#i'd like other opinions tbh from ppl on the outside

[rotteddolly]

religion talk below, specifically about my time studying islam.

sorry, i'm having a feeling. it's really long. _(:‚‹」∠)_

man, sometimes i get sad thinking about how happy i was as a hijabi...i felt beautiful and free in khimars and jilbabs, but the homophobia in all the groups i intermingled with and on the site of a local masjid i got in touch with, was hard to see. a woman from one messaged me about joining a hijabi group who do outings and stuff, but i never got a response back when i said that i'd love to. i think it was bc she found my fb and thought i wasn't good enough or something like that. i was heartbroken over it.

i really struggled not having any muslim friends to study with and learn from. community is always so so important especially when starting out. it's so incredibly isolating and confusing. in my case, i was also getting verbally attacked by my mom at all times for even entertaining the idea of converting. she hates the religion, she thinks fundie christianity is the only way, she hates seeing me covered up and "hiding my beauty", she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me, etc etc. she cried once in the car bc she assumed i thought i was ugly bc i was dressing in modest clothing, when in reality, it was the complete opposite. i tried to explain my feelings a million times, but she just never listened. the stares and laughs from ppl in public was also rough. i've gotten islamophobic things shouted at me in the street, and on several occasions had pictures/videos secretly and not so secretly taken.

the pressure i saw being put on hijabis online is insane. men and other hijabis constantly commenting on how you're not a "real" muslim bc "x, y, and z." i'm assuming it could be like that in physical muslim spaces as well, but again, i wasn't even given a chance to experience them. i saw maybe 5 queer muslims while consuming hijabi content, and they were bullied relentlessly. so much in fact, that it made me terrified at the thought of any other muslim finding out i'm not straight.

i struggled with the strict regimens and rules, like praying 5 times a day, but i was happy with myself for doing 1 or 2 bc of mental and chronic illnesses. i thought it was good enough for god bc he knows my heart and my struggles, but the community online said otherwise. i struggled with not being able to embrace the gothic subculture and horror bc it was seen as satanic and again, made me a "bad" muslim. sometimes i wanted to be a hijabi, and other times i wanted to do full immodest goth looks, wig and all. it was like a constant pull on my heart, allah or my worldly love for the creepy and macabre. it was always made clear by others i had to choose, and i absolutely couldn't switch between them when i felt like it. i wouldnt stop praying, or saying bismillah before eating, or abstaining from non halal foods, etc, but the immodesty and goth in me would be rejected as kafir.

i don't know how i feel about god as a being. i don't know if he exists, i really don't know what i truly believe. but it felt nice to believe in those moments when i was alone, and no one was there to comment on how i was doing everything wrong...the days where i was out in the sun in full jilbab, sweaty, but smiling, feeling content and like my life had a purpose, a defined path.

today i feel kind of empty and hopeless. i miss parts of islam, but it's meant to be practiced as a whole (they say), not in pieces...and not by ppl like me.

[p0rk-guts]

waitt but what's different about your ocified velvette... i like her a little but find myself wanting more substance from her in canon tbh

TEEHEE WHAT A GOOD QUESTION I TOTALLY DIDN'T SET PPL UP TO ASK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay sew me and @ajistorpid were talking and they inspired a good chunk of my ideas so you can blame them for feeding my sick delusions.

Read more just like last time bc I talk too much sorry but there's art in there too oooo you should look u should read my ramblings

As far as I know, Velvette has no canon age at death, cause of death, or death date so based on what we know we just crafted our own headcanons. AJ proposed she might've had parents who ran one of those family vlog channels with her as the face of it, becoming a child influencer under her parents' control. I was thinking she could've been a child model- yk like. dance moms or something. Idk I don't remember what was happening on that show— anyways. Yea

Either way she grew up constantly controled and perfection was her standard. All of her outside thoughts and feelings and interests and opinions were constantly dismissed in favor of what made her more marketable. She never did get that popular in life tho, and her mentors always shamed and blamed her for it.

