#i'll scream and cry if you don't
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Worst feeling ever is when you go to reread a fic you really like and find out it's been deleted. Even WORSE worst feeling ever is checking the author's profile and finding out they've deleted all of their fics entirely
#NO!! NO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!#Collapses to my knees how could this happen...why...#😭😭😭#This is the exact reason why I never delete any of my fics#I just orphan them if I don't want to be associated with them anymore. That way people can still at least READ them#If they want to#AO3 authors please please PLEASE never delete just orphan that way your username gets detached#And nobody will know you wrote it but it's still THERE#Crying screaming throwing up.#At the very least I saved one (1) of their fics. Idk I had a psychic sense and went 'I should save this one'#And thank GOD I did. Aghh#Wayback Machine doesn't even have any records...I'm going to cry#Lies down#I'll miss them forever and ever. They'll probably never know but I want them to know this.#Shima speaks
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this torture we're going through with the anime must be divine karma for slandering Bones all this time...... they said "oh, you don't like how we adapt things? you say the manga does it better?? okay then, well now there is no more manga. it's Bones or bust, bitches."
#bungou stray dogs#they really said now either you get the story from us or you don't get it at all 😭😭😭😭💀#screaming crying throwing up shaking HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY ON FOR THE NEXT WEEK LIKE EVERYTHING IS NORMAL#NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK 'TWILIGHT FAREWELL' MEANS#NOT EVEN A FULL WEEK BUT FIVE DAYS CAUSE THE PV ALONE WILL END ME#seriously though how can i be okay with getting canon content for the first time in the ANIME#they already do terribly with content that ALREADY EXISTS#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL GETTING /NEW CONTENT/ THROUGH /BONES/#i guess looking at it another way though...... i should be glad if they deliver me some fucking hope a few weeks early#like obviously i'd rather none of this have happened and have gotten to this point in the last episode in the manga first#but since it did turn out this way....... if good things happen i'll take it i can't complain at this point just GIVE ME HOPE#mexican standoff with bones now that there's (basically) no manga content left like 'so it is down to you and it is down to me'#bones at the end of the fucking bsd world: 'never thought i'd be fighting side by side with a bsd anime hater'#me: 'how about side by side with a friend?'#bones: 'aye i can do that'
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i made the mistake of listening to the pjo musical while also being on a spy x family kick and came to the horrifying realization that Damian is so Annabeth-coded, particularly combining their ambitions with the trauma of being seen as invisible and their determination to prove themselves....
so, here is a damian-centric amv to the song "My Grand Plan"
#honestly so many lines in here just scream DAMIAN DESMOND#'if you don't go go you'll never know if you'll ever be good enough'#'my grand plan' nerd damian#'you better wise up cause ill rise up bring on any challenge' ambitious boy~#'so me i tend to stand my ground i find i never can give in' determined boy 😭#and most importantly 'and someday soon i swear i dont know how or when but i PROMISE YOU I'LL NEVER BE INVISIBLE AGAIN'#'someone will notice me...'#THIS LINE JUST MAKES ME CRY FOR THE LONELY AND SAD BOY DAMIAN IS AND HOW ALL HE WANTS IS TO HAVE ALL HIS HARD WORK TO BE APPRECIATED#damian desmond#damianya#spy x family#spy x fam#damian spy x family#my grand plan#lightning thief musical#pjo musical
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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I like talking to my parents it's a fun game of "which one of us is gaslighting the other This Time?"
