#i'd like to believe i'll be a new person by tomorrow but that's silly

[keeps-ache]

ooo only so long now!!

[jazz-who-else]

dreaming

...& whenever i feel like the world is a hopeless place, i like to remind myself, that although there is little hope left, MY world can be a beautiful place, if i just see everything slightly differently.

i look in the mirror and smile at my tears, as i see them as my rain. i love rain.

and when i make my cheap coffee in the morning, i like to pretend i'm a barista in a tiny coffee shop in new york city.

when i visit a museum, i imagine i'm an artist looking for inspiration in a coming of age movie.

when i sing, i sometimes see a thousand people in front of my stage, and they're all there to see me. me. other times i imagine i'm all alone in my bedroom at 3am singing myself to sleep.

i like to imagine i'm my best friend when i have a hard time giving myself love. my best friend is the most beautiful person i know and she deserves everything. and so does the little girl inside of me. so i give her a shower and put on fresh clothes. i smile at her through the mirror, because she never got what she deserved.

the days i barely have the energy to get up, i grab my books and imagine i'm in an old library, reading my favorite stories.

sometimes i light a candle and breathe. i pretend i know what i'm doing. it helps.

when i pet a cat, i imagine it loves me as much as i love it. all the stray cats in my neighborhood have names. i like to believe, they have a name for me too.

when i look out of the window and see clouds pass by, i imagine how lovely it must be to be a cloud. floating through the sky, and crying my soul out whenever i feel like it. and people -people like me- are grateful, for rain is our comfort.

when i walk past a florist i imagine the people inside picking they're partner's favorite flowers to give to them and i dream of someone gifting me flowers one day.

i don't dance enough, but when i do, i dream of someone dancing with me, late at night in the living room with our favorite song playing on the stereo.

when i laugh about a silly video i see on the internet, i imagine someone next to me, laughing with me.

and every night that i can see the moon and the stars i imagine all the lovely people that aren't around anymore became stars and are watching me from above. i imagine the moon listens to me late at night when i sit at the window and talk. and when it shines, i imagine it shines for me.

a walk in nature has something so poetic about it. i like to think that i'm the main character in someone's favorite poem.

when i shower, i imagine the water is love and it runs down my body, through my hair and over my skin. it makes me feel okay. loved.

the days that i watch the sunset, i dream that i am someone's sun. far away, but always shining for them, even on the days i'd rather be dead.

and when i write, i pretend that i am someone's favorite author.

and now i realize that happiness doesn't come from being pretty and rich. it comes from being the person you needed the most when you were a child.

so whenever the world feels like a hopeless place, remind yourself that YOUR world can still bloom and that you'll be okay.

on the days that don't seem survivable, i dream that tomorrow will be better. because one day, tomorrow WILL be better. and i want to stick around to see that. but until that happends, i'll be dreaming.

[mysumeow]

hi!! hope ur doing well!!! if it's possible, i'd like to request a twst matchup! no pressure <3

i am an entp 7w6, i'm often described as an eccentric, humorous, and a carefree person (it's just that i don't use my braincells that much)

i'm usually friendly, but you can get a reaction out of me me easily and i'll get into bickerings (i'll forget it off after 5mins in total)

i'm quite guillble, i also have a bad habit of procrastrating important matters and hanging around instead until there's no time left-

i can be dense too

i have a new injure thrice a week usually- i'm a bit careless which makes me get scolded often

when people around me say that they weren't in a good mood but it has gotten better because of me, like i did??? but that's the benefit from being the clown friend i see

i like puns, i love riding bikes, i'm addicted to carbonated drinks. nature outings are my breather (funnily enough i fear bugs)

if someone gifts me food, i'll pledge my allegiance to them/srs

zoology is my fav topic!! especially penguins, i could blabber about them forever i also like mythology its fun seeing them weird ahh yokais in books

i can be both the yapper and the listener tho

my love language is quality time, sending u shitposts at 3am or gifting you anything that reminds me of u its silly sometimes

i may act hard n shi but deep inside imma sanrio enjoyer😞 (badtz maru)

i am not used to affection that much (especially in words) so it never fails to unlock soft spots in me when yhey do that-

ty!!!!! sorry if too long

. . . ꒰ MATCHUP IV

a/n: hiii aaaaa im sorry for taking this long. things have gotten a tad hectic lately T_T

I match you up with Ace! Ace needs so badly a partner in crime for his mischief. Whenever you tell him to pester Deuce instead, he complains about Deuce being a goody two shoes and that you both can have fun without him. Of course, as per usual, Ace boasts about how much fun he had with you to Deuce. That’s just their friendly rivalry dynamic.

What he doesn’t confess, though, is that he thinks you’re easier to convince. Which he believes is a major advantage for him because he gets to hang out with you without having to scavenge for an excuse to do so. However, if he senses someone is trying to take advantage of you, he’s quick to call them out.

It’s a daily occurrence that you and he will bicker about something dumb. He’s snappy with it to irk you more (it amuses him smfh) and quick to answer, and you react with the same swiftness. People around you wonder if any of you realize you two sound like a married couple whenever that happens. Deuce teases Ace about it back in the dorms, to which that idiot deviates from confronting his feelings by jabbing at Deuce’s ribs with his fingers.

“What would you know about that?” That, along with the annoying jabs to the ribs Deuce’s receiving, accomplishes what Ace wants with that: changing the subject.

Ace is such an enabler to your procrastination, unfortunately. You do a little study date every so often, and you set your goals like: finish tomorrow’s homework so you don’t have to rush it in the morning. The study date follows the course of actions you hope for until Ace complains about his legs cramping and wanting to stretch his legs. Oh, but he doesn’t want to go alone.

“Hey, do you wanna go grab some snacks?”

And there goes your homework’s progress…

Honorary mention: Malleus Draconia.

Very broad explanation: Your eccentricity and carefree personality would make Malleus fond of you. He thinks your puns are funny, too.

[foaming-sea]

Different people have different thought patterns. This is how I imagine some of them, but I need help/advice.

Person 1: Dark, too dark, need to get out of here, get out get out get out help me no no no don't think like that i'm scared no one will ever find me caves are dumb and scary why why why am i even here i'm dying too wet too damp i'm drowning out of water no no no no no no no…

Person 2: So cool! I love these trees! Blue and yellow birds, what are they called again? I don't remember. I'll look at that bird book again when I get home. SO PRETTY! Bluest sky ever seen, marshmallow clouds. I wonder what's for lunch. I can't believe I've never noticed how much clover there is here before. I'm excited! I'm coming back tomorrow!

Person 3: ...only four stones... ...lucky they're gone or I'd make them leave... ...annoying idiots... ...who cares, anyway, no one knows... ...if they make me eat baloney one more time I will throw up in their faces... ...ha ha ha the look on their faces is priceless... ...the nerve... ...they'll be sorry... ...dumb rooster I'll wring it's neck if it crows one more time... ...no more plates... ...that guy looks ridiculous…

Person 4: This papaya was boring. Just kind of boring all the way through. Normally I like papayas, but this one was boring. Maybe I'll eat another one after this one. But what if that one is boring too? I need a nap. Naps are nice. I'd feel better after a nap. I wouldn't be so sleepy. Naps aren't complicated. Maybe I'll eat another papaya and then take a nap. Maybe this time it won't be boring. I don't want another boring papaya. Maybe it's sweet. I hope it's sweet.

Person 5: That guy looks shy. I glanced at the map earlier, and it said that the trains go northeast. Why is that bird flying so fast? Something must have scared it. I hope the people here like me. Heavy, humid air, it'll rain soon. Hot, itchy. That building needs a new paint job. Person in front of me looks scared, glancing around and trying to look smaller than she is. Up to something? Or shy? Just nervous? Wonder who she is. Blue raincoat, kinda pretty. I like blue. That store over there, I'd better remember that for later. I'm hungry. Pizza place over there, tacos three streets over, or I could go to the grocery store and cook later. I've got 15 dollars to spend. Wet, did it rain earlier? Apartment Stinton Rd, 386. Should be close. Getting nearer to that part of town. Maybe I could see if they have good clothes at the thrift shop, I kinda need some. I only have two outfits, and I need to wash them both. I wish mosquitoes were extinct. Kid looks tired. Nap time? Somebody dropped a penny. Map said go left from Cranberry, I think that's the next street over. I miss home. Too bad, shush, don't think about it, wasn't my fault. If I start crying, I am a baby, a silly baby. I can handle it. Shush. Dark in a couple hours. Pretty trees, they painted it with limestone to keep the bugs from burrowing in it. I wonder if bugs are a problem here. I hope there aren't any termites. Termites are a nuisance. If that person says one more rude word they will be written across his face in blood. Oof, no, don't think like that. I have no right to think that, if I'm the kind of person to want to hurt someone. I should get sandwich stuff, and maybe treat myself to a candy bar. No, I don't deserve a candy bar. There are too many people here. I wonder what it feels like to be a plant trying to grow in a sidewalk crack. Hard enough, and then some dummy steps on you quite frequently. Gotta check my phone when I get home. I hope the plumbing works at the apartment. I want a shower. Avocados a dollar a bag, ok that's worth it. Must be close to expiration. I'll get tomatoes and chips and lemons and make guacamole. Maybe the apartment will have a fridge. Glad this stuff isn't expensive.

