#i’m probably going to edit this post n add a short hair version later

[starphenie]

they were nerfed. justice for the night order shawty baes

[krabjoons]

book it [knj]

⮕ summary: back to school shopping. two people. one book. what could go wrong? a lot of things, actually. but then again, some things could also go right.

⮕ pairing: kim namjoon x reader

⮕ genre: fluff, crack, angst, bookstore!au, college!au, a condensed version of enemies to lovers

⮕ word count: 3.9k

⮕ rating: pg-13

⮕ warnings: mild cursing, the slightest references to what happens at a frat party

⮕ a/n: okay first things first, aAAAHHHH dynamite came out! and it’s an absolute bop (and record breaker)! so i decided to post my very first piece of writing in celebration. and also, because it’s that time of year again, you know, back to school season (yay? idk), i decided to use that as the theme to this drabble. hope you guys enjoy! :-D

p.s. if you wanna talk to bookstore!namjoon or bookstore!y/n, feel free to do so here!

okay so

maybe it wasn’t exactly the best idea you’ve had to go back to school shopping literally ONE week before school starts

you can’t help it! you’ve just naturally been a procrastinator. there’s nothing you can do about it

well, there actually are lots of things you can do about it, but you’ll get to it later (haha, get it?)

anYWAYS

you’ve finished all of your supply shopping and almost all of your book shopping

keyword being almost

you would’ve got everything except barnes and noble didn’t have one of your textbooks

hoW?!?! isn’t barnes and noble a giant bookstore retail chain? how can they have literally every book you can think of exCEPT the very one you need?!?!

and you’ve gone to other bookstores too but they don’t have your book either

today is just not your day

so you’ve decided to take a look at one more place before you have to turn to the online edition of your textbook

which really isn’t ideal because after two minutes you’ll probably “accidentally” end up scrolling endlessly through your instagram feed

so in short, if you want to pass this course, you really, really need this textbook. like, a lot

you pull up to a cute little bookstore, nestled in between a starbucks and a barber shop

Pied Piper Books, it reads. cute.

you push the door open and are immediately welcomed with the smell of warm vanilla. bells on top of the door jingle to alert the (cute) guy at the front desk to your presence

“hi! welcome to pied piper books. i’m jimin, how can i help you today?” he asks with a grin, eyes shifting into happy crescents

“hey, i’m y/n. i was looking for a psychology textbook. um, this one?” you say, holding out your phone to show him the title of the book on your phone

he squints at the screen before nodding eagerly

“oh yeah! there’s a whole rack of psychology textbooks in the back,” jimin exclaims, “you should be able to find it there”

you thank him profusely before strolling to the back of the bookstore, taking in everything around you. there are books of all kinds: nonfiction, historical fiction, fantasy, sci-fi, and more! it’s incredible how this cozy little bookstore has enough variety of books to rival the last barnes and noble you went to

“ah! here it is!” you exclaim when you finally see your textbook in the middle of the shelf

what luck! it’s the last one there, too. you reach your hand out to grab it when, suddenly, another hand bumps into yours

“oh, shoot, sorry!” you hear a smooth, low voice say

you turn to look at who the owner of the voice is and you have to physically concentrate on keeping your jaw from hitting the floor

in front of you is one of the most attractive men you have ever seen in your life

actually, scratch that

in front of you is possibly the most attractive man you have ever seen in your life

he's got honey colored skin and black hair. his burnt umber colored eyes twinkle with the lights of the bookstore. his lips, very plump (and kissable), are forming into a smile

he's smiling at you! 

wait- why does that smile look kind of weird?

now that you're getting back to your senses, you realize he's giving you one of those tight-lipped smiles, not a genuine one. and his hand is slowly tightening on the book you have your hands on as well

"um," you're not sure how to phrase this because:

1) there's a vERY handsome guy nearly holding your hand

2) said guy isn't looking very fondly upon you right now

3) he's trying to take the boOK YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ALL DAY

so as much as you would like this hunk to see you in a positive light, you would like to pass your psych course a lot more

"i, uh, i really need this book. like, a lot. for a course? that i need to pass. yeah. so this book is gonna help me pass. and i need it. a lot. yup," you blabber

what? it's not your fault this (very attractive) guy is making you all flustered

he nods slowly and smirks, making heat rush to your cheeks

"that sounds really fun," he drawls. "but i need this book too. i mean, isn't it fascinating how the human mind works? i'd love to read this book, especially once i get out of class."

is he being serious right now? he's got to be kidding… right? no sane human being just reads a textbook for fun

"oh, yeah. very funny. but out of all the other textbooks here, why choose this one?" you say, rolling your eyes, attempting to yank the book to your chest

unfortunately, you're not as strong as you hoped because Textbook Boy didn't seem to budge at all

that's when you see his arms

long story short, they're very attractive. and his hands, too. are those rings you see? um, is it getting hot in here?

gulping, you add on, "plus, what kind of lame person chooses to read a textbook instead of, i don't know, an actual book?" keeping your eyes trained on his hands holding the book, inches aways from yours

he chuckles. "wow," he remarks as you finally look into his eyes, "do you not know what sarcasm is? of course i'd rather read something carl jung has written over whatever pearson has published here. i need this for my psychology class too, sherlock," he shakes the book that the two of you are holding

did he just insult you? of cOURSE you know what sarcasm is. you're the queen of sarcasm. novices tremble in your wake. who does this guy think he is?

"well, i'm not going to just give up this textbook. i spent all day looking for it! can't you just go somewhere else?" you groan out, running your free hand through your hair in frustration. you miss the way that his face softens for a second before returning back to its original determined appearance

"sorry, but as much as you need this textbook, i do too. i have class next week and-" he begins before you cut him off

"wait, do you go to seoul national university?" you ask, to which he nods uneasily. if he ends up wrenching the textbook out of your hands sometime later today (because it doesn't look like you're going to let go of it anytime soon with the death grip you've got on it right now), you're not going to follow him back to his dorm and kill him just to get a textbook, are you?

he didn't think you were mental upon first glance, but now he's starting to change his mind. maybe going on another long search in other stores for the textbook (that he'll probably have to end up purchasing online anyway) is worth it if he comes out alive at the end of the school year

"oh, cool! i go there too. so do you have professor lee for psych, then? i have him. i'm so glad he didn't give us summer work. like other professors i have assigned so much stuff for us to do. i'm happy that-" you start rambling again, making the guy smile and shake his head

