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sanjisblackasswife · 2 years ago

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Gojo Satoru NSFW Alphabet (Black Fem!Reader)

A/N: I’m going to approach this as close to canon Gojo as possible…well I won’t have him be viewed as a man whore in this.😭😭😭

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex): Okay so…he didn’t know wtf that was until you explained it to him after about the 2nd time of you two having sex he’d just fall sleep or get up and take a shower by himself AND THEN SLEEP. Once you explained to him the importance of aftercare (It really is important, my loves) he steps it up a notch and he started off by buying you a whole mini fridge….yes a whole mini fridge and filled it up with your his favorite snacks and plenty of drinks that he restocks once a week because y’all have sex way more than you’d want to admit. Come to find out this man is so soft after sex. Gojo loves talking after sex, first he’ll ask if you’re okay, if you’re thirsty, or hungry and start a bath for you both. Once that’s done if you are still up you guys kinda just talk the rest of the night. He also loves to be held right after sex. After coming down from both of your orgasms he takes one long breath and you just cockwarm him for a moment in silence. Most of the time he tends to be rough especially after not having sex with you due to his missions so please hold this man because the last thing he’d actually want to do is hurt you for real.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): His fingers. He has naturally pretty hands, and they’re always cut low and cleaned to finger fuck you comfortably. As for you he loves your tummy and butt equally. He enjoys the softness and if he isn’t cuming on either he is resting his head on it or playing with it like a cat playing with a mouse toy. He loves to kiss, nibble, and blow raspberries on your fatty flesh to get a giggle out of you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically): Okay I’m a virgin and never seen semen irl so idk if there are actually different variants and I’m too lazy too Google it KSHDHSSK He cums a lot when he’s been pent up I’ll tell you that much. Also believe it or not he doesn’t ALWAYS raw dog it. Gojo Satoru practices safe sex so you all should as well my loves! He’ll only really take off the condom if you realllllyyy beg for it, or it’s a special occasion. Either than that if he isn’t cumming in you he loves to cum on your ass. It’s so pretty he really wants to just Ingrain the image of his sticky seed dripping down your slippery cheeks forever.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): Gojo loves to be dominated, and has a massive praise and degrading kink, but he’s rather die than admit that to you. He knows you’d end up using it all against him when his teasing goes too far, but the moment you pull his hair to look up at you or call him your “Good Boy” It’s over . Also, he once had a dream about you and Geto. He walked in on Geto fucking you doggy style on his bed making complete and straight eye contact with him the whole time, your mouth was drooling moaning out “Geto you’re so good! Too good!” Over and over Gojo actually woke up startled. He knew his best friend or you would ever do such a thing, but it had him in his feelings and a bit of a passive aggressive attitude towards you both for a couple weeks.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Gojo Satoru is not very experienced with sex. He knew what it was, but he never had an interest in it because he didn’t have time for it. HOWEVER. Gojo is a fast learner. Gege Even said he can do anything he tries so as for him knowing what he’s doing..he’s pretty gifted. When you both first had sex he asked a lot of questions though, “is this okay? Does this feel good? How’s that?” Which you didn’t understand why he was doing that, since he had you cumming so easily during his first try.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying): He really likes any position where your legs are dangling from his shoulders. Next to his hands he developed a love for his broad shoulders only because you compliment them so much. You stroked tf out of his ego. So when your pretty manicured feet are beside his ear as he pounds away he sometimes gives your toes a lick or kiss to keep you alert as your eyes tend to unfocus.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.): It really depends on his mood. 90% of the time he’ll tease and crack a joke, but if he needs to blow of steam he’s not very talkative and gets straight to the point. However the one rare time when he isn’t completely silent nor goofy, but still speaks to you during sex is when you make love.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.): He is pretty, pink and hairless, you were actually shocked on how smooth he was! He didn’t quite understand why you kept touching right ABOVE his dick, but he thought your amazed face was so cute considering you were butt booty naked if front of him.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect): Gojo kind of had a difficultly learning to make love. You were his first for a lot so it took him a while to allow himself to accept that sometimes just being slow and sensual is best. Once he did though he started to become an open book with making love, if he wants to go slow he’ll start off with giving you a bath or a sensual massage. (That’s his favorite)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon): He still Jacks Off as much as he did before you two got together which isn’t a lot just mostly in the shower or when he’s away and bored. Now that you’re with him he just teases you with jacking off videos and if not that you both tend to do a lot of mutual masturbation together on the phone.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks): He loves LOVES sensory deprivation, he can’t necessarily do it on himself because of his 6 eyes but it’s moreso the trust you have for him is what turns him on. When he blindfolds you and tie you up for your body to do whatever he pleases he loves knowing you know he wouldn’t do anything to harm you. His friend Geto actually got him into edging, Gojo loves doing to himself more than you, but you suffer so much in the process. The feeling of ALMOST cuming and having it the feeling slowly die down gets him so riled up, until when finally does cum he lets out the most prettiest moan so it ends up worth it for you.

Some honorable kink mentions:

Nipple play, FLR, Food Play, Roleplay

L = Location (favorite places to do the do): Next to his own bedroom, he really loves the balcony of a high hotel suite? It has nothing to do with possibly being caught but he loves the cool air and beautiful view of the city while he bends you over the porch and has his way with you from the back.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going): Touch the back of his nape right where his undercut is. Hes so sensitive there as well as under his adam’s apple. Gojo tends to get a cute nervous laugh with a mixture of a moan when you kiss or touch him in any of those areas. A few times you’ve done it for too long he started to grow in his pants.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): I know we all would love to be fucked by him and his best friend but thanks to his dream Gojo would never be into a threesome. He’s already naturally possessive over you so seeing you possibly moan from another person would piss him off. He also wouldn’t like the whole age play thing. It creeps him out and doesn’t understand why someone would want to pretend to be a younger age than they are when having sex. Yes he most definitely kink shames.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Gojo’s fucking tongue is a weapon. He knows exactly how and where to lick and suck to have to actually crying. He’s very infatuated with your clit too so he usually eats you out with your legs hitting your chest and him just sucking gently making you twitch uncontrollably since the tip of his tongue constantly bumps under the hood of your clit. He loves both, but if he had to choose one he actually loves when your mouth struggles to take him all in. You swear he is a sadist because of this but he just shrugs it off to see you choke him down some more. It honestly just rules him up more to eat you out when he’s finished because he knows how wet you get sucking his cock.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.): Deep and long strokes. The kind of strokes that knock the wind out of you each time he goes back inside. He enjoys the “oh’s!” You spill out when his cock hits just the right spot.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.): He hates quickies only because he has to chose what exactly he wants and it can only be ONE. Oral sex? A quick walk fuck? Mutual masturbation? HE CANT DECIDE HE WANTS TO DO ALL OF IT, BUT THERE IS NO TIME so typically you’re the one initiating the quickies.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.): Gojo doesn’t care about being seen naked by someone but you? No no. That’s for his eyes only. So public sex isn’t ideal. You do remember though when you both started having more sex Gojo would head over to Twitter and show you some videos of different positions he’d like to try. You mindlessly got wet while watching, and Gojo noticed and you both experimented most of the night.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?): He’s a got damn menace he can last forever if he wanted. Between his edging and you’re begging for more all he needs is a quick 20 second breather and he’s back inside you. However an average night of sex last 40-50 minutes.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?): Gojo bought panties with a vibrator in it for you once. He used it on you as you both were in the mall walking around. He found it so funny how your voice would crack when speaking to a cashier or how you began to waddle a bit holding on to his arm that’s controlling the remote in his pocket. Y’all fucked in the car after that.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): His personality is teasing! It’s even worse when you annoyed him(like if you were to tease him first) He’ll do such tantalizing rubs on your clit as you watch a movie, and when you buck your hips he stops moving altogether before giving your clit a firm slap so you stop moving.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.): He talks so fucking much in your ear “I know baby I know”, “cum on this cock cum in this cock.”, “You like this tongue?”, but when he’s getting real into his dick pumping inside your velvet like walls or you’re riding him calling him such pretty nicknames his true moans seep through which are so pretty. He tries not to be too loud when moaning because he wants to hear you more though.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character): Gojo enjoys baking. He never has time to do it because he’s always working but on his days off he likes to either bake with you or bake by himself for you. He makes the best cinnamon rolls and red velvet cakes.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes): He’s 7 all around. It’s slim, very veiny, and a pretty pink tip that curves to the right a little. He never really cared about his dick size until you kept crying about how long it is. Stop stroking this mans ego.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?): It’s higher than you’re accustomed to but he tries to deny it when you tell him that you both have sex too much. If he’s off the whole week you guys are having sex AT LEAST 5 days that week.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): Since he is on game with aftercare he doesn’t fall asleep right after anymore. Once you both are back in bed, now cleaned under the fresh sheets he likes watching you slowly start to doze off. There’s been so many sweet words he has said to you holding you close to his chest as you lightly snore that you may never hear, but it’s okay. Hopefully one day Gojo gets the courage to tell you them all.

#gojo x female reader #gojo x reader #gojo x poc reader #gojo imagine #gojo smut #gojo satoru #gojo x y/n #jujutsu gojo #jjk gojo #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #x female reader #female reader #x chubby reader #chubby reader #black reader #jujustu kaisen #gojou satoru x reader

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ephemeral-afterlight · 5 years ago

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Mourning at Midnight

(UwU so Hey. i’m back with some more trash)

Word Count: 7480

Summary: It’s scary, in a way, how in moments like this one, Logan feels as if his consciousness floats away from him, leaving behind only a wave of white-hot, searing anger that drains out of him just as quickly as it comes. There’s sleet running through his veins, and his brain has frostbite, and his fingertips are numb in the face of the ringing resonance after his outburst. The pain comes next, a simmering heat blistering below his fist until it’s coated and red and the beginnings of a bruise are starting to form. He can’t help but stare helplessly in front of himself, eyes burning and filling and blazing with how much they beg to close.

He doesn’t want to look up, to face the suffocating silence that’s fallen over the room. He doesn’t want to see their faces, their disappointment, their anger, their contempt. He wants to yell. He wants to sleep.

Logan sinks out.

Warnings (could potentially be small spoilers, nothing too big, but if you don’t have any triggers I’d suggest you skip reading this!):

There are no u!sides in this, nor does anyone have malicious intent, but the other main three (Virgil, Patton, Roman) and Thomas, to a lesser extent, treat Logan unkindly (not on purpose) and don’t realize their errors. This will be resolved! Just… not yet OwO

Being ignored/talked over

Mental/emotional breakdown

An unidentified illness with symptoms including: [extreme persistent nausea (lots of mentions), vomiting (once), bile, weakness/weariness, shaking, lightheadedness, double vision (once), headache, body aches/pains, breathing difficulties]

General negativity including: [self-doubt, self-deprecation/depreciation, feeling worthless or unloveable, self-hatred]

Anger management/temperament issues

Unintentional self-harm (not anything like c-tting, Logan gets a bruise as a result of an angry outburst)

Separate small, vague allusion to self-harm, but it’s not outright and not detailed in the slightest. Could be read as not even talking about self-harm

Potentially triggering descriptive imagery (metaphors and similes to describe how a character feels or percieves a situation, not anything that actually happens) including but not limited to: [glass, sharp things, blood, injection, live wires, loud noises, screaming, general mentions of pain, masochism, sound torture, knives/blades, wounds, drowning/suffocating, pressure]

Temporarily unresolved tension between Logan/Deceit/Remus and the other sides/Thomas (there will be a happy ending in the next fic, though, don’t worry!)

A few vulgar threats of violence (somewhat explicit, be careful) to the other sides from Remus (out of protectiveness; Remus means well but he does Not express it in a healthy way) that is not carried out or even humoured

Remus’ morning star and descriptions of its destructive capabilites

Loceit as a romantic pairing (for now…. UwU)

Sympathetic “dark” sides

That should be it for warnings! Let me know if I need to add anything!

A/N: So! This is finally done :D !! I’ve been working on it on and off for the past week or so, and although I know it could be way better, I think this is where I’ll keep it! This is technically a sequel to my other fic Tea at Twilight and it takes place in the same universe, and although you don’t need to read that before this to understand the story, I strongly suggest reading that first to get more of a feel for the dynamic!

This is inspired by @illogicallyinclined and her absolutely amazing Disaster Trio™ headcanons/au, and was prompted by this post so I just started writing! I meant for it to be a bit shorter, but of course my brain would Not let it go, even despite my ADHD, executive dysfunction, and massive amounts of writer’s block.

This is also unfinished! It is the second of three main works, all happening chronologically in the same universe. The first one is Tea at Twilight as stated previously, then this one, and there will be a third and final installment added to finish off this short little trilogy! I’ll be adding this to the series on AO3, so when the final fic is up, it’ll all be together for an easy reading experience. It is also possible that there will be other small fics in this universe (UA, as has been recently coined) that operate outside of the timeline of the main story, so be sure to watch out for that!

Thanks to Jay once again for creating these lovely headcanons that haunt my dreams every night, and for inspiring me to get back into my writing groove despite a writer’s block that’s lasted for over three years! Hope this isn’t too terrible, Jay! ilyy <333</p>

Also, a huge thank you to @illogical-anxieties for being such a good cheerleader/enabler! You really do help to keep me motivated and on track (and keep my ADHD in check), which is probably why this was even able to become a full-fledged story rather than a WIP to be buried where unfinished fics go to die T~T Love you tons <3</p>

(If I’m being honest with myself, this is just an excuse for me to live up to my IRL title of “Living Thesaurus”, coined by a friend many years ago and has since spread around to other friends and family. My title is thriving, and I suppose that means I should actually have proof of it, so there’s that.)

(Cross-posted to AO3)

(Read Part 1 here)

He can feel it building.

There’s far too much left to be desired when it comes to frustration. The natural helplessness that makes way for anger when you try so hard to do something or be something for someone and you’re pushed down by anything and everything between ignorance and antipathy. The fear that nothing you can do or say will ever be good enough. The buzzing, ticking, pinpricks upon pinpricks of heat injected into you until your blood and heart have been replaced with glass, fragile as a crumbling stone wall. It’s not as if he hasn’t had his outbursts before, spurred on by the familiar sharp pulse of rage that courses through him in a split-second whirlwind. It builds inside him, and he can feel the pressure in his limbs expand until it feels like his muscles are being squeezed out of existence and then he snaps like a rubber band that’s been pulled too taut. He’s not in denial of the fact that his impulsive, blinding reaction when met with frustration is not okay, and only detrimental to the demeanour he’s trying to retain. He knows it’s childish. He knows it’s immature, and pathetic, and wholly invigorating, at least until the adrenaline has worn off and he’s in the aftermath of his knee-jerk reaction to the tension coiled in his arms and legs and head.

It doesn’t mean that Logan is particularly in control of it though, despite his self-awareness being far above the level that most people with anger management issues are at. Maybe there’s a certain quality to it that allows for growth; it’s not as if Logan stays angry, or that he wants to hurt people. He loves the others, painfully so (as much as he loathes to admit it), to the point where he’s so desperate for their approval that he tampers down his passion, that spark that used to drive him to learn and speak and be happy just to avoid being cast out and abandoned, alone in the way he never wants to be. He wants to find a way to temper the fall into those dark, consuming waters, a way to mute the buzzing and ticking. He wants to seal those exposed live wires and release the tension to the point where he never lashes out ever again. He wants to, and he doesn’t know how to, and that fact infuriates him in an ironic, endless cycle of self-imposed and self-directed enmity.

Logan still thinks on this often, even now, wracking his brain for solutions to problems that realistically won’t be solved as easily as he wishes they would. Excerpts and quotes and data and statistics from many different studies about anger and temper management and irritability and everything in between seem to figuratively run amok through his brain, a screaming crowd of witnesses to the chaos and failure found in his ability to filter through the nonsense and come to a satisfying conclusion, any conclusion at all. He notices how his fingers tremble as they slip into the handle of his coffee mug, endures the dull ache in his mid-to-lower back from falling asleep at his desk for the majority of the day under the guise of work so important he holed himself up in his room to complete it. He ignores the way his head pounds, how he feels so dizzy that he might fall over and pass out any second from lightheadedness. He suffers through the loud conversations between the other three that are typical to the dinner routine that Logan cannot deal with today, not with this headache poking at him like figurative needles in his head.

When he senses the summons from Thomas stirring up the familiar but nonetheless odd ticklish sensation on the back of his neck, Logan can feel the tension knot up his muscles, and the combination of the two just makes him want to growl in irritation. The others, having also felt the summoning, seem to get impossibly louder, ringing and stinging and singing in his head. He still persists, despite the fact that he knows he shouldn’t be out doing anything today that’s likely to exacerbate his sickness, because Thomas is important, more so than Logan himself. No matter how much he wants to hole himself up in his room and sleep the day away, his host needs him, so Logan simply forces his mask of indifference to melt into steel. He refuses to budge, not for the first or last time, and he rises up in the real world standing straight and rigid and as put together as he’s always expected to be.

When he’s finally settled into his usual spot, as still as he can possibly be to not exacerbate the roiling nausea disquieting his stomach, he’s able to take in the other four arranged in their usual positions in Thomas’ living room, already having begun a conversation that Logan has missed the premise of entirely through his all-eclipsing, obfuscating malady. His vision doubles, like broken fractals of glass reflecting onto themselves, and then it pulls back together, merging back into something visible, something manageable.

“Well, I’m sure Danny likes you, too! You just gotta ask him, kiddo!” Patton exclaims, high voice pushing through the heavy, suffocating cotton in Logan’s ears, and the words snap the bespectacled side to attention. He needs context, needs to know what they’re talking about, needs to be able to help for once. Maybe he has to endure the bad to be able to put out the good, and this is where the climax is, the top of the rollercoaster at such a high altitude that oxygen is thin and dispersed before he shoots down the tracks in a rush of fresh air, relieving and calm and sanguine as he’s finally able to ground himself. A shiver runs through Logan’s body, between his shoulder blades and down his hip and through his leg, and his eyes flutter under the weight of consciousness. It recedes, the flow is ebbed, and his head clears to a more sustainable level.

“Oh, that’s so boring, Padre! Thomas should hire a band to play! And we can rig up streamers and confetti and there can be a cake and dancing and a party to celebrate!” Roman crows, throwing his arms and hands up into his signature pose to match his full, booming tone. Patton squeals, clutching his cardigan in his hands to pull excitedly at the sleeves as he bounces giddily on his feet. At the suggestion, as the polar opposite to Patton’s reaction, Virgil grimaces, hunching over even further in his jacket as he protests with every way he can think of that the situation could go wrong. Unsurprisingly, Roman takes personal offense to it and refutes Virgil’s points with the same intensity and fervour that’s been present in himself and his interactions with the anxious side since day one. Logan sort of understands, can infer that they’re discussing how to ask out Danny, a new friend of Thomas’ who has very quickly turned into a crush. In that case…

“If I may interrupt? While I don’t share all of Virgil’s worries, I do agree with his position in regards to the fact that there isn’t a need for such extravagance. It might embarrass Danny, for one, and for two, there are many ways such an excessive venture could backfire, such as technical difficulties or general human error. The idea is, while exciting, frankly outrageous,” Logan says, his role as the voice of reason renewed once more. It’s his job to sift through the conversations they have and get to the important parts, and he likes his job. He’s good at micromanaging, mediating the chaos, good at storing information to sort and consider and veto and bolster. It’s how he operates, how he copes. “We can think of something else to–”

“Oh, shut it, Pocket Protector. We all know you don’t care about romance, but this is important! Thomas wishes to find love with the second most handsome prince in the world! After me, of course,” Roman exclaims, in that boisterous, self-aggrandizing way of his, the way that hides his real insecurities he buries so deeply in himself he doesn’t know how to find them again. Oddly enough, it’s not Roman’s defense mechanism that throws Logan off, it’s the way that Logan stopped talking almost reflexively to allow the other side to finish his statement, as if the prince’s words were more important than his own, and it speaks as testament to how much Logan’s been conditioned (or maybe he’s conditioned himself all on his own) into putting everyone else before himself, even when it hurts him or Thomas. Logan is ignored in the face of his implicit trust, and he hates that even as it pours salt in the open wound, he finds himself taking a depraved, spiteful comfort in the familiarity of it all.

