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blogging-thots · 3 years ago

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July 3 2022

Today I worked at the Pizza restaurant and we had two new people (one of them used to work there but came back this month) that came in and one of them was taking tables and the other one was working drive thru (I work drive thru all the time bc I don’t take tables) but today was so slow that we had to take turns with drive thru but the really new girl kept standing near the drive thru window, so it was hard for me to try to work at drive thru too, which I was upset but didn’t say anything bc I didn’t want to be mean and act like I own that position.

I could’ve made $30-40 today but bc that new girl kept being there I only made $20 (not bad bc last week I barely made that much but still tho 😕😕😕)

There’s also a cook there that gets on my nerves sometimes, but he’s been keeping his distance from me lately, which I don’t mind at all bc when he used to bother me a lot, I would be so annoyed and stressed, but he gave me a compliment about my hair being cute when it’s pull up with a hair claw and that it looks good on me and I laughed and was thinking “wtf eww” 😂😂😂 like thanks for the compliment but eww lmao and he thought I was turning red bc of the compliment but f—no I was red bc I was getting hot as f from mopping the floors bc it was so f—- hot in the restaurant bc the AC was kept on 74F and that’s f—- hot for me especially when moving around a lot. Not him thinking I’m getting red from the compliment like bishhhhh in your dreams lmao. 😂😂😂

I go to orientation on July 6, 9AM, and I’m excited/ nervous bc it’s been so long since I’ve been in school and at 3:30PM my college bff 👯‍♀️will pick my up from school and we’ll hangout for a little 😁😊 I wonder if we’ll get uniforms from our program for free or we have to pay (???) I hope we don’t have to bc I’m so brokeeeeee 😢😢😢😢😢

I’m working hard towards having a good future for myself. I want a stable job and financial status, so I don’t have to work a restaurant job and clean toilets like I do now and struggle w/ money like everyday. I never thought my life would get to this point where I’m the only one working and my parents not working bc my mom never worked ever since she came to USA and my dad not being able to work bc he’s not physically flexible like before. I think if we never moved to TX and stayed in CA, I think life would be okay and good enough to live w/o worrying about money and how we’ll pay for bills. I don’t ever want to be kicked out home for not having money to pay rent. Idk what I’ll do if I ended up homeless, living on the streets. My dad’s side doesn’t bother helping financially knowing his physical condition and they have good money to not worry about their financial status. My mom’s side has helped us financially so much that they get mad at us now bc we always ask for money every month, so we can have enough to pay rent and now my grandma cannot help anymore bc business isn’t busy like before. I know when I get my biggest paycheck I will pay my grandma first and then my uncles and will buy grandma delicious foods! My grandma deserves the best and the whole world ! She worked her whole life from young to elderly and deserves the best vacation and time w/ family W/ NO STRESS!! I feel such a burden to her and my family members bc they work hard to make their money and then there’s me and my parents… we are useless people.

Sometimes I want to disappear 🫠🫠🫠 (not die ofc) so I can stop being a burden to others. I feel sometimes that I’m a burden to my bffs even though they say I’m not but I feel they just tell me that so I wouldn’t be sad. I know they love me and I love them too, but sometimes these negative thoughts get to the best of me and causes me to overthink when in reality they probably really care for me. 🫠🫠🫠

Anyways, I hope I can get free books when I apply for this college grant bc books are so expensive like those books can pay for my rent and electricity (WHY ARE COLLEGE BOOKS SO EXPENSIVE?!?!?!??!!! THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL) I also hope I’ll receive a TX GRANT that way it’ll help w/ books & bills (((:

I MUST STAY FOCUS 🧘 AND I PRAY THAT I’LL SOON HAVE A STABLE JOB & INCOME 🙏🙏🙏🙏

(Still looking for a better job w better pay🙃🙃🙃🙃 I’ve been saying that countless times… I’m so picky 😅😅😅)

#blog post #my thoughts #college #life #rants n rambles #rant post #school #student #coworkers #rambles #personal rant #sorry for the rant #rip me i guess #sad boi hours #college student

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that-curly-haired-lesbian · 6 years ago

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The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo + Taylor Swift: a master post - Part 6/6

Hi guys, welcome to the final part of my masterpost regarding parallels between Taylor Swift and Evelyn Hugo, the fictional actress from the book The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo by author Taylor Jenkins Reid!

