#i’ve been talking about this since 2021/2022 i think but i won’t stop bc it’s important

[amethystsoda]

• archive media that’s important to you before it’s labeled as “degenerate art” or becomes lost media. Streaming services will not always stream. Game platforms like Steam only provide ACCESS to a game not a forever copy. Save the things you care about.

if you're waking up like me thinking "where do we even go from here?"

you:

build community & involve yourself locally

learn self sustainability skills

choose kindness

protect others & yourself

join or build a mutual aid group and/or network

find time for small joys (the arts, cooking a meal you love, spending time with loved ones, etc.)

[brittney-brutal]

How are you doing? Not so active anymore :(

Growth is a powerful thing.

As I look back on the last year of my life, it’s honestly been traumatic as shit.

I hadn’t truly been happy in a while. The emotional damage of missing my son was getting to me every single day.

I was in an abusive relationship with someone that never truly loved me.

I was miserable because I felt trapped.

My boyfriend at the time wanted me to have intimate relationships with other people but still wanted me as “his”. The emotional abuse was out of this world, and I couldn’t commit to what I felt was “cheating”.

Until I met someone.

In November of 2021 I met someone. A cocky motherfucker, and I told him I knew it was an act from the start. He had my energy. I started to stay up waiting for him to respond, I started finding myself thinking about him through the day. Keeping it a secret was hard, if only for a short time. My boyfriend didn’t want me talking to anyone else but yet he wanted me to fuck other people. Which never happened since I have issues lmao, never had a hoe phase but I’m a hoe for one person 😂

Anyway, I couldn’t take being secretive like that and he eventually found out that I was talking to someone and flipped his shit, even though I was doing what he wanted me to do. So he had a mental breakdown a few days before thanksgiving and I had to tell my “newfound love interest” that I’d catch him on the flip side, bc this one was just having the hardest time and I couldn’t take the leap of faith and cut that shit off bc at the time I was living with him and didn’t really have an option to leave.

So I did what I do best and I told Bryson “hey I gotta go, he’s going mental, I’ll come back when it’s safe” and six months went by like nothing. During this six months, I went to Indiana, Chicago, saw Kevin Gates in concert with a new friend I made, saw A Day to Remember, Asking Alexandria, and Point North. I went home to Florida for Christmas, and for my sons birthday. I turned 26, I grew closer to my friends, I left a job and started a new one, and then April 2022 happened.

April 2022 was turmoil, beautiful chaos if you will.

April 2nd I decided to say fuck it and go with my friend to buy her first gun. She then decided to take me to gatlinburg for the first time since I moved here. We went down Main Street and ate footlong corn dogs and ate Belgian waffles with ice cream and tried fruit salsa and wine. I decided I couldn’t stop thinking about Bryson for the last six months that finally I gave in and reached back out. Surprisingly he never stopped thinking about me either, told his friends about me and everything. The timing of the universe had never been more perfect.

That kept for like two weeks. Boyfriend found out again because he went through my phone, and I just didn’t care at that point to hide it anymore I was so miserable. I went to brysons one day and then was threatened with the breaking of all my shit. Real domestic situation. Cops came, they let me get my shit and leave. I had nowhere to go, my friend is still letting me stay with her at her parents house. I went back to brysons that same night and cried in his arms and he has protected me ever since.

I’m happy. And not that fake happy shit I used to be. Yeah I miss my son terribly, but this man makes me look forward to every new day. I work for the state government now, I’m picking myself back up and starting at square one all over again. But this time I won’t fail. This time I have the support, and the love I need and always wanted. This is the love you wait for. This is the love you hear about at 75th wedding anniversaries. This is the love that makes romance movies look boring.

I’m finally being loved the way I need to be able to flourish. I love my job, I love my child. I want to be better every single day.

I will forever have this blog, until tumblr becomes defunct. I will forever love that I’ve now had this blog for eleven years and the shit it has seen. But no more is it my diary, my confidante. I have happiness. I have love. I have everything that I begged the universe for within the entries of this blog for the last eleven years. And trust me, i would do it all over again if it meant I still had bryson.

Growth is imperative, growth is uncomfortable. Growth is knowing you can do better, and being better.

I have grown.