to have not heard the way he just called you baby. He was just messing around. Didn't mean it.

"Sure you can," you tease, filling his drink back up. And so he repeats it. Half-flirting, half-competing against nobody. And so you top his drink right back up again. "Someone's got something to prove."

A second night of drinking in a row isn't what you'd been anticipating, but you welcome it. Think that you need a couple of drinks to handle the confusion of how you're feeling. 

As the disco ball construction descends into chaos, and no one is quite able to get the spacing or positioning just right, you realise that this is the magic of a disco ball; how the broken can still be beautiful.

Yet when you look at your small creation, you're pleased. Sure, the lines are a little uncoordinated. There's a wibble wobble here and there - but it's yours .

Danbi and Taehyung manage to make theirs look pretty good, and Jimin's isn't too bad either.

Hoseok protests. Say they had it way easier.

"You chose that shape," Jimin laughs. "Don't blame us!"

For all of his artistic talents, disco ball crafting is not one of Hoseok's. It might also be that he's had six of Jeongguk's little cocktails.

He's had to remake the cocktail twice already, given how frequently you're all topping up for glasses from the jug. It's gonna be a messy night - but for once, there's no uncertainty over whether or not Jeongguk will be going home with you, for he's already here.

"It's my day off," Jeongguk jokes on the third remake. "Should be paying me."

"I'll make it up to you," you quietly promise him with a smirk, out of earshot from your friends.

He looks at you with inquisitive eyes as if to question what on earth you could possibly mean by that - and decides he's better off not questioning it. Will revel in the ambiguity of whatever the fuck is going on between you. Enjoys the flirt too much, especially when he's a little tipsy.

"Wait, wait - a little to the left!" Danbi instructs Taehyung as they begin to string up the makeshift disco balls in the meantime.

It's a labour of love, but it's worthwhile. Eventually, one by one, all of the creations take their rightful place, haphazardly tacked to the ceiling with tape that's a fair amount stronger than Jeongguk's washi tape. The sunset lamp you and Danbi rarely use is turned on. Pretty pink and peach reflections cascade all over the walls, dappling you all, too.

The clandestine touch of your hands as you pose for pictures is hidden from your friends.

There's an awareness that the way in which you're behaving is not normal of friends; that the lines between who you think you are, and who you truly are, have become blurred. There's a giddy silliness to it all, and it's why neither of you want it to stop. Childish, and stupid, it may be - but it's freeing, too. A farewell to the expectations that have kept you both in boxes for so long.

By the time you've drunk home bar dry, Hoseok is already asleep, and Jimin isn't too far behind. They're crashing in the living room, so you fetch their duvets and bedding, while instructing Jeongguk to go to your room.

"I can sleep out here," he offers. Doesn't wanna make things awkward for you - but you shake your head.

"Always save on the heating bill when you're here," you tell him. It's not a lie. It's also not why you want him in your room, either.

Thing is, you're both fucked. Jeongguk's mixing was getting stronger and stronger with each new pitcher. There's nothing either you can do to fight the drunken sleep that takes over as soon as you're beneath your sheets.

It makes it even more shocking that when you wake up the next morning, you're without a headache. If anything, you feel worlds better than you did the morning before and it worries you. Likely means that you'll crash later on in the day.

Jeongguk's not awake, so you slip out to grab water for you both. It's still dark, curtains drawn, but you can see light seeping in through the cracks. There are no curtains in your living room, and your phone is dead so you've no idea of the time. Dread to think of how long Jimin and Hoseok might have been awake.

"Oh, holy shit," you whisper in surprise as you walk into the living room, greeted by Jimin, sitting on your couch like a meerkat, posture perfect. He's wrapped in a soft blanket, face puffy from last night's lack of water and abundance of vodka.

"Mornin' DB," he croaks, channelling his best ET. Keeps his eyes glued to the television - where Allie and Noah are talking about birds.

"Notebook?" You ask, not that he needs to answer. You've watched more times since you've met Jimin than you have in your entire life.

He nods. Croaks. "You got any paracetamol? Dunno what Jeongguk put in those drinks but I think he might have been trying to kill me."

Before you can answer, a sleepy and dishevelled Jeongguk emerges from your room, shaking his hair out with his hand. He yawns, and says, "I was."

"Knew it," Jimin groans, flopping down to lie on the sofa. He's really not made for hangovers. "What were we even drinking?"

Jeongguk comes to stand beside you, hand on your hip as he reaches around to grab the phone charger plugged into the socket by the toaster. Speaks to Jimin as if he's not driving you insane. "Star Lovers."

He cements the name. Gives it delineation. A place in your life. Squeezes your hip as he says it. Wonders if you notice. If you're aware of his intentions.

You are - you just tell yourself he doesn't realise what he's doing.

"Tae and Danbi up yet?" You ask. Jimin just grunts. Is obviously feeling just like Jeongguk did the night before. "Where's Hobes?"

From the bathroom, you hear another grunt.

"You good?" You laugh, calling through to your fallen friend.

Another grunt.

"Put you down as a maybe," you say, but get him a Powerade from the fridge regardless. Pass it over to Jeongguk. "Can you give him this?"

Jeongguk looks at you with a little confusion.

"Don't wanna walk in on him if he's got his cock out," you say. In the past? Probably wouldn't have phased you. Now? Still wouldn't - but you don't wanna have to witness anyone else's cock right in front of Jeongguk, for some reason.

"Well, nor do I!" He protests, and passes it right back.

