#i’m so heartbroken for sunny

[qbebou]

as a kid this scene in coraline where she makes her parents out of pillows and clothes the night they disappear made such a big impact on me and when tubbo died i couldn’t stop picturing sunny in the same situation. i think the night he died and she went home alone after all the stuff with creation, she curled up in bed with a pillow version of her pa. she probably used his jacket and his goggles to try and find some sense of familiarity. it’s always been her and her pa against the world and now he’s gone and she comes home but it doesn’t feel like home anymore because her favorite person in the entire world is gone and dead and she had to watch him die and listen while everyone around her joked about it for hours afterwards and every word said is just more proof that she is completely and utterly alone and yes she has fit but he’s not her pa it’s not the same and her heart is broken and she is exhausted so she goes to bed hugging her pillow-pa because she knows in the morning when she wakes up everything will feel too real and too empty and she wants as much time with him as possible even if he is only a jacket and a pair of goggles now

[bbcphile]

This FB post by Rebecca Solnit is the thing keeping me sane this morning,so I’m sharing it here in case it helps you all, too:

“They want you to feel powerless and to surrender and to let them trample everything and you are not going to let them. You are not giving up, and neither am I. The fact that we cannot save everything does not mean we cannot save anything and everything we can save is worth saving. You may need to grieve or scream or take time off, but you have a role no matter what, and right now good friends and good principles are worth gathering in. Remember what you love. Remember what loves you. Remember in this tide of hate what love is. The pain you feel is because of what you love.

The Wobblies used to say don't mourn, organize, but you can do both at once and you don't have to organize right away in this moment of furious mourning. You can be heartbroken or furious or both at once; you can scream in your car or on a cliff; you can also get up tomorrow and water the flowerpots and call someone who's upset and check your equipment for going onward.

A lot of us are going to come under direct attack, and a lot of us are going to resist by building solidarity and sanctuary. Gather up your resources, the metaphysical ones that are heart and soul and care, as well as the practical ones.

People kept the faith in the dictatorships of South America in the 1970s and 1980s, in the East Bloc countries and the USSR, women are protesting right now in Iran and people there are writing poetry. There is no alternative to persevering, and that does not require you to feel good. You can keep walking whether it's sunny or raining. Take care of yourself and remember that taking care of something else is an important part of taking care of yourself, because you are interwoven with the ten trillion things in this single garment of destiny that has been stained and torn, but is still being woven and mended and washed.”

[conchcronch]

Hey! I see u have your ask open for comissions and requests só I was wondering if we could get another WCI with Zoro but this time he is just as heartbroken as the reader (he was content on seeing the reader and sanji from afar as he loved them both) and when sanji returns he gets confused on when the 2 got together and zoro like "YOU LEFT HER, YOU LEFT ME!" ANGST VIBE

I DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT YOU I SWEAR!! I was working on this and coming back to it every so often until I was happy with it! I wasn’t sure if you wanted smut or not so I kept it fairly tame! I hope you like it!!

I Heard You the First Time

You had found comfort in Zoro’s arms after hearing the news of Sanji’s engagement. You had waited until returning back to the Sunny to allow your emotions to show, using every ounce of self control you had to keep them pushed as far down as they would go while you and your crew wandered through the candy covered streets. But Zoro knew, he saw the way your body staggered when the brunette told the crew the news, he noticed how your fists balled up, your nails biting into your palms. And he was the only one who followed you to your room when you marched away from your confused crewmates.

He knew exactly how you were feeling because he was feeling it too. Despite you and Sanji trying your damnedest to keep your relationship a secret from the crew, he wasn’t stupid. He saw you both sharing quiet moments on the deck when you thought everyone else had gone to bed. He noticed the change in Sanji’s flirting habits, how not every mention of women sent his nose gushing. And most notebly, his bed was pressed against the shared wall of your bedroom and the guys’ room, and despite your impressive ability to muffle your sounds you weren’t silent and neither was the cook. But all that aside, Zoro loved the two of you. Every stolen glance he wished was shared with him, every quiet moment spent with the blonde’s arm around your waist he wished he could be part of it. And gods, he wished he could see how you looked splayed out beneath the cook, how your legs wrapped around his slender waist, how your nails dug into his back as you clung to him. But his yearning didn’t stop with you, because he wanted the blonde just as much as he wanted you. After years of bickering and picking fights, Zoro’s feelings towards the left wing of the future pirate king had wormed his way into his heart alongside you.

And this hurt you were feeling, the way your heart broke into pieces was echoed by his own heart. But the feeling of you in his arms, your face pressed into his bare chest, your nails unintentionally digging into his back the same way he’s sure they would when he thrust into you, it felt as though your were helping put those broken pieces back together.

You felt so small in his arms, not how you felt when Sanji embraced you. Zoro encompassed you completely, his smell enveloped you as did his furnace like heat. Your tears eventually stopped, and you knew if you made any move to pull away his arms would loosen immediately, freeing you from his tight embrace. But yet, you couldn’t will yourself to move. Even less so when you felt his face press into the top of your head, the feeling of him breathing into your hair making you melt into his arms. “I’m sorry.” The words seemed so foreign in his voice, the sentiment making your eyes well with tears again.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” You tried your best to speak clearly, but you knew your words were muffled by his chest.

As the days went by, as your crew fought to bring Sanji back you tried to go along with things. You didn’t want to see him again, but when the opportunity arose that you were going to have to see him, Zoro made sure to be by your side, one hand resting on the hilt of his sword the other resting on the small of your back, even tugging you closer to his hip when he noticed Sanji make direct eye contact with you. Something about the cook’s expression at this small gesture churned an unfair feeling of satisfaction in your gut, enhanced by the way Zoro held you close until they were able to return to the Sunny.

“The smell of all this sugar makes me want to yak.” You handed him a crudely made onigiri you had thrown together following a recipe in Sanji’s cookbook to the best of your ability (which wasn’t great).

“You have such a way with words.” You sat down next to him, the sides of your body touching as you took a bite of your subpar rice ball.

“When we leave here I could probably go the rest of my life without ever seeing another cake, and it would still be too much.” You couldn’t deny the sugary smell on the breeze was becoming nauseating, but the breeze felt nice on your skin paired with the heat radiating off the man next to you.

“Do you think he’ll come back?” You hadn’t really meant to ask the question aloud, but as you leaned against him, your head resting against his shoulder you felt so at ease that it had slipped out.

“Course he will, he’s still gotta’ kill me, remember.” You couldn’t help the smile that played across your lips as you looked up at him, his one good eye already looking down at you, the corners of his lips upturned in a rare smile. “Plus, there’s no way he’d risk leaving you to me.” He tightened his grip around you, his hand idly rubbing against your stomach.

That was the first night you spent together. One kiss had led to another, quickly snowballing into an invitation back to your room. Zoro finally got to know what Sanji got to feel. The way your clung onto him tightly, your arms around his neck and your ankles locked together around his waist. Sanji was perfectly capable of manhandling you, but he never would. Zoro on the other hand, needed no permission or special request. He picked you up almost immediately, moving you however he deemed fit. In the after glow both of you laid there, fighting against the pull of sleep, thinking about Sanji. Not wishing he would replace the other, but that he was there as well, coming down from the sexual high you were both feeling.

When he did finally return, just as Zoro knew he would, he was trying everything he could to talk to you. Every time you found yourself in a room alone with him, whether you got to the dining room before the rest of your crew, or were the last one finished at the table, he would try to explain himself. And it wasn’t that you didn’t want to hear his side, you did. It was more so the fact that you didn’t want to tell him about you and Zoro. Out of everyone on the crew, maybe across the entire Grande Line, you knew Zoro would be the last person Sanji would want to see you with.

“Why don’t you just tell him, it’s not that hard.” Zoro said as he carefully cleaned Wado, his back was to you so he could still keep watch over the endless waves.

“I don’t want to hurt him.” You pulled at the sleeves of your oversized cardigan, your fingers poking through the loose knit. The days had gotten warmer as the Sunny pushed through the rougher seas, the sun bringing a warmth that made basking on the deck your current favorite pastime. But when the sun dipped below the horizon the air got a bite to it, forcing you to dig what few sweaters you still had out from the very back of your closet.

“I can tell him.” You watched his shoulders move as he inspected the freshly cleaned balde closely, bringing the sword close to his face and turning it over and over so he could ensure it was still in pristine condition.

“You shouldn’t have to.” You tried to fight, but watched as he sheathed Wado before tying the three swords back onto his hip as he walked towards the hatch to go down to the rest of the ship.

“It’s fine, I’ll tell him.” He paused, turning to you to press a kiss to your forehead, the rare tender moment between you two filled your chest with a heat that your cold body desperately needed.

As Zoro left you behind in the crow’s nest to go find Sanji he felt the rare signs of anxiety begin to stir in his gut. He never felt this way before a fight, knowing that regardless of what was thrown at him, he could handle it. But when he stepped foot in the kitchen, the sound of the cook humming quietly to himself as he washed the dishes from dinner, the feeling only grew, his palms began to sweat and there was a lump in his throat.

Forcing himself to ignore these feelings he walked through the kitchen, the blonde making a slight groan when he became aware of the swordsman but didn’t protest when Zoro stood next to him, nudging him a bit so he could begin to dry the dishes.

This had become a quiet routine they had fallen into before Sanji left. On the nights where you weren’t around to help Sanji, Zoro had started filling it. It was one of the few times they didn’t argue, if they did speak it was usually about nothing of importance or idol bickering to fill the silence. But today Sanji could feel the difference, as though he could smell the rain and was waiting for that first clap of thunder. “Me and Y/N” Zoro saw the way Sanji’s hands froze in the sudsy water as he searched for another piece of cutlery to scrub. The sentence, if you could even call it that, hung in the air between them. Sanji remained elbow deep in the once warm water as Zoro stood beside him, gaze glued to the suds floating on the surface of the water.

“What about her” The sentence was barely able to slip past his clenched jaw, the cigarette that had been dangling from his lips was now crunched at an unnatural angle.

“We’re together.” Sanji pulled his hands from the water, and if it were anyone else in the world, Zoro would have braced for a punch but he knew the cook would never. A kick maybe, but not a punch.

“What?” The word came out softer than Zoro expected, he watched as the cook gripped the edge of the sink hard, the thin stainless of the basin giving a bit underneath the pads of his fingers.

“We’re toget-“

”I heard you the first time.” Sanji cut him off, a large puff of smoke pushing from his nostrils. “When did you-“ He finally releases the sink and steps back, bringing a hand to his cigarette as he inhales deeply, filling his lungs to max capacity with the nicotine laced smoke. “Did you do it just to fuck with me?” He said around a puff of smoke. “Just to get back at me?”

Zoro’s stomach tensed at the cook’s words. Something about them hurt the same way a swift kick would have, but yet any words he wanted to get out seemed unreachable.

“I bet you didn’t even wait a day before cornering her! Did you convince her I wasn’t coming back, was that it?” Sanji’s words were dripping in venom, the hand that wasn’t holding onto his cigarette for dear life was balled at his side, clenching and unclenching. “You know, I thought we were better, I thought maybe we were friends, but then you go and fuck with my life like I’m nothing!”

“Like you’re nothing, are you fuckin’ kidding!” The words burst past Zoro’s lips before he could stop them. “You are fucking everything to us, and you left! You left her, you left me!” The force at which Zoro jabbed his finger against his own chest hurt more than intended but he couldn’t stop himself. “Years Sanji, fucking years I had to watch you try to fuck every person with a set of tits. And then you finally settle down and pick someone, someone who is easily one of the most amazing people on the sea next to you, and you just throw her away like she’s nothing! I can handle throwing me away, I can handle that, but she can’t!” Sanji is stunned to say the least, his mouth keeps opening and closing as he searches for words, any words. “It’s not even like I could handle the hurt of you leaving, I had to pick up her pieces, I had to tell her you would come back, that you would never leave her.”

“And then you fucked her”

“Yeah Sanji, I did. But you know who I wished it was instead?!”

The sentence didn’t require an answer which is why when Zoro was able to pull his emotions back he was quick to stomp out of the galley, leaving behind a stunned cook who was still desperately searching for words long after the swordsman had left.

[itsalwaysteatimeinwonderland]

Finding Peace Pt.8: Safe (Spike x y/n)

Request: No. Part 8 of the Multi Fic.

Summary: Spike continues to search with y/n but the obstacles keep piling up. Will he have to make the ultimate sacrifice?

TW: None

Word Count: 1.7k

Previous | Next

*I apologize for taking so long. Big girl job got in the way. Enjoy!*

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"What would it take?" Spike's words kept ringing in your head. You laid in bed, disconnected and wondering. You knew what it would take, a soul. For him to have humanity, connection, love. All the things that a vampire was incapable of. You could never ask him for that. A price too heavy to pay. A journey too perilous to take. Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. You run to it hoping it’s Spike. Hoping he has come to his senses and he's ready to make amends. I mean, it's been a week now. 

