#i’ll keep y’all updated if my opinion changes but i fear he got me

[kevinsdsy]

kageyama tobio you’re soooo kevin day coded i can’t help but be obsessed with you

[stonefreeak]

Here we go! Another month, another update! 

We finally broke the 100k words posted! What the hell, amirite?

I hope y’all enjoy it~

Sabé helps her lady through her morning routine. There is no meeting in the senate today, and since the office building is still closed due to the investigation and reparations, she has worked mostly from the apartment these days. As such, there is no need for Padmé to have her hair done in an intricate Naboo style, or squeeze herself into formal senatorial garb.

Instead, they spend much of breakfast on the sofa, talking softly and drinking tea from a shared pot. The days where Padmé allows herself to simply be, sheds her Amidala persona, are few and far in between. So very precious due to the scarcity of them. Still, Sabé will stand by her Lady, her best friend, through thick and thin. As, she knows, will the rest of the handmaidens. They're all very loyal and take much pride in their work.

There's a knock on the door that interrupts their conversation.

Sabé gets to her feet swiftly, leaving he tea cup on the table.

When she opens the door, she's met with… Knight Skywalker. On the outside, Sabé keeps her expression calm and placid, but she's not quite pleased to see him here. She has her suspicions about his relationship with the Lady, in fact she's almost certain, but as Padmé has not spoken of it… Well, sabé can keep a secret, even one she hasn't been explicitly asked to keep.

Anything for her lady.

"Knight Skywalker. How can I help you?" In the corner of her eye, Sabé can see the Lady get out of her seat, the shawl she had around her shoulders falling to the couch.

"Hello Miss Sabé, I was hoping I could speak to Senator Amidala?"

Well, Sabé will give him that, he's always been very good at remember who is who among Padmé's handmaidens. That's more than can be said for most people they meet. Though now that she thinks about it, it may be a Jedi trait. Most Jedi she's met seem to find it very important to address her as she prefers. Well, Ellé's been working with Jedi for some time now, she'll probably know if Sabé asks her opinion.

"Knight Skywalker!" Padmé's voice is pleasantly surprised as she sidles up to Sabé. "Thank you, Sabé. I'll take it from here."

A gentle dismissal.

"Yes, my lady." She bows and steps away, heading farther into the room, while still keeping her eye on her lady, as is her duty as bodyguard.

They speak in low tones as they move to the couch, too low.

She will keep her eye on them.

~~~~

"Anakin! I wasn't expecting you back so soon," Padmé says, throwing a glance over her shoulder at Sabé. She hates keeping secrets from her friend and trusted confidant, but… She's made her bed and now she must lie in it.

"I got called back early because of what happened at the Senate." Anakin's voice is hoarse, and he looks tired, but there's also something… happy, about him. Something she cannot quite put her finger on.

"Are you heading up the investigation?" That could be why, Padmé knows that Anakin usually feels better if he's actively working and trying to figure out things that have harmed people he knows. All she needs to do is remember Tatooine, remember getting the message about Obi-Wan being taken capture, to know that. Her love is a man of action.

"No, nothing like that. But… Obi-Wan's awake." He smiles then, a smile that lights up his entire face and soothes her soul. It's like facing the midday sun. She's always loved his smile.

She lets out a long breath. "I'm so relieved to hear that. I've been so worried, ever since it happened. And then a Senator tried to suggest that we should reinstate Palpatine as Supreme Chancellor if he didn't make it, an—" before she can finish her sentence, Anakin cuts her off.

"That sounds like a good idea. Palpatine knows the job better than anyone else, and he's very dedicated to the Republic. He'd probably accept the responsibility even though he's been enjoying the peace and rest he's had since he left office."

Padmé swallows her words. Anakin… Anakin trusts Palpatine. More than anyone, perhaps. How does she explain to him what she's realised about the man?

He's not a good person, no matter what Anakin thinks… But Palpatine has also been there for Ani for so long… How could she possibly try to take him away from Anakin?

No, it's better if she doesn't say anything.

"Yes, well, it's wasn't a feasible suggestion. And I had to protest on principle." She cannot say that she feared his return to power.

"You protested? But it's Palpatine! He's been your mentor for years!" There's something in Anakin's expression, something almost betrayed, and she hates that she put it there.

"Anakin, if the Senate suddenly just goes against a majority decision, it would set a dangerous precedent. Regardless of who it was, I couldn't have accepted it purely for that. Besides, Acting Vice-Chancellor Ha'han-ash stands to take over should Obi-Wan�� There was never a reason to bring the suggestion up in the first place."

He looks slightly mollified and Padmé smiles at him, brushing a lock of hair from her face, looking up at him from beneath her lashes.  

The smile returns on his face, and the slightest of blushes form.

She loves him so much it echoes inside her.

We should never have married.

The thought comes unbidden, horrifying and awful. but once she's had it she cannot release it.

It's true.

They shouldn't have married.

"You said Obi-Wan is awake now, please tell me more. I've been so worried about him, he's a good friend." She motions towards the sofa and Anakin follows her over and they sit down.

She wants all the information she can get.

Information is power, and Padmé has felt helpless when it comes to the situation with Obi-Wan.

She hates feeling helpless. It brings her back to the Battle of Naboo, and the fear that she cannot help her people.

"Well," Anakin starts, and as he launches into the story, Padmé lets herself be swept away in his words and stops thinking of the past.

The future still lays ahead of them, and it's more important than what once was.