"Cock's not out," Hoseok whines from the bathroom. "Gimme fuel."

You narrow your eyes at Jeongguk, then proceed to deliver Hoseok's drink, only to nearly fall over laughing at his sorry state. He had somehow managed to retrieve his disco ball in the night, and is now hugging his ambiguous animal head tight to his chest, curled up around the toilet bowl.

"Think you killed our friends," you tell Jeongguk when you retreat to your bedroom, toothbrush in your mouth.

Jeongguk sits on your bed, shirt off, duvet pooled around his waist. Hair a mass, a lazily lopsided grin on his face, he's sin in the most heavenly of ways.

He shakes his head. Declares innocence. "They did it to themselves."

Now you shake your head. "You assisted."

"You're alive," he says. Is chancing his luck. Looks ever so pretty as he does so. "And I'm pretty sure you drank just as much as they did - so it's their fault. Not mine."

Humming some sort of disagreement, you leave the room to go and spit out your toothpaste, hopping over a still half-alive Hoseok.

When you return, Jeongguk's looking through some of the polaroids from the night before. You've no idea how many were taken - but imagine most of the new film is ruined with extreme closeups of Jimin and Hoseok's faces. They were doing that for, like, maybe ten whole minutes.

"Look at this one," he smiles, passing it over to you. "You should keep it safe."

It's one of you and Danbi, caught off guard, giggling about something. You rarely have pictures together - spend your time enjoying the moment instead of preserving it - so to have such a candid moment is precious.

Joining him on the bed, you don't really think much of the way you're sitting; staddled over his legs, looking down to where the pictures are on his lap.

"Hello," he says quietly.

"Hi," you whisper back.

"Come here often?"

"More than I should," you smirk, the double entendre dangerous for you both.

And yet Jeongguk licks his lips. Looks down to yours. Is shameless as he says, "Not enough. You should come here all the time."

"Well it's not like I 'come' anywhere else," you shrug, then cheekily correct yourself. "Sorry, not like I 'go' anywhere else."

Jeongguk is about to flirt back, but is thrown off by the way your body suddenly jerks a little.

Sucking air between your teeth, your hand presses against your abdomen. The swift pang of discomfort isn't unusual. You have ovaries. They don't always play ball. It's not the end of the world.

"You good?" Jeongguk asks, cocking an eyebrow. Strokes your hip. Wants to soothe whatever is wrong.

Nodding, you sweep aside his concern. "All good."

He doesn't buy it. "What's up?"

"Nothing," you insist - and you genuinely mean it. A skipped month here and there really comes as no surprise. Your body isn't a machine. Sometimes it doesn't do what you expect it to, but for the most part, you're fine.

It's not until Jeongguk's brows furrow, head tilting, that you think perhaps you should be concerned.

"When did you last-"

"It's fine," you dismiss immediately, not really wanting to discuss your menstrual cycle as a form of foreplay. 

Your body just does this occasionally. Nothing feels out of the ordinary. The pain was a little sharper than usual, granted, but you were also drinking the night before. Your liver is probably throwing a tantrum.

"B, don't fuck around with shit like this," Jeongguk says, his tone not one you're used to hearing. It's direct. Stern. A little sexy, if you're being honest, but the look on his face would suggest now is not the time for a little flirt.

"I promise," you say instead, giving him a soft smile, hands cupping his jaw. "If I thought anything was wrong, I'd be the first to freak out. Just a couple days late. No biggie."

Jeongguk nods. Is seemingly soothed by your touch. Knows that what you're saying is likely true. Knows that you'd have already been to a pharmacy by now, if you had any reason to believe your skipped period was the result of his cock.

"If anything happens..." Jeongguk starts, but trails off. You wait it out. Let him gather his thoughts - of which he eventually does. "Just let me know when you get your period, m'kay?"

With a nod, you promise you will. "If it's not here within a day or two, it'll probably mean I've skipped this month. I can take a test if it will make you feel better?"

Without hesitation, Jeongguk nods. "Why not just do one now? Get it over and done with?"

"Because if I do a test today and get my period tomorrow, I'll be annoyed," you laugh. A single day really doesn't make that much difference in the grand scheme of things. "Plus it's a Sunday."

"So?" Jeongguk laughs.

"Lazy day," you smile. "I don't wanna do anything that requires heavy thinking - and let's not forget how much alcohol I've had in the past 48. I've definitely killed off any lingering pests."

Jeongguk scoffs. "My sperm aren't pests."

"Pests are annoying," you say. "And you are also annoying. Do the maths."

"You're literally sitting on my lap," he shakes his head.

"You can be annoying and sexy."

"You're unbearable," he tells you, but the softness of his smile and the dimples in his cheeks would suggest that he doesn't think that in the slightest.

Nudging your nose up against his, you smile. "And yet you're holding onto me for dear life, aren't you?"

His grip only tightens. Hikes you further up his lap. Reaches down to discard the polaroids. Gets you right where you belong. "Think your blood alcohol content is high enough to kill pests, still?"

"So you admit it?" You tease, ignoring his question. "Your cum is an annoyance?"

"I'll admit it if you stop begging for it every time we fuck."

"Let's try now," you whisper. Let your nose nudge a little further against his. Don't kiss him - but you could . It drives him insane. "Let's see how I do."

He's about to lift the hem of your shirt. About to retrace the steps of a dance you know by heart at this point. Is about to disregard any and all of his initial panic of the morning - but then you're both distracted by a subtle thud.

