#i’m activiely crying it was so beautiful

[blorbodiaz]

GUYS you will not believe the dream i just had. it was insane. like i came up with an episode in my sleep. i’m actually crying while typing this.

context: before i went to bed i had just watched ‘the psych odyessey’ episode of psych and got inspired? i guess?

basically, it was pretty much a bottle episode where the 118 were stuck in the firehouse with nothing to do and somewhere (idk specifically, dream memory is weird) they found this old dusty notebook and started going though it, and it was this man’s diary of his life. they’re “reading” it but then they’re retelling his story in our eyes and the cast is playing all the characters in the diary, like the psych episode (and the blue butterfly one in castle).

in the end, the diary told the story of a man who had this great, beautiful love but didn’t realise it until late in life when he was already with another man (who was a bit meh ngl) and the diary stopped before they got to find out the ending. the team decide to just let it go and put the book back where they found it but my boy eddie had other ideas. he took the diary and went to athena for help, tracking down where this guy lived now and was thankfully alive, just old. so he went to his house to give the diary back and got to hear the ending of the story. turns out the old man DID leave his meh husband and go with the love of his life.

and dream ends with this scene which, for the record, i cannot get out of my head. eddie is just about to leave and thank the man for his time when the man says “he’ll always choose you, in the end” and eddie, confused and a little stunned, goes “what?” and the man replies “your love. he’ll choose you when it comes down to it” and eddies goes “how did you know about that?” (this is the first proper verbal confirmation we get from him) and just before he closes the door the man goes “i can just tell”. eddie doesn’t tell anyone about the visit.

END OF DREAM

can someone write this as a fic? 😭😭

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 46/46 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Well, here we are. After 46 chapters and over 4.5 years, we’ve finally come to the end of the road. Of course, this last chapter is dedicated to the wonderful, brilliant, amazing @artificialscorpio, who was the original author of this fic and who generously allowed me to first come onboard as a co-author, and then take over when they decided to take a break. I love you so much honey!!!

And of course, we’ve had some fantastic beta readers, especially the ones who helped with these last batch of chapters: @saiphl, @sillylittlecandycane and @tumble4rpdr. Thank you so so much to you guys, you’re the best!

Lastly, if you have ever liked, commented on, or interacted with this story in any way…I love you.

-Veronica

If you’re interested in the rest of this fic, you can click here for previous chapters or here if you’d rather read on AO3. xoxo!

Chapter Summary: Graduation! But what does the future hold…?

Chapter 46: Kaleidoscope

Courtney was very rapidly losing her grip on reality, hands buried in Adore’s hair, back arched, biting down on her lip so hard she tasted blood. The absolute gentleness of Adore’s mouth was making her insane. Even the way she held her thighs down, thumbs lightly stroking her skin, was soft and warm.

The best part, though, was that it was her. Her best friend. The deepest, truest love she’d ever felt, finally being expressed.

Adore.

No one in the history of the world had ever had a more fitting name, Courtney thought, as her fingers tangled deeper into Adore’s hair. And then, like slipping under the cool water on a hot day, her world went blurry, sounds distorted and amplified.

“Adore…” It was a plea. A chant. Her only remaining connection to the physical world, the last thread she held onto before finally letting go, eyes falling closed and body melting down into the wooden floor beneath her.

Her eyes fluttered as she gasped for oxygen. Adore had rolled off of her, was holding one of her hands.

“Courtney?” she asked, edging closer, breath warm on Courtney’s cheek.

Courtney turned towards her, eyes liquid. “Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” she asked. There was a hint of a smile in her voice, an amused sparkle in her eyes.

“Uh huh,” Courtney managed. She took Adore’s face in her hands, kissing her tenderly and then murmuring against her lips. “That was perfect, so perfect…”

“Yeah?” Adore asked, wrapping her into an embrace.

“Mmmh…” Courtney snuggled against her, eyes closed. She was fairly certain that she’d never felt better in her life, and she hugged Adore tightly. Maybe too tight, from the way she shifted.

“Sorry,” Courtney whispered, loosening her grip as much as she could bear.

“For what, baby?”

“For-” Courtney’s breath hitched.

She buried her face in Adore’s chest, unable to express the emotions that currently enveloped her. Adore rested a cheek against her head, stroking her bare back. Courtney couldn’t explain why for the life of her, but suddenly, there was a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“Don’t let go.”

Adore had always been her best friend, the person she loved most in the world, but now, as perfect and wonderful as everything was, the thought of losing her was about a hundred times scarier. And even though Courtney finally knew that Adore felt the same way she did, part of her was still scared that the intensity of her feelings would scare her off.

“Don’t worry, I got you,” Adore murmured back softly. “I love you.”

It was the gentleness in her voice that finally allowed Courtney to let it all out. A tear began to make its way down Courtney’s cheek, and then another, and another, until she was full on sobbing, with no idea exactly why. It was like the combination of her earlier anxiety and fear and sadness and anger had catalyzed with the ecstatic joy and gratitude she was feeling now to create an unstoppable river of emotion, clinging to Adore like she was a life preserver.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m-”

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Adore sniffled, and it was only then that Courtney realized that she was crying too.

What a perfect mess they both were, she thought, and started laughing through her tears, Adore joining in as she rocked her slowly, both of them crying until they were wrung out and exhausted, too tired to move. The last thing Courtney remembered before drifting off was Adore kissing the top of her head and pulling her impossibly close.

-

Adore slept peacefully, maybe better than she had in years, until she was woken by the sweet caress of Courtney’s fingers as she laced and unlaced them with her own, the early morning fog making everything cool and slightly damp, causing them both to burrow deeper into the sleeping bag.

A sleepy smile spread across her face, arm tightening around Courtney’s body, whispering, “Hey there…”

“G’morning,” Courtney murmured back, snuggling against her.

“How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? It’s all a bit hard to believe,” Courtney admitted. “I keep thinking I’m gonna wake up and it’ll all have been a dream.”

“Yeah.” Adore knew exactly what she meant. Things this good just didn’t happen--not to her. She tightened her grip on Courtney’s hand, squeezing her fingers, trying to reassure both of them that it was actually real.

“I do have a question for you, though.”

“Hit me.”

“Do you still think that we shouldn’t live together?” Courtney asked. Her tone was light and playful, but her eyes lowered slightly, and Adore could see that she was actually a bit unsure.

She smiled, shaking her head, pulling her in tight. “No, uh...I think that concern has like...resolved itself.”

“So then...the plan’s back on?” Courtney asked, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

A week ago, Adore wanted to stab her own eyes out every time she thought about them as roommates. But now, she couldn’t think of anything more exciting.

“Plan’s back on. And hey, now we can save even more money by getting a one bedroom,” she said, adding quickly, “If you think that’s something you’d want.”

“Definitely!” Courtney giggled, laying her head back down on Adore’s shoulder.