Keep in mind that person 5 is thinking all this in the same amount of time as person 4.

Person 6: When I get home, I’m going to write down those ideas. I have to. The sunrise is so pretty. I remember that poem from Robert Frost. Nothing gold can stay. That one. That one has a lot of meaning. I remember reading The Outsiders a while ago. It’s powerful. I’d like to write that powerfully one day. Maybe I could sketch a leaf on the top of the page. I should have brought my notebook. Maybe I could write about a squirrel. They’re so energetic, and fun. Smart, too. Like a hummingbird. Flashes of color, hovering almost like they don’t need wings to fly. How do they hover so steadily while flapping so fast? I could paint one. Bright blues, purple and orange/yellow feathers. Maybe a squirrel in the background.

Person 7: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Person 8: No more, no more, no more. Think of nothing, nothing at all. Go blank. No, calm down. Calm down. Not my fault, no freaking out, just calm down. I got nothing to say, nothing to say, nothing. Time to go away, away, no more of this. No reason, they’re not mad. Look calm, calm, look okay. Just go blank. Nothing, empty, please, just nothing. No reminders. Just hush. Gotta do your math. Math. Focus on math. 2X times -7, gotta know that. 2X times -7. 2X times seven. Fourteen, now make it negative. No, focus. -14X. Focus. Nothing else.

Person 9: ....................................................I kind of have a headache..........................................................I'm tired......................................................hmm, I wonder if I should do something with my life......................................................but what... I don't know what to do........ I'm kinda hungry.......... *spends 45 minutes figuring out what to eat........ spends another 2 hours making it....... why don't I feel good...................................................maybe I'm hungry!......... spends another hour making and prepping food..............................................I'm sad.......................maybe I should do something with my life............................ *finally gets up and does something... this is awesome! The sky is beautiful, I love the way that the clouds frame the sun.... that tree is so elegant... ooh, flowers! Do they smell good? Yes! It's incredible that all of this was made for us, I take it for granted too often...... one hour later................................................. why don't I feel good?............ Maybe I'm hungry?.......................

I'm not sure what you need help with. But this definitely how people think. Different people have different thought patterns. then again, one single person have different thought patterns too. Depends on the situation they are. For an example, I picture my thought pattern as similar to person 5. Sometimes it's like person 6 too, that usually happens when I'm in writing mood. When I'm very panicked over something it's like person 8. So I'd say the way you are imagining these thought patterns are very valid. If you need help or like me to discuss somethings specific about these thought patterns then let me know. This was interesting to read through.

[gildedmuse]

Hey, everyone.

So recently I've (predictably) very not well. Actually, whenever I don't post for long periods, just assume my body is trying to kill me. But I've gotten messages from three people asking if I. Okay, which is super sweet. I am actually trying to work on the next All Hearts, a really long ZoLaw post and two request fics, but mixing chronic kidney pain and capitalist society's mandate to work 40+ hours is not recommended.

But to prove I'm okay and still me, here is some Shanks antics with him being a total slut while Mihawk and Beckman just roll their eyes and go along with it. [Shout out to @jhaernyl who not only listens to me ramble about this stuff, but actively encourages it]. I also have many thoughts on the latest episodes and so many screenshots it's embarrassing. Hopefully, when I'm in less pain, I'll get around to actually posting those. Otherwise I just look like an insane person who literally takes by the second frame shots every time Zoro is on screen.

.... What is that? I look like that anyway? Fair.

Shanks Is A Bad Influence

It feels like Buggy and Shanks split up after Roger's death (the crew was told to, and they are the only ones who went to his execution) and I find it impossible to think Shanks didn't immediately set out and find a crew; like, pirating is the only thing this kid knows in life. This means two things:

He set out from East Blue. Also, he seemed at ease and familiar with the East so it's possible he spent like a year there getting everything together. Maybe he even played around in the other blues for a while before heading back to the Grand Line. I say this because his crew is from all over so either he found and recruited them in the Grand Line or visited various blues. Either way, I'm gonna say it took him about two years before getting a 'proper' start. In that case, he would have started out properly at the age of 17 and we know One Piece likes it's parallels.

That still puts Shanks at 17 to Benn Beckmen's 28. How the fuck did Shanks manage that? I'd call it grave robbing, but let's face it, the little tyke probably got up to some actual robbing of graves as well.

My point being everytime Shanks teases Mihawk about keeping this 19 year old kid on his personal island, mostly shirtless, Benn Beckmen just lifts an eyebrow.

Excuse me, captain, who had prefected the 'opps still don't have my sea legs' trip-and-fall into their first mates lap by the age of 17?

Shanks: Beckmen, you caught me! *Shamelessly nuzzles up* Thank goodness! I could be a devil's fruit user after all and - Ahh!

Benn: *Drops Shanks straight over the side of the ship into the water*

Shanks: *Sputtering* What what that!?

Benn: Checking to see if you had eaten a devil's fruit on us, Capatin.

Benn: You didn't.

Smart ass. But he can't resist Shanks forever. Shanks will wear him down eventually.

Next time Mihawk tracks him down for another match - because you know he gets bored way quicker than he'll ever admit and Shanks is at least amusing a challenge - Shanks makes a big deal out of how Mihawk follows him around, "accidentally" revealing they slept together, sighing about how it's so hard to resist him.

Benn Beckmen is just leaning against the side of the ship, sipping his booze.

Shanks: -and I can't stay for hours like last time!!

Mihawk: Are you quite done?

Shanks: *whispering* Does Benn look jealous?

Mihawk: He looks bored. Much like I am. Is this some strange attempt to get out of my challenge, Akagami?

Shanks: What? No, come on I told you I was game. But, hey, could you do me a favor? Maybe like try and kiss me or something? Like take a swing like your going to hit me but then stop shot and grab me by the waist instead.

Mihawk: .... Trickery is beneath you. Besides, you're absolute rubbish at it.

Shanks: Oh, come on, I would totally help you get laid if you asked!

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* I want a proper match afterwards.

Mihawk: *In a forced, monotone voice* After this I will take you to my lair and have my way with you, Akagami.

Mihawk: ... My lair? Really?

Shanks: *Holding up cue card with quickly scribbled line* What? That is how you talk.

Mihawk: I can't believe I wasted precious hours of light tracking you to this atrociously rural port.

Shanks: See? Now, read the next one.

Benn: Captain? If this is going to take all night, I am going to go join the rest of the men in the tavern.

Shanks: Huh? Wait! Benn! What if Miha really stabs me this time!?

Benn: *Salutes Shanks with his bottle* Sounds like that is his plan captain. Have a good 'challenge'.

Shanks: What? No... *Reaching out hand, like he might die if Benn leaves, looking completely devastated* Not even a little jealous...

Mihawk: You couldn't have thought that pantomime would actually work.

Shanks: Benny, don't leave me.... *Turns to Mihawk, immediately brightening* Oh, well, there's always tomorrow. Hey, Miha, guess whose free all night and horny as a pirate in the calm belt?

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* Very well.

Mihawk might as well get something for the trip he made. Although, he's reconsidering if the sex was actually worth the trouble after he ends up listening to Shanks worry half the night that Benn is shacking up with someone else (after a couple hours of rough and raw fucking, admittedly).

Is it the hat? He likes his captain's hat. Miha, you think his captain's hat is sexy, don't you?

Mihawk: It's utterly ridiculous.

Shanks: ....

Shanks: ....

Shanks: *Smile* Ahh, Miha, I knew you liked the hat!

Shanks: What do you old Northerns find sexy?

Mihawk: I am only four years older than you.

Mihawk: And silence.

Trying to convince Mihawk to go spy on Beckman for him. Shanks doesn't actually care if he does sleep with someone else, it's more that Beckman didn't immediately turn angry and jealous like Buggy would have that has him paranoid.

Mihawk is going to fuck this annoying red head again just to shut him up.

Mihawk: Maybe he doesn't like red haired boys who don't know when to be quiet?

The next morning Shanks is pacing among his poor crew that's gotten stuck listening to Shanks obsess about Beckman again. IS IT REALLY THE HAIR!?

It's not even a matter of Shanks's age (or obvious immaturity). I mean, Beckman got on board and stayed, didn't he? Beckman just enjoys watching Shanks try so hard to get his attention. Like Benn's attention isn't constantly on Shanks. He had to when his captain is always one step away from disaster.

He only left him with Mihawk because it was clear Dracule is not a real danger to Beckman's captain.

Except maybe insulting him to death. But Beckman is pretty sure Shanks can handle it. He's met Buggy. He's suspects Shanks LIKES it if anything.

It gets to the point where when they dock somewhere and see Mihawk waiting, or come back to the ship and spot his familiar silhouette, most of the crew goes off somewhere for another drink (sometimes the newer kids will stay to watch such an awesome fight, everyone else is like... Look, you'll have plenty of opportunities later. This is not a one off.)

