#i’m going to write you a fic where you’re the bachelorette and all the contestants are your football bfs

[captainpulisic]

Remember when you used to make fun of me for watching the Bachelor? And now you’re comparing real life events to the show?

me if the girls I like don’t get a rose 🙄 :

[eyesfixedonthesun22]

First Impressions

Summary: With the multiverse now in play, we visit an alternate universe where Steve Rogers is America’s first bisexual contestant on the ever popular and never lacking dating show, The Bachelor. Nick Fury is your illustrious host through the shocking announcement, contestant biographies, and the first night in the mansion. Only one question remains; who will get the first impression rose on what is promised to be the most dramatic season ever!? Pairing: Steve x Avengers Warning(s): Language. Kissing. A hell of a lot of cringe and bachelor/bachelorette tropes. Word Count: 3,238 Beta: The darling sweetheart @supersoldiersruined-me Notes: This is my entry to @revengingbarnes 10K writing challenge. My prompt was a Bachelor AU. Thank you so much for hosting this, Fatima! This prompt was honestly a challenge for me. I wasn’t sure which point of view and formatting I wanted. It’s certainly unlike anything I’ve ever written. Please no one hate me if I made your fav annoying. I just wanted to fit in as many bachelor personality tropes. The fic isn’t an actual representation of my thoughts on each character. 

Live Studio Audience: Intro

“Good evening and welcome to this exciting season of The Bachelor. I’m Nick Fury, your host for tonight.” The studio audience erupts into choreographed uproar. “Looks like Bachelor Nation is out in full force tonight. Are you all ready for what I promise is our most dramatic season ever?”

Nick commands the stage with a casual grace that only comes from years of hosting. “Last season you all watched as the beautiful bombshell Peggy Carter embarked on her quest for love; which she found with her now fiance. While we wish her the best of luck with her engagement, we couldn’t help be as heartbroken as you all were when a particular fan favorite was booted just before hometown dates. Let’s take a look at this season’s Bachelor!”

Broadcast: Steve’s Bio

“My name is Steve Rogers. I’m twenty-six years old. Born and raised in Brooklyn. You may know me from Peggy Carter’s season of The Bachelorette.”

The audience is treated with a montage of Steve at home in Brooklyn. He walks down the street to a corner bodega on a spring day; smiling and greeting the owner at the counter like they’re old friends. The old tabby cat sat on the counter near the register curls into his hand as he scratches behind her ears.

“A little known fact about me is that I really love cooking.” The next shot is him cooking a large family style meal in a stunning modern kitchen. The black hexagon tiles frame the close up of the saute pan as he flips the food; clearly practiced. The camera zooms in once more for a close up shot of Steve’s large calloused hands making deft work of chiffonading the basal to top his culinary masterpiece. As far as lusting goes, the depiction of Steve as the bachelor is a lot less macho and hits more boy-next-door.

“Things didn’t quite work out with Peggy and I. While we’re kindred souls, I think it just wasn’t the right time.” Steve’s no longer shown at home in his cozy apartment but in a carefully crafted video confessional booth.

The audience hears the producer’s voice off screen, “Do you think you’re over her? Are you ready for love?”

“Definitely. I learned a lot from Peggy. I learned who I am and what I need from a relationship. I’m ready for the whole damn thing. I want a partner, I want kids. I like pretty pedestrian, domestic things.” He looks down at his lap, almost as if he’s embarrassed. “I like ceremony. I wanna carve pumpkins and do the tree at christmas; all that.”

“Anything else you’d like to add to your intro?” The producers prompt. Steve’s broad shoulders straighten and take up much of the booth; his body tense with nervous energy which he masks with a radiant smile. He takes a deep breath before looking the camera dead in the eye.

“I’m Steve Rogers… and I’m the first bisexual Bachelor.”

Live Studio Audience:

The audience goes wild; homemade signs wave, men and women alike scream their delight. Nick Fury stands in the small center stage waiting for the crowds applause to dissipate.

“So needless to say, this season will be unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.” He smirks at the camera knowingly. “Before we jump back into tonight’s episode, would you guys like to hear from America’s sweetheart himself?” More incoherent cheering. “Let’s bring him on out!”

Steve appears from behind the crimson velvet curtain waving sheepishly. They’ve slicked back his locks doing nothing to detract from the classic bachelor look. He unbuttons the slim navy suit jacket as Fury gestures for him to sit on the small interview couch.

“Welcome, Steve. How ya feeling tonight?”