Before proceeding please be aware that there will be

**MAJOR SPOILERS**

for the book ahead and please also read my disclaimer!

It’s very important that you read these in order so if you haven’t yet go ahead and check out the previous part right here, thank you and enjoy!

When Evelyn starts telling us about beard #6 she reveals that they got married in Joshua Tree (Pg. 295) which is you know, an actual place and all, but my first reaction was (perhaps understandably given this context)

“You got married WHERE, now?!” and then it took me quite a while to stop laughing and honestly, this is kind of too hilarious not to include!

Evelyn also points out on that same page that she wore an ocean-blue dress for the ceremony.

Though Max Girard (beard #6 and legit husband #2) initially starts out as a non-bearding situation (in a desperate attempt to get over Celia) it soon becomes clear that Max doesn’t love Evelyn, he loves Evelyn Hugo™ He loves the idea of her more than the actual person, he loves the famous persona. Evelyn says:

“I didn’t know how to tell him that I loved her too, but I wasn’t her.” (Pg. 298)

This is that age-old debate of Taylor vs. Taylor Swift™. The two are not the same person and sometimes it feels like (het in particular) fans have as hard a time as Max to make that distinction.

Taylor Swift the public persona isn’t Taylor Swift the person and that is perhaps the most true when it comes to Taylor’s actual love life vs. her fabricated one. There might not be a single fact more important to come to terms with in order to understand Gaylor Swift (and her reasons for being closeted) than that simple one. If you feel lost here, please go read this again!

“When you’re known for being gorgeous, you can’ not imagine a faith worse than standing next to someone and falling short.” (Pg. 299)

And all the young things line up to take your place

In a letter to Celia:

“I hope you will forgive me for being so blunt, but how did we make such a mess of it all?” (Pg. 301)

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe

After years of being separated (yet again) Evelyn finally calls Celia and when they discuss the possibility of getting back together without having to hide Evelyn points out that:

“Everything has changed”

And as proof of this change she brings up the fact that Elton John is now proudly out (this part of her story is set in the late 80’s) to which Celia counters with:

“’Elton John doesn’t have a child and a career based on audiences believing he’s a straight man.” (Pg. 303)

Taylor may not have a kid, but she most certainly has a career based on audiences believing she’s a straight woman and that must be freaking terrifying!!

During that phone call Evelyn explains that she never stopped loving Celia and when Celia questions this by pointing out that Evelyn (in a non-bearding way) got married to someone else Evelyn explains:

“’I married him because he helped me forget you,’ I said, “not because I stopped loving you’” (Pg. 304)

He will try to take away my pain And he just might make me smile But the whole time I'm wishin' he was you instead

During a dinner following the phone conversation Evelyn tells Celia:

“I spent my life hiding so no one would knock me off the mountain. Well, you know what? I’m done hiding. Let them come and get me. They can throw me down a well as far as I’m concerned.” (Pg. 313)

When Celia questions if Evelyn really means that Evelyn assures her that she does.

“Any other line of thinking…It’s how I lost you. I don’t want to lose anymore.”

HELL YEAH, EVELYN IS DONE HIDING!! Also, the “I don’t want to lose anymore”-line reminds me of:

Us traitors never win

And what I said about that line in my analysis of Getaway Car:

What she says I think is that people who pick their career over their love life won’t end up being happy, or “winning” at life in the long-run.

When Celia has made absolutely sure that Evelyn is truly ready to give it all up for her this time she suggests that they move to Spain together, she says she wants to spend her final years:

“On a beautiful beach. With the love of a good woman.” (Pg. 314)

Drinkin' on a beach with you all over me

When Evelyn leaves her sixth husband for Celia he is pissed off and threatens to out her and he does, to untrustworthy magazines and anyone who will listen. (No one believes him, but still) (Pg. 319)

The whole divorce is very bitter and the bitterness of it all kind of reminded me of one of Taylor’s particularly bad bearding situations. But when Max goes so far as to basically say he made Evelyn’s career an even worse taste was left in my mouth……………..

