#i wrote this while eating froot loops :3

[merp-blerp]

A Gaylor Interpretation of "Beautiful Ghosts" Because... Meow.

Overblown Analysis Under the Cut ↓

Well... this might be a silly idea. Or maybe not! I've seen plenty of fellow gaylors take Taylor's for-a-movie songs like "Carolina" and interpret them as still potentially being from Taylor's perspective. That's why I've become really surprised that I at least don't recall seeing anyone do that for this song. Because even back in my pre-gaylor days this was one of my favorite songs to... lesbian-ly project onto. But maybe that's just because practically no one liked the Cats movie, not even me, a Cats fan. But I love this song and I think it's a pretty underrated gem with some of Taylor's most vulnerable vocals. So here's my two cents! Let's have some fun!

"Follow me home // If you dare to // I wouldn't know // Where to lead you"

This line really goes well with "Dear Reader" and it's lines, "You wouldn't take my word for it // If you knew who was talking // If you knew where I was walking // To a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there". There is a small difference though. Taylor in "DR" says that if the listener of the song followed her home there'd be nothing there, IMO because she resides in the home or asylum that is the music industry, where she feels alone in her closet. But here, she doesn't seem to know where home is for her. Remembering what 2019 was like, if Taylor was truly plotting to come out, she might not know if home for her is the music industry or the queer scene and her queer fans. Sure, she's in the music industry, but she feels solace in queerness, so which one is her true home? By 2022 and "Dear Reader", after Lover's failed coming out, she feels as if she is currently forced to take the closeting asylum as her house, but it's still not her home.

"Should I take chances // When no one took chances on me? // So I watch from the dark, wait for my life to start // With no beauty in my memory"

Taylor asks herself if she should take the chance and come out when the majority of her fanbase isn't willing to risk something and contemplate her potential queerness. If she were to come out she'd be blindsiding them, which could cause a lot of confusion and anger. She wonders if she should do that to them. So she's watched from the "20-year dark night" mentioned in "Daylight", waiting for her chance to be herself and have a brand new start to her life.

"With no beauty in my memory" is a chilling line from this angle. I think Taylor's enjoyed her career, but there have of course been rough patches that would have little to no beauty in them. Closeting, bearding, and the media's slut-shaming would totally be one of them. The constant rebranding comes to mind too. I think Tay's definitely made lemons into lemonade out of the rebranding thing, like The Eras Tour and re-recordings. But it's easy to forget that in Miss Americana Taylor doesn't talk about women like her having to rebrand themselves so much as a good thing. The fans who can't or won't see her for her after she felt such a strong bond with them could also be a sore spot. Therefore it's not hard to imagine that in her lowest moments, there might not feel like there's beauty in her memories.

"All that I wanted // Was to be wanted // Too young to wander London streets // Alone and haunted"

All Taylor wanted since she was young was to have her true self be wanted. Why else would her queer-flagging history go all the way back to her debut album and unreleased songs? Certain fans and people in the industry seem to prefer the idea of her true self being nonexistent because it doesn't service them. Post TTPD and "So Long, London", London can be seen as the personification of bearding, since many of her longest, heaviest beards have been with British dudes (and for me at least, the start of the British dudes and beyond are the easiest beards to understand were beards). Taylor began bearding very young, and in adulthood, realizes that she shouldn't have been trained to hide herself as a young child like her true self was a flaw.

"Born into nothing // At least you have something // Something to cling to // Visions of dazzling rooms I'll never get let into"

Obviously, Taylor was not "born into nothing" in the sense of being impoverished or... a stray cat. But through this lens, I take this as akin to the "asylum where they raised me" line from "WAOLOM". The industry that she was raised in, practically born into since she began aiming for it so young, is nothing. It wasn't what she thought. No truly "dazzling rooms" she might've dreamed of as a kid. She'll never truly be in them because the industry isn't a wonderful dream, it just masquerades as one. "What started in beautiful rooms // Ends with meetings in parking lots" (from "Illicit Affairs").

Alternatively, the dazzling rooms could be freedom. Daylight. Taylor's mostly straight fanbase automatically gets freedom. But Taylor, because of her queerness and the industry's shunning of it, she'll never get to be in that freedom.

The listeners of this song mostly aren't people in the industry, so they can't know what it's like; they can only dream of it like she used to. They still have a vision or fantasy to cling to, possibly even living vicariously through her. She only has the reality.