They sighed, content to just be together, to enjoy the stillness of the dawn and their hearts beating in sync.

They must have drifted off again, because the next thing Adore knew, the sun was high in the sky and Bonnie was rapping on the wooden ladder, calling up to her to get her lazy ass up and come have some breakfast.

She rubbed her eyes, sitting up. “Uh, coming Ma! I’ll be down in a minute!”

“I guess I better go get ready too,” Courtney said softly, gazing up at her.

Adore looked over at her, struck once again by how absolutely beautiful she was. She nodded and leaned over to brush a kiss against her lips.

The rest of the morning was pure chaos. Adore’s aunts had cooked a big breakfast, which of course took ages longer to eat than it should have. Then there was the logistical nightmare of bathroom time. By the time she arrived for the ceremony, she was late, her classmates already lined up in alphabetical order and beginning to walk towards their seats.

She searched the line for Fame and Violet, racing towards them to find her own spot, nerves making her stomach twist itself into knots, the disgusting polyester of her graduation gown making her sweat.

She’d really been hoping to see Courtney before the ceremony began--after all, it was one thing to confess their feelings to each other in private, but how would she act in front of all their friends and classmates, with their families watching from the bleachers? She couldn’t even text her, because they’d been told in no uncertain terms that any phones out would be immediately confiscated. Apparently some people treated high school graduations like some kind of religious ritual.

She barely listened to the speeches. It was clear from the crowd’s laughter that Bob was killing it, and good for him, but she didn’t have the brainpower to keep up with that. Fame kept reaching over both Violet and Valerie Delacruz to stop her nervous hands from tearing apart the orchid she was supposed to hold, but it was no use. By the end of Principal Greene’s speech, it was a pile of scraps in her lap. She brushed the pieces into the grass, sighing, wishing it was over.

Finally, it was time to file across the stage, and Adore knew that it should have been an exciting moment for her, but all she could feel as her family cheered their hearts out was numb apprehension, preparing herself for the worst. She tried to seek out Courtney’s face in the crowd as she stepped off the stage, but unfortunately, she was sitting behind Brent Isaacson, an absolute tank of a football player, and thus completely invisible.

Adore groaned inwardly, knowing that this might be the hardest part of the whole day...sitting back in her seat listening to the names of all the rest of her graduating class as they filed across one by one. With no more orchid to play with, she instead gripped the sides of her folder chair and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Hey…” Fame leaned over (ignoring Violet’s irritated scoff) and whispered, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Adore didn’t bother elaborating, so Fame gave her a pat on the thigh and straightened back up.

She did perk up when they started calling the J names, scanning through the line for Courtney, who looked tan and beautiful in deep scarlet lipstick, hair curled and spilling over her shoulders. Adore sat up as straight as she could, and when their eyes finally met, Courtney’s face broke out into a smile, giving Adore a secret little wave before turning to pay attention to the people directing them across the stage.

It should have made Adore feel better, but instead, it just made her anxiety skyrocket. She clapped for Courtney and then slumped back in her seat, passing the time by trying to think of lyrics to a song she was writing.

And then, at long last, it was over, everyone jumping up, some people throwing their stupid hats (even though they’d been told not to), a frenzy of activity as people hugged and cried and families swarmed down from the bleachers and onto the field with the graduates.

Adore looked around, but in the madness, couldn’t spot her anywhere.

“Can you believe we did it?” Willam was asking, as his arm slung around Violet’s shoulder, as Trinity and Fame squealed and hugged.

Adore’s throat felt a little dry, still scanning the crowd, when she felt someone throwing their arms around her from behind, practically knocking her over.

She laughed, first taking a moment to enjoy Courtney’s arms around her, sighing with relief before turning around and facing her.

“Hi. Congratulations,” she said softly.

“Same,” Courtney whispered back, gazing up into her eyes, hands still on her shoulders.

Adore swallowed, still unsure what to expect, but figured that at least, a hug was safe. She slipped her arms around Courtney’s waist, prepared to pull her in for a hug. But Courtney had other plans, taking Adore by the cheeks and kissing her right on the mouth.

Not just any kiss, but deep and slow, causing all the noise and the mayhem around them to fade away as Adore relished in the feel of her lips, warm and soft. In that moment, all of her panicking seemed insane--because of coursethis was how Courtney would break the news to their friends and family. Of course she wouldn’t care about gossip and prying eyes and snide comments. With that kiss, she was showing Adore yet again that she was number one, that nothing could stop them any longer.

That, as cliché and trite as it was in Principal Greene’s speech, today really was the first day of the rest of their lives.

A giddy laugh slipped from Adore’s lips as they parted, still too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to their friends gaping at them. Adore held Courtney close, giggling softly as she rested a forehead against hers.

“You know people are watching us,” Adore whispered.

“So?” Courtney whispered back, standing up on her tiptoes to press one more kiss to Adore’s lips.

“I told you she was bi!” Fame cried triumphantly, finally causing them to break their eye contact and look over at their friends. “Belli, you owe me five bucks!”

“Excuse me, you placed bets on us?” Adore asked, a hand on her hip. Beside her, Courtney seemed to find it all utterly amusing. “Does that mean you actually discussed this?”

“Yeah, bro,” Pearl said, patting her shoulder. She and Tatianna had apparently made their way over to the group while Adore was distracted by Courtney’s very friendly greeting. “Like...all the time.”

“Well…” Adore glanced over at Courtney, who was leaning a head on her shoulder, grinning from ear to ear, and realized that she couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed.

-

Every time Courtney so much as glanced at Adore, she felt like she was on top of the world. Of course, it was great to be at a graduation party with her family and friends, surrounded by so many people who cared about them both. But she would be lying if she said that anyone there made her feel half as excited as Adore’s hand in hers.

To anyone watching, she probably looked like a clingy mess, barely letting go of Adore’s hand, leaning against her shoulder, putting an arm around her waist, kissing her at every opportunity.

When she broke away for a few minutes to pose for family photos, Courtney felt a little ridiculous for missing her so much. She stood with some of her own family, making small talk about her summer plans, glancing over at Adore longingly every three seconds, waiting for her to come back.

Willam chose that moment to approach her, slinging an arm around her waist and asking, “What the fuck, cheerleader? I tell you my dick sucking secrets and now you're going to the dark side? Hope you have fun eating pussy.”

“Hi, Willam.” Courtney smiled sweetly at him, then said, “This is my grandmother, Muriel. Grandma, this is my friend Willam.”

Willam’s eyes widened and he backed away slowly, Muriel just shaking her head and muttering about kids these days and their filthy mouths. Courtney laughed to herself, eyes lighting up when she saw that Adore was finally heading back in her direction throwing her arms around her as if she’d been away at war for years.

“Hi,” Adore said, laughing as Courtney hugged her. “Missed me, huh?”

“Yes,” Courtney said, nuzzling into her neck.

