#i’m trying to provoke but also hate hehe its not good !

[fatimajpeg]

i mean think about it, what is even the point of jjk?

[mmriesoftvat]

Thought provoking anon here👋💗 Hehe I’m glad you enjoy my curious questions. At first I was afraid I was pestering you but I’m happy you enjoy digging deep into Wanderer’s character. These hypotheticals are coming into my mind because I’m trying to pull for Wanderer right now so🤞

Also! I’m sure you’re already aware of this but I just learned this yesterday. That if you give the Wanderer your(the player’s) name he makes a comment along the lines of how its an honor to share your name.❤️❤️❤️ You know he pretends to be so indifferent when in reality he feels everything.

HE IS SO EMOTIONAL!!

so many people think that just because he appears rude/aloof at first doesn't mean he actually is! wanderer is so complex and packs so many emotions underneath. he has so many complex emotions toward the traveler especially, and at the end of the day, can acknowledge that he doesn't hate the traveler after all, they did help him out when they didn't have to. same with nahida and everyone he works with/played in the championships with.

wanderer cares so much. he cares about people, and tries not to show it, because he's got so many walls up. he doesn't want to get hurt again at the end of the day. boy's got so much angst inside him that it's hard to separate the feelings of trust and actually liking someone, and he struggles with that concept too. he WANTS to open up to people, but if he does, if he lets himself get close, he'll lose them too. it's how it's always worked.

he feels all the hurt, all the sadness, the grief, the pain, the confusion, EVERYTHING. he's a big ol' ball of confusion, while slowly, very slowly, letting his walls down to let people in, because life doesn't always have to be a tragedy, and life for him can actually be good.

i am so passionate about this funky lil bastard. he is my second favorite (next to chongyun, though they tie for first sometimes), and i love any bits of lore we get about him. he deserves the character growth, he deserves all the good things.

[lanawinterscigarettes]

you go Aeron get your name changed and move away!! My extended family cut me off for being too disabled (not sure if I’ve said this story before) cause I’m chronically ill and not getting better - almost like the keyword is in the name 🤦‍♀️ which is why I can’t get away from my immediate family and people on forums etc don’t seem to realise that sometimes is sometimes you need the people who hurt you for stuff like housing or food or care and it sucks af but sometimes you don’t have the physical or emotional resources to just go out into the world on your own. And yes! Back to happier things honestly I want my old lady hobbies I play video games and I want to crochet etc but I love the tugboat theory I hate feeling like I should have everything together like when I was a kid adults seemed to have it all together and now I’m just like ‘why tf are we running the world none of us know what we’re doing’. LMAO pretty lady feature in the reply we rate it!!

Yk what even if you do a male reader I’m still gonna read it because I like more Aeron content whether it’s replies or fics or whatever I lap that stuff up I remember reading Jennifer check stories I think it was to this day I have no idea who that is but good writing is good writing 🙂‍↕️ in fact I’m the opposite of a fake fan I’m probably too real of a fan I just read stuff even if I’ve not got a clue what’s going on because I’m like MMM YES CONTENT

Lemme know when all the videos and the picture load cause like, Lindsay <3333 also maybe this is just me being weird but I never understood the hand thing until recently because oh my gosh her hands and fingers in WR are so pretty and her arms I CANTTT you don’t understand Aeron Lindsay is perfect even when she’s traumatised but hey so am I, I wish she was in it for longer she’s only in it for 9 episodes so defo watch it as her run is really short although I wish she stayed in it til later in the season cause I’m selfish and want more Lindsay content <3 she absolutely throws Michaela around and like, if I was at Waterloo Road I’d provoke her so she throws me around like that 👀 (sorry who said that I heard nothing 🏃‍♀️)

I’ll NEVER STOP DYING WHEN THERE ARE ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ITS TOO TOUGH OUT HERE - ⭐️

Not them cutting you off for being "too disabled" wtf is wrong with some people that genuinely makes me so angry for you but I'm going to try to keep it toned down because I know you don't need any more stress in your life. That would be like if I cut off my mom for having diabetes like THAT DOESNT CHANGE ANYTHING SHES NOT GOING TO STOP HAVING DIABETES RAAAHHHH 🦅🦅🦅 (sorry I just hate ableist people and also really love my mom) and don't worry I completely get that, it must be hard having to rely on people who hurt you I know how you feel but just know I'm always here for you even if it's in a completely different continent ❤️

Omg my mom crochets actually!! She's made me little stuffies before, like a dragon and a bat :D but yes I absolutely agree with you there, I also hate how people assume that you automatically stop loving certain things when you become an adult yknow, like I still like/collect fashion dolls and I have a bunch of stuffed animals and cute things all around my room, I'm not going to get rid of them and you can't make me 😤 /lh

Here's some more dee since I know you love the pretty lady features I sometimes have in my posts hehe

Aw star anon 🥺 it's kind of funny that you literally just read whatever but it's also really sweet that you love my writing that much (also jennifer check is from a horror comedy movie called jennifers body!! I really love it but it IS horror so there's like character deaths and gore and stuff so idk if you'd be into that but she's really pretty regardless. Actually I have a bunch of pictures of her saved here have some more pretty lady images haha)

Okay they finally loaded for me after forever!! First off I love her hair, I've always wanted to have bangs that look like that I'm kind of jealous Lindsay tell me who your hairdresser is so I can get mine cut 😫 also Jenna's acting is so good poor Lindsay I feel so bad for her 😞 also I had no idea what it meant when you said she had a gob on her so I looked it up and basically gob means mouth so it's British slang for saying she has an attitude for anyone who was clueless like me haha

You're honest so real for that there are so many fictional characters I love that I'd absolutely let ruin my life like they could just take it all from me and I'd be grateful because I'm just a simp at the end of the day 😔

Yeah okay I can understand that sometimes I'll just be watching a show or movie and my favorite character will appear and I'll literally screech with joy because I'm so excited because I have no restraint haha

[walkingdaryls]

the chosen one

pairing: loki x reader

request: hi i was wondering if you could write a fluffy loki imagine where maybe he’s like an ass to everyone but just kinda claims the reader as like his favorite person or something and honestly you don’t even have to stick to that i’d just love a fluffy loki if you could thank you!

warnings: some swearing, very fluffy

(gotta love fluffy loki. the best loki. also, this is a bit long so i’m sorry about that hehe)

The main thing you loved about the Avengers, your lovely teammates, was the fact that each one had something that set them a part from the rest. Bruce’s buzzing brain, Tony’s ego, Nat’s confidence, and so on. You adored every single one of them.

And what they adored about you was that you were always the “empathetic” Avenger. The one who believed in second changes. In never judging a book by its cover. And the one who believed people could genuinely change for the better. Now, everyone else was also fully aware of the fact that you could easily kick anyone’s ass with your powers or wit. Or both at the same time. But your welcoming, trusting personality definitely shined. Most of your teammates loved you for it, even if they teased you endlessly for being the nice one.

But what really threw your team off was the way you allowed Loki onto the team so easily with no doubts. Years after the incident in New York with the God of Mischief, Thor began asking for Loki’s acceptance into the Avengers. He claimed that even under his sarcasm and rolling eyes, he had changed for the better. The whole team was very hesitant, but after tons of psychological evaluations and close screenings, Loki was slowly turned into an Avenger. He’d aided on plenty of missions, proving himself to be good a bit more every time. But the team still wanted to suffocate him to death every once in a while.

Loki didn’t exactly like any of the Avengers, and he felt like none of them liked him either. But a job was a job.

The only exception was you. You’d been the only one throughout his time as an Avenger that never provoked him, or looked at him in a dirty way. Well, it wasn’t like you two even had conversations. You two simply minded your own business around each other. You never trashed him, so he left you alone. Simple as that. You were never one for hating on someone who was trying to change.