"And the memories were lost long ago // But at least you have beautiful ghosts"

Taylor's memories, the past Eras she had been through, and the joy she felt through them were lost long ago. Or at least she feels like they were in this instance. I believe this song was written in 2018 (not quite sure), so if that's true, Taylor would've known she was set to leave Big Machine or already gone. And she knew that her masters that never belonged to her were going to be sold (just not to who). And of course, after finishing up an "era" she'd have to jump to the next one to keep people entertained. So her past memories of her first six eras had to be let go of or lost very quickly, and therefore, possibly some of the joy that came with them. She couldn't just happily sit and rest in them. After all, we've seen with the Evermore into Fearless TV and Red TV debate that fans get upset when they think an era is too much like the one(s) before it. She must rebrand. Her good memories left her long ago, but at least her fans have "beautiful ghosts".

"Beautiful ghosts" could be a few things. It could be the fun times fans get to keep and remember while Taylor has to move on. Fans can get nostalgic for, say, Reputation, all they please, but Taylor has to move forward for brand purposes.

The ghosts could also be a sense of community. The mostly straight fanbase gets to find community anywhere, including within the fanbase. But Taylor, while in the closet, can't join the queer community from within it, only watching from her cage as she signals, hoping to be able to join one day.

I actually think the latter makes the most sense in the long run, and we'll get to why soon.

"Perilous night // Their voices calling // A flicker of light // Before the dawning // Out here, the wild ones // Are taming the fear within me"

Taylor's closet is dark and risky, due to the flagging she does from within it. If the wrong person/people were to figure her out it could be awful. But from within the closet, she hears "voices calling" that are like "light // Before the dawning". Dawning can mean the beginning of a phenomenon, but also daylight. I see "the wild ones" as gaylors, seeing her, acknowledging it, and being a light in her dark closet before she even steps into the daylight and comes out. Gaylors naturally could be seen as "wild" outliers in Taylor's fandom, as they dare to do the socially taboo action of questioning someone's sexuality. In being this light for her, they ease Taylor's fears of being out.

"Scared to call them my friends and be broken again // Is this hope just a mystical dream?"

But in the solace, there comes new fears. While not all gaylors are queer themselves, some are, and even associating with a queer thing like gaylor could be outing in some way. She's scared to associate with queerness like friends because it could break her once more.

But what is being "broken again" here? The most obvious thought is the stinging blows after coming out. The homophobia Taylor would open herself up to. A more interesting answer here is the fear of rejection from the queer community. This interpretation of this song is very much like mine of "ILIPW". Taylor fearing that her lack of openly representing the community has outcasted her from deserving a space in it. She thought that the music industry would welcome her when she fantasized about it, and it did in some ways, but in others it stifled her. Is hoping that she could be a welcomed, open part of the queer community just a new fantasy that's just as unreal as the last? Is hoping for a place in this world just a dream?

"And so maybe my home isn't what I had known // What I thought it would be // But I feel so alive with these phantoms of night // And I know that this life isn't safe // But it's wild and it's free"

Taylor comes to accept that her home was not the music industry after all like she thought. She's okay with that because she feels alive thanks to the people who see her in the dark. The community. The ghosts. She knows that planning to be openly queer isn't safe for her brand and potentially her being, but it's a kind of dramatic absurdity she craves because it would grant her her overdue freedom.

"All that I wanted // Was to be wanted // I'll never wander London streets // Alone and haunted // Born into nothing // With them, I have something // Something to cling to // I never knew I'd love this world they've let me into // And the memories were lost long ago // So I'll dance with these beautiful ghosts // And the memories were lost long ago // So I'll dance with these beautiful ghosts"

Taylor now knows that her true self is wanted by someone. She declares that bearding, "London", will not be a thing for her in the future. She has those who see her to cling to and she loves the queer world they're encouraging her into, surprised that she's being let in. Her past, for aforementioned reasons, is never coming back, so she revels in the community she's found and looks to the future.

Hope that goes well for you 2019 Taylor 🥲

The SBs are on my hit list

Bonus gay Cats things:

This song is publicly intended to be from the perspective of a white kitten, Victoria. Victoria's not quite that active in it, but in the original stage show, while not fully canon, it's theorized/headcanoned that Victoria is siblings with another cat named Mr. Mistoffelees (the movie made them a couple, but ssshhh!). Mr. Mistoffelees is often seen as a gay cat and is often shipped with a cat named Rum Tum Tugger. If you need to get why, just watch '98's filmed version of the song "Mr. Mistoffelees", Tugger brags about him the whole time while he skips around pulling rainbows out of a hat. Anyway, it seems interesting that Taylor seemingly would put so much of herself into a song about a female cat who is so associated with a commonly theorized gay cat. Taylor played a cat named Bombalurina in the Cats film. In the stage show Bombalurina sings the song "Macavity" with a cat named Demeter. They're often shipped too. For some reason the movie made "Macavity" a solo, but... ya know, for what it's worth.

