#i'd pay money to suck his dick i'm not even joking

[bellsandwistfulness]

and so what if i want to kiss his stupid lips and stare into his eyes in front of everyone until i can't breath and the bottom of my stomach is somewhere around my feet. so what if i completely lose my breath every time he opens his mouth. so what if i want him to fuck me until i cry and then hold me until i fall asleep. so what

[vazelbeak]

I was discussing this prior but thought I'd share it.

When in the new episode Stolas remarked Striker seemed to like sucking his own dick based on the statue of him, it felt like a moment given so much focus and emphasis I can't believe they never had any pay off too it.

With statues of characters its a classic trope for it to be destroyed and or fall on a character to somewhat symbolize the fall of ego, or even the fall of their self importance as statues are often representative of characters with self inflated egos. Nothing visually indicates it like getting a statue of yourself amd especially if its a better version of you.

I think it could've been a clever set up to a fight where Moxxie and Millie manage to damage Strikers statue breaking off the dick and when this further enrages Striker (make a joke about him having to pay extra for that part or an extra absurd yet not unbelievable amount of money for him as non-royalty such as above 1k but under 40k. Depending on if you wanna imply he has rather self gratifying priorities or even is straight up bad with money.) It causes him to make mistakes and get sloppy with his fighting.

Have him make a critical error that causes him to be right under his own statue as it falls and lines up just to where his head is stuck under the crotch (leave him alive because there's comedy in Striker later returning saying to our main cast or even Stella saying he was trapped under that statue for two days and he quits). Now he looks like he's doing exactly as Stolas implied. Maybe have Millie take a picture knowing Blitzø will get a kick out of it and this is when they remember they were here for Stolas as the joy fades into fear and concern.

I'm just saying missed opportunity.

[myvelouri]

Let me tell you about my night

Went to work. Hit on a few girls, went for one number, totally got it. But doesn't mean a thing

I was trying to meet up my boy Ronnie cause it's his birthday and I wanted to buy him a shot. I went

He picked a shot lol. He wanted me to pick but I don't know shots! And he told me to order a star fucker. Turns out it's a star TRUCKER. lol.

It was the waitress who hates me. The one who I had a crush on and always write about here. I got the shots. Oh boy they were 8 dollars each! Ahh! And I ordered them. One for me and the bday boy! And it cost me 16 bucks immediately! Yikes! And I ordered a 3 dollar beer! There was a girl I texted all day and thought she'd come out but she flaked. Anyway. The waitress who hates me. I'll name her "K" I ordered that beer and then through out the night I ordered more from her gorgeousness. I accidentally almost drank Jay's drink and he swapped it and so I said I'ma get him a beer. Lol. He also drinks the expensive shit ahhh lol. And so I went to close the tab and I babysat Ronnie, bday boy, told Sherwood it's his bday and since they are close Sherwood was like omg it's his bday. He wants to give ronni his potluck stuff. It was sweet

Okay so I ordered a beer for me and Jay and I closed out. And K (Kae) closed me out. And OMG she finally goes "I think that's the most you've ever spent here" and I was amazed she was joking with me. And I said "omg lol listen, okay I'm a lightweight now, but I wasn't always OKAY?!" And she laughed and said it's not a bad thing and jokes that my tab is high cause I payed for other ppls drinks lol. Idk what happened but she totally was all of a sudden open with me. After a year and MONTHS! I was astonished she was talking to me. It's a dream. I was like wow. And she started telling me about how she works two jobs and 50 hours a week and where she drives to. And uhhh, I told her how I wanted to be a little waiter at a gay bar and how my parents thought I'd get raped LOL. She laughed. We started having real convos. I'm amazed. How did she stop hating me. I remember telling Sherwood I appreciated him for the one time I was so down about an ex that he bought me a Dos Equis and talked to me alone. I said it was really sweet and I appreciated it a lot. Idk maybe kae heard that.

Then she started singing "I want it that way" by backstreet boys lmao, to sherwood and I was like wow she knows the moves

Finally I said I'ma have to go and she wouldn't let Ronnie have any more. Of course. He was WASTED.

Ronnie made a joke about me sucking dick, that no ones seen me lmao and kae was laughing and then he said something about butt sex and he made himself seem gayer than I am. I'm not but. Kae said to him "i don't know... That's gayer sherwood" and so he's gayer than me lmfao

Wow when kae likes me I feel like my crush on her is validated even tho she's hated me for a whole year.

We were even talking about hate. Unrelated tho. She said hate is a strong word

Lmfao

I remember joking to kae that gay guys like me and I'd make tips as a bartender at a gay bar.

She said the money is too good. She's a waitress here of course. And she does a desk job or something, office job as well as this bar. Oof

She is actually awesome

She said the heaviest music she goes is Slipknot. I said yo that's heavy af though, actually, lol.

I guess she heard me telling Sherwood I put on that suicide silence song and it's bad metal for him and how it stuck out with the country music ppl were playing hahaha

I was making fun of myself

Ya okay so my tab ended up being 38 bucks and some change and I told kae I was gonna tip 10$ and if that's okay and she said yeah that's totally okay

At one point I asked Kae if guys not washing their hands after using the restroom was gross. She said she doesn't want guys touching anything with their penisy hands. LOL. SAME

She's so much fun. Why did she hate me for so long?

Wow

And I was very jokey with the regular waitresses too.

Ahh

I'm happy

I'ma go see Chelsea grin tomorrow! They're coming here!