~~~~

They speak of Obi-Wan recovery for a while—though Anakin holds back the details of the Sith Master, he doesn't want to worry Padmé unduly—but he cannot help the restlessness he feels down to his very bones. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about Master Che and Doctor Nema... and Master Windu.

"Anakin? Is something wrong?" Padmé says, her hand coming to rest over Anakin's own. He smiles at her and bites his lip.

He shakes his head. "Not wrong, per se," he mutters and runs a hand through his hair. "It's just... I went to visit Master Che, the healer who saved Obi-Wan's life, and... She lives with another Jedi, a Knight."

Padmé tilts her head to the side. "Yes? Is that unusual?" She doesn't understand. Of course she doesn't, she's not a Jedi.

He frowns. "I don't... know, exactly. Padawans and their Masters usually live together, but once the Padawan is Knighted they move out to their own apartment... And, actually, Ahsoka has her own apartment, we don't share one. I think it's because we're not in the Temple very often... and war time has changed Jedi traditions a lot... Ahsoka became my Padawan in the field, after all, not during a small ceremony in the Temple which is the most common way. Or was, anyway." He turns his hand over and closes his fingers over Padmé's hand.

"So, is this Knight a former Padawan of Master Che's?"

Anakin considers the idea. It could  be true, he supposes. Perhaps Nema just didn't move out after her Knighting because of the war? He really has no idea how old she or Master Che is, after all... But if they're both close friends with Master Windu...

"I don't know. I don't think so, but I can't be sure."

Perhaps that is why they're so close? But it seemed... It felt... Anakin sighs in frustration, not sure how to express himself even in his own head.

"So they live together, and they're likely not a former Master and Padawan... I assume the living arrangement is unusual. Are they... in a relationship?" Padmé's voice is hesitant, almost timid, as if she's not sure what will happen if she says the words aloud.

"I... I don't... They can't be. It's not allowed. Attachment is forbidden. That's why no one knows about our marriage." It hurts, the truth of it hurts. Or maybe that's just Anakin's head.

Padmé nods, her gaze at the floor and her mouth downturned. She looks sad, as if she's hurting too.

"You once... You once said that Jedi are encouraged to love... Do you remember?" Her voice shakes.

Anakin nods. It's true, he did say that. Because it's true. Compassion, unconditional love, is part of what makes a Jedi. One of the most important things that separate them from the Sith.

'You cannot rid yourself of the Dark Side, Anakin, it resides in all of us. The strength of a Jedi comes from the ability to resist its lure and hold compassion and calm as central aspects of our selves over the likes of selfishness or anger. But the Dark Side itself can be useful, if you can control it, if you can keep yourself from being swept away.'

