#i’ll just never vibe with a fix it where dean immediately admits his feelings and they kiss and live happily ever after

[fallenangelblade]

post-empty rescue where dean still can’t talk about what happened in the dungeon but also has separation anxiety like an abused dog and won’t allow cas to leave his line of sight

[shirtlesssammy]

14x13: Lebanon

Then:

300 Episodes, guys. I’m just going to point everyone to this article again because it sums up so eloquently what makes this show so special.

Now:

Oh, I see, we’re starting off with the visual symbolism right away in this episode.

Dean and Sam are at a pawn show looking for “the good stuff.” The proprietor takes them to the back room (and Jesus, I’ve got to word my sentences better *shudder*), and shows them one-of-a-kind occult memorabilia. (Hands of Glory, gris-gris bags, anointed dove’s blood --which of these will save Dean in the end?)

They’re looking for the skull of Sarah Good, specifically.

The shop owner pulls the skull out from a locked vault, tipping the brothers off that this man killed the real owner of the skull, a fellow hunter who died a week past. When he was found, cut in half, his place had been cleaned out. The shop owner pulls out dragon’s breath and flame-throws the brothers across the room. He then pulls out a sword called Chrysaor, and chitchats about how he killed the other hunter, and how he’s going to kill Sam, before Dean just shoots him in the back. They pack up the stuff and head home.

In Lebanon, Kansas, outside the local theater, a group of teens sit around talking about Sam and Dean as if they are the urban legends that they started hunting at the beginning of this show (and they really are at this point).

(I also still stand firm on the idea that Dean owns that movie theater. I mean, only horror movies? A movie theater in a town of 250? Just saying.) (Natasha: Headcanon accepted)

The boys pull up in their completely inconspicuous car and without locking the doors (!?!) they head to the liquor store/bar. The bartender knows them as the Campbell brothers, and he isn’t far off. For two brothers that have quite the range of aliases, it’s not very original. Sam is eager to catalog all the goodies they have in the backseat of Baby.

The kids outside continue to wonder about Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack (oof, the Jack thing especially is weird--like, I got serious Klopek vibes here.) One girl, Max, is clearly smitten with another girl, who before taking off comments on how awesome the Impala is.

Meanwhile, still in the liquor store, Sam is still doing research on all their goodies (YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE NERD) and finds an item called a Baozhu, a pearl that grants wishes, or more specifically it gives “you what your heart desires.” Before they can formulate a plan to use this on Dean, Dean watches Baby drive away. OH.

OH. NO.

They see Eliot, the only remaining teen, and he doesn’t know much (and he doesn’t want to die --MY GOD, the look and Sam and Dean’s faces then.) Max stole the car (of course she did!). They head to the local post office to hopefully get Max’s address. And this bit is SO fun. Sam has a whole lot of puppy dog charm at times so it’s extra fun to see him not even try and fail so hard here. Dean, that gregarious ladies man knows what to do. It’s evident that he already has a friendly relationship with Marta, the postal worker, so he knows about her clear crush and he uses it to his advantage.

Sam is appalled. They get the place where her mom works though, so Dean’s charms pay off.

Caitlin, Max’s mom, works at the local pizza place. She’s understandably angry when she finds out what happened. Max should be in school. The other employee informs them that it’s skip day and all the kids are probably at a house on the outskirts of town. (Dean’s confusion over skip day breaks me….he never stayed in a school long enough to probably learn this is a real thing for teens. SIGH.)

And sure enough, that’s where Baby and all the occult objects are. Max’s crush almost starts to play with the cursed teddy but the pizza delivery saves the day. Ok, not really, because the cigar box of John Wayne Gacy opens up, allowing what can only be his ghost to escape into the house.

One boy, Ethan, goes into the bathroom when things get cold, and I start chanting don’t kill the person of color, c’mon show (I mean, they already did in the opener, but I digress). It’s all good though, just as Sam and Dean arrive at the house, Ethan comes running out. He saw a ghost of a clown and he’s out of here. Good plan, Ethan.

The brothers rush the party as FBI. I’m dying, like how real is this cover to these kids that see you all the time, guys? Eliot is equal parts in awe and disbelief. They find the cigar box right away, and as Dean mockingly jokes about Sam’s struggle with his love of serial killers and his hatred of clowns, Sam’s busy trying to burn the thing. They manage, but not before Eliot, Max, and her crush watch it all go down. Oops.

