#i'll make a proper post tomorrow im tired

[dullahandyke]

Hang on actually before I hit post limit.pinned post so I can edit this and have my tumblr thoughts even tho I'm post limited

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6.40PM

Yup okay hit the post limit <3 new followers please know this is normal

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6.47PM

Anonymous asked: did they put bugs in him again

Yknow it's hard to tell but I think they might have. Guys we need to get riku dewormed again, this keeps happening to him :(

Anonymous asked: I forgot I had notifs turned on for your blog . Oopsie daisy

HAHAAAAAAAA ANON I CACKLED.... flattered u have urgent coverage on which large surface I'm thinking abt being slammed into at any given time but ig this is an object lesson in paying too much attention to me or something

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8.06PM

Listening to a queer history podcast and it's so funny they're explaining to me what yuri is... I know ❤

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8.14PM

on my laptop now bcos i gotta study for this stupid test..d. and then afterwards theres a powerpoint im actually rlly gonna enjoy presenting but i gotta facking put it together, augh

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8.51PM

niche complaint but it sucks shit when animanga do the 'character suddenly becomes hot as part of a daydream/joke' gag and they dont go full bishie. give that man a delicate jawline NOW!!!

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9.13PM

really happy with this sticker on my laptop. whenever im feeling down i just rememebr that this man got a lobotomy

[ID: a black frame meme featuring Hajime Hinata from Super Danganronpa 2 at the chapter 1 cabin party, smiling and holding a glass of orange juice. It is captioned, "This man, got a lobotomy.]

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9.18PM

whew im a sneezy girl. the sneezing sneasler. wait thats a pokemon. ritalin on friday unless i have a heart murmur

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9.37PM

@effervescentleaf asked:

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9.39PM

i know im constantly posting abt my beard but its still weird as hell to consider that i have a beard that other people can see. when people look at me they see androgyny. what the fuck. i keep being drawn to people with beards and make-up/long hair/jewelry/whatever the fuck else as my favourite examples of gender non-conformity and like. IM that. im that with my stupid eyeliner. what the shit

also that reminds me im not gonna have time to do my eyeliner before my class test tomorrow :/ now i Could just go without it bcos i'll have a presentation later in the day that i should probably be serious for. but where is the fun in that. i will be wearing a hawaiian shirt instead of a t-shirt and thats all that can be expected of me <3

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9.55PM

i probs need to eat a proper meal but the call of pop tarts it is so great.... sighhhh i got the bread out the freezer for soup so ill see if thats defrosted. and if not. squints. cup noodles. kinda want the cup noodles anyway but the soup is gonna expire soon so i gotta be fuckinnn responsible and nutritious or whatever

sidenote i kind of rlly enjoy having just one long ledger of posts all day. kind of fun

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11.51PM

Ugh fuck my gay life I gotta make a PowerPoint... I'm tired I'm a bit sick i gotta sleeeep... wanted to make it fancy but ig that's fucked :(

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12.01AM

I saw a video of a cat and now I miss bubbles :( bubblesssss... I'm going home tomorrow tho so I'll see her then :)

[udaimonia]

I wrote something for cassunzel week day 3: new beginnings! It's posted on AO3 or you can read it below the cut!

everything good in life seems to lead back to you

pairing: cassandra/rapunzel

length: 1,800 words

Cassandra had been acting strange lately and Rapunzel wished she knew why.

She had come back to Corona three days ago and they hadn't gotten to spend much time together. Rapunzel was busy helping restore the damage caused when they defeated Zhan Tiri and she didn't have the time to go looking for her. She thought Cassandra would have come to find her by now but she hadn't. Rapunzel was starting to get a little worried.

When Cassandra was getting ready to leave after the fight against Zhan Tiri, Rapunzel had desperately wanted to ask her to stay. To keep her by her side and never lose her, not again. Not like she had lost her to the moonstone, to Zhan Tiri, to her own insecurities and fears.

But Rapunzel knew she couldn't do that. She knew the feeling of being trapped, of needing the open air and the freedom that travel brought.

So she let her go. And Cass came back, like she promised.

Only things weren't the way Rapunzel had pictured. They weren't catching up like they had promised they would in their letters. Instead, it was as though Cass wasn't even in the kingdom, like she had never returned.

Well, Rapunzel couldn't stand another day apart from the woman she loved, not when she was finally home after months of being away.