Glazing over to the wall between yours and Danbi's room, it doesn't take a genius to work out what's happening. There's a second thud. A third. Fourth. A sound that is a little different, but incredibly human.

"Oh, fuck," Jeongguk laughs.

Whatever is happening in Danbi's room is exactly what was going to happen in your room.

"Oh my god," you laugh along with him. "Shit - Jimin."

"Let's go," Jeongguk taps on your thighs for you to get off, and you do so without hesitation.

The flirt had been fun, but it's not worth the humiliation of Jimin finally hearing you fuck. Jeongguk adjusts himself. Only has a semi, so it'll go down fairly quickly. Nothing to worry about.

"Oh thank God," Jimin hisses when you get to the living room. "Thought it was you guys."

"We don't fuck!" You both say in unison, and then look at each other as if you're offended by the quick denials.

"Right, yeah," Jimin mocks. "Totally believable. Good job, guys."

"Shut up," Jeongguk laughs, coming to rough house with a very delicate Jimin. They're as boisterous as brothers; testament to their friendship formed before they were tall enough for roller coasters. Gets him in a headlock. Jimin bites his arm. "We're just friends."

Jimin says something, but is still biting Jeongguk's arm, so it's completely muffled. With a big grin on your face, you just turn the TV up and plonk yourself down beside them. "Grow up."

And just like your denial earlier, Jeongguk and Jimin pull apart to look at you with great offence, and both say, "You grow up!"

You're certain that the boys will never outgrow how childish they are, and it worries you that the same could be said for you and Jeongguk.

Looking up to the disco balls in your living room, you notice the small swirl at the bottom of Jeongguk's mirrored tiles forms a small heart, and wonder how intentional it was.

He'll never tell you. Will keep it a mystery.

The world's worst kept secret: how much Jeon Jeongguk adores you.

A silly little thought to have. Implausible. You've seen him around girls he's loved. Don't think you into that category.

The most stupid thing at all is that you're even thinking about it. Why would you care to be loved by him? Why would you want your favourite person in the whole world to adore you? Why does it make you feel all nervous and yet remarkably calm all within the same second?

And when you look over time, and catch his eyes, why does his smile make your heart hurt?

But then your ovaries act up again. Give you a little pinch to remind you they're still there, even if they're not doing their job properly.

That must be it, you think. Just heightened hormones from your cycle being out of sync.

A knock at the door startles you from your thoughts, but Jeongguk offers to get it. You let him. Watch on with great curiosity as he takes a second to assess what's been delivered. 

He looks down. Shakes his head. Scoffs. Lets out a laugh that sounds anything but humorous. Pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

Is bitter - jealous - as he simply says, "It's for you."

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

[youaresimplylovely]

“Fast and Fabulous: A Driven Love” 

---- A love story between a Formula 1 Driver and a Supermodel

Chapter 4 (Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3) Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Pairing: Carlos Sainz!Formula 1 Driver x Famous Supermodel!Reader

Words: 1,961 words

Warnings: humor, playful teasing, translated filipino, slight smau but overall none! Hope you enjoy this chapter<3

Proofread!!

Summary: Race Day

A/N: New Character!! Keep reading to find out who SHE is :3, taglist opennn. Once again reply if you want to be tagged! Also i may not be able to upload chapter 5 tomorrow or the next day cause i'll be busy but i'll try asap ;)

The sun shined through your face from the car window. You were seated in the backseat with Pao next to you and your brothers at the back while your parents were at the front. Your father is driving the car, and your mother is in the passenger seat. It was finally the day you dreaded, yet you were excited. Race day in Monza. Your family had to go somewhere, and once you were done with that, you drove back for the race. The ride was a 2-hour drive, which isn't so bad. Well, for your family, 2 hours was like 2 minutes for you. God, were you still so nervous. 

"Dad! Do we seriously have to ride in your Mercedes Benz? I mean, great car, but-" Your sentence wasn't even finished till Pao cut you off. 

"We get it; you have a Ferrari; you prefer that. Nobody cares." He rolls his eyes, slouching while scrolling through his phone. 

"Haha, you're funny; at least the team I support has a car. Unlike Red Bull." You said with a sarcastic tone, cooing at your brother as you stuck your tongue out at him. 

Pao gasps at the statement you said; he scoffs, rolling his eyes as he continues scrolling on his phone. 

"You know I like this car, Dad, it's nice. Isn't it Kuya? (older brother)" Dan smiles from behind as he looks at his two older brothers, James and Mark, who nod, agreeing to the fact that the car was really nice. 

"You guys only say that 'cause you're a Merc fan." You chuckle, looking back at your brothers from behind with a smug look. 

"Yes and no" Mark replies to you, raising his eyebrows as he laughs. 

"Speaking of teams, which garage are you guys going to?" Your dad asks, carefully watching the road. His hands steering the steering wheel from the corners of Monza. 

You say without hesitation and with a little too much excitement, "Carlos!" you chirped, not realizing how much joy was in your voice. You look at them, eyes blinking profusely and mouth wide open from the realization. 

"Obviously." Pao snickers, looking at you with eyes full of amusement. 

"Oh, shut up!" You groan as you hit his arm, nudging him to the side. No matter how much 

you deny it, you'll always be obvious about your crush on him, especially after your encounter with him last night. 

A sharp hiss comes out of Pao's mouth. "Girl, you need to stop hitting me." He stared at you, eyes wide open as he refocuses his attention on his phone. 