The brothers are forced to sit the trio down and explain what they do. They also tell them that others can’t know about it.

Back at the bunker, Sam finds the pearl and Dean is instantly ready to jump into the spell. Sam wonders if they should wait for Cas or call their mom, but Dean just wants to get to it. 

Dean holds the pearl and wishes for Michael to be out of his head, but he’s granted something completely different. The bunker’s lights go dark and a figure with a shotgun appears. When the lights come back on, Dean and Sam find their long dead father in front of them. AGGHH.

I understand the importance of PR and how big of a ‘get’ it was to have Jeffrey Dean Morgan back on the show, but a small part of me wishes I could just exist in the show and really feel the surprise at his return.

Much like his sons, John is equally confused about the situation. He wonders why Sam isn’t in Palo Alto, and then, because Sam is a full grown man now, he asks what happened to him. Dean asks him what year is it for him. 2003. Sam corrects him with the real year.

They all sit down for a very necessary glass of brown liquid. The boys fill their father in on the road so far. (I love how this kind of plays the same way that Dean’s summary to Marie in episode 200 did. So unbelievable, and yet, here we are.)

Just as Sam is about to tell John about Mary’s return, Mary returns to the bunker. And, the way John’s voice breaks when he says “Mary”. GUH. I’m done. Mary’s staggered walk to his embrace, hrm. I just feel like she’s seen too many shapeshifters and ghosts and whathaveyous to just believe it’s really John in two seconds. Soul Mates, amirite? Setting aside my disbelief, it’s a rather sweet reunion. Dean can’t believe that he’s watching his parents make out, and Sam motions for them to get the hell out of the kitchen.

In the hallway, Dean’s all sunshine and rainbows, but Sam, whose mind is not swayed by happy emotion like his elder brother, urges caution. Messing with time never goes well. Dean’s just happy his family is back together (*whispers* just wait until Cas isn’t Cas anymore…) Dean just wants one family dinner.

*Emotional John and Sam Scene Alert*

In the bunker library, Sam and John talk. John admits to screwing up a lot with his sons. The heartbreak in Sam’s eyes just murders me. Sam has always been one to push forward to not deal with the emotions of the situation, so to have John openly recognize his errors to Sam’s face is so good. This John is two years into Sam being gone from the family business. Two years of not being around his son. He recognizes that he’s been given a gift to talk with Sam the way that 2005/season one John didn’t. John brings up the fight before Sam left for Stanford, but Sam assures him that it was so long ago. And sure, John did some seriously shitty stuff, but it’s all so in the past, that Sam doesn’t remember that stuff as much as how he thinks of not getting to say goodbye to his dad.

They’re crying. I’m crying. This is good stuff, guys. John earnestly apologizes to Sam. Sam gets it. And I’ll just be in the corner processing this moment for the next 100 episodes.

Mary hands Dean the shopping list and Dean heads out - only to have Sam decide to accompany him. Sam’s on board! It’s time to embrace the gift of Dad. Once in town they split up the errands, only to find that nobody in the town recognizes them. Sam gets humorously spurned again by the postal employee, only to discover a wanted poster of Dean in a nearby window. So it’s not just you this time, Sammy.

Meanwhile, after getting denied friendship at the bar, Dean searches on his phone to uncover what alt-Sam and Dean are up to. Sam’s a black-turtleneck-wearing TED-talk-giving attorney who espouses a raw food diet and, far worse, no hobbies and no family as the keys to success. “Who hurt you?” I want to say but I think we ALL know the answer to that.

Dean’s hunting and wanted for multiple beheadings which...sounds about right. Sam realizes that bringing their dad forward in time has created a temporal paradox and if they don’t fix it then they’re going to become their alternate selves. “What else changed?” Sam asks.

Well, I’m glad you asked, Sam! Amidst some dramatically blowing leaves appears the angel we all love to hate - Zachariah. Cue wing flapping noises (BWAAAH!) and Castiel strides out of the shadows to stand beside him.

Zachariah: Come on, Constantine

Castiel: I don’t understand that reference.

Us: [incoherent screeching]

They’re a few feathers short of a flight, but Castiel and Zachariah swan into the local eatery where the teens are enjoying some late night pizza. Zachariah demands to know who’s been messing with time. If nobody fesses up, Zachariah is gonna sic Castiel on everyone. Castiel will kill until he gets answers - or maybe just kill. Castiel does everyone’s favorite wing display and we’re FINE AND HAVE ZERO EMOTIONS ABOUT IT.

