#i'd love to keep her alive but... quite frankly. it is difficult enough keeping myself alive.

[ask-spiderpool]

if you don’t mind me asking what is going on with the discord?

Bless you, anon, for asking!

In the simplest terms - it was honestly a server that wasn't intended to last that long anyway - I'd set it up just for the 7th anniversary stream, and it was something I was very nervous and hesitant to do, initially! Because I'm a very nervous sort of person, and I was worried about how overwhelming discord communities can be. After the stream I was intent on closing the server down but – as it was during the covid lockdown, the server turned out to be a wonderful little online community that was buzzing with life and energy and felt a very intimate place for all of us who needed it.

So - the life of the server was prolonged much longer than I'd expected it to! It survived through lockdown, and since then - but, a lot of that community definitely started to dissipate after lockdown, naturally, and after the course of time - naturally, people start getting occupied with a lot of other things, and so the demographic in the server changes, and there are some internal dramas, as any server has - (let any discord server who manages to avoid internal drama cast the first pebble!) and it becomes just too much for the moderating team to handle - not least of all me, who's going through a lot of their own personal stresses and can't really take any more on, at the moment.

The discord was a beautiful place and - really was what I, and a lot of people in the community really needed, at the time - but I feel like this time has passed for most of us. And I - I just don't think I can manage it with the same time and investment that I had before, back when my life depended on it. Discords are overwhelming. And I'm someone who is easily overwhelmed! I knew that going in, but I'm glad I let her survive as long as she did.

I don't think it feels right to appoint new moderators to take over - I don't know anyone closely enough who's invested enough to take over, and - really, it should be something I'm involved in. I feel like it's a natural end for a server that's had her time.

The server was going to close down a while ago - but it kind of nagged at my heart to end it so abruptly. So she'll be running until New Years, which should be enough time for people to set up their lifeboats and get their farewells in. It gives me enough time to work on my health and be of sound mind and body when I kiss her goodbye.

Thanks so much to everyone that made the server a beautiful place! And thank you to everyone who's still using the server - I hope you manage to stay in contact, and set up your own lifeboat servers, to keep the conversation alive!