#i’m mercifully not gonna put this in the main tags lol

[vardasvapors]

Hey I’m a fellow Tolkien fan and I’m just starting to get into the untamed (largely bc I’ve seen a lot of Tolkien fans are into it) I’ve watched 3 eps so far and from what I can tell it’s about a dead war criminal who was killed by his adopted brother. He’s resurrected by a dude with a shit family to get revenge. He tried to sort of disguise himself but completely fails bc he can’t resist following around his husband from his old life who is some kind of Jedi like priest. I’m on the right track?

Wait do u want spoilers.....if u don’t, i’ll say yes you are on the right track in sense that yes, this is what ur supposed to think is correct at the 3 episode mark. skip the next paragraph.

If u DO want spoilers for the 30 episode long flashback, then: you’re correct except that everyone other than him is also a war criminal lol. on a widely varying spectrum of culpability definitions. murder brother is like slightly higher than the halfway point. jedi bf was somewhere in the bottom half of the spectrum. Main Character War Criminal is lower on the spectrum than him. but main character officially qualifies as a war criminal and everyone else officially doesn’t qualify because he was fighting [reason for fighting is important but yet another layer of spoiler] the other war criminals who are the majority and the victors, so what they declare is the truth is Officially The Truth. jedi bf disagrees. murder brother disagrees too but that’s not enough to make him change his behavior, because the first uhhhhh 22 episodes of dumb wuxia magic are functionally a decoy plot and then it suddenly turns into one of most realistic ever history anecdotes on how war crimes work lol. the only complete non-war-criminal is the cute chained-up zombie. unless disobeying a cartoon decoy villain to help the main character and murder brother qualifies as a war crime? when jedi bf did the exact same thing for main character later on, everyone thought it did qualify as a war crime bc main character had fallen out of favor with the majority by then, and bc the villains who jedi bf disobeyed were the main supporting cast. unlike purposely-cartoonish decoy villain, this main supporting cast is also very likable! i love them. i love murder brother. jedi bf is my favorite character. jedi bf is and has always been morally inferior to war criminal main character and he knows it full well, that’s why he’s gay. war criminal main character is also dumb as shit and his biggest moral flaw is probably that he’s too wishy-washy to murder the entire main supporting cast like they deserve, because the main supporting cast contains his friends and family. the supporting cast contains all my other favorite characters and also 100% deserves to be murdered in a peasant uprising. though being murdered by the resurrected zombies of everyone they murdered is the next best thing. these are all completely non-contradictory statements! i will die on this hill. anyway jedi bf’s attempted solution to all of this is to corrupt the youth (cute boys in white and spoiled brat in gold from episodes 1 & 2). these ones aren’t war criminals! hopefully they never will be. jedi bf agrees with phillip larkin’s This Be The Verse except for the very last line.

anyway this sounds like meta but tbh it’s the main theme of every single thing mo xiang tong xiu (the author of mo dao zu shi, the book the untamed is based on) has ever written lol so it’s very much intentional and unsubtle and explicitly spelled out in both the narrative and in multiple characters’ dialogue, especially murder brother’s. i’m just paraphrasing. this is unsurprising salt coming from a chinese author in china semi-anonymously writing stuff she could get jailed for because of its gay content but as someone with a Defense Lawyer Soul it waters my crops as well.

[vakariaan]

Tag Games

I’ve been tagged in a bunch recently (thank you for thinking of me!) so I thought I’d do some of them at once :)

Consider yourself tagged if you wanna do any of them!

