#i wrote about me haunting someone in the netherlands

[vogelmeister]

describing myself as the girl with the gold in the stupid poem i wrote about haunting my ex in the netherlands i think did irredeemable damage to my soul will update

[stereostevie]

When you think of grunge, do you picture a bunch of long-haired White guys in plaid shirts, singing about teenage angst and self-loathing? Time to expand that viewpoint. Standing above them all should be Tina Bell, a tiny Black woman with an outsized stage presence, and her band, Bam Bam. It’s only recently that the 1980s phenom has begun to be recognized as a godmother of grunge.

This modern genre’s sound was, in many ways, molded by a Black woman. The reason she is mostly unknown has everything to do with racism and misogyny. Looking back at the beginnings of grunge, with the preconception that “everybody involved” was White and/or male, means ignoring the Black woman who was standing at the front of the line.

Bam Bam was formed as a punk band in 1983 in Seattle. Bell, a petite brown-skinned spitfire with more hairstyle changes than David Bowie, sang lead vocals and wrote most of the lyrics. Her then-husband Tommy Martin was on guitars (the band’s name is an acronym of their last names: Bell And Martin), Scotty “Buttocks” Ledgerwood played bass, and Matt Cameron was on drums. Cameron would leave the band in its first year and go on to fame as the drummer for Soundgarden and Pearl Jam. But he paid homage to his beginnings by wearing a Tina Bell T-shirt in a photoshoot for Pearl Jam’s 2017 Anthology: the Complete Scores book.

“For some reason a couple of skinheads are up front, calling her [the N-word] And all of the sudden, Bell grabs a microphone stand and she starts swirling it around her head like a lasso… She swung that fuckin’ thing around her head and about the fourth time, she smashed that son of a bitch.”

Bam Bam’s sound straddled the line between punk and something so new that it didn’t have a name yet. Their music combined a driving, thrumming bass line; downtuned, sludgy guitars; thrashy, pulsing drums; melodic vocals that range from sultry to haunting to screamy; and lyrics about the existential tension of trying to exist in a world not designed for you. The band’s 1984 music video for their single “Ground Zero” is low-budget, but Bell’s charisma seeps through.

“She was fucking badass. That’s all there is to it. She was amazing as a performer. I’ve only seen one White male lead singer command the stage in a similar way that Tina Bell did, and that was Bon Scott of AC/DC,” says Om Johari, who attended Bam Bam shows as a Black teenager in the ’80s and who would go on to lead all-female AC/DC cover band Hell’s Belles.

Christina King, a Seattle scenester who was close friends with Bell from 1984 until the early ’90s, says the singer’s talent was obvious. But she believes a lot of people dismissed Bell as a gimmick.

Among those attending their shows: Future members of grunge bands like Nirvana (Kurt Cobain did a stint as a Bam Bam roadie), Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Pearl Jam.

“I remember one person saying to me that they didn’t get ‘the whole Black girl singer thing,’ it just didn’t fit whatever they were into,” says King. “They were too ahead of their time.”

Bam Bam came into being in an era when hundreds of underground clubs, taverns, bars, and social halls — anywhere that you could cram in a band — were within the Seattle city limits. Bam Bam played almost all of them, and often to big crowds: The Colourbox, Crocodile Lounge, Gorilla Gardens, Squid Row — just to name a few.

Among those attending their shows: Future members of history-making grunge bands like Nirvana (Kurt Cobain did a stint as a Bam Bam roadie), Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Pearl Jam. Not to mention all the other people, mostly White and male, who would become prime targets for music labels trying to market this new sound.

Bell “already possessed everything they were trying to attain. She had a truer rock and roll spirit than almost any of those guys in that town. Everything they tried to do, she naturally was,” says Ledgerwood, still a loyal bandmate.

One Seattle club, The Metropolis, became “like our fucking living room,” says Ledgerwood. It was also the site of an overtly racist verbal assault against Tina Bell.

“For some reason a couple of skinheads are up front, calling her [the N-word],” Ledgerwood recalls. “And all of the sudden, Bell grabs a microphone stand and she starts swirling it around her head like a lasso… She swung that fuckin’ thing around her head and about the fourth time, she smashed that son of a bitch… She nailed that fucker right in the temple of his head. Split like a melon. And the other guy next to him caught it too, they go down, and we’re like, ‘What the fuck?’”

Ledgerwood says that after going backstage for a while to regroup, Bell came back “and put out the most blistering set of our fucking career.”

This could easily be an anecdote about Bell’s power, her resilience, and willingness to fight back against oppressive forces. But it’s also a story about the cost of being a Black woman who does something that some people don’t expect or approve of.

“She’s being pulled out of her zone because somebody is acknowledging how the rest of the world can see her,” says Johari, empathizing with the star rocker. “And even to react to it by picking up a microphone and smashing someone in the face, that means that that incident cost her not only that moment it takes to get back into the song, but the whole [effects of her] action will last for weeks.

“She’ll replay that over and over and over and over again. And then the people she sees that were there when it happened, they’re gonna come up to her and they’re gonna forget everything that she’s saying, all the stuff that she had did, and they’re only going to focus on, ‘I was at that show where you knocked a dude in the head for calling you an N-word,’” Johari says. “It has nothing to do with her artistry. But it reminds her of the way in which she has to be prepared, just in case it happens again.”

King remembers Bell also felt that some of the other men in the band’s changing lineup failed to treat her as an equal partner: “She’s getting that from her own band members — what do you think audience people are like?”

A European tour in the late ’80s gained Bam Bam international fans, but ended after Bell and Martin split up, and Bell was caught in an immigration enforcement dragnet in the Netherlands.

When they returned to the Pacific Northwest, Bam Bam continued playing shows until 1990, when Bell abruptly quit as they were packing up to head to the studio in Portland, Ore.

“She had just had enough,” Ledgerwood says. “For almost eight years she had almost literally eviscerated herself for the audience.”

But that work never resulted in the national recognition they deserved.

“Grunge, whatever that means, is being identified as from your community, your colleagues, your sound that you were a participant in help shaping, and you’re not even mentioned in any of it.”

“Sometimes you need to be a little bit of an asshole to protect yourself. And Bell wasn’t much of an asshole,” Ledgerwood adds. “She was a pure-hearted person and had a really hard time believing that people couldn’t accept her over something as stupid as race.”

Bell didn’t just quit the band, she withdrew from music completely, says her son, Oscar-winning documentary filmmaker TJ Martin. Not out of resentment, he adds, but perhaps to escape the painful reminders that the music she helped pioneer was now earning other bands multimillion-dollar record contracts.

“Grunge, whatever that means, is being identified as from your community, your colleagues, your sound that you were a participant in help shaping, and you’re not even mentioned in any of it,” Martin says. “I can’t even fathom what that would feel like for it to be sort of spit back in your face with such frequency.”

Ledgerwood believes Bell died of a broken heart. But when Bell died alone in her Las Vegas apartment in 2012, the official cause of death listed was cirrhosis of the liver. She had struggled with alcohol and depression. Her son says the coroner estimated her time of death as a couple weeks before her body was discovered. She was 55 years old.

The things that could have told Tina Bell’s story in her own voice are lost. Martin arrived in Las Vegas to find that the contents of his mother’s apartment — except for a DVD player, a poster, and a chair — had been thrown away. All of her writings — lyrics, poems, diaries — along with Bam Bam music, videos, and other memorabilia — went in the trash without her family even being notified.

If you think you were in Seattle in the ’80s, in the grunge scene, and you don’t remember Tina Bell and Bam Bam, you probably weren’t really fucking there.

“I couldn’t help draw a parallel between her not being respected and seen in the first chapter of her life, as the front person of a punk band, and then even in death being disrespected and not being seen for the merits of the life she lived,” says Martin.

Bell’s death is also an indictment of the way she was written out of her own story. The way grunge’s almighty gatekeepers chose to look through her instead of at her. Grunge became the domain of alienated young White men in flannel shirts, and Tina Bell didn’t fit the narrative they were trying to sell.

“Black herstory can suffer immense amounts of erasure if somebody is not brave enough to ensure that women get counted,” Johari says.

To many of those who were part of the scene at the time, the amnesia seems intentional. Ledgerwood brings up the seminal history of Seattle’s grunge era, Everybody Loves Our Town. In it, the author refers to Bam Bam as a three-piece instrumental band mainly notable because Matt Cameron was the drummer. Tina Bell isn’t even mentioned.

“How in the hell would he have a recollection of how great Bam Bam and its drummer was, and not this unbelievably beautiful woman, this firecracker, this explosive rock and roll goddess?” Ledgerwood asks. “Even if he thought she sucked, to not remember the only Black woman on the whole fuckin’ scene is — well, it’s like that old joke about the ’60s: If you think you were in Seattle in the ’80s, in the grunge scene, and you don’t remember Tina Bell and Bam Bam, you probably weren’t really fucking there.”

You can listen to more of Bam Bam’s music on this Spotify playlist. A vinyl album with the band’s songs is coming out this year on Bric-a-Brac Records.

[theparanormalperiodical]

Boris Johnson’s 5 Not-So-Alive Housemates: The Haunting of Downing Street And The Other Government Buildings You Need To Know About

It’s a new week in British politics which typically means half the cabinet has resigned, a ‘fresh’ approach to Brexit is put to the public, and the PM has pleaded with the Queen to put the ‘United’ in ‘United Kingdom’ in bold.

Oh, and with this new week comes a new Prime Minister.

Yay.

(Emphasis on the sarcasm and sheer volumes of dread in that ‘yay’.)

But anyway – if politics is making you feel dead inside, why not stick to the deceased theme?