She left Eugene with a kiss on the cheek after breakfast, leaving him with her parents to discuss the ongoing restorations of the kingdom. She had a best friend to find.

Rapunzel started in the easy places first. Cassandra's old bedroom, untouched but clean thanks to the castle maids. They had agreed it would be left as is for whenever Cassandra returned to Corona. Rapunzel saw her travel bag and boots sitting neatly by her bed but the room was empty.

She stopped by the Captain's house to ask if he had seen his daughter.

"She stopped by yesterday," the captain said. "When she left she told me she was coming to see you."

"I haven't seen her at all since she got back," Rapunzel frowned. "I hope everything is okay. You don't think she's still mad at me, do you?"

The Captain gives her a smile. There's something in it that Rapunzel can't quite place.

"She cares for you very much, Rapunzel. Never doubt that."

Rapunzel nods. "Thank you, captain."

"Of course. I'll send word if she comes back here."

Rapunzel leaves and decides to check with Xavier next. Cassandra might have needed a new weapon or had something for him to repair.

She greets the townspeople as she passes by, always happy to see them. Part of her knows her smile isn't as genuine, isn’t as large as it usually is. Her worry about Cass is growing, and it shows as she picks up her pace.

Xavier tells her he hasn't seen Cassandra either and wishes her luck on her search. Rapunzel checks at the tailor's where they laughed when Rapunzel tried on dresses and at Attilla's bakery where they split their desserts.

Cassandra isn't there.

Rapunzel finally gives up when the sun starts setting. Soon it'll be too dark to search at all. Her eyes trace her feet as they drag in the dirt and her fingers twist together. Why can't she find Cassandra?

Her thoughts are twisted as she thinks through what happened before Cassandra left. Rapunzel didn't remember her being upset or angry. Did she miss something? Did she remember wrong?

Maybe it was naive to think things would go back to normal so easily.

Head in the clouds and eyes in the dirt, it was kind of inevitable that she would bump into someone. Rapunzel lands on the ground with a thump, already looking up to apologize.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was—Cassandra?"

And it is her. Cassandra, with her beautiful wavy dark hair–shorter than Rapunzel remembered it being–and her pale skin. Her cheeks are flushed now and she's scrambling to pick up the yellow flowers scattered around them.

"Cassandra, I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Cassandra doesn't look at her, tucking all the flowers back into an orderly bunch in her hands.

"Cass?" Rapunzel calls her name again, hesitant this time. She prays she hasn’t ruined it, that what they once had isn’t irreversibly broken.

Cassandra stands, shoulders hunched up by her ears. One hand reaches up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. Rapunzel longs to reach out and do it for her.

"Hi, Raps."

"Have you been avoiding me?" Rapunzel keeps her fingers from brushing at Cassandra’s hair by brushing the dirt off her skirt instead. She tilts her head to look at Cass with a questioning eye.

"No!" Cassandra's shoulders sag, drooping like the flowers in her hands. "Maybe… Yes."

Rapunzel frowns, hands twisting in the fabric of her skirt in lieu of her long hair. "Is… is there a reason why?"

"Kind of? I just… I'm no good at this kind of thing." Cassandra rubs a shy hand down the back of her neck.

Rapunzel smiles. Cassandra being shy wasn't something she was used to, but it was endearing.

"That's okay! I'm not surprised, you've been gone for months. We can talk back at the castle though, it's getting really dark."

"That's not really what I mea–"

Rapunzel loops one of her arms around Cassandra's and starts walking.

"We'll talk inside! I promise."

Cassandra can't help but follow, one arm linked with Rapunzel's and the other cradling her flowers. She watches Rapunzel talk about what she and Eugene did yesterday with a fond smile.

She's missed this.

……………….

True to her promise, they sit down to talk over dinner. When Rapunzel asks Friedborg to take the flowers, Cassandra pulls them closer to her.

"No! No actually, these… these are for you."

Cassandra held them out for Rapunzel to take. Her eyes dart from her feet to the windows, never staying in one place and never looking at Rapunzel. It’s like she's nervous.

"They're daffodils. Sorry they're kind of, well, ruined, because of earlier, but yeah. For you."

She's blushing now, her pale cheeks tinged pink. Rapunzel finds she rather likes it when Cassandra blushes; pink is a good colour on her.

"Cassandra! They're perfect. Thank you."