You open the door to see Matteo. Matteo never knocks. 

Before you can ask he barges in, "I need to talk to you."

"Okay..."

"I've been thinking... about us. About this" he points between the two of you. "And it doesn't make sense to me anymore."

"I’m confused. What part doesn't make sense? Our agreement hasn't changed."

"You're right but... you can't tell me you haven’t felt things. Things that make you want more?" He looks at you, hopeful. 

Your eyes sadden, you close yourself off. "Matteo, our agreement hasn't changed. I already explained the circumstances. I can't give you more."

Angered, Matteo growled. "But you can give more to the vampire?"

You're taken aback by his reaction. You stand your ground. "Whatever I have with Spike is ours to deal with. You and I made a pact and if it no longer serves you, we can end it."

Matteo is angry, cornered. This is not how he wanted it to go. "Is there a chance? Any at all, between us?"

You walk closer to him, placing your hand to his cheek. You look him in the eyes stern but caring. "No."

He is defeated, heartbroken. Like a wounded animal he retreats from your touch. "I guess that's that, then."

Matteo walks out of your house, quiet and hurt. You stand there, alone and desolate. First Spike and now Matteo. Everyone has left you and you are in ruins once more. You close the door and pick up the pieces of your heart. 

Two weeks have passed and no Spike. You start to give up hope. You feel tempted to go to his crypt, find him and apologize, beg, reason, anything. But you stand broken and alone. This is how it must be. Cursed slayers don't get happy endings. You continued your pattern of getting up, hunting, sleeping and repeating. 

One morning you walk into your porch, enjoying the warmth. Sunny Sundays alleviate the pain. You never get letters because you have no one to care for you but you decide to check your mailbox for shits and giggles. A note is inside. When you open it one thing is scribbled on it. 

"Wait for me." 

No signature or return address, but your heart knew it came from Spike. Your breath gets caught in your throat; tears prickle your eyes. You don't know how long the notes has been there. You don't know how long you will wait, but waiting was your only hope. 

A month has passed and with every day you have grown tired and anxious. You feel like you're about to explode. You've been diligent in staying in your lane, being patient and waiting for him. But your skin itched, and your thoughts ran a mock. You decide to have a quick nap to calm your nerves, like you have done every day since Spike was gone. You hoped to find an escape in the dream world. 

A dimly lit room and the smell of wisteria appears. A soft whisper is heard in the distance. Laughter. Two people enamored and connected in bed. A sigh of pleasure. Your hands roam the man's body in desire. Your mouth trailed kisses from his neck to his chest. His body never slowing down, pinning you down. You felt free in his bondage, in his care. Your body submissive and pliant to his touch. Spike never slowed down as he thrust inside you, thirsty and focused. He mumbled sensual and dirty things into your ear, making you tighten around him. You craved more. You wanted him whole. As he surrendered his body, his essence into you, your body contracted and coiled in pleasure. You begged for release. He teased you, wanting to keep you like this, breedable and his. You felt the air leave your lungs as his thrusts became slower, longer as if teasing your release, coaxing it out. Grasping at his back, the sheets, the pillow, anything, you find your release. A fast crash that leads your body to convulse in pleasure. Spike rides out your climax giving you more to scream about. As you come down from your high you beg him to climax inside of you, to have the ultimate union of vulnerability. As he thrusts inside of you his speech becomes incoherent, a sign that he was close. He bites down with his regular teeth on your shoulder, brandishing you, making you his. His thrusts become sloppy and inconsistent until he climaxes groaning into your neck. You both lay there in the aftermath, holding hands. Proud of what you made. You turn to him, and he's gone. You're left naked and alone. You try to get up but can't. You twist and turn, twist and turn. 

You wake up with a gasp. You're sweating and aroused. These dreams were a reoccurrence for you. A pattern of torture. You decide you've had enough. You've been either on auto pilot with your routines or escaping in your sleep. You decide to find Spike. You don't know where he is, but you were going to start at his crypt. 

When you arrive at Spike's crypt you knock. No answer. You're confident that he's not in his crypt but you barge in anyway. Cobwebs everywhere, at least more than usual. You call out to him as you descend into his room. The bed is a mess, but it looks like no one has slept in it for a long time. You wander around, touching everything, reminiscing on his touch. You give up and come back up, a demon friend of Spike is sitting on the couch. He must have gotten in while you were lost in your nostalgia. 

He looks up, scared "Spike's gone. I already told you. I can't pay his debt." 

You calm him down and assure him you're not there to collect a debt. 

"Where is he?" You ask.

"He didn't say. He just said that he'd be back and to not get too comfortable." He looked downcast. 

You sigh and bid the demon goodbye. Spike was really gone. He wasn't avoiding you; he was just gone. You decide to get some hunting in before daylight.

Another month passes by and no Spike. Whatever he was up to, it was sure intense. 

Buffy asks you to accompany her to the basement of the school. 

"Something wiggy has been happening down there and I'd like some back up." She said. 

You assent and follow her to the school basement. Everything is quiet, too quiet. You both share a knowing look and get ready for a fight. Suddenly a muttering is heard. Low, incoherent. You both approach the sound and find a man slumped over, covered and small. 

"Spike!" You call to him. He doesn't move, still muttering to himself. 

You crouch down, hoping to get his attention. He looks up, eyes wild and unfocused. 

"Are you my executioner?" He whispered.

You furrow your brow, what an odd thing to say. "It's me y/n. Why are you down here?"

He is unable to answer coherently. His words are jumbled and nonsensical. You look at Buffy, asking for help. Together you both ease him up and help him stand straight. He pushes both of you away. 

"Cursed. Cursed. Cursed." He repeats to himself. 

"Um, yes. That's me. Can we get out of here? Take you somewhere less weird?"

He shakes his head. "This is where I belong." And he takes off deeper into the basement. Before you can run after him, Buffy holds you back. 

"Let him go. He's not part of tonight's fun." 

You sigh and nod and continue to search the basement for possible danger. After hours of searching nothing seemed out of place. You both retreat. 

"Sorry for bringing you down for nothing." Buffy says. 

"No worries. You had a hunch and we followed it." You respond. 

"Well, let's call it a night."

Buffy heads down her street and you walk down yours. As soon as Buffy was out of sight you bolted to the school focused on finding Spike. 

When you arrive at the basement you commence your hunt. It becomes rather difficult to find him but you follow the muttering. Like a low hum of consistent arguing. When you find him he is standing, facing a wall. You gently place your hand on his shoulder, and he reacts violently, holding you against the wall.

“Spike, it’s me.” You say calmly.

It takes spike a couple of minutes to register who he is talking to. “You shouldn’t have come for me.” He says coherently.

“I had to. This place is not your home.”

“Home is nowhere. It is unreachable. Home is with her.”

You contort your face in disgust. Of course he’s talking about Buffy again. It’s you that’s come for him but all he can think of is Buffy.

“Spike, come home with me. Let me care for you.” You reach out to him.

He stands there. Hesitant. He refuses to make eye contact, but he takes your outstretched hand. “Please.” He whispered.

You didn’t know what he was asking for but you knew that you couldn’t let him rot away in the school’s basement. You walked him home with you.

Spike was in a fog. Torture and pain in his heart. He knew what he must do but his words failed him. To touch you was to find respite. However, he couldn’t ask you for more. He didn’t know how. He was afraid you’d turn him down again. For today he chose to be rescued. For today he chose to go with you. Just for today, he chose to be safe.

[hollycrowned]

cipherhunt log: some sunny day

It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?

On July 27th, I went to the Hillsboro Barnes & Noble signing event for The Book of Bill. I’ve decided to come back to this account at least for a moment to write a little bit about what it was like. At the end of this post, there’s some Cipher Hunt related news, so be sure to read all the way through.

The Q&A was a lot of fun. There was excitement in the air even before the event began, with eager fans wearing Dipper hats and flannel shirts hurrying to their seats. A few fans were in cosplay, too, which was heartwarming to see. While there were several kids with their parents in the audience, most of the fans there were younger adults—which really made it hit me that the series first aired over ten years ago.

By total accident I ended up next to the door Alex stepped through and caught his entrance:

Alex has the type of charm that can get anyone laughing, and his own laughter is contagious. I didn’t record much of the talk, wanting to simply experience it, but here’s a short video I took of him talking about how The Book of Bill came about:

Over the half hour, Alex talked about the the book itself, about the show, his characters, and about creating a television series. Fans, when the mic was turned over to the audience, said what they love most about the series and asked about intentionality and the possibility of crossovers (Alex’s immediate “yes” was a hit). Alex expressed after one question that while he never could have guessed that people would like Gravity Falls so much, he’s grateful for the enduring love fans have for the show.

The event coordinator, who schooled a few questions to Alex before mic was given over to the audience, asked what I think we all want to know: “What are you working on right now?” Alex gave the answer he’s given in the past: that as is typical in Hollywood, he can’t talk about the projects he’s currently involved in.

If you were around when I was active here, you might remember that by the time I left, my focus had become to follow Alex through his career. To recap: after Gravity Falls ended, Deadline reported in 2018 that Alex had signed a multi-year exclusive contract with Netflix. Not long after, Netflix announced the opening of its own animation studio, alongside a reel showcasing some of the artists they’d recruited. The reel highlighted that this group of artists included industry legends, young talent, and diverse voices; each artist in the reel talked how excited they were for what the studio itself meant the future of animation, and for the opportunity to work there. Alex was in this reel, too.

Although I’ve moved on to other fandoms and my own creative work, I’ve kept up with movements in the animation industry. If you have, too, you may know about the massive cuts and cancellations Netflix has made in the last several years, especially to its animation department. Alex has produced and consulted on a few projects at Netflix since his contract began—chief among them Inside Job, which was initially renewed by for a second season before Netflix reversed their decision six months later and cancelled the series altogether. Shion Takeuchi, the creator of Inside Job and previous writer on Gravity Falls, confirmed the cancellation, saying “I’m heartbroken.” Alex, in a reply, expressed the same, adding, “Grateful to have had the chance to help on one of my best friends shows, for however briefly”.

In the six years since Alex signed his contract with Netflix, there have been hints that he’s been working on a series with his name on the masthead. In late 2020, he tweeted about staffing his new show:

But if his project was among the cuts Netflix made a few years after that, he gave no sign of it in his answer.

It’s jarring, and saddening, to watch that reel from 2018 with the knowledge of what has happened since. Outside of Netflix, things seem just as dire, with the dragging of AI into animation giants like Disney and Dreamworks by their corporate executives—notably, as The Animation Guilds’ contract approached its expiration date. In 2023, Vulture published an article which included testimonies from four artists who worked on Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse about the unsustainable working conditions at Sony while the film was in production. Over the last few years, Warner Bros has shelved two animated films and one hybrid for multimillion-dollar tax write-offs. In addition, their subsidiary HBO Max purged multiple animated series from its catalogue, denying the artists who worked on them access to their own works—and for some of them, residuals as well.

The final question at the Q&A was from a fan who said that they’re currently in school for animation. They asked Alex if he had any advice for new animators trying to break into the industry. Immediately, my mind went to all of that news I linked in the paragraphs above. I listened intently…

Alex’s response did not have hopelessness in it. He did talk, foremost and with humor, about how risky it is to pursue art as a career, especially at this moment—laughed, as he ended a sentence with, “Don’t go into the arts.” But he moved on from that, and gave an even more honest reply: hone your skills, put your work out there, and don’t give up. Be persistent, share what you make, make what you love. Make sure it’s easy for people to contact you, explore feelings through your work even when it’s uncomfortable, and show your work to others, even though it’s scary. Alex also remarked on creating itself being hard work, from the raw process to putting your art out there to taking criticism to learning from what didn’t work and applying it to your drafts and future projects. Hard work, challenging in more ways than one, on top of an unforgiving cultural moment, yes—but keep going. Keep creating.

Keep making art.

Then the Q&A ended, and the signing began. I found myself at the end of the line, but I didn’t mind; neither did anyone else waiting with me. In the moments when I wasn’t chatting with other fans, I thought about that last question and Alex’s response.

There is little that is easy about being an artist these days. I have come to know this by having friends who are artists, by following the careers and accounts of other artists, by reading the news, and—since becoming an artist myself—finding out firsthand. But I have come to know, just as well, that the best remedy for these ills is community. Whether you create art as a hobby or you have a career in the arts, whether your medium is collaborative or solitary in nature: in the face of intolerable working conditions, cutthroat corporations and corner-cutting clients, the advantages they take, the instability and uncertainty, and what all artists can relate to: the challenges of the creative process itself—it’s the support of your fellow artists that helps you survive. It helps art survive. A community that creates alongside you can give trusted critique, celebrate with you, stand up for you, introduce you to other artists you can learn from, and give what is necessary for so many of us to create at all: encouragement. A voice that says, keep creating. This gives to the world what is necessary for us all: more art.