For the past 3 years we have been consumed with concluding who is the next candidate to forward march us into our uncertain future.

And it got me thinking: are there any ghost prime ministers?

In fact, is Downing Street haunted?

Yet it turns out someone has already beaten me to that level of imagery. When I began my research into the ghosts and spirits roaming our governmental arenas, I came across a problem.

British politics is indeed haunted, but only in a metaphorical sense, well, according to the papers, anyway.

British politics is haunted by the Euroscepticism that gave rise to the EU referendum, by the age-old beliefs breaking our parties into factions, and the candidates? Well, a quick flick through the tabloids will tell you they are to be haunted by their personal lives, let alone their past professional missteps.

But you can keep your metaphors for your papers, politics and podcasts; today we are going to be discussing the actual ghosts haunting 10 Downing Street, and the international hauntings that include the White House and Japan’s official Presidential residence.

First up is the UK’s very own Downing Street

Boris Johnson will have barely unpacked his stuff before he starts to encounter the hauntings that Downing Street is surprisingly not famous for.

British history has been cloaked with a dark veil considering its bloody past, and this assumes a gaggle of ghosts mirroring its many tragedies will be lurking in the nooks of crannies of most notable places. And its probably this which has made way for the 6 ghosts haunting its hallowed halls.

7 prime ministers have died in office, and only one PM has ever died in Downing Street – Campbell-Bannerman. But it turns out that one assassinated PM (the only PM to ever has been assassinated) frequently returns during times of national crisis:

Spencer Perceval died in 1832 having been shot in the House of Commons, and following his tragic death, his body was returned to his residence where he lay for 5 days.

It is often claimed that the ghost of Perceval wearing Regency Dress wanders inside and outside the residence, and he was frequently sighted by workmen in the 50s and 60s, verifying him as the main spirit staking claim to this government building.

Next up we have a female phantom who has even found her way into the papers given her common haunting.

The facilities manager of No.10 was new to the team when he saw lights in a nearby room were left on. Walking across one room to reach the other, he felt and saw a person pass beside him, only to disappear mere moments after.

He recalls the ‘swishing’ sound like that of a dress made of taffeta, and upon asking a colleague, he was told that he had seen the ghost.

Reportedly, a woman in a white gown goes between the state dining room and the pillared room - with some even adding a rather luxurious set of pearls to that description. These 2 rooms often hold key political figures as both state functions and international agreements are held here, so perhaps the sightings of the Lady in White go much further than the tales tell…

Our final two ghosts have rather vague descriptions attached to their presences, but their creepiness doesn’t end with their limited back stories.

From a little girl haunting a basement and grabbing hands of those passing by, to a male in a top hat wandering through the entrance hall and into a closed door, there is no shortage of spooky here in the UK.

Yet even beyond these apparitions are the arguably more disjointed hauntings that BoJo will soon encounter: a cigar smell perhaps from Churchill himself, and footsteps followed by suspecting Policemen are common occurrences, and will continue even after Brexit.

No, I take that back, Brexit will never end.

The White House: The Most Haunted House in America

No seriously, I mean that subtitle; keep your Amityvilles, and forget your Occult Museums, this is where shit gets real.

And sure, whilst the most terrifying presence in the White House is actually living, the dead have always made their residency known.

“I jumped up and put on my bathrobe, opened the door, and no one there. Went out and looked up and down the hall, looked in your room and Margie’s. Still no one…The damned place is haunted sure as shootin’”

This is from a letter President Harry Truman wrote to his wife and daughter, and is one of many claims from those that have either lived or visited this prestigious home.

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is believed to be home to many less-than-living occupants, and famous ones at that.

Abraham Lincoln is one such President to make claims to the haunting of the White House, often witnessing his son, Willie, who died at the age 11 following typhoid fever. But Lincoln’s relationship with those that still walk its halls doesn’t stop there.

In fact, he is one of the most well known ghosts to make your acquaintance should you visit.

Grace Coolidge – one of the first ladies – often claimed she saw him looking out of the window that once belonged in his office, and the Queen of the Netherlands claimed she saw him whilst sleeping in his bedroom.

Even Winston Churchill saw – and talked to – Lincoln. With cigar in one hand, and completely starkers, he greeted the phantom president.

But aside from walking in on sleeping monarchs, and being flashed by Prime Ministers, he often walks the hallways, knocks on doors, and stands by the windows, looking out at the country he once guided.

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there; Annie Surratt – the daughter of a woman convicted of being a cog in Lincoln’s death – often pleads with the residents for the release of her guilty mother.

If you’re looking for a different president, listen out for Thomas Jefferson’s violin playing, or perhaps the less sweet and subtle tones of Andrew Jackson’s swearing.

Or perhaps you’re in search of America’s first ladies, instead?

Abigail Addams is often seen wandering around the East Room with her arms outstretched, as if to carry and dry linen sheets, which was one of the pastimes she took up at the White House.

And Dolley Madison also sticks to doing chores in the afterlife, with Woodrow Wilson’s administration frequently reporting her ghost taking care of the Rose Garden which they were about to move.

In response to this silent and spirit-based protest, they kept it in the same place.

Yet despite the prevalence and sheer details regarding these sightings, there is evidently decline in the paranormal activity at the White House. 

Jerry Smith – a doorman who spent a quarter of a century at the White House – claims renovations have begun to clear the spirits from this site, suggesting these age-old presidents don’t stray too far from the good ol’ days!

Well, whenever those days supposedly are, anyway.

Shinzo Abe’s Poltergeist Problem

In 2013 the Japanese government made a statement.

And this statement clarified that were in fact no spirits haunting the official residence of the Prime Minister.

It all started when Abe failed to move into the official governmental dwelling shorting after he assumed power in December. Following his resignation in 2007, suspicions were aroused about his reluctance to get the long haul shipping vans in.

Rumours of illness and scandal typically swirled the tabloid drain, and claims he had suffered a ‘bad experience’ at the residence in his previous term began to emerge.

The rival Democratic Party even asked if ghosts were the cause of this, mocking their political opponent, but it turns out this question doesn’t necessarily go so unfounded.  

The residence – as it was built in 1929 – has seen some brutal and bloody history. From one PM’s assassination, and the murder of several officers after a military coup, the claims of haunting do have a solid basis to them.

Even a former PM in 2006 claimed he wanted to see a ghost there, although he never managed to.

Indeed, Shinzo Abe draws us back to the reality behind hauntings – whether the afterlife is real, or not; politics may be haunted by ghosts, but the real hauntings are always personal, are always professional.

Just as much as BoJo will take his first steps into his new home followed by his trail of regrets and wrongdoings, he will be greeted by the real terrors that still take up residence in Downing Street.

Is there a paranormal political figure you’ve ever wanted to meet or move in with?

Whether alive or not-so-alive, let me know down in the comments. 

[fussysim]

simself tag

i was tagged by @petitesimss & @peakanss 🍒

i tag @peachy-flesh, @toxicen, @pixeltownies, @penelope-and-wonders, @vvladislaus but if anyone wants to do this go ahead!!! 

traits: goofball, lazy, hot-headed

aspiration: bestselling author (hiiiiiii)

1. What is your full name? antonina joanna 

2.What is your nickname? tosia

3. Birthday? april 7

4. What is your favorite book series? harry potter ofccccc

5. Do you believe in Aliens or Ghosts? YES STRONGLY

6. Who is your favorite author? jakub żulczyk (a great polish author!!)

7. What is your favorite radio station? none

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? i always go for cherry but lime is great too

9. What word would you use to describe something great or wonderful? zajebiste!!

10. What is your current favorite song? mac miller - whats the use? orrr a$ap rocky - sundress

11. What is your favorite word? biiitch

12. What is the last song you listened to? the internet - stay the night

13. What TV show would you recommend for everyone to watch? rupaul’s drag race always!!!!! and maybe the haunting of hill house

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? shrek, mean girls and any marvel movie 

15. Do you play video games?  well...............not really tbh

16. What is your biggest fear? my parents finding out about me dropping out of school

17. What is your best quality in  your opinion? i’m a good listener (at least that’s what i’ve heard)

18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? my appearance lol and laziness

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? i have three cats and one dog so:))

20. What is your favorite season? spring

21. Are you in a relationship? yes!!!!!

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? living with my parents duhhhh and being carefree

23. Who is your best friend? my bf or my mom lol

24. What is your eye color? green

25. What is your hair color? blonde

26. Who is someone you love? my mom dad bf and dog

27. Who is someone you trust? NO ONE

28. Who is someone you think about Often? my dog fiona

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? rpdr all stars 4 

30. What is your biggest obsession? drag queens. and my dog fiona

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? well my fav was the cramp twins and of course hannah montana??

