#i’m a mess and i just found out my gender is [REDACTED]

[losthalfelf]

(explaining my gender to my friends) yes i am a girly girl. but i am also non-binary

[felixhqs]

hello, lovelies!!!!!!!! i’m viv and i’m HYPE to be here. felix is one of my favorite muses to play, so i am so excited to get the party (and the plots) rolling! feel free to like this and i’ll come to you or hmu on the ole discord !!

* ⠀ ✞ ⠀ froy gutierrez  .   cismale   .   he/him   .   |   *   cue   rebel rebel   by   david bowie   *   |   felix   was   just   seen   lurking   around   downtown   ,   wonder   what   they’re   up   to   ?   they’re   a   24   /   2000+   year   old   vampire   that   has   been   in   forks   for   a week   because   they’re looking for a reason to exist outside of the volturi   .   their   allegiance   lies   with   volturi   &   given   their   +   charismatic   &   -   reckless   personality   ,   it’s   no   wonder   they   feel   disgust   towards   the   possibility   of   a   cure   &   hopes   the   existence   is  a   lie   .   |   sheen of sweat covering muscles, a laugh void of humor or comfort, the taste of danger with the smell of gasoline, a heart that aches for something it doesn’t understand   .   | 

stats:

name: felix [last name redacted]* birthday: n/a age: 24 (give or take 2000 yrs) gender: cismale sexuality: straight (tragically so) pronouns: he/him + traits: charismatic, humorous, resolute, greedy - traits: reckless, violent, impulsive, stubborn

*jk he just thinks he’s madonna/is an angsty boi who doesn’t wanna be associated with his father’s name

bio:

felix doesn’t care to remember much of where he comes from or when. it’s all too painful for him, which he would do his damndest to avoid admitting, but which is...sort of obvious by the *gestures* everything about him.

his father was a cruel man. constantly abusing his siblings and mother. felix saw himself as the protector, the savior for his family. he thought he could really help them. he believed he could save them, one day. he planned to get them away and escape in the night.

except before he could, his father discovered his plan and took felix’s family away. he never saw them again, and it broke him to be alone, to no longer be needed.

then, he was turned. and everything changed after that. suddenly, he had a new family—the volturi—who needed him. he found new purpose in protecting his new family. one who made him strong—more than he’d ever been as a human. he loves the power that came with being a vampire. it protects him, and makes him feel like he can protect others in return. he might not have powers like some of the others, but he believes he’s needed, and for a long time, that was enough.

about five years ago, felix began feeling..different. not even a bad sort of different, but as he hadn’t changed much in the two centuries he’d been a vampire, it raised all his alarms. 

for the next three years, he did everything in his power to stamp out that different feeling. but eventually, it snuck its way in, and he finally had to confront it for what is truly was.

this feeling was one of emptiness, of listlessness and loneliness and a lot of other words he doesn’t know or understand. he didn’t dare tell any of the rest of the volturi. he knew what he was feeling was wrong, somehow. definitely not himself. but for the next two years, it consumed him. 

he ultimately decided to follow it, and found forks, washington on a map, seemingly at random, and followed those mess of emotions. now that he’s here, he isn’t sure what the hell he’s even looking for exactly, but he knows, deep down, what it might be.

felix has always had purpose in protecting those he cares for. in using his brute strength to kill and spill blood and destroy anyone who threatened them. but, for maybe the first time in his immortal life, he is wondering if there isn’t meant to be something more than that out there.

not that he’s ready to admit this to anyone, especially himself.

personality/misc.:

felix is...a foolish, murderous...himbo lol. sometimes it’s a bit deeper, but that’s who he truly is, and i gotta let him be fucking crazy, but free.

definitely a jokester and someone who likes to make people laugh, but he’s just as quick to make fun of someone as to bring a smile to their face.

works out more than is good for him. or anyone else, for that matter. may or may not have a secret instagram where he posts thirsttraps don’t @ me.

definitely has a motorcycle he bought when he came to forks and he also definitely has a vintage leather jacket that he got cause he ate/killed the poor guy wearing it.

probably has not read a book in 1000 yrs god help him

just a disaster pls wreck his plans, i’m begging

wanted connections:

note: all of these are veryyyyyy open to plotting/figuring out details and are subject to change depending on what works best for both of us !!

wary introduction: someone who doesn’t trust felix, no matter how many easy smiles he pours onto them. would be interesting to see what lengths he goes to protect his secret and if they know about the supernatural or not. 

new friend: felix has only been in town a week, so he wouldn’t know anyone too well yet, but maybe your character and felix hit it off right away? maybe they get into some trouble together? maybe they’re just pure chaos? would love to see it.

enemies: felix has probably made one or uh a dozen enemies in his life. let’s have our characters duke it out. childish games or deadly force??? let’s fuck around and find out!!!

manipulator: as we’ve established, this murder!himbo isn’t the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, so maybe your character wants to use him for something? further their own coven’s goals? get him to do something he normally wouldn’t? just some good ole deceit. 

savior complex: felix definitely has white knight syndrome to a ‘t’ so would love to have him have a past connection where he saved them or something. his one good deed for the century, yk? maybe felix won’t leave them alone, or maybe your muse hates him for something else he did that ruined the good thing. totally open to working out what would work best here.

family: the volturi is his family, but i think having different relationships based with them would be really cool! so if you’re in this coven, pls give me a hollar and we can work out if felix and your muse hate, love, would kill without being asked, or simply tolerate one another.

unlikely comrades: i could see felix making some friends that aren’t exactly his normal crew. i would particularly love this for some people who would actually be his enemy in most scenarios. all about that unexpected friendship. 

mate/potential love interest: this is just gonna be really general cause it will definitely rely on your muse and plotting and such, but would be interested in developing out a mate/love interest for him. doesn’t need to be a mate as i know that’s a commitment. but *ben wyatt voice* felix has never had a real relationship in his life. i don’t need this to be immediate, and would actually love to play a long game here with lots of development and getting to know chemistry and such. 

[lizbotw]

Could you do an Akaashi Keiji imagine where his girlfriend steals the T-shirt he was wearing after they made out as they got distracted from studying and they playfully argue over the shirt as they both enjoy the view of each other? I’m just soft for Akaashi...

T-Shirt || Akaashi When His S/O Steals His Shirt

same, like honestly who isn’t? i just love him. this ask made me soft, tysm for the request, i loved this ♡ please let me know what you think! also first official scenario/one-shot post :) (even though the others were basically already one-shots on their own but shhh) also, this is gender neutral even though you said girlfriend ♡

warning: suggestive content (making out? but that's about it. also akaashi is hot but we already knew that so here's me describing it)

word count: 3k

Akaashi Keiji

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, excess saliva dragging across the surface. “Ugh, Keiji, get off. You’re crushing me.”

You squirmed, legs kicking out as you tried to use the momentum to roll him off of you. No such luck.

“Mmm, just a little longer...” His breath tickled your neck, hands still dragging down your sides, balling around the fabric of your loose shorts and then releasing it.

You slumped back down, letting your arms fall away from where they had been looped around his neck. Spread starfish on the floor with an immovable force on top you in the form of your boyfriend, you were about to resign yourself to your fate until your eye caught a glimpse of the colorful textbook page still splayed out on his desk. “No. I swear to God if I fail this math test because of you...”

“Yeah? What are you going to do if you fail? Finish the sentence,” came his muffled reply as he buried his face deeper into the crook of your neck. You could feel the vibration of his laugh and shivered at the feeling.

“I won’t come over anymore.”

The vibration increased as he chuckled against your skin and you instinctively brought one hand up to ball into his hair, stretching your neck away from him and in the opposite direction—he knew you were ticklish there.

“Sure you won’t.” You could tell he didn’t believe you and you didn’t blame him—anyone could call that bluff from a mile away.

While you were trying to think of a witty comeback, you felt him shift and suddenly the weight was gone, leaving you feeling empty at the unexpected lack of contact. Blearily blinking up at him, you could make out his face hoovering above yours for a moment as he supported his weight with his arms planted on either side of you before he pushed himself into an upright position with a slight groan, clearly wanting to stay tangled up in your arms a little longer.

Keiji sat back on his heels and studied you, still straddled about your waist, and right as you opened your mouth to stick your tongue out at him in retort to the intense stare, he shifted again and got up (meaning you got absolutely zero satisfaction out of teasing him), carefully stepping over you.

You kept laying on the floor, watching Keiji closely as he rose and stretched, his back to you now and muscles shifting. His shirt had gotten lost somewhere in the scuffle of limbs and lips earlier, so now his entire torso was on display, toned and rippling under his every movement. Your fingers had traced over each of those lines mere seconds ago, yet you found yourself wondering what they felt like now, as if something about them had changed within the short span since you last touched them.

Sure, you had been the one to tell him to get up, ruining the moment with the reminder of the crushing reality that school still existed, but you weren't above redacting your earlier words and calling him back to you just so you could tug on his raven hair with the same cheeky smile you always found yourself sporting in situations like this. You wouldn't even complain about him laying the wrong way on your stomach and crushing all of the air out of you this time either—promise.

Of course, once again, your words died in your throat and you had to change plans when he made for the bedroom door—you had gotten lost tracing the lines of his arms and hadn't noticed when he had stopped stretching his arms above his head—and you sat up with a jolt, your head throbbing a little at the sudden movement.

“Where are you going? You're not getting out of studying that easily, mister."

Keiji paused in the doorway, hands curled around the edges, and he turned to look back at you over his shoulder, eyes half-lidded and gaze piercing—you swore your heart caught on fire (you silently begged for someone to put it out) and you involuntarily gulped, throat suddenly dry. He hummed in acknowledgement of your words, ignoring your stiffening up at the look he was giving you (although you were sure he noticed it, judging by the way his eyes raked over the small signs of your body language before returning to look at your face).

"Yeah? I was under the impression you didn't like studying on an empty stomach but-"

"Oh! Go then! What are you waiting for?" The prospect of snacks had you perking up, although you were still acutely aware of the tingling in your lips where he had bit a little too hard before, the feeling spreading from that one spot to the rest of the area. You ran your tongue over your lips to cool the feeling—it was studying time now, so reminder to self: get your mind out of the gutter. "Bring an extra bag of chips too. I'm tired of sharing with you."