If tech companies develop their AI by stealing from artists, if the c-suites who own the studios see artists as disposable, with the way freelancing can throw water on creative fire, if popular opinion increasingly trends toward art only having as much value as money it makes, then we must support each other. Helpful, practical advice given by a successful artist on how to succeed in the arts in this particular moment is a gem to anyone who is reaching for that goal. But invaluable and eternal is example; not just of success, but of how to be good to your fellow artists—and in turn, to yourself.

And I just think that’s how an artist ought to be.

As the line moved, and I got close enough to see the signing table across the room, I watched Alex greet the fans ahead of me. I found that he was as sweet to people as I always have heard he is, as I remember from watching the Periscopes he appeared in during Cipher Hunt: generous with his time, genuine, and good-natured. One fan skipped away from the table with their book, and a big smile on their face.

And then it was my turn.

When you meet him, he looks you in the eye. I always forget, until I shake someone else’s hand, how small my own hands are. I told him my name is Holly. He asked, “Spelled how it sounds?” I spelled it for him, reflexively, before I could fully process the question and simply say yes. I said lightheartedly that he must be extra happy to see us, being that we were at the end of the line—it was over three hours after the event had begun—and he said, “I’m sorry you all had to wait for this long.” While he was signing my copy, I asked if he was enjoying Portland—though what I really meant to ask was if he was happy to be back in the PNW, in the summertime. He said yes, he loves it here.

It all happened so fast, with me completely forgetting that I’d passed my phone to a kind father of some fans waiting near me in line, and I almost walked away without getting a picture with him. When you meet a celebrity crush from your younger years, it has you reckon with how the part of you who crushed back then has walked with you through time—in what ways who you were back then is still a part of who you are now, and who you want to be. And, of course, it gets your heart beating a little faster, too.

There was much more I wanted to ask him (this has never stopped being the case), but there were other fans waiting for their turn, and he had given his time to just shy of 150 people already. So I smiled at him, and said thank you, and moved along.

I am, and always will be, excited to see anything Alex makes. Hearing him talk about his art, and artistry, and being an artist, was beyond wonderful; not only young Holly’s wish come true, but inspiring for Holly, today—as an artist in my own right. In the years since I retired this account, as I’ve read all this news about the industry, I’ve often wondered how Alex has been. I am very happy and grateful I was lucky enough to get a ticket to the signing, and meet him.

And finally…the Cipher Hunt news.

First: the fan waiting in front of me in the signing line (I’m so sorry I didn’t get your name, but if you’re reading this, I hope you had a safe and smooth flight back home!) said she had been to Confusion Hill recently, and that Bill and the treasure box are still there. I haven’t been to Confusion Hill since I last went in 2017–before COVID—but I think about Bill and the treasure box all the time. It made me so happy to hear that fans are still visiting and exchanging treasures. I hope I get to go again, someday soon.

The second announcement: by chance, I happened to meet a fan who is working on a documentary about Cipher Hunt. I introduced myself and said I’d be more than happy to help out with the project! The creator, Keyan Carlile, can be found on both Twitter and YouTube. I hope you’ll follow along!

I met so many other lovely fans while waiting in line, as well. There is still so much affection and excitement for this series, and it was so nice to step back into the fandom, if only or a moment. If we spoke with each other: it was so nice to meet you! Maybe our paths will cross again, someday. And to everyone, all of the fans who were there, and all of you out there with The Book of Bill:

happy reading!! ∆

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

𝙨𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙚𝙚! 𝙝𝙖𝙣 — 𝙙𝙖𝙮 3: 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙣:

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉𝖘: 1.2k

𝖑𝖊𝖊: han

𝖑𝖊𝖗: changbin and hyunjin

𝖆/𝖓: mah favorite for @hearted-anon

𝖙𝖜: pinning, no restraints, rough and soft tickles, angst cause mah wife likes it.

𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙: @someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae @jeonginsdiary @leeknowstan33 @v--143 @wereallgonnadieonedaybutnottoday @inkytornpagess @lajanaa @a-wild-seungberry @channieissocute125 @soap143 @seungsluvv @skznccmlee @moony-9 @sunny-117

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞? 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐮𝐛s 🐾

“Okay okay okay GUYS!! I HAVE A JOKE!!” Hannie called out happily, a wide smile gracing his pretty features. 

“Did it make you laugh? Let’s hear it.” Chan clapped his hands, smiling at the quokka, who’s energy levels were off the chart that day. 

“What do you call two spiders that just got married?” Jisung giggled, scrunching his fingers in delight. 

“I dunno, what do you call them?” Felix asked, an amused twinkle in his eye. 

“Newlywebs!!” Jisung laughed, happily bouncing up and down. Chan was laughing; more at him than anything. 

“That’s a cute joke, Ji.” Minho sighed, staring at his phone. “Yeah, it was nice.” Seungmin replied next to him; they seemed to be watching a stage they had done previously, searching for mistakes in their performance. 

Jisung deflated a little, but he kept happy. “Is it okay if I tell you another one?” 

“Okay, why not?” Hyunjin turned off the television, glancing sideways at the quokka. 

“How do you turn a soup to gold?” Jisung asked, and Changbin, who had been previously typing away at his laptop, took pity on the aspiring comedian, turning to watch with an expression of curiosity. 

“Add 24 carrots!” Hannie cheered, expecting to at least hear a few chuckles from the members, but no one had even thought to laugh, and Binnie’s previous curiousity turned to boredom, even if he didn’t show it and clapped anyway.  

Jisung smiled defeatedly, heart shattering inside of him as he was left standing, everyone returning to their previous work without so much as a comment. They might as well have made fun of him; it would’ve felt better than this. 

His eyes welled up with tears, his emotions were becoming too overwhelming. Chan and Changbin turned to look at him when he let out a small, heartbroken sniffle, eyes widening when they noticed their dear quokka running from the room, door ajar. 

“Oh, Hannie…” Hyunjin whispered, running after the crying boy, Changbin following suit. 

“Sungie?” Hyunjin called gently, knocking at the ace’s door with two knuckles. It opened and Jisung, who had clearly been crying his little heart out, opened it, a wide smile on his face. 

“Hi, H-Hyune…do you need anything?” Jisung asked, smiling as he wiped his face. 

“No, no…come here.” Hyunjin held his arms out, and Jisung gave in, rocketing into his chest and letting out a desperate sob. 

“No, Sungie…I’m sorry, baby.” Changbin frowned, walking around him and pulling both boys into his hug; Hannie sandwiched between the two.

“S’Okay, Hyung…” The ace responded, warmth and comfort filling his body as Changbin gently massaged down his arms from behind. 

It all disappeared when Binnie kneaded along Hannie’s sides, and he tensed before letting out a small “Ah!”, reaching behind him to grapple at Changbin’s fingers. 

“Ticklish?~” Hyunjin asked above him, and a horrified Jisung could practically feel the air around him turning mischievous, and he was suddenly picked up, turned over, and manhandled onto the bed. 

“Plehease nohoho!!” He giggled cutely in anticipation.  

“Look, Hyune, he’s already giggling for us. Get ready, Sung.” Changbin laughed. 

“Whyhy are you tickling meehe??” Jisung asked cutely, covering his hands with his face. 

“You know Sung, there are other ways to make a joke funny,” Changbin grinned. Hyunjin nodded along with him. “Grab him for me, will you, Hyunjin?”

Jisung squealed and tried to bounce off the bed, just to feel two hands on his waist, grabbing him and pinning him to the bed, arms outwards to the sides. 

“Wait…Wahait Binnie hyuhung please…” 

“You’re always begging but you never want it to stop, do you?” Changbin asked, Hyunjin settling on the ace’s waist comfortably. 

Jisung was speechless.  

“No response to that~? Okay let’s start then.” 

Hannie squeezed his eyes shut just as a finger began to trace along the shape of his kneecap, nails suddenly spreading out and in along both of them. The technique was more torturous than some of the worst wreckings Jisung had received. 

“AH-haaahahaha! Hyuuhunjin plehehease nohohot thihihiss!” The poor boy giggled hysterically, twisting at the light sensations only useful in driving him mad. 

Hyunjin moved to the spot right on his inner knees, using his nails to trace all fingers along it, watching Hanji’s legs tremble beneath his touch. 

Jisung shrieked when Hyune wrapped his hands around his knees, using his thumbs in the area and hearing the cutest laughter from a trapped quokka. 

The dancer only smiled until his face hurt. 

Changbin took note of it. “See how happy you make us?” He praised, deciding to help out by trailing his fingers along the ace’s stretched armpits.  

Poor Jisung was going crazy already, tears were welling up in his eyes and he was giggling like a madman. “Ahahaahaaa!! Stahahahap ahahalreheheady!!”

“Stop? Now why should we do that…that takes all the fun out of it!” Hyunjin teased. 

“But as per your sweet request, we shall stop…” Jisung sighed in relief at Changbin’s words. “…going easy on you.”

Jisung only registered the words when he felt a truly unbearable sensation along his vulnerable ribs, Binnie’s fingers traveling up and down as he played the younger like a piano. 

Hannie shrieked at the feeling, breaking into loud laughter as he twisted side to side, unable to escape as Changbin’s fingers followed him wherever he went. “AGHHAAHA OHO MY GOHOHOHOD!!” 

“You’re too cute, Jisungie~” Hyunjin cooed, wiggling his fingers tantalizingly. Jisung was breathless, but mustered up the strength to string together a few pleas to stop the dancer. 

“Hyuhuhune…HYUHUNJIN-AH PLEHEHEASE NOHOHOHOHO!!” He squealed when Hyune ignored his pleas, skittering up and down his thighs with no remorse. 

Jisung was messy with laughter, loud, unbroken cackles spilling out of him endlessly as a loud squeal or shrieks for mercy piled in between. 

“Okay, I have a joke, Hannie,” Changbin started. “Now let’s see if you find my jokes funny?”

Jisung screamed when Binnie moved to his waist, mercilessly drilling in. “Okay…” The older cleared his throat. “Why did the chicken cross the web?” 

Hyunjin gasped a faux gasp. “Why did the chicken cross the web?” 

“Why don’t we ask Jisung?” Changbin and Hyunjin both smiled down at the screaming Han beneath them, squirming crazily, laughing his head off and unable to form coherent words. 

“Awhh…Hyunjin look at him~”

“Our cute little comedian.” Hyune finished with a smile, watching poor Jisung pause his laughing to let out a flustered squeal. 

“I CAHAHAHAHAAN’T!! SOHOMEONE HEHEHEHELP!!” 

“Help? But we’re here! Don’t you wanna laugh together? How about you answer Bunny’s joke and then we’ll see about letting you go.”

“I DOHOHON’T KNOHOW!!”

“Okay, well, tell him the answer, and we’ll see if he can even remember it by the time I’m done with him.” Hyunjin threw the younger’s shirt up and pressed his lips to his side, blowing out and nibbling in an incredibly ticklish raspberry that had Jisung howling, flinging his head to the other side in desperation. 

“The chicken crossed the web to get to the other site!” Changbin cackled as Jisung wailed in the background, and the rapper let go of the poor boy’s arms, watching as Jisung shoved at Hyunjin’s head, cheeks red and wet as he pleaded at the top of his lungs. 

He finally managed to muster up the strength to yank the dancer’s head off. 

“Ohoho my gahahaha…” Jisung panted. Hyunjin unwrapped a red lollipop and handed it to the quokka, and Jiusng promptly latched onto the candy. 

“…Was my joke funny?”

“Reheheally, Binnie hyung?”

[soars22]

Whatever happens next (which at this point could be anything) I hope we get closure.

I hope we find out what was meant to happen to the eggs.

I hope we get some sort of goodbye, however that looks, beyond just a post to twitter.

I hope the cc’s can share the plans for their characters, even if they’re only headcanons.

I hope that we get to have an end.

I put an entire year of my life into this server. I was there with Phil from day 1 and 95% of his qsmp streams after. I found Bad, Foolish, Roier, Fit, Pac, Mike, Bagi, Cellbit, Pierre, Baghera, and Etoiles not too long after. I fell in love with these characters-I loved their interactions, their energy, their storylines, everything. The stories they told made my days better. I have genuinely never put so much time into caring about something like this before, and I loved the experience and the community.

And above it all, I fucking loved the eggs.

I didn’t know all of them; some of them were gone before Phil ever interacted with them. To Bobby, Trump, Tilín, and Juanaflippa, you were loved and you will always be missed.

To the others, there are no words in any language I can think of to describe what it will be like not to have them any more; I cannot do them justice. Maybe later, when I’m not exhausted and sobbing and heartbroken by the absolute shit time we’ve all had these last few weeks, I’ll make a post to remember them. For now, all I can do is name them because I don’t have the energy to do anything else.

Chayanne. Tallulah. Ramon. Chunsik. Leo. Sunny. Empanada. Pepito. Richarlyson. Dapper. Pomme.

You were the best part of this server. You were the only reason it survived as long as it did. You deserved better than abuse and silence. You deserved communication from someone who was supposed to care. You deserved a better ending than to go to sleep forever.