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: how much you got on you rn Ronnie: enough for me Ronnie: you aint piggybacking Joe: enough for me then Joe: not suggesting you send it first class Joe: 'less you know how to do that Ronnie: I do but in what world mckenna Joe: however much you reckon you'd need to do it Joe: i'll double it Ronnie: use that ingenuity for your own score Joe: yeah whatever Joe: all chat Ronnie: like ive got anything to prove to you Ronnie: least of all how well i can be your bitch when you holler at me Ronnie: cry is more accurate Joe: fuck sake Joe: forget about it Joe: it's a stupid idea Joe: you gonna give me a better one Ronnie: not one for the scrapbook was it cunt Ronnie: dry your eyes & do your own running Ronnie: you need me to hold your hand everytime now Ronnie: big enough to take it go find it Joe: ha ha Joe: like I'm running anywhere Ronnie: this where we play doctor yeah Ronnie: you tell me how bad it hurts & I make it better for you Joe: exactly Joe: now we're on the same page Ronnie: nah you think you can tear out some pages & spit ball em at me to get my attention but why should I give a shit bout these playground games boy just 'cause you heading back home to your mammy Ronnie: im sound Ronnie: dont care how loud you're crying she's the one who's gotta show up for that Joe: i don't want yor attention Joe: i want some heroin Ronnie: maybe she's still got old school connections Ronnie: find her little black book son Joe: maybe Joe: one of you could be useful like Ronnie: wounded & bleeding Ronnie: shit junkie you are house full of people to shake up & shit to steal but you coming to me Joe: just looking for that big sisterly advice Joe: obviously Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: you sound like the littlest one what is he 4 like Joe: feel it Ronnie: trying to make my heart bleed now yeah Ronnie: grow a fucking pair before it really hurts Joe: if you wanted to scare me you shouldn't have given me the gear Joe: realistically too late anyway but who wants to hear or think about my idyllic childhood yeah Ronnie: if you couldnt hack it you shouldve cried off then Ronnie: save the tears now Joe: and i thought i was the only one with obsessive thought spirals Joe: when i get some i'll remember to feel good about how much you miss me Ronnie: like youre special baby Ronnie: please Ronnie: weve all got mad minds hows that not clicked in yours Ronnie: how many kids shes squeezed out & you reckon were the only self medicating Ronnie: hit up another sibling to fix you Joe: am though Joe: she's always told me Joe: ⭐ boy Ronnie: talk her up with that foreplay Ronnie: be good for £££s Joe: no tah Joe: not my type Joe: and it's only ever worked on you Joe: but you've given me another idea so cheers Ronnie: i dunno whats funnier that youre trying to tell me you dont wanna slip your mum one or you reckon you know what works on me Joe: lemme know when you work it out Joe: 👍 Ronnie: let me know when youve stopped playing happy families Joe: you reckon i wanna be here Ronnie: didnt see no fingernail marks on my floor or walls Ronnie: still reckon you were dragged though yeah Joe: check your thighs Joe: ain't all perks being the favourite 💔 Ronnie: [sends him pics cos that bitch haha] Ronnie: grow a pair whipping boy Ronnie: before she says jump youre on the ledge Ronnie: its pathetic mckenna Joe: see Joe: ain't been that long Joe: only feels it, babe Ronnie: you'll need all that sweet talk for the local dope dealer Ronnie: but if you wanna think of me when you're turning tricks for them it'll go easier Joe: lovely as that'd be Joe: not in progressive london now Joe: gonna have to pay like the rest, worst luck Ronnie: go beg for your pocket money then kidda Ronnie: before she picks a new fave Ronnie: younger & prettier like Joe: nah Joe: we want her to Joe: remember Joe: then me and more importantly my student loans can come back Ronnie: bullshit if you wanted her to you wouldn't have gone Ronnie: you love it Joe: can't just go way uni and never come back Joe: send out a search party Ronnie: use your ⭐ as a beacon cant they Joe: let's hope not Joe: i come here Joe: keeps 'em away rest of the time Joe: yeah Ronnie: if you want em to fuck off commit to it Ronnie: stop being such a pussy Joe: ain't that easy Ronnie: find a ditch to lie down in Ronnie: it ain't hard Ronnie: youre a junkie motherfuckers don't support that Joe: far as they know Joe: i ain't Joe: let 'em catch up Ronnie: do it yourself if you wanna slam the door Joe: see how this goes Joe: not really thinking about them right now Joe: you know Ronnie: youre on one about that lot constantly Joe: just on one constantly full stop Joe: why else would i need the shit Ronnie: dont need to go that hard playing doctor baby Joe: 💘 Joe: you always know just what to say Ronnie: not used to you talking Joe: i know i know Joe: in an ideal world neither of us would be here Ronnie: like not born yeah Ronnie: but she cant keep her legs closed Joe: such a dreamer, you Ronnie: not the one who cant get high without their hand held Joe: n'awh Joe: that's the dream Joe: so romantic too Ronnie: yeah im living it loads of gear close & you far as Ronnie: greedy prick Joe: miss you too baby Joe: in a bit tho, gotta go pick up Ronnie: fuck off soft lad Ronnie: you miss me spoon feeding you Ronnie: you cant talk to me with a dealers cock in your mouth I know Ronnie: multitasking hard enough pretending not to be junkie scum yeah Joe: sure the whole mummy kink ain't your thing Joe: i'll try and get involved but kinda a mood killer Joe: which is kinda rude, know you don't want me to score Ronnie: thats all yours but I'll try anything once Ronnie: 'cause a whinging dope sick baby is really a turn on for me like Ronnie: just gotta keep that going Joe: no judgment here Joe: gotta do what you gotta do Ronnie: you gotta Ronnie: im sound Joe: and i'm happy for you Ronnie: lie to them don't lie to me Joe: alright Joe: will be a bit when I get mine but still Joe: you don't have to be here so Ronnie: you dont Ronnie: grow up & cut the fucking apron strings Joe: you've stopped being helpful for the day? Joe: right then Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: not flying over to fuck you cos your ma aint in the mood & thats as helpful as it gets Joe: why not Ronnie: youve got another sister Ronnie: see if shes into it Joe: but you're so special yeah Ronnie: but shes a good grooming age Joe: leave it out Ronnie: or what Joe: or what Ronnie: asked you first joseph Joe: alright veronica Ronnie: alright weak cunt Joe: probably Ronnie: pick up before you make me sick Ronnie: jesus Joe: waiting on the man Joe: as per Ronnie: if id known rattling had made you shit out your whole spine id have sucked his dick for you & sped things along Joe: so sweet Joe: one of the many things I like about you Ronnie: list just gets longer the longer youre away yeah Ronnie: dont come back & maybe you'll fall in love Joe: i know you want that less than you want me back Joe: don't lie Ronnie: you care what I want now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: only when it benefits me too, darling Joe: junkie scum 101 Joe: was on my timetable like Ronnie: theyve really done a number on you if youre on your knees for my truth Joe: who Joe: mummy dearest or my school Ronnie: take your pick Joe: ain't tryna hide it Joe: just doing my bit to be the whiny baby you want rn Ronnie: cheers then Ronnie: nailed that Ronnie: tell your ma i finally get how she feels 'cause its too late to get you