#i’ll work on some dialogue so you can get a clearer idea

[vigilskeep]

hi SO evrion is my first attempt at designing bonus dragon age companions for funsies. he is for da2

he’s a dual-wielding rogue and his specialisation is “renegade templar”, split between templar and assassin talents. raised by the chantry and trained as a templar, he was once a highly efficient apostate hunter, but in a mysterious incident he cut ties with the order. in act 1 you find him begrudgingly working as a mercenary for the carta to supply himself with black market lyrium. finally drawing the line, he enlists hawke’s help in stopping his carta bosses from making a deal with a band of tevinter slavers. during the quest, it will be revealed that one of the captured slaves is a terrified mage, and evrion will let them go and tell them to get as far away from kirkwall as they can. at the end of the quest, evrion is clearly uncertain what to do next, and hawke can either tell him to get lost or recruit him to the party (i will dress up the details of this quest but this is the rough basics)

if recruited, you’ll later discover that evrion is the son of a circle mage, taken away by the chantry at birth. he left the templars—smashing up a phylactery chamber as he went, leading to a handful of escapes that his fellow templars are slow to forgive—after finding out the knight-commander had kept from him that one of the apostates he had hunted and brought back to be made tranquil was, unknowingly, his own mother. evrion regrets his past and is floundering for purpose after having been with the chantry all his life. on a friendship route, hawke can encourage him to make amends for what he has done and define his own future. on a rivalry route, hawke can argue with him that he can’t change who he is and his old ways were, however unfortunate, necessary. only on 100% rivalry will he stand with hawke if they side with the templars during the last straw

personality wise, evrion is soft-spoken and serious, generally conciliatory, often self-deprecating but not a pushover and rarely taken off guard, with a quiet wry sense of humour, though he is usually funny in response to someone rather than of his own volition. i would love him to be conceptually romanceable but you’re going to have to give me some development time on that

[99corentine]

How To Write Good by Corentine

THE DRAFTING PROCESS, PART 2/2

Writing guide continued! Here's PART ONE.

STEP THREE: THE START, THE END, THE BEATS

I’m of the opinion that every story should start with a bang. You could start mid-way through a notable event, as seen in GHD:

- O L H A - D - V - The words, incomprehensible, rattle around his head like the last rumbles of a great thunderstorm. Then, much like after a storm has passed, the air suddenly feels clearer, sharper. A sludgy fog he didn’t even realise he was in clears from his mind and he blinks, confused. The first thing he sees is his own hands.

If you want it to be especially punchy, you can start with a line of dialogue or a short sentence, like I did for T4T:

CHAPTER ONE: It is the end.

It’s reeeally easy to lose readers at the start, so you always want to write a strong opener. Something that grabs the reader by the collar and drags them in to read the rest of the chapter.

You don’t need to have all the details, but you should have at least a vague idea of how the story ends. If you’re writing fanfic that follows along the same plot as a game or existing story, most of the legwork is done for you – so writing GHD, I planned for it to end when Alduin was killed. As I got further into the story, I came up with a more narratively satisfying ending, because it’s okay if the ending changes. As long as you have an ending in mind, you have something to work towards.

So GHD’s original, very basic plot was:

START – the Last Dragonborn wakes up with total amnesia

???

He saves Miraak

???

They kill Alduin together – END 

Now you have to map out those ??? parts by deciding the major beats of the story, i.e. notable scenes. This gives you something to work towards other than the ending. I ended up with notes like these:

START – the Last Dragonborn wakes up with total amnesia

Who is he? Don’t spend too much time on this, not important, can be answered later

Goes to Solstheim, meets Miraak

Finds a way to communicate with Miraak – sneaks into Apocrypha? Shares dreams? College of Winterhold has psijiics, use telepathy?

Finds a way to save Miraak

Go to Apocrypha, confront Hermaeus Mora, save Miraak

They look for ways to kill Alduin together

Hermaeus Mora comes for them

Prolonged recovery, tells reader that even ‘redeemed’ Miraak is still scary

They kill Alduin together

What happens after Alduin?

(Redacted for spoiler purposes) – END 

The story beats should ebb and flow like the tide; high-octane scenes should be followed by periods of calm. You don’t want to do this too quickly or the story will feel like whiplash; rather this is a process that happens over many chapters. Let’s look at some examples in GHD:

⇈⇈ Miraak dominates telepathy and is really scary!! ⇊⇊ Chry wanders around Skyrim doing errands and Thinking About Life… ⇈⇈ Chry breaks Miraak out of Apocrypha!!  ⇊⇊ They recover from the ordeal and have a honeymoon period… ⇈⇈ They go to Blackreach and it’s visually awesome, and also Chry gets jealous!! ⇊⇊ They do misc stuff for a while… ⇈⇈ They talk to Septimus Signus, Mora shows up, nearly kills Chry!! ⇊⇊ Miraak whisks Chry away somewhere to recover in peace…

You see what I mean?

Right, you know roughly what’s going to happen. Time to turn that into words, baby!

STEP FOUR: GOTTA START WRITING

My actual writing style is its own separate topic so I’m not going to tell you how I structure a sentence or anything, just my literal writing process. 

In my chapter document, I start by making a bullet-point list of everything I want to happen in the chapter. What happens can, and probably will, change as you actually get the chapter down. That’s fine, you just need a starting point.

I very rarely write individual chapters in order, as in start to finish. Rather, I tend to write the scenes I can picture clearly in my head – then by the time I’ve written those I’m in a writing groove and the gaps in the rest of the chapter will come easier. When I’m done, I’ll stitch the individual scenes together, which sometimes requires altering the scene start or end to make the whole thing more cohesive.

There are times when the writer’s block takes me, and I have like two finished scenes and just cannot summon the words for the rest of the chapter. When this happens, to be honest, the only answer I’ve found is brute force: I sit myself in front of the computer, get rid of phone/alt tabs/other distractions, and force myself to type something. Or I hold myself hostage (i.e. ‘I am not allowed to play more Baldur’s Gate 3 until I have written GHD chapter 47’) that works too, for me anyway. 

Whatever it takes to get something on paper. What’s mostly important is to get something written, even if it’s not very good. You can always edit, rephrase or even rewrite sections later. Usually I’ve found once you start writing, you get into a groove and then it’s no longer a chore.

I also aim for a certain word count / chapter length while writing. I know a chapter is exactly as long as it needs to be and blah blah, but I set myself a minimum wordcount to reach. Or if I go way over the word count it’s probably because I’ve waffled too much, so I either aim to split the chapter into two, or to ruthlessly edit it back down again. 

For GHD I average 7,000 - 9,000 words, but I actually think that’s a bit too long and risks losing people’s attention span, so for T4T I aim lower, about 6,000-ish. Less is perfectly fine, but if I’m reading another fic I find a chapter length of 2,000 words or lower to be disappointingly short. That’s all personal preference of course, and certain fics will lend themselves better to shorter chapters.

Although I jump around scenes within each chapter, I make a point of writing my entire chapters in chronological order. If I’m on chapter 5, and I know something awesome happens in chapter 12, it’s imperative that I do not write chapter 12 ahead of time. If I do, I’ll reeeally struggle to write chapters 6-11, because I have already rewarded my brain by writing the cool thing. If I hold off, my enthusiasm to write chapter 12 may in fact motivate me to crank out chapters 6-11 in record time.

I do have one other thing – in my Scrivener projects I always have a document called ‘Unused’. Sometimes, usually at like 2AM when sleep has failed me, I’ll get a really good idea for some dialogue or description. I scribble it down somewhere (or it will be forgotten for sure) and later I type it into my Unused document, so it’s just filled with random bits of text like this (note, everything you see here is unused, so it's not going to feature in the last chapter of GHD):

At some point in time I’ll peruse it and think ‘yes, this line!!’ and drop it into a future chapter – again though I just write bits, not entire scenes or I’ll have written all the exciting parts already. Anything I edit out of a chapter (i.e. a paragraph I liked but didn’t quite fit) gets dropped here too, in case I can reuse it later.

STEP FIVE: FINAL EDITING

I will be honest, I’m pretty impatient. Once I’ve finished a chapter, especially if it’s one I’ve been struggling with for a long time, I want to publish it now. So I’m guilty of not editing as thoroughly as I should – but this is what I usually do and it catches at least most of my mistakes:

As a first step, I copy-paste the chapter from Scrivener into google docs. Remember I said Scriv’s word processor wasn’t the best? Yeah, it’s no good at picking up on dodgy grammar, but google docs is, so I run it through there and skim-check for wiggly blue lines, then make the changes in Scriv. You may not have this issue if you’re using Word or another more comprehensive software

In my great excitement, I publish the new chapter to AO3. As I re-read the chapter over there, I see a minimum of 5 glaring errors I somehow didn’t spot in the previous steps, and hastily correct them before anyone notices.

Once I know the grammar is mostly fixed, I run it through a text to speech software to read it back to me (surprisingly Microsoft Edge has quite a good one built in called 'Read Aloud'). You'd be surprised how many mistakes you pick up this way. I’m looking for whatever google didn’t catch, wonky phrasing, repetition (i.e. I used the word ‘quickly’ twice in the space of two paragraphs, that sort of thing)

Sometimes I do a re-read with a fresh pair of eyes, anywhere from hours to days later. If I have the patience, of course...

I like to get at least the first 2-3 chapters of a brand new story written before I post anything to AO3. This is to make sure my enthusiasm doesn’t immediately wane and I actually stand a chance of finishing it. After that I’m rarely more than a chapter ahead of what’s been posted, because go figure I’ll post the newly-written chapter once the editing is done, then start on the next one.

Some people won’t even post a story at all until they have the first draft fully written. This is admirable, but not always realistic – GHD is like 375,000 words, you think I would’ve sat down and written all that before posting chapter one and even knowing if anyone would read it? Hell no. 

But while you don’t need a story to be fully written, you do need it to be decently mapped-out. I used to start fics with absolutely no idea where they were going to go; I’d finish 1 or 2 chapters, get really excited at writing that much and hungry for feedback, then post something that I would inevitably lose all enthusiasm for and leave unfinished.

So, know how it starts, know how it ends, and know the story beats in between so you always have a goal to write towards. There will inevitably be fics that you never finish and that’s fine – it’s all writing practice – but readers don’t like to be left hanging, so try your best to finish! Even if it takes ahem four years or so.

⭐ ⭐ ⭐

And there you go, that’s my writing process! I’m not sure how useful that really is, but if it was I could write more guides in future? I have…

A guide to my writing style (this one might be hard to put into a guide but people like my turn of phrase so, maybe useful?)

How I write a sex scene

How I write a fight scene.

[inkabelledesigns]

Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼

(No pressure if you don't want to though!)

Star, thank you so much for sending me this! Delighted to be included and honored to be asked! While I don’t have a ton of fics out there (and some of my favorite parts of them aren’t even public yet) I think we can pick out five I really love. And I’ll encourage all of you to share works that you love from your own libraries! Please share, I wanna see what brings you joy!

Raindrops and References

If you thought I wasn’t gonna include this one, you had another thing coming Star. XD One, thank you for letting me explore your world through my own lens, and two, thank you for your kind words. I wrote this fic when I was just getting back into writing, and it was an early step in learning to write for my own enjoyment after having been expected to create for others for years. It was satisfying and fun for me, and I’m glad it’s been that for you and so many others as well. I still get emails of people leaving a Kudos on this from time to time, it’s wild. X’’’D Sometimes you give a gift and get an unexpected one in return. I’m still glad I wrote this, it made a positive difference.

Trapped in His Web

I don’t know if this one is still canon to Step Right Up, but regardless, I’m still honored to be a part of @bertrumstrousers wonderful circus world. Thanks for letting me write for Jacob and the make-up and costume department Giandark, it’s a treat and I love them so much. It was such a good time getting into Jacob’s head and Bertrum’s, and the horror and transformation elements of this story brought me so much joy. 

The Kraken’s Labyrinth

One day I will pick this up again, now that I have a clearer idea of what to do with it (thanks Audrey). XD It was inevitable that I was gonna put Bendy and merfolk together, with a little sprinkling of Samsie, but I didn’t expect how much joy this was gonna bring to the table. Still love this world a lot.

Searching the Depths - The Heart of the Studio

Ah yes, my “magnum opus” fic. Of course I have this as a favorite. XD I have a lot of fun working with the entire Bendy cast and my silly little OCs. I’m letting myself learn to just let go and have fun, and this fic continues to teach me everyday what I want in a story. It means so much that you guys have loved Bella and co, thank you. <3

Richard the Keeper - The Studies of 214

My most recent fic and a surprisingly strong source of brainrot as of late. If you like witty banter, unethical science, and Bendy levels of shenanigans, highly recommend this one! It’s got three chapters now with a focus on Richard, a keeper, running experiments to unlock the secrets of how the ink works, with the help of Bella, his prisoner and one of our cyclebreaker protagonists. Richard and Bella have such a fun dynamic, Sammy has been a delight to write in this one, and Wilson? Oh he’s horrible, I love writing him too. XD Please get me to talk about this one more, I’m having a blast with it. 

Honorable Mention: 

The Role I Was Made For

Not so much a fic as it is an audio skit! This started out as a dialogue test to see if I could voice Audrey and a cartoon Bendy (I blame Erin Lehn for putting the question out to the community of what Baby Benders might sound like, that’s what sparked this). It turned into a much deeper script about what makes a Bendy, and how Bendy and Audrey feel about who they are. It needs some heavy editing, but it’s one of the best scripts I’ve written in a long time. I’d say I like it just as much as Break Time, and another collaborative skit that hasn’t come out yet. Stay tuned, your girl got to co-write something awesome and perform as a very animated Susie Campbell, I look forward to when that’s ready to be heard. XD

Here’s sending you all the good vibes! Go take some time to reflect on what you love about your work, it’s very rewarding.

[modifiedmonster]

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These are just some things I wanted to clear up and maybe there is more coming, I don’t know yet. But I really hope you all enjoy this blog and so I wanted to make it clearer and easier to use. Have fun everyone! I will likely update this in the future ♡♡♡♡ - Tee

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[drivingsideways]

For the usual suspects @rain-hat​ and @elderflowergin​ and a not-suspicious at all anon :D

From Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing: 30 Questions for Authors

1. What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

This was a Draco/Hermione fic that I only shared with few friends via email! :))

2. Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them?

Unfortunately, no! Mostly because I am absolutely terrible at working around deadlines when it comes to fic, and also I have a lot of anxiety around whether I’ll ever finish the fics I start writing. 

3. Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?

Hmm, I usually don’t jump around between fics, but sometimes when I’m writing a long fic, I take a break and doodle something shorter. But this is quite rare, because it takes me a while to get into the “zone” when I’m writing a fic and I’m nervous to break that and try something else in case I never get my mojo back for the fic I started with. 

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

I start outlining about a quarter way through the fic, usually! I only have the vaguest idea of plot when I start out, usually, and it takes me a chapter or three to get things clearer in my head. But once I am writing fairly steadily, then I find it useful to make an outline so that a) I don’t forget to put in things and b) I feel good about tracking progress. 

My outline does keep changing- I’d say, I stray about 20-25% from it in terms of no of chapters planned vs what gets written; but not really much in terms of the main story/ events. 

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

This question made me miss my old life (when I was living alone): I miss the table I used to write at, and the window I would stare out of, the curtains fluttering in the almost constant breeze, and the quiet. But the truth is, I can write anywhere- a coffee shop, a train compartment, in my bed- what’s critical is that I need to be left completely alone for a few hours at a stretch. 

6. If you’re really concentrating, how many words can you write in a day?

I haven’t really tracked this as such, but I know that I wrote about 3-4k almost every day when I was doing an episode coda format fic for Serenade of Peaceful Joy as it was airing. But that kind of writing is unusual for me;  I’d say maybe 2-3k if I’m left completely alone and don’t distract myself.  But it’s not really the word count that matters, is it? If I write a drabble (100 words!) that I’m happy with, after thinking about it for the whole day, I’m good with that too. 

7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

I’m very bad at editing. 

8. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.

I don’t like to listen while I’m writing because it’s distracting, but in the last year or two, I’ve taken to making playlists to listen to while I think about fic. Of late, it’s been a bunch of David Bowie songs, especially Starman, for a fic I’m thinking about. 

9. Do you prefer to write AUs, canon divergence, or canon-compliant fic?

I think all fic is somewhat “AU” from the canon; but if you’re asking whether I would write a High School AU for hmm, Supernatural, for eg, then NO.  That said, I have done precisely this in one fandom- not high school au, but “modern” au for a period drama- but it was because it was low energy and effort, and that was all I had the bandwidth for at the time.  I usually like writing fic within the canon universe which attracted my attention in the first place.  I often enjoy writing post canon fics, which would be like 95-100% canon compliant; and in some cases I like making a specific canon divergence, which then makes the whole thing “au”, I guess. 

10. Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most?

I don’t really think of writing or the joy I derive from it in this way though- I mean in these buckets- so I’m not sure whether I can answer this question. I realize that my fics tend to be dialogue heavy because I have tv show brainrot. Do I enjoy writing dialogue? Sometimes! When it’s going smoothly! :) 

11. If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be?

I think my wheelhouse is “bittersweet”, so it’s always going to be an angst+ fluff combo, maybe? I LIVE for the day when I’ll be able to write a good PwP, which, I think, is much harder to do than most people guess. 

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I keep thinking of writing some kind of platonic soulmate-fic for various canons, but I haven’t got around to it. 

13. Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

Is Omegaverse a trope or a genre? I wouldn’t write it ever. Also, let’s face it, High school/ college/ coffee shop etc. (I hated college, what is WRONG with all of you!!!)

14. If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

Nobody. I want that island and its solitude all to myself, thanks. 

15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

It can’t be a Hollywood producer, because they would just ruin it, but if anyone wants to make Terms of Surrender,  I think that’s the most movie-like. Artist Company, you can have this FOR FREE. 

16. What is your most underrated fic?

Hmm, I’m not sure what this question really means- should I consider kudos/ comments as a measure? I end up writing niche pairings in small fandoms, so I think that’s a double whammy; but in a medium sized fandom like Beyond Evil, I sure wish more people read “Deer Heart” rather than “Cat Whisperer”. My best writing was for Serenade of Peaceful Joy, which nobody watched, and so maybe three people read the fic. 