Tagged by @idontevenlikeblackberries​

I’m gonna be really good and actually pick on or the other and not cave for both lol Stars or clouds / Tony Stark or Steve Rogers / buzzfeed unsolved or buzzfeed worth it / lavender or rose / chocolate or vanilla / latte or americano  / police procedural shows or hospital shows :)))))  / fast zombies or slow zombies / modern films or classic films / musicals or plays / Hamilton or In the Heights/ blue lightsaber or green lightsaber  / hats or headbands / Queen or Elton John  / multicolored lights or white lights / pastels or neons / flowers or succulents / log cabin or hotel / sprinkles or cookie crumbs / ghosts or aliens / single book or book series / brunch or dinner / snow or leaves / jean jacket or leather jacket / tea cup or mug / galaxies or constellations 

------------------------------------

 Tagged by @cxpaldi

Rules: the last celeb you have saved on your phone is your quarantine buddy.

I’m not on my mobile rn BUT IT’S JACK HODGSON (well...David Caves...in character...as Jack...so..........) ------------------------------------

Tagged by @murraywalker

List 5 tv shows and answer the following questions.

1. Silent Witness

2. Poldark

3. Line of Duty

4. Friends

5. From Dusk Till Dawn

Who is your favourite character in 2? DWIGHT ENYS THE BEST OF MEN

Who is your least favourite character in 1? They’ve had a lot of terrible people on Silent Witness lol of the ongoing ‘main’ cast rn I’ll say Matt (and NO not only for Certain Reasons)

What is your favourite episode of 4? OH GOD SO MANY I will say that one of my faves is The One in Massapequa idk what it is but there are so many parts I still cackle at.

What is your favourite season of 5? S1 was probably the most solid storywise but character wise S3 is the best I would say.

Who is your favourite couple in 3? STEVE AND KATE STEVE AND KATE STEVE AND KATE

Who is your favourite couple in 2? Ross and Demelza always

What is your favourite episode of 1? AGAIN there are so many and how am I supposed to choose???? I’ll throw y’all for a loop though and say Shadows because HOLY SHIT I was tense throughout and it 100% should have been the season finale and I’m disappointed it wasn’t. But I’m never gonna be able to choose a fave from S16 to now IT’S IMPOSSIBLE I CANNOT CHOOSE

What is your favourite episode of 5? GOTTA STOP ASKIN THIS I AM INDECISIVE but I’ll sayyyyy Dark Side of the Sun (S3 finale) is always a solid choice.

What is your favourite season of 2? S1 without a doubt

How long have you watched 1? So my mum has always watched it and I’ve watched whenever I’ve been in the room and it’s been on in a very casual way but I was never invested in it etc (I have vague memories of Leo dying etc) but it wasn’t until this year, for some unknown reason, I got totally hooked and mercifully iplayer had all the eps from S5(?) onwards? So I watched from S16 (ofc) since I liked Jack and have since gone back and watched from Nikki joining the team too.

How did you become interested in 3? Again, I’ve always been aware of it and it has been on my watch list since it started and I had seen the first half of S1 when it first aired and just never got round to the rest BUT I HAVE RECTIFIED THAT NOW WITH QUARANTINE AND I AM ALL UP TO DATE

Who is your favourite actor in 4? David Schwimmer is a comedic timing genius and I will not hear Ross Geller hate because David is an absolute gem.

Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? IT ALL DEPENDS ON MY MOOD THOUGH

Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? Silent Witness has way more eps than Line of Duty so it’s gonna be that

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? Monica for sure (she’s the one I most relate to anyway)

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? ....noooo (don’t even think a parody would work)

Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? Y’all know I’m ride or die Jack/Nikki and Clarissa is happily married AND her and Jack are like brother and sister. But if I had to IF I HAD TO, I’d put Jack and Clarissa together (which makes me super uncomfortable given the sibling dynamic BUT THEY DO JOKE ABOUT IT A LOT SO)

Overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5? Line of Duty wihtout a doubt, I love Dusk to absolute bits but...come on...

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4? HOW DARE YOU I’m not answering this. Making me choose between my Queen Anne Dudley and ‘I’ll Be There For You’ the song which fills me so much comfort and joy and safety nooope.