You deserved better.

And you will never, ever be forgotten.

[everlasting-rainfall]

hi idk if anyone already asked about this I was wondering what are your thoughts on yandere poly Sanji and Luffy ?

Hello, hello, hello! Nah, I believe that you’re the first one to ask about the two of them together which is by no means a bad thing as I’m really happy that you did, dear!

Honestly I love the idea of Luffy and Sanji together as I’m a big LuSan shipper like I even have a fankid for them but at the same time, I love polyamourous straw hats (minus Chopper as he’s a baby) in general but we’ll save the polyamourous straw hats for another day when I feel more confident about writing them all together

For now! We’ll focus on Yandere Sanji and Yandere Luffy together in a nice happy polyamourous relationship with you!

Let’s get into it, shall we?

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT AT ALL-!

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

Kidnapping, Violence, Isolation, Forced Touches, Bathing with a Yandere, SPOILERS FOR WANO, Jealousy, Forced Intimacy

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT AT ALL-!

So honestly, the two of them together is bound to more than likely be quite chaotic no matter what kind of scenario you might be in like no matter the AU or if there even Yandere’s to be honest

You have Luffy’s chaotic nature that was probably the entire reason that you were snatched up so quickly and taken to the Thousand Sunny to be part of his crew

And then you have Sanji whose an all around gentlemen who was more than likely trying to subtly coerce you into joining the crew before Luffy just snatched you up like it was nobodies business and made you join

Honestly I don’t think that you’re ever going to get any quiet alone time with the two of them as if Sanji isn’t fawning over you and doing anything to make your life just the slightest bit more comfortable then Luffy is there wanting to play a game with you or do something fun in general

You’re never really able to have any quiet alone time and if you somehow manage to find a good hiding spot then it’s not going to last long as they both will be metaphorically ripping apart the ship looking for you until they either find you or a crew mate rats you out

When this happens, you’ll have Luffy’s arms wrapped you multiple times in a hug as he gleefully shouts “Found you!” while Sanji hangs off of you crying asking what he did wrong for you to run away from them like this

If you truly need some alone time though then you could ask Sanji for it, he’ll keep Luffy away from you the best that he can while you take a deep breath and try to enjoy some alone time but don’t expect much as Sanji will constantly be poking his head in to check on you and ask if you need absolutely anything

You can shout at him to leave you alone buh now Sanji looks heartbroken and Luffy is upset with you for making your other partner cry so now you get no alone time and you’re in trouble

In all honesty when it comes to punishing you for being bad then I can honestly imagine that Sanji is much more gentle with what he does like this man can barely bring himself to scold you

While Luffy on the other hand is more willing to punish you like if you’ve done something wrong like attempt to spike the crew’s food with something to give you a better chance at escape from them or made Sanji cry then that’s when he’ll punish you

He will shout at you for doing that and in all honesty, I feel like Luffy despite not being the smartest guy could make you feel absolutely awful for what you did

And if you continue to do stuff like this then I can’t say that you’re not going to wind up in some serious trouble like I’m talking physical punishment

Sanji would never allow Luffy to hurt you in any shape or form so don’t worry but what makes these punishments physical is that it’s basically being locked up in your shared room with them. No interaction with anyone but them

And if you don’t trying to escape after that then say hello to a chain that will keep you bound to their bed until you either have spent enough time in your punishment according to Sanji or until you have shown a genuine change in your behavior

You could try to trick them but I don’t see that going well for you as even if they fall for it, there’s always the chance that once you’re let out. Another member of the crew will point out that nothing has changed and boom!

Right back to punishment…

Also as well I can see like how they met you was probably through typical straw hat stuff like they arrive on an island, they find out there’s a problem typically consisting of corrupt marines or bad pirates then they wind up helping

Maybe like you were someone that the enemy took and is keeping like “Well aren’t you a pretty thing?” or “If anyone tries to fight us then this person is dead!!”

And the person who got them to help was like your friend or something, they showed Sanji and Luffy a picture of you and you know those moments where it’s like love at first sight? That’s what happens for Sanji at least while Luffy does feel drawn to you

After everything is said and done, that’s when they spend some time on the island just chilling and maybe partying too with the islanders as “Woo hoo!! The enemy is gone!! Yay!!” and all that

And it’s during this time is when they’d get closer to you, they’d spend time with you during the party like you’d laugh when Sanji kicks Luffy for stealing your food and when Luffy steals you away from his partner by grabbing you and zipping off

Both are clearly trying to spend as much time as they possibly can with you like it’s so obvious that it isn’t even funny but you don’t pay it any mind other than that you were just a hostage that they had to save and protect so they’re probably just trying to make sure you’re okay

You are correct on that part but you’re missing a few details like them wanting to keep you for themselves and take you on a high seas adventure with them to find the One Piece

If you don’t have any skills then that’s fine by them as Sanji won’t mind a little help in the kitchen now and again especially if it means that he gets to spend more time with you although he is just about doing everything for you

And besides Luffy could always do with another member of Pirate Royalty

So when they leave, that’s when Sanji tries to be all gentlemanly with you and offer you to join the Straw Hats like straight up trying to offer you his arm so you can come with them

If that doesn’t work and you say no then he’ll try to insist but trust me if Luffy gets impatient about you joining then that’s when he’ll swoop in and lift you over his shoulder to rush off

Probably while laughing too

Sanji is honestly the kind of Yandere as well to attempt to win your affections as he sees how you don’t accept his invitations for affection

So this man will definitely try and win you over in whatever way that he can like he is making all of your favorite foods and doing his absolute best to be as romantic as possible with you

Little loving gestures and things like that like he straight up memorizes your schedule to get everything ready for you before you need it like you’ll be heading to get cleaned up and he’ll already be there having drawn a bath

Probably offering to wash your back for you too

If you didn’t know any better then you would say that he wasn’t a Yandere but it’s hard to forget when on the occasion that he takes you off the ship with him, he tries and more than likely succeeds at cracking the skull of any man who speaks to you

If you didn’t hold him back or distract him then he might even take the life of any man who stares at you too long…

Luffy on the other hand probably acts like he already has your affection and love whole heartedly like he doesn’t even seem to realize that you’re fighting him whenever he wraps you up in a hug or tries to plant a messy kiss on the side of your face

He is wholeheartedly convinced that you love him and Sanji just like how they love you, you just don’t show it

Don’t get him wrong though as if you do try to leave them then he’s absolutely not okay with that, he’s still convinced that you love them but you need to be reminded to not leave them and you just need a reminder of where you belong which leads to the punishments

I don’t think Luffy would get too jealous if someone talked to you but he would try to butt into a conversation like throwing his arm around your shoulders in a seemingly playful manner or moving himself to be as in between you and your conversation partner

He will look so offended as well if you move him or remove his arm from you… He’ll also just put his arm right back around you or go right back to where he was

As for intimacy?

God, I wish you luck trying to take the both of them at once as they’re both incredibly strong Pirate men… Sanji won’t be too rough until he really starts getting into it but Luffy is rough enough to compensate

Aftercare is a thing, Sanji’s aftercare is definitely more traditional with cuddles and soft kisses. Probably a bath too but Luffy’s aftercare typically involves getting something good to eat

As for Intimacy in Gear 5? Imagine a giant sun god man with cartoon physics mashing two dolls together to make them have sex… That’s probably what some of it would be like

Other times though, I can imagine that Luffy has you on your knees next to Sanji who’s also on his knees and just licking Luffy’s cock looking totally peaceful with it too

Meanwhile you’re definitely not into this as these are your captors but if push comes to shove and Luffy notices that he isn’t getting as much love from you as he is Sanji

Then he might just shrink his cock down to manageable size and shove it down your throat with a “Stop ignoring me!”

[icaruspendragon]

hey berk :/ i’m in dire need of a reminder that healing can happen and that there is such a thing as a soft sequel to a harsher story—and i have come to humbly ask for, as one does, any destiel fic recs that you have where they just. get to go somewhere quiet and sunny and slow and. heal. and grow. and have a gentle epilogue.

so if you have a spare moment at some point… please send some my way <3

hello! here are some stories that make me feel soft!!

the lovers choice : “Give me the short version,” says Bobby, and Dean looks at Cas, and Cas just shrugs.

“Uh,” says Dean. “I kind of adopted God.”

or: andrew dabb i see your request for the return of fan favourites and i raise you “jack resurrects them all bc he thinks his dads should have more friends”