17. What fic are you most proud of?

I can’t really answer this, I think. All of my fic is very personal to me, and while I know the quality of the writing varies *wildly *, I’m proud that they exist. Ok, NOT Cat Whisperer or A Soul Divided, but even those I side-eye because I think kdrama fandom has bad taste, not because they’re inherently awful. :p 

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Again, there are lots of little bits scattered across all my fic that I love. I love the ending of Inventing Love which I typed directly into AO3 like a madwoman - while waiting for Rain to finish writing the sequel because we wanted to read each other’s fics together; I love Gon getting high on pot brownies and dancing to Black Pink in Destiny’s Child, and talking to his horse when he’s at his lowest;  I love Miranda Barlow asking Thomas Hamilton whether he would have preferred if she had a cock for him to swallow in  May it Happen to me (all) ,  a line I didn’t know I was going to write until I was typing it; I love all the letters between the halmeonis in Terms of Surrender, especially the last one from Geowi to Kkachi, and I wrote each one of them through a blur of tears where I could barely see the screen; in Moon River, I love Do-chul and Hong-gi sharing a cigarette and being so in love with each other, thinking about what the future holds for them, while the titular song plays faintly in the background; I love Park Pyung-ho wounded and exhausted, leaving the lights on so that Jeong-do wouldn’t hesitate to knock on his door; I love Koo Seo-Ryeong texting Hyeong-min “ I made a man of you, baby, never forget “ in TMTTAL; and I love the young Kang Sin-jae ruining a perfect tea-set by smashing one of the cups in Before You Came. I remember writing these things, and I remember the feeling when I wrote them, the best feeling, when the words on the page say exactly what you want them to, even if it might get lost in translation between you and the reader.  

19. Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

I don’t know if I have ever found *a * particular character hard or easy to write; my trouble doesn’t lie in characters, I have difficulty with the other things- plot and description and grammar, lol. 

20. What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

I pepper in a lot of OCs because I can get away with it in post canon fics , and it’s a great way to introduce women into male-dominated canons. Off the top of my head, I love the female OCs I sneaked into This Suspect Edifice (Yejun’s colleague and friend Kim Sang-mi), Deer Heart (Sister Lee Sun-ja and Jeong-je’s therapist Dr. Kim Jung-hee) and recently Choe Yeo-reum from  Terms of Surrender and “Hwasal” from Juche. 

21. What is the one fic that got away?

2020′s Tell me the Truth About Love developed an entire universe of its own without so much as asking me; this year that happened with Terms of Surrender (still writing in that universe!). But I’m more prone to letting fics get away than not because I rather enjoy it when they do.  *shrug hands emoji *

22. Have you cried while writing a fic?

Yes, absolutely, why wouldn’t I? 

23. If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?

Oh. This is a tough one. I guess I always felt that I didn’t do justice to one of the first  stories that I wrote in The Rise of Phoenixes fandom- A Place in the World- which was a Ning Yi/Feng Zhi wei  fic. I think I would probably expand on the universe and write it from Zhi wei’s PoV. 

24. How did you come up with title for [x fic]?

”Terms of Surrender” started out in a google doc titled The Unified Soy Sauce Company; I think I changed it about three chapters in. I love cheesy Harlequin romance titles and this was a burst of inspiration because I was writing about lives sundered by war and borders; and Spotify randomly played  “Hallelujah” that morning. [ I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch/ love is not a victory march]

25. Which idea came to you first in [x fic]?

For Juche, it’s the reveal that happens half way through the story about how Park Pyung-ho became a spy. Well, that, and Pyung-ho buying a pair of soccer shoes for Jeong-do’s son. Don’t ask me why, I have NO idea. 

26. Which part of [x fic] was the hardest to write?

I know Rain asked for recent fics, but Yeong leaving Corea in Inventing Love was so incredibly difficult to write, but I’m very proud of it. 

27. If you were ever to do a sequel to [x fic], what do you think might happen in it?

If I ever write a sequel to Juche, the only thing I know for sure is that there’ll be at least one scene of them dancing in a small kitchen. [Alexa, play Unchained Melody]

28. In [x fic], what is a happy, post-fic headcanon you have about [pairing]?

In Rival, post fic verse, Min-chae adopts a dog who only loves her mean mom Na Hee-do. *shrug hands emoji *

29. Send me a word. If it’s in your WIPs, include the sentence and a short summary of the fic.

Lol, I think you’ll find an abundance of the word “huffed” in any fic of mine. 

30. Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

I only write longfic! *sob *

My scatter-brain is hopping between several different nebulous ideas and I’m not able to settle down with any one, so I’m going to pass on this. The only thing I can say for certain is that it’ll feature people grossly in love with each other, and being completely stupid about it. * shrug hands emoji *

[silky-stories]

Whitty having a nightmare about accidentally killing his s/o and reader comforting him with cuddles? 👀

Sure thing! Sorry for the wait by the way, the ask ended up glitching and disappeared for the longest time ^^;;

Hope this turned out alright!

———————————————————————

Too Dangerous {Whitty/Reader}

Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Words: 1788

Related Song: sagun - I’ll Keep You Safe (feat. Shiloh) https://youtu.be/7ly7Mhle-4M

Summary: Whitty is scared of losing control and hurting his partner, thankfully his partner is a magician and knows how to make all of his worries disappear.

Disclaimer/s: Death, blood, small description of dead body, a bit of swearing, crying and panic attacks

Notes: (Please read) The start is pretty graphic and may be hard to read for some people, so there’s a double line down further that you can scroll to if you want to skip that part. It gets happy though, don’t worry :)! Also Whitty’s dialogue is in orange, Y/n’s is in blue!

———————————————————————

Numb.

That’s how he always felt after this happened.

After he lost his cool.

After he lost himself.

After his body gave in and combusted into the hot red plumes of rage, engulfing and ripping his body apart in one swift action.

...

After he exploded.

It never took long for his body to piece itself back together, for his pieces to come back and connect and rejoin one another, allowing his mind and consciousness to slowly but surely become clearer.

It was like puzzle pieces, all eventually finding their place as the picture that was his senses to come together, becoming complete once more.

None of this was new to him, he had experienced it many times before.

Only... something was wrong this time.

His vision was still very blurry, but he could make out a few colours, red being the most prominent.

He had never felt especially impatient to regain his senses, but the further along his accelerated recovery was, the more his half healed subconscious screamed that something bad had happened.

It wasn’t until he regained his sense of smell back that he started panicking.

The thick smell of copper and rust that cut through the air quickly invaded his lungs, violating his airways with the essence of metal and death.

Maybe it was the familiarity that scared him the most but...

He knew the smell of blood all too well.

The red he saw was immediately more violent and harsh than it seemed to be before, he stumbled closer to the scene with eyes only partially focused.

His legs still lacked most of the feeling in them, but he managed.

He needed to see what it was, he needed to know who it was. The speed that his blood rushed through his body only sped up his recovery as the picture finally came together.

...

He couldn’t keep his footing as he finally made out what laid before him.

You.

Your bleeding, broken form laid still on the concrete.

He couldn’t move.

Couldn’t think.

Couldn’t breathe.

...

He was trying to breathe.

Why couldn’t he breathe?

...

Suddenly everything hurt. His head hurt. His eyes hurt. His hands hurt. His body screamed in agony and grief at the loss of one of the few people that cared. One of the few that loved him.

What could he do now though?

You were dead.

He had killed you.

It was his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was-

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

Whitty’s eyes snapped open as he hastily sucked in a gasp of air.

He laid there, motionless, greedily filling his lungs with the oxygen that his unconscious mind believed so strongly that he had been deprived of.

He could hear how shaky his breaths were despite the numbness, he was practically hyperventilating as he gave the ceiling a wide-eyed stare.

His form felt frozen in place as images from his dream flashed in front of his open eyes like a movie.

His stillness was disturbed only when you shifted beside him, he flinched, quite violently actually, as your head bumped into his arm.

The groan and words that came from you were his first indication that he shouldn’t have done that.

You were up.

Shit.

“Whitty..? Are you... mmph, are you alright?” You yawned as you propped yourself up in bed beside him, taking a moment to rub the sleep out of your eyes so you could look at him.

When you opened your eyes you saw that he had flinched back from laying down into a sitting up position. He was staring down at you, being the skyscraper that he was. Although there was only one thing that stood out to you, sobering you up from your sleep-drunk state.

“Y... y-yeah sorry I uh... didn’t mean to wake you u-”

“Wait, why are you crying?”

He paused, only now noticing the dark and warm trails that trickled down his face. He was quick to look away to try to wipe them out of existence, the concern on your face had only deepened when he looked back.

“It’s really nothing you... you don’t... don’t have to worry... about me... s-sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

He was a mess and couldn’t piece together a sentence to save his life at the moment but he hoped it would be at least slightly convincing.

He really shouldn’t have thought that.

You very clearly weren’t convinced as you gingerly took hold of his upper arms and guided him to you, leaning back and wrapping his arms around your body as you followed suit with your arms around him.

He wanted to protest, he wanted to further reassure you that he was fine and let you go back to sleep so you didn’t have to deal with his emotional baggage at three in the morning. When he looked up at your patient but distressed expression though, made contact with those eyes that told him that he wouldn’t be judged for whatever it was that had upset him... he just couldn’t hold it in.

It started with tears silently starting to flow again as he pressed his face into your abdomen to hide them, his body starting to tremble in your embrace. It didn’t take very long for him to break into choked sobs, gripping at the t-shirt you had worn to bed like it was his last lifeline.

“Oh Whitty... I’m here, everything’s alright...”

You had no idea what it was that had upset him yet, but the need to console him was intense and immediate. Your hands moved to the positions that had worked before, one on the back of his head and one on his back. Small circular motions were what you started with on his back, gently caressing his head with your other hand as you allowed him the time he needed to vent out his emotions.

This went on for around ten minutes. You didn’t really care, you weren’t watching the clock.

He had stopped crying within the first five, but it took another five minutes to regulate his breathing. Now he was breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, the way you had showed him to before when he needed help to calm down.

You continued to console him through actions, waiting to see if he would initiate the conversation you knew he was ready for now.

He turned his head to the side while still keeping his grip on your torso, he looked exhausted.

“...Y/n?”

You were glad you waited.

“Yes?”

“Do you ever think that I’m...”

You didn’t try to push him to finish his sentence, you knew he just needed a moment to get his words straight.

“...too dangerous to be around?”

You didn’t want to ask, you really didn’t, but you needed the context if you wanted to help him feel better.

“In what way?”

His expression soured as he glared at nothing from across the room.

“There’s a reason why there’s people after me, Y/n...”

Oh.

Oh.

He meant himself being who he was that dangerous.

Well that just wouldn’t do.

“Oh Whitty, why would I think that?”

“Because I fucking am!”

His sudden outburst didn’t frighten you, you had gotten used to them a long time ago.

“I’m unpredictable and can’t control myself sometimes! What will happen if you’re around me when I lose control? Human bodies can’t piece themselves back together Y/n!”

You kept silent as you took in everything he said, committing it all to memory since you knew that these were valid concerns and he needed to lay them all out if he wanted to address them.

“I love you... so damn much... but I’d rather be on the other side of the world if I knew that it would protect you from me!”

He moved to look up at you, the fear in his eyes was heartbreaking.

“I couldn’t... I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that it was me that... that killed you...”

There it was, the heavy statement that served as a queue for you to speak, you could see the anticipation in his eyes. It was peculiar actually, the look he held, it was like he was expecting you to agree with everything he just said and run or something...

You tightened your embrace around him to stamp that thought out of existence.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, you know?”

“I... huh?”

“I’ve seen the amount of times that you’ve been close to losing it, I know how hard it can be to stay in control.”

He couldn’t hold contact with your eyes, the amount of pure love and care for him was overwhelming after all the fear and desperation that he had just given in return.

“But I’ve also seen how much better you’ve gotten at keeping control.”

That was a surprise to him, but you knew that he would know what you were talking about if you gave some examples.

“Remember the guy in the grocery store? You looked like you wanted to rip his head off, and I didn’t blame you.”

You chuckled at the memory of the guy that decided to try to argue why the two of you shouldn’t be together since you were human and he wasn’t. The man was frustrating and made no sense at all, but Whitty’s fuse didn’t even spark, he didn’t lose himself to anger. He gave the guy the sharpest glare he’s ever done, told him to ind his own damn business, and then lightly took your hand and continued on.

His show of restraint was impressive to say the very least.

“You’ve been getting really good with controlling yourself, and we’re still working on it too. I’m not scared of you and definitely don’t plan on going to the other side of the world.”

Your grin was infectious, he hated and loved how infectious your grin was as he tried to stifle the small smile working it’s way up onto his face.

“I’m so proud of how hard you’ve been trying to keep control of yourself, and I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

He... he let himself smile after that.

“I don’t deserve you...”

“And you’re clearly overtired since you’re just saying nonsense now.”

He chuckled, it was hoarse and faint but it was a wonderful sound.

“Really though, let’s try and get you back to sleep, okay?”

He pushed himself up further on the bed and carefully intertwined his body with yours, breathing out a sigh as he buried his face in your hair.

“I love you...”

“I love you too.”

[jilytoberfest]

Author - @scriibble-fics

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this! Find her on ao3 and ffnet !

1. What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?

I don’t know how interesting this is (she says, getting that quick qualifier out of the way, because that’s otherwise how she’d answer legitimately every question), but I don’t plan out my fics in any sort of concrete form. When I first start writing, I typically have the beginning of an idea or trope or scene, and then things kind of blossom from there. The more I write, the clearer the direction of the fic becomes, and I keep all my notes for potential plot lines/pieces of dialogue/questions and answers in a chaotic pile at the end of the doc. I envy people who can plot things out clearly and concisely from the beginning, but I love discovering where things will go right along with readers!

2. What was one of the most surprising things you learned in creating your stories?

Honestly, it surprised the hell out of me—and still surprises me daily—that people want to read my stories. That’s not some attempt to fish for compliments or to fake modesty or something, so I hope it doesn’t come off that way! There’s just so much talent in the Harry Potter fandom generally, and in the Jily fandom specifically, that I genuinely thought I might end up with a few readers if I was lucky. To see the same people pop up with commentary with each update, and then to watch those people follow me from fic to fic, still astounds me every day.

3. Do you have any suggestions to help others become a better writer? If so, what are they?

Get out of your own head! It’s easier said than done, I know, but I put off writing Voyeur for the longest time because I was embarrassed to write something that started off, literally, with such a crazy bang. I ended up waiting until I was too exhausted from insomnia to let doubt creep into my mind, and then I sat down and wrote the entire first chapter. After that, things flowed so much easier, and now? I can’t remember the last time I wrote something that embarrassed me. It’s super freeing. Also, never delete anything! I’ve had to take away entire chapters of content before due to plotlines moving in a different direction. (This is my own fault and comes from a lack of planning for sure, but I haven’t learned my lesson!) I have a doc for each fic called “outtakes,” and I migrate everything there. I’ve been able to recycle sentences or paragraphs or even full scenes before, and it keeps me from feeling like I “wasted” time writing something I didn’t use (although no writing is ever wasted!).

4. What do you think makes a good story?

That’s hard! There are about 3,000 possible ways I could answer this, but I’ll go with something basic: tension is key, as is a satisfying resolution to the tension. The latter is what keeps me up at night.

5. What is the first book that made you cry?

I have a very vivid memory of crying around the age of 8 or 9 because I realized that the characters in The Babysitter’s Club weren’t real and I would never meet them, so I’m going with that. I know a lot of people are like, “I was so upset when I didn’t get my Hogwarts letter at 11,” but I’d already had my own what-is-fiction-and-what-is-reality crisis, so I never went through that.

6. Does writing energize or exhaust you?

It depends on the type of writing! Academic writing? That shit is exhausting. Fiction writing? I can’t get enough of it, and it energizes me more than almost anything else.

7. Have you ever gotten reader’s block? If so, what are your tips to overcome it?

Reader’s block is a new one for me! It’s a term I’ve never heard before. Honestly, I have a hard time reading when I’m also writing, and I’m nearly always writing, so maybe I have a certain amount of chronic reader’s block? For me, it’s difficult to read Jily when I’m also writing Jily, because I’m constantly worried that I’ll end up absorbing someone else’s ideas or end up comparing my work to theirs in a demotivating way. What I’ve found works for me is reading non-Jily fics, and published work as well, when I get that hankering to read but don’t want to interrupt the flow of my own thoughts.

8. Do you think someone could be a writer if they don’t feel emotions strongly?

I think so! I write about a lot of emotions I’ve never personally felt and a lot of situations I’ve never been in. To me, writing is definitely about emotion, but imagination plays an even stronger role.

9. If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?

You’re way stronger than you think, and you need to give yourself more credit for it. I’m still working on this, tbh.

10. What was your hardest scene to write?

Nothing really comes to mind. Writing a lot of Eighteen Again was difficult personally, because the fic deals with the theme of loss throughout, and I wrote it in part to cope with my own losses. In one way, that made it an easy fic to write, but it’s also been a difficult fic to write in for that very reason.

11. What is your favorite childhood book?

I read legitimately everything I could get my hands on. Prisoner of Azkaban was probably my most-read book, because I reread it over and over again while waiting for Goblet of Fire, to the point that I could basically quote whole sections of it. We’re talking over 20 times. I was a fiend. But I also really enjoyed The Babysitter’s Club (obviously, because WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY AREN’T REAL PEOPLE), The Chronicles of Narnia, and anything by Roald Dahl.

12. How long on average does it take you to write a one shot or a chapter of a fic?

Obviously it depends on the length, but I can bang out a shitty first draft in a day or two if I’m feeling especially motivated or inspired. The editing process takes longer, because I like to give it at least a couple hard edits (for content, continuity, etc. ) and then at least a couple soft edits (for word choice, sentence structure, etc.) before I post, and I like to sit on those edits for at least 24 hours between each one, although the longer the better. Without that time in between each read, I tend to miss slippery things like typos, although I’m sure a few make it into each chapter.

13. A fic that inspires you?

The Bet by sleepinghookah / @smileyjily is my comfort fic, and the fic that inspired me to start writing my own after over a decade away from the fandom.

14. How do you edit your work?

I answered this a little above, but I’ll also add this: I highlight each sentence I change after each edit. It helps me look over those sentences in particular to make sure that the sleepy edits I do on my phone at 1 AM actually make sense, and that I don’t gloss over any repeated words / typos / whatever when I get into the flow of rereading the story again.

15. Where does inspiration come from?

…can I say insomnia? Besides that, other media, conversations with friends in and out of the fandom, and daydreaming has been where most of my ideas come from.

16. Who has been helpful for you as you write for the fandom?

Oh gosh, so many people! I’m reluctant to name names because I don’t want to miss anyone, but @tumbledfreckles was my first fanfic friend by a long shot, and she’s become an actual friend since. @relyingonoldships might just be me from another life, and you can blame/thank her encouragement for me foisting Bought upon the world, because I don’t think I would have posted it without her. She also makes me laugh out loud on the regular. @tiffanytoms can also share much of the blame/credit for Bought, since her Enemy Within sparked my interest in dark!James, and she’s another one of my fav people to talk to. @maraudersftw constantly lights up my life with positivity, and her fics are bomb. Besides being a phenomenally talented writer, @clare-with-no-i discourse makes me ~think~, y’all, and she’s hilarious. There are also like 15 other people who I owe responses to in DMs who have taken time out of their days just to offer kindness, and that’s on top of all the lovely people who share their thoughts in reviews and edits and playlists and reblogs and likes and other things. Honestly, a better question might be “who HASN’T been helpful for you as you write for the fandom?” The answer is always going to be “people who leave hateful reviews because what I write isn’t their cup of tea,” but it’s so few and far between that I really can’t complain. I love this corner of the internet.