"yeah, i have professor lee. and i also need this book," he lamely tugs at it again. you pout and are about to say something when someone interrupts him

"well, well, well. what do we have here?" jimin saunters over, taking note of Textbook Boy and you. specifically your guys' hands and how close together they are

“i came over because i thought i heard some yelling. but you two look, um, busy right now. glad to see you resolved any issues,” he teases after seeing the two of your flushed faces

“no, jimin, we actually do have a problem-” Textbook Boy begins before getting cut off by jimin

"you know namjoon, when you asked me for a book, i didn't know you were also meeting your lady friend here,” jimin interjects, wiggling his eyebrows at you teasingly, making you even more embarrassed than before

so his name is namjoon

wait, as in kim namjoon?!

like THE kim namjoon?!?!?!

you’ve heard a lot about him before but never seen him in person yet. (what? is it really that bad of a thing that you prefer binge-watching netflix over social interaction?)

he’s one of the most popular guys on SNU’s campus. the guy that everyone swoons over, boys and girls alike. beauty, brains, and brawns, kim namjoon’s got it all. the perfect friend group, the perfect wardrobe, the perfect life. he’s got everything

well, almost everything. just not this textbook, and you’ll be darned if you go down without a fight

“okay, wait. there’s been a misunderstanding. i’m not his lady friend. i need this textbook for my psych class. like right now,” you explain

so let’s think

if you just yank the book out of namjoon’s hands, run through the aisle and dodge jimin (who might side with namjoon because you’ve heard they’re in the same frat), the book could be yours. if you’re lucky, you can run up to the front desk and see if anyone else is there so you can pay and leave before namjoon and jimin catch up to you

taking in a deep breath, you decide to bring your plan into fruition

namjoon's talking right now: "jimin, you know how much i need this book, man. come on, man. i mean, we're bros. who helped you pass midterms last year? me, right?"

great, now's your chance!

you yank the book to your chest and start to run, when all of a sudden-

"hey, wha- oOF!" namjoon exclaims as you try to run away from him, suddenly tightening his grip on the book, but it's too late. the tug you gave on it sends him flying into you

“what the- OW!” the two of you begin to drop to the ground. bracing yourself for the fall, you close your eyes in anticipation and land with a thud, book clutched to your chest, and back on the ground. not the most comfortable fall, but definitely better than face planting

when you open your eyes, you nearly shriek

positioned right above you, staring into your eyes with a dazed look, is namjoon

you’re under him. like, not even in a frat party or anything! in the middle of a bookstore out of all places!

eyes widening, you push him off of you, quickly scrambling away and look at jimin sheepishly, who watched the whole ordeal go down. if you were embarrassed at being caught holding the same book, you’re downright mortified right now and ready to crawl into the nearest hole

“okAY! so uh, i’ll leave you two to whatever it is you guys are doing. uh, but just hold in all your desires till you guys get home. this is a public space, after all.” jimin teases, eyebrows raised and inching slowly to the front desk where he wouldn’t have to see whatever the two of you would do next

it’s strange, jimin thinks to himself. namjoon’s never mentioned a girl to their frat before, but here he is, cozying up to y/n. weird. he shakes his head with a soft smile and continues on his way

oh no

so now you’re back to square one

alone with namjoon

and the textbook

did you forget to mention that you’re alone with namjoon?

it was much easier when you didn’t know who he was and could talk smack in front of him, but now? now you’re a lot more nervous

because you fought with THE kim namjoon over a textbook. SNU’s kim namjoon. and then you essentially pulled him on top of you in front of his friend. and on top of that, you still haven’t got your book yet

who knows? if jimin and namjoon are friends that could mean namjoon gets a preference, and thus, the textbook. they could make fun of you afterwards and you’d be forever known as the lunatic who tried to seduce namjoon to get a textbook. ouch. not a pretty picture.

for the first time, things are starting to look bleak

“uh, so we can totally pretend that didn’t happen. no worries,” namjoon chuckles, scratching the back of his neck in a combination of nervousness, embarrassment, and shyness. you can now see his dimples, which means he’s probably giving you a genuine smile, but you still can’t help but feel bad

tucking your knees into your chest and placing your chin on top of them, you whisper out, “i’m sorry.”

you squeeze your eyes shut and continue, “i really shouldn’t have done that. i didn’t mean to make you fall.  like i just- i’ve been looking for this book everywhere, you know? and when i just found it, i guess i got way too excited. by the way, i didn’t mean to offend you with whatever i said. it’s just, you know that i have a tendency to- “

“ramble, i know. really, y/n you’re fine. i get it. i’ve been freaking out over this book too,” namjoon consoles you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

you nod weakly

“hey,” he continues, “how about this? we share the book instead. we anyway both have professor lee, so this method could be easier, you know? plus, we can share notes too.”

regaining your senses, you snort, “no offense joon, but i barely know you. it’s cool if we share things, but let’s start small and just share class. i don’t know how much of you i can tolerate.”

you meant for that to be a joke. can he tell? oh god, that was not good timing. you were literally having a breakdown a couple minutes ago. does namjoon have the same sense of humor as you? does he even have a sense of humor?

“for your information, yes i do have a sense of humor. you were thinking out loud by the way,” namjoon mentions dryly when you look at him in confusion. “and ‘joon’? we’re making nicknames for each other already, baby? i thought we’d wait till at least the second date. are we counting this one as our first?” okay, so now he’s pulling your leg

wait, kind of literally

his hand (the one that was around your shoulders at first) is now resting at his side. and because the two of you are sitting against a bookshelf next to each other, it’s now slightly brushing against your thigh

you stare in shock. THE kim namjoon touching you??!?! not sure if this is a blessing or a curse

“oh shit, sorry. my bad,” he finally notices after following your line of vision after seeing you gape at your legs.

great, now you’re going to think that he’s a creep! just because he’s popular on campus and in a frat doesn’t mean he likes to spend his free time feeling up girls

plus, he wants to make a good impression on you, as crazy as it sounds. he’s heard about you before, and you’re one of the smartest people on campus, staying holed up in your dorm to study rather than go to a party