“Not gonna lie, Nick. I feel super nervous.” He fidgets in the seat a bit; rubbing the flats of his palms on the tops of his thighs. “Being the bachelor is one thing. Being the first bisexual bachelor is another.”

“Well I’m not sure about you guys, but I thought it was about time!” Nick’s enthusiasm draws more cheering from the crowd. “We got to know you on Peggy’s season and America just fell in love with you. You’re such a great guy; so genuine and compassionate.”

“Thank you, really, thank you. I honestly was terrified to be the first bisexual man on the show. Being the bachelor has always traditionally been typecast as a very specific type of man; one that I didn’t really see myself fitting into. So to be given this opportunity to find love and to have the support that I’ve gotten since the announcement has been beyond my wildest dreams.”

“You ready to jump into your season?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“While Steve may be our first bisexual bachelor, you can expect not much to change on the show. Each week contestants will be eliminated at a traditional rose ceremony. We’ll still have the first impression rose, hometown dates, and the always anticipated fantasy suits!”

Fury eyes Steve hoping to make him squirm a bit. Steve manages to make his sinful blush look composed while he chuckles.

“Without further ado let’s meet the delightful men and women vying for a spot in Steve’s heart.”

Broadcast: Contestant Bios

“My name? Tony Stark. Don’t worry about having your little design guys whip me a tagline; I’m certain no one needs it. Household name n’ all.” A smirking brunette stares directly into the camera and winks. He’s wearing rose tinted sunglasses despite the dimmed lighting of the interview space. “So what do you wanna know?”

The producers sigh before proceeding. “Tell us a bit about yourself.”

The camera stays in the testimonial booth but now a blonde women occupies the seat. Unlike the previous occupant she isn’t slouching but sits with excellent posture and poise.

“My name is Sharon McCarter. I’m an agent for the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division. I need someone who’s ready for a fast paced lifestyle. My job keeps me on my toes.”

“What did you think when Steve was announced as the bachelor? What did you think of him being bisexual?”

“Honestly?” Sharon pauses a bit buffudled. “He seems a bit more clean cut then the guys I usually go for.” She looks at the camera with a hesitant smile.

“What would you say your passion is?”

“Fitness. Fitness and health, for sure.” The booth is now overwhelmed with an exceptionally huge man. His long blonde hair falls to his shoulders with delicate braids mixed into his locks. “I’m Thor Odinson. I own and operate Odinsons Gym with my brother Loki.”

“How would you describe yourself as a partner. What could Steve expect?”

Thor continues in his deep voice. It carries subtle hint of an accent not from the states, “Steve could expect the rough sexiness of a pirate mixed with the pure innocence of an angel; the perfect boyfriend if you ask me.”

“What kind of partner do you hope to be for Steve?”

“An attentive one. I’m a scientist by profession.” The tagline on the screen says that the brunette with the tossed curls currently answering his interview questions is Bruce Banner. “A good part of my job is being detail oriented and focused. I’d like to think I bring that same level of attentiveness and sensitivity to my partner.”

Live Studio Audience:

“Welcome back, Bachelor Nation! It looks like Steve has a great batch of men and women who couldn’t be more excited to get their journey started. Let’s see how Steve get’s along navigating his first night in Bachelor Mansion.

Show Footage:

The camera pans across a gorgeous california night sky and comes to land on Steve standing in front of Bachelor Mansion. They have him perfectly centered between two backlit trees with the ornate floral fountain babbling as a soundtrack. He fidgets with his plain black tie waiting for the first limo to pull up. He stares into the camera and mouths a very endearing “What do I do with my hands!”

From that moment on, it’s a parade of individuals dressed to the nines. The women stun in their gleaming and silky ball gowns. The men glow in their crisp suits. Each give their cheesy one liners to Steve before heading into the mansion.

A man named Phil, who insists that Steve call him Coulson, gives him a red, white, and blue sash emblazoned with the words America’s Sweetheart on it while wearing his own sash reading Mr. America. A women named Wanda introduces herself in a thick, sultry accent.

“Where are you from, Wanda?”

“Sakovia. I’m so excited to meet you. I look forward to teaching you about my culture and getting to know you better.”

After Wanda, the next person out of the limo is Clint. He makes a qippy one liner before sauntering into the mansion. A woman named Carol strolls confidently out of the limo nearly glowing in her crimson and gold gown. Next comes a bird. It’s not actually a bird; but rather a man in an oversized mascot type costume.

“Did you know that eagles mate for life?”