#[.art]#self#i don't even think this is gaslighting i think she genuinely thinks it never happened#extremely ironic considering you were there ma'am. And I know this because she grounded me for crying. lol#but also I was more dramatic than average about failing at things I was told to do so idk how she forgot about that genuinely#of course I'd hide it until I did something good to balance it out and only told her then so I would get the less harsh punishment but#'less harsh punishment' it's good old social isolation with no internet access and being screamed at so. 'punishment' in air quotes#coming from a family of ''i'll get the wicker staff'' being a regular-ish threat that was very light
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EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP
THE CORE FOUR ARE FINALLY TOGETHER!!!!! THEY'RE ACTUALLY THERE ALL FOUR OF THEM!!!! AND ALSO REBECCA!!! THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
#jay talks#resident evil#resident evil death island#RE:DI#IT ONLY TOOK THEM ALMOST 30 DECADES BUT IT'S HAPPENING AT LAST#ASDFGHJJDFMNHÇASDCFVGBD#SHAKING CRYING SCREAMING VIBRATING#you don't understand I'll never shut up about this ever again#fantastic four
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people are saying tom would lose his shit if greg fired him but at this point tom is completely exhausted and probably kind of numb so i imagine he’d just stare into the distance completely defeated. also assuming greg is doing it because matsson told him to, tom would let greg walk all over him once again. if it's a situation that is going to impact greg, tom always takes whatever the bullet is. greg would try to comfort him in his socially inept way by giving him an awkward hug that mirrors the one at the end of s3 but this time tom would just stand there with his arms hanging by his sides
#i can see tom being like “okay greg..... okay” because this one Really Hurts and he's So So Tired#and he goes home to cry like he told everyone at the party to lmao#greg would say “it's just business tommy dw! :)” and tom would say “thank you for your time mr. hirsch” and uhh tomgreg over oh fguck#tomgreg#succession#g.txt#this is just what i think based on s4 characterisation your interpretation is also fine don't @ me please i'll scream
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Everywhere I go, I see his face
#screaming crying throwing up#I don't think I'll ever truly be over what happened in that finale#The true death of a character is the moment you realise you'll never see them again and all you have left is the memory of what was#And with the help of fanfiction and rewatches that day'll never come#star wars#sw#the bad batch#the bad batch s2#the bad batch season 2#bad batch#bad batch s2#bad batch season 2#tbb#tbb s2#tbb season 2#tbb spoilers#bad batch spoilers#the bad batch spoilers#tbb tech#bad batch tech#tech#tech my beloved
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i’m so happy you liked the hinata fic 😭😭 and the fact that YOU reread MY fics?? LITERALLY GOING CRAZY RN
i’m taking this as the compliment of all compliments omg and my own category?? crying real quick just so you know <33
PLEASEEE OH MY GOSH I'M CRYING WITH U!!! YOU WERE ONTO SOMETHING WHEN YOU SAID WE WERE MORE LIKE TWINS THAN ATSUMU AND OSAMU!! THAT'S OUR DUO NOW <3 I'M MAKING THAT A TAG OR SOMETHING AT SOME POINT BUT YES I LOVED THAT HINATA FIC!! wyr I said this before but your works are just so comforting omg yk I just kind of fully pieced this together but do you remember when I decided you were a fae and everything in that game about what mythical creature you see your mutual as?? your works all feel so comforting and earthy in the same way. i'm such a color person and this is obvious but I just get the green, brown, earthy tones kind of colors in my mind whenever I think about your works OMG IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW your works just feel like such a solace 😭 like going out to a forest in the early morning when it's still foggy and the smell of rain is still in the air from a heavy storm last night ❤️ and just sitting there against a tree and reading and being calm and at peace ❤️ that's what your works feel like. AND THEY'RE LITERALY HEALING AAA I LOVE YOUR WORKS SO MUCH YOU'RE AMAZING this is also a really random comparison but your works and you remind me of this youtuber named aameliaa who makes these really cozy and cool playlists I've stolen so much of my music from her and her playlists are always such a comfort for me and I listen to them when I can't focus on anything else so just know this is a huge compliment 😭😭 I just wanted to mention her in case you somehow happen to have also listened to her I'm sorry this is so long 😭
#sorry i was having this revelation literally as i was typing this out THIS WAS GROUND BREAKING#who is who in our twin bond#i believe i may be more of an atsumu bc i just be acting like a rabid dog in some moments#case and point those hinata fic tags and this ask#and i def see u as an osamu#BUT LMK WHAT YOU THINK#RHAHHH#i heart wyr <3#i have to stop myself from typing that in caps bc it's your moot tag now BUT I WANT TO SO BAD#WHATEVER I CAN DO WHAT I WANT#I HEART WYR <3333333#okay thank u#bro also i kinda ate up those hinata fic tags lowkey#i've gone back to read them like three times bc i thought i was sooo funny#then tumblr was like “bro shut tf up you're at 30 tags ✋️”#they're trying to silence me 😔 but i cannot be silenced#answers <3#wyr i love you#you make me feel so safe omg#i want to cry in a good way#I HEART WYR#okay sorry last time i'll scream it#FOR NOW#stopped halway thru my answer to write these tags and i've just realized i'm acting super energetic bc i drank a matcha#i think#they usually don't even have an effect on me 😭 but idk how else to explain this
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Never apologize for rambling abt your OCs on my post. I love y ou (and HOHHH THAT SOUNDS SO INTERSETING I'M LOOKING)
OKAY COOL FUCK YEAH THANKS
im using you as an excuse to talk about my very own home-grown blorbos now
So!!!!!!!!! i literally only have half of a design for the two of these ocs, i've only drawn one of them ONCE and i don't count it cuz i wanna redesign him COMPLETELY (that piece is not even canon, i had to do that for a class so i put stuff in there that doesn't even belong to the type of story it is </3), i've written for the two of them a couple times but im not even sure THAT'S canon anymore
(here's the art in case you don't wanna click on a link)
i think the writing might still be canon tho, i do still kinda like a lot of the stuff it went over with that. N E WAYS.
