#i’m like so touch starved and desperate for intimacy and it just rlly sucks to feel so emotionally and mentally alone so often
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#i’m like so touch starved and desperate for intimacy and it just rlly sucks to feel so emotionally and mentally alone so often#it’s ridiculous also bc I’ll want to be understood and shit but then shut down so often when I’m met with shit like yeah only u feel that#it’s really annoying and I’m tired of the same misunderstandings and miscommunication when i’m trying my best to be clear and open#and that clarity and openness isn’t reciprocated ever#like why can’t i finally be in a relationship with mutual worship and healthy interest why do i always get the short end of shit#i’m just so painfully tired of feeling like this#i also feel wildly unstable in this desperation like a part of me would rather get kidnapped for a better life at this point but#shit doesn’t work like that and with my luck it would be with someone wilder than me and then I’m fucked#also not to mention my unhealthy interest in my lone fansly subscriber bc I genuinely thought it was just my partner but it is not#im just going through it and the desperation and loneliness will pass but it rlly does suck ass in the moment ughhh#I also smoked an embarrassing amount of my weed already and have been daydreaming of running away to a legalized state for dispensary work#but idk how that would work out or if it would work at all but again ughhhh#things will be better for me and I’ll be better but i wish it was instantaneous when i have zero energy for the work i need to do lol#personal
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