[xpwewarchive]

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (5-1-2020)

Friday Night Pyro #424 May 1st, 2020

Xtreme Rumble Recap video

Show Intro

Fireworks and Kaitlyn Khaos informs us tonight Golden Bryce will speak 1 on 1 with the 2020 Xtreme Rumble winner Ruckus PLUS: Big main event! Leonard McGraw will team for the first time ever with Jake Awesome as they take on the I-N champion Slayer and Garrett Thompson

Opening Segment:

Golden Bryce enters

Golden Bryce: For the 2nd year in a row I’ll be going into Lockdown as the world heavyweight champion but this time I’ll be defending it against someone very very deserving and that’s why I’d like to respectfully introduce him right now. Ladies and Gentlemen Ruckus

Ruckus with The Set enters

Golden Bryce congratulates Ruckus Bryce: In three weeks me and you have the ultimate privilege of making history. The first time a black champion defends against a black challenger for the richest prize in this industry-.... Ruckus: pfffft What? Bryce: confused Uh Ruckus: I don’t want that....I don’t care about it. History. Will history pay me? Will history feed my kids? I don’t care if I’m black and you are purple. I know that the world champion makes the most money. I won the rumble. 29 others didn’t. So that means yes I have a shot but understand up front right now so we ain’t got no confusion later. I DO NOT LIKE YOU. Ruckus: I don’t like how people even be talking about you? Like you’ve actually done something..People talk about this Golden Bryce nigga like he done something. I walk into XPWEW Headquarters and they’ve replaced posters and walls of Jake Awesome and put you up. How many titles have you won 4? I’ve won the tag team titles here 7 times. And twice I’ve been an international champion so somebody tell me how you getting put up on the wall? Golden Bryce: I didn’t pay anybody. I didn’t ask. I come in, I clock into my job. I entertain this people. Some cheer me. Some boo me. But those who boo me can live with that and that’s fine. Cheer me, great I’ll fight for those people until I can’t anymore Ruckus: Nah nah homie that ain’t my point. See this company from within us rotted out. If they think they tryna replace Jake Awesome they are dead wrong. You are not Jake Awesome and don’t act like you ain’t tweet a year back, I’m the new Jake. You look up to that man, you can’t stand the fact that that man hates your guts. Your childhood hero. But you fooled impressionable losers like Shane McCoy and Troy Clausen and Micheal Bradford. You must be doing under the table work round here cause you really getting a lot handed to you. So now every week for a year you either happy to finally get the title or you all bummed out, ass dragging, sad ass McGee and shit bout you ain’t get this, you ain’t got that. Then you carry yourself like you just doing you nah. Jake Awesome carried his own weight. Jake Awesome is a man. Jake Awesome earned that. You and maybe no fault of you own shit I don’t know but you ain’t even the best in that locker room as a matter of fact you one of the sloppiest and basic cats they got in there. So no I don’t like this confidence you got. We got an elite locker room and you the face of it. That the biggest pile of bullshit I’ve ever seen. You ain’t even top 80 thus industry ever seen. Me? Hey I’ve never been world champion but I’ve never lost a Lockdown. That’s right pimp 3-0. You lost to Jake last year and yet your ass on the y’all building in Bassett. I understand they don’t wanna see me win but you ain’t got no self awareness and that’s why I wanna smack the shit out you right now Golden: Why don’t you try it I’ll drop you where you stand Ruckus: Haha I know you got a baby on the way but don’t be surprised when it’s dark skinned.... (ooooooh) Bryce: Gets up close to Ruckus’ forehead Ruckus: slaps Bryce The Set starts attacking Bryce at the back of his knees (((Bryce and Ruckus start brawling)) Eventually Ruckus gets the upper hand The Set joins in and now a 5 on 1 attack as The Set attack Bryce relentlessly Ruckus then takes off his sock and then Jordan hands him a “pool balls” Yes the debut of billiards balls. Ruckus shoves 2 in a sock and starts mercifully beating down Bryce with it Myron and Kotto drag Bryce to the corner they pull his legs between the turnbuckle and all jump off the top rope mule kicking the back of his head At the end of the assault Ruckus pulls off Bryce’s Jordan 2’s and utters “Oh we gon’ sell these junts on eBay” Bryce is left in the ring by himself and he slowly gets himself up like this Incredible Hulk transformation on his face as this match just got took to the next level. Bryce grabs his title and slowly limps back to the locker room without any shoes on because The Set stole them