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? my bf

33. Are you superstitious? 50/50

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? wet food in the sink 

35. Do you perfer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it for suuuureee

36. What is your favorite hobby? writing. i mean, i used to write a lot

37. What is the last book you read? first snow by jo nesbø

38. What is the last movie you watched? 14 cameras (boring, dumb and disgusting)

39. What musical Instruments do you play, if any? i tried playing guitar but i was lazy 

40. What is your favorite animal? my dog fiona!!!

41. What are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? i’m shy yall i can’t just expose myself like this

42. What superpower do you wish you had? i just wish i wasn’t this dumb lol

43. When and where do you feel most at piece? my hometown

44. What makes you smile? my boyfriend, my dad’s calls, my mom sending me pics of my dog, food, memes

45. What sports do you play, if any? none lol

46. What is your favorite drink? red fruits tea

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? like a year ago?? for my boyfriend when i wasn’t in the mood for talking

48: Are you afraid of heights? well i’d like to say no but i’m a chicken 

49: What is your biggest pet peeve: biting nails lol i hate it, emma chamberlain’s videos (i don’t think she’s funny at all lol she’s just regular bitchy high schooler)

50. Have you ever been to a concert? yeah

51. Are you vagan/ vegetarian? NO but i’m gathering informations how and when to start

52. When you were little, what did you wanna be when you grew up? a  princess tbh but i wanted to be a vet too

53: What fictional world would you like to live in? greendale lol

54. What is something you worry about? that my parents will hate me lol

55. Are you scared of the dark? YEP i’m the meme where the person has to check if the chair is the demon

56. Do you like to sing? nah

57. Have you ever skipped school? i used to all the time 

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? my home!!!!!! with my pets, boyfriend and family

59. Where would you like to live? the netherlands for sure

60. Do you have any pets? 3 cats 1 dog 

61: Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl for

62: Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunset

63. Do you know how to drive? yes but i dont have driving license:/

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds

65. Have you ever had braces? no but i will soon

66: What is your favorite genre of music? i like 2000′s music lol, r&b, recent polish rap music and pop 

67: Who is your hero? my dad

68: Do you read comic books? if i had some i would

69: What makes you most angry? stupid people and me myself and i

70. Do you prefer reading a book on an electronic device or on a real book? real book my eyes can’t take electronic devices

71. What is your favorite subject in school? english, polish and histor

72. Do you have any siblings? yep i have older brother and sister

73. What was the last thing you bought? groceries 

74. How tall are you? 158cm

75. Can you cook? yeah the only thing i’m good at tbh

76. What are three things that you love? my boyfriend, my pets, my family

77. What are three things you hate? fortnite, expired lush products, my friend’s boyfriends

78. Do you have more male or female friends? equally

79. What is your sexual orientation? i’m in love with person not a gender

80. Where do you currently live? poland!=

81. Who was the last person you texted? my mom 

82. When was the last time you cried? 20 minutes ago BUT FROM LAUGHING OK

83. Who is your favorite youtuber? of course its shane dawson lol and elle mills and a few polish simmers

84. Do you like to take selfies? yes i am very insecure but also very vain 

85. What is your favorite app? stardew valley on mobile??

86. What is your relationship to your parent(s)? i used to hate them but now?? we’re best friends

87. What is your favorite foreign accent: i don’t have one:(

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? nyc

89. What is your favorite number? 7

90. Can you juggle? no

91. Are you religious? i don’t know anymore

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space, ocean scares tf out of me

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no!!!!

94. Are you allergic to anything? grass??

95. Can you curl your tounge? yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? no

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? when i’m in trouble only

98. Do you perfer the forest or the beach? beach

99. What is your favorite piece of advice anyone has given you? you will always grow back which means that no matter what you can always bounce back 

100. Are you a good liar? yes, indeed

101. What is your Hogwarts house? HUFFLEPUFF!!

102. Do you talk to yourself? when i fck something up

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? yes but i don’t write in it anymore, i just keep things in it

105. Do you believe in second chances? yes i believe in 52543 chances bc i’m weak

106: If you found a wallet full of money, what would you do? uuhhhh idk

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes but only with help

108. Are you ticklish? yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane? no:( i’m scared

110. Do you have any piercings? i used to have my nose pierced

111. What fictional character do you wish were real? 

112. Do you have any tattoos? i have lil tattoo on my middle finger i did myself like 5 years ago

113. What is the best decision you’ve made in your life? get a dog with my sister without my parents knowledge

114. Do you believe in karma? yes for sure

115. Do you waer glasses or contacts? glasses

116. Do you want children? uh tbh i’m jaded, i would rather adopt

117. Who is the smartest person you know? my dad

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? lying to my teacher and getting caught

119. Have you ever pulled an all nighter? yep i used to do this a lot but then i moved in with my boyfriend:(

120. What color are most of your clothes? black and pastel

121. Do you like adventure? YES

122. Have you ever been on TV? i don’t think so

123. How old are you? 20yo!!

124. What is your favorite quote? you will always grow back??

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory (and spicy!!!!!!)

[marjaystuff]

Elise Cooper’s Interview with David R Gillham

Annelies by David R. Gillham has Anne Frank surviving the Holocaust. As the “what if” comes true, the book presents a story of hope, survival, trauma and redemption. But it is also a reminder of what was lost during the Holocaust: how many of those lives taken away had such promise. Gillham gives Anne Frank’s life back to her, a life brutally cut short by the Nazi monsters.

Gillham skillfully transforms Anne from a bright-eyed girl with dreams and ambitions to a bitter, angry teenager who suffers from survivor’s guilt and PTSD. The author should be applauded as he realistically portrays what many Holocaust survivors suffered.  Because of enduring the atrocities and emotional/physical pain readers see Anne with a haunted tone that has different ideals. She is not the same person as she was when writing in her diary prior to, during, and immediately following the time her family and others were hiding in the space above her father’s workplace. In reading inserts from her diary at the beginning of each chapter people see an optimistic young girl who never gave up hope despite the cruel, unexplainable hatred and danger that threatened her daily.

But after being betrayed the family and their friends were found by the Nazi Gestapo Amsterdam branch.  First sent to a concentration camp in Holland with her sister and mother, she was then transferred to the Auschwitz death camp and ended up in the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in Germany. These scenes show how Anne and her family endured the packed train to the concentration camps, and the despicable conditions of dirt and disease throughout them. It is where the alternate history begins. Unlike the reality where Anne dies of Typhus she is rescued and reunited with her father Otto in Amsterdam. Now seventeen she grows from a person filled with frustration, rage, anger, and guilt to someone who finally understands she must live her life and honor the dead by using her diary to teach the world about her experiences. Although her father at first would not let go, he eventually allows her to move to America where the last pages show her with a happy ending, one the real-life Anne Frank never had, as she replies to readers notes about her best-selling book, The Secret Annex.

In reading portions of the real-life diary, people understand how Anne had hope amid the darkness of humanity. This novel transports readers as they take Anne’s journey with her to the hiding place, the concentration camps, and as she struggles to survive the aftermath of the Holocaust. Gillham should be given a shout-out for taking on this risky project, but he did it successfully with sensitivity and humility.

Elise Cooper:  Why take such a harrowing undertaking, writing this alternate-history?

David Gillham: In writing this story, I was constantly aware that Anne Frank was a real person who wrote one of the most defining books of the twentieth century. I understand she is an icon and have tremendous respect for her legacy.   I had Anne survive the Holocaust to give her the life she was cheated of.  Through telling the story of one girl, I hope to tell the story of all the “Annes,” showing the lost potential of the millions who perished.  Anne Frank’s legacy is one of hope and I want to show what we are missing in our world today, because of their loss.

EC:  How did you get the idea to write a novel where Anne Frank survives?

DG:  It started thirty years ago after reading Philip Roth’s novel, The Ghost Writer.  In it Roth’s protagonist, Nathan Zuckerman, imagines that a young European woman in her twenties, is actually Anne Frank. Nathan quickly realizes that it is his imagination at work.  But this book inspired me to read Anne’s diary where I became thunderstruck by her insight, perception, humor, and brilliance as a writer. I thought about writing a novel where she survives.  After numerous attempts, about 6.5 years ago the story finally emerges with Anne surviving the camps, returning to Amsterdam, and being reunited with her dad, Otto.

EC:  What about truth versus fiction?

DG:  Everything that happens up until she survives is based on reality.  I read many Holocaust histories, biographies of Anne Frank and her father, and transcripts of interviews with people who knew her.  I visited in Amsterdam the old Jewish Quarter, the Resistance Museum, the former Diamond District, the bookshop where she might have bought the diary, her and her sister’s school, the former Gestapo headquarters, the Frank family apartment, and the Anne Frank house. I based her experience in the concentration camps on survivor accounts and those who had contact with Anne and Margot in those places.  For example, the scene in which Anne meets her friend Hanneli at the barbed wire fence in Bergen-Belsen is based on an actual meeting.  

EC:  What about the characters in this story?

DG: Those in Anne’s family, and those in hiding with them are based on the real people. Miep, Bep, Kugler, Kleimann, and Jan are all based on the Dutch individuals who supported the Frank family in hiding.  The important characters entirely fictionalized are the Dutch boy, Raaf, the bookshop proprietor, Mr. Nussbaum, and Anne’s stepmother, Dassah. It is also true that two uncles of Anne did emigrate to America in the 1930s, while the Frank family went to the Netherlands.  

EC:  What about the diary?

DG:  The day the family and friends were arrested by the Nazi security the diary went into hiding.  The Sergeant in charge was looking for something to hold the valuables he could steal and took her father’s briefcase where the diary was stored. He dumped it on the floor.  It remained there until Miep finds the papers all over the floor and sticks them in a drawer, awaiting Anne’s return. Even after Otto returns she remains silent, hoping Anne will come back.  But when it becomes clear Anne is dead she gives the diary to Otto.  

EC:  You made Anne’s sister her “ghostly” alter-ego?

DG:  I wanted to explore how people recover from trauma.  She lost her sister and mother and wonders why she survived and they did not.  Anne brought Margot home in her mind to cope with what happened. Margot is sometimes scolding, critical, wise, but is also a reminder of the past. Remember at the beginning of the novel, she tells Anne she will never leave her, and never does.  

EC:  How would you describe Anne before capture?

DG:  Vivacious, precocious, demanding, high energy, charming, fun, a dreamer who could be self-centered. She loved to be the center of attention, a chatter-box, and what you saw is what you get.

