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valiant-portabella-pirkko · 6 days

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*points* you've been talking a lot about ruju lately so let's do fear, guilt, hunt, and secret for him (for that ask meme) >:)

oc asks: not-so-nice edition

Ty so much for giving me an excuse to talk about The Rat™ even if this is very, VERY late... And long. Whoops. This is going under a cut, I think all of your dashes will thank me for that later.

I'll stick to just his Commander verse for this batch!

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

At his core, what Ruju fears most is feeling helpless.

There aren't a lot of times in the present that he's truly cornered, but in his youth it was a lot more obvious; he learned early on just how cruel his peers could be, and how eager they were to circle even the smallest hint of blood in the water. So he stopped showing the world he was scared. He buried it all deep, deep down and put on the air of confidence and aggression worn by so many Inquest because, well, nobody dares to mess with THEM, right? Better to blend in with the sharks than wind up as chum for the real deal.

But helplessness is more complicated than just being cornered in a fight. He's afraid of so much more than that; that his choices won't matter, that everything he's done will be for nothing, that forces he can't control will steamroll it all no matter what he does, that he just plain isn't enough for the role he's trying to fill. That fear only grew more and more as each dragon fell, the next picking up more and more new powers from each one he's taken down. What if he's just making it worse? What if that monstrous version of himself from the Infinity Ball was right-- what if the future really is unavoidable?

What if the one obstacle he'll never be able to surpass is himself?

Ruju doesn't let anyone see the deeper layers of his motivation, though. He pushes harder, fights fiercer, burns brighter. He won't let anyone see him falter. At its worst, it creates a vicious cycle of intense impulsiveness and aggressive independence, rushing past everyone else to reduce the number of variables and just deal with it. His solutions are direct and violent; as long as it works, he doesn't really care what the consequences are. And more importantly, it gives an outlet to his burning need to do something.

It takes a long time and a lot of work for Ruju to start trusting and leaning on others more instead. Even then, though, his most natural instinct is still to bristle like a cornered animal-- and if you jam your hand where it shouldn't be, he might not pause long enough to consider whether you're a friend or a foe. Watch your fingers, he bites.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

While there's lots of little things-- rude remarks, losing his temper, impulsive choices, and so on-- those he usually apologizes for shortly after. He hates leaving things to fester. Ruju knows himself well enough to recognize that if he doesn't deal with it right then, he'll default to option 2 which isn't particularly great for anybody.

By far Ruju's heaviest guilt is the knowledge he bears of the future, and what he might become for reasons not even he understands. The only person who knows prior to EoD is Zojja-- and he had no more contact with her than anybody else by that point. While he wants to believe that he's fighting to make the world better, there's always a part of him that's afraid the 'Sovereign' was right and the path he's following is going to doom the entirety of Tyria. Ruju hopes that he's making better choices this time, but how can he know for sure?

What if he's just leading all these people right to their doom?

But he handles that just about as well as he handles his guilt about being a notorious college bully: avoidance. He just tries not to think about it, focusing on the future and keeping himself busy and hoping it never comes up again. It doesn't work particularly well, though, once the void finally shows itself-- and at that point he cracks.

Ruju has something that his other, doomed version didn't, though.

When he falters, he has people who care enough to catch him.

And once everything is out in the open, he does confront it; it's a complicated conversation (and one not even Taimi dares to make more than a single jab about) but it does lead to Ruju becoming much more honest moving forward. After all it's not like he can get any worse than THAT, right? 'Possibly causing the apocalypse' is a bit hard to beat.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

The shadow looming over Ruju's shoulder has always been his own-- his past and his future. He never really felt its weight until the Infinity Ball showed him one of his potential futures in all its grisly, self-destructive glory, but knowing what he does now? Ruju is keenly aware of his own impulsiveness and is in a constant fight to choose a better path; in more ways than one he really is his own worst enemy.

And if not that, there's his unstable magic to worry about, too. His fiery disposition isn't just in personality; Ruju's power is destructive, and at times it can be a genuine challenge to keep it in check.

But as time progressed and he gained meaningful bonds of trust, learning to lean on his friends and allies... He's gradually come to realize that the best way to keep himself in check is to rely on people who can catch him when he stumbles. Ruju has found exactly the support network that his doomed timeline never had-- and together they ensure that the future he witnessed will never come to pass.

The Doomed Sovereign was wrong; there may be no delaying the future, but that doesn't mean you can't choose how it goes.

By the time the Dragon Cycle ends, he finally knows they've won.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

There's actually a reason Ruju's magic is so potent and unstable.

His parents worked at the Crucible of Eternity, with his mother being a high-ranking researcher working directly under Kudu. As a refresher crash course: Kudu's whole deal was controlling and weaponizing dragon corruption, with him even applying Branded corruption to HIMSELF so that he could control powerful dragon minions.

His mother wanted to be home more, but her position also required long hours-- so she took to bringing some research materials to her home lab, continuing her studies right under their roof. While she was out, Ruju got into her lab and tried to 'assist' with her research; after all, if all her work was done then she'd have more time to spend with her family, right? But, well, he didn't exactly know what any of this stuff was, or just how dangerous it could be.

The ensuing lab accident destroyed basically all the records they had so far, along with making him deathly ill from exposure to multiple heavily altered strains of dragon corruption. They didn't expect him to survive, let alone make a full recovery seemingly unscathed.

But when he did recover, while Ruju didn't show any obviously visible signs of dragon corruption... He did develop some extremely unusual qualities that they couldn't quite explain. A lot of the top secret research that the asura kept under wraps about dragon minions? They confirmed it from secretly studying him. The biggest breakthroughs were confirmations of dragon minions absorbing magic-- something they directly observed from him accidentally draining nearby power sources and reacting to ambient magic-- and being able to stabilize strains enough for Kudu to weaponize.

Ruju never knew about this until he got into the records at the Crucible of Eternity, though. Zojja saw it too, but they never really talked about it; after all, what was there to say?

And after seeing how the world felt about the sylvari... He decided that there was no way he could EVER tell anyone what he was.

If they couldn't even handle the comparatively stable liberated minions of a dragon, they definitely wouldn't be able to handle a medically inexplicable volatile freak like him. Most running theories in the present are that it has to do with being the Champion of Aurene, and he's certainly not about to tell them otherwise.

#gw2 #guild wars 2 #gw2 asks #gw2 asura #Commander Ruju #my posts #this is VERY late #but thank you so much for the ask!!#i had fun with this #even if i rewrote it like 10 times HDJDHGDH I think I'm satisfied now (even if it's all still REALLY long lmao)#ah well. that's why it's under a readmore #ANYWAY #a lot of this is only relevant to his Commander verse but there's definitely a few things there that are universal #particularly the 'secret' which applies to every timeline :3c #though notably: in his Statics timeline He Has No Idea.

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laylabahiti · 6 months

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HSHQTASK059: FAREWELL SEE YOU LATER!

when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

i joined september 2016 when this was vikrp! i was a junior in college and had been writing indie rp for a minute before that kinda died down, so i took a peek at the tags. vikrp/haisociety/highsociety had the pairs aspect to it back then, so i fulfilled someone's jade thirlwall wc but they went inactive like right after i was accepted asjdfka. i believe the revamp to haisociety happened in december/january, truly a time to be alive. i started as a junior back then and i'm ending as a junior in my second bachelor's degree💀, a homeowner, and within the next couple years, i'll be married and have a kid*. *tbd when we're both done with school and onto other careers

which characters have you written over the years ?

layla, cameron (early days), tobias (early days), katalina, gabriel, mikolas, alaina, dmitri, juliana, ettore, emerson, tamiko, kaira

what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

too many to choose from! tbh the aslan/layla/olivier triangle was fun just because of the silly ic drama it caused. i'm pretty sure it was during haisociety when i messaged e about layla/olivier, because layla has the "he helped me, i love him" mentality and we just went with it askdfa, not really planning anything or knowing what would come of it. also love the egypt plotline and anytime those siblings interacted. and the early days of barbie and layla's friendship, how barbie pretty much took layla under her wing and got her out of her shell.

what about other people's plotlines ?

definitely the chaos of england and the murder mystery event. if i remember any more i'll edit this jaksdf

who is your favourite character from the ones you've played ? why ? what made you love them ? what made them so fun to write ?

no surprise here but layla. in the early days, layla was meek to the point she hardly spoke, took everything literally, and asked too many questions. she developed her voice and learned to be a little selfish in the later years, but she's still a crier.

if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

the greek invasion. it might have been one of the most well-constructed events i have been a part of. i remember traveling during it and writing replies on my phone just so i didn't miss out. every character was affected one way or another, and that event was a turning point in layla's personality.

is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

i wouldn't necessarily say edit, but it'd be interesting to see how things would've panned out if layla kissed olivier back and still felt guilty enough to tell aslan.

what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

egypt<3 getting to see amon's coronation and both of them trying to rectify the family's image. life got way too chaotic over the past year, but i love mine and lina's headcanons

what is your favourite ooc memory ?

late 2018, someone kept sending rude/hateful anons to muns and the main, and everyone banded together to keep hshq alive and well. i submitted a whole essay to the main with my comments not thinking the admins would actually post it and they DID, 2018 was an interesting time here. also in the early days when we started listing how all characters were connected and making full circles of connections, simpler times.

where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

you can always reach me on discord! i'm in the hshq server so feel free to add me or message anytime. i have a few socials if you want those as well - if this is farewell, you've earned my real name ajkdlfj. tbh this is probably my tumblr exit, i don't have much time or mental capacity to write full threads and join something new, but this blog will remain.

what else would you like to say ?

hshq is truly the only reason i've stuck around tumblr this long. almost 8 years of my life has been spent communicating with you all! in some of my worst moments, i was able to turn to hshq and escape reality for a bit. i feel like i'm missing a lot but trying to dig up memories from 8 years ago is difficult lol.

#hshqtask059 #my brain is not computing. i did my best <3

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jittersbitters · 11 months

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Splintered Hearts (1)- "First Impressions"

Story summary: Two people of differing backgrounds; Both religiously traumatized (in different ways), both college friends of Foggy, and both not having the most stable of lives- romantic or otherwise. One looking to become a lawyer (and a savior) for the people of Hell's Kitchen, while the other chooses to be a doctor for those entering an early grave. Two vastly separate lives finally starting to collide- for better or for worse? Secrets and lies always did make kisses far more sweet.

Chapter summary: Foggy has a friend at the hospital that Matt has been dying to meet. Through circumstance and luck, he finally gets the chance to meet them one-on-one. Hopefully, the chicken and dumplings he brought are enough to smooth things over.

Word count: 7k

Chapter Mood board

Tropes: Strangers to lovers, friends with benefits to lovers, daddy issues, might be some friends to unknown enemies to lovers (We'll see how I feel when we cross that bridge), friendship to love to hate to love again, Food is the easiest way to anyone heart (Trope or just facts?). Catholic x Pagan (guilty pleasure), lawyer x doctor, vigilant x reformed criminal (pending...), sex first love later, Oops we fell in love type story, slow burn, mutual pining, both fell first and then fell harder

Content Warning (Strap in folks; bolded is what appears in this chapter): FMC is named (I can't do that Y/N shit or constantly typing just she/her and vague gender descriptions, I have war flashbacks from my Wattpad days. Sorry fam oc is being slapped in here- I don't care it feels better), Possible Inaccuracies (I'm reading the script sue me), The subtlest hint of daddy issues, Vaguely mentioned age gap between Matt and Amilia (FMC), Religious trauma, Matt went one-way and Amilia went the other, mentions of drug use, Descriptions of drug use, Mentions of addiction recover, Falling off and going on a bender, Mentions of past criminal active, Descriptions of murder scenes, Descriptions of violence, FILTH, SMUT IS TO COME I promise, Just got to sit through the slowest slow burn ever, Detailed descriptions of dead bodies, She's not like other girls she likes to play with the dead, I'll add more when we get farther into this- editing has transformed this from the original plot- its BETTER

part one

A/N: If you would have told me 3 years ago I would be posting this, I would have laughed in your face- but here we are. Special thanks to @knightofthieves and a couple Matt Murdock pages for giving me the confidence to edit and post this. It turned out better than expected, I hope you like it. I'm hoping to post this on the same schedule as my therapy visits. We will see.

"It isn't the red ribbon that binds us together.

The root that unifies us, does not derive from a tree on the wall.

This bond knows no genetics.

Friendship is a peculiar seed.

No matter the season, the weather,

nor the time of the day.

When planted on a nourishing soul,

it will always bear fruit." -Clairel Estevez

~-~

‘240 N. Pleasant Ave. Bronx, NY 10462’

This had been the place her nurse had mentioned. Taking people in, like her, with nowhere else to go. Wayward kids and adults with habits that made them undesirable to society.

That's what she was at this moment, unwanted and pathetically useless.

With no skills to manage a normal life, this was the last choice she had - rehabilitation with nothing more than a voucher and a bag of belongings. She had been lucky an attending had been nice enough, kind enough, to her to shove a piece of paper in her hand before ushering her out the door. Three simple lines containing the information and resources to get somewhere safe.

Now, the letter with the address card was held, crumpled, in her hand. Thinning for days spent reading the smudged words, a reminder of a fresh start. A start that had the slouched woman, draped in the shadows left by the broken lamp post, looking up at the old Georgian-styled house in front of her. Sticking out like a sore thumb, presenting as some sort of illusion made from the smog and grey drizzle. Potted plants and windchimes hung from the porch rafters, the sound of the crystals sitting almost eerily in the air. The glow of the interior lights giving a warm backwash that set shadows across the front lawn, reached the tips of her shoes.

It made her anxious. Being out, prancing up to a random stranger's house. It was almost uncanny. A normal house, a normal neighborhood. Complete with the green yard and a slowly aging white picket fence. Flowers were even planted to perfectly line the bottom... It was an oasis in the New York chill, made to allure those passing by. It was only a thousand miles from home and the complete opposite of everything she had grown to know. It made her feel insignificant and self-conscious, small. Worried that her clothes would have the lady of the house turning up her nose in disgust. Button up wrinkled and disheveled from the bus ride, obviously heavily slept in and smelling of humid sweat. She had done her best to freshen up at the bus stop, nervous about making the right impression for the first time face to face. She just worried that the effort hadn’t been enough.

She’d think it was excitement, butterflies fluttering in her gut like a teenage girl going to prom if it wasn’t for the acid that was climbing up her throat. Burning bile that had her stomach in knots, turning over and over till she felt like she was about to lose her lunch. A clammy, cold sweat dripped between her fingers. She cringed at the salty texture; hastily patting her palms dry on the sides of her legs and shoving the paper into her coat pocket. Finally looking around at something other than the house, she peered around the dead residential street becoming acutely aware of just how long she had been standing out front. Tsking crudely at her absurd behavior, calling herself a child as she picked at the fraying seam of her pants.

“Fuck, FUCK,” she said bitterly through her teeth. Hearing the grind of them in her ears as she fixed her sack. The strap dug into her shoulder, loaded with all her earthly possessions, as she finally stepped into the light of the driveway. Making the agonizing journey to the front door, stalling on the steps of the porch as she saw all the trinkets and planters. Not being able to help herself, tutting at the stereotypical rocking chair by the front door - fit with the dog bed sitting beside it. The rattling of the bench swing creaked next to it as a breeze swept through, chimes ringing behind her.

Guess she really was a Grandma…

When she came to the front door, she remembered to breathe, steeling her overzealous nerves, and taking one last look around before knocking on the door. Making it quick with false vibrato before she lost her edge. Instantly, she regretted it as someone seemed to bounce up and shuffle toward the door, obviously expecting her arrival. It had her inching side to side, smoothing down the wrinkles in her button-up, tightening her ponytail to hide tangled hair. Still fussing over her appearance like a schoolgirl, when the door opened- stomach sinking to her feet. The light from the entrance basking her pale face, the smell of some type of cookie wafting through the air. Her stomach growled as she felt drawn inside forgetting she hadn’t eaten since she stepped foot on her bus here. Mouth watering at the same time her lips felt parched, her throat begging for a glass of water.

“Ah, Darling! You must be Ms. Boteo! Rachael told me to be expecting you tonight.” An elderly woman opened the door, tanned skin wrinkled with age and blotted with freckles. A smile that could rival the sun brightened her face as she took in the young woman's tired appearance. A small frown twitched at the sides of her lips as her eyes scanned the bags under the lady’s even darker eyes. Growing the tiniest bit unsettled, disappointed, by the dead look behind them. Not even the light from her house was managing to brighten them. Somehow just made the amber look hauntingly soulless, fading into the black ring of her iris. It had the woman pushing down a shiver, rubbing her hands together like the chill of mid-October was getting to her. Hiding a frown in a brightened smile.

“Why- Why don’t we get you out of this cold? I’ll introduce you to everyone…” She led the newly arrived women inside with a hand on her shoulder, shocked when she felt nothing but ice. Even with the leather jacket, she shouldn’t have been that cold. “And maybe a nice cup of tea, hmm?”

~-~

Seven years later…

“Nelson,” The sharp voice of his boss cut through the air like a knife. It made both men freeze in the middle of their work. Both turned to answer her, Foggy feeling like a deer in headlights as his pen slipped from his hand and the office phone pressed into his shoulder dangled precariously. The air felt thick in their closet of an office as she looked between the two interns with a passive gaze. “I need you to sit in on my meeting with the Agnelli accounts.”

The panic that went through Foggy was palpable. “Yes ma’am.” He gave an awkward nod of his head, enough to satisfy his boss. He looked between her departing back and his notepad, finishing his call- obviously disgruntled. “Yes, Yes, thank you, Bobby.”

*Click*

Foggy fell back into his chair, tense as he pushed the phone away from him in a huff. “Shit! I was supposed to go to the hospital for lunch…”

“You still haven’t got the list?” Matt turned his head toward Foggy’s voice, hands grazing over the documents before him. “I thought you went to see them on Monday?”

“No,” He pulled the word out, turning inward to their shard desks. “They were called to a scene as soon as I arrived. Walked out the door with a pat on the back and a ‘I’m sorry, I'll see you whenever Franklin’ before whipping out the door and leaving me with TWO servings of Taiwanese noodles. With all our overtime, today is the only time we both have available for a while. I won’t be seeing them till after the trial at this rate.”

Matt’s fingers stopped mid-page.

Foggy was desperate. The case was going to court in 3 days, and while they had a case without paperwork from the hospital, it wasn’t perfect. It had holes, and their boss didn’t like holes. The records would be the cherry on top. Impress the boss and make the trial MUCH easier to breeze through. Two birds, one stone. Besides... Matt had never been allowed to know so much as the name of whoever this friend was at the hospital. This could be his chance, as selfish as it was- he was far too curious to care anymore.

“I…Could go?” Matt tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. Leaning in his chair as he swiveled to the side. Without paying attention to anything else, Matt could still feel the disdain at the idea, heavy in the air like smoke. The way Foggy fidgeted and gave him a shrewd once over to discern Matt’s intentions. However, before Foggy could shoot him down like usual, Matt raised a hand to interrupt him. Let him try and convince him. “Think about it. I don’t have that much work and you have this meeting now. When’s the next chance you’re realistically going to have to go to the hospital?”

“...”

Silence was good. Silence wasn’t a no. As long as he held it long enough, he was bound to break eventually…

“... You’ll need to pick up the order from MeiMei’s.” That was NOT entirely too far from the hospital. “It's Friday so she will be counting on the usual from there, she’s particular about these things.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Matt gave a little shrug of the mouth but got nothing but silence again in return. He sensed Foggy becoming more anxious about the idea, having to contemplate if he was actually going through with this. Was the report really worth exposing his ‘mystery man’? Years of excuses going down the drain, opening a door he wouldn’t be able to close.

“You’ll behave yourself?” Even without context, Matt got the subtext in that accusation. It was the first domino tipping, sewing the downfall of all the rest.

“So they’re a woman, then? Interesting” The upward twitch in his lips gave Foggy all the proof he needed not to trust his friend. Resigning with a sharp glare and an exaggerated sigh that Matt couldn’t help but laugh at. It didn’t help his case, only ended in another sharp look shooting his way.

“No. No! The answer is no.” Foggy turned away, starting to pack up papers for the new meeting. Surrending himself to the absence of that report, not like they needed it. It would be fine. There was always the next case, another opportunity to impress the boss would always arise

“Okay, Okay,” Matt put his hands up, showing his capulation. Though, still smiling at his friend's obvious discomfort and exasperation. “I promise it will be nothing, but my best behavior.”

Foggy rolled his head toward Matt. Even though he knew Matt couldn’t see him, it didn’t stop Foggy from giving his office mate a ‘do I look stupid to you’ stare. Looking the most unamused he had ever been with Matt, it was almost a shame Matt didn’t get to witness it. “See, that?” he thrusted an open hand toward his partner. “That is the problem.”

Matt snorted, raising his eyebrows. “What now? How is that the problem?”

“With you it is. You’ll talk nice and butter her up, then next thing I know I’m being canceled on for lunch because you wooed her, or whatever it is you do,” he was waving his hands around, becoming more eccentric as he continued to shove papers and files he needed into his case.

“Wooed her? Foggy-”

“No, I’m not losing my only client before I’ve even started.” He clipped his briefcase shut, doubling down. “Took me way too long to convince her lawyers aren’t the devil, I’m not letting you take that away.”