scraped out Joe: 😂 Joe: on it Joe: assuming i ain't 'bout to get kneecapped Joe: or worse Joe: stood up 💔 Ronnie: i'll cross my fingers for raped & robbed Ronnie: standard Joe: you know i ain't gonna have that much of a good time without you 💘 Ronnie: stop trying to make me say I hate you so you can rub one out Ronnie: i dont do sexting Joe: worth a shot Joe: just killing time here Joe: trying not to puke Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: like that attempt at enthusiasm Ronnie: you really know how to make a girl wet what can I say Ronnie: gotta romance my dealer out of want instead of need now Joe: thought I'd return the favour Joe: just how I roll Ronnie: course you do golden boy Joe: you ain't that mad about it Joe: i know Ronnie: i aint as fucking thick as you so again course Joe: true Joe: [time for drew to show and not deliver] Ronnie: made up about all these compliments Ronnie: who knew you could be this much on my tits from this distance Joe: just that good Joe: obviously Ronnie: you aint shit Ronnie: don't lie Joe: whatever Joe: can't touch me now Ronnie: only your ma is turned on at the sight of you Ronnie: but she will Joe: alright Joe: cba rn Ronnie: how are you still crying Ronnie: did he not show Joe: he did Joe: but he was about 12 and had no gear Joe: got enough tranqs to knock out an elephant but still Ronnie: when i told you to hit up your siblings i meant the freckled one not one of the toddlers Joe: yeah right Joe: like he knows a great smack dealer, even if we did talk Ronnie: hes a coke head Ronnie: give him 5 Joe: nah Joe: opposite direction Joe: only way is up Ronnie: whatever just get on a plane Joe: yeah Joe: i'm gonna Joe: fuck this Ronnie: ill be waiting with shit that aint a fucking joke Ronnie: you can owe me Joe: yeah? Joe: good Ronnie: don't talk me out of it Ronnie: christ you're annoying Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: only want you back on your feet so I can kick em out from under you myself Joe: hot Ronnie: like you said, it ain't been that long Ronnie: you know I am Joe: yeah Joe: where was this distraction when I really really needed it tho Ronnie: baby when have I ever been good for you Ronnie: selfish to my core Ronnie: we're here for me Joe: works for me Ronnie: just get to the airport & stop fannying about Joe: I've already taken 'em so hold on Joe: no packing now never mind going through customs Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: i had to Ronnie: when then Joe: still today Joe: just later Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: call me Ronnie: maybe i'll answer if it ain't too late Joe: can i call you now too Joe: i gotta stay awake Ronnie: I'm good but no guarantees I'm that good Joe: they ain't kicked in that good yet either Joe: just keep my eyes on the road yeah Ronnie: how much did you pay for baby aspirin mckenna Joe: was cheap as fuck at least Joe: just a kid Joe: barely broke a 50 for all of these so Joe: [photo] Ronnie: not as green as you feel yeah Joe: want me to bring some back Ronnie: too late to rob the boy now Ronnie: & you'll take em yourself before you see me I know you Joe: yeah Joe: i will Joe: but had good intentions, babe Ronnie: take em to church Ronnie: what use is that shit to me Ronnie: gimme bad ideas or don't come around Joe: got plenty of those come on Ronnie: like what Ronnie: come on Joe: what Joe: tryna focus here Ronnie: you wanna stay awake Ronnie: play the game Joe: alright Joe: yeah Joe: you gonna come back to mine Joe: flatmate's gone home Ronnie: are you gonna make it worth it if she's not there to kick in the teeth Joe: won't need to miss her once I'm back Ronnie: fucked her yet? Ronnie: we could do it together Ronnie: I dont normally slip one to virgins but I already made the exception for you Joe: no and funny Joe: keep me as the only exception Joe: how else will i feel special Ronnie: keep hitting up preteen dealers that'll help Joe: he was pretty Ronnie: if im ever in the area like Joe: i wish Ronnie: you & your ma both Ronnie: my turn to feel special Joe: weird ain't it Ronnie: for me Ronnie: you love it Joe: nah Ronnie: not a question Ronnie: you do Joe: don't Ronnie: liar Joe: maybe from you Joe: I'll allow it Ronnie: those pills better be kicking in Ronnie: if youre chatting this much shit sober you can stay in ireland Joe: 😂 Joe: they are Ronnie: book a flight Ronnie: i ain't your ma im not doing it Joe: lemme get home, like Joe: be more obvious you're tryna kill me Ronnie: what im trying to do Ronnie: you gonna call that your home now Joe: you know what i mean Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i know youre full of shit, mckenna Joe: nah Joe: just bars Joe: make it up to you Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: x it as many times as fits Joe: k Joe: prove it when i see you Ronnie: you reckon Joe: not a question Ronnie: nah just bold claims for someone who still fucks like a virgin & has to check in with his ma Ronnie: can you without her permission Joe: get the slip signed if you're so worried Joe: chill out Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: couple of chewable vitamins & you're chill yeah Joe: you said you got loads Ronnie: I said enough Ronnie: & that was before babysitting you Ronnie: you make me need to spike every vein Joe: need Joe: want Joe: same diff we both know it Ronnie: not trying to make it matter baby Ronnie: put any words in my mouth you want Ronnie: or need Joe: here Joe: wish me luck on telling 'em i'm off Joe: or don't Ronnie: i'll do it for you Ronnie: point me at the relevant mckennas Joe: even stoned Joe: know that ain't a good idea Ronnie: pussy Joe: love u 2 Ronnie: 💋 Joe: [suitable amount of hours for the shit to wear off to a manageable level, avoid the parents and get out on the sly] Joe: [airport photo] Joe: tada Ronnie: we reckoned you'd bottled it Joe: taken a poll like Ronnie: yeah know you like to feel special Joe: warms my cold dead 💘 Joe: honest Ronnie: walk your corpse to me then Joe: and she says she don't sext Ronnie: you wanna be the only exception so bad or what Joe: you know how bad i want it Ronnie: dont leave again & maybe I'll buy it Joe: being dopesick was almost a nice distraction from thinking about you Ronnie: that warms my 🖤 Joe: thought so Joe: nothing does it quite like me being near-death yeah Ronnie: i do like you pathetic Ronnie: but don't think that any of it comes close to me yeah Joe: you saying you're better than heroin Ronnie: im saying you think you were hurting earlier Ronnie: ill show you pain Ronnie: all you have to do is fuck off again Joe: i won't Joe: i need to be there Joe: with you Ronnie: leave me & I will fucking break you Ronnie: i mean it Joe: i know Joe: i'm not gonna Ronnie: how did you get out Joe: parents weren't in but i said a uni friend was in a car accident and they couldn't get hold of his parents Joe: going hell anyway Joe: and someone on my course was hit by a car so if any of them are that concerned to go snooping Ronnie: thats beautiful Ronnie: you're not as much of a useless waster as youve sounded for most of the day like Joe: steady Joe: was almost not an insult Ronnie: who isn't turned on by a good lie Joe: only when I lie to you Joe: got it Ronnie: don't you fucking dare lie to me Joe: couldn't if i wanted to Ronnie: think about what kind of welcome back you want Ronnie: 'cause I can be nice or not nice Ronnie: its on you & what you say to me Joe: baby Joe: already told you I basically missed you more than heroin, how nice can one boy be Ronnie: you