“That’s not what I–”

“Awe, c'mon, Logan! Thomas deserves to have a happy relationship and someone he can live out the rest of his life with! Doesn’t that sound nice, to grow old together with someone you love? Isn’t that romantic? Oh, it just makes me so warm and fuzzy thinking about it!” Patton interrupts, hands clutching each other over his heart as he swoons. Logan knows Patton doesn’t mean to be rude, but he still can’t help but be a little hurt by it, especially since he’s now been ignored twice consecutively. He’s just trying to help, and if that means reigning in Roman’s exorbitant ideas that border on egregious at times, then Logan knows it must be done. Although he encourages Thomas to seek a relationship to improve his mental health and provide more financial stability, there is a limit to how much he can disregard himself and others in doing so, and that doesn’t mean that Logan is the bad guy for pointing that out. He knows that. He knows that, so why does the dismissal still feel so sharp in his chest?

“Yeah, romance is cool and all, but what if it doesn’t work? What if Danny actually hates us? What if we ask and he laughs at us or says no and then we’ll be standing there like an idiot and then he’ll never wanna talk to us again because he thinks we’re pathetic and stupid and–”

“Hey, now, don’t be such a Debby Downer, kiddo! I’m sure it’ll go just fine! We’ll just ask him. The worst thing that can happen is he’ll say no, right? Shouldn’t we give it a shot?” Patton consoles before Virgil can go into a spiral. Although his well-meaning reassurances are meant to be comforting, his voice just grates on Logan’s ears, tinny and hollow and misdirected.

“That’s what I’m afraid of!”

Logan wants to keep listening, he really does, but the noise is rising to levels where it’s too much to handle. He’s already sensitive from his illness, but the discussion that is very quickly turning into an argument falls in pulses through his head, sound torture to the broken, hopeless masochist. He’s barely holding onto himself at this point, consciousness like a dangling thread that swirls and dances and twirls with even the tiniest breeze, a hint of movement sending it shivering and quivering as it spins. It wouldn’t take much for the thread to fray from the weight pulling it down, or to saw through it in a clean slice that leaves it floating feather-light upon air currents, petals spiraling to the ground.

Petals. Flowers. Thomas could bring Danny flowers! It’s perfect! Danny is especially predisposed to gardening, and he frequently talks about different flowers and what they mean based on the type and colour. His interest in botany could make this a sweet gift, to show that Thomas pays attention to what Danny enjoys, and can be the perfect segue into asking him on a romantic outing. Yes, this could work! It would appease Roman’s inclination to classic romanticism while still being practical and not unreasonably expensive, give Patton his ideal relationship fantasy (and a “warm and fuzzy feeling”, apparently), and allow Virgil a little more breathing room, so-to-speak. This is something they all should be agreeable towards, and that confidence is enough to supply Logan with enough energy to push past his lightheadedness and offer a solution. He’s proud of himself for taking the others’ feelings into account, something he knows he’s not always been the most proficient at, and for coming up with a compromise that will likely satisfy everyone’s wants and needs.

“What about bringing him flowers?” Logan asks, pleased and antsy as he feels hope well up in his chest. He doesn’t push it down this time, and he thinks maybe, just maybe they’ll finally listen to him, that they’ll tell him that he did well, that he’s being considerate and maybe even say thank you–

“How would you even know, Roman? It’s not like we just go out and hire mariachi bands every Saturday!” Virgil says with furrowed brows, and Roman huffs in indignation, and Patton sighs as he looks between the two of them, and Logan’s words fall on deaf ears. They didn’t even hear. They didn’t listen. They didn’t care they didn’t care–

“Uh, hey, Virgil, what if–” Logan tries once more to speak, nausea rolling angrily in his gut, head spinning dizzy round and round and round and round and Virgil flinches.

He flinches. Because of Logan.

Virgil hasn’t been afraid of any of them for a long time. Sure, in the beginning, when they fought one another on nearly a day-to-day basis, there would be a moment before he could pull on his figurative mask that a flash of fear would go through Virgil’s eyes, and the sadness kept within wouldn’t subside even when he growled and snapped and blustered whichever side had the misfortune of picking a fight with him during a time where his first instinct was to keep away the pain and longing and loneliness the only way he knew how. Over time, that flash of fear dulled, morphed into something more manageable, more trusting. The sadness never really went away, but it was met with warmth, a soft contentedness that danced in his eyes when he realized he had a family to turn to. He hasn’t been afraid for a long time. And yet, he flinches away from Logan, just from him speaking.

Is he really that bad?

Does even simply the sound of his voice have such a negative association for Virgil that it prompts genuine fear and discomfort? Has he really scared Virgil that much? What did he do? How can he fix this?

Maybe he shouldn’t.

Logan’s felt disconnected from the others for quite a while now. He loves them, of course he does, but he doesn’t feel like he fits. He’s the metaphorical jagged puzzle piece, the one that should snap into the final vacant space but is so broken beyond repair that it doesn’t fit quite right. He wants to belong, to feel at home whenever he’s with them, but he doesn’t. He yearns for the acceptance that Virgil earned, the support that Roman is held up by, the respect and adoration Patton seems to acquire so casually and naturally that it’s like he doesn’t even have to try. Logan wants to be like them. He wants to be loved, but… that isn’t really his place, is it?

Love is not an inherent thing. It’s something that’s earned, by doing good things and being important enough to someone that they give it freely. It’s something Logan doesn’t understand, but despite that, still desperately, painfully yearns for. He wants to be loved, the way he loves the others. He wants to be a part of their famILY, to have that implicit trust in each other that only comes from acute, profound, deep-seated love. He wants that fondness directed towards himself, that devotion borne from hapless, radiating appreciation. The humbled esteem, the maudlin, theatrical longing, the passion and yearning and helpless, acquiescent love that bursts from the seams in a manner that will never diminish or fade. He wants that. Badly. And he’s finally ready to accept that he will never have it. He’s okay. He’s okay. He just needs a moment. He just needs to breathe.

The others must have continued with their arguments long ago, seemingly unaware of anything outside of themselves. Logan supposes he shouldn’t really berate them for that since he often falls victim to getting lost in debate as well, but something is wrong with Thomas, going by his expression and demeanour and the logical side can’t ignore it anymore. It’s highly unlikely that the other three will come away from themselves for long enough to notice, and it doesn’t sound like they’re anywhere close to coming to a conclusion amongst themselves, so Logan is perfectly fine with bearing that responsibility upon himself to check up on his host and make sure he’s okay. He’s the most important one here, after all, and it’s Logan’s job to help him, guide him in his life and decisions.

“Thomas? Is there something wrong?” Although the words come out clear and precise as usual, Logan’s throat burns, and he can barely breathe. He wants to sleep, he wants to sleep, but Thomas needs him, and that doesn’t happen often nowadays, so Logan does nothing but wait impassively. His host bites the inside of his cheek, then sighs as he stares off at the wall, lost in thought. Since he says nothing, the logical side assumes he will continue to say nothing for a few more moments, and decides to give him a once-over to gather more information and any possible context. Thomas’ eyebrows are furrowed, and his posture far from adequate. His expression is troubled, and his arms are crossed loosely, a pointer finger scratching at his elbow unconsciously. There is no obvious cause for his confusion and/or upset in himself or anywhere in the room, apart from the current dilemma, but he was fine before, so something must have changed to distress him now. Logan cannot ascertain what Thomas needs simply from observing him, so he concludes that the best thing for him to do is wait.

So he does. And he does so for a minute, two, five. Every second that ticks by feels like a needle is being shoved into his eyes, his brain, his legs, his everything and it takes more effort to stand than he’s used to. Breathing is difficult, but that isn’t exactly a new development, so at least he knows how to ignore it. Eventually, ten minutes pass with only the sound of the other three arguing in the background, and it doesn’t seem like Thomas is really all there. Although the action makes him want to throw up, Logan shifts forward, moving out of his usual spot and into Thomas’ own. He still doesn’t acknowledge any kind of input outside himself, so Logan lays a hand on his host’s arm gently, which snaps him out of his trance in a slow, unhurried kind of way. Thomas gives him a glance when his logical side sighs, tampering down any audible signs of his nausea in a manner that is unbeknownst to the host, but returns to staring at the wall without a second regard.

“Thomas?” Logan murmurs, bile rising in his throat and shoving his hidden suffering even closer to the forefront of his mind, as though it hasn’t been there all along. It’s hard to think, through all of the white noise and weary irritation and the tiniest sliver of hope that he crushes immediately, but thinking is his job, and he needs to help. “Are you alright? You can talk to me.”

And then Thomas is shrugging him off, turning away as he tells him he should “just stop” with piercing words, that he “can’t do anything to help”, and the rejection feels like a metaphorical knife has been shoved into his gut. Logan can feel the pain and the heartbreak and the insecurity materialize into a cold blade, twisting and twisting just to make him hurt more. Logan is ignored for the fourth time today, by the person it hurts to come from the most, and he can feel the sun whipping and screaming in his chest. His breath is stuck, sucked down into his throat, a sharp pain localizing in his neck, and he can’t help but bring his hand up to rub at the spot with trembling fingertips as he unsteadily lurches back to his regular spot. The others don’t notice, of course, or if they did, they don’t care. Then the nausea he’s been fighting against surges like a violent wave at full force, drowning him and the hurt is forcing its way into his mouth, his throat, his lungs, and he can’t breathe–

His fist flashes down from his neck to the banister, punching the railing so hard it echoes in the reverberation created from his vicious, angry snarl.

It’s scary, in a way, how in moments like this one, Logan feels as if his consciousness floats away from him, leaving behind only a wave of white-hot, searing anger that drains out of him just as quickly as it comes. There’s sleet running through his veins, and his brain has frostbite, and his fingertips are numb in the face of the ringing resonance after his outburst. The pain comes next, a simmering heat blistering below his fist until it’s coated and red and the beginnings of a bruise are starting to form. He can’t help but stare helplessly in front of himself, eyes burning and filling and blazing with how much they beg to close.

Logan sinks out.

There’s a very short window of time where the logical side rushes into the en-suite bathroom after rising up in his bedroom, trembling legs aching with exhaustion. Barely a second passes between him falling to the floor and emptying the meager contents of his stomach into the toilet, the bile burning in his tender throat as a reminder of his failure. The floor is cold and hard beneath him, ridges of tiles pressing unrelenting into his knees through his wrinkled jeans. His head spins, unbalanced as it whirls through itself, words and thoughts and ideas that mean nothing and everything simultaneously existing hollowly in a falling echo. There is pain, and aching, and soreness, and exhaustion, and Logan wants to sleep.

It’s hard to rise to his feet, head throbbing and knees shaking as he wipes the spit from his mouth on a folded square of toilet paper. The pain nags at him, persistent and irritating in its attempts to shut Logan out, almost clear in a way that belies the foggy haze blanketing his nearly incoherent thought process. Marking a clear vantage, a faultline to anchor onto is no easy task, and all Logan wants as he stumbles over to his bed is a landmark to pinpoint and find his way back to. He careens toward the mattress once he’s close enough, finally letting his legs give out underneath him when he’s as near as he can bear. It’s so difficult to stay upright in stiff misery, pangs and twinges of sharp pain coursing through his limbs and his back as his muscles are forced together under pressure.

In another familiar, frustrating bout of anger that seizes his breath before it can escape his lungs, Logan shoves his fingers in the knot of his tie, yanking it forcefully even as the motion jerks his own head forward uncomfortably along with it. His fingers run down the length of the fabric, and it falls apart at the end of its cycle, much like Logan has, and he snaps his arm back to chuck the dark blue, silky length to the ground in a motion that does little to relieve the rage built up inside him.

He can feel it building. The buzzing, the pressure, the glass in his veins running on shards. He feels the pinpricks upon pinpricks, the fire burning in his lungs, and the stone crumbles, and tumbles down, and he’s like a rubber band pulled taut.

He cracks, shrill pressure in his knuckles and head and torso, and nothing happens.

Then Logan hears the telltale squeak of his door swiveling on mildly rusty hinges, and a familiar voice echoes right through his bubble, shatters the stone wall like a bulldozer running at full speed, and then the wetness spills over his lashes and over his stony, impassive face.

“Oh, Lo,” Deceit murmurs, sad and tender as the breath rushes out of him and Logan can’t do this. He wants to throw out his fist in a wide arc and pummel the wall next to him until his knuckles are raw and bloodied and bruised beyond repair. He wants to scream until his throat is torn and his voice is gone, lost in the uncaring, empty void that coldly swallowed up his passion. Happiness has never seemed further away, and he knows he deserves it. But then he remembers all of the times where the pressure in his limbs and the buzzing in his brain forced him to lash out, to hurt others, and he thinks that maybe it’s okay for him to hurt right now to even the score. With the last of the metaphorical wall around him in tiny pieces, fragments of a life he never wanted to live but he desperately fought to keep, he lets his guard down for the first time in years.

Logan’s face crumples under the weight he’s burdened his being with, body immediately drooping under the heaviness that he’s forced himself to fight through. He finally submits, and the tears come in an endless stream over his cheekbones, itchy and hot and terribly, mindlessly relieving. It feels so good to finally let the negative emotion he’s pent up inside him out, to fall out of his cage he’s lived in high above a swirling ocean of release and fear and freedom. And he’s so, so lucky because he has someone to save him from the fall.

Deceit’s kneeled down in front of him, wiping away the tears as they fall with uncharacteristically degloved thumbs, and Logan can feel the smoothness of the scales twisting and trailing down his fingers. Every so often, Deceit’s pointed thumbnails catch lightly on the skin of Logan’s cheek, and it just causes him to cry harder. The vulnerability in the room is palpable, a wispy breath of worry and insecurity and trust trailing over their skin, blanketing the room in a warmth that runs even warmer when Logan reaches up to gently lay his hand over Deceit’s own. He shows his appreciation through tactility when the words he so desperately wishes to say are lost in his throat, blocked by the barrier that separates his newfound submission and the part of him that’s still clinging to the feeble grasp at acceptance he craves so dearly.

Logan can barely tell what’s in front of him through the kaleidoscope in his vision, but he doesn’t really need to see to throw himself forward off the bed and bury himself in Deceit’s chest, of whom lets out a surprised noise but doesn’t hesitate a single second in wrapping his arms tightly around the other side. He strokes Logan’s back comfortingly and offers him whispered reassurances through the heart-wrenching sobs and broken, croaky whines that disappear into his cloak, hand coming up to cradle his head in the overwhelming reflexive instinct to keep the logical side safe and happy. It feels like a dagger has gone through Deceit’s chest at the knowledge that Logan has been suffering for so long and hasn’t been able to let it out or just simply be held, the self-preservation that is at the core of his function as a side going off like alarm bells with every sniffle. Logan curls into the first person who’s ever offered him physical affection and emotional safety, and his fists clench the fabric at the snake-like side’s shoulders as tightly as he would if he were to never, ever let go.

Logan is out of breath even as his heart begins to calm, beating and beating in his ribcage and in his lungs. The lump in his throat prevents him from speaking, but he figures it’s okay to not be heard audibly, just this once, and speak with his actions. Although he doesn’t know what he’s saying when he pulls back and wraps his arms around Deceit’s neck, laying his face in the crook of other side’s neck like a small child would, not really, he hopes that his intent still comes across in some sort of intelligible, hopeful way. Deceit seems to take this as a request, a promise, and slides his grip to a point where he can hoist the smaller side up in his hold, carrying him just like a parent carrying their kid to their bed after they fell asleep during a visit to a friend’s house. This situation is much more loaded, stained with impurities and unsure withering, but it’s just as raw, just as real, and Logan finds himself feeling safer than he ever has before.

At some point, they end up on the bed, Logan having been manhandled into a more comfortable position for both of them, which is laying across Deceit’s lap without ever having let go of his neck. The logical side feels small and vulnerable, something that he would normally hate, squash down, bury so deep within himself that he doesn’t even have to acknowledge it. But honestly, right here, right now, he’s so goddamn exhausted, and forcing himself back into the state of repression he’s been in for so much of his life would take too much of a toll, more than he already has on himself. The wetness rolls down his cheeks, bold, blue precipitation falling in droplets onto his skin and the fabric of Deceit’s cape, sinking and spreading and thinning out into airy nothingness. And the nothingness enraptures him, pulls him in even as he breaks and whimpers and spills wisps of forgotten feelings into empty space, at least until his bedroom door opens once more with a loud click, because nothing Remus ever does is truly quiet.

“Hey, are you guys having a sexy party without me? How c–… are you… crying?” Remus asks, suggestive tone split and watered down into something confused, and surprised, and angry. The younger twin kicks the door shut behind him with his foot, more out of muscle memory than conscious forethought, something that stands with nearly every action Remus executes. Logan turns his head wearily, not lifting it from where it rests on Deceit’s collarbone. The latter of the two takes that chance to clear away some of the tears that didn’t get absorbed into his clothing, hoping that since the stream is slowly dispersing, his cheeks will stay dry this time. Remus slowly approaches, body tense and eyes piercing as Logan’s face is wiped off for the nth time, offering no other sounds or words as he crouches down to examine how the bespectacled side’s skin is rubbed red and sensitive.

Logan just whines softly, stare falling to the bedsheets, observing nothing in particular as he tries to figure out why words are failing him. Something that’s such an intricate part of himself, the communication of thoughts and ideas and knowledge that defines so much of who he is and how he exists, it’s dwindled and diminished into nothing. Deceit seems to understand, he always does, and reads him so perfectly it’s a wonder the two didn’t become closer in the beginning, with how much they truly are alike. A scaled hand makes it’s way up to Logan’s head and cards through the soft, disheveled hair there, scratching lightly at his scalp in a motion that seems to draw the aching tension caused by his distress out of his body, leaving his muscles to relax and melt into the chest that holds him upright.

“Something happened before I came in here. I assume it has to do with the others,” Deceit murmurs into thick, heavy air, stale with shame and tired hopelessness. Remus’ eyes flick to Logan’s own, actively searching for some sort of confirmation or denial. There’s a beat of silence, and Logan’s eyes flutter in a fatigued attempt to stay awake, and the nausea creeps its way into his stomach once again like a predator stalking its prey. Deceit repositions himself quietly, pulling the smaller side impossibly closer, as if he knows that he’ll need the added comfort. With his body squished into a protective embrace, and his tie laying flat on the floor below, forgotten and scorned for what it represents, Logan swallows hard around the sharp block in his neck and nods through his nonverbal affliction.

At the minimal admission, something in Remus’ eyes darkens, bathing the bright craze that typically resides there in something hateful, and vicious, and dripping with chemical absolution. He shifts away, rolls onto his haunches in a way that doesn’t read as entirely intentional, as though he’s been physically forced back with the weight of the confession. There’s so much there, in the way his breath comes out shallow and gravelly and low like a beast biting and snapping at the bars that contain it, fighting against the cage it’s locked inside. Nostrils flare, and jaw sets, and fists clench white as bone, and Remus straightens up to his full height, intimidating and looming and dangerous.

“Who?” he spits, venom coursing through the single word in molten streams. It’s a protective fire, serious in a way Remus rarely is, and the storm in his eyes and aura only becomes more turbulent and intense and solid as he reaches behind himself to slowly seize his morning star from where he keeps it at the ready. Pulling it to the front of him is an unexpectedly slow event, yet still ferocious in its quiet, cold fervour. The silver weapon swings in a steady arc around the side of Remus’ body, catching the dim light in a threatening glint, the gleam alluding to its deadliness in a way that’s almost unexplainable. The spiked mace finally comes to its resting point, hovering in the air just beside the fierce side’s leg, unassuming and ready to drive its way into an unlucky antagonist’s skull.

“I’ll cut their fucking throats. I’ll rip off every single limb from their bodies until they’re nothing but a pile of flesh and blood. They’re gonna pay for this,” Remus snarls, each threat bathed in acrimony and malice and choked by fury ripping through the tempest. Logan stares through misty eyes, half-lidded and concerned but too out of it to muster much of a coherent thought. Thankfully, Deceit is still there, soft and warm and well-equipped to deal with Remus and his behaviour. The snake-like side sighs, reaching out to just barely snatch up a frilly black sleeve, tugging him closer and meeting surprisingly little resistance despite the rigidity of the tallest side’s posture. Each breath from Remus comes out like a bullet, brisk and arduous and punctuated by a pang of impermeable guilt.

Even as Deceit motions Remus to lower himself onto the bed in front of them, the latter of the two is still apprehensive, terse movements and restless eyes that flit between anything and everything they can to avoid stagnation. It’s almost fearful, in a way, primal in its aptitude to think, and cultivate, and vindicate a wrongdoing that was never his fault or responsibility in the first place. Logan hates that they need to save him, hates that he doesn’t truly believe they actually care. There’s a level of certainty with himself and with others that the logical side hasn’t reached yet, and it feels too close and yet too far, kept obscure and secluded and almost clandestine in the way it’s ostensibly unreachable.