Muriel cleared her throat, and Adore whispered, “Grandma’s not amused.”

“Yeah, what else is new?” Courtney whispered back, and they both giggled.

-

“Hey, there you are…” Pearl said, walking over to where Violet was sitting on Adore’s front steps, away from the party. She’d been searching for a place to smoke a cigarette, and when she spotted her, realized that she’d been absent for ages. “What’s up?”

“Nothing…”

“Oh yeah?” Pearl lit up, then slid into the step below her, looking up at her sullen face. “Seems like something.”

“Pearl, just…”

“What?”

“Go away,” Violet grumbled.

“Seriously, what’s wrong? Today’s supposed to be a happy day. No more high school!” Pearl pumped her fist in the air, lowering it slowly when she saw how unamused Violet was.

“Yeah, it’s great. I’m great. And it’s totally awesome that Adore’s tragic unrequited love for her best friend ended perfectly, while mine ended in disaster.” Violet kicked a stone off the step.

“You know-” Pearl began, but Violet cut her off.

“I don’t want to hear it, Pearl! I’m allowed to be fucking mad that she got everything she wanted and I got nothing! So don’t tell me that I should be celebrating, because I don’t fucking feel like it!”

Pearl held up her hands. “Actually, I was gonna say that I get it.”

Violet paused, eyes narrowing, still slightly out of breath from her rant, and asked, “You were?”

“Yeah. I mean, if life was fair, you’d have been rewarded for being brave enough to tell Fame how you felt all along.”

“Hmmph.”

“But also...you know, they just hooked up last night. It could still end in disaster.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Violet demanded, eyes narrowed even more.

“I dunno...did it?”

“No.”

“Then no.”

Violet groaned, leaning back on her elbows. “This fucking sucks.”

“Yeah.” Pearl took one last drag of her cigarette before dropping it on the bricks, putting it out with the toe of her boot. “But, you know, you could look on the bright side.”

“Oh yeah? What’s the bright side, Polly-fucking-anna?”

“Now that you know for sure that nothing will happen with Fame, it frees you up to explore other...romantic opportunities.”

Violet snorted. “Oh yeah, like who? You?”

“You could do worse, you know.”

Violet stared at her for a few seconds, and Pearl thought there was a chance that she’d shove her off the steps, or laugh, or get even more annoyed than she already was. Instead, she shrugged.

“Alright.”

“Yeah? Really?”

“One date won’t kill me, right?”

Pearl grinned at her, shaking her head. “You won’t regret it.”

“I already do,” Violet retorted, with an exaggerated eye roll, only the light in her eyes and the slight quirk of her lips betraying her perfectly ironic tone.

-

“Augh, you bitch!” Adore shrieked, and Courtney laughed, fluttering her lashes innocently, pretending like she’d only gotten the frosting on Adore’s cheek by accident while giving her a bite of her red velvet cupcake.

“Oops, sorry,” Courtney said, licking the frosting off her own fingers as Adore tackled her onto the picnic blanket, both of them laughing happily.

“You guys are so cute,” Fame declared.

“Yeah, it’s disgusting,” Trinity added drily, and Tatianna laughed.

Courtney gazed up at Adore, about to go in for another kiss, when she stopped cold, Adore’s face stricken with guilt, pushing her off. Courtney turned in the direction where she was looking, and felt a lump in her throat.

Roy.

In Courtney’s ecstatic joy, she’d nearly forgotten about how awful their break-up had been--a mere two days earlier--but suddenly it all came rushing back, her pulse racing and stomach clenching.

“Shit,” she whispered softly, biting her lip.

She was frankly a bit surprised to see him here. From the look on his face when he’d stormed away, she’d expected for him to keep his distance for a long, long time.

“Are you gonna go talk to him?” Adore asked.

“Um…” Courtney knew she should, but she couldn’t will her limbs to move at the moment.

“You should talk to him,” Adore said firmly, taking the plate out of her hands. “I’ll save your cupcake.”

“Thanks, that was my number one concern right now,” Courtney said drily, and Adore chuckled.

“Stop stalling. Go ahead.”

Courtney heaved a sigh and stood up, brushing some crumbs off her skirt and walking slowly to the edge of the yard where Roy stood. The guilt made her stomach twist into knots, wondering what he would say, whether he was still so angry at her. She kept her eyes down, unable to look directly into his face, for fear of seeing that hatred on his face where once it had been nothing but love.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” he replied, seeming about as uncomfortable as she felt, shifting from one foot to the other. “Uh...congrats.”

“Thanks.”

There was a long pause, things more awkward between them than they’d ever been, before both of them began to speak at once.

“How are you-”

“Have you decided-”

They stopped, at the same time, Courtney daring to look up into his brown eyes for the first time, adding a sincere, “I’m sorry.”

Roy nodded, kicked at the edge of the grass.

“I really am,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

Courtney bit her lip, offering a gentle, “You’re gonna find someone better than me, you know.”

“Oh, I have no doubt about that,” Roy replied, a wry smile on his face that finally gave Courtney some hope.

“Um...do you want something to eat?”

“No thanks. I just came by to say congratulations and…” he sighed, letting out a sad little chuckle. “Actually, I’m not totally sure why I came. A glutton for punishment, I guess.”

“Okay.” Courtney swallowed, the lump growing in her throat. “I’m really-”

“I’ll see you around, Court.” He turned to leave.

“Wait!” Courtney sniffled, eyes misty, as he turned back towards her. She stepped forward, knowing she needed to say something but at a complete loss for what. This was the person who’d been there for her through thick and thin for years. It just didn’t seem right to let him go without telling him how much she was going to miss him. But saying that, or even telling him the truth--that she would always, always love him--it suddenly seemed selfish. She didn’t have a right to unburden herself to him, not anymore. She would have to carry this particular burden alone.

“Yeah?”

“I just...do you think…” Courtney chewed on her lip, trying to stop the tears threatening to leak from her eyes. “Do you think we’ll ever be friends again?”

Roy was silent for a moment, and Courtney immediately regretted what she’d said. It seemed insane to think that after everything she put him through, she was even entitled to his friendship.

“I’m sorry, I just-” she stopped, voice breaking, realizing that there was probably nothing she could say to make things better.

“No, I get it,” he said, once again showing her kindness that she didn’t deserve. “I just...I don’t know. Maybe.”

She nodded hopefully, grateful for the ‘maybe,’ knowing that it was really the most she could ask for at the moment.

“Well, um…” Roy cleared his throat. “Have a good summer.”

“Yeah, you too.”

She stood there for awhile, watching him go, waiting until he got into his car and drove down the block before turning and heading back to Adore and the others, collapsing onto the picnic blanket with a groan.

“Was it awful?” Adore asked, letting Courtney settle with a head in her lap.