Sam and Dean spot the mysterious celestial light and race to the eatery. Zachariah recognizes the Winchesters immediately, but Cas doesn’t know Dean or Sam at all. Zachariah muses on the Winchesters’ fate...Heaven had big plans for them until their dad disappeared. (And apparently the apocalypse fizzled out without John’s poisonous vendetta and Sam getting dragged back into the life.)

“Cas, you know us,” Dean says and then flinches when Castiel says that he doesn’t. I know, Dean Bean, I know.

Unfortunately for all involved, fisticuffs ensue. Castiel isn’t holding anything back in his fight with Dean. Sam kills Zachariah with an angel blade (bet he never imagined they’d be so commonplace on Earth in the alt-future). In retribution, Castiel beats the shit outta Sam and then starts to choke the life out of Dean. Castiel, not knowing Dean, is unmoved by his pleas. BUT WE ARE MOVED! 

Sam uses his blood to draw an angel banishing symbol and sends alt-Castiel off to parts unknown. Thank you, show, for not killing alt-Cas.

Back at the bunker, they fill John in on the “temporal paradox” situation Sam sussed out. John calls Sam an “egghead” for it and CAN WE NOT JUST -__-

Dean reveals that with John gone, Sam stays out in California and their mom never gets brought back to life. She’ll fade away soon.

“Me versus your mom, that’s not even a choice,” John says. I one hundred thousand percent agree.

I really feel for Mary, though. Sam tells her the bad news in the kitchen. When they destroy the pearl John will go back to the original timeline and everything will get set to rights again. The oven timer goes off while Mary cries. It’s dinner time. :(

John tells Dean that he never meant for Dean to carry on the supernatural fight. He’d intended for the fight to end after Yellow Eyes died and wanted Dean to have a normal, peaceful life with a family after that. I am really, really trying to roll with the soft vibe of this episode but give me a break, man! USE YOUR WORDS if that was your intention. You’re the one who sculpted Dean “I’m a weapon who doesn’t matter as a person” Winchester, after all. Anyway, Dean tells his dad that he HAS a family. Damn straight, Dean.

Family dinner starts out a bit awkward what with the whole “John metaphorically dying” at the end of it. John encourages everyone to be grateful for their brief time together, however. Maybe Dean’s wish brought John forward AND made him more gentle for the reunion too? Yes, that’s what I’m going with. Yep. Just a totally normal family meal. Everyone relaxes at John’s suggestion and begins to enjoy each others’ company. Honestly, it IS lovely to watch (personal salt about John aside). I’m happy for them, even if I am waiting in the wings with a broom to shoo John out of the bunker.

Afterwards, Sam and Dean wash dishes in the kitchen. Sam rails against how unfair it is that they have to send John back...he wishes things were different. Dean tells Sam that meddling with time travel is ultimately a selfish act. He doesn’t want to become the bad guy who foists the apocalypse and world-saving on others so they can live some other life. “I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is and I am GOOD with who I am. I’m good with who you are. Because our lives? They’re ours. And maybe I’m just too damn old to wanna change that.” I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

For Dean Looks Good with a Healthy Self-Image Science

Mary and John hold hands tightly while John says his farewells to Mary, Dean, and Sam. He’s proud of them, and I’m HAPPY for the catharsis that Sam and Dean need. (Mary, I’m afraid, is probably more of a wreck now.) John tells them he loves them. Dean tells John he loves him. We all love everyone and also love having emotions.

Sam crushes the pearl.

John fades away.

Around Lebanon, things get set to rights. The cafe tables from their fight with Castiel and Zachariah are repaired, the wanted poster fades to a fun run advertisement, and the teens remember that Sam and Dean hunt monsters. The two girls who flirted their way through the first part of the episode hold hands. <3

At the bunker, Cas walks in after John has faded away. “What happened?” he asks.

“Well there’s a story,” Dean tells him.

Back in the past, John sleeps in the Impala when a phone call from Dean wakes him up. John remembers his experience like it was a dream...but it was a GOOD dream.

Natasha: So, @inacatastrophicmind has a good visual summary of my feelings about John Winchester. I can’t personally let the memory of John Winchester fade into starry nostalgia, you know? But even so, I enjoyed this episode for what it is. Soft forgiveness and self acceptance were welcome things to see. And how great were the Winchesters’ interactions in Lebanon?