With the help of Deceit’s hand to guide his way, Remus slowly lets go of his morning star, tossing it to the side with a pensive, trembling swallow. It clatters to the ground, metallic clang resounding in vibrations, tilde-shaped waves that bounce off the façade and yell out to one another. Muted shrieks upon perfect, flat, neutral paint, sepulchral oscillations attacking the drywall.

“You can’t hurt them. I know you’re angry. I am too. But hurting them won’t solve anything, Rem, you know that more than anyone,” Deceit says meaningfully, smiling in a way that’s sad and distant but caring and compelling and relaxing for the tension wrapped so tightly around the three of them. The snake-like side lifts the hand that’s not in Logan’s hair and reaches out to grab Remus’ own, firmly but gently as he squeezes his fingers in a way that reassures, and consoles, and reprimands, not unkindly. He admonishes, and breaks that anger and frustration, and builds up positivity and alleviation and reprieve from everything that allows that buzzing, ticking, those pinpricks upon pinpricks. His care and concern washes over you, paternal in a different way than Patton operates, and it’s why Deceit is so comforting to be around. He manages a respite from vexation, a refuge in sanctuary, discreet freedom for the flawed, defeated dreamer.

“I’m mad. I’m mad that they hurt you, Lo-Lo. I want them to feel the pain you’re feeling,” Remus mutters, frigid and defeated, head bowed and gaze distant in that transparent manner of his that easily broadcasts all of his thoughts and feelings and wishes. Logan feels the pride welling up in his chest without even realizing it, quietly delighted at the progress Remus has made in being clear and forthcoming with his emotions and impulsivity. A weary grin makes its way onto his face, predictably aggravating the soreness in his cheeks, yet he finds himself indifferent to it, unperturbed by the plight that’s ravaged his body for the day, and probably longer without his notice. He wants to reassure the younger twin, to smile and laugh and brush all of it off, but his eyelids droop, and a pathetic mewl is the only thing able to escape his lungs. Of course, since there’s something Logan wants to say, Deceit somehow knows how to communicate it, just as prompt and courteous and perceptive as always.

“We can talk about this later after Logan has slept. Don’t worry too much, Rem, and don’t do anything stupid. If you get angry again, please go to your paints instead of your legs,” Deceit instructs, more of a suggestion than a demand, but he hopes Remus will listen and be mindful anyway. The latter of the two bounces his leg anxiously, grumbling unintelligibly under his breath as he stands up in one swift, fluid motion. As Remus makes his way over to exit the room, Logan nudges Deceit’s hand with his head gently, trying to bring his attention back to the massaging motion that ceased sometime during the conversation. The snake-like side’s eyes flick downward to meet the smaller side’s own half-lidded, teetering gaze, and he huffs a laugh after a moment of searching. Logan doesn’t know what he finds, but he realizes that he doesn’t really care that much about worrying over every little interaction anymore.

Remus finally turns and glances back as he swings the door open, brows still furrowed and shoulders still hunched, but simply shakes his head and leaves. The door closes much softer than before, thankfully, so as not to be too harsh on Logan’s migraine, an unusually conscientious thought from someone that rarely shows consideration to the needs of others that the logical side appreciates that much more. As the sound of Remus’ footsteps slowly fade with his retreat down the hallway, the two of them left are bathed in silence, one that is marginally less heavy and thick than before.

A small while passes afterward, only punctuated by soft breathing and light scratching noises from nails trailing through messy hair. Logan feels like he might pass out any minute, what with the comfortable, quiet understanding the two have come to rest at, but some part of him says to wait, to push through the mind-numbing exhaustion for just a little while longer. That part of him is probably just being considerate toward Deceit, who Logan can’t imagine would be very comfortable with another side falling asleep on him and laying on him for an extended period of time, but he figures that it’s a good of a reason as any. It’s not about him feeling like a burden. It’s not.

Eventually, Deceit must start to get tired as well, or maybe he’s sore from Logan’s weight on his legs, so he sits forward, apologizing quietly for disturbing the peace, and he moves them into a more comfortable position. The new arrangement is far more snug and cozy than the previous one, Logan thinks drowsily, as his head hits the pillow across from Deceit. They lay there on top of the blankets but make no move to pull them up, just content to stare lazily at one another in the dim, ambient light cast by the desk lamp in the opposite corner of the room.

“Why?” Logan finally asks, and although he loathes disrupting the silence, he needs to ask. The words are scratchy in his tender throat, a charcoal whisper on a steel canvas that scratches and sketches away with nothing viable left to keep through the wind that blows the dark dust off the surface. “Why are you helping me? Why do you care?”

Deceit just hums, sending Logan a weak, distracted smile. He mulls over the words, tossing about the meaning and possibilities in his head and on his silver tongue, rushing in an uncertain river through valleys of golden sand.

“I am self-preservation at its core. I exist to keep Thomas safe and healthy and thriving, and that also means you and the other sides by extension. But… it’s not just that. Even though I feel physical pain whenever one of you or Thomas is hurt, I specifically want to help you because… I care about you, Logan. I love you, and want to see you healthy and happy. I haven’t really been doing a good job of that lately,” Deceit mutters, gaze somewhere on their shared pillow, and there’s a quality to his tone that’s bitter beyond the line of frustration. Although Deceit doesn’t expand on it, doesn’t offer up a single clarification despite the heavy air and his resigned demeanour, Logan gets it. He understands, and he wants to prove him wrong.

So he does.

And that comes in the form of surging forward, fighting against the current, the pinpricks in his stomach and shoulders and abdomen, disregarding the exhaustion for just a little while longer so that he can let Deceit’s lips meet his own. Logan’s so close he can feel the shocked rush of air leave Deceit’s nose, feel the vibrations through the air as his body trembles in fear and anticipation and relief. The other side eases in, sinks closer, closer, and finally moves his lips in a careful, emotional dance that leaves Logan dizzy and breathless, for entirely different reasons that have plagued him for the past day.

“Lo,” Deceit breathes, low, wanting, and he pulls back to give Logan a chance to catch up. A scaled hand comes up to caress the logical side’s cheek, a soothing, cool balm for the raw skin beginning to heal there. “I didn’t… I didn’t think…”

“I love you,” Logan breathes, the words he’s refused to say, to acknowledge, to confront welling up through his throat and for the first time, he lets them spill out. The dam has broken, debris left to descend and submerge in the depths of the sentiment crashing through in a roaring, passionate rapid at the narrowest point yet. The words come, and they don’t stop, and Logan almost can’t believe how right they feel on his tongue. “I love you, I love you, I–I love you so much, Dee.”

Logan is like a rubber band, pulled taut and still and trembling under the pressure. And maybe he’ll split, shoot apart, torn in two pieces that will never fit back together again. But maybe he won’t. Maybe instead of snapping in half, he’ll snap back, and that thought alone gives him a quiet comfort that he’s not used to allowing himself. He’s waiting, hoping, and he’s okay enough for now.

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suhmayzooka · 5 years ago

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cursed child broadway, December 28, 2019

my sister (S) and i were fortunate enough to get tickets for the third row, right by the aisle, making us right in the center. I was a bit worried about the seats being so close to the stage, but it was absolutely amazing to be so close to the action. it was immersive, and i felt like i was part of the action.

S is my polar opposite. she’s not a potterhead, for starters, and likes to call me (and everyone else in the theater, especially those in cosplay) a loser. she’s heavily involved with her school’s theater -- acting and stage crew -- and i call her a theater nerd. she’s an aspiring actress, and almost gave my mom a heart attack when she announced her plan to study acting in college (they compromised, and now S intends to major in psychology in addition to acting). i didn’t know she was interested in cursed child since she eschews all ‘nerdy’ things, but she said that she ‘wanted to see how bad it was.’

she’s been the only extrovert in our family since she was born. she’s a hatstall between gryffindor and slytherin (although she identifies with the lion). if you’re reading this, i’m assuming you like cursed child and perhaps are involved with the fandom. ever read the tea time series on ao3? S is lily luna. she’s the embodiment of how everyone writes lily luna. she cursed out our dad a few days ago. she made me spend the equivalent of two hours of work on fucking soda and popcorn because she didn’t listen to me when i told her to pack a clif bar. this is what i put up with.

she actually enjoyed the show! i was shocked. she loved the effects.

after part one, she turned to me and went, “please just tell me one thing: do albus or scorpius die?”

i was surprised by her question.

she explained: “because at this point all i care about is their romance, and if they don’t get together or if they die i’m leaving the theater.”

this is coming from someone who ranted to me about how she doesn’t understand why people ship non-canon pairings since ‘not every friendship has to be romance.’ and here she was genuinely invested in scorbus? my heart…

i’m a good big sister, so i told her really vague statements like “our heroes will find themselves in danger several times during this act...” “one person’s pain is used to inflict pain on the other” and similar things. eventually, she became convinced that scorpius would be revealed to be voldemort’s son and harry would accidentally kill him. not sure how she came up with that.

i guess everyone caught the plague? the coughing would Not stop. S started making fun of them. and it’s like...everyone was a-okay during wand dance. there were no coughs in the opening choreography for part two. no, everyone had to succumb to coughing fits during the quiet, emotional moments.

“i always wanted a best mate to get up to mayhem with--”

COUGHCOUGHPHLEGMCOUGHHACKHACKHACKPHLEGMPHELGMCOUGHCOUGH

“--you’re my best friend--”

COUGHCOUGHPHLEGMCOUGHHACKHACKHACKPHLEGMPHELGMCOUGHCOUGH

for every. emotional. scene. maybe they were choked up on their tears.

at the last minute we decided to do stage door. as in, we had already left the theater, saw the line outside, and were like, “sure.” unfortunately we had left our playbills in the theater since my hands were occupied holding her soda and popcorn since apparently she’s incapable of doing so…

i’m using google and my shitty facial recognition to remember who was who. we (she) spoke to zell steele morrow (young harry), karen janes woditsch (mcgonagall), nadia brown (rose), james snyder (harry), and nicholas podany (albus). unfortunately, we had to catch our train and left just as jonno roberts (draco) came out :( i think he was S’s favorite.

anyway here are my (our) thoughts:

1. Characters

~nicholas podany is a really good albus! he’s very mischievous, and you can see the wheels in his head turning as he comes up with his (increasingly more ridiculous) plans. whenever he comes up with an idea he looks at scorpius like :O and it gets funnier as the play goes on.

~bubba weiler is a lot of fun. he’s very physical actor, and he really hams it up. his scorpius is meant to be seen rather than read. most of the comic relief is written for scorpius, and there seemed to be roars of laughter after every other line. he shook his hips at “MALFOOYYYY THE UNAANXIOUSSS” and (exaggeratedly) pretended to march in place for “MY GEEKNESS IS A-QUIVERING!!” he purred at rose. he flailed his entire body around when he was crucio-d :( one thing i noticed was how he carried himself. scorpius spent a lot of time sitting hunched over, rocking slightly back and forth (most noticeable when he was introduced, but he hunched over and rocked on the staircase several times as well). when he stands he’s rubbing his thumbs or the hems of his robes. his leg was bouncing nonstop in the library scene. anyway what i’m trying to say is scorpius malfoy is neurodivergent. ableists don’t interact.

~for some reason S says that both scorpius and albus are unlikeable, but they’re cute together. she was very proud when scorpius yelled at albus for being “the most terrible friend.”

~the chemistry between scorbus is There. it’s clear podany and weiler are close friends irl; they’re extremely comfortable together and play off each other really well.

~matt mueller is great as ron. he works well with what he’s been given...not his fault thorne/tiffany decided to make ron a caricature with very little resemblance to canon ron...but that’s a rant for another day :] he’s delightful on stage. he’s funny and charming.

~i’ll admit i wasn’t really feeling jenny jules as hermione, at least in part one. she’s really playful, especially in the scene in her office where she offers harry a “to~fee~!” she was really great in the dark timeline, however.

~my romione heart

~the man himself, james snyder as harry potter! was um, very shouty? very angry all the time. he’s under a lot of stress. his son disappeared in time. i’ll let it slide.

~jonno roberts was literally draco malfoy. his sneer, his swagger, everything was absolutely as i imagined draco 20 years in the future would be. he’s so protective of scorpius...when the adults travel back to 1981 to find their sons, he picks scorpius up as they hug? and then instead of breaking apart, he sort of...put one arm around scorpius’s neck? like a backwards neck travel pillow thing. scorpius held his arm as draco looked around behind him for any danger. it was really cute.

~diane davis was a really protective ginny. all the fiery ginny from the books that was absent from the films made its way into her.

2. Scenes

~one criticism i have is the fact that everyone speaks really quickly. it’s a five hour play and i get that they’re trying to contain all the dialogue within that time but like...it’s a dialogue-heavy show. i knew what was going on since i’m familiar with the script and the story, but there were parts when S and other members of the audience were confused. this was especially noticeable during the trolley witch scene. literally nothing could be heard over the music and the sound effects, and several people around us were audibly confused and asking each other what was happening. i mean, it doesn’t make a lot more sense with the dialogue, but at least let us hear what the characters are saying!

~podany, snyder, and (at times) weiler were the worst offenders. weiler’s good at physical comedy, punctuating his iconic lines with clownlike movements for laughs since no one would know what he’s saying otherwise. e.g. “we stand over the baby and scream” was almost inaudible, so we just heard “HEEELLLPPP HEEEEELLLP!” it was effective since the whole theater laughed, i guess. take this with a grain of salt; we were only a few feet away from the stage, so maybe our audio wasn’t the best.

~roberts was crystal clear at all times

~S fell in love with scorbus during the staircase ballet. if you’ve seen that one clip from this cast you know why. the YEARNING.

~the LIBRARY scene! i reblogged audio of this a few months ago. oh my god, it’s perfect. it hits the emotional highs and lows. when albus said, “i wasn’t a loser before i met you,” there was a collective gasp and we all “OOOOOOOOOOH”-ed. everyone was invested in this. weiler’s performance is really emotional, he’s holding back tears, i’m holding back tears. podany’s gets so soft when he talks about how kind he is. i actually clenched my heart. “friends?” “always.” audience: “OOOOOOOOOH!”

~i can confirm that myrtle’s “girls...AND BOYS” is directed straight at albus. his eyes widen, and he sheepishly shrugs his shoulders and is very excited to change the topic.

~scorpius’s imaginary friend was named hector. idk if he improvises it every time, or if he decided to change it to hector from flurry, but his delivery was great. sweetly: “oh, i had one of those too!” scathing hiss: “HECTOR.”

~the biggest jumpscare of the play was when scorpius emerged from the lake at the end of part one. it was all dark, and then he shoots out of the water, gasping. i jumped.

~voldemort walked down the aisle right next to us. S was terrified that he’s jump or touch her, so she curled up next to me.

~i was interested in how the penultimate scene would play out, since i heard that weiler and podany really play up their relationship, but scorpius had spent every scene with rose purring at her. she came and imitated a scorpion when she said “scorpion king,” curving her hand and making a hissing noise, which elicited a few “oohs” from the audience. then the Hug...the “new version of us” line is said as they hug, and they just. stood there for a few moments, hugging. when albus goes “you better ask rose” scorpius looks up at him and blinks, goes, “.........uh oh yeah, rose….” and goes off stage. right before he exits he looks at albus, and albus keeps watching him after he leaves. uhh anyway scorbus is canon and so is pollyrose

~“dad...i don’t want to be a wizard anymore.” (dead silence) “i want to go into pigeon racing” *breaks into the biggest shit-eating grin and cracks up*. the last shot is harry holding albus as he silently weeps. Ookay.

~due to several instances of childhood trauma, my sister’s biggest fear is birds (especially chickens, ostriches, and...pigeons). she didn’t know why people laughed at harry’s confession that he was afraid of pigeons, because to her that’s a valid fear. we saw a pigeon in the train station and she almost cried.

3. Stage door

~S did most of the talking. she told everyone “so sorry we don’t have our playbill! you did such a great job!” and then struck up mini conversations. i stood nodding like “good job!” looking like this :]

~first up was (i believe) zell steele morrow! he’s so cute and was really upbeat. S finally found someone shorter than her…

~karen janes woditsch asked what houses we’re in. S was like “gryffindor!” and she smiled, i told her “ravenclaw” and she was like, “well...i love all my students equally….”

~i didn’t recognize james snyder since he was dressed like he was in the arctic. neither did S.

~nadia brown was so sweet! you could tell she really loved seeing fans. there was a group behind us in line who apparently were here for their third viewing, and they conversed like they were old friends.

~nicholas podany came out wearing a t shirt. in december. i was cold because i forgot to wear gloves and he came out in a t shirt. the group behind us asked if he was cold and he said that he was hot from running around the stage. S told him that he did great, she asked how long he was performing (ten months since february) and her response was “oh, that makes sense, you were good!” he went on about how he loves performing, how each night is different based on the crowd and how we were such a great crowd, and i could feel S like. sinking into the sidewalk. i just nodded at him and went “good job.”

~he’s my height, maybe slightly shorter (i’m 5’6/167 cm) and very pale. i think S has a crush on him since she wants to go back to “apologize for being so awkward.” growing up she had a crush on daniel radcliffe, too, so i guess she has a thing for potters.

~the group behind us went on about how much they loved harry potter, had been fans their whole lives, etc. podany’s apparently a huge potterhead, but not the biggest in the cast: they all came together to see who was the biggest potterhead, and the answer is the actor who plays cedric (forgot his name and the internet isn’t helping, sorry!) -- his tv (?) remote is in the shape of a wand! the rest of them are nerdy enough to fact-check the director lmao

~we didn’t get to actually speak with jonno roberts, but we saw him interacting with other fans. he seems like a cool guy.

