#i'll share pics of the book when it's ready too !!!

[genericpuff]

I’m pretty sure you mentioned your day job is being a tattoo artist, which I think is so cool! Do you have any favorite tattoos you’ve done?

Ahh I have so many favorites! I'm actually working on compiling them for new books that we're printing for the shop (which is so wild omg), here are some of them!

(hit the jump to see them! CW: traces of blood can be seen in some of the following photos!!! nothing super crazy because they're just tattoos but it can still be seen in some spots esp with the colored pieces ~)

I love my job (´ ∀ ` *)

[moonshotsx]

way back home - sashnetra (club au)

it's time for a first date 😌

here's a pic of the dress sasha is wearing 🥰

-

"Damn, look at you, mama!"

Kerri exclaimed as soon as Sasha stepped out of the closet with the dress she intended to wear at the restaurant date with Anetra.

She had opted for an emerald green dress with a high slit to the side, the vibrant color complimented her tan skin and eyes. Not to mention, it hugged her curves just right.

"What do you think for the jewelry? Simple or something extra?"

"I think a simple gold chain as to not distract him from the girls," the younger woman winked before walking up to a small box, "You can take one of mine, we can throw in a few rings to balance it out?"

Sasha nodded, "That sounds good, hair up or down?"

"Up, definitely, you look so hot with a ponytail".

Kerri watched attentively from the bed as her drag mom put the final touches to the look of the night - something felt different about her.

"You really like him, don't you?"

Sasha met Kerri's eyes through the floor length mirror, "I just want to make a good impression," she simply replied.

"That doesn't answer my question," Kerri raised a brow, "I helped you get ready for so many other dates, and you've never been this worried about it going well".

Sasha sighed, "You're so noisy, you know that?"

"Got that from you, mama!" Kerri got up and back hugged her, resting her head on Sasha's shoulder, "I just want to see you happy".

The older woman closed her eyes with a soft smile, "I know, baby," she let Kerri snuggle with her for a few moments before adding, "I'll tell you all the details tomorrow".

"Let me know if the dick is good!" Kerri joked, earning a playful slap from Sasha.

"Is that a way to talk to your mother, now?!"

-

The drive to the restaurant had been uneventful, Anetra had offered to pick her up perfectly on time for their reservation.

Sasha had heard of the restaurant he had chosen, it was on the fancier side than what she was used to but still didn't feel too uptight.

They were seated by one of the windows overlooking the city skyline, a dream view if Sasha didn't already have her new favorite one right in front of her.

"I hope you like this place, it was a bit of a last minute change since my favorite's restaurant was already fully booked tonight when I called from work earlier," Anetra started off after they had ordered their meals, "A friend of mine works in the management here, and they owed me a favor".

Sasha could tell he was a bundle of nerves as he sipped on his water.

She rested her hand on top of his, her thumb gently caressing the back of his hand, "You don't need to worry, I'm loving the place so far, and I trust your taste".

Anetra blushed, "I'm glad you like it".

"You mentioned work just now," Sasha tried to change the conversation to make him feel more at ease, "You never told me what you do".

"Oh, yeah!" Anetra's face lit up at the mention, "I teach taekwondo to kids. They are a bit of my pride and joy," he explained, "I used to be a professional athlete, first for judo then taekwondo, and almost got into the Olympics, but that... didn't work out".

There was a hint of sadness behind his words that made Sasha frown.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Anetra waved it off, "It's alright. That didn't work out, but it brought me to turn my love for martial arts into a job by training new generations and sharing my passion," he was smiling again, "That in itself is much more gratifying than any medal I could have won if I was able to compete".

"That's such a mature mindset to have".

"You can, you know, pop up to the dojang if you want to see a lesson. A few parents and relatives like to come and watch, so one more person there should be fine".

"You sure you wouldn't mind me there?"

"Of course not! I'm sure the kids wouldn't mind either. Knowing them, they probably will want to show off their skills," he laughed softly, "Even four-year-olds can be very competitive".

"What about you? Would you show off your skills too?" Sasha asked, resting her chin on one of her hands as she teased him.

Anetra's eyes widened, the blushing was back on his cheeks with a vengeance, "S-Sure thing".

"I mean, it feels just fair, you've seen me perform quite a few times. It's your turn now to impress me," she finished before she took a sip of her red wine.

-

The rest of the dinner went down without a hitch, Sasha smirked to herself every time she caught Anetra's eyes wandering to the neckline of her dress.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't like the effect she had on him.

But the more they talked throughout the evening, the more she found herself at ease with him. It had been so long since someone had showed genuine interest in her as a person, rather than her as a performer.

It was a refreshing feeling that Sasha wasn't ready to let go just yet.

Anetra offered to drive her back, not wanting her to be alone that late at night, and she gladly accepted.

Once they had parked near her apartment complex, he leaned to hold her hand, intertwining their fingers together as they walked the short way back in silence.

Neither of them wanted to say goodbye when they reached the door of Sasha's apartment.

"This is me," she let out, turning around to face him, "I had fun tonight," she said as a matter of face, still holding his hand.

"I'd love to see you again one of these days".

Sasha chuckled, "You have my number, baby. All you have got to do is giving me a call".

He reached to tuck in one of the strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear, his hand lingered just enough for her to see his eyes darting from her own eyes to her lips.

A question lingered in the air, she could see what he wanted to ask but was too scared to do so.

She took the matter in her own hands and leaned forward to close the gap between their lips, smiling as she did so.

[safarigirlsp]

Thank you for sharing my ask list!! We need to have a good old fashioned tumblr sleepover one of these nights lol! I’d love to know your answers to Qs # 11, 15, 18 & 21 !!

Merry Christmas! I hope you and Tori are having a wonderful holiday!

I love your Writer Ask List! I'm going to link it in my masterlist if I can ever get the stupid thing it edit and work. I hit my link and pic limit on it last year sometime, but I'm too lazy to create a new one. But if I hit edit over and over enough, it forces the changes through somehow, so I've been managing xD.

11. What is one fic you want to re-read for the x time in 2024?

I love these fics as much as any novel!

Fathoms Below

Beautiful Beloved

Flip NSFW Alphabet

And then Silky's incredible Assassin Mills, Underworld Kylo, Practical Magic Flip, The Bear and the Maiden Fair, and Ubi Amor Ubi Dolor.

I have a couple books by my favorite published author I want to reread this year too.

15. Which of your fics you would recommend to a new reader that discovers you in 2024?

I can never pick any one of anything, so I hope you enjoy spam!

Flip:

Bah Humbug

The Case of the Colorado Cannibal

Ghost Town

Everything A Big Bad Wolf Could Want

Mills:

Maneater

Jacques:

A Lady Worth Fighting For

Here There Be Monsters

Witchcraft on Your Lips

Wargrave Hall (This one will be finished soon! But it has all the bs I like!)

Kylo:

Kylo the Malevolent

Crossover with ALL the guys!

Bah Humbug

18. Would you consider writing an original work in 2024?

Definitely! I have two 'novels' that are ready to be proofed, edited, and pitched. One is adventure, one is horror. Both with romance too. I have a few more ideas for novels I want to write too. The problem is always choosing which one to write first!

I have a supernatural story with some occult stuff and the Devil; a wintery adventure story; an action hitman story; a joint modern adventure/old west suspense story; a comedy FBI story; and a suspense murdery mountaineering story.

21. What character do you think you'll leave behind in the new year?

As of now, I'm only writing for Jacques, Flip, Mills, and Kylo. I don't think I'll officially leave anyone behind, but Kylo interests me the least these days. I've never been into space Kylo and I've only written AU's for him. I'm not closing off the possibility for more Kylo AU's in the future, but these days when I think of AU's, I want to write them with Jacques. And I need to write more with Mills too.

Btw We need to get our asses back in gear and get some serious writing done in 2024!

[whipped-for-kpop-fics]

I truly loved every second of this story. I got so invested that I kept forgetting to actually write my thoughts as I went so there are gaps with what I commented on oops. But personally, I think that's just a great sign of how wonderful this story is to have me so absorbed in it!

I was absolutely cheesing like a fool at the end, I very well may have to re-read this fic in the future.

Thank you for writing such a brilliant story and sharing it with us all! 💗

When I was reading I decided to write down my thoughts as I go because I knew I'd forget otherwise so below this is literally just the thoughts I wrote down because I do not have the brain power to convert them into actual fully coherant comments [I'll put them below a read more cut for the sake of spoilers and such]

~

" Soonyoung pouts his lips. " two lines in and reader is already a stronger person than i will ever be. the moment that man pouts i am gone. he can have whatever the fuck he wants from me if he pouts i am weak and not ashamed to admit it

" He turns to the sunlight, and you know he’s pretending to be a main character from an artsy film (not that he’s ever seen on) " oh my i m already wheezing, i love this

" “You are not selling your body for a test!” " okay i was wrong before, now i am wheezing omg i have literal tears in my eyes from how hard that made me laugh

" It’s that damn sparkle that gets to you. " knew i'm not the only one endlessly weak to that tiger cub on two legs

" “That’s not the original book?” " i snorted omg soonyoung you precious little idiot

" “Oh, YN,” he says, “I’m counting on it.” He even winks. " kinky little fuck. im into it

i suddenly realised that i got too involved in the story to remember to write anything down but reader getting all secretly sulky about seokmin distrubing them is very cute

" only three dicks carved into it " sorry but this was so abrupt that it entirely threw me off, in a more comical way than anything lol

" the duck statue " I am now imagining a grand stone statue of a rubber duck sitting atop a water feature and i like this. i know that's not what you mean but that's where my mind went and i shall keep the image

" standing in front of you with his shirt in his hand " bro, i'd wanna scream too if i turned and saw topless soonyoung

" No one should be this incredible and hot. " so true, how unfair of him. i want 12. i'm kidding, i could barely handle one soonyoung but man, i'd try my best

" “The camera’s broken,” he says. “Just use yours and you can send them to me.” " damn, does he use that line to get people to take dick pics for him too? "while you're here and it's ready wink wink" kinda deal

" He really has no idea how brilliant he is, in every sense of the word. " my poor lil cub, he deserves all the hugs and head pats, precious lil babie

" “You like studying for the LSAT that much?” " oblivious is the keyword here, kids

The frat bros all coming to support reader at the diner tho, i am so fucking endeared i love them

" “Maybe just the two of us next time?” " SCREECHING OUR BABY IS ALL GROWN UP MAKING BIG MOVES TO PRETTY BOYS YES YOU BE CONFIDENT!

" “I take it back. You are an idiot,” " man, i was cheering for you and now it's on sight for being mean to him

Jihoon beating reader with the pillow was pretty cathartic for me, ngl

" At the very least you need to apologize to him. " YES YOU DO!

" Soonyoung grins, pulling keys out of his pocket and spinning them around his fingers a couple times, except they fly off and clatter on the floor. " made me giggle, i can so easily imagine him doing that

" “I’ve liked you since the day we met and then I fell in love with you.” " i am SCREECHING. IT'S HAPPENING FELLAS!

What? Like It’s Hard?

gn reader x soonyoung

summary: With the help of a little bit of bleach, Soonyoung is certified legally blonde–complete to last minute-dedication to scoring as high as Elle Woods on the LSAT. While he has no interest in law school, he’s notorious for never turning down a dare. So how does a frat bro in serious danger of failing his senior year get a 179? He asks the smartest person he knows. 

Or, studying for a law test has never seen this much chemistry.

genre: fluff, angst, non-idol au, uni au, friends to lovers, opposites attract

warnings: swearing, drinking, food, arguing, a couple sex jokes, one spicy scene at the end but no actual smut, refusal to acknowledge feelings, what's the word for beyond oblivious????

full wc: 24.3k

playlist! - i'm not very good at this but i tried to add songs alternating between yn and soonyoung :)

a/n: hello!! first of all, sorry this so long! it's been a very very busy summer. thank you to everyone who has continued to show interest in the story, it's really kept me going. i honestly have no idea what this is anymore but i hope it does not disappoint :) as always i appreciate feedback of any form <3 thank you again for reading and have a lovely day! finally, happy scoups day :)

a/n2: a special shout out to @chocolatemilk139 for being my beta and for helping me fact check... why do i keep writing about lawyers when i know absolutely nothing about the field.......

“Nope.” You grab your backpack, shoving your laptop inside, but he gets to your water bottle before you can reach it. 

“Come on.” Soonyoung pouts his lips. 

“I won’t do it,” you say. 

Soonyoung hugs your water bottle hostage against his chest, dark blue hiding in the crook of his elbow, bright against the pale pink sweater he wears. It’s an unusual choice for him, normally clad in baggy jeans and loose t-shirts. Still, the color highlights his new hair, blonde bordering on white. Hardly the first time he’s done something insane for a bet. 

“Please! I’m desperate!” He cries again, stepping closer, though he keeps a firm grip on your water bottle. You never should have told him how emotionally attached you are to it; you should have known it would be held against you. 

“No,” you say. You sling your backpack on, just in case he gets any other ideas. The other students shoot dirty looks at you, actually in the library to study (like you were, until Soonyoung arrived). So you grab him by the arm, rolling your eyes at how he jerks the water bottle out of reach. 

“Walk and talk, we’re not doing this here,” you say, folding your arms over your chest. 

“Come on, how hard can it be?” Soonyoung asks. “It’s just a test.”

“Just a test?” You snort. “Soonyoung, you are aware that most people don’t apply to law school on a dare?” 

“I don’t have to get into law school!” He says, “just get a 179 on the LSAT.” 

As if that makes it any better. You eye Soonyoung and his tight grip on the plastic. Maybe it’s a lost cause and you should just swing by the bookstore to get a new one instead. But that water bottle has butterfly stickers that have survived since freshman year and a dent from the time Jun tried to use it as a weapon in a fight against Jihoon (that was declared a draw when the bottle busted open and doused both of them equally); it holds memories better than water and you’ll be damned if you let Soonyoung hold it hostage. 

“That’s actually harder,” you mumble. From the corner of your eye, you can see him tucking the blue bottle under his right arm, farthest from you. This won’t be easy, especially since you saw the poorly disguised thirst trap of him and one of his frat bros at the gym: those arms are not to be underestimated. 

“I’ll pay you!” 

“With what money?” 

Soonyoung pauses. You’ve reached the exit by now, sunlight warming you through the glass doors. He turns to the sunlight, and you know he’s pretending to be a main character from an artsy film (not that he’s ever seen on). He takes a deep breath, as if he already regrets what he has to say next. 

“Okay, I’ll offer you the only services I have.” He turns to face you, eyes on the floor. 

“Oh my god, Soonyoung!” You shove his shoulder. “You are not selling your body for a test!” 

“But it’s all I know!” He says. He pokes your arms. “You could have so much muscle if you lifted just twice a week.” 

“Oh.” You blink at him. “You meant working out?” 

“What did you think I meant?” 

You feel heat rush into your cheeks. You push the door open, praying Soonyoung doesn’t notice. “It doesn’t matter,” you say, not daring to check if he’s following. “I don’t have time to workout.” 

“Then what do you want?” Soonyoung asks. He stays just out of reach, adjusting his grip so that the water bottle hangs from his hand. “Please, I’ll do anything!” 

“Why do you need me?” 

“Because you’re the smartest person I know,” he says without hesitation. In the three years of your friendship, you’ve learned that the only time Soonyoung isn’t serious is when he flirts. 

“You are,” he insists. “Plus you’ve already taken it, so you’re my best chance. My only chance, it’s not like I have a good track record with tests.” He gives you a lopsided smile as he tries to pretend like he’s joking. But Soonyoung has always been easy to read. You see the sparkle in his eyes dim, and you remember freshman Soonyoung–when he failed the midterm and holed up in his room in the frat house for two full days, not even venturing out to drink. It’s that damn sparkle that gets to you. He isn’t paying attention anymore, water bottle hanging loosely from his hand, but you can’t bring yourself to snatch it. 

“You can pass it,” you say with a sigh. “It’s about studying correctly.” 

“I don’t know,” Soonyoung says. “I’ve never really studied.” 

“Well, that’s what I’ll teach you.” 

Soonyoung freezes, grabbing your arm. “Seriously?” When you turn to face him, his smile is so bright it warms you from the inside out, hotter than the actual sun on your skin. He throws his arms around you, wrapping you in a hug so tight he lifts you off the ground. Your heart does this strange thing where it hops into your throat. Your arms come up as a reflex but his embrace is too tight for you to even hug him back.  

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He shouts. He doesn’t let go, even when he sets you back down. He loosens his arms just enough to look at you, the full force of his smile directed at you. “I swear you’re welcome at the frat house any time, I’ll buy you anything you want when I have money, I’ll drive you wherever you want if I can get Seungcheol’s car, I’ll do whatever, just thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

You know you should answer, or say something, but thinking is too much when he’s so close you can smell the strangely sweet combination of laundry detergent, cologne, and sweat. You push out of his arms, snagging your water bottle on the way out. 

“It’s whatever,” you mumble. Though his arms aren’t around you anymore, you feel strangely hot, like your blood is boiling, and your heart still pounds. 

“It is not whatever,” Soonyoung declares. “I swear, whatever you want, I’ll do it.” He holds a hand over his heart and if it was anyone else you’d think they were joking but it’s Soonyoung: he’s deadly serious. 

You can’t handle his gaze anymore, turning to study your beat up sneakers. “Really? You’ll get my first edition copy of Pride and Prejudice from Jun?” 

“I’ll get that book back.” He glances at you. “It is a book, right?” 

“Yeah,” you say. “Though there’s been some good adaptations.” 

“That’s the one with the zombies?” 

“Zombies?” You frown. “Oh my god, do you mean Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?” 

“That’s not the original book?” 

“No,” you say, laughing. “The original is Jane Austen, in the 1800s.” 

“Oh,” Soonyoung says. 

“I’ve actually never seen that one,” you say. “It’s the only adaptation I haven’t seen.” 

“How many movies are there?” 

“Well, there’s the 1940 adaptation, the BBC series that’s widely regarded as the most faithful adaptation, the 2005 Kiera Knightley movie that’s iconic, plus the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, which is a vlog-style Youtube adaptation. Then of course there’s Jane Austen’s other works, like Persuasion, which, the new one, for the record, was a terrible adaptation.” You stop when you realize you’re dangerously close to going on what Jihoon calls ‘an Austen tirade.’ 

“I liked the movie,” he says after a pause. “I don’t know if it was that good, or close to the books. But it was fun.” 

“I’ll have to watch it, then,” you say. “I know it’s the obvious choice, but Pride and Prejudice really is my favorite Jane Austen novel. Good luck getting it back from Jun though. He’s studying abroad this semester.” 

“He’s the friend from your history class?” 

“No, that’s Jihoon, my roommate,” you say. “Jun was in my language class.” 

“I thought you hated everyone in that class.” 

“Oh, I did,” you say. “But Jun is friends with Jihoon, so he sort of just became my friend too.” 

Soonyoung hums, saying nothing else. You don’t recognize the song, though you tend to mostly listen to classical music when you study or whatever Jihoon blasts from his room, so it’s not that surprising. The melody is nice, though. Well, Soonyoung’s voice is. 

“I really am grateful,” Soonyoung says. “I know I was begging, because I don’t think I can do this without you–well, I don’t know if I can do it with you, but you’re my only hope and–I’m rambling again.” He flashes a smile. “The point is, thank you.” 

You shrug, feeling shy under his gaze. “It’ll help me study anyways,” you say. “You learn a lot when you teach.” 

“I thought you already took it?”

“I only got a 150,” you say, sighing. “I need at least a 165.” 

Soonyoung nods, forehead creasing like it always does when he’s lost in thought. “Thank you anyway.”

“Well, you swore to do whatever I tell you,” you say, desperate to change the subject. “Don’t think I won’t abuse that.” 

“Oh, YN,” he says, “I’m counting on it.” He even winks. 

You cough, choking at the outright flirting. Soonyoung hasn’t tried a line on you in so long you thought he’d used them all. He isn’t serious–it was engraved in his DNA the second he became a fully fledged member of Sigma Beta Tau but it’s not like many people flirt with you, so it’s hard to stop your heart from jumping. 

You check your phone, unable to look him in the eyes. It’s 2:18 now, prime naptime if you can get back to your apartment before Jihoon gets back. But if it’s past two, unless he lied to you at the start of the semester, that means Soonyoung should be in his data ethics class. “Hey, don’t you have class right now?” 

Soonyoung glances at the time on his phone. “Shit.” He takes off, sprinting across the grass, dodging three picnics and narrowly avoiding getting rocked in the back of the head by a frisbee. He pauses at the edge, turning back around to wave wildly at you. 

“Thank you!” He shouts. The picnickers glance between you and him and you can feel the blush returning. Soonyoung doesn’t notice all the eyes on him, waving like a goofball one final time before sprinting off again. Like a whirlwind, he’s gone again, leaving you to stroll across campus and wonder what you just signed up for. 

.

.

Soonyoung’s brow furrows into a frown, lips pulling together in a pout. He rests his chin on his hands, looking up at you from the table like a puppy that knows he’s in trouble. “That bad?” 

“Your analytical reasoning was good!” You say, not wanting to destroy him just yet. “The logical analysis wasn’t that bad either, you just need practice.” 

“Wasn’t there a third section?” 

“The score for reading comprehension was pretty bad.” Horrendous, actually, but you can’t tell him that, not when he’s deflating faster than a balloon at a knife throwing contest. He sits back, head knocking lightly against the back of the stiff library chairs. 

“We can work with this! It’s really not that bad,” you say. You reach out instinctively, wrapping your hands over his hands. Your thumb rests against the soft smooth skin of the back of his hand, the rest of your fingers brushing lightly against his calloused fingers. You jerk back when you realize what you’re doing, patting his hands once and grabbing the workbook in front of him as if it’s what you meant to do all along. You study the upside down words, not daring to look at the disgust that’s probably painted on Soonyoung’s face. 

“You can start with practicing the logic problems,” you say, flipping through the work book. “I’ll figure out a strategy for the reading portion.” 

Soonyoung heaves a sigh, sitting up and hunching over the workbook. You flip open one of your old workbooks and try to pretend like you’re not trying to melt away from embarrassment. 

“This isn’t very much teaching,” Soonyoung says without looking up. “Lots of problem solving.” 

“I don’t really know what I’m doing either,” you say. “I just watched a lot of youtube videos when I was studying last year. I should have known better than to take it over the summer, though.” 

Soonyoung glances up. “How come?” 

You chew on your lip. You’ve known Soonyoung for a while now, but you’ve never talked to him like this, mentioning any real things other than complaining about roommates. Soonyoung would listen, probably say the ‘right’ things, but it’s a study session, so you just say, “Just not good timing.” 

He nods, returning to his humming. You turn to your own workbook, trying to figure out how to get Soonyoung to actually read the passages for the reading comprehension. Twenty minutes pass in an instant and Soonyoung drops his pencil, sliding his journal with the answers back in front of you. You flip to the answer key, scanning between the two. 

“When are you taking it again?” Soonyoung asks while he waits. 

“Just before Halloween,” you say. Exactly 38 days from now, according to the IMPENDING DOOM countdown clock on your phone. 

“That soon?” 

You shrug. “I wanted to give myself time to take it again in case I bomb it and it had to be before midterms, so, yeah.” 

“Is it really that bad to take all your tests at once?” Soonyoung asks. 

“I mean, finals week pretty much kills me every semester. I actually thought I was cutting it close with only two weeks between it and midterms.” 

“Is November cutting it too close?” 

“Depends on when in November you plan on taking it,” you say, “though you probably won’t be able to take it again if you don’t like your score.” 

“Not a problem for me,” Soonyoung says. He doesn’t waver against your raised eyebrow. “I’m getting that 179, first try.” 

“You’re that confident?” 

“In you.” He winks. “Also the bet is off if I don’t get it on the first try.” 

You nod. “Yeah, that makes more sense.” You glance at your calendar. “

“November 18th.” 

“That’s not too bad, you dodged between midterms and finals, there should be plenty of cram time.” 

Soonyoung shrugs. “I just scheduled it so that I would get the results before the Christmas party.” 

“I didn’t think you would be the religious type.” 

“Oh, I’m not,” he says. “The frat has this annual post-finals party before people go back home for holiday break, usually on the last day of finals. There’s no way I’m letting Seungkwan get away with my hard earned Playstation, and there’s no way he’d miss the party.” 

“You can’t just buy your own game?” 

“It’s a console actually,” he says, “and that’s not the point.” You prepare for some lecture about honor or frat code or something overly dramatic and inspired by any of the countless war propaganda movies he loves, but he closes his mouth. 

“I guess it doesn’t really matter,” you say. You turn back his sheet, half the answers marked with a dark blue X because red feels too cruel. “You’re clearly committed.” 

He sighs at the answers, flipping back to the first question and frowning. You think the conversation is over, but without looking up from glaring at the right answers, he says, “You should come.” 

“To?” 

“The Christmas party.” 

You stare at the top of his head but he doesn’t seem to notice. You wonder how he manages to keep his hair so blonde without ruining his scalp but you don’t see any dandruff. “Me?” You finally say. 

“You said you’d come, like, freshman year,” he says. “You never did.” 

You did promise, back when you saw him for class every day. But frat parties weren’t your scene back then. They aren’t your scene now. Nothing about blasting music and binge drinking appeals to you, and yet Soonyoung peeking at you from his notebook makes you feel guilty anyways. He looks at you like he really doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to go.

And that’s the worst part: for Soonyoung, you would go. When he looks at you with the damn Soonyoung Sparkle, you’d do anything. 

“I’ll… think about it,” you finally say. 

He looks at you for a moment longer, then nods, like he didn’t really expect you to say yes. You try not to feel like you’re letting him down. 

“Can you explain this one to me,” he asks, turning the book so you can see it from across the table. 

You skim the question, which turns out to be a series of questions about stained glass windows. You take a moment to glance between Soonyoung’s answers and the correct ones. 

“Walk me through your process,” you say. 

“Okay, I start with…”

.

. 

“Soonyoung, are you even listening?” 

He blinks at you, lifting his head from his arms. “Something about strategies? For reading?” 

You snap the book shut, shaking your head. You open your mouth, speech on responsibility and studying on the tip of your tongue but one look into Soonyoung’s Sparkle Eyes (patent pending) and all the words are gone. You really need to figure out how to get around that super power. 

“Come on, it’s so nice out,” he says. “We should be outside.” He grabs your hand. “This is not studying weather, this is dating weather.” 

“Soonyoung your test is in two months, you seriously want to skip?” You don’t dignify the second part of his complaint with a response. The idea of Soonyoung on a date makes your stomach flip. 

He sighs. “No, but it’s October, we won’t get many more nice days, so can we at least go outside?” 

You hesitate a heartbeat too long and Soonyoung jumps up. He closes the workbook, knocking loose papers off the table and sending highlighters of every color flying in every direction. The chaos earns a couple side eyes from the people around you and a full on glare from the person directly next to him, but Soonyoung, as Soonyoung as ever, doesn’t seem to notice. He picks up the papers and highlighters, shoving them into his backpack without a folder and slinging it over his shoulder. You can only follow him, grabbing the drinks before he tries to carry them along his laptop. When it comes to Soonyoung, mixing liquids and technology is more dangerous than mixing alcohols. You haven’t forgotten The Coffee Incident, flooding his backpack at 8 in the morning. 

