#i wrote a paper on it for my gender studies class

[n11d44hs-t0n]

rewatching veronica mars,,,my comfort show,,,

idk what other people say about it or what criticisms they have,,,i love this show

s1 and s2 are so solid, s3 a little less so but it’s fun and s4 was devastating

[actually18pigeons]

Hi! I saw a couple weeks ago you added on a post about men and fiber craft that you were writing your thesis on masculinity and knitting and that sounds super interesting! I was wondering if there were any book/resources on masculinity and knitting (or just knitting in general) that you would recommend? I'm a Big Knitting Guy, and I really want to know more about the craft I devote most of my spare time to beyond how to do the thing. 😁

Hi! There’s not much literature on the gender/knitting combo which is why I’m so intrigued by studying and writing about it!

And actually part of my thesis is going to include a sort of crowd-source survey about people’s experiences/perceptions of the gender dynamics of knitting. If you (or anyone) wishes to participate once I get to that stage absolutely reblog/reach out!!

General knitting-wise A History of Hand Knitting by Richard Rutt is quite thorough, though difficult to find in print. Museums like the Victoria and Albert Museum also has some nice articles about the history of knitting

Or, if you’re interested in reading a paper I wrote for class about the history of knitting from pre-history to 1500s message me and I can share it with you!

[ordonianhero]

Story time

Cw: mention of harassment

When I was in high school around early 2000s I joined “gay straight alliance”. During that time I studied the numbers of those apart of the lgbtq+ were discriminated against in schools when identifying as lgbtq+ and how schools felt with that. It grabbed the attention to our local news paper asking me to make a commentary piece in it. Mind you I was a junior in high school.

I wrote the piece with facts and proof how it was still on going. How schools need to change their policy on “S.H.” To included those apart of the lgbtq+ community. We brought a visual with desks that showed what daily life was like for those who are lgbtq and stories of people murdered based on their sexual and gender identity.

That summer school changed their policy, adding sexuality and identity of lgbtq+ being included based on things I said and did. In my senior year. I was saved by said policy. And here is how. I was in a class where I helped with disabled teens (since I couldn’t do p.e. For my health) there was a student who I friended and who begin reporting false reports I was making advanced on her. This was only when she found out I was a trans. Every day I was pulled out of class for false reports.

On Halloween i was nearly kicked from school till my parents slept in and explained what was going on since apparently nobody else would listen to me. I was was having panic attacks over this. Like imagine this. You’re in a class and being pulled out of it by a police officer to tell you to quit making advances on someone who you weren’t making advances towards. Yeah. That!

The school then finally recognized I was the true victim. Sadly their way of dealing with it was locking me in a class room for my safety I stead of dealing with the student making the false reports. My friends (bless them) took me side and went after the person and called them out on their behavior once they knew what happened.

The person left our school. This person used their religious belief to S.H. Me and make false reports because they thought they could get away with it. So…….

With all that going on in the Linked universe with this server. And then publicly posting (we got recites idiots) of their true behavior and such. Reminds me of this all over again. So no! I Will not let this happen again. NO WHERE IN YOUR RELIGION GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TARGET US IN THIS FANDOM. YOUR VIEW IS FAKE NEWS! (Also don’t quote the Bible, cause Bible was written like a fanfiction by people who had no connection to god/goddesses.)

So this my personal experience on this issue. Do I hate religion. No. I think religion is good in helping people better themselves in a spiritual side. However nowhere does religion excuse the amount of judgment a person makes. God/Goddesses love you no matter who you are. If your lgbtq+ they love you. If you believe differently (region wise) they love you. Racially different, you were loved.

Along the line of schools showing porn to children, people who have been found to be false. In elementary all we learned in separate gender classes about what to expect from our body changes. Middle school to high school was about being smart and using protection and about sexual transmitted disease. Nothing bout sexuality. Which was hardly touched on. Nothing pornagraphic! Doubt they are doing that even now! Your proof and reports are in fake reports. So hi. We are calling you out because you’re the reason majority of those who identify as lgbtq+ and such are the target of misinformation and people with dangerous ideology. Ones where many may ender their life due to your comments. To lot worst. So don’t “@“ me. I won’t respond, but will expose you, so people know who not to trust.