(he doesn’t know about your crippling netflix addiction that you disguise immaculately. no one does, thankfully)

plus, you’re pretty and, although he would never admit it to your face, funny

anYWAYS

so what if he has a teeny-weensy crush on you? it’s not even that big of one. it’s so tiny. the smallest. not even there

yup

namjoon doesn’t have a crush on you

spoiler alert: he’s wrong about that

and you definitely don’t have a crush on him either

spoiler alert: he’s wrong about that too

so the reason why his heart skips a beat whenever you make eye contact with him is definitely a coincidence and not because he has a crush on you

right?

spoiler alert, again: wrong

he clears his throat, “sorry, you can have the book. i’ll just buy it online, i guess”

you pout and start to argue because you still feel a bit guilty, but he stands up and offers you a hand, which you look at hesitantly but still take

“you’re not gonna like, pull a WWE superstar move on me are you?” you joke

“who says i won’t?” he smirks at you, while pulling you up closer toward him

the sound of footsteps round the corner, probably jimin, and the two of you break apart before anyone can catch the two of you in another compromising position

an excited voice exclaims, “goOD NEW GUYS! i found an extra copy in the back! wow, i mean, that’s SUCH a coincidence! what great news!” jimin waves a textbook in his hands with a big grin on his face. a little too big of a grin, if you’re being honest

“i DEFINITELY didn’t know that we have extra copies in the back at all times! wow! isn’t this awesome?” he continues

is he JOKING?!??! you know you did NOT just spend this much time fighting for a book you could have had the entire time. and you definitely know that you did not spend a solid fraction of it embarrassing yourself in front of kim namjoon

speaking of namjoon

he doesn’t look so happy with jimin either. his jaw is now clenched and arms are crossed intimidatingly. he glowers at his friend and raises an eyebrow.

wait… that’s kind of hot. if you’re being honest, it’s really hot

"jimin, you're shit at lying, you know?” he says, “what was the real reason you didn’t give us the extra copy ahead of time?”

should jimin tell you guys the truth? well, a part of it wouldn’t hurt. he can already tell the two of you like each other based on your body language and thought leaving the two of you alone would help you two get even closer

he laughs, “no i literally forgot for like the entire beginning of your little argument and then i thought it would be fun to see how it pans out.” the smile on his face turns to a slight grimace as he sees the two of your unamused faces

you turn to namjoon, wondering if he’s thinking of getting “revenge” on jimin like you are. still keeping his eyes trained on jimin, he nods imperceptibly as if the two of you had communicated telepathically

“well, jimin, you did get us to agree. unfortunately, it’s not about the thing you want.” you say in what you hope is an intimidating manner. thankfully, namjoon adds more oomph to your words by cracking his knuckles

“okay, great! while you do that, i’m going to be at the front desk, ready to ring you guys up. you know, actually doing my job? have fun, you two! try to come up with something original and scary if you’re getting your so-called ‘revenge’, won’t you?” jimin grins and ambles off

oh my god, why is he so carefree? it’s lowkey frustrating

when the two of you are alone once again, namjoon turns to you, a question at the tip of his tongue

“so are we gonna beat his ass or what?”

you shake your head and furrow your eyebrows (namjoon finds it endearing that you’re serious about teaching jimin a lesson but he’ll never tell you)

“no, we have to think something out and be clever about it. plus, physical violence isn’t exactly my forte.”

“that’s fine,” namjoon replies, checking the time on his watch. “but it’s getting kind of late right now and i have to get some stuff ready for my frat.” seeing your face fall he adds, “let’s meet up sometime soon though, okay? how about we meet up at the starbucks next door later?”

is this his way of asking you out on a date? you’re kind of in shock at the idea

nonono, don’t overthink it y/n, it’s a casual meetup. casual.

namjoon doesn’t like you! you don’t like him… that much

it’s fine!

“oh! can i have your number then? it’ll be easier for us to communicate,” he adds on, feeling slightly nervous. which is kind of weird because pretty much all other girls on campus would flip their shit if he asked that and say yes without hesitating. but then again, they also don’t accidentally pull him on top of them in the back of a bookstore

who knows? you could say no

“sure,” you stammer out, still in surprise. namjoon hands you his phone to fill out your contact information and you save your name as “y/n :-D”

he lets out a little chuckle at that, simply saying, “cute,” and you swear you can hear your heart combust

the two of you head to the checkout counter, where jimin smiles knowingly at you two

“i’ll be expecting something extraordinary from you nerds,” he teases, to which the two of you roll your eyes

“i’ll catch you later, okay?” you tell namjoon while heading out the door, to which he nods with a dimpled smile. “and thanks for nothing jimin!” you call out, waving at him sarcastically

“you got the book in the end so be grateful!” jimin yells back

before the door completely closes, you hear namjoon threaten jimin, “once we get back to the house, i’m going to beat your ass for real,” to which jimin responds lazily with “sure, but you’ll be thanking me when the two of you start dating.”

you bite your lip to stop laughing. when you open your car door and look down when you see that someone has texted you

from unknown number: well today was certainly interesting… does meeting next week at 3 work for u?

from unknown number: shoot, sorry i forgot to say my name lol. this is namjoon btw

smiling down at your phone, you type back a response

to namjoon: sure! sounds great! c u then :)

you jump in surprise when you hear a noise come from inside the bookstore which seems to be jimin’s voice

“DUDE LOOK, SHE SAID YES!!! SHE’S TOTALLY INTO YOU!”

wow, he’s surprisingly loud. and accurate, too? are you that obvious about your crushes?

“NOW’S YOUR CHANCE, ASK HER IF THIS IS AN OFFICIAL DATE!”

well, it could be your chance too

smirking, you quickly type back a response before namjoon can say anything

you hope you said the right thing

to namjoon: it can be an official date if you want it to be one ;) i know i’d like it that way

setting your phone down, you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you’ve been holding and get into your car

slowly pulling out of the parking lot, you sneak a quick glance into the window of the bookstore and see namjoon staring at his phone in shock with an open mouth and jimin standing next to him, eagerly looking at the screen

jimin catches your eye through the window and winks at you with a smile

okay

so did you say the right thing? fingers crossed you did

your phone buzzes again, indicating someone has texted you (hopefully it’s namjoon)

a big smile breaks out on your face once you pick up your phone

from namjoon: i like the way u think ;)

from namjoon: so it’s on then? an ACTUAL date next week at 3? we can decide on how we’re gonna mess with jimin later lmao

yeah

you definitely said the right thing

[sit-down-businessman]

Note: please go easy on me, this is my first posted fic, ever. Feedback highly welcomed! Will probably get edited later cause I guarantee I forgot something.