Idk if this is canon or not, but the idea of the sinners designs reflecting their vices or things they regreted or hated in life is an untapped gold mine to me so that could explain where Velvette's supposed doll and clown themes come from. Became a toy dressed up and paraded around for the entertainment of others + joke never taken seriously. She'd hate that

(As for how that ties into my redesign…. me and AJ were thinking she could be a vampire doll, but I'm not sure IDK I wanna sketch that out and see what it's giving)

In hell she easilly fell back into this warped facsimile of her old life bc it was all she knew. "she feels some form of pseudo control and enjoyment because she has no one pulling her strings now" (<-AJ) SHE'S running things!!! Who's the puppet now!!!!!!

Then THAT had me thinking too because now that I think about it. Why Is she the backbone of the V's?? She's like. An undergrad student in my mind at the MOST and Vox and Val are two men pushing 40 I'm sure. I think a big part of it is the fact that those two are almost complete and utter buffoons who let their emotions cloud their actions constantly, Valentino most obviously but even tho Vox seems more composed like when he's talking Val down from his outburst and when he was talking to the press, we can still see he's a total mess—especially where Alastor is concerned. He lost it so bad during their duet HE SHORTED PENTAGRAM CITY'S POWER.

Now out of all the V's we've seen the least of Velvette (I'd call it what it is but yall gon get real mad at me), The most we really got out of her character was the overlord meeting (and despite her huge ego and unruly behavior she did end up speaking facts), so maybe she Is just as unstable as them in canon but canon is SHIT and this isn't about canon anymore. In my mind she's very much in charge of the back end of their work. Vox is obviously the head of the operation—or at least he seems like it to me—what with the tech company having his name and with him answering the interviews, but I think that's all he is. The figure head. Velvette is the brain behind it all. When Vox proposes new buisness endeavors off the cuff she's the one who goes back and makes sure they're getting handled properly because he doesn't really dig into the backend of how things happen. Vox goes to most of the conferences or whatever (Vel's too busy running her shows and serving cunt after all) but Vel follows up on what was learned.

(also yeah all that makes this very much an au of an au bc it'd take a lot of radical changes for the two of them to be friends I think. It's fun to imagine anyway)

Quoting AJ here bc I'm bad at paraphrasing and they said it well:

"And if we're going to make her sympathetic, (obviously not excusing her enabling a rapist) Val and Vox are grown ass men and she never got to experience the world outside a camera

Velvette is easily malleable with no real relationships!! Some victims tend to gravitate towards people who are similar to their abusers the only exception is that she feels like she has control this time"

THIS this. THIS! Okay uhh vague personal experience w/ abuse cw ig. skip this paragraph if you don't wanna hear it. But It kinda reminds me of my relationship with my parents- NOT THAT I SEE THEM AS TWO DADS AND A DAUGHTER I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THAT NOTION IN A POST PILOT WORLD If future content proves me wrong it proves me wrong but at this moment they're all equals in my mind (…and I hc them as poly BUT WE'LL GET THERE) but In my situation it's like. I hate my parents for the abuse they've caused me, my mom more than my dad bc she's satan incarnate, but there are still things I like about my dad and. Tolerate. About my mother. We still can talk cordialy and spend time together, have fun together even, and I show affection to them, but deep down I know I wanna cut my mom off later and maybe my dad too depending. Additionally my mom is completely Incompatent and pulls none of her weight so despite it all I've been forced to pick up the slack and become half the brains of this family. I do chores she should take care of. Handle money. Make important decisions about our health and safety she doesn't care about.