"It's a Filipina thing, Pao, don't bother trying to stop it." Your father laughs, oblivious of the repercussions of his actions. Considering the fact that your mother was next to him.

"May sinasabi ka!? (Are you saying something!?)" Your mother says angrily, diverting her attention from fixing her bag to glaring at your father. Eventually, hitting your father's arm. 

Your father, who was still driving, realized what he had just done. His eyes widened, and he slowly turned his head to his left as he smiled nervously at your mother. 

"Oh, mon amour! I was just joking; you know I love you!" A loud, nervous chuckle comes out of your father's voice. Praying to the Gods that the air buzzing and the intense stare of your mother would stop. 

She rolled her eyes, grunting as she hit your father in the arm again. "I love you too." She mumbles, her attention going back to her bag. 

A sigh of relief and content escapes your father's mouth. "Ah, where were we! Oh yes, garages. So Pao? You going to Max or Checo?" Your father's hand was released from the steering wheel since there was a traffic light and the signal was at a stop. Still, his eyes remained focused on the road while waiting for Pao's answer. 

"I'm gonna be at Max's dad's." Pao smiles, his focus still on his phone, weirdly so. 

"You're gonna cry when you see Max." You snicker, teasing him as you savor the wish of him crying, well, in a good way cause you know Max is Pao's idol. 

"What about you boys?" Your father turns around to look at your older brothers at the back

"I'm going with you to Lewis, Dad," Mark says as he smiles. 

"Dan and I are going to Valterri's dad," James says as he and Dan continue the game they are playing.

"Alright, alright, but what about you, chérie?" Your father turns his attention back to the road as the traffic light signal goes from stop to go. He glances at your mother with a soft gaze as he asks her. 

"I'll be with Mclaren; maybe they'll win." A seemingly loud scoff and chuckle come out from Pao and your older brother's mouths. 

"What? They may win, you never know." Your mother grins. 

"Ma, can you put this in your bag? I'm changing when we get there." You lean in closer to your mom as you hand her the clothes you'll be wearing once you arrive there. It was just a simple white crop top and a red skirt to emphasize you being a Ferrari fan.

Your mother smiles as she takes it from your hand and puts it in her bag. Her handbag was so spacious, you were sure you could even fit your shoes there. Moments later, your phone rings; Someone is calling you. Valerie Laurice a.k.a Val. Your best friend from the Philippines. 

"Val's calling." You say to your family as you answer her Facetime call.

You answer the call with a big smile as you see your best friend, Val. "Hey! What's up? How have you been?" You smile at her through FaceTime as you notice her bright mood. 

"I'm great, Y/N; you look nice. Excited for your first race?" She chuckles, sitting down on a chair and standing with her phone on a cup.

"Of course! What made you call?" You look at her curiously with one eyebrow raised and with a bright smile. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, and I called because I'm getting married." She smiles at you, waiting for your reaction

Your eyes widened, mouth wide open. Your family stared at you and Val in shock, except for your father, of course, since he's driving, but you knew he was shocked. 

"WHAT? WHEN? WHERE?" You were almost stuttering, extremely shocked, but you were happy for her. 

"Well, you know Karina, my girlfriend. We're getting married." She giggles at your shocked but cute reaction 

"OH MY GOD VAL!" You say, almost out of breath, but you were smiling so damn happily. Your family congratulated Val as well. 

"That is the greatest news I've heard. I'm so happy for you two. Who proposed??" You smiled happily; you were so happy for her. After all these years, she finally found her true love. 

"I did, and she was so happy, Y/N. Thank you. The wedding's in a month, by the way." She laughs softly. 

"Oh, that is so sweet-" Before you could finish, you heard the word "month," and your eyes widened, mouth wide open once again. 

"Well, I'll definitely come. We'll all be there." You smile happily, still in quite a shock that the wedding is in a month. 

"Great, bring a date." She laughs softly. "I gotta go, love you bye! Have fun." She smiles, ending the call. 

You were left baffled, but you chuckled, still so happy for her. 

2 hours later

You and your family finally arrived at the paddock. You snapped a quick picture and posted it on your Instagram story. 

ynlovesu posted a story!

Liked by f1, Taylor Swift, and 26,987,632 others

Once you posted your story, you headed to the bathroom to change to your white crop top and the red skirt. You and your family headed to the garage area, where your father was soon interviewed since “The Jean Dela Cruz” was here. You decide to avoid contact and head to Carlos’ garage; you were warmly welcomed as they handed you the Ferrari headphones. Meanwhile, the rest of your family was still in the garage area. 

Drivers came in and greeted your father and your family. Max and Lewis first approached your family as they shook their hands at your father. Pao was in awe when he saw Max. He couldn’t help but tear up a little. 

Your father notices Pao tearing up as he chuckles, introducing Pao to Max. 

“He’s a big fan of you; he’s a Red Bull fan.” Your father laughs softly. 

“It’s nice to meet you, mate.” Max chuckles as he hugs Pao, patting his back. 

After your family met some of the drivers, they all went to their respective garages. You watch through the TVs in Carlos’ garage, and the race finally starts.

Your eyes stayed focused throughout the race, and your mouth widened a little as you saw Daniel Ricciardo take the lead. You thought to yourself, maybe your mother was right. A few moments in, you could hear the crowd roaring as Antonio Giovanizzi spins around as he loses his front wing. 