I am here to protect my fellow people. You didn’t need to say what you said, because now we all know in a app and fandom surrounded by people of all walks of life. Who we know not to trust. Don’t want to make it politics, well fuck. That was on you when you publicly announced the server. “Don’t like pride on a political commercial” guess what. Many died to make pride to happen. That ain’t political or commercial. That was wanting equality rights. To be allowed to love who they love and not be thrown in jail over it. Gay marriage, I can’t tell you how sad it is that people are so stuck thinking gay marriage ruins those who are straight. It harms no one. You’re the one worrying how it impacts you.

Gender affirming surgery is necessary. I know each state delt with that differently and yes a small percentage detransition. However Majora is medically necessary. Many doctors refuse to do surgery on those who are of teenage, unless parental okay and a clinical counselor signs off it is needed so this person gets ontop of hormone therapy. You facts are incorrect and done by people who have been found incredible.

So go on, play like we don’t know or seen your true shit. Your facts are false. Your language is harmful and we ain’t throwing an tantrum. We are calling you out. Your views are false views based of fake documents. And if your religion truely telling you to discriminated a whole community of folks based of how they are. That ain’t a religion.

Any ways. Enjoy your life. Must be hard to spend so much you life hating people based on fake shit.

[ranjxtul]

Preacher's Daughter and Generational Trauma

Recently, I took a Psychology of Gender class and by no means did it perfectly explore equity, intersectionality, and liberation, but it was pretty damn good in the end if you ask me. It was a space in which we could all speak freely and speak up. Psycology as an institution is laden in White supremacy much like all of Western medicine and because of the system we live in and its structure, we cannot distamantle these systems or margainalised folks who need help will have nowhere to go. We can only be loud and advocate to change these systems. That being said, for our final project we got to write about any feminist issue in the field and in both an academic way and both an accesible way through a 'blog post.' I wrote about generational trauma and themes of masculinity threats and white supremacy interpreted through the lens of @mothercain's album Preacher's Daughter. I wanted to share a summary of my presentation below as well as the actual material I wrote, as the point of the project was advocacy and it seems hollow to not actually share out of the academic setting. <3

So this is going to be trying to summarise a 12 minute presentation, which will hopefully be easier considering I will simply provide my blog graphic below to walk you through most of the meat of the media interpretation. This will just serve as preface I suppose.

Generational trauma is a personal topic for me, I am a product of that cycle of violence, a theory and actual reality for many people that is so intense and traumatising. We cannot have generational trauma without the systemic issues that are so deeply embedded in society like misogyny, racism, homophobia, transhopbia, etc. Of course, these issues all relate back to colonisation and White supremacy. In generational trauma we have historical traumas like the Shoah, the Rwandan genocide etc, and then the more 'mundane' examples where we see these cycles in families that are now being brought to light as mental health, decolonisation, and liberation are taking a more pressing role in society.

Preacher's Daughter is one of the most poignant written examples of the consequences of generational trauma I've seen. It has touched me and many others, and hopefully educated other listeners as media is one of the most accessible ways to understand and emphathise with someone else's experience. I know I've spent hours crying to "Hard Times" thinking about childhood, and fearing who I've become, wondering why I had to learn love could be bad. I've listened to "Sun Bleached Flies" and "Family Tree" with this undistinguishble anguish for myself, and my mother, and family, and community.

Psychology tends to treat generational trauma as isolated to the family unit or the incident itself instead of acknowledging its roots in systemic issues. This speaks to a larger issue in that western science refuses to meaningfully examine its roots in White supremacy and make meaningful change. Then and only then can generational trauma be properly healed.

Here I have attached my blog post and a copy of my academic writing wherein I examined two studies on generational trauma.

Blog Text

Academic Paper

Happy reading and lots of love to you all and thank you @mothercain for the music that has given me a voice

[chaoticmunsons]

i'm about to present in front of my entire gender studies class about gender stereotypes and stigma/shame surrounding sex and bdsm so i'm basically about to out myself in front of my whole class by letting them know that i'm so passionate about being fucked like a whore that i wrote a whole research paper on it 😀

[ladytron]

i think its kind of funny that i wrote a paper on the sopranos for a gender studies class my first year of college and my professor hated it lol. not sure what i was expecting there sorry women

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: David Moulton

Published: Mar 10, 2023

Last month, GLAAD wrote an open letter to The New York Times protesting the paper’s coverage of trans issues. In particular, the group took issue with the way the paper has covered medical sex changes or “gender affirmation” for minors. Contrary to clinicians and experts quoted in the Times, GLAAD asserted the science behind this practice is “SETTLED.” The letter was co-signed by a wide array of human rights groups as well as celebrities like Lena Dunham and Judd Apatow.