Thanks for reading!

[junker-town]

A cereal draft, because we are a sports website

Photo by: Jeffrey Greenberg/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

You have three picks; what’s the best breakfast/toddler-dinner lineup you can make?

Guess what, jerks? It’s Saturday morning and we’re talking about cereal.

A spirited Slack channel debate about, huh, black jelly beans turned into a long and arduous discussion about which cereals reign supreme in this world. After 15 minutes of “several people are typing” notifications at the bottom of the screen, several ALL CAPS dissertations on the status of breakfast marshmallow, and a lengthy explanation of what bran is, we were instructed to bring this dysfunction to the world at large by our interim editor-in-chief Graham MacAree (please direct all complaints to graham.macaree at sbnation.com).

Yes, as the MLB playoffs rage on, the NBA nears its opening tipoff (check out our incredible preview here), and the NFL and NHL roar through their regular seasons, we devoted entirely too much time to a breakfast cereal fantasy draft. The rules were simple; five writers took part in three rounds of a randomly-ordered snake draft. Best three-cereal lineup takes all.

How are we going to judge that? That’ll be up to you to vote for in our poll below. The winner will receive nothing, but the loser will be relentlessly mocked and have to put their embarrassing failure on all future resumes going forward:

SB Nation, start date - present - wrote stuff - talked about punting - showed the world my ass RE: horrible cereal selections

Here we go:

1. Harry Lyles Jr. - Honey Bunches of Oats

I’m fully prepared to get roasted for this pick, and I encourage you all to tell me why I’m wrong, whether it be in the comments or on Twitter. However, I feel my reasoning is fair, and here’s why.

A good cereal tastes good, and this one is absolutely delicious. It’s got a good mix of tasting healthy, while also being sweet, but not overbearing. In making my No. 1 overall selection, I asked myself what cereal could I live with if I had to eat it every day for the rest of my life, and this was an easy answer. I’m a big fan of incredibly sweet and delicious cereals, but Honey Bunches of Oats felt like a good balance between I Feel Like This Is Healthy and This Is Delicious.

That’s enough to be the top pick, for me.

2. Hector Diaz - Cocoa Pebbles

Not only is it one of the best cereals, but it eventually becomes chocolate milk. That’s a bonus, which makes it a high-upside cereal on top of the already-high expectations for a chocolatey rice breakfast food with Flintstones characters on the box. And if you prefer Cocoa Puffs, you don’t respect the roof of your mouth.

3. Christian D’Andrea - Fruity Pebbles

Did I panic when the inferior chocolate version of the only cereal endorsed by a caveman was picked? MAYBE. Fruity Pebbles was getting snapped up early no matter what though; every bite is a sugary firework in your mouth. And they’re one of the rare cereals that get better as it absorbs more milk. Dredging up rainbow-colored mud from the bottom of your milk swamp is the most rewarding part of a Fruity Pebbles morning.

4. James Brady - Honey Nut Cheerios

My goal was to go for mass appeal — cereals that are unassailable in their universal greatness. So I went with an old standby, one that is perhaps overshadowed in sales by regular Cheerios, but far superior in every way. Maybe everybody doesn’t get hype for them, but who turns down a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios? Bad people, that’s who. Harry came close when he went with the Honey Bunches of Oats out of the gate, but letting the Honey Nut Cheerios slip to four overall was a mistake tbh.

5. Eric Stephen - Cap’n Crunch

The best crunch in the breakfast game, this cereal both lives up to its name and honors its leader’s climb through the naval ranks. I love everything about this cereal, whether it includes Crunchberries or not. The lone drawback of this delectable treat is that it wreaks havoc with the palate. This does not deter my enjoyment of Cap’n Crunch, as I hate the roof of my mouth. I’m eating a Hot Pocket as I type this.

6. Stephen - Golden Grahams

Outside of s’mores, I never cared much for graham crackers. Unless they came in a miniature, much crispier form and drenched in milk. Golden Grahams was among the best cereals at holding its firmness in milk. There are no soggy messes on my team.