He quirked an eyebrow, pursing his lips in a way that was a mixture of silent disapproval paired with him trying to hide a smile. (The truth was that you were the one who always took his chips and he didn't even need to scold you out loud for you to understand the correction that should be made in your statement—although even if he did say anything, you would have stuck with your claim that he was the real chip culprit between the two of you, no matter how untrue it was.)

Seemingly realizing that he was going to lose the internal battle of trying not to smile, Keiji pressed his lips together even harder and turned his attention away from you and instead to where his hand was curled around the doorway, watching as his fingers ran over the ridges and bumps. "You got it." And then he was actually gone, out of the room and disappearing down the hallway. You could barely hear his footsteps, even if you tried to strain your ears—they were as quiet as he always was. Reserved and to himself, Keiji seemed to decide that his footsteps would be the same way.

Fully alone now, you flopped back onto the floor, staring up at the ceiling and hands clasp together on top of your stomach. You were replaying the events of that evening in your mind, smiling to yourself as you thought of every little gesture he had made for you.

At some point, plans had been made to study together for the upcoming exam week and that's how you had found yourself on his doorstep, shifting the weighty bag full of textbooks from arm to arm as you waited for him to let you in. It had taken but a mere minute for him to unlock the front door and usher you inside, taking the bag from you—you knew he had been waiting for you, plus he was always a sucker for being on time.

You'd been to his room many times before, but you always looked around to see what had changed from last time, even if it was as minuscule as a stack of papers that hadn't been there before resting on his nightstand.

There was a small, low table in his room, similar to a coffee table, and you two always sat on the floor around it—you found it much more comfortable than sitting on the straight-backed wooden chairs (serious and foreboding in their stance) in his kitchen and dining room. There was a certain freedom of movement on the floor (whether it be to shift closer to him, to spread out your array of pens and highlighters next to you, or to dramatically flop down with proclamation of "I give up!" when faced with a particularly difficult worksheet problem) and a certain aspect of casualness that came with it that set you at ease the same way his presence always did.

This evening had been similar, books crowding the area (and not just school books—“Keiji, I know you like to read, but I have no space for my notebook here and if you don't move your stupid novel right now- What? No, it's not relaxing to read during breaks, what do you think we've been doing this whole time?”) and both of you staring intently down at your work. Keiji had been particularly playful this time though (you thought back to his teasing retorts from earlier when you had told him to get off of you—yeah, he was definitely acting a little different this time around) and one thing led to another before you two were collapsed on the floor next to the table, breaths coming fast and both of you missing your shirts (listen, he had started first, okay?).

Now that you thought about your missing garment, you realize the room was a little drafty, a breeze blowing through his open window and curling it's chilling fingers around your torso. You shivered, wrapping your arms around yourself and sitting up again. Now where was was your shirt...

Your careful glancing around the room stopped short when you caught sight of the bunched up heap of fabric right next to you. You considered it for a moment before reaching out and plucking it from the floor, shaking it out and holding it up in front of you to confirm was it really was; a familiar shirt unrolled from where your fingers pinched the top of the fabric near the neckline. Keiji’s.

Hmm... well it wasn't like he needed it right now. And that was all the justification you needed before an evil smirk spread across your features, mischievous plan brewing in your mind, and you tugged on Keiji's shirt—finders keepers.

Feeling warmer now, you scooted back over to the table, folding your legs under it and messing around with the strewn around papers you had left out, trying to make sense of the mess. You found what you were looking for and straightened up your books, lining them up in front of you before picking up a pen (you were pretty sure that that was also Keiji's) and trying to get back into the working mindset. You actually had to finish this work at some point (even if along the way to the finish line you took a few unplanned breaks in between with your boyfriend’s tongue down your throat—oops, what?) so you easily fell into the groove of writing, your pen scratching against the paper and the quiet hum of the wind outside keeping you company.

It wasn't long before Keiji appeared in the open doorway, balancing a few packets of snacks in one arm. His small grunt when a pack of cookies almost fell off of the top of the stack and he had to angle his arm to keep it in alerted you of his presence (once again, the muffled footsteps paired with your intense focus on your work did not help) and you looked up. Two bottles of water were gripped in his free hand and you reached out to take them from him once he came close enough, allowing him to use both arms to wrap around the mountain of snacks and then carefully let them spill out onto the table so you could take your pick. He sat down next to you, just as he had before, and started to sort the snacks into piles so they wouldn't contribute more to the mess you two had already made.

You pushed a pack of chips off to the side to make room on the table, a small space revealing itself when you did so and on which you rested the water bottles. "No tea this time?"

He didn't even look at you as he focused on the task at hand. "I know you get tired when you drink tea, so no."

"Hmm, but isn't tea supposed to help when you're studying?"

"This isn't a relaxing studying session. We have a lot to catch up on to make up for that missed hour." Even from the side you could make out the beginnings of a budding smirk on his face at your expense. There he was—your responsible boyfriend. He really was going to go all in on you today it seemed—you thought you had escaped his serious study plans because of how playful he had been earlier, but now that he had blown off some steam, it seemed like he was back to his old disciplined self. You internally groaned at the prospect. Couldn't you just go back to cuddling on the floor, even if it was a little uncomfortable?

"Yeah, and who was the cause of us getting sidetracked?" you shot back, not letting him get away with this.

He paused his movement and glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. "...Shut up."

You grabbed a bottle of water and cracked the seal, taking a long sip of the cool liquid to commemorate this small victory over him. "Mhm, that's what I thought."

Keiji finished sorting the snacks into some sort of order moments later and, satisfied with his work, sat back. "Mhm... okay, now that that's done..." He looked around him, twisting in place as he looked behind him, at his sides, and around the table, brow creasing further as he went on. "Where is it?" he muttered, his eyes now glancing further into the room beyond where you two were sitting for whatever it was he was he was missing. "Have you seen my shirt? I could've sworn it was right here...” He shook his head in apology. “Right... sorry, I must have misplaced it, I'll just get another one." He was still racking his brain in bewilderment—trying to figure out where his shirt could have mysteriously disappeared off to—as his eyes continued to rake over the room, but as he moved to get up to walk over to his wardrobe, his gaze zeroed in on what you were wearing. His eyes narrowed in confusion before recognition spread over his features.

You decided to play dumb for now, taking another sip of water to hide your smile. "What are you looking at? Quit staring at me like that."

"(Y/N)..."

You turned to face him fully now. "Take a picture, it'll last longer, Keiji," you taunted, teasing lilt in your tone clearly getting to him as you stuck your tongue out in retort, him bristling at the action (perhaps more so out of a certain type of interest in how the words rolled off of your tongue though, rather than for any other reason).

"If you really wanted to wear it, you know you could have just asked me, right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"My shirt, (Y/N). Can I have it back? I'm actually feeling a little cold right now." He ran his hands up and down over his arms in an effort to generate some warmth and you remembered the open bedroom window. Good. That's what he deserves for distracting you from studying in the first place.

You picked back up your pen and twirled it in your fingers as you leaned on the table, elbows resting on the surface, feigning nonchalance. Out of the corner of your eye you watched him, you gaze mostly focused on the pen in your hand as part of your "cool, calm, and collected" act (you wanted to play around with having the upper hand here for a little longer). Wanting to get a better look at him though (you couldn't resist the temptation of drinking in the sight of him), you dramatically looked away from the pen and back to him, as if considering his earlier request for his shirt back.

His hair was still messy from when you had ruffled it before when his teeth had found your neck, and now as he took a sip from his own water bottle, you could see the slight wetness the liquid left behind on his lips when he took the bottle away, not bothering to wipe it away. Your eyes widened at the slight glisten—he knew what he was doing—and you resisted the temptation to immediately look away in embarrassment, instead forcing yourself to don a coy grin and return to taunting him.

"I recall you complaining about it being too hot earlier, Kei, so I'm not sure which one's the truth now." That had been when you two were still pressed together, feeding off of each other’s body heat. And now came the dangerous part—an invitation, the anticipation of the results of the light provocation already stirring up butterflies in your stomach. “If you want it back that badly, why don't you just take it?"

You expected the crashing of lips, him cutting you off and swallowing your words, taking advantage of the fact that your mouth was open—but instead all you got in response was a small tilt of his head and then a knowing smile. Ugh, you should have known it would have turned out this way, you falling just shy of triumph. He never even fell for Kuroo's, the master of provocation’s, taunts, and while Keiji let you get away with a lot because you were you, you were naive to think you ever had the upper hand here.

He brought a hand up to cup your cheek, thumb running over your lips. You wanted to bite out a bark of “Quit teasing me, Keiji,” but also didn’t want to risk him drawing his hand away either.

Your impatience was put to rest soon though when he spoke, voice low. “I guess I really will have to take it back then." And then he leaned in, your own eyes fluttering closed, and the soft movement of his lips against your own had your heart doing summersaults. You know what? Maybe this was better than what you had in mind.

“So much for playing nice," you felt him murmur against your lips when he pulled back slightly to run his tongue over them. You shivered at the sensation and wasted no time obliging him with your lips slightly parted now, dropping your pen somewhere on the floor and moving instead to splay your hands on his back for support. Your fingers ran over the surface as you had so desperately longed to do before as he continued the sweet onslaught against your tongue. His hand still cradled your face, but now the other one took a special interest in gripping your waist and toying with the edge of his shirt there—A.K.A. the object of his attention (although that title gradually seemed to be slipping to you as he got more and more engrossed in your quiet, shuddering breaths against him, you practically melting against his chest).

Just like last time, a single kiss turned into many, each one more desperate than the last, and before you knew it, you were on your back again, Keiji's fingers playing with the bottom of the fabric of your shirt and tentatively running his hand over the skin underneath, gradually creeping higher. (He seemed to be making a conscious effort not to accidentally lean his elbow on your upper arm again this time either—that had hurt.) Well... you guessed the studying could wait for later. A few detours along the way were fine, weren't they?