#ccsquad #cursed child #i see cc

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #277

“i think we could reach heaven if we go through hell”

What are you currently listening to? "Heaven" by Solence. Has your father met the boy you currently love? I don’t love a guy, just his memory. I don’t think it’s accurate to say “yeah I love him” when I haven’t spoken to/associated with him since one talk in 2017. Are you closer with your siblings or cousins? My sisters. I barely ever see/talk to my cousins at all. How many people have you really fallen for? Two. Next event you’ll wear a dress to: Probably not ‘til my sister’s wedding next year. Why did you last cry? Oh god it’s so cheesy but it was during the Unus Annus video where Mark, Ethan, and Amy were out in the desert watching Neowise and just talking about life and shit. I legit sat in silence just thinking for a while after I finished it. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Shit, not even 10 minutes. Sometimes not even five. I don’t do anything special at all, just get dressed, brush teeth, and comb my hair. Would you ever take back someone after they cheated? Nnnnope. How many arguments have you had with the last person you dated? Well considering we jumped back and forth from hating each other to being friends like five times as kids,,,, lmao. But on a serious note, it’s rare now. I don’t exactly count arguments tho. Do you want to see somebody right now? I wanna hang with Sara so bad mayn. Do you get distracted easily? YEAH. Do you think that someone has feelings for you? Yeah. Do you still talk to the person that you last kissed? On the daily. Are you easy to get along with? I think so. I’m chill with such a variety of people that you know you can be free of judgment. The only thing you’d have to understand is how quiet I am and that it does not equate to me being disinterested in you or anything, as people have apparently thought. Have you ever had a pet goldfish? As a kid. Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yeah. Are you short? I’m of an average height for someone my gender, age, and nationality or whatever it’s called. Is there anything stressing you out currently? bruuuuuhhhhh I am ALWAYS stressed about something. What’s something that you cannot wait for? This fucking pandemic to end. Just wear your goddamn masks and stay in your fucking houses ‘n shit and maybe we’ll move forward. What was your favorite grade? So it’s super ironic: 7th. Which is when my depression manifested. I just have a lot of good memories with excellent teachers and friends. Are you afraid of shots? “Fear” is the wrong word for it, but there’s certainly a tense feeling before you get one. It’s not the needle that really hurts, it’s whatever medicine is being injected. Always stings. Were you an adorable baby? I was tbh, but I had nothing on my little sister. Nicole was so fucking cute. Are you happy with who you’re becoming? No. Do you want children? No. Do you change your phone background a lot? Not “a lot,” no. Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast? Definitely really slow. Really fast is nooot my style. I mean, neither is very slow, but I’d definitely prefer it and feel more secure in it. When applying eyeliner, which eye do you do first? Uhhh I think left? I do this so rarely that I don’t really know lol. How many exes have you talked to today? One. Are you tan? lol hell no. I never have been. Do you use any acne medication? I use a facial scrub to exfoliate and prevent acne, does that count? Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? My half-sister I’ve never met. I know almost nothing about her so can’t answer the second question. Are you likely to crack under peer pressure? Not really, no. Are you emotional or very stoic? I’m emotional as hell. How many states have you lived in? North Carolina has kept me hostage my whole life. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah. Who did you last say “I love you” to? Me mum. How do you want to die? Eek, idk man. Part of me says fast as to avoid pain or a gradual, torturous decline in health, but at the same time I want my life to conclude after like… accepting it and not taking my last days for granted. I also don’t want the sudden surprise on my loved ones. Are you scared of spiders? Okay, so this is very situational. If a spider surprises me, I’m most likely going to gasp/scream/curse and try to get away. However, I find them very, very fascinating to watch and are beautiful and some even cute in their own right. I respect their existence and position in the ecosystem. I’ve held a tarantula before and even want two (… or ten) as a pet, so I can’t be THAT scared of them. Oh, and I’m much more likely to be spooked by ones with long legs and particularly small bodies. Idk, it’s weird. Do you have trust issues? fuck YES I do. Who/what was your last dream about? I know Jason was in it, but that’s no surprise. I remember someone randomly trying to kill me again lmao. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I’m sure it was Mom. Who was your last text from? Sara. Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? The fuck is wrong with you if you sleep with it open?????????????? Have you ever "done it" in a hotel room? No. I don’t think we were ever in a hotel together, and besides, it’s p gross imho. I can’t say for sure I wouldn’t lmao but I hope I wouldn’t. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No, that’s never made sense to me? My sister stole a traffic cone once tho lmao. She legit just wanted to do something sketchy. Highkey badass, amirite. Are you reading any books right now? I’m very slowly reading Wings of Fire: The Dark Secret by Tui T. Sutherland. I’m going through one of my junctures of little reading again, even though I’m enjoying the book as I do with the series. Who was the last person to send you a friend request on Facebook? Some dude I had no mutual friends with or anything. How recently did you wash your hands? Last time I went to the bathroom. Did the last person you kissed have facial hair? No. Who is the most intelligent person you know? Girt. Do you have younger siblings? If you do, are you protective of them? I have one sister younger by two years, and I’d kill for her even if we’re not all that close. What are the other members of your household doing at this moment? I’ve actually been home alone for around two weeks now and am MIRACULOUSLY doing totally fine. My mom had to take an urgent flight to NY because her mom is dying. Sadly much slower than they expected. She’s not in pain due to medicine, but nevertheless, it’s torture for her. She can't do anything. Do you have any neighbors that you don't get along with? Not really, but there is someone to our right that constantly has music playing outside, and sometimes it’s annoying. In the past week, have you slept past midday? No. I can’t remember the last time I did that. Name the last song that made you cry. “Lovely” by Billie Eilish, I think. It reminded me of Jason. Do you use Twitter? Not really, no. I only ever check it to look at Mark’s lmao what a shocker. The last time something scared you, what was it? One of my nightmares last night. A huge spider was hurrying towards my face from the wall and I actually scrambled out of bed irl, therefore nearly passing out bc I can't get up fast w/o getting extremely dizzy, oof. Who was your first best friend? Brianna. Are you still friends anymore? On Facebook, anyway. We haven’t talk-talked in many years. Who is your best friend right now? Sara. How old were you when you found out what sex was? I was in the 4th or 5th grade, whatever age you are then. I definitely learned later than most, it seems. Had no idea until sex ed in school. Name one quirk you have that drives people crazy? I pace badly, and I’ve been told by numerous people it makes them anxious. Who is your favorite Disney villain? Probably Scar. You gotta admit his scheme was pretty clever, and he had a BUMPIN song. Would you have children if a surrogate could carry it for you? No, I still wouldn’t. Do you have an account for any social platform that you rarely/never use? Yeah, like Twitter. What do you most frequently take photos of? Nature. Do you ever wear hats? What does your favorite hat look like? No. Have you tried any foods or drinks for the first time today? Which? No. Does anyone close to you smoke cigarettes? My dad. What was the last song you heard, that made you feel nostalgic? Motionless In White recently covered "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. Is it awkward when you run into your ex? I don’t run into any of them. Do you prefer pasta, salad, or coleslaw? Oh, totally pasta. Coleslaw is fucking disgusting. Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? I hope. Would you rather pierce your tongue or lip? I have a vertical labret and did have snake eyes, and I adore(d) both; however, I prefer my lip ring. It’s like, a part of my identity by now lmao. Last time you were attacked by an animal? I don’t think an animal has ever seriously hurt me, instead only through playing too rough. I get scratches from Roman every now and again from it. How many times have you been engaged (if any at all)? Never. Have you ever been called something and you didn’t know what it meant? So one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever done is accidentally agree to being a martyr, because at the time, I thought it only meant like, you’d die for what you stand for, which in most serious cases, I would. I didn’t know that wasn’t the kind he meant; he meant I was trying to make shit all about me and throw a pity party about the breakup. I didn’t learn that was the “common day” definition until a long time after when I was no longer in contact with this person. Are your eyes sensitive to sunlight? VERY VERY VERY. Have you ever been busted for underage drinking? No. Do you have a picture of you and your lover kissing? I don’t have a “lover.” Have you witnessed a fight at school? So shortly after returning to class in the 10th grade, a girl deadass got stabbed in the neck during a fight nearby my classroom. I (nor my classmates) actually saw it, just heard. Safe to say the assailant was expelled, and the other girl was lucky to have her throat missed, though that was apparently what the other girl was aiming for. She went to the hospital of course, and that’s all I know. Who did you last get into a big argument with? Probably Mom. Do you drink lots of water? Sigh, no. What was the worst feeling you last felt? Before my last period I had a day of such bad cramping that I decided to go back on birth control. I originally started it for that but stopped to see how it would affect my mood, and now I absolutely need it back. Interested in anyone at the moment? Yeah. Do you know people with your last name that you aren't related to? Besides historical people, no. Are you guilty of texting while driving? ”I don’t drive, but I am so against doing that. Please don’t. It only takes a second of distraction for something to go wrong. Keep your eyes on the damn road.” <<<< This right fuckin here. Have you ever caused a lot of noise in a library? No. What was the last thing that completely took your breath away? I don’t know. When playing rock, paper, scissors which do you usually pick? Uhhh I think scissors? Have you ever tried to write a book? Yes, but they’re all projects I abandoned. Have you ever been hit by a chunk of hail? Not that I recall, no. Do you have high standards? Honestly yes when it comes to relationships (which is what I assume you’re talking about). Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle? Yeah. Do you know how to snap your fingers? Uh, yeah. Do you plan your outfits for the next day or just randomly choose? I choose on the spot, usually. Are you a bossy person? Definitely not. Is it true that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another? I fucking hate that statement. It’s absolute bullshit.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

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shadowsong26fic · 5 years ago

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Fanfic ask: 1, 5, 11, 14 for Precipice and any other fic you feel like sharing for, 18, 27, 33, 34, 38, 41, 44, 49 (sorry for asking so many, I just really like these questions!)

Hoo boy! This’ll be fun :D

::cracks knuckles::

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

Ten or eleven, when I first figured out it was a Thing. (Somewhere, buried in my boxes of Old Papers, there is baby!shadowsong’s attempt at writing something involving Padme turning up at Yavin but with the serial numbers very badly filed off, before I learned it was possible to just...write fanfic, lol.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Oh, Lord, why must you do this to me. XD

I mean, I like all of them for different reasons? Writing Precipice is almost like coming home, I’ve been living in that AU for so long; The Devoted was delightfully self-indulgent and a fun exercise in worldbuilding and I do plan to put more in that AU at some point, I swear; These Three Remain also had some super self-indulgent bits and some sweet cuddly fluffy bits and yep; Distaff is so much fun to work with Anakin’s characterization and her (in said fic) relationship with Padme; I have some WIPs that I’m super excited to get out...even going back to old fandoms, HoTM and Cartography!Verse and The Promises of Angels and Serenissima (ish; we were posting it as a series of vignettes rather than one long novel) and For Sorrow Sung and all my AtLA fic, and...

...yeah, I’m bad at picking favorites XD

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not really? I’ve added extra notes and when I was a baby in the LOTR fandom I actually took a fic down because I got pounced on by a Canon Purist, but I...don’t usually change what I do have planned out in response to criticism? Sometimes I add in some filler/explanation, or comments inspire me to add thing, but...

I don’t plan things out in a whole lot of detail, but I do usually have a few Major Plot Points worked out, and I tend not to change them because criticism. I usually don’t go back and edit, either.

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories.

I think I actually talked about this in detail last time I did a similar meme to this...aha, here we go: https://shadowsong26fic.tumblr.com/post/186756818127/a-and-i-for-fic-ask

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Yep, a few. Mostly, I abandon WIPs because I drifted away or otherwise left the fandom (i.e., most of my SPN fic), or otherwise got stuck on a plot point (For Sorrow Sung, which I might rewrite, I got stuck on because I wasn’t sure how to write Roslin; Distaff has stalled because I have to do a Monster chapter next because I did some things out of order; etc., though I actually do intend to get back to Distaff at some point, and am considering rewriting For Sorrow Sung or getting back to some of my other BSG fic...). ...on that note, there are several Stalled WIPs that I don’t consider abandoned, I just get sidetracked by other things even if I intend to get back to them At Some Point (Auxiliaries, Masks, a few others.)

Also, a bunch of miscellaneous self-indulgent things that I never really intended to share outside a small circle of friends that I wander away from when my attention gets caught by a similar shiny self-indulgent thing I don’t really intend to share outside a small circle of friends...

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

Moooostly go with the flow. Then again, I don’t formally outline most things, but I generally have an Idea of the Main Plot Points I’m working towards? But those are usually Super Major Things (i.e., with Precipice, when I was going into it, I had most of Arc 1 planned out ahead of time; I knew when and how Lavinia was going to be introduced; I knew most of how Rex got brought in and at least when Ahsoka came in; I knew Ahsoka was going to be Leia’s primary teacher; I knew when and how Specter was going to die; I knew that the reunion (and the attempt to kidnap Lavinia) were going to happen (though actually I was originally planning for Saw to be behind said kidnapping before realizing that didn’t make sense); I knew when Infernalis was going to be introduced and then die; and then some Spoilery Stuff for the next several arcs :)

So, yeah. I usually have a general notion of where things are going (...most of the time; I mentioned Distaff above, and I’m waffling on how I want things to end for that one...) but a loooooot of white space and things are in flux along the way.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Honestly, probably the one I kept in my inbox to reread the most often was on The Promises of Angels--I got a very long comment about the things I’d done with both the focal character and other side characters and the way I’d handled the established lore (and places where canon had fallen short, re: ex-vessels and so on), and then saying they were going to rec it to other people. I’ve gotten other very nice comments since then, (Precipice gets a lot of comments, some of which are lovely, some of which are infuriating), but I think the reason that one sticks with me is because I worked on that fic for so long, and it was a 100k gen epic about a tertiary character who (at the time) had been dead for five seasons. So, a very niche-appeal fic, especially in a fandom that tends to be very shipping-focused, so the fact that it had that much appeal outside of my own brain meant a lot.

(Also, just...the fact that so many people have read and liked Precipice means a whole lot to me????? Was not expecting that for a long wandering genfic epic, lol. ...again, because the fandom I was most active in prior to that is very ship-focused; Star Wars tends to be more gen-friendly, at least that’s been my experience thus far.)

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

Maybe not the harshest overall I’ve ever gotten, but I mentioned earlier that I took down one LOTR fic because a Canon Purist complained about it to me--I mean, it might not have actually been that mean if I were to get it now that I have a thicker skin, but I was Little Shadowsong at that point and it hurt enough for me to take the fic down, and it does kind of linger in the back of my mind as my Worst Comment Experience.

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

...to be honest, I don’t do a lot of collaborations overall, and most of the ones I do tend to be with people I’ve been friends with/RP’d with for a Long Time.

That being said, I’m possibly open to trying? Right now I have a lot on my plate, both fic and IRL wise, over the next couple months, but if anyone’s interested, hit me up and we’ll see if we can work together!

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

In Star Wars? Probably Bo-Katan. I really do wanna finish/start posting our faces like a mirror before the Mandalore Arc actually airs (not that I care about jossing so much, but it’d be nice to Officially lock my canon there so I can point to it if anyone does the whole ‘but canon says!’ thing at me, lol). Also, I love writing Beru, at least the way I write her in Precipice.

If we expand to other fandoms...Nick in SPN, at least before canon brought him back wrong; for BSG...well, most of the ‘minor’ characters I like are really secondary and/or Major in one arc or two--i.e., D’Anna, Gaeta, Ellen Tigh is a lot of fun; in AtLA, I personally mostly wrote major characters and OCs (though some of those were...people who had definitely Existed, but were not named or explored in canon--i.e., Lu Ten’s mother), but my primary RP/writing partner and I worked a lot with Haru and Song and Teo and the Dai Li, among others...but said partner mostly handled them.

44) What is the last line you wrote?

((With an additional line for context; also this is subject to change.))

“True,” Sabe said. “...are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“No,” Padme admitted, after a moment’s thought. “But I think if I wait much longer, I’ll...I’ll either start climbing the walls until I run out and do something righteous and half-planned and stupid, or I’ll...or I’ll never be able to figure how to start, and I’ll just...”

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I cannot, sadly. But it would’ve been 15-20 years ago, and probably either Star Wars or Harry Potter. Maybe Dragonlance or DBZ or Sailor Moon.

Ask me a fanfic writer question!

#asked #answered #dedicatedfollower467

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

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December 21st-December 27th, 2019 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from December 21st, 2019 to December 27th, 2019. The chat focused on the following question:

Without heavy spoilers, describe the worst thing you’ve put one of your characters through?

carcarchu

for a comic i haven't released yet (this happens in literally the first chapter so i don't really consider it a spoiler) the main character in this story has a rough life. she's saddled with enormous debts and gets fired from her job, then when things finally start looking up for her she gets hit by a car and "dies" the whole premise of the story is that people who die and get brought back to life by doctors (dead for just a few seconds) get powers

Cronaj

Hmmm.... I won't say whose, but probably the death of their child, and I've done some awful things to my characters. For some reason, all the pain and suffering in the world does not amount to the loss of one's child. To be fair, I don't usually consider it my fault that these horrible things occur in the story, because I couldn't change it if I wanted to. To do so would feel like a lie. These stories exist in my mind independent of what I want, and I'm simply telling them to the world. But yes... that child is the saddest creature I've written.

eli [a winged tale]

Torn apart, watched their friends die, forced to live forever... you name it, we got it In all seriousness, I also like focusing on the small (but not insignificant things) like not having your love reciprocated and questioning your worth. Sometimes it’s the small things that can collectively be destructive.

Capitania do Azar

In some ways, I think I have already done the worst I possibly could to my characters (war, being unable to help and losing their loved ones in darkness and loneliness). But on the other hand, I do plan to extend the mechanics of mind intrusion to the point of completely mangling up people's psyches, so I guess I'll have to wait and see which one feels worse

FeatherNotes

So far in GJS, we've had a character go through some, well, explosive limb loss There's quite a lot of hard things the chars go through / will go through, but i def see the brutality of the leg loss as something pretty huge for the character!

taterviking

I threw my main character under a semi, off a cliff, and shoved a tree branch into his brain. And then when he woke up I gave him long term memory loss and stole 80% of his memories from before he was 12

Kelsey (Kurio)

Boy am I glad none of us are gods heh

taterviking

I kind of treat writing like the Sims: which one am i torturing and which two did I build specifically to get naked together.

eli [a winged tale]

Omg Tater that’s a perfect analogy (edited)

taterviking

the only difference is that I can follow them to work and they're alllllll the money slave/work horse

Also, Viking is my father's name, you can call me Tater ;P

snuffysam

the worst thing that has happened to one of my characters canonically is something i have not and will not describe in-comic, so i'm not about to describe it here. there are certain... types of trauma... where even if a story depicts things realistically, respectfully, and with properly directed condemnation, fans romanticize the hell out of it. and i want no part of that. so, like, i'm keeping this stuff in the character's backstory, because i want to depict living with and growing past traumatic experiences, but i refuse to actually describe/depict what happened so fans don't get the wrong takeaway. the important thing isn't what happened, it's how she deals with it. as for things that actually happen in the comic - one character does get tortured by a government for information?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Oh boy. So I am rather known for torturing my characters. I don’t even know what the worst thing is, but ‘dying horribly’ or ‘very dark and tragic backstory involving abuse and/ or terrible loss’ describes 95% of my casts.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Several of my characters get horribly bitten/eaten by hungry spirits. If they aren't already completely wrecked by the attack, the resulting cursed bite leads to quarantine and ostracization. Even little kids get abandoned or sent away. And those who are eventually totally consumed by the curse... basically become half-dead. ...Yeah, I got a lot of 'worse than death' stuff going on

Nutty (Court of Roses)

Won't say who, but i don't think i could do much worse than giving a character the perfect life and then taking it and everyone they've ever loved away from them in one fell swoop, leaving them to wander aimlessly.

Deo101

I've put all of my characters through different things that I think aren't really comparable as far as saying one is "worse" than the other. Though, I think that I'll probably say making one of them essentially live through a genocide is pretty undeniably the worst thing, and also the only one that I've really canonically discussed.

DanitheCarutor

I'm lowkey into character torture porn, so I like putting my OCs through some shit. Apollo probably has the most cushy life of every character I've ever made, the spoiled brat! The worst thing that will happen, in TGtaHR at least, will be related to death and/or near death. Not so much the subject in itself but how it is used, which may or may not be the worst thing from a reader perspective, but from the character's perspective. I mean...? I guess anything relating to death is pretty bad, but I've kind of seen situations where the person would have considered it a luxury, soooo. I don't know where I'm going with this!(edited)

Deo101

sounds like you're going towards "my comic is the meanest thing I've put my characters through"

you big meanie.

DanitheCarutor

Ah! I'm such a bully! Nothing like putting your characters through the worst to make the positive payoff more worth it.

khkddn

is psychological or physical pain more impactful to readers? prolly depends heavily on the context huh

anyway for my comic I think it is a tie between a psychologically hurtful thing and a physically hurtful thing

the psychological one is a little something I like to call The Dress Arc, and the physical one is called Cold Swiss Cheese

Deo101

Incredible

khkddn

what is the point of having painful scenes if one does not give them cool names amirite

Deo101

Absolutely. You know whats up

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I’d say psychological pain is much worse. A broken leg can heal in a month, but trauma stays with you. Of course, the former can cause the latter, but I always find it much more emotional when the character is feeling internally tortured rather than externally.

DanitheCarutor

I'm no expert but from personal experience with my comic, it's kind of depends on the reader? But physical is more universally comprehensible. A lot of the pain depicted in my story so far is psychological, with a little physical, and I've noticed people who have experience and/or are educated with the psychological aspect are more impacted by that than people who have never experienced or learned about it. Or to be more straightforward, people who have never experienced or have no knowledge of mental/emotional abuse have no idea what's going on in the story. Although when I had a scene where my frail, mentally unstable MC got punched in the face, everyone flipped out equally.

Of course this is just relating to abuse, when it comes to other stuff relating to pain I can't really give an opinion. I would say it's similar, since most people generally need to have a certain level of understanding of something to be impacted by its depiction of fiction, but I have no idea. Lol(edited)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

No, you make a really good point. People generally can’t comprehend a pain they haven’t experienced, so I admit it would make sense to only feel empathy for physical pain if you’ve never known psychological trauma.

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, it's a douchey thing to do since this is subjective (there are people who have experienced trauma who lack the ability to empathize with others who go through something similar and vice versa), but I like to make a game out of figuring out who has and hasn't been in a really bad relationship based on how they respond to my comic irl, and online to an extent. Admittedly I'm hardcore into getting feedback half due to wanting to psychologically evaluate my readerbase.

Kelsey (Kurio)

Wait what?

DanitheCarutor

"What what" what? Don't worry, I don't do anything or judge based on stuff like that since it's so little info, I just like psychology... even if I may not be very good at it.

But yeah, I'm kind of a creep.

DanitheCarutor

Oh yeah, don't be scared to go back to posting in this channel? Thing? I won't be hanging out here, unless someone talks to me directly. I just responded originally because I had a tiny bit of knowledge on the subject asked.