The next few laps were chill till lap 26. Your mouth turned to a smile as you saw Charles Leclerc lead up and head to P1. Even if you knew for yourself that it was only temporary, you still found joy in it. 

Your eyes widened, your mouth completely open as you scoffed quite loudly. The crown roars even more than before as Max Verstappen crashes with Lewis Hamilton. You hurriedly open your phone as you text the family group chat.

The Dela Cruzzzzezzzz 

crazyyn ISN’T THAT CRAZY @paopao @fatherchief @simarktahimiklang @jimzie @danny 

paopao STFU WTF BRO 

Simarktahimiklang NO GOD NO WHY 

Jimzie @paopao you guys suck 

Paopao no u guys suck 

Motherearth ay calm down your teams still have two drivers left

Fatherchief WE STILL HAVE VALTERRI 

 Liked by simarktahimiklang, jimzie, danny, and motherearth

You couldn’t help but giggle at the texts in your family group chat. God, how thankful you were that you were a Ferrari fan. You close your phone as the race continues. Lap 31, smiling happily, watching the race as you see Carlos move up a place and Charles in p2. 

Lap 32, you scoff, seeing Checo overtake Makes. Your phone rings as you see a text from Pao in your group chat. 

The Dela Cruzzzzezzzz 

Paopao HAHA TAKE THAT @crazyyn

You roll your eyes that soon turned into sparkles as you see Checo receive a time penalty

Crazyyn no u take that LOL

Lap 53, the race finished. You weren’t sad that Charles and Carlos didn’t get a podium or a win, you were happy that they were at p4 and p6. 

The Dela Cruzzzzezzzz 

Fatherchief AND THAT’S A P3 LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOO

  Liked by jimzie, simarktahimiklang, and danny

After the race, you and your family gather to watch the podium ceremony as you head back to the garage area to meet the other drivers. All the drivers were around, talking to your brothers and your father. Your father congratulated Daniel and Valterri on a wonderful race. 

“Great race, guys; you should come over to our house. A party, you could say, but maybe a chill one. How about this Saturday?” Your father smiles as all the drivers agree. 

Your eyes widened as you heard about the drivers coming over, shit. You thought to yourself, Carlos was coming over. Soon, the drivers said goodbye as they went their ways, and you noticed Carlos walking up to you as he smiled cheekily. 

“I’ll see you, Hermosa,” he winks at you as he walks away, catching up to Lando and Charles. You smile, blushing as you can’t wait to see him. 

TAGLIST @xoscar03 @sugarvibez @nikfigueiredo @itsjustkhaos

[enden-agolor]

We'll be uploading the next Forest's Blessing chapter tomorrow. And nooo not at like 10 p.m. It's already finished, so I'll upload it during the day. Then, I have a nice little comic that I'll upload a day or two after for it 😏

[samieree]

Peace, Wound, Scar. Again. || SW: The Acolyte

Qimir (The Stranger) x OC

-> Next chapter

Description:

Someone is murdering Jedi. Master Indara was found dead on Ueda. The matter must be dealt with quickly and it would be best if it went unnoticed, so that the Jedi Council would not find out anything about it, because it would be obliged to inform the Galactic Senate about everything.

Elyssa - a Jedi Knight - who rarely had the opportunity to go on missions - for some reason no one was willing to send her on them… - is one of the people that Master Sol is supposed to take with him. For now, it's just a matter of finding and catching Osha, because the prison ship has crashed.

But someone is still killing Jedi. And behind this person there is someone much worse...

Or maybe not worse at all?

Introduction:

Elyssa Haen.

Her friends call her “Lys”.

She has a scar that starts at the hairline, goes across her forehead, eyebrow, part of the cheek and ends near her ear. Apparently she got it so early in her childhood that she doesn't even remember it.

(Or at least that's what she was told).

For almost two years she waited for someone to decide to take her as their Padawan, but eventually - despite everything - Master Vernestra decided to do so. Under her wing, she completed training, passed trials and became a Jedi Knight.

She fights with a blue, double-bladed lightsaber.

Her green eyes are accompanied by locks of brown hair, which - since she spends most of her time at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant - she usually straightens.

After many years she managed to overcome her fear of water - thanks to the help of her friend Yord Fandar -  although sometimes she still feels anxious when faced with lakes or oceans.

It would seem that there is some fear of letting her go too far and for too long from the Temple, but the situation changes when Master Indara is killed and suspicion falls on Osha, who had left the Jedi Order several years earlier.

The girls knew each other well and spent a lot of time together, as if pushed to bond with each other.

Osha and Mae are twins. Twins are said to be one soul in two bodies. Elyssa is one soul in one body. One, huge - and often conflicted - soul.

"The power of two."

~

Probably tomorrow I'll upload first chapter, so stay tuned <3

-> general masterlist -> Star Wars masterlist

[alena-draws]

I was thinking about uploading what I have from the next part of my Trigun au tomorrow, which is already 20 pages and it's only about....a third done of the chapter?? But, it feels like it would worsen the reading flow with a break at that page, because I'd have to change the panelling maybe, sooo I think I'll just...finish everything. It shouldn't take too long, it's already planned out and I'm now getting to the real fun part!