In a conversation with Evelyn about their differing degrees of fame Harry says the following:

“I’m only famous because you’re famous, Ev. They don’t care about me or what I’m doing unless it somehow relates to you.” (Pg. 321)

Here we once again have bearding 101, but also it reminded me of someone…

On page 325 Evelyn refers to Harry as:

“My best friend, my family.”

And while this is obviously said platonically between those two it nonetheless made me think of something that I’m honestly still not over Taylor saying about Karlie!!

Towards the end of her career Evelyn meets a young man named Nick, he wants to be an actor and asks Evelyn for advice. She bitterly considers telling him:

“You have to be willing to deny your heritage, to commodify your body, to lie to good people, to sacrifice who you love in the name of what people will think, and to choose the false version of yourself time and time again, until you forget who you started out as or why you started doing it to begin with.” (Pg. 326) (x)

Evelyn’s friend (and beard) Harry dies tragically in a car accident in 1989

While Taylor has always used the motif of cars/car rides in her music there are A LOT of car mentions on 1989, an album many het Swifties seem to believe to be about Harry Styles, interesting…

After Harry’s death Evelyn and Celia move to Spain together and out of the spotlight they finally get to openly be together and Evelyn “chose the rose garden over Madison Square” if you will and she was extremely happy. About her relationship with Celia during that time she says:

“I cherished every moment we had to ourselves, every second I spent with my arms around her.” (Pg. 344)

When I get you alone it’s so simple

I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Evelyn describes her seventh husband and last beard (Celia’s brother) as so charming that most other women were:

“Enchanted by him” (Pg.344)

Oddly specific word choice!

As happy as Celia and Evelyn were at this point in their lives something was hanging over them, Celia was sick and dying. Evelyn tells Monique that when Celia promised Evelyn she’d never leave her again:

“We both knew she was making a promise she couldn’t keep.” (Pg. 346)

Brokeeeeee the sweetest promISEEE that you neverrrrr should have MADEEE

Listen to that you guys, that’s my goddamn heart breaking!!!

CELIA AND EVELYN’S WEDDING SCENE (pg. 347-349) IS SUPER SWEET!!!!!! A fun little detail is that New York (which is as we’ve previously established significant to the Kaylor relationship as well as the Evelyn and Celia one) was made relevant in a scene taking place in Spain (Celia’s shirt)

ALSO allow we to go into crazy fanfic territory here, but can’t you just IMAGINE the “we can get married”-conversation happening between Taylor and Karlie when same-sex marriage became legalized nationwide????

All wlw just want a wife #ConfirmedOnPage349

Seriously, if you wanna be punched in the feels today go read the wedding scene and imagine Kaylor in Evelyn and Celia’s place. (No one is sick in the Kaylor version, but they are deeply closeted and still at the height of their careers) oh, my fragile, gay heart!!

When Celia does die from her illness Evelyn describes her reaction with:

“I fell to the floor.” (Pg. 350)

I'm HERE on the KITCHEN flooOOOOr

Don’t TOUCH MEEEEEE

After Celia’s death Evelyn truly stops hiding in the closet:

“I could not keep my true self from coming out.” (Pg. 353)

“It cost so much, caring. I didn’t have any currency to spend on it.” (Pg. 354)

“People were still easily distracted from seeing how I felt about Celia St. James, but this time was different because I wasn’t hiding anything. The truth had been there for them to grab if they’d paid attention.”

“But of course they got it wrong. They never did care about getting it right. The media are going to tell whatever story they want to tell. They always have. They always will.”

To me this is the essence of the Reputation era, Taylor having realized that she can’t make the media she the truth so she just avoids them and tells the truth to those of us who are paying attention. This time it’s different, because she isn’t hiding anything.