“Hey, now. I’m just trying to help,” Matt leaned farther back in his chair, a convincing smile never leaving his lips. “I will keep my distance, I swear it.” The uptick in his tone told Foggy not to trust him, track record not being taken into consideration… but he did trust Matt, even if now it might have been misguided. If he made it clear she was off limits then, he was more than sure that Matt would stick to it… Right?

It was a beat before Matt heard the victorious spleen sigh of Foggy relenting. Leaning over his desk to write a note, scribbling it quickly before stuffing it in Matt’s shirt pocket. “Give that to her boss, he asked me to look into the legality of something for him.”

“Oh?” His satisfaction was quickly replaced with confusion. What could that mean?

“You’ll... Find out soon enough…” Foggy gave a shrug, nodding his head side to side. “Probably.” He stole his briefcase from his desk, reaching for the door. “Go to the hospital and head to the morgue, she’s a resident there.”

“The morgue?” Matt gave him a befuddled look. He didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t that.

“Yeah,” Foggy laughed, finding his own amusement. His turn to smile now. “The morgue.”

Matt was left with nothing else as Foggy left quickly after, not fully closing the door to their office in his rush. He didn’t know what he felt more, surprise Foggy gave in and let him go in his stead or that uncomfortable feeling that has your skin crawling when you look down your basement stairs. Matt chose to focus on the surprise, for his sake.

~-~

Upon entering the Morgue, Matt is hit with a strong wave of chemicals and burnt coffee. It was thick enough in the air to make his temples burn with an unpleasant ache. The strong smell of the hospital had hit him a floor up and two blocks away, down here he could taste it on the back of his tongue. It made his throat clog with a metallic taste, it was nasty. How anyone could stomach even the lightest waft of this smell was beyond him. He could hear the whirling of a centrifuge buzzing off to the side, someone sitting next to it was tapping their pen against the table. He hears the click of the top before the scratch of it gliding against a piece of paper. No doubt jotting down some sort of note, the person too absorbed in work to take notice of his presence.

Stepping farther in, his cane hit the edge of the doorway, leading into a sunken room with a couple of stairs going down to it. The woman in front of him had a steady heartbeat but her breathing was shallow. She's exhausted, he can hear it in the slight cracking of her back and joints when she shifts in place. He almost feels bad for disturbing her while she is in such a state, it barely being passed 1 p.m. no less. The burnt coffee smell stong in her direction, she practically reeks of it. No creamer, maybe a spoon full of stale sugar. The mild soap and linens smell a mild undertone compared to the caffeine aroma staining her white coat… and… Pomegranates.

Matt doesn't get the time to reconsider, not that he would. Not when his chance to find out more was being served to him on a silver platter. He is barely a step down into the main room when the woman suddenly becomes aware of his presence. A sudden, hungry, chirp cuts through the space between them, like a knife through a crisp fruit.

“Chicken and rice dumplings?" She sounded as tired as she felt, a dry mirthy tone accompanied an even drier laughter. A meer chuckle as she lifted her head at the smell of the food in the bag hanging in Matt's hand, though not turning her head to see who was behind her. "I’d say you spoil me Percy, but we both know that's not the case.”

The heavy sarcasm is obvious like a slap in the face. The technician half turned in her chair, still writing down her final notes as she expected Foggy’s usual quip back. Something about how much he needs her, he wouldn’t be able to do half his job without her, voice laced with some sort of exaggerated desperation and false adoration. Something to butter up her ego even more. And Matt being, well, who he was- the gentlemen he is, couldn’t help but feel obliged. In his own way, of course.

So, with a wide smug smile spreading on his face, showing teeth while replying all too smoothly.

“I’m not this, Percy,” Matt tried not to laugh at the fact that this girl called Froggy by his middle name. “But, I have no problem spoiling you, if that's what he does.”

He expected to scare her a bit, maybe jump in her seat. That he expected. What he didn’t expect was her to shriek like a dying seagull before devolving into a coughing fit as she choked on her spit. Terror shot through her as she was rendered vulnerable in a moment of fear.

That was definitely not her usual lunch buddy.

Horror evolved into shock and embarrassment when she looked over to the door. Finding an older, than her, man with a heavy 5’oclock shadow and a cheeky smile that had her heart skipping a beat in both their ears. Struck silent for a moment as she twiddled the pen in her hand, chewing herself out for her twitterpation. Over nothing but a stranger who had found his way into her lab. Instantly drawn to his striking red glasses that glinted in the fluorescent light, giving him a devilish expression. It caused her a moment of pause before she pointed her pen at him, an eyebrow raising as she tried to figure out who the hell this random man at her job holding her lunch was. “You’re not him…”

She dragged out her words a bit as she attempted to settle her fluttering heart, eyes flicking all over his face. Abashly noting to herself that he had dimples, seeing them very clearly even part-way across the room from her. Etched deep into his scruffy face, accentuating his smile lines.

Pushing out air through her nose, she had to remind herself that staring wasn’t nice. Remebering her manners enough to throw a nervous, flirty smile his direction (aware he couldn’t see it)- setting down her pen to give Matt her full attention. Notes could wait, this was far more interesting.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what happened to him? Finally, bribed the wrong police officers?” She laughed at her joke, standing from her seat and using her foot to push in her stool. Stepping around the room, venturing closer with a drag in her step. Giving Matt time to answer before she got too close, too comfortable.

“No, nothing, like that.” He laughed, shaking his head. Walking farther into the room, taking her movement as an invitation. Careful, after scaring her, not to go too far into her personal space without another enticement. “Our boss called him to sit in on a meeting with a client.”

Matt received another bemused chuckle, listening to her rub her hands in sanitizer before stuffing them into her pockets. "So he sent you?" She was walking around the exam table between her and Matt, both lucky he hadn’t come in while she was in the middle of an active case. "That's… New.” Underneath all her bravo and charm, she was put off. Anxious. The masked stims and raising pulse; rubbing her thrumb over the seams of her pockets, the swinging of her elbows, biting her lip. She wasn’t as happy about his presence as she portrayed.

Matt chose to tread lightly, considering her reaction carefully. Leaning against his cane at his side, using it to balance as he put all his weight on one foot. Mimicking her chuckles, smiling boyishly again to try and soothe her over. Becoming as none threateningly as possible. “No,” His voice was a bit softer, the word coming out as only a breath while shaking his head. “I just happened to volunteer at the right time to bring you your food instead.” Shifting on his feet, he lifted her food, dangling it in front of her. If memory served, Foggy did say that food was the quickest way into her good graces. “I didn’t think it fair for Foggy to keep our best source of information to himself… Plus” He shrugged his mouth, not being able to stop himself from teasing her a little. “Someone needed to pick up your very, specific and particular order.”

He can hear her heart rate jump unexpectedly again as color rushes to her cheeks. Knowing, beyond a doubt that Foggy had said something of her tastes. He always did find her compulsion for routine amusing, if not a little worrying at times. If it was coming from anyone else she might have felt hurt, offended even. Scoffed in their face and told them to scram, she’d rather go hungry. But she couldn’t, not to Franklin and by extension his friend. Not when she knew there was no malice, just humor. Like old friends picking at each other- trying to lighten her mood and her more than obvious discomfort at the sudden change in her lunch plans. If there was anything she was, she liked to at least consider herself decent at social awareness. Even if she tended to be a little dramatic at times. So instead, she took the teasing with an open heart and grinned, laughing even. Stepping closer to him as a moment passed and her inner monologue seemed to cause an epiphany. Curiosity sank in its claws; realizing who exactly she was conversing with.

“Ah!” She snorted, finally close enough to take her food from his raised fist. The crinkling of the bag as her hand brushed against his. Making him jump a little at how cold she was, hands of ice with what he could only assume was connected to a very warm heart. “So you're his partner-in-law, I was wondering when you’d wiggle your way here." She gives him a look over before moving past him to a small office kitchen attached to the morgue, far enough away it wasn’t a health hazard. The smell of pomegranates and that old coffee made him take a deep breath, turning to follow her.

She set down her food unceremoniously on the rickety discount table, the blue resin top scuffed and stained from years of occupants. Humming at the smell of spices and chicken, she threw a glance over her shoulder to catch his slow creeping approach. Seeing nothing but a confused puppy trying to navigate a new house. The warmer fluorescent lights of the breakroom seemed to cast softened shadows down his face, bouncing through his finger-brushed hair. The first words in her head spilling out before she could stop them. Coming out with all the confidence in the world before they had the chance to go through that liiiittle mental filter everyone was supposed to use. "He was right, you are pretty."

It was Matt’s turn to blush, taken aback for a moment; for several reasons. One, the compliment, for him, came out of nowhere. Not entirely unappreciated, is smugly accepted even. Inflating his ego a bit. Two, this made his promise to Foggy a little harder. Foggy hadn’t been exaggerating the fact that this friend had a brass, awkward but charming personality it seemed. Turbulent in regulation, like a kitten falling out of bed kind of way, flipping between overly skeptical and anxious to loose-lipped with unfiltered compliments. She was awkward, and out of her element, but her approach was endearing. Sweet in its own clumsy way.

And three, the most rather obvious one; Foggy had called him pretty? That ol’ dog. He’d have to remind himself later to bring it up when they had a moment. Real answers could wait, right now this was all far too intriguing not to ride on the coat tales of. Grinning, he laughed at the proclamation, blowing air out his nose as he raised an eyebrow in amusement. “He called me pretty? If I had only known, I would have proposed sooner.” Matt grasped his cane firmly with both hands, planting in front and center of him. Receiving what could only be described as a chortle from the tech.

“Well, you two deserve each other. Bribing a state worker, who taught you two such questionable morals," She tutted in faux disappointment. Practically calling him a kettle, as the documents he would be expecting sat in her purse in the office next to them. If anyone had questionable morals it was the women sneaking confidential information for their boss’s trust fund, business clients. All her ‘big corporations must die’ beliefs going down the drain as soon as her college buddy pops up with tacos from some obscure restaurant she loved. Pushing passed the self-critization, she started to rip open the plastic bag and look through the boxes of steaming food.

“I don’t think my morals are that questionable,” Her pursed his lips mockingly, causing her to roll her eyes and blow air out through her nose again.

“If I had questionable mortals, I wouldn’t acknowledge it either,” She admired the golden dumplings before shoving one whole into her mouth and looking through the rest of the food. Finding the juices and meat inside better than anything else at this moment. It had been a couple of days, maybe a week, since she had had good and proper food; so maybe it was her neglected pallet talking. “(Mmmm, So good.)”

Catching himself, admiring her sounds a little too much, Matt switches thoughts. Remembering the paper Foggy shoved into his shirt. Fishing it out while drawing her attention again with a cough, clearing his throat. He dares to step closer, edging into the kitchen little by little. She heard her mumble something to acknowledge him as she chewed her big mouth of food. “Mmnnhh?”

“Foggy said he was asked to look into the legality? of a few things for your boss?” He handed her the paper, taking the opportunity to get closer. Stopping when he was in the area of the table, the strong scent of her perfume and the food hitting him where it hurt. Reminding him he hadn’t eaten lunch, his stomach happy to voice its abuse to him and his surroundings. The sweet smell of pomegranates and cherries, and what he could mistake as mint, not helping the saliva accumulating on the back of his throat.

It was sweet and musky.

Hearing his stomach, she scrunched her nose. Holding in a laugh she looked up from the quickly jotted legal jarb to give him the once over. Looking at him through the curtaining of her fringe, a gaiety squint of her eyes as she saw him shift slightly. He was aware she had noticed his stomach’s dramatized famine. “Well… “She started awkwardly, swallowing her bite before she had fully finished it. “...This food isn't going to eat itself.”

“Smooth,” He huffed at her, switching his cane from hand to hand.

“I am anything if not smooth,” she waved her hands like she was showing off a painting, bowing her head. She made herself laugh again as she pulled out her chair, pulling the other out for him by leg with her foot. “Sit, you may not be my usual company but you’ll do.”

Matt gave a light-hearted gasp, sending an all-to-chipper smirk her way. Folding up his cane and stowing it in his jacket, he reached for the back of the chair- guiding himself to sit. She wasted no time in planting herself on her own, rubbing her hands like a fly eager for its feast. Rummaging through the remains of the shredded bag for the chopsticks. Tapping them on the table to open them, made it easier for Matt when she handed them over.

His fingers brushed hers again, this time intentionally. Making her heart flutter and bounce against her rib cage. She was swift, pulling her hand away and grabbing for her own utensil to eat. Tapping it on the table again to rip away the plastic. Cheeks burning as Matt took in her reaction, cracking his sticks apart. He smoothed his hand across the table till he found an unopened box of dumplings and noodles, pulling it towards himself.

Now that he was sitting down with her, in a moment of silence, he thought back on his momentary conversations about her with Foggy. He had talked about how proper she was to people, overly so. Awkward and put off by normal social interactions, so much so that she puts up a vague and distant front. Living a very private life, with a very tight schedule. One of a hundred excuses made by Foggy as to why Matt was never introduced. Why Foggy kept his friendship with her so secluded.

Sitting here with her now, listening to her talk. He didn’t see any of that. Figuratively speaking of course.

She stuffed her face with food in an attempt to distract herself from him, slurping her noodles and shoving a whole dumpling in her mouth with no shame. She didn’t seem to care about manners as she all but demolished her mountain of food. The stereotype of an overworked student resident is all but perpetuated. Too tired to care about her anxiety, too nice to turn him away. Going far enough as to invite him to eat, given it was Foggy’s portion it would have become leftovers or gone to waste anyway.

He was only left with his questions as he ate his food, a silence settling between them. Only the crunch of food being shared.

Matt had been kept blatantly in the dark about this woman since he caught Foggy on the phone with her back during their first year at L&M. One of their first cases and they were collecting information, simply helping facilitate a deal between two companies. Foggy claimed to know someone vaguely connected to business, apparently, they took courses in college and knew the son of the owner through them. Asked her to talk to the son and convince his dad to ease up on his conditions, and take the next deal that was proposed. Two days and a meeting later, a deal was signed. The man had mentioned that his son was the one to persuade him as he was shaking his new partner's hands.

When he asked Foggy about it later that day, he kept it vague. When pressed even more as Matt followed him through the halls, pestering him with theories and ridiculous questions, Foggy just said they wouldn’t like him. With such a response Matt was, understandably, caught off guard, but relented when he sensed how serious his friend was. However, he would be lying if he said that Foggy’s comment wasn’t the start of a perpetual cycle of agonizing curiosity. His brain itched with questions that started to pile higher and higher the longer Foggy disappeared during lunch or after work for his secret rendezvous, ones that always ended in Foggy having some sort of new edge. Any time Matt tried questioning it, no matter how innocent the question was, he was met with the same answers. ‘They wouldn’t like you’, ‘They’re too busy to entertain both of us’, “They’re very private’, or simply ‘They’re not a people person’.

It wasn’t till a couple of months ago, did Foggy started to become a bit more lenient about what he said. Letting it slip they worked at the hospital nearby. Sometimes it was just a tossed-in comment that his friend insisted on having authentic Italian pasta with a mountain of parmesan cheese to rival Everest- for just a missing patient record for the case they were building. Sometimes it was more personal, letting it slip that they crashed at his place after Foggy had joined them in attending a fundraiser party for said friend's hospital- in exchange for sneaking him into a person’s room to serve them or get papers signed.

For months, he lived off small tidbits of information. Slowly forming a picture in his mind of who might have been helping Foggy. Someone who had known him for almost as long as Matt had. He was never able to pry out specifics, Foggy kept all that good stuff to himself. Where in the hospital they worked, how they met even remained a mystery. The simplest of stuff like did they go to the same college as them or if they were a man or woman was impossible.

He was given no clues on how to find them because Foggy, or as he constantly blamed- they, never wanted it…but today had been Matt's lucky day. After so long, Franklin had finally relented. Matt had left L&M’s with a pep in his step. Going over a list of questions he had accumulated over this whole period. However, now with his opportunity to have every one of them answered, he drew a blank on what to start with.

Indecisive. Matt had so many questions ricocheting through his head, all jumbled up like scrabble.

‘How did she meet Foggy?

Why did they never meet in college?

Why did she first start taking bribes? Why continue?

Had she been from New York her whole life like them?’

And of course, the newest as of this afternoon: ‘Why work in the morgue of all places?’

A healthy curiosity.

He had a long time to prepare his questions, with as much as he bugged Foggy some days he should have had them ready to go, but all of them died on the tip of his tongue. So, he was lucky when his new lunch buddy was the one to break their silence. Matt was so lost in his own head he hadn’t noticed how tense it had gotten in the moments passed.

“I am very aware Franklin made excuses on my behalf," She said through a half mouth of food, speaking through her cheek. "He asked on many occasions to introduce us. I always, adamantly, said no.”

That made Matt pause, lowering his chopsticks back into the box. “So he wasn’t lying when he said you weren’t a people person?” He smiled at her, turning his head slightly in her direction. “Or is it you just wouldn’t like me?” He teased, sensing her coil when he called her out and trying to lighten the mood.

It seemed to work.

“No,” She rushed to breathe out, after swallowing her bite, with a shake of her head. “Well, I mean, Uh-” She blushed as she started to stumble over her words. Tripping up over her own tongue. “I mean, yes to not being a people person. No to not liking you.”

“So you like me?” The way he said it, the suggestive undertone coating the bottom of his words. It had her shifting in her seat and clearing her throat, hiding for a second in the bottom of a cold coffee cup she had taken the liberty to sip off of during their meal.

“Well, that is... That is to be determined.” She shot back after a moment. Setting down her cup in favor of twirling her chopsticks in her noodles.

“Oh?” He didn’t mean to lean closer, but he found himself doing so. Still staying aware of her obvious personal bubble. “Almost sounds like a challenge,” He braced his arms on the table slightly, chair scooting against the ceramic floors.

She laughed, it was joyful and bemused. It had her setting down her chopsticks fully, leaning back in her chair to look at him. Arm over the back as she held on to her wrist with her other hand. “I suppose it would, to you.”

“To me?”

“Oh yes- you might not know me, but I do know of Foggy’s college roommate turned office colleague,” She shrugged her shoulders, licking her lips nervously as she glanced around the room, squinting at the incessantly flickering buzz of the fluorescent lights that seemed to fill her head with cotton “Though maybe not as much as I thought, now that we're sitting face to face.”

“We are? Jeez, I thought we were face to back,” His joke earned him a heavy scowl, one he could feel across his face. Tapping his chopsticks against the rim of the heavy, cardboard takeout box, he listened to her puff out air at him. Suppressing a laugh, not knowing if she was allowed to or not.”Really shows a guy, huh?”

“Wow, blind jokes already. Have to say, I’m honored our friendship is moving so fast,” She huffed at him again, tone dry but not humorless as she turned back to the food. Deeming it far more worthy of her attention.

“Friendship, you’ll make Foggy jealous.” Matt jabbed lightly.

“He’ll live,” She stuffed her face again, chewing a bit faster this time. Something obviously catching her train of thought. “However…”

Matt raised a brow, stabbing a dumpling in favor of actually picking up the food properly this time.

“Friends usually know each other's names,” She pushed around the scraps in her box, sneaking a glance at him. “A tidbit I assume Percy failed to mention on either of our parts.”

“Well,” Matt turned his chair with a scrap. “That’s easily fixed,” He raised his hand, offering it for her to shake. Finally able to introduce himself. “Matthew Murdock.”

He felt her smile before anything else. Oddly warming his skin like he had just stepped out into the morning sun after a shady night. Then came her hand. Softer than he thought it would be, just as cold as before, slightly dried out from the hand sanitizer. Small compared to his but still shaking his firmly, experienced one would say. Her voice was last. Smooth and ivory.

“Amilia Boteo, just call me Lia.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

Chapter one is done baby. The next chapter is to come in the next two weeks. My editor (love you bestie) refuses to beta for Matt Murdock so it's gonna take a minute.

Tag list of cringe: @xxjuviajawbreakerxx

#matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock #daredevil fanfiction #daredevil #fanfic #oc x canon #fanfiction #foggy nelson #slowburns #slow burn #chapter 1 #oc #strap in folks this shits gonna get DARK

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somelazyassartist · 2 years

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I'm. Not going to go into a huge ramble right now because I've done it before and I'll probably do it again later but I am running off of zero sleep and a sonic the hedgehog g fuel so if I talk a lot now it WILL end up incomprehensible but. Just a tiny post since I am thinking about it.

[Edit: it became a huge incomprehensible ramble anyways. It's under the cut if you want to see opinions on the TAZ graphic novel (and sorta the fanon) versions of Taako. But please dear Istus do not think I'm talking about the entire fandom it is just one specific brand of fanon-interpretation I'm talking about, NOT the fandom as a whole please I know enough about Tumblr's reading comprehension to know I should probably put a warning here now that I am talking about a specific trend and not an entire group of people who all have different opinions and also that this is ALSO just my own opinion myself. Oh and also this isn't meant to be like an attack on anyone it's just a personal peeve so if I sound frustrated that's just a Me Thing not me being like mad at anyone in particular Thank you very much genuinely for reading this and understanding]

But like,,,, does it bother anyone else or is it just me that the fandom's perception of Taako has become like. WAY more of a stuck-up ass than he ever really was in the podcast ever since the graphic novels came out? Like don't get me wrong he is a dick but he's never been, like, cruel for the most part.