M1: XPWEW Women’s World Championship Prisiclla Kelly (c) defeats All Woman w/ All Man

After the match Brian Lee comes down and Prisiclla fights Lee off with a kendo stick that typically is Kiera’s weapon of choice Kiera comes down with THE MOST OBVIOUS WIG OF ALL TIME to hide her newly bald hair Kiera cuts promo at ramp: Rematch clause bitch! Re clap Match You and me! LD!

Doxy Deity runs right past her and snatched the weave from the back of Kiera’s head as it snatches her bald and Kiera explodes fuming in anger as she tries to hide her scalp with her hands

“You bitch”

Doxy then runs in the ring and goes forehead to forehead with Priscilla and oh shit this rivalry runs deep remember the barbed wire massacre at Anarchy Rules 2019 Doxy points at the Lockdown sign and Prisiclla just punches her and we got an all out brawl Prisiclla and Doxy trade punches Until Brian Lee recovers and hits both of them with 9-1-1 Kiera runs in and grabs her weave and then laughs maniacally grabbing Prisiclla’s title “Mine!!!!! This is mine!”

Joe Gacy enters

Audrey Carbine enters

M2: DeathMatch (Very very bloody) ((((Match of the night))) Audrey Carbine defeats Joe Gacy

After the match the both have a middle finger pointed right at the other but Gacy says you’ve earned my respect and now we have the team of “Death Machines” formed right before our eyes after beating the hell out of each other Gacy has now agreed to teaming with Audrey Carbine and man what a unit

Promo: Mandy Leon cuts promo hyping up Gotch as a killer with no emotions Champagne responds to which Troy comes down with a contract for Lockdown and Champagne shakes it off and ignored him at ringside the whole match

1 on 1 M3: Simon Gotch w/ Mandy Leon defeats Champagne Clausen

Troy Clausen runs in and presses the pen to Champagne’s chest. Champagne grabs the pen and then starts poking Troy in his eyes with it. Ultimately after stabbing Troy multiple times in the face with the pen it sparks blood and Champagne gruesomely signs the contract in his father’s blood then gets a new pen and signs his name and just like that it’s official Champagne vs Troy Clausen Father vs Son in a No Holds Barred

Champagne: No more talk, No more games. I’m gonna Murder you on the 23rd slams mic

Backstage: All Man tells All Woman All Man: Well maybe he’s not gonna get that 2nd world title reign And maybe you just are going to get your first women’s title reign. But after watching them it makes me think Why not us! All Woman: Why not who? All Man: Us? Why not us? Look at Carbine and Gacy absolutely brutalized each other just to BE partners. We are peanut butter and jelly, were milk milk lemonade All Woman: I think that second one is wrong but you mean it? Me and you. tag team champions. All Man: Why not? All Woman: We gotta get a tag win under our belt tonight and I’m not wasting any more time being and after thought let’s go tell Romeo

1 on 1 M3: Jacques Dudley defeats Dragon Kid

Romeo Roselli: announcement: Alveno La Flare cuts a promo and says if Jacques can beat him next week the winner will challenge Jordan Oliver for the juniorweight title at lockdown

Alveno La Flare shakes his mentor’s Jacques hand at ringside

Jake Awesome enters in street clothes (first appearance on Pyro in 7 months)

Jake Awesome addresses Lotus Jake: If I knew I was gonna get eliminated by a girl in the Rumble I probably wouldn’t have came back but sadly guys I got news that New Line Cinema dropped the Captain Falcon project and I worked hard on it and maybe some day that film will see the light of day