GLAAD is a media watchdog group that was founded in the ’80s to protest what they saw as the media’s homophobic coverage of the AIDS crisis. Their name was originally an acronym for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, but in 2013 they formally dropped the words “gay and lesbian” to reflect their advocacy for transgender people and the broader “LGBTQ community.” This shift in emphasis has been typical of gay rights organizations over the past decade, as what was once a movement focused on securing the rights and safety of gay men and women has transformed into a movement with different goals altogether.

The first time I announced my pronouns, “I’m David, he/him,” I was a freshman in college attending a transgender discussion group. It was 2005. At the time it seemed quite progressive—even for me, an openly gay 18-year-old volunteering at my liberal college’s resource center for gay rights. In the most progressive clique at one of the country’s most progressive schools, being transgender was still mostly a theoretical concept—a new frontier that college kids were just beginning to discover.

My next “trans encounter” happened half a decade later when I was living in San Francisco. My best friend in the city was another gay man, about 15 years older than me. In the late ’80s and ’90s, he had been involved with ACT UP, the confrontational activist group fighting against AIDS stigma, and he served as my guide to both the new city and its politics.

He had studied recondite critical and cultural theories at Berkeley and later in New York at NYU and Columbia. I looked to him as a mentor and a model of what it meant to be gay. His homosexuality was not just a random fact like eye color but rather a vehicle to defy and critique social norms. Put differently, he wasn’t just gay, he was queer. This entailed, among other duties, being the first person to explain the word “cis” to me.

Despite his militancy—or perhaps because of it—my friend had a wicked sense of humor, and could be quite cutting toward the left-wing activist milieu that came to dominate queer and trans spaces. I remember once, when I was a bit under the weather, I complained about being congested and then apologized for whining. My friend deadpanned, “Sounds like a cisgender problem.” I laughed. “Trans people never get a stuffy nose?” I asked. He replied, “No, because they’re too busy snorting drugs to dull the pain of living in a transphobic world.” At the time (this would have been around 2012) it was still practically impossible to imagine these terms—cisgender, queer—being embraced and affirmed by Wall Street and the Pentagon. But my friend traveled in circles that had already moved beyond the mainstream acceptance of gays, and were advocating for new, more radical sexual and gender identities.

If trans was going to be the next civil rights movement (and make no mistake, before it was officially announced by Hollywood and the DEI offices of corporate America there was a vanguard pushing for it), it required not just an oppressed class but also an oppressor class. “Cis” filled this role even though it didn’t really mean anything other than “not trans.” Cis society became a battleground whose rules and norms had to be subverted.

It was in fact my friend who introduced me to the concept of “misgendering” as a personal offense. He told me that someone in his circles had been talking about me behind my back in glowing terms. He said that this person had been referring to me as “they,” so as not to assume my gender. I asked my friend if this person did that when talking about everyone. Not everyone, my friend said, just people who seem like they’re with it. This was deeply flattering. I was seen as cool and edgy enough to have a flashy new gender identity.

I started dating a man and my life became more stable and domestic. I ceased to desire being queer in the radical sense. I just happened to be a homosexual living my life. Meanwhile the public fortunes of gay people kept getting better and better. Obama became the first president in history to endorse gay marriage and it seemed to actually help his reelection campaign. In 2015 the Supreme Court ruled on Obergefell, identifying marriage as a fundamental right for all Americans, including gay ones. I had to marvel at the change in attitudes toward gay people in my lifetime. I first came out at 14, in 2001. My family was accepting, but there were still anti-sodomy laws on the books in some states. Homosexuals were not allowed to serve openly in the military. No viable presidential candidate from either party supported gay marriage. By 2015, in just a little over a decade, gay rights had won a total and unequivocal victory.

Today support for gay marriage is at an all-time high, with 71% of Americans backing it, including most Republicans. While left-wing causes like economic justice and equality have stalled, progressives can confidently claim to have won this culture war. If anything the victory was perhaps too sudden and total. In the fight for gay marriage, an activist infrastructure was built up; after Obergefell, the activists needed a new cause and found one in gender ideology.