AAAny ways. This is so my version of Velvette. No I'm not projecting (I am). She pulls a big chunk of the weight around there (some of it being carried by Vox and virtually none by Val). She's very close with the two of them but isn't a fan of everything they do (Cares more for Vox than Val in my mind). Speaking of, she definitely isn't some saint now, she still makes the love potions and is Impassive to both Val and Vox's behavior, but part of that Is her just seeing it as part of the business. Shady practices and exploitation are par for the course in any business to her. She never truly grew out of the harmful mindsets ingrained into her by whoever her enabling caretakers were in life and they're still apparent in hell. (Maybe she even experienced some of the darker sides of exploitation in life but was groomed into thinking it was okay contributing to why she doesn't see Valentino's actions as heinous. Idk. thinking on it)

Circling back to my poly V's idea. Idk it just seems plausible to me. Vox and Val already have their whole thing going on, they all live together, and they all have nicknames for each other (Vox calling her my dear, Val calling her baby doll, Vel calling Vox darling). Ik that could just be their personalities and the pet names don't have to mean anything more but this is MY au and my word is gospel hope this helps. It just makes sense

I could go on and ON about the toxic insanity of the Poly V's in my mind— particularly between Vox and Valentino— but this is NOT their post so maybe next time. As for Velvette, I get the vibe that she'd be intimate with both of them and enjoy it but she's never the one to initiate anything. Sometimes they're all like this 🤞🏾 and others the boys are a complete turn off to her (main example being the difference in her attitude towards Vox in episode 3 vs episode 8). Her tolerance of them flips on a dime depending on how they're acting. She also prefers to be a casually entertained observer to VoxVal more often then not (ex. end of episode 8 imo)

Boys aside. My Velvette is still a social media influencer and she's all about advertising. advertising products (like the love potion), clothing looks, technology... Heck even herself. "You're nobody if you don't wear this or use this or look like this ^ - ^". Projecting on her even further by making her have a love/hate relationship with her profession aka the modeling aspect of it: she's always had a genuine love for fashion and dressing up but the internal pressure for perfection she's placed on herself makes it hard for her. She's very hard on her models and designers bc of this

Couldn't think of a segway for this but also WHAT HAPPENED TO VELVETTE WANTING TO FIGHT THE ANGELS??? The "full assault plan" against the angels??? And then when the fight actually came they were all just lounging around watching it go down like it was afternoon tv????? This isn't even a "we'll get to it in season 2" thing did they honest to god forget? Did that line not mean anything??

Well I didn't forget and it's pissed me off since my first rewatch of that meeting scene. Don't think we don't know how the V's got the angel head, but In my head Velvette was the one who initially proposed the idea for an assault against heaven and her insatiable need to feel respected and feared only spurred this plan on, incredible risk be damned.

It also felt weird to me that Velvette just. Let it go when Carmilla said the meeting was over. Just. "Oh ok! Plan cancelled no more attacking heaven ^ - ^ I'm gonna go scroll for the rest of the show!" Hu h. My au-ified Velvette would definitely fight her on it— if she thought killing angels would change the game and Carmilla held the secrets behind it she would pry! Blow up at her about it until she wasn't getting results and bitterly storming off with as much composure as she could muster. Not wanting to team up with Carmilla but find some way to use her for all she was worth and get her way in the end, use the power and resources the V's had to actually make a plan. Would it have worked without the Morningstars? Eh. Either way I'm sure she could delude herself into thinking they were the most powerful people in hell. Ugh I don't wanna make an au rewrite of the show and I that was never my plan so idk where that'd go but. Yea

ANYWAYS anyways. wow you made it to the end somehow! Here's your treat :3

Context u didn't ask for: Some days Velvette overwhelms herself with her own impossible expectations. Nothing she creates or puts out is good enough. She gets extra anxious about her following; nothing's happened to them, but what if they see the miniscule flaw in her latest clothing that she sees? What if she's no longer perfect? (Even worse in the vamp Velvette redesign of her bc she literally feeds off their attention and admiration)

She'll snap at everyone and disapprove of every look and then hole herself away somewhere where she crashes and is just. So. Tired. But she'll be out of it the next day, ready to keep the conveyor rolling.