“Mmhmm.” Courtney pressed her cheek against Adore’s thigh, eyes closed, trying to think of all the things that she had to be grateful for at the moment. The scent of fresh-cut grass. The warm summer day. Adore’s hands in her hair, fingers running through the strands without Courtney even having to ask.

She knew she’d feel guilty about Roy for a long time--maybe forever. But as she opened her eyes and saw Adore gazing down at her, the bleached parts of her faded lavender hair lit up by the dappled sunlight filtering in through the trees above, she also knew that she’d done the right thing for all of them, as hard as it was.

Adore seemed to read her mind, a smile pulling on her full lips as she bent down to brush a kiss against Courtney’s forehead.

-

Adore strummed lightly on her guitar, softly picking out a melody as she watched Courtney pour over a huge selection of guidebooks and maps, armed with multicolored highlighters and post-its. The evening sun slanted in through the window, giving her a golden, ethereal glow that contrasted sharply with her mundane task of selecting attractions and routes for their road trip next week. Adore was certain that no one in history had ever looked so beautiful sticking post-its in a guide book or unfolding a map.

If it was up to Adore, she’d just start driving and wing it, but Courtney was taking the planning part very seriously, considering every road and making sure every detail would be perfect. She’d even scheduled in time for “spontaneous fun” so that they could have some days of just fucking around the way Adore wanted. The careful consideration was a sign of how much it mattered to her, and besides that, Adore found her serious planning face far too cute to waste her breath arguing.

“Look, if we take the pink route down,” Courtney said, tracing it along the map with her finger, “Then we can hit up the El Chorro Hot Springs on the way to Cabo.”

“Sounds great,” Adore said.

“And then we can do the blue route on the way back, see? We’ll go through La Paz both ways, so we can either do it before or after. Maybe after is better, so we know how much time we can stay?” She tapped a highlighter against her chin, considering the options.

“Awesome.” A lazy grin spread across Adore’s face as Courtney looked up, head tilted.

“Are you even listening?” she asked, brow arched, a look of amusement tinged with mild exasperation flashing across her face.

“Sort of,” Adore admitted. “But I trust you. There’s really only one thing I care about on this trip, anyway.”

“Zip-lining in Las Cañadas?” Courtney asked, holding up a pamphlet.

“No.”

Adore set down her guitar, then reached out and grasped Courtney by the wrist, pulling her over into her lap. Courtney giggled, delighted, nuzzling her nose and then kissing her gently.

“Playa del Amor?” Courtney then guessed, eyes shining.

“No,” Adore said again, shaking her head. She trailed her lips along Courtney’s jaw to her pulse point, where her teeth gently nipped at the sensitive flesh before licking her softly, making Courtney shiver.

“The rock paintings in Sierra de San Fran-” she stopped talking with a short gasp as Adore began to suck, her fingers tightening in her hair.

“Give up?” Adore whispered, feeling her nod, the pride of making her melt so quickly making Adore’s heart race. She lifted her head, looking straight into Courtney’s now glazed-over eyes to firmly say, “I don’t really care where we go, or what we do. I just care about being with you. Without having to pretend that I don’t...fucking love every inch of you.”

Adore had no doubt that it would be a great trip. How could it not be? The two of them frolicking on beaches, splashing in the warm water while ocean breezes whipped their hair around. She could already taste the salty kisses and feel the sand between their toes. She could imagine getting naughty while rubbing sunscreen on each other’s backs, and sharing dripping ice cream cones.

She didn’t even care that Courtney was going to make her hike on dusty trails and visit coldly air-conditioned museums. Those awful hikes would only make it more satisfying to curl up together at the end of the night. And in the museums, they could hold hands, fingers laced together, the cool air giving them an excuse to stand closer together.

All of it would be perfect, no matter what roads they drove along or what beachside motels they stopped in for the night. Because they’d be together, finally together, making Adore’s wildest dreams come true.

She continued to gaze at Courtney in the golden light, getting a look of pure love, of singular devotion, in return. It was a look that was both new and deeply familiar, a look that Adore had seen before so many times, but never truly understood until they’d confessed their most vulnerable feelings out loud.

How could she ever, ever have doubted their unbreakable bond? At that moment, she had no idea.

Courtney tilted her chin up, leaning in to press her lips to Adore’s once more, the kiss slow and perfect, a lovely taste of the unhurried summer days ahead.

They finally separated, gazing at each other with mirrored love-stuck expressions, eyes locked--until Courtney caught a glimpse of something over Adore’s shoulder, smile growing even more.

“What?” Adore turned her head, trying to see what captured her attention.

“Our names,” Courtney told her, pointing.

Adore chuckled slightly at the sight, the names they’d carved so many years ago with Bonnie’s screwdriver. The letters were crooked and wonky, scratched into the wood by what were clearly amateurish hands.

Courtney shifted, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a house key. She crawled over to the wall and began scratching something new, next to the original names.

“What are you doing?”

“You’ll see,” she sang, now hard at work.

When the letters started to form in the soft wood, Adore laughed again.

“How come your writing looks just as bad as when you were 8?”

“I never claimed to be an artist,” Courtney said, and Adore slipped her arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder, eyes closed as she breathed in the scent of her, of summer personified. When Courtney was finished, she moved aside to give Adore a better look.

Inside a crude carving of a heart (or at least, what was meant to be a heart) was the message:

AD + CJ 2007

“Do you like it?” Courtney asked, blowing a few strands of hair out of her eyes.

“It’s beautiful,” Adore proclaimed. And it was--imperfect, messy letters that Adore wouldn’t trade for anything, because it was them. She knew, looking at it, that she’d always treasure it, this permanent reminder of their love and hope and boundless joy.

“You’re beautiful,” Courtney countered with a soft kiss to her cheek.

Adore smiled at her.

Again.

Her face hurt from all the smiling.

Courtney rested her forearms on Adore’s shoulders, a matching smile spread across her face, before asking, “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking...that our lives are gonna be awesome.”

“Obviously,” Courtney giggled, leaning forward to kiss her again.

Adore sighed happily into the kiss, then pulled back to look into her eyes, seeing the rosy, golden light of the sunset reflected back at her. More than that, she saw all the sunsets they were going to share together: this summer, this year, and beyond.

She’d never considered herself an optimist, not even close. But today, tonight, all she could see was a life of endless bliss stretched out before her.

The best part, though, was that it was already happening. Their beautiful life of love and joy and excitement had begun; she didn’t have to wait another second for it to start.