It wasn’t until one night after dinner, when Tony provoked an argument with Loki, that you finally had had enough.

“Someone tell me why we let him be an Avenger again. Please?” Tony said after Loki had dramatically left the room.

Clint sighed, “I’ve been saying, he’s too risky after what he did in New York.”

The others chimed in, and even Thor expressed reluctance about his brother. You couldn’t believe your ears. So you suddenly slammed your hands on the table, causing your friends’ head to snap towards you.

“Are you guys fucking kidding me? I wasn’t aware that we were gonna start contemplating kicking people off the team every time we talk back or start a stupid argument.”

Tony crossed his arms, “That’s not what we’re doing. And it is so much more than just the arguments. Loki-“

“No!” You exclaimed, “It isn’t fair to him! It’s not fair at all. How many of us have shitty pasts we’ve moved on from? How many of us have made stupid mistakes that we will probably regret for the rest of our lives? Most likely all of us. But do we give each other horrible looks every time we see each other? No! We forgive each other and ourselves. That’s the thing about us, Tony: we stick together no matter what.”

No one said anything, so you continued, “And I’m fully aware that Loki’s mistakes are probably far worse than anything we’ve ever done, but the message still stands. I mean, how many missions has he helped us on? The amount of close security and psych evaluations he’s been through just to be part of the team? It’s been years, for fucks sake. Yes, he can be a dick to some of you sometimes, but that’s just him. It’s no reason to continue to hate his guts. Do you guys remember the mission France like 5 months ago that almost went wrong? Loki saved my life. I was this close to being killed. If he hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t be here today with you guys. So I think we owe him some thanks. Especially me.”

You were heated by that point. Everyone continued to stay completely silent, so you stood up.

“I-I’m gonna head to bed now. Just wanted to let y’all know you’re being a bit hypocritical,” And you walked away, catching just a ghost of a smile on Nat’s face.

“Jesus, I think she’s heard one too many of Steve’s speeches,” Rhodey muttered, earning a shove from Steve himself.

But what you didn’t know while you walked away, was that Loki had been standing in the other room, hearing every word you’d just said.

—

Over a week passed since your monologue at the dinner table. No one really mentioned anything about it afterwards, which you were really grateful. All you got was a random pat on the back from Steve and him saying, “We’re all proud of you, kiddo.”

You made your way into the kitchen, which was currently being used by most of your team. 9am in the tower’s kitchen on days off were always pretty hectic. Wearing your usual workout outfit, you made your way towards the mug cabinet.

You were the only one on the team that avoided coffee at all costs. Tea was your go-to. The only other person like you in that aspect was Loki. He was the kind of person you’d caught making tea at 2 in the morning when he couldn’t sleep.

As you reached for the mugs, you realized your favorite one - a minnie mouse one you’d bought at Disney World years ago - was nowhere to be seen. You were pretty sure you’d just put it away last night after helping Tony with the dishes.

“Here.”

You turned around to see Loki, still in his forest green silk robe, holding out your well-loved mug in his hand. You could smell your usual green tea steaming out of the mug.

You stood in shock more a moment before snapping out of your thoughts and taking the mug from him carefully.

“Oh, thank you,” You smiled genuinely. You could feel Nat’s gaze on you a few feet away at the waffle-maker. In fact, a few of the team members’ eyes flickered towards your interaction. Loki’s face remained neutral as he went back to making his own cup of tea.

Thor, noticing this, yawned, “Brother, could you please pour me a cup of-“

“No,” Loki walked out of the room with his tea in one hand, and book in the other. Thor’s mouth slightly fell, glancing back from the cup of tea in your hands to Loki. Steve snorted from the stool next to Thor.

What the fuck just happened? You made your way towards the gym a few floors down with confusion on your face. But mostly warmth in your heart.

The next day, Loki had your green tea waiting for you in your favorite mug once again. And you didn’t hesitate to give him your signature smile and a sweet “thank you”, even if you were a bit taken aback.

And he continued to do this for the next few days. Every morning, without fail. Green tea. Minnie Mouse mug.

At this point, Nat definitely became more aware. She pulled you aside after a while with slightly mischief in her eyes.

“Are you two friends?” She asked genuinely.

“Nat, it’s just tea.”

“Yeah, except Loki’s never even bothered to do something like that with the rest of us. Never.”

You shrugged, “He isn’t Satan. He’s capable of nice things.”

Nat chucked, “Not like this. And it’s just with you. He practically begged you have you as a partner during our last mission.”

It was true, although you wouldn’t exactly say ‘beg’. But he had been pretty adamant on having you as his partner for the mission. He’d asked you kindly first before letting Tony know. In the moment, you hadn’t thought much of it. But looking back at it, you now realized how genuine his actions had been. And you two made a hell of a team that day.

“Maybe he heard your speech that other night,” She smirked, walking away before winking at you. You stood there dumbfounded with a slight redness growing in your cheeks.

That afternoon, with your work done for the day, you made your way towards the main living room with your current book in your hands.

Upon entering the room, you should see Loki’s figure on the couch. He was slightly bent over which only meant he was probably reading as well. You hesitated, but made your way over anyways.

“Is it okay if I read here, too?” You asked quietly. Loki glanced up at you, nodding softly.

“Of course.” Was all he said. You gave him a ghost of a smile before plopping down the the other couch a few feet away. His eyes promptly followed you as you turned to the page marked by your bookmark. You began reading calming, posing no threat to him, so he continued his reading too. Loki felt quite at peace with the sun setting, your soft breathing, and his favorite book in his lap. And the best part: the rest of the Avengers were nowhere to be seen.

“What are you reading?” Your voice sounded softly. Loki placed a finger to mark where he last read before glancing up at you. You feared he’d be pissed off for the interruption, so you continued.

“I mean, I’ve seen you carry that book around for a while now. And it’s all worn out...which usually means it’s a good book,” You chuckled.

Loki watched you carefully before smirking, “Indeed. It’s called Pride and Prejudice. I’ve been told it’s a classic amongst mortals. Have you read it?”

Your face suddenly lit up. Your book was suddenly set aside as you leaned forward excitedly. Loki, although he would never admit it out loud, loved the sparkle forming in your glorious eyes.

“Yes!” You said, “Oh, it’s one of my all time favorites. The movie, too.”

Loki quirked an eyebrow, “There’s a movie? Well, I’ll have to watch that once I’m done with reading it.”

“So you like the book?”

“...Yes. I’m about three-quarters done with it. I have to say, it is rather enjoyable.”

You leaned back against the couch, gazing dreamily at the ceiling, “I’m a sucker for those kinds of romance stories. And I like to think I’m quite like Elizabeth Bennet.”

Loki squinted, “I think so, too.” You lifted your head slightly, making eye contact with the raven-haired God. The soft gaze on his face seemed to mean well, so you allowed for your cheeks to grow a light shade of red.

“Well,” You smiled, looking down at your book, “Let’s get back to reading, yeah?”

Loki nodded, but made sure to keep his eyes on your for a few seconds longer before opening to his page once more.

—

Another couple week passed, and Tony decided to call a ‘very urgent team meeting that has nothing to do with actual team stuff’.

You entered the kitchen where the rest of your teammates were sitting or standing around, chattering amongst themselves. Tony was waiting until everyone arrived before sharing what he needed to say. You slid on a stool next to Nat.

Bucky and Bruce showed up a minute or so later, which meant practically everyone was there. You looked around for the only missing person: Loki. But before you could say anything, the familiar God walked in with Tony followed a few feet behind.

“Alright,” Tony clapper his hands, “Glad we’re all here.” He walked into the kitchen where he served himself some liquor before turning to the rest of you. You felt Loki come up behind you, before situating himself right next to you.

You looked up at him, smiling softly, “Hi.”