[dominimoonbeam]

Just here to provide love and adoration for our wonderful author! Your fics are amazing and you are a very talented writer! Also, loving the gender neutral pronouns for the listener/reader. As a genderfluid individual, I’ll read any pronouns, but I can usually only find fics with female pronouns; when I want to feel manly it’s rather difficult to find stories with male pronouns. So I always enjoy gender neutral inserts....probably didn’t need to share that but oh well. I love your writing ❤️

So, your opinion on Asher and his big tough Marine boyfriend who is a gigantic pushover?

See THIS is the thing I love and why I try to keep the listeners neutral in the fanfics too--we all have our own headcanons of these characters and it’s amazing. You’ve got Asher’s Babe as a big tough sweet pushover marine and I was sitting here envisioning this straight-laced, over-achieving, tightly-wound suit--a total contrast to Asher’s (usually shirtless) fun, easy going personality.

And THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading my fics. I’m thrilled you’re enjoying them! In my head, I tend to flip back and forth on the gender of a lot of the listeners depending on my mood. Just another reason to leave them gender neutral when writing them, I wouldn’t want to mess up whatever other people have going in their own imaginations when they listen to Redacted.

Have you found Redacted fics anywhere other than AO3? 

How do you imagine Davey’s listener?? I’m super curious now...

And if anyone else out here has their own vision of the listener characters, I am so interested and want to hear it!

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Going M.I.A Until July 5th After Being Peeved Off By Toxic-Humans

I just need to have some time for myself,

and I wanted to wait until July to start posting again.

I just need to try to relax and do some self healing,

and it all has to do with finding out a bit more about Scott Cawthon.

look, no one has to agree about the same religious views.

I mean I have to stay in the Neo-Christian/Ma-Acolyte Closet,

as well as the Aceflux closet and the bigender identity closet with my family.

it be nice if it didn’t happen while FNAF Security Breach was still in the works.

I’m not even sure if it’s even finished, I can only hope that someone with a heart picks up where Scott left off and adopts the series but still gives Scott credit.

right now I’m listening to a comfort song right now,

which is Lily Allen’s song F**k You.

I guess I could listen to some other songs to comfort me,

but how I feel, it calls for that song.

I just wish they didn’t bring Trump or the other names that are involved into that mess...

after finding out that Trump had some form involvement of the, my guess bullying...

I did get upset at him enough to cry and say I hate him.

of course I can’t say that to my Mom or half of my family.

sure one half supported him and the other half don’t,

but we are still family.

I don’t much care for Presidents in Real Life, I have very little trust in them.

ones in movies or video games or any form of entertainment, are fine.

since it is just in a fictional world that is at times a counterpart of ours.

no one has to agree about my being mad at Trump, and that’s okay.

 I can’t help but think that there is a possibility that Scott had retired

because of the bullying and it possibly being linked to Trump.

we all don’t have to agree to like or dislike Trump.....

but I’m sure a lot of people are upset at those that caused the early retirement

before the Five Nights at Freddy’s Security Breach   

but maybe there will be still hope for it,

at least if it is true that Scott has a successor.

and if they do continue work on the Security Breach,

then we can only hope things works out well.

I didn’t know there was gonna be a successor,

until I was just looking up some more info about the whole FNAF thing.

but yeah, with only half of what I know so far,

it is still going to be a part of my Semi-Misanthrope.

I still know there are some good people in this world,

that is why it is “Semi”, which is better than it being the full.

maybe later I can try to look up more info about the whole thing,

but it is still possible the bullying was part of the reason for the early retirement.

I’m still peeved at this one person who was bad mouthing YandereDev.

if they are taking long to finish the game, it is because these things take time,

and also everyone has a off day where they wont be able to work on something right away and might have to put it on hiatus.

if Yandere Simulator ever gets on a Disc or game card,

and ends up being playable on Xbox One or Nintendo Switch...

I hope there will be a mode where we can dress up as Chara from Undertale.

at least there is some good news,

Doki Doki Literature Club will be on Nintendo Switch, I have been meaning to mention that after I had found out some days ago.

and parents should not let their child play it if they are under the age of 15.

don’t go blaming the mature content, when it’s you the parents who are to blame.

hey I did see a movie that I was not the proper age for,

and I wasn’t even a teenage yet when I saw it.

I’m talking about Cool World, I still like it and have the DVD.

but after remembering I had seen that movie, and we had rented it from a place that rented out VHS tapes.

I came to realize that letting me see that too early, even though I don’t think I can remember much about watching it during that time, all I know is that I did watch it.

but at least it didn’t get as mature as the Deadpool Movie,

and I still like the Deadpool Movie.

but anyway I figured out that it was wrong for my family to let me watch Cool World when I wasn’t the proper age for it,

and even letting me watch something else with the “witch” word on it,

when I was a toddler and I ended up saying “Son of a Witch”

of course it wasn’t the word witch, but you get what I’m going with this right?

I had to try to keep my little cousin from playing my Deadpool video game,

and it was lucky I caught them on time when the game had barely started.

did they even think about stopping them before they fully started to playing?

I don’t want to make the same mistake as my Mom or anyone else in my family.

at least the bad word I used wasn’t my first word.

but I had come to realize that it isn’t the mature content to blame,

but the parents, and even if some parents are willing to admit this cold truth.

that is perhaps long overdo, not all parents might admit to it.

if you have any mature stuff either on your computer or even a movie or show on DVD.

make sure to hide it from the child, give them their own computer

but put a child lock on the browser, where only you know the password.

and if you tend to forget passwords, write it on paper then hide it where your child or little sibling, can’t find it and it’s in a place that only you know.

also I want to say this....

I rather be a part of a Neo-LGBT, there can be different types of Aces.

some who are flux like myself, but because of the whole sexual energies,

I didn’t figure it out until I started to protect myself with my bracelets.

a Aceflux person can be a sexual empath, picking up the sexual energies of others when they are either in the same room or a different room all together.

and just because someone is Heteroromantic-Ace, doesn’t mean they should be exclude from the LGBT Community, even if some will still welcome them.

 and even if some might not believe that a Ace can end up being a sexual empath, but it might be very rare.

I’m not sure if there are many Aces that are sexual empaths,

and didn’t figure it out until they started to wear gem bracelets to protect themselves.

I think I’m the only one I know of that is doing that.

of course when I had first started to wear a bracelet,

it was because of a dream that felt too real and I was in between awake and asleep and then I was scared awake...

it was also dark and I was laying on my back, that is part of what I remember before being scared awake.

and I can’t tell my family I’m one, or how I believe it had first started.

I rather not talk about that right now.

but the whole me rather being a part of a Neo-LGBT doesn’t really have to do with my being Aceflux, well technically Aroaceflux.

it is for different reasons,          

 of course I will have to be in the closet about being part of a Neo-LGBT Community......wait, is there already a Neo version...?

well I guess I’m fine being a solo member for now.

 at least not everyone in the LGBT Community made false accusations on Scott.

and I’m not sure if my pendulum is being 100% truthful,

when I asked about Scott’s sexuality, I mean when I asked if he was Hetero,

I was given a No, but when I asked if he was Pan, I got a Yes.

but that might not be true,

I mean I guess there is a possibility that it could be true.

but maybe I should throw some salt on my pendulum later.

and if it turn out those questions were true, and I was being given a truthful answer.

then it might make others sorry for bullying him.

plus I want to point out, that you can’t just keep hating someone

who believed the lies that they were taught while growing up

about how a different gender identity from your bio-sex one

or not being hetero, is evil.

it’s only when they end up seeing the truth that they might end up discovering

that they aren’t hetero, and might just be bi or pan instead.

I wanted to tell my my family about me being on the Asexual Spectrum,

well the flux type of it.

but I wanted to get their view on it first, about the Asexuality.

like I had said before, it didn’t work out too well.

and I had to make it seem I wasn’t Asexual at all.

even though I was asked if I was, I didn’t say Yes and made sure to not give away I was one.

then when I went to my room, I started crying.

how I reacted was perfectly normal, as I had found out when I found some info about how a parent shouldn’t disapprove of it.

I love my family, but it’s best that I never come out of the protective closets I place myself in, that I can only come out online.                                  

 also I’m gonna try to relax and try to just hope the FNAF series keeps alive and there really being a successor who will continue it.

well now that I know the one who partly more responsible,

is a Toxic Game Journalist........

that person sucks, they suck and I hate them so much.

any Toxic-Journalist that dares do what that one did,

they are just as bad as the paparazzi that harassed a distant cousin of mine.

and if their lies is what got everyone mad at Scott,

at least not everyone, but still.....

I hope that Toxic Game Journalist who started it all,

will get the karma they deserve after they screwed everything up.

and yes while writing this, I wanted to look up more info about the whole FNAF and Scott Cawthon thing.

and it does appear that the root is a toxic game journalist.

and if I had to put two and two together,

I say the Youtube Video that peeved me off before,

that had to do with a doxxing of Scott and [Redacted]

and if had to do with that disgusting filth of a shisno.

if the info had happen some time after that whole mess happen,

 then it means that that disgusting human whoever they are,

is the cause of it.

and there is a reason why I put [Redacted]

as I do not wish for the other person/creator of another series,

to be mentioned in this.

Cancel Culture is Evil, even if something does get cancelled,

it shouldn’t involve the cancel culture cult.

don’t blame the content, blame the parents.

Pepe Le Pew deserved better,

he could of been added into the Space Jam 2 Movie,

if he got character development.

he could still flirt, but would learn to keep it a bit more friendly,

and not force himself on a gal he likes.

  ya don’t see girl characters being treated the way he has been treated,

Pepe deserves better, not just Amy Rose, Dot Warner and Fifi La Fume.

that is being sexist towards Pepe.

and it’s sexist for women and even some men,

to assume if a guy wears pink or uses a pink straw, he might not be consider a man.

so wait, if a woman wearing a blue shirt or uses a blue straw, she is still a woman...?

only a real man wears pink, uses a pink straw and even cries.

and I really hope there is a Anti-Cancel Culture Group to put that shisno group in their place.