*

A/N 2: That’s all…for now. A sequel may be in the works. 👀 XOXOXOXO

[wonderland-in-bloom]

an unexpected day off

[leona kingscholar x fem!pomefiore!reader]

anon asked: Yay requestss are open! May I request a oneshot where Leonas fem Pomfiore s/o's little sister comes to Night Raven to visit her and meets Cheka who is also visiting Leona and they become friends and all that cute stuff ( bonus Leona and readers reaction )

yes!! cute indeed uwu hi guys how are you all, are you dying over silver and lilia’s cards as much as i am? heheh 

le fic under the cut

TODAY was going to be a chill day filled with activies which could be tied to lazing around. well at least that’s what both you and your boyfriend thought. but the both of you were wrong. horribly wrong. that morning leona was woken up by cheka literally jumping on top of him. while on the other hand, you were having a beautiful dream until the door to your room slammed against the wall after it swung open. “(Y/N)-NEEEEEEEEE!!! WAKE UP! I’M SPENDING THE WHOLE DAY WITH YOU TODAY!” in your half awoken state, you were still able to recognize that high pitched voice. it was your younger sister. 

“what the hell are you doing here?” you groaned as you buried your head in your pillow. “mom and dad want me here! besides i want to see how miserable you are.” you growled and threw a pillow at her. you two argued and fought so loud that vil came storming into your room with his face still full of cucumbers and a face mask and scolded both you and your younger sister. you really did just want to have one day off without anything crazy or chaotic happening, but hey, when is life ever calm? you sighed as your little sister dragged you around the whole campus. some students gave you glares and in return you gave them back glares which signaled “please help me i beg you”. they legitimately just laughed at you. after all, it was only entertainment for them. in the middle of the way as you trailed behind your sister in the courtyard, she suddenly stopped. 

your eyes sparkled when you saw your boyfriend walking towards you from the other end. “leona!!!” you cheered as you rushed over to him. you saw a glint in his eyes as he was happy to see you too. you wrapped your arms around his torso and he placed his hand on your waist. “please help me....” you whispered. “yeah i could say the same.” you both turned around to face the children you were forced to babysit. they both froze as they eyed each other up and down. “oho? what do we have here?” cheka stepped closer to your little sister and eyed her even more intensely. “who are you?” cheka asked. 

“i could ask you the same! i didn’t know kids were allowed here.” she shot back. “i’m cheka kingscholar...ojitan...leona’s nephew. and you?” you and leona saw the two bashful kids. “i’m (l/s/n). (y/n)’s litle sister.” it was a little awkward for a while. you were debating with yourself wether to break it up or do something at least. however as you were about to step closer to them, leona grabbed your hand. “wait, (y/n). this might be a really good chance. if the both of them gets along, then they’ll just wander off on their own. less work for us, ya know?” you bit your bottom lip. a negative multiplied by a negative equals a positive. which means that both their chaotic-ness and irresponsibility would cancel each other out and you and leona would have no trouble. you two would have a day filled with relaxing and lazing around just as you both thought. “hmm, you’re right.” you smirked. you and leona chuckled evilly as the two kids started a conversation. 

you and leona didn’t even pay attention to them for five seconds and they were already running off to go play somewhere else. leona smirked as you both turned around, planning to head over to his room and just continue your beauty sleep which was cut short. leona slung his arm over your shoulder as you snuggled close against him and started walking to the savanaclaw dorms. however not long after, you heard a surprisingly high pitched yet familiar screaming coming from somewhere not too far from you. you and leona briskly made your way to the source of the scream to see...idia in a tree? “idia...senpai?” his eyes were wide filled with terror and fear. “(Y-Y/N)! L-LEONA! PLEASE HELP ME!” he pleaded. you two looked down to two very familiar figures right below the branch idia was gripping to dear life on. “YOUR HAIR IS SO COOL! WE JUST WANNA PLAY!” your little sister chirped. “PLEASEEE COME DOWN.” cheka joined her. 

leona growled and grabbed cheka by the collar. “oi, what are you doing?” cheka pouted. “we were just curious!” he replied. “we just wanted to play with him...it’s not our fault he’s a scaredy cat.” your little sister joined. you smacked the back of her head. “that’s not nice. we’re so sorry idia-senpai. you can go now.” he slowly climbed from the branch and down to the ground and started running off. “heeeh, what a weird guy.” your little sister commented. “well you two were basically invading his boundaries. so.” she rolled her eyes. “sheesh (y/n)-nee, can’t you just let us have a little fun? come on cheka! we have more places to go to!” she giggled and the two kids started running off. remember when you thought that the chaotic-ness would cancel each other out? yeah. wrong. instead it multiplied and now they get into more trouble as a duo than you both thought. 

and thus your day off from school was filled with running around, trying to catch the two kids, and apologizing to the other dorm leaders and students. to keep things short and simple, there were a lot of things those two did which disturbed the other students. first, they managed to leave the hedgehogs riddle used in his game of croquet to almost die because of shock and fear. this left riddle in a frenzy and it took the adeuce duo and cater to calm him down while trey urged the two kids to run off. but he didn’t even hesitate giving you and leona a little lecture. second, they sneaked into savanaclaw’s daily magift training sessions and held onto a couple of senior’s brooms. they almost fell a couple of feet from the air and had to be caught by jack and ruggie. ruggie (wholeheartedly) told leona off and when you wanted to catch the two troublemakers, they were already gone. third, they managed to infiltrate the mostro lounge and begged jade and floyd for piggyback rides. it went well at first but let’s just say the lounge didn’t look so good after the whole session ended. azul ended up threatening leona with blackmail and scolded the both of you for doing that to his precious lounge. (of course he threatened to sue leona but he just brushed him off. after all, leona was a rich boy so he didn’t really mind. lol)

fourth, they played hide and seek with kalim in his treasure room. for once, this was the one instance where the dorm leader wasn’t mad or troubled, but rather joined them in the fun. in the end, jamil had to drag kalim by the collar and scold him instead of you and leona. they continued their game without kalim and this time it was hide and seek with you and leona. of course you didn’t find them anywhere in scarabia and concluded that they headed off to pomefiore. rook was in a panic because the peacocks from the gardens escaped and started to cause havoc, making the garden a mess. epel was chasing the two children (as ordered by vil) but they just laughed and thought it was a game of tag. your dorm leader didn’t hesitate to blabber a handful of comments which made your ears ring and he also didn’t hesitate to slap the back of leona’s head. “irresponsible. just like their relatives.” he mentioned, hinting at the fact that like nephew/little sister like uncle/older sister. finally, cheka and your little sister stepped foot into diasomnia but regretted it the instant they stepped in. 

they were greeted with sebek and silver who scared them off and made them not even dare to do anything which involves diasomnia. lilia tried to be nice to them and tried to calm the down as best he can (he is a father after all ha ha) but he managed to make them cry. at the end of your tiring and NOT AT ALL peaceful day, you found the two snuggled next to each other under a tree. they were both fast asleep. you and leona sighed in relief. you exchanged glances with each other before collapsing yourselves. “finally~” the storm has passed and you two could finally calm down. you both leaned against the tree and sat down with a ‘thump’. with aching feet and ears just having enough of lectures and rambles, both your eyes felt heavy. you were already drifting off to sleep when you felt leona’s hand position your head to lean against his shoulder. you smiled and that’s when you were engulfed in a deep slumber. 

this really wasn’t the day off both leona and you were expecting. but at least you spent the whole day together and managed to work together as a pair to solve the mischief caused by the two children. well....somewhat solved it at least. 