“Hello,” He spoke extremely lowly, yet his eyes brightened just a bit more. You felt even more tiny compared to him now that you were sitting and him standing.

“So...what’s this meeting for?” Bruce asked.

“Great question,” Tony said, “I have decided that after tireless back-to-back missions these past few days...we all deserve a treat. That’s why I booked a reservation to the fanciest restaurant within a twenty minute drive. It’s at 8, so I want all of us ready to leave by 7:40.”

“God, Tony you know I hate when you plan stuff like this last minute,” Bruce stressed.

Tony shrugged, “It’s not like any of you losers had plans. Now, go get ready. You’ve all got less than two hours.”

You sighed, “The fanciest place in the city? I hope you’re paying.” A few chuckles sounded from your teammates.

“I wasn’t joking,” You looked at Tony.

The genius rolled his eyes, “Obviously I’m paying. Now, go! All of you. Shoo. Jesus, you try to do a nice thing and people still ask questions-“

Everyone groaned, getting up from their spots and leaving to their rooms to get prepared for the big night. You sent Loki a sympathic glance before going to your floor. You knew he hated going out.

So that’s how you ended up wearing your nicest white, tight-fitting dress that ended a few inches above your knee. It had a long, thick golden embellishment traveling from the bottom to your top left shoulder. It was very classy. And paired with golden heels, you truly felt otherworldly.

You, Nat, and Wanda were all up in each other’s bedrooms, trying to decide each other’s hair and makeup. Wanda was especially skilled with eyeshadow looks for some reason. And Nat more with hair. Your two blessings, you called them.

You three joined the rest of the guys in front of tower, all piling in the long, iconic Stark limo. You definitely hadn’t missed the look Loki gave you as you walked past him to get into the vehicle. He didn’t say anything, so neither did you. You just sent him your signature smile.

Champagne was passed around once in the limo with flashing lights. You were squished between Thor and Loki, which wasn’t exactly a complaint. Thor was cracking jokes to you and calling you “my lady” the entire ride. It was a blast, and you hadn’t even arrived yet. Loki on the other hand, stayed quiet as a mouse. He only said “thank you” when you passed him a glass, and that was it.

Upon arriving, your breath was almost taken away at how fancy the restaurant truly was. Tony never disappointed. Your team’s reserved table had each seat labeled with each of your names on paper.

Nobody noticed, but Loki created an illusion to switch you and Bucky’s seats so you’d be sitting next to him.

Loki allowed you to slide into your chair first before sitting down next to you. He immediately reached for the menu. Seeing that there weren’t enough left for you, you silently read over his shoulder. Without saying anything, he slightly lowered the menu to give you a better look.

Hours passed, and the entire table had fallen a bit tipsy. You were stuffed with more than enough raviolis and champagne. You even accidentally hiccuped while trying to tell a story to the rest, but everyone teased you so much for it, you couldn’t even finish what you were going to say. But how could you be mad? You were having the funniest, and most lovely night of your life with your second family. The rest of the restaurant probably hated all of your guts for your loudness and endless laughter, but none of you cared.

“I’ll be back,” Loki had whispered from beside you. You turned your head, watching him walk away towards the restaurant’s balcony doors. You looked back at your team, seeing they were all occupied with themselves, and followed Loki.

Feeling the fresh breeze outside somehow made you and your bloating feel a bit better. You spotted the familiar dark-haired man gazing out at the buzzing city at the edge of the balcony.

You sucked in a breath before speaking, “May I join you?”

He looked back, “Of course.”

It was always of course, you thought.

Your heels clattered lightly on the tile floor as you made your way next to him. You didn’t know if it was the champagne in your system, but you found yourself standing extremely close, touching shoulders with Loki. But he didn’t make any efforts to move away.

“You seemed awfully quiet during dinner. Is everything okay?” You asked.

Loki looked at his hands, “Just not the ‘going out’ type, remember?” You nodded, looking back at the skyline.

“You know, Loki,” you said, “I never properly thanked you for saving my life back in France months ago.”

You’d had a couple slip ups in missions before, but the entire team remembered that traumatic mission in France extremely well. You truly had been on the verge of dying. So close. But Loki had gotten in there and saved your ass. And Loki remembered, too. But it hurt him too much to think back on it. He’d been so close to never seeing your bright smile, or your infectious giggles again.

“Y/N, I-“

The alcohol in your system didn’t stop you from rambling, “I know I’m late, like, months late, but I just wanted you to know. I am so thankful. I literally owe you my life-“

“You don’t owe me anything, Y/N, heavens,” Loki watched you with a concerned gaze.

You blushed, “Well, I needed to get it off my chest. So, thank you Loki.”

“Well, I couldn’t afford losing the only person on this team I can somewhat stand.”

Your eyes flickered to his, seeing him wear an amused smirk on his face.

“I’m-I’m your favorite Avenger?” You teased. The God rolled his eyes.

Your smile was making your cheeks burn, “FYI...you’re my favorite, too. Well, maybe next to Nat.”

Loki let out a small, breathy laugh. You joined in, making him stare at you once more. His stare was so intense, you didn’t know what to do except awkwardly stare back.

Loki wanted more. He yearned to hear your voice again. So that’s why he said the next thing without thinking.

“You look beautiful tonight. Well, every day, of course. I forgot to tell you when you walked of your room a couple of hours ago, so I’m letting you know now.”

You were so thankful it was dark out, for you just knew that the look on your face was embarassing. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“I think you’re beautiful, too,” You blurted. Loki gave you the softest gaze you’ve ever seen, so you couldn’t help but carefully place your hand on of top his.

Loki tenderly lifted your hand before pressing his lips to the tip of your fingers. All you could do was watch, breathless. He set your hand down before grabbing both sides of your face, and pressing another soft kiss, but to your forehead this time.

“That’s why we’re each other’s favorites,” He smiles cheekily at you.

You giggled, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Indeed.”

—

[moved-attre]

Rewriting Cyberpunk 2077 into a bullet point list! LET’S GO!

(Disclaimer: I’m trying to be realistic. So no, “every single detail of the game changes based upon every single choice V makes” but just things I expected in an RPG from an AAA company in 2020. I take a lot of inspiration from the old trailers, and rumors of pre-2018 development.)

And this is really long, too. Sorry. 😜

Okay, so first off: Act 1 generally goes off the same as it does in canon. I’m open to other ideas, but I don’t think it’s a bad starting point. I do think V and Jackie should have had more time together, doing smaller jobs until Dex calls. Like, there should’ve been side jobs that were only available in Act 1. You have to get a minimum of 5 street cred before you get the conversation with Jackie about Dex.

The heist still goes to shit; Yorinobu kills his father, Takemura rebels against him and Arasaka factions split. V inserts the chip into their head, Jackie still dies and Dex shoots V in the head. Takemura rescues V, kills Dex, V wakes up in Vik’s and is told they have 4 months to live. (2 weeks is not enough!)

On to Act 2! The origins actually affect the game, so there’s three versions of it you can play. (Some things happen regardless of the origin, though.) For example: Corpo V has contacts in the Corpo world and pursues leads about the Relic there through their old friends. Street Kid V has contacts in the gangs, like the Valentinos or Maelstrom, who have dirty dealings with corporations and can get V in on Arasaka knowledge, Nomad V has leads out in the badlands about the corporations and gets in that way, hijacking transports to get some info. All origins can work with the corporations (like Hanako’s branch of Arasaka, Militech, Biotechnia, etc.) or against them. Like, the point is to snoop around the corporations and dig up some dirt on the Relic and Yorinobu’s Arasaka branch specifically but each origin goes about it differently?