He shudders at the memory. It's not really important right now, is it? The Dark side and the Sith have nothing to do with Padmé and their marriage.

"Perhaps that is their way? Love can come in many forms..." Padmé's fingers close around Anakin's hand, and they gaze at each other for a long moment.

Anakin nods slowly.

"Perhaps."

She smiles. "I don't know the Jedi, I know it only as an outsider. What I know I've learned as your wife, Obi-Wan's friend, Ahsoka, by interacting with Jedi in the Senate... But I don't know it the way you do."

Anakin returns her smile. "You're right." There really isn't much Padmé can say here, is there? She's right that she doesn't know the Jedi, that she can only base her ideas and thoughts on what she's learned from others. She hasn't lived it, and unlike Palpatine she hasn't studied it either.

Still...

"Thank you," he whispers, and pulls her into his arms.

He'll figure it out, one way or another. Perhaps he can try to talk to someone about it... maybe he can suss some details out from Master Windu!

It'll be fine, one way or another.

—

(Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan Kenobi masterpost)

[destressjournal]

DCOM Rankings #98: Descendants

Here it is folks, another big one. I remember seeing the adverts to this on social media (which probably included tumblr) and thinking, aww that’s cute. Maybe. But not something I’d be into. Now that I’m typing this, this movie reminds me of the show Once Upon a Time, I LOVED the show up until season 4…? Whenever they introduced the Frozen characters, I peaced out of there so fast. I think I’ll explore the comparisons between the two medias later in the post.

But let’s talk about how I feel about this movie. Ummmm well it wasn’t bad! There was definitely a lot of potential here! But in my opinion it didn’t all quite come together. I feel like this movie’s story was thrown together in a week, to put it bluntly. Again, it’s still not bad just not thought through all the way. I shall explainnnn!

First off, in order for me to actually watch the movie and tolerate it I had to throw all logic out the window. Basically pretend like this is an alternate dimension where all the fairy tale characters know each other and live together in the same place. Like Storybrook. But for me at least, the difference between this movie and OUAT is, that the characters in OUAT ARE characters from the stories and not people themselves. They transformed into modern people when they entered the real world, but there was at least an explanation for it all. For Desendants, the characters are the real deal, and to me it’s like okay but all these fairy tale/ Disney characters lived in different time periods and in different parts of the world (some places that don’t even exist) and there’s almost no explanation for it. They just all exist at the same time and place and you just accept it. When you’re a kid, it’s easy to do that because this movie is probably something they fantasize about, like that wreck it Ralph cameo with all the princesses. But anyway, i would have LOVED this movie as a kid. Now, i have to apply logic and reason to everything, haha. And yes I know it’s a fictional story and not everything has to make perfect sense all the time, but you gotta have some rules otherwise it’s just lazy writing and you can just make the characters do and say whatever without any real reason (within the story). They just want to get to the next plot point.

Now that THAT is all out of the way. Let’s look at the characters. So they’re all children of the classic Disney heroes/villains. (Again just putting logic aside and trying to have an imagination again haha). And before I continue idk I found it a little bothersome that whenever we meet a new character they had to say right away who their parent was so the audience would know. It just took me out of the story for a bit. I wish we got to see all the characters interact with their parents so that they would show not tell us. But nitpick I guess. Anyway, you have Mal, daughter of malificent, Evie, daughter of the evil queen from Snow White, Carlos, son of Cruella, and Jay, son of Jafar. Again I’m just thinking logically how all this is possible and I just stuff it back in. Haha. But I honestly like all of them as characters in their own right. They each have their own personalities and they all grow throughout the movie. Is it perfect? Not really but it still works for me.

The side characters are okay. Ben is decent enough, I mean I think it would have been better if someone else was for this new program and Ben was against it at first but then opens up to it and falls in love with mal even after the love potion wears off. I think that would have made his character journey a lot better. Sleeping beauty’s daughter, forget her name, is really annoying. For obvious reasons. And yeah they changed some of the characters looks from the original Disney movies which honestly I love. I loved that about OUAT because it felt like it’s own separate thing. There are totally other versions of these fairy tails as they are fictional stories, and you don’t always have to have the characters look exactly like the Disney versions all the time. So I’m glad they took some liberties, although they needed to update fairy god mother’s outfit. That was the only thing that needed a modern touch IMO.