I hope to add chapters in the future...not 100% sure where I see this going yet.

************************************

Left Unsaid

Pairing: bakugou x reader

Warnings: cursing, sexual situation implied if you squint hard enough, eventual angst?

**************************************

Life was complicated.

As if that wasn't the most cliche thing possible. But why should you complain? You had almost everything you could want, including growing closer and closer with your boyfriend each passing day. Just about every hobby the two of you had complimented each other in some form.

His love off his Playstation went perfectly with your obsession of watching YouTube gamers.

Your green thumb helped provide fresh herbs and veggies for the dinners he loved to make.

The DSLR camera that rarely strayed from your bag was perfect for capturing pictures of the two of you overlooking the most beautiful views after a long hike.

Katsuki was everything you could have asked for. It was because of that strong connection that you grew worried.

As much as you loved the hot-headed Ground Zero, you knew he wasn't the one.

The first words he said to you did not match the ones so clearly inked on your right wrist. Thick leather straps often adorned that bit; a feeble attempt at denial.

You were head over heels for your man, soul mate be damned. It could be years, decades even, before the possibility of even meeting them.

Big if. Huge if.

You wouldn't let it invade your thoughts too far. The moment you were currently in was close to perfection and you subtly pinched your arm for proof that you were indeed awake.

Laying down across his bed, you watched as Katsuki took his stress out on the trap set in the corner of his room. How not one neighbor complained about the noise was beyond you.

Probably for the fact that he could be somewhat...slightly...intimidating, you figured. You were the only one fully immune to his scathing comments and screaming. He was like a teddy bear to you.

An angry, loud teddy bear.

The silence in the room snapped you from your thoughts. You focused your eyes on Katsuki and saw him staring right back at you. "Am I in those daydreams somewhere?" he asked, setting his beaten drumsticks across his snare.

You gave him a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "Kittens and hand grenades. So, close enough."

He let out a soft, quick chuckle and you saw his eyes flash downwards.

To your wrist.

Somehow during your mind wandering, your left hand had grabbed the leather wrap and was fidgeting with it.

"Am I a feral kitten, at least?"

You sat yourself up on his bed. "You wish. You're the cuddliest, cutest fluffball in the litter." You moved your hand up and ran it through your hair.

"You know," he started, standing up from the drum set and making his way over to you. "If anyone else but you said that, they'd be ash by now." He placed his hands on your hips and your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck.

"I guess we're both lucky I'm me, then." A devious smile played at your lips.

"Very much so," he agreed. "Or what I'm about to do to you next wouldn't be nearly as fun."

And with those words, he showed you why.

Over and over.

*********************************************

The morning sunshine found it's way past the sliver of window not covered by heavy curtains, straight to your face. Letting out a soft groan, you reached your arm behind you, only to find the bed empty.

"Damn you, early bird," you fussed. I wanted morning cuddles.

You heard Katsuki's voice from the living room and mentally calculated the possibility of dragging him back into bed for a lazy day. As your mind finally started to wake up and focus, you could make out your boyfriend's side of the conversation.

"Yeah, I know. It's been forever. Being a Pro Hero takes up most of my time, what's your excuse?"

You rolled your eyes, knowing he was mentally puffing out his chest.

"Domesticated, my ass."

Another eye roll.

"For sure. I'll see when she has a day off and get back to you...

...It'll be good to see you again too, bro. It's been too long."

Wow. For one of his conversations to not contain true insults or profanity was rare---

"Yeah, yeah. Fuck off."

---and there it was. It was an affection insult (for him), at least.

A few minutes passed without hearing his voice and you realized his phone call had ended. Curiosity won the battle over your laziness and you pushed yourself out of bed. Pulling open the door of the closet you shared with your other half, you didnt so much as glance at the side that held your shirts. Instead, your eyes fell onto his half, searching for one of the shirts you "only borrowed" from "time to time".

"Bingo" you said in triumph, pulling his faded Avenged Sevenfold shirt from its hanger. That and the boy shorts you were wearing were sure to catch his eye.

And you loved driving him mad.

Adding the cherry on top (you threw your hair up in a messy high bun), you walked out of your bedroom and made your way to the kitchen.

The smell of coffee had hit you as soon as you opened the bedroom door, and you followed it like something out of a cartoon. As you tried reaching up on your tiptoes to grab your favorite mug, you heard Katsuki coming out of his home office. You got your coffee together (more cream and sugar than dirty bean water), not realizing you had a pair of red eyes watching you from the doorway. It wasnt until your first sip that you could feel him behind you. You lifted your arms in an obvious fake stretch, feeling the shirt rise above your waist, knowing just where his eyes were looking now.

Still set on your lazy day, you turned around to find yourself face to face with your man. You could instantly tell he knew what you were trying to do by the raised eyebrow that greeted you.

"Morning, hot stuff," you said, nuzzling into his chest. "What's on the agenda today?" You pulled away to take another sip from your C-UNT mug. You let out an audible moan when the caffeine once again passed your lips.

"Well," he started, wrapping his arms around your waist, "I do have the day off..." he kissed your forehead and you sighed when you felt his warm lips on your skin. "A friend of mine from UA is in town for a few days. We were throwing around the idea of meeting up at the fair."

You stared up at your boyfriend in disbelief. Mr. Hardass. Mr. "I can't, I have to work."

Katsuki Bakugou wanted to go to the county fair.

"It wasn't my suggestion," he said to you, sensing the raised eyebrow you were giving him.

"I figured as much." You got onto your tiptoes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Today? The second day of the fair always has the best vendors."

"I'll give him a call back, but I'm sure that will work."

**********************************************

Almost two hours later, you and Katsuki were parking just outside of the fairgrounds. You could see the various rides lit up and whirring, and a packed crowd bustling around.

No matter how hard you tired to hold it back, a smile spread across your face at the thought of dragging your man to every single ride the grounds held.

Even the kiddie ones, if he complained.

Katsuki flipped through his phone quick before speaking. "They're running behind-"

"They? I thought it was just 'he'?"

"He dragged one more along. They'll be here in an hour or so."

You grinned.

"Perfect."

*********************************************

Rides never bothered Katsuki much, maybe because of how he constantly blasted himself around on a regular basis. The only time he seemed to cringe was when you started screaming by his ear on the Zipper ride.