Steve stares at the camera for half a second as if questioning if the producers are serious. “I didn’t know that. Any chance I can see the eagle’s face? Or at least know his name?”

“We’ll save the pretty face for later, but the name is Sam.”

Steve takes a moment to compose himself after the bird’s introduction. The final woman exits the limo. She’s in a simple black dress that hugs her body dangerously. Her flame red hair cascades down one shoulder. Her introduction is clipped and to the point. Steve places a hand on her shoulder.

“Sorry I didn’t catch your name.”

Her face softens then. “It’s Natasha, but you can call me Nat.”

After the train of individuals Steve is looking more relaxed. He seems to have settled into his role with less nerves than when the show began. The final contestant steps out of the limo.

“Good evening, Steve. My name is James Barnes. You look so handsome tonight.”

Steve takes in the man across from him. He’s got equally broad shoulders as Steve; they’re nearly matched in height. He wears his silky brown locks at shoulder length with a dainty waterfall braid on one side. The baby blue of his pocket square matches his eyes.

“I can’t wait to get to know you, James.”

**************************************************************************************************

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, settle down. You all know who I am already,” Nick Fury is addressing all the contestants as they make themselves comfortable in the front living room at the mansion. “Steve! Why don’t you come on in here and get this cocktail party started?”

Steve enters the room gracefully. “I just want to thank you all for being here. I know that putting yourself out there in a new relationship is never easy; let alone in a situation like this one. It’s incredibly important to me that you all are your genuine selves. I wanna get to know the real you. Here’s to the start of something amazing!”

He raises his glass to a chorus of agreeing voices. There’s a half second of adjustment before Tony clasps Steve’s hand and tugs him away from the group.

“I’m gonna steal you first.”

Despite his depiction as an arrogant ass in his interview, Tony actually has a pleasant conversation with Steve. The audience is left wondering if Tony is the likeable wild card or this seasons possible obnoxious villain. Before Tony saunters off, he presses a deep kiss onto Steve’s lips.

“Had to get you first, handsome.” He winks and heads to the bar to refresh his drink.

Steve stares into the camera and states, “I guess we’re starting things off with a bang?”

**************************************************************************************************

Clint, being the critical observer, saunters over to the bar to find that Coulson is already posted up on one of the bar stools. It’s by sheer force of will that Coulson is upright as the lack of armrests and amount of alcohol he’s clearly consumed are working against him. Clint quickly surveys the situation and makes eye contact with the camera.

“How ya doin’ there Phil? Save some for us, huh?” Beneath the joke there is a hint of concern in his voice. It would appear the concern is warranted as Phil tips dangerously towards the edge of his seat before righting himself. The first stumble is corrected but the second lands him on the floor. “Whoa big guy. Can I get some help here? Producers? I think first night nerves may have lead Phil to throw back one too many.”

“No pro-hicc-ducers. I’m fine. I’m fiiiine,” Phil slurs. Despite Clint’s efforts to keep him upright he’s laying on the floor, cheek pressed firmly to the cold tile. “I just love Steve-hicc-so much. Ya know?”

“Sure you do buddy...sure you do?”

**************************************************************************************************

Steve speaks to Wanda, Bruce, and Thor in a series of rapid fire exchanges over the next couple of hours. After a warm conversation, Carol leaves Steve lounging on the plush chaise; promising that one day they’ll go stargazing together.

“No one told me these cocktail parties were so exhausting.” The camera crew chuckle. It’s endearing how much Steve utilizes them to break the tension. His unfiltered emotions only make him that much more of an approachable sweetheart. The makeup staff powder his face as Nick Fury approaches.

“We have about a half hour before the rose ceremony. Just a heads up. Any conversations you wanna have, have them now.”

Steve meanders through the expansive grounds. He’s clearly looking for something. He brushes off Thor asking for a second conversation with a polite excuse before take another turn in the winding paths.  He turns his head over his shoulder to ask the camera men which way back inside when he collides with something. Someone.

“It’s probably ill advised to get the attention of the man of your affections by knocking him on his ass, huh?” Bucky jokes. “I actually was coming to grab you for a conversation. I haven’t had a chance to talk to you all night.”

The two men are sat side by side, dress pants rolled up to their knees, while their legs swing gentle waves into the surface of the pool. Dusk has gone and night has come. They’ve been talking for some time now. They’ve both discarded their suit jackets but it’s done nothing to prevent the evening humidity from clinging their shirts to their muscles.

“I have to ask. I feel like I know you from somewhere.”