But like, putting on HtbG (podcast) and then putting him next to the gn version of him is like.... Almost not the same character to me? It's like most people forget podcast Taako started out as the "dumb but sweet joke character" who was constantly slow to pick up on social cues and who the other characters repeatedly would take pity on and make fun of for being "the idiot of the group". And again he is a dick but he's not, like, Seriously a Mean Person!!

Also a decent chunk of the "antagonistic" stuff later on is still a continuation of him not getting social cues like in the beginning (for example, his bit where he threatens Angus for potentially becoming a better wizard than he is, realizing afterwards that his tone didn't come across the way he intended and that Angus interpreted that as being serious, and backtracked to try to clear up that he didn't mean to come off as serious and only meant it as a joke. And also says very explicitly in the same episode that he intends for most of his "mean" behavior throughout the series to come off as joking between equals and he doesn't mean for other people to take it seriously. He just says that.).

And he has, like, unspoken morality about what "harmful" things he does too, especially when it comes to like stealing stuff. If you listen to the podcast he (with very VERY VERY few exceptions) only ever steals from people who are dead- who will no longer be using those items and would be letting them go to waste unmoved- and people who have directly wronged him or his loved ones from his point of view. He actively tries to stop the other two from stealing from innocent people!! There's a whole scene where he establishes he isn't comfortable taking from people who don't deserve it and who need that money!! And then you go into the exact same scene in the graphic novel and.... He's exclaiming that he's going to steal a bunch of shit. Not just any shit, the exact shit he was trying to STOP the others from stealing in the podcast.

Which just doesn't feel like Taako at all!! In fact when he stole and sold Angus' grandfather's silverware and realized Angus really didn't deserve that, he felt guilty about it and tried giving some of it back for him and making up for the rest with quality time and magic lessons! but now when I look at fandom stuff (at least what I've come across) it seems a lot more people lean towards the more kleptomania-fueled dickhead Taako than the much tamer original version, and I have to say I prefer the original more!! He has so much more dimension to me in the podcast- not even because there's more time to flesh him out there than in the gn- but because while he is rude and foul-mouthed at times he has pretty explicit limits and will get upset if people try to force him to cross it! (Also seen with his elevator-related PTSD and him having a very reasonable breakdown when his emotional limits were repeatedly crossed with fair warning from him he'd freak out if forced into going in there..... which got cut from the graphic novels as well because of course it did).

And going forward, with gn Taako being so much more selfish and inhospitable than the original version, I feel like they might cut out his "I'm not a piece of meat" scene in TSG, because if they DO keep it in there's no way to me personally that it'll feel earned in any regard- tell me when in the graphic novels has he pretty much ever shown the genuine humility that the original version carries under his standoffish persona. I don't see it, and I don't think whatever happens between Crystal Kingdom's gn and The Suffering Game's gn will be enough to make that scene feel genuine to me. I really, honestly believe that.

Of course there's some things I do like about the graphic novels and I'm more than willing to give the next ones a fair shot (Crystal Kingdom was a lot better than I expected it to be!) but I really, really, REALLY don't like how the graphic novels (and to a small extent, the fandom) really over-emphasize how mean he is to people when if you listen back to the original in a lot of cases he's much more mellow and kind or is just not picking up on other people's tones/social cues and is being misinterpreted (both by other characters in-fiction and/or certain listeners) because it's established in the text he's bad at picking up that sort of thing

#anyways. you can pry Autistic Taako out of my cold dead fucking hands #not picking up/expressing tone and social cues well?? showing affection in 'weird' ways????#having trouble with things he 'should know at his age' like math but being very smart in more niche subjects like aphorisms and cooking????#anyways. not entirely related to my rant but I'm sleep deprived and would ramble more about how fucking autistic Taako is #if i didn't already write a whole essay right now about other things about him and also wasn't sleep deprived as shit lmao #but maybe I'll write more about him being autistic later <3 #taako taaco #Taako #taako adventurezone #taz taako #taako taz #graphic novel taako die 100000000 deaths #<- was my first (and only) suggested tag regarding that version of him and i still stand by it

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cowboytuba · 1 year

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🎶✨when u get this, put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, if you're comfortable, send this ask/tag 10 of your followers (positivity is cool) 🎶✨

Got tagged by both the cool artist @mostlikelydead and the cool streamer @leahplease, so instead of just going with just 5, I'll do 5 regular songs and 5 songs from other media that all live in my brain.

5 normal songs (Like the purpose is only be a song)

Had Enough by Breaking Benjamin - Ok I gotta admit that young Tuba liked to listen to edgy music and imagine situations. However, this has sentimental value as Phobia was the first CD I ever had which papa Tuba gave to me way back when.

Wenn sie tanzt by Wise Guys - Way back when, Tuba studied german back in school and on valentines we translated a song from them, "Willst Du Mit Mir Gehen" and I was taken by the energy. Years later, I eventually got the album and this became a favorite. There's also a radio edit with additional instruments but the acapella works better for me. God I should take up my german studies again.

War by OutKast - Another first for young Tuba. Phobia was the first cd given to me, but Speakerboxxx/The Love Below was the first album I purchased myself and an introduction to music as an ability to make a political statement, a new concept to young tuba whose biggest worry was thinking about school and mama Tuba worrying about me running into discrimination in a majority hispanic district. Needless to say, it only grew on me as I became more aware of the world and started venturing out further and student size grew and grew and I became a minority in the student pool.

Seasons by DragonForce - Ok this one is much more simple. I was getting into Rock and loved how the song sounded when I was younger and still love it now. Some sick solos.

The Devil Went Down to Georgia by Charlie Daniels Band - A toe taper that I can just belt out when driving anywhere to help pass the time and feel real good doing it. Though unfortunately still trapped by the common idea that country is only made by and for right wing leaners and bible thumpers which Charlie Daniels definitely leans. Guitar Hero III cover was cool too.

5 songs made for other media

Madness 4 by Cheshyre for Madness Combat 4- while listening to music I was probably too young to be listening too, I was also on the internet browsing sites like Newgrounds before I should've and happened across the Madness Combat series which was an interesting creative partnership between musician Cheshyre and animator Krinkles where both music and animation are created in tandem and beat for beat. One of the first produced this way after their partnership cemented and the beat lives in me. Still makes really good electronic music too.

Nightmare Fiction II By Daisuke Ishiwatari for Blazblue - While most now associate Daisuke with Guilty Gear since Strive really blew up in common knowledge, he also did a lot of work for Blazblue's soundtrack with themes I may like better than Guilty Gear's. Nightmare Fiction II follows an occurrence in Blazblue where older songs were remade to give a fresh take on years old tracks. Of course the old ones are still available, but for the most part, the II version is better with Nightmare Fiction standing especially. One can feel the hatred and animosity in the track, giving way to a tense, yet still hateful, clarity in the middle of the track. and the Solo.... Man we're never getting another Blazblue.

Living Failures by Nobuyoshi Suzuki for Bloodborne - Where do I begin? The emotions are high for the entire track and leads into one of the best second phase themes in From History. The choir, the French Horns, the immediate plunge into a fucking drive of strings, horns, and choir that only builds and builds ever higher. Legit brings tears to my eyes with how beautiful it is.

Heynong Man by Chris Christodoulou for Deadbolt - A familiar name to Risk of Rain soundtrack lovers as Deadbolt was the devs previous game before RoR. A chunky bass and saw of a lead drives the song forward on and on from one groovy bit to the next. Just nice listening on a walk as it gives a strong beat to walk with and the energy to just take it all in, music and whatever you're walking through.

Altars of Apostasy (incl. "Halls of Sacrilegious Remains") by Heaven Pierce Her for Ultrakill - Hakita, goddamn Hakita. He is a different beast entirely when it comes to game dev, design, and music. Inspired by Black Metal, this track maxes out at 7 fucking guitars playing at once at the densest section. It is a goddamn beast of track well deserving of being with the layer of Heresy. Even the reference to Glory, a different Ultrakill track, is thrown in as it helps give a lighter moment to an otherwise dark as hell track. and after a huge leadup, wind down, and lead up once more is the second section, Halls of Sacrilegious Remains, inspired by a beta tester using Castle Vein for a hype moment. This lead Hakita to holding off reusing Hideous Masses until the end of the level where the rematch with Gabriel is hyped up before a gauntlet is thrown at the player to a black metal rendition of Castle Vein. When I think of the highest hope I could ever have when making music, it's to eventually inspire the same feelings in someone that I feel listening to this track

Let's see, uhhh, @eunique, you got music you wanna gush about?

#god music is so fucking cool

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redrobinfection · 6 years

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(29) “Date Night”

JayTim Christmas in July 2018 - Day 29 “Date Night”

(<< Continued from Day 17 “S’mores”)

Jason slapped his shoulder lightly. "Hey. I thought we went over this; none of that sexy stuff! This is a PG-rated, all fluffy fun bonding trip. No seducing me into sexual activities with your well-affected, sloppy cuteness," he teased.

"Kissing is hardly sex."

"It is if we start tongue-fucking each other!"

~*~

Tim let out an ugly snort before he contain it and Jason burst out laughing, which set him off laughing as well. “O-okay, okay, so… so b-bonding,” Tim choked out between laughs. “We hiked up here, we set up camp, started a fire, ate dinner, made s'mores… Now what? Do we sing campfire songs and cuddle? Or is cuddling too sexual? ‘Kumbaya’ sound good to you?”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Yes to cuddling - jeez, I think we can manage to sit together and hold hands without it turning into a porno for the bears, ya know - but no to singing. We came out here work on our relationship, so I guess that means we should, I dunno, talk or something.”

“About what?”

“About the things we never talk about,” Jason replied soberly, “The stuff we never get around to or the stuff we are afraid to talk about or-”

“So like… things we want to work on?”

“Yeah, or things that are bothering you, all the things tha-”

“A gun safe.”

Jason blinked and tilted his head quizzically. Tim’s expression had taken on a serious, contemplative cast. “If you’re going to sleep in my apartment - the real one, the one that 'Tim Wayne’ walks in and out of in broad daylight - and bring guns over then you need to help me pick out a gun safe for you to store them in,” Tim explained, meeting his gaze firmly. “It’s great that you’re storing the ammo away from the weapons and keeping the safeties on and all of that, but I need more if you’re going to keep guns at my place on a regular basis. At any of my places - apartment, safehouses, or my cave.”

Jason nodded. “I can do that.” Tim’s expression lightened and he nodded his appreciation. Jason took a moment to compose himself then blurted out,

“Date nights.”

“Date nights?”

“I love patrolling with Red Robin then crashing at your place afterwards, but that’s not 'dating’,” he informed Tim bluntly. “Eating dinner and chatting it up on a stakeout is not a 'date’ and fixing up each other’s wounds might be re-bonding flesh, but it’s not 'bonding’,” he explained, doing his utmost to keep his tone even and unemotional.

He’d been sitting on these complaints for a long time, not wanting to seem too demanding or needy, so it was tough to not let it burst out all at once. “I know you’re a busy man, and you do fantastic work, but sometimes I feel like you’re all 'go, go, go’ and there’s never really any time to take a break. Like there’s never any time for 'us’.”

Tim’s face crumpled in dismay. “Jason…”

“I’m not finished,” he said, holding up a hand. Tim waited, his hurt expression screaming concern. “All of that was fine before, when we were just feelin’ this out, figuring things out between us, but I feel like we’re ready to go further than that. That’s why I asked for this trip, that’s why I wanted us to talk seriously about what we need from each other. So…yeah. Date nights,” he finished lamely, leaning back with a sigh.

“I… yeah. No. Definitely. We can do that,” Tim replied faintly, looking sick.

Jason frowned. “Are you sure? You don’t look all to keen on the idea…”

“No, I…” Tim closed his eyes and shook his head vigorously, swallowing convulsively. When he opened his eyes again it was with a pained, apologetic expression. “I’m just so sorry you felt that way. I had no idea. If I had known-”

“Hey. Tim. Man. Chill, okay?” Jason reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing gently. “Breathe. I’m not mad and, like I said, that was fine before. We were keepin’ casual and that’s fine. I just… moving forward I want more. That’s all,” he reassured him, lifting their hands and giving them a little shake as he smiled down at Tim gently. Tim relaxed only slightly and smiled back weakly, as if not entirely convinced yet. Jason huffed a laugh and pulled their hands into his lap.

“Besides, even if I was upset about this - and I’m not - we came out here to talk things out, right? It’s okay for us to be honest and express what we’re really feeling, even the negative things, as long as we communicate and work together to get to a better place. Right?

Tim’s searching stare could have bored holes into the rock beneath them, but eventually he seemed to find whatever he was looking for behind Jason’s eyes and relaxed with a barely perceptible sigh. “Yeah, I guess as long as we’re here and in the mood to be open with each other we should try to discuss as many of our concerns and needs as we can, so we can work them out now before they become issues later.” He squeezed Jason’s hand gently, as if looking for confirmation.

Jason took the cue and squeezed Tim’s hand firmly, knocking it against their legs as he leaned into him playfully. “Exactly. Sorry, if I scared you. I just get intense, you know?”

“Y-yeah,” Tim replied breathlessly, swinging their hands and shooting him a sly grin. “I get pretty intense sometimes too.”

“S'all good,” Jason replied, pressing a soft kiss into Tim’s hair. “As long as we’re on the same page, it’s all good.”

Tim nodded and for a few minutes they both stared into the crackling flames of their campfire without speaking. Jason enjoyed the quiet moments sharing each other’s warmth and that of the fire; it was a comfortable, companionable silence. Jason could just make out the yips of a few coyote in the distance and at one point the howls of far-off wolves. After a few minutes Tim shifted.

“So… does this count as a date?” Tim asked, something about his tone making Jason draw back to get a good look at him. Tim was sporting a grin that he tried to hide by turning his face toward the flames.

“Yes. Yes, it is,” Jason replied slowly, biting off each word carefully. “But this is a special kind of date, a date weekend. Don’t think this counts for the next three weeks or some shit like that!”

“So we’re gonna do one date night per week?”

“At least. We’ll start out once a week and adjust from there.”

Tim smiled up at him in earnest. “Sounds good to me. What about these special date weekends? How often are we going to do these?”

“As often as I can drag you away from your precious duties, you crazy work-a-holic,” Jason replied blithely. “Let’s aim once every other month.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Tim replied, before turning back to the fire and yawning so widely Jason swore he heard his jaw crack.

“You know what else sounds like a plan? Sleeping. Let’s turn in, Timbo,” Jason said, standing with a stretch that popped several tendons and joints across his back, hips and knees. Ahhhh, the perks of being a vigilante!

“But it’s only nine o’ clock.”

“Yeah, but it’s pitch black out here and you’ve been averaging four hours a night for the last week and a half. Time to go pay off your sleep debt,” Jason replied, grabbing Tim’s wrists and levering him up.

Tim allowed it, but once he passed vertical he sagged limply into Jason’s chest and peered up at him from under his eyebrows, batting his eyelashes ridiculously. “You just want to get me into your sleeping bag, you horn dog.”

Jason laughed out loud. “I’m the horn dog? You’re the one who keeps throwing yourself at me.”

Tim grinned sleepily. “Guilty. Okay. Let’s sleep, that way we’ll be fully rested when I make you teach the birds how to sing come sunrise.”

“Tim!”

#my writing #chirstmasriverswrites #jaytim #jaytimss #jaytim christmas in july 2018 #jaytimxmasinjuly #barely edited #i'll edit it more later when I start to feel guilty enough #long text post #day 29 #date night #edits and revisions: 2019.07.21

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mackenzielovee · 3 years

Text

crazy love (part 2) - rafe cameron

a/n: nervous. i even edited this one. hope you guys love it as much as the first part! feedback is always appreciated!

Summary: You finally get to see Rafe Cameron again, which changes everything for you.

Warnings: this is pure smut and im not even sorry about it. also swearing.

Word Count: 6.5k

series masterlist

my writing

You can barely contain it. Your excitement keeps bubbling up, showing in the way you laugh at everything, jump up every time you go to stand from the couch, and the way you've been talking your friends' ears off. They're all a little confused at your erratic behavior, but you don't care. You get to see Rafe tonight.

JJ's absolutely over the moon that you're finally showing signs of life again. He's had a wide smile on his face since the second he walked in from work, because you had wrapped your arms around him in a hug to greet him. John B watched the two of you intently, wondering what the hell is going on with you.

John B also notices how you continue to check your phone every five minutes. You never have any notifications, so he figures out quickly that you're looking at the time. If you're meeting Rafe at eight, you figure you should leave about a half hour before. The walk to the bridge should take about that long, but you don't care. You'd walk to the end of the earth if it meant getting to hang out with him again.

"Should we have a repeat of last night?" JJ whispers in your ear, wrapping one arm around your waist and pulling you into his chest.

You don't look up at him or really even react when he touches you. He notices but brushes it off, laying a kiss on your temple.

"I have to go home. My parents don't like when I stay over two nights in a row."

It's kind of true, so you don't see it as a complete lie. Your mother had voiced her opinion to you a few months ago, but you had just rolled your eyes in response and she let it go. You probably could get away with another night, but you know you'll be worn out and sore after Rafe.

It doesn't cross your mind until that moment that you wonder if Rafe even plans on having sex with you. Of course he does, you think. You and Rafe had rarely ever hung out without it ending in at least one orgasm.

"Honey," JJ groans, "I wanna be with you."

You shrug your shoulders, checking the time once more. A few minutes before seven-thirty, but it wouldn't hurt to leave now.

"I gotta get going," you pull out of JJ's grasp, watching as he stares up at you in confusion.

"What?"

"I promised my parents I'd be home early tonight," you tell him, watching as he sighs and shakes his head.

"Fine," he grumbles, "I'll take you home."

"It's fine," you say quickly, louder than you mean to. You earn the attention of both Kie and John B, Pope being too invested in the back of his eyelids to pay attention or care.

"Sweetheart, it's like, a long walk," JJ stands up, setting his hand on your hip.

"I need the exercise," you shrug, pulling back just enough so that his hand falls down.

"Wha-"

You move away from him and toward the door, not wanting to discuss it anymore. John B watches the two of you interact, considering stepping in and saying you two could take the van. Honestly, John B feels bad for JJ because he knows something is up with you. He just can't tell if you're still genuinely invested in your relationship with JJ or not.

"Call you later," you say quietly, smiling to your boyfriend and your friends before you slip out the door.

You don't turn back, but you can hear JJ faintly ask if he should go after you. You swear under your breath, praying he doesn't. When you get far enough away without hearing the porch door creak open, you take off. You run until you're out of view of the house, then relax and try to keep your nerves down.

You know if you think about what you're doing for too long, you'll start to feel insanely guilty about it. So, instead, you remember the way you felt today at the Club when Rafe squeezed onto your hand. The way you felt when he called you 'baby', which was your favorite nickname he ever gave you, and he knew it.

You reach the end of one side of the bridge before you know it, glancing around and spotting Rafe's truck on the other end. You pull out your phone to check the time. Seven forty-seven. Rafe Cameron has never been early to anything in his life. You can't help but smile, biting your lip as you walk across the bridge.

Rafe is standing outside his truck on his phone. When he sees movement, he glances up, spying you immediately. He tucks his phone away and then shoves his hands into the front pockets of his shorts, beginning to walk over to you.

"You showed," he says once he's close enough to you.

His eyes scan over your body once again, and you can't help but feel needles in your stomach when he stops and licks his lips. You take a deep breath and nod your head, trying to keep some form of composure.

"It's not even eight yet," you defend.

Rafe knows this, but he flips his wrist up and checks his Rolex anyway. His cheeks turn pink when he realizes he had been here half an hour early. Safe to say, he has been just as excited to see you.

"Hmm," he hums, "Well, I had business at the Club. It must not have taken as long as I expected."

You roll your eyes, "Right. Business."

He grins, knowing you see right through him. You can't help the way your stomach drops, in a good way, at his perfect smile. He's wearing the same hat from earlier, still sitting backwards on his head. You know you'll be removing that in just a few short minutes.

Rafe takes a step toward you, then another, then another. He stares into your eyes, looking for any sign of hesitation or fear. When he finds none, he slowly reaches up and sets his hand on your hip. It rests almost in the exact place JJ's hand had earlier, but it feels completely different. It sends shivers up and down your entire body.

"Hi," he says quietly, leaning his head down so he's only inches from yours.

"Hi."

He smiles once again, scooting himself forward but not wanting to be too direct. You're the one with the boyfriend, after all. He wants you to be sure this is what you want. Although the idea of fucking JJ Maybank's girlfriend in the back of his truck makes him feel pretty damn good.

You grow tired of his game, so you reach forward and grab onto the collar of his shirt, finally closing the gap between the two of you.

The kiss is electrifying. It's everything you've been craving for the past few months. Tasting him again, feeling his tongue against yours again, feeling his skin on yours as he brings his large hand underneath your shirt again. Everything about it excites you. Makes you feel whole again.

You can tell Rafe feels the same way when his hands start roaming your body like a mad man. He's missed this. He's missed you.