Maelstrom vs Meredith Stout choice actually matters. It’s one point in a subplot I mentioned above, where V continually makes choices on whether they’re gonna side with the corporations or the gangs/people of NC against Arasaka in order to be rid of the Relic. Also affects V’s relationship with Johnny. You can also have a real, long term relationship with Meredith if you pick her side and get Militech support, or count on Maelstrom to help you in the main plot against Arasaka. Both sides will still attack V if they poke their nose in, meaning random encounters can still happen.

^ The subplot is like, making a deal with the devils (The corpos) or... other devils (The gangs). One person objectively could say one is better than the other, but they’re both awful. Night City is kind of rotten to the core, and V’s problems can’t be fixed by a pursuit of justice. V can still be a good person in either case, and it’s still kept kind of punk by going against the head honchos. I think this more suits the “Wake the fuck up, Samurai. We have a city to burn.” quote because V is churning up a path to the top, even if their methods are purely selfish. V themselves can be uninterested in righting wrongs, but they kind of turn NC on its head by challenging Arasaka so changes come anyway.

Point, is you fuck everything up either way. THEN, V can choose whether to trust the corporations and work with Hanako to “change the system from within” without disrupting people’s day-to-day lives (short term good choice I suppose?) or to let the gangs rise up and cause total anarchy. (long term good? since the downtrodden are rising up and maybe there shouldn’t be absolute power in the hands of a few.)

T-Bug doesn’t die. V thinks she’s dead, but sometime in Act 2 gets an anonymous call and meets up with T-Bug. She went underground after the botched heist, and isn’t eager to work with V again. Maybe you do a few missions with her, and she comes around? Or you fuck up and never hear from her again. I imagine she’d love to poke around at the Relic, if V helps her.

Giving Jackie’s body to Vik has real consequences. If you give his body to his mother, you attend the ofrenda and get his bike, his mom allows you to use his den as a place to stay... It’s basically the ‘good’ choice, if you care about the characters. If you give his body to Vik, you unlock a side mission where Arasaka steals his body to find the relic. You have to go and find it but it was destroyed(?) at some point by Arasaka. You can get his pistols (Which are, aside from Johnny’s pistol, the best weapons in the game. I don’t get why they aren’t in canon...) in this route and whole lotta angst, so his mom basically hates you because she blames you for not being able to bury her son and the bar is off limits. No getting the bike, either.

More content involving Alt Cunningham. V still witnesses the scene with her and Johnny, her kidnapping and death. But, Ghost AI Alt allows V to look into Alt’s memories for information on Mikoshi. V accidentally accesses some more personal memories. We can see Alt as more of a fleshed out actual person, not just a tragic backstory for Johnny. Some of the memories do involve Johnny, and the tone is very different from her perspective. We see that Alt has genuine affection for him, but Johnny is possessive and abusive... It’s far from the relationship Johnny recalls. Of course, Johnny can see all this too since he lives in V’s head. He and V have a heart to heart afterwards, with Johnny realising how badly he treated Alt and yeah. I wasn’t satisfied with how Alt was just used as a sob story for Johnny, but I was sent an ask by an anonymous person about how the memory was from his perspective and thus biased. It really got me thinking! If I was more creative, I’d come up with a way for Alt to live... But Johnny still needs to bomb Arasaka and Alt’s death was the reason why he did that.

You have to return one of your apartments/safe houses every few days to wash and sleep. If not, V will get a penalty that means they are less accurate when aiming and slower when breaking in a vehicle. Also some NPC’s will refuse to talk to you if you don’t bathe, because... stinky.

And you have to eat! Otherwise you get hungry, and get penalties for that too. Can’t concentrate on an empty stomach. I’d say eating once or twice a day would be enough.

Instead of fast travel points (that are supposed to be taxi services, I think...? But we never see a taxi! And why can’t we just call Del? Ugh.), V takes the metro. There are side missions that can sometimes only start once you get on or off of a train. (You meet NPC’s in the train, or waiting for one.)

Takemura and Johnny are romance options, and are available for all genders. They’re the most difficult to romance, with some (kind of obvious) dialogue choices ending the possibility. Like, for example: Takemura’s romance ends badly if you choose to go against the corporations, and Johnny’s ends badly if you go with the corporations. It’s the same with Meredith, essentially, in that going against her won’t allow you to romance her. I know a rival-mance system is possible, but I think that might be too complicated.

Takemura and V’s relationship is much, much deeper. They have more time together, and grow closer. Takemura trains V in combat, and takes over from Coach Fred in the street fights side missions. You go with Takemura to fights, he’s your coach, is very proud when you win. (He’s basically training V in the event that they have to take on Adam Smasher and Oda. Like, why did we have no training montages with Takemura?!) V is able to choose romance or stay friends with him. There’s plenty more missions with Takemura too, mainly espionage stuff against Yorinobu. Finding out his weaknesses, replacing his staff with people that are loyal to Hanako, digging for dirt on him. Lots of stake outs, hehe. 😉 Romance!™️ Also makes it that much more tragic if V doesn’t choose to trust the corporations, since Takemura will end things and leave NC.

There are garages to upgrade your cars but Panam can upgrade it further if you do her missions + befriend her, and you can find super secret parts for your cars that Panam needs all around NC by stealing them from gangs or Corpos! Like, make your car go 200 mph fast or a setting to make it hover. 😎

FOUND FAMILY TROPE... Involving the LI’s + more characters. I wanted Misty, Vik, Judy, Panam, River and Kerry to all know each other and be friends. Also, somewhere for them to hang out. Judy coming down and hanging out with Misty and Vik would’ve been so cool.

Missions involving Vik. I think he deserved his own personal missions. Also, he’s gotta be romanceable! I’ll add more to this later.

I’m still figuring out how Johnny’s romance would go. It’s a tricky one. Lots of tension, jealously if V flirts with anybody... Heart to hearts... Holding hands... Passive aggressive confessions of love...

River is introduced in the main story. Maybe you team up to hunt down somebody who knows stuff about the Relic, like Anders Hellman, or something else to do with it. River’s like “What the fuck is going on?” but V doesn’t really tell him. Then, of course, you meet him later on and recognise him in the BD given to you by Jefferson.

Meeting Kerry earlier in the story, say mid Act 2? Ideally there would have been 5 Acts, and maybe I’ll edit this to include more once I figure out how the story could have gone. AND he’s part of the main story.

Less generic, “get in, get item and get out” side missions from Fixers and more side missions like the Peralez’s and that guy who got crucified. More freaky Cyberpunk subjects like what constitutes a soul, what is “intelligence” (What makes a machine different than a human? Without shitty false racism analogies), human rights abuses (and in that: classism, racism, ableism, transphobia), pollution, more on “Cyberpsychos” and how harmful that term is, etc. Nauced and thought-provoking. Reminding us that this is a dystopia and the issues are different but not all that wildly so from today. I would’ve developed Brendan’s mission more, because it seemed like we were going to see an earnest discussion on Artificial Intelligence but instead it was just confusing and “Haha, tricked you!” 🥱 Like, what if he really was a person capable of free thought and emotion? And that company still owns him and can overwrite him? Isn’t that fucked up?! It didn’t need a happy ending, just something to unnerve me.

Adding to that, Delamain had plenty of opportunities to discuss AI and the rights of individual contructs. His “children” could be freed, but nothing really happens as a result? I wanted consequences! The emails about human staff being made redundant because of Delamain were so interesting, too. I wanted to see something about the consequences of that in a city with no basic universal income. What happened to them? What can be done to help people who are made redundant by machines? So many possibilities for truly emotional and scary side missions!

I’m gonna watch black mirror for more inspiration, but stuff like the IRL blocking feature? Freaky as hell and totally plausible. Would’ve loved if one of the side missions involved V getting involved in some dispute involving something like that. “I can’t see his face!” or the copyright stuff about people’s appearances! Imagine if there was a Johnny lookalike? Engram Johnny would either find it hilarious or get really pissed off.