Cronaj

I get that. I'm also kind of creepy. Plus, I kind of feel like webcomics are a bit of a social experience to begin with, which often involves a lot of studying the readers' emotional responses to the story.

keii4ii

Human beings automatically judge each other alllll the time, so part of it is inevitable. I think the most important thing is to acknowledge that you can be a little, very, or even totally wrong. ...The other important thing is, I do think there's a difference between subconsciously judging others and actively looking forward to it? If you are actively looking forward to judging others, that sort of turns your comment section into a social experiment of sorts, and I don't feel comfortable about that. If I knew the creator of a comic I follow was like that, I would be like "uhhhh you do you, but I want no part in that" and never comment.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Just.... ideally should be consensual?

I know some people who actually enjoy that kinda stuff, like even if they found out, they'd be like "ohhhhh SMART! :D"... Then there are people who would feel upset if they found out. So yeah, ideally this would be all consensual so people can opt in or out, but I don't know how you can do this while fully informing prospective participants.

DanitheCarutor

It sounds like a lie, but really, I don't judge. I make up fantastical concepts of what kind of person this is based on the little info I get from body language, facial expressions, what they say, and tone of voice but it's all thrown out the window because people are more complicated than that. At the end of the day I'd rather actually get to know the person before I truly judge their character. Also when it comes to normal comments I don't analyze unless the commenter is analyzing, usually the "judging" is when I ask for feedback... like, more than a couple sentences worth to get a good idea of how the story is mentally processed by that person. For example when I was asking for feedback after finishing chapter 4. While I was asking for critique, I also wanted to know how the story affected that person, get a vague idea of what kind of people the story draws in or what kind of people it drives away, etc. And yeah, I kinda go the extra mile with it because that's just how my brain works, it just runs all the time. I assume that person consents to me analyzing them and their experience when they respond to me asking for their opinion, but I dunno. Maybe I'll just... teach myself to not think when it comes to my comic or audience, I don't want to scare people off just because I'm an overly analytical weirdo. <_<'

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

I like when you use the physical pain for psychological pain. like someone is in heavy dangers, and comes out with only a broken leg. the other characters can feel guilty, hurt, etc other feelings. For me, physical pain is not enough, it is the reaction it sparks

DanitheCarutor

Oh uh, also @keii4ii, I can vouch that being analytical doesn't make you smart. My dad is like that and he's a complete moron, also I'm not the brightest bulb in the box either, I'm just a slave to my thoughts. Sorry, just wanted to clear things up to make myself look less bad.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I can understand that side of analysing. I’m often curious about my readers because I don’t have very many; my comics tend to be quite niche. So I wonder about what sort of demographic I’m attracting. From the people who have commented and shared a bit about themselves, it seems to be a lot of European and American adults in the 20-40 range who have received higher education (med students, professors, people in STEM, etc), which to me is kind of wild because I’m not writing ‘smart’ comics. There’s no real science or anything in my dark and morbid fantasy comics, so I’ve wondered what about them appeals to this demographic. This isn’t counting my new WT audience I’ve gained over the last couple of years, which is a very different demographic from those who follow on my site, but it’s really interesting to think about ‘What kinds of stories appeal to certain groups of people?’.

keii4ii

@DanitheCarutor Oh, I didn't mean to imply it was a bad thing. I apologize if that's how it came across. I meant it as a "thing I want vs thing I don't want." Just because I don't want a thing for myself, doesn't make it a bad thing.

Re: demographic analysis, more power to you if you're naturally into it. I'm like 'no..... let me just sit here and make this comic in peace.........' and even that's hard enough!

I do think about that stuff from time to time, but when I do, it's usually because I'm sad and am trying to think of non-worst-case-scenario explanations. So yeah, not something I enjoy pondering.(edited)

DanitheCarutor

@Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios) Same, even though my comic has gotten more readers than I imagined, it's still niche. Honestly don't know the age range, but I've gotten a range from psychology and medical students, or people with PHDs to normal 9to5ers who've been through similar experiences. (People who live with schizophrenia or clinical depression, or who have been in bad toxic relationships.) It's really interesting too because some of the readers who comment are very open about sharing intimate stuff about their lives without me even asking, which I'm not sure is due to the type of comic it is or because they relate to it? Either way I don't mind, it's kinda nice that someone feels comfortable enough to share that kind of info despite me being a total stranger. That's really interesting with your comic, though! Like, it's cool the types of people your work can attract, maybe your comic is smarter than you think. Lol

@keii4ii Yeah, but I don't want to discourage readers from interacting with my comic just because I'm into that stuff. Even though the work itself is far from safe I want people to feel comfortable enough to leave comments or discuss amongst each other.

keii4ii

Yeah, I think that's the dream for pretty much all of us, cultivating a comment section where everyone feels comfortable and welcome to interact

keii4ii

Getting back to the question, I really don't think I could answer, given the theme of my comic: "your pain matters, even if it doesn't affect the fate of the world/ even if it seems insignificant in the grand scheme of things." I don't have it in me to go against that and say to my characters, hey, guess what! Your pain pales in comparison to [this other character]'s!

Cronaj

That's an interesting thought. I mean, I spoke of what I consider the saddest scene, but really, in regards to the characters, they might not see it that way. That scene makes me cry, (and probably the character(s) directly involved), but the other characters have other sorrows weighing on their hearts, and those sorrows are also powerful in their own way.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble #comic tea party #ctp

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scarlettlawyer · 5 years ago

Text

Part 11 of my reaction/commentary to the Phantoms & Mirages Saga, the fanfic series by @renegadewangs

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

(Vanquishing Mirages): Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Vanquishing Mirages / Lifting Spirits: Part 10

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 1

At the very least, he could rest easy knowing that his first motorcycle lesson hadn’t been a complete disaster. The future looked promising.

ANY future looks promising when it has Motorcycle Simon in it

“Here, I brought you a sandwich.” “Is it chicken?”

Blackquill: [known bird lover, intense lover of birds pouring over bird documentaries in his spare time and cherishing Taka with all his heart]

The boy who would become the phantom, the moment he is presented with a sandwich: iS IT CHICKEN?

“But… People die when they are killed.”

ASDJHSDBKJS

A+ DIALOGUE THANK YOU I LOVE IT. GOOOSH I’M. SOMEBODY needs to compile a list of things this same person has said in this series. The above line. The courtroom jokes, the irony line… the “I’m aroace” line… The other things he said to intentionally turn Bobby against him post-phantomquill kissbait, throw in a bunch of other Lex lines too. The RANGE. THE SHEER RANGE. You could just do a list like that, show it to someone and be like “Yeeeaahh so ALL of these are essentially said by the same character in different stages of his life.”

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 2

Finally, there was a knock on the door and Lang led the way into the room. He looked irritable. He’d been giving off that air since before the surgery. Lex had a suspicion on what might be causing such irritation, but kept it to himself. Lang wouldn’t take his advice on matters like that anyway.

“Matters like that” I’M FGLKFGLKNGF

OKAY ALSO

I SOMEHOW MISREMEMBERED THIS AS BEING SOMETHING HE THINKS BACK BEFORE THE SURGERY BUT EITHER WAY IT’S JUST. GOLD.

The phantom – or the former phantom – Lex just sitting there doing his best to refrain from giving out romantic advice.

Someone younger than he’d expected. This man couldn’t be older than thirty- probably hadn’t even reached that age yet. […] this guy looked rather meek. He was lean; the sort of physique that made it seem like a strong gust of wind could blow him off his feet. His black hair was smoothed back with copious amounts of gel and his face bore overly kind features. A few sheets of paper and a notebook were clutched firmly under his right arm. Coupled with his neat black suit, dark blue tie and thick-rimmed glasses, he looked more like a door-to-door salesman than a therapist.

GEEEEE MEOWZY, GEEEE, SUCH DESCRIPTION, I WONDER IF HE’S AN IMPORTANT CHARACTER OR ANYTHING sdjnksdfknl.

Okay but back when I read this 1st time I was like. Well I seriously didn’t know WHY the hell this guy needed such a strong narrative focus on what he looked like. Like. “He’s the therapist. That’s all we need to know. He’s not important! Why do we care what he looks like! Why does it matter!” askjbsdkjnedskj just felt SO excessive just annoying that the narrative felt like it Cared so much about a random therapist character DFKDFKJ GOD I WAS A FOOL

AND ALSO UHHH

Like yes this fic post-bait was still promising and as superb as ever and had thrilled me with things like the music-listening thing BUT. I need you to understand that I was still very hurt over Fake Phantomquill and therefore, REALLY not in the mood for getting to know Sudden New Characters. The intense goodwill I’d built up for this series over three fics had been largely derailed at this point. I just… didn’t really care all that much about giving new characters a chance thanks to that new apathy. That, and the fact that this series genuinely felt like it was reaching the end at this point, with all of the Major Players already introduced. So how could any important character POSSIBLY show up now? Coupled with how Done I was after the phantomquill bait. SO YKNOW. Idiot that I am, I kind of breezed over the above paragraph a little impatiently without really taking anything in, like I read it but didn’t really ABSORB it or incorporate the physical description into how I pictured the character. I was just like “yeah ok he’s the therapist moving on? What’s next?” (BENNY I’M SO SORRY I WAS VERY MEAN). So yeah, my foolish logic: “series is almost over, all the important characters are introduced, therefore no character introduced at this point could possibly be important, therefore I don’t need to care about or pay attention to anyone new.”

…Like okay, I knew the story wanted me to see this new character as someone important and therefore pay attention to them, but I couldn’t understand why and therefore intentionally failed to pay much close attention almost out of spite.

But like. God. If I had actually bothered to take in anything about that physical description I would have actually NOTICED how handsome he is right from the start. Joke’s on me!

“[…] a person who’s supposed to have no emotions is incredibly interesting.”

[…]

Such an odd point of view was another thing that took Lex by surprise. All his life, people had called him a monster. A freak. A heartless robot or a demon. A Phantom. No one had ever considered his emotional state to be interesting. No one had ever considered it an honor to be sitting across from him. Who in their right mind would?

WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

HELLO. SDKJNSFKJNSDKJ. ALSO THANK YOU SOMEONE ACTUALLY AGREES HOW INTERESTING THE LACK OF EMOTIONS THING IS.

But this is so funny it’s like the fic is takign aim at the fangirls. Me, a phantom fan: Hah… Yes… Who in their right mind would consider it an honour to be sitting across from him.. sdkjsdkjdsf

(Okay, that angle didn’t occur to me on 1st readthrough but now I’m just jokingly like “I feel so attacked” HAHAAH)

Most of the focus had been on Lex’s physical health and the way he was being treated, both on a medical level and on a personal level. Emotions could affect the body and Lex had to admit that recovery from his surgery was still going at a slow pace.

OH MY GOOOOOD FUUUUUDGE TH. BENNY IS SIZING HIM UP HE’S ASKING THOSE KINDS OF QUESTIONS FOR A REASON. GOD DAAAMN IT BENNY… Knowing the way he is being treated medically, things like that, can make it just that little bit easier! To! Make an attempt on his life! I’M

TFW u do ur job as a therapist but also as an assassin simultaneously.

No one else stopped by his room for hours on end. Not until it was time for the guard shift to rotate and Bobby Fulbright came strolling inside. Over the past week, it’d become painfully obvious that the Phantom’s attempt to crush the man’s cheerful attitude towards him had failed. That Bobby was still as overbearing as ever, acting as if that little incident involving Simon Blackquill hadn’t happened.

Idiot spy underestimated the power and strength of just HOW MUCH Bobby cares about him.

“Hahaha, that’s just like him.” Bobby nudged the wrapper towards the bin with his foot. “And just so you know, he’s single.”

BOBBY NO. THAT IS HIS THERAPIST. THAT IS YOUR THERAPIST,

Lex made sure to shoot Bobby the most emotionless expression he could still bring his face to ease into. It was funny how the surgery had messed with even that much. “It isn’t too late for me to end your life, you know.”

SDJKSDFNKJSDFKLNSDLNKSDLKN this & him saying this is so funny SEND HELP

The mark of Shelly de Killer.

OH. OKAAAY. I’D FORGOTTEN THAT THE FIRST ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT TAKES PLACE ON THE SAME DAY. BENNY WASTES NO TIME AT ALL… And it makes sense I mean. He got the info he needed to go ahead, so why wait? Oh my god..

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 3

…It’s terrible how much I kind of enjoyed Lex’s sudden downturn; what essentially was the prelude to and then became a vomit scene just because This man used to be the Unshakeable Phantom! LOOK AT HIM NOW. >:D

Plus he starts off soooo arrogant and overconfident at the beginning of the chapter as well before Lang is just like. “Lol. Looks like you didn’t actually kill Shelly and he’s after you.” Making the rapid nosedive that follows even more… It feels kinda weird to say “amusing”, but… IDK MAN THERE’S JUST INHERENT NARRATIVE APPEAL IN THIS LEVEL OF WEAKNESS AND VULNERABILITY AND WHAT HAVE YOU ON DISPLAY after a bout of confidence no less, from this character with this history specifically. Any other character and I’d be appropriately squicked out/feeling bad. I CAN BE VERY MEAN TO MY FAVE.

Also, “prayers to the porcelain god” is actually SUCH a good euphemism. Somehow… If I ever get the chance… I want to see if I can work it into saying it in real-life at least once. I don’t see any such opportunity arising anytime soon, however. :P

“Just send him in, it’s not like the day can get any worse,” Lex grumbled, clambering back onto his bed.

>:D

Benny shows up and it’s just pure dramatic irony. Re-reading is suuuuch a bonus.

What if they were endangering Benny by having him here?

OH MY G

“You’re a Snapple guy?”

I’M, I LOST IT AT THIS

Maybe he just wanted to be the one raising the questions- to be in control of the conversation. …Yeah, that was probably it. That was how the human psyche worked.

I’M?

“Of course. I don’t know how other people manage with their android phones. Snapple’s always got the upper hand,” Benny remarked, not even bothering to take his eyes off the screen.

Lex: Right. Have fun with your planned obsolescence, sucker.

IF A REAL LIFE MAN ACTUALLY SAID THIS TO MY FACE.. I GOTTA TELL YA… The sheer level of aggravating this is. XD. I DON’T KNOW IF I’D BE ABLE TO HOLD MYSELF BACK FROM SAYING SOMETHING.

Me internally if an IRL man said this to me: Oh so you’re insufferable and I probably won’t like you very much at all.

SDKJSDNKJSDNKJ

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 4

Bro. Bro I was suspicious of that coffee, man. And then when Lex drains it all, I was like “MMMM somehow… that feels like a mistake he’s going to regret.”

“Could there be any kind of poison in it that interpol could fail to detect?”

But, I didn’t suspect Benny of wrongdoing. I was suspicious of the coffee, but not Benny. I figured that if the coffee had been tampered with, Benny was completely unaware of it. But then, I forgot about it and put it out of mind after that when nothing too dramatic happened immediately after he takes the coffee.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 5

“It’s fine.” Lex was embarrassed to hear that he’d taken on a rather squeaky tone.

Embarrassed… Embarrassed… Embarrassed…!

Yeeeees. It’s like I’ve waited 3 full fics and then some to see this man FINALLY be embarrassed. Feels good.

…Well this chapter certainly gets intense after that. :[

Now this second vomit scene is actually quite appropriately upsetting to read. OOF.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 6

Bro just imagining that slowed-down music really IS super eerie, damn.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 7

“Bobby Fulbright. I was under the impression that you were no longer allowed to be here.”

Gooood he STILL goes for the full titles all the time when “orienting” to the conversation, like he didn’t need to use any name at all here. I’m telling you, 1. This is his character trait, Lex and Phantom alike, and 2. It’s so Franziskan sdkjsdnkjsd.

Bobby sighed. It was like everyone around him realized his care for the Phantom was unwarranted. He himself realized it too, but that didn’t change anything. “I know. I’m just an idiot like that.” “Acknowledgment is the first step to recovery. Now take the next step and get out.” With that, Lex made to slide the headphones back over his ears.

UM rUDE xDDD

While the concept of him being aromantic had been cast into doubt ever since the surgery, he didn’t mean to dig much further into it. Unless he was somehow miraculously saved from execution, his sexuality didn’t matter. He would die just as he’d always lived; alone. The concept didn’t quite stop him from appreciating Benny’s handsome features, though. Or the way Benny kept smiling as if he wasn’t looking at a murderer.

Ohooooh my. Here we are! Precisely what connects back strongly to a lot of the stuff I discussed in my previous post but I couldn’t quite fit it in.

So like. I could very much see what was going on here. Mhm. Yes I did. We are getting implied Lex/Benny. And, confession time, but I MIGHT have stumbled across a post that heavily implied Lex/Benny back before I had ANY inkling of who Benny was… Back before Lex was Lex. So it meant absolutely nothing to me at the time, it simply DEEPLY confused me in the sense of “You’d think I’ve read far enough into the series and yet WHY can’t I make heads or tails of this post?” But, I quickly put it out of mind and temporarily forgot about it and was able to continue reading the text “blind”, but when Benny actually showed up… and Lex is Lex now… And Bobby’s all “He’s SINGLE 😉” I narrowed my eyes all like. Oh. Oh… There’s a certain way this could go. But I still thought “Hey. Maybe nothing will happen and neither of them will develop feelings, maybe it’s just like, a fun side-idea the author personally likes but didn’t put directly into the story- ohhhh and here it is hints on Lex’s side building up in the story. WELL THEN.”

It just felt like…

The author: [shipteases phantomquill, phantom/Athena (YES I KNOW THAT WAS A JOKE AND I AM INCLUDING IT ONLY AS A JOKE THAT WILL LENGTHEN THIS LIST), spyshipping, and even Freudian Phantombright (I AM ALSO INCLUDING THIS LAST ONE ONLY AS A JOKE)]

The author, after doing all of this: [whips out/ushers in their OC at the last minute to pair up with him]

Me:

DFJKSDLKSDKL

The above is a retooled version of a message I sent to my friend at the time – I hope the summary comes across as more of a comically condensed expression of frustration-at-the-time and not mean-spirited (mean-spirited is not what I want to be, I just exaggerate for comical effect is all, and I didn’t expect I’d be telling my feelings to the author directly ahhah..) But as already established? I was quite bitter over the now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t phantomquill, and so I was not particularly impressed at the time as a result… xDDD

I also just love how he, of all characters, seems to be the “launcher of a thousand ships” here… LOL

But of course, Benny is not technically an OC, is he? :P You can argue he’s merely an interpretation of a canon character from Dual Destinies – the courtroom sniper. Dskjdsjknsd

At the time it might have felt “ushered in”, but in reality, Benny has that connection to a “canon” character – the courtroom sniper – the further connection to ace attorney canon through being Shelly’s son, AAAND has already been very much intertwined in this series through “off-screen” references. He really is quite heavily grounded in the fic’s lore. And in Ace Attorney lore. Very, very clever and well-done. …Of course, I didn’t know any of this until the Reveal, so I remained unimpressed until then. Now post-reveal is a different story, and I came to intensely appreciate not only Benny as a character but also just how awesome the dynamic between Benny and Lex really is.

Shipping aside, you have the aroace business… I have actually previously come across a post on your blog where you stated you kinda felt bad for not keeping Lex aroace. I feel like this can easily get pretty thorny, and I want to kind of, as I stated in a previous post, analyse the text as an independent entity here – how I would judge/react to the text without any knowledge of or contact with the author or the context it was crafted in. Indeed, at the time of reading Lifting Spirits I didn’t have a clue what you may personally be or whether you were personally aro/ace or not and couldn’t make any assumptions either way.

There’s, I guess, two main ways to look at this… the phantom was effectively aroace and there was never any evidence suggesting otherwise. But with blocked emotions removed, it turns out the man is not aroace. You can treat ��the phantom” and “Lex” as two separate entities in this regard.

But the phantom didn’t completely lack emotions. If Lex is not aroace… It stands to reason that EVEN IF there never was any evidence to suggest the phantom was anything but aroace, there was still the potential for small, limited amounts of evidence that he wasn’t to occur, even if such a thing did not happen to occur when he was the phantom. Which would make the phantom technically not aroace(?) but he simply never realised that. Hmm.

If there were a blanket consistency – if the phantom had experienced an extremely limited and probably outright warped sense of attraction or something like that – or if Lex was also aroace – then there wouldn’t be any “issue”. But as it is, it’s very easy to derive Unfortunate Implications from how it is set up, wherein the Emotionless Killer is aroace, but then he gets to experience proper emotions and becomes a “real person” who basically gets redeemed as that new person and all of a sudden… Only after becoming a “real” and “proper” human being he experiences attraction. It’s all too easy to feel like perhaps the message is that attraction is an integral part of the human experience – EVERYONE’S human experience.