things happen (they do, they do, and they do) : So, the first thing that happens is Castiel comes back.

~~~

"Right," Dean says eventually, gruffly. He looks down at his shoes. "I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life, man. It's—you know, yours. Do your thing, love who you love, whatever. I can't really stop you from loving me, if that's what you've decided to do, but I don't—I can't—"

"I know," Castiel murmurs, still just smiling a little, not looking heartbroken at all. "Don't worry about it, Dean, that's all I ask."

"So we're—" Dean risks a glance up, swallowing thickly. "We're good?"

Castiel hums. "We're good."

for which no words exist : 'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

until the end and after : A year ago, the world didn't end. Now it's summer and the cicadas are buzzing, and something is changing. Something is going to give.

and this one is my own fic, but it fits what you’re asking for nearly to the letter so i’m including it.

one more sweet boy to be butchered by men : Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

It’s all he had ever known because it’s all he was ever shown. He was only as good as his last kill. His worth came from his ability to take care of Sam. He existed to take care of others. And Dean had been okay with that, or at least he thought he had been.

Everything changed for Dean when he met Castiel. And everything changed again with the love that came from knowing Castiel.

or; love changes everything, doesn’t it?

i hope you enjoy these!!

[ikarasu]

👑123123👑

Slightly Yandere Puppet Romeo x reader

Word count: 813

👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑

‘1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3…3?’

The number 3… it reminds me of sweet innocent days back at the Monad Charity House. Three innocent children who were nonetheless wiser of what was in store for them in the future. Their innocence is sweet but short like the nectar of honeysuckles. Three share the same dream of becoming something great. Nothing but sunny days and laughter shared amongst friends. Such sweet and happy times, but it’s short-lived for death was about to strike.

The number 2… I remember the day our trio was cut down to a duo. The skies couldn’t compare to the two souls who weep over a grave. They wept and spent countless nights with whispered regrets. The two wished to strive to do more in the name of their lost friend. As time progressed the duo turned into a couple. Their love reminds them of those innocent days. They would dance late into the night as they held each other so closely. How naive of them to believe that the dance would never end.

The number 1… Shouting was all that could be heard in the room. One wishes to leave the city of Krat once and for all like a coward. While one wishes to become the greatest protector, but at the cost of his humanity. Eventually, the argument concludes with one storming out and leaving the other heartbroken. They sit all alone in their tears with their shattered heart.

👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑

*thump*… *thump*… *thump*…

I don’t bother to look behind me. I know it’s there… Those glowing blue glass eyes and that carved smile. The loud creaks and ticks of metal and gears settle down. I learned to not cover my ears whenever it decides to talk to appease it. The loud static was piercing and indecipherable. The cage it keeps me in is spun around so that I’m forced to look at it. I slowly look up to see its gaze. That sickening smile makes my stomach churn. It opens the cage and brings a large finger to stroke my cheek. I have to resist flinching away from his touch to not anger it. Suddenly it’s grabbing at me and pulling me out of the cage. I struggle against its cold iron grip before it settles me down on the floor of the opera hall.

“What is the meaning of this?” I say while brushing off my clothes

All I am met with is the hissing of a hatch being opened. I turn and see the chest of the King of Puppets opened. A large figure gracefully jumps out and lands in front of me. It sickens me to see the same face I fell in love with on this automaton. The sounds of its metallic feet clank against the marble floor. I take a step back only for it to grab my wrist. It towers over me while staring at me blankly.

“(Name)”

I freeze. It couldn’t be… Staticky and crackled but a voice so familiar. The last time you heard that voice it was through shouts and harsh words. A cold metallic hand meets your cheek and wipes away the tears you didn’t even realize were falling. My heart is beating erratically and I feel like I’m drowning.

“1 2 3… 1 2 3…”

I listen to the numbers and try to inhale and exhale with it.

“1 2 3.. 1 2 3…”

‘Inhale… exhale…’

A hand falls to my waist and another holds my hand.

“1 2 3.. 1 2 3.. 1 2 3..”

He counts faster as he leads my body to follow his.

“1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 3”

Suddenly we’re moving across the marble floor of the opera house. Motions I thought were lost to the past. I look up at his face and I remember those late nights we would dance. The way he’d hold me so tenderly and lovingly. Almost made me believe everything would be okay. I hadn’t even noticed the music that started playing behind us. All I could think of was how much I missed this. He dips me as the music comes to an end and I can’t help but melt.

“Romeo-“

*CRASH*

Suddenly I remember that this isn’t right. Romeo is gone. I push away as the crashing noises get louder. I look towards the door for a split second before looking back at it. By the time I do, it’s already back in its suit and it grabs me once more. I thrash against its grip before being placed back into the cage. It picks up the cage and hides me above the stage. The crashing stops near the door. I watch the large puppet hide above as the curtain to the stage opens up. The doors open and my heart stops.

“Carlo?”

👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑~⚜️~👑

Notes: I don’t usually write but I hope you all enjoyed this.

[agoodroughandtumble]

Like the Stars in the Sky - Roronoa Zoro x Reader Part 9

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x Reader

Warning: 18+. Language, implied smut

Summary: A companion piece, and continuation of, A Man of Little Words

A/N: [Part 1]; [A Man of Little Words]

Zoro took the frown on your face as a sign that his attempt at light-heartedness hadn’t exactly gone to plan. But then, he supposed, you’d asked a stupid question anyway so it wasn’t entirely his fault. He groaned inwardly. This was ridiculous. He was a grown adult and yet here he was stumbling over his words as if the ability to speak was a foreign concept.

Fucking sake. Fucking...you. Everything had been fine. Everything had made sense until you had decided to make him fall in love with you.

He regarded your expression curiously, trying to work out what you were thinking yet failing miserably. But he did notice the way the moonlight illuminated your features. All that achieved was to make him want to kiss you again. His heart jumped at the thought, and he took a long, steadying breath. The longer the silence engulfed the two of you the more he was becoming convinced going after you had a been a terrible idea.

Fuck it. The silence had gone on for too long. “Are we…?” he stopped, not entirely sure where his sentence was going. Are we what? Fine? Obviously you weren’t. Obviously everything between the two of you was almost irreparably fucked.

You shuffled forward slightly, repeating his words expectantly.

Zoro cleared his throat and shook his head slightly – an attempt to shake off his feelings as well. Right. He was making a decision. “You should get some sleep.” He said bluntly before turning around and heading back towards the crow’s nest, clenching and unclenching his fists as he went and trying desperately to convince himself that this was the right thing to do.

*

TWO DAYS LATER

Yesterday the Sunny had docked at a new island, and thankfully the exploration had provided enough distraction that you had managed to almost completely avoid Zoro. The lack of proximity had provided some much needed clarity. Maybe, probably, your feelings were always going to be unrequited. That was just going to have to be good enough. You couldn’t make Zoro reciprocate, but you could protect your heart – as long as you managed to continue to ignore him.

“Berry for your thoughts?”

You smiled as Nami sat down on the sand beside you. After an afternoon of wandering the small coastal town you were now relaxing on the beach with a few bottles of beer. Several feet away you could hear Zoro and Sanji arguing as the cook prepared a barbecue – not that you were giving the swordsman any of your attention.

“I’m alright,” you replied and held up your beer bottle clink against hers, “Got a beer, got a view.”

“Yeah, okay.”

You frowned at her. “What?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe the fact that you and Zoro haven’t been within ten feet of each other for days.”

You cursed inwardly and took a swig of your beer. If anyone was going to notice your change in behaviour it would be Nami. “Maybe he’s just being unusually annoying.” You tried to sound nonchalant.

Nami’s raised eyebrow told you she clearly wasn’t convinced, and knowing her she wasn’t going to let this go easily. She was far too intuitive for your liking.

“It’s nothing,” you let out a sigh, “Literally nothing is going on with us.”

“Ah,” Nami nodded, “So that’s what’s wrong.”

Oh shit. “Wait, it’s not like that.” You could feel your cheeks flushing and ran a hand through your hair. You had definitely put your foot in it now.

“Hmm. That’s not what I heard.”

Your eyes widened. “What have you heard? What’s he said?”

Nami smirked, “So you do like him.”

“Oh fuck off.” You nudged her shoulder with your own and then let out a deep sigh. “Is it that obvious?”

The redhead hummed in thought. “To me, yes. Everyone else? I’d be surprised.” She smiled wickedly at you, “I’m sure Sanji will be heartbroken.

You rolled your eyes, a hint of a smirk gracing your lips. “I’m sure he’ll cope.”

An easy silence fell on the two of you, and you let your gaze briefly linger on Zoro – still arguing with Sanji. It was one of the few times the swordsman was remotely animated. You chewed your lips in thought. It had been torturous avoiding him so you were going to allow yourself a few moments of indulgence. Thankfully he seemed oblivious to your staring.

“You really like him, don’t you?”

Nami’s voice pulled you away from your thoughts and you began to fiddle awkwardly with your bottle. It had been hard enough admitting your feelings to yourself let alone anyone else. Nami knew – but there was a huge difference between her knowing and you telling. “Am I an idiot?”

“Not for having feelings, but yes, obviously if you’re trying to pretend you don’t.”

You groaned and turned your gaze back to the ocean in front of you. “So what am I supposed to do?”

Nami rolled her eyes, “You tell him.”

[twstedstoryshop]

Fluffy

Speedran this fic, not gonna lie. But the filthy Octavinelle lover in me had to do it. For context this is based off my AU of Cat Shifters! In which Azul just happens to be a shapeshifter and can turn into a man or a cat, who happens to be your pet. Without further ado though, enjoy the fic and happy birthday to Azul!!! -Shopkeep

Morning would greet you not through the scent of coffee or sunlight illuminating your window, but through something pressing hard against your stomach with the barest of scratches. You blinked the sleep from your eyes to get your bearings. You immediately glanced down to your stomach to see a sea of silvery fur. You sighed deeply.

“Azul…”

A trill responded instantly and Azul turned his little face to gaze at you. Blue eyes that could rival a sunny day’s sky regarded you with the utmost attention. You had to hide a chuckle behind your fist at his lightning reaction whenever it came to you.

“I appreciate you waking me up at a reasonable time, but maybe next time, you could try and wake me without using claws,” you pleaded softly. At this Azul withdrew his paws underneath his fluff and mewed softly in a saddened tone. You quickly reached out to scratch his chin in reassurance, feeling an instant pang of guilt.

“No, no, buddy, I’m not mad or anything. I appreciate you making biscuits but I wish I was made of thicker skin to take all your kneading, haha!” You sat upright at this point, now moving to start your day. With a yawn, you grabbed your phone from your nightstand to look at the time and any missed notifications. However, something else caught your attention immediately. The date, February 24th. Instantly your mind was taken back to a very special day. The day you found a scrawny little kitten abandoned on the side of an empty street. You had your doubts if that kitten would survive, with the many parasites that riddled his body and his sickly demeanor. Yet here that kitten was, all grown up and having turned into a beautiful Ragdoll that was the envy of every cat show you took him to.

You were a little saddened that you truly didn’t know his birthday but finding him on that day was the next best thing to celebrate. An idea then popped into your mind. You shuffled to your wardrobe and began to throw on a quick outfit. Seeing you do this motion, Azul instantly stood up and meowed in protest.

“Now don’t be like that, Azul. It’s only for a quick walk. I’ll be right back, you won’t even feel like I was gone,” again, more meows argued with you. You turned around to give the cat a quick kiss on the forehead before bolting for the door. You knew Azul would race with you to try and stop you from leaving but this was for an important mission! You tried your best to ignore the saddened yowls from your front door as you closed it shut. You raced off, hoping you can make record time to get what you needed and come back so Azul wouldn’t be too heartbroken by himself.

You recalled that not far away from your home a certain bakery could be found. Clover Bakery you think it was called? You must have looked like a bread fanatic with how quickly you scanned the shelves and grabbed whatever looked the nicest to you. Cream breads, croissants, sugary doughnuts all went flying into your little basket. You were about to pay for your haul when something caught your eye. In the display window, individual slices of cakes sat in an array of colors and flavors. Your eyes lingered on a piece of white frosted cake adorned with the fluffiest whipped cream and a blueberry. Your mind could only conjure up a certain feline and instantly, you piped up to the one behind the counter for a slice.

Back at your home, Azul was in a morose state, already trudging over to his favorite bed. An oversized purple shell pillow. Granted he never really used the darned thing when he thought the best place to nap was by your side. But it would do for now as a good place to wallow. Not even a paw was placed on the bed as his ears perked up at the door unlocking and your footsteps came in.

“Azuuuuul!” You called and like a bullet, the silvery cat ran up to your feet and meowed with his whole chest in greeting. He circled your legs, rubbing up against them with all his might and could not stop moving in excitement. How long were you even gone? 15-20 minutes at max? You really needed to get this little guy a friend, but that was a thought for another time. You carried the bag filled with your spoils to the kitchen table then smiled at Azul.

“Hey, why don’t you go into the room, get dressed, and come back? I wanna surprise you with something,” you teased.

Azul looked up at you curiously with a tilt of his head, but didn’t question your request. He scurried off back into your room, time passed, and instead of quiet paws stepping back in, you heard footsteps. You looked back and where once was your cute Ragdoll now a handsome man stood. Familiar soft ears perched atop his head and behind him, a fluffy feather duster tail swayed. From his neck, a recognizable purple bowtie collar sat with a bell. No mistake, it was still Azul here with you. He carefully approached you, still wondering why you had asked him to come out in this form.