What I thought was surprising was (I’m gonna butcher this name I’m sorry) Kristen chenningworth as malificent. She was amazing! I never thought her to play an evil person because she was the good witch in wicked, all bubbly and stuff. But wow she killed it. And such an amazing voice. I doubt you needed a ton of auto tune for her voice. I guess that leads me to talking about the music and songs next. But yeah alll the acting was good but Kristen knocked it out of the park. I wish she was in it even more.

Okay, songs. I was surprised there weren’t as many songs as I thought there were! And I don’t know how I feel about that. On one hand, too many songs would have been really annoying, but on the other hand, it felt more like a movie with some songs in it instead of a musical. Like I’m just not sure what they were going for is all. If they only wanted to have some songs sprinkled throughout, then they accomplished that, but if they wanted it to be a full musical, I think they needed 1-2 more songs. The songs themselves are decent. I wouldn’t say any of them were bad, except for one. Their rendition of “be our guest” was probably, to put it lightly, one of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I’m so sorry for all the folks in the movie who had to listen to that during takes and rehearsals. That version of the songs needs to die, I’ll kill it myself. This is what happens when you keep milking and milking the popularity of the 90’s Disney movies, you go too far with it and it ruins the magic. They could have used an original song instead, but nopeeeeeee, Disneyyyyy.

Sigh, so anyway, the theme of the movie was pretty crystal clear, that anyone can become good. I did like mal’s character development throughout the movie, I mean it’s not Zuko from avatar good, but it’s decent enough for a DCOM. At least there’s evidence of it, like here are things she talks about along the way that makes her realize her mom is an asshole. And I feel like this can be accurate for people who leave home for the first time and realize there’s a whole world out there and that they don’t have to live that life anymore, they can invent themselves. Evie learns that she is actually smart and doesn’t need to rely on her mirror to tell her everything. Carlos probably had the least character development just because his one fear was dogs and he got over that fear. And Jay learns he can use his athletic abilities for sports instead of theiving. But I like that they assumed they wouldn’t be welcomed and would be rejected, so they stuck to the evil plan until they realized they were happier here. I love the 3rd act turning point in the movie where sleeping beauty’s mom was horrified that maleficent’s daughter is at the coronation, and sparks all this conflict, *chefs kiss* that needed to happen in order for the villains to resume their goal and keep the drama going. Not everything can go well for them.

It’s a shame that this movie had so much potential to be more than what it was. I know the series is already popular, but I feel like (at least the first movie) would work better if the world of auradon (or whatever it is) was established a little bit better and the rules of magic were explained more. Oh and also wish the songs were better. My favorite is the one that Kristen chenningworth sings just cuz she’s amazing. But yeah this movie is also cringey in a lot of places and it took me forever to get through it. All in all I wish I liked this more than I do, but at the same time I don’t really care��lol. I’m sure both of the sequels will not be as good, I’m prepared for that. But let’s go ahead and grade this thing shall we?

Hmmmmm I think there was slightly more going for it than against it. Once I put aside logic and reason, the movie wasn’t too bad. But I know that has to be a factor in grading for me. I’m thinking B-level??? Either a B or B+. I think there’s enough wrong with it that it can’t be A level. I’ll decide once I finish all of them and get tomt new ranking system at the end. At this rate it might be another year….oh boiiii

Next is a halloween-related movie that I think stars the girl from girl meets world? Maybe? I could be wrong. Guess I’ll find out. Kinda glad I’ll be watching this as we enter halloween season, I’m getting in a spooky mood!! See y’all then!

[mynameistori]

entry 2 (aug 16)

Hello everyone!

I’ve been meaning to write something but I think writing too often sets me up for failure and I’d like this blog to live for a while. Though I think my cyclic mental state will act as motivation for me to continue to write. Let me update you on what I’ve been doing and thinking about!