He drags you out of the library, though you don’t put up much of a fight. Soonyoung makes you want to relax, just a little, and when he smiles back at you as soon as he steps out of the sunlight, you find you don’t regret a thing. 

Soonyoung pulls his emergency blanket out of his blanket, passing it to you. He’s more prepared for naps than any class he’s ever taken but the thin fabric is soft so who are you to judge? He heads straight for the quad, which is already filled with people, some groups of friends, too many obvious couples with heads in each other's laps or arms wrapped around each other. Soonyoung settles down in a relatively unpopulated corner, taking the blanket back to shake it out the blanket a few times before laying it flat on the ground. 

Soonyoung groans when you pull out the workbooks as soon as you sit down. “There isn’t anything more fun to study?” 

“Soonyoung, it’s the LSAT,” you say. “It’s not really meant to be fun.” 

“But–” 

“You’re the one that wanted to go outside,” you remind him, tapping his arm with a pen. “If you’re too distracted we’ll have to go back into the library.” 

He gazes at the other people laughing for a long moment before turning to face you again. You raise your eyebrows and he takes the workbook from your hands, flipping it open to the sticky-note bookmark. 

The next twenty minutes are relatively quiet, the only noise coming from the chatter of the people around you, too far away to clearly hear, and Soonyoung humming while working through practice problems. You’re not sure if he even realizes he’s doing it, though he bobs his head slightly. You wonder what Soonyoung is like when he isn’t trying to get out of studying–even outside of the party invites you’ve avoided, you rarely see him on campus (because you aren’t on campus when you don’t have to be). You almost went to dinner with him to celebrate passing the business class freshman year where you met him, but you got food poisoning and he never rescheduled. 

It’s for the best, though. Even like this, tutoring him minus payment of any kind, you can tell that spending too much time with him will be dangerous. He flirts so easily it feels genuine, and even though he can be ridiculous, he’s never been anything but lovely to you. And it doesn’t help that he’s hot. He glances up, as if he can feel you staring, but he just flashes a smile at you and ducks his head again. Damn frat bros with endearing charms that melt you like the perfect grilled cheese. 

Perfectly blue without a cloud in sight, the sky is an empty canvas above you. The air is just the right temperature, just between hot and cold, the sun ensuring that it never dips into the latter. Just the slightest breeze kisses your skin, lifting the edges of the papers but never flipping them. Soonyoung was right: the perfect date weather. 

“Soonyoung?” You turn your head to see a dark haired man standing over you. Wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and sides ripped open, you figure there’s a 80% chance he’s one of Soonyoung’s frat brothers. 

“Seokmin?” Soonyoung frowns. 

“You were actually serious?” Seokmin asks, gesturing to the books. “You know Seungkwan said it as a joke, right?” 

“Yeah, but a bet is a bet,” Soonyoung says. “And I really want his Playstation.” 

Seokmin snorts. “You know he only said it because he knows you can’t do it.” 

“I’m not like I’m losing anything by trying.” Soonyoung sets his lips in a sharp line of determination (which you recognize from the dining hall when he sweet talks his way into free cookies). Seokmin raises his eyebrows at his aggression but eventually decides it’s not worth the fight. Instead, he plops down on the blanket, making a little triangle between the three of you. 

“You must be YN,” he says, extending his hand. His easy smile and the way he sat down without waiting for an invitation reminds you of Soonyoung. Unlike the faux blonde, it feels foreign and you shift a little closer to Soonyoung instinctively. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” you lie. Seokmin’s eyes curl into little half moons when he smiles, apparently not noticing your awkwardness. You can’t help but feel like he’s intruding as he turns to Soonyoung and asks him to explain what he’s doing. Soonyoung explains it well, though it helps that he was working on the analytical reasoning section. 

It’s because he’s interrupting Soonyoung’s studying. That’s why it bothers you that he’s here, even though Soonyoung doesn’t seem to mind and Seokmin seems genuinely interested. Unfortunately, the revelation doesn’t stop you from wishing Seokmin would just leave.  

“I don’t know how you do any of this,” Seokmin says after Soonyoung explains the next problem. 

“It’s easy!” Soonyoung says. “Half the time the answer is in the question, you just have to know where to look!” 

“Quoting me?” You raise your eyebrows. 

“Well I did learn from the best!” 

“So cliche,” you mutter but the compliment gets you smiling anyway. You look up to find Seokmin looking at you. He has a strange look on his face, frowning, but not angrily. He looks a little bit like when Soonyoung can’t decide between the right answer and the second best option. He doesn’t look away when you catch him staring. 

“What?” 

He pauses a long moment before answering, as if pondering how to answer. Finally, he says, “I like you.” 

You stare at him. Soonyoung had been diligently working on practice problems but his head jerks up at the words. 

“I mean, you’re a cool person,” Seokmin quickly says. “Good tutor for Soonyoung.” After hearing his name, Soonyoung grins and turns back to underlining in the workbook. 

“Tutor?” You say. “I really don’t think I’m doing all that much.” 

Seokmin shrugs. ”I don’t know many people that would spend this much time with someone if they aren't helping. Besides, either way, I’ve never seen Soonyoung this dedicated before.” 

“That’s because you don’t dare to bet against me,” Soonyoung says without looking up. 

“He might have a point there,” you say. Soonyoung takes a moment to smile at your support. 

“What I’m trying to say is that you’re cool,” Seokmin says. 

“Thank you?” You wait for him to say something else but he sits back and rests his hands behind him, stretching out in the sun a little more. Sighing, he tilts his head toward the sun. 

“Seems like the weather will turn cold soon,” he says. “This might be the last warm day of the year.” He glances at Soonyoung. “And you’re spending it here instead of pre-gaming the Tau party.” 

Soonyoung’s pencil freezes. He peeks up at Seokmin, then at you, then shrugs. “I take my bets seriously.” 

“Whatever,” Seokmin says. He lays back fully, half of his body sticking off the blanket into the grass. “What are the Ke$ha lyrics? ‘The party don’t start ‘til Soonyoung walks in?’” He doesn’t wait for a correction. “I think I’ll wait until you're finished and we’ll tear it up together.” 

Soonyoung glances at you, then unsuccessfully tries to hide his laughter at your expression. You don’t mean to be rude, but Seokmin really just invited himself all on his own and crashed your picnic. Study date. Outdoor study session. The name doesn’t matter, what does matter is it’s only supposed to be you and Soonyoung. 

“He’ll fall asleep in about five seconds,” Soonyoung whispers. “He doesn’t actually care about the party, he just likes my nap blankets.” On that point you can’t really blame Seokmin. 

“As long as it doesn’t disrupt your studying,” you say. 

“Right,” Soonyoung says, more to himself than you. “That’s what’s important.” 

You aren’t so oblivious that you miss his bitterness, but you are enough of a coward to decide not to ask about it. How do you even ask about something like that? You can barely answer his questions about the LSAT, so feelings? No chance. 

You flip open your own workbook and set a pencil case down to keep the book open and ignore the soft snores from Seokmin. Soonyoung hums, the soft breeze carrying the gentle tune to you and easing you into a false sense of comfort, planting the idea that it’s always been like this and it always will be. But Soonyoung will take the LSAT in November and you will graduate in the spring and there won’t be any more excuses for seeing him, let alone laying out in the sun with him. Letting yourself enjoy this moment has dangerous consequences for your heart. 

And yet you enjoy the warm sun on your skin and hum along with Soonyoung anyway. Seokmin is right: this kind of day won’t last long. 

.

.

You jump awake at the sound. It takes you a moment to register where you are, to blink the sleep out of your eyes and recognize the stiff library chairs, the yellow tinted lighting of the study rooms on the third floor. Built like a prison cell with no windows and stained linoleum floors, you aren’t entirely sure how you fell asleep. The last thing you remember is working on your essay on Sense and Sensibility, which was rather difficult since you haven’t had the time to finish rereading it. Your book rests on the table next to your open laptop, screen dark. 

A second knock reminds you why you woke up in the first place and you turn to the door. Through the glass door you see a student with a backpack hanging off their shoulder, half smiling. They turn the knob, opening the door just enough to stick their head in. 

“Hey, sorry, I think I have the room scheduled,” they say. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I lost track of time,” you say, slamming your laptop shut and shoving everything into your backpack. To their credit, the other student doesn’t rush you, even apologizing and telling you to take your time. But if you’ve lost the room, that means the two hours you had booked the study room for–the two hours you designated for writing the essay and doing problem sets–were spent asleep, which means the LSAT cram schedule has been completely thrown off with only three days before the test. 

You groan as you step into the elevator, pressing the button for the fifth floor. The farther up, the more intense the quiet levels get. Hopefully it won’t be so quiet that you fall asleep, but since you got a nap, you should be able to power through an all-nighter. It wouldn’t be the first time. You brace yourself to check your phone for the time, though being kicked out of the room means you already know your fate. 9:08 means that you have a little less than three hours until the library closes. You’ve done more with less time. 

The first couple desks are occupied by students but you don’t stray, heading for a familiar corner, ignoring the empty desks that line the stacks. Your corner, that you found freshman year during finals season when you couldn’t find an empty desk, is perfect: hidden behind the encyclopedia shelves with a light directly above it, only three dicks carved into it–all on the underside (discovered on a particularly bad day where you found it most comfortable to lay underneath and rethink your entire life). You smile at the small comfort, striding through the stacks with Sense and Sensibility still in your arms. 

You nearly drop the book when you see the backpack, abruptly turning despite the fact that it must have been obvious to whoever stole your corner that you were headed there. You feel rage boiling up and threatening to spill. You close your eyes, reminding yourself that the corner isn’t actually yours. Still, as you settle into a desk facing a giant window that reveals the dark campus, you can’t help but feel bitter. Your thoughts stray to the desk that should be yours, even as you pull out your computer. 

BATTERY LOW

The words light up your screen, mocking you before the screen falls dark again. You dig in your backpack for your charger that you always slip into the main pocket. You feel your underused pencil pouch, the single journal since you keep most of your notes on your laptop, LSAT prep book, your three folders, and no charger. Even when you look inside and lay the entire contents of your backpack on the desk in front of you, the only charger you find is for your phone. Which means the longer laptop cord is probably sitting on your desk, all the way back at your apartment. 

A twenty minute walk back, twenty minutes less for writing your essay. You can start it on your phone, maybe, though the thought of switching between reading the Sparknotes and typing already exhausts you. It’s moot anyways, since all you can do is sit and stare at the desk, covered in the contents of your soul. This is what your life has become: a stack of paper that weighs less than the digital universe on your laptop that’s all contingent on a $15 charger that abandons you when you need it most. 

In the end it isn’t the rage that gets to you. It’s the hilarity of it all, how silly it is that your life is dictated by something so stupid. 

The fifth floor decrees silence, so you make sure that your sobs don’t make a noise. You can’t control the tears but you can hold your breath. When your head starts to feel light and your lungs are desperate for air, you can breathe through your mouth and inhale as slow as you can to keep the shakiness to a minimum. You can do everything you can to hold it together, even when you’re falling apart. 

Someone taps you on the shoulder. You lift your head, ready to face a tired librarian kicking you out but instead you see bleach blonde hair and a forced smile over a furrowed brow. 

“What are you doing here?” You whisper, glad for the quiet because you don’t trust your voice to support you. 

He holds up a thick, leatherbound book. LSAT for Dummies. “Extra reading couldn’t hurt, right?” 

You blink at him. The only times you’ve seen Soonyoung in the library on his own has been with a thick blanket and closed eyes (it’s how you know he sleeps with his mouth open, just a little). You can’t quite believe he’s in front of you and yet he takes a step closer and doesn’t vanish. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks. 

“Shhh,” you say, holding your finger to your lips to get him to quiet down, even though there’s no one in sight. “Quiet floor.” 

He nods, looking around as if he’s waiting for someone to kick him out. He turns to look at your desk, the contents of your backpack still strewn about. He tilts his head but doesn’t dare raise his voice to ask. You know he hasn’t missed the tears, still wet on your cheeks. 

You done? He mouths. 

Not even close, you think, but you nod anyways because it’s the easier answer. Soonyoung doesn’t hesitate, gently closing your laptop and sweeping everything into your backpack. You watch as he dumps it all into the biggest pocket, zipping it up and slinging it onto his back. He tucks the law book under his arm and holds out his other hand for you to take. 

“Come on,” he whispers. And you take it, let him pull you out of your chair. The walk to the elevator; out of the library; toward the edge of campus; nothing feels far when Soonyoung doesn’t let go of your hand. You follow him in a daze, clinging to his hand in the off-chance that all your luck rides on him–like if you let go, you’ll lose your tether to this planet. 

Soonyoung rarely walks in silence and today is not an exception. He rambles about the only member of the frat capable of cooking that apparently can’t do anything without creating a giant mess. Even as he complains about the guy, Soonyoung can’t help defending him, explaining in mouth-watering detail how good his food is. 

“One time he crowd sourced some steaks and did a grill for the new pledges and they all thought it was a prank or something and nearly cried when he actually let them eat them. I think they burnt their mouths from eating it too fast, afraid someone was going to take it away from them.” Soonyoung stops at the edge of campus. He glances at you, a question in his eyes. Where are we going? 

“Soonyoung,” you say. Squeezing his hand feels natural. “I don’t really want to go back right now.” 

He nods, squeezing your hand back. “You want to go for a ride?” 

“You have a car?” 

“Nope.” Soonyoung fishes his phone out of his pocket and makes a call. You can only hear Soonyoung, who says, “I need a ride,” and “Pick me up by the duck statue,” and then he hangs up. 

The edge of campus that Soonyoung drags you to is right next to the athletic fields, which explains why there is a giant statue of the mascot that towers over you. It has three of its own personal spotlights and shiny claws from fans rubbing them for good luck, despite there being no official tradition. You only went to one game, mostly to confirm you would rather be anywhere else (except maybe the bathroom of the stadium). Either way, the only thing you do know about the statue and mascot for your school is that it is not a duck. 

“That’s a raven.” You point at the statue. 

Soonyoung frowns between you and the hunk of metal. “Oh, Larry?” 

“It has a name?” 

“Well, there’s the official name, which is like, Midnight Rain or something, and the frat name.” 

“And the frat name is Larry?” 

Soonyoung shrugs. “I didn’t choose it.” 

“And you call it a duck, too?” 

“It looks like a duck.” 

You study the statue. You aren’t an ornithologist, but you’re pretty sure ducks have webbed feet instead of talons, and different beaks. Plus you’ve never seen a pure black duck. But you’ve spent enough time with Soonyoung to know it doesn’t have to make sense when the frat is involved (in fact, you’ve found sense is rarely involved in their decisions). 

“We just call it the duck. Or Larry, when we want to be formal.” Soonyoung jumps at the honk of a horn. You turn around with him to find an obnoxiously red convertible parked against the curb. The driver’s smooth black hair is styled to look effortless, hair falling just above his eyes, and he wears sunglasses despite the fact that the sun went down three hours ago. He might be attractive, if he wasn’t trying so hard. You never thought you had a type, but someone like Soonyoung, who wears clothes that he likes and sticks his hair straight up because he thinks it looks funny–that’s more your style. 

“Here’s our ride,” Soonyoung says. He starts walking, pulling you with him, still holding your hand. You aren’t sure if he even realizes, but you’re in no hurry to remind him. 

“Hey Josh,” he says. 

Driver (Josh, apparently), finally pulls off his sunglasses. “Soonyoung, you have a friend.” 

“I’m YN,” you say, wishing your voice didn’t sound so scratchy from crying. 

 “Oh, I know,” he says, a twinkle in his eye that flirts between danger and fun. “I’m Joshua.” You try not to feel unsettled by it. He raises an eyebrow as Soonyoung slides into the backseat and you sit beside him. “Am I just an Uber to you?” 

“Seungcheol is out and I knew there was no way you would let me drive your car,” Soonyoung says. 

“So, yes?” 

Soonyoung shrugs and laughs at Joshua’s expression. 

“Where are we headed?” He asks with a resigned sigh as if he’s used to Soonyoung’s antics. Has he done this before? You frown. Why does it matter to you if he’s done this with someone else? You’re so busy with the internal war, you miss Soonyoung’s answer. 

“Seriously?” Joshua asks. “It’s a weeknight.” 

“Like that’s ever been a problem for you.” 

Joshua glances at you. “You’re okay with this?” 

You pause. You don’t actually know where Soonyoung said to go. But it’s Soonyoung, your heart says. You're inclined to agree with it tonight. “Yeah.” 

He shakes his head and mutters something you don’t catch and kicks the car into gear. Before long, you are flying down a two lane road you didn’t even know existed. The wind starts to pick up with the top of the car down, blasting your face. Though your nose is still stuffed from crying, the air fills your lungs, tasting like dead leaves and unnatural warmth courtesy of climate change. For the first time tonight, you can breathe. 

.

.

The clock reads just shy of 1 am by the time the car stops. As soon as the rumbling engine cuts out, another noise takes over, drowning everything else out. Crashes too rhythmic to be thunder, the blows softened by tall dunes illuminated by the car’s headlights that Joshua didn’t turn off. 

Soonyoung turns to you with a grin. “Ready to have some fun?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, jumping out of the car instead of opening the door, ignoring Joshua’s shout. He sprints toward the crashing waves. 

Joshua shakes his head, opening his door and ushering you out from the back. He even closes the door behind you, folding his arms over his chest and walking slowly to the beach with you. The headlights cut out but the moon and stars shine enough to see where the boardwalk ends and the sand begins. Soonyoung’s movement gives him away more than any light, running alongside the water and dancing with the tide. 

You clear your throat. The ride cleared your head enough for you to feel properly embarrassed about meeting someone right after sobbing. You shudder to imagine how terrible you looked when he first picked you up, clinging to Soonyoung like he was the only thing keeping you alive. A blush forms just at the thought of it. 

“So, you do this often?” You ask. 

“Do something truly insane because of Soonyoung? All the time.” Joshua laughs. “We don’t usually end up this far away though, and usually someone’s life is in imminent danger.” 

“That doesn’t surprise me,” you say, watching Soonyoung strip his socks and shoes off and toss them behind him. One sock gets caught in the wind and blows back toward you and Joshua. 

Joshua stops before the two of you can catch up to him. You turn to look at him. It’s difficult to read his expression in the moonlight but he frowns like he’s not sure he should say something. Eventually he says, “I’m going for a walk down the boardwalk.” He glances at Soonyoung, then back at you and smiles. “Have fun with him.” 

You watch him turn around and trudge back up the sand, wondering if all of Soonyoung’s friends are this strange. Maybe it’s just being in a frat. You grab Soonyoung’s sock and set it with his shoes, smiling when he turns around and waves like a maniac. 

“It’s the ocean!” He shouts over the crashes. 

“You’re soaked!” You shout back. He glances down and apparently finally realizes his shirt is wet, clinging to his shoulders already. He strides back toward you, grabbing your arm and pulling you closer. 

“My shoes are not coming off!” You warn him. 

“Just come closer!” He says. “It’s amazing!” You stand with him at the edge of the water, watching it rise in the darkness and draw closer and closer. It crashes on the sand first, a violent move, kicking up wet sand and mixing it with white water. The frothy white water creeps forward, until you have to dance backward. Soonyoung stays in the water, letting it wash around his feet. 

“It feels better like this,” he says. 

“My feet are covered in enough sand,” you say, though he does look like he’s having fun. The water must be freezing this time of the year–it would feel so nice running over your skin. But you’d end up with wet socks and even more sand in your shoes to clean out. 

Soonyoung holds out his hand. “You’d like this.” 

You chew on your lip. Normally you’d laugh in his face and say ‘not a chance.’ But normalcy has never been running three hours away to the beach in the middle of the night when you have class at 9 in the morning. You pull off the sneakers without untying them and pull your socks off, setting them next to Soonyoung’s and joining him at the edge of the water. His hand isn’t out by the time you return but he slips it into yours when you join his side. 

Another wave crashes and you watch the water creep forward, faster than you expect it to be–and you’re right, it’s freezing, but Soonyoung’s right too, it sends an icy shock throughout your body that sends a tingly rush up from your toes to every nerve in your body, setting them on fire. You squeeze his hand and laugh. 

“Good?” He asks.

“I love it.” 

You don’t know how long you stand there, holding onto Soonyoung’s hand and letting the water wash over you. After a few waves, it doesn’t feel cold anymore. You stand until your feet are buried in wet sand, each wave sending you lower and lower. 

“My feet are freezing,” Soonyoung eventually says. 

“Mine, too.” You lift your feet reluctantly, already missing the coarse sand and cold water. You have to let go of Soonyoung’s hand to put on your socks and shoes, shuddering at all the sand in your socks. The cotton became damp from sitting too close to the water, your shoes faring the same. Yet you don’t regret a second of it. 

You stand up and stretch, feeling your spine pop. When you turn back around, you almost scream. You manage to contain it to a gasp, a wheezing Soonyoung’s name. He blinks at you innocently, like he isn’t standing in front of you with his shirt in his hand. 

“What are you doing?” You choke out. 

“We’re at the beach,” he says. “I have to take pictures.” 

“And you need to take off your shirt for that?” 

“Why? Does it bother you?” He smirks. 

Muscles have never been a selling point for you. The “people” you’ve crushed on have all been smart or kind, crushes of intellect rather than bodies. His toned abs, sculpted shoulders, the way his body curves gently as he allows you to stare at him–normally it wouldn’t get to you at all (other than the embarrassment of being this close to a shirtless man for the first time in a long time). But it’s not just the muscles. It’s Soonyoung, your Soonyoung who calls you at four in the morning to tell you about the movie he just finished and is too endearing for you to truly be annoyed at. It’s the Soonyoung that gets lost in the Engineering building even as a senior. It’s the Soonyoung that drags you to the beach in the middle of the night just to make you smile. Yes, it bothers you. No one should be this incredible and hot. 

“No,” you mumble, failing to convince yourself of the lie. 

Soonyoung seems to be done teasing you, dropping his shirt into your hands. He walks a little closer to the waves, apparently not bothered by the chilly ocean breeze. He starts to pose, then raises his eyebrows. “Aren’t you going to take pictures?” 

“Where’s your phone?”

“The camera’s broken,” he says. “Just use yours and you can send them to me.” He continues to pose, flexing his arms as subtly as he can which isn’t particularly subtle (though the muscles are even more impressive in person). You are tempted to reach out and feel the tension, before you realize you are staring again. 

You numb to Soonyoung in this half-dressed state as you take the pictures. The frat must have a professional photographer or something, because Soonyoung knows how to pose. Despite some of the angles and positions seeming awkward, each picture comes out as if from a photoshoot. He only gives you a few instructions on taking pictures, and compliments you way beyond your talents. 

“Just like that!” Soonyoung says, breaking his model face to grin at you. “You’re really good at this.” 

“You can’t even see the pictures,” you say. You bite your lips so you don’t smile. Apparently that doesn’t matter, because he keeps posing. It’s a good thing you just upgraded your phone storage because you estimate at least a thousand pictures are taken for each pose. 

“Are you guys done?” You jump at the voice next to you. Apparently Joshua returned from his walk, sneaking up using the crashing waves as cover. “We should head back soon if you want to make your morning classes.” 

“Definitely want to,” you say. You haven’t gotten any work done, but that’s no excuse to skip class. Soonyoung pouts but doesn’t argue. 

“Perfect!” Joshua claps his hands together. He shoves you toward Soonyoung and grabs your phone. “One more picture together and we’ll go.”

Being at a distance worked perfectly fine but those muscles have you frozen in place again. Soonyoung throws an arm over your shoulders and grins like you do this all the time. His biceps press through your jacket, the flex of the muscle exactly as you imagined it, not that it stops your heart from thundering. 

You can’t help but steal a glance at Soonyoung. Despite feeling like you’ll malfunction at any second, there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. Soonyoung’s features look soft this close, even the sharp cut of his jawline. You want to study every line of his face, each curve, memorize it until the way his lips slowly curl into a smile is carved into your heart. Spending the rest of your life here doesn’t seem too bad. 

“Let’s go,” Joshua says, breaking whatever magic froze time for you. You are left with cold toes and sand in your sneakers as you march up the dune and back to Joshua’s car. 

“I just cleaned it,” he groans, looking at all the sand you and Soonyoung tracked in. 

You mumble an apology but when you try to offer to clean it for him, he shakes his head. “Nobody touches my baby.” 

You glance at Soonyoung, who followed you into the backseat again. He rolls his eyes at Joshua, smiling in a way that you know means he isn’t serious. You smile back at him and click your seatbelt into place. 

“Address?” Joshua asks, handing you his phone. You punch it in and hand the phone back. 3 hours and sixteen minutes. 

Joshua whistles, seeing the arrival time of 4:53. “Remind me never to do this again.” 

“The beach was your idea,” Soonyoung says. His words slur a little. 

“Just go to sleep already,” Joshua says. The engine rumbles on and he pulls away from the empty boardwalk. 

“‘m not even tired,” Soonyoung says, fighting a yawn. He slouches and leans against the headrest, rolling his head to look at you. “You have class in the morning?” 

“Not until nine.” 

“That’s good.” He doesn’t succeed in fighting the yawn this time. His blinks become longer and longer, eyes closing more than opening. It’s like watching the energizer bunny shut down. 

“Soonyoung?” 

He opens his eyes and you think maybe he’d wait for the rest of his life for you to say something. 

“Thank you.” 

“Always.” He smiles lazily. “I swore I’d do anything.” 

His sworn loyalty. It should be fun, having a boy like him dedicated to fulfilling your wishes. But what would it be like if he wasn’t sworn to you? If he did these kinds of things just because he wants to? 

You didn’t think you were tired but the next thing you know, Soonyoung gently shakes you awake. 

“We’re here,” he says in a quiet, very un-Soonyoung voice. 

You blink at him, trying to figure out why your neck hurts so much, frowning at the unfamiliar surroundings. From the rear view mirror, Joshua watches you. Right, instead of writing your essay, doing the problem sets, or any of the readings, you went to the beach. You wait for the guilt to set in but it doesn’t come. None of the anxieties from earlier in the evening (the technical part of your brain reminds you it was the night before) overwhelm you. 

“Right,” you say, clearing your throat. Your mouth tastes nasty but before you can say anything, Soonyoung hands you a water bottle. You take a sip before saying thank you. 

Soonyoung unbuckles his seatbelt. “I’ll walk you up.” 

You nod, grateful you don’t have to ask him. The night has been a full adventure on its own yet you aren’t quite ready for it to be over. At least you aren’t ready to say goodbye to Soonyoung. 

There’s still something you want to tell him. You want to tell him that you like his blonde hair, even though everyone else thinks it’s ridiculous. You want to tell him that you lied earlier, you nearly lost your mind seeing him shirtless. You want to tell him that you feel proud when he gets the right answer on the first try, that you think his concentration frown is cute, that you’ve never enjoyed studying like you do when he’s by your side. You want to tell him that on your worst days, days like today, just being Soonyoung makes it better. 

But you learned a long time ago tired ramblings and drunk confessions are siblings. They both end in heartbreak and twelve packs of ramen. 