“Is that you cheesily telling me you feel like you’ve known me for one hundred years?” Steve asks in a singsong mocking tone.

“No! Punk! I’m serious though.” Bucky thinks for a moment before exclaiming, “Do you go to that bodega on the corner of Clark and Henry with Mr. O’Sullivan and his cat Maevie?”

“See I was having a great time chatting with you but now I have to send you home cause clearly you’re a stalker.”

“I knew it! You look...different?”

Steve chuckles gently. “I bulked up a bit for the show. Had to fit the ‘look’ ya know?”

“I feel like such an idiot for not talking to you sooner but I hadn’t seen you there in a long time. I usually go super late though.” Bucky looks down at his hands; there’s more to the statement than he’s letting on.

“Chatting with Mr. O’Sullivan is always a good way to pass the time when insomnia strikes.” Bucky looks up at Steve in shock. He’s ready to explain himself but Steve jumps up abruptly out of the pool. “I’ll be right back. Don’t leave.”

In Steve’s haste to stand, he’s soaked most of his dress pants all the way through. He follows the twists and turns of the gardens and seating areas. Natasha sees him approaching the bench she’s sat at with Wanda. She raises her hand to grab his attention but before she can even get his name out of her mouth his jogged past.

“He’s disappeared for nearly an hour, no one could find him, and then he’s just not gonna talk to the rest of us?” Disappointment clouds her features as she sits back down next to Wanda with a plop.

“I’m so excited to talk to him. He’s just got great energy-” Sam’s discussion with Bruce is cut off by Steve skidding into the living room; wet bare feet nearly have him knocked on his ass for the second time tonight. “There’s the man of the hour himself. Can I steal you?”

Sam stands confidently looking rather hopeful; bird costume now discarded. Steve does a double take eyeing him top to bottom. He rests both his hands on the top of Sam’s shoulders before speaking.

“I would love to have a conversation with you. There’s just one thing I have to do first.” With that Steve takes off once more. He sprints to the small side table in the entryway. On the table sits a delicate gold tray holding a single rose. He quickly snatches it before dashing back out to the pool.

“Hey now. You may be more beefed up but I’m certain your probably still capable of cracking your head open. Careful now.” Bucky tuts laughing at the breakneck pace. His laughter is quickly stifled when he sees what’s in Steve's open palm.

“James-”

“It’s Bucky. Everyone close to me calls me Bucky.”

“Bucky… coming into tonight I was terrified. I know that sounds like the typical monologue speech I have to give but I was near ready to toss my cookies out front when the limo first opened. I had no idea what to expect and had convinced myself I’d made a huge mistake putting myself out here.”

Bucky takes a single foot out of the water and tucks it beneath his body to better face Steve. The hand that isn’t holding the rose is fidgeting with a fold of fabric from his pants. Bucky reaches out and plants his palm on top of the blondes ceasing the movement. His thumb strokes small circles onto the back of Steve’s hand; it seems to allow Steve to continue with what he has to say.

“My anxiety was at an all time high and then out you came. Speaking to you tonight has been the first time since agreeing to be the bachelor that I feel like I’m doing something right. I want to thank you for putting me at ease and being your true self.”

“You’re welcome, punk.” The joking nickname sounds more affectionate than insult.

“Bucky, will you accept this rose?”

“I’d be honored.”

Steve untwines his hand to pin the crimson rose to Bucky’s lapel. His hands hesitate once the rose is in place as if debating their next action. There’s a half second pause before Steve gently tugs on Bucky’s tie drawing the brunette into a kiss.

Bucky can’t contain the wide smile despite Steve’s lips still being against his. He breaks the kiss and places a final peck on Steve’s forehead.

“I know this isn’t going to be easy for you. But anytime during this experience you never need to doubt who I am with you. I’m here to get to know you, support you, and hopefully fall in love with you. I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.”

[sylveondreams]

HI HI! FIC RECS ANON FROM PSEUDOPHAN! I have come to ask for the fics but I don't know where to start, help. What can you recommend for a newbie (to the phandom, not to fics... if u know what i'm saying)? I love reading non-AU but, like, I also really like AUs.... just well-written fics I guess... What are YOUR personal favorites?

i read so much fic that even when i look through my folder and narrow down to my favorites, i have ended up with about 20 fics, so this is going to have to have a readmore. i’m a slut for aus but i also like to read reality because i can’t write it so this is going to be a good mix. 

also, there’s lots of links so probably go on desktop before you look at this. mobile likes to crash when you open long posts.