7. Brady - Cinnamon Toast Crunch

In sticking with my mass appeal scheme, I was hoping that Eric wouldn’t grab these with his two picks. While he grabbed one of my favorites, the criminally under-appreciated Golden Grahams, I was always looking for Cinnamon Toast Crunch as my second pick. They’re delicious, and anybody should be able to see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I get that cinnamon is a relatively strong spice and can put some people off, but those people are bad people.

8. D’Andrea - Lucky Charms

Sugar surrounded by tiny scraps of cardboard — much different than James’ selection of scraps of cardboard coated with sugar. Eat the Charms within five minutes or you’re stuck shoveling hyperglycemic hamster bedding into your mouth.

Unlike Cap’n Crunch, it actually tastes like something, at least. The fact that nothing-ass Rice Krispies got their own dessert bar and this sugar menagerie didn’t is quite possibly the greatest upset in the breakfast world.

9. Diaz - Froot Loops

I have to admit that my preferred picks were chosen earlier than expected, but you can’t knock this pick. It’s sugary. It’s iconic. It may not have the upside that Cocoa Pebbles has, but it has a solid floor. This is a safe pick, in my opinion.

10. Lyles - Cheerios

Yes, basic Cheerios. This is a very bulletproof cereal that can be enjoyed by babies with a mush brain to people on their last breaths (not to get all morbid, but it’s the truth). Regular Cheerios are delicious, heart-healthy, and can be sweetened with a teaspoon or less of sugar, if you want to give them a kick. The idea that Cheerios could fall to No. 10 is incredible, and I couldn’t pass them up.

11. Lyles - Honey Smacks

This was a tough pick, because I am a huge fan of Cap’n Crunch Crunchberries. But those tear the roof of your mouth by the time you get to the bottom of the box, and for that, they lose points. And no, I’m not willing to let them “soak” to soften them up before eating them. As soon as milk touches cereal, it’s time to boogie. Soggy cereal, like french fries, suck.

Honey Smacks, however, are delicious, sweet, and the favorite of Hall of Fame wide receiver Randy Moss. So they have to be a great value at No. 11, right?

12. Diaz - Frosted Mini Wheats

Surprise! This cereal is bound to be the most uninspiring yet most solid pick out of the whole bunch. You get all the sugar from the other cereals with the semblance of it being healthy with the help of the shredded wheat. Think of this cereal as a tight end that mostly plays like a receiver. Surely, no one else will pick a more questionable cereal in this draft, but this is a fine choice to me.

13. D’Andrea - Cracklin’ Oat Bran

Cheerios, a cereal for toddlers and the elderly, and Mini-Wheats, which I’ve only seen in the wild at my grandmother’s house, both went before me. AND YET I was the one getting roasted for picking an old man cereal at No. 13. Anyone roasting me for drafting COB clearly hasn’t tasted it before. It’s dense and surprisingly sweet. Just like Hector.

And it doesn’t matter when the last time you bought this cereal was. If you’ve ever had it before, that 80s-ass, exceedingly polite box is the only one you envision when you hear the word “Cracklin.”

14. Brady - Reese’s Puffs

This one is part mass appeal, part “James would eat this every day until his death, which would probably come quicker because eating Reese’s Puffs every day is probably not good for your health.” And I don’t care. They’re DELICIOUS and they make for some amazing peanut butter chocolate milk (holy Christ is that a thing you can buy? I gotta go do some Googling.)

Plus, come on — following Harry picking the boring-ass regular Cheerios followed by Hector picking the Philip Rivers of cereal in Frosted Mini Wheats which itself was followed by the old-ass man pick of Cracklin’ Oat Bran ... I had to make a splash. And that splash was into a giant swimming pool filled with Reese’s Puffs.

15. Stephen - Honeycomb

I went with another strong structural cereal here, with the larger Honeycomb bites holding their shape longer than most. While other cereals crumble and wilt in the fourth quarter, my team is much better conditioned to close out this win. I absolutely loved the taste of Honeycomb, but I’d be lying if I didn’t include the commercial jingle as a huge reason for my allegiance to this cereal.

“Honeycomb’s big, YEAH YEAH YEAH!” The 1980s owned.

Final rosters:

Team Lyles

Honey Bunches of Oats

Cheerios

Honey Smacks

Team Diaz

Cocoa Pebbles

Froot Loops

Frosted Mini Wheats

Team D’Andrea

Fruity Pebbles

Lucky Charms

Cracklin’ Oat Bran

Team Brady

Honey Nut Cheerios

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Reese’s Puffs

Team Stephen

Cap’n Crunch

Golden Grahams

Honeycomb

So who won? Vote now, so the loser may be heckled into breakfast retirement.