So you ride the elevator with him and watch the lights flicker. You never cared when Jihoon brought his friends (well, Jun) over, but the carpets that look dirty no matter how many times they’re cleaned and beige walls are even worse tonight. You can stand to live in a boring apartment, but not a dirty one. 

“This is me,” you say, gesturing to 808. You turn your back on the door, facing Soonyoung instead. He looks radiant under the fluorescent hallway lights, which really isn’t fair. They make his bleach blonde hair look natural, highlight the blemishes on his skin, easy to see when he’s this close. 

You should go inside and he should go back down but neither of you move. For the second time tonight, you are frozen in time with Soonyoung. 

The floor creaks and you jump, turning around at the same time, accidentally knocking into Soonyoung’s chest as you turn to face the noise behind you. Jihoon, gym bag over his shoulder, frowns at you across the hallway. 

“Are you seriously just getting back now?” 

Shit. You never texted him. “Um, Jihoon, this is Soonyoung,” you say. He waves behind you. “Soonyoung, Jihoon.” 

Jihoon folds his arms. “I’ve heard about you.” You glare at him, which he ignores. “You’re taking the LSAT on a dare?” 

“You’re the one that wants to be a music producer?” 

Jihoon raises his eyebrows and looks at you. “You’ve mentioned me?” 

“Only the worst,” you say, smiling at him. 

“I thought you were at the library all night?” Jihoon says. 

“We went on an adventure,” you say. You show him your sandy shoes. He raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. It’s clear he knows he interrupted something, but the stubborn asshole doesn’t move. 

You turn back to Soonyoung. “Goodnight,” you say, resisting the urge to hug him. 

“It’s morning,” Jihoon says. 

“Goodnight,” Soonyoung says, glancing at Jihoon. He pauses and fidgets with the hem of his shirt but finally gives you a half hug that feels more like a bro hug than anything else. He disappears into the elevator then pops his head out a final time “Send me the photos!” 

You turn to Jihoon. “I forgot to text you.” 

“I figured I’d wait until the morning to call,” he said. “Even if you were kidnapped there’s still a 90% chance you’d figure out a way to show up for class on time.” He turns the key in the lock and strides into the apartment. You’re too tired to argue back, especially when he’s right, so you just follow him into the apartment. 

“I like him,” Jihoon says before you vanish into your room. 

“Should I find you a wedding dress?” You say. “Soonyoung is single.” 

Jihoon rolls his eyes and grabs a protein shake from the fridge. “Why do I even bother?” 

You don’t wait for him to leave first, peeling your shoes off in the entryway where you can sweep up the sand and practically fall into your room. It’s race to change into an old t-shirt before you collapse onto your bed. 

You set an alarm for 8:30 and check fifty times to make sure it’s actually set. Then you open your camera roll, shaking your head at the countless pictures. You choose twenty non-blurry ones before your eyes start to droop. You scroll to the bottom and click on the pictures Joshua took. Soonyoung grins for the camera, his easy smile as captivating on your phone as it is in person. You are staring at him, a soft smile on your lips and hearts practically bugging out of your eyes. It’s so ridiculously obvious how you feel. You send him his thirst traps and keep that picture for yourself. 

It takes a week for you to realize Soonyoung never posted the pictures. 

.

.

The weight of the world has the decency to wait until you’re home to fall on your shoulders. You hold your keys up and can’t push it into the lock. If you didn’t do well today, it means the past two months have been a complete waste–all the studying, the assignments you got low grades on because you were studying, the nights you spent at your desk–wasted and doomed to repeat. 

All but the time you spent with Soonyoung. Even if you fail (again), he should at least score decently, and you can’t consider that a complete waste. 

You raise your key to insert it into the lock but the door flies open. Jihoon glares at you, arms folded over his chest. “What the hell is taking you so long, your boyfriend is here.”  

You peer past him and find Soonyoung lounging on the couch, feet resting on the coffee table. He sits up when he sees you, grinning and waving. You wonder if he’s been there since you told him you were finished. You make a mental note to get Jihoon his favorite protein shakes. 

“How did you know I was here?” 

“Me and your boyfriend heard you shaking your keys in front of the door for like twenty minutes,” Jihoon says.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you mutter, praying Soonyoung didn’t hear either of you. You push past Jihoon, letting him lock the door behind you. Soonyoung jumps off the couch as soon as you drop your bag, almost tackling you in a hug. You pretend not to hear Jihoon’s scoff as he locks himself in his room again. 

“How’d it go?” He asks, squeezing you one more time before letting go. You try not to feel disappointed about it. “I mean, I know you did amazing, but how do you feel? Was the room super hot or super cold? Did the proctor give you the evil eye when you turned in your paper because they were secretly trying to sabotage you?” 

“No?” You frown. “And the room was fine, I felt pretty good about it, but I felt good last time, so I don’t really know, I just really don’t want to take it again.” You sigh. “I know you want to know as many details as possible for your test, but I really, really don’t want to think about it right now.” 

Soonyoung grins and pulls out a package of White Claws and a bottle of vodka from a plastic bag that you just noticed sitting on your coffee table. “That’s perfect because I brought a gift from the whole frat.” 

“That seems pretty on brand,” you say. 

“And a gift from me.” He digs again and pulls out a DVD. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. 

“You’re kidding.” You say. “I think I have to be drunk to watch that.” 

“You don’t have faith in my taste in movies?” Soonyoung asks but he pops open the first drink and slips something shaped concerningly like a knife out of his pocket and stabs the can, chugging it before it can really spill on your carpet. Before you can register what he did, he tosses the empty can on the coffee table, immediately scrambling to straighten it. “Sorry, force of habit.” 

“Soonyoung, I don’t think I can keep up with you,” you say, sitting slowly onto the couch. 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m a lightweight,” he says. “I definitely should not have chugged that.” 

“I guess I better catch up,” you say, unscrewing the vodka and pouring a shot in the little paper cups that Soonyoung brought. The acrid scent curls your lip but you knock it back as fast as you can, forcing it down when you miss the back of your throat and it burns your tongue. Soonyoung hands you a can, the lime flavored seltzer pushing the nasty flavor out of your mouth. 

“Yeah, I’m terrible at that,” you say. 

Soonyoung shrugs. “I’m not one to judge. You should have seen me as a pledge.” 

You grin at the mental image of Soonyoung wearing a fake toga made of bedsheets. “I bet you were adorable.” You take another sip of the drink (which tastes significantly worse when you aren’t comparing it to straight vodka) and miss Soonyoung scrambling for words. 

“I can’t drink this,” you declare, setting the can down. You cross the room to the fridge, opening it and studying the contents. Soonyoung follows you, resting his chin on the door and glancing inside. 

“Jihoon does most of the cooking,” you say, feeling self-conscious. Not much populates your fridge, a package of chicken breast and a carton of eggs. A couple containers of take out that are either two days or two weeks old sit in front, and the drawer of fruit that is filled with apples from Jihoon’s mother definitely smells funny. 

“I live in a frat house, this is heaven.” 

You flash him a smile and grab the orange juice, shaking it as you grab a glass from the cabinet (thank god Jihoon did the dishes last night). Soonyoung follows you back to the couch and waits for you to pour a glass and add two shots of vodka. You raise the glass and he takes your rejected White Claw and clinks it. 

“Cheers,” he says, sipping this one instead of chugging it. He sets it down and leans against the armrest so that he can face you. “How did you meet Jihoon, by the way? He seems like a pretty reserved dude.”

“Yeah, sorry if he was short with you, he isn’t half as mean as he pretends to be,” you say. 

“We actually talked a lot.” He pauses, tilting his head as he thinks about it. “Well, a lot about working out. I think I could turn him into my gym buddy with enough pressure.” 

“I would pay to see that,” you say. Jihoon tried to bring you to the gym exactly once, and you have regretted it ever since. The soreness haunts you, but you think Soonyoung might be one of the few people on the planet that could keep up with him with those arms. 

“I didn’t know you were into that,” Soonyoung says with a giggle. You roll your eyes. 

“You know for a fact that’s not what I meant,” you say, “and to answer your question, we lived in the same dorm freshman year. He was next door, and both our roommates were psychotic, so we ended up trading. We’ve been living together ever since because I’m the only one that can put up with his annoying ass. Also he cooks and keeps me alive during finals.” 

“I can’t believe I was a dorm assignment away from living with you.” Soonyoung shakes his head and pretends to sigh. “Fate isn’t on my side.” 

“Don’t you live in a frat house?” 

“Semantics,” Soonyoung says. He pauses. “Semen-tics.” He starts to laugh and though the joke is far from funny, you find yourself giggling too. 

“You’re drunk,” you say. 

Soonyoung points at you. “I’m pretty sure you’re drunk too.” 

You tilt your head from side to side, trying to think at first but the motion feels nice, toeing the line between dizzying and comfortable. Right, you were checking if you were drunk. You have your answer, but you don’t want to stop spinning just yet. 

“Do you really want to be a lawyer?” Soonyoung asks. You freeze with your head on your right shoulder, frowning at him. “I mean, like, how do you know?” 

“It makes good money,” you say. “Well, corporate law does. Everything going according to plan, I’ll be out of debt before I’m thirty, retiring at 65.” 

“But how do you know that’s what you want?” Soonyoung asks. You wonder if he’s asking you or himself. You think about the first day you met him. 

It was the first day of your sophomore year, 8 in the morning in the worst classroom in the Armhayer Building at the end of a dead end hallway with no windows. The business program had a required career building course and some cruel administrator decided to make the other available class clash with the other required business class for the year, so half the class was people you were stuck with for the full year. Despite its reputation, the business school at the university seemed to only accept idiots. 

You settled for a long semester of biting back your eye rolls and yawning through class, choosing a seat in the front so that at least you won’t have to look at anyone else. And for fifteen minutes, you struggled to keep your eyes open. 

Then Soonyoung walked in. 

He was out of breath, telling the professor that he got lost several times and someone gave him the wrong directions. You didn’t really pay attention to him until he dropped into the seat next to you. Fully prepared to give him a side eye and judge him for the rest of the semester, Soonyoung flashed a smile at you and apologized for disrupting you. He was so obviously not your type, yet when his head dropped on your shoulder, you didn’t wake him up. Two classes later when the professor told the class that you would be in a semester-long partner project, you didn’t hesitate to say yes when Soonyoung asked you. 

Soonyoung hadn’t ever taken the class seriously, going through the motions and doing the bare minimum for most of the assignments. You never paid any attention to it, but you realize that he never actually told you what he planned to do with his life, always asking you what you planned to do with your copious amounts of money. Now you wonder if it was because he really doesn’t know. 

“I want stability,” you finally say. “This plan is stable. Safe, as long as everything goes according to plan. I guess it’s not as cool as dreaming about being an astronaut or whatever, but it’s what I want.” 

“I think it’s cool. Knowing what you want to do.” Soonyoung says with little enthusiasm. 

“You don’t have any idea?” 

He shrugs. “I have to be smart to do the things I want to do.” 

“You are smart.” 

“You don’t have to pander to me, I’m not looking for your pity.” 

“Soonyoung.” You wait for him to look you in the eyes. “You are smart. This isn’t pity. Sure it takes you a little longer to read things, and you have to work a little harder to answer some questions, but that doesn’t mean you’re not smart. You’re just as capable as me, more capable when it comes to emotional intelligence. Have you ever noticed that wherever you go, someone is always waving to you? I don’t think there’s a single person in this world that doesn’t like you. Don’t downplay how important that is.” 

He chews on his lip and you know he doesn’t believe you. How many people have told him he’s dumb? You want to drag every single one of them here and make them apologize, make them realize how special the boy in front of you is. Eventually he shrugs. “I’ll just end up being an intern, and then I’ll be so charming they’ll promote me without realizing I don’t know what I’m doing and I’ll become a CEO that pays people to do the job for me.” 

You smile and shake your head. “We can vacation together in the Bahamas.” 

“Please, that’s where the semi-rich people go,” Soonyoung says, lifting his head from the back of the couch. “We’ll have our own islands and sail past each other.” This time when he smiles, the sparkle glints, just a little. His bleach blonde hair sticks in strange angles from rubbing against the couch, looking a little like a fuzzball. You reach a hand out and pat it down, except the hair is fried from being bleached so many times and almost breaks under your hand. 

When you pull your hand down, Soonyoung is staring at you. Except staring isn’t the right word. He looks at you like no one else ever has, a thousand unsaid words behind his eyes, a language like no other that maybe only you can understand. Those dark eyes, so soft and warm, begging you to drown in them. He’s a siren, luring you in with a song of desire that only you can hear. 

You don’t realize you’ve leaning closer until you fall forward, catching yourself on his chest. Soonyoung’s hand flies to your waist, moving so fast it must have been reflex. 

“Sorry,” you mutter but you don’t get off him. Resisting his eyes from this close is impossible. Soonyoung blinks at you, frozen. It occurs to you that you’re almost kissing him. All you have to do is lean forward, press your lips against his. Would his lips be chapped? Would he kiss you back? Would he make fun of you for being a terrible kisser? You hold your breath, wondering if you are about to find out. 

You jump at the bang of a door slamming shut. You push off Soonyoung’s chest, back to your side of the couch until your back slams against the armrest. The pain is almost enough to sober you up and you realize exactly what you were about to do. You can’t bear to look at Soonyoung staring at you so you look at Jihoon instead, who doesn’t seem to realize that he interrupted anything by walking into the kitchen, headphones blasting music so loud that you can hear it. He grabs one of the takeout containers from the fridge and finally notices you and Soonyoung staring at him. 

“What?” He shouts over his headphones. You shake your head and he stares at you all the way back to his room, slamming the door shut behind him with enough force to make you jump again. 

“We should probably start the movie,” you say, turning to face forward, anywhere but Soonyoung. “I’ll get my laptop.” He doesn’t say anything but you can feel Soonyoung’s eyes on you as you jump up. Ignoring the spinning in your head, you walk to your room. You lean against the door as soon as it shuts behind you, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. 

You wish you could blame the idiocy on the alcohol, but you aren’t drunk enough for that. Besides, regardless of the reason, it was a mistake, it would be a mistake, to kiss Soonyoung. No matter how badly you want to do it. 

Your computer sits on your desk. The longer it takes for you to get back, the stranger it will be, so you grab it and return to the couch. Dizziness gives you an excuse to peer at the floor, perfectly valid reason to avoid Soonyoung’s eyes. 

“Are you ready to have your mind blown?” He asks when you insert the DVD into your laptop. 

You raise your eyebrows but still don’t have the courage to face him. “It’s that good?” 

Soonyoung laughs easily, as if nothing happened. “You have no idea what you’re in for.” 

You peek at him from the corner of your eye. He faces the computer, sitting back against the couch. Other than his red tinted cheeks, you can’t tell he’s drunk at all. You have no idea what you’re in for, he said. He has no idea how right he is. 

.

.

You hold Soonyoung by the shoulders, staring him down. Your eyes begin to water but you hold them open, determined not to lose. Soonyoung squints, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. You just have to hold out a little longer, but your eyes begin to ache and the air pierces into them. 

“Damn!” Soonyoung cries, throwing himself back onto the couch and squeezing his eyes shut. You let go of his shoulders and resist the urge to rub your eyes, settling for blinking as fast as humanly possible. Your eyes burn but you smile anyways, wiping tears away with the back of your hand. 

“How are you so good at that?” Soonyoung asks. He gives into the impulse, hands pressed against his eyes. 

“I’m really not, I think you’re just bad at staring contests,” you say. “Now hurry up, you lost so you have to answer.” 

He sighs as if he didn’t beg you to help him study. With only a day before his test, you’re not sure how much this is really helping, but at least he isn’t partying with the rest of his frat (who do a pre-finals bar crawl, apparently). Instead, Soonyoung is on your couch, again. You try not to think about the last time he was here. Not productive thoughts, especially not when Soonyoung is one day away from taking the most important test of his life. 

“Is it B?” 

“Are you asking or telling?” 

“I hate when you say that.” He peers at the paper, eyes moving slowly as he rereads the line. “No, it’s C! Wait, no, B. No, A!” 

“Pick an answer.” 

He chews on his lip. You have to force yourself to keep your focus on his eyes. “B,” he finally says. 

You’re tempted to drag it out and make him wait but he puts on the Soonyoung Sparkle so you go ahead and nod. 

“I knew it! Trust your gut!” 

“You’re quoting me now.” You pretend to wipe tears from the corner of your eyes. “You’ve grown up so quickly.”  

If it were Jihoon, he’d roll his eyes but Soonyoung perks up, as if you’ve given him a real compliment. He pauses before asking his next question, eyes flickering to the papers separating you from him. 

“You really think I’ll do well?” He asks softly. 

You study him, the way his unnaturally blonde hair has been strategically gelled to stick up in all the right places, the way his plain white t-shirt hangs loose on his shoulders. You wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror because the way he sits now, waiting for an answer as if you’d actually say no, breaks your heart a little. He really has no idea how brilliant he is, in every sense of the word. You don’t know how to make him see it so you just take his hand and wait for him to look you in the eyes. 

The second the glittering dark irises meet yours, you see the desperation. He tries to smile, to hide the fear but Soonyoung has always been easy to read. You fight the urge to brush your fingers against his cheek. 

“Soonyoung.” You squeeze his hand. What you feel isn’t a passing crush, you’ve known that for a while now. Admitting it doesn’t give you the bravery to do anything except pull the shield of cowardice around your heart a little tighter. “I’d be an idiot if I said I didn’t.” 

He holds your gaze a little longer, until it almost looks like he believes you. Then his eyes light up. “I have a surprise for you!” 

He digs into his backpack, pulling out a blanket (not the one he used when it was still warm enough to sit outside in the grass), a plastic water bottle half-full of bright green liquid, three crumpled flyers for events on campus, and finally, a small rectangular item, carefully wrapped in paper towels. 

“I was a little worried it would get damaged in my backpack,” he says. “I really, really tried to walk gently and didn’t bring it near any coffee.” 

You choose not to point out the unnatural liquid in the plastic water bottle, instead appreciating his efforts to protect whatever your surprise is. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t try. He carefully pulls the paper towels off, revealing a navy blue leather bound book with gilded lettering. Not just any book. 

“You got it back?” You cry. Soonyoung pulls the rest of the paper towels off to reveal the intricate design on the cover, the golden pages, with Pride and Prejudice inscribed on the spine. “My baby!” 

You hover over the book, not wanting to ruin it with the dirt and oils from your hands but so desperately wanting to caress the beautiful book. It’s just as you remember it, down to the tiny dent on the front cover where you accidentally knocked it against a railing. You can’t wait to put it back on your bookshelf where there has been an empty space ever since Jun managed to snag it. You remember Soonyoung is there when you hear his laughter. 

“You like it that much?” 

“Of course,” you say. “It’s my baby.” 

“It’s a book.” But he smiles and you know he’s just teasing. So you figure, why not? 

You throw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. His frat-bro instincts must take charge because he doesn’t hesitate to hug you back, pulling you against his chest and squeezing you like he’s the one getting a gift. 

“Thank you,” you say. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

“This is my thank you,” he says. You can feel his voice rumbling in his chest, a strange sensation that sends butterflies tumbling around between your stomach and your heart. “It’s the least I could do for you. 

The awkward position isn’t exactly comfortable, twisting your body to face him with your shoulder overtop of his forcing your face into his neck but you don’t want to let go. You give yourself five more thundering heartbeats before you let go, turning to study your book again so you have an excuse to avoid his eyes. 

“How did you get it back?” 

“Same way you lost it,” Soonyoung says. “I made a bet.” 

“On what?” 

Soonyoung shrugs, turning to look at the book that still sits in his lip. He gently places it into yours, using the paper towels to prevent smudging with his fingers. 

You frown. “How? Jun is in another hemisphere.” 

“Don’t underestimate the power of video calls and express shipping,” Soonyoung says. “By the way, I’m wearing your friends down. Pretty soon they’ll like me more than they like you. 

“Oh really?” You raise your eyebrow. You ignore the vole gnawing at your gut whispering that he might just be right. 

“I got Jihoon to go to the gym with me and I got him to admit I was friends with you before he was,” he says, holding a finger out. “Jun says that he wants to meet me the second he returns to the country.” A second finger goes up. “Who else can I add to the list?” 

He’s only joking. He doesn’t mean it the way it sounds, but your skin wants to crawl inside out. The truth is, they are pretty much your only friends. Jihoon, Jun, and Soonyoung, the latter two having wormed their way into your life. My only friends. 

“You’ve got to start going on the offensive,” Soonyoung says. He avoids your eyes and you know he didn’t miss your discomfort. Great, now he pities you. “I’m serious, Seokmin and Joshua have been asking about you, and Seungcheol keeps complaining that he hasn’t met you yet.” 

You snort. “They’re frat bros, they just want more people to party with.” 

“I’m a frat bro,” he says. 

“Yeah, but…” But what? He’s Soonyoung? Once again, you wonder why he is so different to you–why the epitome of frat boy chaos doesn’t repulse you like he should. But he isn’t some one-dimensional steroid-infused party boy, not the type to bully the freshman trying to join just because he can. He gets drunk after two shots and makes his pledges follow him for 24 hours a day as “hazing,” only to take them for a dinner he can’t afford and skips his own classes so they don’t miss theirs. 

He’s not a typical frat boy. But Soonyoung loves his frat, and you can’t find a way to tell him this without making it sound like you are looking down on the rest of the members. 

So you just say, “Isn’t this supposed to be a study session?” 

Soonyoung sighs, pulling the book in front of him and staring at the words. Even though you can see that he isn’t reading, he doesn’t say anything else. 

“Your test is tomorrow,” you say. 

“Yeah, I know.” He doesn’t pick up the pencil. 

You’ve never struggled to read Soonyoung. He can’t hide when he’s upset, shoulders slumping, a little pout forming over his lips. He doesn’t fully frown but his eyebrows comes together, just a bit. And it’s usually easy to figure out what’s wrong–he’s tired, or wants to be at a party instead of studying. But now? He was fine just a moment ago, even while he was cramming earlier. 

“Is something wrong?” You don’t know why you’re so scared of the answer. 

“I just thought that… nNever mind.” He sighs again. “You’re right, this is a study session. I should be studying.” He doesn’t look at you and you can’t help but feel like you messed up. But Soonyoung eventually picks up his pencil and asks you to check his answers and the feeling slowly fades. 

Will the rest of your feelings fade when you aren’t with him like this anymore? When he takes his test and has no reason to see you every day? Will your heart still beat at the mention of his name? Will you spend the rest of your life thinking about all the almosts with him? Or will it fade until Soonyoung is just a boy that you helped because of a silly bet?

Even as you consider it, you know the answer. He isn’t just a boy, and he never will be. Maybe that’s what really scares you. 

.

.

You glare at Soonyoung. “Do you know what time it is?” 

Jihoon glances at his watch. “7:43.” 

Soonyoung grins beside him, arm over his shoulder. Both boys stand in your bedroom doorway looking far too composed for this ungodly hour. 

“It’s a Saturday.” Just two minutes ago you were in blissful sleep. Okay, maybe not blissful, since you stayed up until three in the morning because you couldn’t fall asleep, and you were having a weird dream where you were looking for something and ended up by the stadium staring at a giant duck statue instead of the raven. But the point is you were asleep until two fists banged on your door so loud you thought it was going to fall apart. 

You can’t even be that mad at Soonyoung, not when he smiles like that. So you glare at Jihoon.

“Honestly, I figured you would be up,” he says. “You were the one that said you didn’t think you were going to get any sleep.” 

“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung says. “I really just wanted to help distract you for the last hour.” Right. The last hour until your entire future would be determined by a triple digit number. No biggie. 

“Let me get dressed,” you say. They step back before you have the chance to slam the door in their face. You’d like to be able to dress up nicely, but you’re already shivering, so you grab your comfiest sweatpants and the sweatshirt Soonyoung lent you (that still smells like his cologne). You dart into the bathroom and meet the two boys in the doorway of the apartment, pulling on your sneakers. 

You pull the hood over your messy hair and tighten the strings. Soonyoung grins at you and taps your nose. 

“Ready to go?” 

“How did you get out of bed this early?” 

“Oh, I never got in,” he says. “Long story, but we gotta go, they won’t wait much longer.” 

“They?” You ask but Soonyoung doesn’t hear you. He turns to Jihoon, waving. 

“See you tomorrow!” He says, throwing an arm over your shoulders to pull you out the door. “I’ll let you know how it goes!” 

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” But he looks at you and smiles. “It’ll be fine.” Before you can thank him, he shuts the door. 

Soonyoung doesn’t let go of your side, pulling you to the elevators and squeezing you against him. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I should be asleep.” 

Soonyoung smiles, as if your grumpiness is funny. You decide it’s moot since there’s no way you could fall asleep now that you are an hour and seven minutes away from finding out the results of your future. 

“I figured I’d save you from wallowing in worry,” Soonyoung says. “We can do fun things while we wait. I planned out the whole morning, we have options! There’s going to the gym, or for a job around campus, breaking into the science lab and petting the rabbits, going to Barb’s for breakfast–”

“Breakfast,” you say. You aren’t a huge fan of getting in trouble with the college when you have just over a semester before graduation and though you aren’t sure if your stomach will accept food, working out is a guarantee for throwing up. Besides, a hot cup of coffee could clear a little of the fog in your brain. 

“Barb’s it is,” Soonyoung says, practically bouncing on his toes. He really seems to only have two settings, and today he’s at 120%. 

He lets go of your side when the elevator opens and you step to the ground floor of your apartment. You rub your arms and pretend like the chill is from the weather even though the lobby is still warm. He holds the door for you pretending to be a doorman, bowing and gesturing with his arm for you to pass. You turn so that he doesn’t see that the silly gesture made you smile. 

Parked outside is a white jeep that looks larger than normal, and is apparently the asshole that’s been blasting their music for the past ten minutes. You aren’t surprised in the slightest when Soonyoung strides up to the car.  

“I don’t have a car,” he says, belatedly apologetic. The two men in the front seat don’t seem to mind, though you suspect they have been up all night along with Soonyoung as soon as the door opens and you hear their voices singing off-tune over the blasting music. 

“Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away,” The driver cries, using a water bottle as a mic. You recognize Seungcheol from Soonyoung’s descriptions, half from his voice and half from the back of his head. The person riding shotgun is also familiar, a mess of dark hair that must be Joshua. He doesn’t look much different in daylight, sunglasses resting on his forehead. Thankfully they turn the music down a little and stop singing when you get it. 

Seungcheol grins at you through the mirror. “So I finally get to meet the infamous YN. You know, you still haven’t shown up to any parties.” 

“I’ve been busy,” you say, glancing at Soonyoung who focuses a little too much on his seatbelt. 

“Hi, YN,” the passenger up front says, waving at you through the rearview mirror. 

“Joshua,” you say. “Get into life and death scenarios with Soonyoung recently?” 

“Well, Soonyoung jumped out of a car window.” He pauses. “It wasn’t moving,” he adds when Seungcheol jerks his head towards him. “Though I wouldn’t put it past him.” 

“I have done it before,” Soonyoung says solemnly. It takes him a moment to realize everyone is staring at him. “It was a dare.” 

“Why am I not surprised,” Seungcheol grumbles, turning back around and putting the car into drive. Though you were thinking something along the same lines, the way Soonyoung deflates a little makes you wish Seungcheol hadn’t said anything. 