Benn just takes a look around, nods to Mihawk (a silent signal for, "he's all yours, do with him as you please, if anything happens to him I will track you down and make sure your last few hours on this blue world are as painful as humanly possible") and heads off.

Oh, it's just the Hawk boy.

That's fine then.

Benn use to be a sailor on a trade ship between the North, East, West and Grand Line. He's seen it all.

They called him The Gun Slinger BEFORE he joined Shanks's crew and became a pirate.

So this young, broke ass kid from the streets of some near artic northern island trying to pass himself off as a Lower North rich type has a thing for his captain? Not really enough to keep Beckman up at night, no matter how good at swords he's supposed to be

Besides, he's pretty sure for the kid to keep tracking down Shanks, he must be bored out of his skull. He's not going to do anything to endanger their captain.

Not if Shanks is the only thing he can find to keep him entertained.

One day, Mihawk is going to be waiting on the dock when a bunch of Red Haired pirates are stumbling home, laughing and chattering amongst themselves (Shanks's crew always seems to be in a good mood). One of them will catch sight if Mihawk and walk by with a smile, patting him on the shoulder.

The captain's occupied. Seems likely he'll be 'occupied' for a good while, too.

Mihawk won't smile, but he will think "So you finally warmed him up to you, Akagami?" and snort lightly.

Poor Benn, though. Mihawk could never imagine being with someone so much younger than him. Shanks is only four years his junior and already it strains Mihawk to put up with his occasional moments of "youthful whimsy" (aka being an annoying, immature child)

"A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair"

Mihawk just putting that on his Not To Do List.

That lasted until Roronoa.

(Mihawk just looking at Zoro knowing this is bad news.)

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

*Cross out, scribbles*

*Hands back to Benn*

Do Not Do:

- A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair a silly hat, who is overly dramatic and in any way, shape or form related to Gol D Rogers.

Ace: Hey what's up?

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

Go ahead, Benn, laugh it up. Mihawk is aware he has a type. Young, pretty, and utterly insane.

After that night where Shanks was otherwise 'occupied', it's over six months before Mihawk sees his friend his rival again. He is, as expected, far too smug and proud looking.

Shanks: Oh, Miha, so sorry you came all this way, I'm-

Benn: Well, I'm off, captain.

Shanks: What!? But we, you, I... Benn, hessoeexyarentyouworriedforyourcaptain?

Benn: *patting Mihawk on the shoulder* Have fun with him. Don't forget to return him by noon tomorrow, we have a schedule. Oh, but if you can babysit him for at least four hours? That would be great.

Shanks: BABYSIT!?

Mihawk: I suppose I can be troubled to do so.

Shanks: TROUBLED!?

Benn: Thanks, Hawkeyes. I owe you.

Shanks: *Fake tears clinging to his lashes* You two are so mean!

No, don't feel bad for him. Shanks is just trying to guilt the two of them into bed at the same time, and they both know it.

Thanks no thanks, they're not into that. But Shanks can be pretty cute when he's trying so hard (Benn) and at least he's not as boring as everything else in this world (Mihawk) so they allow him to keep up the act

Shanks: *looking at Zoro's wanted poster over Mihawk's shoulder* But I feel like you'd gladly go to bed with him and his captain if he asked. That doesn't seem fair to me. You'd never go that far with me and Benn.

Mihawk: *Eyes Benn*

Mihawk: *DEAD. ONLY.*

Mihawk: I have my reasons.

They can and do agree on plenty of things, including reciprocally not being that attracted to each other.

Shanks: Sounds fake to me

Shanks: But guys!

Shanks: This isn't about you

He's gonna need you guys to drop the egos and focus on what HE wants. I.E., being in the middle of two sexy Northern men.

Honestly, so mean to poor Shanks!

[linawritesocs]

my ocs' ghost marriage voicelines!

okay, i'm working on merrill's chats and minnie and hayden's profiles, but!! here, have some avery, vance, merrill and allen's ghost marriage voicelines! (not counting the summon ones, because i already added them to their cards)

avery glass.

groovy: "listen, this guy isn't even from our school, but he came here just to see you, he's insane! WAIT, ARE YOU TELLING ME HE CAME HERE TO MARRY YOU?"

set home: "well, at least i actually put some thought into my bouquet, not like others."

home idle 1: "ugh, calm down, will you? you look fine in your outfit, great even. and yes, it's a compliment, so accept it!"

home idle 2: "do you want me to tell you the meanings of flowers you've chosen? don't worry, they don't mean anything bad.. wait a minute, let me check just to be sure. hey, i'm joking, i'm joking! what, i just wanted to lighten up the mood, you look like it's someone's funeral and not someone's wedding!"

home idle 3: "how do i feel about marriage and all that stuff? aren't we a bit too young to talk about that? well, my parents have a very sweet and loving relationship, so maybe one day i'll have a relationship like theirs.. wait, why do you even want to know my opinion?"

home idle groovy: "that guy finally left, you're safe now. all thanks to roland-senp.. ahem, i mean the leader of that gardening club i used to go to. ah, you're still shaking. do you want me to hug you or something?"

home tap 1: "why did i go for this suit? well, to be honest, it's actually kinda similar to the one my dad wore to his wedding. haha, if my mom saw me right now, she'd never stop talking about how i look just like my dad when he was younger. d-don't tell anyone about this, okay?"

home tap 2: "hm, now that i think about it, that snowhill guy would actually look good in his outfit if it wasn't for the fake blood. no, i'm not saying that he should've got real blood on his suit!"

home tap 3: "that gamer girl's dress is very pretty.. uh, wait, she didn't hear that, right?"

home tap groovy: "here, have these flowers. i didn't want to give them to that bride anyway. but take good care of them or i'll take them back! i-i'm not being serious, i actually trust you with them."

allen snowhill.

groovy: "it looks like everyone wants to separate us.. but it's fine, we'll be together no matter what! we're like romeo and juliet, hehe~"

set home: "i knew you'd choose me over that flower boy! it makes me happy to hear that you love me this much.."

home idle 1: "i was looking forward to our wedding day! i even bought a ring!.. what, you didn't expect that i'd get you a ring? of course i would, silly, they're not that expensive! i couldn't decide which one you'd like more though, so i bought three, you can choose any of them!"

home idle 2: "do you like my new hairstyle? i rarely do my hair like this, but i thought that it'd be more appropriate for this day. huh? you think that my usual hairstyle fits my personality more? what do you mean by that?"

home idle 3: "now that we're getting married, let's talk about you moving to my place. you're gonna love it, my house is huge, it has so many rooms! you're never gonna get bored there! well, i definitely won't let you get bored. oh, i forgot that we still have classes tomorrow.."

home idle groovy: ".. hey. you love me, right? you really do love me, right? i came to your school to propose to you, i bought you three wedding rings, i got this bouquet for you, but you still don't want to marry me. what else do you want from me? i love you, sweetheart, but please, don't test my patience."

home tap 1: "i wonder if lumi is here. heh, she's probably with that guy who always wears his stupid hat.. you didn't hear it from me."

home tap 2: "about the blood on my suit, don't worry, it's not real! that heartslabyul boy helped me out, he said that it will look cooler this way. and i think he was right, you fainted right when you saw me, you couldn't believe that such a charming man will propose to you!"

home tap 3: "this was supposed to be "eliza's wedding"? oh well, i don't know who this eliza is, but this is our wedding now. i'm sure, if we just talk to her, she'll understand just how much we love each other and that our wedding is more important and she'll leave!"

home tap groovy: "oh, so NOW you've decided to pay attention to me. thank you SOOOO much! "are you okay?" NO, I'M NOT! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR WEDDING AND WE ENDED UP BURNING THE SCHOOL DOWN! oh well, at least it's not rsa, so it's nrc students' problem."

merrill gardner.

groovy: "hey, i know that it will get cater a lot of clout, but i think we should stop this fight. and by saying "we", i mean YOU should try and calm everyone down."

set home: "you think i have the best outfit here? haha, i should've expected that."

home idle 1: "about this hat, one girl from rsa made it for me. i don't wear hats that often, but this one looks nice. i should thank her later. hm, maybe i should give her this bouquet?"

home idle 2: "why i'm not wearing glasses today? come on, i would look weird with them and they don't fit this outfit at all. about my vision.. um, it's not that bad actually."

home idle 3: "maybe i should keep this suit and take a couple of photos in it.. no, it's a bad idea, they'll figure out that it's me. but it would be a waste not to take a photo when i look this good. hey, do you want to take a picture with me? i won't post it anywhere, i promise."

home idle groovy: "wow, and all of this happened because so many guys have a crush on you. keep it up and one day you'll become more popular than me! oh, do you want me to give you some tips on how to deal with them? trust me, i have experience."

home tap 1: "let me just.. okay, your hair looks good now. sorry if i scared you, your hair looked a bit messy. it's understandable though, you went through a lot today."

home tap 2: "hey, let's see how my hat will look on you. here.. haha, you're so adorable with it! but i still think that it looks better on me~"

home tap 3: "my ideal partner? what, you want to ask me out? relax, i'm just joking around. but i don't really have a type.. why do you look like you aren't so sure about that?"