EC:  How would you describe Anne after the Holocaust?

DG:  All the before was still there, but buried under the fear, anger, and trauma. She is angry, guilty, and feels betrayed by everyone including her protectors, and feels like a dislocated soul. Anne is lonely and rebellious.  

EC:  Anne and her dad are at odds?

DG:  They had two different approaches to redemption and trauma.  Otto refuses to dwell in the tragedies of the past and looks to a better future. He tells Anne in my book quote, “What is the point of having survived? What is the point of living if we are to be poisoned by our own sorrow?” He refers to their motto of work, love, courage, and hope. He feels that those loved ones who died can be kept alive with love in the survivor’s hearts. But Anne refuses to relinquish these tragedies and faces them with anger and guilt.  She believes the guilty deserve punishment and the dead deserve justice.  I drew a book quote from survivors who wondered where was God at Bergen-Belsen?  Anne feels, “The only thing God has given us is death. God has given us the gas chambers.  God has given us the crematoria.  Those are God’s gifts to us and this:” She then exposes her forearm with the number A-25063.

EC:  The book and diary show that Anne had a strained relationship with her mother?

DG:  Yes, especially when they were in hiding.  Otto actually edited the diary where Anne was unfairly cruel to her mother, but remember she was a teenager.  Witnesses reported after they were arrested and sent to the camps the two sisters and their mother were inseparable, and the conflict with her mother vanished.  I hope I get this across in the book, especially in the scene in Bergen-Belsen.

EC:  It is inconceivable to me that at the end of the war the Germans were still cruel.  I guess a leopard does not shed its skin?

DG:  I also had a hard time understanding the psychopathic attitude of the Nazis. At the beginning of Anne’s diary, she refers to the German language as uncivilized. Even at the end of the war they still tried to murder as many Jews as possible.  They tried to hide it by blowing up the crematoriums.  It is hard to get into the mindset of the Nazis.  For example, the Commandant of Bergen-Belsen at the end of the war agreed to turn over the camp to the British.  The SS staff and he were continuing to do their duties and expected to be treated as soldiers after capture.  They were actually shocked when the Commandant was immediately arrested.

EC:  You also have a scene where returning Jews were required to pay unpaid taxes?

DG:  True.  In Holland those returning from concentration camps faced a tax bill.  I am not aware that anyone said they would let it slide.

EC: What about those in Holland deporting Jewish refugees back to Germany after the war?

DG:  Also true.  A scene in the book has Anne being told that those in Holland, by denouncing the Nuremberg racial laws, have converted all German-born Jews back into German citizens-thereby branding them ‘enemy nationals,’ that are subject to deportation back to Germany.  It was not specifically directed to German Jews, but I think in 1946 there were about fifteen German Jews deported to the people that brutalized them. Anne’s character at the end of the war has no sympathy for the Germans.

EC:  What about the betrayals?

DG: I put forth the many theories because there is no smoking gun.  The only character who overtly declares her belief concerning the identity of the betrayer is Bep who feels it was her sister Nelli, a Nazi collaborator, who betrayed the Franks to the Germans. A story told to me by someone who knew Miep, another family friend: They asked her if she knew and she answered ‘can you keep a secret.  Well so can I.’

EC:  What do you want readers to get out of the book?

DG:  Anne is a representation of the Holocaust.  Six million is but a number, but in reading her diary we see a tragedy.  In this book, I hope people will see that Anne is someone we can identify with on an emotional level.  She is a very skilled writer as evidenced by her last entry in August 1944.  The message of the book, and maybe what Anne Frank tried to tell us is that hope can survive even in the face of destruction, despair, and brutality.

THANK YOU!!

[queen-of-the-avengers]

May i have a guess on vixens life pre hydra?

Do you think she was a daughter of a dress maker and a father that is an architect from the past who show their little girl skills she can use when shes older from sketching , sewing and couple more . If they passed away in an untimely event (events in 1939) she though she was safe in central europe while carrying some clothing , sketchbook and has a place when she moved to the netherlands but she ended up in germany where everything is tight while she is working with a local tailor/dress making shop where some point in the early fortes walking home first hydra spies took her to do experiments then the torture and few more with the gasslight method . She meets bucky first as bucky when in catfa before rescued from the factory . Vixen was the guard for buck , he did charm her but they only talk

Buck:how about untying me doll

Vixen*shakes head*thats not my orders sargent. Id love too but i cant

The time she "met"cap was in a fight on the plane schmidt was on and she dawned a full covered suit even face was masked while also controled by hydra a starter trial of brain wash comand that buck will have soon . The fight ended with vixen being plumbed off the plane during take off . Meeting bucky as winter soildier he was curious at first after the program installed in him . Vixens handler comands her to attack as winter soildiers handler mentions "this is the star of your training...." Few years on and these two are a deadly pair time and time vixen off their control and fails to be memory wipped remembers it all as it haunts her while the bad guys found out the type of serum shes in vixen can never age, body injuries heal (ex: someone punches her and jaw disproportion it snaps back quick to original position) agility, strength etc . Some of the male agents find it hot the original guys even plucked a lady like her , they tried to take advantage of her till she snaps and can kill many agents that surounded her . The scientists even zola amused of this stealth version . More experiments and extractions to make many like her failed she laughs at how they cant even make another they want to hit her but she has a point till zola puts her in a type of chamber and the only torture they have specificly for the super soildiers next to physical beatings is "sensory overload" its painful to thoes with enhanced/sensitive sences the manner of its procdure is diffrent from the mind wipe that bucky is put under. Times they are awake long and kept hidden they share a cell no matter how many times winters head got mushed . When she first escapes she went to asia second in another place . Final escape that hydra didnt get her to beat her up was a year after winter is with steve undergoing rehab which also lead to hydras downfall . Hiding in various places . Sketchbook +pen/pencil at hand with some jobs here and there to help herself she temporarily settled in a place where she isnt hunted to be "their" weapon .

this is a good idea for a prequel to the events of the fic i wrote! i may change some things, but thanks for sending this in!

[romaniassexdungeon]

Credit to @phyripo for the header image.

Oh look, I’ve finally finished another fic inspired by a Pogues song! This time it’s NedRo, based on ‘Haunting’ and the tone is rather… different compared to my other fics. Whilst most stories in the series are rather angst-filled (though there are happier ones scattered in there to mix things up) this one’s… well, I don’t want to say funny, more stupid and terrible. And most of it’s in verse. Because I hate myself. This took months to write and I’m so glad that it’s finally finished and I get to share this monstrosity with everyone.

I’m sorry.

Also Ned's name in this is Siemen. Blame Phyripo. Also thanks to her, @peteradnan and @tikola-nesla for reading extracts of this terrible thing and letting me ramble.

It’s probably better to read it on AO3

Siemen – Netherlands

Isabel – Belgium

Luca – Luxembourg

Alin - Romania

“Sit down on that stool hear the cant of a fool,

And a strange tale I'll impart to ye…”

“Opa, will you tell me a bedtime story?”

A big fat ‘no’ wasn’t going to be an acceptable answer here, was it?

The last thing Siemen wanted to do was read anyone a bedtime story, but two pairs of bright green eyes were staring right back at him in the gloom of their shared room and he knew he could spend an hour arguing with a pair of screaming children, or he could just tell them a damn story. At least this way, he could be downstairs with a glass of wine in ten minutes.

Isabel and Luca’s room was a mess of toys and clothes and Siemen wasn’t sure he’d ever seen two people with so many possessions. When he was a child, he had a few toys and books and a little bike. That was all. How did they even have time to play with all these toys? Especially since he’d never seen Luca play with anything except an iPad and that one plastic cash register.

Okay, maybe he was a little proud of Luca for that one. Especially when the kid short-changed a teddy bear for being rude to him.

He stared down at his grandchildren in despair. They… really wanted a story, didn’t they? Was there not something they could watch instead?

No, a story was always the best thing to send a child to sleep with. That was what his daughter insisted when she caught him letting the children watch Watership Down until they fell asleep (the TV show, not the film – he wasn’t a monster).

“Okay,” he said, voice cracking, “what book do you want?”

“Can’t you tell us a story from when you were young?” asked Isabel. “You’re so old! You must have interesting stories, right?”

It was illegal to dropkick a small child out the window, right?

“What did you do when you were little?” asked Luca.

“Respected my elders.” A fat lie but oh well. It was a lie his family told him to get him to behave. It didn’t work but they could sleep easily.

“Did you have TV?”

“Yes but only a few channels,” he sighed, “and it was small and grainy.” And if anyone knocked the aerial then the image was fucked and he’d miss the end of Floris in the time it took to fix it.

“So what did you do when you weren’t watching TV?” asked Isabel.

“Rode my bike.” He smiled, remembering the long summer days wasted cycling by the beach in the sun, maybe taking a picnic with him and spending hours just looking at the sea.

If he was being honest, he had to ride his bike everywhere, because he grew up in the countryside and everything was stupidly far away.

It was how he discovered-

That’s it!

“What about a story a friend of mine wrote?” he offered. Anything to stop them asking questions about his personal life. Even his wife – God rest her soul – could only recall approximately 5 facts about his life. And that was before the dementia set in.

The kids perked up.

“Well, he wrote poems,” Siemen clarified, “but story poems.”

Luca’s face lit up. “Ooh, like Dr Seuss?”

No, nothing like Dr Seuss. “Oh, sure. Like that.”

Leaving an excited pair of grandkids to their chatter, Siemen hauled himself up to shuffle into his room. He always tried to keep everything as organised as possible, a habit that now served him well in his old age. For example, he knew – under his bed – was a battered old suitcase where he kept old mementos regarding a certain someone.