When it came to the games, however, his competitive side shown through in all its glory. You had found a stall that showcased stuffed, cartoonish versions of Pros, and gave him puppy eyes when you found the giant version of your hunny as a top prize. It took close to $50 to win it, but Katsuki was determined to get it for you.

"Yeah, I see it," he said into his phone, looking off to the right. "See you in a second." He clicked the lock button and put it back into his pocket. "They're over there...somewhere."

You were excited to meet another of his friends. Most of who you knew were from his agency, sidekicks mainly, and the couple times you guys bumped into "that damn Deku."

As you two walked up to the funnel cake stand, you heard a shout. "Bakugou! Dude!"

You turned your head and saw someone you already recognized. "Wait...that's Chargeb-"

"Don't," Katsuki warned, squeezing your hand. "If he knows that *you know* who he is, he'll never stop."

"Who won't stop what?"

Chargebolt was standing right in front of you.

"Y/n, meet Kaminari. The first of tonight's extras."

"I'm still waiting on one good word from you." Chargebolt sighed at Katsuki. He turned his attention to you. "So, you're the one that tamed the wild Bakugou."

The smirk you gave betrayed Katsuki's growl. You debated calling your boyfriend a teddy bear, but you knew that would lead to no good.

You'd risk it.

"He's an absolute t-" you started.

"BAKUGOU!" you heard a voice bellow from twenty feet away.

The three of you turned to the shout, and you were once again star struck.

"That's..." you faded off. His hair was different than usual; It fell downward, opposed to its usual spikiness. But you knew that face.

"Dude. You're late." Katsuki said to his friend.

Pro Hero Red Riot chuckled at him. He looked at you with a boyish smile. "Better late than never!"

Your heart dropped as your wrist burned. You instinctively pulled your hand towards you, but Katsuki's grip was tight. Looking up at him, you saw a mix of fear and anger fill his face.

Red Riot looked confused. "Right?"

You couldn't speak. You weren't sure if it was from being stunned or fear of returning words.

Looking at the man you loved, you turned heel and ran towards the exit, gripping your stuffed prize tight.

Red Riot.

The Red Riot.

Katsuki's best friend.

Was your soul mate.

[attract-mode-collective]

The Making Of Porn Parody Of An Old Kenji Eno Game, Part 1

[NOTE: as mentioned when describing the new direction for the blog, those long-form pieces that I had been debuting in the newsletter will now appear here first. Though, perhaps predictably, one that I’ve been working on is taking forever to finish, so I figured that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to republish ones that only subscribers had access to. Which many couldn’t even read in the first place, due to technical reasons. Hence why I am pleased to present to the general public, something that first appeared in the Super Attractive Club newsletter #10! The following is largely presented as it, though the author of the game’s Twitter handle has been added. Oh, and one more thing: Part 2 is headed your way fairly soon...]

One of my semi-regular haunts on the internet is the video game message board Select Button. Recently, a thread popped up entitled “This Ain’t Kenji Eno’s D: The XXX Porno Parody” in the back corner, for members only (hence the lack of any link).

It was started by an individual who goes by the handle HOBO and the following is all of his posts, presented largely as is, with minimal editing, for the sake of maintaining historical accuracy.

The formatting is also mostly the same; everything italicized is either someone else’s comments or my own notes and everything else is HOBO’s words, which have been published with permission.

D3: The Natural Playboys is still in the midst of development and I will provide further developments when the time is right…

10/27/16

I am on the SB Discord right now, as StanHansen, the #1 gajin pro-wrestler of all times. I have vowed that I will make the video game DDD, a sequel to D2. My sequel won't be for Dreamcast. It probably won't even be a video game. I downloaded Klik n Play, which I was competent enough to use way back when but now I'm a slow-witted fellow. I can't figure out how to get this shit running in W7. So this is gonna be a Ren'py game.

I don't want to draw characters so I'm just going to cut faces out of old porno mags I stole. I still keep under my bed. I highly recommend everyone invest in old timey pornography, or, if you're fortunate, make your own. We'll probably be spending a lot of the future in the dark and smut can help you through some hard times.

One of the magazines hidden under my bed is the May 2001 issue of TORSO: The bodybuilding magazine of the future. It has features such as Building Strong BONERS: Do you Kegel? and Confessions of a Dildo Connoisseur, both of which may be better ideas for games than DDD: The Natural Playboys. I'm flipping through it now and I am not sure I want any of these faces in my Kenji Eno tribute game. All these guys look like they were auditioning for an infomercial for a nose hair trimmer and got tricked into taking off their clothes. And getting boners. All slightly confused and not into it, as if they're saying "Like this?" through their forced smiles. Lots of Caesar haircuts. Not enough photos of guys holding up their cocks while wearing boxing gloves -- only one. There is a list of Hot New Web Sites made to look like an classic Mac OS window. None of the websites have proper domain names. Half of them are msn communities. One of them is on webtv: Todd's Erotic Wrestling Gallery. I assume none of them work nowadays.

I am now flipping through an old issue of Penthouse. One thing I am learning: the people who did pornos really dug Mac OS. There is a nude spread, in black and white with a few colored highlights, where half the page will have a butt and some cowboy boots, and below it a quote from Homer or William Blake. I don't think you can find that on pornhubs...can you? There's a comic about space lesbians having sex and stabbing aliens. It looks kinda 2000 AD. There is a review of Matthew Sweet's "Altered Beast" that mentions the video game but doesn't mention anime so it's worthless. There is an ad for Franklin Mint commemorative plates featuring dogs. I would buy those plates. And the final page advertises next month's issue. Its lead: The Hottest Women in America, featuring Hillary Rodham Clinton. Also some stories about the evils of industrial fishing and maintaining wood on a porno set.

Playboy gave Paris is Burning three Playboy bunnies out of four. Defending Your Life only got 2. Oliver Stone's Doors movie: four stars. Wilson Phillips, MC Hammer, Kenny G, and Hank Williams Jr won rock, r&b, jazz, and country albums of the year, respectively. Wow! There is a 20 questions with Whitney Houston, who claimed her horny level varied depending on the fullness of the moon. She also liked Public Enemy and admired Farrakhan. I am learning so much from this 25 year old issue of Playboy Magazine.

Anyway I was going to post this thread to shame me into finishing a bad idea game but instead it became a bad idea review of old porno mags. Please, if you have old pornos...tell me about them.

------

Digital actress Laura, Jr. will be the only character who has never been horny, because she is 100% digital DNA.