The embrace of the transgender cause by America’s gay organizations is often presented as a matter of natural allyship between the closely related members of the LGBTQ coalition. In my view this is a misunderstanding. The interests of legacy gay rights organizations have increasingly become divorced from their traditional constituents, gay men and lesbians. For example: By 2016, the Human Rights Campaign, America’s largest gay rights organization, was using the word “transgender” more than “gay” and “lesbian” combined in its annual reports.

A number of states now have laws banning the practice of “conversion therapy” and an even broader stigma exists against efforts to medically alter the sexuality of gay people. But the same is not true when it comes to gender, where the situation is roughly reversed. Gender has become the point at which the interests of a professional activist class intersect with those of the pharmaceutical and medical tech industry.

According to GLAAD, gender identity is “one’s own internal sense of self and their gender,” and is separate from biological sex. This emphasis on the immaterial over the physical can lead to the body becoming fungible material for medical experiments. Physically healthy people can be turned into lifelong medical patients for profit. In the business press, trans tech is touted as a budding industry. One savvy entrepreneur has estimated the transition market as “in excess of $200B.”

The executive branch of the U.S. government actively supports pediatric gender transition. Assistant Secretary for Health Rachel Levine is a vocal proponent of medical transition as the appropriate treatment for youth with dysphoria; furthermore, the administration supports the right of K-12 public schools to socially transition students with or without their parents’ consent. Social transition is the practice of treating a prepubescent child as if they were literally a member of the opposite sex. While it does not involve any direct medical intervention, social transition has been shown to make it less likely for the child to resolve their dysphoria on their own. This can in turn lock them into a lifelong path of medicalization involving the off-label use of cancer drugs to block puberty as well as cross sex hormones and surgeries.

Carl Heneghan, director of the Centre for Evidence-Based Medicine at Oxford, has said: “Given paucity of evidence, the off-label use of drugs … in gender dysphoria treatment largely means an unregulated live experiment on children.”

Gender is big business, but it would be a mistake to say this is all about the money. The ideology also provides a framework for young people coming of age in an increasingly disembodied culture. As a millennial born in the second half of the ’80s, I can remember adults warning me and my peers against spending too much time on the screen. Video games, TV, the early internet—the responsible adult world tried to ration our access to these things. They were united in their message that the real, physical world was superior. With the ubiquity of smartphones this became harder to maintain, and then in 2020 there was a normative shift with the pandemic response. Social distancing became the virtuous thing to do. The physical world was dangerous.

It should not be a surprise that a generation raised to think of physical reality as secondary to the personalized experience of digital reality would latch onto gender. According to one poll, 21% of Gen Z identifies as LGBTQ+. This is an astonishingly high figure, but it makes sense when you consider that in its current use identity is conceived as an inner essence that has very little to do with sex or the body. The figure is consistent with other research showing teenagers today have much less sex than previous generations. In place of embodied experience, young people increasingly have incorporeal “identities.”

I can relate. I was as confused as anyone when COVID hit and San Francisco suddenly shut down in late March 2020. At first, I believed that I was just following the science, and was unaware of existing pandemic preparation guides that stressed the importance of maintaining a normal life as much as possible during an emergency. The new lockdown paradigm was to act as if it were possible to simply freeze society and move life online. This may have worked for some people but not everyone could see lockdowns that way. I had been working in the tourism industry and almost immediately lost my job. My boyfriend and I got into screaming fights that summer. Living in a cramped apartment I had always needed other places—cafes and bars—I could escape to. Without that our relationship unraveled.

I needed a vibrant city, and it was gone. San Francisco had been turned off like a light switch, and transformed into a faceless place. The life I’d built for myself after 10 years in San Francisco, humble as it was, had ended. By the end of the year I’d moved to Minneapolis where my family lived.

In summer 2020, before leaving the city, I would occasionally take to Facebook to voice doubts about the official COVID response. I was startled by the vehemence with which people I knew defended the lockdown model. I was accused of spreading Koch brother propaganda when I shared an article on herd immunity by Harvard epidemiologist Martin Kulldorff.

Virtually all the leftists I knew were strongly in favor of closing schools—and keeping them closed indefinitely. I found this hard to square with their supposed belief in public education as a human right. Any questioning of the official narrative, however, was caricatured as eugenics, science denial, or simply wanting people to die. The world came to be divided between the good people who “followed the science” and locked down and the bad ones who didn’t. I was on one side of that divide and the majority of the people in my life were on the other.