There were two books in the suitcase, one a heavy scrapbook containing preserved leaves and twigs, the other was a notebook on the verge of falling apart.

The unpublished poems of Alin Radacanu, his final volume.

Hand written by Siemen Morgens, upon the poet’s insistence.

Most of these could only be described as ‘sexually menacing’ and certainly not appropriate for adult human beings, let alone children. There was one though…

When he hobbled back to the bedroom, Luca had climbed on the bunk bed to fight Isabel. Again. It was almost perfect, like Alin had planned to have his poem read aloud – for the first time – to a pair of fighting kids.

He snarled and began with a growl.

“Sit down ya wee bastard,

I’ve a tale of disaster,

And romance all to tell ye,

About a young man,

His name was Siemen,

And a strangely attractive ol’ tree.”

The kids jumped, Luca falling off the ladder and Isabel looking at him in utter confusion.

“Dr Seuss never swore in his books.”

He would if he ever met Alin. “I said it was like Dr Seuss, but not entirely. Now, if you promise to not tell your mother about the bad words, I would like to continue, please.”

The kids nodded, eyes sparkling at the thought of hearing ‘bad words’ with cool Opa Siemen. And keeping a secret from mum.

“One night, a cold night,

A night full of fright,

He set off on his little old bike,

Off to a party,

His attire classy,

As the rain it speared like a pike.

If a journey could kill,

Oh, this man hated hills,

He much preferred land to be flat,

He was a Dutchman,

So hills he would ban,

If he had the power to do that.”

“Why don’t you just get a taxi?” asked Isabel.

“It was the 1960s and I lived in the countryside. We didn’t have taxis like those fancy fuckers in Amsterdam. Also I was poor.”

Luca laughed at him.

“You shut your bitch mouth.”

“The rain was too much,

The trip dangerous, as such,

And the hill a steep torrent of mud,

So this man turned around,

For shelter was bound,

Before he got knee-deep in sludge.

At the foot of the hill,

Trapped in a chill,

Our hero sat, sulks by a tree,

But lo and behold,

Gnarly and bold,

This tree was in fact me.

Now a prankster I am,

And I can’t spare a damn,

So as slick and as sly as an oyst-

-er, I bent down to his ear,

And in words loud and clear,

I simply said to him: moist."

“Your friend isn’t very good,” Luca commented.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Well, no.”

“Then shut up.”

“He was up like a cat,

Or poker to the back,

And let out a terrible shriek,

His face deathly white,

Oh, what a horrible fright!

Simply too fearful to speak.

When nobody was seen,

Except for this tree,

This young man decided to run,

Away from ground haunted,

By ghosts he was taunted,

I, the living tree, he did shun.”

“Your friend… is a tree?” Isabel raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“Mum was right; you’re a senile old bastard.”

“I swear to you it’s tr- I’m a what?”

Isabel shrugged. “Her words, not mine.”

Siemen glared at her for a long moment. “Can I continue?”

They nodded.

“Good.”

“Back on his bike,

Almost flew into a dyke,

In his haste to get away from me,

Shaken and shook,

Without a backwards look,

At me, the twisted old tree.

For weeks, I, alone,

Just stood and bemoaned,

The loss of a potential new friend,

I want him back now,

My soul he will plow,

Will my loneliness ever just end?

Then one silent night,

A strange speck of light,

This man had come back to me,

Though he was scared,

My power he feared,

A new friendship, could this possibly be?”

Luca raised an eyebrow. “You went back to the scary old tree?”

Siemen shrugged. There was a time where he’d been less sensible, almost reckless. And maybe he just wanted to prove to himself that ghosts weren’t real because, dammit Siemen, you weren’t raised to be such a gullible fool.

“If you had found out ghosts were real, would you not want to find out more?”

“Ghosts aren’t real, though.”

“Well, you are wrong. Very wrong. Wrong and stupid.”

Luca began to cry. Because that is what happens when you call a seven-year-old stupid, Siemen.

“Wait, no, I didn’t mean it!” he hissed, “please don’t tell your mother.”

“Give me €20.”

“Absolutely the fuck not.”

Luca cried harder.

The little fu- “Fine! Here!” He – incredibly reluctantly – opened his wallet and fished out a twenty.

He already knew that smug smile on Isabel’s face meant bad news.

“You’ll have to pay me to not snitch too,” she said slyly. Why did his daughter have to go and have 2 kids?

With a growl, he handed over another twenty. “Can I continue my story now?”

“Sure thing, Opa!”

“He kealt at my root,

His glare was acute,

And demanded to know what I was,

Malevolent spirit,

A vision too vivid,

Or was he a cruel laughter’s cause.

I spoke to him gentle,

A voice thin and fragmental,

I begged him to hear my sad tale,

I meant him no harm,

No need for alarm,

I am but a man, cursed and frail,

Though his eyes showed his fear,

Siemen’s ‘yes’ was sincere,

He wanted to know tragedy,

This blight called my life,

My well-deserved strife,

The price of noxious vanity,

Alin the annoying,

A poet so trying,

A genius hated by all,

Though his rhyme was sublime,

And looks so divine,

He was regarded as quite the arsehole.

He made a bet with the devil,

Their power was level,

And he simply won’t ever die,

He put a gun to his head,

And in one shot was dead,

In blood did that idiot lie."

“This moron killed himself to prove he was immortal?” exclaimed Isabel.

“Well how else do you prove it?”

Isabel thought for a moment, then scowled when she couldn’t come up with a reply. Ha! That’s what Siemen thought!

"The devil punished this poet,

Eternal life? He’d bestow it,

Let this man live his mistakes,

Trapped in a tree,

Trickle of time oversee,

Alone in a silent heartache.

Well now I have Siemen,

Promised to be my friend,

He’d come back to visit again,

And the next day he came,

My heart was aflame,

This feeling spread like a bloodstain."

“Eugh,” Luca pulled a face. “A tree fell in love with you?”

“A tree that used to be a man, mind you.”

“It’s still weird. I mean, you couldn’t fall in love with a tree back, right?”

Siemen fell silent. His grandchildren looked at him in horror.

“Well it’s more about personality, you see.”

“And what kind of personality did Alin have?” asked Isabel.

“A horrible one.” They both raised their eyebrows. “Not really. Well, he was very strange, but I couldn’t help liking him. He was funny, and witty. And, well, I don’t know.” He could feel a blush creeping onto his face, and wanted to punch every single one of his blood vessels. “I just found him charming.”

Luca stared at him for a good minute. “Wait, are you saying this actually happened?”

“Of course.”

“You’re senile.”

“Sinterklaas isn’t real.”

Five minutes of crying, and a €30 bribe later, Siemen turned back to Alin’s poem.

“Our friendship, it grew,

To the town’s harsh ado,

Their tongues, like me, were thorny,

Though we broke the taboo,

Our hearts painted rouge,

The truth was he made me so-“

Sieman stopped. Why, Alin? “Oh no, that’s a bit too rude.” As were the next few verses, it seemed. And this was supposed to be one of the cleaner poems.

“We sat in the sun and he told me poems,” he explained, in the hopes of distracting his grandchildren from the prospect of something with a rude word in it, because holy fuck did children love rude words and he couldn’t have them asking their mother what ‘horny’ meant. “We talked about our lives and grew closer. He had a lot of interesting stories, though I’m not sure just how many were actually true.”

He desperately scanned the poem for something that was’t complete and utter filth, vaguely remembering just how disgusted he felt hearing it from Alin’s voice all those years ago.

Ah! Here we go!

“Our cruel reputation,

Across this flat nation,

The madman who French-kissed a tree,

I go naked in winter,

His lip has a splinter!

And his step-child a family of bees!”

Well, it was cleaner than the last seven verses. Isabel still looked disgusted though. He couldn’t blame her. It took him a week to get that splinter out. And that was just the one he got on his lip.

“Our time was a blast,

But it could never last,

He was a human and I just a tree,

I had stood here for years,

Cried cold, lonely tears,

What I wanted was my soul’s release.

What I ask of you dear,

I make this quite clear,

To go set me free at last,

Take your little axe,

Plunge it into my back,

And chop me up quite fast.

I know you will miss me,

With ice where you kissed me,

But the only way to break my cruel curse,

Is to chop me down,

My spirit set down,

Your axe shall be my own nurse.

I’m ready to die,

My soul has run dry,

And my bark has grown dark and inky,

So cut down this tree,

And let me be free,

In fact, I’ll find it quite- God fucking dammit Alin!”

“He’ll find it quite what?” asked Isabel.

“…Stinky?”

“That’s not the word! We’re not idiots!”

Siemen had had quite enough at this point. “It is the word now shut up and go to sleep!” And he left the kids to their protesting, turning off the light and creaking downstairs to find that wine bottle. After locking up the unpublished poems of Alin Radacanu somewhere innocent eyes couldn't find them, of course.

[eyesonworldcultures]

Do you speak corona? A guide to covid-19 slang Around the world, coronavirus is changing how we speak. Don’t be a “covidiot” - make sure your pandemic parlance is up to scratch.

Hamsteren 

1. To stuff one’s cheeks (verb)

2. Hoarding

Panic buying for beginners

Sign-language interpreters rarely get noticed, let alone upstage the person they're signing for. But during the early stages of the coronavirus epidemic in Europe, a Dutch signer went viral when she translated a government minister’s warning not to hoard food with a pinched nose and rodent-like clawing with her hands. She was signing the word “hamsteren”, which means stuffing food into your cheeks like a hamster, or, as it’s more commonly used, to hoard.