I want to try to hope things get better, and the FNAF will continue,

and Scott will get a apology from those who had believed that shisno.

maybe I should avoid looking more info about it.

I just need to try to do the self healing and hope everything gets better,

and hope it isn’t a cruel joke about there being a successor.

I guess I can try to look it up more about it to check to be sure if it is true.

I’m gonna check a few more stuff on here first, before I sign off.

and I hope some of you understand why I’m upset about what happen with Scott.

it isn’t right what happen, and how it happen.

and no matter if he supported Trump or not, there is some lines that should never cross when it comes to a dislike of a president or former president.

but if it came to picking him or the evil woman, I would only pick him to keep the babies safe.....but I’m not sure if the rumor about Hillary Clinton is true or not,

I mean when I had found out about it, I was praying she wouldn’t become president because I was worried about the innocent lives.

but if the rumors still turn out to be 100% true, I still don’t want her as the first Madam President.

 I don’t even trust Biden very much, but I will have to try to hope and pray everything will be okay.

like I said, I don’t fully trust Real Life Presidents.

the best thing I can do is hope and pray that everything will work out.

for real, this will be the last post until July.

but I wont sign back in and post anything again until July 5th.

I’m still listening to Lily Allen’s song, I’m gonna listen to it a few more times.

anyway not all of you might agree with all I said,

and I’m not gonna force you to...

so see ya later, stay safe and beware of shisno.  

PS:

Please Do Not Misinterpret anything that was wrote in this.

and I’m gonna hope that not everyone believed that bull about Scott being a Anti-LGBT.

and I do hope the shisno who started that mess, will get karma for what they did and causing FNAF to be almost cancelled for good.

and it better not be cancelled for good,

and there better be truth to the whole successor to the game series.

and if it turns out that my pendulum isn’t joking about Scott’s sexuality,

if it turns out to be 100% true and not a prank my pendulum is pulling.

then I hope he gets a lot of apologizes, not only from the other stuff,

but also about the Anti-LGBT calling.  

[jiminfms]

         *  hi  ,  my  name’s  tee  and  this  ain’t  a  waist  trainer  bitch  ,  this  a  back  brace  i  got  scoliosis  .  𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨  ,  𝐢𝐭'𝐬  𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫  𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫  𝐤𝐫𝐢𝐬   ( finally  )  !  i  prefer  either  feminine  or  non - binary  pronouns  ,  and  i  reside  in  the  est  time  zone !  it  has  taken  me  so  long  to  formally  write  and  i  highkey  hate  it  because  i  lost  muse  for  my  queen  miss  giavanna  ,  so  i  decided  to  bring  another  muse  instead  of  leaving  because  honestly  ...  i  love  ya’ll  🥺 .  the  way  i  love  miss  jennie  kim  is  more  than  i  wanna  admit  ,  so  let  me  introduce  you  guys  to  the  tiny  ball  of  aggression  that  is  jimin  jung !

          omg  !  i  was  walking  yonge  street  downtown  ,  and  you’ll  never  guess  who  i  saw  .  jimin  jung  !  i  just  saw  a  post  about  them  on  sixsecrets ! i  think  it  said  something  like  ' jimin  jung  physically  restrained  by  security  guards  following  a  verbal  argument  with  fellow  customer  at  drake  one  fifty ! ' .  isn’t  that  wild  ?  i  guess  it  makes  sense  though  ,  since  they’re  apparently  antagonistic  and  bellicose  .  but  i’ve  heard  they’re  also  sultry  and  voguish  ! i’ll  just  stick  to  giving  them  the  benefit  of  the  doubt  .  i  mean  ,  it’s  not  like  i  know  them  personally  —  they’re  a  famous  singer  /  songwriter  and  model  ! you  know  ,  i’ve  actually  heard  rumors  that  redacted  ,  but  they’re  just  rumors  …  i  think  .  i  dunno  .  if  you  happen  to  run  into  them  ,  tell  them  i’m  their  biggest  fan !

FULL  NAME  :  jung  jimin  .

NICKNAME(S) :  n/a  .

AGE  +  DATE  OF  BIRTH :  24  +  june  10th  ,  1996  .

ASTROLOGICAL  SIGN  :  gemini  .

MEYERS - BRIGGS  PERSONALITY  TYPE :  entj  .

MORAL  ALIGNMENT :  chaotic  neutral  .

GENDER  +  PRONOUNS  :  cis  female  +  she / her / hers  .

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  bisexual  .

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  biromantic  .

PLACE  OF  BIRTH :  kensington  ,  london  ,  england  .

PLACE  OF  RESIDENCE  :  toronto  ,  ontario  ,  canada ( specifically  ,  in  the  neighborhood  of  forest  hill ) .

OCCUPATION  :  singer  /  songwriter  and  model  .

VOICECLAIM  :  dua  lipa  .

NATIONALITY  :  british  -  korean  .

ETHNICITY  :  korean  .

LANGUAGES  SPOKEN  :  english  ,  korean  ,  and  japanese  .

i.  prosopography  .

            jimin’s  story  begins  with  the  fateful  meeting  of  her  parents  ,  kim  seo - yeon  and  jung  do - young  ,  on  a  cold  winter’s  day  .  they  found  themselves  at  the  tender  ages  of  20  and  22  ,  attending  a  boring  christmas  gala  with  their  parents  when  they  would  have  preferred  to  do  anything  else  in  the  world  .  seo - yeon  was  a  women  who  knew  what  she  wanted  the  moment  her  eyes  landed  upon  it  ,  so  when  she  made  brief  eye  contact  with  do - young  ,  she  purposefully  spilled  a  glass  of  champagne  onto  his  expensive  tom  ford  suit  and  made  a  big  deal  of  it  .  this  sparked  their  whirlwind  romance  ,  and  six  months  later  they  found  themselves  announcing  their  engagement  to  korean  media  outlets  .

           despite  how  quickly  they  were  engaged  ,  their  parents  saw  this  as  mutually  beneficial  .  seo - yeon  is  the  youngest  daughter  of  the  wealthy  kim  family  ,  owners  of  the  kq  group  conglomerate  that  was  worth  billions  in  its  own  right  .  do - young  was  the  only  child  of  his  parents  ,  and  came  from  park  family  lineage  where  their  hotels  and  resorts  were  the  cause  of  their  fortune  .  the  families  were  soon  to  be  one  ,  and  the  couple  was  the  chaebol  heirs  that  others  envied  .  following  their  lavish  wedding  ,  seo - yeon  and  do - young  decided  that  they  were  going  to  head  off  to  london  to  make  a  life  for  themselves  .  so  ,  they  transferred  to  oxford  university  ,  finished  their  schooling  ,  and  shortly  after  seo - yeon’s  graduation  from  the  financial  economics  program  ,  the  couple  discovered  that  they  were  expecting  .

          it  was  a  sticky  summer  day  when  seo - yeon  unexpectedly  gave  birth  to  their  daughter  ,  who  decided  not  to  allow  her  parents  time  to  get  to  the  hospital  .  jimin  was  born  in  the  bathtub  of  her  parents’  luxury  bathroom  ,  and  right  into  the  arms  of  her  slightly  panicked  but  overjoyed  father  .  from  the  time  that  she  was  a  toddler  ,  araminta  was  a  very  precocious  child  ,  picking  up  on  skills  quite  quickly  and  speaking  in  few  short  sentences  by  the  time  she  was  eleven  months  old  .  as  she  grew  older  ,  jimin’s  parents  remained  hands  on  despite  their  busy  schedules  ,  and  decided  that  they  would  see  what  their  daughter  would  have  the  most  interest  in  .  when  she  was  four  ,  her  parents  began  piano  lessons  ,  and  it  was  evident  that  she  had  a  natural  gift  for  the  instrument  .

            life  for  jimin  had  always  been  comfortable  ,  but  she  didn’t  want  to  take  the  usual  route  ,  or  what  was  expected  of  her  .  she  had  always  been  interested  in  music  ,  so  she  she  originally  started  with  taking  dance  classes  .  she  trained  in  all  forms  of  dance  in  order  to  be  well  rounded  ,  and  she  initially  had  dreams  of  becoming  a  backup  dancer  ,  but  when  she  was  playing  around  and  decided  to  make  a  video  singing  a  song  that  she  had  written  all  on  her  own  ,  jimin  became  an  overnight  sensation  .  her  song  ,  hotter  than  hell  ,  blew  up  almost  instantly  and  she  was  signed  to  warner  music  group  .  

            i’ve  written  enough  VCJNXVBHCV  but  her  career  has  followed  the  timeline  of  dua’s  ,  although  it’s  slightly  off  by  maybe  the  month  or  the  year  .   she  has  won  a  total  of  forty - two  awards  in  her  career  ,  including  two  grammy  awards  and  three  brit  awards  .  although  miss  dua  got  a  lil  clowned  for  her  dancing  at  one  point  ,  i  must  say  that  jimin  is  quite  the  performer  ,  and  definitely  makes  use  of  the  stages  by  recreating  music  videos  or  simply  giving  the  audience  an  experience  .  she  has  not  released  future  nostalgia  as  of  yet  ,  but  it’s  what  she’s  currently  working  towards  !  through  her  career  ,  she  is  known  by  her  mononym  jimin  !

ii.  temperament  .

jimin  is  a  real  bitch  ,  but  she  doesn’t  go  out  of  her  way  to  ‘  out  bitch  ’  someone  because  she  finds  it  to  be  kinda  dumb  .  she’s  primarily  looking  to  have  fun  ,  and  no  one  is  about  to  be  bitchy  around  her  without  getting  snatched  up  .

she  parties  like  she  just  turned  twenty - one  and  dares  someone  to  say  something  about  it  !  invite  her  to  the  club  and  she’s  coming  without  a  second  thought  .  she’s  the  friend  who  will  make  plans  and  will  get  a  little  sad  when  people  cancel  on  her  ,  but  she’s  still  going  to  find  a  way  to  enjoy  herself  .

does  not  take  authority  seriously  and  she  can  be  seen  making  a  jerking  off  motion  whenever  someone  kisses  up  to  those  of  authority  .  talks  shit  ,  but  backs  it  up  because  if  you’re  bold  enough  to  talk  shit  you  might  get  hit  ,  right  ?  