Wonderland

Yesterday I went to Wonderland (an amusement park about 40 minutes away from my house) with my nephew Little Bear (literal translation of our nickname for him haha) who’s 11 years younger than me. Fun fact: Little Bear is 11 years younger than me and my next cousin up is 11 years older than me (who we’ll call Melon in case he shows up in a future entry). I had tons of fun, even though we were only there for about 5 hours. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken so much Chinese in my life before! And what’s weird is that I probably could’ve used Shanghainese more (since I’m definitely more fluent in that) but I think I was more comfortable using Chinese with him?? Totally weird. We got there around 5 pm originally because my mom said the tickets were cheaper (they weren’t that much cheaper -- we still spent like 90 bucks for the two of us -- should’ve bought them from Costco) but I also hate being out in the sun (I hate tanning and it just makes me a grumpier person). Luckily the wind was cool and the longest line we were in was for about an hour (for the best ride, so it was reasonable). Only downside was probably going on a ride involving water first (Riptide) and getting moderately soaked such that my foot got a blister from my shoes within the first hour, which caused me to painfully limp for the rest of the night. 

I enjoy going to amusement parks like Wonderland because they force physical reactions out of me. Sound weird, but let me explain. My mental control is so strong (or my soul is so dead -- it’s pretty much the same at this rate) that I don’t experience feelings most of the time. My emotions are heavily guarded! So high thrill rides make me feel fear, adrenaline, excitement, as well as a different kind of control (because restraints make rollercoasters safe and conquerable, it feels like I’m letting myself go on an enjoyable ride from a mystical animal friend).

@_torigram

I know I linked an Instagram account and I’ve been thinking a lot about it (@_torigram in case you missed it at the top of this page). It’s mainly a place where I can post random dance videos because there’s a lot of dances I want to learn but I don’t want to post them on my main account because I’m self-conscious about my dancing and I hate watching myself dance. However, I think that having an account dedicated to this stuff will help me get over my insecurities. To maintain my privacy I’ll be wearing a hat and one of those mouth mask things and I’ll try to keep my outfit as plain as possible (or at least not wear something that someone can notice as mine).

It’s also where I’ll post my “Challenge Videos”! The story behind this is that I wanted to challenge my friend (let’s call him Cover Boy for now, but he’s also involved with the “two nights ago” story I was talking about in my last entry so I might as well just call him Pretty Boy) to do one cover a week. For those who don’t know what covers are, they’re just copying (and sometimes changing up) an original artist’s work and posting it online. So if I were to do a dance cover of someone’s choreography, I’d learn from a video of theirs and post it on my Instagram. The Challenge would go like this: I’d give Pretty Boy a song and he’d have a week to learn as much of the dance and any part of it he’d like and then post the video to Instagram (or at least send a video to me through Messenger). I think this was something I wanted to do myself for a while, and after seeing him do something like this casually on his Instagram (he’s done two) made me want a buddy to do this with. He’s been extremely stressed recently though, so I told him I would hold off for a little longer before presenting him with this. Hopefully he’d be down to do it, but I’m pretty sure I’d continue without him. It’ll mostly be kpop dance covers, so sorry to those who hate kpop! As for vocal covers, they’d be in English because I’m not confident with my Korean pronunciation, haha. 

I’ll post on the Instagram before the summer ends (likely sometime next week, when I head back to Waterloo for my last few part-time shifts for the term), so keep an eye out~ I’ve got a couple of dances ready but I’m not good at learning from videos (I’ve learned from teachers pretty much all my life so dissecting videos frame by frame is so tedious -- props to y’all who do this on a regular basis) so hopefully I can keep a good pace with releasing the videos. We’ll see how everything works out!

Meteor Garden

I recently started watching Meteor Garden 2018! I’ve always been a huge Hana Yori Dango fan -- I think i’ve watched the whole thing at least 3 times and refused to watch the taiwanese and korean versions because to be honest, the japanese cast looks the best and the manga is Japanese. Also, Matsuda Shota was in it and Liar Game (which he’s also in) is one of my all-time favourite dramas. It might be my top actually… I decided to watch the Meteor Garden remake mainly because it was on Netflix and because it takes place in Shanghai. It takes me back sometimes because I always try to guess where this is taking place and how hard it must’ve been to shoot some of the scenes because of how populated Shanghai is, haha.