The Netherlands prides itself on frugality and household thrift. So until recently the verb mostly had jolly connotations: annual supermarket promotional events (“de hamsterweken”) rewarded star hamsters who were stocking up on supplies. Germans use a similar word, “Hamsterkauf”. Whereas the English word “hoarding” refers to something secretive, which happens when nobody is watching, “hamsteren” is clearly visible and speaks to the much-celebrated Dutch openness.

Openness has turned to shame as the outbreak advanced. In the Netherlands, as elsewhere, people have “hamstered” in supermarkets as they worried about disruptions to supply chains and being isolated indoors. “Hamsteren is not nice,” Mark Rutte, the Dutch prime minister, said in a press conference; later he called it “retarded”. Shops are calling on people to stop the practice too, and social-media memes ridicule the hoarders. Albert Heijn, a supermarket chain that organises annual hamster weeks, called off the yearly promotion that was supposed to start in April. The Dutch had already filled their cheeks. Sacha Nauta Geisterspiel 1. ghost game (noun)   A football match needs more than 22 players   March 11th was an odd milestone for German football: it was the first ever Geisterspiel, or ghost game in the Bundesliga, German football's top-flight division. As coronavirus was spreading across the country, the city of Mönchengladbach in west Germany decreed that the match against FC Cologne, a Rhineland derby, would now take place without fans. Inside the deserted 54,000-seater stadium the announcer rattled through his usual script: team line-ups, league standings, and then, finally, spectator numbers: “Today, there are none.” The hosts won 2-1, but the victory felt hollow. "It is sport without a heart," wrote Die Zeit, a weekly.Geisterspiele have a long history in football. The word once referred to games so obscured by winter fog that players were reduced to spectres and the ball had to be imagined. The modern usage arose in the 1980s, when footballing authorities banned supporters of lower-league teams from attending specific matches as a punishment for hooliganism. This year, fans barely had time to get used to the coronavirus-induced Geisterspiele before the German football season, like most in Europe, was suddenly suspended.  With no end in sight to Germany's restrictions on mass gatherings Christian Seifert, head of the German Football League, says that Geisterspiele might be the only way to conclude the season. Much is at stake: Germany’s is the world's third most valuable league, and some teams fear that they will go bankrupt if the season is voided. Yet Geisterspiele bring their own problems; during their team’s game against Cologne, hundreds of Mönchengladbach fans defied the club’s appeals and assembled outside, hoping that their cheers would penetrate the empty stadium. In a novel turn of events, the ghost game was haunted by humans. Tom Nuttall

Covidiot

1. Someone who ignores public health advice (noun)   Where there are rules, there are those who break them   Even in a pandemic, many of us are prone to judge others and find them wanting: the term “covidiot” describes any and every person behaving stupidly or irresponsibly as the epidemic spreads. Sometime in early March the word was born, and, almost as fast as the virus spread, so did instances of covidiotic behavior.   The panic-buyers who left supermarket shelves bare of toilet paper and pasta were among the first to earn the title covidiot in Britain, America and elsewhere. Soon, as government lockdowns were put in place, they were followed by those who ignored public health warnings to stay home. These new covidiots held barbecues on beaches, sunbathed in parks and, in one particularly extreme instance, a covidiot wiped his own saliva on goods at a British supermarket. In Florida bull-headed youths on spring break flooded bars and beaches; one shirtless partygoer told news reporters, “If I get corona, I get corona. At the end of the day, I’m not going to let it stop me from partying.” The label has also been used to describe those expounding conspiracy theories about the origins of covid-19, and others warning not to get any eventual coronavirus vaccine as being “from the pit of hell”.   At least the term is a democratic one. The label has been applied from the highest office to the lowest. Like the virus itself, no one is immune. Alia Shoaib

你别来我无恙 (nǐbiélái wǒwúyàng)

1. If you don’t come, I won’t come to any harm   Catching an old Chinese expression   People in China often use an old pleasantry, 别来无恙 (biéláiwúyàng), to greet each other after a long time apart. The literal translation is “I hope nothing bad has happened since we last said farewell”. In common parlance the phrase essentially means, “I hope you’ve been well”. It’s respectful, but conveys warmth and care too.   But the term’s ancient origins have new bearing in the time of covid-19. According to “I Ching”, the “Book of Changes”, a book on divination and wisdom from the ninth century BC, the final character of the expression, 恙 (yàng), originally referred to a highly contagious bug that caused acute fever and a rash. In its early usage, then, people used this phrase to ask someone if they have become infected since they’d last met – the expression was uttered partly to wish someone well, partly as a warning to stay away if they were contagious.   This meaning had long passed out of the popular consciousness, but as the outbreak of coronavirus spread, the original use made an unexpected comeback. A new phrase, 你别来我无恙 (nǐbiélái wǒwúyàng) means “if you don’t come, I won’t come to any harm”. This reconfiguring of the old idiom was bandied around as the epidemic moved across China, a means to promote social distancing between friends and family. It was a playful nod to history, with a serious message: if you wish me well, stay away. Frankie Huang

Quatorzaine

1. 14-day isolation period (noun) The French almost make isolation sound romantic The French language helped to give the English-speaking world the term “quarantine”, which derives from quarantaine, meaning a period of 40 days. There are references to its use in French, presumed to be of biblical origin, as early as the 12th century. It was during the plague in the 14th century that Italy used the word quarantena to refer specifically to isolation for reasons of disease. Venetians employed the term to describe the period of time a ship had to wait in port as a sanitary precaution before its crew could disembark. In short, the English language borrowed the word from French and the definition from Italian.

Now the French have dug up another word, quatorzaine, to refer to the 14-day self-isolation period recommended during the covid-19 crisis. “How many pupils are en quatorzaine?” a French radio host asked the education minister, Jean-Michel Blanquer, shortly before he closed down schools in March. “Two doctors en quatorzaine” runs a typical newspaper headline.

The French language lends itself to such linguistic formations: a dizaine, derived from the number dix, means ten of something; a douzaine, derived from douze, means 12. So talking about somebody being en quatorzaine rolls easily off the French tongue. Its anglicised version, on the other hand, would involve referring to somebody being “in quatorzine”. That may appeal for reasons of brevity, but, with time less at a premium these days, it seems unlikely to replace the more long-winded English phrase “in 14-day isolation”. Sophie Pedder

Untore 

1. Plague spreader (noun)    What Italians have learned from plague-themed literary classics   As the world adjusts to life under quarantine, many have sought refuge in the pages of plague-themed literature. Sales of Albert Camus’ “The Plague”, about a disease-infested Algerian town in the 1940s, have soared; one publisher has struggled to keep up with orders.     Italians have also re-embraced two national literary classics.  Alessandro Manzoni’s “The Betrothed”, a classroom staple published in 1827, is set partly in Milan during the plague of 1630.  In it, outsiders suspected of deliberately spreading the disease are labelled untori.  The allegation was previously directed at Jews accused of propagating the plague in 1348.  With the current coronavirus onslaught the word has crept back into use.

The noun untore comes from the verb ungere, meaning “to grease”; unto means “oily”.  In “The Betrothed” the untori supposedly sought to infect as many people as possible with their unguento, “ointment”. The word has now resurfaced in reference to Chinese people accused of bringing covid-19 to Italy, and to lambast the way that many Italians were treated by countries with fewer cases. When China sent medical equipment one headline ran “From untore to samaritan”.  The usage develops as the outbreak spread. The latest untori are the runners who pound the pavement despite the lockdown , and three Red Cross medics who returned from Lombardy, Italy’s worst-hit region, to Puglia in the south only to be harassed by neighbours.  

If Manzoni offers insight into the human instinct to find scapegoats, an earlier classic has some practical advice. In Giovanni Boccaccio’s “Decameron”, ten people isolate themselves in a villa outside Florence during the plague of 1348 and recount stories, some sexually explicit, to pass the time. Fiction continues to offer both inspiration and solace Alexandra Fattal 

Coronaspeck

1. Coronavirus fat (noun)

Some Germans are feeding their fear    German workers ordered to stay at home to help the government flatten one sort of curve have found themselves battling the emergence of another, just above the belt. Home workouts sound great, but the days are long and dull and your latest bout of Hamsterkäufe(panic-buying; lit. "hamster-purchase") has left the fridge gloriously well-stocked. There's always another variety of Ritter Sport to try, oder? Anyway, what's a few kilos between socially distanced friends?

Coronaspeck is the helpful German word for the fat deposited by weeks of stay-at-home grazing. Shoppers in Germany may know Speck as a bacon-like foodstuff, perhaps found on a crisp Flammkuchen or inside hearty Swabian Maultaschen. But its broader meaning corresponds to something like the English "flab". Babyspeck, for example, is the puppy fat that lingers into adolescence; Winterspeck a memento of excessive indulgence in cold months. Best known is Kummerspeck, or "sorrow-fat": think a tear-streaked Bridget Jones devouring tubs of ice-cream in the throes of a break-up.

How can Coronaspeck be combatted? Happily, Germany’s lockdown is a notch more tolerant than those of some neighbours. There is no limit on the number of excursions for exercise or other essential purposes. And if the neologism identifies one of the downsides of the corona-crisis, an older noun may inspire some to meet the challenge. Sitzfleisch (lit. "sitting-meat") can mean one’s bottom, but it is also the ability, much-prized in Germany, to endure or stick something out. The country’s restrictions will not expire until April 19th at the earliest. What better test of a nation’s ability to resist the temptations of the pantry? 