Seeing a pseudoscientific consensus manufactured in real time, I began to question everything else I thought I knew. Inevitably this brought me back to gender. Even before COVID I’d noticed that it was becoming more and more common to introduce your third person pronouns at the start of a meeting. The eccentric practice I’d first encountered as a teenager was widespread—sometimes even mandatory—by 2019. Now it was no longer just a select few; seemingly everyone had a gender identity.

As with COVID lockdowns, this is a radical new experiment being passed off as firmly established consensus. Researchers and clinicians who dissent are targeted by activists. Borderline fraudulent studies are trotted out as definitive proof. Just as it was for COVID, the manufactured consensus on gender gets enforced politically by the progressive left. It’s as if my old comrades on the left have given up on any optimistic vision of democratic social transformation. In lieu of that, they make do with technocratic social engineering.

I could choose to stop being a leftist but can’t stop being gay. It’s still the most fundamental part of who I am. I have to face the sickening fact that much of this medical abuse is being carried out in my name. All the major gay rights organizations support an affirmative model for transitioning minors. They could have closed shop after achieving full equality, but no. “Gay rights” became institutionalized and morphed into a permanent LGBTQ+ industry. The public goodwill built up for gays and lesbians over the past generation is now being channeled into an entirely different cause.

I think back to my old friend and mentor in San Francisco, always on the cutting edge of every social movement. In my 20s I wanted to emulate his wisdom and radical disposition. I could not foresee the ways this disposition would be coopted in less than a generation. These days, seemingly all of society is becoming “queer,” and Pride is now something that everyone is expected to celebrate, even NASCAR. This new regime is appallingly humorless and literal-minded, lacking my old friend’s intensity, creativity, and wit. Yet it uses a lot of the vocabulary I first learned from him—“cis” and “trans” as well as “misgendering,” and coopts this former vanguard’s moral courage.

We, as gay men, have gone from being outsiders to mascots of an ideology that’s pushing hideous medical experiments on children—the wedge, it almost seems, to a new medical dystopia. If I now feel the need to once again make my sexuality a political issue, to speak “as a gay man,” it’s for the sake of disavowing this turn of events.

[krscblw]

while trying to find examples of my awful handwriting in my notes i was reminded of a class i took where the essays i wrote were

1) vampire sexuality (all vampires r queer)

2) obscenity laws = homophobia usually

3) women are allowed to like bl/danmei/gay fanfic/gay porn

i love gender/women's studies classes. where else do u get to write all of ur papers about vampires and gay sex

[3liza]

thank you for reading my dumb tags, i really appreciate it and the replies to these tags from my fellow goths. one person said that it was sometimes difficult for their trans women friends to be accepted as women in the goth scene specifically because of all the performative gender pageantry by goth men (women and other genders also participate in this aesthetic activity within goth culture, im not excluding them on purpose its just the post was specifically about goth men so im staying focused) and i wanted to highlight that reply because it's an important consideration when talking about this stuff. gender performativity spaces can end up causing a sort of gender essentialist blowback where the assumption is that everyone there is cishet and that everything theyre doing is performance that youre supposed to interpret by clocking their AGAB and following their aesthetic choices from there. this is bad and it does happen

so i got curious because i actually wrote a very amateurish paper in college about goth culture in my sociology class and of course people with actual credentials have been writing about goth subculture, gender, consumption, and display for decades now. a lot of really interesting papers on Academia.edu but please be warned ahed of time i havent read ANY of these paers, they might be bad, they also might directly contradict my claims, but there are lots of papers and they all look interesting.

link to search results for "goth gender" on Academia.edu, only ten results, but if you click on any of them you get lots of relevant suggestions and links in the sidebar to related papers. here are a couple i thought looked interesting to read later if i can

god i wish i could pay rent by doing this kind of research and writing. really glad there are people studying these subjects in academia

r/goth like "how do i dress goth as a male" goth men used to wear women's clothes and got bullied for being too feminine. Continue doing that

[46ten]

Do you also study John C and Angelica? If you do can you tell me how was their relationship, because I always see people saying that they hated each other and had a terrible marriage but I've never seen proof of that or what their relationship was like in general

John and Angelica S. Church are not a couple I've looked into that much independent of what's generally out there in the public domain - the easily accessible stuff. On tumblr, I think @runawayforthesummer accumulated the most information and was one of the tumblr leaders of the Justice for John Church! group (tired of the way he'd been ignored or smeared, for what doesn't seem to be tangible reasons, by both Hamilton historians and the Hamilton musical fandom). I've mentioned Tom Cutterham's planned book featuring Angelica as a way of exploring several concepts of the Early Republic (I believe he is looking for a publisher) and the articles/podcast episode he's released. Please see his paper (“A Wife and a Mother Has No Business to Be So Well Dressed”: Gender, Class, and Dynasty in the Revolutionary Republic) published last year (2023). Cassandra Good also discusses Angelica in Founding Friendships (2016).