Boris: We’re not John apologists on this blog. How he raised his sons, how he treated both of them, was abhorrent and possibly unforgivable, but it’s not our call how Dean and Sam process this gift that they feel they’ve been given. I do find this whole reunion believable. They love their father and he was all they had for a very long time, so I’m willing to sit back and absorb the healing that this episode is doing. John’s return isn’t the gift, it’s the realization of how far they’ve come and who they are -because of and despite John Winchester--that’s the gift.

Some Pearls of Quote-dom:

They always talk too much.

Oh, cataloging. Fun.

Where do they even come from? Them or that weird sidekick with a trenchcoat.

A serial killer clown. This is like the best/worst thing to ever happen to you because, you know, you love serial killers but you hate clowns.

God bless kale, am I right?

Earth: where you’re always stepping in something.

This town...it’s always been a little muddy for us.

Who’s been playing back to the future?

I am so proud of you boys.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[dontshootmespence]

Supernatural AU: Episode 3 - Home

Part 3

“You don’t believe in God?” Sam asked. For some reason it hurt him to know that.

Bobbie shook her head, lip quivering as the reality of that settled in again. She believed in something – in destiny – but the God her parents had told her about, the one that would always keep her family safe – no. That belief was long gone. It always put on the verge of tears. She wanted to believe so badly. That childhood desire was so hard to shake. “I don’t know how to anymore. Not after what we’ve seen. What we’ve been through.”

“And Dad never had any theories about what it was that killed Mom?” Dean asked, removing the gas nozzle from the tank of the Impala and placing it back at the pump.

For all John Winchester new about the supernatural, he could never figure out what came after their family that night. He never even had an inkling about what it was that had changed their lives forever. “No. Not that he ever said aloud. And I think he would’ve if he’d had any clue.”

“Before we do anything else, we should probably go grab a motel room and do a little research,” Dean said, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

Bobbie and Sam went into the convenience store to grab some food and energy drinks that were undoubtedly taking years off their lives, but it didn’t matter. There were pressing matters at hand.

Alone outside, Dean inhaled a shaky breath and walked around the corner of the convenience store, where he was blocked by rickety metal walls, some wooden debris, a payphone and a dumpster. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed his father’s number for the umpteenth time. Why wouldn’t he pick up the phone? Something had to be wrong. “Dad, it’s me. It’s Dean.” His voice wavered with each word. Being home scared him more than he wanted to admit. “Dad, I’m in Lawrence with Bobbie and Sam. There’s something in our old house.” He felt the nervousness rattle in his chest. “I don’t know what to do. None of us do. Please…I need your help.”

Bobbie and Sam would probably prefer not having his help. Both held grudges they had trouble looking passed, but he wasn’t afraid to admit – at least to himself – that he needed his father now more than ever.

-

Being the mother of two active children, trying to unpack and keeping track of every repair person that needed to come into the house had to be the equivalent of two full-time jobs – and in a couple of days she had to go back to work. Yay.

As Jenny invited the plumber inside, she held her hand to the cellphone so the man that would be coming in to fix the stove wouldn’t get caught between conversations. “Thank you so much for coming,” she said, shaking the man’s hand. She pointed toward the living room. “If you need anything, I’ll be in here.”

“No problem, Ma’am.”

“And please excuse the boxes,” she said sheepishly. She hated clutter. It made her feel like she was out of control. “Still haven’t unpacked everything yet.”

He gave her a warm smile, his toolbox feeling weighty in his hand and waved it off. “It’s nothing. I’ve seen it all.” He really had. And heard it all too. It was crazy what people would say and do in front of someone they didn’t know and would porbably never see again.

In all likelihood, this was going to be an easy fix. From what she’d said on the phone, it sounded like he would be able to be in and out of this house fairly quickly with a job well done. It was a nice little house. Once the clutter was taken care of and the house looked lived in, it would be even more inviting than it already was.

Kneeling down in front of the sink, he searched around the piping to see if anything of import stood out, but there was nothing. As a matter of fact, the pipes had next to no wear, like they were new. If he was sticking his hand in the sink, he needed to unplug the garbage disposal, so he tugged on the wire and stood up to do the necessary dirty work.

He rubbed his hands together and the friction created a warm, tingly feeling that he needed in the sudden chill of the house before he got back up and checked out the sink. He was going to have to stick his hand in there to figure things out. Gross, but someone had to do it.