抄作业 (chāo zuò yè) 

1. To copy homework (verb) 2. To steal China’s ingenuity without giving credit 

Chinese social-media users think other countries are copying their homework

It used to be that, if you searched 抄作业 “chao zuoye” on Chinese social media, you’d see tales of students plagiarising or cheating on tests: the term means to copy someone’s homework. Chao means to copy, and zuoye means school assignments. But zuoye can also refer to work in a more general sense, which has allowed the phrase to take on a new meaning amid the coronavirus pandemic.

As the virus has spread around the world, the lockdown is slowly being lifted in China and life in some parts of the country appears to be slowly returning to a (new) normal. Many are now watching to see how other countries fight covid-19. “Streets in Malaysia are really copying homework,” says a user on Weibo, a Twitter-like service, alongside a slideshow of public-service posters across Malaysia. The pictures show red banners with public-health slogans printed in white – a stylistic format that Chinese propagandists have used since long before the current pandemic. One Chinese blogger wrote that the National Basketball Association in America was copying the Chinese Basketball Association’s homework, after ESPN reported that the NBA was studying the CBA’s tactics for hosting games during China’s lockdown.

To say another country is copying homework is to be patriotic, but with snark. When another country copies China’s homework, users mean that it’s deploying tactics pioneered by China, without giving credit. This sentiment was particularly prevalent among Chinese Weibo users when Donald Trump labelled covid-19 the “Chinese virus,” drawing attention – and blame – to the global pandemic’s source. As the virus spreads in the West, many commenters on Weibo have called the health crisis facing America an “open-book exam”. As ever, China is keen to be top of the class.  Noelle Mateer

[nicoleinmagicwonderland-blog]

German Comic Con Dortmund Winter, 2019 review

Meeting: Drew Fuller, Holly Marie Combs, Brian Krause, Billy Zane, Alicia Silverstone, Troian Bellisario, Ashley Benson, Ian Harding and Annabeth Gish.

I thought London Film and Comic Con would be the big convention in 2019. But with Dortmund we have a winner! Not only my biggest con of the year but also the biggest convention I ever attended to. I lost count how many guest stars they had for their line up. All I know is there were never so many guests I wanted to meet and I had to make difficult choices picking only my big favourites. I couldn’t afford all and even if I could it was too many.

Dortmund had a special area Rosewood for the show Pretty Little Liars. I never met anyone from the show before and truth be told apart from Ashley Benson no one from the cast replied to my fanmail letters in this past. So this was great opportunity for me to finally meet some cast members & collect some autographs from Pretty Little Liars. But again.. so many choices so difficult to pick.  Sadly Tyler Blackburn cancelled last minute due Rosewood filming. He is and always will be favourite from the show so I hope gets re-invited for the Spring edition.  Anyway I got a photo op with Ashley Benson, she was a bit shy but genuinely friendly. I love her smile! I met Ian Harding during the autographs and he was so kind and took such a long time to talk to everyone and he is actually really funny! I met Troian Bellisario twice that weekend once during the autographs and then for the photo op, she was nice to. Actually told me she would love to go The Netherlands someday.

Dortmund also had 3 Charmed actors booked for this convention, actually 4 if you also count Billy Zane. As I mentioned in my post earlier this year.. (when I met Shannen Doherty) I have been a Charmed fan for 19 years so meeting Holly Marie Combs, Brian Krause and Drew Fuller all together for a photo op was a dream coming true. Sadly the photo op itself didn’t turn out great (well they looked good, but I didn’t) but the moment itself was fantastic! Drew Fuller was so charming! I met Brian Krause later for an autograph and he was so friendly. Took a long time to talk to me. He is as angelic as his character Leo in the show. I met Holly the next day for the autographs and even though the huge queue was huge she still took time for a short chat and she is such a funny lady.

At this convention I also met Billy Zane, Alicia Silverstone and Annabeth Gish. All very lovely people! Meeting Billy Zane was something really special to me. I’ve been a huge Titanic fan ever since the movie was released & I was only 11 years old at the time. Titanic is still along with The Lord of The Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia my favourite movie of all time. I also love his work in Charmed and most of all the mini series Cleopatra.  He was very friendly, I had a nice chat with him. When the scanning ticket system was down he shaked everyone's hand to tell us the system wasn’t working at the moment.  On Saturday I got him sign my Titanic photo and on Sunday I got back to get my Cleopatra photo signed. He wrote down a quote for me! It looks amazing!! Annabeth Gish was very friendly to. I told her how much I loved her work in “The Haunting of Hillhouse” (first time meeting someone from the cast, yes!) Alicia Sliverstone was adorable and cute during the photo op. I so totally really regret not buying an autograph with her.  I had no idea she would be this lovely to meet. Alicia is also someone I’ve been a fan of since my childhood years so again a very special experience.

So overall I made some fantastic memories this weekend and couldn’t be happier. However have some mixed feelings about the convention itself. The photoshoots were a huge mess on Saturday. It was so disorganized that it was a very stressful experience for me. Truth be told I don’t think I ever seen so mess at photo shoots in all my convention years. Part of me was glad I didn’t have enough money for more photo ops. Also I’m not that excited about how my photo ops turned out. I didn’t like half of the shoots I took while loved all my photo ops from London Film and Comic & Dutch Comic Con earlier this year. So in Spring I’m going to focus more on autographs and less on photo ops because the autograph rooms were really nice, relaxed and organized which made the whole experience a lot better. Actually after the photo shoots I was a bit in a bad mood but then I got meet Ian Harding for an autograph he completely turned my mood again (I didn’t tell him anything) it was just his positive vibe and nice chat. Really looking forward meeting him again in Spring. Lucy Hale is also announced and keeping my fingers crossed for Tyler Blackburn. Despite the bad experience during the photo ops I actually really enjoyed this convention.  So I rather focus on the good then the bad because that’s making me much happier. So Thank You German Comic Con for this convention that made convention dreams come true!

[countrymadefoods]

6 Weird Dating Traditions In History That Might Actually Make You Grateful For Tinder

“We hear a lot about the so-called "golden age" of dating — the early '50s and '60s, where men brought flowers, opened doors, and generally behaved as if their date was a piece of fine china without any agency — and how modern casual attitudes have made the process both less formal and less magical...Throughout history, people have concocted all kinds of ways to express love and propose marriage in the confines of their societies — and they've had to get very inventive.

Medieval romantic tradition, for instance, was dominated by courtly love, which required men to poetically idealize ladies who were completely inaccessible or out of their league (which usually meant either "married" or "dead"). They'd express their abject servitude to their lady at great length, and enjoy the dramas of an impossible love, without actually requiring anybody to do anything. And from 1740 to 1820, English literature was flooded with novels by women about how confusing courtship was, and how to do it properly.

Men Whittling Love Spoons

Welsh "love spoons" date back to the early 17th century, and were designed to be made out of a single piece of wood to demonstrate the carver's prowess...There was a language to these love spoons: Flowers, hearts and locks and keys were pretty self-explanatory, but a wheel meant "I will work for you," while putting a twist in the wood meant "togetherness 4ever."

Year-Long Competitions

One of the most famous bride competitions, from the historian Herodotus, involved the king Cleisthenes, who made his daughter's suitors compete for an entire year.

Coded Fan Language

In the 18th and 19th centuries in Europe, a "fan language" developed for women to be able to communicate to interested parties without opening their mouths. Folding hand fans were used to send signals as various as "Do not betray our secret" (covering your left ear with an open fan)...and "Do you love me?" (presenting a shut fan).

Sack Cuddling

[A] practice called bundling appeared in the 19th century (supposedly in the Netherlands before spreading to Britain and Pennsylvania) involving putting prospective couples in two sacks and letting them "sleep" together. It was actually rather kind; rather than letting two strangers marry, each partner was put inside a sack, and they were allowed to get to know each other, talk, and even spoon — without any premarital hanky-panky.

Victorian Dance Cards

Nobody did regimented courtship like the Victorians...The most common courting ritual was the giving of cards at dances, which were the main mixing grounds for different genders among the Victorian English. Men filled out their names on a woman's dance card (basically a roster), which she wore delicately tied around her wrist, and left their personal calling cards if they wished to call on her at home at a later point.If the woman liked what she saw, she gave him her card, and the courtship was on.

 Sexy Belts

There was a trend in the Italian Renaissance for prospective lovers to give their lady friends erotically inscribed belts. Belts pop up in a lot of poetry of the time, as symbols of sexuality and beauty which women of all societal positions could wear and receive as gifts: at one point in Boccaccio's Decameron , a woman seduces a man by giving him her belt...There's a particularly famous belt from Italy which was presumably given to a woman, with a highly erotic poem embroidered on the inside; it begins "I will burn even as a phoenix/with the fire of your kisses/and will die."

Lonely hearts and holiday flings: a history of dating

“[T]he history of dating...how similar the problems of today are to the 1930s, the 1840s, and even the 1780s. From worrying about a partner’s financial standing, or whether someone was going to stick around long enough for you to have children with them, to persuading your parents they are indeed a good fit, the means by which we go about finding love may have changed, but not the hopes, dreams and anxieties we’ve had about discovering it.

In the Regency era, for example, the advice was clear: looks matter but value them at the peril of your long-term happiness...throughout history, grooming and dressing as well as you possibly can has always been a better strategy than ruminating on what you don’t have.”

“Once you were suitably styled, you needed to get a date’s attention. The Georgians were mad for ‘lonely hearts’ adverts, which they would write and post via newspapers including the Times, later in matrimonial gazettes, circulated around London’s coffee houses, while the Victorians settled on the idea of the marriage bureau, an agency designed to match the middle classes, via photos and details about their hobbies.