The rest of the drive is quiet–at least in terms of conversation. Seungcheol cranks his stereo up to the loudest setting and blasts the Spice Girls until Joshua starts singing along. Apparently car karaoke for “Wannabe” is sacrilegious to the frat leader. 

You can hear yourself think again when the car pulls into the parking lot and he finally cuts the engine. A few cars line the parking lot of the 24 hour diner that sits on the outskirts of campus. The giant neon red Barb’s that hangs over the entrance flickers in the cloudy morning light teeters the line between quaint and electrical fire waiting to happen. 

The workers, a host and three waitresses, wave at the boys, and do a double take at you. You swear you hear the host whisper “Is that really them?” to Joshua as he leads the group to a table in the corner but Soonyoung distracts you with the menu. 

“I had this thing memorized since freshman year, I can’t believe you’ve never been here. The pancakes are my favorite for hangover cures, not that I’m hungover by the way, I’m actually running on my third energy drink.” He taps the picture, a golden stack of perfectly fluffy pancakes that can only be photoshop. 

“Aren’t energy drinks bad for your heart?” 

Soonyoung shrugs. “Joshua invented this to get through finals, you mix Red Bull, Bang, and Coke and it keeps you up for three days straight. Great for when you’re nervous because you physically have to do something about it.” 

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” you say. “Wait, why are you nervous?” 

“Your test results come out today,” he says too quickly.  

You consider debating with him but a waitress approaches, wearing a fifties frock and a high ponytail with a ribbon that probably looked like a bow at the start of her shift but has drooped down and now just looks sad. Her face is a mask of emotions, not a smile, not a frown, just emptiness, a contrast to the button clipped to her collar making her “Happy.” 

“The usual?” She asks, pausing at you. She tilts her head and you can see the mask twisting at the edges, a frown almost forming on her brow. She glances at Soonyoung. “Is this who I think it is?” 

“Who do you think it is?” Soonyoung asks at the same time that Joshua and Seungcheol say, “Yes.” 

The corner of Happy’s lips turn into a tiny smile that seems to be her equivalent of a grin. “I’ve heard so much about you.” 

“Okay, haha, very funny,” Soonyoung says. “Stop harassing my friend. We’ll order when we have a chance to look at the menu.”  

Happy raises her eyebrow just slightly at the word “friend,” but closes her notepad. She returns to a pastel pink bar where you can clearly see her whispering and gesturing to you. 

“Why do so many people know me?” You mutter, shrinking into the corner of the booth. 

“The thing about Drunk Soonyoung is that he doesn’t really shut up,” Seungcheol says. 

“That’s being gentle,” Joshua says. “One time he spent four hours describing Finding Nemo. That’s longer than the actual movie.” 

“It’s a good movie,” Soonyoung says. 

“The point is,” Seungcheol says, glaring at Joshua, “he tends to talk when he’s drunk. Usually about good things, things that he… Well, things that he likes.” 

You turn your head to look at Soonyoung, who is once again pretending to study the menu. “You like studying for the LSAT that much?” 

Joshua unsuccessfully tries to hide his laugh with a snort while Seungcheol gains slightly more success with a fake cough. Soonyoung doesn’t react at all, staring at the painted flowers on the menu. Eventually, he shrugs. “I’m dedicated to the bet.” He points at a stack of pancakes covered in bananas and chocolate. “That’s what I usually get.” 

“Isn’t against all rules of gym core and muscle building to eat decadent things?” 

“Did you just call working out ‘gym core?’” Seungcheol asks. 

“Am I wrong?” 

“Nope!” Soonyoung says brightly. “And cheat days are a thing, so do you want to split it or not?” 

“You know I can’t say no to bananas and chocolate.” 

“And pancakes!” He waves down the waitress and points to the stack. 

“Ah, the new Soonyoung,” she says. “You guys getting your actual usual?” 

Joshua and Seungcheol nod and she doesn’t bother to write any of it down. Then again she already knows their orders. Except she called Soonyoung’s “new.” Before you can ask what she meant, a shout makes you jump. You turn around to see a stream of boys entering, enough of whom you recognize that you realize at least half the frat has rolled into the diner. The waitresses roll their eyes and groan but somehow they don’t look all that upset. 

“Mr. President!” The tallest boy, Johnny according to Soonyoung’s Instagram tags, holds a fist over his heart and pounds it a couple times. Seungcheol nods and greets each of the boys, most of whom seem to still be in various stages of inebriation. Almost all of them glance at you and whisper to each other, and you get the feeling they know exactly who you are. 

Just what has Soonyoung said about you? 

“How are we doing on time?” One of them calls out. 

“46 minutes,” Joshua says. You frown. 46 minutes… until 9? Do they all know about today? 

You tap Soonyoung on the arm. “What’s going on?” 

“You see, the thing is,” he says, “apparently I was nervous?” He tries to fake a laugh but it sounds strained. “I don’t really know but the guys made me tell them about today and then I didn’t really know what was happening but I guess they followed us here? Thought you might like moral support, or something.” 

You peek out at the booths crowded with frat bros and cringe back into your seat when they grin at you. “They’re all looking at me.” 

“Well, I guess I do talk about you a lot,” he says, only loud enough for you to hear. He won’t meet your eyes. 

Ask him why. You want to be brave. You want to be right about the answer you think he’ll give you. You chew the inside of your cheek. 

“Because of the bet?” 

Soonyoung doesn’t answer for a moment. “I guess.” 

Coward. 

“Why are we whispering?” Joshua asks, leaning across Soonyoung towards you. “Are we gossiping?” 

Soonyoung pushes him off. “Butt out.” 

“Just telling Soonyoung that I’ve never had an army of drunk guys rooting for me before,” you say. 

“Could have had it sooner if you came to a party,” Seungcheol says. 

“You really want me at a party that bad? We just met.” 

Seungcheol glances at Soonyoung, who shakes his head. He sighs. “If only I could tell you why you need to come.” 

You frown between the three men. “I don’t like when people talk in circles over me.” 

“Just promise you’ll come to the Christmas party. It’ll all make sense then,” Seungcheol says. You’ve heard a lot about Seungcheol from Soonyoung, and the more you listen to him, the more you believe it. He’s a strange man. 

“I’ll think about making an appearance.” 

“Really?” Soonyoung whips around to face you and you know that you have to come now. You haven’t seen him this excited since you let him skip studying to party. No, he’s even more excited now. “You’ll come?” 

You can’t stand his gaze so you study the placemats. “Maybe.” 

He grabs your hand until you meet his eyes. “Please?” 

The Soonyoung Sparkle. You never win against it. “Fine.” 

“Get a room,” Joshua says behind a very fake cough. You pull your hand back into your lap and pretend like you aren’t embarrassed. 

“How long now?” You shout out.

“40 minutes,” someone answers. You groan and lean back into the sofa. Studying was hard enough but waiting makes you want to pull out each individual hair on your head. You stare at the ceiling, trying to decide if the stain looks more like a horse or a flower. 

“Look at this.” Soonyoung passes his phone in front of you, forcing you to look down. His Instagram is open to a picture of a kitten looking drunk, face covered in milk. Such and obvious attempt to distract you but you smile anyway. 

“Sweet,” you say and even you aren’t sure if you mean the cat or Soonyoung. He shows you cat pictures until the food finally arrives (33 minutes to go). You have to wait another five minutes because Soonyoung insists on having a photoshoot, despite your protests that you look like you just woke up (he raises his eyebrows at that). You stop fighting when Joshua makes him cut a piece of the pancake and feed it to you. Chocolate nearly drops in your lap but Soonyoung shoots his hand out at the last second and catches it. 

“Okay, can we please just eat,” you say. Joshua and Seungcheol shrug and pretend like they weren’t instigating the pictures and telling you and Soonyoung how to pose. 

Soonyoung was right about the bananas and chocolate. Rich and decadent, they’re delicious. When he cuts you a slice and pushes it toward you, you can even forget the countdown to the end of the world. Or, more accurately, the end of the world doesn’t mean anything to you when Soonyoung smiles at you like that. 

You eat slowly enough to bring you to the ten minute mark. Fear mixes with the dessert for breakfast in your stomach, twisting it until it threatens to jump out of your throat. Soonyoung takes your hand under the table and holds it. You don’t run away this time. 

He holds you to the planet again, keeps you from floating away and disappearing before you can reach the stars. It’s Soonyoung that keeps your heart beating. Always Soonyoung. 

Seungcheol and Joshua chat, Soonyoung piping in a few times, but their words don’t reach you. Stuck somewhere between crushed beneath the weight of the world and floating away, you focus on the clock, watching the seconds tick closer and closer. 

“Last minute!” Someone behind you finally shouts. Soonyoung squeezes your hand. You pull up the website on your phone and put in your login information and hover over the SUBMIT. At thirty seconds, they start shouting it out. 

“Ten!” 

“Nine!” 

“Eight!” 

“Seven!” 

“Six!” 

“Five!” 

“Four!” 

“Three!” 

“Two!” 

“One!” 

Half the guys start cheering already, probably forgetting the count down doesn’t mean as much as the results themselves. You hit SUBMIT and watch the little wheel spin around and around and around until it finally refreshes. The number stares back at you, impossible to read right in front of you. 

169. 

“Congratulations!” Soonyoung shouts, throwing his arms around you and squeezing while you try to comprehend what that means. 169. The number should be all you can think about but Soonyoung holds you, shouting how proud he is, how he always believed in you. 

“169!” Seungcheol shouts, miles away from your bubble. You can hear the guys break out into cheers, hear them chanting the number (which turns into 69) but it’s just you and Soonyoung. The world didn’t end and Soonyoung is still by your side. 

The rest of the morning is a blur. Every member of the frat insists on congratulating you, which mostly means a lot of hugs, though one of the more drunk guys tried to spin you around on his shoulder. You laugh when you’d usually frown and find your way back to Soonyoung’s side like a magnet. 

Maybe it’s the euphoria that gives you courage. 

“Hey Soonyoung?” 

“Hm?” 

You say it before you can think too much. “Maybe just the two of us next time?” 

He grins before you can finish speaking. “I’d love that.” 

.

.

You have the courtesy to let Soonyoung sleep in as much as he wants. You wait for him at Barb’s, trying to figure out how to call this a date. 

You’ve seen him a couple times since you got your score back, but you needed to study for finals and he had to make up for missing a lot of frat activities. You’ve only seen him in passing, nothing to fill the Soonyoung shaped hole in your heart. But today that will change. You will celebrate together and you will tell him how you feel. And then… you have no idea. 

It’s just Soonyoung there’s nothing to be nervous about. Too bad your body doesn’t agree with you. Every nerve stands at attention, jumping at the bell that rings when the door opens. You don’t worry when Soonyoung doesn’t get to Barb’s by 8:30 like he said he would. Even at 8:45, you aren’t worried. 

It’s only at 8:55 that you really start to wonder where he is. Maybe you should have picked him up. Knowing him, there’s a 50% chance he’s lying in a ditch after a failed attempt to recreate an impossible stunt from Fast and Furious. At 9, you call him. Between each silence in the ring, you wait for his voice but it never comes. He uses the automated voicemail, so you don’t even get his voice telling you to leave a message. 

The anxiety turns to fear while you wait. The door rings and you see a fluff of bleach blonde hair and jump up. But though you recognize the face, it isn’t Soonyoung. 

Chan, one of the younger members of the frat, with Mingyu and a guy whose name you forgot. They all have the same look in their eyes when they see you, far too much like pity. 

“You’re YN, right?” Mingyu asks. “You’re supposed to meet Soonyoung?” The two guys with him, easily identifiable as frat members between their unkempt hair and sweatshirts plastered with Greek letters, stop mid conversation and glance at each other. 

“Is he okay?” You ask, still standing in the awkward position in the booth. 

“He’s got his score back,” Mingyu says. 

“We were supposed to–” 

“Yeah, I know,” Mingyu says. “It was a 167. You should really talk to him yourself.” He pauses, glancing at his frat brothers but they shrug. “He’s at the house. See if you can talk some sense into him.” 

You’re too afraid to ask any other questions so you just watch Mingyu and the other two walk past, and pretend that they aren’t whispering and stealing glances at you. 

Going to a frat house was never on your bucket list but your feet travel without guidance. You find yourself in front of a rather nondescript house. No bodies hang out from windows, no one is passed out in the yard. Then again it’s a weekday. 

You pause at the door, wondering if you should knock. You tap your hand on the door and it slides open, the latch bolt pushed completely in. You step inside tentatively, peeking around but it’s quiet. You turn the corner to find an open room and Soonyoung sitting on a couch, glass with a bright liquid in his hand. He doesn’t even look at you. 

“Are you seriously drunk right now?” 

Soonyoung just shrugs, taking another sip from the glass. Even from here you can smell that it’s more tequila than fruit punch. 

You shake your head, crossing the room sitting beside him even though he didn’t invite you to sit down. He was considerably cuter the last time you saw him drunk. You’ve gotten used to the power of Soonyoung’s facial expressions, his smiles, his frowns, the way his eyes glaze over when he’s bored, the way they gleam when he daydreams; they’re as precious to you as Soonyoung himself. But his face is a clean slate now, not a smile, not a frown, just a blank stare. 

“You know a 167 is still insanely good, right?” 

He shakes his head. 

“Soonyoung.” He doesn’t look at you, so you grab his drink. Any other day and you would have failed miserably but his alcohol-impaired senses make him slow enough for you to get a hand on the half-empty glass. He glares at you but you don’t yield, tightening your grip and pulling the bottle even harder. 

“Let go,” you growl. “Talk to me like a normal human.” 

He shakes his head, pulling on the glass so you yank back, except you overestimate how weak he is like this, and the glass flies out of his hand, the contents spilling all over you. The red liquid sinks into your blue sweater, soaking you through all three layers. 

“What the hell?” Soonyoung says. 

“That gets your fucking attention? Spilling your drink?” You say. “You know, I really thought you were different.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re acting like a child. So you didn’t win the bet. Who fucking cares? Do you know how hard it is to get higher than a 160? Soonyoung, you are smart, and you worked so hard for this. You could go to law school with that score. You could graduate above a 2.3 if you stopped acting like a stereotypical fuck bro and actually studied. 

“You know, you could actually be something if you wanted. You don’t have to get a degree and work at a corporate job that sucks your soul away until the Soonyoung that actually matters is gone. I know it’s easier this way, but if you actually tried to dream, you could do something. I don’t get it, honestly. Because everyone thinks you’re an idiot you act like one? Is that what it is?” 

“You don’t have to pretend like you don’t think the same thing.” 

You snort. “I don’t, but clearly you won’t believe me. You think that if you have to work for something then it’s not worth it when you could be so much more.” 

“Why do you even care?” Soonyoung asks, looking you in the eyes for the first time. For a moment, you think you might actually be wrong, because all you see in his eyes is pain. A physical force that constricts your heart and makes you weak in the knees, Soonyoung looks at you like he’s been fighting a war you never knew about, like he’s been suffering in silence for a lifetime. He looks at you like you’ve broken his heart. 

Why do I care? You could scoff. Because I’ve been in love with you ever since you fell asleep on my shoulder. I’ve been fighting this stupid crush for so long that I don’t know who I am without it. I don’t know who I am without you. I care because every day the world proves that we aren’t worthy of this planet, that love can’t solve all problems yet you make me question it all. You don’t just bring light into my life, you make it glitter. And I can’t tell you any of this. 

“I don’t know.” The lie tastes bitter but it’s still sweeter than rejection.

“Then why are you here?” Soonyoung looks away. Without his eyes pinning you down, you can breathe again, but every inhale still drags against your heart. You stand up. Afterall, you don’t have an answer for him. 

“I take it back. You are an idiot,” you mutter over his head as you walk past him. You make it to the corner of the street before the tears finally spill over your cheeks, and all the way back to your room before you can’t breathe. 

.

.

Without the distraction of finals, you are left with your own thoughts, your words and Soonyoung’s floating around your head. You have always been something of a hermit but you’ve become J.D. Salinger himself, only leaving your room to sneak into the kitchen and scrounge for scraps of junk food that Jihoon hasn’t thrown away yet. You watch so much reality TV that you start to dream about it. 

Every episode the people, a family living on a homestead that just happens to dress in brand name clothes and drive a Benz, fight and cry and make up. You yell at the mother when she forces her daughter to change because she didn’t think polka dots are appropriate and cry along with the daughter when she starts to sniffle in her confessional, wondering if her mother would ever approve of her choices, whether it was clothes or the people she wants to date. 

You bet your confessional would be a hit if it was ever filmed. Tears run down your cheeks as you practice it in the mirror, choking out an apology for calling him an idiot and telling the whole world what you aren’t brave enough to tell him. 

Jun calls but you can’t answer. He leaves three voicemails: an apology, a goofy one telling you he’ll be back soon, and a final one, yelling at you to pick up or at least let him know you’re alive. You text him an apology you don’t know if you mean. He says thank you anyway and doesn’t call again. 

You have no plans to change your schedule (wake up, steal food, cry, sleep) but on the third day you run out of goldfish and can’t find anything in the kitchen that doesn’t make you nauseous. To make matters worse, despite the fact that it’s seven in the morning (the earliest you’ve woken up since the Fight), Jihoon catches you. 

You’ve successfully avoided him and his inevitable lecture, slamming your door shut and ignoring his knocks but he catches you off guard today. He sneaks in from his morning workout wearing a black t-shirt and slides that he somehow manages to walk stealthily in, scaring you when you close the fridge and find him standing where the door was. 

“Are you done hiding?” 

“I’m not hiding,” you mutter. 

He folds his arms. 

“Fine,” you say. “I’m not done hiding.” 

“Well too fucking bad,” Jihoon says. You try to step past him but he holds his arm out. You’ll never beat him in a physical fight so you step back, shaking your head. 

“Have it your way. Go ahead.” You wave your hand. “Get it all out. Yell at me or lecture me or whatever, I don’t care. You’re going to tell me that I’m an idiot? That I shouldn’t be so afraid of rejection, that I’m blind to how he feels? 

“Or are you going to tell me that I shouldn’t trust someone like him? That I shouldn’t be crying over a goddamn frat boy, I’m better than this, I’m better than him.” You choke back a sob, not sure what words are coming out anymore. You wipe at the tears in your eyes and are so focused on trying not to cry that you don’t notice Jihoon walking away. You do see him come back, blurry shape coming into focus as you blink away the tears. He holds something in his hand, a navy blue square. A throw pillow from the couch? 

He shifts it in his hand until he holds the corner with the zipper, swinging it a couple times back and forth. Then he yanks his arm back and arcs the pillow in a wide loop, landing directly on your head. 

“Ow!” You cry but Jihoon just swings again, hitting your arm this time. He hits you so hard it knocks you off balance, sending you to the floor. Jihoon doesn’t hesitate, swinging the pillow into you again and again, every inch of you. 

“You. Are. An. Idiot.” He grunts out each word with a blow. “You really think you’re better than him?” 

He finally pauses, not even breathing heavily. You shake your head to answer him. “Of course not.” 

“Good,” he says. Then he hits you again and again and again. 

“Ow, Jihoon, what the hell?” You bury your head in your knees and hold your arms over you, trying in vain to protect yourself. 

“I’m not your babysitter,” he says. “I’m not your father, or your brother, or any of that shit. I’m your best friend and you’re being an idiot and I’m not going to stop hitting you until you get some sense knocked into you.” He freezes, as if realizing exactly what he said. “Wait, no–that’s not what I mean, shit, sorry, but–” 

You peek out from your arms and find Jihoon opening and closing his mouth, trying to figure out what to say. He looks like a fish out of water, and it occurs to you he is a fish out of water. He’s never had to comfort you before, probably never had to comfort anyone. No wonder he’s so bad at it. 

You wouldn’t laugh at him and borderline abuse, but your emotions are beyond fried, and he just looks so funny standing over you with a pillow raised, still sputtering half apologies. You try to stop the laugh before it comes out but it turns into a snort and then you can’t stop laughing, tears that you tried to push back falling freely. You lay back on the floor and laugh until your sides hurt, only vaguely aware of Jihoon laughing above you. Eventually he joins you on the floor. 

“You know what I meant,” he says. The pillow rests on the floor between his legs, all the fluff on the far end from the one-sided pillow fight. 

“I knew what you meant without the pillow.” 

“Too bad,” Jihoon says. “I’m tired of listening to the theme song of that god awful show. You could at least watch something like–” 

“I swear if you bring up an anime, you’ll feel exactly how hard that pillow can hit.” 

Jihoon laughs, patting it a couple times. “I saw him the other day. He looked tired.” He pauses but you don’t dare speak. “We didn’t speak. I don’t even think he saw me. But it doesn’t matter because I’m not the one he needs to talk to.” 

“I know,” you say. 

“Then why are you still on the floor?” 

Because you’re scared. Because it would be easier to just give up now, for once to ignore putting in the hard work and just let it pass. But just because it’s the easy option doesn’t mean it’s the right option. At the very least you need to apologize to him. 

“What if he hates me?” 

Jihoon snorts. “Then he’ll get some pillow violence too.” He pauses. “He doesn’t, though.”

“It doesn’t mean that it will turn out okay.” 

“No, it doesn’t,” Jihoon says. “But no matter what happens, you’ll deal with it. And even if it absolutely sucks in the moment, eventually it will be over, and it sure as hell will be better than that stupid fucking show.” 

You nod, setting your chin on your knees. Your stomach turns in anticipation for what you will have to do, but he’s right. It’s time to stop running. Tonight is the Christmas party, and you were never formally uninvited. Somehow you doubt Seungcheol will throw you out. It’s time to get off the floor and get ready. 

“Have you ever thought of being a life coach?” 

“Hell no.” 

.

.

What am I doing here? You fake a smile at Seungcheol and swallow the shot as fast as you can, grimacing as the vodka burns everything from the inside of your mouth to the depths of your stomach. You should have just stuck to your mixed drink only policy but Soonyoung always has you breaking your rules. Even when he isn’t with you. 

Seungcheol disappears as soon as you take the drink, and you don't see anyone else you are comfortable enough to chat with, though that list is quite short. You do a turn of the house, which looks marginally better than the last time you saw it ,the benefit of bad lighting. It’s already crowded with more people than you’ve ever seen on campus. You make your way through each room on the lower floor, finding more than a couple bleach blondes. None are who you’re looking for. You stop in the living room, where you saw him last. 

“He isn’t here.” You turn at the voice. An unfamiliar boy stands next to you, holding a half-empty Smirnoff Ice. “He went to visit family or something.” He pauses, looking you up and down. “At least that’s what he said.” 

You nod. You find it doesn’t surprise you that he seems to know who you are. You suppose you’ve grown used to it, just one of the side-effects of being close with Soonyoung. Though it’s still strange, it doesn’t make you uncomfortable anymore. Or it wouldn’t, if you didn’t think this stranger is implying that it’s your fault Soonyoung isn’t at the ‘Party of the Year.’ 

You can’t stand his gaze so you make your way back towards the drinks, grabbing the first bottle you could find and chugging half of the lukewarm drink. It tastes like a fruit you can’t recognize and carbonation and the more you drink the harder it is to swallow but you force it down. 

You came to apologize. He isn’t here, so why do you stay? Because you promised him? Do you really miss him that much? That you would come here and suffer through all this chaos, just for the memory of him? It doesn’t make any sense but you think that might be a side effect of the alcohol. You get another drink just in case you’re still sober. 

.

.

Your head pounds, the aching feeling of the stage between drunk and sober. Normally you’d like to be sound asleep by now, or at least in the comfort of your home, but you can’t bring yourself to leave. It’s hot and sweaty, the music is way too loud, and you can’t find water anywhere, but you stay anyway, because you’re an idiot that fell in love. 

You curl up on the couch, opposite of a couple making out as if the room isn’t full of people, waiting for just a glimpse of him that will never appear. Even drunk, you think it’s pitiful, but you can’t stop. 

You didn’t think you could fall asleep in all the noise but you open your eyes when you feel the world tilt sideways. You’re vaguely aware of the arms underneath your legs and back, cradling you against someone’s chest. No, not just someone. 

Because you aren’t enough of an idiot, you can tell it’s him, his sweet scent, maybe even just his arms. Soonyoung carries you out of the living room and up the stairs, the blaring music fading only slightly. 

“I thought you weren’t here,” you mumble. 

Soonyoung frowns down at you. “You okay?” 

You shake your head, suddenly realizing there are tears in your eyes. No, I’m not okay, I love you, you want to say. He squeezes you a little tighter, trying to hug you while still carrying you. 

With your head resting against his chest, you can fully appreciate his beauty. His hair is black, which suits him even though he looks nothing like your Soonyoung anymore. You reach up and trace the lines of his face that are unchanging, the sharp straight line of his jaw, the gentle curve of his nose, his soft eyebrows. You drop your hand when you realize he’s staring at you, belatedly realizing you never got to his lips. You can only imagine how soft they’d be, soft like Soonyoung himself. 

“You’re crying,” Soonyoung says softly. You can’t tell if he’s talking to you or not. He pauses in front of a door, struggling to open it without dropping you. Finally the door swings open and he sets you down on a bed, taking a deep breath and sitting beside you. 

He brushes the tears from your eyes, as Soonyoung as ever. Sweet as ever. Sweet and Soonyoung. They should be the same word. You make a mental note to email Merriam-Webster’s dictionary and make the suggestion. 

Soonyoung doesn’t say anything, just watching you with those perfect eyes. His hand rests on your face even though the tears are long gone, thumb tracing shapes on your cheek. 

“You swore you’d do anything for me,” you say. 

“Anything,” Soonyoung repeats. 

You turn to the walls, knocking his hand off your cheek, not daring to look him in the eyes. Even drunk, you are a coward. He’s put up pictures on his wall, a couple Polaroids but mostly printed pictures, with the frat, some childhood pictures, and one that you recognize. The picture of the two of you at the beach that you thought you didn’t send, where you are looking at him with all the love in your heart. You trace his smile, blinding even in paper form. 

“Could you maybe try loving me back then?” You mumble. Your eyes feel heavy between the alcohol and the tears and you’ve said what you needed to say, so you let them take over, closing your eyes and letting the blasting music from downstairs drown out any thoughts. And because it’s so loud and you’ve already drifted off to sleep, there’s no way you could hear his answer. 

“I already do.” 

.

.

The first thing you do when you wake up is throw up. You make it out of the bed but not to the bathroom, mostly because you don’t actually know where it is. You grab the nearest bucket-shaped item, which happens to be a mostly empty trash can. You lean away as soon as you’re done, breathing through your mouth and looking away from the mess. Belatedly, you realize someone is patting your back, brushing hair out of your face. 

“Better?” Soonyoung asks. His knees rests against your lower back, one hand resting on your back, the other caressing your face. Thank god you already threw up because looking at him makes your stomach twist again and if there was anything in you, it would come up again. If you could throw up your heart, you would. As it is, the organ is trying to climb its way up your throat, whether it’s guilt or heartbreak you don’t know. 

 You nod in answer to his question, letting him help you up. Your head pounds and though you know you won’t throw up again, your stomach flips. Right, your policy of mixed drinks is definitely reinstated after this. 

“Sorry I threw up in your trash can,” you say. 