[stormyoceans]

Sorry for ranting in your ask box idk if any of this will make sense but I've been thinking if jimmysea do get a series with jojo I really hope it's them as a standalone and not an ensemble. I don't hate other gmm actors (ik ppl want a hia gang drama tbh idrc about that) but seeing the mess during only friends, I don't want jimmysea being subjected to that same discourse especially when they've been bl fandoms punching bags before *war flashbacks of vvs era*.

Not to be confused with me fearing jimmysea will be overshadowed by others or their screentime will diminish when they can definitely hold their own but just for their protection from other fandoms (and for my sanity) I just don't want them in a ensemble but knowing jojo he loves a big ol' cast so we'll see.

i completely understand you on this, anon, we've truly been in the trenches with vice versa just fighting for our life begging people to at least be respectful to jimmysea in their own damn show that i feel like the moment we hear that someone - ANYONE - is gonna be in a show with them we immediately start to have flashbacks of war like you said and PANIC

and i get that only friends didn't really help to calm our worries because those few months were ROUGH. i feel like the only reason i was able to enjoy the show in any way is because i kept my opinions to myself and avoided getting too involved with it outside from reblogging some gifsets, which is kinda the opposite of what a fandom should be imho like. if i have to refrain from actively joining a particular fandom because im afraid the experience is gonna be so negative it will actually affect my personal enjoyment of the show, then that kinda defeats the point of fandom itself. but i digress ;;;;;;;

the thing is. i feel like discourse and disputes between fans can arise regardless of how big a cast is, and while im the first one to recognize i'd rather not have jimmysea share a show with certain actors not because of the actors themselves but because of a particular category of fans of said actors, i also wouldn't want to preclude them any possibility for growth. if that makes sense ;;;;;;

in the end despite all my worries and fears and personal preferences, the most important thing to me is that they're gonna have a new show together in the future. i'd definitely rather have them be the sole focus of it, but if it's gonna be an ensemble cast with multiple pairings then i will just hope for the best and focus all my energies on supporting jimmysea

IF WE GOT WHERE WE ARE WHEN IT WAS ONLY 50 OF US AND WITH THE MOST POPULAR FANDOM AT THE TIME AGAINST JIMMYSEA THEN BY GOD WE CAN WITHSTAND EVERYTHING AND COME OUT OF IT EVEN STRONGER THAN BEFORE

[curiosity-killed]

Have you considered the possibility of Hualian with ace Hua Cheng and celibate (at least previously celibate) Xie Lian? Like Hua Cheng who just always understood that Xie Lian wouldn't be interested in a sexual relationship and was like, "sure, no problem here!" And then they reunite and Xie Lian is like "ah, this is awkward, about that actually 😅" before they communicate and learn what works for them? I usually really prefer their canon characterization but I think it would be a fun way to explore parallels and contrast between asexuality and celibacy (and actually wait. What if Hua Cheng we as aroace actually, wouldn't that do something cool to his obsessive devotion?) I'm not a fic writer but I know you've written asexual Xie Lian so I thought maybe you'd be ok with me rambling a little. (Love your fic by the way, thanks for writing!)

(I am always down with rambling!! :D)

i have not! but am intrigued abt the possibility

tbh I do usually headcanon both of them as ace-ish (varies between demi and asexual, mostly) but can definitely see this going down a fun path!

I am of the opinion that romance has relatively* little to do with Hua Cheng's devotion, so I'd still largely see his devotion as manifesting in similar ways to canon** (more or less—probs less kissing, but honestly possibly still flirting bc there's a thin line between flirting bc ur serious abt it and flirting bc hey it's sometimes kind of fun to flirt with the homies).

all of that to say I think it would be a really interesting continuation of their character development for Xie Lian to come to accept his worth and importance to someone while also being told 'no' in a way he is used to telling other people***. Meanwhile, fun time for Hua Cheng to actually say no to Xie Lian, which would go against so much of him!