Just as he was about to put his hand into the drain, he was startled by a kids’ toy. It was one of those creepy monkeys with the cymbals and it was clicking and clacking all on its own. Brushing it off, he returned to his duties, the rhythmic sound of the toy floating into the background, so much so that he never even noticed it stopped.

His hand slunk down into the drain as it had so many times before and he thought he felt something, but when he pulled his hand out there was nothing there. “Oh well,” he muttered. Back down he went.

When he felt around again, he found nothing. What could possibly be wrong with this thing? The monkey toy turned on again and startled him just as the garbage disposal turned on, crushing bone and slicing skin until there was little left of the fingers that had gone in, the remnants falling out of the bottom of the open pipe while blood-curdling screams filled the house.

-

Something felt especially wrong about approaching their father’s old friends under false pretenses, but they needed answers about John and not the sanitized ones they’d get if they came forward as his children. Despite what they did, Bobbie really did hate lying, but sometimes bad things were done with good intention so she held on to that.

Just two minutes down the road from their old place was one of John’s mechanic friends. Apparently, they’d been friends since they were kids. Astonishing what a lifelong vendetta could do to a friendship. “Hi, Jim Gibson?” Bobbie asked, approaching the older, seasoned gentlemen with an outstretched hand and a perkier-than-usual smile. “My name is Officer Perry. These are my partners, Officers Smith and Springs. We were wondering if you might have a couple moments to answer some questions about John and Mary Winchester.

Confusion stained his face. He hadn’t been asked about John in years and Mary even longer. “About what?”

According to police reports, Mary died in a fire due to an electrical short, so Sam thought on his feet. “Well, a couple months ago John came into the station claiming that it wasn’t an electrical fire that killed his wife. We decided to look into it to placate him, but now we can’t find him either.”

Mr. Gibson shook his head, defeated that his friend has slipped so far into such a dangerous delusion. “I don’t what I’ll be able to help you with, but sure, shoot.”

“What do you remember about John?” Dean asked.

Gibson’s answers were just as Bobbie would’ve expected. “John was a stubborn bastard.” If that wasn’t the understatement of the century, she wasn’t sure what was. But he loved their mother more than anything. “And those kids,” he said with a faint trace of a smile. “Those kids were his entire world. After Mary died, he didn’t smile much, but when he talked about his daughter and sons his face lit up.”

Bobbie held back a quivering lip and glanced to the side, seeing the look of shock on Sam’s face. “Did he ever talk about that night?” Sam wondered. There were so many times that he wished their father had been upfront with him about what happened – how he felt.

“John wasn’t thinkin’ straight,” he said, elaborating a bit when he met Dean’s expression. “He kept claiming that it was something, not someone, but something that killed her. It was an electrical short. A tragic accident. I begged him to get help but he spiraled so much that he even went to see a psychic, Moseley-something.”

After a few more questions that basically got them nowhere, the Winchesters left and immediately Dean’s hands slipped into Baby’s glove compartment to grab their father’s journal. “What’s up, Dean?” Bobbie quickly caught the journal and flipped toward one of the pages her brother described. When he pointed at the line she finally realized what had caught his attention. “Moseley. Missouri Moseley. I always thought this meant the state.” He said he’d ‘gone to Missouri and learned the truth.’

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. “We’re finally getting somewhere.”

-

As soon as they walked into the warmth of Missouri’s home, which doubled as her place of work, Bobbie felt a welcoming vibe. She didn’t remember a lot about Missouri except that she was a legit psychic and not a dime-store sellout. Sitting down in the corridor, they waited for her to finish up with a client. It sounded like he wanted answers to marriage problems and honestly Bobbie wasn’t sure which problem she’d rather have. The supernatural or the real world. Somehow placing your faith in another human being only to have them betray your trust seemed worse than a vampire or a werewolf.

About 10 minutes later, she finished up and walked him to the door, mumbling something about ‘poor bastard’ as she closed the door behind him. “Sam, Dean, Bobbie,” she said, her voice smooth like whiskey. “You’ve all grown up so much. So handsome. So beautiful. Let me look at you.” She pinched Bobbie’s cheeks and she didn’t actually want to kill her. That said a lot for Missouri’s effect on people. “Which is really saying something because you were a weird looking child,” she continued, pointing to Dean. All the ladies threw themselves in his direction now, but before he hit the age of 10, Dean was a little string bean.