Rapunzel holds the flowers close. Cassandra is right, some of the flowers were flattened and are missing petals. Rapunzel doesn't care. Cassandra isn't the flower-giving type, she knows, but she got flowers just for her. Rapunzel's heart feels too big for her chest and she can’t stop the smile that spreads across her face. She doesn’t even try.

She turns to the table to set them in a vase Friedborg has helpfully supplied. With her hands empty she's free to hug Cassandra like she's longed to for months.

"I love them." Rapunzel whispers with Cassandra's arms around her. She hopes her actions convey the words she's too scared to say just yet.

I love them and I love you.

……………….

They spend the next few days together and it's easy. Familiar.

Rapunzel's worries about things being different weren't entirely unfounded. They can still talk and laugh like they used to but there are moments where Rapunzel can't help but stare when Cassandra laughs, admiring the curve of her lips. There are moments when Rapunzel is talking and she glances at Cassandra to find her staring. Then Cassandra glances away, cheeks tinting a now familiar pink.

It's strange, the floaty feeling Rapunzel gets when she links her hand with Cassandra's to pull her along as they walk the streets of Corona. Cassandra never protests at the contact. Sometimes she gives Rapunzel's hand a little tug, pointing out something new or something she had missed while she was away.

All of it is new and different and strange and Rapunzel finds she doesn't really mind.

……………….

Her mother comes into her room a few days later to find her pressing one of the last daffodils into her journal. This one is new, one she started right after Cassandra left. She's been keeping all the letters and other things Cassandra sends her tucked safely inside. In the last few days she's recorded some of Cassandra's journeys too. The flower is yet another memory the two of them share, kept forever in the little brown journal.

"Is that a daffodil? It's beautiful." Arianna commented, sitting next to her daughter on the bed.

Rapunzel hummed in agreement. "Cassandra gave me a whole bouquet."

Arianna raised an eyebrow. "Cassandra gave you daffodils?"

Rapunzel looked up from her journal. "She did. Why?"

Arianna shook her head. "It's an interesting choice of flower, that's all."

At Rapunzel's puzzled look, she elaborated. "I've got a book I think you might like. Let me go get it for you."

Arianna returns with a beautifully decorated book. The cover is soft fabric, hand painted with detailed flowers. The title reads Flowers and What They Mean: A Guide by Willow.

Rapunzel gasped. "Aunt Willow?"

"She gave it to me years ago. She liked to document the flowers she found as she travelled and when she learned people had meanings for them, she recorded that too. I think you'll find it interesting."

"Thanks, mom." Rapunzel gives Arianna a quick hug and settles down, lying on her stomach, to read. Arianna leaves her to it with a quick kiss on the forehead.

Rapunzel flips through the pages until she finds one with a bright, detailed drawing of a familiar yellow flower.

Daffodils are bright yellow flowers. Symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings, the daffodil is virtually synonymous with spring. A gift of daffodils is said to ensure happiness. But always remember to present daffodils in a bunch – the same legends that associate this cheerful flower with good fortune warn us that when given as a single bloom, a daffodil can foretell misfortune.

"New beginnings and happiness," Rapunzel murmured to herself. "Oh, Cassandra!"

Rapunzel turned so she was laying on her back and stared at the paintings on the ceiling as she thought. Cassandra was leaving again the next day. If Rapunzel worked quickly, she might be able to put her plan into action.

……………….

She just barely makes it.

They eat breakfast together and then Cassandra leaves to visit her father before her journey. Cassandra is mounting Fidella when Rapunzel comes running into the courtyard.

"Cass! Wait!"

Cassandra looks up with a smile, pulling her foot out of the stirrup to catch Rapunzel in a tight hug.

"Glad you made it."

"Of course," Rapunzel smiles. "Can't let you leave without saying goodbye."

Cassandra notices she's holding something. A crown of flowers, carefully woven together.

"Is that for me?"

Rapunzel nods. "Yellow daffodils for new beginnings and pink asters for love."

Cassandra freezes, her eyes wide. "Rapunzel…"

"You're right, this is our new beginning. After everything that's happened, after everything we've been through, we get to start over. And I want to do this right."

Rapunzel steps forward so she can set the crown on Cassandra's head. She lets her hands hover for a moment and then gently cups Cassandra's face.

"I love you, Cassandra. I love you so, so much."