There will be no further explanation. There will be just reputation

Evelyn saying it made her happy to spend money on her loved ones (Pg. 356) makes me think of Taylor being so extra with the fans ❤

“No one is just a victim or a victor. That’s Evelyn Hugo for you, somewhere in the middle.” (Pg. 366)

“She’s painfully human to me now.” (Pg. 371)

Is that Monique saying that about Evelyn Hugo after finding out her true life story or is it me saying it about Taylor Swift after falling down the Gaylor rabbit hole? No one knows for sure…

“Evelyn is going to die when she wants to and she wants to die now.” (Pg.375)

I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now (Ooh, look what you made me do) Why? (Look what you made me do) Oh, 'cause she's dead!

in the death of her reputation she felt truly alive

The huge difference between the death of Taylor Swift and the death of Evelyn Hugo is that Evelyn’s death is literal and Taylor’s is figurative.

Despite this Evelyn’s death is somehow every bit as cinematic as Taylor who just recently killed off her reputation in order to feel truly alive. They’re both still doing it on their own terms, literally controlling the narrative that is their lives up until their last breaths (figurative as well as literal)

“Evelyn trusts me with her story. Evelyn trusts me with her death.” (Pg. 377)

Just as Taylor is trusting us with the death of her false reputation and the truth of her actual story and narrative.

“The tears that come out of me feel as if they were decades in the making. It feels as if some old version of me is leaking out, letting go, saying good-bye in the effort of making room for a new me. Somehow both more cynical about people and more optimistic about my place in the world” (Pg. 377-378)

Okay so this is a lot and it hit me right in the heart! I can only imagine this is just how Taylor felt when she decided that killing of her old reputation and public image was the right move. After everything that happen to her just before she decided to take a break to figure that stuff out (and everything that has happened for her entire career as far as bearding and hiding goes)I bet those tears felt decades (or at least a decade) in the making when they finally came. After all she’s been through in the industry since the age of 16 it’s no wonder if she feels cynical about people, but after taking the break to figure it out and deciding to COME out I’m sure she also feels optimistic now that she’s on the road to being herself publicly. She’s found her place in this world as out and proud and now she’s working towards getting to that place every day.

All these years she’s just been trying to find a place in this world and oh, Taylor, I am so glad you’ve found it! ❤

It must be such a relief to have made up your mind, to not have to be afraid anymore.

“There’s still so much I don’t know about my father. Maybe he was gay. Maybe he saw himself as straight, but in love with one man. Maybe he was bisexual. Or a host of other words. But it really doesn’t matter, that’s the thing.” (Pg. 380)

This is an interesting quote, to Evelyn the word bisexual mattered a lot and to Celia the word lesbian did, as for Monique’s father we don’t know what he would have said on the matter concerning his own identity because he’s been dead since long before the book started. Ultimately Monique comes to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter what her father would’ve identified as, as long as she knew he loved her (which it has been shown throughout the book that he undeniably did.)

In the same way we could argue all day about whether Taylor is gay or bi or straight or a “a host of other words” for the time being we’re in much the same position as Monique, Taylor hasn’t told us and it’s not like we can just ask her, but does it matter? We all love Taylor and we know that she loves us. Her being in love with women and writing her songs about them instead of the men we were lead to believe were her muses doesn’t change that. In the end it’s not a big deal whether Taylor is gay or straight, we still love her, we came for her music that we related to and loved and then we ended up staying for Taylor, the person, because we fell in love with her and her storytelling. Who she loves doesn’t change that. We love her and she loves us and that’s all that matters.

On page 382 GLAAD is mentioned by name as an organization that Evelyn gave most of her fortune to after her death.

The piece Monique ends up writing about Evelyn for Vivant summarizes the main theme of the both and to me it also summarizes what Gaylor Swift is about:

The TRUTH behind the SCANDAL that was her love life.

(Pg. 385)

And now for the final piece in this puzzle

And all our pieces fall Right into place

🌈 🌈 🌈

Thank you SO much for reading all of these masterposts, I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed reading that amazing book and writing all of these parts!

#tshoeh #tshoeh spoilers #the seven husbands of evelyn hugo #gaylor swift #kaylor #masterpost

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