He breaks your kiss and moves down your jawline and to the skin on your neck, leaving long, wet kisses on your favorite spots. He remembers them like the way he remembers how to ride a bike.

"Rafe," you moan, it becoming blatantly obvious to the both of you how much you need him.

You feel him smirk against your neck, probably feeling like a god right now, but you don't mind. You'll tell him whatever he wants to hear if he'll just make you feel good.

"Yes, baby?" he mumbles into your ear, swirling his tongue around your earlobe and then pulling on it with his teeth.

You moan. Of course, you moan. Every move he makes just feels like he knows exactly what you're thinking. He's got one hand resting on the back of your neck and the other under your shirt. You can feel his rings against your skin as he trails his hand up further, grabbing onto your breast.

"Fuck," you swear right before he puts his lips on yours again.

He can feel himself getting hard quickly. He hasn't had you in months, and it's been getting to him.

"Get in the truck," he commands, forcing himself to pull away from you. He knows you're desperate for him to touch you, so he withholds his hands until you do what he says.

You take a deep breath and nod, knowing he's in for a surprise when he takes your underwear off. You walk in front of him over to the truck, doing your best to be nonchalant when really, you want to sprint over there and get to work.

"Backseat or bed?" he asks you, pulling his keys from his pocket.

"Will anyone hear?"

"If we're in the bed?"

"Yes."

"Fuckin' probably. That's the beauty of it."

The dirty smirk on his face is what convinces you. You point to the bed of his truck and watch as he unlocks it and pulls it down. There's already a blanket laid out across it, making your heart sink.

Rafe looks over at you, noting your expression, "What?"

"You do this often?" you ask quietly, pointing to the blanket spread out.

Rafe coughs awkwardly, then pretends like he's brushing dirt off his shorts. When he looks up at you again, his cheeks are stained pink.

"I put that out when I got here. Just in case."

Your eyes snap up from the ground to him, trying to figure out if he's full of shit. You can tell right away he's telling the truth based on how embarrassed he is. You smile and rush over to him, attacking him with kisses as a way to wipe off his embarrassment. He gladly accepts, then reaches down and grabs your hips, pulling you up. He sets you down on the bed of the truck, then makes room for himself between your legs as he continues to kiss you.

"Goddamn," he mumbles against your lips, moving down to your neck again, "I missed you so much, baby."

You let out a sigh, a content one, as he works against the skin on your neck.

"I missed you, too."

He smiles, leaning back up to give you one more kiss on the lips before he pushes you back onto the blanket. He's ready to show you just how much he missed you now.

He climbs on top of you, wasting no time removing his shirt and yours. He brings his lips down to the valley of your breasts, leaving long kisses there. He trails down your stomach with his lips, occasionally pushing his tongue out to lick you.

You're a complete mess by now. Having his lips back on you, roaming your body, has never felt more amazing than it does right now. He unbuttons your shorts and pulls them down from your legs, and you swear, you could come right there. He doesn't even have to touch you.

He settles in on his stomach between your legs, kissing just above your underwear line. He can tell just by the way the fabric looks how wet you are for him. He grins and then lifts both your legs over his shoulders, smirking up at you.

This is what you've dreamed about. What you've pictured every time you needed to get yourself off because JJ just couldn't do it. Every time, you imagined Rafe between your legs, smirking and ready to work.

"God, I've missed your shit," he mutters, more to himself than to you. You would respond, but you don't think you can.

He brings his head down and grabs ahold of your underwear with his teeth, pulling it away from you. As you watch, you gasp, feeling the cool North Carolina evening air surround you. Rafe brings his hand up and drags the underwear the rest of the way off, but you pretend not to notice when he tucks them in his pocket.

"I need you to tell me, baby."

You bring your head up and look at him, as if to ask what he wants you to say. When you see the look on his face, you flash back to the very last time you had sex with him. Rafe had been teasing you, telling you that you weren't allowed to come until you admitted that he's ruined your body. You finally said it, knowing it was true.

"You've ruined me, Rafe," you pant, the impatience forming a knot in your stomach, "You're the only person who can fuck me."

He laughs, but it's a narcissistic one. He already knew this information, he just wanted to you admit it to him now that you've been fucking JJ for months.

"I know it, pretty girl."

By the time his lips even come close to your core, you're sure you're going to come. The moan you let out when he finally kisses you down there is an unholy one. However, it's music to Rafe's ears. It only encourages him to continue, doing extra to show you how much he missed you and how much better he is at pleasing you than JJ Maybank.

You start to squirm, so he brings his hand from your thigh to your stomach, holding you down. His motion, his dominant and possessive motion, makes you let go right there. You're practically screaming as you do so, thankful for this boy and his ability to give you a mind-blowing orgasm. Rafe grins and licks you clean, trying to figure out if it had only been one minute or two before he got you.

"Oh, my God," you moan out, legs relaxing on his shoulders.

You want to be embarrassed, but you know that Rafe knows it's been a while since you came like that. Although, you'd never dare tell him that you had to think about him last night while JJ was fucking you.

"Rafe," you moan, feeling his hand slip from your stomach as he crawls back up to you.

"Yes, baby?"

"God, Rafe," you repeat his name, which only makes the tent in his shorts grow taller. He wonders how many times you've wanted to moan and plead for him with JJ.

"Right here," he snickers, bringing his lips to yours.

He shoves his tongue in your mouth roughly, swirling it around with yours. You moan against his lips as his other hand goes down to rub your center.

"Can you taste yourself on my tongue?" he displays his devilish smirk when he pulls away.

You nod, still panting and trying to catch your breath. He slips one finger inside of you, just trying to tease you.

"Oh, God, Rafe," you grab onto his bicep as he moves his hand, still recovering from your last orgasm.

You look up at him, watching the way the moon reflects off his soft skin. You reach up and stroke his face, making his eyes move from his fingers inside you to your face.

"God, you're so handsome," you tell him.

Even though he just ate you out like a pro and now has a finger buried deeper inside you than JJ ever could, he feels his cheeks heat up. You take the hat off his head and run your hands through his hair, tugging at it lightly.

"Rafe," you say again, earning his attention, "Let me do something for you."

He removes his finger from inside of you, then moves up and undoes his shorts. You sit up, thinking he's getting ready for you, which is why you're surprised when he shoves you back down.

"Uh-uh," he shakes his head at you, removing his shorts and underwear in one movement, "This is about you, tonight. Plus, if I don't come inside you soon, I might just explode in my shorts."

You grin, kissing him once again as he climbs on top of you. You accept his kiss, eager to feel him fill you up. He lines himself up, but teases you when he rubs the tip of his dick against you.

"Rafe," you whine.

"You better keep saying my name, baby."

He slips inside of you, listening to your pretty moans as he completely fills you up. Every inch he pushes in is one more he has to stretch out, which makes him groan into the nape of your neck.

"Jesus, JJ's dick has to be small," he mutters to you, "No way you've gotten tighter since last time. God."

You can't even see straight once he's all the way in you. Finally, after months of agony, of bad sex, of daydreaming and masturbating, he's inside of you again. You finally feel whole, complete, and happy.

"Can I move, baby?" he asks you, groaning once again at how tight you are wrapped around him.

"Yes, please, Rafe."

He snickers into your skin, moving his mouth over from your neck to your shoulder. Your moans and gasps fuel him as he works his lips, kissing every inch of your skin. He leans his head up after a minute, watching you take everything he's giving you.

"Hmm," he hums, "Good girl."

You have to actively tell yourself not to come when he says that. You feel his hand travel from your breast up to your throat, fingers resting in their rightful place around you. He squeezes - not too hard, but enough to make you want to scream.

"Holy shit, no way," Rafe grunts, and you feel him twitch and then spill himself inside of you.

"Rafe," you say, trying to tell him it's okay.

"Fuck," he swears, but doesn't stop. If anything, he thrusts up into you even harder to get you to come. He knows it won't take long, the way you're squirming underneath him.

He hits your spot, making you scream. You're sure Rafe had been right - someone's bound to hear you two with how loud Rafe always makes you.

"Come on, baby," he coaxes you, squeezing a little harder around your throat.

"Oh, God," you cry out.

"That's it. Come for me."

You do as you're told almost immediately as he finishes his sentence. He continues to hit your spot as you ride out your orgasm, making you scream louder than ever before. When you finally come down from it, your legs are shaking and Rafe looks exhausted.

He collapses down on you, not bothering to remove himself from inside you. You're still breathing hard, trying to come down from the high that always comes with fucking Rafe.

"Oh, my God," Rafe whispers, pressing a kiss to the skin just above your breasts, "It's honestly a crime that we stopped this. It's too fucking good."

"It's not like we just stopped," you tell him, as if he's unaware, "There were reasons."

Rafe grows quiet, replaying your many conversations and fights in his head. He reaches his hand down and wraps his fingers through yours, silently trying to tell you he doesn't want to fuck up again.

"I remember," he murmurs after a few minutes.

He finally pulls himself out of you and reaches through the back window to grab another blanket. When he returns to you, he crawls on top of you once again, letting his head rest on your chest and his body between your legs. You bring one hand up to his hair and the other down to his back, softly scratching underneath the blanket he covers the two of you with.

"Maybe," he speaks after a while, having been enjoying your back scratches, "It can be different this time."

You sigh, not wanting to start a fight when you can still feel the spot inside of you aching. He doesn't know what to make of your silence, so he just runs his hand up and down the length of your torso.

"Like, I don't know, we could try harder. And-"

"Rafe," you stop him, your voice strained, "There were a lot of reasons why it didn't work."

He looks up at you and nods, then lays his head back down with a sadder expression. You run your hand through his hair again, deciding to change the subject.

"Are you growing it out?"

"I don't know," he sighs, clearly annoyed you don't want to finish that conversation, "I just fell into a little hole and couldn't really do much. Apparently, hair cuts fall into the 'much' category."

You want to ask about it, about his 'little hole', but you stay quiet. He kisses your stomach again, not knowing how many butterflies swim around your stomach when he does.

"Are you gonna leave him?"

You move your head down to look at him, almost to see if you heard him right. He doesn't bother looking up at you, he already knows the answer.

"No," you finally say, "I'm not leaving JJ."

Rafe snickers against your bare skin, reaching up and playing with your nipple just to prove he can.

"So, you're just gonna have bad sex and live on the Cut for the rest of your life?"

You sit up now, completely displacing him. He sits up, too, but lets you wrap the blanket around yourself. He stares into your eyes, knowing what he said was a little fucked up, but not knowing how to apologize for it.

"I didn't say I was gonna marry him," you defend, keeping your voice low so you don't start a fight.

"Right," Rafe laughs, "But he's nice to you. So why wouldn't you?"

You roll your eyes, "What do you want me to say, Rafe? You want me to say I'll leave him so I can fuck you in the back of your truck day in and day out? You don't even want to be with me like that-"

"You don't know what I fucking want," Rafe snaps at you.

He leaves you to process his sentence, standing up and grabbing the clothes thrown about. He throws your stuff in front of you, then slides on his shorts. He tucks his own underwear in his pocket, realizing silently that yours are still in there. Even though he's irritated, he hangs onto them anyway.

You sigh and stand up, pulling on your own shirt and shorts. His eyes soften when he sees that you're upset, knowing this is not how either of you wanted to end the night.

"Hey," he steps over to you, grabbing your arms and pulling you around to face him, "I'm sorry. I'm not going to give you my blessing to stay with Maybank or whatever, but I get it. You gave me a shot back in August and I blew it. So, do what you gotta do. But you gotta understand, I've been suffering pretty bad since then. So, I'll do whatever it takes to see you. Even if it means sneaking around."

You smile softly and stand on your tip-toes to give him a kiss. He accepts it, trailing his hand around your waist to pull you even closer.

"Thank you," you say, "I honestly don't know what to think right now. Can I take some time to figure it all out?"

Rafe nods, reaching up to tuck hair behind your ear, "Take all the time you need to."

You smile at him again, letting him wrap his arms around you and pull you in for a hug. You breathe in his scent, loving that you get to smell him again. He kisses the top of your head, thankful that he was able to use his words and actually not be an asshole to you for the first time since you two got involved.

"Come on. I'll take you home."

He leads you over to the edge of the bed, jumping down first and then holding his hand out for you. He puts the back up and then walks you over to the passenger side, holding the door open.

Rafe keeps a hand on you the entire time he drives. It's not that far from the bridge, only about ten minutes, but still. He can't seem to keep his hands off you. It's almost like he thinks you'll evaporate if he doesn't keep his grip on you.

He shuts off the headlights as soon as he pulls into your driveway, so as not to draw attention with your parents. You lean over the console and grab onto the collar of his shirt again, pulling him in for a kiss.

He grabs onto the back of your neck and deepens it, wanting nothing more than to make you crawl into his lap and let him fuck you right here. You pull away just in time, because Rafe's not sure he can stop.

"Um, so," he says awkwardly, looking at the radio instead of you, "I'd like to see you again, if that's all right."

Rafe almost makes you laugh when he gets like this, because he's so dominant when he fucks you, but can never seem to play it cool when he is vulnerable.

"Yeah," you nod, "How about tomorrow?"

Every anxiety melts away from Rafe when you ask him that. He looks over at you, knowing you're serious, and raises an eyebrow.

"Already ready for more?" he smirks, setting his hand back down on your thigh.

"I was ready about ten seconds after it was over," you inform him, "Which, by the way, didn't take very long."

He groans as you tease him about how long he lasts, but you know with his smirk, he's getting ready to tell you the same thing.

"Oh, please. I kissed you one time, right here," he traces his fingers over your core through your shorts, "And you fucking came all over me."

Your cheeks turn red as he reminds you of it. You shake your head and bite your lip, and Rafe has to look away so as not to get hard again.

"All right, well, we both need to work on it, then."

"Tomorrow it is," he decides.

He leans over and kisses you one more time, then removes his hand from your leg to allow you to get out.

"Hey," he raises his voice once you hop out of the truck, "Could you, like, not fuck JJ before I see you tomorrow?"

Your mouth falls open at the request, surprised he even asked you that. It honestly hadn't even crossed your mind - you truly had no desire to do that, anyway.

"We'll see," you tease.

Rafe groans loudly, making you laugh.

"I'm not going to," you state, voice more serious than before. Rafe just nods, feeling bad for asking but not bad enough to not do it. You give him another smile and then close the door of the truck, waving to him once you reach the front door.

When your mom asks you how JJ is, you reply 'fine'. When she asks you if you'll be hanging out with him again tomorrow night, you say 'yep'. And when you finally get up to your room and collapse on the bed, you realize that you, in fact, are not wearing any underwear.

The next morning, you wake up with two missed calls and a voicemail from JJ. It's Sunday, no school, so you have no idea why he's calling you early.

"Hey, sweet girl," he greets your voicemail inbox, "John B, Kie and I are taking the boat out. Wanted to see if you would join. You're probably still asleep, that's okay. I'll call you when we get back to see what's up. Sleep tight. I- ah, I'll see you later. Bye, princess."

Your breath hitches in your throat at the end, wondering if he was about to say those three words. He can't. You two have only been dating for a few months. You're sure as hell not there yet, so how could he be?

You send him a short text in response to his voicemail, not even questioning his stutter at the end.

Just got your message. Slept in. Sorry. Got family stuff going on tonight, so I'll just see you for school tomorrow. XOXO.

You throw your phone down on your bed and sigh, wondering how you're going to fill your day now that JJ's busy. You grin when you realize it's Sunday - Rafe isn't working. You sort through your contacts until you find his number, one you couldn't bare to delete when you two ended things the first time.

JJ = Busy. Y/N = Bored. Come over. Need you.

You add the last part just because you know it will send him running. One thing you know about Rafe Cameron's feelings for you: you have him absolutely wrapped around your finger. Your phone buzzes a minute later, making you smile.

JJ: I miss you. Want to see you. What kind of family stuff? Maybe I can come by.

You sigh. As sweet as this boy is, sometimes you just wish he would leave you alone. You attempt to type out a reply, but immediately click on Rafe's message when it comes through.

Rafe: Already on the way. Hope you're hungry.

You grin and try not to get too excited that you get to see him so soon. You open JJ's text again, typing out a quick reply.

It's my parents. They want a family night in. I'll see you tomorrow morning.

You hope that will satisfy your boyfriend enough for now. You know he'll call you later anyway, so you don't worry about disappointing him.

You rise from your bed and attempt to fix up your hair, then change out of your pajamas so you don't look like a seven year old when Rafe gets here. Just as you finish pulling your hair up into a ponytail, you hear a knock on your window. Your head shoots over as you see Rafe, with a goofy grin on his face, waving at you. He holds up a bag of food, as if it's an incentive for you to open the window.

You laugh and walk over, unlocking and pulling it up to see him. The second the window is up high enough, he grabs onto your wrist and pulls you in for a kiss. He has to tell himself not to drop the food on the ground, wanting nothing more than to grab onto both sides of your face and keep you against him.

"Hi," he greets you once he pulls away, his lips extra pink from the chapstick he took off you.

"Hi," you reply, smiling like an idiot.

You just can't get over how, in a few short days, you and Rafe have fallen back into your old ways. Except this time, it's not a booty call in the middle of the night, and he brought you breakfast. He never used to see you during the day like this.

"Are you gonna invite me in, babe? It's, like, muddy out here."

You snicker and reach for the bag of food, setting it inside on your desk before nodding for him to enter.

"Careful, Cameron," you tease him, "We don't have a maid to shine your shoes over here on the Cut."

Rafe rolls his eyes, reaching out for your hand as he climbs through your window. He has to move his body at several different angles to fit through, given that he's so tall. He finally stands in front of you, instinctively setting his hands on your hips and pulling you into him.

"I was planning on surprising you. Kinda ruined it, being all horny and shit."

You pull your head from his chest and glare up at him, watching him snicker.

"I am not horny," you say, even though you both know it's a lie.

"Need you," Rafe mocks your text, pulling you down on your bed. You cuddle into his lap, letting him rest a hand on your thigh.

"Whatever," you huff. He laughs lightly above you, then kisses the top of your head.

"Just teasing, baby."

You grow quiet on him, thinking about how easy this would be. You still have so many hesitations from the way things went last time. Rafe used to be such an asshole, he was always coked out, and he flat out told you he didn't want to be with you. Now, as you sit with him and breathe him in, you think he might be wanting something different.

"I don't mean to be obsessive," Rafe says after a few minutes, "But these shoes are expensive as hell and there was a lot of mud outside."

"Just... buy new ones," you grumble, cuddling your face into his neck. He groans, not wanting to get up from you, either. But his shoes.

"Baby," he groans. You swear that nickname will never get old to you. Not when it comes from him, "Come with me to clean them off."

He doesn't give you time to respond, he just guides your legs around his waist and then stands up, supporting your weight with one arm. If you weren't turned on before, you sure as hell are now. Your arms wrap around his neck, clinging to him.

He carries you to his bathroom and sets you down on your vanity like a toddler. You signal for a kiss, but it's lost in translation as he's too worried about his shoes. He slips them off and grabs a washcloth, wetting it before slowly and carefully wiping the mud off.

"Does mud stain?" he asks you, keeping his eyes focused on his work.

"Dunno," you reply, irked that he didn't give you your kiss.

His eyes flicker up to yours, and when he sees your expression, he knows he's done something wrong.

"All right," he sighs, "Out with it."

You smile at how well he knows you. You tease him, only shrugging your shoulders and frowning, as if to give him the silent treatment. He stands up, mumbling under his breath about how 'fucking annoying' you can be sometimes. He sets his shoe and the washcloth down, then steps in between your legs and sets both hands on your thighs as he stares at you.

"You better tell me what I fucking did," he warns, his voice low.

You inch your head forward until you're so close you can feel his breath on your cheek. You think about how the food must be getting cold.

"Yes, sir," you whisper.

Rafe groans, then gives in to his want. He kisses you, reaching up and grabbing hold of your cheeks to keep you pressed to him. He practically devours you, but you don't mind one bit. His kisses feel too good.

He drops one hand from your face to the top of your shorts, wasting no time at all as he shoves his hand into them. You're wearing nothing underneath, making him smirk.

"No underwear?" he smirks, flicking his fingers against you, "Is it because I still have them from last night?"

Before you can respond, he shoves his fingers inside of you. Two of them, but you know he'll add the third one in no time. You moan out immediately, which makes Rafe feel like a fucking god.

"I can't-" you try to speak, but Rafe shakes his head and uses his other hand to cover your mouth.

"Can't risk getting caught," he tells you, excusing his actions. Not that he needs to. All they do is turn you on even more.

You just nod against his hand, and when he feels you clench around his fingers, he shoves a third one in. You moan loudly, luckily his hand catches most of the sound.

"Mhm," Rafe nods, watching you take his fingers like a pro, "So much for the silent treatment, baby."

He considers pulling his fingers out as punishment, but he decides to be nice. He quickens his pace, but he knows you need more than that. He curls his fingers inside of you, practically making you scream.

"That's it," he grins.

You come about ten seconds later. He keeps his fingers in you as you ride out your orgasm, then removes them and licks them clean when you're through.

"Jesus," you groan once his hand comes off your mouth.