“Master?”

“Ta-dah!” You moved aside and revealed the dinner table. Strewn about it were all sorts of baked goods still fresh in their wrappers and the blueberry cake slice as the centerpiece. Azul blinked, looked at you, then back at the spread before him.

“What is all this?”

“It’s for you, silly! To celebrate your birthday!”

His ear flicked at this. “Birthday…?”

“Well technically not your real birthday cuz I have no idea when you were actually born. So let’s celebrate instead the day I first found you.”

Azul’s expression softened at this and his hand reached up to clutch at his shirt a little. Like his heart was about to burst from such a sweet gesture. “Thank you… I never had a birthday before. I mean, why would a cat need it? Ah, but this is really nice,” he spoke in such a soft tone. You couldn’t help but to melt a little at his words and you approached him, taking him tightly in your arms. You reached to lightly stroke his hair and nuzzled against him, basking in the warmth you knew so well when he curled against you as a cat.

“You’re not just a cat, Azul. You’re more than that and very special to me, okay?”

You felt Azul’s chest rise up and down with a chuckle followed by the faintest of purrs. “Okay,” he sighed.

“Alright, now c’mon! Let’s eat all this good stuff! I won’t be satisfied until you have your fill!” And so you both did, sitting close together at the table to indulge in the baked treats. Fluffy bread on your tongue, a fluffy tail that curled around your hip, and watching Azul happily chew on a fluffy piece of cake. That was your mood for this morning on Azul’s birthday. A whole lot of fluff in your heart.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Sky Full of Stars - Chapter Fourteen.

Thank you as always to my little audience for your dedication to the story. ILY <3

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen

Tag list - In the comments

Words - 3,404

Warnings - 18+ content throughout. Minors DNI!

“She’s fucking what?” Jade blurted, Sunni beckoning over her shoulder, their security guys moving swiftly down the hallway. 

“I just checked her ticket and it’s legit, but I’m not comfortable with the idea of her remaining. Following you across a fucking ocean equates to stalking in my mind, and I’m not prepared to let her come near any of you. What happened with Dimebag, that still plays in my head all the fucking time. I know it’s different and everyone was searched before they even stepped foot in at the doors, and I might be acting over zealously, but I just can’t risk your safety. Besides that, she’s got a bloody audacity!” 

Indeed, the murder of the much beloved guitarist for Pantera by a deranged fan had stayed with everybody, the girls especially as Dime had been a treasured friend. After touring with his band for the best part of a year in their late teens, they’d bonded with him, Dime often referring to them as his little sisters. Jade had counted him as one of her closest friends, beyond heartbroken when he’d been fatally gunned down while performing live onstage in two thousand and four.  

“Okay, yep, you’re right,” Jade began, taking a deep breath as her pragmatism kicked in. “How do we proceed?” 

“Security will escort her from the building, and I’ll have the promotions company refund her. For publicity’s sake, it paints us and our team in the better light, ejecting her but still prepared to reimburse the two hundred quid she paid out.”  

And that was why Sunni was so damned good at his job; he covered all bases. Working as a roadie for much of his life, he knew the ins and outs of the tour machine. No cog moved without him powering it. He was brilliant.  

“You guys wait here.” He walked away back to the room, three security guys in tow, Jade shaking her head, her eyes darkening. 

“You good, Skip?” Jen asked, rubbing her arm affectionately. 

“I want to go and kick her teeth down her fucking throat for the sheer nerve of her, but other than that, great!” Cracking her knuckles, she looked truly thunderous for a few moments, taking a few breaths to bring herself back to a place of calm. “I won’t even give her the satisfaction of a reaction, though.” 

“You have too much dignity for that, baby,” Jess spoke kindly, wrapping her in a big hug. The sounds of shouting became audible then, Serena protesting being asked to leave, Sunni emphatically stating that she was not welcome and that she should have known she wouldn’t be, the girl herself appearing with a security guard holding each of her arms a second later as she fought against their grasp. 

“How do you think I got out here, Jade? Adrien paid for me to come here! He’s meeting up with me later while you’ll be busy getting ready for the show, you know! Ask him! Get him to tell you the truth! It’s me who he’s in love with now, not you!”  

Jade closed her eyes, her jaw tightening a fraction, shaking her head before she laughed. One other person there didn’t find it quite as funny, though. 

“Yo! Back your shit up, girl!” Katie yelled, her hostility rising sharply. “Don’t think I won’t come down there and fucking crack you, you lying bitch!” 

“Babe, woah,” Charlotte soothed, locking her arms around her waist, not trusting she wasn’t about to go flying in the direction of the woman being escorted out. “Don’t even engage, she’s fucking nuts. We all know that now.”  

Sunni appeared again, puffing his cheeks. “Alright, we’re good to go now, or do you need a minute, boss?” He then looked to Katie. “If you get yourself arrested again, I swear to god, I will never fucking forgive you.”  

His joke cut the tension, the six of them sharing laughter, Katie giving him a little salute before they headed into the meet and greet room. They made a point to apologise to the other fans waiting, everyone stating they had nothing to be sorry for, a few speaking up that they’d seen her picture in the press and wondered how the hell she’d actually gotten that far. 

While the meet and greet went ahead, Sunni took it upon himself to do a little further investigation, calling the promotions company and having the meet and greet sales lists checked to make sure she hadn’t purchased anything further at any point throughout the tour. He was shocked to find out she had. One in London, one in Berlin and another for Hamburg.  

“Void the tickets and refund her. She’s a security risk who I want nowhere near my band.” he spoke.  His next port of call was to head around to the rear of the arena, into the compound where the busses and lorries were all parked up, feeling Adrien should know sooner rather than later. 

“Dude, you’re fucking kidding me,” he spoke, staring in sheer disbelief. “The crazy bitch actually got on a plane? What?” 

“I know,” Sunni sighed, widening his eyes, opening the water bottle he’d grabbed from one of the huge chillers on the tour rider on his way out. “You guys might want to think about taking security with you if you’re heading out anywhere alone along the tour. I have to reason that this girl isn’t in her right mind. She caused a scene while our guys were removing her, came out with a load of nonsense.” 

“Is Jade okay?”  

“Pissed off, understandably so, but she didn’t dignify her ranting with a reaction. Well, she laughed.” He then snorted a chuckle. “Katie threatened to crack her one, though.” 

Of course, she had. “Should’ve let her,” he snorted, “but no, in seriousness, thanks for handling it. I’ll talk to Jade about the security thing, see what she thinks.”  

“I wouldn’t even chance anything, mate,” Sunni spoke, “she bought meet and greet packages for London, Berlin and Hamburg, so she won’t find out her tickets are void until she gets there and they’re shown as such when scanned. Either that or she notices the money going back into her account. Either way, I expect her to continue following the tour.”  

Adrien had to wonder just how much disposable cash this young woman had, to be able to shell out eight hundred pounds for meet and greets alone, let alone travel expenses. Later that night, while he, Jade and Jen sat up in the lounge area on the way to Birmingham for the next show, they found out. 

“She’s a fucking trust fund kid, look at this!” Jen spoke, spinning her laptop around. “Parents are like, super-wealthy upper east side types. Check it. Her dad is a finance tycoon.” 

Jade studied the page that offered information about Johnathan Reid, his wife Marilyn, and their four children, Serena, Kelly, Johnathan Jnr and Nate. “Probably too immersed in their own bullshit high society life to notice what their daughter is up to. But that in itself is strange, being that those families are all about their reputation.”  

“Unless they’re oblivious?” Adrien offered. “They might not even know about it.”  

“Yeah, well I think that they should,” Jen pointing to the screen on the laptop. “That’s the email address for his financial firm. If she continues stalking you, it might be worth reaching out, I dunno.” 

“The words restraining order come to mind first,” he spoke, Jen shaking her head, her forehead creasing. 

“You’re right, yeah. Of course, they would. Don’t mind me, I’m tired.” 

He reached for her, squeezing her shoulder. “You’re fine. I know you’re only trying to help.” She ambled off to bed shortly after, leaving her friends to discuss the issue in more detail.  

“I feel like security is a good idea, but only if she becomes threatening. Not that either of us couldn’t give her a smacking if she did actually try anything. I suppose that isn’t the point, though. If she’s deranged enough to honestly believe she’s having an affair with you, and show up on tour trying to convince me of this, then she’s deranged enough to be dangerous.” Dragging her fingers through her hair, she visibly stiffened, taking a deep breath she exhaled slowly. “We don’t need this hassle. Fucking batshit bitch. She has good taste if nothing else, though.”  

“Well, I didn’t wanna say anything,” he winked, Jade laughing softly as she rested her head against his shoulder, Adrien wrapping an arm around her. “Who knows? Maybe Sunni’s rapid actions in preventing her from entering any of the other venues might put her off and send her home.”  

They could only hope so.  

“Do you wanna go to bed and let me take your mind off it?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.  

Leaning in close, she ghosted his lips, moving to plant a kiss upon the side of his neck. “Sounds perfect, Bug.”  

As soon as they got into the bedroom, the way he looked down at her revealed that it was much more than mere distraction, softly resting his forehead to hers as he stroked her neck. He knew she would never, ever doubt his fidelity for a second, but the need to truly show her that drove his impulses, the desire to be with her, to connect with love and heat, to state it emphatically that he would never be anyone else’s.  

He belonged to one woman alone.  

The intensity of that message rushed over her skin in every touch as he undressed her, every kiss as she was laid to the bed, everywhere his hands and mouth slid in utter worship of her.  

Their bodies rose and fell against each other in the most perfect unison, arms locked around one another, hands moving to stroke while their mouths connected in the most heated, erotic, but loving kisses imaginable. Just the touch, the feel of him against her was solace incomparable. After a day where she’d burned with fury over the actions of someone so delusional, to have her husband right there was truly all she needed. 

His mouth began to inch lower, trailing her throat, tongue dragging slowly over the rise and fall of her collarbones as his hand slipped between her legs. She trembled at feeling his fingers brush over her clit, opening her like a flower as they pushed inside her thereafter. Her arousal bathed them immediately, Adrien biting her nipple in response, her soft moan making his cock throb. It made it even sexier, the fact that the thin divide between their sleeping space and Jen’s required them to keep their volume to a minimum. 

Curling his fingers, he began to stroke at her skilfully, his mouth moving over her skin hungrily as her body undulated against his, arousal soaring through her. He began to inch his mouth downwards slowly, the smell of her sex utterly intoxicating to him. Their longing was sated sweetly, divine pleasures coursing through them gently as they revelled in one another, her hands running through his hair, loving that he’d kept it longer for a while. Her husband was, after all, the king of the ‘grow it, get bored/land a movie that required it shorter, cut it all off’ routine. 

Her breath shuddered in her throat as she felt him begin to lay wet heat at her clit, pleasure blooming as her back arched, his hands grasping at her hips to hold her still. Moving his mouth, he began to kiss her thighs, lips travelling over her skin, wanting to kiss and taste every last inch of her. His fingers moved back to pleasuring her, circling her clit and dipping inside her velvety wetness.   

He explored every last inch of her pussy, fingertips swirling and stroking, mouth now running up her sides and making her shudder and squeak when his tongue tickled her ribcage.   

“Adrien… I… need… can we,” she panted a little incoherently between kisses after his mouth had worked its way back to hers. 

“This?” he questioned, after plunging every last inch of his cock with her. He got his answer by the noise she made, a soft gasp at suddenly being stretched so wide. “I love you so much,” he whispered, kissing her softly, “it’s always been you, and it’ll only ever be you.” 

Her fingers stroked his face as she stared up at him, eyes locked on his as she whispered declarations of love in return, her head then tipping back as he covered her breasts in kisses, licks and nibbles.   

The connection, the chemistry between them was beyond intense, every single cell within them alight with love and lust for one another. Panting quietly, their hands travelled all over one another, intense stares shared and even hotter kisses following. The heat of it skittered over her bones, melded deep within her, nails carving paths of pleasure into his back as he rutted her deeply.  

It was ardent, passionate, erotic bliss they tumbled into as their bodies rolled around on the bed together, the culmination being Jade on top of him, riding him hard.   

Their undoing came in all-consuming wave after wave of fervent tingles, those little sparks of pleasure erupting into the utter beatific release, both feeling lightheaded and warm, floating in elation in the aftermath. They kissed and stroked one another, Jade lying flat against his chest as she felt his cock twitching inside her.  

“You two aren’t nearly as quiet as you think you are, you know.” 

Jen’s voice through the divide had them both laughing softly. “Sorry,” Jade called, her giggles escalating. 

“Don’t be. I cracked one out listening to ya!” Typical Jen humour, her words sending them into absolute fits.  

As the tour moved through the UK, up to Scotland to play Glasgow and Aberdeen before finishing for two nights in London, the security stepped up around the band at Sunni’s behest was immense. They continued to find themselves with a tail, Serena arriving outside of every venue, trying to talk their own security into allowing her entrance after being rejected at the ones where she had VIP packages booked. Further scenes followed. More online nonsense abounded, Jade finding that she was also blogging it all to a Facebook page.  

“You shouldn’t pay it any mind, Burtie,” Adrien advised her as they sat backstage at the first of the London shows, watching as she scrolled and shook her head. “I don’t, when people are making something of nothing with you.” 

Indeed, the press had come down hard on her too in the past, accusing her of having something extra-marital with men who were solely her friends. Jade was very much a hand holder with the people she loved, and that was something Adrien knew well about her. Seeing photographs of her walking hand in hand with her good friend Anthony Bourdain while they’d been out in the West Village a while ago hadn’t bothered him at all, nor when she’d been photographed the previous summer holding hands with, and then being piggybacked around a festival in Germany by Randy Blythe, frontman for the band Lamb of God, another good friends of hers.  