And the flip that happens between the phantom and Lex in this realm further drove home what I perceived to be the massive distinction being made between the two and helped fuel much of my feelings surrounding what I discussed in the previous post. About how perhaps “the phantom” was being thrown under the bus to set up Lex as the good and better alternative. By treating them as two separate people, the connection is not TOO far away to feel as if the aroace aspect is attached to the phantom as part of what gets “thrown under the bus”, inherently attached to a villain seeing as it does not get carried over, inherently attached to emotionlessness – something necessary to be “cast aside” in order to fully complete a transition into a redeemable and “complete” human being.

I do know that none of this was your intent, and I sensed at the time of reading that it was not the author’s active intent as well, but not having enough background context at the time, I couldn’t entirely dismiss the possibility that perhaps it was a possible unintended predisposition bleeding through – nothing malicious in the least, mind you. But perhaps a subconscious assumption that every human being feels attraction and… idk. I wanted to believe the best of the work and the author but it was just, at the very least, an unintended implication that I could not entirely ignore. Being ace myself, it kinda stung, although I did keep that to a minimum until I could actually have more context.

I’m glad for being able to have access to additional context so that I can enjoy the work as it is to the best extent – if, for example, I did not have access to any information or additional context whatsoever about the author and the background under which the work was crafted in, I wouldn’t have been able to entirely shake the discomfort and it’s something small that would have continued to bug me long after I’d finished reading, if only for the fact that I would never have been able to know for sure if the writer was actually dismissing something like asexuality or not.

And Conflicted Thoughts/Feelings once again because, if we step back for a moment and look at this particular narrative thread as it exists in Lifting Spirits and its conclusion as a whole, I AM happy for Lex, it’s great that he gets to have a love interest, it’s a great ship, and the concept of the former phantom becoming attracted to someone and getting a crush is so so great…

What it ultimately comes down to, is that even if you can read Unfortunate Implications into the text regarding the aroace business, any such implications were not your intent. I much prefer reading a text in the most charitable way possible to enjoy it to the fullest possible extent, so that’s what I’ve ultimately done, given additional background info.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 8

The complete role reversal of this chapter is so good… For months and months prior to ever beginning to read this series, I’d actually been working on a fanfic of my own, albeit for a different fandom. It also centres around inverted character dynamics and such as the central running theme to the extent that it’s even alluded to in the title… But this… The role reversal or transformation that Lifting Spirits centres around is so… It does it so damn well. Kind of makes me want to hold myself and my own fanfiction to a higher standard.

I had perhaps been a little bit suspicious of Benny prior to this chapter, but not much… And the end of the previous chapter had me VERY much like “OK… SOMETHING’S WRONG HERE… SOMETHING’S WRONG! WHAT IS THIS GUY’S DEAL?!” BUT omg this reveal

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 9

He’s the fourth heir to the lineage of De Killer, which means spilling blood is in his blood. It’s a shame, really, that he can’t stand the sight of it.

This chapter description is just so poetic. It’s like, the chapter description is not really separate from the fic itself – it’s just as artistically intertwined with the text. Absolutely GORGEOUS chapter description.

Oughhhhh Benny’s backstory and just. His whole character and the internal conflicts that he has and EVERYTHING is just so damn compelling WOW!

The glimpses into Benny’s past and home life are such a fascinating look into how vastly different his frame of references are… How very unique his perspective and positioning in the world is.

The Phantom… Benjamin had heard of this man, of course. An international spy. One who was so wanted that his father had been hired by at least five clients.

F-FIVE CLIENTS?! AT LEAST? LEGEND.

Okay this is quite interesting to think about too because I always figured that Shelly would only ever take on one client and have one target at a time, so that he could devote his full attention to the task at hand and uphold his end of the contract – his client has faith in him to do a job and to do a job well, so I figured a single-handed focus would be part of that. Under normal circumstances, this would present no issue. Why would it? Shelly’s very good at his job and tracking down an assigned individual target wouldn’t be too difficult. My impression is that a job would generally take maybe 2-3 weeks from the time of meeting with the client and the deed getting done, unless it’s exceptionally easy and the person in question gets taken out within the week.

But obviously the phantom presents a clear problem to that operational method. Shelly’s left with a target he has little to no leads on, no physical description, no name beyond the title, who could be anywhere and anyone. Job like that’s gonna take a little bit longer than three weeks. But Shelly is nothing if not a professional, and he’s more than happy to honour his client’s wishes if they want this guy dead, and he’s certainly not gonna give up or back down from the request…! I wonder if Shelly was in the habit of taking on multiple clients at the time or if he was forced to break from his standard method of operation, cause if he has no leads he has to wait until one turns up/keep searching indefinitely. And it kinda puts a huge damper on business to not accept any new clients for years on end. Maaaaan not being able to take the phantom out quickly & efficiently must’ve bugged the HELL out of him too. He’s made a commitment to his client, his (first) client is trusting him to take this guy out, and YEARS pass and STILL it hasn’t been done. Wonder what kind of dynamic that would have caused between Shelly and the first client.

I have no real doubt that Shelly actually had enough money to put business on hold for a few years if that’s what it meant to track down the phantom, if he wanted to. But it’s just not practical if he genuinely has 0 leads to go on for months on end, it makes more sense to be doing stuff in the meantime. PLUS, part of it would also be to ensure that the de Killer name does not fall into disuse and remains prominent in the minds of the public. To disappear for years only for calling cards to start showing up again… It just wouldn’t look particularly good for The Brand I suppose? The general public wouldn’t know the reason for the silence.

There’s not only that, but he accepts requests from multiple clients for the same target, hugely increasing his payout for a single job. I would have thought it’s possible that were someone to make a request that’s already been made, Shelly might be like “Ah, actually, you can’t select this particular individual”. And if years have passed with no success it begins to raise questions about the “ethics” of accepting further requests for the same person if part of the payment is being made in advance, which I’m sure it is. But then again – I’m sure there was no doubt in Shelly’s mind that he’d actually get him in the end. The length of time that passed didn’t matter. The job would be done, and he was never going to give up. He had multiple clients depending on him, after all.

I guess every time he got another Phantom request he’d sigh and internally be like “ADD THIS CLIENT TO THE LIST I SUPPOSE…”

Client: I want you to take out the phantom

Shelly, internally: Get in line

Dsjsdjh

Really though I’m very sure that the phantom’s difficulty to track down would have irked Shelly to no end. Not that he would necessarily let such sentiments show externally.

And while I’m speaking about this, I guess I will also address Benny being his son here as well. My reaction REALLY was “HIS FATHER??? HIS FATHER????”

I’ve never played DGS and I know there’s de Killer stuff going on in those game(s) and I don’t know if any light is shed in that series on how the lineage works – hm! It’s interesting to think about. One of the theories I’ve seen proposed is that the new de Killer establishes themselves as such by successfully taking out the previous de Killer – no familial relation. That has logistical issues of its own however but it was kind of the default idea that I’d gone with as I hadn’t really seen any others discussed.

Shelly’s unique job and his intense dedication to said job makes it very VERY hard for me to picture him not only establishing a relationship with someone but also fathering a child with someone… It’s quite hard for me to picture how it would work. How it would look in practice. And of course, in the Benny flashbacks, there is no mention of a mother. So I was a little bit like ????? on that front. And then you get the reveal practically at the VERY end of the fic that Benny is adopted, which makes plenty of sense. It is hard for me to picture Shelly as a father but I CAN see him adopting, caring for and raising an adopted child. A child that is to continue the proud de Killer heritage.

THE FACT THAT SOMEONE GOT MISTAKENLY SHOT BECAUSE THEY WERE ASSUMED TO BE THE PHANTOM BUT WEREN’T… OOF. Hope Shelly didn’t prematurely celebrate on that one. He might’ve already enlisted three clients wanting the phantom gone by that point and thought that he could FINALLY collect the rest of whatever money they owed him from them – that he could FINALLY reassure them that the guy was finally flippin’ DEAD. Perhaps only for the phantom to show up AGAIN some time later. (Shelly doing refunds? Dsjksdkj). Ok but on a serious note – I know he would’ve probably known it was not the phantom either immediately after/soon after the guy was shot. There’s things like No Mask and whatnot and probably the aftermath would have made it obvious it was the wrong person without the phantom needing to show up on Shelly’s radar once again. But OOF.

In March, a man had come to see Ben ‘Benny’ Volent, seeking counseling. A man who bore the name of Bobby Fulbright.

WHEN THIS REALISATION HIT ME… OH MY GOD? OH MY GOD? BOBBY FULBRIGHT HAD BEEN UNLOADING THE TRAUMA OF WHAT HE SAW… ONTO THE SON OF THE VICTIM! I CANNOT. THAT IS… NOT GOOD. Being so close to the murder victim can compromise the therapist’s ability to assist the patient at hand, so… conflict of interest! Benny had to sit there and listen to recounts that would have deepened his OWN pain. Bro I am SO sorry. WHAT a punch this was.

Agent Lang had mentioned a move to the federal prison right in front of Benny.

NO JOKE but back when that scene originally occurred I was just like “UMM should they REALLY be discussing this while the therapist is there?” Because I had found Benny to be a LITTLE bit potentially suspicious and. Hmm!

OKAY THE FUNNIEST PART – OR RATHER – THE MOST WACK PART OF THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS JUST HOW MANY LEVELS OF “CROSSES THE LINE TWICE” IT IS.

Like. The realisations started pouring in for me, one after the other. First it was like “um, Benny counselling Bobby considering the circumstances is a conflict of interest that can potentially compromise his ability to remain objective and properly assist Bobby’s recovery”. THEN, hilariously enough, I was like “UM, IT IS HIGHLY UNPROFESSIONAL FOR BENNY TO ACT AS LEX’S THERAPIST – EXTREME CONFLICT OF INTEREST SEEING AS THE PHANTOM KILLED BENNY’S FATHER AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED PERSONAL BIASES TO GET IN THE WAY WITH HOW YOU SEE THE PATIENT”. This was coupled with how… awkward I found it earlier on for Bobby to even suggest, however jokingly, to Lex that Benny was single – how iffy it was for Lex to have developed feelings for Benny (cause if you got feelings for ur therapist that’s bad news for the therapy and Lex even seems to know this) or the possibility that perhaps it was on some level reciprocated, which would be highly unprofessional and further detrimental to the therapist-patient relationship.

BUT THEN I REALISED THIS WAS ALL MOOT AND COMPLETELY BLOWN OUT OF THE WATER ALL BY:

BENNY WAS TRYING TO KILL LEX THE WHOLE TIME ANYWAY.

So LITERALLY WHO CARES about conflict of interest or “professional conduct” here, I’M PRETTY SURE IT IS NOT IN THE LINE OF A THERAPIST’S WORK TO BE ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL YOUR PATIENT.

And all I could do was laugh. This is the kind of crosses-the-line-twice funny, there’s just SUCH a cluster of professional breaches going on that it is OFF THE CHARTS and loops back around to being hilarious. You can’t even criticise ANYTHING specific about Benny’s conduct, there’s no point, because it is so BLATANTLY and obviously out of line, professionally and legally speaking, in its ENTIRETY. And then you realise his credentials were faked to begin with too, even though he’s genuinely studied the profession and is good at what he does. He’s walking around with faked qualifications ANYWAY.

Lex and Benny’s patient-therapist dynamic was stuffed to HIGH hell, inherently, far before it ever began. It was already compromised beyond belief. THE GUY’S QUALIFICATIONS AREN’T EVEN 100% LEGIT… >failed step one. It is SO wild and subsequently funny as a result. Benny got built up as such a good therapist too, and don’t get me wrong, he does seem to actually be good at what he does as I said. But then you go ahead and reveal all of this about him and it’s sooo… omg

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 10

Simon was about to turn away when he thought he saw it. Just for a fraction of a second. Were Alexander’s lips about to quirk into a victorious smirk? …No, that was ridiculous.

OOOHH MY GOOOOOD I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS I SWEAR TO GOD………… I swear to god. Acting skills WAY too strong. He’s still got it. This man is way too powerful/skilled for his own good I swear to god.

Yes, he successfully got Benny to leave and he got out of the ordeal of being held at gunpoint unscathed. But he still had been terrified when going through that. Regardless of how things turned out it makes sense for Lex to be in shock and still be working out some of that fear. Because he HAD been genuinely terrified. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he is genuinely a little in shock during this scene but oh my god.. Because it makes sense for him to still be jittery and then I just. LEX. KINDA HATE THAT I MAYBE GOT A LITTLE WORRIED BECAUSE STILL BEING SHAKEN MAKES SENSE BUT ALSO CONFUSED AT THE EXTENT. On first and second readthrough.

Can’t really say too much else about this chapter right now it’s just sooo intense and riveting gosh.

For a split second, it seemed like Fulbright was so overcome with emotion he might try to pull Alexander into a hug as well. Luckily, Lang cleared his throat in such a loud manner that it was obvious he did so on purpose.

LANG HOW COULD YOU. “LUCKILY” MY FOOT.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 11

His license was most likely a fake. Would any report compiled by him be worth a damn? And to think, Bobby Fulbright had spoken so highly of him.

WAIT I WAS ONLY JUST SAYING THIS EARLIER SDKSDKNS

Hey. I obviously knew this Mirage scene was coming this time around and yet it managed to somehow sneak up on me anyway. When I got up to it and read through it I just outright started crying. I did not cry on the first readthrough, I was completely dry-eyed. I GOT SUPER ATTACHED TO AND MORE EMOTIONAL OVER MIRAGE ON MY SECOND READTHROUGH OF THIS SERIES FOR A REASON.

Oh, something else that struck me on first readthrough about this scene was… The phantom always EASILY felt to me the far more “bad” person compared to Mirage. When compared to the phantom, Mirage always felt… well, it was easy for me to forget that she’s also done terrible things, that she’s also a criminal. She naturally just seemed like the waay better person – with SOME amount of a moral compass. So it was odd to suddenly have her being in the same room as Lex, no longer being contrasted against the phantom, but contrasted against Lex instead… Lex seems to actually have a much more proper moral compass compared to her now. He’s actually filled with remorse and regrets.

Mirage… still chose to kill people. She’s still herself, and that self is someone who didn’t have a bone sliver preventing her from understanding how much of a powerful impact death can have. It was odd… Lex knows internally how bad killing people is now. Mirage most likely still doesn’t really know… not only that, but… he would know that she doesn’t? I don’t know how to explain what I’m getting at here, but yeah.

Also:

“Why did you ask to see me?” he found himself asking. “…Why do you care?” She giggled, the sound of it rather strained. “Because we’re friends, you idiot.” “We’re not…-”

Me:

“You’d better pray the Phantom’s retrial leads to the death penalty. I’m being released next year, but I wouldn’t mind being tossed right back in here if it means I got to strangle Metis’s killer with these two hands.”

…N-NEXT YEAR?! BUT THAT’S… SO SOON… SOONER THAN I… THOUGHT… I FIGURED SHE HAD LIKE… MAYBE ANOTHER TWO YEARS LEFT… I DIDN’T REMEMBER HER SAYING IT’S NEXT YEAR.

[Thinks about this line and then Tracking Ghosts]

Oh my god… Can it PLEASE at least be the second half of the year I’m dying here… Like I KNEW she had to be released from prison eventually and. Yeah. I JUST THOUGHT WE HAD MORE TIME.

You know what’s funny? This line 100% didn’t faze me on first readthrough. Ahahaha. Why should it have? “You’d better pray the Phantom’s retrial leads to the death penalty” was, after all, my own train of thought at the time… HDHDFH. I was just kinda [nods] “at least someone around here’s got the right idea.” …AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

You completely missed me on the first go, but second time’s a charm. Ya got me. Ya got me with this line this time around. I am worried. :’)

#long post

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dungeondork85 · 6 years ago

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If the Nine-nine played D&D

Wassup nerds, I'm back! And I've brought more of my ridiculous nerd bullshit with me! So what would it look like if the detectives of the 99th precinct played Dungeons & Dragons? Let's find out!

First of all, as always: the DM. In this case, I think the best qualified to be the DM would be Kevin. Yes, I said Kevin, he's ridiculously smart and knows how to put up with his husband's cop crew's bullshit. (As a side note, I think the next best choice would be Doug Judy, who I have to admit would be actually really entertaining.)

So, on to the players. Jake Peralta would 100% instinctively go with a Paladin, Oath of Vengeance, to be named Wruce Billis. Unfortunately, as soon as he tells literally anyone else this plan, they tell him Paladins have to follow a whole bunch of rules, at which point he scraps that idea and just makes a Bard. But not wanting to give up his melee abilities, he chooses College of Swords to make him the best Bard he could be to uphold justice and goodness without sacrificing his loose cannon behavior (or his fun).

Amy Santiago automatically gravitates toward the Wizard class, since they're the traditionally smart, organized ones. But she also knows that Captain Holt would also be inclined to play a Wizard, and she would rather die than step on his toes. She talks it over with Rosa, who challenges her to play a Rogue. She can't even fathom this until she and Jake watch Raiders of the Lost Ark and she realizes Indiana Jones is a Rogue, and he's exceptionally clever and fun. She chooses the Arcane Trickster archetype as she gets down the road, and feels very satisfied that her fantasy students learn a lot from her in her off time from traveling and adventuring.

Rosa Diaz wants to play a badass, so she chooses to play a Monk because Fighter is too obvious. She loves punching guys right in their dumb faces. Way of the Open Hand, obviously, because a badass can do whatever and doesn't need a single tool or weapon to do it.

Charles Boyle decides to play a Cleric. It's in his nature. And not just any Cleric, no no. He decides to play a Life domain healer Cleric. Because he couldn't be more Charles if he tried. There isn't a ton else to say about him, he's the second least inclined to play a character that's different from himself irl. He did decide, though, to write up a while genealogy of his character going back five generations, and he constantly references his character's cousins and other extended family members. The stories are so elaborate no one knows quite where they all came from.

Gina Linetti wants to be the class that would connect her the most to her spirit animal, the wolf. So naturally she decides the best class is the Druid, because what better connection to a wolf is there than turning into a wolf? She goes with Circle of the Land, although she insists it's really the Circle of the Beach. Insight is her favorite skill, not because she mistrusts people, but because she wants to find out all their secrets and use them for her own gain.

Terry Jeffords decides to be the one who protects all his friends, prompting him to make a Barbarian that definitely totally isn't based on a character from his favorite book series, shut up. He decides on Path of the Totem Warrior, since his rage can essentially double his hit points (and he already went Variant Human for Tough, so he has a lot). Out of combat, his character is incredibly gentle but he accidentally intimidates people a lot because he's as huge as Terry.

Captain Holt is drawn to the Wizard class, as they're the ones who pride themselves on knowledge, but he knows Amy would want to play one, and he doesn't want to stop her from having fun, so he asks Kevin to make his character for him. Kevin knows exactly what Ray needs to understand for this to be any fun for himself or anyone else, so he makes him a Halfling Wild Magic Sorcerer. Ray is initially not very pleased, as it seems unnecessarily silly. He's grumpy up until the first time his wild magic surge turns everyone into sheep, at which point he decides, in tears from laughter, that this is a very fun game indeed.

I also have some other ideas about general gameplay that I wanted to include here:

They all realize at the same time that Jake is accidentally the party leader. None of them know how to handle it, least of all Jake, but he eventually realizes it shouldn't change the way he plays and it all makes sense from there.

Rosa didn't see the value of Charisma until session 3, when she realized people didn't find her intimidating bc she didn't have any points in Intimidation. Kevin won't let her change her stats to fix this mistake.

Kevin initially underestimates the party's dedication to the story and assumes they would only want to mindlessly kill things, but after a few sessions he realizes they all really like the story and are deeply involved in the politics and society of the world. He's very impressed, and immediately starts to work those themes more heavily into the campaign.

Hope this was a good post! Enjoy!