He pulls your shorts down from your legs, and for a second you think he isn't done with you yet. But when he reaches under your sink and grabs a clean washcloth, you know what he's up to. He wets it with lukewarm water, then looks at you gently.

"Can I clean you up?" he asks, his voice quieter than usual.

You nod, letting him work. He wipes you up and makes sure you're good, sealing the deal with a kiss on your inner thigh. You lean forward and give him a kiss on the lips, unable to process how this sweet boy is in your house with you, making you come so hard and your heart flutter at the same time.

"Now," he says, sitting back down on the floor and picking up his shoe, "If you don't mind."

You laugh and nod your head. You can't believe he's so casual about having just fingered you and making you come in three minutes.

You sit there and watch him, admiring how careful he is with his cleaning. He looks so handsome to you, with his hair slightly in his eyes, focus and determination etched in his eyebrows. You watch the way he clenches his jaw when he misses a spot with the washcloth, and the way he smiles so softly to himself when he does it right. He can feel your eyes on him, and he tries to ignore it, but he can't take it anymore.

"What?"

He doesn't look over at you, he keeps his gaze on his shoe. You shrug.

"You're just so handsome, Rafe Cameron."

He freezes, dropping his shoe slightly from his grip.

"Shit," he mutters to himself, then stands up and steps over to you.

He places himself in between your legs again, leaning down and kissing you gently. One hand wraps itself around your neck as he deepens the kiss, knowing he's getting you hot again.

"You're beautiful," he informs you, peppering kisses along your cheeks and jaw, "Very, insanely beautiful."

You smile, "Thank you."

He continues kissing you, leaving a final one on your lips before pulling away.

"God, you really know how to distract a guy," he grumbles. Despite his attitude, he gives you one more kiss before he goes back to his cleaning.

"Sorry," you shrug, even though you both know you're not.

The bathroom grows quiet as you continue to watch Rafe work. He doesn't speak and neither do you, but it's a comfortable silence. You're almost completely relaxed when you hear what sounds like your bedroom door opening. You tense and sit up, afraid of your parents catching Rafe here. Rafe glances over at you, not looking concerned at all. He almost looks amused.

"Sweetheart?"

Tags: @pogueslandia @sarahwasfound

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lovethisletters · 3 years

Text

Poly MC! hc for the: Demon Brothers!

This is my first time writing anything about poly relationships! So I'm a bit nervous! I took the time to do a bit of research about the subject...however I still have a lot to learn; if you find anything that might be offensive please let me know! Just know I didn't do it with any ill intentions and I'll make sure to correct my mistakes!

Also I didn't knew if you refered to a poly MC who is in a relationship with all of the brothers or how each individual brother would react to MC coming out as poly to them and later starting a poly relationship and how they behave in said relationship...so I did the latter bc I found it to be a bit more easy to write and the first option would have been way too long and I was worried it might come off as boring because of it :c (but maybe I'll try to edit it and then upload it...some day...idk)

so...here it is!

Keys: MC = your main character name

Summary: MC comes out as poly to the Demon Brothers and how they behave in a poly relationship!

Additional notes: MC is gender neutral!

TW: small mentions or implications of jealous/possessive behavior (they're very minimal, but still...just in case)

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Lucifer

Lucifer is probably the one you're the most nervous to talk to.

But when you finally find the courage to do so it goes...to put it mildly, a bit... weird.

He stares blankly at you like you just said to him that water is a liquid or something, he's not very...responsive.

His reaction might come off as rude, considering you spend all this time trying to figure out the "best" way to come out and talk about the possibility of starting a poly relationship.

But the reason why he's not talking much is because he's trying to avoid saying anything he might regret later, you see... he's trying to process his own feelings towards the matter.

Lucifer is someone who has lived for a long, looooooong time, so it's more likely than not that he's already experienced being in a poly relationship.

thing is...such relationship was more experimentation rather than something serious.

And now he has you...someone for who he'll be willing to die for...

He won't say it but deep down he feels like his pride has been bruised.

He just doesn't want to "share" you, you're his and his alone!

But when he looks up at you, and see just how nervous you are, waiting patiently for any kind of reaction from him.

He realizes he's thinking of you as an object and not a person and mentally kicks himself in the face for it.

Lucifer reaches for your hand and offers you a small smile.

After a long conversation where you two express your own desires and worries, you two agree and decide to give it a try.

At first... I'm not gonna lie...it would be quite... difficult...

The man is possessive and struggles to see you giving any kind of affection to any of his brothers.

However I think he genuinely wants this to work, he wants to see you happy and knows that just because you also love his brothers doesn't mean you love him any less.

So he'll sit down and talk to you whenever he feels jealous, he knows communication is key and it honestly makes him feel a bit better.

With time Lucifer comes to accept it; He loves you and he loves his brothers and it makes him happy that they all can share such bond with you.

Mammon

I think he's the one who'll have a harder time adapting to a poly relationship.

I'll even go as far to say Lucifer's jealousy pales in comparison to Mammon's and I think this is due to his low self-esteem.

He won't accept it but he's jealous af when he sees you "getting cozy" with any of his brothers.

He'll even interrupt the moment by placing himself in the middle of whoever you were getting close to or think about some lame excuse to take you away.

This makes things more difficult and tense for everyone, so if Mammon continues his shenanigans expect a LOT more arguing from the brothers...(yes...more than normal...)

You'll have to sit him down and talk to him about his insecurities.

The first times he won't be very open with you, I think he might even get a bit angry if you even imply he's jealous and act all offended and walk out of the room.

Surprisingly the one who makes him understand how toxic he's being and how much this affects you is Asmo!

He'll have a serious talk with him, and just the fact of seeing his often bubbly and cheerful young bro being all serious is enough for Mammon to realize that what he's been doing and how he's been acting hurts you and his brothers.

He'll apologize...the Mammon way...

But ultimately he now makes an effort to respect whenever you're close to one of his brothers.

Just like Lucifer. Mammon will come to accept you love him and his brothers all the same.

He'll sometimes even suggest places you all can go together for a date.

Please, be patient with the avatar of greed with time he will come to accept that love exist in more than one way or form.

Leviathan

Surprisingly, unlike his older brothers, your favorite shut-in-otaku has an easier time adapting to a poly relationship.

Easier, however does not mean problems are inexistent...

He has a low self-esteem and sometimes might get the feeling that you're ""picking favorites""

However he won't tell you anything about it, and he'll just try to pretend like nothing is wrong.

Fortunately for you, Levi is quite easy to read so you immediately notice whenever he's feeling sad.

But all you have to do is have a little gaming session with him, and as the two of you "game" the night away he'll eventually open up to you about whatever is bothering him.

All it takes is a little reassurance and saying "I love you" to the avatar of envy from time to time and he'll be all good with you showing affection to the rest of his brothers.

Satan

Uhhhh...this is a tricky one...

You see...Satan is probably the second brother you came out to and perhaps you didn't even realized that you did because it just happened so natural.

The two of you were talking and it just slipped out of your mouth and he was like "hahaha, right?" And continued the conversation as normal.

He genuinely doesn't care, (don't get me wrong I don't mean that in a bad way) but all he knows is that he loves you and he wants you to be happy, and if expanding the love that the two of you have to his brothers makes you happy, then so be it!

However... remember I said this was tricky?

Satan has no issue with you being affectionate with his brothers...all of them except for Lucifer...

When he sees you getting close to Lucifer he won't say anything, he won't make a scene or a passive-agressive remark, he'll just excuse himself and exit the room. (Neither he will confront you about it later when the two of you are alone)He won't say anything at all; he'll just stay silent and pretend like nothing is wrong.

However you'll be able to notice Satan's true feelings whenever Lucifer has a small present or gesture with you.

Oh? Lucifer gifted you a $300,000 coat? Well, Satan will give you another coat but this one is $600,000.

Lucifer treated you to dinner at ristorante six? Well, darling... guess what? Satan will reserve the entire building just for you!

At some point he will notice how bad this makes you feel, since he's turning a relationship into a competition and that's no good...

He'll eventually take a step back and realize how childish he's being, how his behavior hurts your feelings and might have even made you feel guilty or responsible for his beef with his older brother.

Before you even decide to talk to him about it, he already knows what you're trying to say, so he'll be the one to sit you down and apologize for his wrongdoings.

You're someone who he values dearly and all that he wants is for you to be happy, so he'll be willing to make the effort to get along or at least be a little more tolerant of Lucifer.

There might be times where they still fight and stop talking to each other for long periods of time, but the two of them will take the time to let you know that this has nothing to do with you and that there's no reason for you tu feel guilty.

Because if there's something in wich both, the avatar of pride and wrath agree in... Is in how much they love you.

Asmodeus

Asmodeus (definitely) was the first one to know about you being polyamorous.

He probably knew before you even said anything, let's be honest here...

He's probably the one who you're more comfortable talking about it.

The brothers accept you, yes...but Asmo understands you!

He knows that the world can be quite cruel to people who love differently to what our society stablish as "normal".

Whenever he expressed his liking for more than one person he was shamed or labeled as someone promiscuous who'll never be deserving of "true" love.

It happened in the celestial realm, in the human realm, and even sometimes here in the devildom.

Angels where expected to only focus in the lord and nothing else, some humans are close minded and shame whoever is different from them, and demon's often confuse love with obsession and get easily tangled up in possessive behavior, often viewing their partners as objects rather than individuals with their own goals and desires. (his brothers are the perfect example of that)

So he just knows how difficult it might have been for you to find acceptance.

So he gives it to you; acceptance, reassurance, however many times you need to.

He'll be the one to encourage you to talk with his brothers, he'll be there to support you if you ever feel nervous, and he'll be the one to call his brothers out on their bs whenever they start to show any signs of toxic behavior.

He knows in all relationships communication and trust in your partners is key to a successful relationship, so he reminds this to everyone and even goes as far as to make plans where everyone feels included.

Overall the avatar of lust is the voice of reason in this relationship, because he knows better than anyone else that love is something that can't and should never be limited by what others believe or expect "true love" should look like.

Beelzebub

You weren't sure how Beel would react once you told him.

But still you were pleasantly surprised by Beel's reaction!

He was so accepting from the beginning and even thanked you for trusting him enough to share this with him.

He's happy that you want him to form part of this relationship.

He knows his brothers love you as much as he does and that you love them back, so he sees this as the perfect option for everyone.

He even thinks this relationship has brought everyone closer together.

Over all the avatar of gluttony is more than happy to be with you and share your affection with people he holds equally as dearly.

Belphegor

Belphie, much like Lucifer struggles to understand why would you want such a thing?

Is his love not enough for you?

It takes little more time for him to understand you, and learn that love doesn't just limits to one person.

He can be a bit insensitive some times, so he might accidentally say something hurtful to you about it.

And that's when Asmo has to intervene...

He'll have a talk with his younger brother and make him realize that there's more than one form of love and how his words might have hurt you.

He'll apologize...(much like Mammon) in his own way...

After thinking about it for a while, he realizes he's happy whenever you show affection to Beel, and wonders if it would be the same with the rest of his brothers.

Slowly but surely, Belphie it's more open to this new relationship.

There'll be times where he might try to monopolize your love, but he'll stop once you, Beel or Asmo call him out on it.

His favorite thing of this new relationship is whenever you spend time with him and Beel.

Please be patient with the avatar of sloth.

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If you find any grammatical errors let me know! I'm trying to improve my english and that would help me so so much!

I will forever thank you if you go check out my other profile: @aileysmirnov where I post things about my OC: edits, one-shots, imagines, art, etc. If you like Greek mythology and the bat family maybe you would get to be as fond of her as much as I am!

Anyway, thank you for reading!

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go-dark-turtle · 4 years

Text

(Here it is Chapter 2 of Hamon Daze. If you haven't read chapter 1 I suggest giving it a quick read before this one. You can find it here

Just like the first chapter there is a saucy n spicy warning if you wish not to read further. Also @thisbloghasnoaesthetic has been a HUGE inspiration for me to continue this saga. Now let's continue~ onwards to Caesar's revenge. 😎)

Hamon Daze

Chapter 2: Caesar's Revenge

(A Caesar x female reader fanfiction Saucy n Spicy edition)

The next morning Caesar stirred awake and rubbed his eyes, a fake set of eyelashes fell onto his bedsheets and he picked them up to exam them.

"What the hell is this?" He pondered to himself confused.

He looked over to his table and noticed his beloved vase was gone, did JoJo steal it again? He sighed with annoyance and headed to his small en-suite bathroom. He softly yawned as he opened the door and looked up at the mirror.

"MUMMA MIA! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP ON MY FACE!" Caesar screamed as he looked at himself in the mirror. His lips were bright pink, purple on his eyelids and red rosy cheeks.

He was furious, he knew JoJo was behind this. He grabbed his washcloth and a towel and scrubbed everything off except for his red rosy cheeks. He gritted his teeth trying to get rid of the redness in his cheeks but he sighed in defeat, he was starting to get hungry.

***Meanwhile across the hallway***

You and Joseph were in Joseph's bed giggling hearing Caesar's reaction to your prank.

"If only we could see his face" You giggled.

"Heh, the best part is he has to eat breakfast with a pretty face ohhhh!" Joseph made a kissy face mocking Caesar.

You both giggled and cuddled but it all came to a halt when you both heard Caesar open his bedroom door.

"JOJO! Are you awake? Get your arse down stairs for breakfast!" Caesar called heading straight to Joseph's bedroom door.

Joseph scrambled out of bed with you, he pushed you into his wardrobe and slammed the door. Caesar slowly turned the doorknob, the door clicked open and Joseph's eyes widened.

"CAESAR I'M AWAKE! DON'T COME IN! I'M NAKED!" He panicked at the italian about to see him in the nude.

"UGH! I didn't need to imagine that first thing in the morning... just hurry up and get down there" Caesar screwed up his face and let go of the door knob and walked down the spiral staircase to the kitchen.

"Sorry about that Y/N" Joseph opened the wardrobe door and you sat up in a daze.

"It's okay JoJo. I'd rather hide than face Caesar right now oh man he sounded pretty annoyed, but oh my god he sounded repulsed at the idea of seeing you naked." You giggled

"Glad you aren't repulsed seeing me naked Y/N. Ah we shouldn't keep the others waiting... though after lunch time we could always meet up" He winked, you immediately went bright red.

*** Meanwhile in the kitchen***

Suzie and Lisa Lisa were at the table having a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice. Caesar walked in and grinned at Suzie and took her hand in his.

"Mamma mia. You look so bellissima this morning, Suzie." Caesar kissed her hand and sat down next to her. "I didn't get a chance to ask you yesterday. How was your trip to town with Y/N?"

Suzie giggled "Grazie Caesar, well we got everything including a lovely blue dress for Lisa Lisa. Ah we even stopped for some lunch and that's when she told me something about you... ohhh.. umm.."

She clasped her hands over her mouth, Caesar looked at her with his emerald eyes and gently pulled them away. "What did she say tesoro?"

Suzie blushed she couldn't resist his gaze "Well she admitted you were attractive...."

"Oh? Maybe that explains her attitude last night..." Caesar whispered to her.

Lisa Lisa watched them both rolling her eyes and sipped her orange juice. Just then both you and Joseph scrambled into the kitchen giggling and nearly knocking over the other chairs in the room.

"JoJo! Y/N! You are both late care to explain yourselves?" Lisa Lisa folded her arms

"Sorry Lisa Lisa. Because of Caesar making me run laps around Fight island... I woke up late this morning..." You turned your head away from him trying to keep a straight face, one because of his red rosy cheeks and two you started to see how handsome he was.

"Yeah Caesar's snoring echoed into my room and also made me wake up late..." Joseph shrugged and winked at Caesar “Oh someone is a little blushy this morning"

Caesar huffed and shrugged "Well aren't you obsvert this morning!" He looked at you and noticed your shirt missing two buttons. "Say Y/N why aren't you wearing your pjs? Did you fall asleep in your clothes?"

You clench your fists and looked down your face went bright red from what actually happened "Well uhhh."

Caesar knew something was up and he wanted to find out what was going on. "Perhaps you can tell me later.. JoJo hurry up we have training with Messina and Loggins. Don't forget Y/N you are training with Lisa Lisa this morning."

You sighed with relief "Oh good.. " You giggled nervously "Ah I mean um.. right thank you for the heads up..."

*** After Breakfast ***

Caesar returned to his room to get ready, he opened his wardrobe and noticed his jackets and his tank tops were lying in the bottom of the wardrobe. He was confused why they would be lying there. As he picked them up and placed them on his bed to smooth them out he noticed a button. He picked it up and realised it belonged to you. He knew JoJo was behind the whole make up prank but did you also join him?

He smirked "Bingo! I finally have evidence..."

He grew more curious, he had a feeling you didn't return to your room last night. He sneaked into JoJo's room while he was in his shower singing very loudly. Caesar's gut feeling paid off, another button he pocketed from the floor. He quietly left and returned to his room to get ready for morning practice.

***During morning practice***

You followed Lisa Lisa to the docks for a light work out with her but, an intense training session awaited Caesar and Joseph over on Fight island. The boys focused their fingertips on the spikes in the centre and held their whole body weight with their hamon, while the tall trainers ran laps around Fight island keeping an eye of the boys from all angles.

"By the way JoJo" Caesar whispered to Joseph "I know you put that ridiculous crap on my face..."

"Heh. So you figured me out.. But you can't prove it to Messina or Loggins without proof." Joseph whispered back with a smirk.

"Oh? Well perhaps your partner in crime will definitely tell me everything." Caesar smirked and pulled out the buttons from his pocket giving them a quick flash to JoJo.

"Huh? what do you mean my partner.... wait they are from Y/N's shirt! Where did you find them?" Joseph started to sweat a little.

Caesar finally caught him and put them back in his pocket "Well I went to check on you earlier, I opened your door and found one of them on the floor. The other in my wardrobe."

Joseph started to wobble and his breathing nearly went out of sync, he knew he couldn't get out of this one.

"JoJo concentrate more!" Messina shouted at him

"Sorry..." Joseph called his trainer and closed his eyes and tried to focus again. He grunted and whispered to the italian glaring at him "What do you want Caesar..."

"Nothing. I just needed you to confirm everything for me.. Oh, and have fun running around fight island" Caesar smirked and nudged him off balance

"Wha.." Joseph tried to question him before he was knocked off balance and he nearly landed in the spikes.

The tall trainers stopped in their tracks and pulled Joseph out the pit they pointed and scolded him for not paying attention and told him to run 50 laps around fight island. Caesar smirked and launched himself into the air and bowed at his trainers before heading back inside.

***An Hour later in the kitchen for lunch***

Morning practice had wiped you out, you rested your head on the table not wanting to move a muscle, Lisa Lisa went over the basics twice.

"Ah Y/N was training with madam Lisa Lisa really that tiring?" Suzie poked your shoulder

"Leave her be Suzie. I'll allow her to rest for now but I'm sure Caesar will get her back on track after lunch" Lisa Lisa sipped her coffee and looked at the door seeing Caesar walk in.

Your eyes widened at the thought of intense training with Caesar, his training was difficult enough. Now you didn't want to face him knowing he would pick up your guilty energy.

"Buon pomeriggio ladies, how was your morning ?" He smiled at Lisa Lisa his voice was so soft it made your cheeks flare up. Did he always sound like this?

"Well Y/N seems to be distracted, Caesar I'll need you to go over the basics again." Lisa Lisa huffed and wasn't impressed by your mornings poor efforts.

"Huh? Funny thing JoJo was the same." He pretended to be surprised. He knew you two were up to no good the night before.

"Oh JoJo is lacking too! Oh my, do you think they have a cold or something?" Suzie was concerned. Caesar giggled at the ridiculous idea.

You looked up to see Caesar's smirk, your cheeks flared up and hid your face in your hands. He squatted next to you and patted your head. "Rest up lil Y/N because later we will go over everything.... again" He looked at Lisa Lisa "Um Madam Lisa Lisa, is the bath house free this afternoon?"

"Yes it's free, Messina and Loggins are having the afternoon off. I'm with JoJo after lunch. Did you have something in mind?" Lisa Lisa was curious.

"Just thought a reminder of the basics might be helpful in there." Caesar nodded, you groaned in frustration, you already went over them TWICE and now a third time with Caesar this was going to be hell.

She nodded "Very well and perhaps a clean up might also help Y/N get her mind to focus." She took a bite out of her sandwich. You were more nervous than on your first day. Caesar bowed to his teacher and looked back down to you.

"Oh and in case you wondered where JoJo is Y/N." He took your hand away from your face and gently guided you to the window. He noticed your blush and how nervous you were around him compared to the night before.

You blushed more feeling his large leather glove touch your hand and his fingertips gently gripping your smaller hand. You saw Joseph run laps around fight island, he was already exhausted but he kept going, whining to his trainers. You swallowed hard, you felt this was all Caesar's doing and you were next.

*** 20 minutes later***

You nervously followed behind Caesar heading to the bath house on the right side of the island. You had no idea what he had in store but you knew it was going to be exhausting, with Caesar boasting for sure. You carried a bucket, mop and a few cleaning supplies trying to keep with Caesar.

"Come on lil Y/N we are almost there." Caesar smirked while waiting on you with his hands on hips.

"Caesar please, I can't carry this all by myself." You whined as you caught up trying your best not to look at his beautiful green eyes.