Reaching out, she grabbed Sam’s hands in her own and sighed. “I’m so sorry about your girlfriend…and your father.”

“How did you-?” Sam started. He’d met some psychics that could pass for real, but Missouri was the real deal and Sam wasn’t exactly sure how to feel.

With a reassuring squeeze, she let go. “I can sense it.”

“Do you know where he is?” Bobbie asked hopefully.

“I’m not a magician,” she sassed. “I sense energies and emotions.”

Frustration plagued Dean’s entire being. Every time they got close to an answer it seemed they took five steps back. “Then what good are you?”

“I’m not a compass, boy. Now sit. And don’t even thinking about putting your foot on the coffee table.”

Dean’s mouth dropped open. “I didn’t even-“

“You were thinking it.”

Sam and Bobbie suppressed a laugh before the mood changed. “What do you remember about first meeting our father?” Sam asked.

She started wearily and almost guiltily. “He was desperate for answers and insisted that something other than an electrical fire took your mother. I told him about what was out there. What was truly out in the world.”

Dean spoke softly. “Do you know what killed our mother?”

She shook her head and Bobbie felt that small inkling of hope slip away. “No, but I had a bad feeling. You think something is back there?”

All three of them nodded. “I’ve been keeping an eye on the place and it seems like something is there again. Some kind of bad energy, but I can’t place it.”

“Why is it acting up now?” Sam wondered. His dreams about the house sprung to mind, but he didn’t want to bring them up. Now that they were here with Missouri he had a feeling he might know what these dreams actually were, but he wasn’t sure if he was strong enough for the answer just yet.

@remember-me-forever-silent-angel @gaylemonshark  @marveldivergentouatdctvfangirl @lalirang @averagekansan @addsomesalt @stusbunker @sebba-hiddles @fanfictionrecommendations-com @hoppy519 @thatwrestlingfan91 @extremeobsessions101 @spence-imagines @bettercallsabs @whaaatthefuuuuck @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @your-imagination-runs-wild @cryinglots @steggy01 @gigilame @sedulous-mind @a-unique-girls-heaven @just-antiyou @rmmalta @original-criminal-fanfics @ties-n-suits @veroinnumera @eurusholmmes @fanficienjoyedreading @astridstark13​ @ties-n-suits @demonlover87 @kennybud @shittyafblogwnopoint @pleasantlyfadingpeace @bulldozed88 @a-gir1-has-n0-name

[aamoako3]

Love’s Disillusion

We have now arrived at the end of our journey…. our quest to figure out what love is. I can’t believe this moment has finally arrived! So...do I have an answer as to what love is? Well I personally don’t believe that there is one definitive answer as to what love is, but I must admit that this movie absolutely rounded out my perception of what is most important when it comes to love. Blue Valentine, right next to Moonlight and Phantom Thread, is definitely my favorite movie of the semester. This movie is a completely different vibe from every other movie we watched for class because of how alarmingly real it is. Of course everything that happens in Moonlight can truly happen but it’s targeted at a specific audience to relate to. Phantom Thread is a crazy take on love, but of course, hopefully I would never have to experience being poisoned by my lover OR poisoning my lover. With Blue Valentine, it was the most realistic story about love because it’s essentially not even about being in love, it’s about falling out a love: an experience that we’re all afraid could happen to us at some point.  A stubborn “love at first sight affair” that sadly turns into a depressing divorce.  One of the best feelings in the world is being in love, so the thought of it being taken away is heart-wrenching.

Breakups can be tough and since this movie sadly ends in divorce, the readings for this week detailed the trials and tribulations related to breakups. Although the audience never knows exactly what led to the deterioration of Dean and Cindy’s marriage, one of the readings for the week, Romantic Breakups, Heartbreak and Bereavement by Tiffany Field, talks about the physiological effects of a breakup. This got me wondering which effects Dean and Cindy both could have gone through once the bond in their relationship had been broken and their marriage started drifting away. In the reading, they explain that there are social regulators of bereavement in which the “loss of a significant other represents the loss of major social time cues” (pg 384). In the film, there was a scene where Cindy was late for their daughter’s recital because she had randomly found their dog, who’d they had been searching for. They already were disagreeing on how to handle the dog situation so having the dog end up dead was throwing another wrench in their broken relationship. Of course this wasn’t the only problem that they were having in their lives, but the loss of something so special to their daughter definitely didn’t help. This adds to the concept of internal disorganization that they both were probably going through. The author quotes from other researchers about how “losing an attachment figure means losing regulatory control of stable daily patterns, of tasks, attention, concentration, sleep, food intake and mood, such that they become fragmented, and the individual has a sense of internal disorganization” (pg 384-385). We don’t know how their sleep patterns have been or their concentration levels or the issues with their food intake, but we can assume that based on their moods and attitudes toward each other, that both Cindy and Dean were going through internal disorganization without having acknowledged it within themselves. They lost each other as attachment figures and when that happened, their entire relationship and their lives shifted in the negative direction.