17. What is your fav POV to write from?

I started out writing James exclusively, and so much so that I had a lot of anxiety about writing from Lily’s POV. Now that I’ve tackled her a bunch? I think I’m starting to enjoy writing from her more than James, although it’s tough! I think it depends on the scene and the fic, honestly.

18. What is a fic you would love to write but are worried you won’t be able to accomplish it/nervous it wouldn’t work out?

I have no chill, so if I have an idea, I write it. Of the fics I’ve published, I’ve been most nervous about how Voyeur and Bought would be received, but people have been overwhelmingly lovely with only a few flames here and there. I’m still sitting on my Sirius/Lily/James throuple fic, mainly because even just the idea received quite a bit of criticism in my ask box. It fostered a lot of anxiety on my part, although people have been excited about it too. Still, I’ve written it even if I haven’t worked up the nerve to publish it, mainly because I truly don’t have the chill to let an idea sit dormant in my brain.

19. Do you ever self insert in fics?

I tend to empathize with every character I can, and I’m sure there are bits of me in most of the characters I write, but I’ve never done it on purpose that I can recall.

20. What is the story you are proudest of?

Notes and Magic are my two current favs. Writing both of them just made me feel good, because they’re almost entirely fluff and pining and love and lust with very little drama or angst or sadness, so they’re the ones I reread the most.

21. Do you prefer writing canon jily or muggle au?

Canon, although canon divergent is my favorite place to frolic! I’ve never done a muggle AU, but @mppmaraudergirl muggle AUs are some of my absolute favs.

22. Did the new dark!James fic had any inspiration from James and Lily going undercover in Eighteen Again or did that plot bunny came from elsewhere?

Love this! Honestly, the connection between undercover!James and dark!James wasn’t one I consciously made when I first came up with the idea of Bought. I give credit to @tiffanytoms’ Enemy Within for the initial idea of dark!James, and then credit my academic reading and research on sex work for the rest of the plot, but I’m sure there was some cross-contamination in my brain between EA and Bought.

Thank you so much for doing this!!

[maxwell-grant]

May I please ask where you set the boundaries when constructing a crossover? (i.e. How far are you willing to bend characterisation of the setting a character's adventures take place in and of the individual characters themselves to make this crossover work? How many settings are you actually prepared to smush together before you feel you're losing more than you gain in this mix? and so forth).

I could be off the mark here, but this question sounds like you yourself got a very big idea planned but you are unsure of how far you can, or want to, push the concept. Two words of advice upfront: 1: Stop overthinking it, and 2: Run your ideas by people whose judgment you know and trust. I run some of my biggest and stupidest ideas by friends of mine and they help me make them less stupid or at least stupider but in a better way.

I mentioned in my post about potential Shadow crossovers that "boundaries" are not the priority to fret over so much as having a good working knowledge of the characters. And part of that is because a crossover, by design, already constitutes the breaking of boundaries. That's by default what a crossover does. You don't wanna test or break boundaries, then you picked the wrong kind of story.

A crossover is still a story like any other. Two characters meeting is not a story, it's a premise. You don't start a story by defining where it can't go, before you've even decided where you want to take it. Some boundaries are important, others aren't. Some boundaries are hard-coded and unbreakable, and others HAVE to be broken for the story to work, and the process of deciding which is which is easier when you have a clearer idea of what are the characters and what is the story you want to tell, and what you can and can't do with either. You gotta understand the properties you're working with, or at least, understand WHY you want to work with them and make this crossover happen in the first place.

For example, you could, very easily, write a crossover between The Shadow and The Spider, just by going through the motions. They are urban vigilantes with fairly similar designs who live in the same time period and fight crime with their supporting casts. I'm sure most writers offered the job wouldn't think twice of putting them together. But as someone who's read their stories quite extensively and who likes and obsesses over both characters, I would not cross over the two, because their stories and characters are fundamentally incompatible with each other in a more "serious" narrative, and you could not merge the two without seriously fraying one or the other.

It's a story that doesn't work, with characters that are not supposed to function together or in each other's narrative real estate, even with a character as malleable as The Shadow. This doesn't mean that it's impossible to write a good Shadow and Spider crossover, but to me, personally, these two are hard-line incompatible. That is, if it's a crossover based specifically on these two, because that changes if said crossover expands to more characters, as I'll get into.

Regarding the question:

How far are you willing to bend characterisation of the setting a character's adventures take place in and of the individual characters themselves to make this crossover work?

By default, any crossover is already going to have to create new settings from scratch based on relevant bits and pieces from the properties in question, so you do get more leeway for bending it.

But regarding characters, it's a question that cannot have a unified answer, because it's even more so dependant on a case-by-case basis. You could argue "only as much as necessary for the story to work", sure, but that's not really a good answer, because a story can do anything it's author wants to, and sometimes the story is not good to begin with, or the characters are just not made for being in the same narrative or even partaking in a crossover to begin with.

No amount of justifications for a story or characterization can excuse an unsatisfying result. Joe Yabuki and Guts are two of my favorite manga protagonists, but there would be no point to even attempting to put them together in the same story, because you'd have to twist either their narratives or their characters past the point of recognizability, which defeats the purpose of making a crossover to begin with.

Like, yeah, we've all heard the argument that Zack Snyder's Superman makes sense in the context of his movies, doing his own thing. Sure. But there's a reason any discussion of that character in the context of Superman in general comes prefaced with "Zack Snyder's" first, and why mainstream audiences who earnestly looked forward to Batman V Superman walked away feeling cheated, because, to borrow RLM terms here, they got "MurderMan vs Captain Hypocrite", and you can't even tell which is which in that description. You gotta give audiences at least a bit of what you promised them.

How many settings are you actually prepared to smush together before you feel you're losing more than you gain in this mix?

This one actually DOES depend on the story, because most stories that aren't just short narratives require multiple settings for it's scenes. Chances are your narrative will already be combining multiple settings, because setting is a word that can refer to "Korea during the Joseon dynasty", "spaceship traveling through lost nebulas" and "the McDonalds parking lot", as if they are the same thing. And in a way, when you look at a narrative's bones, they basically are.

To an extent, I think opening yourself up for a massive crossover of multiple properties of different characters and settings can, indeed, be a better choice than just going off purely by X meets Y. You start off by making it very clear to the audience that the boundaries are thin and you will be breaking them, and you use said framework to instead tell a myriad of stories, big and small. Stories that you couldn't really tell if you stuck to an existing framework or defined strongly the boundaries you can't cross. I'm gonna use Smash Bros as an example:

Smash Bros is arguably the biggest "official" crossover of all time, and it doesn't really have a "story" other than the basic framework that the series was built on, that these were representations of Nintendo icons dueling it out, and the few details that used to define this in the older days (like the characters being trophies and copies, and not the real deal) have been basically pushed aside. The most story you get in Smash nowadays is in the form of what the trailers showThe "point" of Smash was never really to tell a big, dramatic story with these characters. And maybe you really can't tell this kind of story, or a good story, with this many characters to juggle.

But they tried it once.

I'm sure most of you who do remember Brawl, as anything other than the blistering shame of the franchise that it's treated as these days, remember it mainly because of Subspace Emissary, which was this big, dramatic storyline where the end of the world was at stake and all the characters had to pull their weight to fight it. Subspace didn't have dialogue, it didn't have much story other than characters going from scene to scene while fighting, several of the characters either got nothing to do or were written poorly (mostly Wario), and none of this mattered at all, because Subspace, I'd argue, was the one and only time Smash Bros ever really recaptured that childhood feeling of smashing toys together that the franchise was built on.

Because if you remember being a kid smashing toys together, you remember not just doing it because you wanted Max Steel to kick Cobra Commander's butt. No, you did it because you wanted to tell a story where Max Steel got trapped in a rapidly filling water tank along with He-Man's Battle Cat while Cobra Commander kidnapped Max's girlfriend April O'Neil and bombed the city, and Max Steel had to talk Battle Cat into not eating him so they could together save the city and April from evil, and so they reconciled their differences and saved the day. Those things mattered to you. They were the stories you could tell with the resources you had in hand, sagas you did for the sheer fun of it, regardless of whether they were "good", you probably didn't even think of that. Why would you? You had bigger things to do.

And that's what Subspace did. It was big and dramatic and the world was at stake and all these heroes were coming together. Ness sacrificing himself to Wario so Lucas could have a chance to run away. Diddy Kong dragging along seasoned Star Fox pilots to rescue his buddy. Samus and Pikachu forming a bond. Peach stopping a deadly battle just by offering tea. ROB's story arc culminating in actual genocide, hell, ROB having a story arc to begin with. To a lot of people who played Brawl as one of their first games, this would have been their "introduction" to a lot of these characters in any sort of narrative, and to characters like ROB or Ice Climbers, this would have been the only chance they would ever get to be part of a great big dramatic narrative. Hell, Pit sure looked like he was on the same boat at the time, until Smash brought the Kid Icarus franchise back from death, and now Smash is where characters or properties get to stay relevant or at least on life support (Captain Falcon), or make glorious comebacks (King K.Rool). Brawl was what destroyed the idea of there being boundaries as to who could get in Smash or what kind of story could be told within it.

And people don't seem to recall this nowadays, but Brawl was when Smash exploded in fan content, specifically inspired by Subspace. This was the period of the Machinima craze and the fan mods galore and fan remixes and fan art and fan headcanons and fan films, and suddenly it hit people that, just because the games couldn't accomodate the stories they could tell with the premise, didn't mean that they couldn't start telling them on their own. We even got the formerly longest piece of English fiction off of it. The devotion Melee inspired in competitive players, Brawl did for artists and creators who got their start off in Smash fan content.

And because of it, suddenly a lot more people started writing stories with ROB and Ice Climbers and Pit and Captain Falcon and so on than there would have ever been if it wasn't for Brawl and Subspace. Smash gave ROB a story the character likely would have never gotten otherwise. And if you don't grasp what I'm getting at because you still think that fan content is a long way from being "official" or at least respectable, I don't know what you're doing following someone who rants about pulp fiction all day.

The point I want to get across is, boundaries in a crossover are important, yes, they exist for a good reason, but the boundaries should be defined by the story and characters and whatnot, not the other way around. Boundaries in fiction exist to be crossed or tested, they exist to tell you where you can't go so you can try to do so anyway and either fly high or crash.

Sometimes, bending or twisting characters and settings can be both a grave sin, as well as the thing that allows them to survive. Sometimes there are rules that seem unbreakable until someone breaks them without trying. And sometimes, going big and stupid and carefree over-the-top is either the worst, or the best outcome. It's fiction, taking risks and having fun is part of it.

So I'm afraid I thankfully cannot give your question a universal answer.

[rawliverandcigarettes]

Mass Effect Retribution, a review

Mass Effect Retribution is the third book in the official Mass Effect trilogy by author Drew Karpyshyn, who happens to also be Lead Writer for Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2.

I didn’t expect to pick it up, because to be very honest I didn’t expect to like it. 9 years ago I borrowed Mass Effect Revelations, and I still recall the experience as underwhelming. But this fateful fall of 2020 I had money (yay) and I saw the novel on the shelf of a swedish nerd store. I guess guilt motivated me to give the author another try: guilt, because I’ve been writing a Mass Effect fanfiction for an ungodly amount of years and I’ve been deathly afraid of lore that might contradict my decisions ever since I started -but I knew this book covered elements that are core to plot elements of my story, and I was willing to let my anxiety to the door and see what was up.

Disclaimer: I didn’t reread Mass Effect Revelation before plunging into this read, and entirely skipped Ascension. So anything in relation to character introduction and continuity will have to be skipped.

Back-cover pitch (the official, unbiased, long one)

Humanity has reached the stars, joining the vast galactic community of alien species. But beyond the fringes of explored space lurk the Reapers, a race of sentient starships bent on “harvesting” the galaxy’s organic species for their own dark purpose. The Illusive Man, leader of the pro-human black ops group Cerberus, is one of the few who know the truth about the Reapers. To ensure humanity’s survival, he launches a desperate plan to uncover the enemy’s strengths—and weaknesses—by studying someone implanted with modified Reaper technology. He knows the perfect subject for his horrific experiments: former Cerberus operative Paul Grayson, who wrested his daughter from the cabal’s control with the help of Ascension project director Kahlee Sanders. But when Kahlee learns that Grayson is missing, she turns to the only person she can trust: Alliance war hero Captain David Anderson. Together they set out to find the secret Cerberus facility where Grayson is being held. But they aren’t the only ones after him. And time is running out. As the experiments continue, the sinister Reaper technology twists Grayson’s mind. The insidious whispers grow ever stronger in his head, threatening to take over his very identity and unleash the Reapers on an unsuspecting galaxy. This novel is based on a Mature-rated video game.

Global opinion (TL;DR)

I came in hoping to be positively surprised and learn a thing or two about Reapers, about Cerberus and about Aria T’loak. I wasn’t, and I didn’t learn much. What I did learn was how cool ideas can get wasted by the very nature of game novelization, as the defects are not singular to this novel but quite widespread in this genre, and how annoyed I can get at an overuse of dialogue tags. The pacing is good and the narrative structure alright: everything else poked me in the wrong spots and rubbed how the series have always handled violence on my face with cruder examples. If I was on Good Reads, I’d probably give it something like 2 stars, for the pacing, some of the ideas, and my general sympathy for the IP novel struggle.

The indepth review continue past this point, just know there will be spoilers for the series, the Omega DLC which is often relevant, and the book itself!

What I enjoyed

Drew Karpyshyn is competent in narrative structure, and that does a lot for the pacing. Things rarely drag, and we get from one event to the next seamlessly. I’m not surprised this is one of the book’s qualities, as it comes from the craft of a game writer: pacing and efficiency are mandatory skills in this field. I would have preferred a clearer breaking point perhaps, but otherwise it’s a nice little ride that doesn’t ask a lot of effort from you (I was never tempted to DNF the book because it was so easy to read).

This book is packed with intringuing ideas -from venturing in the mind of the Illusive Man to assist, from the point of view of the victim, to Grayson’s biological transformation and assimilation into the Reaper hivemind, we get plenty to be excited for. I was personally intrigued about Liselle, Aria T’loak’s secret daughter, and eager to get a glimpse at the mind of the Queen Herself -also about how her collaboration with Cerberus came to be. Too bad none of these ideas go anywhere nor are being dealt with in an interesting way!!! But the concepts themselves were very good, so props for setting up interesting premices.

Pain is generally well described. It gets the job done.

I liked Sanak, the batarian that works as a second to Aria. He’s not very well characterized and everyone thinks he’s dumb (rise up for our national himbo), even though he reads almost smarter than her on multiple occasions, but I was happy whenever he was on the page, so yay for Sanak. But it might just be me having a bias for batarians.

Cool to have Kai Leng as a point of view character. I wasn’t enthralled by what was done with it, as he remains incredibly basic and as basically hateable and ungrounded than in Mass Effect 3 (I think he’s very underwhelming as a villain and he should have been built up in Mass Effect 2 to be effective). But there were some neat moments, such as the description of the Afterlife by Grayson who considers it as tugging at his base instincts, compared to Leng’s description of it where everything is deemed disgusting. The execution is not the best, but the concept was fun.

Pre-Reaperification Paul Grayson wasn’t the worst point of view to follow. I wasn’t super involved in his journey and didn’t care when he died one way or the other, but I empathized with his problems and hoped he would find a way out of the cycle of violence. The setup of his character arc was interesting, it’s just sad that any resolution -even negative- was dropped to focus on Reapers and his relationship with Kahlee Sanders, as I think the latter was the least interesting part.

The cover is cool and intringuing. Very soapy. It’s my favorite out of all the official novels, as it owns the cheesier aspect of the series, has nice contrasts and immediately asks questions. Very 90s/2000s. It’s great.

You may notice every thing I enjoyed was coated in complaints, because it’s a reflection of my frustration at this book for setting up interesting ideas and then completely missing the mark in their execution. So without further due, let’s talk about what I think the book didn’t do right.

1. Dumb complaints that don’t matter much

After reading the entire book, I am still a bit confused at to why Tim (the Illusive Man’s acronym is TIM in fandom, but I find immense joy in reffering to him as just Tim) wants his experimentation to be carried out on Grayson specifically, especially when getting to him is harder than pretty much anyone else (also wouldn’t pushing the very first experiments on alien captives make more sense given it’s Cerberus we’re talking about?). It seem to be done out of petty revenge, which is fine, but it still feels like quite the overlook to mess with a competent fighter, enhance him, and then expect things to stay under control (which Tim kind of doesn’t expect to, and that’s even weirder -why waste your components on something you plan to terminate almost immediately). At the same time, the pettiness is the only characterization we get out of Tim so good I guess? But if so, I wished it would have been accentuated to seem even more deliberate (and not have Tim regret to see it in himself, which flattens him and doesn’t inform the way he views the world and himself -but we’ll get to that).

I really disliked the way space travel is characterized. And that might be entirely just me, and perhaps it doesn’t contradict the rest of the lore, but space travel is so fast. People pop up left and right in a matter of hours. At some point we even get a mention of someone being able to jump 3 different Mass Relays and then arrive somewhere in 4 hours. I thought you first had to discharge your ship around a stellar object before being able to engage in the next jump (and that imply finding said object, which would have to take more than an hour). It’s not that big of a deal, but it completely crammed this giant world to a single boulevard for me and my hard-science-loving tastes. Not a big deal, but not a fan at all of this choice.

You wouldn’t believe how often people find themselves in a fight naked or in their underwear. It happens at least 3 times (and everyone naked survives -except one, we’ll get to her later).

Why did I need to know about this fifteen year’s old boner for his older teacher. Surely there were other ways to have his crush come across without this detail, or then have it be an actual point of tension in their relationship and not just a “teehee” moment. Weird choice imo.

I’m not a fan of the Talons. I don’t find them interesting or compelling. There is nothing about them that informs us on the world they live in. The fact they’re turian-ruled don’t tell us anything about turian culture that, say, the Blue Suns don’t tell us already. It’s a generic gang that is powerful because it is. I think they’re very boring, in this book and in the Omega DLC alike (a liiittle less in the DLC because of Nyreen, barely). Not a real criticism, I just don’t care for them at all.

I might just be very ace, but I didn’t find Anderson and Kahlee Sanders to have much chemistry. Same for Kahlee and Grayson (yes we do have some sort of love-triangle-but-not-really, but it’s not very important and it didn’t bother me much). Their relationships were all underwhelming to me, and I’ll explain why in part 4.

The red sand highs are barely described, and very safely -probably not from a place of intimate knowledge with drugs nor from intense research. Addiction is a delicate topic, and I feel like it could have been dealt with better, or not be included at all.

There are more of these, but I don’t want to turn this into a list of minor complaints for things that are more a matter of taste than craft quality or thematic relevance. So let’s move on.