She presses her forehead to Cassandra's. Cass is crying now, quiet tears rolling down her cheeks. Her hands grip Rapunzel's shoulders, like she’s scared to let go.

"I'm here," Rapunzel soothes, wiping away her tears. "I'm here and I love you."

Cassandra smiles and her hands slide to Rapunzel's waist, drawing her close. "I love you too, Raps."

Cassandra tilts her head and kisses her. Rapunzel closes her eyes and the jittery feeling that something was not-quite-right that had been resting in her chest since Cassandra's return dissolved into a warmth that blanketed her. The odd moments from the last few days fell neatly into place and for the first time since before Cassandra had taken the moonstone, things felt right again.

Notes: 

Titles from the song "Exist for Love" by Aurora. The paragraph about daffodils and their meaning was taken directly from this website. The meaning for aster flowers was found here.

Check out the other art pieces and fics created for cassunzel week! They're all brilliant.

@cassunzelweek

[mish-tique]

huh, turns out that i have no classes today, so i'm giddily catching up on the last two kinktober fics you've posted.

how are you miss missha? i hope life has been treating you well. also, "angrily played you're on your own kid?" that statement made me laugh then the song itself made me sad. it's maybe too early to cry

anyways, SPOILERS under the rose line for "how i suffered before i knew you, how i suffered after"

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

imagining max in the middle of the club is always so 50/50. he's either so drunk it's funny, or he's got that stoic and maybe uncomfortable look on his face because too many people (when he's just a kid wanting to drive)

you know what, the paragraphs from "When he came, he thought...." to "...Lewis might regret ending it all too." <- just take my heart out, it would heart less. that's so heartbreaking and it's too early to deal with these types of feels. catch me crying as the birds sing of love songs

and especially this -> "He needs to experience what he wants so badly ..... he is the one that can’t move on, that can’t let go." -> the holding on to past memories, then wanting to experience the manifestations of those memories because the affection of it all, but with a different person because the other person is not there anymore, and the want to replace memories to erase the hurt

then in the next paragraph, it ends with "he had truly thought that Lewis might regret ending it all too." <- regret it lew

the awkwardness and silence in the elevator is actually empasized by the jazzy elevator music

“It’s been a long time since we shared a hotel,” "There is no reason for us to,” “There could be,” “I think we already have had this conversation,”  "He already went through this twice too many, why add a third time now?" <- i came here to have a good time but i'm beaten down by the angst and the feels (this why i actually love your kinktober, it's got sexy times, for movie/book plots, aus that are so mindblowing, and feels, lots of feels)

“I didn’t want to reject you,” to “It seems like the only one who made you make the choice was you.” <- 😭 there's just so much to unpack, there's a whole fic underneath this fic

"Why does he need to entertain the thought that instead of replacing the old memories of Lewis with someone else, he could just replace those old memories with new ones made with Lewis?" <- hehe

"He might regret it tomorrow, but he will have something good to cling to for now." <- third time's the charm, you know. maybe you won't regret it this time? fic!lew, i'll hurt you if you hurt maxy again

💖😢😫

i dont even know. i'm just aching all over im sad. i hope they get their shit together

roses for youu

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

-Rose 🥺🌹

ah no classes? good! i hope you rested and had a good day! and that's school going well!

Life has been good, really busy, because i really do not have enough free time next to my job, but we make it work! and yes, it's a sad song, but over the years I've managed to create the habit of angrily playing sad songs.

max is me, i am max. we are either out of our mind, having the best time drunk/sober, or fucking miserable. no in between

look i wanted to make it sexy but instead it became really, really heartbreaking

also yes there is a fic underneath this fic because i was too tired / my brain wasn't working with me to write both so instead i implied a LOT kshdgks

third time's the charm for proper heartbreak, you mean <33

Hope you didn't stay sad for too long!!

[bipolarchristianwidow]

I made this image you see below for my #bipolar support group... And posted it there knowing they would relate. Then... I seriously debated on sharing this here publically. It is scary for me to be so transparent bold and honest. Partially because it's embarrassing but partially because I don't want to overwhelm you... How is that fair to me, and people like me?

Listen, we know we're overwhelming... We KNOW you hide or ignore us. 🙁 How do you think that makes us (me) feel? The inability for me and people who suffer like me truly leads to suicide due to this type of clinical depression. The stigma keeps us silent, and your lack of knowledge and compassion intensifies it.