I’m hoping the DLC will deliver on more Takemura, so I’ll hold my breath for critiquing the Arasaka ending.

More to come! I’ll probably edit this later, if there’s any mistakes and/or I realise I hate an idea hehe.

[pastryseungs]

Nightmare High (2016)

Dir. Hyun Moon-Sub

⚠️ Spoilers !! ⚠️

i started watching this because i keep seeing this on Netflix and my curiosity got the best of me hehe. also because i’m quite impressed with Kim So-Hyun’s acting skills and she’s also one of my favorite Korean actors, because of her performance in Love Alarm (2019).

lmao so i finished this show a couple of days ago and i was supposed to post this after but i decided to collect my thoughts first so i could make this post work haha. i tend to forget what i just watched five minutes after watching it sometimes (its not a quirky thing ;-; i tend to get surprised that i just finished another show that i forget what just happened lol).

anyways, i kinda liked this drama, though i felt like it was a bit of a slow-burn, it showed what the characters were like if they were given the chance to play god, which led to them abusing it then wanting it to stop when they get overwhelmed by it. here’s a list of my thoughts on each characters’ stories :v

1. Kim Seul-Gi

the name reminds me so much of Seulgi (Kang Seulgi) from Red Velvet lmaoo. Kim Seulgi (Seo Shin-ae) was considered as their class’ “outcast”, with her classmates going out of their way to talk about how she’s invisible and that she’s worthless before proceeding to mess with her stuff. being fed up with her bullies, she decides to go to the counseling office and talk to Mr. Han/Han Bong-Gu (Uhm Ki-Joon) who gives her the layout of their classroom and a red pen, telling her to connect her name with a classmates name with a red line if she wants to be friends with them. after trying this, her classmates start acting nice to her, which eventually led to her not being given the time to be alone and to be with the people that she wants to be with, which then led to her asking Mr. Han if he could reverse the whole thing and go back to normal.

Seul-Gi’s story was honestly a bit sad and frustrating with me. this is why you shouldn’t give people the chance to play god or the chance to control their fate and their surroundings, it just won’t end well. the girl just wanted to have friends that genuinely care for her. the solution that Mr. Han gave her was addicting at first but when it all backfired on her, she decided that maybe it wasn’t for her at all. sadly, she had no other choice but to be trapped in that mirror.

Seul-Gi deserved better :<

2. Oh Ki-Chul

Oh Ki-Chul (Baek Sung-Do) is a student that participates in wrestling/boxing/fighting matches. (??) after a while of not participating, he stumbles upon two students that are fighting and decides to break it up. he was then met with what looks like a student who was also the group’s ‘leader’ telling him that one of the rules of fighting was to never butt-in on someone else’s fight. he was then dared to participate in a fight but turned down the offer as he planned not to do it until he graduates.

after a series of provoking and starting to participate again in other fights. Oh Ki-Chul and Mr. Han spoke about him joining fights, before Mr. Han puts Ki-Chul in a trance to help him see if he’ll win or not. he decides to use this to his advantage, memorizing what he has to do in order to win his fights in the future. eventually, he too had to sign a contract with his blood- like every victim of Mr. Han’s to continue receiving this kind of privilege which eventually led him to being trapped in a mirror too.

my main takeaway from Ki-Chul’s story was that it was kinda weird that Mr. Han just watched from the sidelines instead of holding Ki-Chul back and try to change his mind into not participating in the fight. sadly, he’s not like other Homeroom teachers. for others, they’d probably say that he’s provoking these students into wanting more.. but i think that he’s actually giving them the taste of their own medicine if they decide to abuse their desires if it were given to them. but i still think that Mr. Han’s a bad guy lmao duh.

3. Ahn Si-Yeon

first of all, i think that Ahn Si-Yeon (Kim Da-Ye) is so adorable !! her character gives me fangirl vibes ✨ sadly, she had to fall for Mr. Han’s trap too. it first started when her classmates accused her of lying to them about her having a boyfriend who lives in Boston, with them purposely making her “overhear” their conversations about someone they know that lies about their personal life. i didn’t really get why she had to lie though, i’m quite convinced that she did that to gain more friends. sadly, they had to pry and pry to the point that she had to find a solution to their nosiness, she started it anyway. Si-Yeon went to the counseling room to talk to Mr. Han, where she was given a notebook to write down her desires. now this part gave me Death Note (2006) vibes.. but with less people dying from heart attacks lmao.

after writing down on the ✨ magical ✨ notebook, her ‘boyfriend’ from Boston suddenly appears out of nowhere, apologizing for taking so long to arrive and be there with her. surprised with her wishes being granted by the notebook, Mr. Han gives her the option to sign a contract with her blood or everything goes back to the way it was.

Si-Yeon then continues making ‘things’ happen through her notebook, until she decided that she didn’t want to continue using the notebook anymore and that she wanted everything to go back to normal. unfortunately, burning the notebook didn’t do anything which eventually caused her to be trapped in the mirror as well.

4. Chun Jae-Soo

duuuude, my fujoshi side is jumping out i hate myself lmao anywayss i can’t help but ship Jae-Soo (Jang Kyoung-Up) to Ko Ki-Tae (Ji Eun-Sung), they all so give me Kaneki and Hide vibes from Tokyo Ghoul (2014) !!

anyways, Jae-Soo’s story was pretty sad for me but it was kind of a slow burn? idk, maybe i wasn’t paying much attention or time went by slowly for me that day.. but he got so dependent on the drinks that Mr. Han was giving him that he eventually forgot everyone, even his bestfriend! which made him resort to writing the important details of his life on his arms and on the chair of his desk. i was so sad when Ki-Tae saw Jae-Soo’s arms :< he definitely knew what was wrong with his best friend but couldn’t think of a way to help him without the other thinking that he’s prying. ngl though, i honestly thought that Ki-Tae was using Jae-Soo at first but was then convinced that they were actually best friends.

Jae-Soo’s dependence on the drink eventually made him forget his name, even where he was and where his classroom was. which gave Mr. Han the advantage to trap him inside the mirror as well.

5. Do Do-Hee

Do-Hee (Kim Ji-An) is considered as the queen in her class and was even in their school, Yosan High’s advertisement poster. unfortunately, her boyfriend, Lee Jong-Suk (Kwon Young-Min) cheated on her with a student from the lower level. she was then replaced on the poster with the same girl, which fueled her anger and jealousy towards the new couple. thinking that her beauty is disappearing and she’s being replaced as the prettiest girl in their class, Do-Hee stumbles upon an app that gives her the look she wants with one click. unfortunately, it doesn’t last long and she’ll have to sign a contract with Mr. Han so she could continue using it.

Do-Hee’s features start to get more enhanced, with female students in their school asking her how she got and maintained the far from natural look.. which eventually caused her and Jong-Suk to get back together. after a few weeks of dating, Do-Hee catches Jong-Suk talking to the same girl and retaliated by pouring water all over the two.

unfortunately, her beauty also disappears when her phone’s battery dies and she’ll have to constantly find a way to get an updated phone. the app eventually sent her into a mental breakdown, making her more obsessed with her looks, which gave Mr. Han.. again, an advantage to trap her in the mirror too.

overall, i think the show was pretty good !! Kim So-Hyun and Lee Min-Hyuk have great chemistry and i ship them a lot ;-; though i kinda think this show was a slow burn and there were parts that were kinda boring for me.

it was also kinda creepy and sad for me since these students clearly have problems but their homeroom teacher that should be mediating this situation and guiding them to the right path is the person who’s actually leading them to his trap, which was so frustrating to watch since Ye-Rim (Kim So-Hyun) and Sang-Woo (Lee Min-Hyuk) were so close to finding out what was actually happening. sadly, Mr. Han is waaaay too ahead of them. kinda surprised of the plot twist too where the camera Sang-Woo was using was supposed to tell about people’s lies, kinda reminds me of that TikTok POV i saw the other day.