2. Who cares about aliens in a Mass Effect novel

Now we’re getting into actual problems, and this one is kind of endemic to the Mass Effect novels (I thought the same when I read Revelation 9 years ago, though maybe less so as Saren in a PoV character -but I might have forgotten so there’s that). The aliens are described and characterized in the most uncurious, uninspired manner. Krogans are intimidating brutes. Turians are rigid. Asaris are sexy. Elcors are boring. Batarians are thugs (there is something to be said with how Aria’s second in command is literally the same batarian respawned with a different name in Mass Effect 2, this book, then the Omega DLC). Salarians are weak nerds. (if you allow me this little parenthesis because of course I have to complain about salarian characterization: the only salarian that speaks in the book talks in a cheap ripoff of Mordin’s speech pattern, which sucks because it’s specific to Mordin and not salarians as a whole, and is there to be afraid of a threat as a joke. This is SUCH a trope in the original trilogy -especially past Mass Effect 1 when they kind of give up on salarians except for a few chosen ones-, that salarians’ fear is not to be taken seriously and the only salarians who are to be considered don’t express fear at all -see Mordin and Kirrahe. It happens at least once per game, often more. This is one of the reasons why the genophage subplot is allowed to be so morally simple in ME3 and remove salarians from the equation. I get why they did that, but it’s still somewhat of a copeout. On this front, I have to give props to Andromeda for actually engaging with violence on salarians in a serious manner. It’s a refreshing change) I didn’t learn a single thing about any of these species, how they work, what they care about in the course of these 79750 words. I also didn’t learn much about their relationships to other species, including humans. I’ll mention xenophobia in more details later, but this entire aspect of the story takes a huge hit because of this lack of investment of who these species are.

I’ve always find Mass Effect, despite its sprawling universe full of vivid ideas and unique perspectives, to be strangely enamoured with humans, and it has never been so apparent than here. Only humans get to have layers, deserving of empathy and actual engagement. Only their pain is real and important. Only their death deserve mourning (we’ll come back to that). I’d speculate this comes from the same place that was terrified to have Liara as a love interest in ME1 in case she alienated the audience, and then later was surprised when half the fanbase was more interested in banging the dinosaur-bird than their fellow humans: Mass Effect often seem afraid of losing us and breaking our capacity for self-projection. It’s a very weird concern, in my opinion, that reveals the most immature, uncertain and soapy parts of the franchise. Here it’s punched to eleven, and I find it disappointing. It also have a surprising effect on the narrative: again, we’ll come back to that.

3. The squandered potential of Liselle and Aria

Okay. This one hurts. Let’s talk about Liselle: she’s introduced in the story as a teammate to Grayson, who at the time works as a merc for Aria T’loak on Omega, and also sleeps with him on the regular. She likes hitting the Afterlife’s dancefloor: she’s very admired there, as she’s described as extremely attractive. One night after receiving a call from Grayson, she rejoins him in his apartment. They have sex, then Kai Leng and other Cerberus agents barge in to capture Grayson -a fight break out (the first in a long tradition of naked/underwear fights), and both of them are stunned with tranquilizers. Grayson is to be taken to the Illusive Man. Kai Leng decides to slit Liselle’s throat as she lays unconscious to cover their tracks. When Aria T’loak and her team find her naked on a bed, throat gaping and covered in blood, Liselle is revealed, through her internal monologue, to be Aria’s secret daughter -that she kept secret for both of their safety. So Liselle is a sexpot who dies immediately in a very brutal and disempowered manner. This is a sad way to handle Aria T’loak’s daughter I think, but I assume it was done to give a strong motivation to the mother, who thinks Grayson did it. And also, it’s a cool setup to explore her psyche: how does she feel about business catching up with her in such a personal manner, how does she feel about the fact she couldn’t protect her own offspring despite all her power, what’s her relationship with loss and death, how does she slip when under high emotional stress, how does she deal with such a vulnerable position of having to cope without being able to show any sign of weakness... But the book does nothing with that. The most interesting we get is her complete absence of outward reaction when she sees her daughter as the centerpiece of a crime scene. Otherwise we have mentions that she’s not used to lose relatives, vague discomfort when someone mentions Liselle might have been raped, and vague discomfort at her body in display for everyone to gawk at. It’s not exactly revelatory behavior, and the missed potential is borderline criminal. It also doesn’t even justify itself as a strong motivation, as Aria vaguely tries to find Grayson again and then gives up until we give her intel on a silver platter. Then it almost feels as if she forgot her motivation for killing Grayson, and is as motivated by money than she is by her daughter’s murder (and that could be interesting too, but it’s not done in a deliberate way and therefore it seems more like a lack of characterization than anything else).

Now, to Aria. Because this book made me realize something I strongly dislike: the framing might constantly posture her as intelligent, but Aria T’loak is... kind of dumb, actually? In this book alone she’s misled, misinformed or tricked three different times. We’re constantly ensured she’s an amazing people reader but never once do we see this ability work in her favor -everyone fools her all the time. She doesn’t learn from her mistakes and jump from Cerberus trap to Cerberus trap, and her loosing Omega to them later is laughably stupid after the bullshit Tim put her through in this book alone. I’m not joking when I say the book has to pull out an entire paragraph on how it’s easier to lie to smart people to justify her complete dumbassery during her first negotiation with Tim. She doesn’t seem to know anything about how people work that could justify her power. She’s not politically savvy. She’s not good at manipulation. She’s just already established and very, very good at kicking ass. And I wouldn’t mind if Aria was just a brutish thug who maintains her power through violence and nothing else, that could also be interesting to have an asari act that way. But the narrative will not bow to the reality they have created for her, and keep pretending her flaw is in extreme pride only. This makes me think of the treatment of Sansa Stark in the latest seasons of Game of Thrones -the story and everyone in it is persuaded she’s a political mastermind, and in the exact same way I would adore for it to be true, but it’s just... not. It’s even worse for Aria, because Sansa does have victories by virtue of everyone being magically dumber than her whenever convenient. Aria just fails, again and again, and nobody seem to ever acknowledge it. Sadly her writing here completely justifies her writing in the Omega DLC and the comics, which I completely loathe; but turns out Aria isn’t smart or savvy, not even in posture or as a façade. She’s just violent, entitled, easily fooled, and throws public tantrums when things don’t go her way. And again, I guess that would be fine if only the narrative would recognize what she is. Me, I will gently ignore most of this (in her presentation at least, because I think it’s interesting to have something pitiful when you dig a little) and try to write her with a bit more elevation. But this was a very disappointing realization to have.

4. The squandered potential of Grayson and the Reapers

The waste of a subplot with Aria and Liselle might have hurt me more in a personal way, but what went down between Grayson and the Reapers hurts the entire series in a startling manner. And it’s so infuriating because the potential was there. Every setpiece was available to create something truly unique and disturbing by simply following the series’ own established lore. But this is not what happens. See, when The Illusive Man, our dearest Tim, captures Grayson for a betrayal that happened last book (something about his biotic autistic daughter -what’s the deal with autistic biotics being traumatized by Cerberus btw), he decides to use him as the key part of an experiment to understand how Reapers operate. So he forcefully implants the guy with Reaper technology (what they do exactly is unclear) to study his change into a husk and be prepared when Reapers come for humanity -it’s also compared to what happened with Saren when he “agreed” to be augmented by Sovereign. From there on, Grayson slowly turns into a husk. Doesn’t it sound fascinating, to be stuck in the mind of someone losing themselves to unknowable monsters? If you agree with me then I’m sorry because the execution is certainly... not that. The way the author chooses to describe the event is to use the trope of mind control used in media like Get Out: Grayson taking the backseat of his own mind and body. And I haaaaate it. I hate it so much. I don’t hate the trope itself (it can be interesting in other media, like Get Out!), but I loathe that it’s used here in a way that totally contradicts both the lore and basic biology. Grayson doesn’t find himself manipulated. He doesn’t find himself justifying increasingly jarring actions the way Saren has. He just... loses control of himself, disagreeing with what’s being done with him but not able to change much about it. He also can fight back and regain control sometimes -but his thoughts are almost untainted by Reaper influence. The technology is supposed to literally replace and reorganize the cells of his body; is this implying that body and mind are separated, that there maybe exists a soul that transcends indoctrination? I don’t know but I hate it. This also implies that every victim of the Reaper is secretely aware of what they’re doing and pained and disagreeing with their own actions. And I’m sorry but if it’s true, I think this sucks ass and removes one of the creepiest ideas of the Mass Effect universe -that identity can and will be lost, and that Reapers do not care about devouring individuality and reshaping it to the whims of their inexorable march. Keeping a clear stream of consciousness in the victim’s body makes it feel like a curse and not like a disease. None of the victims are truly gone that way, and it removes so much of the tragic powerlessness of organics in their fight against the machines. Imagine if Saren watched himself be a meanie and being like “nooo” from within until he had a chance to kill himself in a near-victorious battle, compared to him being completely persuaded he’s acting for the good of organic life until, for a split second, he comes to realize he doesn’t make any sense and is loosing his mind like someone with dementia would, and needs to grasp to this instant to make the last possible thing he could do to save others and his own mind from domination. I feel so little things for Saren in the former case, and so much for the latter. But it might just be me: I’m deeply touched by the exploration of how environment and things like medication can change someone’s behavior, it’s such a painfully human subject while forceful mind control is... just kind of cheap.

SPEAKING OF THE REAPERS. Did you know “The Reapers” as an entity is an actual character in this book? Because it is. And “The Reapers” is not a good character. During the introduction of Grayson and explaining his troubles, we get presented with the mean little voice in his head. It’s his thoughts in italics, nothing crazy, in fact it’s a little bit of a copeout from actually implementing his insecurities into the prose. But I gave the author the benefit of the doubt, as I knew Grayson would be indoctrinated later, and I fully expected the little voice to slowly start twisting into what the Reapers suggested to him. This doesn’t happen, or at least not in that slowburn sort of way. Instead the little voice is dropped almost immediately, and the Reapers are described, as a presence. And as the infection progresses, what Grayson do become what the Reapers do. The Reapers have emotions, it turns out. They’re disgusted at organic discharges. They’re pleased when Grayson accomplish what they want, and it’s told as such. They foment little plans to get their puppet to point A to point B, and we are privy to their calculations. And I’m sorry but the best way to ruin your lovecraftian concept is to try and explain its motivations and how it thinks. Because by definition the unknown is scarier, smarter, and colder than whatever a human author could come up with. I couldn’t take the Reapers’ dumb infiltration plans seriously, and now I think they are dumb all the time, and I didn’t want to!! The only cases in which the Reapers influence Grayson, we are told in very explicit details how so. For example, they won’t let Grayson commit suicide by flooding his brain with hope and determination when he tries, or they will change the words he types when he tries to send a message to Kahlee Sanders. And we are told exactly what they do every time. There was a glorious occasion to flex as a writer by diving deep into an unreliable narrator and write incredibly creepy prose, but I guess we could have been confused, and apparently that’s not allowed. And all of this is handled that poorly becauuuuuse...

5. Subtext is dead and Drew killed it

Now we need to talk about the prose. The style of the author is... let’s be generous and call it functional. It’s about clarity. The writing is so involved in its quest for clarity that it basically ruins the book, and most of the previous issues are direct consequences of the prose and adjacent decisions.The direct prose issues are puzzling, as they are known as rookie technical flaws and not something I would expect from the series’ Lead Writer for Mass Effect 1 and 2, but in this book we find problems such as:

The reliance on adverbs. Example: "Breathing heavily from the exertion, he stood up slowly”. I have nothing about a well-placed adverb that gives a verb a revelatory twist, but these could be replaced by stronger verbs, or cut altogether.

Filtering. Example: “Anderson knew that the fact they were getting no response was a bad sign”. This example is particularly egregious, but characters know things, feel things, realize things (boy do they realize things)... And this pulls us away from their internal world instead of making us live what they live, expliciting what should be implicit. For example, consider the alternative: “They were getting no reponse, which was a bad sign in Anderson’s experience.” We don’t really need the “in Anderson’s experience” either, but that already brings us significantly closer to his world, his lived experience as a soldier.

The goddamn dialogue tags. This one is the worst offender of the bunch. Nobody is allowed to talk without a dialogue tag in this book, and wow do people imply, admit, inform, remark and every other verb under the sun. Consider this example, which made me lose my mind a little: “What are you talking about? Kahlee wanted to know.” I couldn’t find it again, but I’m fairly certain I read a “What is it?” Anderson wanted to know. as well. Not only is it very distracting, it’s also yet another way to remove reader interpretation from the equation (also sometimes there will be a paragraph break inside a monologue -not even a long one-, and that doesn’t seem to be justified by anything? It’s not as big of a problem than the aversion to subtext, but it still confused me more than once)

Another writing choice that hurts the book in disproportionate ways is the reliance on point of view switches. In Retribution, we get the point of view of: Tim, Paul Grayson, Kai Leng, Kahlee Sanders, David Anderson, Aria T’loak, and Nick (a biotic teenager, the one with the boner). Maybe Sanak had a very small section too, but I couldn’t find it again so don’t take my word for it. That’s too many point of views for a plot-heavy 80k book in my opinion, but even besides that: the point of view switch several times in one single chapter. This is done in the most harmful way possible for tension: characters involved in the same scene take turns on the page explaining their perspective about the events, in a way that leaves the reader entirely aware of every stake to every character and every information that would be relevant in a scene. Take for example the first negotiation between Aria and Tim. The second Aria needs to ponder what her best move could possibly be, we get thrown back into Tim’s perspective explaining the exact ways in which he’s trying to deceive her -removing our agency to be either convinced or fooled alongside her. This results in a book that goes out of his way to keep us from engaging with its ideas and do any mental work on our own. Everything is laid out, bare and as overexplained as humanly possible. The format is also very repetitive: characters talk or do an action, and then we spend a paragraph explaining the exact mental reasoning for why they did what they did. There is nothing to interpret. No subtext at all whatsoever; and this contributes in casting a harsh light on the Mass Effect universe, cheapening it and overtly expliciting some of its worst ideas instead of leaving them politely blurred and for us to dress up in our minds. There is only one theme that remains subtextual in my opinion. And it’s not a pretty one.

6. Violence

So here’s the thing when you adapt a third person shooter into a novel: you created a violent world and now you will have to deal with death en-masse too (get it get it I’m so sorry). But while in videogames you can get away with thoughtless murder because it’s a gameplay mechanic and you’re not expected to philosophize on every splatter of blood, novels are all about internalization. Violent murder is by definition more uncomfortable in books, because we’re out of gamer conventions and now every death is actual when in games we just spawned more guys because we wanted that level to be a bit harder and on a subconscious level we know this and it makes it somewhat okay. I felt, in this book, a strange disconnect between the horrendous violence and the fact we’re expected to care about it like we would in a game: not much, or as a spectacle. Like in a game, we are expected to root for the safety of named characters the story indicated us we should be invested in. And because we’re in a book, this doesn’t feel like the objective truth of the universe spelled at us through user interface and quest logs, but the subjective worldview of the characters we’re following. And that makes them.... somewhat disturbing to follow.

I haven’t touched on Anderson and Kahlee Sanders much yet, but now I guess I have too, as they are the worst offenders of what is mentioned above. Kahlee cares about Grayson. She only cares about Grayson -and her students like the forementioned Nick, but mostly Grayson. Grayson is out there murdering people like it’s nobody’s business, but still, keeping Grayson alive is more important that people dying like flies around him. This is vaguely touched on, but not with the gravitas that I think was warranted. Also, Anderson goes with it. Because he cares about Kahlee. Anderson organizes a major political scandal between humans and turians because of Kahlee, because of Grayson. He convinces turians to risk a lot to bring Cerberus down, and I guess that could be understandable, but it’s mostly manipulation for the sake of Grayson’s survival: and a lot of turians die as a result. But not only turians: I was not comfortable with how casually the course of action to deal a huge blow to Cerberus and try to bring the organization down was to launch assault on stations and cover-ups for their organization. Not mass arrests: military assault. They came to arrest high operatives, maybe, but the grunts were okay to slaughter. This universe has a problem with systemic violence by the supposedly good guys in charge -and it’s always held up as the righteous and efficient way compared to these UGH boring politicians and these treaties and peace and such (amirite Anderson). And as the cadavers pile up, it starts to make our loveable protagonists... kind of self-centered assholes. Also: I think we might want to touch on who these cadavers tend to be, and get to my biggest point of discomfort with this novel.

Xenophobia is hard to write well, and I super sympathize with the attempts made and their inherent difficulty. This novel tries to evoke this theme in multiple ways: by virtue of having Cerberus’ heart and blade as point of view characters, we get a window into Tim and Kai Leng’s bigotry against aliens, and how this belief informs their actions. I wasn’t ever sold in their bigotry as it was shown to us. Tim evokes his scorn for whatever aliens do and how it’s inferior to humanity’s resilience -but it’s surface-level, not informed by deep and specific entranched beliefs on aliens motives and bodies, and how they are a threat on humanity according to them. The history of Mass Effect is rich with conflict and baggage between species, yet every expression of hatred is relegated to a vague “eww aliens” that doesn’t feed off systemically enforced beliefs but personal feelings of mistrust and disgust. I’ll take this example of Kai Leng, and his supposedly revulsion at the Afterlife as a peak example of alien decadence: he sees an asari in skimpy clothing, and deems her “whorish”. And this feels... off. Not because I don’t think Kai Leng would consider asaris whorish, but because this is supposed to represent Cerberus’ core beliefs: yet both him and Tim go on and on about how their goal is to uplift humanity, how no human is an enemy. But if that’s the case, then what makes Kai Leng call an Afterlife asari whorish and mean it in a way that’s meaningfully different from how he would consider a human sex worker in similar dispositions? Not that I don’t buy that Cerberus would have a very specific idea of what humans need to be to be considered worth preserving as good little ur-fascists, but this internal bias is never expressed in any way, and it makes the whole act feel hollow. Cerberus is not the only offender, though. Every time an alien expresses bias against humans in a way we’re meant to recognize as xenophobic, it reads the same way: as personal dislike and suspicion. As bullying. Which is such a small part of what bigotry encompasses. It’s so unspecific and divorced from their common history that it just never truly works in my opinion. You know what I thought worked, though? The golden trio of non-Cerberus human characters, and their attitude towards aliens. Grayson’s slight fetishism and suspicion of his attraction to Liselle, how bestial (in a cool, sexy way) he perceives the Afterlife to be. The way Anderson and Kahlee use turians for their own ends and do not spare a single thought towards those who died directly trying to protect them or Grayson immediately after the fact (they are more interested in Kahlee’s broken fingers and in kissing each other). How they feel disgust watching turians looting Cerberus soldiers, not because it’s disrespectful in general and the deaths are a inherent tragedy but because they are turians and the dead are humans. But it's not even really on them: the narration itself is engrossed by the suffering of humans, but aliens are relegated to setpieces in gore spectacles. Not even Grayson truly cares about the aliens the Reapers make him kill. Nobody does. Not even the aliens among each other: see, once again, Aria and Liselle, or Aria and Sanak. Nobody cares. At the very end of the story, Anderson comes to Kahlee and asks if she gives him permission to have Grayson’s body studied, the same way Cerberus planned to. It’s source of discomfort, but Kahlee gives in as it’s important, and probably what Grayson would have wanted, maybe? So yeah. In the end the only subtextual theme to find here (probably as an accident) is how the Alliance’s good guys are not that different from Cerberus it turns out. And I’m not sure how I feel about that.