This may help for some general stuff about them:

Church children - almost as soon as they return to the U.S., their youngest, Richard Stephen (who also went by Richard Stephen Hamilton) was conceived - I bring this up not only for circumstantial evidence about their marriage, but because he named his own two sons Alexander and Philip Schuyler, haha. And to keep these family names really confusing, Philip Church (b 1778) ALSO names his son (b 1824) Richard Stephen Church.

Elizabeth Matilda Church Bunner and her siblings, with a link to Funicello's brief article about the Churches.

Church (very briefly) and Hamilton weddings (this has a link to some of Cutterham's work on Angelica)

Some Angelica writing to Eliza, just for fun

What I know about the Churches: they eloped*, so they were obviously pretty hot for each other at one point. They had either 7 or 8 children (depending on whether there was a stillborn/infant death Angelica around 1786-7) and 2-3 of those children (Richard Hamilton, possibly that Angelica, and Alexander Hamilton) died young, so they experienced those losses together. We have Angelica's letter to AH from 1787 where she states: "I do not write by this packet to either of my sisters, nor to my father. It is too Meloncholy an employment to day, as church is not here to be my consolation," so Angelica wrote about her husband at that time as emotionally supportive.

I don't know of any evidence that they were not happily married. Sure, Angelica was homesick 1785-97, but she also understood sensibility and sentimentality and knew how to be emotionally dramatic in the way that was expected from clever gentlewomen for this time period - one can see it in her letters to others, too. Language like "I do not know how long I can bear to be apart from you and I wish I could show you how much I love you" was a feature of correspondence - I think of it as akin to today's memes. She also knew that this kind of language helped shore up ties with her family and extended her/their influence.

My take is that the Church marriage may get a bad rap for a few reasons:

1) the issue of letters - the Churches' correspondence is harder to access - it's more scattered both in U.S. institutions and French/British ones. Even most of the letters Church must have sent Hamilton (and as Hamilton was his lawyer and agent, there had to have been a number of letters; they'd probably known each other since 1777, certainly since 1779) are missing, but Church would have had ample opportunity to go through that correspondence. Also, I'm not sure how much, if any correspondence there was between John and Angelica that survived - they were usually together, and when you consider that we know about the loving relationships of the Adams, Jays, and Hamiltons based on their correspondence (even if one-sided in the case of the Hamiltons), the lack of (surviving) letters in the public domain between them leaves a void. And of note, as homesick as Angelica expresses herself to be, she does stay with her husband - she goes more than seven and a half years without seeing her extended family!

2) I'm entirely speculating, but I also think Angelica Church's role in Amhistory was deliberately downplayed (Powel's and Bingham's certainly was) - Cutterham and Good's research reveal her to be quite canny in currying favor and helping her family's political career(s). Folks may read her performative flirtatiousness as the desperate attempts of a romantically neglected woman to get some action, instead of the clever writings of a genteel woman who knew this type of interaction was how women could advance politically. (Remember how she tries to convince AH to help her father get the British ambassadorship?) She played a role in the attempted escape of Lafayette, she knew Talleyrand and many other diplomats and politicians, she hung out in British court (JC was a member of Parliament, which would have also required her political skill to accomplish), and we certainly know she kept a correspondence with Jefferson, and possibly Washington (among many others). So the love/heartsick Angelica with a horrible husband narrative seems to be a slam on a politically astute woman of that period who knew how to play the cards that were dealt. Again, see Cutterham's article for concerns about Republican women, and the use of sexuality for dynastic pursuits.