As always, my great love of hualian stems in part from their manifestation of queerness outside of societal norms/expectations, so navigating "You Are The Reason I'm Alive" (for both of them) without the trappings of society's expectations that the Most Important Person in ur life is a romantic partner, is rlly interesting i think!!

*Yes, in canon it is romantic and I do enjoy the combo of his obsessive devotion + hualian romance but ppl who think Grand Devotion is exclusive to romantic love bore the shit out of me

**I touch on this in til my feet are memory (tho Xie Lian is aroace in that), in that Hua Cheng's devotion is devotion without expectation of reciprocation (this is a fandom hill i'll die on lol) and that it isn't diminished by lack of romantic/sexual potential with Xie Lian

***Yeah yeah I maintain my lack of emphasis on romance/sex as defining their relationship but I do think, as written, the romance is pretty important to XL's arc—which is not to negate the possibility so much as emphasize the opportunity for continued and different development

[wooahaes]

take it from someone who fell asleep during their first tattoo, it's a very weird pain. it's tolerable, and i think it's maybe because at the end of it, you're getting something amazing and beautiful 💗 it is a weird pain to begin with but then your body gets so used to it, that your skin numbs up a little and then you barely feel anything. plus it depends on where you get your tattoo, some people say a certain part is the most painful and it's different for others. i've heard so many people say that the outside of your thigh is excruciatingly painful, but that was the least painful for me and that's the one where i fell asleep haha :) and that was a three hour tattoo :)

i have toothless (from how to train your dragon—my best friend drew it for me so i got his design, he passed away a few years ago so i got that as a tribute), three cats, dreamcatcher(with three lillies), jack skellington & sally and roses.

(sorry that was so much info)

omg definitely 🤣 i honestly love hoshi, i just think he's one of the coolest people and i feel like we'd get on well 😭

i love u, thank u ❤ the same goes for you also <3333

NO CRYING :(((

AAAA thank u so so much!! i started biasing kwannie at the end of last year, and then in the last few months, he just slipped into the ult bias list and i was like OKAY FINE THEN. i don't see a lot of love for him!!! and it makes me sad :((( he's the cutest angel 💛 i think if i ever met him, i'd faint and i'm not kidding HE IS SO SO PRETTY :((

i've def heard the "its a weird pain" thing before! i have family (not immediate family lmao) who are kinda judgey abt tattoos (they are like... hardcore christians lol they do not know that i drink) so if i got one anytime soon, it'd probably be small and hidden entirely by my clothes :0

omg... ur tattoos sound so cute!! also aw the tootheless one :( i'm so sorry for your loss

also yeah <3 i love hoshi sm tbh i just relate to him a lot. would take to this man for an hour about shinee. i need to know his opinions + his faves from taemins discography bc theres no chance this man doesnt have his favorites sdkfhsdf

seungkwan was one of the few that got me into svt tbh! i don't think he was ever at bias level but he was definitely a driving factor lmao he's cute AND funny??? love him <3 but yeah there's definitely not enough love for him out there :( which is sad bc hes such a sweetheart even if he would throw hands with certain ppl at times lmao <3

[aclosetfan]

Can I just say, I appreciate that you give the boys other love interests instead of playing into the "Destin to be together forever because their counterpart is the ONLY good partner for them. " I APPRECIATE THE NATRAUL ROMANCE. THE IDEA OF THEIR LOVE BEING GENUINE AND NOT BOILED DOWN TO CHEMICAL X ATTRACTION AND "Oh we gotta be together cause we're supers and he/she is the ONLY one on this planet who can make me feel in love because everyone else is too normal for me to enjoy. And even though i hate him/her, they is hot so actually, we good." I enjoy seeing that the boys and girls have options- REALISTIC OPTIONS at that. And like they aren't overly obsessed with their counterparts to the point where they ignore how much they may not be compatible in order to pursue a toxic relationship (coff coff REDS. Me sry but it's tru 🥺 they literally hate each other so much sometimes reading them trying to fit together is disappointing for the both of them. ) BUT I AIN'T HEAR TO START NO WAR. You write the characters with great dimension and understandable flaws. So thank you, thank you THANK YOU for not playing into the Obsession™️ trope so many people frustratingly write the pairings into. I don't want to gatekeep anything but that is such an overwhelmingly popular dynamic ppl write the rrb and ppg into.