home tap groovy: "no, i'm not mad about eliza slapping me. i didn't want to do anything with her anyway. but also.. who does she think she is? does she even know how many fans i- never mind. forget about what i just said."

vance mintberry.

groovy: "okay, i did it, i tried to eat the wedding cake, you happy now? just don't let trey-kun find out! i want to be a good vice dorm leader number two that doesn't break any rules!"

set home: "yay, let's have a lot of fun today! i promise this wedding won't be so boring with me here!"

home idle 1: "riddle-senpai looks good today, don't you think? oh, you agree with me? haha, i knew it, i knew it! you like riddle-senpai! let me just tell him about it real qui- OW!"

home idle 2: "i look so mature in my suit! i'd love to wear something like this when i actually get married, like, for real! i-i hope that they think i look good too.."

home idle 3: "i didn't think epel would actually agree to wear a suit like that! i mean, it doesn't really have that "manly" energy that he wants to have. but i think he looks very pretty in it! don't tell him that though, he doesn't want to be pretty, he wants to be cool!"

home idle groovy: "i guess you could say that this wedding was "lit"! get it, because the whole school was on fire.. i just wanted to make you laugh, i'm trying my best here!"

home tap 1: "honestly, i think my card should've been at least sr. like, come on, this outfit is too good for a simple "r" card! oh, don't mind me, i was just talking to myself."

home tap 2: "sorry, you've probably expected someone different, but i came home instead. haha, you've probably got a lot of my cards now. but let's hope your fave will come home next time!"

home tap 3: "yes, it was me, who helped that boy from rsa with his suit! i think it's one of my best works! well, i didn't help anyone with their outfit before, but.. what a great start, am i right?"

home tap groovy: "it was a fun wedding-themed event! i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did! yes, i did enjoy it even though i didn't have a big role in it. because i had so much fun with everyone and they mean a lot to me.. if only all of this was real."

[veenussposts]

Mingi as a demigod (and your boyfriend)

Mingi was always a lazy person who found it difficult to be punctual and maintain an orderly lifestyle. However, he always did things well even if he had no idea what he was doing.

And things didn't change when he arrived at Camp Half-Blood, after trying to be killed by a minotaur as he walked back home.

After being claimed by his father, the God of war, Mingi continued with his same attitude as always and, unintentionally, quickly climbed into the hierarchy of his cabin. He was just good at fighting, he was honestly the best, even though he never had any training in the art of war.

He only had fun with Apollo's sons and daughters and yet no one was able to beat him in a battle. The laurel crown was his over a year ago and no one could take it away from him.

But everything changed when you arrived.

"Who is he?" Mingi asked one of his sisters who was observing all the commotion that was forming in the camp due to the arrival of a squad commanded by you.

"He is a roman demigod, one of the leaders of Camp Jupiter, the only child of Bellona the goddess of war, destruction and devastation"

"Uff, it's a very long and intimidating name for a boy. I bet he's not that good"

With determined and somewhat haughty steps, Mingi came towards you with his chin up to ask you to a duel. The warriors under your command looked at each others scared when they heard Mingi challenging you. What did you do? You laughed at him and then completely ignored him.

Or at least that's what Mingi believed because even though it didn't seem like it, you really paid attention to him. At a glance you realized that, after being rejected, that son of Ares made vibrate some swords while walking back to his cabin.

You had a slight suspicion of why that happened but there was only one way to check it.

It was a normal day after a chat with the director of the Greek camp, you were on the banks of the great lake meditating when you felt a familiar sensation in your stomach. Someone was watching you. With a single movement, you unsheathed your sword and threw it towards where your instincts told you.

"If this were a real fight you would already be dead" Your sword was pointed at his forehead as it floated in midair. With a single wave of your hand, your sword turned towards you and came back to its place.

"What... Ho-how did you do that? You... how did you manage to stop it before... and..."

"I didn't stop it, you did" Mingi's eyes widened, looking at you in surprise. "The weapons obey you, they will do whatever you tell them to do. You can even fight with them even if you don't have them in your hands"

"But my brothers cannot do that"

"That is because only a few are blessed with the gifts of their parents. Some children of Apollo can heal, others cannot. They are gifts that have to be used and I am willing to help you, son of Ares, even if it goes against my principles as a descendant of a Roman Goddess "

And that was how Mingi, dumbfounded by the way your tan skin shone in the sun's rays, agreed to train with you.

Things were going well, too well. Mingi was more powerful than you imagined and could follow your strict training without problems.

As the days passed, your stomach felt strange sensations and it wasn't your sixth sense. It was something else.

"Am I in love with a Greek demigod? Oh my Jupiter"

On the other hand, Mingi was totally in love with you. Every cell in his body went into ecstasy every morning when he saw you, he seemed to be flying through the clouds every time he saw you smile and the mere fact of listening to your compliments when he did something right blushed his cheeks.

"He is very cute"

"I think you are the only person in the world who thinks that he is cute. Brother, every time I look at him I feel like a deer being analyzed by its predator. He's scary"

"Yeah, that's one of his many charms. Ahh, he's magnificent"

Your swords collided, they withdrew and returned to find ways to outdo each other and catch up with their opponent. A slight whistle accompanied the movement of both, indicating the speed of your movements and your location.

"I'm sorry to inform you that this fight will be won by me" Mingi said as his eyes closely followed you.

"Don't sing victory yet, redhead"

Your swords collided again and both of you continued to dance across the training ground in a fight that never seemed likely to end because neither was ready to lose.

You, who at the time were leading the initiative, attacked while Mingi defended himself. He leaped back, accurately moved his hand, and one of his two swords, which he had previously lost in a counterattack against you, shot out at top speed. You barely had enough time to turn around and dodge the attack, consequently your opponent's weapon cut a piece of your purple cloak that was part of your armor.

"Well if this was a real fight you would already be dead" The cold metal of his weapon was leaning against your neck while a silly little smile was drawn on his lips as you stood up slowly. "Can I sing victory now?"

"I don't think so" The smile on his face faded when he saw out of the corner of his eye your great sword, pointed at him in midair. "I think you are dead"

"Yeah, but dead of love for you"

Your eyes widened like saucers and Mingi's hand that didn't hold the sword opened, letting it drop to the ground. His cheeks started to turn deep red like his hair as he tried to look anywhere but you.

Hell, he had screwed up. Surely you were going to reject him, surely you would laugh at...

"In that case... I guess I'm dead too" Before Mingi could understand your answer, your strong arms were around his waist, drawing him towards you. You were so close that you could smell the sweet scent of his cologne, your noses were rubbing against each other and your lips were only a few millimeters apart. "I... I also like you, too much for my liking but I couldn't help it"

Mingi leaned his head forward and kissed you, softly at first, and then with immense passion causing you to cling to him as if there was no tomorrow. His lips were caressing your trembling lips, sending shocks of electricity along your back, causing emotions that you had never thought you were capable of feeling.

Mingi almost went crazy when you confessed with a blush on your cheeks that he was your first boyfriend. For that reason, you weren't quite sure how to act in certain situations.

Despite being stoic, strict and not very good with words, Mingi knew that you loved him because your actions showed it. For example: the time you were training and it started to rain, without thinking twice you took off your cape to cover Mingi so he wouldn't catch a cold.

HE LOVES PLAYING WITH YOUR LONG HAIR. He could be brushing, stroking, or just playing with it all day.

"Just relax, I'll wash your hair for you"

He is capable of sending a sword flying to anyone who dares to speak ill of you.

"I'd fight the whole world for you and I don't care how cheesy that sounds"

Mingi says and does things on purpose to embarrass you for his own amusement such as calling you by cute nicknames in front of your legion or dancing while he was wearing your golden armor.

You haven't tell the others about your relationship but all the demigods in both camps know that your are a couple.

Gets giggle because of your existence and blushes when you kiss him.

The biggest cuddle bear ever.

When you had to leave Camp Half-Blood to return to Camp Jupiter Mingi did his best to keep you from leaving but, unfortunately, it was your duty and you had to leave. The first night without you he cried because he missed you.

Now, Mingi is only in Camp Half-Blood the summers, the rest of the days he lives in Camp Jupiter with you.

He sleeps on your chest because he says your skin is very soft and warm, he feels calm and protected in your arms.

"You're ridiculously comfortable"

His cellphone password is the date of your birthday and as a wallpaper he has a photo of you smiling after the daughters of Venus combed your hair in a large braid decorated with flowers.

Every summer at Camp Half-Blood, Mingi tells the new demigods how magnificent his boyfriend is, telling them that he is the most powerful person ever born, that perhaps you were the reincarnation of a hero like Hercules. Sometimes just to bother you, he tells you to go to the camp to sign autographs because everyone admires you but not as much as he does.

Worries about your safety 24/7.

"Zeus, I was very worried"

"It was just a reconnaissance mission, baby. There's nothing to worry about"

You never fight, you have a healthy and prosperous relationship, but sometimes when you have had a stressful day you ignore each other unintentionally.