7. Lore-approved books, or the art of shrinking an expanding universe

I’d like to open the conversation on a bigger topic: the very practice of game novelization, or IP-books. Because as much as I think Drew Karpyshyn’s final draft should not have ended up reading that amateur given the credits to his name, I really want to acknowledge the realities of this industry, and why the whole endeavor was perhaps doomed from the start regardless of Karpyshyn’s talent or wishes as an author.

The most jarring thing about this reading experience is as follows: I spent almost 80k words exploring this universe with new characters and side characters, all of them supposedly cool and interesting, and I learned nothing. I learned nothing new about the world, nothing new about the characters. Now that it’s over, I’m left wondering how I could chew on so much and gain so little. Maybe it’s just me, but more likely it’s by design. Not on poor Drew. Now that I did IP work myself, I have developed an acute sympathy for anyone who has to deal with the maddening contradictions of this type of business. Let me explain.

IP-adjacent media (in the West at least) sure has for goal to expand the universe: but expand as in bloat, not as in deepen. The target for this book is nerds like me, who liked the games and want more of this thing we liked. But then we’re confronted by two major competitors: the actual original media (in ME’s case, the games) whose this product is a marketing tool for, and fandom. IP books are not allowed to compete with the main media: the good ideas are for the main media, and any meaningful development has to be made in the main media (see: what happened with Kai Leng, or how everyone including me complains about the worldbuilding to the Disney Star Swars trilogy being hidden in the novelization). And when it comes to authorship (as in: taking an actual risk with the media and give it a personal spin), then we risk introducing ideas that complicate the main media even though a ridiculously small percent of the public will be attached to it, or ideas that fans despise. Of course we can’t have the latter. And once the fandom is huge enough, digging into anything the fans have strong headcanons for already risks creating a lot of emotions once some of these are made canon and some are disregarded. As much as I joke about how in Mass Effect you can learn about any gun in excrutiating details but we still don’t know if asaris have a concept for marriage... would we really want to know how/if asaris marry, or aren’t we glad we get to be creative and put our own spin on things? The dance between fandom and canon is a delicate one that can and will go wrong. And IP books are generally not worth the drama for the stakeholders.

Add this to insane deadlines, numerous parties all involved in some way and the usual struggles of book writing, and we get a situation where creating anything of value is pretty much a herculean task.

But then I ask... why do IP books *have* to be considered canon? I know this is part of the appeal, and that removing the “licenced” part only leaves us with published fanfiction, but... yeah. Yeah. I think it could be a fascinating model. Can you imagine having your IP and hiring X amount of distinctive authors to give it their own spin, not as definitive additions to the world but as creative endeavours and authorial deepdives? It would allow for these novels to be comparative and companion to the main media instead of being weird appendages that can never compare, and the structure would allow for these stories to be polished and edited to a higher level than most fanfictions. Of course I’m biased because I have a deep belief in the power of fanfiction as commentary and conversational piece. But I would really love to see companies’ approach to creative risk and canon to change. We might get Disney stuff until we die now, so the least we can ask for is for this content to be a little weird, personal and human.

That’s it. That’s the whole review. Thank you for reading, it was very long and weirdly passionate, have a nice dayyyyy.

[tmnt-veelicious]

Across the Stars - Ch.17

*crawls out of a hole* HOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLYYYY FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

Yes. I am alive.

Yes I had a rough patch of life over the last few months.

And jeeeeesus, I think I wrote the beginning of this chapter like 3 times....

BUT IT’S HERE. AND I’M SORRY IT HAS BEEN SO LONG. At least the next chapter will be interesting and will introduce some new characters!!! I am definitely feeling the writing juices flowing~

First Chapter -> HERE Previous Chapter -> HERE Next Chapter -> SOON

''I think this neighborhood suits you,'' started April as both women were comfortably seated at a table in a cozy café. Vee couldn't help her quiet chuckle, crossing her arms as her eyes ventured to the large window that offered a view to the street. ''I think it does too..., but I'll be so far from everything. Mostly far from Donnie. He's downtown and I'd be uptown...'' ''It's not so bad! You know these guys can travel fast and they know the city like no one else.'' True. A small sigh escaped the artist, her attention back to the other. She was glad the reporter had answered her call. Vee confessed feeling stupid for her sudden departure and her attitude, but April had been quick to waive those away, answering that all that mattered was that her friend was safe. The only thing left to do was to move forward. Harlem seemed like a nice place. It was mostly known for its nightlife and its jazz influences, to which Vee felt drawn to. Maybe she'd have opportunities up here, who knows? Her train of thoughts came to a stop as a waitress got to their table; a lovely african american woman adorning a dark afro like a crown. Vee did admire her style, noticing her septum piercing and her 'au naturel' look. It didn't seem like much, but so many people could ever inspire the artist, and that was the beauty of living in New York. As the orders were taken and the women left with coffees in hands, proper discussions could finally start. ''So...starting a family?'' started Vee. ''Since when were you two planning that little adventure?'' April's smile was soft: ''We were talking about it for several months, but only recently did we really start to properly consider it.'' ''Even with both your lifestyles? … You wouldn't be the most 'typical' and 'calm' family.'' ''I don't think that should stop us, or anyone. … It's something we both want, Vee, and we're ready to work for it.'' ''I'm not saying the opposite, don't worry!'' quickly reassured Vee. ''… I guess I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around that idea. I never really thought about having kids, so the thought process kinda escapes me.'' ''Oh?'' the reporter slightly cocked her head to one side, curious. ''I don't want to say I'm surprised, but still am nonetheless.'' The other woman seemed amused: ''There's so many things I have yet to accomplish.... Getting a child is the least of my worries right now. I guess I just don't really feel compelled at the idea.'' ''In that case I can understand,'' added April with a soft smile. ''It's only natural that you'd want to advance your career and get more stability, I get that.'' The conversation paused as their food arrived. But as soon as both were left alone again, the reporter couldn't help squinting a little, now curious: ''Although.... do you think you could ever have kids with Donnie?'' Vee almost spat her coffee, her thoughts suddenly rolling at a franctic pace. She frowned, reminiscing all those times they had sex without any protection. ''I, uh... I'm not sure,'' frankly answered the artist. ''I've never really thought about it, but now that you mention it, I should verify with him.'' ''I think it'd be in both your interests to set things clear. At least you'll know where you both stand in this...'' ''Yeah … that's for sure.'' What if he wanted kids? Could it be possible? At least for now her cycle had been steady and normal, so there was no fear regarding that. And the relationship was still in its early stages – it was too soon to think about that! Oh, those thoughts would plague her mind for the rest of the day, she knew that...   ''Anyway, enough kid talk,'' said April, thankfully interrupting Vee's thinking. ''I wanted to discuss apartment and furniture with you.'' ''What, you wanna know how I'll decorate my fortress of solitude?'' playfully commented the artist. ''Oh come on now...'' ''Just kidding, just kidding, don't worry. What's on your mind?'' ''Since I'll be moving in with Casey and he pretty much already has everything in terms of furniture... I was thinking about giving you some of the stuff we have at the apartment. Fridge, oven, whatever you need.'' The artist lightly frowned. ''Wait... give? April, I can't just receive without giving in return. Tell me your price and I'll gladly give you so-'' ''Vee, please,'' gently cut the reporter. ''… I know I'm putting you in a difficult situation and things can turn expensive. I want to help in any way I can, plus you can always repay me in other ways. Don't worry about it. I've given it some thought and I'm at peace with that.'' And the artist was absolutey thankful. Knowing she didn't make the best of incomes, this help felt like a miracle. … Just thinking about all her future expenses was enough to make her head spin, but at least with Donnie's help – and now April – she knew she could get a good footing and proceed without immense struggles. ''Also,'' added April, ''I know you don't have the best of conversations with your parents regarding your choice of living in New York, so I wanted to ease things up by giving you a good headstart and make them less worried.'' Vee softly sighed, although showing a small smile. She knew the brunette had heard some bits and pieces of conversations ever since she moved in. Even if the dialogues had been in French, it was not hard to notice the argumentative nature of those calls. ''I, uhm … it's been almost a month since I spoke to any of them, so there's nothing to worry about for now,'' said Vee. ''Is everything alright?'' ''The less I talk to them, the better! So, yes, everything is fine,'' tried to reassure the artist. April seemed good with the answer, but there was no denying that for Vee to avoid her family, it would probably blow back to her face in a nasty way. But today was not the day to think about such matter. Breakfast done and over with, both women were now on their way to visit the apartments. The first one proved to be a complete disaster; mold found in the bathroom and under the kitchen sink, only two windows and barely any natural light coming in, a broken wardrobe door in the bedroom. The landlord didn't seem like the most caring person either, insisting that he'd get the needed repairs done once a new tenant would move in. ''Those things have a cost, you know?'' he would say. … And this apartment will be a hard pass, you know? Vee couldn't believe that she got fooled by the advertisment online. It seemed so nice... At least the second stop was promising. The lot was at the top floor of a five story high building. The entrance was a small hallway that had one door to the left which gave to the bedroom (with a window!), and a door to the right that gave to the bathroom. The end of the hallway gave to an open area to which the left part was planned for a living room, and the right had space for a kitchen, the area delimited by a side hall that gave enough surface for an extension of the counter tops. Some windows gave enough light into the place, as well as a nice view on the street and buildings around. Plus, the living room windows were tall and large enough, one being an entryway to the emergency staircase outside the building. It was perfect. *** Her step was light as she made her way back to the lair, the greatest grin plastered to her face. She did it! Well … almost! But it was at least a first step in the right direction. Her first point of interest when she arrived was Donnie's workspace, but she found it empty, instantly bringing a small frown on Vee's features. Maybe she should check the garage next? Her attention snapped when she heard a sharp sound – a can being opened. Turning around, she slightly jumped as she spotted Mikey nearby, an orange crush drink in his hand. '' 'Sup?'' ''Jesus, Mikey, you gave me a mini heart attack,'' she breathed out. ''Oops, my bad,'' he said, taking a sip. ''You lookin' for Don? He just got out on patrol with Raph.'' ''… Aren't you guys supposed to lay low for a while with the Purple Dragons and Foot Clan situation?'' The orange clad one shrugged: ''Going out on patrol doesn't mean we're looking for them, you know? We still gotta look out for the bad ones on the streets. Plus, going out in small numbers attracts less attention.'' ''Huh... touché,'' admitted Vee. ''I guess the good news can wait, then.'' ''What good news?'' The artist's grin was back: ''I might have found a new apartment! The landlord just needs to do a credit check and then, if it's all good, the place will be mine.'' The terrapin's smile was soon as big as Vee's: ''Yo! That's awesome! Where is it? How big is it?'' The woman didn't wast any time to grab a blank sheet of paper and a pencil laying around on Donnie's desk, already starting to sketch the layout of the apartment. Deep in her explanations, she did not notice Leonardo now standing near, trying to take a peek from behind. ''What's that?'' he asked. Vee slightly jumped again, already on the lookout for the leader. ''JEEZE, what's with you guys scaring me tonight?!'' Leo showed an amused smile, arms crossed before him as he took some pride in that comment. ''I'm an excellent ninja. Getting to scare you means I'm doing a good job.'' ''Alright, don't get too cocky.'' She briefly sighed, next bringing the paper to clearer view. ''Behold, this is probably my next apartment!'' The blue clad mutant took some seconds to observe the layout, pensive. ''… There's quite some windows in there. I'll have to get Donnie to secure the place so no one can spot you and get in.'' ''Leo! Chill!'' faintly laughed Vee. ''I don't even completely own the place yet. Plus I'll be on the fifth floor; I'd like to see anyone get in other than by the emergency staircase or the entry door.'' ''I'm sorry I am cursed with the leader plague. I always have to think many steps ahead.'' Vee's smile was soft: ''Don't worry, it's appreciated. But now it's time to celebrate! There's no place for worry tonight!'' ''Now we're talkin'!'' added Mikey playfully, rubbing his hands together. ''… Watchu wanna do?'' The artist left her paper back on her boyfriend's desk, a smug smile now showing on her features. ''Donnie and I do have a little secret stash of red wine, and I fully plan on going through one bottle tonight.'' ''Hell yeah!'' Mikey was now nudging his brother's arm with his elbow. ''Care for a drink as well? Come ooooonnnnnnnn.'' Leo was squinting, trying to appear severe, but it didn't take long for him to conceed with a grin, his posture relaxing. ''Alright. Just one.'' *** Vee was delightfully surprised to learn that Leo also had a taste for red wine, happily sharing her bottle with him – and of course he did take more than one drink. Meanwhile Mikey had opted for beer, some cans already resting in the fridge. It felt good to kick back and just be happy, living in the present and have no worries. But soon celebrations took an interesting turn, Vee definitely inspired by her luck and feeling a little bold. An idea came to her mind as Mikey was showing her some stuff he was hoarding, especially when it came to hair dye bottles. She had always wanted to try a new hair color... It didn't take long before everyone was set up: Vee sitting in a chair with a towel over her shoulders, hair in layers. Mikey had ''borrowed'' some of Donnie's latex gloves (used for when he was tattooing), already at the task of applying the chosen color. Meanwhile Leonardo was sitting nearby, keeping company and enjoying the show. ''It's gonna look dope as fuck,'' commented the orange clad turtle, hair dye brush in hand as he was spreading some color. ''I'm kinda nervous about it, though,'' added Vee. ''Last time I did something to my hair, it was only some blonde streaks here and there. … It's my first time going full on with a non-natural color.'' ''There's never nothing wrong with going wild once in a while,'' said Leo. The artist threw him a glance, somewhat amused. ''Says the guy who seems to overworry a LOT about anything.'' ''Hey, I have my moments, alright,'' chuckled the leader, next taking a sip of wine. Mikey tsked; ''What, your last wild thing was to shorten your training time or somethin'?'' ''Nooooo, I-...'' Leo lightly frowned, his lips forming a thin line. A sharp sigh left him as he confessed: ''I asked Mikasa out.'' Both Mikey and Vee's gazes were now locked on him, their smiles wide. ''Finally!'' let out the woman. ''How did it go? Is everything good?'' ''Spill the tea, bro!'' chided in Mikey. Leo's smile was shy, carefully choosing his words. ''We're still figuring some things out, I guess? It all started when we got to you both at the Maneki Neko... I brought her back to her apartment and we kissed. … I dunno how to explain it, it just felt right at that moment.'' ''So far, so good,'' commented Vee. ''What's next?'' ''I'll admit that I chickened out after that,'' continued the leader. ''I just didn't know yet if I was ready to get into some sort of relationship. I was a douche and I didn't say or text a word to her after a couple of days.'' ''You're a fucking dumbass,'' added the other turtle, slightly scolding as he parted some more layers of Vee's hair. Leo raised his glass a little: ''On that I agree, BUT! I kicked my own ass and finally got back in touch with her yesterday. I explained the situation to her and she agreed to meeting up and talk about it a little more. … I'm just-'' His eyes met Vee's, somehow pleading. ''How can I know she really likes me? For crying out loud, how did you know you liked Donnie?'' The artist couldn't help her laugh, surprising both mutants. Leo didn't really know how to react. ''Did … did I say something wrong orrrr?'' ''No, no! Good gosh, no!'' tried to rectify Vee, calming her laughter. ''Oh jeeze, Leo, you and Mikasa are just so freakin' adorable. …. Would you believe me if I told you that she kinda asked me the same question a while ago?'' The blue one showed a smirk, amused: ''Welp, I won't hide that I had a smiliar conversation with Donnie as well.'' ''See!'' pointed the woman. ''Dammit, you two. Mikasa likes you, okay? You guys … all four of you, there are people who're gonna like you and even love you for who you are, no matter the fact that you're mutants. Damn, get that drilled in your heads, alright?!'' Mikey couldn't contain a chuckle: ''You're pretty straight-forward when you get some drinks in you, Vee.'' ''I only speak the truth without reservation,'' she added, taking a sip of wine. She savored her beverage for some seconds before speaking up again: ''But to answer your question, Leo, I knew I liked Donnie when everything felt comfortable. I mean … whatever I would say or do, I knew it wouldn't mind him. … His presence is like a never-ending warm hug around me. I feel true, I feel seen...'' Her eyes got back to him. ''And if you feel like you can be your true self around Mikasa, then I say that it's worth a shot.'' ''I'll take your word for it,'' replied Leo, smiling and slightly lifting his glass in cheer. *** Hours later and Donnie couldn't be any more glad to be back home. Patrol had been pretty boring and tame tonight, but at least he got to spend some time with Raph, which was never a bad thing, at times. Hanging his gear for the night, he then proceeded to his workstation, only to frown a little once he spotted a sheet of paper with some sort of layout draw on it.