wont be saying that when I hand the gear over Joe: yeah i will Joe: been on you longer Ronnie: its fucking good though Joe: yeah Joe: ain't gonna say otherwise Ronnie: paid more & got better so you won't wanna leave Ronnie: dont have to rely on pretty preteens around here Joe: you know i didn't wanna leave in the first place Ronnie: i know you keep saying it like it makes a difference Joe: tell me what will and i'll do it Ronnie: i'll burn your passport that will Joe: burn my passport Joe: that's what you want? Ronnie: what do you have to go running to them for Ronnie: that's what I wanna know Ronnie: what the fuck is there for you Ronnie: cant even get a fix Joe: nothing, never has been Joe: it's obligation though Joe: you get it, i know you've done some shit just 'cos charlie wants to Joe: or 'cos bronson need it Ronnie: that's different Joe: why Ronnie: I ain't going round bullshitting how much i hate 'em on the one breath & in the other dropping everything for the pair of 'em Ronnie: ride or die is that Joe: okay so it is different Joe: it's more complicated Ronnie: fuck complicated its black & white Joe: nah like Joe: whatever i reckon about them Joe: i still owe 'em Joe: for now Joe: debts to pay like Ronnie: how ain't it been paid Ronnie: they ain't done you right since you were a kid Ronnie: if ever Ronnie: a roof & food that's easily totalled Joe: i dunno Joe: shit ton of interest Joe: learnt from the best debt collectors in liverpool, like Ronnie: write it off Ronnie: is when youre dead Joe: tell 'em that's my payment plan Ronnie: talking it out is your first mistake Ronnie: when the fuck has that worked on anyone who comes to collect Ronnie: dont even buy you time just makes you look a doss cunt more than you are Joe: maybe i can convince my da but you know she's biased Joe: all i have to do is get uni done and they can tick it off as a success Ronnie: i dont know jack about her Ronnie: how i want it Ronnie: if i aint read it off a file as a kid i don't need to hear it Joe: yeah Joe: but i ain't telling you i'm golden boy 'cos it seems cool am i Joe: whatever i'm gone now Ronnie: you're telling me 'cause you wanna trade wounds since I won't have your stories off you Ronnie: burn it into your arm deeper & maybe I'll pay attention Joe: you know it ain't about you, babe Joe: anyway, if we were still being nice I'd tell you none of the usual shit works to get you outta my head so thanks for that one Ronnie: ive been saying all day it's about her & I ain't competing with your fucking ma alright Ronnie: she smothered you poor baby Ronnie: you wanna try neglect its real easy Ronnie: feels better too Joe: you're the one who keeps bringing her up, yeah Joe: you want me to be that cunt Joe: easy Joe: I bet it was better, lucky you Ronnie: youre the one who ran home to have her tuck you in again Ronnie: youre that cunt Ronnie: mama's boy Joe: fuck's sake Joe: yeah alright Ronnie: you're the cunt who has the nerve to come crying to me when your mommy would shoot you up if you asked her to Joe: you reckon Joe: considering her dad was and she don't even hate yours as much i'll go with a no on that one Joe: plenty of sad stories I've heard and you ain't need to Ronnie: I reckon golden boy Ronnie: loves you as much as I love gear yeah Ronnie: & not trying to throw another baby away so you're welcome for the free pass Joe: cheers Joe: feels great Ronnie: you gonna cry again mckenna Joe: if i do i'll send you photos, don't worry Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: send me some either way Joe: you're a headfuck you know Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: dealer said it last time I fucked him Joe: you want fresh line Joe: 👌 Ronnie: give it to me then Joe: give me the flight to think of something you ain't heard before Ronnie: it ain't long enough Joe: fair there's plenty of shit i can say that you ain't heard for real before Joe: but it'd be a copout so i'll keep trying Ronnie: like what Joe: how many of your brothers you fucked lik4 Ronnie: don't reckon freckles is interested Ronnie: leaves me the gay & the kid Ronnie: what about your sister that'd be hot like Joe: they're all kids, just so you know Ronnie: no they ain't Ronnie: i know you lost your virginity to me but don't reckon they're waiting Joe: you wish Joe: hopefully just on the first count Ronnie: you're a sick boy Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you too baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: thats not some shit I ain't heard before Joe: just truth though Joe: no lying Ronnie: feels like one Ronnie: I'm good Joe: what you want me to say to that Ronnie: say what you wanna say Ronnie: again not your ma Joe: i'm good then Ronnie: truth or lie Joe: lie but not a big one Joe: true once i'm off this plane Ronnie: you out of sweeties or they're just that sugar free Joe: i'm trying to time it just right Joe: then i can actually just a decent amount and not be in a coma for you Ronnie: alright fuck Ronnie: you win Ronnie: nobody's said that to me before Joe: i mean it Joe: i want you first Ronnie: don't say this shit when you're on the wrong side of a plane ride Ronnie: jesus mckenna Joe: gotta make sure you miss me too Ronnie: you're such a cunt Joe: yeah Joe: you still want me though Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: why Ronnie: what do you want me to say Joe: you don't have to say anything Joe: but I ain't gonna shut up about how I ain't been able to get you out of my head this whole time Ronnie: yeah you said im a headfuck Ronnie: more than your family & the gear Ronnie: I'll take it Joe: better though Joe: you know Joe: so I'll take it and all Ronnie: you're a headfuck Ronnie: what are you being nice to me for Joe: you said it could go one of two ways Joe: you want me to be mean Ronnie: I want you to be here Ronnie: but you ain't Joe: I'm coming Ronnie: & I'm waiting on you Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I know Ronnie: I hate you Ronnie: I'm losing it, do you know that Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: what am I gonna do with that Joe: I don't know Joe: what do you want me to do Ronnie: what can you do Ronnie: can't even score by yourself Ronnie: worse than a fucking kid Joe: was desperate Joe: and it was your idea Ronnie: thats how it is every time Ronnie: you don't have any fucking idea 'cause I'm here cupping your balls & wiping your arse for you Joe: you've been giving me an easy ride of it yeah Joe: alright Ronnie: youre gonna try & call bullshit on that yeah Joe: nah i just had no idea you were being so generous Joe: would've got you a keychain at least Ronnie: fuck you Joe: you too Ronnie: get one with sharp edges we can make a blood oath or some shit Ronnie: maybe after you'll grow the hell up Joe: sure Joe: it's my speciality yeah Ronnie: cutting's more mine but you can have it Ronnie: same old shit gets boring yeah Joe: we can share Joe: she'd be proud Ronnie: my aspiration in life Ronnie: cheers Joe: obvs mine too Ronnie: you brought her up then not me Joe: reckon you owed me that one so Joe: even Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you're cute Ronnie: say that again & you'll be swallowing teeth Joe: don't worry, that was hot Joe: you won it back Ronnie: go to hell mckenna Joe: you wanna be with me forever Joe: 💘 Ronnie: just reckoning you'll get there quicker than you will this fucking airport Joe: just be glad I didn't try to get back in at rush hour Ronnie: be glad im still waiting Joe: ain't gonna waste words on it Joe: show you Ronnie: 💘