------

When asked: “arcade sequence action y/n”...

There will be an action sequence. The game will prompt you to open a separate exe and you'll have to play through a snowmobile sequence. When it's over you will return to the main game, and you better not lie about having cleared the snowmobile sequence. If you violate the honor rule you ruin things for everybody!

------

Someone comments with: “Hypercard is an aesthetic we should all seek to return to, IMO.”

------

10/28/16

There's a Hypercard framework for Ren'py. I thought I'd finally use it for this. Plus Jimmy Maher's been writing about Hypercard lately, which made me want to finally play the Manhole...but instead of doing that I decided "Let's spend the weekend making Hypercard game."

I don't know how anyone has the patience for sprite work. It is too damn hard. Everything has to be so exact! Unless you don't give a shit. I generally do not give a shit. I will just plop lines down anywhere. I can always fix them easily later! But if you only got a few dozen dots you better slap those dots down in the right spots, otherwise shit looks all wrong.

The stuff I've worked up so far looks all wrong but it's still fun to mess around with. I do not know if I have it in me to keep going like this -- I may have to go back to cutting up porno mags -- but it's been fun.

That's right. This game is copyrighted. Back off, software pirates!!

I stole this logo from somewhere, right? Is the Tri-Ace logo like this? Some album cover? What ever. It took 10 minutes. It's done.

I woke up and decided player character Laura is going to spend the whole game locked out of her apartment in her bathrobe. She might run into other digital actress Lauras. They won't be wearing bathrobes. This will allow me to reuse the same faces over and over but I can justify it by pretending I'm clever.

I'll get her eyebrows and everything else right sooner or later.

There will definitely be a Kenji Eno like-a-look in this software. He had a very good face.

------

10/29/16

Oh God the main reason I posted another reply was cuz I meant to link to this imgur gallery and I forgot to do it. I love it so much. I want this guy to add my stuff to it.

------

11/4/16

My Kenji Eno tribute gamesoft is the only thing keeping me going at the moment. I'm feeling pretty good about it, even though it's currently nothing but character sprites and background art and a few lines of placeholder dialogue in Ren'py.

Kenji Eno is hard to draw. I gotta fix up his suit. It's all wrong. His face...I dunno, maybe it's close enough? I have always loved his face. I have always loved Kenji Eno. Earlier today I finally listened to the Hinge Problems ep about Kenji Eno. I downloaded it years ago, and I have put off listening to it...for years. It was fun to listen to. But I also think Kenji Eno got the short end of the stick on there. I think Kenji Eno is a few tiers above Tommy Wiseau. I think if he kept living and people kept giving him money to make games he woulda finally hit a target. Maybe not the one he was aiming at, but he woulda hit eventually. Imagine how great games would be if we had a dozen Kenji Enos?

One of the things I learned from doing google-image-search "kenji eno" is that he wasn't always a fat dude. He was pretty slim by the end. He was kinda handsome! It made me feel bad about drawing King-Sized Kenji Eno...but that's my Kenji Eno, and he's dead so he can't stop me from doing it.

This is player character Laura, taking a shower. I deleted the shower lines. They were not to my satisfaction. A lot of it is not to my satisfaction. But trust me: she is taking a shower. That is a Kenji Eno thing, showers. That was a 20th century thing. People would pay money to watch ladies take showers in movies! Isn't that crazy? Should probably fix her shoulder. Maybe the bridge of her nose.

I think I once read something about Daniel Clowes being the sweatiest cartoonist of all times and I thought "No way. I am going to take his place. I'm already 70% of the way there." And I promise you all: everything I ever do is going to have a ton of sweat.

So M.C. Laura has an apartment where she showers. That means it's not at all gratuitous! It's all good! She gets locked out of that apartment soon after this. Maybe after she picks up that skull from the potted plant. Maybe you go back in there later and crack that safe.

I thought maybe this would be a young Laura who joined the D Navy but she doesn't look young enough. Do they give you cleavers in the navy? To chop potatoes? Maybe they should. I will add waves to the ocean later. Maybe you will climb that lighthouse. Maybe Kenji Eno is up there. Who fuckin knows! It's all a mystery...

I think Navy Laura MAY be cute and may be a bit too generic...but that may mean she is my personal character find of 2016. in this version she has a :GENKI: emote on her hat...but she is lacking the outlining on her tights. Pixel art is hard, and for suckers. Never do it!

------

11/11/16

It's been hard to muster the enthusiasms to work on this or anything else, but I finished a background and another character, so I figured I would post it.

The background is a basement, and drawing a basement made me feel depressed, but then I got to fill in the pictures on the TVs. That made me feel better. I just wanted to draw some TVs.

The game now involves a cult. This Laura started off as a cult member. She may still be. She had the masquerade mask but she was topless, covered in paint, and really hairy, with a padlock piercing her left nipple and a skunk fur stole wrapped around her neck. It was a confused design and the more I worked on it the worse I felt about it, so I said fuck it, she's still a drunk and maybe she's still in the cult but she's also a digital actress who needs to blow off steam after shooting a period picture in uncomfortable costume. Which she wore home. To her basement. With all its TVs. Yeah, maybe this needs work.

------

11/13/16

Someone says: “Hypercard is an aesthetic we should all seek to return to, IMO.”

------

11/15/16

LET ME TOUCH YOU, DADDEH

Big Laura: Cyber~Lipqueen Edition.

I thought Laura would live in a cyber version of Philip Marlowe's apartment building from Altman's the Long Goodbye, but I got tired of trying to draw shit good so I said "LET'S JUST DRAW WHATEVER AND FILL UP SPACE WITH GRAFFITI AFTERWARDS." Yes, that is a graffito tag depicting a disembodied cartoon Laura head shouting "I'M GAY!", and if you click on it you will be able to modify it so it says "I'M SO GAY!"...but only if you win the lotto first, and use the winnings to buy a cyber-marker that lets you draw on the one-hundred percent digital walls of Miami South: The New Hollywood.

Gonna get Genki on the Moon.

------

11/18/16

Hey every body it's a . . .

. . . Friday . . !

Don't hesitate to say "FUCK YOU" to any one who ticks you off...unless it's me. I didn't mean to piss you off, I swear.