Think about Robin Williams for a second... He hid his pain behind laughter and tried to cope in silence. There is nothing worse than dealing with days like this and not one person cares enough to understand it. He had resources I'll never have and he still killed himself.

We don't talk about it enough... Young people suffer from this and the added stigma of also being gay or having an addiction to contend with. It is no wonder they turn to suicide.

I'm simply tired. Physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted... But I'm also tired of the stigma which creates your fear of me. We stand in a room FULL of people and feel alone. This is why often we simply stay home... Which creates more depression.

This is not just something that can be "prayed away" or 'big pharma' and therapy can fix... We are not crazy or strange, just misunderstood. Because our brain does 'this' what you see below. Our handicap is invisible, but like cancer eats our sanity slowly into dementia. Step inside my head with me for just a second and see what this feels like. A very real chemical imbalance that we can't control. It causes real often debilitating issues in our lives and can take years to properly diagnose and treat.

So... I decided the only way you will understand what my mind does is if I DO share it, so you can spend the 30 seconds it takes to read it in my head. Yes, it's embarrassing, Yes I know you'll judge me... But I have to stand up and stop being silent while im judged and misunderstood. I watch people in my support group suffer daily, I watch mothers grieve for their children due to addiction when they don't understand the root cause. It is sad because it can be helped with a little knowledge and understanding. Open minds save lives.

Since I was laid off from my job I've fallen into a pretty deep depression that has morphed into a rapid cycle mixed manic state... This is very dangerous and should require hospitalization. The embarrassing fact for me is now I don't have insurance. Worse yet, that it is of no fault of my own. I was mostly stable for 6 years. Yes, I struggled to maintain but I was ' stable'

Then in October the company who employed me for 6 years dissolved in front of my eyes and I was laid off. Now I can't properly treat it and due to the stigma and my current state of mind, I CAN'T find a job. I pull myself up only to be kicked HARD in the shins and back down again, It is a vicious cycle. And I sit in a dark room... Alone day after day hoping and praying (yes praying) something will change.

I'm screaming that I need help... But no one is listening and I'm not the only one. There are 5.2 million of us who can't get the help they need and they (we) are simply silent due to fear! It causes addiction and homelessness... Scary involuntary hospitalization we can't afford and WE are being ignored.

Bipolar is UGLY and scary but when you're in a deep depression it makes you irrational which makes you look stupid. I'm not stupid, I'm just 'out of my mind' right now (yes, that's a real thing) and not "handling it very well" as Eric (my late husband) would say.

I wish that more people knew what this looks and feels like... It might create more compassion. If I had one request it would be this: Don't just read this... And shake your head in silent judgment or worse, don't just ignore it. As embarrassing as it is, it was a real day in my life, in fact, it was today! This terrible day WAS my day. And that was just the highlights. As I sit here and type this at 4:00 am because I can't sleep, I'm scared. I don't know when I'll sleep properly again, I don't know what tomorrow holds and I don't like what this does to my kids.

I stand up and say these things so that you understand it a little more and maybe bit by bit you can educate yourself to someone who might have it. Possibly, someone, YOU love! Or, maybe, someone, you love who has it but doesn't recognize the signs. If there is someone you love who suffers from this like I do stand up, be an advocate!

As a widow... I have what's called layered clinical, situational and seasonal depression (all three of these are different and carry their own distinct markers) Again, I'm not the only one. A little bit of knowledge goes a LONG way and you might just save them from possible suicide.

Feeling alone and trapped in a mind and body that doesn't function properly is terrifying. Please, I beg you... Share this! Make this go viral! If you can share "cat memes" and Bible verses you can share this!

My long-term goal is to start a nonprofit to help people like me who suffer and lack the proper resources leaving them homeless and unable to thrive. I need support and funding but moreover, I need to raise awareness. I'm not asking for money, I'm asking for a few minutes of your time, prayer and the willingness to learn!

Please like and share this post. Visit my website www.HisDailyMiracle.com and subscribe to my updated blogs so you can share them. And please pay close attention to the ones you love. I have a passion for this and compassion for those who suffer because I live it! I'm tired of having to be silent and pretend I'm okay. I want it to be 'okay NOT to be okay' and not just let that be a meme you share, even if for a minute.

This illness is progressive, incurable and scary... Please just try to put yourself our heads for 30 seconds. It will change your outlook and you'll see something you didn't see before.