[justagayguysworld-blog]

It was a job and it paid well, very well. The work was easy enough, but the real money was in the tips. That's why I jumped at the chance to sign up for a second summer of sun and fun off the California coast. Far as I know, there were no gay cruises at the time, so I guess that made Tim's little operation ahead of its time with his mostly male clientele. The Wet Dream was a nice boat with three staterooms, a big salon, full kitchen, two baths and a big ass Jacuzzi. I certainly could have lived comfortably on it, which is pretty much what Drake and I did that first summer.

Our longest "excursions" were 24 hours up and down the coast, and many were just day or night trips. Basically, I was a waiter in a swim suit whose only job was to keep Tim's "A" list guests happy. Did a lot of them hit on me? Of course; I wouldn't have been doing my job if they hadn't. If we had a full passenger list of thirty, I could easily make five-hundred bucks in a day. And I'd never spent a single night in one of those staterooms with anyone. That's why when Tim called me to say Drake wasn't coming back, I thought he had to be the dumbest fucker on the planet. Drake was good looking enough, but obviously not real bright.

"Hey, Tim. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds here, but I wish you'd give me a couple of days to see if I can find his replacement. Obviously I know the ropes, you're hardly ever there, and it would be great to work with somebody I know and trust who won't get all pissy like Drake."

"You were reading my mind, Robbie. Look around and get back with me in couple of days. I don't want to do a repeat of Drake either."

After I hung up, I had an epiphany of sorts. I couldn't remember a time when Brett had ever owed me less than a hundred bucks. His car was a beater and always needing something. He worked at that stupid beach bar when he wasn't playing volleyball and obviously wasn't making jack shit. Plus he had a killer bod and wasn't a complete asshole.

I called. "Hey, dude, what's up? I need to talk to you. Come meet me for a beer."

"Can't, Robbie. Waiting on the old man to get off work and take me to get an alternator."

"Call him back and tell him to blow it off. I'll take you. And fuck that fucking piece of shit car square up the fucking tailpipe. I'll see you in half an hour."

After a run to the parts store, we went for a beer or six. I told him about the job and the pay, the hours, etc; "The only down side for you in this deal, Brett, is you won't be getting much beach time this summer. It's a full-time gig, but on the bright side, if you work that fine ass of yours off, you'll be driving a new car this fall. So do yourself a favor for once, call Jackie and give her two weeks' notice. Good as she's been to you, she at least deserves that.

We start June 1st, and now that you owe me two fifty, I'm taking it out of your first check, asshole."

I called Tim back the next day. "You owe me big-time for this one, boss man. I managed to snag you a Laguna volleyball God. He has wait staff experience, the body of death and he isn't Drake. I'll bring him by the office in a couple of days. He's giving two weeks' notice at his job tomorrow, and he can start with me on the first."

I thought Tim was actually going to cry when I came walking in with Brett. And Tim is straight. After they'd talked and Brett did his paperwork, the boss said, "Let's do a trial run on the 29th. I've got some friends coming in town anyway, so we'll take a full crew and go out for the day."

Brett was a natural. Tim's friends loved him almost as much as Tim, and it looked like smooth sailing ahead. Two days later we went live with a guest list of maybe twenty five. One of the last to board was an actor and his "friend." They'd been with us several times, alone and together. But we had a strict policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and sure as hell, Don't Talk" about anything that happens aboard The Wet Dream.

"Isn't that...?" Brett asked.

"Yes, but like everyone else, he isn't here, and you did not see him."

"Didn't he just come out in that movie...?"

"Yes. Now put your tongue back in your mouth and go ask them what they'd like to drink. No autographs, either."