3. J Church is a bit inscrutable two centuries on. The man went by a fake name for about 10 years! He is described as a risk-taking (yes), gambling (yes), ambitious (certainly), philandering (um) man of business (yes), the largest insurance underwriter (maybe), uninterested in his wife (um). From what I recall, and I cannot remember which historian first interpreted language in a letter from G. Morris to AH that Morris was gossiping that JChurch was fooling around with the hired help (this would have been in the early 1790s when Morris was in France). But he moves back to America for her, unless he was so concerned about his business interests there, but there's ample evidence that he was enmeshed with her life/her family's life and shared goals to believe that his support for his wife was totally sincere - somewhere there's a reference to the insane amount of money he loaned/gave the Hamiltons (over $700,000?), besides AH's assumption that his brother-in-law would help support them no matter what, anyway. (Hamilton and Church's support of each other was certainly not based on just emotional attachment - they were sharing and securing wealth and influence.) And AH describes him in positive terms: "a man of fortune & integrity—of strong mind, very exact very active & very much a man of business. He is about fifty but of uncommon strength of constitution." AH to Wolcott 2June1798

In American sources upon their return the U.S. in 1797, there are some indications that the Churches are perceived as flaunting their wealth; there are some diary entries/correspondence between a woman or two implying that Angelica is perceived as vain (see also the article I linked above by Cutterham for more about these attitudes), but the scant evidence we have does seem to indicate that they were a couple (with JChurch spending a lot of time hanging out with AHamilton, too - they show a very deep loyalty to each other). The only evidence I could use to speculate about the state of their marriage in the negative is: 1) her homesickness; 2) that she traveled by herself to America in 1789 and spent nine months there - there's some implication that Church told her she needed to come home, but I don't recall where that came from. Other than that, they seem pretty united in their goals in life, both making compromises/sacrifices for the other's happiness/goals - her for his political career (maybe - I'm not convinced she didn't play up her homesickness a bit), his for her desire to be close to her family and serve her family's interests - and J Church clearly found it a worthwhile endeavor to support the Hamiltons in numerous ways.

The good thing about the Churches is that whether through Cutterham, Good, or other researchers, there is clearly more to learn about them and more sources out there that have been underexplored.

*Angelica was incensed when her daughter Catharine eloped with Bertram Peter Cruger in 1802; she refused to speak to them. Oh, the irony!

Also, Philip Schuyler was every bit "think of me as your Father" to J Church (then John Carter) as he was to AHamilton. Except JChurch's father died shortly after he was born, so that makes a bit more sense. I don't think there's any indication of whether AH and JC bonded over feeling smothered by their father-in-law - but it's easy to imagine that played a role in how close they were, too.

[drgnavlnt]

EUReCA Grant Proposal

This is the full grant proposal for the CU Denver EUReCA Grant. I chose to do it for an art project, and wrote it throughout the Spring 2024 semester for Grant Writing class.

Grant Proposal for Art Installation Project

Narrative

Archival practices hold power. Choosing what material to preserve has a n important impact on what and who is remembered. Historically, this has tended to impact minorities disproportionately. According to a study conducted by 1000Memories, more photographs are taken every two minutes than what the whole of humanity took before the 20th century. Due to negative attitudes towards homosexuality and gender diversity that prevailed around the world during the 19th and early 20th centuries, little photographic material of historical queers exists. This is due, in part, to the difficulty of accessing photographic equipment for already marginalized people, but it also is due to archival practice. When little historical photographs of queer individuals exist, the harmful notion that homosexuality and gender nonconformity are modern concepts is perpetuated. My work looks to solve this problem by establishing a cohesive exhibition showing these often forgotten images.

When writing about queer memory, Ana Dragojlovic and CL Quinan mention that “ways of remembering and archiving are politically inflected and culturally specific, even as they are inevitably contested by structures of inequalities and power relations in which they are embedded.” (Dragojlovic & Quinan, 2023) . While queer memory is a prevalent topic in contemporary art, it has only been a recent shift in the way we archive queer history. Artists like Nan Goldin (Ruddy, 2009) and Zanele Muholi (Baderoon, 2011) have used their photographic work to document the lives of marginalized queers in an intimate and respectful way. Their work has been acclaimed for their efforts to remember the people who are most often forgotten, as well as for their skill in humanizing their subjects. However, these two artists have only worked at a personal scale, and all their work has been conducted in the latter half of the 20th century. This is evidence that things are changing, but there is a lot of work still to be done to restore queer history.