#dungeons and dragons #if they played d&d #d&d #brooklyn nine nine #jake peralta #amy santiago #rosa diaz #charles boyle #gina linetti #terry jeffords #raymond holt #i love b99 #b99 #dnd #dnd 5e #love my cop nerds

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tullegf · 7 years ago

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I MEANT 58 IM SO DUMB

FUIRWFER I LOVE YOUUU

MYBEST friend.... mY BEST FRIEND !!!! OOOOOO WORM !!

im honestly one of those people who has multiple best friends bc i like..... i just love people and they’re all so special to me so like ????? i can’t just choose one.

best friend who i spend the most time with - she has blonde hair but she’s getting a bayalage as we SPEAK she’s het and has a new bf that treats her well and it better STAY THAT WAY!!! shes loud and obnoxious just like me which is great bc she doesn’t get embarrassed by me in public. shes smart and funny and loves country music but plays my playlist when im in the car. someday shes going to be great teacher and a great mom and a great wife and im just so excited to see her succeed

best friend who i’ve met ONCE irl but i love dearly - we met on tumblr and lets be real Oh You Know Who He Is. hes younger than me but somehow more mature than me in a lot of ways??? but i still have this overwhelming urge to protect him. hes fucking smart and HILARIOUS never fails to make me laugh probably the funniest person i know??? we’re absolute IDIOTS and WILL die together because we don’t know how to behave like human beings. i miss him so much and can’t wait to go DOWN UNDA to visit him once i save money

best friend who i just well i JUST love her and we gonna live together - i met her through my ex best friend who turned out to be satan but at LEAST she gave me her. she lives like 2 hours away now and i get the D withdrawals i will admit!! she’s the reason i listen to some kpop now and well Thank You. we have a mutual respect for each others uhhhh obsessions i guess she talks about kpop i talk about harry potter and one direction it works out!! we want a fucking ZOO we both love animals so much and want to have so many we’re definitely going to be kicked out of our future apartment. she’s coming home this week i can’t wait to see her :’)

best friend who is Also my cousin - literal disney princess shes always at disneyland like ONCE A WEEK her instagram is poppin tho check it out @ softandsugary !!! she’s my oldest best friend bc like we’ve known each other since we were like 8. we’re not technically related but we are cousins we are family !!! i feel myself the most when im with her we are actual children. when we’re together we become home bodies who’d rather stay in and troll club penguin or meez than go out and do something productive. we don’t talk as much as we used to but we have the sort of connection that it doesnt matter how long its been, we pick up right back where we started. also her bf is cool and FINALLY got her interested in pokemon something i couldn’t accomplish in 11 years

this is so long ietghegfe these are like....... the four people im closest to and i love them ALL SO MUCH i had to gush about all of them okay

#THIS IS SO LONG I JUST HAVE SO MUCH LOOOOOVE #awrfhi

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kamen-rider-zed · 8 years ago

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Do You Believe in Miracles? Chapter 4

I’d like to first of all apologize for how long it’s taken to get this chapter published. Lots of irl crap happening to me in the last 7 months. I’d also like to give a big thanks to @ageisia for beta reading this and helping me get this fic out of hiatus.

Last of all, I’d like to thank tumblr for being so janky as to require some BS workaround just to get my work to appear in tag searches. So yeah, thanks tumblr you pile of utmost garbage.

AO3 FF

Chapter 4: Long Live the Queen

“Chloé, do you have an explanation for where you were during the evacuation?” Miss Bustier demanded the moment the girl in question stepped back into the classroom. “And for the first–” she looked at her watch “–twenty minutes of class?”

“I told you before I stepped outside,” Chloé mumbled, ignoring the eyes on her as she made her way to her desk. “Restroom.”

“Well,” Miss Bustier planted her fists on her hips, “you should know that when the fire alarm goes off, evacuation takes priority over powdering your nose.”

“There wasn't a fire.” She sat in her seat, rolling her shoulders again, and dug her tablet from her bag. “Some kid from another class pulled the alarm. Probably another one of Kim's stupid dares.”

“I-I had nothing to do with it!” Kim jumped from his seat and waved his hands. “I only make dares with Alix! A-and nothing reckless like pulling a fire alarm!”

“I realize that Kim, and thank you.” Miss Bustier turned her gaze back to the front row. “Now, Chloé, I can't just overlook something like thi–”

“Su-su-success!” The entire class turned to the door only to see Alya leaned against the frame, panting. She coughed and took a deep breath, then held her phone aloft, a wide grin upon her face. “F-first footage of the *pant* t- the new hero!”

“You alright Alya?” Nino asked.

“Pe-pedaled fast as I could to get back in t-time for class.” She swallowed and gasped. “G-g-gonna die now.” She fell over, thankfully towards Nino, who jumped from his seat to catch her.

“Friggin drama queen,” Chloé muttered with none of her usual fire. Why wouldn't Alya be excited to interview a new hero? Especially if said hero was Paris' beloved Chloé Bourgeois? Not that anyone would ever know that if Ladybug had her way. Maybe once all this was over and Hawkmoth was behind bars.

“Alya, what did I tell you about chasing after Akumas?” Miss Bustier bellowed.

“Uh,” Alya coughed and offered the teacher a sheepish smile. “D-don't?”

She nodded. “And that's why you'll be joining Chloé in detention. Now–”

“Wait, what?” Chloé jumped to her feet and slammed her hands on her desk. “I walk in a few minutes late because I had to use the restroom and you're giving me detention? I’ll have you know that when Daddy…” She stopped. Miss Bustier gave her a knowing look and Chloé remembered her father was no longer in her corner. “Well...at least I didn't leave the building!”

“It's not just tardiness, Chloé. It's tardiness during a fire evacuation.”

“Uh, what's this about detention?” Adrien now stood in the doorway, looking from an angry Miss Bustier down to Alya who still hadn't recovered from her exhaustion enough to acknowledge her punishment, to Chloé whose fingernails were digging into the wooden desktop. “Am I too late?”

“Miss Sancouer forwarded your photoshoot schedule to me earlier, Adrien. You're excused.”

“Oh, okay,” he shrugged. “I'll just–”

“Sorry! Sorry I'm late, I–” came a cry from behind Adrien. He turned only for a blur of pink and gray to slam into his chest and knock him backwards. He landed hard on his back and his assailant landed with her face squished against his chest and her legs on either side of him. Marinette shook her head and pushed herself up. When she realized just who she had attacked, and who she was currently straddling, all the blood in her body teleported to her face and she scrambled away from him with a shrill whine.

“S-sorry! I mean'nt did I mean didn't mean to Tadrien, uh, t-tackle Adrien I'm so sorry!”

“So if I get detention for coming in late,” Chloé started, “does that mean Marinette gets two detentions for coming in late and assaulting my Adrikins?”

“I'll dispense the discipline, Chloé,” Miss Bustier scolded. “Marinette will receive detention along with you and Alya, but only one since it seems Marinette's, er, clumsiness just got the better of her.” She turned to see Adrien standing and offering Marinette his hand. She shakily accepted it with a wide grin and he pulled her to her feet. “See? No harm done.”

'No harm done. Who does she think she is? Maritrash could have ruined Adrien's million euro face and Miss Bustier would let her off with a slap on the wrist. At least she still gets detention. And maybe someday I'll get to rub being a superhero in her stupid little face.'

(#)

Chloé should have been working on the essay. It was due in two days and she hadn't even started. Yes, she had taken some half-hearted notes, read (more like skimmed) a few articles, and was still waiting for Sabrina's assistance. And being in detention with Alya and Marinette should have been the perfect time to catch up on her work.

Unfortunately, she was too focused on the phone she had hidden under the desk.

Fred Haprele was in charge of watching them for the next hour, but had been called away for some irrelevant reason, so Chloé took this opportunity to, shall we say, catch up on current events. Her eyes sparkled as she reviewed Alya's footage of the Akuma fight. Shaky as it was, it still captivated her. Alya had focused entirely on Queen Bee from the moment Shockra blasted her in the chest. From flying away with her and Emelie to protecting them from the lightning clones, Chloé couldn't tear her eyes away. That was her. She was Queen Bee. She was a hero.

“Thought you weren't much of a Queen Bee fan.”

Chloé turned to look over her shoulder and caught Alya smirking at her. “I never said that,” Chloé whispered. “She can't hold a candle to Ladybug, but I have to admit.” She smiled back down at her phone. “Queen Bee has style.”

“She is so cool!” Alya giggled. “I mean, it's obvious she's new to this, but her powers are awesome! She can fly, she has that wicked sword, she summons these drones that follow...”

“Alya,” Marinette interrupted, placing her hand on her friend's shoulder. “Maybe you should save gushing about the new hero until after detention.”

“Yeah,” Chloé remarked before she realized she had actually agreed with Marinette. “Don't want to get held up any longer than you have to. You're already gonna be late to your interview with Queen Bee.”

“Yeah I guess you're...wait...how did you know about the interview?”

Chloé tensed slightly in her seat. That's right. She wasn't supposed to know about that. By some great fortune, the video on her phone had just showed footage of Queen Bee setting the time and place for Alya's exclusive interview. She held up her phone and said, “Y-you just mentioned it. See?”

Alya nodded and smiled, accepting the small lie which wasn't entirely a lie. She opened her mouth to say something else, but Mr. Haprele chose that moment to poke his head back into the classroom and check on them. Luckily, Chloé's phone zipped back under her desk before he could see it. She pretended to dig something from her bag, and Mr. Haprele seemed content with the student's behavior. When he left, Chloé dropped the book she'd lifted from her bag and turned her eyes back to her phone.

'Essay.'

'Oh, please. There's plenty of time to get it done.'

'Essay.'

'Sabrina promised she'd help. I don't want to do all of the work only for her to finally pull through when I've done everything.'

'...essay.'

'Okay, why does my mind keep going back to that?'

A squirming in her purse gave her the answer she sought.

‘...lets me get inside you…’

Vii.

The voice in her mind constantly reminding her of the essay, the voice that had tried to convince her to leave the school without Alya, the voice that had told her to protect Emelie rather than help Ladybug. Chloé's fingers curled around her phone, her nails scraping into its case. How dare that little insect mess with her mind like that? What was she trying to pull? Vii fidgeted a bit too much in Chloé's bag and the girl slapped it. Chloé was a queen, and that meant that Vii needed to learn her place.

About twenty minutes later, Mr. Haprèle dismissed the trio from detention early, claiming some emergency with Mylène. Chloé smiled at her fortune as she gathered her bag and dashed from the room before Marinette and Alya could even rise from their seats. She didn't have time to dawdle. She had to get to Notre Dame before Alya. If she arrived late, Alya might get suspicious. Just outside the classroom, Chloé came upon Sabrina sitting on the top steps, her eyes focused lazily on her phone.

“What are you still doing here?” Chloé demanded.

Sabrina jumped at her friend's voice. “Oh, Chloé!” She stood and brushed off her shorts. “I needed to talk to you. It's...it's about the essay...”

“Not you too,” Chloé groaned. When Sabrina raised a brow, Chloé waved her off. “Never mind. Listen, just email me some references later. I'm busy.”

Sabrina shuffled on her feet, unable to meet Chloé's eye. “No, Chloé, about that...”

“Sabrina, I don't have time to work on this stupid essay right now. Honestly? It'd be a lot better if you just did it for me. Some...personal stuff came up that I need to take care of.” Sabrina opened her mouth to argue, but Chloé was already making her way down the stairs. “Just explain to your grandparents you owe a friend a favor. I'm sure they'll understand.”

Chloé smiled to herself as she stepped onto the sidewalk in front of Francois-Dupont. That's how it's done. That's how a queen manages her domain. Now, if only Vii could get with the program.

“That was rude, you know,” came a tiny voice from just behind her head, likely nested in her ponytail.

Speak of the devil...

“You don't know my relationship with Sabrina,” Chloé whispered. “She has no problems helping me out. In fact, she'd have even fewer problems with it if I told her I'm a superhero now.”

“You remember what Ladybug said: no one can know your identity.”

“I know, I know. But once I hand Hawkmoth his own butt, I'll tell her and she'll realize this was all worth it.” Chloé smiled wider. “She'll get the satisfaction of knowing she's been helping a superhero this whole time.”

“But right now, all she sees is her supposed friend abusing her and–”

“Listen here, Vii!” Chloé said a bit too loud. A few people turned to look at her, but she simply glanced down at her phone and put a finger to her ear, pretending to fidget with a Bluetooth earpiece. “I know what you've been doing in my head.”

“I...” Vii began slowly, “haven't...been doing any–”

“Save it!” Chloé hissed. “I keep hearing this voice in my head trying to tell me what to do and I know you have something to do with it! You said I was chosen to be a hero, so whoever chose me trusts my judgment. Just let me be a hero and stop trying to be my conscience!”

Not another sound came from behind her head while she searched for a suitable place to transform. However, for all her searching, she failed to notice an old man in a Hawaiian shirt standing just outside the school, hunched over his cane with sorrow stretching his features.

“Master, again I must protest,” came a small voice from just over his shoulder. “She is abusing Vii, mistreating her friends, and prioritizing her own fame above the city’s safety. I believe it was unwise to entrust her with the Bee Miraculous.”

“You cannot plant a garden in the evening and hope to eat at dawn. Besides,” Fu glanced back over his shoulder, “you know the nature of the Bee demands such a wielder.”

“But how can anything grow in her hardened heart?”

Fu remained silent for but a moment, then lowered his head and sighed. “There are two forces at war within her, Wayzz: a desire for love and a desire for security and safety. She craves the love she is denied due to her mother's absence and her father's neglect.”

“I’d hardly say the mayor neglects her,” Wayzz argued.

“Though he believes he is doing right by his daughter, enabling her behavior and placating her with material possessions are no substitutions for a father’s love,” Fu countered. “But however much she may desire to be loved, opening herself to that love would leave her exposed and vulnerable. Losing her mother, the person she loved above all others, was the greatest pain she has ever felt, and so she has shut herself off, made herself cold and cruel. She would rather be alone than face that pain again. However, misery loves company, as they say, so she inflicts the pain she feels on others, just to have something in common with someone else.”

Fu heard a set of slow footsteps descend the steps in front of Francois-Dupont and turned his head to see Sabrina with her head low and tears threatening the corners of her eyes. Her face brightened when her father pulled his police cruiser up to the sidewalk, but the sorrow never left her eyes.

“In Miss Raincomprix,” Fu continued, “Chloé has found a submissive soul who accepts the pain and still stands by her side. Though Chloé does not know it, she has opened her heart to the girl, and left a hole in her armor. If Sabrina were to ever abandon Chloé, it would shatter her.”

“You are only reinforcing my point, Master.” Wayzz floated up to glance at the red-haired girl climbing in the car. “If Chloé is so fragile and unstable, then how can we expect her to--”

“You asked how anything could grow in her hardened heart,” Fu interrupted. “Look beneath us, at the cobblestones in the sidewalk. Hard, cold stone. Yet in some places--” he gestured towards a tuft of weeds with his cane “--life has found a way. It grows through the cracks, through the weaknesses in the stone, and so for anything to grow within Miss Bourgeois, she must be like the stones beneath us. For her to become the hero she is destined to be…” His eyes followed a streak of gold flying off to the west, then turned and strode back towards his shop.

“...she must break.”

(#)

Queen Bee sat hidden between the columns and gargoyles perched atop Notre Dame, awaiting Alya’s arrival. She blew a puff of air between her lips and groaned, rolling some more kinks out of her neck. She knew she could fly fast, but she didn’t think she had this much of a head start. Vii was proving a poor conversational partner, not saying a word since Chloé snapped at her before transforming. Something inside her told her to apologize, but it was likely just that obnoxious voice Vii had planted in her mind. Bee wasn’t at fault. She knew what she was doing and just needed the opportunity to prove that, not only to Ladybug and Vii, but to the whole city.

A beeping from her stinger interrupted her thoughts, and upon pressing the button, saw the caller as a red circle with five red spots in it. Queen Bee answered and hummed, “Hello Ladybug! Is there another Akuma somewhere? Need my aerial expertise?”

“No Akumas, Bee,” came Ladybug’s calm yet stern voice. “It’s actually about your interview with Alya…”

“Oh, called to congratulate me on getting my first interview so soon?”

“I didn’t call to congratulate you.” Queen Bee’s face sank. “There’s a reason Chat and I wanted to arrange the interview for you. We wanted to brief you beforehand. We need to make sure you don’t give away any secrets or answer any telling questions; Alya’s quite the journalist and she’s been hounding us for our secrets for months.”

“I know, secret identities, don’t let any weaknesses slip, typical superhero stuff.”

“There’s more to it than that, Bee. We need to--”

A blip of red hair on a bicycle steadily growing in the distance caught Queen Bee’s attention and she grinned. “Got to go, Ladybug. The Ladyblogger’s here.”

“Wait, Bee, we need--”

“Don’t worry so much, Ladybug,” Queen Bee interrupted, each of her words clipping short Ladybug’s protests. “You and Vii just need to trust me. I know what I’m doing.” Her thumb found the button on her stinger and severed their connection.

At almost twenty minutes past 5, Alya rolled up on her bike and glanced around. A small crowd had already formed before the towering face of Notre Dame, many of them with cameras trained on the skies. Bee smiled, knowing every one of them had seen the livestream from early that morning. Everyone was here for her. When Alya swung a leg off her bike and dug her phone from her bag, Queen Bee threw out her wings and gently glided over to her.

“Running late, are we?” Queen Bee asked once she was within earshot, floating above Alya with her arms crossed and a smug grin on her face.

Alya turned her eyes from her phone to the voice that came from above her. “Uh, y-yeah!” She stuttered with her phone already focused on the floating heroine. “Got stuck in detention for sneaking out of class to stream the attack this morning.”

“Detention? Why should you be punished for what you do?” Bee shrugged. “Who else will get such up close coverage of Akuma attacks? Most news crews are too afraid, or the news networks won't allow any--” she threw up air quotes “--’unnecessary damage’ to their equipment.”

Alya smiled even wider. “Thank you! Finally someone gets it!”

Queen Bee descended into a lightning storm of camera flashes and glanced about her. “Care to go someplace a little quieter? After all…” She extended her hand to Alya. “Isn’t this supposed to be an ‘exclusive’ interview?”

The only way Alya could have looked more excited that she was in that moment would be if Ladybug had asked her that exact question. When she accepted Queen Bee’s hand, the heroine lifted her from the ground and flew her up into the northern bell tower, leaving behind a disappointed crowd.

When Alya’s sneakers touched the worn wooden planks inside the belltower, Bee released her hand and said, “Not exactly the most glamorous place for an interview. But then again, any locale would appear dingy and grungy when compared to me.”

“It’s quiet and secluded; that’s all I care about,” Alya said as she fiddled with some of the settings on her phone. “So how do you want to do this? Record and edit, or livestream?”

“Darling, I know how to handle myself in front of a camera,” Queen Bee bragged. “I only need one take.”

“Livestream it is!” She tapped another button and held up her phone. “Goooood Evening, Paris! Alya Cesaire coming to you live from the belltowers of Notre Dame with a Ladyblog exclusive! Hate to disappoint the die-hard Ladybug fans out there, but today we have an interview with a whole new breed of bug. Paris, say hello to Queen Bee!” Bee tilted her nose up and settled her hands on her hips.

“So, Queenie, tell us: when did you get your powers?”

“Would you believe yesterday? And I’ve already faced my first Akuma. Impressive, no?”

“Yeah it was! For those who missed the livestream this morning, first of all, shame on you, second, Queen Bee protected me and another civilian from an electrifying Akuma tearing up the 8th arrondissement.”

“Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to help Ladybug like I wanted, so she had to contend with the Akuma by herself.”

Alya opened her mouth to respond, but instead quirked up her brow. “Wait, wasn’t?...no...Chat was there. I know he was.”

“Of course he was,” Queen Bee scoffed with a dismissive wave. “Getting in the way, as usual. Next question.”

Alya’s mouth popped open and closed, like a fish out of water, but she refocused her mind and figured it was best to keep Bee talking about herself so she couldn’t insult her teammates. “Okay, um...w-what can you tell us about your powers?”

Queen Bee smiled wider. Now, this was her opportunity to show off. “I’m sure you caught most of it this morning. My electric stinger-” she gestured to the hilt on her hip “-my drones, and Vii tells me I’m the fastest among all of the Miraculous heroes.”

“All of the Miraculous heroes?” Alya shrieked, causing Bee to jump back a little. A great smile bloomed on the journalist’s face. “Th-there’s more? How many? A-are they all animals? What are their powers? Who’s Vii”

Queen Bee cleared her throat. “I-I...don’t know the answers most of those questions, but if you must know, Vii is my kwammmmm…” She blinked. “Mmmmmmmmmm!” She grunted and groaned, bringing her hands to her mouth when her lips refused to part.

^You can’t let people know about me!^

‘Oh, so this is your doing!’ Queen Bee screamed in her mind.

^This is exactly what Ladybug was talking about! You let my existence slip and now that girl’s curious!^

‘Okay okay, fine, I won’t blab! Just give me my mouth back!’

Queen Bee’s lips popped apart and she drew in a deep breath. Alya looked on in wonder and shock, unsure of what just happened. Bee gave an awkward grin and said, “Uh, it seems m-my powers prevent me from giving away too many secrets. S-sorry.”