BONUS: “AAAWH THEY’RE SO CUTE! THEY’RE LIKE A LITTLE FAMILY!” cater whisper shouted from behind a bush. he took out his phone and readied his camera. you and leona were out cold. snoring and dead asleep as leona leaned against the tree and you leaned against his shoulder. cheka rested his head on leona’s lap whilst your little sister did the same thing to you. the four of you really did look like a cute, little family. “this might be a good time to ambush. don’t you think my beautiful queen?” rook commented as he put aside the binoculars. “hmm...maybe we can make use of cater-kun. those pictures can easily be blackmail. we can get them to do our bidding as long as we have their picture.”

“ah! smart and beautiful! that is our dorm leader, vil schoenheit!”

“that’s what the both of you get for disrupting my day off.” 

♡

lol i included a sentence or two related to math (simple math tho lol). wai? i finished like four weeks of math hw in a day haha. yeah well it was stupid for teachers to give us summer hw. like i’m already stressed sm and now they’re just yeeting more stress to me. yeeeets. rant over. 

love, a♕

[fixxofvixx]

TEACHING VIXX - CHAPTER SIXTY

Holy Crap, I made it to sixty chapters!!!! I am really sorry but this chapter is a bit long.  I just couldn’t stop writing!!!  

Also, there are two links in this chapter.  You don’t have to click on them but it will help you understand the story a little bit more.  If they don’t work or if something isn’t clear, just let me know!

I really hope you enjoy this chapter.  It’s been in my head pretty much since I started this fic.  PLEASE let me know what you think! <3

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Your immediate instinct was to run but you needed to find Taekwoon first. You focused on his heartbeat and you could tell he was close. You tried to go in the direction of the pull but the hands on your shoulders held you in place.

“Taekwoon?” Your voice shook a little as a thousand scenarios ran through your head. You didn’t know if he was hurt, hiding to play some sort of joke, or if someone was holding him like you.

Finally, the hands turned you a bit to the left and urged you to walk forward. You stumbled a bit but stayed upright. The hands were gentle but firm.

After about 20 or so steps the hands stopped you. Taekwoon’s heart was stronger now, indicating that you were closer to him. But it was still erratic. Suddenly, the hands on your shoulders were gone. Your body shook with adrenaline. You were worried that maybe the situation was about to turn worse.

As soon as you carefully reached for the blindfold a piano sound came out of nowhere. You jumped as the sound reverberated around the stadium.

Ripping the blindfold off, you stared in disbelief at he sight before you.

There in the center stage was Taekwoon. Relief flooded you that he was okay. More than okay, actually. Not 30 feet away from you, Taekwoon was seated at a beautiful piano. You recognized the song immediately. You had never told him how much you loved the song but hearing him play it now brought tears to your eyes.

SONG

As he started the first verse of the song, your legs almost gave out. You always knew his voice was perfect for this song.

Hands appeared on your back, gently pushing you forward. You didn’t even glance back to see who it was. You mindlessly strode towards Taekwoon. His fingers glided over the keys effortlessly and his voice sounded angelic. Tears were streaming down your cheeks now. You didn’t care. This was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

When the song was finished, Taekwoon looked up at you. His green eyes were sparkling and found yours instantly. You didn’t have the power to look away. Not that you wanted to.

He stood and came closer to you. He reached forward and brushed the tears from your cheeks. He brushed the hair away from your face and cupped your cheeks.

“I know you think I’ve been lying to you. I know you could hear the difference in my heartbeat when I told you nothing was wrong. But, I couldn’t let you find out about my secret.”

You looked at him in confusion. You wanted to ask a million questions but words were stuck in your throat.

“I’ve told you before but I’m going to say it again. Just like the song said in the beginning. I knew you would be mine when I first met you. Something in my gut told me you were going to be the best thing thats ever happened to me. Never in my dreams could I have found a more perfect woman.”

He paused for a moment and his hands left your cheeks. He put his hand in his pocket and returned with something in his fist. You started to speak but was stopped when he suddenly kneeled. Air left your lungs. New tears sprang from your eyes.

“Which is why I would like to make it permanent.” He looked into your eyes and you saw nothing but pure love there.

“Taekwoon…”

“(Y/N), will you marry me?”

You choked out a cry. You just wanted this beautiful moment to stand still forever. You wanted time to freeze.

“Yes.”

A huge smile broke out on Taekwoon’s face as he took your hand in his. He slid the ring on and for the hundredth time tonight, your heart seized. You knew this ring. Taekwoon stood and his arms enveloped you.

You started to ask but chaos erupted on stage in the form of the rest of VIXX. Various degrees of congratulatory calls filled the large space.

Suddenly, the large screen behind you flickered. It was the main screen that showed the various videos during their concert. What you saw on the screen brought a hard lump to your throat.

“Mom? Dad?”

“Hi sweetheart! Oh, honey, I’m so happy for you!!” Your mom was crying as much as you were now and you were pretty sure your Dad was holding back the tears in his eyes.

“But, how?”

“Taekwoon has been talking with us for about two weeks about planning this for you. It was a little difficult language wise but Hyuk helped as well. We’ve been watching the whole thing on Hyuk’s phone.”

You glanced at the maknae and sure enough, he was holding his phone up, live streaming.

“Taekwoon asked if we would like to come personally but I feared the trip would be too hard on us. But he promised a visit to us soon.” You nodded in understanding and wrapped your arms around Taekwoon.

“When I came home that day after you had been asleep for two days, I told you I had been at practice but I had actually went to pick up this from the post office.” He grabbed your hand and held it up, showing off your engagement ring.

“I offered to send that to Taekwoon after he asked about rings. I knew you had always loved your grandmother’s ring. I figured it would be suitable.”

“Its more than suitable. Its everything. I couldn’t ask for more.”

“You go have fun with your friends and new fiance. We can talk later, okay? I love you sweetie.”

“I love you too Mom, Dad.”

“I love you too, cupcake.”

After a couple of seconds, the screen went dark. The only thing you could think to do was turn back around to Taekwoon and cry on his chest. His arms came around you again and he buried his head in your neck. His lips sought any patch of skin he could reach.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’ll be time for that later. Right now, we need to go back to our hotel and celebrate!!!” Jaehwan pulled on your arm and separated you from Taekwoon. A low growl came from the panther and you smiled. Nothing could dampen your spirits right now.

“Bring her back.” Taekwoon’s voice sounded fatally dark.

Jaehwan chuckled nervously and circled his hand around your wrist. He leaned towards you and whispered.