“Believe me, that is not the worst that trash can has seen,” Soonyoung says. “Wait, that sounds bad, I didn’t mean it in a weird way, I just mean–” He stops himself, shaking his head. “It’s a frat house.” 

“It’s your room,” you say softly. With sober (albeit heavily hungover) eyes, you take in the room again. It’s tiny, one bed pushed against a wall with a desk set right next to it. Unsurprisingly, it’s stacked with protein powder and a pile of frat flyers, laptop balancing off the edge, not a paper in sight. Except for the one next to his bed, the walls are bare, an ugly shade of beige except for a circle filled with white plaster that looks suspiciously like the reformed crime scene of a fist going through drywall. It must be from whoever owned the room before Soonyoung. 

The wall next to his bed is covered in pictures. You remember being amazed by them last night. Your eyes zero in on the picture of the two of you, right next to the pillow that’s still dented from your head. 

“Did I steal your bed?” You frown except the movement hurts your head. 

“I slept in Johnny’s room since he’s decided to disappear off the face of the planet instead of accepting the fact that he graduates next semester,” Soonyoung says. “I actually just came in here for some clothes, which reminds me.” He rummages through a drawer, pulling out a wrinkled t-shirt and handing it to you. “If you want a change.” 

You glance down and feel like throwing up all over again. Your favorite shirt is covered in stains, alcohol, vomit, and something you definitely don’t want to name. If you weren’t feeling so terrible already, you’d cry that Soonyoung is seeing you like this. 

“I’ll get you a toothbrush, too,” he mutters, disappearing and leaving you to scramble to switch shirts. The white dri-fit is meant to be a workout shirt, though it’s clear that it would be oversize on Soonyoung. Either way, the soft fabric is gentle on your skin, much better than the jeans you slept in. Too bad you’re stuck in them until you get back to your apartment. 

You could run away right now. Soonyoung probably wouldn’t be surprised. But he’s being nice to you, so much nicer than you deserve. Sweet and Soonyoung. But you came here to apologize, and though last night got derailed, you can’t keep running from it. Besides, it’s not like the morning can get much worse. 

So when Soonyoung comes back proudly brandishing an unopened toothbrush that he may or may not have stolen from Seungcheol’s bathroom, you accept it gratefully. You stare yourself down in the bathroom, fighting nausea and an impending migraine because you have a mission to achieve, a real mission unlike last night. It’s still a haze, but you don’t think you’ll ever forget how gently Soonyoung cradled you against his chest, the brush of his fingers on your cheek. If he didn’t show up this morning, you’d think it was a dream. 

Soonyoung’s door is open when you finish but he isn’t in his room. You grab your bag from the floor and venture down the stairs, leaning heavily on the railing. There’s a couple people passed out in the living room, and one person snoring softly in the kitchen, head folded in his arms in a position that must be incredibly painful for his neck. But it’s where you find Soonyoung, digging through the fridge and finally pulling out a water bottle. He hands it to you, along with a bottle of pills. 

“Thank you,” you sigh, not even bothering to check the label for the brand. You take a couple and chug half the bottle, gaslighting yourself into believing that it will instantly revive you (it doesn’t work and your head still pounds). 

“Are you hungry?” Soonyoung asks. He opens the fridge again, this time wide enough to show the shelves that are filled with beer, vodka, and White Claws. There’s a pizza box and some eggs, but not much else. 

“How are any of you alive?” You ask softly, glancing at the snoring person on the counter. 

“Yuta can sleep through an apocalypse, don’t worry about him,” Soonyoung says, waving his hand. He closes the fridge, leaning against it. “And most of us keep our actual food in mini-fridges. I just cleared mine out for break, so I don’t have anything in it.” He doesn’t say anything else about vanishing. 

“I’m pretty sure that pizza has been in there since the start of the semester and I’ve never seen eggs in here before though, so I don’t think you should risk any of this,” Soonyoung says. “McDonald’s fries are a far superior hangover cure, they’ve never failed me.” 

“There’s a McDonald’s nearby?” 

Soonyoung grins, pulling keys out of his pocket and spinning them around his fingers a couple times, except they fly off and clatter on the floor. The man asleep on the counter, Yuta apparently, stirs but doesn’t move. You can’t help but smile as Soonyoung scrambles to retrieve them from the floor. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was flustered. 

“There isn’t one,” Soonyoung explains, leading the way to the door. “But I have the keys to Seungcheol’s car.” 

“I’m not really comfortable with grand theft auto,” you say, though you don’t stop following him to Seungcheol’s giant white Jeep. 

“He gave me the keys last night when I walked in,” Soonyoung says. “Something about owing me. He was pretty drunk.” He darts around to the passenger side before you can, opening the door for you. He waves his hand when you frown at him, as if you’re the one acting strange. Thinking with this headache is too hard so you just get into the car and strap the seatbelt on. 

“I can’t believe you thought I’d steal a car,” Soonyoung says. He turns the engine on and scans the front of the car before finally settling his right hand on the gear shift. 

“You have driven this car before, right?” 

“Of course,” Soonyoung says a little too fast. You grab onto the door handle and hope that your stomach really is empty. 

Soonyoung’s driving isn’t the worst you’ve ever experienced; that title goes to Jihoon, who was banned from touching car keys after his Mario Kart driving. That said, you think he’s a good second place. He slams on the gas and the brakes too hard and drives altogether too fast. He blasts the radio and sings along purposefully off key. You should be terrified but it’s the most fun you’ve ever had riding in the passenger seat. 

“I’m never riding with you again,” you say, breathless from laughing. He pulls to a stop at the red light, the Golden arches of your destination still one light away. “You know yellow lights mean slow down right?”

“I stopped at this one!” Soonyoung says. “I’ll have you know I haven’t been in an accident.” He pauses. “Since I was nineteen.” 

You nod, pursing your lips to stop yourself from smiling fully. “That’s what I figured.” You peek at Soonyoung and he’s smiling too. 

So different from the last time you saw him. You don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t be able to laugh and joke around with him so easily, not when you still haven’t apologized. And Soonyoung shouldn’t be looking at you like that, genuine fondness in his eyes. 

“The light’s green,” you say. His smile fades a little when he turns his head and drives ahead, stepping lightly for once. You’re so close now, but a car going straight in the right lane prevents him from turning. 

The pain medicine must have kicked in because your headache is slowly fading, replaced by heartache that no medication can cure. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” You blurt out. 

The blinker beeps a steady rhythm in the empty silence. “Isn’t it obvious?” 

“Nothing’s ever obvious with you, Soonyoung,” you say softly. 

“Oh.” The light turns green and he guides the car slowly into the parking lot, stopping in a spot instead of pulling up to the drive through. As soon as the car is in park, he turns to face you. There’s a crease in his forehead that you recognize from the rare occasions that he would actually talk to you seriously. “YN, I genuinely thought I was being clear about this from the beginning, but if you still really don’t get it, then I’ll say it straight up: I like you. I’ve liked you since the day we met and then I fell in love with you. 

“Did you know you’re the first person that’s ever genuinely believed in me? I mean, I know I have friends, and my family means well, but they always get this look in their eye whenever I talk about trying for things, like it was cute that I was trying, but they never actually believed in me. And I started to believe them too. I started to believe that I couldn’t believe in myself.” He frowns. “That makes no sense. The point is, you are the reason I started to believe in myself again. 

“No one’s ever looked at me like you do. No one’s ever told me to get my shit together–well, they have, but you’re the only one that told me it was because I could be better. 

“You say it wasn’t obvious, but I’ve tried to tell you a thousand times. I flirted, I tried to ask you on a date so many times, and I finally accepted that you’d never see me like that, so I was a dick. I told you off, even though you were right. I’m so sorry for that, and I’m sorry I ran away, and I’m sorry it took me so long to apologize.” 

“Stop,” you say. Soonyoung’s eyes widen, tears welling up, and you realize he thinks you’re rejecting him. “Stop apologizing!” His brow creases in confusion, an adorable frown. Summoning all your courage, you reach out, resting your hand on his. “I’m the one that’s sorry. I didn’t have any right to judge you and the choices you were making, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you when I knew how much the bet meant to you.”

You squeeze his hand, closing your eyes. “And I think I was a little oblivious on purpose. I’m not the kind of person that has crushes, let alone crushes that like me back, so I freaked a little and missed all the signs.” You open your eyes and grin at him. It’s easy to feel brave when he smiles back at you. “But I like you, Soonyoung. I like you so much, I don’t have enough words to express it. My whole life has been about my future, my career, and it’s exhausting, but being with you makes it all exciting again. Like, no matter what happens, if you’re with me, it won’t just be okay, it’ll be fun.” 

Soonyoung beams. “Really?” 

You squeeze his hand. “I like you.” Like the first time you took the LSAT, you can’t think of a single word, except instead of damning your future this feels like the start of it. Soonyoung sits across from you and you don’t need words. 

You don’t know how long you sit there, but reality sets in when your stomach growls. You glance outside the window and remember where you are. “Did you just confess to me in a McDonald’s parking lot?” 

“Better than drunk in my own bed.” 

“I didn’t!” You let go of his hand to hide your face. 

Soonyoung grins. “You were cute!” 

“I don’t remember it, it doesn't count!” 

“Whatever you say,” Soonyoung says, leaning over the center console. He gently pulls your hands away from your face, hand circling your wrist gently. You instinctively hold your breath, though you don’t lean away. Soonyoung leans a little closer, forehead resting against yours. 

“This okay?” He whispers, breath kissing your lips, and you remember that less than an hour ago, you were throwing up. Your head still aches and your stomach is still queasy and your whole body feels disgusting. 

“We are not having our first kiss in a McDonald’s parking lot,” you say, leaning back. Soonyoung sighs, but he sits back in his chair, settling for grabbing your hand and interlacing his fingers with yours. 

“Fine,” Soonyoung says. He rubs his thumb back and forth, and when you meet his eyes, you see a familiar glint of trouble. “You know I’m still sworn to you. Whatever you want.” 

The words go straight to your heart. You could live a thousand lives and never meet someone as genuine as Soonyoung. You know that he means it, heart and soul, that he’d do anything for you. And it should be terrifying that he’s willing to bear his heart for you, that you are willing to do the same. But it’s Soonyoung. It’s easy to trust him with it, because even though he breaks half the computers he touches and can’t hold onto a pencil for his life, he won’t ever drop your heart. 

I love you. One day you’ll be able to say it, one day you’ll scream it like you so desperately want to. But until then, you settle for his certified brilliant smile and the gentle brush of his lips on the back of your hand, only letting go to turn the engine back on. 

“Let’s get you some fries,” he says. “Then kisses?” 

You shake your head and laugh, slipping your hand back into his. 

Before he can put the car into gear, his phone rings. He stares at the screen for a moment, frowning like he can’t decide whether he should answer it or not. Finally he slides the green across, turning on speaker. 

“Hey Seungcheol, I’m with—” 

“Where the hell are you? And where is my car?” Seungcheol’s voice is somewhere between angry and concerned. “You think it’s okay to vanish and then show up only to steal my car?” 

“First of all, you gave me the keys,” Soonyoung says. He glances at you. “And I’m at McDonald’s because YN desperately needed a hangover cure.” 

“Hey,” you say so Seungcheol knows you’re there. 

The line is quiet for so long you think Soonyoung’s phone has finally given up on him but eventually he says, “You’re with YN?” 

“We talked,” he says. “And we’re good.” 

You snort. “That’s how you’re going to describe it?” 

“Are we not good?” 

You glance at your hand still intertwined with his, the Soonyoung Sparkle glittering back at you when you look him in the eyes. Good? There’s not a word to describe how you feel right now. 

“We are beyond good.” 

.

.

“Are you crying?” You whisper. Soonyoung shakes his head, chin brushing against your head but when he inhales again, he sniffles. You reach up to pat his cheek and are entirely unsurprised when it’s wet. On screen Elle Woods continues her speech, for once not wearing pink. 

“She’s just so cool,” Soonyoung says. You lift your head off his chest so you can look him in the eyes. The temptation to tease him is hard to resist but he pouts his lips and you see another tear slip out. You kiss his cheek, out of habit more than anything. Strange how much can change in two weeks, how something you’ve never imagined doing has become natural. But being with Soonyoung is just like that. New and old at the same time, the kind of comfort that has you planning how to make this last a lifetime. 

Soonyoung wraps his arms around you tighter, so you nestle back into his chest, turning away from the end of the movie to close your eyes and breathe in his cologne. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this,” you whisper, lips brushing against his neck. “The whole bet was based on a movie you haven’t seen.” 

“You’re missing the end,” he says. His voice rumbles in your ear, drowning out his heartbeat. 

“I’ve seen it before.” Your bed really isn’t built for two people to lay down together. You are laying more on Soonyoung than the mattress but it’s not the first time. From the way he holds you, you doubt it’ll be the last. 

The credits roll too quickly, but Soonyoung still doesn’t let go. He pulls you up so that your head is next to his, nose centimeters away from yours. 

“So am I officially qualified to go to law school?” He asks. 

“You are Elle Woods certified,” you say. “But you’re sure that’s what you want?” 

“I mean I have to get in. But I figure if I’m going to waste away at a desk, I might as well do it for something I believe in.” He pauses. “With someone that believes in me.” He presses a kiss to the side of your neck, breath tickling the sensitive skin. You can’t help but sigh. 

“That doesn’t mean it’s what you want,” you say, after several heartbeats of struggling to think. 

“I want…” His words “To be with you. However you’ll have me.” His arms loosen, hands sliding down to your waist. 

“Still not answering the question,” you breathe out but you can’t even remember what the question is, not when he’s shifting to lay on top of you, lips inching their way up your neck. He kisses your jaw, your cheek, the corner of your lips, then stops, pulling away and meeting your eyes again.

The Soonyoung Sparkle. The grinch has nothing on you–your heart swells so large it feels like it’s going to explode out of your chest–Alien style. Does he know what he does to you? How he’s made everything in your life shine? How happy you are when he’s with you? 

“I love you,” you whisper. 

Soonyoung blinks at you. “You…” 

“I love you,” you say again, this time with more confidence. “I really, really love you.” 

Soonyoung grins, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours, moving like the world outside has stopped. He makes a bubble around you again, or maybe it’s your own heart; either way the only thing that exists is the way his hands inch up your shirt, the way his lips begin to press harder against yours. You give up on coherent thoughts, settling for wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer. 

“I love you, too,” Soonyoung whispers between kisses. “If that wasn’t obvious.” 

Soonyoung who always treated you like you were enough already. Soonyoung who does everything with 100% of his heart. Soonyoung who has always been sincere with you, from the first day you met him. Soonyoung, who you are so lucky to be loved by. 

You don’t know how to say any of this in a way that makes sense so you let his fire melt you until you are putty in his arms. He pulls away, and the Soonyoung Sparkle burns, your personal stars flickering back at you.  

“You want to–” Soonyoung starts to say, but the door slams open. Then Soonyoung falls on you, pillow rolling off his head. 

“I’m taking this back!” Someone shouts while you hear Jihoon cursing. 

“Read the room, idiot!” Soonyoung pushes off of you, sitting up and pulling your shirt down as smoothly as he can. You sit up, trying to decide if you should be embarrassed or angry. Facing Jun, frozen midstep with his jaw hanging open a little and Jihoon in the doorway with his arms folded, shaking his head slightly, you opt for the latter. 

“Does no one knock in Colombia?” You frown at him. “And when did you get back? Why didn’t you call?” 

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” he mumbles, staring at his feet. “And you were supposed to be alone, according to my sources.” He glares at Jihoon. 

“YN didn’t say he was coming over,” he says with a shrug. 

You turn your frown to him. “You walked in halfway through the movie, I literally shouted ‘Soonyoung’s over.’” 

“I had my headphones on,” he says, though he’s avoiding your eyes too. Typical of your friends, never claiming responsibility for their actions. 

“So this is Soonyoung,” Jun says, turning to face him. Soonyoung moved to the edge of the bed, too far away for your taste but probably an appropriate distance for your friends, especially compared to what they walked in on. Jun tilts his head. “You dyed your hair.” 

“Yeah,” Soonyoung scratches the back of his head. “Spur of the moment thing.” You miss the blonde, surprisingly fitting considering it isn’t his natural color. But the black suits him too, and probably will help him with law school interviews. Then again, knowing Soonyoung, this color won’t last long either. Good thing there isn’t a color you don’t think suits him. 

“We should do this properly,” Soonyoung says. “Go out for dinner or something.” 

“Hey, I didn’t get dinner,” Jihoon says. 

“You want to get dinner with me?” Soonyoung perks up. 

“No, I’m protesting unfair treatment.” 

“It’s not unfair, I’m just clearly his favorite,” Jun says. 

“Can you guys stop fighting over my boyfriend?” You say. 

Jihoon and Jun stare at you. When Soonyoung turns to face you, he grins, eyes sparkling. 

“What?” 

“You just called him your boyfriend,” Jun says. 

“Well… he is.” You feel your cheeks flush. “Why are you guys making it weird?” 

“It’s not weird,” Soonyoung says. He scoots closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “It’s cute,” he whispers in your ear. “Adorable.” This only makes you flush even more. 

“Well, I don’t want to interrupt, so I’ll just grab this and you two can get back to… whatever.” Jun takes a step towards your bookcase. You grab the pillow that he threw at Soonyoung and nail him in the chest, earning a laugh from Jihoon. 

“Don’t even think about it.” 

“The book is mine, Soonyoung never fulfilled the bet!” Jun says. You stand up, blocking him from your Pride and Prejudice. 

“Hey, I followed through!” Soonyoung says. “We’re dating!” 

“I remember the bet stating that you had to ask YN out after you took the LSAT.” Jun turns to him. 

“And I did,” Soonyoung says. “You never said it had to be right after.” 

Jun eyes him. “That’s cheating.” 

“That’s being a lawyer,” you say. “And I think he’s going to be really good at it.” 

Jun glances between you and Soonyoung and shakes his head. “Whatever, I’ll get my book back another day.” 

You step closer to Soonyoung and he links his pinky with yours. You glance at your friends. “Are you going to stand there forever or are we getting dinner?” 

“You two don’t want to get back to what you were doing?” Jihoon asks. 

You slip your hand into Soonyoung’s. He meets your eyes and he’s only been your boyfriend for two weeks but looking at him is like looking home. There’s no need to rush. 

“Sounds like someone doesn’t want to pick where we go.” 

“We should make them pay, too,” Soonyoung says. 

You grin at him. “You are the smartest person I know.” 

[notebookmusical]

Hi! How are you? Are you feeling any better? I hope so. I'm mostly fine..it's just a few things from last month kinda carried over to this month and it's more an ongoing thing so that's why. It will be most likely the rest of the month so i'm just letting you know if I don't reply. You can still share your book or regular goals for the year though.

Ya I decided to wait until I watch the movie since I think that's the best way to judge it anyway. I think the premiere was last the other night and I saw a few people say they liked it. Maybe they knew it was a musical already or maybe they didn't, but I'm sure I'm going to like it anyway. I think someone said the girl playing Cady..i forgot her name, was the weakest part in the movie and also she couldn't sing the best so maybe that's why. I find the song pretty meh as a song but I agree about the character development and also haven't heard it in a while. I feel like they are just trying to give it a more modern or realistic high school vibe than the original movie lol so maybe it can be totally different and it's own thing too..even from the original musical. I think Renee will be the standout. I like Not My Fault, but I don't think it's in the movie or anything.

I'm pretty excited for it! I always like her writing and I'm thinking those will be my favorites too since I haven't read People We Meet or Happy Place for a while. That's good to know..I also technically never finished New Girl but I do like it a lot. I am the worst with finishing things clearly lol. Oh okay..I might read a snippet of the Starless Sea soon and I'll tell you if I like it but I'm sure I will. I was wondering why you weren't putting ratings in your reading updates but it's fine if you don't want to. I don't think I will be able to finish any books this month but that just means I'll have to read more than two a different month to reach my goal.

Brand New Eyes is so good! I'm glad you liked it. But it makes sense to take a break to listen to Fall Out Boy. I actually haven't ever listened to all of their songs and albums so if you do, tell me if I should. I am familiar with the Maine and they had an album in August last year so maybe listen to that. I enjoyed it and am pretty familiar with their last few albums mostly. My favorite song by them is called Black Butterflies and Deja Vu. I forgot the other openers. When is your show? I think they do something similar to Taylor and perform a different song every night which makes it fun. I hope you have a great time! I know that might have been a lot so there's no pressure to listen to everything and especially if you don't like something. I can also always give my favorite song recs to start with when you're ready. Call your mom was one of my songs of the year.

So Taylor showed up to the Golden Globes and looked so amazing! I looooved her dress so much! I'm pretty sure i am making it my new lockscreen on my phone haha..something for the new year. She never really wears green or that bright color and it's my favorite. Recently I can only think of the green folklore dress which I also love. At first I thought of green for debut but then everyone was saying green is rep..like a snake duh. I don't really read into outfit theories as much but it made me notice both rerecordings can be green apparently..but Rep is black and debut can also be blue so idk. Unfortunately she didn't win..but I thought Barbie deserved it also. So far, Barbie is the only oscar movie I have seen actually. I will probably watch Saltburn soon though. I also really wanna finish the Bear, which won and the actors won their categories. . Emma Stone also looked amazing and she won her category too, but I haven't watched the movie yet. Unfortunately, we did not get another pic of my queens..but Emma got asked a question about Taylors standing ovation for her and jokingly called her an asshole lol..I just love them so much. She was also there with Selena.

Ooh I really enjoyed Troye's album but do not know any of the stories. I wonder how he explained them since to me the album seems more like a vibe. I think it's interesting you say that though cuz that is exactly how Taylor describes Midnights..as 13 stories throughout my life. So idk if you mean more like that or more like Folklore. I'm not sure Midnights was totally that and it's more like a feeling, and that's how Folklore is to me too. Actually, I think Evermore has more songs that seem like stories than Folklore, and I don't know if I always like that when listening the first time lol. Like it seems like it comes from nowhere almost at first for some reason. It's hard cuz before I always liked hearing about her life, but maybe I would prefer a mix..which I think Folklore mostly is. I do think her next album will be more about her life though after this year she had and I think everyone will want to hear it lol. But we also don't know how it will be either. I do know what you mean and also miss Taylor talking about the music.

So I forgot to mention that a lyric from Electric Touch could be my resolution..just breathe, just relax..it'll be okay lol. I also noticed I see many similarities with Taylor and Paramores albums too. All we know is debut, Riot was their Fearless...they were both nominated for Best New Artist at those Grammys where they met! Brand New Eyes and Speak Now are similar to me or I just played them around the same time. I used to think the instrumental of All I wanted and If This was a Movie is sooo similar with the sound of the guitar and still do. That was before she put it on Fearless and took out most of the guitar though. It's one of the few rerecordings I hear a noticeable difference cuz of that. Paramore, also a self titled album..haha, but it matches with Red. After Laughter has an 80s sound and more poppy like 1989. When I first heard This is Why..it also reminded me of rep..cuz all the loud media/the world songs are near the beginning but then gets softer as it goes on. Hayleys solo albums match up with Folklore and Evermore but I can't really choose which is which. Also I forgot to say that back in 2021, Mr Perfectly Fine and Shy Away from top was released the same day which was a big deal cuz we weren't expecting it. like Taylor released the song on a Wednesday when she would never do that and usually alternative singles release on a Wednesday. I am hoping something like that happens again haha. Anyway for top I forgot to mention that their songs have to do with mental health, especially their older music, just so you're aware and could be another reason I like them so much. I became a fan with the Vessel album in 2012 though. Have a great week! 🩷

hello friend!!! i'm feeling much better, thank you for asking 🥺 🤍 answering under the cut because this got long xx

i'm trying to take things slower book wise, and focus more on quality over quantity / not getting overwhelmed with committed books (arcs/gifted reads) to the point where i'm not having fun reading anymore (which is what happened last year)! those are really the big goals, but i'm also just really trying to read things i already have access to (arcs, gifted reads i've let pile up for far too long, my physical tbr, etc). i do have a numerical goal (100) but i'll adjust it as needed throughout the year! and i didn't realize someone would notice i edited my reading tracker — i ended up changing my reading tracker on tumblr because i always end up adjusting the star ratings after — sometimes i'll update the tracker and then i'll go wait ... i feel like that book wasn't as good as i thought it was or i'll be like "i have not been able to stop thinking about this book, it's definitely more of a four or five star", so i figured i'd just do dates that i read a particular book instead! i hope you like your reads; keep me posted!!!

a friend of mine saw the mean girls movie last night, and so they told me their thoughts on it — i probably won't see it anytime soon, but i did spend a bit of time last night relistening to the cast recording and i forgot that i genuinely do like the score! i wish it was wittier, or even like ... better (?) like legally blonde, but i do enjoy it a lot. i've been in a musical theatre mood in the last 2 days; i've been listening to hadestown off-broadway, mean girls, amelie, alice by heart, spring awakening, and then just my favorites playlist on repeat. i also listened to the shucked cast recording today, which was my album of the day! and yes, definitely think that renee will be the standout for the mean girls movie musical, although have also been hearing really good things about auli'i, and jaquel too!

i listened to this is why again, and i think after laughter is still my favorite of the paramore albums (which apparently is not a surprise — i asked a few of my friends who love paramore what they thought my favorite album would be and they were all like "after laughter, hands down", which i found funny). i hope you saw my post about the new paramore song too! my concert is march 1st! so i have some time, but it'll take me a couple listens to actually memorize lyrics, so i should reallllly get on it! ugh call your mom is so good; i just love noah kahan. i can't wait to see what he has next in store; it looks like he's been teasing another collab (i think it's with sam fender), and i'd love to see him collab with maisie or olivia too!

taylor's been wearing a lot of green lately! i did see a lot of theories about green / reputation — especially with the snake print boots she wore yesterday, so i'm assuming rep is next! i hope you like the bear; i really loved it! and i was surprised barbie didn't win anything, although i haven't seen most of the other movies, so maybe i'm just saying things haha!

i think a mix between folklore, evermore, and midnights in concept would be cool? i always forget that midnights is "13 sleepness nights", but would also just like to see taylor write more fictional/storytelling things! i was thinking about how detached i feel from taylor for many reasons lately, but also just because i'm someone who loves to go down a rabbit hole and read as much about someone's creative process as i can. i really really wish that we'd gotten more insights about the inner-workings of the eras tour; the choreography, the staging, the set, how they came up with the projections, the lighting, etc. and i think i feel that way about a lot of her projects post-folklore (including the rerecordings).

i appreciate the warning for TOP! and your similarities are always so fun to read about! here's a little text that i sent to my friend about after laughter — so i definitely agree with you with the 1989 vibes haha. i still haven't listened to hayley's solo albums, but will do so soooooon !!

hope you're having a good week! have a good weekend 🤍

[thiserichann]

cookies and cream - lee jeno

reader x jeno

genre: smut, strangers to fuck buddies, humor if you squint hard enough

word count: 4k-ish

warnings: recklessness (she met with a stranger online, don’t do it kids) excessive lying, 18+ scenes that includes: oral (f receiving) face riding, soft dom!jeno?

This is merely a work of fiction and is not meant to hurt the image of Jeno and NCT. Again, don’t be as reckless as OP. This was just a fantasy of mine that I’ve been dying to get out of my system.