Then late Thursday night we were driving home. Brett said, "You know the guy who's some kind of a producer, the one with little round glasses and the ponytail? He tried to grab my ass this afternoon. I scooted out of the way and gave him the evil eye. I don't think he was even drunk."

"You're an idiot, Brett. Do you know who that guy is? Lighten up, dude. That little stunt probably cost you a fifty dollar tip. Looking like you look, do you really think Tim hired you for your bartending skills?"

"So, do you let them touch you?"

"Damned straight. Fuck, it's not like it's a big deal. How many times have I grabbed your ass? I know I've seen you grab a fistful of nuts at least a hundred times. If you wanna' make serious bank, you're gonna' have to play ball. And yes, the pun was intended."

He did seem a little more relaxed the next few days. We'd been on a 24 hour excursion until Sunday morning. People got really hammered, but it looked like everyone had a blast even if we were probably going to have to drain and power wash the Jacuzzi. I also made $425 in tips. Not bad for the beginning of summer.

I asked, "How much did you make?"

"$300. I would've made $400 if I'd let some dude blow me. He offered me a hundred bucks. I told him I was too busy. Does that ever happen to you Daddy Warbucks?"

"Sorry, I'm not having this discussion, Brett. You know the rules. What happens on The Wet Dream..."

"Stays on The Wet Dream. I hear you, Captain, loud and clear."

Because we'd been out all night, they needed to clean and restock Sunday. Monday was pretty sedate. It was only four hours and we were back by nine. I asked Brett if he wanted to grab some beer and go to the beach. We'd built a fire and were sitting there relaxing. Out of the blue, he pops off with, "I just don't want to freak out with some guy's dick in my, I mean my dick in his mouth. I need to try this someplace besides work first. If I went ape shit and decked some guy, I know Tim would fire me if you didn't. And I really want that car."

"Seriously dude? I know you must have some gay friends who'd love to suck your dick. I've seen it. They'd probably suck anything and everything you've got. Ask one of them if you'd like to get in a little practice.

Look at it this way. You carry some girl out to a decent dinner and a movie. How much does that set you back? Maybe forty bucks? Does that forty get you a blowjob or a date with your hand when you get home?"

"Sometimes I get lucky."

"Fuck luck. I'll take a guaranteed income anytime. I can't believe with that face and body, you've never even fooled around with another guy."

He started laughing. "Joey Gibbons did hunch my leg once in junior high. I smacked him pretty good."

I had to laugh at the image of that. "Brett, that isn't what I mean. Joey was a little porker who drooled and had asthma. Haven't you ever looked at some of the guys on the volleyball court and thought they were hot?"

"You mean like you?"

"Okay, sure. Like me I guess." Honestly, I really think I was only trying to prove a point. "So what if I put my hand on your leg like this and started rubbing up and down? Do you really feel like you need to smack me?"

"Maybe not if you kissed me first... I'm really serious, Robbie, I want you to kiss me." When he pulled me over on top of him, it didn't seem like he was joking.

"Okay, buddy. You asked for this." It was probably five minutes before either of us came up for air.

My brains were completely scrambled, but honestly I was considering doing it again when he looked at me and said, "More." An hour later, we took one last rinse in the water and headed home. On the way, he put his hand on my leg as we drove in silence. When I pulled up in front of his house, he didn't try to kiss me, but asked, "Next time, can we do this in bed? It's gonna' take me a week to get this sand out the crack of my ass."

I laughed and shook my head. "Next time?"

"Yeah, I think I could use more practice."