“Run.” Jaehwan took off, dragging you behind him. You expected Taekwoon to be right on your tail but when you looked around you saw him being held back by four other hybrids.

You and Jaehwan ran until you reached the van and took off with the staff to the hotel. He gave your phone back to you but the battery was dead.

Before you realized it, you were back at the hotel. Jaehwan had somehow convinced you to stop in the store across the street and get some snacks and alcohol. He was certain that a party was required.

You were in the hotel room with Jaehwan for about 15 minutes before Taekwoon’s heartbeat became noticeable. You looked at Jaehwan but he made no indication that he could hear it.

“Jaehwan,” the raven looked at you, a smile plastered on his face. “Taekwoon just got here.”

The smile disappeared and fear took over.

“Noona….”

Before he could beg for protection, the hotel door opened and Taekwoon burst through. You knew he was aware of your location but his red eyes were only on Jaehwan.

“Hyung, wait! I was just joking! Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?”

Taekwoon wasn’t listening. He was dead set on Jaehwan. When he was halfway across the room you stepped in front of him. He hesitated for a moment but tried to go around you. You grabbed his face and pulled it towards your own. You attached your lips to his and ran your thumb over his tattoo. He stilled immediately. His heartbeat slowed then picked up again at warp speed. He tried to deepen the kiss but you stepped back, not wanting to get carried away in front of the guys.

Taekwoon held you close and looked up at Jaehwan.

“Count yourself very lucky.”

Jaehwan just giggled, confident in his safety now.

“Noona went to the store for us and got all the celebration necessities! Let us begin!”

——————-

An hour into the sudden party, Wonshik and JiYoon had taken off to the other hotel room with their own sampling of the party refreshments. The rest lay scattered around the room involved in various activies.

You had ended up sitting in between Taekwoon’s legs next to the window. Your back lay against his chest, enjoying the feeling of having him surround you. You had given up drinking after one glass but Taekwoon was in high spirits and seemed to be drinking his bottomless glass simply out of habit.

You sat there turning your engagement ring around your finger. Taekwoon’s hand came up and laced his fingers through yours. You smiled at the feeling.

“Do you know what the ring means?”

“I know that it was your grandmother’s. And it doesn’t hurt that the stone in the middle is green.  But, that’s about it.” You agreed that it was interesting that the color of the stone almost matched his eyes.

RING

“My grandmother was Irish and this was the wedding ring that my grandfather had made for her. The design is very old and very popular in Ireland.” You pulled your fingers from his and raised your hand so he could see. “The crown on top represents loyalty. A reminder to remain faithful to your spouse. The hands are for friendship. Because its not enough just to be lovers. The heart, of course, stands for love. It is protected by the crown and the hands to keep it safe just as you should do in life.”

You almost teared up reciting the words your grandmother had told you so many times. But it was a happy feeling. It was something you knew she would have been proud of.

Taekwoon’s hand came up to your cheek and tilted your head back so your lips could reach his. His kiss was needy, slow, and sensual. It was several moments before he allowed you to pull away.

Hyuk chose that moment to wander over and fill Taekwoon’s cup. He placed a kiss on your cheek before turning the cup up to his lips, emptying immediately. He sat the cup down and turned his head to your neck, placing tiny kisses everywhere. After a few minutes the kisses were accompanied by a string of giggles.

Curious, you pulled out of his arms completely and he let out a tiny whine until you turned around and sat facing him. He tried to pull you in for another kiss you held him back. Something in his eyes made you stop.

“Taekwoon? What’s wrong with your eyes? The color is weird.”

“Huh? Weird how?” Another giggle. His fingers held your hips as he tried to bring your body to his.

“They’re pink. Like hot pink.” You leaned forward to get a better look but Taekwoon closed the distance quickly and licked your nose.

Startled by the action, you jumped back. You had a sneaking suspicion about what was going on.

“Hey, Taekwoon. What color do hybrid’s eyes turn when they’re drunk?” He thought a bit then shrugged his shoulders.

“I dunno. I don’t remember.”

“Pink. They turn pink.” You spun quickly to find Hakyeon behind you. He had his hands on his hips, shaking his head. “C'mon, I’ll help you get him to your room. I would keep him here but he would realize eventually that you’re gone and tear down the place looking for you.”

You nodded and stood up.

“Hey. I’m not finished with you. Get back down here.” Taekwoon complained as he swayed a bit on the floor. He tried to reach for you but missed.

Hakyeon grabbed one of his arms and pulled him up effortlessly. Before you could be jealous of hybrid strength, you quickly latched onto Taekwoon’s side.

“Where are we going? I liked our spot over there.” Taekwoon pouted cutely and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“We’re going to my room.”

“Oh, nevermind. I like that better. I can do things to you in there. I couldn’t do it earlier ‘cause there were too many people.” He tried to lean over to kiss you but Hakyeon smacked him on top of the head.

“Be a gentleman, Taekwoon.” Hakyeon scolded him but Taekwoon just stuck his tongue out at him. You took out the key card from your back pocket and opened your door. A blast of cold air from the room hit you and you shivered.

“Are you cold? I can warm you up in no time.” He smiled and you noticed his pink eyes had a glow to them. You sat him down on the bed and he wriggled his eyebrows at you.

He suddenly furrowed those same eyebrows and looked at Hakyeon. “You can’t stay. I plan on getting her naked. So you can’t stay. She’s mine. Okay? She likes panthers, not jaguars. Panthers are bigger, you know.” He whispered the last part and winked at Hakyeon, who simply rolled his eyes.

You started to smack him but another giggle came from behind you. You turned around to see Hyuk holding his phone up, obviously recording the situation. He looked up at you and winked.

“I’ll send it to you later, Noona.” You shook your head and laughed as he exited the room with Hakyeon.

You heard the growl but didn’t have time to react. Before you knew it, you were on your back, underneath a very playful, drunk panther.

“Hi.” He giggled and started placing small kisses on your cheeks. He went from that to giving you little kitten licks along your throat. His hands encircled your wrists and held them down against the mattress. His lips were suddenly at your ear and you involuntarily shuddered.

“You wanna be my prey?” He bit down on your shoulder and growled. His hands moved from your wrists and began pulling up the hem of your shirt. Exposing your stomach, he moved his head downwards. He littered your entire torso with tiny kisses, nipping in places here and there. You gasped at the sensation and he raised his head back up to meet yours. His eyes were still bright pink and you just stared at their beauty.

“I love you, you know. I really, really do. You know I can’t lie. You’d hear it. Do you believe me? I hated lying to you earlier but if I told you then I wouldn’t have been able to surprise you. I think surprises are better. Your parents are nice. I had a hard time talking to them and I felt bad but Hyukkie helped me. I think they like me. You like me, too, right? Or, wait. Love. You love me, right? I love yo–”

You grabbed his face and pulled it down, capturing his lips so you could end his rambling. When you released him he had a goofy grin on his face.