By the looks of it, it seemed to be an apartment, the gears of his mind running as he also recognized Vee's handwriting. ''Bro!'' His attention snapped, suddenly realizing that he had been deep in thoughts. He turned to the source of his calling, then noticing Mikey with a big smile on his face. Donnie didn't have time to say anything that his brother spoke again: ''I have the immense pleasure to present to you the world-premiere revelation of Vee 2.0.'' He did some theatrical gestures before bowing and backing out of view in a comical way, finally giving view to Vee who had been hiding behind him. The purple clad turtle's eyes grew wide as soon as he noticed the artist's new hair color. Teal. A lush dark green color that reflected so well when exposed to any lights. ''Whoa! That's so cool!'' blurted the tall terrapin, already approaching the artist. One of his hands was still holding the paper, but his other one couldn't stay put, gently taking some strands of Vee's hair and having a closer look at the color. He couldn't erase his grin, his eyes scanning every inches. ''You should thank Mikey, he's the one who did most of the work,'' informed the woman. The tall terrapin did throw a glance towards his brother who was still nearby: ''No wonder it's perfect. There's always a positive outcome to any of his projects.'' ''Aww, thanks bro!'' added the orange clad mutant, somehow surprised, yet glad to hear such compliment. ''So … you like it?'' asked Vee with a timid smile. ''Like it? I love it!'' answered Donnie, his gaze meeting hers. ''It really suits you. … Any specific reason for that change, though?'' The woman had noticed the sheet of paper in his hand, taking it in turn and pointing the sketch she did. ''If all goes well, this little lot will be mine.'' Donnie's happiness was renewed: ''For real?!'' A simple nod from Vee was enough for him to lift her off the ground in an embrace, unable to stop himself from spinning around a little, obviously feeling overjoyed. Relief also washed over him, knowing how the whole process was stressing the artist – and himself as well, there was no lying there. ''You did it, baby,'' he gently said, loud enough for only her to hear, nuzzling her as he came to a stop while still hugging her. ''Almost, but yeah. Let's hope for the best...,'' replied Vee in the same tone, her arms gently coming around his neck. ''Get a room, you two!'' piped in Raph's tone, playful. The couple looked his way, the red clad terrapin making his way to Mikey. ''Come on, let's give these two nerds some space. Ya wouldn't want to catch their cooties.'' ''Hah! You're just jealous!'' added Donnie comically, next suddenly hurrying to his room, Vee still in his arms and now laughing. Raph was rather unimpressed, a sharp exhale of air leaving him as he glanced from the running one back to his younger brother. ''…. The day I'll be jealous of that bean pole, assume that I'm delirious or somethin' like that.'' *** It wasn't long before they were found in bed, exchanging everyday clothing for comfortable wears. Donnie was laying first, Vee next nestled in-between his legs, her back against his form. The artist was not finished, drink-wise, so she shared some more wine with the terrapin, a screen mounted to a telescopic arm brought over them so they could watch any videos they desired. It was during moments like this that Vee felt at complete peace, loved, and the happiest. The warmth that invaded her could only confirm that she was at the right place with the right person. And yet the same question kept repeating itself in her mind since her conversation with April. ''Donnie, are we compatible?'' she asked in a shy tone. The mutant slightly frowned, his gaze still on the screen. ''Define 'compatible','' he asked. ''Can we procreate?'' His body and muscles suddenly tensed. Both were now staring at eachother, not giving a damn about the video anymore, the turtle trying to find his words. ''… Uhm, well, no. I don't think so. … Wh- Why are you asking this?'' Vee shrugged: ''Well, we've been having unprotected sex and I don't take any contraceptive pills. I'm just curious.... How can you be sure that we're not?'' He sighed briefly, his thoughts running a hundred miles per hour. The video on screen was still going on, the subject suddenly a blur. But that didn't matter. ''First of all, we're not the same specie.'' ''Ok then, why can tigers and lions create ligers? Why can donkeys and horses create mules?'' ''Because to their roots, they are the same. As for us, we come from two different branches. I'm a reptile, you're a mammal; there's a huge spacing inbetween us. Plus, I'm suspecting the mutagen has something to do with it, as it mostly prevents us from contracting human diseases, amongst other things.'' Vee crossed her arms, diverting her gaze, slightly feeling uneasy as she circled her drink slowly and pensively. ''… You do make sense. … I guess I was mostly biased by the fact that you do present humanoid features.'' She felt one of Donnie's hands to her cheek, bringing back her attention on him. ''… Did you want to have a child with me?'' he asked in a hushed tone, forever soft. Vee suddenly blushed, frowning a little. ''No! I mean- uh. Based on your explanations, no. Also I'm not ready for that and it's too early in the relationship to know. I- shit, I dunno,'' she blabbered. The terrapin's smile was soft, amused by her reaction. ''Hey, don't worry, I was just asking! … I guess I'm just wondering too if you ever wanted one. If that was the case, I wouldn't want to prevent you from doing so...'' ''What? You mean you'd let me hook up with a human guy only so I can get banged up?'' questionned the woman, confused, as she sat up straight and was still looking at the other. ''Hell to the no - yuck. The whole pregnancy shebang doesn't appeal to me anyway.'' ''Adoption is also an option,'' added Donnie, matter-o-factly. ''That's pretty much this family's case!'' ''For sure, and I think it's very admirable, but raising a child is still a huge deal in itself.'' She sighed, timidly rubbing the back of her neck. ''… Sorry I brought that up, I was just curious. Ever since I spoke with April, it has been bugging me. I'm really not ready for that chapter in my life and I don't think I'll ever be, but I wanted to know your opinion on that.'' Donnie rejoined her, one of his arms snaking around her form. He was softly nuzzling the top of her head, keeping her close. ''Whatever you choose or decide, I'll always stand by your side, loving every moments – every seconds - spent with you. We build our own happiness, and that doesn't mean it has to imply a child in the future. … As long as you're happy, so am I.'' ''I know. … I do feel kinda weird for not wanting a child though,'' mumbled Vee. ''Hey,'' intervened the mutant. ''You're not weird, believe me. Having a child is not an obligation. This is your body, your choice, and I will forever respect it.'' ''Oh, you better,'' smirked the artist in return.

[rigelmejo]

6/28 I DID A LOT

WOOH

WOOH

I talked in chinese today! For around a half hour!! AHHHHHHHH

ANYWAY

AHHHHHHH

IM SO HAPPY I WAS UNDERSTANDABLE AHHGGHGSIUSJAJEJDJEEJIE

So first of all I practiced with Google translate today beforehand (lol yes machine translate isn’t perfect). I clicked the app, clicked transcribe, spoke in chinese then saw if the English translation it was producing was close enough to what I was trying to mean to say. (Also I learned chinese transcribe will need to process for a few moments if you play Chinese audio like from a podcast because at first it will give you a sucky transcription lol and then correct itself). Anyway so I did that and quickly learned: Google translate WILL fucking think I am speaking sentences when I’ve only said a couple words of my sentence because I pause “too long” so when I tried thinking of tones or grammar I spoke too fucking slow for the app so BAM I had to speak faster for the app just to comprehend me. So I did not practice Thinking about how the fuck to say things right much, just how to recall words on a fucking speed time limit lol. So uh that was an experience. I’ll definitely say that my 学习普通话 app is way better for me actually practicing pronunciation with any success, because Google just will NOT tolerate me speaking slowly goddamn.

Anyway so then tonight I spoke with my language partner. Well

WELL

good news: I was understood, I was told I sound pretty standard and they can tell I maybe imitate some peoples phrases and words from shows I watch (which in this case is a compliment since they said weeks ago when I asked how they improved their standard mandarin accent for a speech competition that’s what They did and the kind of shadowing they suggested I try doing more for accent work).

My grammar and word choice was understandable (I KNOW I wasn’t perfect and there were fucking mistakes Especially just notable spots where I forgot common words and tried to talk Circles around those words to describe them since I know Enough words to kind of “explain around” and come up with a more word description of a simple word I forgot sometimes but fuck is it probably awkward to listen to. Like I forgot “back then/at that time” so I said “the time when I was in high school” or “in high school I..” just because I couldn’t say “that time” on the spot, also fucking I forgot how to say “also” and “or” in certain ways and just had to figure out a different way to make my point like “this is like that” or “not the same” ToT).

Anyway regardless it’s a real big accomplishment to me. Reasons being: 1. I’ve never talked in chinese that long straight or to someone else communicating, or telling stories about my life and asking questions and actually testing my fucking communication abilities past small talk. Even talking alone to myself it’s just phrases or small situations where if I forget a word I just stop, so this was huge for me. 2. I did not have time to think about tones period while talking today with my language partner so like being comprehensible is!!!! GREAT. Considering I tried speaking to a language partner simple common word tone pair examples or very simple small talk at 5 months into learning and remember being incomprehensible like 50% of the time. Versus me now a little under 2 years in so being able to simply not be constantly thinking about tones and still know I might be understood (and in this specific case was understood) is nice to know. 3. I did better at winging vocabulary and talking my way around words I didn’t know than i thought I could. 4. REALLY simply tone and grammar being comprehensible is blowing my mind on its own - I know there were many mistakes (I personally could hear my 3rd tone not always sounding right to my own ear, and know I heard a few grammar mistakes I heard after I’d made my point lol). But just being comprehensible enough for someone understand my points even if I made those mistakes was really cool. 5. I’m hoping this means all the things I’ve been doing lately: the Listening Reading, the watching shows with English subs this month while repeating some of the Chinese lines to myself, listening to audiobooks and repeating many of the lines to myself, and the weekly language exchange I’ve been doing, have all been helping to some degree. Improving production skills is not something I’ve tried studying before and so basically all that I’m doing is flailing around trying stuff and hoping something is useful. It’s nice to see something must be if I’ve managed this.

Anyway it was just very very cool to be understandable. ;-; At this time last year I was absolutely assuming it would take years to get even a little understandable. Also for now idk this proved to me to maybe just stick to shadowing for a while and Not specifically thinking of tones While actively speaking. For a while I thought of them actively which made me clearer and I think was important and helped, at this point currently I think sometimes i overthink and trying to speak from memory/more shadowing practice might help it become a bit more automatic? And then I can go back to some corrective work where I’m messing up specifically or haven’t internalized certain words/phrases tones maybe.

—

IN OTHER NEWS

today I ALSO played 4 hours of Kingdom Hearts II in Japanese WHICH WAS AN EXPERIENCE

AN EXPERIENCE IVE NEVER HAD BEFORE LIKE FUCKING THIS

So 1. EONS easier than last time I studied Japanese. For context at 2-2.5 years into studying Japanese I played the opening of KH2. I remember it was brutal, I used my phone constantly to look up words, but I got through like the opening portion to the first save point after the haunted mansion (so like is that day 2? Basically what’s usually .5-1 hour of play or less that took me a few hours back then). It was doable, kinda brutal, but also I have kh2 near to my heart so I could play it without reading when I felt drained. Now?? I had over a year break from Japanese study (maybe 2-3 years break idk). I reviewed Japanese in I think March-April 2021 this year. April/May to June (now) I’ve been studying some new material. The biggest new material being some more Nukemarine memrise decks, and Clozemaster as of this month. So like... this Eons of improvement is after a long ass gap of no study, a cram review, and some just beyond last-times-progress kind of new study. It is a HUGE difference to me in how it feels.

I did not use a dictionary at all this time. I did not play slow either, I read at a speed much more bearable, I comprehended most sentences totally (understanding words because of a mix of knowing most words, knowing the context for the words since I know KH2 WELL, knowing Hanzi from chinese, and thanks to Clozemaster of all things feeling a lot better/quicker with Japanese grammar comprehension), and a few sentences I knew the overall gist because of recognizing the Hanzi (tho they were being used in words that aren’t similar to Chinese), the grammar overall (the rough intention of the sentence), and knowing KH2 well enough to remember the main idea of th English sentence. So it was overall a much more pleasant, easygoing experience this time around playing! It was something where I COULD play 50 hours of Japanese KH2 now.

This kind of showed me some things: first that knowing a basis in chinese (for me) makes a huge difference. Kanji now make words easier for me to learn and guess. I can now recognize when some pronunciations are somewhat similar to Chinese words. I can recognize when some kanji are used to mean Different things from Chinese (since I know the English context too). I can also now actually Like and Appreciate that KH2 specifically uses kanji in some speech bubbles and scenes then hiragana for the same words at other times - it gives me a chance to use context to see both versions of the word and learn both the pronunciation and kanji a bit more. Now I have katakana English like words and kanji (in the sense of their similarities to Hanzi) and my basic grammar grasp to rely on to parse sentences which makes all of it much easier. For me chinese was just easier, and that’s now paying off also in making Japanese easier in some ways than it was before.

I also appreciate now why “prior context” and “comprehensible input” are encouraged so much. My effort level is comfortable and NOT draining, so I could’ve kept my playing for hours and I did not need a dictionary for new words because I had TONS of context. Part of this is KH2 being a game I know super well (so even back at year 2 it was doable if draining when no other video game probably would’ve been doable at all). So it makes sense now it would be the first comfortable feeling one. It is VERY comprehensible input for me, especially now with some of the Japanese improvements I’ve made.

Whereas I tried to play crisis core a month ago (doable but DRAINING in part because I knew the game so comprehensible but I didn’t HAVE the game remembered by heart like KH2 so I had to slow down to read everything slowly and figure out words much slower with no prior meaning in my head for many parts), and persona 3 (which was doable but DRAINING in part because I have little prior context compared to cc or KH2 and in part because it has so much reading). Also KH2 is easier to read than cc or persona 3 - kh2 is obviously meant for age 10+ and so the amount of text I’m required to read is shorter, a lot of conversational stuff and not layered (cc had a lot of technical paragraphs of directions for missions and persona is aimed at older teens and has much more like “think about it more long term” conversations which I struggle more to parse). Also just persona 3 has so much dialogue I started speed reading just to get to a save point which felt Draining. Whereas KH2 the reading is comfortable so I don’t read too slow, and so it doesn’t feel as draining since it’s not slow nor do I have to rush at lower comprehension to get through it - I can just read and comprehend everything as much as I can at a reasonably non draining pace.

Also I DO think Clozemaster (so kudos to u app) is actually helping noticeably. I’m doing Clozemaster Japanese by common word tracks (still in the 100 most common words sentences and almost done). I’ve been doing listening mode and then reading sentences after. I can TELL it’s helped me already with the following. I’m doing better at recognizing some grammar structure particles/words/conjugations in various forms and levels of politeness. I now have much less issue telling how to separate sentences into word/grammar functions - it makes everything just much easier to start being able to segment my sentences as I read so I can just pinpoint WHAT parts I know versus don’t know and what their rough function is (and since in KH2 I know the English lines usually it makes it way easier to guess what words mean roughly what English translation). I also read some manga during this past month that’s also helped with this skill. I noticed Clozemaster also is just helping with it a lot since in Clozemaster the politeness level varies and stuff so I’m forced to practice guessing and figuring it out more with Clozemaster sentences over and over. The listening mode has helped because I can tell that some of the most common words I can hear more instinctively now and read aloud at a more normal pace now. I still CLEARLY read over listening when the subtitles in KH2 are there if I don’t know a word, so my listening has HUNDREDS or likely thousands of hours to go (my Chinese is much much better). But I can already notice the sheer fact Clozemaster listening question mode is forcing me to 1 HEAR Japanese more (and I need like what 2000 hours listening) and 2 start recognizing more easily at least recognizing words I’ve learned when I hear them (whereas before I would struggle to hear certain words even if I’d studied just because I’d read-studied a lot but not actually heard much of those words much). Now this all isn’t a huge help with new words in KH2 since I’m learning to read them from the game but my listening isn’t picking them up or Parsing them well. But as far as IN Clozemaster: yes the constant audio word drilling is helping me recognize words by sound which is great since thanks to Chinese kanji recognition is now not intensely difficult, it’s the sound recognition and match up to spelling that’s now the major confusion for me. I mean grammar is also confusing.. and will take years... I do think Clozemaster forcing me to practice interpreting the grammar somewhat with nothing to help me is helping me at least feel less drained by the grammar. I used Clozemaster before for french and chinese at the stage between graded readers and actual native speaker material, and I think for Japanese it’s also Good for this purpose. Clozemaster is good for a lot of immersion-like sentence reading practice, with tools to make it easier like a translation and mostly words you know in each sentence. Making it a bit easier than just diving into the deep end into a random novel. I do think it helps with preparing you for less learner-tailored materials a bit while still being easier than native speaker materials so you can practice without feeling youre drowning.

anyway ahh. WOOH I PLAYED KH2 in japanese today!!! I HAD FUN

gonna do it some more.

kh2 is maybe THE original reason i started trying to learn japanese. its really fun playing it now.

—-

And finally, while I’m at it: I am ALMOST done with the Sundial arc in Guardian Listening Reading wise. I’m on chapter 17. I have like 2 days left so who knows maybe I can manage to finish the sundial arc we’ll see.

What I mostly did this month was Redo L-R chapter 1-12 with a second audiobook, read the novel print version up to chapter 12, read chapter 1-2 in the traditional print version, also read maybe 4 chapters of other random things, listened to audiobook files of stuff overall idk 20+ times while repeating after a lot of lines, did a small amount of Clozemaster chinese (mostly just Radio mode), did 30 min - 1 hour writing or speaking language exchange sessions once a week, and watch a bunch of Chinese shows with English subs this month while repeating after a lot of lines.

As you can tell my reading Amount lowered significantly since the past couple months. However, I think I’ve pushed up my listening amounts a little.

[askeataiho]

Thanks for the tag @rem-oscar. Mine is going to be pretty simple since I am new to writing fanfic.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

5

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

12,983

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Just Blind Channel

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? (I only have 5 lol)

1. Better Light - 53

2. Puppy Love - 53

3. Summer Light - 34

4. New Light - 32

5. Worth My Time - 30

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Currently I respond to comments.  I know I appreciate it when authors respond to my comments.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

None of them so far have been angsty.  All pretty fluffy.  Which is rather different from my taste in fics to read where I tend slightly to prefer angsty ones (though I like fluff too for sure).

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They all have happy endings but I think Better Light is the happiest.

8. Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?

I haven’t written any.  I’ve had some ideas, including an idea I had the same night I thought up Better Light. But I doubt I’ll write the crossovers I’ve thought of – too niche.  Maybe someday I’ll write some other crossover.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No but then I wrote my first fic this August and this fandom is pretty nice.

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I’ve written some.  So far m/m, nothing fantastical, all consensual etc.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Difficult question.  It’s hard to compare across fandoms.  Of the ships I’ve written though definitely Tommi/Olli. For ones I’ve read or thought about in all fandoms though it’s a really tough question.  In some respects maybe Christopher/Millie/Conrad from the Chrestomanci books as I think (but am not entirely sure) that I first found ff.net (and therefore fanfiction) looking for literally anything about this trio after not finding are on DA.  Still ship it; reread the books less than a year ago.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Daemon survey one sounded like such a good idea when I first thought of it and like a lot of fun, but whenever I look at it now, it just looks stupid and a lot of work.  I wish I could get the motivation back for that one.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Hum… I’m not sure.  I think my descriptions are fairly clear and precise.  I think my best fics are ones that are well organized.  I think I will try to be clearer about the structure of my fics from the beginning instead of meandering from an idea or two (For Better Light, Puppy Love, and my Secret Santa fic I had clear ideas of the structure of the fic from the begging, while the other fics I’ve published or are WIPs mostly came from the idea of one or two scenes – well New Light had a more detailed structure but I got tired of it and discarded much of it.)

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue and Humor.  Especially where they converge.  Humorous dialogue is so hard.  I am not a particularly funny person, so it’s hard.  Worth My Time was partly an exercise in that.  I think a lot of the humor missed its mark in that.

18. What’s your thought on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I think it’s only good in specific circumstances.  If it’s needed for the reader to understand, just put it in italic or something to note that it’s supposed to be in a different language from the rest. It can be fun as a bit of a bilingual bonus in some situations if the POV character doesn’t know the language and it’s not needed for the story (and it’s not too much).  I don’t mind, like, the occasional pet name or whatever though.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Blind Channel.  My files show some ideas and rough outlines for Fire Emblem fanfics (FE 7 and 8, the old GBA games.)

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Better Light.  I’m really, really proud of it.  It’s the first fic I’ve ever written.  I think it’s the best idea, the best structured, and the best written, of all my fics.  I also got the best comments there.

 Tagging whoever wants to do this because I think all the fic writers who follow me have done so already.  If not, consider yourself tagged.

[tthael]

Hi Hollers! I hope you're doing well. I adored the last Indelicate chapter, and I cannot thank you enough for writing this story and sharing it with us all. I was wondering if you would be able to, please, discuss your rewrites and drafting process? If not, that's okay! I'm just interested, because you're an immensely talented writer. Have a good day!

Absolutely! I’ll use Indelicate as an example. I’m not super great at starting out with a complete outline when I come up with a story idea, but I have some big beats in mind--it was going to be Eddie waking up and telling Richie he loves him, the kiss scene at Ben’s house, and then some secret scenes I haven’t gotten to yet because they’re part of the endgame!

So when I have a scene in mind, basically I have to write myself from point A to point B. So far I’ve been doing this sort of as it would work in real life. We start with Eddie in the hospital, and then we move on to his time in the hospital and what he has to accomplish before his release, and then we move from his release to his decision about where to go because he doesn’t want to stay in Maine. But there’s the built in constriction of a follow-up doctor’s appointment 3 weeks after his surgery, so I have some artificial structure in there. And then I find smaller events to write about--Eddie eating meals, Richie and Eddie having conversations, Eddie and Richie going on a date.