In conclusion, just being with Mingi makes you happy. That redhead, son of Ares, has completely changed your life in a wonderful, magnificent and extraordinary way.

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[xanderwithanx]

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

[gamegrumpiess]

Don't Forget About Me PART ONE?

Its been a fucken minute. I've been working a lot really. Trying to get my place together since I moved and what not. I have free time again! So here you go. Also! If you want me to continue this, let me know!

Dan x Reader

Warnings? Might be a bit sad, but nothing worth crying over.

You can request some shit!

(y/m/n) - your mom's name

(y/l/n) - your last name

(h/t)- home town

~~~~~~~

~1992~

Young Danny's POV

"Dan! Dinners ready!" My mom yells from downstairs. "I'll be right there!" I pause my game and make my way down. It's been freezing in my room lately, New Jersey winter really taking a toll on our house. The heater isn't installed yet, though I wish it was. I only have so many blankets.

"Dana, Leigh, there's new neighbors across the street. They've been here for about a week, I met the woman and her fiance last night, but her kids weren't home. I think it'd be a good idea to welcome them all. After dinner we'll all go down together. Is that a good idea?" My mom and dad have always been really nice like that. I feel wave of anxiety rush over me, it's not that I don't want to meet them, I just feel weird going to their house just to introduce ourselves. Dana nods her head and goes back to eating her soup, so content with her life. I'm not looking forward to this...

After we all finish eating, my mother tells us to get ready and look decent for the neighbors. What would 'decent' be? A regular shirt with jeans? I'll be in my jacket so I guess it really doesn't matter. After I get myself together, I walk downstairs to see Mom and Dad waiting for me and Dana. "Alright, let's go guys!" Dana comes out of her room dressed and ready as well. "I'm ready!" She yells with her childish voice. At least she's excited, because I'm not.

*ding ding dong ding*

A woman opens the door with a smile. "Oh, hello Debbie! What brings you here?" My mom smiles back at the woman, "I thought we could all come welcome you to the neighborhood!" The woman looks shocked a bit before she opens the door wide and invited us all in. "So this is my husband, call him Avi, my daughter Dana, and my son Leigh. He likes to be called Daniel, though." The woman smiles and shakes my dad's hand and mine. Dana has gotten a little bit shy, so the woman kneels down to her height. "Hi Dana, I'm (y/m/n). I work with kids your age all the time! You know, we have a pet turtle, his name is Cheesy. Would you like to meet him?" Dana's eyes light up at what (y/m/n) said. She nods her head frantically as the woman points to a glass talk with rocks and a little bit of water. "He's right there. Go ahead and talk to him!" As Dana runs to look at, what I assume is Cheesy, the woman turns back to us. "My fiance is at work right now. But my daughter and son are here. Y/N!" (Y/m/n) yells upstairs. "I'm coming!!" A little voice yells back. A girl came downstairs into view. She looks my age, but I haven't seen her at school, is she new? "This is my daughter, y/n. My younger son, Jacob is taking a nap in his room. Shes been working on her room all day." My mom smiles at y/n, "hey y/n! How old are you? Do you go to school here yet?" Y/n looks down, clearly a little shy. "I'm 12 years old... I don't go to school yet here, I'm new, I kind of don't want to." She states truthfully. She's only a year younger than me, but she seems very mature for a 12 year old. Then again, I'm kind of mature for a 13 year old.

As time goes on, y/n and her mom start breaking out of their she'll a little bit. Ms (y/l/n) says they just moved here from (h/t), she left her husband a while back and met a man who lived here. So I guess the man who lives here now isn't y/n's and Jacob's actual dad. Something about that is really sad to me, I have both of my parents. I can't really imagine what it's like to only have one in your life. "Is y/n going to go to the same school as Leigh?" I knew that question would come up. And turns out, yes she will. I'm not really complaining. At least she'll have one person she knows. I'm not entirely popular at all, but at least she won't be alone. Y/n looks at me and smiles. She really does have a sweet smile.

~later that night~

"Debbie, she's out there again! Poor kid, I hope she's okay." My dad calls out to my mom. "She's out there almost every night. Do you think she's okay?" I get curious and look at the time. 10:18 pm. Who would be out this late? Sure, it's a Saturday, but it's so cold outside this time. It's probably going to snow soon. I walk out to my mom and dad to see what's going on. "Who's outside?" Mom points out the window and I look out to see a figure sitting in the empty driveway across the street. "Almost every night, y/n just sits on the cold driveway. Her mom works graveyard shifts a lot. I wouldn't doubt it if she's home alone, poor thing." My mom puts her hand over her heart and looks down, her motherly instincts kicking in. "Leigh, could you please go out there and see if she's okay? She's always out there for hours at a time." I comply to what my mom says, mostly because I don't want to disappoint her by saying no. Also, I'm a little curious as well as to why she's out in the cold so late.

Y/n POV

Space is so cool. I've loved the stars and planets since I was a baby. On the nights when my mom is working, Jacob stays with my stepdad at his place. He's only 5, I get it. At this point I'm used to being alone. It's not a bad thing. I like it. When I was younger my dad would always leave me by myself so he could work. I was old enough to take care of myself though, little 7 year old me. I would do this back then as well. Sit outside and look at the sky. Even on days when the sky would be covered by clouds, I'd still stare In wonder above.

I hear a door close across the street and a skinny boy huddled up in jackets walk out of it. I hope he's not coming here, I'm not good with boys one on one. They make me feel awkward. Plus, he's a good looking boy. That makes it way worse. "Y/n, right?" He's standing right above me. I smile slightly, "Yeah, that's right. Aren't you cold?" He's very skinny, probably doesn't have body heat of his own like me. Im on the thicker side of the wall when it comes to looks. I'll probably always will be, but that okay. "Yes I'm freezing. But I saw you out here and I thought I should ask if you're okay."

I look up at him, "I'm okay. I just like looking at the stars. I'd rather be out here looking at the sky than in a quiet house." I tell him truthfully. "Are you home alone?" I nod and smile. "Yea, my mom works at the children's hospital and my little brother is with my stepdad at his house. I dont go because my stepsisters don't really like me. Which is fine, I don't really like them either." He sits down by me, criss crossed and hands in his pockets. "Are you okay on your own, though? My mom is worried too." His mom? Why would she be worried about me? I guess I am out here a lot. "Tell your mom im fine, and thank you for worrying. I appreciate that." He looks back to his house and then to me again. "Do you want me to sit here with you for a bit?" I smile again, "Sure. Just don't get frostbite in my driveway." He laughs and I join in as well.

~1997~

Y/n POV

I've known Dan for almost 6 years now. Since that night he'd be sitting on my driveway with me any chance we could. He's grown up a lot, but so have I. I'm proud of him, really. He just graduated high school, the only thing is, he's leaving for college. I still have 12th grade left. It sucks, my best friend is leaving. In the 6 years I've known him, I've grown to have a massive crush on him. He's gotten a lot taller, his hair has grown more, he's just this tall silly nerd. I'm not one for cliche cheesiness... But I really do love him. The times hes had girlfriends, it's been pretty painful. There's been more than a few nights when I'm on the driveway alone, or I'd have to eat lunch with Joe and Dylan alone because he'd be out with his girlfriend at that time. I'd be in pain, but I would never let it get to me. If he's had other girlfriends, it's clear he doesn't like me like that. And that's fine, I'm okay with just being his friend. As long as he's in my life at all I'm okay.

But he's leaving.

Dan's POV

My last night here in New Jersey is tonight. The flight for Boston leaves tomorrow morning, early as hell too. I'd have to go to bed soon if I really want to catch it. My room looks so empty... All my memories of growing up are in this exact house. I went to go see Ms (y/l/n) earlier today and say goodbye before she went to work, even said bye to Jacob. Y/n wasn't there, (y/m/n) said she was at band practice. I told her not to worry, I'll probably see y/n tonight since I usually sit with her in her driveway at night. Luckily, it's not cold anymore. Summer weather keeping me cool enough to not wear shorts, though. I walk out and see y/n sitting where she usually sits. Except now with a cat in he shirt to keep the cat warm in the cool weather. She looks up at me and waves, and I can't help but smile a little and wave back before starting to walk over.

If I had a choice, I'd take her with me. She's my best friend, I don't want to leave her alone. Joe and Dylan are leaving as well, she'll be alone at school and she'd have no one to sit with at night in her driveway. 6 years spent with her, and I wouldn't want to change it for the world. She's a really good friend.