The reading also describes a phenomena called psychobiological attunement or “being on the same wavelength” (pg 385). Well, let’s just say that Cindy and Dean were absolutely not on the same wavelength the way they were when they were younger. “Each partner provides meaningful stimulation for the other and has a modulating influence on the other’s arousal level” (pg 385). The point of being in a relationship is being able to thrive off of the positive energy that the other person brings to the table. You’re supposed to learn from each other, grow with each other and thrive off of each other. Dean seemed to be content living his life the way he was living it: not wanting to do anything more or less, not trying to advance his career or grow as an individual. He was content staying the same whereas Cindy wanted to see him flourish and try to push himself to be a better Dean than the one she was living with. They became out of sync: their psychobiological attunement toward each other became misaligned the minute Cindy realized that Dean didn’t want to do anything different with his life. He didn’t want to be better and she was not content with how content he was with this. Maybe they tried to talk about it, but they most likely didn’t. Cindy tries to address it but Dean shuts it down almost immediately. They never were able to take the time to actually talk through all the new things they wanted from each other as their lives progressed with one another. Without talking it through, this is when their relationship most likely began to suffer. 

In another one of the readings, Love as Illness: Poets and Philosophers on Romantic Love by Ruth Rothaus Caston, the authors describes how “philosophers compare love to an illness” that they believed was in need of treatment (pg 280). “The arguments that remove the troubling emotion are described as “cures” or “remedies” and the passions are said to be “torn out” or cauterized” from the body” (pg 281). Although these arguments are supposed to be philosophical arguments, in Dean and Cindy’s situation, this supposed “love” has not become just an illness, it has become a plague. They feel obligated to love each other for the sake of keeping their family together but they are constantly arguing and bickering to the point where real love could not honestly be seen between them. Their arguing and bickering can parallel the arguments that the philosophers use to “cure” the passions of love that they believe plague the body; that’s exactly what happened to Dean and Cindy. Their chemistry, their connection was broken for good. There was no salvaging it and that was clear to see during one of the last scenes when Dean causes a scene at Cindy’s job, getting her fired.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D20x3Pfg6E ===> This scene is the climax: the breaking point where all the pent up anger toward each other truly comes out as Dean and Cindy have one of their relationship ending arguments)

Cindy explains how she’s done being angry and Dean explains that she’s only even talking to him because he’s forced himself into her time. This is where I realized that time is truly important in a relationship. If two people can’t make the time to work through their problems, then there really is no fixing the relationship. When a relationship becomes this deprived of a commitment to making time, it should be known that the relationship needs to end. Even if one person is willing to invest in trying to make it work, it has to be a two person deal. Both parties need to cooperate and commit to doing so or else it’s never going to work. Ironically, this is a point that I brought up in one of my earlier blog posts! Here it is: (quotes by ME):

“Since she ends up by herself at the end of the movie, with no significant other, maybe the reason none of the relationships turned out the way she wanted them to was because she needed to accept herself before she would be ready for the journey of finding her other half. When you think about it, how can you find your other half if you haven’t found yourself either? Two lost people can’t create a whole person. This is an idea that I'll definitely add to my beliefs of love: you can’t find someone else to add to your completeness if you’re not already complete within yourself as is.”

They both started the relationship as two broken individuals who were trying to fill the voids that they had within themselves with each other. The problem with this is that you can’t use someone else to fill a void that you need to personally fill. It doesn’t work like that. Self-love is an important kind of love that was rarely talked about throughout this entire love journey and I think it is one, if not the most important kind of love there is. If you can’t find the love to love yourself, it makes it a lot harder to love someone else and in Dean and Cindy’s situation, this is exactly the case. Their story is so real; it’s so true and it’s so scary to think about the fact that this could happen to anyone. If you don’t want this to happen, then you have to put the work in. Time is work and commitment takes time and work. Love is a commitment to making time; that’s what I think love is