“I love you, too, Taekwoon.”

He smiled and kept his face mere centimeters from yours. His face turned mischievous and your heart skipped a beat. Anticipation ran full force through your body.

“You wanna get naked now? I think you should. Yeah, that’s more fun.” The pink in his eyes were starting to fade and you almost wished it wouldn’t. Taekwoon’s silliness was growing on you. His fingers were toying with the button on your jeans as his lips sought your neck.

You waited but he didn’t make any further moves. You heard his heart turn to a steady rhythm and realized that he had fallen asleep. You rolled your eyes and laughed. You supposed the longing ache in your body would have to wait.

You were so getting revenge tomorrow.

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As an end note, you can thank @burnt-enough-starlight for the pink eyes and drunk leo idea....because she sends me torturous pictures and then we collaborated hahaha ;)

[ardent-artist]

As I was cleaning out my room today before I finally move out, I came across the plastic bag I had shoved in the back of my closet and forgot about, filled with everything you had given me. I feel no remorse in donating your belongings as I'm sure someone else deserves them more, but I found myself reading over the letters you had written me. The most recent, meant to celebrate our two year anniversary, was always funny to me. I remember reading over it at the time and thinking, "That's it? Half a page of ambiguous wording that anyone could have written? Two years and that's it?" Then I came across this last line, that read "I want this to be the year I try and help you become more confident in yourself because you and I must learn to love ourselves as we continue to love each other, and I love you with all my heart." I find this funny because you both did and didn't accomplish this over the last year.

In the last 12 months, I came to terms that I had depression and anxiety disorders. You helped me realize this through months of insisting that I was paranoid, and I was the one consistently in the wrong when I questioned the words you told me. When I couldn't focus on anything including my job, and I felt so constantly anxious that I couldn't eat, I finally tried to get help. Between April and June of last year, I had lost 13 pounds. I was severely underweight at 92 pounds. Like I had told you, I began to lose my hair. This only recently went away. When school started in September, I had to wear my hair up so it didn't get literally everywhere, which was really embarrassing. It took me until January of this year to fully recover. I still take medication daily. I always told you it wasn't your fault, that it was bad timing and I would be okay, but I was lying.

But I'm okay now. I have learned to love myself. I know now that I was not wrong. Everything I felt was indeed valid and reasonable. Because of this new found confidence, I have moved on to better things. I do love myself more than I ever have. I've been dating a wonderful boy for a while now. He treats me like a queen and tells me everyday, multiple times (to the point where I have to tell him to chill sometimes) that I am beautiful and that he loves me. He has shown me what a relationship is supposed to be like. Communication, trust, loyalty, kindness- these are key factors that we were missing. He takes me out places, sings to me when I'm sad, and is a little ball of sunshine in my life despite his own personal struggles. I am surrounded by friends who are incredibly talented and loving individuals. I know these people will be in my life for as long as I am alive, and I am fortunate to know each and every one of them. As we both expected and hoped for, I have found the next part of my life here.

I know you'll see this because this whole blog is public, and someone we went to school with is bound to see it, and possibly share in case you missed it. I always wonder what you told your friends, or what you even told your mother. Did you tell them what you tried throwing at me as you attempted to end everything over the phone like a coward? That I was too controlling in your life? That I was limiting what you could be doing? Did you ever tell them what I didn't want you doing? Surprise! I told him to stay away from drugs and alcohol while he was dealing with major depression, like any sane and concerned person would say. I encouraged counseling, medication, healthier coping options. I'll give you credit for trying counseling, and I know it didn't work so well for you, but that wasn't the end game.

This boy and his high school sweetheart fell apart because he chose drugs and alcohol over his girlfriend and caused extreme, unnecessary stress to the both of them.

Yeah, I didn't like your friends at the time because they were terrible influences.You told me on more than one occasion that you felt they had no interest in you, and would exclude you from group chats and hangouts unless you would participate in the above activies. Sounds one sided to me, but what did I know. What I saw was you hurting, and they weren't helping. I'll take the blame on not handling that as well as I should have.

Oh! And one other thing. That little important detail that I asked you over and over again, and you insisted wasn't the case- was there someone else? Well of course there was! Why wouldn't there be. You were too afraid to admit it to me. I'm sure you felt terrible. I was already going through enough, so why add that to the pile? Well, you should have, because for a long time I couldn't believe that the drug thing was the only reason why everything went so far downhill. I had no closure, no reasoning. The boy I had loved just suddenly didn't think I was worth it anymore. It somehow hurts less knowing that I was no longer an interest of yours and you wanted to pursue someone else. At least your morals kept you from cheating on me. Maybe. Who knows. I sometimes wonder who this girl was, but I honestly don't want to know. After all that I did for you- the patience I had when you couldn't bring yourself to take me out for a date because you got too nervous to eat in front of others, how many times I defended you and helped you get out of working so you could rest and recover, how I listened to every word you said and did my best to indulge in your interests even if I didn't like them as much, the amount of love and compassion I gave because I thought you had deserved it- this other girl must really take the cake if she could do all that and more.

How do I know there was someone else? Because silly little you made a post saying you had made a personal sad boi blog, and of course I read your posts. How pathetic that that's how I found out.

I'm not perfect and I never will be. I am still learning to deal with rough situations. But this? Come on.

"But Sabrina, it's been so long and you said you've moved on. Why are you still so hung up about this?" That's a really good question and one I can't answer completely. I think it's because I never got proper closure. You're still out there, and you might think I'm completely oblivious or maybe even forgiving to the bullshit you were feeding me. No, I'm not. You know I always knew you better than you thought. I could read you like a book. I can assure you it's very, VERY difficult to simultaneously heal from this and still love someone else and give them the same attention and trust as I gave to you.

A side note before I end this, and I don't know where else to put it- you told me on the phone that no matter what, you would always be there for me. You wrote the same thing in all of your letters. You need to know that you were wrong. You were never really there for me. You were a shoulder to cry on, sure, but in regular day to day things, you weren't. The entire time we dated, I never felt like you ever cared to listen to what I had to say. Any interest I had, any show, song, hobby, literally anything, you didn't care. You said you didn't care. You made me feel stupid, unworthy, annoying, etc... But me? I listened to every god damn shitty song you played for me, I watched countless wrestling and football matches, I engaged in everything you liked. I never got the same treatment. Just wanted to throw that in there.

So I end this essay with this: every cell in my body wants you to never find love again. You will never feel an ounce of the pain you caused me. At 20 years old, you should know by now not to lie. Do the right thing.

But I don't want to continue to live life with that mindset. I want you to take all the mistakes you made and learn from them. If you find someone else, treat her better. Be upfront about everything. Take her on dates. Listen to her talk about what she loves. Don't shut her down. Be that other half. Listen to her. Value her. Do not take her love for granted. Show her that love can be a beautiful thing if done right.