So every chapter is basically three or four scenes strung together. I write the scene the way I want it to, and then I put them in the right order. Sometimes I change my mind and decide I want other things to come first, so I shuffle them around. This is the hardest part of the writing, because I’m starting with nothing. Revisions and edits are easier. I aim for 21 pages--it’s an arbitrary number, that’s just the length that the unedited first chapter of Things That Happen After Eddie Lives turned out to be, so it was my target for the rest of the project--but I’ve frequently doubled that writing Indelicate.

Then, when I have my four scenes, I open a second doc right next to my big Indelicate document and I rewrite the whole thing. I make edits as I go--I improve my word choices, I pick better verbs and eliminate passive phrasing, and I clarify the blocking in the chapter. For instance, I recently published a chapter that has Richie being very physical--and in the first draft it wasn’t clear where he was in the room, how many arms he had, and exactly how he was roughhousing with Eddie. I knew it in my head, but I had to clarify it in my edits, and my beta agreed with me that it was much clearer that Richie had only 2 arms. This is what I consider my “revisions.” I can feel when revisions are going well because the writing feels tighter and less rambly, and there’s a sort of... spark, that I’m really going for. Usually the banter improves in drafts, because I get more in the mood to write funny things. It might even change entirely. Banter is just usually better the second time around. I’ve also noticed that the revision is usually longer than the original draft, because I’m able to expand more on the narration and description.

Then I do a third revision. This I call edits, because it’s less of a decision of “what” I want to say and more “how,” on a smaller scale. Usually I edit scene by scene, with an editing doc open next to the revision doc. All in all, I’ll retype the whole chapter at least 3 times, so I’m very familiar with what I’m saying and I’m also very tired of rereading it. I want to cut down on repeats of words, adjust my paragraph breaks for dialogue, and make sure everything sounds finished.

THEN I put the completed chapter in the AO3 text box. Because I like to do my content warnings in my chapter notes, I reread the entire chapter again and I make my content warnings in chronological order, unless there’s something very big and obviously triggering--like homophobic bullying, or sexual violence, something like that, which goes at the very top of the content warnings list. This is when I insert my line breaks--I really like the line break that AO3 has. This is where I tend to catch the last of my typos or smaller errors.

Then I hit preview to make sure that the formatting is all working, and if the line breaks are in the correct place, I hit publish! That’s a full chapter.

And then, the further I get in the story, the closer I get to those main beats, the more I know what’s happening chapter by chapter. Sometimes I’ll realize that something is going to be a big deal in the very end of the story, and I need to start laying the track for that early on. It’s not a perfect system, but the chapter installation format helps me finish things in chronological order.

If I’m too excited about writing a scene, I’ll lose momentum for writing everything that comes before it, so I have to hold off. It’s the delayed gratification of “okay, you can’t write the big kiss scene right now, BUT if you write these less interesting scenes, then you get to write the big kiss scene.” I’m not naturally a super disciplined person, so it’s good for me to have rules for myself in writing.

Thank you so much for asking and I hope that this helps!

[thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild]

Writing Tips (Pt. 3): Writing Believable and shippable relationships in literature.

Hello friends! First of all, let me say a HUGE thank you for the support on the Kataang post! I worked really hard on it and it means so much to me all the little notes you give it and reblog it! I know it’s not at a huge number of notes, but I like knowing that people took time to read through the endless rant and reblog it! I’m planning on doing another full analysis on Zutara and why specifically it doesn’t work. I’ll make it respectful though as I know that a lot of Kataang fans are REALLY defensive and anti-zutara. I promise I’m not one of those people, and believe that no matter who you ship, your opinions on fictional characters are your opinions and you are FULLY entitled to ship and like whatever you want (as long as it’s not incest or a huge age gap. PLEASE don’t ship that stuff lol. U nasty mfs know who u are.) Speaking of ships, let’s talk about writing them. Writing ships for movies, books, shows, etc. can be surprisingly hard. Writing characters themselves can be hard enough as it is, but writing a pair of characters that fit together like a puzzle piece can feel impossible. Nevertheless, I’m here to make that process a little bit easier. When I’m trying to set up a relationship that’s going to happen, here are some things that I keep in mind to make sure that I and the audience of my writing  ship the characters I have end up together. 

DISCLAIMER before I get a’rantin: I am by NO means telling you how or what to write and am by NO means a professional writer of any sorts. I’m doing this mostly because I write a lot and speak from my own personal experiences with writing and because these are just the things that I found work best when writing my own stories. I also read and analyze a lot of others work on my own personal time, and these are just the details that I pick up on that I find makes a piece of writing effective. With that in mind, remember that writing is and art form, and the beauty of that is that there’s no one right way to do it. Ever. You can read the same thing as another person and interpret it in a completely different and unique way. 

1. Complementary Characters usually work out best. 

This is more than the classic “opposite’s attract” theory, and characters don’t necessarily have to be opposite to be complementary. Some things to think about when thinking of and writing complementary characters:

-Complementary doesn’t necessarily mean complete opposite in every single way. Often times I find it much more helpful to have characters share a common interest in hobbies, upbringing, childhood trauma (that one’s a bit overdone these days), etc. so that they’re not butting heads all the time. Just like yin and yang, theres a bit of darkness in the light and vice versa. To keep the balance harmonious, you can’t have characters be polar opposites and have no common ground. That leads to what many people consider a toxic ship, and will either lead to an unrealistic balance that inevitably leads your characters to be fighting all the time. 

-Keeping common interests in mind, often times the paces where character’s contrast is in their personalities. (Shy and bold, heart and head, bubbly and brooding, quiet and gregarious, etc.) Different personalities often are able to balance each other out and hold each other accountable for their weaknesses.

-Going off of that, one character’s strength is another’s weakness, and all traits are both. A character’s empathy can lead them to be loved by many, but may cause them to starve themselves and drain their cup so there’s none left to take care of themselves. A character’s logic may lend them top of class or calm in stressful situations, but can lead them to be insensitive to others and even their own emotions. Your characters should balance each other out and work well together, and part of this is helping each other grow from their weakness. 

-This one isn't as important, but what I also find super compelling, especially in film and tv shows is when the authors/writers deliberately choose to give the characters complementary color palettes. (I dove more into this on my Kataang analysis so go read that if you’re super interested.) If the character’s look ascetically pleasing together, it makes shipping them a whole lot easier. Focus on orange and blue, yellow and purple, red and green, and any variation of those colors together. 

2. Buildup

Often times one of the biggest critiques of ships that just don’t work out is that there’s not enough buildup or foundation to have a romantic relationship. It seems obvious, but if you’re going to have them end up together, there’s going to need to be some buildup or else the entire relationship will feel wrong and contrived no matter how pleasant you make it. 

Some tips for increasing and establishing buildup:

-Have your otp spend time together as friends first. I personally find that the healthiest and most successful ships are friends before they’re lovers. This is why Kataang specifically works so well, but Korrasami, Romionie, and Liesel and Rudy from the Book Thief are all good examples. If you observe these ships, all of these characters spend time together as friends first. Korra and Asami were able to bond and become friends over a toxic guy (cough cough MAKO) and eventually developed feelings for one another. Ron and Hermione weren’t romantically interested in other people and were friends until they started seeing other people and found out they liked each other. Liesel and Rudy were best friends before anything else and Liesel didn’t realize her feelings until it was too late. 

-Time together. When your otp spends time together, make sure that whatever time is being spent together is time that they both enjoy. No, the activity itself doesn’t have to be enjoyable to both characters, but the time spent together should be. If the characters really aren’t enjoying the time spent together, then it’s never gonna work out. I’ll use the ship that I’m writing as an example. Currently, I’m in the process of writing a third atlas series and we’ll use my characters Liang and Hana. (Yea I used my own name for one of my characters. I think it suits her bc she’s basically my clone, just, she’s the avatar. I’m going to change both of their names once I do more research and can find culturally and historically accurate names.) Liang REALLY loves pro-bending matches. Hana, not so much. She still goes with him to see matches and attends his matches when she can. On the flip side, Hana really loves going to her favorite tea shop. Liang vastly prefers a strong cup of coffee, but he goes with her anyways. Why would they choose to do something that they don’t necessarily like? Because that’s more quality time spent with each other and doing something for the other person. 

3. Romantic Gestures

Going off of my last point, we have the art of romantic gestures. These can range to things anywhere from a hug, to an elaborate firework display, to a locket with both of their pictures in it. Make sure that the romantic gestures are there! It’s gotta be clear that both characters are thinking about one another and consciously choose to do something for the other person. Here are some fun ways to do it:

-Remembering a gift the other character wanted. This one’s cliche but it works, because often times the best way to show affection is through physical gifts and objects. Think coffee from a favorite shop, handwritten notes, that piece of clothing the other has been eyeing, etc. 

-~symbolism~ *add chime here* By that I mean have an object to symbolize their relationship with, like Korrasami’s iconic hair pin or Liesel’s book that Rudy retrieved for her. This way, the readers not only have a visual representation of their favorite ships, but the object can physically link characters together and make a vague relationship full cannon. (I know for sure that someday when I get a tattoo, I want the hairpin tattooed on my wrist, ankle or side of my body.) 

-PDAs. Works best in film and visual stuff, but still applies for everything. I’m talking cuddles, kisses, falling asleep in each other’s arms, the whole shebang. I mean how much clearer can you make it than a pda?

-Love languages. Each person loves in their own unique way. Have characters figure out and learn each other’s love language. It really shows and adds a whole other layer to the cake. This one can make a ship that feels a little bland have more depth and realism, because in the real world, healthy relationships are formed and aided by learning and applying each other’s love language. 

4. Dialogue. This one can be hard to master, but once you do, it’s a breeze. First off, I recommend getting all your ideas out, and editing. DON’T EDIT AS YOU GO! This is often tedious and super annoying, so get everything out first, and go from there once you have a decent amount to work with. Dialogue is tricky, because dialogue in and of itself is meant to communicate and express feelings. Here are some tips and steps to at least get a start: 

a. Know EXACTLY how your characters feel about one another, and make that evident through communication. It seems obvious (again) but this really helps and I find that putting myself in the character’s shoes for a second and really thinking about it helps to decide exactly what they would say in a given situation, especially if the scene you’re writing involves confrontation about feelings for one another. 

b. Dialogue is more than just talking. Body language, tone, facial expressions, etc. are all part of dialogue too and are SUPER important! In the real world, humans communicate through more than just words, and sometimes a playful grin, grimace, crossed arms, or pout is much more effective than a character outright saying something. 

c. Once you’ve written the dialogue out, be concise and smart about your dialogue and pare it down as much as you can. Often times, adding too much dialogue can make a scene boring and flat. Use your words sparingly! The purpose of writing is to covey a story or message and often times this can be done effectively with less words rather than more. The main point in dialogue itself is to provide necessary context and information. Otherwise, don’t use it.

d. Make sure the conversation is two sided. This (say it with me now) SEEMS OBVIOUS, but make sure that both people are talking/communicating. it’s a conversation, not a speech. (Unless it is a speech or declaration of some sort.)

Before I go: A QUICK (Long) PSA ON TOXIC SHIPS: 

The concept of a toxic ship is very common in a lot of literature. Often times writers choose to include elements that may be toxic to heighten romantic tension in a story. While I do recognize that this sometimes may be a stylistic choice, there are MUCH better and effective ways to create tension that having something be toxic. Toxic relationships in my opinion share one purpose, and that is to establish a relationship’s toxicity and ineffectiveness. I don’t recommend writing these into a story unless it’s an obstacle for your characters to overcome, and having a character forgive the toxic actions of another character and still end up with them isn’t the right move because it completely disregards and diminishes the effects of what happened previously.

One of the best examples I can think of is Reylo from the new sw trilogy. I did touch on this briefly in a couple of my earlier posts (The Effect Of Modern Day SW characters and My Tips for Writing (In General) which I highly suggest you go read bc they both took me a bit of time and state the purpose more in depth) but I think I’ll quick reiterate and say that it wasn’t a good choice on the writer’s part to have some of the dialogue be so intense and vicious and then have them end up together. I still like the idea of Ben Solo and Rey together and ship them together out of cannon, but in cannon, it’s the perfect example of an ineffective ship. There was little to no build up, the dialogue was often spiteful and sharp, and it escalated a bit too quickly. I would’ve liked to see more of Ben Solo (NOT Kylo) and him feeling sorry for and repenting for the bad that he’s done before he and Rey end up together. Yes, we’re all suckers for the enemies to lovers trope, but PLEASE make sure to filter out the toxins before boarding your ships and watching them sail. 

That’s it for now! I hope this helps a little when writing shippable characters! I’m always free to rant to and to critique. I’m going to start posting as much as I can, because these guides help me too! Check out my other ones if you’d like to know tips for writing in general and I made another one on how to write characters. 

[rynhaswritersblock]

how to write a book !

as a lot of you know, i am currently in the process of writing a book! it’s been a wild ride and i am not even close to being done with it, but i’ve already learned so much and thought i’d share! this is dedicated to @mqrvel-loser, who is currently starting her book, as well as @lovelyparkers and @flottieflot, who are also working on their own independent books!

1. brainstorming get a journal, your phone, your laptop, something where you can just braindump absolutely everything that comes to mind. write down your favorite things, favorite tropes, the stories you imagine as you fall asleep. start going through and linking these pieces together as you go. 

2. characters come up with your characters, or at least the main ones you’ll need to start your story. you don’t have to have them all and can definitely introduce them randomly as soon as you get the idea. think about genders, ethnicities, quirks. look up character worksheets and start delving into them, making them unique. add little bits of your personality into them, or even base them off of people in your life or your favorite characters. 

3. plot... if you can i’m saying if you can because i definitely didn’t have the whole plot lined out from the get-go. but, get at least a general idea of what you want your story to look like, and roll with it. you’ll find that, as you write, you start to get a clearer idea of exactly what you want to happen. and, if you do plan out an entire plot, don’t be surprised if you end up tweaking it or changing it entirely. that’s writing!

4. start! this one is the hardest, and my biggest piece of advice is to look at how other books begin. take inspiration from those (don’t plagiarize!) and just start writing. it doesn’t have to be perfect. you can change it later. the most important thing is to start.

5. and keep going! don’t give up!! you have an amazing story to tell. yes, it is easy to lose motivation, yes, writers block is a bitch, yes, writing is hard as hell. keep. going. and write every day, even if it’s just a sentence. eventually, you’ll have a chapter. then other. and another. 

6. edit you can do this as you write, which i do a little, but i’m personally waiting until i finish writing the whole thing. once i finish, i’m going back and editing and rewriting and editing and rewriting until i’m absolutely positive every last sentence is exactly how i want it. 

more to come...  since i haven’t finished my book, i have absolutely no clue as to how to go about finding a proper editor or publisher or someone to design your cover, etc. if i remember, i’ll come back to this post and write about how i did it!

some tips

- HAVE FRIENDS THAT KNOW YOUR STORY. THEY OFTEN HAVE REALLY GOOD IDEAS AND PROVE TO BE INCREDIBLY HELPFUL! (i would be glad to be a friend and help you out!)

- get inspiration everywhere. in real life, from works you’ve read, from social media. tumblr and pinterest have HELLA ideas

- be familiar with technicalities... aka grammar, punctuation, etc. when to start a new paragraph, sentence structures, what types of punctuation you use in certain situations... all are vital to writing a book. pro tip: LOOK AT AN ACTUAL PUBLISHED BOOK. THEY HAVE GONE THROUGH EDITING AND HAVE EXAMPLES EVERYWHERE!

- every. time. a. new. person. speaks. start. a. new. line. goodness. gracious.

- not every sentence has to be mind blowing!!!! have simple sentences!!

- and on that note, vary your sentence lengths!!!!!

- have a good mix of dialogue and action/description, as well as lengths/types of these. for example, you don’t have to put a “(s)he said” after every piece of dialogue. make the characters go back and forth every once and a while

- and it’s okay to use “said” a lot!! save the adjectives and alternative words for when it really matters; that’ll put emphasis on it. plus, if you’re constantly using a new word for each piece of dialogue, it gets really overwhelming for both you and the reader

- leave some mystery. don’t explain the whole thing right away, otherwise the readers will get bored. let them learn as they read. adds a surprise factor!

- know what pov you’re writing in and DON’T CHANGE IT (consistency is KEY)

- be descriptive. don’t just say “she was surprised,” and instead say something more like “her eyes got wide as she gasped, taking a step back.” just straight out saying characters’ emotions takes out flavor

- ^^ you can have moments where you say the characters’ emotions of course, but i recommend really going into depth about them if appropriate

- FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE. MAKES A STORY. SO. SPICY!!!!!! (if you need inspo, i highly recommend i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson. not only is it just absolutely incredible, but she does an astonishing job at giving her writing color)

- if you don’t know how to word a sentence, highlight it and make a note. come back later, and you’ll get it (or ask a friend for help!)

- if you’re not sure how to write a scene/part, just make a little space with a note for what the scene is and move on! you’ll get back to it and it’ll be easier for you to write it out without the next scene(s) weighing down on you (plus doing so saves a lot of time)

i hope these tips are helpful!!

happy writing! <3

[travllingbunny]

Clarke Griffin’s memories and images in her mindspace

 In this post I will list all the drawings from Clarke's mindspace seen in season 6 of The 100 (in episodes 6x06, 6x07 and 6x10) that we have been able to spot - most of which (over 90 of them! Yes, this is gonna be a long post) we've been able to identify, with image comparisons to scenes from the show. 

First, credit where credit is due: this idea first came from @ofnailbatsandaxefives who identified many of the drawings and made a bunch of side to side comparisons last year after 6x07 aired in this post. 

I later tried to identify the rest of the drawings, with the help of a few people here and on Twitter (rewatching the show also helped), but this resulted in an endless number of reblogs. Episode 6x10 Matryoshka also had more drawings that weren't in 6x07 Nevermind, some images were misindentified, and I decided to redo all the images with better resolution screencaps. 

Big thanks to everyone who helped in identifying some of the trickier images (many of them are on Twitter and I don’t know if they have Tumblr profiles), especially (Twitter handles) SheiGarche (who identified several of these and corrected some of my mistakes), Lovestory813, BellarkeMood, taunadora, becki_travels, fabiana_vec, indreamswake, KindZouzou and my Tumblr mutual @jeanie205​ (I’m sorry if I forgot anyone).

See also my earlier post about Sets, props and costumes in 6x07 Nevermind.

As a BONUS in addition to the images on Clarke’s memory wall, I’ll also go over audio flashbacks heard at the end of 6x06, in 6x07 and 6x10 -  as a mix of voices representing Clarke’s jumbled memories. Many of them can be heard and identified in the episodes, but special thanks to (Twitter user) klarksbell for removing the background sounds from the scenes so some of the background voices could be heard clearer. 

(In a follow-up post. I’ll go over Clarke's drawings from her Shallow Valley home in season 5, which we also saw in the mindspace version of her Shallow Valley home in her happy place; and those we saw in season 5, many of which overlap as the set was re-used for 6x07. I’ve also noticed that the art department used many of these drawings for the drawings representing Clarke’s memories on her mindspace wall.)