haha, I don't think you're trying to start a war! I think that's a very fair criticism to make, but that's probably because I've also made it before. I've discussed this issue a few times, but those posts are probably buried in my blog now, but among my followers, it seems to be the popular opinion!

In this fandom, fanon shipping is fun because people take these characters and are so creative with them, but it gets tiring seeing the same pairings repeatedly. To me, shipping isn't so much about the romantic get-together but how two characters would interact. I enjoy seeing the different interpretations, especially with those minor characters we only see once or twice in canon (like Robin).

IRL, I think all good relationships need a foundation of friendship, and I try to put that in my writing. TBH, that's how I discovered my love for pairings like Blossom and Princess or Bubbles and Brick. Mixing the characters with different people gives you something fresh to play with and makes a story more interesting! It also allows me to break away from the more popular fanon personalities and explore other sides of the characters. I've found that any pairing is a "good" pairing as long as each individual is well-rounded. If a character can't exist outside of another, you might as well throw in the towel. Those types of characters get stagnant really fast.

Typically, I do love enemy-to-lover scenarios, but like you said, in this fandom, these scenarios jump quickly away from "redemption" to "obsession." I think this would be interesting to explore in a dark fic since love and hate are two sides of the same coin but in a high school au?? No thanks, lol. Additionally, I feel like the obsession trope does these specific characters' an injustice, considering the fun-loving content they originate from. I see this must often used in color-coded fics. The boys don't have a personality outside of the girls, and often, the girls are so flippant or demure in response. It just doesn't fit how I'd like to interpret these characters.

Also, idk, sort of random, sort of not, but I think it's just weird that two sets of triplets would date each other simultaneously. It's a scenario that feels too unrealistic for me to suspend my belief, especially when the pairings are color-coded. And I'm also someone who isn't too into the high school sweetheart stuff, which this fandom lords over. I get they're fics, but come on, three high school sweethearts between two families, that would be so weird and awfully convenient in real life. Like, obviously, I like these pairings, I write stories about them, but I call bullshit when I see it lmaoooo, so to alleviate that "ick" feeling I get, I have to pair them up with different people (or no people at all). And in this fandom, you've got to make that clear quickly, or you have people assuming relationships right out of the gate.

[goyangii]

is it okay if i ask u about your experiences with being fetishized in online and offline spaces?? i deactivated my social media over this but i feel like a lot of non-Koreans make random Korean people feel like we're the spokesperson on all Korean issues??? i've noticed this fetishization happens a lot so i kinda avoid non-Koreans if they're kpop fans or if they act weirdly (they have a way of treating us like fantasies but also act very weirdly toward us)

oh my god yessss. for a disclaimer, i grew up in kr/kr american neighborhoods or at least very predominantly asian neighborhoods for almost all my life so most of my experience with ppl being gross was online and in school only and tbh until like, maybe ~2010 i never had a problem with ppl being weird about korean stuff specifically, mostly just weebs/yellow fever types. but when that started becoming a problem i just never said that i was korean specifically and if i ever made reference to my race i'd say "asian" or "east asian" only lol. if i was around other asians i'd be more open but it's definitely tough, as i've had non-kr asians be kind of weird about it too sometimes unfortunately and i really don't know what to do about that either bc i do not do that to others?? it's so bizarre to me. and yes omfg i definitely see wym about ppl acting like One Random Korean Person is somehow Representative of All of Korea and has to educate/have opinions on every korean-related topic under the sun too, i've had friends (even non-kr asian friends!!) always ask me about any korean related topic as if i was the expert on everything korean or assume i care about X korean show or Y kpop song or Z korean issue or will teach them about [___] korean food or whatever.