In the flesh, of course, the best seduction tool has always been dancing. From Regency square dancing to secret Victorian drag balls, from the 1920s ‘turkey trot’ to the 1990s acid house rave scene, the vertical expression of the horizontal desire has rarely failed a trier.”

“But if you couldn’t dance, witty conversation and excellent manners have always served as a good substitute. Meeting a lady on the street in Victorian England was a fraught business...Middle-class Victorians embraced a complicated ritual of giving out calling cards, and of making home visits according to a strict etiquette. However, even if you succeeded getting an audience with your potential amour, you would never be left unattended. Chaperones were in full force until the First World War, when the exodus of Britain’s young men left women to parry and party on their own.”

“When we think of the early 20th century, we may imagine courting couples meeting one another on realistic terms, their expectations untroubled by the imagery of dream homes and impossibly honed bodies that haunt contemporary media. However, we’ve always idealised glamour. From the birth of the celebrity-courted gossip column in the 1920s and the boom in cinema from the 1930s, our aspiration to marry the richest and most beautiful has long intruded upon our daily contentment...the Victorians even had the own version of Instagram, exchanging carte de visites – small portrait prints which would be organised into albums also containing images of celebrities and royalty. These albums were exchanged in flirtation but also as a means of asserting one’s social standing. The trick was to guess whether someone showcasing a royal portrait had in fact met the royal in question.”

“Perhaps the biggest surprise about our dating history is that pre-marital sex has often been the norm for most people. Apart from the revival of a long-practised behaviour called ‘bundling’ – cuddling with clothes on – which was a response to the 1834 Poor Law penalising women who found themselves pregnant as single mothers...Marie Stopes wrote her sex manual Married Love in 1918...advocated the benefits of conjugal love, and physical pleasure within marriage. “I paid such a terrible price for sex-ignorance...that I feel knowledge gained at such a cost should be placed at the service of humanity.”

“In the 1930s, Marjorie Hillis, the author of Live Alone and Like it...acknowledging that plenty of single ladies were inviting gentleman callers back to their homes at night, and that societal attitudes were changing: “A woman’s honour is no longer mentioned with bated breath and protected by her father, her brother and the community. It is now her own affair.”

Meanwhile, in the 1960s, ‘the pill’ didn’t quite provide the immediate revolution it has been credited with. Originally it was only prescribed to married women, and even in the 1970s, doctors could refuse women a prescription on moral grounds...the downside of women procuring the pill was that men, who had originally assumed responsibility for acquiring condoms, stopped taking as much responsibility for contraception.”

“The bicycle, meanwhile, also improved romantic opportunities. Contrary to the tricycle, which saw women wearing full skirts and accompanied by a chaperone...Etiquette guides of the period recognised that people could now pay “surprise visits … by moonlight” and that seaside flirtations could be enhanced by romantic bike rides together. While there was fear about exactly what kind of excitations might be invoked by the bike riding, 1897’s Manners for Men advised that men encountering female cyclists “help ladies as much as possible by pushing their machines up the hills for them”.

“In the 1930s middle-class women that found themselves ‘left on the shelf’ still travelled to colonial India in search of husbands. Nicknamed ‘the fishing fleet’, these women travelled by boat to colonial outposts along with ambitious young men seeking work. In some cases, they’d often coupled up before the vessel had even docked...Later, the film Shirley Valentine would inspire a flock of similarly inclined women, including female sex tourists who were courted by young Caribbean men called ‘rastitudes’, and men who sought mail-order brides, on a ‘no-try-before-buy’ basis.”

”As for the future of dating? Well, there’s one thing for sure – it’s not in decline like marriage, which, in 2013, was nearly back down to its 2008 all-time lowest level since 1895. Instead, dating is fast becoming our favourite global hobby. And in an increasingly competitive marketplace, we’ll need new tricks up our sleeves in order to compete for the best paramours.”

(via Lonely hearts and holiday flings: a history of dating - History Extra)

Put down that phone! Here’s how to meet potential dates without apps.

“If you want to meet someone “in the wild,” putting some effort into making that introduction happen and not just hoping for a chance encounter is key. Here are a few tips:

Don’t rely on serendipity

“counting on serendipity to meet someone isn’t always fruitful...If you go into every situation with the expectation of meeting the love of your life, you’re most likely going to be let down. Instead, focus on expanding your social network and giving yourself opportunities to meet people.”

Sign up for an (ideally new) activity

“If you want to meet someone organically, increase the chances of it actually happening by going to places that open you up to meeting people with shared interests.”

Go to events alone

“While bringing a friend along may seem like the most natural thing to do when going to a social event...You’re more likely to get out of your comfort zone and talk to people if you have to.”

Use body language that’ll help

“The key to meeting someone is looking like you actually want to meet someone...First things first – smile...“Who cares if you look like you have nothing to do...It’s amazing what you can do when you’re not looking at your phone...You can have a more intimate conversation when you’re closer, next to each other...Across feels more like an interview.” 

If you’re stuck for a pickup line, look around you

“If someone does catch your eye, try starting a conversation that’s relevant to the situation. Typically, people will be pretty transparent about their feelings. “If they talk to you for a long period of time, they’re probably interested...And if they’re in a relationship, they’ll probably bring up their significant other in conversation.” When in doubt, you can always just flat out ask them out...”

Take risks

“[D]on’t expect that the first person you approach is going to end up being the father of your child, or you’ll be sorely disappointed. The most important part of being open to meeting people is being open to rejection...After all, all you need is one to work out.”

(via Put down that phone! Here’s how to meet potential dates without apps. | The Washington Post)

[stephaniebelgianswiftie]

How Taylor Swift “reputation” album helped me during the toughest days of my life.

At that time of the year, last year, everybody was thrilled to discover “reputation”, after months without any news about Taylor Swift. And so was I! As a lot of Swifties, I was listening to the 4 songs we got earlier from that album: Look what you made me do, ... Ready for it?, Gorgeous and Call it what you want. They were playing all day long, everyday.

I should have been at work but in the middle of October, the doctors called me (which is never for good news, right?) and it was official : after taking my mommy and my oldest sister away from me, cancer had decided to play with me.

My emotions went through a lot of roller coasters... I was so afraid, I got a lot of questions, I was wondering what my son (who wasn’t even 3 back then) would do without me. I had to stop working and stay home. 

One thing I was sure about is that I wanted and I needed to write and talk about it.  Not to make people sad or give them the impression I wanted to complain. I hate complainers! I know I’m not the first one and unfortunately I’m not the last one to fight a cancer. A lot of children go through even hardest days than the ones I started to live in 2017. But I needed to express myself, to let my fears and all my feelings getting out of me. Everybody should do that, no matter what they go through happy or sad moments in their lives.

That’s how I started to write a blog in October 2017and I got a lot of unexpected support. I got a lot of messages of strangers telling me their similar stories and being so kind and supportive.

I got a lot of friends coming home, I got my family around me and my little baby whom I HAD to fight for!

When I was home alone, I was not really... because Taylor was singing a lot in my headphones. Like... A SWIFTING LOT! 

It felt so good to hear those new songs, to focus on the amazing music I was listening and those beautiful and powerful lyrics I needed to learn asap. 

I remember the post I wrote on my blog (link is here: https://monpetitjournalrose.wordpress.com/2017/10/27/pink-is-the-new-black-ready-for-it/ ) in which I was talking about Taylor and her song “... Ready for it?”. This song made me want to fight soooo bad!!! Here are some of my interpretation of the lyrics:

« Knew he was a killer, first time that I saw him Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted »

Taylor is talking about someone but when I hear those lyrics, I immediately think about the cancer who kills a lot of women : the “loved” ones are the ones who have to fight the cancer and the “haunted” ones are the families and friends of the fighters OR the women who will have to fight cancer one day...

« But if he’s a ghost then, I can be a phantom Holdin’ him for ransom »

If the cancer comes to me like a ghost, I can surely be stronger than that!

« I-I-I see how this is gon’ go, touch me and you’ll never be alone »

Touch me (f*cking cancer) but I’ll also be touched by a lot of good people and support and hugs and love etc.

« I know I’m gonna be with you, so I take my time… are you ready for it? »

I know I’ll have to deal with you but I will take my time to kick your ass... are you ready for it?

I remember listening to the complete album for the first time when I was on the road to the hospital for a pre-surgery appointement. Damn, that album gave me so much forces and so much hopes. I really can’t put words on what I felt, but I wasn’t desperate by the situation I was going through. I wanted to live for so many reasons. I started to think about the most important people and things in my life. What do I need to do? What am I supposed to do on this Earth? What is the purpose of my life? 

During those five days at the hospital, I was only listening to “reputation”. Couldn’t get sick of it. I don’t know how many times a day I needed to charge the battery of my iPhone. I learnt almost all the lyrics in my hospital room and I was dying to go back home and try to play “Call it what you want” with my guitar.

Now, 2018 is slowly coming to an end and I’m pretty good! The hardest days are over (and crossed fingers, they won’t come back anytime soon) and I have some new plans for my life. I will take my time but everyday will be a day full of good and positive things.

Amongst the unlimited list of things I want to live, there is something I always wanted since March 6th 2011 : see Taylor Swift again at a show. I was hoping she will be coming in Belgium, or France, or the Netherlands with the “Reputation Stadium Tour” but she didn’t. And that’s okay. That’s how it was supposed to be... and I know that I’ll be going to another Taylor show one day. I made a promise to myself : next tour, I will go to the UK or anywhere else, if that’s what it takes to make it happen.

I’m also thrilled to make some of my dreams come true, right now and not in 10 years as I used to think before : writing a book (or two...) and meeting @taylorswift - @taylornation. One day. 

Even if it takes some time, I know I will.