i kind of categorised these before i wrote this so that similar things are close to each other. i probably should have copypasted the summaries from the fics themselves but sometimes i am lazy.

first up is nonmagical aus! these are the general kind of aus like uni or high school aus that don’t involve an element of fantasy. some of them are based off movies but i’m lazy and they’re on the fic page anyway.

one of my very favorite fics of all time is in this category: details of an asteroid. it’s almost 90k words, so you’d have to have a lot of free time to read it all in one sitting. (i know it took me about 4 hours but i read really fast when i’m absorbed in things) it’s a uni au which gets a bit angsty but i didn’t cry about the angsty bits - i cried about the beautiful language it’s written in. honestly i love this author so much they’re so good

I Dare You to Love Me - dan is a florist and one day phil comes into his flower shop and dan thinks he’s really hot. unfortunately, phil is going to get married and wants to hire dan for his wedding. this is not angst. it has a happy ending.

Just the Beat of My Own Heart - dan and phil run video game stores next to each other. they hate each other. neither of them know that the person they are slowly falling in love with online is the owner of the store next door. the admins of the phanfictioncatalogue have recommended this many times

Stirring In Love - another chaptered fic that gets quite long (about 70k). this is a great british bake off au. it made me crave cake. maybe don’t read it on an empty stomach. thinking about it makes me want to go bake…

Sidetracked - this was recently completed at 86k words, so yes, another long chaptered one. dan and phil are contestants on the bachelorette. they aren’t as interested in getting the girl as they should be. i read this serially and i couldn’t wait for the next week when the next chapter came out. it’s done now, though, so you won’t have to wait. isn’t that great.

A Friend Of A Friend, These Strangers At The Party Never Paid - a high school au! dan decided to write his name on the bathroom stall, and he continued speaking to the person who texted him for a long time. it was a while before they learned each other’s names.

magical aus! these are my favorite to write (and the only thing i can write. i suck at realistic fiction.)

heart full of headlines - AHHHH ANOTHER WORK BY THE AUTHOR OF DETAILS OF AN ASTEROID! i could gush about this forever. heart full of headlines is hands down my favorite fic of all time. i don’t think anything could beat it. i’m trash for magic and amazing writing and books and this has all three. dan and phil are writers who haven’t really met before a panel about fantasy, and they - well - they do not really hit it off well. at all. also, phil can do magic and this isn’t really accepted in society. this leads to some angst but there’s a happy ending.

Misplaced - i love jillian. she has really good ideas and executes them well and has a good work ethic and i love her. youtuber!phil has switched places with band!phil and they both have to figure stuff out. there’s some smut but i gather jillian writes it well. i don’t know. i skip those parts.

Of Streets And Strangers - i love weird fiction but if you’re bothered by unreality don’t read this. phil lives on a street that isn’t there. dan is frightened by this crazy guy.

Put That Camcorder Away or So Help Me God - before dan and phil met in real life, there was the zombie apocalypse. seven years later, they are separated from their groups and run into each other in manchester. phil isn’t as useless as he seems. 

Watchful - phil is a ghost hunter. dan is a ghost haunting a prison.

white - uhhhh i don’t know how to explain it so i’ll copypaste the summary. Phil’s never been more confused about everything, especially when it’s cold out and there’s a boy who looks like a blizzard talking in tones of snowflakes. Or the one where Phil’s floating through life detached and Dan has white hair.

here on its lonesome is one angst fic. it doesn’t get to go with the reality fics because it’s technically an au but it isn’t au enough to go with the others.

The Couch - (MC DEATH) written from the perspective of dan and phil’s couch. i’m never going to read this again because stuff happened in my life and it would trigger me but it’s good i promise. i cried a lot when i read it.

reality fics are fantastic and i envy people who can write them. these are super fluffy.

Dan and Phil: Lords of the Internet, Masters of Ambiguity - TO READ THIS FIC YOU MUST BE LOGGED INTO AO3! a newspaper article. who are dan and phil really?

all our friends want us to fall in love - are they dating? new friends can’t tell.

he must’ve forgot to close his door - dan and phil are drunk and they have lipstick and there’s super fluff.

Jouer and Lacquer - as someone who is agender i love nb! fics. dan is nonbinary in this one.

Pretend - what if they pretended, just for one day, that they didn’t know each other?

The Way I See You - phil is insecure about his appearance. dan decides he’ll give him a compliment every day until he feels better about himself.

1000 Post-It Notes - if you didn’t know, phil bought a massive block of sao post-it notes when they were in japan. this is what he did with them.

and finally the best one