"Hey.." she says, careful not to wake the cat in her lap. "Hey, I'm leaving tomorrow morning.. I wanted to come say bye to the cat." I say jokingly. She rolls her eyes and nudges my leg as I sit beside her. "Shut up, Dan. I can't believe it, you're going to college." I can't help but agree. I shake out my hair a little bit. "Yup. I really want to be a musician, but my dad said hed pay for my college if I go into advertising. I really don't want to, but I cant pay for myself on my own." She pets the cat again and shrugs. "Soon enough, you will be a musician. You'll have thousands of fans, be on stage rocking out like you've always wanted. You'll have people recognize you in the street wanting a picture and an autograph. You'll be so successful, as long as you put your passion in it." I can't help but smile at her. That is my dream, always has been. "It's gonna be weird without you guys. Senior year... I have one more year before I leave too," she looks at the sky again. "It's kinda scary. I won't be a kid anymore. Growing up in general is scary." I grab her shoulder and look in her eyes. "Hey don't talk like that. You're gonna be a great voice actress like you've always wanted to be. You might even become a singer too. You have to put passion in it too. You'll be in all your favorite anime shows, and video games. You can do it too. Don't forget that." She looks down and nods. "I will. Hey promise me something though." I look at her and encourage her to go on. "Don't forget about me. I know you're gonna grow up and find all the success in the world, just don't forget about this time in your life. Our friendship, who you are. Don't forget, please." I give her a sad smile and lean in to hug her. "I could never forget about you. You're one of my best friends. Don't worry. I'll keep in touch as much as possible, I promise." She smiles and hugs back. I start to walk back to the house when I hear her call my name again, "Dan!......." I turn back to her and she looks down before looking back up to me. "Be safe out there." She stares at me and I nod. "You too, y/n.."

To be continued?~

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ro

Ali: what's wrong Ro: What do you mean? There's nothing wrong Ro: I'm fine, thank you Ali: why aren't you talking to us then Ro: We are talking Ro: As for her, I have no idea who she is, so forgiven me for being hesitant Ali: She goes to School with us Ali: has done for like Ali: ever Ro: Well, I've never seen her before Ali: now's the perfect chance to meet her then Ro: When she's taken god knows what, I don't think so Ali: whatever she's taken doesn't impair your ability to be courteous, does it Ali: she was being perfectly nice to you and you were quite rude, frankly Ro: Telling me how pretty I am isn't nice, it's superficial Ali: you don't lose humility points by accepting compliments, come on Ali: if anything, what did Shakespeare say about protesting too much Ro: If anything, I lose credibility for accepting compliments that are clearly that false Ro: Particularly from someone who won't remember the interaction tomorrow Ali: How is that clear Ali: at all Ro: No girls are that nice, not to me Ro: Whatever she's setting me up for, I wish for no part in Ali: not to her either, if you cast your mind back, I'm sure you'll recall her name and the bitchery attached if nothing else Ali: that's just how she is, or how high people are, if you'd prefer Ali: it's genuine Ro: Oh, that's who she is. Now it makes sense why you've taken her under your protective wing for the day Ali: excuse me? Ro: You are very much a patron saint of lost causes at times, dear sister Ro: It's genuinely to be applauded Ro: I can do that from afar though Ali: Can you? Ali: because you're doing a poor job if you claim you are currently Ro: All I'm claiming at the moment is that the spectacle of the two of you is a little much to witness in such close quarters Ali: we're enjoying the BBQ Ali: it is meant to be a party Ro: It's a family BBQ, there's very little cause or need for celebration attached Ali: that might be how you wanna do it Ali: but not me Ro: Clearly Ro: It's very apparent you wish to have your cake & eat it, regardless of whether or not you leave the grill well enough alone Ali: I'm not sure you're very sure of anything right now Ali: least of all what you think of me and my intentions Ali: just ask me Ali: or say what you mean, at the very least Ro: I'm sure I don't see your girlfriend here, and yet, I somehow I almost do Ro: The next at the very least Ali: For one, Carly is straight Ali: and for two, I'm not going to make you break up with her for me, even if I was, so there's no need to concern yourself with that Ro: I'm not sure you're very sure of her of her or her intentions, Ali Ali: I take people at face value Ali: for better or worse Ali: I'm not forcing you to do the same but surface level is a little beneath all of us, no? Ro: Is she not a little beneath you? Ali: no Ali: who is Ali: what do you even mean by that Ro: Would you or would you not be in this vastly inappropriate state right now if she was not here Ro: She's bad news is what I therefore mean Ali: I'm high, I'm not Ali: shouting racial slurs or denying the holocaust, Lord Ali: and I've been high, plenty of times Ali: a second ago you didn't know her now you're certain she's bad news Ro: I know what everyone says about her Ro: That she doesn't deny any of it, quite the opposite Ali: so? Ali: like you said, everyone says things about you too Ali: doesn't make it right, even if any of it's true Ro: I'm not proud of being scapegoated, she obviously revels in her reputation, true or otherwise Ro: Is that how you want to be now? Ali: so she should revel in shame instead? Ali: maybe it's how she deals with it, I don't suppose to know Ali: but I don't suppose to say either of you is right or wrong, either so Ro: I'm not saying she's wrong, I'm not saying anything Ali: you don't need to Ali: I know you Ro: If you knew me even slightly you wouldn't be asking me to socialise with her Ali: I'm not asking you to be her best friend, or to even say much of anything at all Ali: just not be outright rude to her when she was polite to you Ali: shy or not, there's no need Ro: I don't know how to respond to that, is all Ro: you wouldn't take it so personally if you weren't so invested in this girl all of a sudden Ali: yes I would Ali: you being rude to any of my friends Ali: or guests, frankly, as I said, no need Ali: even if you have to resort to an awkward laugh and a thanks, your reply doesn't have to match in sincerity Ro: Knowing me, as you claim, you'd be aware that I was not rude in the slightest Ro: Walking away when you have nothing nice to say is in fact the polite approach, supposedly Ali: so now I don't know you? Ali: this is just silly Ali: but fine, if that's how you'd like it, I'll take a leaf from your book Ro: You're in a silly mood & not one that I'm here to entertain, that, indeed, is what your guest is for Ali: A silly mood Ali: Patronizing, for a start Ro: Well, again, you'll have to forgive me because that is how Tess is choosing to behave towards me in light of your every action and the frustrations for her therein Ro: You get to do as you please & I have to wage war over quantities of salad that have or have not touched my plate & so Ro: Here we find ourselves Ro: On opposite sides of this party Ali: I suddenly have control over her Ali: she'd pull you up on that regardless, you know she would Ali: perhaps more politely or gently but seems tempers are flaring as hot as the weather calls for Ro: You have control over yourself, or would, if you were not intoxicated by & with your guest Ro: & I would have someone to distract me from the torment if you remembered that I'm also on the list of invited people Ali: you don't know what I'm on, even, nor the effects Ali: again, if you'd have just asked me, I'd tell you Ali: I can't very well leave her alone as soon as we arrive Ali: especially when everyone is being as unwelcoming as possible Ro: You can very well leave me alone & yet still expect me to be welcoming Ali: I've not left you alone Ali: I was trying to talk to you Ro: You were trying to get me to talk to her, it's entirely different Ali: again, what am I going to do Ali: tell her to go away for a second whilst we have a private conversation Ali: we have all the time for that Ro: You invited her, you could have not, or warned me that you were Ali: okay, I could have told you, I accept that Ali: I didn't see it being the issue it is but fair Ro: I accept that I was abrupt & could've made her uncomfortable, in spite of it not being my intention Ali: okay Ali: that's fine then Ro: I'll resolve to try harder when I'm not in as much of a trying situation as this Ali: alright Ali: do you want me to talk to mum Ro: No Ro: I want her to stop talking about me like I'm being a problem Ali: I know Ali: that just makes her think she can solve it Ali: if she puts it like that Ali: it's a her thing Ro: Why am I even a topic of conversation, aside from not having one with Carly I've done nothing wrong Ali: they just worry Ali: that's their job Ali: has to be about something Ro: She has plenty of actual things to worry about or real problems to solve Ali: well you know Ali: glutton for punishment or whatever Ro: Well, she should go be a glutton for burgers before the flies are Ali: 😂 Ali: very true Ali: and good idea Ro: My IQ may not match yours point for point but it's sufficient enough for a 💡 or two Ro: On occasion Ali: 😏 okay okay Ro: Even when my enthusiasm has dimmed because Tess is trying to fatten me up for the new school year Ali: it is autumn term Ali: anyway Ali: amount of celery in it there's like, no gain Ro: Anyway, there are no such thing as negative calorie foods Ro: Celery still has 10 per stick Ali: yeah but burn that off by giving mum dirty looks whilst nomming Ali: easy Ro: if you could burn calories with looks she'd be a lot thinner Ali: savage Ro: & Bea would be invisible Ro: Alas, she can very much be seen Ali: not for much longer Ro: Mysterious Ali: not really Ali: uni beckons Ro: She'll still have to show herself, he's here Ali: of course Ali: wouldn't be surprised if he ends up there though Ro: Very little would surprise me when it comes to the two of them Ro: if they actually parted ways for good perhaps Ali: seriously Ro: Cathy & Heathcliff wish they were that intense Ali: what actually constitutes a moor Ali: have to check Ro: Typically, uncultivated hill land Ali: Hmm, reckon we're safe then Ali: technically moutains so Ro: & there are no low lying wetlands either which also constitute