Before I start listing the moments from Clarke’s memory wall - her mindspace version of the actual cell in Skybox she used to be locked in on the Ark - let’s compare the two different versions of this wall. The first one was seen in the very last scene of 6x06 Memento Mori - where we first learned Clarke was still alive (yeah, yeah, of course no one really bought it that she was dead ;) but it was still such a Hell yeah moment) and in 6x07 Nevermind.

But when we saw Clarke in her mindspace again in 6x10 Matryoshka, the walls were different: there were at least 3 new images that weren’t seen in 6x07, and many other images were moved around and placed in different ways. Which does make sense, as Clarke’s mindspace was reacting to her states of mind, so we should probably assume it was always changing, with different memories being more or less prominent at any given time. 

And finally here are the identified images with side-by-side comparisons. Some were obvious and taken straight from the scenes (I've been told there's a software for that), others are a bit less straightforward (and several of them were also seen as Clarke's drawings in season 5).

I'm going to do them chronologically, not by episode but by when those things happened in Clarke's life. 

Starting with the image of Clarke and Wells as children on the Ark (confirmed by Jason Rothenberg on Twitter). The closest thing in the show is the video of them Jaha watched in 1x12.

The next one was tricky as it's not a scene from the show either. It was first misidentified as Clarke watching what ALIE showed her in 3x16, nuclear plants melting on Earth, but that scene is shown in another drawing. It shows a young girl watching the Earth from the Ark.  We've decided that this is young Clarke on the Ark. I used the Octavia flashback scene from 1x06 for comparison to show this is a window on the Ark and a view from there (not because it's the same scene - which it can't be,as this wouldn’t be Clarke’s memory). But the girl looks younger and is touching the window as if yearning for Earth.

Flashbacks in 1x03, a year before the Pilot: Abby and Jake during the happy times; Jake when Clarke overheard him tell Abby that Ark was dying and he'd go public with it; Wells when Clarke told him about it.

1x01 - there are more images from the Pilot than from any other episode.

The first scene of the show - the image on the floor in the mindspace version of Clarke's cell in Skybox is the same image she drew on the floor of her actual cell.

This portrait of Abby seems to represent the next scene where Abby told Clarke she was being sent to Earth. When the camera zoomed on it in 6x06, we heard the dialogue from that scene over it ("Clarke, I love you so much!" -  "Mom?")

When the camera zoomed on this pic of Wells on the dropship in 6x07, we heard Wells' voice saying "Welcome back" as he did in that scene. 

I've been told that the inscription from the Ark we see below is a Chinese proverb that means, more or less, "A friend in need is a friend indeed".

"We're back bitches!" twice - the second is from Clarke's POV. The first one was one of the drawings Josephine touched and we (and Josephine) heard an audio flashback of it and this, uh, memorable line. 

Mount Weather - the first time Clarke saw it, after landing. 

 I spot the same image among Clarke's drawings we saw in her Shallow Valley home in season 5, though it was really tiny in the background.

More scenes from the Pilot:

1x03

It's a pity that the plan to have Eli Goree guest star in 6x07 didn't work out, but at least we had many Wells images and even in the voice memories - I clearly heard Clarke telling him "How can you forgive me?"/"I blamed you because my father's dead and it's my mother's fault."

1x04 Finn with one of the pencils from the shelter he found, trying to impress Clarke. 

1x05 Brief time of Clarke being happy and infatuated, right before Raven arrived and her heart got broken for the first time.

There was a bit of disagreement about this Bellamy image (or images). It shows up as a part of the drawing of him torturing Lincoln in the scene from 1x07 on one of the walls, but it also appears on its own on the ceiling:

@SheiGarche believes that, since this appears as a part of the Lincoln torture scene, the Bellamy image must be from that episode. However, while the rest of the scene 100% matches the 1x07 scene, Bellamy's image doesn't match - in posture or expression - anything from that episode.   On the other hand, especially when you look at the Bellamy image on its own, as it is on the ceiling, it looks most like a drawing based on the scene from 1x02 - "I heard you have a gun''...

I think that the ceiling drawing represents season 1 Bellamy in general, and was drawn based on the 1x02 scene. OTOH, the art department made the 1x07 image from the 1x07 scene but couldn't get a good Bellamy angle so they edited in that same Bellamy image in. You decide.

https://youtu.be/Cj37TWjBwvE?t=59

A Raven portrait, which is probably not about any particular scene (some images just represent certain characters), but it most closely matches this love-triangle moment from 1x08. 

The same portrait was seen as one of Clarke's drawings in season 5.

1x09 - negotiations with Anya and the Grounders on the bridge. Also the first time Clarke has ever seen horses in real life.

1x13 

Probably some of the Grounder warriors who got burned in the Ring of Fire, but this scene clearly indicated that Clarke was thinking about closing the door on Finn and Bellamy and that they may have been burned.

2x01

This image gave us so much trouble, until it turned out it was just a random woman from Mount Weather who yelled "CONTAINMENT BREACH!" when Clarke entered the mess hall dragging Maya and saw all the people sitting there.

Another one of character portraits that are probably not important for any particular scene or moment. But going by Miller's hair and facial hair, it can only be season 2 Miller at the time he and Clarke were both in MW (this is from 2x02).

Ending of 2x02:

2x03 - Escape from Mount Weather

2x04 Anya after Clarke beat the crap out of her and managed to win their fight. "You fought well".

Now a few more character portraits. This image of Raven with a brace doesn't 100% fit a scene from the show, but it looks a lot like this promo pic of her - except for her red jacket, which she wore in 2x05 when Clarke first saw her with a leg brace.

Since Jaha has a beard and hair, it can only be from season 2 or 3, which limits it to 2x07 or 3x16, the only times he and Clarke were in the same place. I used 2x07 image of non-chipped Jaha, when he came to Camp him and argued for Arkers leaving, pitting him against Clarke,as this would’ve meant abandoning her friends to their fate in MW.

Portrait of Indra - also probably not about any particular scene, but it looks like their first meeting in 2x07. It was also among Clarke's drawings in season 5.

2x08  This image is one of the few that were not seen on the memory wall in 6x07, but appeared in 6x10.  Maybe it's because the ALIE projection said in 6x07 her most painful memories were not on the wall - and the scene of Clarke killing Finn was only seen represented in her dark place by the pole and knife. Maybe she was able to process some of those memories better by 6x10?

2x09 Raven holding Finn’s dead body

This profile of Lexa is probably not from any particular scene, but a general image of the warrior leader/ally Lexa from S2. I used the scene of her making a speech in 2x15, but there were scenes in 2x09 (like when she told Clarke that Love is weakness) that looked similar.

2x10 Well, an attack by giant mutant gorilla would be pretty memorable to anyone.

2x11 I previously thought this image of people in radiation suits (also seen among Clarke's drawings in S5) was from 4x12/13, but looking more closely, now I think these are Mount Weather Ground unit guards - specifically, are Emerson and the other Mountain Man who tried to assassinate Clarke in 2x11. The outfits, helmets, guns are the closest match.

2x12 Clarke's guilt over letting the MW missile drop on the people in Tondc was referenced not just in 6x07 when her projection of Octavia called her out on writing her off there, but also in 6x10: 

Josephine: I wasn't always like this. 

Clarke: I know the feeling. I mean, look around you.

*Josephine looks at this big image on the wall*

2x15 - breaching the Mount Weather door

I'm about 95% sure that this picture of Lexa is her betrayal in 2x15.

2x16:

 "Together" - "Together"

3x01 The most important character in the show! LOL

...seriously though, this little bunny (? who looks more like a squirrel in the drawing?) that Clarke used as a bait to catch a panther, stands for the 3 months Clarke spent in wilderness.

The only image of Niylah on the wall. It's the scene when she lied to protect Clarke when Roan and a bounty hunter came looking for her.

Another character portrait not related to a specific scene, and another one that was seen as one of Clarke's drawings hanging in her Shallow Valley home in S5. Going by the hair and beard, it's seasons 3-4 Kane, so I used the scene of his and Abby's meeting with Clarke in 3x03.

3x04

3x07 - there are 3 images of Lexa from this episode

Lexa smiling during the talk in which she asked Clarke to stay - this is the most prominent of the images of Lexa (one of the images that appear multiple times on the wall + had a flashback). Seems these softer moments are larger in Clarke's mind than warrior/leader Lexa.

The second most prominent image of Lexa (one of the pictures the camera zoomed in on in 6x06, when we also heard the dialogue among the audio memories - "Can we talk about something else?" - "We don't have to talk at all").

and Lexa right after she was shot by Titus.

3x11 What turned out to be the most important of all Clarke's memories, as it contained info on the neural mesh and how Raven was freed from ALIE and that Clarke has to remove from the wall and hide from Josephine.

3x13  Luna, refusing the Flame

3x15 When Clarke didn't break and give ALIE the password and it almost cost her her mother's life. This drawing was previously misidentified as Murphy being hanged in S1 - some thought there were two hanging scenes, but there's just one and it's clearly indoors.

3x16 - there are several scenes from the City of Light. Including the image of the COL itself. You can see even see the tiny figures of Lexa and the people she's fighting.

What ALIE showed Clarke: the Earth, full of nuclear plants melting, telling her about the upcoming Praimfaya.

Clarke pulling the kill switch and destroying COL

One of the first things Clarke saw after returning from the City of Light was Murphy is one of his most heroic moments - pumping Ontari's heart so Clarke could take the Flame.

4x01 

 This one seems a bit random: it's a moment when Indra came and hugged Kane while Octavia, Clarke, Bellamy and Abby were already there in the Grounder shrine - but I think it's important as the scene when they all discussed what to do in the situation and Clarke told them all about Praimfaya.

Roan, after agreeing to an alliance because of Praimfaya, giving a public speech in Polis to say that 'an attack against the 13th clan is an attack on all of us'.

The drawing of Arkadia is another one that was hanging in Clarke's Shallow Valley home in season 5 - and was also seen in the mindspace version of that home in 6x07. I used a scene from 4x03.

4x04 There are 3 scenes from this episode, and all of them have to do with Jasper. The first two are two of Jasper's pranks: "floating" Jaha, and the prank Jasper pulled on Clarke. But the mood of the latter got ruined because he had already found the List before Clarke came in. (Josephine touched this drawing briefly in 6x07 and we heard the audio flashback: (Monty: "Clarke, wait..." - Clarke: "Really?" )

And what happened right after, in the same scene, when Jasper started telling everyone present about the List. (Jasper's angry comments can also be heard clearly among the mix of voices at the beginning of 6x07 - more about that later)

The portrait of Emori is probably from 4x07, when they had their first major interaction. It was also one of Clarke's drawings that could be glimpsed in the background in S5.

Skip the next one if you don't want to see an image of a person dying a gruesome and painful death in a radiation chamber.

4x08 The unfortunate Grounder thief from the Rock Line clan whose name we never learned, at the moment of his death.

4x10  Octavia in the Conclave - more of a symbolic representation (with the sigils around her). This was a very prominent drawing in Clarke's sketchbook that we saw a couple of times in season 5. 

4x11 Another one of the 3 images that weren't seen in 6x07 but were in the second version of the memory wall, in 6x10 - Clarke pointing a gun at Bellamy to stop him from opening the bunker door, before she broke down and cried. The drawing even shows Clarke’s hand with a gun.

4x12 the rocket in Becca's lab

4x13  Clarke being left behind in Praimfaya and watching her friends leave while she was aligning the satellite dish so they could get to the Ring and survive. 

This was also another prominent drawing from Clarke's sketchbook we saw in season 5.

There's another scene from 4x13, but that one happens 6 years later, so I'll come back to it later...

5x01 Post-Praimfaya

Polis was Clarke's destination after she left Becca's lab - trying and failing to open the door of the bunker after the temple had collapsed on it. Then realizing she'll be alone for at least 5 years.

Then she went to Arkadia, where she only found "ghosts" - the chest with Maya's music player, Jasper's goggles and his letter to Monty (as we saw in the flashback in Clarke's "dark place", where the chest played an important role).

The bird that kind of tried to eat Clarke (?), showed Clarke where Eden was, and then got thanked, shot and eaten by Clarke.

Shallow Valley

This image is both a memory of 6 year old Madi (not the moment they met, but when Clarke was drawing her while she was fishing), of Clarke drawing her and of the drawing she made and gave Madi to make friends with her.

Madi and Clarke, but some 6 years later.  This image was prominent of at the beginning of 6x07 when we saw a flashback of it when Clarke touched it ("I'm sorry they left without you" - "If I was with them, I never would've met you").

4x13 - 2199 days after Praimfaya: Gagarin transport ship, the moment when Clarke saw it clearly and realized it wasn't the ship she was hoping for ("Never mind, I see you"), but one to be afraid of.

5x03 - Makes snse that images of Diyoza, Shaw and McCreary are all from the episode where they captured and tortured Clarke.

5x04 

Bellamy reuniting with Clarke. 

Coming out of the bunker. 

 5x06  - Madi watching Octavia practice. 

5x09 - There were quite a few changes between the memory wall in 6x07 and 6x10, and the most obvious one was seen right after Clarke woke up in her mindspace - the big image of Bellamy when Octavia arrested him and right before Clarke left him at her mercy in Polis.

5x12 - This is one of the rare drawings that doesn’t fully represent a memory correctly as Clarke saw it. But it makes sense to me that Clarke remembers it this way - seeing Madi in pain when she zapped the shock collar to stop her from leaving and going to war. But in fact, the screenshot shows Madi shocked that Clarke put a shock collar on her. Clarke closed her eyes and had her back turned to Madi, because she couldn’t watch it when she actually zapped the shock collar,  and only heard her scream.

This was another drawing Josephine touched and had a flashback of (we  heard Madi screaming and Clarke saying “I won’t let you die in this war”), commenting "Child abuse dressed up as protection!"

5x13 - Clarke pulling the lever to close the door of the Gagarin ship, after waiting until the last moment for Bellamy to come in, closing the door after Bellamy, Monty, Emori and Murphy were inside and the missiles were already hitting the Earth.

One last image. It's clearly Madi, and with the horizontal placement of the drawing, I thought it was Clarke putting Madi in cryo. But it turns out the same image - only vertical - was one of her drawings she had in Shallow Valley in season 5... so, I don't know.

There are other images that we couldn't link to anything specific or weren't sure. Mostly locations, objects and nature images.   1) A forest? 2) Waterfall/rocky shore? 3) Rubble?) 

If anyone identifies any of them or notice other images or anything else, I’ll be editing and reblogging this post.

BONUS - audio memories

ending scene of 6x06

Lines I can hear:

over the image of Abby: Abby and Clarke in 1x01: "Clarke, I love you so much!" - "Mom?" 

 "I'm scared"? - this line can be heard clearly but I don’t know who it is. It sounds like a child, but I don’t thin Madi or Charlotte ever said it.

Finn in 1x01 when they see the deer: "No animals, eh?"

Madi in 5x11: "I love you, Clarke" (the entire line was “...but we’re on the wrong side of this war”

Clarke to Wells in 1x03, after learning the truth: "How can you forgive me?"

Madi to Clarke in 5x01, during the scene by the fire: "I'm sorry they left without you."

Bellamy trying to convince Clarke not to leave in 2x16 “You don’t have to do this alone”.

Clarke to Madi in 5x12, as she puts a shock collar on her: "I will not let you die in this war!" 

over the image of Lexa in bed with Clarke - Lexa and Clarke in 3x07: "Can we talk about something else?” - We don't have to talk at all." 

over the image of Bellamy: Bellamy to Lincoln in 1x07: "You're gonna give us the antidote or you're gonna wish you had". Other lines whispered in the background:

Bellamy in 2x16: "(If you want forgiveness) I'll give that to you" 

Bellamy during his reunion with Clarke in 5x04: "Clarke, you saved us all."

 "This is how we get to peace" (sounds like Bellamy but Clarke was the one who actually said it in 5x08)

Bellamy in 1x07: "Who we are and who we have to be to survive are two different things."

opening scene of 6x07

Clarke to Wells in 1x03: “I blamed you because my father’s dead and it’s my mother’s fault” (heard while Clarke is looking at the wall with the image of her parents, among others)

 (over the image of Wells) Bellamy: “Who else knows about this?” (in 1x04, when Clarke realized one of the Delinquents had killed Wells)

(also over the image of Wells) Wells: “Welcome back!” (1x01)

 (over the image of Roan & Lexa fighting in 3x04: “It’s always something with you!” – Roan to Clarke in 4x01 

we also hear Lexa’s and Roan’s grunts during their fight

(over the two images of Madi) Madi (5x11): “I love you, Clarke” 

Madi screaming when Clarke zaps the shock collar in 5x12

Two angry lines by Jasper are overlapping as the camera slides from Lexa to Bellamy:  

as we see Lexa in focus: “Truth hurts” - Jasper in 3x11, after ALIE!Raven blamed her for the deaths of Jake, Wells, Finn & Lexa

 as we see Bellamy in focus: “I found your list. I guess we know who really matters to you” (Jasper in 4x04)

Madi in 5x12: “I’m not a child anymore, Clarke. I’m the Commander, and my people are dying”

(ETA) Jasper yelling “We are Apogee!” and Clarke, Octavia, Monty and Finn yelling happily with him, just before he gets speared in the Pilot

Clarke in 3x11: “I let her get to me.”

the flashback to Madi and Clarke by the fire in 5x01 “I’m sorry they left without you” - “If I was with them, I never would have met you” 

more of Jasper’s ranting in 3x11: “I was going to save everyone!” (talking about his plans in 2x16 to kill Cage)

flashback to the Pilot, as we see the drawing on the floor: “Prisoner 319, face the wall!”  Some of the lower volume lines in the background, which can only be identified after the background noise was removed:

Bellamy to Clarke in 3x11, after ALIE!Raven had made her lost it: “I’ll let her beat me up for a while.” 

ALIE-controlled Raven yelling “Let me go!” in 3x11, when she’s trying to find out the location and help ALIE, and everyone grabs her and subdues her

Octavia in 2x16: “I know where my loyalties lie!” 

Bellamy in 5x09, when he brought Madi to see Clarke in her cell: “Clarke, this isn’t goodbye”.

I also hear someone yelling "Octavia!", and mentions of Jasper’s and Jaha’s names.

Josephine and Clarke  in 6x07 

Josephine touching images and we hear flashbacks of scenes from 1x01 (”We’re back, bitches!), 5x12 (Madi screaming when Clarke puts a shock collar and Clarke saying “I won’t let you die in this war”) and 4x04 (”Clarke, wait...” - “Really?” when Clarke got covered in foam as Jasper pranked her). There are many other whispered lines I don't recognize.

In 6x10, however, everything was mixed up -  Clarke's and Josephine's memories were all mashed up, because the boundaries between their minds were disappearing - so it’s pretty much impossible to make out anything. But Clarke’s memories are probably the same mix as in 6x07, because I can still hear Wells saying "Welcome back". 

If anyone notices something I did not, please tell - I will edit this post with any new info!