[litnerdwrites]

Clandestine Affairs (III)

A/N: Sorry for the wait, but I have some big exams in a little less than a month, so fics are gonna be scarce. Good news, though, is that this is the last bit of set up I need for things to really get going. Expect the plot to really get going after this. Also, I've decided to start migrating some of my works to AO3. I still post here, but I'll be uploading there too, if that's something you prefer. So far, I only have the first chapter of Clandestine Affairs up, with some slight edits, but nothing major. Just some fixed typos and a couple extra lines to make the dialogue flow better towards the end, and yes, the tumblr post has been updated to match it. Two will be up either today or tomorrow, since it's getting late where I am. As always, enjoy the chapter, and feel free to comment, request, or even if you want to be tagged when I upload any fic, or just this fic.

WC: 2603

TW: Canon typical violence, blood.

Kingdom of the Wicked Masterlist

Clandestine Affairs Masterlist

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 (You are here) Chapter 4

Amara didn’t respond to the note.

Nor did she respond to the one she found the next morning. 

Or the next. 

Or the next. 

A week goes by with her ignoring each note that finds its way to her.

Luckily, she didn’t find herself needing to find alternative sleeping arrangements that week, although she knew it would only be a matter of time. Especially as the days grew colder, she wondered if she’d be able to resist a bonfire and a warm body should she find herself in the streets for a night. Had it been any other person, she would’ve jumped at the opportunity, but this wasn’t a normal person. It wasn’t even a human. It was one of the Malvagi. 

Her mother had told her of them, of the seven wicked Princes of the Underworld. She told stories of their icy skin, red flecked eyes, and that once you catch their attention, you’ll never escape. It had been a century since the Malvagi stepped foot on earth, with the only indication that they might one day do so again being a warning the coven elders had received; When witch blood spills across Sicily, take your daughters and hide. The Malvagi have arrived. 

Before, Amara wasn’t sure how much she believed in The Devil or the return of the Malvagi, but the recent murders taking place, along with her encounter on the beach, she wasn’t so sure anymore. Still, none of the coven elders had given any indication that something was amiss. Were they unaware of the Malvagi’s return, or, perhaps, did they simply not wish for the covens to begin panicking, possibly leading to discovery by either the brotherhood or the Malvagi. 

Amara’s shoulders slumped as she let out a sigh, head turning to gaze at the clouds instead. A basket of groceries on her arm. There wasn’t much she could do about the situation, regardless. As things stood, the coven elders didn’t trust her, and the other witch families in Palermo chose to keep to themselves to avoid discovery. If she caused a stir about it now, it could lead to more trouble, which, given her circumstances, is the last thing she needs. 

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the leftover coins she’d been given, silently calculating her remaining expenditures as a chill ran down her spine. She shoved the coins into her pocket, and scanned the street ahead, as though she were plotting the rest of her shopping route. Her eyes lingered on alleyways and store windows, and other shadowed street corners or alcoves she could find. 

Her heart thundered as she took another step up the street. Then another. 

She forced her brows not to furrow, and her lips to twitch upwards. She chatted with vendors, haggled over the price of produce, and had just enough left over to buy a shawl. Still, the pin pricks against her neck never once faded, no matter how quickly she darted through the market, dodging shoppers and vendors as she attempted to ditch whoever had been stalking her. Yet, despite her efforts, the presence persisted. 

Amara had been followed before, be it during the day or night. Sometimes men with unsavory plans for her, others were simple thieves. She’d even had an admirer or two follow her before, but none were this relentless-

Her mind stuttered to a stop, even as her feet pressed forward. 

Perhaps her stalker was no mere man. 

Given what she recently learned, it was quite possible. Especially if what she’d been told about the Malvagi was true. Had The Prince of Lust grown tired of her refusal and decided to seek her out? If he had the chance, would he attack her in public, around so many people? No human here could stop him, surely. If not he, then perhaps it was a subordinate of his?  

The idea that he was stalking almost had her shivering in fear, but she was saved from having to try and force down her fear when she felt her body collide with something. 

Well… Someone. 

“Are you alright?” a softer voice calls gently. 

“I- I’m sorry,” she muttered, holding a hand to her chest, and keeping her eyes down. 

“That’s not what I asked,” the voice said again, right as a soft hand appeared in front of her,“Are you alright?” 

Shakily, Amara glanced up. The woman before her had short, dark hair, in beautiful curls, and her dark eyes shone with a warmth she had missed. Gently, Amara reached for her hand, and let the girl pull her up. 

“I- I’m fine, thank you,” she muttered, after realizing she hadn’t responded. 

The woman cocked her head to the side, observing her. 

“You don’t look alright. You’re still trembling, and pale,” she responded. 

Amara flinched at her words. 

“I- Sorry,” she muttered. 

The woman’s brows furrowed, taking in the state Amara was in. Her brown hair stuck to her clammy skin, and the blood seemed to have drained from her warm, bronze face. Despite her best efforts, her entire body trembled as the pinprick sensation grew closer. Clearly, the woman notices, given the way she glanced behind Amara, trying to discern if anyone or anything had been the cause of her distress. 

“My name is Claudia,” she gently introduced. 

“Amara,” 

“Oh, Amara Willows, yes? Aurora Willow’s daughter?” Claudia asked, eyes wide. Amara flinched at the mention of her mother, and Claudia seemed to notice, wincing as well. “I’m sorry. I understand that her loss must be hard on you,” she tried to sooth. 

Amara merely nodded, not having the strength to indulge in that conversation. Instead, she changed the subject. 

“And you are… Are you like her? My mother, I mean. Are you like me?” she asked carefully. 

Claudia nodded with a smile. 

“You still seem awfully pale. Shall we talk over a drink? My treat,” 

“You don’t have-” 

Claudia held up her hand at the start of her protests. 