[seksipomminpurkaja]

romance-part for mushers gushers & the basics-part for misfits? (the picture parts are not needed :))

I actually now realize this was meant for actual people in actual relationships, can’t relate

Misfits and basics

1. When did you both get together? - After many, many beusness dealings and bar nights i’d assume. They’d just suddenly klick and all ‘wanna try holding hands it’s nice ain’t it’2. Who made the first move? - Harlei,, but she’s bit flirty like that neither she and Ninida know when the ‘first move’ in all seriousness was done3. How long have you been a couple? - They were a couple for seven’ish years? (i forgot the actual lenght i’m so sorry) and after Ninida met Amai they’d have it a little on/off relationship until Harlei got pushed to the wall in the bad way4. How did you first meet? - Harlei was probably looking for a job and just knew about the whole Viir weapon legend and actually seeing the junior Viir in a bar she just had to ask if he has any job offers for her to ie. smuggle something for him or raid a certain workshop5. Were you already close friends before going out as a couple? - I’d believe they were friends before Harlei took it a step further. I mean, they’re both fun company for each other and their fields of work clash nicely 6. Are you/Were you ever in the same class at school? - Nope, Harlei went through her schools in Proxima Alpha, not the best, but not the worst. She was a troublemaker since then. Idk about Ninida, does he have a basic education i ‘d really like to know about nedians in general7. Are you long-distance? - Yes, absolutely, travelling across solar systems in different ships with different jobs kinda does that to you8. Are you in an open, regular or committed relationship? - Quite committed i’d say, Harlei stopped her ho’ing around after getting serious with him, and I’d think Ninida takes it seriously as well, until he wants kids, that he can’t really have with her9. Do you live together? - Nope, they live on their respective ships10. Are you engaged? If yes, describe your proposal. If no, what ring would you like? - Whay kind of a ring… Harlei would settle down for a froot loop tbh even though she does have eye for high end jewelry. One thing they’d probably agree on is a goddamn ruby on a silver ring with teeny tiny details engraved and all fancy like that, yeah.. red is their color11. Are you married? If yes, describe your wedding. If no, would you consider marriage? - No they’re not, Ninida would be the first to suggest it and it would take Harlei quite some time to get all that through her head, while she does love him very much she’s jut not the type to easily settle down. Although after he was off with Amai she got pretty jealous. She’s just not your basic housewife type12. Which one of you is older? What is the age difference? - Ninida is alder by whooping 2 years, and Harlei keeps calling him old man13. Which one of you is taller? What is the height difference? - Not that much two to four cm at most, always on perfect smooch level14. Do you share any of the same hobbies/interests/passions? - They share the adrenaline rush seeking, almost getting yourself killed type of adventurous personality, thing for ships and tech, gun, and lots of passion for anything they do, work, friends, each other15. What fictional couples would you compare yourselves to? - They already are a fictional couple but as i’va said before, they give me thse Bonnie and Clyde vibes16. Sum up your relationship in 6 words or less. - The smuggler king and queen got together and no one is safe (i know it’s more than 6 words but i suck at shortening things)17. Doodle a little picture of you both as a couple. - My ask is always open for requests, if you wanna see a specific thing just hmu :D18. Describe your relationship using only emoticons. - (⌐■_■)–︻╦╤─  (҂`з´).っ︻デ═一 φ(ﾟ ωﾟ//）♡ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  bc we know where’s it’s going