"Well if you paid attention to this morning's practice you wouldn't be in this mess now would you?" Caesar folded his arms and raised his eyebrow.

You sighed in defeat, he smirked again and opened the door to the bath house and held the door to the first room. Inside was a giant shared bath by the balcony and showers on the right of the room with benches either side and lockers on the left with a sink behind the door.

"Okay Y/N set everything on that bench over there and stand up straight" Caesar slammed the door shut and glared at you.

You gulped and nervously set everything down and stood in the middle of the room. You looked down, you knew you were in deep trouble. Caesar walked behind you and placed his hands on your shoulders. You looked ahead, your eyes widen, feeling his hands on your shoulders. You had never seen this side of Caesar before, even though you were nervous your mind raced with the idea of kissing him.

"You are in for a treat let me tell you." He leaned in closer and whispered. Your thought bubble was popped by his comment, especially with the tone of his voice, your eyes widened, you swallowed hard and your hands began to shake releasing the reality of what's going on. He smirked more knowing his comment made you sweat, he licked his lips.

"I know you helped JoJo with his little prank, I'm not very impressed you messed up my beautiful face." He reached into his pocket and held your hands open and placed your buttons in your hand "Don't leave evidence behind next time."

You looked down at them, your whole body was shaking, you were caught out, you spun around and clasped your hands and dropped to your knees, dropping the buttons and closing your eyes shut. "I'm so sorry Caesar, please dont tell Lisa Lisa!"

Caesar barked at you while grabbing the bucket and held it out. "We'll see about that, on your feet now! Hands behind your back!" Your eyes sprung open, his voice was so cold and commanding.

You nodded and did as he said, he walked behind you and placed the bucket in your hands. You looked down not daring to look back, you knew this wasn't going to be pleasant.

"I'm disappointed in you Y/N, I thought you were the type to behave. Tsk, tsk, I guess that's what happens when you get involved with JoJo." Caesar waggled his finger. "It's such a shame I have to punish you like this Y/N, you are so pretty, but you know this brings back memories of when I didn't behave."

You looked up and loved hearing he thought you were pretty, you shook your head trying to stay focused by trying to get on his good side "You misbehaved one time?! That isn't like you Caesar."

"Don't be cute with me Y/N, well it was 3 years ago when I first arrived on the island...." Caesar pointed at you and thought back to his early training days.

***Three years ago***

Caesar was summoned to the Island to meet Lisa Lisa upon meeting her he held her hand and kissed it "My, my, you are sbalorditiva. It's such an honour to train under your beauty" Caesar winked at her.

"My training is very strict, I expect nothing but the best." Lisa Lisa pulled her hand away trying to keep her cool from his flirting.

"Hm, well you are looking right at him, say why not we skip the training and get right into the good part and perhaps we can kiss with a moonlight diner later." Caesar flashed his smile at her. "You can come too, Suzie I wouldn't want to leave you out."

Suzie blushed at his actions but Lisa Lisa wasn't impressed. She folded her arms "You lack respect, I'll knock that out of you before we continue..."

"Oh I bet you will." Caesar smirked "Oh my Lisa Lisa aren't we jumping into this far too quickly? We haven't even kissed yet." He raised his eyebrows, with his mind thinking unspeakable things.

Lisa Lisa huffed. "Just come with me!"

He followed her to the bath house and instructed him to hold the bucket behind his back, at first he smirked thinking it was easy but within a few minutes she brought over hamon fused water and slowly filling up the bucket, his body started to shake and his arms were like jelly.

"Please Lisa Lisa I'm sorry, please let me have a break my arms are going to fall off. I'm sorry I was disrespectful towards you please forgive me." Caesar pleaded almost in tears.

"From now on you will respect my training methods and respect me as your teacher, not some girl in the streets. Do you understand?" Lisa Lisa stopped bringing over more water and watched him quiver.

"I promise! I'm so sorry madam Lisa Lisa, I will promise to respect you from here on in!" Caesar cried out his hands shaking

"Good, you may let go of the bucket" Lisa Lisa smirked.

Caesar released the bucket and dropped to his knees not caring his legs got wet from the water spilling everywhere. "From now on I'll take your training seriously."

***End of Flashback***

Your eyes widened. He was going to give you the same treatment you opened your mouth but he placed his finger over it. You blushed at how close he was. The scent coming from his tank top, a combination of white flowers, rose, lily of the valley and sandalwood. He smelt so nice and very comforting. The bubble of comfort from his scent popped as he pulled away from you.

"Hush now lil Y/N, it's time for you to receive your punishment and unlike what happened to me, you know how to use hamon, so I need you to hold that bucket but keep the water in place do you understand?" Caesar walked over to the sink and grinned

You nodded and held the bucket tightly he brought over a handful and dropped it into the bucket, at first you had no problems but as he got to the 5th handful that's when you felt the tension in your arms. Caesar knew exactly how you felt and went for a 6th handful.

Loggins had finished with his lunch. He made a quick detour through the bath house hallway to get to the docks to enjoy his well deserved afternoon off and that's when he heard you and Caesar talking. He stopped by the door and listened in.

"Please Caesar my arms hurt, please let me take a break!" You cried out to him

"Quit whining I'm not done yet, just endure it a little more." Caesar barked back

"I'm already at my limit Caesar please, I can't hold it anymore!" You whined more.

Loggins clasped his hands over his mouth "Good heavens what on earth are they doing in there" He couldn't stop listening as if it was like a trainwreck, he pressed his ear against the door and listened more.

"Y/N, I'll be nice and let you lean against the bench but keep those hands where they are." Caesar sighed.

You knelt on the floor and your chest leaning onto the bench it felt a little better, but your arms still ached. Caesar walked in front of you and raised his eyebrows, while giving you a disappointed look.

"I said you can lean, not kneel, now get that cute butt of yours in the air" Caesar loved that he was in control heading to the sink once more.

"Sorry Caesar" You blushed and sighed. You raised your legs and buttocks, the bucket was almost at max capacity leaning your chest still on the bench. You gripped with all your might and charged hamon through the bucket keeping everything in place.

"Perfect, now let's add some more shall we, I'll be nice with just my pinky finger, instead of my hand." He smirked as he walked over with a glob of water encased around his pinky finger.

"No Caesar, please I can't handle anymore, anything but that!" You pleaded out in a panicked cry

Caesar didn't appreciate you answering him back, he clapped his hands in front of you making the water explode over your face you shivered on the spot. Loggins couldn't handle listening anymore and he scurried out of the hallway and headed straight to the docks horrified.

You looked up to Caesar your arms felt like they were about to break, you clenched your eyes shut and screamed "Please, I'm sorry I followed JoJo in his prank, I'm sorry I didn't go back to my room, I'm sorry, please Caesar, let me drop the bucket, I'll do anything!"

"Anything you say?" Caesar leaned in close the smell of his scent felt comforting again, you opened your eyes seeing his emerald eyes shine. "Well perhaps that kiss I wanted from you last night might be enough to let me stop this punishment and of course keep hush hush."

You bit your lip, no way out of this one, you sighed and closed your eyes but slowly loved the idea of Caesar kissing you, but stood your ground. "Fine, but just one kiss."

"That won't be a problem, one is all I need." Caesar finally had what he wanted.

He knocked the bucket out of your hands and spilled the contents everywhere. You sighed with relief but before you could shake your arms from the aching pains, Caesar scooped his hand under your back and you fell backwards into his arms. You flinched thinking you were about to fall but you looked up and saw his bright emerald eyes lock onto yours. You blushed hard in his arms looking up at him he looked so handsome and you couldn't help but stare at his face.

"You'll fall for me guaranteed." He smirked with an evil glint in his eye. "You can't resist me"

Before you had a chance to say anything his lips crashed into yours he held you close at first you were shaking but soon enough you held onto his shoulders, closing your eyes all while enjoying his powerful kiss. He knew you couldn't resist his soft lips. He held you close and deepened the kiss, you gasped at how amazing he was at kissing.

He pulled away from the kiss you were in a complete daze, your face bright red, he smirked and looked down at you " Hmm, I'm glad a little birdie told me that you thought I was attractive."

"Well about that ..." You went super quiet and turned your face away from him.

"It's okay Y/N I understand, so if you like shall we continue?" He nodded and cupped your chin.

You couldn't resist as if he put you under a spell. You nodded a thousand times and looked to his face, you wanted him so badly you couldn't wait anymore and he knew it. The kiss unlocked everything.

(SAUCY N SPICY WARNING)

"Relax for me my darling" Caesar sat on one of the benches and had you sitting on his lap both facing him, your arms wrapped around his shoulders. Both of you had discarded your tank tops and they landed on the other side of the room. He gently pressed his palms, while wearing his leather gloves, against your nipples, you blushed and gasped at the feel and how cold they were.

"Sorry Caesar, it's just your gloves are so cold.." You looked up at him softly gasping.

"Oh then perhaps I should try something else out instead." He smiled with an evil glint.

He brought his hands together and clapped them and then formed two large bubbles. He caught them with his hamon and smirked, he pressed them against your nipples, the hamon energy clamped onto your skin and no matter how much you squirmed you couldn't release their tight grip.

"That's your punishment for.... last night." He whispered in your ear and nipped your neck

You jolted back in pain and pleasure, almost falling off Caesar's lap. You tried to pop the bubbles with your own hamon, Caesar gripped your hands and held them in place with one of his hands while slowly pulling off his headband.

"So naughty Y/N, so now you need more discipline." Caesar shook his head.

He knelt you onto the floor and tied your arms behind your back with his headband, you looked up not knowing what side of Caesar was coming up next. He crouched next to you and gently tilted your chin upwards again and planted another kiss on your lips. He softly hummed and locked his eyes on you as he dragged his hands down your stomach and gently unbuckled your belt and unzipped your jeans. You closed your eyes and bit your lip, his hand slipped in and he gently rubbed the fabric of your underwear against your sensitive nub.

"Caesar.. it's too much please slow down" You rested your head on his chest panting hard as he made small fast circles.

"Hmmm, that's going to be a no Y/N, this will teach you to behave." Caesar smirked.

He continued on, his other hand reached down his own jeans and gently pleasured himself at the same time with you, he licked and bit his lip, you grew more and more wet with his long fingers rubbing against you.

"Oh my, feels like you are enjoying this, your panties are soaked." Caesar licked his lips "Alright, since you're so excited I'll let you have a break but you have to do something for me..."

You let out a soft moan when he pulled his hand out from your jeans, he smirked and kicked off his jeans all that remained was his dark blue boxers. You looked up and saw how excited he was, the nerves kicked in.

"Hmm, well since I made you feel good, it's time you made me feel good, I'll need you to be creative Y/N. You are only allowed to use your mouth, so what are you waiting to get to work!" Caesar placed his hand on his hip and brought you closer gently gripping your hair.

He opened his legs as he sat back down on the bench, you sat by his legs. He smirked, you looked down at his boxers and leaned in gently trying to work out what to do. Your eyes beamed when you noticed the buttons, you gently tugged the first button with your teeth prying it free, once you got the hang of the technique all three of the buttons were loose. You sighed and grinned sitting back while having a breather.

"I don't have all day Y/N, get busy!" He shoved your face back in, he was certainly excited.

You darted out your tongue and reached in the opening of his boxers and encouraging his length to pop out by curling and wrapping your tongue against him. After a few minutes of trial and error it eventually popped out, you saw it in all its glory it was average sized but thick. You swallowed hard and started to lick the tip gently not wanting to screw this up.

"Ah Y/N... your tongue is like heaven please don't stop.." Caesar threw his head back in bliss and patted your head again.

You loved how he tasted and how smooth he was, you shifted forward more and gently suckled on his tip leaving small kisses on him inbetween. Caesar was in bliss; he softly moaned and closed his eyes.

"Y/N please more... please..." He was begging for you.

You loved to hear his soft moans and hear him beg for you was something you thought you'd never hear, it made you more excited. The bubbles clamped on your nipples bopped against his thighs as you sucked him deeper causing more friction for your nipples. He was almost at his limit.

"Ah okay that's enough" Caesar quickly pulled you away and pulled off his boxers. "For now..."

You sat there arms still bound, the bubbles still clamped on your nipples catching your breath. He smirked, bending down to you and gently removing the rest of your clothes. He walked back to the bench and leaned over to pick up the mop.

"Y/N you did such a good job, how about a reward, hm?" He looked down at you with a smirk. Holding the mop tightly in his hands `

"What did you have in mind Caesar...?" You were frozen on the spot looking at his smirk, what in the world was he going to do.

He sat back down and brought you forward again, your eyes focused on his thighs, he was twitching with excitement. He looked down at you and smirked, holding the mop head in his hand, he guided the wooden handle down to your sensitive and wet area and gently rubbed it against your outside folds.

"AH CAESAR!" You moaned out it felt so good rubbing against your sensitive area, you flung your head back and bit your lip.

"Hm, that's what I like to hear now let's finish this." Caesar tilted his head and winked while he pushed your head into his crotch again.

You quickly suckled on him, your tongue licking and wrapping around, as he gently rubbed the wooden handle against your sensitive nub, you were so close your body was shaking you wanted to release your wave of pleasure so badly.

"Ah Y/N, you have such a talented tongue... oh god..." Caesar began to shake along with you.

You picked up the pace hoping he would do the same, he unleashed his wave inside your mouth you let go of him and swallowed it all you looked up to him panting hard wanting him to rub your nub more to let you finish.

"I think we are finished now" He threw the mop aside and looked down at you "Aww don't look at me like that Y/N, I did say this was a punishment"

You begged for him to continue. You wanted to have that satisfaction like he did, he shook his head and he released the bubbles from your nipples. He slowly walked behind you squatting down untied his headband, wrapping it around his forehead again.

*Cue Roundabout*

"Don't think this is over yet, Y/N. Both you and JoJo still need to learn your lesson. Whether he likes it or not, I know you'll behave for me." He smirked and pointed at you as he stood up "Meet me in my room tonight, 9pm sharp and don't be late."

You sat there with your eyes wide following his movements, your nerves kicked in again your body began to shake.

"Oh and don't worry, I'll be sure to tell JoJo...." he leaned by your ear and whispered

"Everything...."

[<--------To Be Continued----------]

Chapter 3

#jojo bizarre adventure #caesar zeppeli #caesar x reader #battle tendency #saucy n spicy

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neptunetheplanet7 · 3 years

Text

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 - 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 1.9k

warnings: swearing, cheating

italics means flashback/memory recall

listen to the music masterlist

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quick message! unlike on my wattpad, i’m not doing a character introduction chapter on here. so heads up for he/they armin and she/they sasha!! those are just my personal headcanons i included into the story :) also, i wrote this a LONG time ago. i posted this on my wattpad on 2/24/21. i apologize in advance for any errors. i do plan to re-edit a lot of things regarding this fic in the future.

"She's coming back tomorrow," Jean said casually while pouring himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. You choked on your breakfast. Armin took a worried glance at your coughing form from across the table.

"Sorry." You hacked.

"Mikasa is?" Eren peeked his head through the bathroom doorway as he looked away from the mirror.

"Yeah, I'm going to pick her up from the airport tomorrow night." Jean put down the pot of coffee and took a sip from his hot mug.

"Why so sudden?" Armin put down his book on the table in front of his plate.

"She spoke to me about it briefly. said there was something she needed to do when she got here. I'm just as shocked as you are. I didn't think she'd be back any time soon" Jean brushed the crumbs off his hands and put his plate in the sink.

"How can you all be so calm about this? Did you hear him? Mikasa is coming home tomorrow. She left nearly two years ago! She's finally coming back and none of you are freaking out? She didn't even say why exactly she was coming back." You stood up and threw your hands in the air. Suddenly you lost your appetite.

"No need to get all bent out of shape, Y/n. You act like we haven't seen her in ten years." Eren said with a hair tie in his mouth as he grew impatient with his long and tangled mess of hair.

You rolled your eyes. "Obviously, but she left for a reason. Even when she gets here, will she still want to play with us? Her absence from the band has taken a toll on everyone, and our audience was less than pleased when she announced her vacation, or rather when I announced her vacation." You start pacing in the living room.

Armin's eyes followed you as you moved. "I hope she does, but it's unlikely. I recall her saying she never wanted to see Jean again. I doubt she'll want to play with him here." He theorized.

"Well, she did call me to say she was coming back so I don't think she's still very upset with me." Jean finished off his coffee and tucked his hair behind his ears. "It happened two years ago, after all."

"I hope she's doing better. It's not like we've heard much from her since she left. I have to clean this house! Oh god, it's a mess! You boys are pigs." You said frantically.

Eren snickered. "Well, it looks like you haven't gotten over your little crush."

"Shut it, Jaeger. I'm doing fine and, frankly, that's none of your business." Still pacing, you held your stomach as the nervous feeling grew.

"Yeah, it sure looks like you're fine." His lips pulled into a grin as he rolled his eyes.

"I think I'm going to faint."

"Do you need to lie down? You look a bit pale." Armin stood up and came to my side.

"I think I'll take a nap."

"You just woke up, smarty. Going back to bed already?" Jean chuckled. "I'm going to Marco's place. See you losers later."

A chorus of 'bye, Jeans' sounded throughout the room when he left through the garage door.

"Y/n, were you serious about cleaning the house? Because I have to go and I really don't want to clean so-"

"Yeah, Eren. You can leave, I don't care."

"You're the best! Thank you!" Eren chirped and practically skipped through the door.

"I have nowhere to be. So I guess I'll stick with you here." Armin smiled. "Do you need help with anything?"

"I'll be fine, thanks. Just nervous is all." You wrung your hands and blinked several times.

"Okay, I'll be in the office if you need anything." Armin patted your shoulder and left you alone in the large living room.

You quickly got to cleaning the house in a nervous frenzy, deep in thought. Mikasa had left one night almost two years ago after a heated situation between her and Jean that ultimately resulted in their breakup and Mikasa leaving the band with only a painful note left behind.

Apparently, there was more to the breakup than you knew, but Jean kept what we didn't hear to himself for Mikasa's sake. Essentially, Mikasa caught Jean and Marco together at a party Eren threw for his nineteenth birthday. You were with her when she saw them.

You and Mikasa were having a silly conversation in the long hallway in front of the dining room. Mikasa stopped looking at you and started focusing on something behind you. her small smile dropped. "and that's why I never- hey Mikasa? You okay? What are you looking at?" You stopped telling your story and became more concerned for your friend.

Confused, you turned around. You gasped loudly. "Oh Mikasa, I'm so sorry." You reached a hand out to her but she left the hall quickly. "Don't worry about it, Y/n. It's not a big deal." You watched her speedwalk up the stairs with her hand covering her mouth.

You confronted Jean calmly, not wanting to disturb the party, despite being furious. "Hey, Jean. the world can see you, dickbag. And so did your girlfriend. Have fun explaining this to her. She went upstairs. Find her yourself. If you even care enough to do so." You spat and darted away from them.

"Wait, Y/n!" Jean pushed past people as you swiftly made your way through the crowd in an attempt to find Eren. Normally, you'd look for Armin, but he was out of town for the night. You got to the kitchen and desperately glanced around. Jean took hold of your arm before you could get any farther. He turned you to face him and took note of your angry expression. "I'm sorry. let me explain."

You shoved him away from you. "Don't apologize to me. Don't explain anything to me. Tell it to your girlfriend. I'm finding Eren and ending this shitty party early. Frankly, Jean, I don't care what excuse you have." You kicked off your heels in a random spot and continued the search for your friend. Jean tried to follow you at first but gave up.

You pushed through crowds looking everywhere for Eren. "Where is he? Eren I need you," You muttered. You caught a glimpse of dark hair being pulled out of an updo. You took a sharp turn and bumped into someone. You fell backward on the floor and rubbed your side that you fell on. "Ouch."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going!" A girl with multiple party foods in her arms shouted apologetically. She hastily set down her collection and helped you up. I took a quick look around the room, Eren wasn't there. The brunette in front of me tilted her head. "Are you looking for someone? I can help you find them to make up for bumping into you. Hey, you're really pretty. Are you the guitarist from that band? Wait, so you live here? Oh no, I bumped into someone famous! Connie and Niccolo are gonna freak out when I tell them! I'm Sasha by the way. Your name is Y/n right?"

Taken aback by her rambling, and the fact that she recognized you, you stuttered for a bit before gaining your composure. "Yeah, I'm looking for a friend, actually. And that's me. I live here."

Sasha grinned. "Cool! Who are you looking for? I might know them." She linked her arm through yours and pulled you to the outside deck.

"I'm looking for Eren. Uh- Jaeger. My friend Eren Jaeger. I need to find him." Your voice sounded shaky.

"Me and him were partners in Professor Hange's science class back in high school! He invited me since we go way back." She opened the door and stepped outside. "Hey Y/n, you sound upset. Did something happen?" She unhooked your arm from hers and put her hands on your shoulders with a concerned stare. You were on the brink of tears and didn't want to cry in front of a stranger, but when you heard the caution in her tone you couldn't help but let some tears escape.

"Hey! Hey, hey Y/n, don't cry now. We'll find Eren." She pulled you in for a hug and you slowly accepted it. You weren't even the one who got cheated on yet you were the one crying. You were worried about the band. You were worried about the fight Eren and Jean were sure to get in. You were worried about what Armin would think. But most importantly, you were worried about Mikasa.