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Buster

Edie: oi my sister there Buster: She's at work Buster: Are you alright? Edie: tell her come home so everyone get off my dick Buster: I can't tell her what to do Edie: ha yeah u can Edie: i know how she is Buster: Come on Edie: What I thought you want everyone 2 know Edie: or that not include me Edie: wouldn't be the first Buster: 'Course you're included, Eds Buster: Alright fine, I'll be honest Buster: I don't wanna tell her to come home Buster: Do you get that? Edie: oh i get it Edie: its fucked up but i'm with it Buster: Call me a selfish cunt if you want but that's how it is Edie: Why'd I call u that Edie: u didn't do that shit den bounce on us Buster: Yeah but I want her to stay here Edie: yeah u getting ur dick sucked Edie: i said i get it Buster: It's not like that Edie: it is tho man Edie: i'm sorry to tell u actual Edie: but whatever she chat, you ain't special to her, you know Edie: that's just how she do Buster: Nah, babe Buster: It's different Edie: oh mckenna mckenna Edie: thought you was smart Buster: I am Buster: That's why I know what I'm saying is legit, yeah? Edie: the timing ain't got u fucked Edie: oh no i'm in trouble, here's another distraction, like Buster: Like I said, it isn't like that Buster: Me and her have been together long before Drew did what he did Edie: and she's wanted drew to pipe her long before you Edie: ain't none of us believe that just came outta the blue Buster: Don't Buster: She's never wanted him like that Buster: It was one sided, all from him Buster: Yeah, he's been playing that way for a while too but Edie: I'd hear her and Indie talking you know Edie: now that's fucked up, catch her talking to me like that and he ain't even wanna be my dad Buster: What do you reckon you've been hearing? Edie: 'low it, KNOW what i hard Edie: heard, whatever Edie: she thought he was soooooo hot, like every other bimbo in this family Buster: Maybe for one second when she was a kid Buster: It doesn't mean anything other than that Edie: oh boy you drank too much koolaid Buster: Nah Buster: I've been there when he's been acting up, I've seen it for myself how much she wasn't about him like that Buster: Trust me Edie: obvs she ain't gon be wid it when you're about Edie: like at the baby shower Edie: she ain't thick Edie: smarter than u Buster: She isn't ever Buster: It's fucked up Buster: He is Edie: save the spiel baby Edie: he's this family's scapegoat for when they wanna do the fuck shit they wanna do Buster: He's a cunt regardless Edie: u cute Edie: don't let her play u the same Buster: You wish, babe Buster: I know exactly what I'm doing Buster: Do you? Edie: haha Edie: babe, is it really that good it worth dis Edie: i always know what i'm doing Edie: whatever i want Buster: It's worth way more than this shit Buster: Believe it or not Buster: Like it or not Edie: no one like it but what they gon do right Buster: They can do whatever they want Buster: So can I Edie: dun know who u think u preaching at or why Edie: i don't give a fuck what u do Edie: came here cuz i need em off my dick and back on hers and i'm outta here Buster: Why are you chatting at me then like you wanna save me from her or something? I don't buy it, Eds Buster: You could have just said that and left Buster: You care Buster: So talk to her Edie: i care bout me Edie: they're pissing me off more than normal Edie: shame if they get u too but ain't gonna be crying over it baby Buster: Come to London Buster: You can stay here Edie: i dont like u like that mckenna Edie: soz Buster: Shut up Buster: You know what I mean Edie: rahhhh u actually so fucked up lmao Edie: i got places i wanna be Edie: thats the point Buster: You want your fam off your back I'm offering you somewhere to be where they won't be Buster: That's the point Edie: who she Edie: just cos she wanna try out for new step mum Buster: Aint I always had your back? Come on Buster: She isn't gonna give you grief like that Edie: you alright but dont get it twisted u ain't know me like that Edie: i don't wanna see her again at all Buster: I'll get you a hotel if you wanna come then Edie: hell no u cant buy me Edie: i ain't no hooker like ri be Buster: Don't call her that Buster: You know it ain't true Edie: it is tho Edie: she can do what she want but i aint gotta respect it or call it by a diff name to make her feel good bout it Buster: Don't be stupid Buster: You ain't a kid, you know how this all works Edie: she gets paid for her company Edie: what u wanna call it Edie: what makes u feel better Buster: Forget it Buster: I'm not trying to hit my head against the bricks Edie: hahaha thats what they always say when im right Edie: well if she aint gon go back for them she should know her man going pure apeshit, wilding out again like he think he the age he feelin Buster: Nah it's what they say when you won't be told. Not the same thing, like Buster: For the last time, he ain't her man. She doesn't give a fuck what he does or doesn't do Edie: meh whatever you say boy Edie: someone needs to go cheer him up Buster: Not our problem Buster: You do it if you're that bothered Edie: well he won't speak to me will he Edie: i ain't that fuckable, clearly Edie: or he got more morals than yous, either or Buster: Fuck's sake. Don't say shit like that to me Edie: awh mckenna only playin Edie: it's kinda funny tbh Edie: she act like she give the most shits about this fam Edie: and then she ruin it like that cos she wanna bang Buster: Hilarious Buster: She hasn't ruined anything Buster: Behave Edie: yous don't know u ain't here Edie: i'm tellin ya, why u think i'm jumping ship Buster: Neither are you, babe so don't act it Buster: If anything's fucked it's cause Drew fucked it Buster: You should be used to that as a concept Edie: didn't fuck himself mckenna Edie: all yous carry on blaming him til he the only one left tho Buster: I'm blaming him for this 'cause it's his fault Buster: I'm not trying to go any further back in time Edie: what u so whipped for Buster: Fuck off Buster: I know you'd love it to be that simple but it ain't Edie: u actually serious u think u love her Buster: I do love her Buster: I know that Edie: gon take up heroin next mckenna Buster: Grow up Edie: not the one still playing kissing cousins Edie: cute Buster: I don't care what you think Buster: And if that's the best you've got, don't bother, like Edie: good Edie: me either Edie: easier init Buster: Sometimes Edie: don't do halves Buster: Me either Buster: But you ain't the only one getting grief and feeling over it so Edie: fair you are chucking one in your fam, what u expect Edie: i've not done shit Buster: Whatever you say, babe Edie: ha tell me dickhead what have i done u reckon Buster: You're a bit of a cunt honestly Edie: boohoo Edie: if i was i'd fit right in Buster: You are and you do Buster: Deal with it, like Edie: all i do is deal with the unfortunateness of it trust Buster: Don't we all Edie: well bondings been fun babe but i got to go Edie: tell 'em all fairwell from me if you could tah u a real one Buster: Not your errand boy, sorry about it Buster: But not Edie: oh well Edie: they'll deal with not hearing it Buster: Since you ain't giving 'em a choice, yeah, they'll have to Edie: since when did u have to Edie: i ain't had 1 Buster: You've had plenty Buster: There's always choices Buster: Don't chat that bullshit to me Edie: nah Edie: god bless thank god u pretty Buster: Yeah Buster: On both counts Edie: i never had any it was all decided 'fore i even got here Buster: Nah Edie: yeah, mckenna Edie: he ain't want me, ma did Edie: i don't want her Edie: what a sad lil circle Buster: That's a cop out Buster: None of us got to pick our parents, babe Edie: least yours picked you Buster: Your ma picked you and Caleb Buster: You've got a mum and a dad same as I do Edie: well i don't want either of 'em Edie: so i'm offski Buster: Like I said, choices Buster: That's yours Edie: yeah it is Edie: finally Buster: Alright