This drama also helped me feel a lot better because it made me think about something other than my own shitty life and it made me laugh a lot. It also made me think about my ideal guy I suppose. I think I have a better idea as to what kind of guy I’d want to date next or even settle down with. I don’t know if I should type some traits out for you… hahaha. Well, I guess I might as well since this place is pretty private and I shouldn’t be so uptight (?) about this stuff. Sorry for the organization of this next section, it might be a bit wonky. I’m trying to work it out in my head but it’s still pretty messy. Let’s call him IB for Ideal Boy.

LOOKS: I don’t think I’ve ever been picky about looks with my previous boyfriends, but I’d like IB to be more of a pretty boy (not referring to Pretty Boy in any way, haha though he does fit the description) with a lean build. Someone that can turn heads when dressed up. I would like him to be taller than me (I’m pretty tall to begin with at 167 cm), but I’ve dated shorter guys before. I think I haven’t been picky about looks in the past because I don’t consider myself to be beautiful. I don’t think I’m ugly per se, but I think I’m pretty darn average when it comes to looks (though others call me pretty).

INTELLIGENCE: I’ve been involved with (dating/friends with benefits) 6 boys in the past and 4 of them were/ended up as engineers (it would be 5 but he got kicked out of engineering, good riddance because he was a rude dude), so I guess I like smart boys. I don’t think having a university degree says anything about how smart you are. I’d just like someone to exchange opinions with, someone who can hold a conversation and be curious about my life (because I’m unfortunately not that talkative), and someone who’s just as clever, crafty, and witty as me. I’d like IB to be knowledgeable about what he likes/dislikes as well as “street smart” I suppose. I would want him to be able to show me all of his favourite spots and go-tos in whatever city we’re in.

HUMOUR: I think my humour is pretty dark? I don’t know what to say about humour but I’d like IB to have a similar sense of humour to me (or at least get my humour) and to know when to stop joking around because I’m generally quite serious and hate it when people don’t take me seriously (thanks mom and dad).

ROMANCE: I like pet names (call me sweetheart, babe, and princess, IB) and stealing his clothes (why are boy’s clothes so darn comfortable???). I also like eating nice food and sharing everything we eat so we can try more dishes. I like holding hands in public, forehead and neck kisses, and back hugs. I like cuddling, making out in bed for hours, and getting touched all over (okay except for my left ribs - scoliosis problems - and my knees - they’re sensitive but in a bad way). I like receiving and giving hickies because I’m kind of possessive? And I’d like IB to be slightly possessive as well. Let’s not move to more intimate topics, sorry internet maybe some other time :)

TRUST:  I’d want him to be able to listen to me without judgment and to always be truthful with me. I don’t want him to hide anything from me (especially when it’s people talking shit behind my back) and to trust me to deal with problematic situations well enough (this is the main reason why me and my most recent boyfriend -- let’s call him Balloon Boy -- broke up, aside from being long distance and being too similar in our introverted-like traits).

PERSONALITY: Loud but quiet. I’d like IB to be more outgoing than me because I’m quiet and shy in general (especially around strangers) and am socially anxious, so I’d want him to hold my hand and lead me out of my comfort zone I think IB should be passionate about something in his life, whether it be a hobby or career-related. Extra points if he sings or dances, because then we’d have something in common. I don’t want IB to be nonchalant (more nonchalant than me is a nono) because it gets tiring being the one in charge all the time. Some spontaneity is good, and taking risks is nice too because I’m a rebel at heart though it seems like I’m super uptight all the time.

AGE: to be honest, I don’t really care much about age. So far, I’ve gone 3 years older and 2 years younger. I like mature boys though because I’d want to have serious deep talks and be able to ask them for their opinions on life and whatnot.

I don’t know how to continue on from that rough list, so I guess that’s all from me for now. I think the next ones will be about Pretty Boy and Balloon Boy, so get ready for some angst? Until then, be merry :)

Tori