The thought of her locking herself in a room upstairs alone after what happened was enough to make you feel sick. You had to find Eren and end the party. You had to keep him calm once he found out. A part of you had always hoped they would break up, and you always felt extremely guilty about it, but you never hoped it would end in a way that hurt them both.

You quietly sobbed into sasha's clothed shoulder, definitely staining her frilly dress. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now." You stepped away and wiped your eyes several times.

"No, don't apologize. You don't have to tell me what happened, either. Let's go find Eren, yeah?" She gently took my face in her hands and wiped away at my tears. She hooked her arm through mine again as we continued our search for Eren.

We finally found him after looking for a good fifteen minutes. He was sitting alone on the front porch with a beer in hand, his hair a ragged mess. He took a swig of it and scowled at the taste. Sasha nodded to you and left you alone with him. You opened the glass door and stood awkwardly behind him.

"Hey, Eren."

"The party's inside." He said bitterly.

"I know." You sat down next him and smoothed out your dress in the process. "What are you doing out here at your own party? I've been looking for you everywhere."

He sighed. "I heard what happened. with Jean and Mikasa. He went looking for her so I assume he's found her, that was thirty minutes ago, give or take. I needed a break and came out here."

You let your head slump on his shoulder. He let out another long sigh. "I saw it happen. She ran upstairs so I came looking for you. I figured once I told you, you could end the party. That sounds ridiculous now, considering how many people came." You let out a dry laugh and felt him laugh along with you. His head rested on top of yours and he placed a gentle kiss on it.

"What are we gonna do now, Y/n? There’s no chance this'll go over well. The band could be ruined.” He paused and sighed. “I bet Armin would know what to do right about now."

"I bet he would." You took Eren's hand in yours. "I don't even want to think about what could happen."

"Neither do I. Do you want to stay out here a little while longer? We can go back in later." Eren offered.

"Yeah. That sounds nice."

posted: 8/23/21

no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.

#mikasa x you #mikasa x reader #snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction #mikasa ackerman #band au #modern au

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mobbinholland · 4 years

Text

brat - chris evans

pairing: chris evans x reader

warnings: smut, filthy ass, aggressive, PURE SMUT 18+

summary: chris knew you were kinda bratty & he was fine with it at times. until the one time you crossed the line.

authors note: lightly edited :)

———

it was early in the morning, you got up once you heard the door close which meant Chris went for his morning jog. you went downstairs and made a batch of coffee, for the both of you. you had your music playing low but loud enough you could hear.

you did the dishes and just cleaned up a little bit and made yourself breakfast. just a few waffles and sliced up some strawberries and to finish it off, whipped cream.

“isn’t that a lot of sugar for in the morning?” a voice boom behind you. you smile to yourself and spin around. you see a sweaty Chris, yet still handsome.

“just a little bit.” you tell him and take your first bite. he walks over to you and kisses your head.

“make me any baby?” he asked looking around and you shook your head no. he scuffs and pours himself his coffee. “and why not?” he narrows his eyebrows at you. you shrug your shoulders and continue eating. with your legs swinging off the chair.

“you’re a brat you know?” he says pulling cereal out of the pantry.

“I know!” you say cheerful as you bring your dish to the sink and kiss him on his cheek. “I'll be back! going to the store.” you say as you walked away. well, tried. Chris grabbed your wrist and pulled you back.

“yeah? what store huh baby?” he ran his hand under your chin. you gave him a soft smile. just because you loved it when he did that. “the grocery store silly.” you lied straight through your teeth, but he did not notice. he nodded and gave you a kiss.

“hurry back.” he says.

yes so what? you lied. you went to the mall. for a few new outfits... and shoes. and yes with Chris credit card. you felt a tad guilty, but you knew Chris was going to love everything you got.

“how much are these?” you looked at the employee while holding white heels with gold butterflies on the heel.

“$650. without tax of course.” she gives you a warm smile. and you smiled back. “I'll take them!”

you got back home. you had to hurry at the grocery store just so Chris did not really exact anything. you left the shopping bags in the trunk. your arms were full of the groceries and you struggle to open the door, but you got it. you let out a sigh of distress. you expected to see Chris and have him run to help but he did not. he was not downstairs.

“thanks! I got it!” you yelled out sarcastically, rolling your eyes. you get the bags in the kitchen floor along on the island. you got confused on why Chris has not come to see you, but you shrugged it off. putting the milk away and the eggs.

“y/n...” you heard Chris say behind you. you turned around “about time! I had to open the door with my foot.” you whined. but Chris slammed papers on the counter, and it made you jump.

“what the fuck Chris?” you ask him

“what did you do today?” he ask cold. not looking up at you.

“I went to the grocery store. I told you?” you tried to play innocent.

“yeah? so buying— “he looks at the papers “one grand worth of clothing and shoes and fucking make up! is at the fucking grocery store y/n!” his voice booms.

shit

“but daddy you’ll like it...” you say small.

“don’t fucking start.” he says walking toward you and you slowly back away. afraid. but he gets close enough to grab your wrist and put you towards him while his other hand grabs your throat. you gasp at the lack of air and blink a few times.

“fucking look at me.” he says whirl looking down at you. you look up into his now dark blue eyes.

“what the fuck did you buy. you fucking brat!?” he hissed at you.

“shoes baby. you will love them. I swear.” you whine into him. he removes his hand from your throat, instantly letting you breathe right but the pain went straight to your head as Chris grabs a fist full of hair and dragging you outside.

thank god no neighbors are out he thought to himself.

“you’re going to show me these shoes. open the fucking trunk.” he pushes you forward, and you stumble but open the door so you could pop open the trunk. you walk around to the back and Chris is holding the heels in his hands. “these are it?” he looks at the shoes then at you. you nod. he scuffs and he grabs your arm and brings you back inside.

“Chris listen. I am sorry okay! I didn’t think you’d be upset, and I'll pay you bac— ““shut up.” he says, and he pushes you inside and he locks the door behind him. you turn and look at him and he hands you the heels.

“go upstairs. get undressed. put that pretty little white set I like on, along with the heels.” he gives you the instructions

“but chr—“

“go!” he yells again, and you go upstairs into your guys bedroom.

“fuck fuck fuck!” you curse at yourself as you walk upstairs. and once you reached the top step you ran to the room and could hear Chris chuckle at you.

you pushed open the grand doors and went straight to the drawers and found the set and removed all your clothes and put on the set. you quickly moved to the shoes and Chris walked in as soon as you finished putting on the last one. you shot up straight and was as stiff as a nail. he scuffed and sat at the end of the bed.

“this. this is what you spend all my money on. those fucking shoes.” you nod. “but they’re cute right?” you ask him. shyly.

“yeah baby I do but that doesn’t ignore the fact you didn’t blow my fucking credit card.” he grabbed your wrist against and pulled you over his lap. you whine knowing what was to come and he slams hard on your ass which makes you scream out.

“one.” you say.

“oh, now you want to be good?” he asks smacking again.

“I'm always good daddy.” you say, and he smacks even harder because you did not count.

“hm. three.” you hiss after he pain.

Chris soon finished and he threw you on the floor. sat nice and pretty in your knees. he told you. his hand ran across your chin, your lips, down your chest and soon over your nice, lacy fabric which Chris soon ripped in half. which shocked you.

“Chris! what the fu—“ he shoved the fabric straight into your mouth before you could even finish.

“what? I bought it princess? and you’ll just go ahead and buy another one.” he slapped your cheek. and you whined straight into the fabric. he smiled.

“you’re going to take everything I give you. do not fucking run. you’re going to take it right?” he asks grabbing your chin. you nod. and he smirks and spits onto your face and wipes it all over.

Chris pulls out the white fabric and shoved down his shorts, reveling his hard cock and wastes no time, shoving his cock right down your throat.

you never seen Chris like this before. yes, he was always rough but not this animalistic. and you liked it.

Chris fucked your throat like there was no tomorrow. and you gagged which made him growl and pull out. his hand full of your hair and he looked at you. you did not say anything. you just stuck your tongue out and he spit right on the middle and slowly put his cock back in. making the tip hit the side of your cheek. you groan at the pain, but he just slapped his tip. you looked up at him and gave him your soft eyes, which usually does it for him. but, not this time.

he pulls out of you and picks you up and shoved you down onto the bed. he rips the panties and you hiss.

“you really think using my card without my permission was okay baby?” he asks. you shook your head no. he smacks your pussy making you scream. “use your words.”

“no daddy.” you whine. just wanting him to give you so much more. his thick fingers explore your folds. spreading all your juices around. your eyes roll and you shot your head back. but Chris did not like that. he grabbed the back of your neck and forced you to look at him. he shoved two fingers in.

“fucking shit.” you whisper, and he goes faster. curling them up so they hit all the right places. the familiar feeling starts to ball at the end of your stomach. you start shaking your head no and Chris just laughed.

“I thought you were always good for me baby? come on, just this once. make a mess of yourself.” he let go of your neck and replaced his hand at your lower stomach adding pressure and you instantly scream out making all your juices go everywhere. all over his hands and arm. he growls and removes his fingers and just smearing everything over your face.

“you love being a little brat, don’t you?” he says lining himself at your entrance. “never listen to me.” he slides in, making your back arch off the bed and he begins to pound you. his cock just stretching you out in all the right places. pain soon becomes pleasure and you start moaning his name. but he begins to go harder.

“use my money, fucking my little slut. huh baby? you like daddy just stretching you open?” he asks grabbing your chin forcing you to look at him. you nod with your eyes barely open.

“fucking pathetic. can't even take what I'm giving to you!” and then he goes faster. he slaps your ass. and you are close.

“c-can I please come daddy?” you whisper but loud enough so he can hear. “you really think you deserve it? you didn’t even make me breakfast baby.” you throw your head back, but Chris pulls out and you gasp at the lack of him. he moans loud and you look up and his empties himself right inside your hole.

“but daddy!” you whine, and he just laughs at you once again.

“maybe you’ll learn how to behave. now, get dressed we have company coming over later.” he says as he put his shorts back on and leave you in the room.

#chris evans smut #chris evans #andy barber smut #andy barber #steve rogers #captian america #steve rogers smut #captian america smut #mcu #marvel

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astorytotellyourfriends · 3 years

Note

M and Q, please? 👀

M: already answered!

Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?

i do have a folder in my google drive labeled "abandoned" but there are only 2 docs in the jatp subfolder, and both of them are previous drafts of fics i've posted! (the 1d folder is a whole other story...)

i'm very much the type of writer who edits as i go so i don't normally cut out scenes unless they just aren't working. even then, i'll usually copy/paste them into that story's plot doc and save them just in case i end up needing it later. the only one that currently comes to mind is a section i cut out of chapter five of a mouth that i would kill to kiss because it wasn't flowing the way i wanted it to. @where-you-go will probably yell at me if i dangle this without posting it, so there's about a thousand words under the cut lol

Luke hasn't written a thing in over a year. Not one note, lyric, or anything even resembling a song since before the band went on hiatus. It was strange at first, because he's always been the one to constantly scribble down ideas for songs all day, every day. The pages of his song notebooks were covered in all sorts of notes in his chicken scratch handwriting. He's got dozens of notes on his phone that have half-finished lyrics, or voice notes that are comprised of him humming half a melody that came to him in the middle of the night.

Writing felt like a part of him, ingrained in his soul. Music is what he loves and he made it his whole life. But when he cut Bobby out of his life, he lost that side of himself. He didn't want to write anymore. He'd spent years writing songs about Bobby, even if he never admitted it aloud.

It's been almost five months since Bobby showed up on his doorstep and while things are better between them, Luke still doesn't know how to feel about Bobby most days. They text a little more often now than they did at the start of all of this, and they've seen each other a handful of times since the twins' birthday party.

But never alone. There's always at least one other person around, and Luke prefers it that way. Ever since Bobby told Luke he was in therapy, Luke's felt conflicted. On the one hand, he's glad that Bobby is finally taking steps to better himself. But on the other, he can't help but worry if it's all just some ploy to get him back.

Luke still doesn't know what he wants from Bobby, or if he even wants anything at all. Five months isn't enough time to undo twenty years of damage, no matter how often Bobby's seeing his therapist. But even Luke can't deny that the feelings he fought so hard to destroy are slowly creeping back into him.

He's missed Bobby. He'd spent the last year so angry at Bobby that he'd forgotten what it's like to just be around him. It almost feels like the old days, back before anything happened between them. Luke tries not to let himself get caught up in nostalgia, but sometimes he just can't help it. Even with all the shit they've been through, he still considers Bobby one of his best friends.

And slowly, Luke starts to write again. It's nothing like what he used to be capable of, and that's okay. He doesn't need to spend all day and all night writing songs anymore. The band's still on break and everything is fine. Luke doesn't even know if anything he's written lately would even make it onto a new Sunset Curve record, if that's something they'd even want to do again.

Things are different now. Everything is different. Luke's just trying to adjust to the new normal in the only way he can: one step at a time.

So he lets himself write when he wants to write, and doesn't force himself. He doesn't make himself feel guilty on days when he's not inspired. There's no pressure on him to write a full song. He could write a dozen half-formed songs and it would be totally fine, because at least he wrote them.

Luke tries not to think about Bobby when he's writing. He spent so many years writing song after song about Bobby that it feels weird not to think about him, but Luke keeps reminding himself that he's trying something new. His therapist was right: he still needs to figure out who he is without his attachment to Bobby. It's sort of funny how he went from not thinking about Bobby at all over the course of a year to thinking about him almost as often as he used to.

At least he doesn't feel that same mania he once did. The sort of magnetic pull to Bobby where if he wasn't the center of Bobby's attention at all times, it felt like he might wither away and die. It wasn't healthy then, and at least now Luke knows better. He had to learn to be okay with himself first, to be comfortable enough in his own skin without needing validation from anyone else.

In a strange way, Luke felt that cutting Bobby off was one of the best things that ever happened to him. Up until that point, he'd still been fooling himself into thinking that they could be together. Before that, he'd thought that all he had to do was get sober, and then Bobby would want him again. When that didn't work, Luke just concentrated on trying to remind Bobby of the good times they'd had together, even if Bobby wasn't willing to reminisce.

Maybe what Luke needed all along was just to accept that he and Bobby weren't as meant to be as he thought they were.

The distance between us, it sharpens me like a knife

Luke sighs softly as he reads back the few lines he's written, his eyes going further up the page to reread one in particular: I took too many hits off this memory, I need to come down.

He sighs sharply and tucks his pen into the notebook, shutting the cover before he sets it aside. Thoughts of Bobby had wormed their way into his mind, even when he was trying so hard not to think about him.

Maybe, Luke thinks, shutting him out is the wrong thing to do. He spent a year not speaking to Bobby and he couldn't manage to write anything in that time. Now that he's writing again, maybe it's because he's let Bobby back into his life. As much as he wants to tell himself that he's fine without Bobby, that he's better off without him, maybe it's not that simple.

But Luke still can't come to terms with giving Bobby another shot. Or rather, a real shot. They've never had anything close to a real relationship because everything they did was always kept a secret. It was hard enough going through the ups and downs all on his own, Luke can't even imagine what would happen if he had his heart broken again, only this time in the public eye.

#answered #Anonymous #thank youuuu

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sunshinee-sunflowerr · 3 years

Text

When I saw this I was immediately triggered and that’s how I knew I had to share it. Other than the fact that it is important as fuck to share something like this. But the second part of that post almost aligns with what had happened to me with my ex Dan. I have issues with sexual dysfunction and tend to lose feeling down there and that leaves me feeling betrayed by my own body. I feel so worthless and pathetic already as it is when it happens because I’m sensitive and it is humiliating when I start to cry. I don’t even get to like fully enjoy something so intimate because I’m a very passionate person and I love all types of deep connection. And he ruined it. It had stopped being such a beautiful thing for me. The second I asked him to stop and that I had mentioned I wasn’t enjoying it, he became the person I didn’t think he could truly ever be. He laid down on me. Like I’m talking all of his weight was on me, and he whined about how good it felt to stay in me and finish. I felt nothing and everything all at the same time, I wasn’t being heard, I was just a body, and I didn’t matter anymore. This was someone who was stronger than me. This was someone who I loved and straight up disrespected me to the point where I myself are in a traumatic position, I had to literally match his thrusts just so he’d come faster because I knew that was the only safe way to get him off of me. And that was humiliating and violating. I had no other choice. And to this day this man still tries to say he didn’t rape me but SIR WHEN YOU DO SHIT LIKE THAT YOU ARE A FUCKING RAPIST. YOU IGNORED MY PLEAS AND MADE ME FEEL SO UNSAFE AND I FELT LIKE MY BODY WASN’T EVEN FUCKING MINE ANYMORE. YOU GAVE ME PTSD FOR ALL THE OTHER FUCKED UP TIMES THAT I HAD LET SLIDE BECAUSE I FELT COERCED INTO IT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. And what had haunted me every time I wanted to go somewhere, I had to take my car. It happened in my car. I had to drive myself after that with cum dripping down my legs. I had to see a flashback every time my mind drifted towards the back. I will never EVER let myself be in that position again. Dan broke me. I’m the one who pulled myself out and I’m still healing.

It was from 2016 and trauma tells no time, I’m lucky I don’t feel the weight of your body still pinning me down during intimate times. I saw you in the faces of whoever was on top of me. I would get panic attacks and cry. You fucking ruined me and my trust and I will ruin you if you ever dare try to come into my life again.

The Relationship Aspect:

Not many people know about the sleep fucking, or when you would take my thumb out of my mouth when I was asleep because I still had some hard time sleeping so I would suck my thumb sometimes and you would replace your it with your dick and then ejaculate down my throat and I'd wake up to such a horrible taste. My inner child does scream for she was only 15-17 and I let it slide because you had so much power over me and I did so much to make you happy even though it didn't make me happy myself. Let's not forget when I wasn't in the mood sometimes so you would turn around away from me with no sound nothing and straight up fell asleep because I said no or that I don't want to have sex with you. And then there were times where you would sexualize me, you would look up my skirt or you would look at my pants and tell me about my panty lines and basically scare me and make feel little. You were constantly pointing them out and laughing, conditioning me even to never wear comfy underwear, I have more thongs than any type of other underwear. And now I'm finally getting used to wearing normal underwear again just because I was felt like someone was doing the same shit that you did to me. I felt grimy. And let's not forget when you would steal my panties and you would bring them home and jerk off in them and cum in them and to top it all off you would bring them back to my house and throw them in my dirty laundry so they can be washed so you can repeat that cycle. And the worst part is that you probably took some before we broke up and I never got them back. Fuck you. How about all those times you never asked if you could cum in me but you still did even though I fucking hated it, and you’d get mad at me when your sheets were ruined because of you the mess you made in me and I still fucking hate it it's only such a rare occasion for me to ever let that happen during any intimate moment now. Also let's not forget your greediness for my photos. My naked photos that you kept to get off to even after we broke up and still demanded more and other shit when I was with someone else it was disgusting.

The Party:

Oh here’s a memory that’s gonna be fucking me soon, once late October arrives I’m going to be thinking about that night I decided to try and most past you. That fucking college party was the biggest gray area that was so painful and smoggy. It was grey because I was still figuring my shit out and mentally screwed up from the actions of you. I'll never forget, how are used to feel guilty and how are used to blame myself for all of this. And I got to a point where we had mutual friends and I just wanted to forget all about it and learn to forgive you. As soon as ready, Matt and I went to that party that Anthony was throwing and you were there, and you had no problem laughing off your drunk ass I front of me about rape jokes. If I hadn't been high and Matt being so drunk we would've left and I remember calling my mom in the hallway crying telling her about that little part of what happened that night. And then later that night you got so fucking drunk, made everybody your babysitter and I still fucking hate myself for the side you brought out even though you caused me so much harm. You brought out my fucking maternal side which I hated because like I said in that moment of time it wasn’t black or white for me, it was grey. It was so fucking gray. And I took care of you that night because you were so fucking drunk, I remember you asking me or saying something about how I hated you. And then later that night I ended up sandwiched between you and Matt, and you decided to touch me through my pants even when I was cuddled up to Matt and I thought maybe there would’ve been some change but in the end you were still assaulting me. I didn’t sleep at all that night, and it sent me backwards, I felt like all of the progress that I had made was gone it was dehumanizing and I threw out those sweatpants and they were brand fucking new and they were Calvin Klein my favorite designer which hurt even more because I used my money to get something I really wanted for comfort and you just stumble in cocked off of what 3 beers? And ruin even the smallest things that could’ve made me more comfortable? Heinous and out right disgustingly disrespectful.

Trauma talk aftermath:

I betrayed myself sleeping with you even after the rape, and you knew so much about me so I couldn't even fucking report it even though I had the proof of you admitting to what you did. But Im always scared because my reputation was at stake and it was so easily corrupted by your lies as it is. I had no choice. You could've easily ruined my life and I wasn't about to let you so I ruined mine but little did I know that you were already ruining mine. And you still haven't taken accountability for your actions and I'm still suffering the consequences of those horrible behaviors that you were still using to this day probably. And I can't even imagine how many other girls like me there must be now.