basically there's this pair of witches (they don't. really have. names. oops. they did but i don't like them anymore) who enlisted and then eventually rose to the top of fighting this war/apocalypse/encroaching disaster that has been ongoing for a LONG time. like, they're at the end of the world but turns out the end of the world is a hell of a lot slower than anyone imagined. they've been fighting it for a long time (and it does involve actual fighting? like i like to think that this apocalypse acts more as like. locust swarm but the bugs are big big buggy boys that hates you hates you hates you and eats the magic out of the world)
and the first (we'll call him A) is the one who rose up in the ranks to be best of the best very quickly, because his kind of magic is very powerful and was critically effective in the fight. and the second guy (we'll call him B) is kind of. worst of the best. SORT OF. he was best of the best because he fought alongside A and B's brand of magic explicitly deals with the bond the two of them shared. (i call it bonds magic cuz i can't think of something better for now) (yes it's power of friendship) (there more to that but whatever) it was IMMENSELY powerful!!! not moreso than A's magic, but still!! very powerful!!! so B rose up because A pulled him up (not entirely true!!! but you get the point. nuance)
BUT THEN. sometime after they had been in the war for a long ass time, A leaves. either from shame, either he's disillusioned, something happened, he won't say. and just kind of. leaves B behind. who still is very much part of the war and won't say anything to sway A's mind because he cares too much about what he thinks
years later, B's still part of the war/doom effort. and magic in the world has kind of deteriorated so much that it's. honestly kind of hard to come across a solid magic user these days. they still teach them and still get people to join the effort, but compared to the older days, it's a lot less. people can learn magic, everyone can, but it's hard to get like. a professional, someone who has unlocked the higher abilities of magic. people like A or B.
speaking of! yeah. B is still part of the war effort. and it's NOW at the period of time where he's the worst of the best, but he's the only one they've got. they still keep him around because who else is there, really, and also he can still utilize the powerful bond magic he made way back when with A, so he's still very powerful but it's just. different. ya know? he's standing in the shadow of just the IDEA of A, and he's not even here anymore. and it's not filled with resentment, never. never resentment. he could never tarnish that. it's only ever love. and looking up to A. it didn't feel like he cast a shadow because to B, to him, he only ever cast light.
but also. A left. left him. alone.
so he's dealing with that in a perfectly reasonable manner (not thinking about it)
meanwhile A has decided to live a pastoral life away from the apocalypse and is totally not repressing his issues either. <3.
and like!!! the council or whatever that's in charge of all the witches is like "hey. B. you know your way cooler friend? you still keep in touch right?" and sends him off to go find A again after all these years to bring him back to the war and there's a whole mess of meeting again and having to meet with all the things you left unsaid, and all the everything and OOUAOUGHFF it's a whole mess.
anyways i want to make this a comic but also i kind of need to. yknow. design and draw the comic if i want to make the comic. so like. rage.
#teehee#asks#joyflameball#i think about these guys near constantly#so many themes i want to explore with them#they? probably? die in the end?#i don't know. i haven't written a plot for them#but the love mattered. it mattered because we were here and it existed#that kind of thing ya know?#it's a “it's so hard to love when it's like this but i'll do it anyways. even if it hurts. because it's you. and i would again and again”#crying screaming throwing up#but yeah maybe they'll live maybe they die in the end. i'll find out eventually
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lol
#i'm literally like.#sooooo done with life#i've been on the verge of tears on and off today fr#work itself has been ugh#my kids are being so crazy and i love them but very draining#and my work friends are basically pulling away from me and it makes me wanna die#they essentially replaced me with someone else and i'm literally sitting here like oh ok lol#and my ex and i are in this weird fucking space and i can't fucking deal with it#siri play 'boyfriend' by ariana grande and social house#like... she's not mine and like... technically she can date other people lol#but lol you're really taking her out on a date that would be perfect for ME?????#you know what ur doing lol#but i mean ig#'you ain't my boyfriend!!!! and i ain't ur girlfriend!!!!!'#screaming and crying and throwing up#i hate my life y'all#i'm legit at my limit#i don't want to make my every-three-years trip to the ICU and psych ward but!!!!!!#sorry y'all i needed to put this somewhere lol#i'll prob delete later#belle speaks#v
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OKAY I NEED TO RAMBLE ABOUT THE LAST CHAPTER OF MHA
What the fuckkkk
In my honest opinion it was average, not the greatest ending of all time but not the worst
But like dude deku becoming quirkless again is I guess a full circle moment??? But I'm cryingggggg why
And deku becoming a teacher is actually something i should have seen coming if he ended up quirkless like why would he work in something that doesn't have anything to do with heroes
But like wdym he had to watch his classmates be heroes while he stayed quirkless WHAT DO YOU MEAN
I mean the class paying for support gear was nice and THE FACT BAKUGOU PAYED THE MOST IM SORRY????