“I insist. Let’s talk, one woman to another. Besides, it’s the least I owe after the way I brought up your mother. It wasn’t my intention to be rude, so let me make it up to you,” 

Amara wanted to refuse, but anxiety gnawed at her, and the prickling feeling had yet to let up. She couldn’t risk leading it to her home, but the thought of being alone made her stomach turn. Reluctantly, Amara merely nodded, ignoring the holes those eyes continued to bore into her, and followed Claudia through the market. 

_____

The cafe Claudia had brought her too was a quaint little place, out of the way of the main market, with the seating area and kitchen on the first floor, and what’s likely an apartment above. Multiple small cabinet shelves were dotted around the room, lined with books of various genres, different kinds of plants, as well as other little trinkets. Garlands of leaves and flowers were draped over the shelves, tabletops and even hung down from the support beams. Natural light flooded in from large windows in the back, giving the place a soft, inviting glow. 

Amara shifted in her seat as Claudia returned, drinks, and even some pastries, in hand. 

“Thank you,” she muttered, wrapping her hands around the cup. 

“Drink. It’ll warm you up,” she encouraged. 

“I’m not cold,” 

“No?” Cluadia’s head cocked to the side, “Then is there another reason you were so pale, and shivering as though you’d wandered through a blizzard?” 

Amara stiffened, having no response. 

Blessedly, she no longer felt the prickling sensation, or presence that seemed to follow her. Part of her wondered if it was truly fine to let things be, and forget about it… But with the murderers… 

“Do you- Do you think the recent murders have something to do with witch hunters?” Amara blurted, voice low. 

Claudia raised a brow. 

“Hm, perhaps,” she took a sip of her own coffee, “But they like to make examples out of their victims. Publically,” 

Amara hummed, taking another sip. 

“Then you think it might have, possibly, been something else?” 

Claudia turned to the window, eyes far as she gazed out at the street, where parents walked with children, or servants ran simple errands. 

“I wouldn’t rule them out, but given what we are, it’s not out of the question to suspect more unusual culprits. Especially when our people are seemingly being targeted,” she explained, quietly. 

Amara nodded.

“I see,” 

“Is this about your mother?” 

She flinched at the question, but didn’t answer. It wasn’t about her mother, but perhaps that was selfish. Her brows furrowed at the notion, heart seizing, the way it did right before the news was delivered about her mother’s fate. From beneath her bangs, she caught Claudia nodding, likely thinking that it was about her mother. Amara wouldn’t correct her. 

“I- If not human, then who- What do you think did it?” 

“Werewolves? A vampire infestation? Perhaps even a demon,” Claudia listed, “Some of the coven elders believe it’s related to the Malvagi themselves,” 

Amara stiffened at the mention of the Malvagi. 

“Is there a reason they think that? Or is it just a guess?” she asked, taking another tentative sip. 

“Apparently there was a warning they received some time ago, stating that when witches started dying, it would be a sign of their return,” 

Amrara gave a stiff nod. 

“But they don’t have any other reason to think the Malvagi are involved, do they?” 

“Not that I know of,” she confirmed. 

Amara felt Claudia’s gaze on her as she took a bite of her pastry, but when she gained the courage to actually meet her eyes, she fought back a jolt of surprise. Something older, wiser, stared back at her, as if truly seeing her for the first time. She fought the urge to audibly gulp. Eventually, it seemed, Claudia snapped out of her… Whatever that was. 

“One of my friends fell victim to the killer too,” she continued, turning to the window, as a note of something somber made its way into her voice, “Vittoria Di Carlo. Her sister, Emilia, has been searching for the culprit too,” 

I nodded, knowing exactly who she was talking about.

“I know,” she muttered, “Or, I know about Vittoria anyway. And, I’m sorry. It’s never easy to- to lose someone,” 

Claudia nodded. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for your loss too,” she offered. “If I may offer some advice, from one Strega to another?” 

“Of course,” Amara nodded. 

“Be careful. Especially since I know you like your late night walks,” Claudia all but implored, “Be it hunters or Malvagi, it isn’t safe to wander at night,” 

Her grip tightened on the cup, and her stomach began forming knots. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Claudia the truth, or to even insinuate that she went out at night for any other reason aside from her preferences. She wouldn’t be able to take it if she did. The pity, the shame. No. Amara could handle it without worrying anyone, or needing charity. 

“I’ll do my best, thanks,” 

The two girls chatted a bit longer, as Amara came out of her shell somewhat. Soon, they even gushed over some of the books in the store, until there was no way she could stay any longer. The sun would begin to set soon, and Amara had to get dinner started. She gave Claudia a hug goodbye, thanking her for another ‘be careful’ warning, before she walked away from the bakery. 

Something about that encounter left her feeling lighter. She practically skipped through the streets of Palmero, as vendors began putting away their stalls and businesses began shooting out any strays that lingered a bit too long. Bar keeps and tavern owners began lighting lanterns and setting out their menus, some even switching to their open signs.

All of them were also signs to her that she was running a bit late. Usually, such thoughts would have her sprinting through the streets to make it home before the bookstore closed, but after the day she had, she couldn’t bring herself to let go of that light feeling. She couldn’t force herself to hurry back to the cold bookstore, where she’d force herself into a hot kitchen, trying to make sure dinner, a dinner she hadn’t even thought of yet, was completely perfect. 