Holy fuck.

That's the only word that you've managed to utter when you decided to check your messages that morning.

You got bored in the middle of the class and decided to sneak a peek on your phone to pass the time. The class is recorded anyways so you can always just go back to the parts of the lessons that you've missed.

But holy fuck.

You never expected to see THAT so early in the morning.

"Miss Y/N?"

You snapped back to reality and stopped malfunctioning for a second when somebody called your name. Everyone including your professor remained quiet and all eyes are on you.

"Oh. Sir what’s the question again?"

You answered nervously as you tried to review your notes and backtrack on what he is discussing a few moments ago.

"I see that you're distracted in the middle of my class again. Mind sharing what you're occupied with?"

"Uhm. I was watching KPOP fancams, sir."

"Fancams won't get you into law school, Miss Y/N. Phones off please."

You tucked your phone back to your pocket and never picked it up again since. The professor started blabbering again but no information is being retained on your head. It stayed that way at your other classes.

You wished you were looking at some KPOP fancams earlier. You’ve watched fancams at class before and got away with it unscathed.

Oh no. It was a goddamn dick pic.

A good one, too.

It was from a guy that you met in a kink site a few days ago. You created the account out of boredom and expected nothing to come out from it. It’s all the flirting and sexting without all the unnecessary commitment

It only took you a few minutes to set up an account. For some privacy, you made a random birthdate and a random nickname, because like hell would you share your real information to these people. You also picked a racy picture of a lady that looked a bit like you and passed it off as your own.

Within minutes, your inbox is flooded with messages. Most of them, however, are from men who are old enough to be your father.

Well, you were bored, so you entertained everyone and then went on back to your boring, vanilla life. A few political history and theory books later, you went back to see which ones messaged you on the site.

And that's where you've met him.

The most gorgeous piece of meat alive.

He seems like a nice guy. He introduced himself as LJ and your age aren’t that far off from each other. LJ is the only one who actually engaged in conversation besides "want to fuck?" or "are you horny?"

As soon as you started messaging back and forth, you scrolled on his profile to see what he looks like. The only thing is, his profile looked a whole lot like those high fashion male underwear photoshoots.

It was an array topless pictures (presumably his, you just can’t be bothered to check if it is actually his). It featured his sculpted abs and biceps, cropped up all the way to his full lips. Despite not seeing his whole face, you knew very well that he’s a hunk. To say you were intrigued is an understatement.

Since then, you've been talking back and forth through Snapchat (your secret one because you're not stupid) and sent him actual pictures of yourself, completely omitting the face. You took one from your bed, your bathtub, and probably every part of your house that you felt is sexy enough to be included on the pics.

You can't tell him if it's him or the repressed sexual urges finally manifesting itself after more than a year of not getting laid, but every text to and from him made your heart race. It was something that you looked forward to every hour everyday.

Hours went by that you totally forgot leaving him on read. You climbed up to your bed to rest your back to the headboard and opened your unread messages.

You: Hey svlr. School stuff.

  He opened the chat and started typing right away.

  LJ: Oh good. I thought I did something wrong to upset you.

You: Not at all. I loved the pic by the way. It literally knocked my socks off.

LJ: Just the socks?

You: You can take the rest of it off yourself ;)

You scoffed. The flirty banter has always been there ever since you started talking but nothing really came out of it.

LJ: If only I could :(

You: I know. Covid’s a bitch.

You set your phone aside for a second to go to the bathroom. On your way, you picked up some snacks at the fridge and sat back down to your bed, only to find your phone blowing up.

LJ: If you're down maybe we could meet

LJ: It's totally fine if you don't want to

LJ: I just made it weird, didn't I?

LJ: I'm so sorry I brought it up in the first place

LJ: I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable

LJ: Hello?

LJ: I'm really sorry

You: Chill. I'm right here

You: I just went to the bathroom

LJ: Oh

You: I'd be lying if I said I don't want to meet you as well

You: Well... I wouldn't write off the idea

You: But with the Covid

LJ: Thoughts?

You: I don't think it's a great idea

The screen says Seen right at the bottom but it took him a couple more minutes before finally replying.

LJ: I understand

LJ: But in case you change your mind, I'll leave the time and place up to you

LJ: I’ll take care of the rest

LJ: Deal?

You: I'll sleep on it.

You: Speaking of sleep, I gotta go. Morning class.

LJ: Okay. I guess this is good night then

You didn't, in fact, talk to him the day after.

You'd be lying if you said that you didn't want to see him and his abs in real life. But as someone who overthinks a lot, you just can't shake off the risk.

You: Good night. Talk to you tomorrow.

What if he's not really the guy in the pics? Or he’s psycho in real life? What if he's infected the virus?

You sighed.

Why must some global pandemic ruin your sex life?

You waited until the end of the day before you finally replied to LJ. The last thing that he texted was a brief good morning from earlier in the day and nothing else. He’s actually a pretty sweet guy, totally not worth ghosting, and you actually liked talking to him as a friend that you can share your sentiments with.

With your guilt finally eating you up, you took a break from your assigned readings and sat back at your bed to rest for the day. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard for a minute, thinking of something to say to him. It took you a few tries before finally hitting the send button.

You: So, I thought about it

LJ: And?

You: I need to know I can trust you

LJ: Okay. How?

You: I don’t know. Send me a proof that you’re real. Get tested?

You: Is that fine with you?

Within a split second, he sent his reply.

He actually did it.

You couldn’t believe it but he actually did it.

LJ: Consider it done.

He got tested for physical, including the virus test, and passed with flying colors. He even sent you a vid of him inside a medical clinic.

He just sent the uncensored results this morning where you can clearly see his real name.

Lee Jeno.

LJ.

Seems legit.

Well, the uncreative nickname shouldn’t matter now because the results meant only one thing.

You’re gonna have to push through with your promise.

You got ready around noon that day. You can’t remember the last time that you actually got ready to meet someone that’s not a delivery guy or a relative passing on something to your family.

As someone who overthinks a lot, you actually got everything covered. You picked a place near a restaurant to eat. The police station is just a few blocks away just in case something happens, and right in front of a library…

“Where’re are you off to?”

You raised your backpack to show to your mother.

“I’m off to the library. I needed to get these renewed. Maybe pick up a novel or two.”

She looks at you from head to toe, eyeing that incredibly loose hoodie, faded denim jeans, some worn out sneakers that looked like it’s supposed to be thrown away years ago and a medical mask that covers about ¾ of your bare face. It’s just your usual attire whenever you go out for errands.

She just nodded and went back to watching her favorite soap opera.

“It’s nice that you’re out of your room for once. Take some cookies from the kitchen so you’ll have something to eat in case you get hungry.”

… as an alibi to get away from your strict parents.

As soon as you left the door and made sure that you’re out of sight, you found the nearest public toilet and grabbed a whole other outfit from your backpack. The hoodie is replaced by a white, ruffled see-through blouse and you ditched the jeans for a tight skirt that’s at least four inches above your knees. You tousled your hair a little bit and put on some powder and tiny hint of lipstick before putting your facemask back on again.

It’s been a while since you’ve done an elaborate scheme like this. Your skills got a little bit rusty, but they always work.

Sometimes you wonder if you’re really meant to be lawyer or a criminal instead.

You stepped out of the toilet and blended right back into society.

Now all you have to do is find wherever the hell LJ is.

Jeno sat anxiously as he waited for you right inside the café. He’s on his fourth cup of coffee but it didn’t do anything to calm his nerves down (geez I wonder why).

You: I’m almost at the café.

He’s been staring at his phone the whole time. Once he received your message, which is a pic of you in the bathroom after the outfit change, he almost choked on his drink.

This message sent him on a panic as he turned his camera on to see how he looked. He did some minor adjustments to his hair and he wiped off his eyeglasses clean with the sleeves of his hoodie (which did nothing for him by the way) and then casually sat down and played it off cool like he hasn’t been waiting for you for over an hour.

On your perspective, you walked inside the café and looked around for LJ. Fortunately, there was only guy inside the café, twiddling with his phone on his hands and as he kept on peeking through the glass windows as if he’s looking for someone.

From afar, he actually looked really cute. His appearance, a shy, nerdy dude with glasses, looked way off from the fuckboy image that you expected him to have in reference to the messages that you’ve been getting from him.

It’s always the quiet ones that are kinky. You should know, you are one.

You walked over to his table and tapped his shoulders to get his attention.

He froze for a moment before he finally managed to turn around and face you.

“You’re actually here.”

“I know. I’m just as surprised as you are.”

tap tap tap tap

The room is so quiet that the only thing you can hear is the sound of your heels tapping against the tiled floor. You can say that that is one of your observable annoying habits tapping your foot on the floor when you're a nervous wreck.

Sighing in retaliation, you removed your hoodie, fanning yourself as you tried to relax and get comfy on the hotel couch (which should be comfortable enough since you paid a shit ton of money on that room), switching the TV on to get your mind off of things. The lackluster array of shitty sitcoms didn’t distract you at all, but it instead reminded you of the reasons why you’re in that room in the first place.

Having nothing to do to pass the time, you paced back and forth in the room, finally sitting down once you realized that it looks way worse than you just tapping your foot. You folded your arms right across your chest, looking at the watch from time to time but the hands of the clock seem to be moving slower the more you stare at it.

Quarantine started almost a year ago and it's been very hard for you. Sexually. It's been almost a year since you've been touched by a man and you’re more than ready to jump on anyone’s dick at any this point,

Too bad that that dick is taking his sweet time in the bathroom.

tap tap tap tap

Your foot found its rhythm once again, only this time, you’re not nervous anymore. Your patience is wearing thin.

As if summoned by the constant tapping, the guy comes out of the bathroom, just casually drying himself while wearing nothing but the towel dangerously hanging on his waist and a boyish smile on his lips.

No biggie.

"Hey."

Suddenly, you’re not tapping anymore.

Head empty, just thoughts of a hot guy patting down a towel all over his toned body.

“I hope I didn’t make you wait for too long.”

He spoke, tossing aside the towel on his hands on the sofa, finally giving you a full view of him and all his glory.

You must admit, you’re skeptical at first. The guy that’s been sending you faceless thirst traps just days ago, telling you how he’d fuck you senseless looked a lot different from the guy who entered the hotel room just a moment ago.

He came in wearing those black oversized hoodies that did a great job in hiding his best features. His hair was a bit long for your taste, covering half of his face while the face mask hid the other.

But this man right here in front you, he’s Adonis.

You unconsciously bit your lower lip, earning a chuckle from the guy.

“I’m guessing that you’d like to start now?”

You nodded, the tension and awkwardness rendering you unable to speak.

He smiles as he takes the remote from you, turning off the television because the main show is about to start.

You started to tense up again, eyes wide as you realized that he’s now right beside you, wrapping his arms around you as soon as he sat down. He leans over, soft lips coming into contact with your exposed neck and shoulders, landing small pecks all over.

You sat there breathless as he slowly ran his fingers to the side of your thighs, tracing circles at it while giving small, reassuring kisses on your neck and shoulders. It’s as if he’s asking you for your consent, waiting for you to open up to him before he makes a move.

He got his answer when you turned around to face him, running your fingers into his cheeks before cupping his face, your lips finally touching his. He moved in the same pace as earlier, slow and calculating. You got a bit impatient once again, biting his lower lips gently to let him know that he can do more.

He grabbed you by the waist and successfully placed you on top of him. The kiss got even more sloppy as you ran your hands through nape, then into his soft locks. His hands travelled once again, finger running through legs again, stopping as soon as he reached the hem of your skirt, flipping it up to reveal the thin lace material that barely covered your core. You took that as initiative to remove the towel on his waist and grinded against his growing member, the friction and heat enough to earn a groan out of him.

He held your waist once again, firmly this time, halting your movement completely.

You broke away from the kiss, staring him in the eyes to read his face.

“Something wrong?”

“Hold tight.”

You were about to ask about what hold tight mean, but your arms cling unto him involuntarily as he lifts the both of you out of the sofa.

Jeno laid you gently in the bed, making sure not to break eye contact as he does so. He looked like he's about to eat you alive, which is enough to send flush to your cheeks.

“I would’ve loved to bend you over that sofa, but I think it’s just proper that our first time will be on the bed.”

"God. You're beautiful."

He then ran his fingers towards the thin fabric of your blouse, feeling every part of your torso like he's memorizing every detail of it. His hands then travelled in your chest, squeezing the swell of your breasts on each hand, fingers shaking as he does so. It felt like an artist admiring his delicate work of art.

He situated himself between your legs, taking a moment to admire you first before doing anything else.

He started to run his hand on your cleavage and stopped on the uppermost button of your blouse, taking his time to remove all of them and placing a kisses at the exposed skin. After all of the buttons are taken care of, you lifted your body up and slid off the fabric. Your black lacy bra finally made its appearance. You took the liberty of taking that off too, as slow and as you possibly can.

 Jeno just stared at your body in awe, breathing heavily as his eyes scanned your naked glory.

 "Gorgeous."

He said under this breath before leaning down to claim your lips once again. You're turned on by how much attention he's giving your body now. You're usually loud in bed but his gestures are making you bashful. You've never felt this beautiful before.

You can feel his hands trembling as it travels all over your body, his kisses getting even more needy. There was moans of satisfaction every time he would lick your lips. Jeno was kissing you like you were oxygen and he needed to breath.

His hands travelled south, running across your thigh and your now aching core. You're about to remove your skirt and underwear but he stopped your hands midway.

"Keep it."

He took your hands away from your skirt and placed them just above your head.

"Just sit there and relax baby. Let me treat you."

You did just like he told you and gave him full control of your body.

"Good girl."

His lips brushed your ears, whispering sweet nothings about how beautiful you are under him. His kisses then went down to your neck, using his tongue and teeth, marking everything he can get his mouth on with his saliva. Meanwhile, his hands finally touched you down there, massaging your still clothed wetness.

His middle and index finger felt your slit, moving it in swift motion in search for your clit.

"Oh my god. That's it."

You gasped as his fingers finally hit the right spot, tossing your head back as his fingers made circles at your bundle or nerves.

You opened your legs more, leaning on your arms on your back, head tossed back and eyes closed as you feel your impending orgasm.

He dipped his hand inside your underwear and collected some of your essence with his fingers. The mental picture of him licking his fingers deliciously is enough to get you off for weeks.

It didn't take long before he took your panties off and his ducked his head down. He opened your legs once again and licked one long stripe on your core, making sure to taste all of you. You sat there and watch as he hungrily takes all of you in his mouth, acting like your pussy is a full course meal and he's been starving for years.

Within moments, you've become a moaning, toe curled mess. You ran your fingers to his blonde hair, guiding him on how to move his tongue and fingers on you. At one point, he bit some of your sensitive skin, making you scream a string of curses under your breath.

"Stop stop stop."

You grab a fistful of his hair and he paused from what he was doing. You pushed him gently away from you, leaving him staring at you confusedly. The confusion didn't last long when you flipped your current position, you're now on top.

"Can I ride your face?"

At this point, you're bold and horny enough to use your words and ask him. He just nodded, sliding himself from underneath you and went back to eating you like a champ. You grabbed his hands and placed them across your chest, squeezing your breasts to send him a message. He was quick to pick up and followed suit, pinching your nipples right in between fingers while your ride his face to orgasm.

"Shit. I'm coming..."

  You writhed from above him as you come undone. Your body felt cold all over. Your eyes are ringing, feeling dizzy as you almost passed out while you bucked your hips a few more times to milk your release.

You didn’t have time to recover when you heard your phone ringing from outside. Your legs felt a little shaky and you almost tumbled and hit your head in the wall if Jeno didn’t help you get up. You  sat down on the floor, butt-ass naked as you frantically searched for your phone from under all of your stuff before you finally pressed the answer button.

“Yes mom?”

“Where have you been? Your father’s been looking for you at the library. He’s picking you up on your way home.”

You buried your head on the couch to shake off the buzzing feeling on your head. You placed a pillow on your body while you searched for your discarded clothes all over the hotel room.

“Oh yeah. I went to the café and got something to eat. Tell Dad I’ll meet him outside the library.”

“Okay sweetie. Can you pick up some groceries on your way back? I’ll text you the list.”

“Yeah mom. Bye.”

You breathe a sigh of relief as you started putting on the outfit that you wore when you left home.

“Where are you going?”

Jeno reluctantly got dressed as well, his shy demeanor came back as soon as he wore his glasses and fixed his hair.

“I got to go, Jeno. I’m sorry that I’m leaving in such a bad time…”

You went over to him and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I promise to make it up to you next time, okay? I’d love to meet you again.”

You grabbed a paper bag from your backpack and handed it to him, waving as you bolted out the door.

After fixing his things, he sat down for a moment and took a quick peek inside the package that you left him.

It was a ziplock bag of full of cookies and a whole other treat.

You left him your two-piece lace lingerie.

To be continued.

[avaantares]

So I'm on vacation right now and I've been reading Sha Po Lang (on @shen-daozhang's rec; thanks!). I've blitzed through the first two volumes this week, but this afternoon I finally took a break from reading to sketch something (which, along with reading, is something I don't have nearly enough time to do when I'm home).

I barely have internet access where I am, but I'm snapping a pic to (attempt to) share now because I doubt the drawing will survive the trip home, since 1) it's drawn on a junky paper pad that I literally got at the dollar store because my good sketchbooks didn't fit in my carry-on, and 2) it's in 6B graphite (the lone art pencil I found in my bag; I didn't bring a lot of art supplies with me) and we all know how well THAT will survive the friction of a spiral-bound sketchbook shifting around in a backpack.

Well, maybe you don't know, if you've never used a 6B pencil, but I'm sure you can infer that the outcome is not great. Imagine chalk rubbed between two sheets of paper.

Anyway! As someone who suffers from chronic neural pain, the most relatable thing in the book for me is Gu Yun's headaches 😅 so that's what appeared on the paper. (I don't have a clear idea of what GY looks like in official art, since I was internet-less and have only seen the book cover in passing, but this is more or less how I pictured him while reading). I wanted to steampunk up the armor a bit more, but this paper is garbage and was already starting to roughen from the shading -- which, considering it's a super-soft 6B pencil, says a lot -- so I didn't add detail.

Anyway, this may be my only personal update until I'm home in a couple weeks, since I'm not sure how much (if any) internet access I'll have at my next couple of destinations. I'll share more stuff later if I can!

Oh, and as a bonus, have a picture of a lizard aggressively stealing my friend's brownie:

Lizard was ready to fight us for it, too. Big sea gull "MINE" vibes.

(We safely separated lizard and brownie immediately after I snapped the picture, as chocolate brownies are not actually part of a lizard's natural diet.)

[irishhorse-blog]

25. Share a favorite selfie of a bias.

26. What do you share in common with your biases? I'd like to think I'm kind, too.

27. Tell me 3 fun facts about your bias. JM loves being praised and will melt if he's told "I love you". JK DGAF about other people's expectations. They both love one another with their whole hearts.

28. Do you associate any of them with a particular animal? Well, JK is obviously a bunny, and JM is a chick. Just look at his little beakie.

29. Do you associate any of them with something other than an animal? I associate JK with the phrase "please love me." I associate JM with dancing. I associate them both with moonscapes and fireworks.

30. Are there any songs that make you think of them? "There For You" by Troye Sivan, "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran and "Secret Love Song" by Little Mix.

31. Do you any special merch of any of the biases? I bought the photo folios for 3J (JK, JImin and J-Hope). The first one was JK, and that was the first official merch I ever bought.

32. Is there anything you want to own of your bias but don't? I wish I had a copy of the ON:E concert, both nights.

33. How many photocards/album items do you have for each bias? I have no idea. I have both versions of "Face" in physical form, which was great, because there are two completely different sets of photos in the included photobooks. Can't beat more pics of JIminie.

34. How many photocards/album items do you have for your bias wreckers? Again, no idea. I've got their solo releases on CD (except Jack in the Box J-Hope edition and Layover), I have two copies of Proof, and I have Wings, You Never Walk Alone, Map of the Soul: 7, O!RUL82?. Dark and Wild, and Love Yourself: Answer. There are photocards and photobooks and whatnot with each of those, so... I have no idea. (I need to get on the stick and get the rest of the discography including all the alternate versions. Completist stan is completist.)

35. Do you intentionally collect any of your bias? Child, if I could collect them... heh. I collect whatever I can of them. I have three different versions of FunkoPop figs for the whole group. On the first set, the Jin and J-Hope figs currently have purple ribbons tied on them with enlistment and discharge dates written on them. I'm getting ribbons ready for the others, too (::sobs::). As each one is freed, I'll remove the ribbon until I have seven spent ribbons in my hand and then I'll fucking burn them. That's the plan, anyway. ;)

36. Have any of your biases inspired or motivated you? Of course! Apart from giving me the strength to start seeing myself as something more than trash and helping me survive a very lonely, very painful pandemic isolation, they've also inspired my writing. I've got three or four books started where the characters look stunningly like a certain group of seven normal boys from Korea. ;)

37. Have your biases helped you with anything? BTS's message resonated with me very loud and clear when I needed it most, which is something I think most ARMYs say. I have had a very dark life, and sometimes those memories and the literal and figurative scars can drag me down. BTS and their music have made me believe that I'm worth more than the dirt left on me by my abusers' hands, and that I have value just because I exist. They've helped me with my depression and PTSD more than any therapist or pharmaceutical ever did. They got me through the pandemic, when I caught Covid 4 times and literally lived in isolation for two years, including once when the only thing that kept me alive was a BiPAP and antiviral meds. I could turn on their music or watch their videos while I was at my sickest, and for a few minutes, things would be okay. I owe them such a debt of gratitude for that.

38. If you could meet 1 bias in person and have an actual conversation with them, who would it be and why? If I could, I'd love to have a conversation with Joonie. He and I are very similar, I think, and I'd love to talk to him about life and philosophy and everything. If I'm honest, I'd really like to have conversations with Yoongi, Hobi and Jimin, too. I think I'd bore JK and V, and Jin would intimidate me.

39. Express how much they mean to you in one sentence. They saved my life.

40. Express how much they mean to you with no limit. I've already said a lot, but there's one particular incident that I think shows what they mean to me more than any other. During the pandemic, when I was so sick and so tired I just wanted to die, I was going to take the step I needed to take to get there. I had the knife in my hand and everything. Then my Spotify randomly started playing "Mikrokosmos," and I couldn't. Their music stayed my hand. They are in all truth and fact the only reason I survived 2020. I just hope I don't waste the second chance they gave me.

Bias questions

(Could also be used for favorite characters, but kpop biases is where I'm starting this from.)

Who do you most want to take care of?

Who do you most want to take care of you?

Is there anyone in particular you'd want to kiss gently on the forehead?

Who do you think would give the best hugs?

Who feels the most like home?

Do you have any platonic biases?

What do you think makes them unique/stand out? (Send a group or random choice)

Name 3 similarities between 2 of your biases

Are there any general trends you notice between your biases?

Is there a specific position (what they do or age) your biases tend to be? (Rapper, singer, dancer, leader, older in the group, younger, maknaes, etc.)

Do you have an ult? If you do, who? If not, why do you think you don't have one?

If you have an ult, how often does your ult change?

What's the longest you've had one ult?

Any stories to share about starting to bias someone?

Do you have any bias wreckers?

What do you consider a bias wrecker?

Are there any groups where you have multiple biases?

Any groups where you have a hard time picking a bias at all?

Does your bias affect the way you see the other members of their group? (Send a group or random choice)

Is there anything in particular that draws you into your bias(es)?

Talk about one of your favorite features of a bias (Send a group or random choice)

What are they passionate about and how does that make you feel? (Send a group or random choice)

Any particular clips or pics that you find comforting of a bias?

Any favorite funny moments of a bias?

Share a favorite selfie of a bias (Send a group or random choice)

What do you share in common with your biases?

Tell me 3 fun facts about your bias (Send a group or random choice)

Do you associate any of them with a specific animal? (Could be official, fan designation or just what you personally think)

Do you associate any of them with something other than an animal?

Are there any songs that make you think of them?

Do you own any special merch of any biases?

Is there anything you want to own of your bias but don't?

How many photocards/album items do you have for each bias?

How many photocards/album items do you have for your bias wreckers?

Do you intentionally collect any of your biases? (Going out of your way to trade/buy their photocards and other stuff)

Have any of your biases motivated or inspired you?

Have your biases helped you with anything?

If you could meet 1 bias in person and have an actual conversation with them, who would it be and why?

Express how much they mean to you in one sentence (Send a group or random choice)

Express how much they mean to you no limit ramble as much as you want (Send a group or random choice)

[joeyloganho]

hi Victor! im so sorry that youre not doing too well right now so i really hope that you feel better soon 💝 and if you need something to talk about, perhaps share some of your favorite moments with any f/o you want! i hope this will manage to take your mind off of negative thoughts 😊

hey there pal. <3 thank you for sending this in. I appreciate it. To really keep my mind off things, I'll do a favorite moment or two with ALL MY f/os. hehehehe.

Under cut because this will be lengthy (Also i know you definitely didn't ask for this much but IM GIVING IT BECAUSE I LOVE MY BOYS)

Milo! So with Milo, gosh there's so many moments. I don't talk about him often anymore, and I feel like it's because our life together is...well...boring. BUT when i say that, I don't mean that in a bad way. We're boring together. It's the best kind of boring there could be. We've been with each other so many years. so it's natural for me to look at the relationship and be like "WOW WE'RE BORING."

however, i always will remember us moving into our first apartment together as a favorite memory. Decorating the place how we wanted. Fluffy trying to help us by climbing into all our boxes and laying down. Milo would stand there for hours trying to figure out if a photo should go where he wanted it initially or two centimeters to the left. It was a trip and a half but I loved it. And now we have a house. And it's amazing.

Eddie! OK so our relationship is still not very like, developed yet, I don't have many stories for us yet. But I still love the time i walked into his work and the receptionist was like "Uhm. Eddie doesn't have a boyfriend?" And I was just like "You're LOOKIN AT HIM, GAL! Lemme see him!"

This little man, Roger! Favorite memories include celebrating holidays with him (He's a christmas nerd.) and his hugs in general. I love his lengthy hugs. :P

This fuckin nerd...look at his fuckin tie. Look at his pens in his pocket. Bet he's got a pocket protector. fuckin nerd. ANYWAY, Johnny may be a nerd, but he's a cool nerd. And he likes to take me to see movies and kiss me when the scenes get too spooky for him. He says it's to "keep me from getting scared." but fun fact, I'm not scared when he does it. He just wants smoochies.

Trash man Spammy. Honestly I'm just gonna say it. All the moments are my favorite.

~

I don't have a pic of Count Max, but I also don't have many stories about him either...oop

Kento takes me to fancy restaurants. I don't like it for the fact that we're at a fancy place, I like it because he knows they have grilled cheese sammies and knows those are some of my favs so he intentionally goes there because he knows i like that. :P

honestly, again, everything. Mans is a treasure.

~

I don't have a pic for Fink either but I adore that little science man. He started baking cookies with me and that's always fun. I love being around him in general.

he literally once growled at a librarian that told me my book had a fee on it. I was like "oh shit i don't have the 50 cents on me right now" and the librarian got snippy and Voldo literally started growling and was prepped and ready to jump over the counter and attack.