And I'm so glad no ships are canon like even the ones I like cause It would have felt so rushed so I appreciate that so people who don't ship anything can enjoy it and shippers can just theorize
It's just that I feel like something is missing and I don't know if it's because I had my own expectations about the chapter or because it lacks something it was very bittersweet which I guess is something different from all the happy endings but I feel so empty now, mha was my first anime and I read the manga 4 times, in most cases I don't even read the manga. It has been such a big part of my life and I just feel empty now, glad we still have the anime and the upcoming movie but omg I'm crying
#mha 430#mha#ramblings#mha deku#Deku my beloved you deserve better#my hero academia#Bakugou being rich is such a slay tho#bittersweet#screaming crying throwing up#In a good way and in a bad way#I'm so conflicted with this chapter#Glad fanfictions still exist#I'll probably post another ramble#If I don't dissapear for 6 months
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can we as a society incorporate the phrase "no take-backsies" into all contracts forever. pretty please
#if i have to do one more case where someone wants to take a gift back i'm gonna start screaming IT'S A GIFT YOU DON'T TAKE THOSE BACK AHHH#no idc what the law says#like buddy if you gift your cheating gf a horse that then died under mysterious circumstances that's on you 😭😭#sorry i've been stuck in property law hell for the last few hours i am going insane#i'll be back on my usual nonsense (and by that i mean crying about fictional characters) in like two weeks until then i'll cry about law#can't wait for exam season to be over ;-;#my ramblings
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i hate you stupid shapes man patrick star looking ass
#screaming crying sobbing i hate art etc im going to throw my tablet in a river w/e anyways#he is fed and very healthy don't @ me i'll fucking kill you#im not tagging this shit y'all it fucking sucks
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me desiring to be a smol menace on the dash vs the fear of accidentally being mean instead of funny: a constant battle.
#· ooc » entranced by navy burnout silk velvet#i'm actually doing drafts and just.... not posting/queuing them one by one as finished#we're trying speed writing and then editing after for a change#also i went to church for the first time since my trip today to a church i've visited three times that i actually really like#why am i mentioning it? because the wife of the singles bible study talked to me after and more or less said the church really pushes#membership... which i personally don't believe in because usually you have to swear you believe all the core tenets of said church's belief#and i generally don't and told her so. she told me i won't find a perfect church (i know... i'm fine with that) and that it is important t#be a member of a church and thus participate (which i can do w/o) and so i'll just have to defer to the leaders of the one i like the most.#me externally: *all polite*#me internally: *screaming crying OH NO THIS ISN'T HOW THIS WORKS MA'AM THAT ISN'T BIBLICAL AT ALL*#and i certainly wouldn't join that one because THEY believe in the rapture... which i MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT. they're fine otherwise so#if true‚ disappointing. but this is why i'm so done with corporate churches. actual new testament more egalitarian structure PLEASE.
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let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them
ok now that that's out of the way.
therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"
#mad abt my old therapist again#even checked the cost of sessions in usd to make this accessible. came out to be 124$ and a bit. and i did that on a weekly basis for YEARS#and i'm extra mad bc trying to find a new therapist is already hard esp with bpd where your options are very limited as is#but when they ask abt my history with therapy and they ask why i stopped seeing him after years. what am i supposed to say#so that scares them off and they say they can't help me or they're like. scared to go deep with me ig. bc idk. they're scared I'll snap?#what am i supposed to do. hospitalizing myself isn't an option obvs. what is there left.#it feels like a cycle#like. 'i can't help you if you don't want to help yourself'. but i need help even figuring out how to want that#and it's not like ppl in my life know how to help. tbh they usually make it worse. so loved ones aren't an option and professionals aren't -#- an option. so what is there left. how am i supposed to do a thing that comes naturally to others but not to me#even with medication even being in a recovery program i want to kms more than i used to for years#I'm supposedly taking the right steps. but. to get metaphorical ig. the road is crumbling and there's nowhere to go#and that only makes me spiral more. despite taking the right steps i feel like i'm only getting worse. there's no hope for me. lol#vent#suicide //#negative //#ask to tag#i need a good cry like full-on sobbing and screaming but unfortunately. i became too emotionally constipated for that
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