it reminds me of white friends expecting me to teach them how to use chopsticks in uni or always asking me how to pronounce any asian name (even if it wasn't korean!) and honestly annoys me a lot bc i would never do this to someone of another race. like i would never go to a chinese person and treat them like chinese person instead of chinese person so idk why they act like this????? and online dating is AWFUL esp as kpop got so big, i legit have had ppl immediately open with "omg i love kpop/kdramas/kimchi 😍" as if i'm supposed to care????????

also i'm korean american, not born in korea so i'm 2nd gen but my korean is awful (i learned japanese growing up instead bc my elementary school had very limited options...my mom is still giving me grief about that 20+ yrs later oof) and i don't consume much korean media outside of what i watch/listen/see with my family, so i'm often a "bad" korean or not korean enough to some people. it's one thing if my family jokes about it bc i can't handle spicy foods but it does hurt when it comes from like, ajummas at church or something. i'm also not "traditionally" a good woman — i have darker skin (maybe from growing up in a tropical area?? i used to be even darker and my mom would always comment on it negatively), i am more masc/gnc, i don't date men, i don't/won't have children, i have no interest in becoming a doctor/lawyer, i am not christian, etc. so my mom has gotten a lot of flak from other koreans for raising me "wrong", even from her own extended family. it really just sucks bc it made me hate her and korean culture when i was a kid and it's taken so long to understand why she tried to pressure me to fit an ideal mold. then on the flip side i can't even just be a "normal" american, i've had ppl assume i don't speak english (i speak fluent english!!!!), say i sound esl (i literally don't T_T this one feels kinda racist ngl), ask me where i'm from, stare at me in more white areas, white ppl randomly try to speak (really, really bad) korean to me, etc so i find i don't really fit in comfortably anywhere but with other asian americans in the end. it's a kind of awkward in between two worlds where i'm never enough of either to count. idk if you experience that too. it sometimes bums me out bc i have friends who are, say, 2nd gen filipino or chinese or viet and we all share that feeling to varying degrees. like a fish out of water kind of feeling.

specifically in trans spaces i've had a lot of issues with fetishization, esp from white tims (though i've had my unfair share from tif kpop stans) but also from non-kr asian tims, but thankfully it's been long enough that i've been out and cut most tims out of my life that i could w/o getting cancelled as a terf that most of my day to day is just frustration with irl (this is like 90% of the problem) and more casual online spaces like twitter, reddit, tumblr, etc. (which i try to be kind of anonymous in nowadays). still i do have to interact with some tims and tifs and it does make my stomach crawl to see full ass white women larping as kpop boys or men posting about how asian women are the ~peak of femininity~ and they just want their ~kpop goddess~ or whatever and nobody calls this shit out for what it is. it's so demoralizing and i'm happy i left the trans community. i just wish there was more of an asian/asian american detrans community (hah...if only) or at least lgb community, bc i only know a very small handful of lgb asians and most of them are bihet women......

interestingly outside of kpop and kdramas most of the fetishization seems to be just bog standard asian fetish/yellow fever, idt most of the idiots who try to hit me up with "i've never been with an asian before ;)" even know what i am lmao. so i guess there's that? i've always had a weird frustration w/ this bc it's like korea is invisible except for kpop/kdramas so they can't even be more specific in their fetishization lmfao

this turned out super long and idk if it helped but if you ever want to message me off anon abt this pls feel free to!! i try to be kind of vague on here bc i am scared adding details will dox me. but i would be totally open to off-anon messaging as this is smth i feel strongly about esp as i've gotten older and moved to whiter areas. hoping to move back to at least a more asian neighborhood soon bc god i am sick of going to the gas station or whatever and being full on stared at by the white ppl there. it makes me very uneasy tbh. unfortunately am stuck rn for work.