FELIX. FELIX. gosh. Can i say everything for him too? I love him so much. Maybe in the beginning when he still drank it wasn't the BEST of times because I was basically just babysitting him but like I LOVE HIM? HE'S SO SWEET? SO CUTE? SO AMAZING? I'm gonna cry i love Felix so much.

~

No pic for Jack W. But he took me to a mini golf course once and got pissed that he lost and tossed himself in the water. He's competitive.

~

I also have no pic for my Stardew boys, and i also don't really have thought out stories for them either.

HRRRRRRRRG. BALEM. I love dancing with him. He'll just spin me around and ignore everything he's supposed to be doing and just stay with me and that? That is some sweet shit. He also sometimes just holds my hand and traces lines in my palm and that shit IS GOOD SHIT.

~

Lastly, won't lemme add a pic of Newt because I hit max pics BUT Newt is just a sweetie in general and i vote all memories as favorite too.

[aliceaddellheidde]

Fatum

A/N: This is for @the-ss-horniest-book-club  Lucky in love. March 15 - In The Cards.

WORDS: 1458

WARNINGS: talking about sex

PAIRING: Bucky Barnes x reader (eventually) {Soulmates AU}

DISCLAIMERS: Endgame happened, but only Thanos and his peasants died. English isn´t my first language so sorry for mistakes.

Moi, Rai and Parca are genderless & are using they/their pronouns.

This is soulmates au. When you get tattoo, your soulmate gets it as well on same spot. It glows when you touch.

This is multi-chapter story. 9/19

I took a bath with robo fishes (cuz I'm 5 😅) and got ideas 🤯

Pic from here (I had to 🤤)

Divider by @rainbowkisses31

Bucky had no idea why you screamed at him. Why were you angry? He did nothing. He wasn't happy you were dating Declan, but he was sure it wasn't his fault that your date went bad. He could hear you crying in your bedroom but was afraid to go there. What he would say to you anyway?

He was waiting for his bacon to be done when smiling Sam ran to him. „Look Buck, look!” He turned around and Bucky just now realized he didn't have a t-shirt. Then small white tattoo caught his eyes. „You got yourself a tattoo?” „No man, it appeared during night! Here, take a pic of it so I can send it on soulmates page.” „Take a what?” Sam gave him his phone. „Press that white button and take nice picture. C'mon man, it's not that hard.” Bucky rolled his eyes. „Fine, I'll do it but don't call me Buck. Only Steve can do it.” „Yeah, yeah. Hurry up.” Bucky clumsily took pic. Sam said his thanks and ran to his bedroom.

Bucky turned to his breakfast in the pan only to be interrupted by Steve and Natasha. Both laughing and clinging to each other. He tried to ignore them. „Good morning Buck.” said Steve, making coffee. „Hi.” he mumbled. „Do you know why was Sam so happy?” „He found out he has a soulmate. Got a tattoo.” Steve stopped in midway of mixing his coffee and looked at his friend. „Really? That's great! How does it look like?” „Bird.” „Like a falcon?” Natasha asked. „Don´t know. Don’t care.” Bucky took his plate and cup and walked away from the kissing couple. Before he walked into his room he saw Y/N going out of her room. She looked tired, oversize t-shirt on, pale face and unkempt hair. He wanted to hug her, but she totally surprised him when she said good morning to him with small smile as she was passing him. „Hi.” he replied. He watched her until she turned behind the corner.

After your breakfast you changed and ran to Sam´s room when he screamed. „What's the problem?” He hugged you and turned around with you. „Absolutely nothing. I just have a date with my soulmate!” You were watching him in shock. „How?” „It happened last night.” „Can I see it?” He lifted his t-shirt and turned his back to you. „It´s beautiful.” „I know, right? Now I have to get ready.” „I'm leaving anyway.” „Going to make things right with Declan?” You blushed. „Maybe.” „Good luck.” „You too.”

It took you fifteen minutes to get into cafe where Declan was waiting for you with two coffees. You said awkward hellos and sat down. „I'm glad you said yes to meeting me.” „Sure.” „Look, I know that our last date wasn't good and I´m sorry I made you feel guilty. But I have my fair share on that night too.” „Because you … .” „Yeah.” You nodded. „It happens sometimes.” „I know. Mine was from different reason.” He pulled out his phone and showed you picture of beautiful butterfly tattoo. „You found your soulmate?” You felt small pang of jealousy. „Uhhm.” His face was red now. „Actually it happened when we had sex. That's why I … you know. It was shock for my body. When you left I went to shower and found it.” „That's amazing.” You smiled through pain. „Do you know who they are?” „No. I uploaded it only this morning. No answer yet.” In that moment his phone vibrated. He read the message and his expression changed. „Her name is Vanessa.” he said to you with beaming smile. „Is it ok with you if I write to her now?” „Go ahead.” He quickly wrote something and then turned his attention back to you. „And what about you?” „What about me?” „Did you speak to Bucky?” „No. Nobody knows what happened.” „What if he's the one you are looking for?” „I doubt it.” „Why?” „I got my memories about him back thanks to you and our accident.” „Wau! It´s good, isn´t it?” „Kinda. We were not that good friends. Mostly pulled pranks on each other.” „But you have to feel something more for him when our sex brought memories back.” „Even if, it can´t work.” „Why?” „Because he's idiot! Always in my face, thinking he's batter than me, showing off his skills and other stuff. He makes me so angry sometimes.” „My mom would sit you in same room until you would figure it out. You should try it.” „Not gonna happen.” „I forgot how stubborn you are.” You both laughed. „We almost kissed twice.” you whispered. „And my besties think we would be nice couple.” Declan finished his coffee and looked you in the eyes. „And you still underestimate it? You are crazy.” „I don’t think he wants someone like me anyway.” „Just don’t be surprised if one day you both will have same tattoo.” he smirked. „I have to go now. I´m happy you let me explain that night to you. At least we know it wasn't our fault.” „Yop. Good to know.” „Oh, I almost forgot. Got your coat.” „Thanks.” You said your goodbyes and you went back home with smile on your face.

You knocked on Bucky's door. He opened after moment. „Can I come in?” you asked nervously. „Sure.” He let you in and you sat on his bed. „What's up?” „I want to apologize to you. I shouldn’t scream at you last night. You did nothing wrong.” „I knew it. Did Declan something to you?” „No. But something happened and I have my memories about you back.” You smiled at him. „Really? That's great!” He was more excited than you expected. „I'm sorry it took my so long.” „Don´t worry doll. It´s not important now.” He hugged you and lightly kissed top of your head. You didn't even noticed. „Does it mean I can pull pranks at you again?” „Don´t you dare!” You pushed him away. „Be ready. We are starting tomorrow!” „Fuck you Borky!” You left his bedroom, laughing. „I would rather fuck you doll.” he said to himself.

Steve was cooking lunch while Bucky was on his laptop. „Sam called. He will come with his girlfriend for dinner. I hope you will be in better mood.” „I'm great Steven.” he said sarcastically. „Y/N has finally back all memories about me.” „I told you Buck.” „Yeah, yeah.” „At least now you can be happy. Declan wasn't her soulmate after all.” „How do you know?” Bucky turned his head so fast his neck cracked. Steve laughed too much for his friend liking. „I told him.” said Natasha when she walked in the kitchen. „Of course.” Bucky rolled his eyes. Girls tell each other everything. „It´s your time to find someone old man. Only you, Bruce and Y/N are still single.” „What do you expect of me? To go to tattoo salon right now?” „Yes!” „Not a chance!” „Oh Bucky, don’t you want it?” He was quiet for a minute. „I don’t know for sure. Who would like to be with someone like me?” „Everybody has a soulmate. I feel yours will show in near future.” spoke Wanda as she came with Vision and you. „What are you now? Prophet?” He was a bit harsher then he wanted to be. „Sorry Wan.” She nodded and sat next to her boyfriend. You sat next to Bucky, but he was deep in his thoughts. Why did Wanda say it? Does she really know something? Is he ready to let someone in his life? What if his soulmate will not accept him?

After lunch you stopped him before he could disappear into his room and gave him plastic box. „Have fun.” you smiled. He opened it and found few robo fishes he gave you when you were sad to bath with. He had no idea why you did it, but he felt warm feeling in chest from it.

You all were nicely dressed, sitting in living room. Sam walked out of elevator hand in hand with beautiful woman. He smiled at her and they both walked up to you. „I wanna introduce you my soulmate, Aderyn.” She looked nervous. You introduced first and others followed you. During dinner you found out she's zoo worker with birds of prey. „No surprise your tattoo is a falcon.” Steve smirked. You were having great time and was happy that Bucky seemed relaxed.

But as soon as Aderyn left Steve and others couldn’t stop talking about their soulmates so you and him rather ran away. You said good night to him and after long two months you fell asleep with head full of Bucky.

Next chapter 18.3.2021

What was I listening to while writing this chapter 🤣 (not in English)

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids Group Chat

sonmychest: 🤗 tigerbalm: 👋🧡 tigerbalm: it's been so long! 🙀 how are you?? sonmychest: I know! I suck sonmychest: don't want to be the youtuber spending ten minutes apologizing for not being here though sonmychest: I'm doing pretty good right now, how are you? 😚 tigerbalm: it's a bad day, not a bad life...is what I would caption if I was an instagram influencer or something 😸😸 brainpain: 🦸 speaking for me when I haven't streamed in days LOL sonmychest: 🤭🤭 sonmychest: at least we have reasons for being that #extra that aren't the vague notion of NEEDING a break from taking pictures of our ☕ brainpain: I do spend LOTS of time in a dark room but not for 📸 no flash photography PLEASE 😵 inandout: your feed just updated, Lo brainpain: 👮🚓🚨 sonmychest: stalking or hacking? sonmychest: either way I might need those expertise brainpain: I had a 🌈✨🧁 FIGHT ME, Zachary tigerbalm: it is pretty tbh inandout: friend request, but it's not as if I don't have zero hacking or stalking skills sonmychest: wait, what happened to the anonymity rules??? sonmychest: where's @gotspoons and what have you done with her?! inandout: you missed the overthrowing of a tyrant inandout: not really, but the rule book is gone gotspoons: going to pretend I was summoned by mention, not notification gotspoons: say how you really feel, Zach! 😔 inandout: I said not really, rowboat gotspoons: I have 👀 and 👂 everywhere so you better be nice 😏🤭 gotspoons: but no, hi again, @sonmychest! we missed you! gotspoons: it seemed the whole no names no real life details thing was more of a hindrance than a help to the whole goal of this group, so we came to the conclusion by majority, and the higher ups were all okay with it, providing everyone under a certain age got their parents to sign off and we all used the same common sense we use on other areas of the web gotspoons: so feel free to introduce yourself by real name if you would like, but it's not necessary if you would not 😊 gotspoons: reintroduce, I should say tigerbalm: we shared selfies & everyone was 😻😻😻 brainpain: learned what a sex god @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously aka Rich is sonmychest: 😱😱😱 sonmychest: can't believe I've missed so much sonmychest: need to get better at socialization, my mammy is right 😂 brainpain: an unrivalled love story brainpain: not that he's here to back me up on that inandout: Paris and Helen who? Romeo and Juliet who? Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII who? tigerbalm: wait, those are all 💔😿!! brainpain: he's being a brainpain: insert a swear word of your choice sonmychest: *stage whispers* it's not jealousy though, is it? sonmychest: clearly, fill me in on all the nuances whilst I frantically try to find a picture of myself that's even one 😻 brainpain: he's a 👶 you already know brainpain: but Rich will be leaving me for some uni girl 🤓 so he's not wrong about the doomed part sonmychest: face that launched a thousand ships is a really great insta bio though sonmychest: right, so we have Rich, Zach...who else? gotspoons: Rosie here 🤗 brainpain: Lauren tigerbalm: & me, Robyn inandout: the new girl who started the revolution is Zelda inandout: @ihatemyguts sonmychest: no way sonmychest: a fellow nerd, or at least child-of-a-nerd sonmychest: 'cos I'm Kara and I don't totally hate this photo [selfie] tigerbalm: 😻😻 tigerbalm: you look so like I imagined you, except I thought maybe you'd be 👼 tigerbalm: should we all send new pics? brainpain: [does because any excuse] brainpain: they'll be buried tigerbalm: [a selfie that's even shyer than the first one she sent] gotspoons: [the same photo as before] inandout: if I must [some ridiculous selfie] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: This is a nice welcome back tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I've only been to physio brainpain: NOT ready for another selfie drop from you, boy brainpain: I'll be on my fainting couch brainpain: also hi tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Perhaps I should save your 🦴s and my pride when poor Kara, hello again btw, has to pretend to swoon too brainpain: 🦸 has great taste brainpain: we all love a shy boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: My teachers undoubtedly wish I were shy, make their lives a lot easier tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [a photo] here we are anyway, I hope you found a soft surface suitable for you, Lauren brainpain: ☁ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ah, so you're the 👼 brainpain: LMAO 😈 brainpain: but you're looking angelic sir sonmychest: how are you ALL so cute sonmychest: this keeps happening, omg tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👼 face hides a multitude of 😈 sins apparently inandout: but reading between the lines, who else is making you swoon/stalk/hack inandout: that's my question tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well spotted, Zachary 🔎 sonmychest: 🙈 ugh, I'm so embarrassing sonmychest: but we can pretend it's all spilling out now because I played it SO cool in the actual conversation, right 😬😅 inandout: that's the official story, everyone'll confirm sonmychest: thanks, I need the backup so I can also pretend I have lots of friends and a normal social life gotspoons: we are your friends, Kara! gotspoons: though are normal is different from most tigerbalm: & you're coming to my birthday party & even though you have to stand on the other side of the room to Zach, it's still social tigerbalm: OH & we were talking about potentially meeting up!! All of us brainpain: keep it 6ft, children inandout: I'll be in the garden with my date, you can have the indoors with yours inandout: collectively, because we're all speed dating here now inandout: proud of you for picking someone outside this circle sonmychest: GAH so much exciting information today!!! sonmychest: 😁 sonmychest: obviously, I figured no one needed the drama of me falling for you, Zach sonmychest: 💀 not cute inandout: there's already a book and film about it, the chance has been thoroughly missed brainpain: Ignore him, Zelda's nothing but thrilled to find someone else in her age bracket brainpain: 👶👶 brainpain: hit us with your 💞 please sonmychest: well, I didn't just re-log into this chat today, I went on all my old forums because well, boredom, we can all relate, right? sonmychest: what I thought would be the least promising one was the sonmychest: not a dating site, I'm not 100 but you know the kind sonmychest: anyway, the CUTEST boy starts talking to me and he's also really funny and nice ??? tigerbalm: OMG! Did you swap selfies there too? sonmychest: not yet sonmychest: because he sounds so 😻😻 sonmychest: and he wants to talk to me again and he might not if we do tigerbalm: you're 😻😻😻 Kara brainpain: what she said brainpain: + if he's as funny, nice, all of that, as you said brainpain: I doubt he's a shallow jerk inandout: are you a good judge of character or not? inandout: what it comes down to sonmychest: oh, thank you guys! sonmychest: I don't know sonmychest: I think I am sonmychest: he didn't immediately come out with weird requests or weird 📸 of his own and that's a massive start on that site, I was honestly there to 🗑 my account but he changed my mind brainpain: I'll PM you the spooky stories my sister sends me about guys, it'll make you feel better brainpain: you'd know if he was one sonmychest: 🤭 do, can compare notes sonmychest: we honestly just talked about totally normal, nerdy things, it wasn't even a little sketch brainpain: ✉️ + 100000000s brainpain: hold up tigerbalm: that sounds 🧡 & so does this boy tigerbalm: awwhhh sonmychest: [sends the description he sent her slow your roll gal lol] sonmychest: assuming he isn't the archetypal internet weirdo from the 90s scare tactics tigerbalm: WOW inandout: tall, dark and handsome inandout: original sonmychest: okay, I know that covers a lot of bases sonmychest: but someone has to be brainpain: continuing to ignore you, Zach sonmychest: I get it though sonmychest: it's not like I even care what he looks like though, so even if the pics aren't exactly that description brainpain: not every man can be my Rich but doesn't make them 👹/🤡/👻/👽/👥 brainpain: trust your gut, it's not that body part that's failing you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👹 is a solid representation but the hair needs to be longer tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: at the risk of making myself or Zachary appear like overly protective boys, I think as long as you're as sensible as you surely are with this, then there's no harm in the back and forth tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: so if you were going to meet this person IRL, he could perhaps come to the group meet-up, that would be a good way to do it? brainpain: *🧝🏻 that's what needs to be said about your representation tigerbalm: Great idea, Rich! 😺 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when the beard comes in I'll look more Gimli than Elrond but I'll take the compliment 👽 babe from outerspace brainpain: who's watching the LoTRs with me? gotspoons: count me out, I'm the worst film buddy ever 😴 ihatemyguts: how many naps could you have in 20hr28mins assuming we're watching everything extended release 'cos duh ihatemyguts: 🥳 go hard or go home 🥳 brainpain: that's you in ihatemyguts: of course ihatemyguts: long since stopped asking for a pause every time I gotta 💩 ihatemyguts: adept at catching up with the plot is a life skill I didn't expect to gain like this but 🙌 gotspoons: 😅 I could do the whole 20hr28mins and that not be a record for how many hours I've slept consecutively brainpain: I'll act it out for you, I can get the 🧝🏼🏹 costume together during the pauses brainpain: dressing up box runneth over sonmychest: 🙋 dibs Arwen sonmychest: my old Katniss cosplay can be repurposed with some bedsheets and a 👸 vibe to it brainpain: that makes Rich your daddy 👀 you, babe sonmychest: 😖😳 nooooooooooo brainpain: I'll be Galadriel if only so I can speak to my man telepathically 💕 brainpain: swerving off book for that love connection ihatemyguts: obviously eye of sauron ihatemyguts: jokes write themselves inandout: hair of a hobbit wig so likewise inandout: and you know, a jew, gonna be the one to handle the 💎 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: How hairy are your feet, a pickup line that doesn't get thrown about enough inandout: not sending you free feet pics inandout: PM for prices though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Respect the hustle, Zachary tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I have clearly pledged myself and my allegiance to an e-girl already 🧝🏼🏹 brainpain: changed my Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim name to Galadriel for you, Richard, you've officially made me basic brainpain: will cite it in the divorce tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as I can proudly produce said divorce to every mouthbreather that calls me a freak, I am okay with that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: devastated, naturally 💔 but okay brainpain: hit me up for multiple re-marriages at your convenience, I like that for us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Make a solid livestream 👰💒🤵 gotspoons: I'll get officiated! tigerbalm: imagine if any of us actually did get together cos of this forum gotspoons: You never know, Robyn gotspoons: it would be so adorable 😊 tigerbalm: Kara is giving me hope that online dating doesn't have to be a minefield sonmychest: don't give up yet! sonmychest: you're so lovely, a total catch tigerbalm: there still isn't a blushing 😸 emoji & I NEED it ihatemyguts: a travesty ihatemyguts: who do we need to @ for that brainpain: @fibrofog brainpain: he was a BIG DEAL ihatemyguts: 😏 hoping he comes back and I can 👰💒🤵 him obvs brainpain: 🔺 between me/him/Rich was prime in my life ihatemyguts: glory dayz brainpain: if he doesn't show up to stop our first wedding ihatemyguts: Zach won't even properly date me until we're confirmed #foreveralone at 18 inandout: you don't call this properly dating? inandout: @Kara you've got yourself a hater before your romance has fully taken off ihatemyguts: oi, don't drag me in to your 🧂 behaviour ihatemyguts: I'm very nice, I swear inandout: that's just how I taste inandout: she knows brainpain: if I didn't know my CF facts I'd be calling for a ban brainpain: that sounds filthy sonmychest: first declaring Rich my daddy, now 👅 Zach 😲😲😲 sonmychest: I'm also quite nice but not that kind of nice, I 🤞 tigerbalm: I don't think I wanna know.... inandout: But I'll tell you inandout: when we sweat, we lose too much salt, one of our many flaws inandout: on a hot day, you could lick us and taste it, if we like you enough to let you sonmychest: maybe that can be enough of a selling point? sonmychest: if crush boy talks to me again and it invariably comes up inandout: he might get to see it crystallise on your skin, not 💎 or ✨ but hey sonmychest: such a sexy condition, when you leave out all the mucus inandout: ZZ top is feeling it, she wants to properly date me ihatemyguts: 🧂 is a flavour I can enjoy pretty unrestricted ihatemyguts: let me have some pleasure tigerbalm: do the normies flirt like this too? tigerbalm: Kara you'll have to tell us, when you go further undercover ihatemyguts: don't know how lucky you are to have that pickup line in your back pocket ihatemyguts: just add tequila and a lemon and you've got a good time sonmychest: I'll 100% report back, providing he doesn't go 👻 brainpain: you need a drink when a boy lovingly strokes your hair only to feel the dent in your 💀 sonmychest: but also, to work out if your amazing hair is real or nah brainpain: I have too many split ends to be asked if it's a wig sonmychest: I ✂ my own sonmychest: and not often enough 😅 brainpain: don't reach for the bleach cos Robbie sees you as a blonde, there's my sisterly/old lady advice sonmychest: oh God, with these brows? sonmychest: I can swear I won't do that, along with meet up with internet randos alone brainpain: I'd volunteer to come along but I don't do disappearing into the background brainpain: would wear a trenchcoat for the right 💸💸 gotspoons: Normies definitely TRY to use our disabilities as a way to flirt with us, with varying success gotspoons: the amount of time I spend in bed is nothing to be 😏 about, honestly gotspoons: even if I was also chiming in to confirm blondes do have more fun, when they've had all their vitamins, a perfect amount of sleep, the stars have aligned JUST right... 🤭 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as resident ♿ user, they most ask if IT 'works', which is a bizarre level of care for people who aren't concerned about how me getting into their establishment really 'works' tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and, my dear, you are a terrible third wheel tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🔻 suits you better than obscurity 😎 brainpain: but I am a fun time with the TBI having increased the impulsiveness + removing the few inhibitions I did have 😉 brainpain: inappropriate sexual activity is a listed symptom 🤞 boys ihatemyguts: definitely a case of 'okay when I point it out to embolden myself, creepy if you do it' ihatemyguts: think some normies point out their flaws to be endearing but idk, is low-key a disability superpower guys, + 1 for us brainpain: like, what does that mean? Inappropriate for who? Answers on a ✉️ please ihatemyguts: could range from, science, you're being a prude to calling you a master criminal on the low brainpain: so many of my symptoms could describe anyone in their teens or early 20s brainpain: Rich, write a smart boy uni essay on it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depending on the bit that gets damaged, could be the same part that isn't yet fully developed in young people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: checks out 🧠 brainpain: you're SO clever brainpain: you'll be fighting off more than one 🤓 girl tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm not sure about that, on either count tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though the chair is a useful battering ram when it needs to be brainpain: I'm into it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: then you can hitch a ride, of course brainpain: reserved™ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the parking is unparalleled brainpain: not allowed to drive, you are my transport now, no pressure gotspoons: Me either, who can? gotspoons: need to work out the carpool situation brainpain: my housemate will, she owes me 10000s of favours inandout: + my parents tigerbalm: mine too but they're a lot to inflict upon anyone sonmychest: ^^hard same tigerbalm: maybe we get ourselves there unless someone can't? tigerbalm: & those people speak up sonmychest: That makes sense to me brainpain: ok, is there anyone who needs a lift? ihatemyguts: I'm good tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: likewise gotspoons: I'll make a permanent post where people can register interest in the meet-up, as well as need for a lift gotspoons: so anyone who can offer a lift, can respond there too, sound good guys? 😊 inandout: cool inandout: very un-tyrant like gotspoons: thank you, Zach 😏

[yell0wcurtainsss]

The racoon boy

Elu x Hogwarts AU (1/2)

(Imagine that Gryffindor has potions class with Ravenclaw instead of Slytherin)

—————————————————

"Move your ass, Lucas, We're gonna be late!!"

Lucas rolled his eyes as he ran towards the dungeons as if he were being chased by a troll.

"I know, Manon, i don't need you to remind me of what's gonna happen to us if we're late for a Snape class".

Manon gasped. She needed to do some exercise, no doubt.

"Well, if only you didn't eat like a fucking turtle..."

"Ah great, blame me".

Lucas was ready to debate, but Manon interrupted him. They could argue later, of course, in case they survive the potions teacher's anger.

"Just run, Lucas."

They stopped in front of the door of the potions classroom, panting like thirsty dogs. The look of everyone immediately settled on them. Lucas was already waiting for Snape's imminent scolding, but for the first time ever, he appreciated the professor's hatred of Harry Potter.

Snape was standing in front of Harry, looking like a bat.

"Something to share with the class, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked with his spooky whispering voice.

Potter held his gaze. "No, sir, nothing".

Manon coughed loudly, in her attempts to catch her breath. Snape's gaze went to them suddenly, and if look where crucio's... Merlin! They would be screwed.

"Are you planning to stay there as statues or you will enter at some point?" He bellowed furiously "Move!" Manon and Lucas didn't wait any longer and ran to get their seats.

"And you, Potter..."

Yann waved at them. He was sitting with Arthur as he used to do in all the classes they shared with Ravenclaw. The guy in glasses pointed to the seats on front of them, which were occupied with their respective backpacks.

"Shit, thank you very much, guys" Manon thanked, passing them their backpacks.

Lucas smiled and sighed in relief.

"I don't know what we would do without you, seriously".

Arthur rolled his eyes end smiled sarcastically. "Maybe you would develop a little punctuality. Just saying".

Yann laughed with mockery. "Don't expect too much of them, bro. Even less after breakfast, you know is almost impossible to take Lucas off the meatloaf.

Lucas threw a lizard tail to his face.

"Shut up, Yann".

"Silence, everyone!" Snape ordered and the class fell into a sepulchral silence. "Gryffindor's, you can thank Potter when you don't win the cup at the end of the year".

Manon laughed almost inaudibly, unable to contain herself.

"Bold of him to assume that Dumbledore won't give Harry a hundred points just for breath".

Lucas, Arthur and Yann stared laughing, hiding it with false coughs.

"And Demissy and Lallemant too. Bold of you to assume that i forgot about you. Keep giggling like turkeys and I'll take another 50 points".

Their laughter stopped immediately, "Yes, sir".

"Open your books on page 289 and prepare the second potion. Take the ingredients from the closet, and don't waste anything. I want nothing less than perfection, although that is impossible given that I'm dealing with a bunch of incompetents", He ordered and, waving his cloak behind him, sat at his desk.

"We reserve the seats", Arthur recalled, "You go for the ingredients".

Yann nodded in agreement.

Manon looked at her best friend with a small pout, "My legs hurt for the race. Could you go for it, Lulu?"

Lucas rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fucking blackmailers".

He left his friends and went to the back of the classroom, where the cabinets with ingredients were. He looked through the list and took what was necessary, pasing among his companions, with the help of his height. Although his height didn't help him when he couldn't reach the bottle of frog eyes that was gracefully located on the last shelf, far from his reach.

He stood on his tiptoes and stretched out his right hand, holding all the jars in the other arm. He cursed when he realized that he wasn't going to react it in any way. He snorted frustrated, but didn't ask for help. He would leave the jars on the table and then drag Yann so he can pick the goddamm jar himself.