Slayer enters Slayer: And the Oscar for biggest Hollywood failure is......Joseph Alfonso While you were gone in Hollywood drinking boxed water and injecting steroids into your jawline I was here and I was the XPWEW International Champion the whole time You nearly faded away into obscurity but you left on a loss, you left like a chump. I’ve always been here. The distinction between us was always neck and neck and deep down I always knew you were the weaker link despite any article you read or any opinion that wants to spout out the mouth. To me you’ve always been jealous To me you’ve done less but always gotten all the glory. It’s never what Slayer did for this promotion it’s always what “Jake” did oh Jake did this, Jake accomplished that. I’ve proved I WILL DIE to win in this ring You will leave it You’ll leave this industry and hope your little brother Casey might be able to do it well he’s been in developmental for a year and absolutely nothing Lotus on the other hand, My own daughter eliminated you from the rumble on Sunday. However I didn’t win I won’t the next best thing But in my mind my plan was to leave you broken When you left it was the larvae who derailed you not Hollywood, please don’t mislead the fans here I put you out on your ass and you came back and Lotus ended it for ya Lotus even wanted me to ask she wants you 1 on 1 next week Jake: And she’s got it Jake: All my career I’ve had to brush no pun intended there didn’t mean to press a “thorn” into your side. Slayer: shakes his head Jake: The Starven Family continues to haunt my career lol Lotus has a lot to say a little odd for you to be speaking for her, She’s an outspoken woman. She’s tough she wants to go toe to toe with the men here I respect that and I’ll grant her that but Joey me and you go back and you know better than else I can’t win in any circumstance and after I beat her Friday I wanna let you be on notice. I’m coming for you. Me and you we’ve never had that classic Lockdown match ever and I wanna do just that. But not really for your appeasement I want that points at International Championship I’ve never been the International Champion and online I see the posts, I see the memes that I’ll never be a Grand Slam champion well guess what I’m gonna do that I’m gonna chase that title and only that title So that’s a reminder that all the mind games you wanna trap in my way mean nothing and I will leave Lockdown 7 the XPWEW International Champion. Slayer: Times past bud, You don’t make the decisions around here. It’s over. They took down your murals, they took down Jake Awesome we don’t look to you as the leader anymore so ship up and shape up and get with the program you aren’t the captain anymore. And you’ve been gone so long you forgot the hierarchy that I make the decisions and I decide that you just go back home and let me do what I do. Just go home. Never come back. We were all so close to forgetting you anyway......

Tag Team Match M4: Jake Awesome & Leonard McGraw defeat Garrett Thompson and Slayer

Jake pins Slayer clean with the awesome bomb, buckshot combo assist from McGraw

After the match Lotus and Rosemary come down and Rosemary sprays mist in Jake’s eyes then Lotus puts him in a Helm Sharpshooter but McGraw grabs her off and nearly strikes her but doesn’t

Backstage: Siaka Lexoni talks to Robbie Williams “remember our old team, consider you an honorary member of The Set tonight” *Robbie smiles puts outs the shirt on

Robbie Williams enters

Golden Bryce enters

1 on 1 M5: Golden Bryce defeats Robbie Williams

Interference from Myron Reed as he hits Bryce with his own title belt immediately after the match. Ruckus who’s smoking a blunt inhales and exhales on Bryce’s face Ruckus sets up smoking his bleezy in the corner Myron sets up a table

And Myron, Kotto, Jordan and Lexoni all pick a leg or arm of Bryce and hoist him up collectively in the air and Bryce crashes through the table

Ruckus just watches as he smokes his blunt against the turnbuckle

Ruckus ashes out the blunt on Bryce’s chest and then hits a cocky pin on him as The Set pose around him and Jordan Oliver takes photos for Instagram

Show Ends