[anodyne-sunflower]

I know requests are crazy, but may I slide in? Hehe So, a blurb or whatever of Leon kissing reader, don’t care if there isn’t plot but that’s what a blurb is yeah? 🤔 Neway, remember when he’s helping Ada at the end and tells her to ‘Shut up’ Lmao 🤣 can I have him silencing reader by saying this before kissing her?

Sure thing~ Difficult to figure a situation he’d say it in aside from the game one and that isn’t too cruel 😆 Hope you like!

***

The stench was enough to make any seasoned individual flinch, and while Leon wasn’t immune to the heavy odor in the air he certainly wasn’t one to openly complain of it. So, he trekked further into the sewer lines, unhygienic water sloshing around his knees. He learned a while ago to switch his breathing from mouth to nose, giving the other a break if he could. It helped, but it didn’t make the atmosphere any less disgusting.

“You alright back there?” He didn’t bother turning around to check, he could already perceive how deep your repulsion towards this area went. In truth, he was at least finding mild amusement in your constant muttering.

“How do you think, Leon?” You bit back, hating every step that you took in the muck. How he thought this was a bright idea was beyond you, but you weren’t foolish enough to stay above on your own. “This place smells like shit, I’m not dressed properly for this and-“

Leon chuckled to himself as you trailed off into your critiques. The kinder side of him sympathized with you, because he didn’t exactly expect his first day to become this. But, you were even further out of place, with your fitted dress and heels. Granted, he managed to salvage some boots from the police station for you, but otherwise you certainly weren’t expecting the living dead to come on what should’ve been a night of partying for you. “I did offer to carry you.” He turned to look at you with a grin, eyes drifting over your figure that looked a little too good in that outfit, even with the soft tears and dirt that clung to it.

“Like hell.” You clicked your tongue at Leon, speeding up purposely to remove yourself from behind him. Not that it got you far, your boots kept sticking to whatever was beneath the sewage. “I hate this place!” Your palm came to brace yourself along the wall, the grime you felt making you cringe and screech. Somewhere behind, you heard Leon stifle a laugh, but you didn’t have the energy to fight back.

“Need some help?” He stopped at your side, eyebrow raised and blue eyes more entertained than you wanted them to be.

“Not from you.” You struggled to remove your foot from the spot it was anchored, and the harder you pulled the clumsier it left your balance. If it wasn’t for Leon, you would’ve found yourself neck deep in the filth below, but fortunately for you, his reflexes were far superior. His arm snaked around your waist, holding you up and steady as your boot finally unlocked from its prison. You could see how pleasantly occupied the officer was by your predicament, and grateful as you were to him for the help, it wasn’t in you to outwardly show it. “Don’t you dare laugh.”

That seemed to provoke him further, and while his lip curled into a smile he was kind enough to at least pretend he didn’t find humor in your misgivings. “Relax, okay? I was just helping.” Yet, you obviously didn’t believe him and his explanation only appeared to offend you. There was another string of curses flowing from your lips, and as much as he adored a stubborn woman you were slowly driving him insane. The worst of it? It also kept him going in his mission, knowing he had the company of someone alive and spirited.

“Y/N...” He softly spoke your name, eyes settling on your lips that kept moving and moving with unshakeable resolve to prove yourself. Leon understood that was your defense mechanism at work, but he slowly began to drown out each word until you were pouting up at him and poking his bulletproof vest. He found himself mesmerized for a brief second, noting how passionately you argued and every point in time when your tongue came to wet your lips before speaking again. He should’ve been focused on other things, but you truly just didn’t know when to stop did you?

“Hey,” Leon sighed, smiling when his interruption proved no aid in getting you to stop. “Would you just-“ But, you kept on, intensely gesticulating your point that he had somehow missed in all your haste. Not that it mattered right now, he was still intent on watching the form of your lips move. They were slightly red, perhaps even chapped but still sinfully attractive he had to argue within himself his next tempted move. “Shut up.”

You paused finally, eyes wide as you noted the grin Leon held. He said his part so casually, as if your tirade only moderately inconvenienced him. “What?”

“Just,” Leon pulled you closer, satisfied when you didn’t try to escape his embrace. “Shut up.” He leaned down quickly, knowing time was of the essence but still pleased when he felt the touch of your lips on his. The kiss was subtle at first, the sensation of such an intimate affection being registered by you both. But, after a second he pressed closer, deepening the passion he felt until you caved in his hold.

***

[iesharael-blog]

1/5/19 Happy New Year

ok im gonna be honest... I dont remember the past 5 days other than i’m sick and can barely breath and i mad the mistake of going to the movies with some friends. i wanted to see mary poppins again so me and 4 friends were gonna go, well after we already planned that, one made me really uncomfortable when he was drunk messaging me and not accepting that i did not want a relationship with him. even going so far as to say he hates my ex simply cause he got me first. so im gonna call these friends A B C (as well as D and E to explain backstory) and explain who they are with a little key so i can give the story without being revealing of identities and what not.

Me - [fem] myself. I’ve know them for a little over 20 years and they tend to be a complete child and was treated as the child of friends back in high school and cared for as such. highly susceptible to emotional manipulation especially from people they trust

A - [fem] my best friend since 5th grade who i fondly refer to as my mama bear. my amazing protector of both physical and emotional battle grounds. the very person who’s house i ran to when i needed time away from my parents to figure things out before asking for therapy.

B - [male] twat i met my junior year who i started calling dad at some point and has since become completely unstable. very egotistical and leaves arguments if he isn’t winning constantly playing the victim card.

C - [male] guy who i was randomly introduced to through his younger brother adding him to a discord server i run as an attempt to shut down my ex for daring to call the unholy texts that are The Harry Potter Series “mediocre” (i also have his phone number randomly cause i used to know his twin) and has been friends with B for a while even going so far as to have a running joke of them being in a relationship even tho they are both straight.

D - [fem] B’s ex who i refer to as step mama and who tends to be fairly motherly towards me

E - [male] dude i was friends with in highschool and who was good friends with B

My Ex - [male] still on very good terms and he is very caring towards me. he tries to make sure im doing whats best for me and not letting anyone manipulate or harm me

ok that was bigger than i expected but im sick im not thinking straight so this gonna be a bit weird and long... ok heres the story:

so im all like “hey i wanna see Mary Poppins again!” and B and C are like yeah lets go! with B immediately stating how he had planned to see it with B before they broke up, already putting a slight damper on the thing but we got past it. a day or two after i end up with me and B agreeing (timestamp 9:30) to message on discord between 11-12 as well as set up a server for us and his little sis to play on. (the wait was for him watching doctor who with his family) so i shower and puzzle and finally with no word by 11:42 i message him asking for when he thinks he will be on to which i get the message “I don’t know I’m really drunk it’s gonna be a blast “... and now a transcript of what followed next copied word for word (well privacy edits) time stamps (and spelling errors) included:

ME Last Sunday at 11:44 PM

but i guess mary poppins day discusion will wait for tomorow

me and your sister agreed on doing ftb sky adventers

B Last Sunday at 11:45 PM

Ok

Btw

Hehe

I shouldn’t say it

ME Last Sunday at 11:45 PM

say it

cant say btw then not say it

dick

B Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

Well

Uhm

ME Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

yes?

B  Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

I’m unhappy with [MY EX]

Because I was maybe going to ask you out

I can say this because I’m drunk

ME Last Sunday at 11:47 PM

omg lol (in the this is a funniy situation way, not laughing at you)

thought you were repulesed by me? yeesh [B] keep your story straight

after all i did like you a bit before i met [MY EX], but hes always nice and youre... drunk nice

so eta for server mister cassanova?