If she loved you, she grabbed your hand. Funnily, nobody batted an eyelid when the friends were female. At the same festival, she’d greeted her friend Shirley Manson, frontwoman for the band Garbage with a big, lingering kiss on the lips, the moment captured by a photographer. Not one comment had come forth, but because Randy had carried her on his back after she’d twisted her knee, that meant she must’ve been fucking him.  

“I know, I know,” she cringed, “guess I’m torturing myself with it a little. Her bullshit irritates me, but it’s like a car crash I can’t look away from. Even though she’s being a monumental pain in following us, too, I feel worried for her. She isn’t well, and she doesn’t seem to have anyone keeping that in check.” 

He was proud of the woman she’d worked hard to become, no longer internalising things, actually getting her inner feelings off her chest. It was also testament to who Jade was as a person; she could have slapped the girl for spreading lies about him, but equally, her heart went out to her in the fact that she truly wasn’t well. “It isn’t your job to do that, though. You aren’t responsible for her.”  

He made a valid point.  

Rather than focus on the stalker issue, Jade instead turned to getting herself ready to walk out on stage at the biggest show of the tour so far, the O2 arena fully sold out, a crowd of twenty thousand people waiting for her. Of course, she’d played to bigger audiences before in her career, but it was special to her, the little girl from Tottenham coming back to play her home crowd. It was a big, big deal.  

With a large, black curtain that would fall at the beginning of the performance shielding the stage, she watched as her girls all took their places, turning to give Adrien a big kiss before she climbed the stage steps, waiting. The crowd cheered loudly as the lights dimmed, that noise reaching fever pitch as the sound of an air raid siren wailed through the venue, the deafening noise sampled on the intro to one of their most popular songs, The Battle Within.  

She could feel the nerves coiling in her belly, breathing deeply to centre herself. Sunni’s mention of her darling friend Dimebag the week before brought his words back to her in that moment, knowing that if he could be there, he’d likely speak them again. On that tour where she’d first met him, he’d often offer a little rough-cut wisdom to help with her anxiousness.  

“All those people out there, darlin’, one day that’ll be your kingdom. One day, you’re gonna be queen of it all, so go do what queens do. Fuckin’ rule, baby. Fuckin’ rule.” 

Looking up, she thumbed a tear from her eye, holding a clasped fist to her chest. “I will, mate.” And no rumour mills or stalkers could take that away from her, walking out onto the stage to the thunder of guitars, the bounding beat backed by Jen and Jess, the curtain falling to reveal a crowd in complete and utter frenzy. They blew the roof off the O2 that night, the show going down a storm, Serena the furthest thing from anyone’s mind as the girls took a bow at the end, even if physically, she wasn’t far away at all.  

“You have to let me around there,” she spoke, attempting to gain access to the large compound at the rear of the arena, the security guys shaking their heads. “My boyfriend is back there, for heaven’s sake!” 

“We’ve been made aware of ya, love. Give it a rest, eh?” One spoke, shaking his head. 

“D’ya mean Mrs. Brody’s husband? Nah, love. He ain’t your boyfriend, fucking nutty cow,” the other laughed. “Go on, hop it. Before I call the ole’ bill.”  

“How dare you speak to me like that, how dare you! Just you wait until I tell Adrien, he asked me to meet him here! Let me in!” 

“Darlin’, you’ve got ten seconds to get the fuck out of my face, clear?” Oh no. They had no time for her shenanigans. Serena made noises of agitation, storming away, pulling out her phone to call for a taxi so she could get herself back to the small B&B she was staying in, all ready to fly to Germany the following morning and continue her pursuit.  

After securing her ride, she began to scroll through her phone, through the hundreds of images of the man her damaged mind had made her believe she was in a relationship with. “I know you want to see me, but it’s her whose getting in our way. I know. I love you. I know you want me just as much as I want you.”  

The man himself would have severely disagreed, as he lifted his wife up to clutch on around him, telling her how proud he was before they fell into kisses. In the madness of the backstage area, time stood still for them, just as it always did. Whatever craziness whirled around them, when it was the two of them together, it always stood still.  

[12-seconds-to-live]

Home

pairing - f1drivers/2022 x fem!driver

warnings - death, grieving

Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?

May 29 - Mónaco GP

“Any plans after the race” I asked my teammate, Alex

“Well, there’s always the Red Bull afterparty, you know that is almost a tradition, even if you DNF” I look at him and nod.

“Yeah, I can’t handle too much, not after dealing with a very drunk Charles and Lando, no thank you”

“C’mon, we need a little bit of fun. And we’re expecting the best from you, you’re Mrs. P3 today and can finish as Mrs. P1″

Safe to say that Monaco it’s not my favourite GP. Reason: none but today it’s raining and I prefer a sunny Mónaco. Who knows, maybe I want to look for a really cute french around Mónaco harbor.

Nah

Not me at the moment

"Oh, shuss. I’m feeling confident buuuut...let’s see. We have a little meeting with Jost and then get ready”

“Cool, see you”

I walked to my motorhome and for a moment I feel like everybody was looking at me in a weird way. I ignored it and changed in my race suit getting race before the race. The reunion got cancelled and the FIA scheduled for a little debrief, weird.

 As I go inside the room, I am looking for Alex, seems that everybody is in a rush. Being in front row in Mónaco is a big achievement and being in a Williams is like touching gold, so I can mess this up

“Alice...Al...¡Alice!” Alex is shaking my shoulder. Lando and Daniel, who are in front of us, are looking at me trying to gain my attention

“What...I get lost in my thoughts, sorry” I look around and every driver where looking at me “Why is everybody looking at me? For the record, I got a shower in the morning” The looks in their eyes are the same when my mom told that my hamster died when I was 8 years old...

No

Not that look

I’m not ready

I’ve never been

“We need you in your motorhome then you decide if you want to race” started Lewis with a sad expression on his face

“What ever it is...I’m okay if you tell me...I mean, we tell each other our stuff...sometimes...I...I” Alex take my hand and squeeze it, his eyes are a bit watery, so are Lando’s, so as Pierre’s, so as Sebastian’s

So as mine

No

I wanna run from here

“Tell me already, I can deal with your faces right now as much as I love you all” Sebastian was crying, Alex’s face is something that I would never forget and his next words were like a whisper, an arrow to my heart, worst that a heartbroken.

I got up, ignoring their voices, their screams, I have no place to go, my legs are functioning alone. It’s still raining and the way to the paddock is alone, no one and there’s tears running down, I looked to the grey sky and then to my feet

What now?

I sit on the floor, looking to knowhere. Being a thousand kilometers far from home and being an only child and deciding to leave was the greatest sacrifice for my mom, saying goodbye and know, all that distance just for set myself in my biggest dream, but she’s not here today and she’s not going to be tomorrow

Not anymore

How is it now that somehow I am felling like the biggest looser?

Like, doesn’t matter anymore.

“I’m sorry mom, forgive me. But I know that I have to let you go. I'm giving up and... and I guess this is where we say goodbye, I hope to be alright, someday I'll be fine, it’s just... not tonight” I heard a lot of steps and the boys where standing in front of me with their umbrellas and Carlos have a bouquette of red roses, Yuki offers me his hand so I can stand.

Charles look at me “We are with you and even If you feel you’re alone, you’re wrong. You have 19 brothers that are going to hold your hand till the day we die. We know how close you were, we knew her and she loves you”

“She’s proud, so are we” Said Sebastian “It’s not correct for me to send you racing today but If you feel strong enough to do it for her, we’re with you, If not...well, we’re still with you, till the end of the line”

I look at them. I still have a home, they’re home

“Promise me to stay?” I asked 

“Always” All of them start hugging me and telling me that they are here for me and more lovely words. 

“Boys, It’s race time. Let’s go” I smiled and headed with Alex to our garage. I changed my suit and get ready. This is for mom, Even if i get in the bottom, this is for my number one fan. My get in the car and thumbs up to everybody. I’m okay, I’m okay

I’ll be okay

“Radio check”

“Loud and clear” I answered to Andrew, my race engineer, 

“Okay Alice, let’s do what you do best, I give you my condolences and I tell you that this is your race, do it for your mom, today she’s looking after you...as always, kid” 

“Thank you. My mom is now an angel, let’s get that P1” I smiled and the moment we expected, lights out.

With an end time of 01:13:521, I passed the chekered flag and all of the screams of the fans and my team holding a big board with my mom’s name on it and a P1. This is definitelly a race to remember. There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief, my mom is gonna be forever, even she can’t call me as she ever did or wait for me at the airport, her memory and all the time she spend taking care and helping me is something that stays.

I placed the car in front of the P1, I go out of the car and put my hands in my face, not realizing this and I saw everybody clapping at me, Checo and Lewis, stand by my side and in the big screen located at the podium a photo of my mom was present. I kneel crying. Lewis kneel by my side and then hug me, Checo did the same, I look up and the rest of the boy were there with happy faces.

I look at Lewis, we took off out helmets and balaclavas. I smiled and run to hug my team. Everybody  is cheering, joyful. I run to the boys and hug Max and then all of them join

“My home is here, thank you” 

“Anytime, A” said Mick

“Lovely and cheessy but someone needs a shower” said George and we started laughing. “Go for your trophy miss” 

“What a way to kill the moment George” Alex said, he hug me and jump with me “I must be a wizard, Mrs. P1″

“First of many, you’ll see” I follow Checo and Lewis to the podium. I look up to the sky, how gratefull I am for living my dream, being the best on it. And still...she’ll always be here. I shake the champagne and enjoy the moment with the others. My second family is here, smiling at me, clapping, cheering, laughing, all the happy ways to show me how much I mean to them.

At the end

Home is  were my 19 brothers are. And I’m glad that I’m always there

[anyablackwood]

Writing Share Tag

Thanks @mysticstarlightduck for the tag! The goal of this is to just share a piece of writing, so I'll be sharing an excerpt of an unnamed new WIP lmao.

"8 a.m. Some girl’s heartbroken warbling is the first thing to greet me at the start of the day. At some point, it was my favorite song, but somewhere along the line I’d developed a Pavlovian rage response to the snappy beat and angsty lyrics. It would be nice if I could replace it. My eyes water as I fight to pry them apart beneath the layer of sleep gunk. It didn’t feel worth it sometimes, to bother getting up and going about my life. But if there’s one thing I’ve never grown accustomed to, it’s hunger.

I stumble through my routine in my half-awake haze. Teeth, face, hair, clothes. I’m downstairs before my eyes are fully open. As much as I hate going hungry, I’m not excited for breakfast. It’s all just mouthfuls of ash. A glance at the clock says it’s 8:15. I leave a wicker basket filled with blankets on my window sill, then get started on breakfast. Buttered toast and tea. 8:30. The bird’s nest sitting precariously atop the edge of my roof falls and lands in the basket. The eggs are unharmed. I bring them in. 

9 a.m., I pack my bag. The weather report says it’ll be sunny out. I grab my umbrella. The landline rings. I ignore it. I don’t bother locking the door as I leave. Next door, my neighbor’s getting ready to mow her perfectly-manicured lawn. She smiles, all teeth, and comes over to greet me. I’m on my bike before she can get a word in. The last thing I want is to get stuck in conversation with her. By 9:30, I’m in the grocery store. The fluorescent overhead lights buzz and flicker as I fill my bag with random snacks, power-walking through the aisles. The 16-year-old clerk tries to call out to me, but I leave without paying. He doesn’t get paid enough to chase me, and I need to be out before 10:15. I don’t like getting shot. I’m gone before the robber even arrives in the parking lot. By 10:30, I’m at the edge of the woods.

It’s stupid. It’s so fucking stupid, but there really isn’t anything else I can do. The trees loom over me, warning, beckoning. It’ll end the same as it always does, but they invite me to try again all the same. Maybe it’ll be different this time. Maybe the 10,000th time’s the charm. Maybe I’ll fail again, the way I have hundreds of times before, and some cosmic entity will laugh as I get up at 8 a.m. and do it all fucking over again. 

I head into the treeline."

Gently Tagging: @nemaliwrites, @disastardly, @amaiguri, and anyone else who wants in!

[soshiharin]

wine and makeup wipes

summary: in which harin deals with the aftermath of her breakup

set: late june 2017

word count: 3.0k

warnings: swearing, mention of periods, food, throwinf up and alcohol, crying

an: it’s not fun and games here. words in bold and italics are italian and words in bold are english. feedback and reblogs are much appreciated 💐

harin’s masterlist

“Knock, knock,” Seohyun said as she leaned against the door.

Harin looked up from the book she was reading, smiling as she saw her youngest member. “Dearest, you’re here?” She asked, shifting against the headboard.

Seohyun fully entered the room, pulling a suitcase behind her. “For the next two weeks. I think the other unnies are going to come tomorrow since we’re having a lot of dance practices for the comeback and fanmeet.”

Harin sighed. “There goes my peace,” she joked. Since the only members that lived in the dorm full time were her, Tiffany, Sunny and Taeyeon, she had gotten used to peace and quiet. “It’s a good thing I got a king bed, isn’t it?” She asked as Seohyun plopped herself on the bed.

“It is,” Seohyun agreed. “The other bed was queen, right?” Harin nodded. “This one will be big enough for the three of us. We’ll be able to roll around however we feel like.”

“Yeah. Hyoyeon can do her thing, you can do your thing and I can do my thing.”

Seohyun stretched her limbs out, touching Harin’s foot with her fingers. “It’s so soft,” she mumbled. “I could fall asleep right now.”

Smiling at her member, Harin nudged her with her foot. “Don’t fall asleep. You’re going to mess with your sleep schedule.”

“Okay, okay.” She wiggled a little bit, putting her head on a pillow Harin offered her. She watched as Harin focused again on her book, noticing something. “Unnie, you have to move your eyes when you read.”

Harin grinned. “Yeah… Thanks for the reminder.”

Seohyun studied her a little longer. “Are you okay, unnie?”

Harin’s eyes widened slightly, surprised by Seohyun’s question. She scoffed lightly. “Of course I am. Why’d you ask?”