she’s  a  sultry  bitch  and  she  loves  it  .  give  her  the  chance  and  she’ll  flirt  with  a  tree  ,  she’ll  flirt  with  a  plant  ,  and  she  might  flirt  with  your  significant  other  .  she  can  get  kinda  lewd  and  will  say  something  really  off - beat  ,  and  honestly  shut  her  up  if  you  do  .

the  epitome  of  a  gen - z  /  millennial  line  straddler  as  she  can’t  walk  past  a  mirror  without  taking  pictures  of  herself  .  sickeningly  vain  as  she  takes  pictures  at  any  chance  she  can  like  after  getting  her  hair  and  makeup  done  or  even  when  she’s  out  and  about  shopping  .    

iii. headcanons  .

jimin  is  quite  chaotic  and  she  does  not  hold  back  from  it !  she’s  a  pot  stirrer  ,  and  she’ll  watch  everything  unfold  as  if  she  wasn’t  the  one  to  start  the  problems  in  the  first  place  .  not  afraid  to  spread  a  rumor  or  putting  a  trolling  instagram  comment  on  one  of  her  posts  on  blast .  she  likes  to  be  petty  ,  but  she  can  back  it  up  ( but  it’s  NOT  fat  enough  😔 )  .  

her  style  is  vastly  different  than  what’s  expected  .  on  stage  ,  i  would  think  her  style  is  something  akin  to  kpop  stage  outfits  ,  but  not  necessarily  as  tame  .  she’s  not  afraid  to  show  skin  so  there’s  a  lot  of  embellished  leotards  and  heels  ,  dramatic  eye  makeup  and  perfectly  styled  hair  .  off  stage  ,  she  likes  a  relaxed  but  high - end  style  .  lots  of  denim  ,  lots  of  black  ,  loves  oversized  pieces  ,  but  she  loves  to  follow  trends  where  she  can  .

loves  to  yoga  ,  pilates  ,  and  anything  else  that  doesn’t  involve  having  to  go  to  an  actual  gym  .  she  especially love aerial  yoga  as  it  keeps  her  flexible  as  a  dancer  .

miss  jennie  didn’t  let  us  enjoy  it  long  enough  ,  but  jimin’s  hair  is  canon  to  jennie’s  blonde  pieces  ! she’ll  switch  up  the  color  every  so  often  with  temporary  dyes  ,  but  other  than  that  ,  it’s  usually  always  blonde  !

she  doesn’t  drink  st*rbucks  so  don’t  ask  her  to  go  ,  and  she  especially  doesn’t  go  because  she  likes  very  simple  coffee  drinks  .

iv.  wanted  connections  .

give  me  everything  ,  please  !  i’d  love  some  of  the  basics  like  former  friends  ,  best  friends  ,  industry  rivals  ,  friends  with  benefits  ,  confidant(s)  ,  frenemies  ,  good / bad  influences  ,  one  night  stand(s)  ,  enemies  with  benefits  ,  or  a  current  or  ex  fling  !

because  i  love  my  women  loving  women  ,  hand  over  the  ex  girlfriend  !  in  my  head  i’m  thinking  that  they  were  a  really  happy  couple  and  they  were  really  good  to  one  another  ,  but  they  drifted  apart  .  they  remain  good  friends  and  people  probably  think  there’s  still  feelings  because  they  can  be  rather  touchy  feely  with  one  another  (  👀 )  .

ifykyk  ....  but  i  love  angst  !  i  love  to  have  my  heart  ripped  right  out  of  my  chest  so  give  me  angst  in  any  form  :  angsty  friends ,  exes  ,  anything  !  

a  couple  who  are  stuck  in  a  limbo  !  they  have  yet  to  make  it  past  the  point  of  friends  ,   wondering  if  they’re  just  a  hookup  to  one  another  would  there  could  potentially  be  more  .  they  probably  fight  a  lot  because  of  those  underlying  feelings  ,  but  it  could  be  interesting  to  explore  either  way  !

give  me  enemies  !  and  not  for  fake  but  two  people  who  genuinely  dislike  one  another  .  it’s  not  surprising  for  jimin  to  not  get  along  with  a  lot  of  people  considering  the  fact  that  she’s  not  ...  the  nicest  ,  and  i’m  not  entirely  sure  as  to  why  they’d  dislike  each  other  ,  but  it  could  be  so  much  thank  u  KFJDFDS  .

give  me  the  heartbreak  that  still  lingers  i  will  sell  you  my  SOUL  .  maybe  their  relationship  was  good  ,  or  it  was  a  mess  KNFJD  ,  but  but  when  they  broke  up  they  haven’t  fully  gotten  over  it  yet  ?  probably  a  lot  of  lingering  looks  ,  and  giving  compliments  but  they’re  kinda  awkward  because  they  don’t  know  how  to  approach  each  other  sometimes  .

[demonsliveinstillwaters]

Meet the Muse

Tagged by: @tsushima-no-onryo

► Name ➔  Americanized Name: Natasha Romanoff                      Russian Name: Natalia Alyanovna Romanova                      Aliases: Natalie Rushman, Laura Matthers, Mary Ferrell,

► Are you single ➔  Perpetually

► Are you happy ➔ Intermittently

► Are you angry? ➔ Frequently

► Are your parents still married ➔ I never knew my parents. I have no idea if they’re even still alive.

► Birthplace ➔ Stalingrad, Russia

► Hair Color ➔ Red (Naturally dark brown)

► Eye Color ➔ Green

► Birthday ➔  -REDACTED - , 1984

► Mood ➔ Tired 

► Gender ➔ Woman

► Summer or winter ➔ Winter (it feels like home - but not in the comfortable nostalgic kind of way. In a very uncomfortable, traumatic past kind of way that reminds her why she’s doing what she’s doing)

► Morning or afternoon ➔ Night

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ No

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ I believe people believe in it, but I believe it’s for the blissfully ignorant or the hopelessly romantic idealists. It’s not for me. 

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ Me 

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ It’s part of the job description

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ Not afraid. Just not interested, if you’re talking about in the Romantic sense. 

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ No, but I’m no stranger to close, intimate physical contact.

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ I’ve had plenty of admirers who thought I didn’t know who they were. 

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ On too many occasions to count.

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ Neither - both are useful tools when used on someone else, but I haven’t felt either in a very long time.

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ Coffee. Black. And strong as it comes.

► Cats or Dogs ➔ Dogs. All my Boys are like derpy golden retrievers and everytime I see one it reminds me of them.

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ The fewer personal connections the better. I only count those I could trust with my life as friends, and that number fits on a single hand.

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Whatever suits the target best. Honestly, both are good - wild night is great for letting it all go, romantic night in is a great way to relax.

► Day or night ➔ Night

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ No - or I wouldn’t have graduated the Red Room and inherited my name.

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ This is inevitable 

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Yes. 

► Wanted to disappear ➔ Yes (and I thought I’d found my way out, but the Soul Stone had other ideas)

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ Eyes - in an ordinary person, they don’t lie. Their mouth might be smiling, but their eyes will show the truth. Sadness, weariness, rage. You can see that in the eyes.

► Shorter or Taller ➔ Don’t care

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ Smart is sexy

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ Not interested in a relationship. Hook-ups are good stress relief, though.

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ Found Family, and ... sometimes.

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔  I am not even going to begin. The short answer is “yes.”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ Yes. I ran right into the arms of the enemy and joined them.

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ No. Getting Kicked out would have meant a permanent home in the graveyard where I grew up.

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ I dont’ keep people around that I hate. 

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ If I call you Friend, you have been weighed and you have been measured, and you have not been found wanting.

► Who is your best friend ➔ Clinton Francis Barton, A.K.A. Hawkeye, my favorite idiot

► Who knows everything about you ➔ No-one. Not even myself. My memories were toyed with when I was part of the Red Room Project. I can’t even trust myself.

tagging: @seesbetterfromadistance ; @deafhawkeye

[feuilly-cakes]

Wayward Children books 2-5 Review

Author: Seanan Mcguire

I compiled my reviews for the rest of this series into one post for the simple fact that I read them all so quickly. My thoughts changed hour by hour and so I wanted to get them all in one place.

Down Among the Sticks and Bones (book 2)

I found this a fascinating exploration of Jack and Jill’s characters. The takes on gender roles and parental expectations were hard hitting and real, I really felt bad for these girls with their ridiculous parents. The Moors were just the right amount of creepy in my opinion; the danger was there and known but it wasn’t scary to the point where I found it difficult to read. I could appreciate the grimness of the world without being put off by it. I do think as a backstory it was very good, but I think if I had picked it up as a stand-alone I would have been less interested in it. Knowing what became of the girls after the end of the book while I was reading it upped the tension and the desire to find out exactly how that had happened, and if I had been taking it at face value as an adventure story without the big consequences after the end I wouldn’t have been so invested I think. That being said, I really enjoyed it and I was excited to get through to the next book Jack was in. 

Here are my thoughts on the characters as they stand by the end of this book:

Jack: I relate a lot to Jack in this. I kept forgetting she was a girl in the first book and she was mostly a character that was vaguely interesting but not someone I could relate to, so this connection was unexpected. Her OCD (or what looks like it anyway) is probably a big factor in this, but she’s also very queer, though not in the same way as me. Very relatable. Her struggle with caring about her sister while also being a victim of her was also pulled off wonderfully. She was the one I was rooting for in this.

Dr Bleak: I thought that Dr Bleak would be cruel or heartless, but I was pleasantly surprised. He’s a stern, practical man, but he cares for Jack and treats her well. He wants her to stay and to flourish in the Moors, and aside from toughening her up a bit for practicality’s sake he doesn’t want to change her.

Jill: She annoyed me. I understood why she is so messed up, but there’s no doubt in my mind that she is a villain in this. Certain events didn’t need to happen but she wanted them to, and ruined lives while doing so, and so any sympathy for her for what the Master did to her immediately vanished.