Here's to all the nightmares that circulate in my head at night still in that feeling of fear of having and experiencing that PTSD kick into hyper drive. And all the ones I've yet to have when I have new partners in my life, because I have nightmares of them doing the same thing that you did to me and it's traumatizing. Because even though I know they are not you for that split second I am terrified of them. And I saw another post about how when sexual assault survivors even get a whiff of the scent of their abuser they are in panic; and I honestly don't blame them. I was at school the other day, and in the air I smell whatever type of detergent was used to fill the air with your scent, I was in panic for a couple minutes looking around trying to figure it out where you were. It's so fucked up that you've had such lasting effects on me like why isn’t hating you and going through all of that trauma shit enough. And I'm so tired of the panic and anxiety attacks that you still bring into my life whether it is indirect or direct.

And looking back now after going off of that and emotional spiel about what you did and how I still feel towards these events today. I realize all the ways how I am not gonna be treated in the future. You saw the light inside of me, and when you stepped into my life that light dimmed within each day that passed that I saw who you were. And it took all of my power away; but I am taking all of that power back and you will never ever use it again and you will never have it in your possession because I know I will forever be a better person and not let you win. And I know that I wasn't a good girlfriend at the time as well but you were also I'm manipulative narcissistic asshole. And I blamed myself for all of the times that I was mad at you and thought I deserved it all. And I deserve none of that shit. It was you that didn’t deserve me and all the love I gave you. All of clothes I bought you, all of the stupid ass Pokémon cards i grabbed for you because I knew it was important to you to collect them, all of the silly $7 cards to go with each thing I gave you. All of the handwritten notes. Helping you match your clothes and fold your shit. Fuck you and for all you have taken from me and didn’t even fucking say sorry or be truly appreciative.

More Trauma Talk 2020-2021 edition:

Consent is so important to me, because it was stolen from me as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult. I want to take a moment to also talk about my second ex-boyfriend named Dan as well how ironic I never thought I'd say I love you Dan ever again. But the first night we hooked up, he was so patient with me which in all honestly is sad but it truly took my breath away with the time that he spent on me making sure I knew that I was safe because he knew that I have been raped. And every once in a while he asked me if I was OK and I thought that was the most amazing thing ever little did I know that that's actually what you're supposed to do and that it's not the bare minimum. And after all of that he still had one of those moments where he traumatized me and put me back into the place where you had put me days before Christmas… which is now a tainted holiday as well as Halloween for me. Thanks a lot.

Wow… fuck this is a lot for anyone let alone me to endure and/or read and I just want to say that felt so fucking good to finally write it all down and speak my truth and let others know that not every sexual assault or rape has to be violent (well it’s violence either way, but you know getting the shit beaten out of you stereotypical type) it can be sweet until it turns sour, it can be public, it can be sneaky, it can be with someone you gained the ability to trust who was so good in the beginning. It can be anyone and that’s the real scary part because I don’t know whose intentions are actually true until they read my stuff and reassure me about how they feel about me. It’s the only way and even then I’m still scared of wanting to be intimate with someone new. It’s another strong reason as to why I am practicing celibacy for a bit.

Finished on 9/20/2021

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mysticdragon3md3 · 3 years

Text

Stayed up all night and practically wrote several essays, trying to convince myself to not/buy KH3 Nendo Kairi. Sorry, Kairi. Maybe if you weren't $62. Maybe if you were KH2 version. But as it is, spending that much, after also preordering other things, including a more expensive Nendo Aqua,...I just can't spend that much on a KH3 Nendo Kairi without feeling guilty. Sorry, completionism. But $62 is too high.

12:23 AM 6/22/2021

Yknow what?

If I had the choice between only having money for a 2nd Nendo Joker or a 2nd Nendo England, I'd choose Joker in a heartbeat. So what am I trying so hard to decide here? Do not preorder Hetalia World Stars version Nendo UK! Even though he's blond, you haven't had need of that. And if you really needed him blond in a photo, you could Photoshop him! but let's be serious, people want to see authentic Nendos in photoshoots, and his non-blond hair will mark him as authentic. So you don't get called a bootleg buyer! But what do you care what others think? You care that Nendo England looks like the England from your nostalgia...and for that, you need blond. And I can do that through Photoshop. Because seriously, you've barely used or looked at your current Nendo UK, you haven't been compelled/obsessed with more USUK photoshoots, you haven't even been playing with Nendos US UK much. YOU WOULD NOT EVEN _NOTICE_ IF YOU HAD 2 NENDO UK. You only need one. Your Nendo US doesn't even have sandy blond hair like your anime nostalgia! So what does it matter if UK is off-color!?! ...It matters because you have a chance to get proper-color UK hair. But I don't want to spend all this money. When I first saw this figure announcement for Hetalia World Stars version Nendo UK, my immediate thought was that I don't feel the need to have 2 Nendo UK. I already barely play with the one I have. It wasn't until I realized this 2nd edition Nendo UK has blond hair, that I started thinking I had to have it. But if that's the only reason, then I don't really need to. I don't actually have such an intense need to have it. I've barely had an intense need (anymore) to have my current Nendo UK. So I definitely don't need a 2nd one. And if saving my money on this, will allow me to get possibly a better Nendoroid later, well then, this is an opportunity to revisit that "lost battle" where I wasted money on Bayonetta, 2B, etc---*This* time, I could win that "battle". And then maybe in the future, there'll be a 2nd Joker Nendo or Nendos for Claude and Dimitri! *o* In any case, so many figures end up in the Available Now section, that blond Nendo UK will probably end up there. Or, if you're worried to not have a blond UK ready if GSC later releases a properly sandy-blond Nendo US, then I'm sure if they ever announced a 2nd Nendo Amerrica, then they'd re-release the Nendo UKs. This is not even your last chance, you might have extra money to afford a 2nd Nendo UK in the future, but for sure you know, you don't have the money to waste on a 2nd Nendo UK _right now_. So don't. Save your money for that hypothetical 2nd Nendo Joker in his school uniform, or Nendo Dimitri and Claude, or whatever gets announced from the Nendoroid Select '21 survey results. Remember, that still needs to get announced. So, no on preordering Hetalia World Stars version Nendoroid UK.

As for Kairi...Let's be honest (again). I haven't been obsessed with Kingdom Hearts in years. And even when I was, Kairi was barely in them. I don't have that much of an attachment to Kairi. Even though Oathkeeper is my favorite Keyblade because it came from Kairi, sometimes I fear that emotional impact was more the effectiveness of that plot point in that moment of the first game, more than a reflection of my attachment to Kairi. I have attachments to Riku and Sora. When their Nendoroids were announced, I preordered ALL of them right away. Even though I didn't really like KH2 Sora's outfit. Even though it pained my wallet to buy 3 pairs of the same characters, back to back. Even after all these years, those 2 were the characters I was sure of feeling attachment towards. I can't keep judging whether to buy Kairi's KH3 Nendo, based on possible attachments I might feel towards Kairi in KH3. Because I've had that game for months and I still haven't even opened the case yet! O~o! That should be my strongest indicator of my attachments towards Kairi and willingness to buy Nendos for her, especially KH3 Nendos of her. Admit it: Your KH nostalgia is all wrapped up with KH2, Birth by Sleep, and earlier. I shouldn't be making $62 purchase decisions for Kairi, based on KH3---a game that I'm apparently no longer interested in enough to play immediately. Not getting KH3 Kairi's Nendo feels bad as a completionist and as someone who has real life personal attachments to sibling-like groups of 3 friends. But I knew when she was announced that I still preferred her KH2 look, because I've just always liked long(er) hair. And I love her dress in KH2. Yes, I have to gamble on GSC eventually announcing a KH2 Nendo Kairi, and then when I get her, all my "groups of 3 friends" figure photoshoots will be limited to Sora, Riku, and Kairi's KH2 depictions...even though I don't really like KH2 Sora's look...But am I even that compelled to take photos of Sora/Riku/Kairi in the first place? I barely take pics of my current, KH1 Sora/Riku Nendos right now. But if KH3 is my last Kingdom Hearts game (even if my status is still to "eventually" play it), wouldn't I want Sora/Riku/Kairi's last depiction in my memories to be what I own as Nendoroids? I mean, it would be the perfect end-cap image to the series for me. And Square said that KH3 is the end of the Xehanort Saga or something. It's the end cap. ---There I go, basing a Nendoroid purchase on a game I haven't even played yet, while I ALSO already know I prefer Kairi's KH2 look. Y'know what? What if they do eventually release a KH2 Kairi, a KH1 Kairi, even Terra and Ven as Nendoroids? They'll definitely choose some previous Nendos to re-release alongside them! And if they release another version of Kairi, then guess what? The re-release will be KH3 Kairi. And maybe by then, I'll have the money for this. Or at least, the results for the Nendoroids Select '21 survey would have been released by then, and then I can know whether my money can go towards a character I want more, or towards a KH3 Kairi re-release. I mean, it'd be different if Kairi played a bigger role in KH3, and though I've been staying away from most spoilers, I did hear that she got sidelined AGAIN. And sure, it seems she might be the protagonist of the upcoming rhythm game, but I may not get that. I'm stopping at KH3, remember? So if she's getting sidelined in KH3 again and in the rhythm game, she's like asleep or something, reminiscing, just being used as the overall story's framing device,...then that doesn't sound like a lot of screentime for me to get attached to her. I mean, when I was younger, I thought Kairi did a lot in KH2, but I didn't cry when she reunited with Sora, I cried when Sora and Riku reunited. (I don't even ship those babies! LOL) ---I feel really bad writing all this to convince myself that I don't like Kairi enough to spend $62 on her. It's not like I hate her. I don't even *dislike* her! I LIKE her!!!! It's just...I've been retroactively organizing my Nendoroid

inventory lately, and I've been seeing all the money I've wasted on figures that I only bought out of completionism, that made me cringe inside at the pain this would cause my wallet, because I didn't love the character enough to jump and thrash in my chair with excitement, when I saw their figure announcements and "DAMN THE COST!"... If KH3 Kairi Nendo can't make me feel that way, then I shouldn't be buying her.

There's a perfect counter example in this month's preorder interests!!! I wasn't expecting Pop Up Parade Kikyo! I don't even like static scale figures! I like articulated figures! And chibi too! Pop Up Parade isn't either of those things! And I haven't been a fan of Inuyasha in years! I haven't been obsessing over anything Rumiko Takahashi in years! But when I saw Kikyo's Pop Up Parade announced, I knew I had to buy her. I jumped up and thrashed in my chair. I gasped. I uttered "ohmygawd" over and over like I was losing my mind. Even now, I occasionally browse her announcement pics, just to admire my waifu some more. That's how ALL my figure preorders should make me feel.

And I don't feel that way about KH3 Nendo Kairi.

And I don't feel that way about Hetalia World Stars version Nendo UK/England.

I kind of want to be suspicious if Nendo Aqua makes me feel that way, but what's there to be suspicious about? I'm too attached to her. The majority of my favorite cosplay memories are attached through her. On top of that, her character design is so pretty! She qualifies as what I call in my figure collecting, a "beauty piece", a figure whose design or sculpt is so pretty, that whether I even know the character/series is negligible for me to enjoy owning that figure. Aqua's got that AND she's endeared herself to me. Plus, she's a nice character. I got invested in her BBS story, her 0.2 story, and curiosity about her in KH3 is a big part of why I never concede that I'll someday play that game. I like Aqua. And her character design is pretty. I shouldn't feel guilty about preordering her Nendoroid this month. Even if a future hypothetical Ky Kiske Nendoroid gets announced in the possible future, I would gladly spend money on both Aqua and Ky. I'd make my budget work.

So, sounds like I'm preordering:

Pop Up Parade Kikyo

Nendoroid Aqua

and that's it.

1:37 AM 6/22/2021

Y'know the funny thing is that I feel like if GSC did announce a KH2 Kairi, I'd want KH3 Kairi too. ...She is pretty cute... Damn it. This wouldn't be such a problem if she wasn't $62!!!!!

Looking back through my Nendoroid Inventory, most of my 2017 Nendoroids were under $40! That's because the currency exchange rate was to our advantage. Because the US$ was stronger vs the yen back then, we got everything pretty much at least $5 off! But now we buy from GSC Shop US, and their prices don't account for currency exchange rate changes. (But can I justify switching back to preordering from GSC's international shop, when they have $20 shipping vs GSC US's $3/figure shipping, and we're still in a pandemic so I should limit my purchases to as local as possible? I feel like especially in the pandemic, I have to stick to the GSC US shop.) A 4000yen Nendo isn't $35.30 like it was for me in 2017. Now a 4000yen Nendo is probably like $40 at GSC Shop US. Hold on...Browsing through the GSC international online shop...Even the simple Nendos, like this Nendoroid Steven A Starphase, just a guy in a suit, is already 6930yen! These Bofuri Nendo preorders right now? BOTH ARE 6600YEN EACH!!! In 2017, I got the freaking special edition harvest moon Kagamine Len and Rin Nendoroids for $35.30 each!. I thought that maybe Square was charging GSC extra licensing fees since they would prefer to make money off their own figure lines (Play Arts Kai, Bring Arts, Play Arts Mini, etc.). But it seems like Nendoroids are just more expensive in 2021. O______________O!!!!!!!!!!!! In 2017/2018, even the freaking Madoka Magica maiko version Nendoroids were only $42.36, $43.99, $39.71! And those had so many tiny printed floral details! And accessories! O~o! Same for my detailed Touken Ranbu and KanColle Nendoroids back then! O_O!?!?!???????!!!??????????? Nendoroids are just going to be more expense now. Wow.

I guess the important thing is that if I buy Nendo Kairi, that when it comes time to unbox her, I don't get that sickly unboxing feeling in my stomach, where I can't believe I spent money on this. Like, Kiso is cool, but I don't know her and I'm certainly not obsessed with her. I shouldn't have bought her, especially for over $50. Same with the Akizuki sisters. Probably same with Shoukaku, though she seemed nice in the anime. And certainly the lack of attachment applies to my Nendoroid Iowa. More than half my Touken Ranbu Nendoroids, I bought without really knowing their characters. Half of them, I bought just to prove to Good Smile Company, the demand for male figures. Soon after those first few TouRabu toudans, GSC announced their Orange Rouge line: "Good Smile Company and Max Factory's brand dedicated to male character figures and goods." And yeah, I'm super sentimental enough that even though I didn't really know these characters, now that they're in my collection, they're MINE, they're my precious little tsukumogami babies, whom I wouldn't trade away, no matter how much my finances complain. Plus, I have so much anxiety, that selling/trading is too much stress for me. If my reluctant and failed attempts to sell the lesser parts of my manga collection at swap meets have proven, is that even if I wasn't obsessed with the thing I collected, and even if I have an easy opportunity to get rid of them, WHILE making money in doing so,...I still just can't do it. That's why I threw away all my Nendoroids' packaging plastics when I ran out of storage room for them. I knew I was too chicken and too sentimental to ever sell any of my Nendoroids. Even the ones that gave me that sickly unboxing feeling in my stomach, thinking about the $50+ money I wasted.

---Even when I could have instead been spending it on Nendoroids of characters I actually love! What if a school uniform Nendo Joker gets announced? Or a Nendoroid Claude and Dimitri? What about Nendoroids for Ky, Sol, Lady, Lelouch, Rukia, etc.??? Sure, I can squeeze things into my budget right now. But if that time comes later, when I'll want a Nendo schoolboy Joker or a Nendo Rukia, and I don't have the money for them, will a Nendoroid KH3 Kairi have been worth it? I mean, I already prefer her KH2 look over her KH3 look. Why do I have to care if I don't have a matching Kairi to my Sora/Riku Nendos in my figure photos? Why do I have to be so completionist about this? People will understand that not everyone can afford matching Nendoroids. Hell, my Nendo America and Nendo England don't match! One is from Hetalia World Stars! The other is from Hetlaia The World Twinkle! No one cares! What's important is that I have the 2 characters from my ship in the same pic or the same shelf! No one cares if they match! If I prefer KH2 Kairi, then I should hold-out for her and then take goddamn pictures of her with KH3 Sora/Riku if I want! Hell, I prefer KH2 Riku's look too! I'll just swap out Sora and take pics of KH2 Riku with KH2 Kairi, and KH3 Sora! ...That is, if GSC eventually makes a KH2 Nendo Kairi.

omg I'm going in circles again. I need a snack break.

8:15 AM 6/22/2021

I'm too tired now to remember all the thoughts I wrote about and thought through. x~x;

8:43 AM 6/22/2021

If I skipped KH3 Nendoroid Kairi, would I even miss her? I mean, before, I was so hung up on my Nendo UK not being blond, but now I realize that I barely even think about that, nor even often think of that Nendoroid itself, very often. Hardly ever, actually. Will it be similar with Kairi? I mean,I don't look at my KH1 Sora/Riku Nendo and lament about how I don't have a KH1 Kairi Nendo to go with them. I actually don't really like Kairi's KH1 look. I guess I only really like her KH2 look. So why not hold out for KH2 Kairi Nendoroid possibly being announced in the future? But what if they never make a Nendo Kairi besides this KH3 Kairi, and I miss out on this one and only Kairi, while holding out for a Nendo of KH2Kairi? I hate gambling. But if I skipped KH3 Nendo Kairi now, would I even miss her?.......... She's $62 and I should save my money.

10:12 AM 6/22/2021

I think you should buy figures that you feel good about spending $62 on. Figures that you don't feel guilty about buying. If Nendoroid KH3 Kairi makes you feel guilty, like $62 is not worth it or too much, then don't buy her. Wait for a KH2 Nendo Kairi that will make you feel good to spend on.

But I feel so bad to pass her up! Ugh! This is so hard! ;o;

10:30 AM 6/22/2021

Funny the clarity you can have while brushing and flossing your teeth. If I feel bad spending $62 on Nendo KH3 Kairi, then she must not mean that much to me. She's not worth $62 to me.

I remember when I first saw her announced at WonHobby and I felt safe from needing to buy her. I even commented on GSC's Twitter, that my suddenly finding her cute, threatened my original security and certainty in knowing I didn't feel compelled to buy her.

Remember:

1) Don't buy based on predicted attachments to a character in a game you haven't played yet. I haven't played KH3 yet.

2) If Kairi changes my mind after I play KH3, then she'll probably get a re-release later anyway.

3) When you first saw KH3 Nendo Kairi, your first thought wasn't that I needed her. It was that I felt secure that I didn't need her.

4) You don't have money to spare for a Nendo you're unsure about liking to the worth of $62. Because you didn't expect a Pop Up Parade Kikyo nor her unexpected costs, even if it is relatively cheap. And you still need enough money for a $65 Nendo Aqua. You don't have enough money for any half-certain, hesitating likes towards KH3 Kairi Nendoroid.

5) Other people are skipping KH3 Nendo Kairi even though they also want to buy her.

(https://twitter.com/guttural/status/1406709434592735237) "I want her, but I'm so broke and already ordered the Axel and Roxas Nendos ;_;"

10:38 AM 6/22/2021

I'm going to tell Kuya, I don't need Nendo KH3 Kairi. And then I'm going to forget I was even considering buying her. KH2 and KH3 Sora/Riku Nendoroids are going to come in, and I won't even miss her. Just like I do now, with my KH1 Sora/Riku Nendoroids. And I will wait for a KH2 Nendo Kairi. And when she does get announced, I'll preorder her without regret, because I prefer that character design.

2:33 AM 6/28/2021

I really wanted to get Swacchao Nendoroid Hinata. I was originally just going to get the Swacchao parts since I already have the full Nendoroid Hinata Shoyo. I didn't need a seated Hinata, but as a completionist and Hinata fan, I thought I SHOULD get Swacchao Hinata, or at least the seated Swacchao parts.

But then I had this idea that when I return to an office job, it'd be so nice to have Nendoroid Swacchao Hinata at my desk with me. I had had ideas before about bringing a Nendoroid or 2 to my next office job. I even bought Nendoroid Aoba Suzukaze for that reason. (She's an "office lady" and her accessories include dialogue bubbles of her shouting about doing her best. I thought it'd be really encouraging to have at work.) But I was worried about leaving an actual Nendoroid at my desk, overnight. Would I pack up my desk's Nendoroid(s) each night before I clocked out? Impractical. Should I only use Nendoroids of characters I don't care too much about, to decorate my office desk? But if it's not a character I love, then how is their presence encouraging? And being encouragaing is the entire point of desk decor at a soul-killing job. But then here are these Nendoroid Swacchao Hinata Shoyo announcements! Less than $30! I could have a character I love, from an explicitly encouraging series, and being essentially a dupliate of a Nendoroid I already have, I shouldn't worry too much about him getting stolen from any desk of mine.

But I just can't justify buying a duplicate of a character I already have. I was already cutting out Kageyama and Yuuji from my preorder candidates. I'm in the middle of cataloging my Nendoroid inventory and fully realizing how much money I've wasted on Nendoroids of characters I didn't know, barely knew, liked but didn't love, duplicates of characters I already had, etc. It had to stop. So no Swacchao Kageyama for me. And if we're being honest about my terrible spending, then I really shouldn't be getting either type of Swacchao Hinata either. No more duplicates of characters. ;_; No matter how much I want them. ;_____;

#wallet dying #figure collecting #processing thoughts #please ignore my idiocy #venting

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