B Last Sunday at 11:51 PM

No I want to be nice to you sober too but for some reason I get scared so I hide behind lies

Idk a while

Tonight

ME Last Sunday at 11:51 PM

you dont have to be scared, im just shocking

B Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

Well if we go to Mary poppins

Even with [C], who I’d like to be there

Maybe a mini date?

ME Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

no.

B Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

Aqwww

ME Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

sorry but i cant date again not yet

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

I’m gonna be sad

ME Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

i told you why me and [MY EX] broke up

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

But when I’m sober I’m going to regret most of this

ME Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

its not good for me to be in a relationship rn

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

I know

Well

Actually

ME Last Sunday at 11:54 PM

look if things dont work out with [MY EX] once my brain is on the path to fixed then we will see, until then dont wait up for me

B Last Sunday at 11:54 PM

I think you do need to be with at least someone because when you are depressed and thrown out of it you need someone to relate to and talk and make you feel comforted and loved

Time alone isn’t the answer

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

except i have friends for that hon

B Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Yeah

You dooo

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

you dont need a relationship relationship

i have a [A]

B Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Well

Is she helping

Are you loved

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

i talk to her about everything mental

i talk to [IRRELEVANT MALE FRIEND] about physical questions

creepy right? well this kept going with me getting more and more uncomfortable and refusing to accept that i dont want a relationship (a quote from B in reference to my ex: “ He might be your daddy, but I’m your daddy” tf? and yes he bolded) to the point that i was just sticking around so hed put a server up for the pack. then a bit before 2 o’clock i say that im gonna get off at 2 cause that when i had planned to, to which he (im not sure if intentionally) manipulated me into staying on till 3 o’clock because he would tell me about a personal thing i was curious about. finally 3 o’clock comes around, we call and i hear the story and once the server is up he tells me hes gonna go play league with some people (note random online people not irl people he supposedly likes) and will be back in 20 mins. i figure what the hay ill wait. 40 mins later he says hes not getting back on... obviously im furious. (screen shot of convo i sent to someone day of to explain without having to retype - im red)

next day comes and im uncomfortable and C ends up buying minecraft so he can play with me on the server, we get in call with a now sober B when he gets on and i confront him about the messages even sharing screens for proof (i learned its best not to 1v1 argue him cause im easy to manipulate) and he claims to not remember it but whenever C is away during the call he says things that sound slightly suggestive. at this point id like to note that i have a full recording of me scrolling through the messages as an unlisted video on my youtube channel and have sent it to people who with no prior suggestion have described it as “rapey” and warned me against him. my ex in particular warned me that i am very susceptible to an abusive relationship rn due to my mental state and that he seemed very unstable. at this i decided to invite A to go to mary poppins too since she would be a good protector of me should anything happen and to have a more familiar presence there. 

now here is the juicy part. so D was talking to C where C was complaining how clingy B was becoming and how creepy he was being towards me so she quickly messages me on snap warning me that he is a ‘manipulative possessive jerk who will see me as nothing but an object to conquer and get mad when you are unhappy’ after hearing this i rembered B’s story about D cheating on him with E before D and E got together and started to wonder how true that was. me and D had a lovely conversation following that about my singular past relationship and her current one and blah blah blah.

MOVIE DAY: (C canceled the night before so now it is just me B and A going) we get picked up by A and all seems well with everyone being friendly and B seeming kinda cautious. i think hes regretting the convo so i decide to be nice. the movie was great and we decide to hang in the mall after (i made a build a bear). so while we were hanging at one point he scared me when after he provoked me into my light face wacks (cat play pretty much, wouldnt damage the most fragile ice) he grabs my hand to stop me and me thinking “oooo game fun!” i start to dig my nail into his hand to get let go of but instead of him reacting how i expected (letting go so i can escape) he looks at me with the scariest most serious face ive ever seen and (this part still scares me) says “you dont want to go down this path” he finally lets go and i go sit by the hot topic earing displays while A and B look at buttons then when B sits next to me while A waits to pay he basically called my claw abuse. (like what? you grab my hand hard enough that it hurt when i was doing the same playful banter weve done for years and apparently im the abuser cause i do my standard get away strategy of hurting the hand thats holding me? what did you expect me to do? just comply and calmly stand there with my hand held above y head in yours?) after we leave hottopic we are in the car and somehow we get to the topic of the drunk conversation.

so im talking and trying to explain how uncomfortable he made me( and how i was afraid to be alone around him and how i had been scared remembering that he not only knows where i live but where the spare key is!!!!) and i dare use the word “rapey” ... lets see if i can get a definition for yall but first ill say how i use that word - “rapey. an adjective to describe a situation in which one party becomes uncomfortable and afraid to the point that they feel if this continues they could be raped or otherwise hurt/abused in the future” - and now the second definition from urban dictionary:  “Rapey A guy who's creepy, and hugs or kisses inappropriately. He has a rapist lure. You don't think he would do it but definitely gives off that vibe. i.e. creepy hugger at the office.” - now i apparently  made a huge error in daring to use that word to describe the conversation where he would not accept me saying no to a relationship (and at one point asked me my ex’s dick size - which i did not give) and continously stated how using words liek that could end up getting him in jail. A and i look at eachother incredulously and try to argue with him a bit but ultimately decide to just get back to the point and bring it back to how uncomfortable i was and how he needs to change his attitude and appologize but he keeps bringing it back to that word. fianlly im close to tears and mutely hugging my yoshi in the front seat and the whole car goes silent. A offers that i sleep over tonight which i decline knowing im sick and need my bed and we talk a bit about my ex and goign out for ramen with him sometime. once i was home i removed B from discord snap and steam and will remove him next time im on league as well. he was removed from my server and i left any i had in common with him. i am done trying to forgive him.

on a brighter note i got sims 4 cause C bought it for me since i couldn't refund his ticket i prepaid for and im learning how to get better from this stupid dry throat. hopefully ill be better by Tuesday so i can go back to work at the library!

thanks for reading! <3 

i know this was a long one and probably makes half sense cause of the code letters and the fact that i am writing this while very light headed <3

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 6 Confessionals

I mean I didn't make the idol play. But um #LUKEDIDTHAT. Love he did that. But Lexi self voting??? Ruining Luke's plan of getting someone out? ICONIC!! Poor Lexi is prob going to go home lol. But I'm happy the idol I found did something but sad that its now gone and a new one? might be able to be found for those  4 remaining.

One more fake swap / fake merge and I'm going to vote myself off this island.

So iconically, Luke idolled, which i'm happy about. I'm NOT happy about Ryan being voted out considering I was kind of wanting to play a game with him. It also doesn't make sense considering... he's tried in every challenge, and has helped out the tribe greatly imo, but then again - we don't know the social dynamics and tribe outlook on their tribe. Carson told me he found an idol, and i'm superbly excited. Will he use it on me? Likely not. But it's still good to know we have it in OUR possession, and i'm not planning on leaking a word. The fact that he told me is satisfying though, and I do truly feel as if he's my #1 in the game right now. The challenge? Pass. It's something... logic puzzles are... awful (yet a little fun at times, sure). The cup thing... whomst... and the counting? I'm fairly triggered. I'm going to likely sit out because i'm busy today and I just couldn't care or want to do ANY of that. also why is there no SWAP!

Last tribal was fun with my idol play but Lexi made it less iconic with the self vote but that was completely understandable since she has a lot going on personally and I hope she's okay <3 It worked well in the sense that Jordan and Jay can still convince Lexi that they just had to do what they had to do with the tie and they saved her over Ryan. I compleTELY FUCKED UP THE COUNTING PART OF THE CHALLENGE WHICH I WAS ALREADY EH ABOUT DOING SINCE IT'S THE WORST BUT EUUURGH I MESSED UP. I'm hoping that we can win but if we don't then I hope I can trust Jay and Jordan enough to keep our 3 alliance strong and just vote our Lexi unanimously providing she doesn't have an idol or anything like that. I'll make an update after results...