moors in the south of England Ali: is where she's going so Ali: cracked it Ali: not about the prestige at all Ro: If she packs a flowing nightdress it's proven Ali: I'll get her one Ali: going away present Ro: I'll embroider something fitting on it, just give me enough time Ali: but of course Ro: I'm sure it'll be extremely appreciated Ali: 'bout all I can afford, sadly Ali: have to get a sugar daddy herself Ro: You could always regift her the work itself, we have a copy that doesn't have too much marginalia as yet, that's free Ali: you should Ali: it's a good idea Ro: Potentially Ro: There are lots of other books I could add too, as applicable in their own ways Ali: quite how she's taking all the stuff she has as is Ali: da will probably have to drive Ro: She'll probably become a minimalist just before Ro: Take almost nothing Ali: with all those clothes? Ali: good luck Ro: Capsule wardrobes are very on trend, apparently Ro: Especially for students Ali: I'll have to Ali: though I'll miss the dressing up cupboard 💔 Ro: You don't have to take shoes, that'll leave room for costumes Ali: 💡 #2 Ro: Just believe, all you have to do Ali: 🙏 Ro: 🌠 Ali: [the fraze stuff happens] Ali: I'll see you later Ali: gonna party on Ro: Oh okay Ro: With or without your friend and brother? Ali: I highly doubt he's going anywhere without Bea's say-so Ro: Is she going to follow you or her wandering eye? Ali: I don't know Ali: she's got the deets Ro: & that's fine with you Ali: Not her keeper, like Ali: no doubt any of 'em will take great delight kicking her out if she don't go of her own freewill Ro: You don't think it's odd that you consider me rude for refusing to engage in conversation but not her for flirting with your brother right in front of you when you've been flirting with each other since you arrived Ro: & goodness knows how long before that Ali: I consider it rude to Bea, at best Ali: just embarrassing for me, and the rest of us Ro: I told you, she's got no shame, you'll need to take a leaf from that same book if you're going to be friends, I think Ali: let's not Ro: Fine, but it's not me you're mad at, let's not pretend that you don't need to address this with her Ali: I'm not mad either Ali: it is what it is Ali: I don't know what you propose I should do Ali: or should want to do, even Ro: It's obvious what you want to do Ali: is it Ro: Yes Ro: To you & the rest of us Ali: It just makes me sad, if anything Ro: You're allowed to be sad that she's not immune to Fraze's charms Ro: We were all hoping for better from her Ali: very droll Ro: Very accurate Ro: I thought she only had her head turned by travelers Ali: it's not that deep, babe Ro: I did say head turned, not heart stolen Ali: like I said, not a big deal Ro: If that's true, why are you sad? Ali: I'm sad FOR her Ali: not because of Ali: that she feels the need to do these things, and would continue without any indication that she should Ro: Earlier you didn't suppose to know how she feels, now you do? Ali: I'm not that dense Ali: can continue to think it's a joke though Ali: I don't care Ro: You can't have it both ways, either it's 'not that deep' & she's free to emerge relatively unscathed as are you, or it is, & it needs to be addressed Ali: Jesus Ali: you don't get it Ali: it's not that deep like Ali: if it wasn't Fraze it'd be someone, anyone else Ali: he's irrelevant to the equation, she's not picked him to be malicious or some shit like that Ro: I understood that perfectly well Ro: & either you're both fine with that or you aren't Ro: Which is it to be Ali: just because it is doesn't mean anyone has to be fine with it Ali: never said that Ali: that's not how life works Ro: if you like her, tell her Ro: that's how life works Ali: it really isn't Ro: Yes it is Ro: pick up a book, turn on the TV, look around Ali: that's not real Ro: Every relationship started with a confession Ro: There's nothing more real Ali: just stop Ro: She'll do it for you eventually, if you're willing to wait & pine Ali: when have I ever pined Ali: you're just being stupid now Ro: Exactly my point, why start now Ali: you were giving me plenty of reasons earlier Ali: I have a girlfriend, she's straight, main two Ro: She clearly likes you too, however she identifies Ali: it isn't that simple Ro: You're making it complicated Ro: before you're even spoken to her Ali: no, I've spoken to her Ali: it was you that hasn't Ro: Oh okay & she said she wasn't interested in you romantically Ali: yeah Ro: Fine Ro: Because you've got a girlfriend or because she prefers boys Ali: because she likes boys, only Ro: Perhaps she's just a tactile person and genuinely very complimentary Ro: But that sounds way less real than anything I said that you disbelieved Ali: I dunno, okay Ali: why are you suddenly so for it though? Ro: Why wouldn't I want you to be happy? Ro: That's rude Ali: isn't she gonna drag me down Ro: I've never made any secret of how I feel about anyone you've chosen to date thus far, just because my feelings are negative towards them doesn't mean yours are Ro: Or should be Ali: neither have I Ali: Carly's going out with Ronan, you know Ro: I doubt she's going out with him Ro: not in any committed way Ali: why Ali: you know exactly how committed he can be Ro: She wouldn't be flirting with you or Fraze if she felt similarly Ali: maybe they're chill like that Ali: can't all be Bea and Fraze Ro: Change committed to traditional in that instance Ali: don't blame them Ro: Of course you wouldn't, if their relationship is open, you have your opportunity to be with her back Ali: charming Ali: I'm not that scheming Ro: I'm not sure your absent girlfriend would agree but I'm not saying that you are Ali: what are you accusing me of on her behalf then, like Ro: I'm not accusing you of anything Ali: 👍 Ro: It's Carly's motives you should be careful of Ro: If you're so certain she's not interested, well, she's definitely enjoying your attention Ali: it's no effort for me Ali: she can have it Ro: Until it makes you sad Ali: it won't Ali: no more than I can handle Ali: don't worry Ro: That's impossible, telling me not to worry is like telling the stars not to come out or trying to change the tides Ali: well Ali: I know that Ali: but you don't need to worry about me, yeah Ali: like you said, more important, real things, yeah? Ro: it is real, I saw it Ro: & you're my favourite person to worry about, on account of being my favourite person that exists beyond the pages of a book Ali: 💚💚💚 Ali: I'll come for Hermione etc crown one day Ro: You'll need strong magic Ali: I know you're never doubting my magik Ro: I like to hope nothing's changed that much Ro: but the moon's not that forthcoming when I ask her about it Ro: The cards do tell me not to doubt you however, you'll be glad to know Ali: it hasn't Ali: good Ali: I'll be asking plenty questions of my own Ali: once I'm back Ro: I'm wishing on everything there is to make them on, with fingers of course crossed, toes too Ro: You should Ro: They've cleared a lot up for me so far this summer Ali: they always bring clarity, even if not obvious at first, or the desired clarity Ro: You remember that, it's a good start Ro: Perhaps you are still in there Ali: come on Posy Ali: I've not gone anywhere Ro: You have undeniably left, the where of which is unknown to me yet Ali: only literally Ali: physically Ali: just going to a house party Ro: No, it's as true figuratively, emotionally etc Ro: The distance exists and is only widening Ali: don't say that Ro: It's happening whether I speak it aloud or not Ali: only if we let it Ali: which I won't Ro: So I'll see you tomorrow Ro: that's a promise Ali: of course Ali: 'less you're planning to pack your bag and run off into the night Ali: need t discuss who's books, clothes, everything, is whose so you can't really Ro: Not unless I can also capture a star to use as a sufficiently bright torch Ali: wait 'til sunrise, sensible Ali: Rocky's probably gonna be jumping on mum and dad's heads but don't mean they'll notice anything Ro: After yoga, of course, I have a schedule whether or not running away has been penciled in does not necessarily mean it's prioritised above all Ali: again, so sensible Ro: It is me you're speaking to Ro: wise beyond her years or precocious, if you'd rather & it's not too late for that to still apply Ali: 😂 Ro: Well goodnight, if I'm to get up with the rising of the sun for my great escape, I'd better rest a while Ali: Oíche mhaith, codladh sámh 💚 Ro: Tú grá geal mo chroí 💞 Ro: be careful tonight Ali: 🤞

[gaycrystalfemme]

Power Couple

Chapter 2: Flashbacks

I can't wait forever.

With that thought, Blue got distracted from finishing the last article of the thick law book she had been studying. She'll be taking the bar exam in a few weeks and getting held up over such irrelevant thoughts were detrimental.

Bzzzzzt!

Her phone vibrated. A message. It read:

"Honey, your whereabouts? I'm at the Stardusk café, currently. Would you care to join me?"

Blue started dialing Yellow's number. Before it was answered, Blue gently cleared her throat and adjusted her voice to a whisper. "Yellow. Yes, darling, I... Oh. Yes, as of the moment, I am at the library. I'd love to join you but what time will you be.. Oh. Yes, okay."

Yellow. She had fancied Yellow for the longest time since they were younger. And yes they were both female, but that did not deter her from harboring romantic feelings towards Yellow.

Not straight, huh? Oh, but there is no other way. There is no one else I'd be with if not my Yellow!

Blue would have this dialogue in her head every time she found herself questioning her feelings for Yellow. A glorious day it was when Yellow finally confessed. It was one of Blue's most prized memories.

~ ~ ~

Years Ago

"Blue, I.. Can we speak after etiquette class?"

Summer time, it was supposed to be leisure time for normal kids. But they were not normal kids. They were members of the handful elite.

Young Yellow is studying culture, languages, and etiquette over the summer. Her friend, Blue, is also doing the same. They were in different classes though.