Seohyun sat up, turning to face Harin. “I don’t know–” she shrugged– “, but lately you’ve been acting a bit weird. Like you leave every twenty minutes when we have dance practices, you’re more quiet than usual, and you don’t even break into song anymore. Plus, you’re bending the pages of your book.”

Harin’s fingers stopped fiddling with the edge of the page of the book she was reading. Closing the book and putting it down next to her, she sighed. “You know me really well.”

“Of course! I’ve been your roommate for a long time. Hyoyeon unnie would also know that something’s off.”

“Well, everything’s… Everything’s fine,” she reassured Seohyun, playing with the material of her pants as she looked at her member, “I’m just… dealing with heartbreak.”

She watched as Seohyun realised what she was saying. The younger girl’s eyes widened slightly as she made a soft ‘Ah’ sound. Her eyes flicked around Harin’s face, trying to gauge how Harin felt from her facial expressions. Seohyun had always been intentional with her words.

“...How? I mean, why– What happened?” Seohyun asked, moving to sit next to Harin.

“Um, he broke up with me.” Harin shrugged. “Now I’m dealing with the aftermath.”

“Are you okay?”

“Well, I’m heartbroken… so, no.”

Seohyun leant her head on Harin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, unnie.”

“It’s okay, darling. I just need to ride it out.”

“Why did he break up with you, though? Everything seemed so well between you two. I thought you’d be like Sooyoung unnie and Kyungho oppa.”

“Me too, but… Whatever. It’s over, it happened, it ended. That’s that.”

Seohyun nodded and wordlessly took hold of Harin’s hand. “You want me to read your book? It can be like an audiobook,” she volunteered, reaching over Harin to take the book. “I’m a good reader, you know?” She bragged, opening the book as she sat up straight with a confident smile on her face.

Harin bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. “You’re one of the best readers I know.”

“That’s right!” Seohyun finished shifting, settling comfortably against the headboard. Since she was done moving, she focused on the book, her smile falling from her face immediately. “Unnie, I can’t read this.”

“Why not?”

“This is in Italian!”

The members took a break from going over the choreography for Genie. Since it had been a while since they last performed the song, they had to relearn the dance for their upcoming fanmeet.

“I’m coming back,” Harin announced as she rushed out of the practice room, not waiting to hear if anyone would stop her.

“Where does she keep going?” Hyoyeon asked, lying on the ground. “It’s the third time she’s left.”

Yoona walked to sit on the couch in the back of the room. “Maybe she’s on her period.”

“She’s been doing this for more than two weeks, though,” Taeyeon noted before taking a sip of her water. “And her period doesn’t last two weeks.”

“Yuri-yah, did she mention anything to you?” Tiffany asked, nudging Yuri in the ribcage as they plopped themselves on the couch. She knew how Harin would usually go to Yuri with her concerns.

Yuri shook her head. “She didn’t mention anything to me.”

Seohyun’s eyes shifted uneasily as the members kept trying to figure out why Harin kept on leaving the practice room so often. She noticed that their dance teacher had just left the room to get coffee, leaving only the members in the room. “Unnies!” She whisper-shouted, causing them to quiet down. She motioned for them to go to where she was sitting in front of the mirror, the seven women immediately going to their maknae.

“I don’t even know if Harin unnie would be okay with me telling you this,” Seohyun started, “but I think you deserve to know. Even though it has nothing to do with you,” she added as an afterthought.

“What is it?” Sunny asked, retying her ponytail.

“Dongwook oppa broke up with unnie,” Seohyun told them.

Sooyoung gasped. “What? When?”

Seohyun shrugged. “I don’t know, she told me a few days ago, but didn’t say when it happened.”

“Did she say why they broke up?”

“Nope. Just said she was heartbroken.”

Tiffany sat down next to Seohyun. “So, do you think she’s been leaving practice to cry?”

“It can’t be–” Yuri shook her head– “her eyes aren’t watery or anything like that.

“Whatever it is she’s doing,” Yoona started, “let’s not treat unnie differently.”

“We’ll just wait for her to tell us,” Sunny agreed. “Until she’s ready.”

They all agreed before dispersing around the room again. Harin returned just before their dance teacher. She put her hands in the pocket of her sweatpants to hide how they were shaking slightly, not noticing how her members kept sneaking glances at her.

She did, however, notice how the mood in the room had dropped slightly.

It had been a tough couple of weeks.

Harin had practice for Girls’ Generations’ comeback almost everyday, finished her latest show dates for Maybe Happy Ending and had to mull over her contract renewal. Also, she got dumped. So, when the members suggested having a drink one night, she immediately agreed.

She wasn’t one to drink often — there was a history of alcoholism in her family —, but as she sat against the front of the couch, she found herself reaching for her fourth can of beer. Her members exchanged worried looks over her head, Hyoyeon reaching to stop Harin.

“Let me drink,” Harin whined, dodging Hyoyeon’s hand.

“At least eat some of the chicken before you make yourself sick,” Hyoyeon argued as Sunny handed Harin a fried chicken wing.

Harin rolled her eyes, putting the can back on the table, accepting the chicken Sunny was holding out to her. She took a bite, exaggerating it to please her members. “Are you happy?”

“So happy,” Sooyoung replied, sitting on the other side of the couch.

Tiffany nodded from beside Sooyoung. “Finish that chicken wing and you can drink half of that beer.”

Yoona suddenly groaned, covering her nose. “Who farted?”

“Was it you?” Yuri asked from behind Harin on the couch. She poked Harin’s head.

“Why do you always think it’s me?” Harin muttered, taking a bite of her chicken.

“Because you fart and then don’t say anything,” Taeyeon answered from her position on the floor in the middle of the U-shaped couch. “You keep forgetting it has a scent.”

“Well, it wasn’t me. It was probably the one on my left that keeps scrunching her face.” She pointed at Hyoyeon, who immediately relaxed her facial muscles.

Sooyoung yelled, “Yah!”

“I didn’t think it would smell bad!” Hyoyeon defended herself.

“Harrinie’s the only one that can use that excuse,” Sunny argued from the other side of Harin.

Yoona agreed, “She’s the only one that can’t smell.”

“You should’ve been born without the ability to smell if you were going to give such excuses,” Harin said, reaching for her beer as she unknowingly started speaking Italian.

Seohyun sighed. “Unnie, English or Korean please.”

“Whatever,” she muttered, sipping her beer.

Tiffany sighed. “It’s been so long since we just, like, sat and talked with each other. Because lately, we’ve been practising, practising, practising and when we get to the dorm, we just immediately go to bed.”

“Right,” Yuri agreed.

“How’s everyone doing?”

Sunny snorted. “Sooyoung’s busy filming her drama, Tiffany’s as enthusiastic as ever, Yoona recently finished filming her drama, Taeyeon finished her tour, Seohyun is doing her drama, Yuri is living a happy life, I’m doing variety shows, Hyoyeon just released a single and Harin’s hu– Um, she– She’s, um, en– enjoying her life,” she summarised, sniffling out of embarrassment when she was done.

Harin squinted her eyes, noticing how Sunny stumbled over her words when she got to her. She looked at her members, all of them pretending to not be looking at her. She put her can on the coffee table in front of her, thinking back to earlier that evening, how all of the members seemed to have their radars focused on her.

When she had plopped herself on the floor, Hyoyeon, Sunny and Taeyeon followed her lead wordlessly. Yuri had positioned herself behind her and played with Harin’s hair; brushing and brushing it out. Tiffany would glance her way when the characters in the movie they had been watching would do anything romantic, Yoona immediately complaining about how many kissing scenes there were. Sooyoung had ordered chicken from the restaurant Harin liked for them all to share. Seohyun bought the beer brand that Harin liked so they could drink.

She sighed, frowning slightly. “Judging by your behaviour, I’m gonna assume you know I’m single.”

Yuri gasped. “What? No!”

“What are you talking about?” Hyoyeon asked, feigning ignorance.

“Sunny unnie, I told you not to make it obvious!” Seohyun whined. “We said we’d wait for unnie to tell us all.”

“I��m sorry,” Sunny apologised. “It almost flew out–” she made a gesture of words escaping her mouth– “, I tried to make it seem natural.”

Harin nodded endearingly. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m single, everyone.” She did jazzhands. “Let’s not ma–”

“Ah, Harin-ah!” Tiffany whined, feeling empathy for her friend. “How are you holding up?”

“Horribly,” Harin deadpanned. “But I feel like I’m at the end of it and I’m going to move on soon and get over it.”

“You must be getting tipsy,” Yuri commented as she played with Harin’s hair. Whenever Harin was on her way to getting drunk, she would lose control of her ability to control the language she was speaking in.

Harin rolled her eyes. “Whatever. But don’t, like, worry about me because I’m fine.”

“Unnie, you said you were heartbroken,” Seohyun reminded her.

“I don’t remember that. Don’t gaslight me.”

“Harin, you’re drinking. Heavily,” Taeyeon said, her voice taking a serious edge. “You’re not fine.”

“You just said that you were horrible,” Hyoyeon added.

“Yeah, but–” She sighed before inhaling shakily, feeling herself get emotional. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just watch another movie.” She gestured at the TV as she reached for her beer.

A silence took over the room, everyone watching as Harin’s breathing got heavier with frustration. They wanted to help her, but knew that she wouldn’t accept their help as long as she didn’t want to.

“Unnie, you’re allowed to be sad about it,” Sooyoung softly reminded her.

Harin swallowed a lump in her throat, nodding softly. “I know. I’m just tired of crying all the time.”

Sunny put her arm around Harin’s shoulders, feeling the younger girl melt into her body. “Then maybe instead of crying, you can talk to us about it,” she suggested. “Just to see if it works.”

Harin was silent for a few minutes as she tried to regain her composure. “He said we had gone too long without seeing each other. And that he likes spending time with people when he dates them. He first suggested a break, just until after I’m done with Mean Girls, but I didn’t want one. I didn’t see the need, I mean… It wouldn’t be impossible to rearrange our schedules a bit.”

Harin’s voice had been stripped of all its energy, leaving behind a dull, grating sound. “I argued that his schedule was less busy than mine and he could just come to one of the shows for Maybe Happy Ending and he didn’t think that was enough. I, being the person I am, got angry and said there was no reason for us to ever get back together. So, I guess I broke up with him. But, he… accepted it pretty easily, so… Two weeks later and here I am.” She flashed them a forced smile.

“I’m sorry, unnie,” Yoona apologised, genuine care in her voice.

“You deserved better than that!” Tiffany said, suddenly angry. Her loudness caused Harin to raise her head and look at her member.

“She’s right,” Taeyeon agreed, placing a hand on Tiffany’s knee to calm her down. “That was a shit thing of him to do.”

Harin furrowed her eyebrows, feeling a confusing assortment of emotions in her chest. “What?”

Seohyun nodded. “What would make him do that?”

Harin shrugged. “Maybe he… had good intentions,” she mumbled.

“You can’t believe that,” Hyoyeon argued. “You’re devastated right now. There’s no way he did that with good intentions.”

“I–”

“What do you keep leaving practice for?” Sooyoung asked.

Harin’s mouth opened and closed as she hesitated to speak. “... Sometimes, I… I have panic attacks. Other times, I throw up whatever… I ate.”

“Any possible, but unlikely, good intentions he had mean nothing compared to what you’re going through.”

Blinking quickly to deter the tears welling in her eyes, Harin took a deep breath. “I think you’re being a bit harsh on hi–”

“He broke your heart!” Tiffany exploded, standing up with passion. “And you said he didn’t try to stop you when you ended your relationship for good, you’re having panic attacks and you can’t eat without throwing up because of him. He’s… He’s a fucking asshole.”

“He is an asshole,” Sunny agreed. “How could he do that to you?”

“He’s not an asshole,” Harin whispered, struggling to speak because of how emotional she was.

“Harin, he broke your heart,” Yuri argued, “for no reason. If that doesn’t make him an asshole, I don’t know what does.”

“He’s not. He isn’t a bad person. Don’t say that about him. Please,” she pleaded, using her hand to cover her eyes as she broke into tears and sobbed.

Her cries filled the room, her body shaking because of the force of her tears. Sunny tightened her hold on her member, shooting the other women a shocked expression. Tiffany sat down slowly, feeling guilty about her outburst. Seohyun rushed to get some tissues for Harin as Taeyeon spoke up.

“We’re sorry, Harin-ah,” she apologised, a gentleness to her tone as if she were speaking to a child. “It’s just that whenever we’d be sad about a breakup, you’d sit with us and, if we wanted, trash talk the guy with us.” She stopped momentarily as Seohyun handed Harin the tissues she retrieved. “We just wanted to help you feel better.”

Seohyun made an agreeing sound. “We were so… angry because of how hurt you were. We weren’t trying to add to your pain. We’re really sorry, unnie.”

Harin sniffled, trying to calm herself down so she could respond. “I– I love him,” she blubbered. Her members’ hearts broke as they watched Seohyun try to wipe her tears.

Hyoyeon put a reassuring hand on Harin’s shoulder. “Cry as much as you need to, okay? We’ll be here for you until you start to feel better.”

Harin didn’t remember leaving the room, but by the time her crying had quieted down, she was in bed. Seohyun was spooning her from behind, rubbing her back in soothing circles as the other members cleaned up the living room.

“I didn’t know she was that upset,” Yoona said, collecting all the empty cans and bottles.

Sooyoung sighed. “She must’ve been in work mode.”

Tiffany fluffed up the pillows before placing them on the couch again. “I’m so angry at him.”

“We all are,” Sunny told her, groaning as she spoke, “but Harin’s more upset than we thought and isn’t ready to be angry yet.”

“Let’s all ignore our anger,” Yuri suggested as she walked back into the living room after putting the chicken in the fridge. “And if you get too angry, just curse him in your minds.”

“Or out loud,” Tiffany added. “Like, he’s a fucking asshole and I’m going to fight him.”

Taeyeon scoffed. “You don’t know how to fight.”

“But Yuri unnie’s right,” Yoona said. “Let’s keep our anger to ourselves.”

The other members agreed almost immediately. With that new resolve, they continued cleaning the living room before going to their respective rooms.

”Is she asleep?” Hyoyeon whispered as she entered the room, shining her phone torch to cast a light.

Seohyun nodded, whispering back, “She fell asleep a few minutes ago. Cried herself to sleep.”

Hyoyeon sighed as she moved to change into her pyjamas, placing her phone on the dresser. “There’s nothing we can do but be there for her.”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go to sleep Seo Jutaeng,” she said, getting into bed.

Seohyun chuckled softly. “Okay, Hyoraengbanggu.” She shifted in bed so that she was lying down comfortably. “Goodnight, Hareongdeongi,” she whispered in Harin’s ear as Hyoyeon got into bed.

Although Harin had hoped to get some rest as she slept, she spent the whole night dreaming about him — as she did most nights. She dreamed about her time with him and time they could have spent together. The ache she would feel in the morning was worth the momentary euphoria she felt.

tagging: @moongrlz

©️ jang harin