Buster: So stop wasting both our time with this chat then, yeah? Buster: It ain't going nowhere and you've decided you are Buster: Somewhere to be, like Edie: oooh Edie: touchy Edie: i'm waiting for my ride n my time Edie: what u even doin Buster: You don't care so what does it matter Edie: long as it matters to you babe Buster: Cheers Buster: Good insight Edie: ikr Edie: talents are wasted on this town Buster: You and me both Edie: shut up dickhead Edie: streets are paved with gold are they not Buster: Again, you wish it was that simple, babe Edie: why u even invited me then Edie: n u don't wanna fuck me Edie: rude Buster: I can only offer what I can offer Buster: I said it was an out from your fam not a fix all paradise, like Edie: lame and untrue to boot Edie: unfortunate but happens to the best of yas Buster: Whatever Edie: you might be ignoring the family tree like Edie: nothing in it for me Buster: Fine Buster: Don't come Edie: wasn't gonna Edie: doubt we got enough disel to get that far Buster: That's what planes are for Buster: But you know Edie: you know i ain't got that money Buster: I wasn't suggesting you paid for it Edie: kai has less than me lmao Buster: Him either Edie: mckenna mckenna mckenna if she's really doing that bad a job there's places you can go, people you can see Buster: This is boring Buster: You're just repeating yourself now girl Edie: you ain't my first choices either baby it's cool Edie: he's picking up Buster: Very gentlemanly Edie: like i ain't paying for it lmao Buster: If that's your way of saying you need money, make your mind up, like Edie: i'm saying that's where my money goes and is why he ain't getting on no plane Edie: paranoia man it'll get ya Buster: Yeah Buster: I bet Edie: Poor baby Edie: and Charlie thought he left all that behind him Edie: unlucky Buster: Can't say he don't know how to handle it at least Edie: that's a joke init Buster: Are you laughing right now? Edie: Big time Edie: got even less of a handle than ali and caleb Buster: Sure the judgement really helps too Edie: who's judging Buster: You Edie: Nah Edie: I don't care enough for that, I'm just laughing at the mess, not commenting on it Buster: Whatever you say Edie: how much would you give me Edie: outta interest Buster: How much do you want? Edie: ha you're such a bullshitter Edie: wouldn't stall if u was serious Buster: It's a serious question Buster: I don't know how long you're going for or where Buster: Not just gonna pull a number out the air Edie: for good and wherever we end up Edie: guess there's no ballpoint on that eh Buster: That's what you're saying now but if you're gone for a day and I give you a grand its not you who looks like a mug Edie: you a mug thinkin u get to tell me what to do with it like her Edie: its drug money mckenna don't act dumb Buster: Have I said shit about how to spend it? Nah Buster: Be serious and I will Buster: Tell me how much you want Edie: wow you really are dumb Edie: be careful out here baby Edie: even i ain't gonna play u like that but so many will Buster: Fuck off Buster: You're all talk, kid Edie: i'm serious Edie: ain't got your rents biz head have u jesus Buster: You don't know shit about what I'm got or not, Edie Buster: Don't act like you do Edie: you showed enough cards Buster: Nah, I'm showing you I can help you Buster: But be stupid Buster: How far you think you're gonna get with no money and no way to get any? Buster: Unless you're gonna play it the same way as Rio does whilst judging her for earning it Edie: you can help me get high? you and half the punters in this postcode, my da included Edie: ain't special baby and i ain't tryna enter yours so i don't need much Edie: plenty ways of getting cash that don't involve selling your ass Buster: Yeah, you're really smart Edie: aw thanks Buster: Cheers yourself Buster: Not a waste of time at all Edie: You're precious Buster: I know Edie: I reckon we've talked for sufficient time you can play you tried to stop me now Buster: I'm not gonna bullshit anyone Buster: That's for you to do Edie: as you like Edie: oh, tell ri gracie keeps crying, like ALL the time Edie: more than usual Buster: Tell her yourself Edie: alright Edie: she didn't reply last time i wrote her tho but worth a shot Buster: Try saying something worth reading Buster: I know it's a stretch but Edie: aw darn, i really thought i was smart Edie: oh well Buster: Bye, Edie Edie: laters mckenna Buster: Unlikely from how you're selling it, but sure Edie: see i don't know what u reckon the point of u is if you ain't gonna let me hit u up on the reg for cash Edie: you ain't know how this works Buster: I'm not trying to be anything for you Buster: Not my job Edie: knife thru my heart Edie: she always got the best of everything so used to it Buster: yeah yeah Edie: there u go again 💘 Buster: Poor baby Edie: u got jokes Buster: I know Buster: Pretty, smart and funny Edie: when u suck urself off that's somehow grosser than the incest Edie: eurgh Buster: Hilarious Edie: no jokes Edie: i reckon that's hurting your chances more Buster: I didn't ask and I don't care Edie: awh so in love is it Buster: Even if I wasn't, not gonna take advice from you Edie: why not Buster: Not gonna write you a list either Edie: i get laid Edie: by people i ain't related to n all, craziness Buster: Well done Edie: why thank you Buster: Sure your boyfriend wants to talk to you more than I do Buster: So on you go Edie: probably not if he's started without me but you know Buster: Well all the more reason to catch him up then Edie: ha you really don't like me do you Buster: You're not as stupid as you sound Buster: Good to know Edie: its chill b Edie: i dont like me either Buster: Do something about it then Edie: who for? Edie: this cunt Edie: i think not Buster: For you maybe Edie: that's the cunt i was referring to Edie: keep up Buster: You're just being so edgy right now, like Buster: How can I? Edie: we all know u aint vanilla now boy quit playin Buster: You first Edie: what u chattin i'm bein painfully real Buster: You're trying too hard, babe Edie: at what lmao Buster: This game Buster: Been there, done it Buster: You ain't been real this whole convo Edie: tragically i have Edie: soz you found it disappointing but same Buster: Disappointing ain't the word Buster: If you wanna put any in my mouth, try even harder Edie: you should save the wiser older brother bit tho Edie: ur actual sis would probs benefit Buster: I'm not trying to be that for her or you Buster: Unlucky Edie: now who's not being real Edie: it's cute, don't be ashamed Buster: Why should I be real for you? Edie: u shouldn't Edie: just a bit weird to be lecturing me Edie: unless you really tryna kick it daddy and its all do as i say not as i do Edie: i'm with you Buster: Weird ain't the half of what you reckon I am so why do you care? Edie: why do you Buster: Why do I care about you? Buster: Don't be stupid Edie: i'm not u got no reason Buster: Yeah I do Edie: ha sure Buster: Whatever Edie: you're as bad as her aren't you Edie: i got it fucked feeling sorry for you at the start Edie: you gonna chat like family means anything, god, at least i thought you were committed mckenna Buster: She ain't bad, that's your first mistake Buster: She's better than me, that's your second Edie: three strikes and i'm out? Edie: fun Edie: lemme think Buster: If we were playing that you'd have been out ages ago, babe Edie: good to know Edie: underestimated myself again but that's life Buster: I wouldn't know Buster: Not how I'm living Edie: hmm i wouldn't peg you as a total jump the gun cum in your pants type but if you insist Buster: You ain't got a clue how to peg me but it doesn't matter Edie: i been in the know on that but like i said Edie: don't like u like that Buster: Good Edie: lmao gotta draw the line somewhere mckenna Edie: glad to know it's at butt stuff Edie: on that note, peace Edie: my ride here Buster: Bye again Buster: Been a pleasure, obviously Edie: put it on my tab Buster: 'Course