He was about to do it, when he felt a presence behind him. He tensed when someone whispered in his ear.

"Do you need help?"

He felt a chill go all over his body and sudden goosebumps. He didn't dare to turn to see who the guy was, since he was too close to his body. He wondered if anyone notice what was happening.

"N-no." He stuttered and subsequently cursed himself for this action. "I can do it myself, thaks"

The guy laughed against his neck, causing his heart to throb violently. "Are you sure about that? Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone that you needed help to reach a jar, so we don't get your pride hurt."

Lucas was going to protest when the guy approached his body even closer, raised his arm over Lucas' head and easily reached the jar, moving a little away of Lucas' personal space.

The boy turned slowly, his cheeks burning and his heart attempting to run out of his chest. He looked up to scowl at the smiling guy who handed him the jar.

He was momentarily blinded by the Greek god in front of him. He looked at his blue eyes and disheveled brown hair, which gave him a rebellious and intriguing touch. He didn't need to see his clothes to make sure he was a Ravenclaw, since he had never seen him in his house before. He remembered him vaguely from a few times he had seen him in the library, and from the ED meetings, mainly the one when Harry showed them how to make a Patronus and the guy had conjured a racoon.

The guy raised an eyebrow and waved the jar in front of his eyes, causing the frog's eyes to bounce inside it.

Lucas woke up from his reverie and took the jar.

"I could've use an Accio." He claimed.

The racoon boy laughed. "You could've."

"I could've done it in less than a second."

"Really? If you want i can put it up again, so you can make it yourself." He suggested with a mocking smile.

"No" He said quickly. "You already did it, it doesn't count anymore."

The guy laughed amusedly, throwing his head back slightly, causing a small smile to form on Lucas' lips. "I didn't think you were so funny"

"Are you making fun of me?" He asked arching an eyebrow.

"Oh, no. At all."

Lucas rolled his eyes keeping his smile. "Thanks anyway..."

"Elliot, I'm Elliot." He said, looking straight into his eyes, a closed lips smile plastered on his handsome face.

Lucas felt the heat invade his body and he knew that his face must look like the Wesley's hair.

"Lucas."

"Well, Lucas, we should start with the potions before Snape starts removing points."

Lucas laugh. "You are a Ravenclaw, i am the one that should be worried."

"Yeah, i already notice that." He laugh, infecting Lucas. "If you need another jar and you forget to use your wand, you can ask me and I'll help you."

Lucas nodded making a sarcastic sneer. "Of course, i couldn't make it without you."

"I'm glad that you get to accept that, lion." Elliot said laughing, wink at Lucas and giving him a last smile, returned to his table.

Then Lucas could breathe again and returned to his table, throwing the jars carelessly next to the cauldron.

"Holy shit" He sat on his chair without saying more.

"What's going on?" Manon asked, frowning.

"Holy shit"

"Lucas?" Yann asked this time.

"Holy shit"

Arthur dropped a frog eye in his shirt. "Wake up, dumbass."

"Holy shit, Arthur, put those eyes on your goddamn ass." He exclaimed taking off his tunic and trying to remove the sticky ingredient that was swimming on his back.

Yann choked. "That was shady, dude."

"It's for you to curse with purpose."

Manon rolled her eyes with a tiny smile. "Stop moving, Lucas" She took ther friend by the neck of his shirt and stuck a hand inside the uniform, reached for the eye and returned it to the jar.

To be continue... lol

The pic isn't mine. ❤

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Nance is successfully flirting rn, you'd be so proud Buster: If it was 'cause of me, yeah, but nah know-it-all strikes again, like Rio: 😒 Rio: We're a team, bitch Buster: I'm just playing Buster: Calm down Rio: Hmm Rio: You play too much Buster: What's that meant to mean? Rio: I'm just joking too, duh Rio: Entertain me 'fore I have to thirdwheel this Buster: I reckoned you'd easily entertain yourself Buster: Hence my lack of invite Rio: Babe Rio: You really wanted to come to the gay club? Buster: I really wanted to be with you Buster: You just happen to be there Rio: You know I always wanna be with you Rio: but this was booked in, you should do something fun too Buster: 😒 Rio: Don't be grumpy with me baby Rio: Who am I coming Home to? Buster: I know Buster: It's not your fault I have nothing to do Rio: Sure between us we can think of something Buster: Yeah? Rio: 'Course Rio: know-it-all, babe Rio: don't act like you forgot Rio: What do you wanna do, do you wanna go out do you wanna stay in, do you wanna be with people do you wanna be alone Rio: What's the vibe Buster: I wanna go out too Buster: It ain't right that my sister is but I ain't Rio: Yeah, got you trippin' Rio: are you thinking food or a bar or a club or something else altogether Buster: I don't care Rio: I'm looking Buster: You really must be not feeling that club Rio: I'm not here for me, like Rio: obviously I've been on the floor being gaybait but you know, I missed you Buster: Good to know Rio: Jealousy need not extend that far Rio: in fact, can be dropped altogether 'cos I've just thought of the place and I bet you ain't been Buster: I'm being everywhere worth going so don't get your hopes up, babe Rio: Stop being difficult and start getting ready, boy Rio: [Directions] Buster: Fine Buster: Do you wanna tell me what to wear as well as what to do or nah? Rio: Yeah, if you're offering Buster: Go on then Rio: So much harder to mentally dress you than undress Rio: Give me some options Buster: Where's the fun in that? Buster: You're supposed to know everything Rio: It's gonna be like that, is it? Rio: Alright, test me Rio: [Pic she has of him] This top Rio: [Other] but with these trousers Buster: You sure? Rio: You wanna look good or not? Yes I'm sure Buster: [Sends selfie after probably ages faffing because well he's him] Rio: There's my baby Rio: Perfect Buster: You're cute Rio: Nah all you Buster: I miss you even more now Buster: Stop being nice to me Rio: I can't help but be nice to you Rio: you're very likeable Buster: 😂 Buster: How drunk are you? Rio: Not at all Rio: don't worry, I won't spread your secret loveliness around Buster: Pick your audience like Buster: I know my sister ain't trying to hear that tonight Rio: I'll find a random gay to tell how good my boyfriend is Rio: won't be obnoxious at all Buster: 'Course not Rio: Baby Buster: Yeah? Rio: Never mind, it's stupid Rio: we can talk about it when you're a few more drinks in, like Buster: Tell me Buster: It's alright Rio: It's just Rio: do you think Edie will hate me forever Buster: Nah Buster: She don't hate you now, not really Buster: You're just the easy scapegoat, you know Buster: It's shit but it's what she needs Rio: Maybe Buster: Come on Buster: Nothing's as simple as just hating someone, yeah? Rio: I wish it was Buster: It's good that it ain't though Rio: Good for who? Rio: Not her Buster: For you Buster: But when she sorts her head out, her too Rio: If only THAT was simple Buster: Yeah Buster: It ain't gonna be like this forever though Buster: Not to be that cunt but look at us Buster: Look at where and how we are Rio: We're alright, aren't we? Buster: Better than that, babe Rio: We're not fuck ups? Buster: We've fucked up plenty of times but nah Rio: Okay Rio: I love you Buster: Trust me Buster: I love you Buster: And this ain't a mistake Rio: I do Buster: Have a drink, dance, and turn that knowing brain off, yeah? Buster: It's gonna be alright Rio: Promise Rio: You too, I wanted to make your night better Rio: not fuck it before you got going Buster: You always make my night better Buster: Like you said, who are you coming home to Rio: You baby Rio: Even if we have to be respectfully quiet Rio: boo Buster: We don't have to be anything close to quiet, babe Buster: You know what my sister is like when she gets going Buster: She'll get wasted and we'll do whatever we want Rio: Maybe she'll be preoccupied herself Rio: the night is young Buster: Don't Rio: What? Rio: You know why people come to the club, babe Buster: 😒 Buster: That's my sister, I don't wanna hear it Rio: You're adorable Rio: she's heard enough of your exploits in her time, she probably weren't buzzin' either, boy Buster: Not from me she ain't Rio: Please Rio: You loved a brag Buster: Fuck off Rio: Easy Buster: Whatever Rio: 😞 Buster: Stop sulking you're meant to be having fun Rio: Love me I want attention Buster: 😂 Rio: 😒 Rio: Rude Buster: Babe Buster: You're just funny Rio: I just know how to ask for what I want, you meant to say Rio: 😏 Buster: Alright Buster: Start over Rio: Hm? Buster: Ask me again and I'll react how you want Rio: Oh Rio: Love me Buster: [Sends a kissy face selfie because he's a nerd] Rio: 😋😍 Rio: that's better Rio: thank you baby Buster: I love you Rio: You're the cutest Rio: and I love you mostest Rio: they just played 4 ABBA songs in a row Rio: 4 Buster: Sorry I'm a moody cunt Buster: It's just weird having Nance here Buster: Well, I was gonna ask how shit was going but there's my answer, like Rio: I know it is Rio: It's reassuring to know she doesn't hate you though, yeah? Buster: No more than standard you mean Buster: But yeah Rio: You're doing good, baby Rio: I'm proud of you Rio: and I think she's having a pretty good time Buster: Good Buster: I'm gonna have a drink and calm down myself now Rio: Sounds like a plan Buster: I wish you were here though Rio: I know you don't like sharing Rio: hard when your wifey's the life and soul, babe Buster: Never call yourself that again Buster: You sound like Indie Rio: Awkward Buster: Exactly Rio: Now she might actually hate me Rio: that one Buster: I don't reckon she hates you either Rio: I'll bet you Buster: How much? Rio: Moneys boring Rio: think of something more fun Buster: Name a fantasy, I'll do it for you if I win Buster: You do mine if I win Rio: Interesting Rio: I like it Buster: Are we on or nah? Rio: 'Course Rio: I can't lose Buster: Shut up Buster: You know I always win Rio: Nah babe Rio: Sorry but you're going to look so good taking that L, hope that's consolation Buster: Whatever you say, babe Rio: I'm just th Rio: inking what I want you to do most Buster: Same Rio: Don't get too attached to the idea Buster: Says you Rio: 🥊 Rio: You'll see Buster: I know you will 🥇 Buster: I've got this Rio: 😡 Buster: Behave Buster: Don't be a sore loser already Rio: Doesn't take a know-it-all to work out your fantasy would leave me sore Buster: 😏 Rio: Pervert Buster: You love it Rio: Yeah Buster: Tell me about yours Rio: Not giving you spoilers Rio: you don't get time to prepare Buster: Fine Rio: Hey, it's my fantasy not yours Buster: I'm just trying to find out what we won't be doing Rio: I don't wanna turn you on in public Rio: I'm not that kind of girl Buster: 'Course not Rio: I am mad though Buster: Why? Rio: Because everyone's getting off with each other and I'm just sat here and you're there Rio: and it's stupid Buster: Is that your way of telling me that my sister is hooking up with someone right now? Rio: I didn't say anything Rio: You don't wanna know Buster: But she is Rio: Shh Rio: don't tell her I said Buster: If I can't take the piss there's no point her even being here, like Rio: 😩 Buster Buster: What? Rio: Ugh Rio: you didn't hear it from me okay Buster: Behave Buster: I'm not gonna sell you out, babe Rio: I think she's alright looking Rio: not sat here staring, like Rio: but from my sneaky peeks Buster: If she ain't in her 40s its an improvement, yeah? Rio: Behave Buster: Come on Buster: Don't act like you haven't thought it Rio: I'm thinking if she's had kids she's looking well for it Buster: 😂 Rio: i'm getting another drink Buster: Good Buster: You gotta keep up Rio: Excuse you Rio: Miles ahead, boy Buster: You reckon? Rio: Are you kidding me Rio: I've lost track of all the free drinks I've been getting Buster: Nicely done Buster: Get the brag in Rio: 🤷 Rio: Everyone's fave Buster: You don't have to tell me Rio: Any excuse to talk to you Buster: Babe Buster: You know you don't need one Rio: Remember when we did though Rio: Remember, like it was ages ago Rio: feels it Buster: Yeah Buster: Lets never go back Rio: Sure? Rio: Now's your chance, like, already told me the engagements off Buster: When did I say that? Rio: You said I couldn't call myself wifey Rio: was joking on both, obviously Buster: Only 'cause it's cringe not 'cause I don't want you to be Rio: It's chill, babe, I know what's up Buster: What do you know? Rio: That you didn't really mean it Rio: it was just a heat of the moment deal, I get it Buster: Is that why you said yes? Rio: I don't know Buster: Yeah you do Buster: It either is or isn't the reason Rio: This is so humiliating Rio: I mean Rio: no, it obviously isn't the only reason is it but Buster: But what? Rio: Like I said, I get that it wasn't like binding Rio: I'm not holding you to it Buster: You don't get it, clearly Rio: What Buster: You never wanna hold me to anything I say if you don't wanna hear it Rio: Nah Rio: That's not what I'm saying Buster: That's what I'm saying Buster: When was the last time I said something I didn't mean? Rio: I just didn't want it to be a repeat of the 'I love you' situation Rio: but if it's not then, I'm sorry, like Buster: Forget it Rio: Obviously not Buster: Whatever then Rio: Don't be like that Rio: I feel really fucking stupid now Buster: You feel stupid? I'm the one that said it Rio: Yeah and I said that and now you think I don't mean what I said before Buster: Well you don't so Buster: Cheers for telling me, like Rio: Don't tell me what I do or don't mean Buster: You literally said that you didn't Rio: I did not Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: I'm not drunk enough for this Rio: I said I thought you didn't mean it, that's not the same Buster: Like I said, forget it Rio: For God's sake Buster: Don't Rio: Well you know I'm not going to forget so stop saying it Rio: but if you don't want to talk right now I can't make you Buster: I can say whatever the fuck I want Buster: I don't want to talk right now 'cause you'll just reckon I don't mean any of it Rio: Mature Buster: Sorry I'm not 42 I'm sure it's not too late for Nance to give you some pointers on that score though so Rio: My point exactly Buster: If you're making a point, make a fucking point, like Buster: All your doing is giving me a headache Rio: My point is, you've not thought this through Buster: Fuck you Buster: You're not in my head even if you're trying to get under my skin right now Rio: I can't win Rio: Jesus Buster: It's not a fucking game, that's why Rio: I mean, if I'd just stuck with it, that'd probably be wrong Rio: I try to do the right thing and that's wrong too Buster: How is not believing what I say the right thing? Buster: You either know how much I love you or you don't Buster: And you either wanna marry me or you don't Rio: Well I wasn't exactly expecting it Rio: And it ain't that simple, ever, is it Buster: Yeah it is Rio: Just on this then? Rio: 'cos how do you expect me to keep track when you swap sides like this Buster: What is that meant to mean? Rio: You said that it ain't that simple, about Edie and Indie and all of that Rio: why is this different Buster: 'Cause its not like I was like we're going to Vegas right now, pack a bag Rio: Yeah well, good Rio: even so you probably want to give yourself more time than you have Buster: No I don't Buster: But you take it Rio: I'm just saying Rio: this is your first time, like Buster: Do you wanna be more patronizing? Buster: Go on, I reckon you can go harder at it Rio: This is just what everyone else would say Rio: I'd be shit if I didn't Buster: I already told you that I don't care Buster: You said you didn't either Buster: But whatever Rio: You can't not care at all Buster: Why can't I? Rio: Because it's impossible Buster: Try me Rio: Right Buster: Right Rio: Is there anything I can say or should I just go? Buster: Do what you want Rio: Doesn't answer my question but alright Buster: 'Cause I can't tell you what to say Buster: Or do Rio: I'm not asking you to, I'm asking if there's any point in me trying right now Buster: Well there's no point giving up ever, is there? Buster: Who are we? Rio: Okay Rio: Maybe you're right, should we just forget this ever happened Buster: I don't know Rio: Can you? Buster: I don't know Rio: I wasn't trying to be a dick, I was just trying to do the right thing for you Rio: but that's up to you, I know Buster: Yeah Rio: I'm really sorry Buster: Just come home, yeah? Buster: I will too Rio: Yeah Rio: I'll see if I can convince Nancy Buster: She's got enough hair to pull her by Rio: I really ain't out here tryna brawl Buster: How drunk is she? You might not have to Rio: Fairly but not like, call out the fam, stalk your ex levels Buster: Well, that's something Rio: I thought so Buster: If you need help my cab can swing by you and we can share it back Rio: That'd be good Rio: thanks Buster: No need to thank me Buster: Purely selfish 'cause the sooner we can make Nance leave the sooner we can Rio: Did you like the bar? Buster: Yeah Buster: We should go back Rio: I knew you would Rio: I'm down Buster: Just me and you though Rio: Of course Buster: I'm sorry that tonight's been a shitshow Rio: That ain't your fault Rio: nothing that can't be fixed, yeah? Buster: 'Course Buster: I'm taking the blame though Rio: No you ain't Rio: Literally how can you, good luck Buster: 'Cause my shit mood started it Rio: Nah Rio: but I don't care if we can be friends again Buster: As long as you don't want to only be friends Buster: 'Cause that's going a bit far Rio: Don't be silly Buster: Not trying to have a sleepover with my sister, like Buster: That's all I'm saying Rio: Me either Rio: but I think your family would be a little put out to find me on the sofa so Rio: glad we're on the same page Buster: Babe, you know I'd take the sofa Buster: But yeah Rio: You can't be being a gentleman even when we're fighting Buster: It ain't even it's just not being a worse cunt Buster: And not having my mum fight me as well Rio: You've been raised too right for that clearly Rio: You're not even close to being that cunt, trust Buster: You're shamelessly biased Buster: But cheers Rio: Nah Rio: not to start pitting you against 'em but I've dated many actual so Rio: I know Buster: Yeah Buster: Fucked but true Rio: It is what it is Buster: I hate it though Rio: I know Rio: but that shit's well in the past Buster: I know Rio: I think Ryan's moved on, like Buster: Good Buster: I don't have to find the cunt on my doorstep Rio: I'd question if he was ever that devoted but don't need to jinx it Buster: Yeah, like speaking of forgetting something Rio: It's weird Rio: not having to think about that anymore Rio: or think about drew or think about hiding us Buster: The only way is up, literally Buster: Not to get a non-Abba song stuck in your head but Rio: You're funny Buster: I'm hilarious Buster: And I miss you Rio: You're on your way aren't you Buster: Never fast enough Rio: that's what she said Buster: Now who's funny Buster: Coming for my 👑 again, babe Rio: What can I say? Rio: I want you outta all of that Rio: 👑 included Buster: So that's why you picked all the clothes you picked, is it? Buster: It makes so much sense now Rio: 😏 Rio: and you looked good Rio: as if i need any incentive to want you Buster: Could've been wearing a corset but the girlfriend has spoken and she ain't got time for that Buster: You looked fucking hot, wasted on that club and anywhere I'm not Rio: Adding that to potential fantasy list now Buster: 😂😏 Rio: Only got yourself to blame for giving me ideas Buster: No blame or shame Buster: I'd look great Rio: I know 🤤 Rio: Stop distracting me Buster: Fine I'll save it for the cab ride home Buster: I can see Nance but I can't see you Buster: Tiny angel problems Rio: Have you forgotten you invited her along for the ride or what Rio: and how dare you suggest I get lost in the crowd Buster: Come and kiss me if you can reach my beautiful face Rio: You're an idiot Rio: a tall, handsome idiot Buster: Fuck, you look so beautiful Rio: There we go, not too painful Rio: though she did smack her head on the way in Buster: 😂 Buster: She can blame tomorrow's headache on that, like Rio: Yeah, bet she was wishing she was short too now 😏 Buster: Then she'd look even more like mum Buster: I don't know if that's the goal or nah Rio: Probably not hers but I wouldn't be mad Buster: I would Rio: 😂 Rio: Unlikely you gotta worry about that Buster: Good Buster: Do I chat this much shit when I'm drunk or is it just her? Rio: Sure, when you're drunk 😉 Rio: Nah, you don't though Rio: she just saves up her words, like Buster: Literally Buster: Shut up, Nance Rio: You don't need to listen, the cabbie's feeling it Buster: Distract me Rio: You're meant to be distracting me, remember Buster: Am I? Rio: So you said Rio: but knew you was all chat, it's cool Buster: Shut up Buster: When have I ever been all chat? Rio: 😏 Rio: Just hoping you'll prove me wrong babe Buster: Come here Buster: You're so far from me, like Rio: How far can I really be Rio: but okay Buster: That's better Rio: Is it? Rio: What about that? Buster: I'm not mad about it Buster: So you can't be if I do this Rio: I wouldn't call it mad Rio: Frustrated, maybe Buster: Poor baby Buster: Does that help? Rio: mm Buster: Use your words Rio: I can't Rio: for two reasons now Buster: Some kind of sound is gonna come out, I know you, so what would you rather, babe? Rio: Please don't stop Buster: I won't Rio: I swear I'll be quiet Buster: We'll see Rio: I've needed this all night Buster: I know Buster: I'm here now, babe Rio: I don't like going out without you Buster: Me either Buster: Especially when you go out looking this good Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: You're so hot, don't you know that? Rio: I didn't even try tonight though Buster: Come on Buster: You don't have to Rio: I'm glad you think so Buster: Well now I can't stop until you agree with me Rio: Baby Buster: Tell me how hot you are Rio: 😶 Buster: If that's how you want it Buster: Guess I'll have to make you Buster: Like this Rio: Okay okay Rio: I'm hot Rio: but you're hotter Buster: I see through your shameless flattery but I like it Rio: It's true Buster: Nah Buster: You're fucking stunning, like Rio: Shh Buster: You're the one whose meant to be being quiet Buster: Not me Rio: I don't wanna talk right now Buster: I know exactly what you want Rio: Then stop teasing me Rio: I can't take much more Buster: Say please Rio: Buster Buster: Go on Rio: I swear I'm gonna make you pay when we get home Buster: Promises, promises, babe Buster: I still wanna hear it while you're still able, like Rio: Fuck Rio: I can't fight it, you know how you got me Rio: Please please please Buster: Good girl Buster: Okay Buster: Now you've earned this Rio: Oh God Rio: put your fingers in my mouth Rio: I'm gonna scream Buster: Jesus Rio: I can't help it Rio: just please don't stop whatever you do Buster: Kiss me Buster: You can moan as loud as you want then Rio: Can we Buster: If she hasn't noticed anything else we're doing I think we're fine Rio: Yeah Rio: it's just so fucking hard to stop kissing you once I've started Buster: Then don't Buster: I can fight with her about it tomorrow if needs be Rio: Fuck it Rio: I need you as close as I can get you Buster: Yeah Rio: I love you Buster: I love you too, Rio Rio: Don't forget Buster: Never gonna happen Rio: Good Buster: Fuck me Buster: How do you keep doing this to me Rio: 'Cos I know you Rio: I know exactly what makes you tick Buster: I want you so bad right now Buster: I can't handle it Rio: I know Rio: I can feel it Rio: Not far now Buster: Touch me Rio: Is that what you want, daddy? Buster: I need you to Rio: How do you want me to touch you Rio: Where Rio: You gotta be more specific Buster: [Takes her hand and puts it where he wants 'cause what are words, am I right? Lol these shameless hoes] Rio: Oh Rio: so you don't have to use your words Buster: Is that what you need, babe? Buster: There's plenty of things I can whisper to you if you want Rio: You know what your voice does to me but this is about you Buster: It can be about both of us Rio: Pleasing you is what gets me off Rio: You know that Rio: let me make you happy Buster: Oh fuck Rio: Better? Buster: As long as you don't stop Rio: When I've only just started? Rio: Who do you take me for Buster: There are a fair few other distractions in this cab Buster: I'm not saying it'd be your fault Rio: Rude Rio: There are nicer ways to tell me to try harder but understood Buster: Baby Buster: I'm saying you're doing so good that I might get us caught Buster: Especially if you're gonna go any harder Rio: Fine Rio: I'll be good Buster: I know you will Buster: You are Rio: Tell me Buster: Christ, Rio Buster: You're so fucking good Rio: Only for you baby Buster: We have to stop, I can't be quiet anymore Buster: I can't Rio: Okay Rio: Mean it this time, well Rio: I don't wanna but I will Buster: I don't want to either Buster: Tell me we don't have to Rio: We do Rio: 'cos I wanna hear you Buster: How far from home are we? Buster: I can barely think Buster: 'Cause I wanna be inside you Rio: Like five minutes, I think Rio: five too long now Buster: You mean Nance's running commentary ain't making the time fly for you, babe? 😂 Buster: What is she even chatting about now, like? Rio: 😏 Not quite Rio: Idk, but this is lowkey better than the flirting she was doing earlier so Rio: success or failure? not sure Buster: You make me laugh Buster: Someone must have liked it though Buster: Or maybe just her face? Rio: Awh babe, that's nice Buster: We share genetics, It's impossible for her to be ugly Buster: Simple as Rio: 🙄 Rio: So close Buster: You know it's true Buster: I'm not gonna have an ugly twin Rio: I'm not saying it isn't but you know, she's not reading this Rio: you can just be nice 😂 Buster: Well right now I only wanna be nice to you Buster: Sorry, like Rio: Not gonna complain Buster: Good Buster: Me either. I'm done being a moody cunt for the evening Buster: You'll be glad to know Rio: I'm still sorry Buster: Don't be Buster: I mean it Rio: But I do too Rio: you know that, yeah Buster: 'Course I do Buster: But like, I don't want it to be that way, I only said what I said 'cause of how much I wanna be with you Buster: Not to cause a rift or whatever Buster: And I only said it was simple 'cause for me it is, not I ain't a confused kid, you know Buster: Not like they are Rio: It won't Rio: cause a rift Rio: I know now Rio: I just had to make sure so then I can know where I stand Buster: And where's that? Rio: Well, I wanna stay with you too Rio: Obviously Buster: For forever though? Rio: Yes Buster: Then literally what were we fighting about? Rio: I did try to say Buster: I'm so sorry Rio: Shh Rio: It doesn't matter now Buster: I love you so much Buster: Seriously Rio: I know Rio: and I love you just as much Buster: Sorry Nance but I have to kiss you again Buster: Even if we are nearly home Rio: She can deal on this one Buster: Yeah 'cause I won't be able to deal if I don't Buster: So fuck it Rio: We kept it practically PG-13 back here Buster: And we kept it secret long enough Buster: [smooches and somehow that's the most dramatic PDA of all 'cause they highkey and Nance spies it 'cause typical] Rio: Oops Rio: 😳 Buster: I'm not sorry Buster: I ain't said anything about her club hook up Buster: Yet, like Rio: God at least give her 'til morning 😂 Buster: Obviously Buster: More fun that way Rio: I'm having nothing to do with it Rio: I just wanna get outta this cab without a fine Buster: Easy Buster: We're basically home anyway Rio: Easy if you watch your mouth, boy Buster: I'm gonna give her time to get properly mortified, hence waiting until the AM and sobriety Buster: Don't worry Buster: Not a fucking amateur Rio: I hope she's proud af just to fuck with you now Buster: 😂 Buster: You did say the girl was cute, yeah? So could be Rio: Not my type but yeah Rio: not like, pull her away sharpish at any rate Buster: One day I'm gonna make you tell me what your type of girl is Rio: 😏 Buster: But come on, let's finally get the fuck inside Rio: Thank God