Amara’s blood went cold, and her face blanched again. All of a sudden, she felt every ounce of joy drain from her body, and an icy chill replaced it. The hair at the back of her neck stood and the pricking, the same one from earlier, ran all the way down her spine. The sun had just about set, and shadows crawled out from the darkness. Suddenly, she noticed how dead quiet it was. An unnatural quiet. The kind where not even the sound of nature could reach her. 

She took an uneasy step back, eyes already darting around, searching for danger. This was the route she walked many times before, and yet, now, a tugging in her gut pulled her back. It was telling her to run. 

She spun on a heel, only to feel a grip on her upper arm, so fast, so sharp, she barely registered it before she was tugged back into the darkness. 

Her heart pounded, and she began swinging her basket, trying to hit whoever grabbed her.

Icy fingers latched around her wrists, stopping her attempts in their tracks. A sharp pain exploded across her back and head. 

Then her vision became spotty. 

As it cleared, she noticed the toned chest that pressed her to the wall. Soft, dark hair tickled her forehead as her attacker leaned over her. When she finally met his gaze, pale blue eyes stared back. 

Amara’s eyes widened further when she noticed the tips of the elongated canines that peeked out from beneath his upper lip. 

Her mouth fell open to scream, but icy fingers clamped around her face before any sound could escape. 

Tears lined her own, slightly darker blue eyes, and the man’s mouth twisted into a pleased grin, before he brought his lips closer to her. His breath brushed her ear, and she shivered. Amara forced her eyes shut, body trembling against the wall, wrists still in the man’s hold. He let out an amused chuckle, then brushed those elongated fangs against her ear. His voice was like silk, as he purred into her ear.

“Do you know what I am, Strega?” 

Eyes still clamped shut, she forced her head to nod. The man- creature- cocked its head to the side.

“Are you sure, little witch?” he asked, hand lossining around her mouth enough that she could make faint sounds. 

“V-Vampire,” she whimpered. 

His eyes danced with glee and his grin turned sadistic. 

“Very good. Such a smart witch,”

“Please,” she whimpered, only for his hand to tighten again. 

“Now now, little witch,” he tutted, “Show some gratitude. I come bearing a gift,” Amara’s heart raced faster, and she shook her head again, only for him to tighten his grip to the point it was painful. “Don’t be ungrateful now, It’s rare for a human, or even a witch to receive such a gif-agh!” 

Amara’s eyes shot open at the vampire’s pained gasp. She registered the blood dripping from his mouth, and how his eyes widened in shock. She forced her eyes to trail down, only to let out a muffled shriek when she saw it. A blade had pierced the vampire's abdomen. 

“I’m quite certain that the lady is wholly uninterested in whatever gifts you, or your kind, have to offer, leech,” 

[celestialcrownsvn]

Update 3/23/24

Hi guys! Tomorrow I'll be finishing my Lune x Terra drawing on twitch. Follow me at harlevinvns to be notified when I start at 3 PM EST.

Announcement

My job hunt has born fruit! I will be employed as of next month. Which means! Less anxiety and more relaxed Min for writing! And! Hopefully I can afford to commission a few more nice things for Celestial Crowns that the Kickstarter costs won't cover. We'll see!

I will have to relocate for my job so things will be a bit quiet as I get set up, but work on CC is progressing at a steady pace!

Backgrounds

So I've got more backgrounds to show! Here are some snippets:

How great are they? As you can see next up is a really atmospheric forest BG!

Editing

I'm starting the third draft editing Aalam's route. I have a new scene I'm excited to add that I think will really tie everything together!

Demo Update

I'm hoping that I can upload another updated demo sometime in April.

Here's a complete changeling:

added 15 new SFX

added existing SFX in places where it made sense to

added additional art assets to ballroom scene

added camera animations throughout first 3 chapters

created chapter cards for first 3 chapters

new skin tones for terra

updated textbox

updated popup for increased stats

updated save/load screen bg

updated preferences screen bg

added additional text effects in some places

added new theme song

added new sad song

added new romance song

changed music on character select screen

adjusted button size for title buttons to ensure the hitbox was working properly

adjusted text size of save file names so they fit under the screenshots

Updated voice barks

1 new background

New stat screen

Bug fixes

Nothing groundbreaking if you've already played, but it does give a much smoother experience! Check it out with your friends who haven't played yet!

[messtrudi]

August ain't over yet!!! I'm on it! 😅

Next chapter is probably gonna be out on the 31st because ... Work... Or rather my boss bullying me for some reason and me having way too many mental breakdowns 🥲

But that's not gonna stop me! It did make me incredibly slow, though...

But! I did promise a chapter by the end of the month, so you'll get it... Exactly by the end of the month xD

(I'm really sorry about being so slow, and I know that it's probably fine, but it doesn't just bother me because I feel like letting people down, it also bothers me because I want to write so badly, but my stupid mental health takes priority ☹️)

Anyway, short story long, the chapter is done. Has been for quite a while if I'm being honest 👀 all that's left is editing it and making it ✨ readable ✨

So I'll be doing that hopefully tomorrow, so that I can finally upload it and move on to the part I've been waiting to write for months.

I really hope you had a much better month of August, stayed hydrated and didn't melt into the floor 💜💚🫠

[rainingashes1002]

I know I just uploaded a chapter, but the next chapter of Look of Michief in Your Eyes is probably going to be delayed until next week. I lost the whole first draft today, and after a rough couple of days of work, I do not have the motivation to redo it yet. I'll try again tomorrow (when I should have been doing the final draft)