Beneath the Sugar Sky (book 3)

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The adventures through the realms were super exciting, as was seeing the original characters (from the first book that is) Rini was hilarious but also had depth and I felt so sad for her. I also nearly decided to count the amount of times people said vagina because of her but decided that would be far too difficult since it got mentioned a lot in a short space of time. She’s truly a character that one. I was surprised that Rini wasn’t the main character, not that there really are main characters in this book, but we mostly see things from the perspective of Cora, who I thought was nice but the self consciousness and self hatred got a bit much with her at times. She’s a byproduct of bullying and it’s all a bit dark in her head. I did enjoy her character though. The adventure was great. I was on the edge the whole time, because I felt Sumi’s death in the first book was super tragic and shocking, so I was rooting for them to fix that little hiccup the whole time. I’m also hoping that we get to see more of Layla in future books, because I feel she has great potential and could end up being a fave of mine. The illustration of her really made me in awe. Most of the illustrations in this book were lovely, but that one in particular was gorgeous.

In An Absent Dream (book 4)

This review is going to be a longer one, as I have a lot of feelings about this book. First, Lundy's tale was by far the most high-stakes and stressful for me so far in the series, barring the actual murder plot of the first book. Something about the way it was written, I'm guessing. With every new development I was more and more on edge; by the halfway point I was convinced something terrible was going to happen to Moon because of her increasing debts, and 3/4 in I had to put the book down for a day because it got so intense. The Goblin Market itself seems like a cruel and unforgiving place, even as the people within are all caring for each other. The descriptions were reminiscent of a Studio Ghibli setting, and I could see the appeal, at least aesthetically. The rules were what made it seem cruel to me, so I guess I would never have had a door there myself. One thing I didn't really call was that final scene at the market... [sp*ilers over on my goodreads ]

I related to and grew frustrated with Lundy in equal measure. Every time she made a sensible move it seemed as though she made an equally stupid decision not long afterwards. Knowing her far off future just made that frustration worse. The whole time she was in the Goblin Market or making plans to go back to the Market, I couldn't help but think of her poor family. How awful would it be to be treated like she treated them, to be discarded like she discarded them? She never felt guilt for all the worry she caused them, not even when she ran away for 2 years. Sure, sending her to boarding school was a bad move, but so was running away without even a note to say goodbye.

I suppose sometimes the best someone can do isn't the right thing to do, and this book sort of drills that message into your head, what with all the mistakes these characters make all the way, and the prices they have to pay.

Come Tumbling Down (book 5)

I had a prediction for this book: Jack was going to be turned into a vampire because Jill could no longer become one. The real events seemed far more ridiculous and a bit funny, until, as all things relating to the Moors, reality set in and it quickly turned horrifying. The way Jack fell apart due to her circumstances was absolutely heartbreaking and... well, let's just say it hit too close to home. The quest itself was fantastic - I enjoy when characters react to other worlds, and the way the rest of Jack's world was explored in more depth was fascinating. This story was the one I had been waiting for since reading Down Among the Sticks and Bones, where the girls could have gone in any direction and ended up away from the Moors, so the fact that we get to see one of those other directions in the form of the Drowned Gods was exciting and fulfilling. The conclusion to Jack and Jill's story was satisfying to the maximum. It was dark and real and exciting, the perfect ending to their story arcs, and though it all got wrapped up perfectly (to my tastes) and the story of Jack and Jill is over, Jack's story is really beginning anew. She does have a threat still lurking over her after the end, and it allows speculation as we are left to wonder what happens to her after [sp*ilers redacted]

Definitely one of my favourites of the series.

[unfortunate-rp]

Congratulations, BETHAN! You have been accepted as your desired character, VIVEK VARMA. Please be sure to complete the steps listed on the NEW MEMBER CHECKLIST and send in your account within the next 24 hours.

Well, young lady, have you been good to your mother?

OOC INFORMATION

Name: Bethan.

Age: 22.

Pronouns: She/her.

Time zone: GMT.

Activity Level (Please give a number from 1-10 and an explanation): 6/10, I’m doing an MA.

Tumblr account (for contact purposes): REDACTED

(If applying for second character) Characters played: None.

How did you find us?: Shout out. I forgot the blog name, sorry.

Triggers: None.

Anything Else?:

CANON CHARACTER APPLICATION

Desired Character: Vivek Varma.

Gender & Pronoun: Cisgendered male, he/him.

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual.

Do you want any additional connections for your desired character that you’d like us to add to their bio?: None, for now.

WRITING SAMPLE

Okay, okay, okay. He could do this. He could do this. At least, that’s what Vivek kept telling himself. You see, Vivek Varma is a General Surgeon who had gotten himself into quite a sticky situation; ‘sticky’ here, being used in a metaphorical sense to say that Vivek was in an awful position that he couldn’t escape. Vivek is a gambling addict who found himself owing a large sum of money to his go-to casino, which he paid off with money from a loan shark; a loan shark being someone who lends you money but will want a significant interest rate in return, and will hurt you very badly if you do not return the money. The fire-starting side of the VFD offered to pay off his debts and give him a new go-to casino if Vivek carried out some tasks for them. In hindsight, Vivek should have asked what these tasks were, but he was a desperate man who never thought before acting, which was two terrible things to be.

Vivek found himself working in a hospital he hated and killing his own patients. Just the thought of what he was doing made him very sick to the stomach. You see, doctors tend to make the Hippocratic oath, which was a promise to protect all lives. By killing his own patients, Vivek was not upholding his solemn oath.

“Dr Varma?” He heard a voice at his office door. Glancing up, he saw the nurse who was supposed to be attending to the patients he treated, including the one the VFD have asked him to kill. This patient just had heart surgery, meaning that if he were to die of natural causes, it would be due to complications of the heart. Vivek knew how to handle this case, which was both a good thing and a bad thing; a good thing because Vivek could get the job done as quickly as possible, and bad because someone had to die.  

“Ah, yes. Come in!” He said to the nurse, raising from his desk. “I’ve called you here about the patient in room 101."

"What about him, doctor?” The nurse asked.

“His surgery was a bit complex,” Vivek began to explain, feeling the sweat on his brow as he began to lie. “so he is going to need a special drink."

Vivek proceeded to pull out a canister of juice he brought from home, but this juice had a dose of potassium chloride. This poison would resemble the symptoms of a heart attack, a perfect crime - 'a perfect crime’ is referring to a crime that is well covered in its tracks, and not one that has any moral high standing.

"Of course, doctor.” The nurse said, taking the canister without question, which only made Vivek more anxious. All he needed to do was say nothing, and no one would raise suspicion, so of course, Vivek didn’t do that.

“You don’t have any questions? Reasons to doubt my advice?” He asked. Why did he ask that?

“Why would I not heed a doctor’s advice?” The nurse asked, her tone was suspicious. Vivek blew it.

“No reason, just checking.” He responded, before nodding to let the nurse leave. “And don’t drink that! Or let anyone else drink it!” He added quickly, as the nurse walked out the door. His face had become nothing more than a sweaty mess as he knew that he just set in motions for a murder. Could he even call himself a doctor anymore?

[lecherouswritings]

Earlier on this blog I did a large, basic outline of Rat’s plot with MANY details and interactions redacted for the sake of making something easy to read and not a blatant script. The structures of the writings I post here are more for my memory’s sake and not actual prose or even thought-provoking? It’s so I can keep track of where I was in the story comparing where I am now. The stories change up a lot, as do the characters, but some have been around for so long that the changes they make are minor. I thought it might be kind of fun to “go off” on some stuff I want to touch on in Rat’s plot. I get a lot of this stuff is masturbatory self-fulfiling stuff and I don’t expect anyone to give it a read so don’t feel any pressure haha. It’s always done for myself, but I appreciate anyone who takes the time regardless.