Mooshers and amore

39. Do you have cute pet names for each other? - Just your typical honey darling sugar spice bake in the oven for 20 minutes40. What’s one of your favourite memories as a couple? - All those fun tavern nights together but especially that one where the whole tavern cheered for them aften Nayden sang a drunken ballad at her41. Describe your favourite date so far? - They don’t really have dates? Walks in the forest collecting berries together is nice and maybe take a dip in a river together42. What’s the sweetest thing that your partner’s ever done for you? - Sharni sprained her ankle once and Nayden gave her his armor boots (well not the foot part the one up from ankle part, one size fits all) for her so that won’t happen again, he never aked them back43. Do either of you get jealous? - Both do, Nayden when her attention is on Helga or other firend bit too long, he’s only mildly jealous though, not like he demands her 100% attention at all times. Sharni gets jealous of all the men and women Nayden speaks to and who they speak to more confidently, and to people who have everything on track and well, because she firmly believed she’ll never get any better44. Is one of you protective of the other? - Nayden is, even if Sharni is actually more powerful than him but he’s a warrior and she’s slender mage, with dragonfire that is, but still slender45. How do you both like to kiss? - Slow and nice, maybe little teeth here and there won’t hurt46. How do you both like to cuddle? - Preferably Sharni laying on top of Nayden47. What’s a gift that you’ve given to your partner? And one they’ve given to you? - Neither of them gave each other any gifts with significan meanings 48. Are you an openly mushy couple or a reserved couple? - At first a little reserved, then it evolved from cheek kisses to being openly mushy49. Does one of you like to cook for the other? - They cook together50. Do you have unique ringtones/images for each other on your phones? - 51. Have you ever had your initials written on a tree or in the sand? - No, not really no. Maya wrote them into sand though after they married, for good luck from her culture52. What’s “your song”? - 500 miles and follow you53. Do you own any items that are a special symbol of your relationship?54. What did you both do for Valentine’s Day? - Eat and watch movies if modern au 55. Do you express your love lavishly or discreetly? - Nayden climbs on rooftops and shouts it to the worlds56. What’s the funniest thing you can remember your partner doing? - The tavern sing-off with Wane and Lucas57. Does thinking about your partner still give you butterflies? - Fore Nayden yes, all the butterflies he just loves her so much. For Sharni too, after he’s been away for a while or so58. What’s the weirdest part of your relationship?  - He got a lower class citizen to a queen, hashtag relationship goals

[suckitsurveys]

Pretty sure this is like 7 surveys in one yikes.

On Saturdays, I like to… Attempt to sleep in, hang out with mark, order take out.

Where would you like to be a missionary to? I would not.

What’s better — toilet paper rolled over top or underneath? There’s literally no difference.

Which Scooby-Doo character are you most like (Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, Velma, the monster, Scrappy?) Velma.

If you had to endure one natural disaster (i.e. hurricane, tornado, etc), what would you pick and why? Nah, I’m good. Chicago is pretty good about not having natural disasters so lets keep it that way. The worst we get is trees being knocked over and like 100 ft of snow.

What movie or TV show do you take guilty pleasure in watching? Teen Mom 2.

If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be? Yield.

What traditional stereotype would you classify yourself as? I don’t know.

What “group” did you belong to in high school? I didn’t really.

If you wrote a book about yourself…what would it be about? ...About myself, obviously.

If your house were burning down, what would you take and why? I seriously dislike this question.

Describe your favorite pair of PJ’s. I just got fair isle pikachu pj pants that I am in love withhhhh.

How many handbags do you own? A handful. BUH DUM TISS.

If this were your last day alive, what would you say to your friends? I have no idea.

What is your very favorite part of your day? Sleeping.

What is your best scar? Tell the story of how you got it. I have very few scars and all of the stories are really mundane. The most interesting one is the teeny tiny one I got from stabbing myself while making cheeseburgers one time.

You win a million dollars, but you have to give half to a charity. Which charity do you pick, and what do you do with the rest of the money? The childhood cancer research charity of my friend Rebecca’s choice. She lost her 3 year old son to cancer in 2014, and childhood cancer is the least funded research out there. Then I‘d use the rest of it to buy myself a nice car and a place to live.

Describe your dream wedding where money is no option. There’s still a little part of me that wants a big wedding but it just seems like such a waste. The day should be about you and your partner and it seems so crazy to go through all that trouble and money to impress other people. Because that’s honestly what it is.

What kind of deodorant do you use? Secret.

Do you have a birth mark? Where? Does it look like anything? Nah.

You are planning the most awesome dinner party of your life. Which 3 celebrities/historical figures (past or present) would you add to your guest list to keep the dinner talk interesting? Aubrey Plaza, Tina Fey, and Matthew Perry. The sarcasm would be REAL.

What is your favorite sport, and which team of that sport do you cheer for? Baseball. The 2016 World Series Champion Chicago Cubs.

Which would you rather have a kiss or a hug? Why? Both are nice. Hugs are more comforting though.

If you could be a pair of jeans what style would you be?  Why? Skinny. Because then I‘d be skinny.

You have multiple personalities, describe some of them. Uh, no. Multiple personality disorder is a real thing and not just some funny survey question to list off your different “sides” or whatever.

What is the best thing you have done in your life? Witnessed my niece being born.

If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Jesus, everything.

What household chore do you hate the most? All of them.

What is your most disappointing moment in life? Just one?

When have you laughed the hardest? Cried? Dude, I don’t know.

If you had a “theme song” that played whenever you walk into a room full of people, what would it be? "IM BOSSY, I’M THE BITCH THAT YOU LOVE TO HATE”

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Nothing.