------

11/20/16

... After the election I was feeling really low and wondering if I should even bother making anything but now I think I gotta keep going...I gotta get really :genki:

… Last night I went to a screening of Blue Velvet. The experience was kinda awful -- it was in a cafeteria where they projected the Blu-Ray onto a big screen so MAYBE it's not a real-deal screening, the place was jam-packed, and almost everyone there was normal and attractive and on a date, which seemed really weird to me? Like, none of those squares were gonna go home and engage in real sickie sex. I don't think you should take a date to that movie unless one of you is gonna do some consensual face-punching after the fact.

But anyway, I saw Blue Velvet, and it had Laura Dern, who is a wonderful actress. Have you ever watched Enlightened? That was a fantastic television program. Maybe the last new program I watched and truly enjoyed. I mourned its death, which is something I haven't done for a TV program since I was a child. I highly recommend watching that show. But this Blue Velvet audience, they laughed a lot at Laura Dern, which upset me. I think she did a fine job. I also think maybe she was the inspiration for Laura. I haven't see Wild at Heart yet, but I think there's a 50/50 chance Kenji Eno bought a laserdisc player just so he could beat off to Laura Dern banging Nic Cage at the highest possible home video quality available in the early 90's. And even if she wasn't Kenji Eno's Laura I think she might be my Laura. Way skinnier, but she's my Laura. So if I ever get sued by the Eno estate let's submit this shit as evidence: Diane Ladd's daughter was my muse, not that Japanese weirdo.

Over the weekend I drew a gas station. It is also a diner. You ever write up a list of your top 10 gamesoft? I've done that a few times, but I don't think I've ever put Sam & Max Hit the Road on mine, even though I'm sure I've spent my entire life pining for that kinda road trip experience. I've spent so much of my life in a car, but most of the time I wasn't going anyplace fun. I wasn't going to Stuckey's, or Waffle House, or miniature golf, or some kind of mysterious cavern. And it's unlikely I'll ever get to go on a crazy road trip at this point in my life. So I think this game is going to be a game about hitting the road and, maybe, having a good time. It's going to be the game I wish FF15 was. I played that FF15 demo today -- it fuckin blew. D3 might blow ass but at least it won't be 90 hours long. I respect your time. I respect you.

I'm still not sure if alcoholic, adversarial Laura is going to be the cult member who takes over your apartment, or if you can hit the road with her...but I like her, even though I'm having the hardest time drawing her. I've spent the last month or so reading Gilbert Hernandez comics, because they bring me great comfort and I'm pretty sure he's the greatest living cartoonist (and possibly artist). I am now aware that I nicked so many concepts of this game from him, and it's probably more of a Beto tribute game than an Eno tribute game but in the end...above all...it's a tribute to me, and select button, all the girls I've loved before.

I recently re-read that 1up interview with Eno. It's a very good interview and I recommend looking it up on google cache, even though a few pages are missing from it. He mentioned that he added a story to D at the last minute, and that made me feel a bit better about how I'm approaching this game. I thought I was probably lying to myself, thinking that I can just generate assets and throw them together later and have a game...but fuck, if my boy Kenji could do it, why can't I? Why can't all of us. Let's all make games, cuz games suck and they could be so much better.

------

11/27/16

No one's bad enough to endure 9 hours of D3, never mind 90! No one's bad enough! Believe it! Because D3 asks Tough Questions and forces the player to make Hard Choices! D3 is now FULL BLOWN GAMES-AS-ART because now it has...A MORALITY SYSTEM.

"How far will you go to get juice?" -- the tagline to "Juice (2031 Remake)" starring Laura, Jr. and Jermaine "Huggy" Hopkins IV.

Laura is a digital actress. She was designed for the screen, not for the streets. She's got a lotta learning to do now that she's locked out of her apartment with no money, no shoes...and no scruples! In this scene Laura has wandered into a convenience store only to find its clerk is asleep on the job. That means no one can stop you but you! Click on the cigs, the booze, the rubbers, or the raccoon...take whatever you want! But choose carefully, because you can only carry one item at a time -- remember, you're a damp actress with no pockets, and I'm an inept programmer who doesn't know how to properly implement an inventory system. I'll figure it out eventually, but for now let's all agree that my limitations are inspiring great art.

I am proud of the condoms, so here they are, zoomed in but not blown up. Don't blow up condoms before wearing them. It's a terrible idea! The condoms are an homage to Leisure Suit Larry, which is a horrible game that I think I might love? I played it for the first time a few years ago. I've thought about it nearly every day since. The scene where Larry tries to buy condoms is really, really racist. Does referencing it make me racist, too? Probably, so let's keep this magnum-sized condom art a select butt exclusive "easter egg".

I'm also proud of these cigarette boxes. I don't smoke, but I'd start if the boxes looked this cooł. I'd totally take money from Tobacco of any size if they wanted to make a Laura Boy brand -- I'm ready to sell out, and you can't judge me.

There are two Kids in this game. Here is Kid Lotto. You can visit him and play games of chance. Or you can kick his ass, cuz he's a fuckin tiny and you're way stronger than him. What's stopping you? NOTHING.

The other kid is Kid Blotto. He's an alcoholic and you can beat him up too, but it'll probably be really depressing and he'll probably puke on you. I haven't drawn him/her yet.

The following image was presented in a blurry fashion, using the site’s SFW tools...

I am blurring this behind spoiler text, cuz it's got bare lady boobs -- I want to make sure this thread is "work safe", even though it's got XXX PORNO PARODY in the title. I should maybe spoiler blur this too, because it'll be a shocking swerve when it's revealed that the leader of the cult that takes over Laura's apartment is ALSO the alcoholic masquerade ball Laura seen previously on this page...! Fuck!

------

12/8/16

... Last week my tablet died, which slowed down my productivity. I couldn't easily draw pictures! Which may be for the best. Maybe if you're trying to make a video game you should focus on the game aspect. So I have spent a lot of time thinking about how to make this an interesting video game...a lot of wasted time, cuz I have no fuckin clue. But I did draw more pictures, I composed some music, and wrote a bunch of words.

I'm going to play Unlimited SaGa this weekend. I bet I can learn something from that. I bet D3 could be an unofficial sequel to a Kawazu and Eno game. I'm that confident.