Rat goes through several personality changes. When I had originally wrote out this plot, before tumblr, Rat was kind of this idol that people took with them, and his presence where ever they took him was disruptive, like a bad omen. Almost like he’s hibernating the whole plot until one day he breaks free from his cocoon and is the Devil. I examined it and heard other people’s ideas and felt that wasn’t really good enough. I wanted Rat to be more involved. In fact, my characters are very interactive with me on a daily basis, and I want to be able to share the voices that interact with me. It has to go through me and I’m not the best converting tool, but I’m giving it my best shot so bear with me. I thought that maybe Rat would have severe abandonment issues what with not having parents and using his friends as a family, and I wanted to avoid the word family and use the word Pack, not just for the wolf reference, but to definitely not reference the Manson Family which is a very real thing that happened and don’t want to be disrespectful to victims and such. I did model a lot of what Rat and his pack do after The Manson Family movie that Jim Van Bebber did, that was a huge, huge inspiration for me, but again, didn’t want to completely take from a real event, even if the movie was amazingly executed. All that being said, I think Rat does fine on his own and doesn’t have any fear of abandonment. He alters how he behaves and talks around certain pack members, and has a general authoritative role when they’re all together. Mixing and matching his personality based on who he’s interacting with is an important thing to keep in mind whenever I get around to the comic. I’d say he’s most genuine around Peter because Peter doesn’t believe in most of the shit that’s happening, whereas most of the pack members are fooled ( they’re impressionable 20 somethings, basically kids. ) I think also, Rat, having been bullied by other kids and adults due to his differences ( He has wolf teeth, deformed arms and legs, socially repugnant ) found a sort of underdog hero in The Devil from when he would attend church. God, who was so loving and good, never stepped in whenever Rat needed Him, so this lead to a stream of thinking that maybe he was rooting for the wrong side. But then, Satan did nothing either. That left option 3: BECOME Satan! Why not? What’s stopping him? We’re taught to be whoever we want to, so why not that? Rat doesn’t have a good concept of ( or maybe he doesn’t care to ) what’s doable and what isn’t in the frame of reality. It should also be noted that since he didn’t have much of a childhood, it’s also a big big reason why he acts so childish and childishly cruel and silly. It’s his way of expressing a part of his life he didn’t get to have much of, aside from with Amy and Kyle. Rat also has a problem processing real empathy. He’s good with faking it, playing a role if it gets him what he wants, but actually feeling sorry for someone isn’t something he’s capable of feeling once he gets older. As a kid, sure, he’s still very tender and has some good intentions left in him, but toxic masculinity sets in the older he gets, the ego and all it’s clowny ridiculousness, and how everything imaginable is a plaything for him. Again, why not? Morals? He doesn’t really care. To quote his faceclaim, “I can’t believe in the things that don’t believe in me” which I attribute heavily to his character. There are certain principals he’ll abide by, but that doesn’t make him good by any respect. He may not abide by rape, but he’s certainly an advocate for murder. OH but, he does legitimately care for his select Pack members, but it diminishes over time and becomes fake, but the readers aren’t too sure when that is, when he’s faking it and when he’s being legitimate. Why does Rat advocate for murder? What makes someone think it’s alright to take the lives away from others? So one huge thing about my stories is they’re all linked to an Old God named Hito. The chain of command in this story goes Hito - Rat - The Pack. When they worship Rat, it translates to Hito, so they’re all participating in a limited faction of Hitoism, and they’re aware of Hito and what they’re doing and what for, just not the limited part. Hito does have smaller factions that branch off, like Acolyte’s Endaiyanism which is like a masculine version of Hito but still Hito, and the opposition is Larionism but I’m not going to get into what that’s all about. What’s important is Hito and her role in this. Also super important detail as to why I almost never touch on Hito in recent art and things: Hito is never to be seen by mortals. Only glimpses and verbally but never seeing her. You have to be in the correct dimension to see her and living or mortal beings are NOT ALLOWED THERE. There’s no oxygen there so there’s no way anyone could just walk through a portal and be OK there. You can go there in dreams but Hito will not be in a visible form, you can feel it but not see her. You could’ve seen her when she was alive on Earth but she’s also not human ( her pronouns are preferred since she appears female and her cult is very female orientated but technically I don’t think Hito has a gender. ) Hito has a sort of wishmaster role in the comic where she can make people’s desires and wants become reality, so long as they’re willing to pay a life-long loan for it -- the loan being murdering people in Hitotian ritual. Rat, at a young age, wanted to encompass the concept of the Devil as he viewed him, and Hito would make that happen, so long as he killed so many people in a quota per night. The pack idea worked out because he’s able to meet that quota through his followers, so it keeps Hito satisfied and Rat on the path to physical and spiritual transformation. People never did Rat any favors, so why be peaceful when he can get what he wants by killing them? They don’t mean anything to him, He can’t relate to them, or be bothered to. He’s also a very keyed-in person, despite his lack of empathy. Rat’s the kind of person you can really get along with. He’ll know what to say to make you laugh or delight you, but he can also pull at your strings, find what makes you tick, and rile you up if he wants to. With Hito in his corner, it diminishes his fear, so Rat is very bold, in your face, and often times throwing himself and others into reckless danger for an idea he has. Or because he just wants to. Again, he tailors his personality based on his current company. He’s like a parasite who loves to worm into people for the sole purpose of his gain and nothing else. All charitable things he does for his pack members is to earn their trust. Ryan doesn’t trust Rat from the start, but is blindly following for his own gain. Rat’s aware of the mistrust and the disbelief, the Judas of the group, and knows that changing Ryan’s mind is out of the question. Ryan’s flawed by his own humanness, so Rat knows that he’ll get what’s coming to him. Based on the way Ryan and Amy interact, and knowing their history, it doesn’t take Rat a long time to deduce that Ryan took advantage of Amy as a minor when she was in a desperate phase in her life, and Ryan being older and knowing better, he’s earned Rat’s complete ire, but he keeps Ryan around because he’s a good tool; good at killing, huge and bulky, intimidating, bold and out there. Personally, however, he can’t stand the guy. He’s got a lot of normie qualities about him that Rat finds deplorable and unnecessary, but his feelings are slightly hypocritical as Rat indulges in the same behaviors as Ryan sometimes, but mostly as an act. Whoever needs to see it. I also realize, personally, that Rat and I talk about his views and reasons on things and I get 100% honesty in his responses, but the problem is that I feel it translates easier through verbal communication than written. Writing down facts and feelings on Rat are really difficult. It’s as if it doesn’t translate well, and since I don’t have any immediate questions I’m not sure what to really start or end with with Rat. Not to mention, Rat isn’t a singular age throughout the comic; he ages from 7 years old to 60s/70 years old so depending on what age the question’s aimed at will the answer vary, just like an actual person, so I try and make up general things to talk about that don’t change that much, like his stance on rapists and murdering. How about I do bullet point type of things, maybe that’ll help. Children: Hates them! Rat adopts a pecking-order mentality with children being the lowest, adults being slightly higher, and the elderly taking a backpedal back to one, but he feels more justified in messing with an old person than a child. Sometimes he’ll antagonize or enlist a child, like to help him steal something, or to incite a ruckus, but Rat hates children to the point of not wanting to kill them. He’ll usually send Ryan or Peter to kill them since they don’t have a problem with it. Amy doesn’t mind either but her, Jessica, and Kyle prefer not to. Food: Rat’s favorite foods are: Fruit gushers, milk chocolate, Baby Ruths, crunchy candy cigarettes, caramel apples, big giant lollipops, novelty candy like ringpops or baby bottles, anything with chewy caramel or rainbow designs on it. Actual food he’ll eat except he hates vegetables. Meat, cheese, but toss him an onion or asparagus and he’ll hit you. Rat’s spent most of his life living out of dumpsters and eating people’s throwaways, which is why he’s usually emaciated. He’ll sooner offer his Pack food than himself. ( Favorite drinks are chocolate and strawberry milk. ) Drugs: He’ll do it all but his favorite is acid and tequila. He’s dabbled with heroin and enjoyed that feeling, cocaine, but nothing beats the trip he gets on acid, or the punch of gold tequila. TV: His favorite shows are Care Bears, Wacky Races, anything Hanna Barbera or Looney Tunes related. Scooby Doo he loves, as well as stuff like Hair Bear Bunch and shows that were popular in his time, but mostly the children shows. Intelligence: Rat’s actually very well-read and street-smart! He’s book smart in various areas because he spent a lot of time in the library growing up since it was Not in his horrible home or on the streets, which is where his extensive reading of Satan happened. Rat loves to play dumb, a quality him and Jessica ( and occasionally Peter ) share. Maths not so much. Rat interpreted the bible’s Genesis story as a cautionary tale against learning so he made it a personal goal to learn as much as he could about everything around him. Rat’s mostly well-read on events concerning America, only after his arc does he make himself internationally known and learn about them, but Rat is um. He’s a very proud Florida-native American. Actually, in talking with him, I think he likes the image of something huge and powerful and stupid being in control, so he loves playing up dumb and insensitive when he’s a big scary monster post-arc ( He appears in other character’s stories as a monster that must be stopped!!! outta control!!! ) Attention: Loves it. Can’t get enough of it. He’ll be an absolute clown or a total showman, whatever the situation calls for. Maybe give someone else a spotlight while he waits for his moment to spring to life and steal it away. Rat is the ringleader of his merry bunch and will make sure everyone knows he’s A REAL ( MORNING ) STAR!!! Abilities: Rat has a Madness-By-Proxy ability where if he lingers in a place long enough, the people inhabiting the area will go insane and hallucinate. It’s a mind-control power that he has to flex and strengthen to get better at controlling it. The older and more experienced he gets with Hitotian ritual and murders, the larger the madness waves reach. People will wake up and murder their families and then not know why they did it, or whatever horrible deed -- in a way, this is almost a “devil made me do it” excuse if you think about it. As Rat metamorphoses, his power becomes stronger, then weaker, then the strongest. His metamorphosis is over time, deforming his body and changing his genetic structure so that he can safely pass into another dimension of familiars who’ll christen him The Devil, but first he must suffer, as suffering creates a residual energy that influences Hito and other entities to pass into our realm and alter us. I’d say almost every story I write has that element in it or similar. It’s hard to get at Rat because of his lack of empathy and warm blooded attitude, so his body and mind are targeted, his two treasured things as he’s a huge egomaniac. That being said, his body becoming deformed is both a blow to his ego and a huge ( somewhat erotic ) fascination he has. His pack are more upset by it than he is most of the time. Think of Rat as an insect going through the motions, like a caterpillar. I’d say Rat’s more adjacent to an insect than a wolf, but he loves the wolf symbolism so, so much. ( He’s a furry, give him a break, and also Peter had him manifest as a wolf in his fears so Rat loved that. ) Death: Extremely fascinated with it. All of his fantasies are centered around death, be it his own death or others. Him and Amy used to play a game when they were kids called ‘wahwad’ which is a way of pronouncing Who And How Will ( they ) Die? where they’d sit and people watch and try and guess how they’ll die or how they would kill them if they could. Rat would try and see how many drugs ___ he could do before he would feel himself slipping off, and Amy would watch him and he’d do the same for her. Kind of a trust exercise. All that being said, Rat doesn’t take other’s death seriously. He thinks people’s lives are a joke, that people are just there for him to mess with and pick apart. There’s no value to other’s life in Rat’s mind, they forfeited that when he saw how nasty they can be at any given moment. Other people’s deaths aren’t on his mind. He’ll keep people around as long as is convenient for him. I wanted a scene or two of a few victims Rat doesn’t kill right away who challenge his views, but I hate that it ends disappointingly with their logic not sinking in. I also wanted an extra pack member to be witness who WAS affected by the victim’s logic and Rat realizing their change of heart and cornering them with the rest of the pack and tearing them apart, mocking their empathy. Which leads me to... Empathy: Rat had heavy empathic feelings as a young pup, but it disintegrated as he became a teenager. Seeing the world for all it’s ugliness and until a certain age, he saw people as literal pigs ( he’s aware people don’t normally look like that because of TV and magazines ) but after they start looking like people, he secretly wonders if they really do look like pigs and which one is the facade and which is really how they look. That aside, he thinks compassion and empathy are weaknesses, which is why he loves insects, because he perceives them as living organisms with no empathy, same with reptiles. He thinks it perverts people’s abilities to make decisions and hinders them, as does morality. I wonder if even the reason he has hard anti-rape sentiments is because he’s a survivor, and it pains me to think he would have a different view if he wasn’t. All in all, Rat’s supposed to be an example of how someone can turn rotten over time. Rat’s definitely not someone to look up to, but he has good qualities if that makes sense. Rat’s story is supposed to be about a person who caves under the bad shit and turns it around and makes it power, but he does it in the worst way, hurting thousands along the way. He doesn’t care about anyone, but he’ll make you think he does so you can trust him. I wanted him to be a villain you love to hate and hate to love. I want him to make sense sometimes and nonsensical the next, that maybe your views align with his from time to time. As with all my OCs, making them as human as possible, even the monstrous ones, is very important to me, and given how vocal they are in my head, I consider them like room mates so it’s hard to translate that for people who don’t have them around. So if anyone has any questions about Rat or anyone else, feel free to ask them because I’d love to try and tackle it!