“Sooo…” Alya purred with a fox-like grin, “if I were to ask you for Ladybug and Chat Noir’s identities…”

“I’d say ‘nice try’,” Bee smirked. “Besides, it’s not like we know each other’s identities anyway…”

“Wait,” Alya leaned forward, “you don’t know each other’s identities?”

“Unfortunately no, even though Ladybug and I would be the bestest of besties if she knew who I was.” Bee pouted and crossed her arms. “I think she’s just paranoid because of the number of times Chat’s been brainwashed, useless cat.”

“Uh,” Alya looked down to her phone, still streaming with several thousand viewers tuning in. Well, Bee said she wanted to do this live… “Would, uh, would you mind sharing what you have against Chat Noir?”

“Please, you’re at every fight and even you can’t see how much he gets in Ladybug’s way?” Bee rolled her eyes and strolled closer to an opening in the tower. She peered down and smiled at the explosion of camera flashes, twinkling like earthbound stars. “He’s a show off. He doesn’t take his duties as a hero seriously, he puns every chance he gets, and flirting with Ladybug just distracts her from her job. That’s clearly why I was given a Miraculous; Ladybug needs help and the alley cat’s not cutting it.”

“You know she’d disagree with you.”

“Of course she would, but only because she doesn’t know any better.”

Alya raised a brow. “And you think you can do better?”

Queen Bee whirled around and fixed Alya with a frightening glare. “Oh, I know I can do better than that mangy feline. I just need a chance to prove it.”

Alya sat in stunned silence for a few seconds while Bee impatiently tapped her foot. That couldn’t be it. Usually the Alya had piles of questions, but this? This was a sorry excuse for a debut interview. Her stinger beeped once again and only served to further ruin her mood. “Hold on, Miss Ladyblogger, I need to take this.” She pressed the button and when her antennae swung in front of her face, she smirked a little when Alya lifted her phone again and muttered, ‘so cool’ under her breath.

“Hey, Ladybug. Listen, I’m in the middle of--”

“Akuma, just west of the Louvre.”

Queen Bee’s face and mood immediately brightened. “On my way!” Another button press and she turned back to Alya. “Duty calls. Rain check on the rest of the interview?” She threw out her wings, buzzed them to life, and flew towards the nearest window, oblivious to Alya yelling behind her about how she was supposed to get down from the tower.

(#)

The setting sun in her eyes, Queen Bee settled down on a rooftop just west of the museum barely a minute later. She glanced around, but only took in silence and calm. No screams, no sounds of destruction, no wicked laughter. She began to wonder just what kind of Akuma this could be when Ladybug stepped from behind a chimney with her arms crossed and eyes locked on Bee. Chat followed her close, his hands on his hips, but his eyes off to the side, focusing on nothing.

“So, where’s the Akuma?” Queen Bee asked, likely a little too giddy to be fighting a supervillain.

Ladybug turned her eyes to the roof beneath them and sighed. “There’s...no Akuma. I...I was watching the interview and I...lied to get you away from Alya.”

Shock spiked through Bee’s heart and her mouth dropped open. Her hero...the one person in Paris she knew, knew, could do no wrong, had...lied to her?

“I’m sorry. But again, there’s a reason we wanted to talk about the interview first. We’re lucky Vii managed to stop you from mentioning what a kwami is, but everything else…”

“H-hey!” Queen Bee shouted defensively. “I didn’t give away any secrets! Yeah, I accidentally mentioned Vii’s name, but I didn’t--”

“You said we don’t know each other’s identities,” Chat finally spoke. “While it’s true…”

“What does it matter?” Bee scoffed. “What difference does it make, you stupid cat?”

Chat recoiled and Ladybug’s nails dug into her suit, her brow furrowing. She swallowed hard and said, “It matters because now Hawkmoth knows he can send an Akuma disguised as a civilian to one of us, claiming to be me or Chat or even you, and we won’t know the difference.” She lifted her eyes back up to Bee, and the striped heroine flinched at the level of anger within them. “Every secret we let slip, every detail about our powers gives Hawkmoth an advantage, and he already has the ultimate advantage in that we have no idea where he is! We’ve been playing defense for months and you just --” She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lips, as though trying to hold back her words. She drew a breath in her nose and gently eased it out her mouth.

“We need to act more like a team,” Ladybug continued, her previous point dropped. “And that means listening to each other, respecting each other.” She looked back at her old partner, then forward to her new one, her look of anger gone, replaced by gentle intensity. “No more insulting each other.” Which Bee took to mean ‘no more insulting my partner.’ “The people can’t think there’s any friction between us. If people start doubting us, Hawkmoth has yet another advantage.” She held out her fist and managed a meek smile. “We’re equals in this, Bee. No one is better or worse than anyone else. Teammates, partners, not sidekicks.” Chat’s fist rose to join Ladybug’s and the pair looked expectantly at Queen Bee.

She sneered at the pair of gloved fists being held out to her. What did they mean ‘equals’? She was a Queen, and though Ladybug was a friggin Empress in her eyes, there was no way Bee would put herself on the same level as the stray. But...she needed to smooth things over with Ladybug, or her superhero career would become far too brief. Best to just play along for now, let Ladybug see the light in her own time. Queen Bee turned away and lightly bumped her fist against the others.

“There, see?” Chat said with a grin. “We’re all friends here. Now…” He spread his arms wide. “Comb over her and give us a hug!”

A groan and a giggle echoed into the evening.

(#)

Queen Bee landed back in her room just a few minutes after convincing Ladybug she’d be more ‘civil’ around Chat. Her transformation fell away and Chloé dropped into one of her chairs while Vii spiraled into a bowl of pretzels the hotel staff had refilled earlier that day. Chloé flicked through her phone, noticing zero texts from Sabrina about her progress on the essay and one text from Daddy about his disappointment that she got detention. She groaned and dropped her phone on the floor, pain burning in her shoulders from all the flying.

“I wouldn't have to be your conscience if you had one of your own.”

Chloé’s eyes snapped open and she glared hard at her kwami. “What did you say to me?”

Vii floated upwards and glared right back. “I said you don’t have a conscience. You hate Chat Noir for literally no reason, you shove all of your responsibilities on others while soaking in the glory, you mistreat your only friend--”

“I have plenty of friends!” Chloé snapped. “Everyone adores me!”

“--and I'm not entirely sure she wants anything to do with you anymore!”

“Sabrina loves me! We've been besties for years! And besides, if I was such a terrible person, like you claim, then why did this ‘Guardian'--” she mocked with air quotes “-- pick me to be a superhero?”

Vii crossed her arms. “You know, I'm beginning to wonder if Fu hasn't made a mistake this time. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I should take the comb back to him. You're proving to be more of a pain than any of my other wielders.” She grumbled to herself, “Even Arista wasn't this bad and she...” Vii paused when she noticed Chloé holding out the comb, her hair down and an expectant look on her face.

“Well? Aren't you going to take it?” Vii froze. Her hesitation enticed Chloé, and a smirk tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Go ahead. Take it.” She waited a few more seconds, but when Vii didn’t move, she said, “Except...you can't, can you? If you could, you would have by now.” Vii turned away and Chloé cackled in victory. “It has to be me, doesn’t it? No one else can be the Bee! It’s destiny or fate or whatever, but it has to be me!”

She secured the comb back in her hair and stood, making her way to her closet to change into her pajamas, even though it was barely seven in the evening. “Tomorrow starts a new day for us, Vii. As soon as school is out, you’re giving me all the juicy details about my powers.”

The fluff around Vii’s neck stood on end and she zipped into Chloé’s face, pressing their foreheads together. “What did I tell you about bossing me arou--”

“Back off!” Chloé shouted, cutting Vii off. She smirked and added, “That’s an order.”

Vii trembled as she held her position, but soon backed away, her eyes filled with rage. Chloé strode forward, grinning wider when Vii moved out of her way. “You’re finally in your place, little bug.” Her hand moved towards a hanger bearing red silk coated in black spots, but she paused, and moved towards a pair of black silken pants and a yellow tank top. “It’s good to be the Queen.”

While Chloé changed and settled in her bed to flit around on her phone with some mindless time-waster of a game, ignoring every thought about the essay that crossed her mind, Vii looked down at her charge. Her chosen. Her...master. She sighed and whispered, “I wish they didn’t have to be this way.”

#miraculous ladybug #tales of ladybug and cat noir #mlfic #chloe bourgeois #Queen Bee

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solarpunksoftie · 8 years ago

Text

additional fun facts about the Gene Pool

because i cant be stopped and oh hello new obsession

my sides

A - Adrienne E - Ethan L - Laura P - Pandora D - Daryl

Favourite Colour

A - Green

E - Red

L - Blue

P - Yellow

D - Purple

Favourite Music

A - The Struts, Major Lazer, Ariana Grande

E - Rise Against, Green Day, Paramore

L - Lindsey Stirling, Sleeping At Last, Ratatat

P - KONGOS, Arctic Monkeys, Bastille

D - Twenty One Pilots, The Neighborhood, The Front Bottoms

Favourite Foods/Bev

A - Popsicles, Bananas, Mussels / Dr. Pepper

E - Yogurt+Granola, Lamb, Bacon / Juice

L - Steak, Mushrooms, Ramen(its convenient!) / Tea

P - Berries, Spaghetti, Clif Bars (chocolatey ones) / Coffee

D - BBQ Chips, Goldfish, Cheesecake / Hot Cocoa

Favourite Movie

A - Avengers

E - The Sting

L - Cosmos: War of the Planets (they fuckin lov terrible movies)

P - Indiana Jones and the Lost Arc

D - Heathers

Favourite T.V. Show

A - Rick and Morty

E - Brooklyn Nine-Nine

L - Star Trek (tos)

P - The Walking Dead

D - Cutthroat Kitchen

Favourite Fiction Genre / AO3 Tag

A - Action / Smut

E - Drama / Hurt Comfort

L - Sci-fi / College AU

P - Fantasy / Graphic Depictions of Violence

D - Slice of Life / Whump

Favourite Musical / Song from it

A - Catch Me If You Can / Live in Living Color

E - Les Miserables / Do You Hear The People Sing

L - Hamilton / Non-Stop

P - Into The Woods / I Know Things Now

D - Heathers / Lifeboat

Favourite Activity

A - sex, dancing, late night shenanigans with friends

E - attending protests, witchcraft, hiking

L - painting, research, watching movies

P - cooking, playing horror games, playing with animals

D - sleeping, listening to music, cuddling (but they’ll never admit it)

Favourite Affection

A - kisses. not necessarily romantic, forehead, cheek, hand, etc are all awesome

E - massages, especially shoulders

L - hair play

P - hand holding and casual touches

D - hugs, but so touch starved he’ll take anything

Favourite exercise

A - Dance!

E - Swimming

L - Climbing

P - Bicycle

D - pass…

If They Had A Super Power…

A - Flight

E - Pyrokinesis/Pyrogenesis

L - Time Stop

P - Invincibility

D - Invisibility

Weapon Of Choice

A - Falchion… specifically this one

E - spiked bat

L - Pistol

P - Bowie Knife

D - Switchblade

Travel Destination

A - Amsterdam OR Cross Country Road Trip

E - International Relief Aid (they have no concept of relaxation)

L - Ireland

P - Hawaii

D - no thanks..

Element

A - Air

E - Fire

L - Earth

P - Water

D - Smoke

Theme Songs

A - Raise Your Glass, P!nk - Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time, P!atD

E - Architects, Rise Against - Uprising, Muse - Feeling Sorry, Paramore

L - Conquest of Spaces, Woodkid

P - Laugh Till I Cry, The Front Bottoms - Stressed Out, Twenty One Pilots

D - Trapdoor, Twenty One Pilots - Be Nice To Me, The Front Bottoms - The Draw, Bastille

Little Quirks

A - Happy Dances, Winks, Hair Fluffs

E - Impatient finger tapping, “Cool Kid” posing, Blowing hair out of face

L - clasped hands, Adjusting glasses, straitening tie

P - deforest kelley bounce, hands nervously in pockets, always ready to rabbit

D - Tired face rub, eye roll, lip biting

Zodiac Sign/Planet (all from my full chart)

A - Aries Moon

E - Scorpio Mars

L - Libra Mercury

P - Sagittarius Jupiter

D - Pisces Saturn

Shadow Emotion

A - Loneliness

E - Sadness

L - Confusion

P - Fear

D - Anger

Alignment

A - Chaotic Neutral - fuck it this looks fun

E - Chaotic Good - I will burn this city to the ground to save a child

L - Lawful Good - do the right thing the Right way and you get the best results

P - Lawful Neutral - follow the rules and you won’t get hurt

D - Neutral Evil - I’m tired just kill yourself

Hogwarts House

A - Gryffindor

E - Slytherin / Gryffindor

L - Ravenclaw / Slytherin

P - Gryffindor

D - Hufflepuff

D&D Class

A - Sorcerer

E - Druid

L - Wizard

P - Ranger

D - Rogue

MBTI / my function stack

A - ESFP / Se

E - ENFP / Fi

L - ENTJ / Te

P - ISTP / inferior Ni

D - INFP - none, hes a disorder

God Tier

A - Maid of Breath

E - Knight of Space

L - Sylph of Mind

P - Mage of Rage

D - Page of Doom

High School Superlatives

A - Best Person to Travel With

E - Most Likely to Help Hide a Body

L - Most Likely to Succeed

P - Best Person to Get Stranded With

D - Worst Case of Senioritis

Vices/Virtues

A - Sex/Kindness

E - Rage/Courage

L - Overwork/Diligence

P - Alcohol/Vigilance

D - Drugs/Humility

When Stressed

A - loses all sense of direction and will jump onto the first suggestion someone makes to relieve the stress. Gets paranoid about appearance. Easily becomes overwhelmed/sensory overloaded and needs soft things, stim things, and fidgit toys to keep from becoming entirely incoherent.

E - Gets really impatient and short with people. If the stress escalates they will angry cry from frustration. Slams doors, yells unnecessarily.

L - Comes to a complete stop. They can’t complete a thought coherently and are easily confused. Prone to quitting from distress, coming to the conclusion that the most logical thing is to remove ones self from the stress while also stuck on the fact that it’s stressful because it’s too important to ignore. They basically experience blue screen of death by becoming a feedback loop of “oh no”.

P - The paranoia is in full bloom. they can get delusional and jumpy. Fears intensify. Outwardly, the only sign that somethings wrong is the occasional thousand yard stare or, contrastly, they get hyper vigilant. They’re just always ready.

D - Nap Time. If naps are not acquired they become crazy aggressive and verbally abusive. Every problem is a personal attack and it must be Gene’s fault. Craves death but will settle for a razor.

When They Like Someone

A - a smooth motherfucker. loves the seduction game. will wear lingerie under her clothes in case the opportunity arises to take it off ;)

E - Skittish. romance is the one emotional department they always fumble with. will compliment a lot and try to win them over, but takes a long time to act on anything for fear of misreading the other person’s intentions and making them uncomfortable.

L - Direct. knows the importance of presentation and is a good manipulator, so may implement their skills unintentionally. Really they just want the other person on the same page as them.

P - Suspicion. they normally aren’t attracted to someone unless the other person flirts first, and they are distrustful of others’ intentions. only once they feel safe with their crush will they act more directly and can actually be very charming.

D - Obsession and Despair. This person becomes their everything, which terrifies them, so they try and pull away to avoid getting hurt, and then get upset that the person isnt paying enough attention to them, and then the “im unlovable” spiral begins.

When Injured (with irl experiences oops)

A - powers through with force of will. will convince herself that its not a big deal. would probably try to finish a marathon with a broken leg. not stubborn if told to seek help, however, theyre just really bad at judging the severity/urgency of an injury. (went through their day without a care in the world after a head injury, legit didn’t think it was a big deal. the bump just looked nasty)

E - stubborn as a mule to keep up their badass image. will brush off most things even if they know its bad news. the only time the facade drops is when theyre alone, and then theyre a mess. (helped someone move despite the fact that they were seriously ill. hid it the whole time. collapsed when they got home)

L - reacts appropriately to the situation. has an objective enough knowledge of medicine and anatomy to assess the severity and urgency of an injury and will seek help if needed.

P - Panic. has a slight inclination to hypochondria that only comes out when something is wrong. stubbed tow? its broken. stomach ache? it could be cancer or their appendix is gonna burst. weird symptoms they dont recognize? absolutely positive theyre gonna die. if they cant see whats wrong the panic is worse. is actually not bad dealing with flesh wounds, but still wont hesitate in seeking care. (full blown panic attack when a uti started exhibiting unfamiliar symptoms and couldn’t receive immediate care)

D - secrecy. wont tell anyone. 10/10 most likely to silently stitch up a wound themselves and no one would be the wiser. (suffering silently through a migraine without medication, cleaning up self harm cuts)

Negative Influences

A - Reckless behavior, abandoning obligations in favour of a fun activity, drug use

E - Being argumentative, “anyone who doesnt agree with me is the enemy” knee jerk reaction, grudges

L - Obsessive behavior, hyper focus, over rationalizing feelings away

P - Irrational fears, distrust of others, exhausting hyper vigilance

D - Depression my dudes, self worth issues, self harm in all forms

Positive Influences

A - Trying new things, Courage, enjoying the simple pleasures

E - Passion, Moral compass, Determination

L - keeping my life structured, love of learning, the designer

P - self preservation, observing others’ personal boundaries, being prepared

D - ?????, keeps me from becoming too powerful,, ???????

When To Worry About Them

A - would rather stay home than go out, reclusive behavior

E - either theyre constantly fuming or they become painfully apathetic

L - none of their ideas make sense, language issues

P - always v stressed

D - smiley mask, overly compliant, overly positive

How They Chill

A - Nature Walks

E - Low Key hangouts with friends

L - Coloring books

P - Music - will often chill and listen to music with Daryl

D - Sleep - falls asleep while listening to music with Pandora

ill probly add onto this when i think of more stuff, but here for now

Self Care

A - Dressing up, cuz looking good for your own sake does wonders for emotional wellbeing

E - Talking to people, it’s not fair to you or your friends to shut them out, and the attention makes Adrienne happy

L - Hot Shower. As well as being good hygiene, hot showers improve circulation and relax muscles and the mind

P - cooking a whole meal for yourself, because you have a penchant for denying yourself food, and its a creative, mentally stimulating activity that gets you moving and is satisfying

D - He’d say sleep, but he always wants to sleep so its mostly detrimental. So he’s with Laura on hot showers, but like, in the dark. They’re good for if you’re upset, or nauseous, or tired, or have a migraine, or need a cry. Don’t gotta put much thought into it, if somethings wrong it can probably be fixed with a shower. Also the warmth is super nice, and a locked dark bathroom is basically the most secure place you have access to. AND you can use nice smelling soaps and stuff, so Addy is happy too. Showers are just default best.

Which Sanders Sides theyre most like

A - Patton

E - Roman

L - Logan

P - Anxiety

D - get fucked

As My Friends…

A - Kevin - big puppy dog, adventure/food/trouble friend

E - John - loud and proud and also my libra buddy

L - Owen - too smart jesus christ

P - Bri - anxiety ridden and prepared for everything

D - Jake - seriously hes the embodiment of depression anyway its horrifying

Physical Details

A - always wearing body glitter. nothing too Extra but just enough for a slight shimmer

E - has all the tattoos ive ever fantasized about. when i think up a new one it gets added to the collection. the buffest looking; when they work out they go for tone cuz they love the look

L - the only one who wears glasses. also wears a binder cuz theyre most comfortable flat-chested

P - carries any injuries i have at the time, including random bruises or cuts. actually the strongest even though they dont look it

D - has cuts all up their arms. they’re normally wrapped in bandages or hidden under hoodies. Deep under eye bags and the thinnest by far cuz they never heckin eat

Group Opinion

A - despite being the oldest everyone sees her as the little sister they need to protect. they love when shes happy and they all put in efforts to keep her out of too much trouble for the most part

E - they see them as a bit of an egomaniac, which isnt too far off. they are the judicial voice of the group, keeping everyone in line. those who deviate too far face their wrath.

L - the nerd. the others actually try to dismiss them a lot, since a lot of times they end up holding the group back. wildly unappreciated even though theyre normally right and helpful

P - doesn’t normally pop into group discussions, and is more of a casual observer, only participating when necessary. the others appreciate this about them, because for real if they contributed all the time id be a lot more stressed out

D - the villain. everyone always attacks everything they say (with good reason). despite this they still somehow end up winning a pretty good amount of decisions, cuz they are disgustingly good at twisting words and appealing to what at least one of the others wants. no one trusts them

#the gene pool #my sides #not ss tag #i dunno #more details

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