While daydreaming about playing games I thought "Maybe Laura D. will wander Miami South: The NEW Hollywood in her bare feet, and she will have to rest occasionally, cuz her feet get so bloody and sore. She cannot wear shoes, because she is 100% digital, and her DNA lock keeps her from wearing tacky footwear such as sandals, or socks with sandals." And maybe I'd draw her feet, being all bloody and sore? But fuck, feet are the worst. No offense to anyone who's really into feet -- I am convinced foot fetishists are very focused, productive people and I'm deeply jealous of them -- but at a young age my older sister shamed me for my Fred Flintstone-looking feet, and I also read a lot of Rob Liefeld comics around the same time, so I have zero tolerance for feet. I believe they are ugly and also very hard to draw. But feet are an important part of the human anatomy and if you wanna make decent art you can't really avoid them. So I drew a few feet. You can see one of them here. Unlike most of the art I've posted so far I doubt I will ever revise this, cuz drawing feet is the worst.

I decided The Lauras would be pure digital beauty, except for their feet. Maybe that wasn't my Kenji Eno's thing. Maybe I'm projecting there. Maybe it's beautiful if your second toe is longer than your big toe? Please tell me this is the case, cuz I want to feel better about my feet.

HERE'S A LIST OF TOP 5 WORST THINGS TO DRAW:

1) Cars, except for those cute Choro-Q style cars Toriyama always drew in Dr. Slump. Those rank #6, cuz they're hard but maybe worth the effort. 2) Feet. 3) Ladies. I can't imagine being a dude or a lady drawing their horny ideal all day. Wouldn't that drive you crazy? How do you not spend all day pounding off rather than drawing? I avoided drawing ladies for this very reason. Well, that and cuz I bet my mom wouldn't approve of me drawing super hot babes. I'm getting over that now. D3 is all hot babes, all the time. No one can stop me! 4-5) I dunno, I forgot what the rest of the list was gonna be. Probably one body part or another -- humans are gross, and awful.

Miami South: The NEW Hollywood is where the world goes to make entertainment. Some of the entertainment is wholesome, some ain't...but a lot of it straddles the line between kid-friendly and the kinda shit your sickie dad would buy on clips4sale. This cop Laura who stars in CD-ROM video films where she somehow always ends up in her own handcuffs...she is a peek into the future of Pixar and such. Believe it. Furtopia...

Was Furtopia the name of that furry Pixar movie? I'm too lazy to google it. Either way...we all gonna see dads and moms covertly pounding off in the theater to Pixar movies within the next decade. I'm sure of it.

This is Ton Hardcore. She is the #1 character find of the 21st century, even though she's a total knockoff of Dump Matsumoto. Dump is the coolest of the pro-wrestlers. On the Discord I am StanHansen, but only because I was too chickenshit to take the name "DumpMatusmoto", because she was so tough and bad ass and beautiful.

A few years ago I wrote a screenplay featuring my tough gal Ton Hardcore. It was titled "Hooker #1". In the opening scene she butt-fucked a billionaire so hard he cried and gold coins fell from the pockets of his pajamas. There probably won't be any butt-fucking in D3, but if any of you guys got the Hollywood hook-up I have a script for the 2023 Pixar project ready to go.

Someday I would like to make a game about a pro-wrestler. One that focuses more on surviving on the road than performing in the ring. D3 may end up being that game. I bet being a digital actress ain't much different from being a pro-wrestler.

Ton Hardcore is my true Laura. She is going to be in everything I do. She's on my joystick. If you ever go to a FG tourney in the Northeast of the USA I will show you her looking cool, and in color, and bloody, cuz she's on my joystick. She's #1.

------

12/15/16

A discussion about wrestling game emerges and someone says: “Still waiting for the 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand of wrestling games.” Def Jam Fight for New York is brought up, and then I mention my favorite guilty pleasure for the Xbox 360, Def Jam Icon…

I played the demo for Def Jam Icon way back when. I paid it no regard, because it was not by AKI. Perhaps that was unfair of me, but I believe hip hop and rapping is very cool, but not as cool as full-blown pro-wrestling....and the best pro-wrestling was delivered by AKI on the Nintendo 64.

I think AKI is the most successful b-tier late 90's j-gamedev that isn't From. Hell, maybe they are more successful. Demon's Souls is probably my favorite game of the last decade (it's almost January 2017, and GOD HAND came out in October 2006, so please do not debate this -- Demon's Souls is the best), but given the choice...I think I'd rather make a Style Savvy game than a Souls game. Though a cross between both...that's a dream game, right there.

I've spent most of the last week thinking about video-games, and trying to program them. I think the visual novel is bad. I can count the VNs I've enjoyed on one hand. I would like to make a video-game that I would enjoy, and that's probably a bad thing to think about. I have high standards! So maybe I should just settle for making a visual novel. But sometimes...you gotta believe. Sometimes you gotta go Kawazu. Sometimes you gotta try to program a board-game in Ren'py despite your incompetence as a programmer/gamedev.

The drawing above is from a diner scene. I think Laura D. will occasionally "take a load off", and visit a diner with the companion of your choosing. That is my 21st century "power fantasy", going to a diner with another human being. Just eating food, or having a drink, and talking about things. That is something I haven't done in the longest time, and can't imagine ever doing in the future. That is what DDD is shaping up to be. Lots of eating, and driving, in an America that never existed.

That Laura D. will not be in the final DDD. I like that drawing, but it's "off-model" as they say in the biz. On-model Laura D. isn't quite as chibi. She's leaner. Colder. She's a digital actress and she really isn't that interested in what anyone else is saying.

She's totally cool and may look more like this.

That image will also not appear in the final game, because I fuckin hate how static it looks, and how the feet are probably all wrong, and how there are no cars in that parking lot. Again, cars are almost as bad as feet, but maybe not as bad as horses. Horses are a fucking bitch to draw.

The Sailor, whose name hasn't been decided on yet, should be eating French fries but uh...I see I forgot to draw the French fries. Pretend she is a sulky teen who ordered only fries at D's diner. Every character will order a different food! You will learn so much about Laura D's companions at the diner, and so much of it will come form what they eat.

In the past I would have ordered a grilled cheese and fries at a diner. Now? Who the hell knows. I try to avoid having a good time. I try to avoid diners.

Earlier today I was drawing billboards. I fuckin love drawing billboards. I now love spirtework, cuz I can cut and paste shit and no one can shame me for it, cuz if you don't recycle shit video-games don't work. I liked how this image came out after cutting, pasting, and mirroring. I'd get it tattooed on my soul. On your soul. I'd make it my select-button avatar if the site still supported super big ass avatars. It's 100%