They spend the few months at a prestigious academy, known only to the very wealthy, honing and learning new skills. However, what mattered most was their status, their image, the expansion of their empires, their ability to lead. They had to be perfect.

Blue could not concentrate. Ra, La, or was it Fa? She was looking at Chinese characters but nothing seems to click in her head aside from what Yellow left open-ended earlier.

What is she going to tell me? Could it be that she has a boyfriend I don't know about? Did she agree to date the guy who owns the winery? Or the son of the owner of the Yacht club? Or worse, could White have set her up with a groom of her choosing?? Should I confess my.. Oh my lord, what am I gonna do?!

Over the years of befriending and getting to know Yellow, Blue gradually saw her as more than a mere friend. She began seeing Yellow in a romantic light. Perhaps due to their conversations, maybe their shared appreciation in fashion, maybe Yellow's hidden compassion.

One time, Yellow shared her juice box with Blue just because she knew Blue loved that so much. From then on, Blue felt a spark. It's like she's a person and not just some elite being. An equal to Yellow. On other occasions, Yellow would touch her shoulder or her back as a sign of camaraderie, and she'd have thoughts of their hands intertwining. Before she knew it she was secretly pining over Yellow.

By the bench at the school park, Yellow was seated waiting for Blue. She was usually stiff and serious even at a young age, but today she was obviously restless and sweating.

"Yellow, have you been waiting long? Sorry, I just got out of language class. I came as fast as I could."

"It's fine, Blue. Let's.. walk, shall we?"

Blue was nervous herself. Both of them walking side by side but awkwardly. Yet neither could take notice as they were both immersed in their own heads. There was an unspoken presence between them. Doubts, fears, uncertainties, feelings..

"Blue, I.."

They had been walking for a while, perhaps about thirty minutes, until they stopped in an empty and secluded patch in their academy. Since only very few enrolled during the summer, it seemed like the place was entirely theirs. Yellow held Blue's hand and, with all her might, looked Blue in the eyes.

"Blue, I have.." Yellow gripped Blue's hand tighter.

"Yellow? What.. What are you trying to say?" Blue's chest tightened with Yellow's grip. Flutter, uncertainty, confusion: all at once.

Yellow could no longer contain herself. She was always the type to attack. At that moment, she deemed words would be insufficient. She decided, instead, for a grand approach.

With her right hand still holding Blue's, Yellow stationed her other hand at Blue's shoulder for anchor. She pulled her subtly trembling body towards Blue. Their faces had never been this close. So close, she could smell Blue's breath and their noses could touch. Yellow closed her eyes and softly, for the first time, kissed Blue in the lips.

"Blue, I've.. I have feelings for you! And if this.. information would terminate our friendship, then so be it."

"Yellow.."

Blue was undeniably shocked with what just transpired. It took a few moments before she could grasp the situation.

"I feel the same, Yellow. For the longest time! I'm beyond the stars just knowing you feel the same way for me!"

"Blue, would you mind if we be exclusive?"

"I.. I love you, Yellow!" Blue sloppily and ungracefully lunged towards Yellow's face and sealed her response with an inexperienced kiss.

~ ~ ~

At the Stardusk Café

Where the hell is Blue?!

Yellow grew impatient by the second. Her temper was easily thrown off the window. Sometimes it was her weakness, sometimes her strength. She tried her best to manage it though, especially whenever the situation involved Blue.

While Blue was busy with the upcoming bar exam, Yellow was busy negotiating with various clients. She was expanding her business in Asia. And though they had been together for a while, it had become more difficult to see each other. Especially since they were building and expanding their careers.

Yellow's hotheadedness was mainly caused by the excitement and frustration to see her darling, Blue. She wanted to see her, to be with her. But there was too little time.

"Honey," Blue had finally arrived. Yellow's temper melted with the sight of Blue.

"Blue, you took long enough."

"What?! You told me eight. And it's just five minutes before eight! Pearl drove as fast as she could. Anyway, can we eat somewhere? All the studying left me famished."

"Okay, Blue. But I need to get home by ten. Ten thirty at most. I'll be meeting a client early tomorrow. You know, with Mr. Cho. It's a make or break for the company, so.."

"Yes, darling. I get it. I have to be early too. I'll be speaking with the current chief executive lawyer of the firm and review a few contracts so the turn over would be smooth once I pass the exam."

"Yes, of course."

They steadfastly left the café and went to dinner at the nearest fancy restaurant. After dinner, it was already past ten. So in compliance to Yellow's assigned curfew, they decided to go home. Yellow's assistant was driving them as Blue sent hers earlier after dropping her at Stardusk.

First route was to drop Blue off, then to Yellow's house. In the backseat of Yellow's gold car, Blue closed her eyes and rested her head on Yellow's shoulder. Yellow held Blue's hand.

"Yellow, this is becoming more difficult. We barely see each other and when we do it's always in a haste."

Sigh. "I know, darling. But that's how it's supposed to be. We both have huge responsibilities."

"But maybe we don't have to haste every time. Maybe we could still be influential figures to society and still have time for ourselves. Yellow I want to spend more time with you."

Yellow kissed Blue's hair, "What are you suggesting?"

"You might think I'm silly but.. I want to marry you, Yellow! I want to be married to you, I want you to be my wife. I've thought about this and probably we can get to spend more time at least. You would come home to me, I'd come home to you. Life would be.. perfect."

Blue had sounded casual even if she may have wanted to inject more emotion to what she had just confessed. She had began to feel the fatigue of the day's work.

"Are you out of your mind?!"

Yellow was in awe with what she just heard. Gently she pulled Blue away from her shoulder so they could face each other. It was obvious in her face that she was blushing.

"Are you suggesting.. we get married, Blue?!"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"Of.. of course. That is unheard of!"

"But Yellow, it isn't. You know that. I don't suppose you enjoy our quick dates, do you? And what are we after this? It feels like we're just dating. For the next eternity, will we still be just dating? I want to be your wife! Do you not see that?"

Blue now all fired up with frustration from Yellow's response. She thought Yellow would want the same. It seems otherwise.

"Sorry if I lashed out like that. I'm.. I'm just.. tired," Blue submitted to defeat.

"No, Blue. Don't be. I'm sorry. Please know, I do want to be married to you too. We'll have to plan this, however."

"Yes, I know."

They arrived at Blue's mansion. As they approached the driveway, Blue tidied herself a bit before alighting the gold vehicle. There was a certain weight in the air from what they had just discussed.

She pecked Yellow goodbye but before she could turn away, Yellow whispered softly to her, "Blue, I.. I want to.. touch you."

"Oh. Then, uh, come. Stay with me tonight," she smiled softly but tiredly.

"Pearl, go home. I'll call you tomorrow when I need you. Be up early." Yellow took off with Blue, taking her fancy purse and laptop bag.

"Yes, Ms. Diamond." With that command, Yellow's assistant drove home without her.

"Do you have everything you need, honey? Paperworks? Contracts? Mr. Cho, tomorrow?"

"I believe everything is here," Yellow subtly tapped her laptop bag. "I'll just have Pearl bring whatever I left, if there is any. Perhaps a set of clothes! Is.. is it okay if I stay tonight? I feel like we need to.. talk."

"Pfft! You know it's fine."

This wasn't the like usual nights they'd have. Usually these quick dates would end up where they both go home separately. Occasionally, they'd come home to one's home and spend the night. But when and if they do, it had to be scheduled. Finding time for such an activity weren't as easy given the things they have to deal with on a daily basis.

Yellow suddenly felt the urge for Blue. Perhaps due to the pressure of her company's expansion. Perhaps due to Blue's upcoming bar exam. Or probably due to the marriage bomb Blue had just dropped earlier in the car. She wanted them to connect physically that night.

They both started making out and undressing each other once they reached the master bedroom. They couldn't stop touching and kissing each other. Not being able to do this for a while had its perks. They took a bath together, and, after doing so navigated to the bed.

Now, the only universe that mattered was theirs. They melted into each other's love and smooches and caresses. They moaned and screamed like there was no one else in the world. Blue had particularly felt like being on top was appropriate that night, so she took the role and made Yellow feel ecstatic beyond the heavens. After Yellow reached her peak, she made Blue feel heavenly as well. From the moment they reached Blue's room, it took probably two or three hours before they both finished.

Panting, both now sweating and were facing one another. Yellow cuppped Blue's cheek and softly kissed her.

"Blue. Let's.. get married."

"Yellow I thought-"

"Everything you said earlier in the car, I want that too! To come home to you and you to me, yes, I would love to be able to do that. I've always loved you, Blue. I don't think I can ever be with anyone else! Please, will you be my wife?"

"Yellow, I.. Yes! Of course!" Blue bursted in tears, but that of joy. Happiness she couldn't contain.

Yellow pulled Blue closer to encapsulate her in the warmest most loving hug. "It's settled then. We'll only hire the best."

A wedding was on the way.

Mrs. Diamonds. It sounded perfect for them both.