Can you believe we win again? If we merge, it's gonna be 7-3. What a time to be alive!!! 

WHEWWWW i searched Mancos for the idol bc of my idol clue i got and i fucking found the idol and wow... i decided to tell Zach because I definitiely wanna nurture a relationship with him (love him so much) and we're a dynamic duo for sure!! i only talk to hi9m though and i def gotta fix that. playing this game AND another game at once is just a bit much but im still doing my best.

OKAY IM SCREAMING HOW DID I EVEN GET ANOTHER REWARD?? Idk how many rewards there have been in total bc I forgot but I've gotten 3 and didn't do 1 bc it was too risky but like what the heck how is this even happening?? I'm shook 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5g0x_0uPJo

WE WON IMMUNITY YESSS!!! going into the final 10 7-3 is definitiely amazing and im assuming luke goes on the other tribe. im fine with that bc it seems like everyone on my tribe is close to luke, so theyll be closer to me if hes gone!! im definitiely enjoying this tribe but like.. where does everyone stand?? who knows. we havent gone to a tribal since eric combusted and i dont know where i stand. i trust zach and i kinda trust bryce even if we dont talk strategy but idk where everyone else stands. katie truists me i think, but idk if i talk to her enough for it to be a FULL trust between us?? shes probably the one i trust the most after the other 2. charlotte is... whew?? she hates zach im pretty sure so like... idk about that personally. shes a good player and also like... idk i just dont talk to her as much as the other returnees. willow is cool and shes super nice but we NEVER talk strategy and also she like gave tons of info to eric allegedly then voted him out so idk if i can trust that rlly but like  thats a bit hypocritical bc i kinda used him too. i need to try talking more strategy with her. and chris... we talk and they're pleasant conversations but like willow, i dont talk strategy enough with him. plus hes a good game player from what ive seen in this game?? i know hes busy so i just gotta start getting a bit more out of him. my social game has def been slipping and if i dont get it up, im looking at a merge boot status bc tbh? i think im a pretty big threat. ideally, jordan pines is merge boot, then we can use lexi/jay to possibly get out some of our tribe, maybe charlotte?? on second thought i could use jordan for that too but like.. i dont trust jordan lmao. IDEALLY, id like a boot order of... f10: jordan f9: charlotte f8: lexi f7: willow f6: chris f5: jay f4: bryce f3: katie/zach, depends on who i think i can win easier against?? then ideally a final 2 of me winning. but survivor is always changing, so nothing is for sure. thats just how id LIKE it to happen, but nothing is gonna happen exactly so ill just pray!!

We lost immunity...again...shocker! Jay approached me earlier to potentially blindside Jordan and get him out since he's a huge threat at the upcoming merge but ultimately decided that using his connection with Katie and his reputation as a meat shield would be to our advantage since we're both winners and that is enough to get people to target us. It feels weird working this closely with Jay. If we merge next then plan to get Katie using Jordan, Carson using Jay and Zach using myself and then add Charlotte into the group and we should have a strong group. I also want to find out who gave me the immunity idol so I can first of all thank them, second of all ask them why and third if all work with them. I just hope I'm not being screwed by Jay the same way he was trying to screw Pines. 

Confessional #1 this round: Fuck ulta, i hate this tribe, i want to leave, ryan palmer let me go home

I accidently self voted last round and it tied between me and ryan because luke used an idol. so they voted ry out and i cried alittle. thats about all. 

Confessional #2- Rip Lexi, this is wrong, how the fuck are we gonna be at 3 players, after this wtf they have an entire tribe waiting to fight us

Im so happy we won again to be able to go into a merge with 7-3 majority maybe and a 4 person group into the 10 person game! Things are going well

Wish I can find the idol and hope luke doesnt go out either here

bye lexi! honestly like... idk. all newbies on their tribe are gone, it's so funny. im anticipating merge! or a swap.. or something. its 7v3 for crying out loud! im not sure what my move is going forward, but i think im confident. just kidding, i'm likely leaving. this is a bs conf but i may make one tomorrow hehe

haha I beat Jay

wow can't believe I'm this seasons challenge beast

We're really that tribe that's completely decimating everything.

I've been out all day and I see that they voted out Lexi. Every tribal that Jordan pines makes it through makes me even more nervous about getting to a merge with him around. We didn't have a good history in our last game but I'm hoping that there are more people around with bad blood with him so I can kinda just get by without getting any shots fired at me. I just want to go into a merge already. None of this potential "tribe swap" to make things even for one more round. I usually get fucked in a swap and I'd rather not have history repeat itself.

Over the course of the past week or so, i've been attempting to mend things with Charlotte. She's the only person that I feel like would be dead set on getting rid of me, so to weaken that desire would be sufficient. I also want to work on Katie and Chris a bit more so that the newbies (since i'm already decent with Willow, I believe) would be more loyal to me. I need opportunities! As for the pending upcoming merge or swap, i'm not ready. I would hope the 7 Ulta stay together for a BIT or something, like vote out Jordan. I'm semi-close with Jay and Luke, so would I want to vote them out right away? Well, in the wise words of Jay - absolutely not. But I would if I had to. I'd be more lenient with voting Jay since i'm now developing a friendship with Luke (because of another ORG) and I really like him, he's a cool kid. Him and I have NEVER worked together in past ORGs so if we manage to survive and make it on a tribe together, it'll be something refreshing. Carson's still my favourite though. He's a social god and it's scary. The kid has school from like 7-3pm and still finds more time to message me somehow or someway. It's... wildt. I trust him to an extent and him and I both have agreed that like we'll go far but obviously we are bale to betray one another if essential to our own game. I likely won't make it that far though RIP. I told him i'd be his lapdog, despite the tag of the season o.O Bryce. I didn't mention him yet. He's cool, him and I rarely talk but I think he's overall a great person. I'd like to talk to him more but our last conversation felt dull and I can't force a convo (not his fault, communication is indeed a two way street.) Nonetheless, it's something I may have to work on for my game. Also lowkey it's so funny because two tribals ago, you provoked the question regarding returnees and newbies, and here are some facts: - Ryan asked you to stop shoving it down his throat. He got voted out consequently. Iconic, right? - All newbies on their side are eliminated - All the boots in the game in general are newbies (with the exception of my Bahamas representative Willa...RIP good soul. The good die young!) So basically a returnee will win this game. It might be slightly worrying to Katie/Willow/Chris and they may want to extend and form bonds with OG Copa so that they have backup, because obviously there's a trend with voting out the newbies. Anyway, this is my third confessional this round... more than expected hehe hope you enjoy! P.S look at this rude ass message: On 2017-09-14, at 6:36 PM, carson wrote: > Use the Golden Rope to hang urself please HSDGNISDGNDS It was so funny I choked bye now

I seriously thought I was being screwed this round because I didn't think Jay would flip on Lexi but he did and I'm still here! 5 votes against me and I'm still here which is great!! There are only 3 of us left on Copa and we're an alliance so if we don't swap/merge and lose immunity then....it's going to suck. I think maybe I'd be in the middle? But equally Jordan and Jay have known each other a lot longer than they've known me so they might see me as disposable and get rid of me which I hope isn't the case. I really wanna merge and go work with Zach, Charlotte and Carson who I know and think I could work well with. Also Bryce, a newbie from last season, someone who I'd be interested in hooking up with in this game and working with!

So I got another advantage which is lit, I guess all these advantages are making up for kvaloya, anyway who knows how I'm gonna be able to explain the randomized vote?

Okay so like I just realized I'm in another game with Eric. And I kinda led the charge to get him voted out so I'm trying to win immunity otherwise he is totally killing me so sorry this is a terrible confessional but I'm STRESSING. 

If we don't merge I'm so incredibly fucked