[wellhalesbells]

so.  i just found this in my drafts, partly finished, before i apparently flopped to the floor and decided, ‘i shall type no more, i am weary of this life, and i think there might be string cheese in a corner of the fridge.’  (there probably wasn’t, then i probably flopped there and thought, ‘i shall eat cheese no more, i am weary of this life, and then a dog licked my face.’  that sounds like an average day at least.)  anyway, i was tagged by @andavs eighty-fafillion years ago and i imagine she is now telling a story about not sharing some plywood with a blond dude, watching him drown and then throwing a necklace that i totally could've pawned overboard, like the selfish jerk she is.  that’s what getting older is like, right?  that’s a summation that is primarily a guess but backed by some solid titanic-based science.

Rules: Tag 20 followers that you would like to get to know better!

NAME: madeline (MAD - UH - LYNN not to be confused with MAD - UH - LINE okay?  i've never lived in an old house in paris covered in vines and i can’t walk a straight line to save my life, all right?)

NICKNAME: maddie, shmads, madsmonster, shamdsie, shamdseline, stinkypotamus, pie, squid, cal, bells, but i literally respond to anything because i have a sister who has a new nickname for me every few seconds.

STAR SIGN: pisces

GENDER: female

HEIGHT: oh.  5′, we really had to start my day with that reminder?

FAVORITE COLORS: oh all of them.  i adore all the colors, but in a way where they’re also somehow too insignificant for me to have favorites.

TIME RIGHT NOW: 4:07 pm

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: average, HA HA HA, ohhhh you do make me chuckle.  it’s all or nothing when it comes to sleep and most often it is nothing.

LAST THING I GOOGLED: the names of the powerpuff girls or, in my sophisticated-speak: ‘red powerpuff one.’  in fairness to me, i meant to write ‘girl,’ answered the phone and got distracted.  because i’m an adult.  working hard, at her job.  and the thing is i KNEW all their effing names, too, but i couldn’t remember which one was the red-haired one and i was like: it’s blossom, right?  but that didn’t sound right at all.  it still doesn’t.  i feel like she had a different name and it’s been redacted from all written record, scrubbed from the interwebs and replaced with this imposter name.  i’ve stumbled upon another conspiracy, guys, get out your staple guns and satellites.

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: that depends entirely on where i’m living.  florida or dc summers and it’s one that’s easily flingable.  anywhere that gets legitimately cold and i open all the windows, drag out every blanket i own and pile it atop me like a reverse princess and the pea.  i’m the pea and oxygen is the princess.

FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: oh gosh.  well.  derek hale.  that’s an obvious.  that’s number one, that’s my guy, that’s my squid-fish, my asshole hummingbird, my delightful dingo.  and you know what?  i don’t want to dilute the waters.  he’s number one and also only one.

FAVORITE BOOKS: *forgets every book to ever exist in the history of mankind*  um.  well, the harry potter series.  that’s a given too, i hated reading before those books came into my life (why does the education system pick the densest, most horrible literary works in history and then read them for forty-thousand weeks so you can’t ever escape them?  stamps out any idea that reading can be a fun escape pretty much immediately), after them i was voracious.  uhhhh i’ll go with what i’ve read in the past year or so because that’s about as far as my memory stretches: the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, the night circus by erin morgenstern, i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson and i just finished station eleven by emily st. john mandel three days ago and that was awesome!

FAVORITE BANDS: i’ll do this by: if they came in concert, would i go see them?  because that list has DWINDLED since my teenager-dom, lemme tell you, so: the killers (whom i’ve never seen before and would like to) and stars (whom i have seen before and would again in a heartbeat)

DREAM JOB: mattress tester?  in my fantasy of it, a man with a bulbous nose and gills leads me to rows upon rows of mattresses in this cavernous airplane hangar-type place, so huge i can’t even see the wall parallel, and he looks at me sternly and says, “now we don’t appreciate rush jobs, little lady (he’s kinda sexist but i’m staring at his gills so i think it’s partly defensive).  we’re going to need you to sleep, properly sleep, on every single one of these and report back.  we don’t care how long it takes, as long as it’s done right.  quality over quantity, eh, missy?”

and then i say, “eh, gill,” and we fist bump.

WHAT AM I WEARING RIGHT NOW: work clothes - leggings, boots (well, no, my boots are off but i was wearing boots), jigglypuff socks, c3po underwear, a flimsy top that looks professional, an uncomfortable bra with tape on it and a hoodie jacket that looks wholly unprofessional and is designed with paint splatters and iron-on punk patches.  bossman loves it.  we have been not-making-eye-contact over it all day, despite his best attempts.  the other 99% of the time the answer would’ve been: a deadpool onesie.  and i would’ve been way happier about it.

WHEN DID YOU CREATE YOUR BLOG: uh.  is there a way to know that?  WAIT.  i feel like tumblr sent me a ‘your blog turned five years old today’ email a couple months ago and i trashed it with the thought: wow, you’re outta this kid’s life for five years and you breeze back in with a half-assed ‘happy birthday’ and no gift.  WHERE’S MY GODDAMN ALIMONY?

CURRENT AMOUNT OF FOLLOWERS: 3,160+ (i’m gonna guesstimate it ‘cause at all times i’m hemorrhaging them with the occasional gain so it’s always like an ‘ish’ number but it was 3,164 last i looked), which is stupid as hell because i don’t do anything.  for a lump of laze that regularly looks at an untied shoelace and shakes her head with a murmured, ‘too far,’ that’s pretty goddamn exceptional.

WHAT DO YOU POST ABOUT: CAN’T PUT NO CHAINS ON ME.  i mean, yeah, um, it’s pretty much a gigantic mess of messery that is whatever catches my eye/heart.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BLOGS: no.  well, yes.  but no.  i have a sense8 side blog that i shouldn’t have because i’m not a responsible blog owner and where in the hell did i get this idea that i could handle a second one?

WHEN DID YOUR BLOG REACH ITS “PEAK” (WHEN DID YOU GET MORE FOLLOWERS, HAVE POPULAR POSTS, ETC): uhhhhh.  my most notable peak was probably right after i finished there’s monsters at home.  i hadn’t really been posting on tumblr that long and i still didn’t really know how it worked (that streak lives on, woo!) but i knew this is where teen wolf lived so i was trying, badly but trying.  then i finished it and went up by about 1,000 followers in a month and it was all very exciting.  then, as always happens, people get bored and wander away because i am not very exciting and WHATEVER, I DON’T EVEN CARE, I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY.  I HAD MY EYES ON YOUR BEST FRIEND, HOECH, THE WHOLE TIME, SO THERE.

WHO IS YOUR MOST ACTIVE FOLLOWER: is there a way to know this???

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO GET A TUMBLR: getting into teen wolf was what did it.  i was eljay-based before that because that is where hp lives (or was living at the time) and then i got into teen wolf and realized i had to learn a new platform and drank heavily, cried pitifully, and read sterek fanfic and decided: no, i really have to do this because i am in love as i never have been before.  (or since.)

DO YOU GET ASKS ON A DAILY BASIS: ew.  no.  HOW DO YOU LIVE LIFE WITH THAT?

TAG 20 PEOPLE: wow, we’re assuming that i know twenty people?  if you guys haven’t done this and want to, go for it and tag me as the tagger if you’d like, i’ll come plonking over and check it out!

[little-olliepop]

This is gonna be a lot, so I’ll put this under a cut. TLDR; I’m transgender, and I’m sharing my experiences and how I got here. Have a great TDoV!

Hi, I’m Atticus Oliver [redacted], and I’m a gender nonconforming trans guy. 

I’ve identified as anything other than my agab for almost 2 years, in July of 2017. That was when I sat myself down and I told myself “well... I’m not female, that’s for sure,,, and I am not male.... so I am neither?” and that thought start me off this journey.

I first IDed as agender, as I didn’t feel a gender. I kept my birth name, and changed my pronouns to they/them. I was only out to my then girlfriend and my friends, both online and irl, and I was accepted by all of them. They slipped up a lot, but after a bit people were used to it. In September 2017, I started IDing as nonbinary, claiming that the terms were so similar, that it wouldn’t really matter if I IDed as such. At this point I was talking to my school counselor, and my online friend group was sorta getting messed up. However, in October 2017, I had decided that I was going to come out as nb to my parents... which then turned to me coming out to everyone on October 11th, 2017. I found two oldish friends of mine who also were LGBT- one was genderqueer, and the other was gay. That day was weird, but in the end I received no bullying immediately about it. Of course, this ended up having my online friend group break up in the end, because one friend just “couldn’t believe that I was in danger” even though no bullying had come about.

Fast forward to November of 2017 and I’m out as a demiboy and my friend groups both online and IRL change to something new, and I stay with those friends for the rest of the school year. Skip forward to January 2018 and I come out as a trans guy, and I have IDed as some form of masculine ever since (either trans guy or trans masculine).

My parents still don’t accept me fully. My sister, two cousins on my dads side, and one cousin on my moms are the only family who call me the right name and pronouns consistently. Besides for my friends, most people have misgendered me, and honestly, I still sometimes wonder if anything will get better. But I know it will. In the next few years, I’ll get on T, I’ll start binding with a binder, and I’ll be happy.

Happy Trans Day of Visibility everyone- we all deserve today.