What time period from the past would you most have liked to live in and why? This one’s fine. There are lots that I would love to visit, but I’d never want to throw away our current level of progress permanently. <---Yup, I like this answer.

What is the best reward anyone can give you? Money is nice.

If you had a band what would you name it? Fleetwood Mac Sex Pants.

Do you like fruit? Vegetables? Yes.

What can someone do to encourage you? I don’t know. Pay me? Hahahahaha I need money.

If you could be one for just 24 hours, what cereal box cartoon character would you be? Why? Toucan Sam so I could fly around places and snack on Froot Loops all day. <---another good answer stolen from Kayla.

What was the best thing that happened to you this weekend? Last weekend we rang in the new year in Michigan.

What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Pandas. Cute, big, black and white.  

What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Purple. Deep, appealing, pretty.

It’s a very hot and muggy day. You desperately want something very cool and refreshing to quench your thirst and revitalize your body. What would you drink — either make your own or store-bought. Water.

You discover that the person you’re head-over-heels interested in loves a good homemade & handmade dessert. What will you concoct when you have this person over? He actually doesn’t like sweet stuff, so I’d make him sushi instead.

What would you leave in your will for the person you care about the most? I don’t really have much to leave right now.

What do you consider to the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? My laptop maybe? Or maybe my engagement ring?

What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? I don’t know.

If you could have any job in the world, which one would you want? Professional sushi-taster.

What are your best/worst subjects in school and what subjects would you want to learn now? Blah.

What are you most talented at? Organizing, kind of. Also being a cool aunt.

What is your worst nightmare today? My grandmother is living in my house now.

How often do you clean between your toes? Whenever I shower, so a few times a week.

What is your favorite way to waste time at work without getting caught? Surveys, haha. I do a majority of these at work.

If you could have had the starring role in one film already made, which movie would you pick? Eh.

If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? No thanks.

If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so that you never had to do it again, what would it be? Brush my teeth I guess. They’d just magically be clean.

You were just given a yacht. What would you name it? The Ramona.

If you could have been told one thing that you weren’t told when you were a teenager, what would you like to have heard? Eat better.

You’ve just been hired to a promotions position at Kellog Co. What would you put in a new breakfast cereal box as a gimmick? Pokemon figures, just because I’d want them for myself.

Just like “Everybody Wang Chung tonight!”, what action would your name be if it were a verb? Having horrible balance. Not really a verb, but a pretty broad use of the term haha.

Name your favorite song. Hold On by Tom Waits.

If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be? I’ve been kinda wanting a small W for the Cubbies. And I kind of want my Pikachu covered and then a different style done somewhere else.

If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be and why? If you already play an instrument(s), what do you play and why? Guitar I guess.

When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get? 3 Musketeers.

Why do you live in the Washington DC area? I don’t?

What is your favorite memory of Christmases past? My niece’s first Christmas.

What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done for God? Not believing in him. Hah.

If a movie was being made of your life and you could choose the actor/actress to play you, who would you choose and why? Aubrey Plaza mainly so I could just meet her haha.

Paper or plastic? Plastic because those seem to be the ones with handles on them. Chicago banned basic plastic bags and now we have reusable ones but if you don’t bring them back to the store, they give you paper ones which don’t have handles.

What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? I’ve had ostrich and alligator before.

What do you keep in the trunk of your car? I have some basic maintenance things in there. Not sure if I still do, but I had a snow shovel for digging myself out of parking spots.

When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why? I think a vet.

If you owned a CB radio what would your “handle” be? I don’t know what that is.

If you were given 24 hrs to live, what would you do? I would wait until I had like 3 hours left, eat a SHIT TON of sushi and lobster and crab and then die right before the bill came.

If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be? (Note: both guys & gals have to answer this question) Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah no.

What do you think the most ultimate gift of the world is? Gift of the world? You mean in the world?

What is your earliest childhood memory? I have little memories of the apartment we lived in until I was 4. I was just talking about this with Ellen the other day. My most vivid one was from when I was about 4 and my parents had put a hook lock at the top of the outside of my sister’s door to keep me out when she wasn’t in there. I figured out how to climb on a chair, reach it, and lock my sister in her room one day.

What was your favorite TV show when you were growing up? Tiny Toons, Pokemon, and Garfield and Friends.

If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it? Probably doing nothing, hah.

What CD is in your CD player right now? I don’t own anything that plays CDs. Or CDs anymore for that matter.

The great theologian Andy Warhol stated that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame.  What happened during your 15 minutes? I was on Radio Disney once.

Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with. I guess Dane Cook would be the most recognizable name. I saw him live when I was a young dumb kid and thought he was hilarious (ew) and he came out after the show and was trying to get to the table where he was signing things and my friend and I were in his way and he taps us on the shoulder and goes “excuse me ladies.” 

Name your favorite children’s story. The Witch‘s Christmas. And the Ramona Quimby books.

If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why? Rowan Blanchard because she’s so amazingggggg. 

What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with? There’s someone named Hannah in the bible so I guess her? Or maybe Satan? He’s mentioned a few times, right?

What article of clothing most closely describes your personality? I have no idea.

If you were to write a book what would it be about? Nothing.

How many rings before you answer the phone? My phone doesn’t “ring” in intervals, it plays The Office theme song.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? I don’t know, it varies.

If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it? I would save some and then buy myself a nice place to live and a car.

If you had to, what part of your body would you get pierced? I’m good with piercings.

Who was your favorite teacher and why? My Kindergarten teacher Mrs. Furuta. She taught us oragami and other fun art projects. She would also stage these “trips” to different countries where we’d pretend to fly on a plane and “land” and there’d be a whole like little “market” set up with crafts and food from that country. It was so cool. She taught my sister and her best friend too. We ran into her at said best friend’s son’s funeral and she has been keeping in touch with us ever since. She’s very very sweet.

What makes you feel the most secure? Mark.

Who do you admire the most? My friends.

Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it? Yeah, I used to have a reoccurring dream about alligators.

What was your nickname growing up? Nothing really stuck but my mom would sometimes call me Fanny or Pooka 2 (My sister was the original Pooka haha)

Who was your hero when you were a child, and what did you do to be like them? My dad.

Peanut or plain? M&Ms? Peanut.

What is your favorite cartoon character & why? Brendon Small because he’s the best.

How did you learn to ride a bicycle? With my legs?

Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records? Most croutons in a single salad.

What’s the closest you’ve come to becoming a pop star/winning an Oscar? Haha, wow, I’ve never been even remotely close.

When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? I took my niece to the movies alone for the first time the other day if that counts.

What is your concept of a fruitful day? Pffft.

What was your favorite thing to play with as a child? Why? Barbies. I liked making them into families and making up stories for them.

If you could be any animal in the world for 24 hours, which animal would you be? Why? Maybe a sea otter? Something aquatic that isn’t terrifying. I think it’d be kinda fun to just swim around all day. <---DUDE Kayla and I are the same person, except I’d probably just be a straight up fish.

Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Nope.

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? My brother in law.

What is your best personal characteristic? I’m pretty good at planning stuff.

What is your favorite quote? “Love her, but leave her wild.”

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? Freak the fuck out of my brother in law.

What is your favorite weird food combination? Hmmm. I can’t think of anything honestly. I like a lot of “weird” food but not really weird combos?

If you had to be a flower, which one would you like to be and why? Gardenias so I could smell amazing all the time.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books and three people would you take with you? I’d take a book on how to make a boat out of sticks and shit.

My biggest pet peeve is… People who clear their throats every five seconds. <--- I AM LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT MY BROTHER IN LAW DOES @tapiooocasurveys you would HATE him so much holy shit.

What is your favorite commercial? What commercial annoys you the most? The most annoying one right now is the freaking Candy Crush one. I can’t think of a commercial I would call my favorite. I’ve always enjoyed the Geico ones. They are usually pretty cute and clever.

What’s the most interesting “Ice Breaker” Question you have ever been asked? Oh man, I don’t know.

If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why? I don’t know. Vanilla because I’m white and boring.

Name a turning point in your life that makes you smile/cry. The day my niece was born.

If there were a holiday in your honor what would it celebrate? Me, of course.

What clubs were you a member of in High School? Are you still interested in any of the same things? I was in drama for a bit and yearbook.

If you were to be on a reality TV show which one would you be on and why? I’d be on a game show and I’d be on Chain Reaction because I am SO GOOD at that game. OR Idiotest because I’m pretty good at that too.

If you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why? Thinner.

If someone rented a billboard for you, what would you put on it? Um.

If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be? Ability to become super annoyed at survey question in 0.2 seconds.

If you were a Smurf, what would your name be? I’d imagine it would be like Hannah Smurf or something?

What is your worst personality characteristic? I get very distracted and then overwhelmed easily.

If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach? No.

How would you like to be remembered? Positively.

What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)? My future with Mark. :)

What do you like best about your hometown? Idk, tall buildings n shit.

Something interesting you might not know about me is… I’m done with this survey!