My project seeks to deal with this issue by taking some of these few surviving 19th and early 20th century photographs, as well as contemporary ones, and turning them into lithophanes. These are 3D printed artworks that turn a photograph into a raised relief where the details can only be clearly seen when looked at against a light source. This not only transfers the photographs, sourced from museums, archives and private collections, into a more durable medium, but the nature of the material also forces the viewers to consciously engage with the photographs by making them have to look at them from a very specific angle. The difficulty for the viewers to see the actual photographs will reflect the extensive history of bad archival practices, raising awareness about the problems that come with it. 

The impact of this project should be twofold. On one hand, as mentioned above, the exhibition itself will be set up in a way in which it is quite difficult for the viewers to see the artwork clearly. This will reflect the difficulty of finding and experiencing these images, raising awareness about archival practices. On the other hand, the project will look to directly engage with the lack of queer archival history by searching across museums, archives, libraries and private collections to hopefully find some photographs that only exist in paper, and then both digitize them and turn them into lithophanes. Due to the nature of this problem, I cannot give a concrete number of photographs that will be featured in the final exhibition, but I am aiming for a number around 50. On top of this, I want to contribute to bettering archival practices by making lithophanes out of my own collection of photographs that feature gender diverse individuals.

The process for this project encompasses three steps: research, prototyping, and exhibition. The research step consists of reaching out to museums, libraries, archives, private collections and any other leads to try to find as many pre-1940s photographs of homosexual and gender diverse individuals. The prototyping phase would be the longest, in which I would work with the Auraria Library to determine the thickness of the prints, the material used for them and the different settings of their 3D printers in order to have a more refined final product. This is also the step that will be the most impactful to my learning as I will be working with the Auraria Library to better my understanding of 3D printing techniques. Finally, the third stage would be to have this artwork exhibited in a public space. This would happen initially at RaCas, and would then hopefully later be accepted into a gallery exhibition in Denver.

Works Cited

Baderoon, Gabeba. “‘Gender within Gender’: Zanele Muholi’s Images of Trans Being and Becoming.” Feminist Studies 37, no. 2 (Summer 2011): 390–416. 

Dragojlovic, Ana, and CL Quinan. “Queering Memory: Toward Re-Membering Otherwise.” Memory Studies 16, no. 1 (February 2023): 3–11. 

Ruddy, Sarah. “‘A Radiant Eye Yearns from Me’: Figuring Documentary in the Photography of Nan Goldin.” Feminist Studies 35, no. 2 (Summer 2009): 330–61.

Project Timeline

October 2024 - Grant awarded

November 1 - 15 2024 - Reach out to archives, museums and collections to gather historical photographs

November 15 - 30 2024 - Prototype lithophanes to finalize the general settings for the final works

December 2024 - Finalize printing with ample time for mistakes

Spring 2025 - Mount RaCAS exhibition

Spring 2025 - Apply to outside exhibitions

Personal Goals

As a queer aspiring artist majoring in art history, it is imperative for me to know about different art production methods and current archival practices. My goal for this project is to gain skills in 3D printing, as well as detailed knowledge of archival practices in museums and libraries. If it gets funded, I will be going through the entire process of making art: ideation, research and development, prototyping, mounting exhibitions and presenting my artwork to an audience. This process will give me valuable experience that will prepare me for my career as an artist. Even more, this project will help me gain experience with 3D printing, an emerging medium that has proven inaccessible to me due to costs, helping me become a more well-rounded artist.

My idea of success will be a complete exhibition featuring at least 40 lithophanes, to be presented in RaCAS and a separate gallery exhibition. For this I’ll have two main objectives: first, finding historical photographs of gender diverse and homosexual individuals through Colorado museums, libraries and archives. Second, I need to prototype and print the 3D lithophanes. These two objectives will help me in my academic career since I am doing a double major in Design and in Art History; having a project that requires me to engage with both sides simultaneously does not just give me hands-on experience on archival practices and 3D printing, but also allows me to explore the intersection of the two disciplines that I am dedicating my life to. 

Budget

3D printing at Auraria Library - $10 per model (material costs only) - total for prototyping and final product (around 40 prints total) - $400

The 3D printers at the Auraria Library are available for all students, but still charge for materials. The $10 is an estimate of the average costs for a single lithophane, which could vary between $8 and $15 depending on size. Around 40 prints will be necessary since about 10 of them will be prototypes to get the printer settings right. The other 30 or so will be used for final artwork.

LED Panel - $50

I will need a lighting source for the final artwork as the lithophanes can only be seen clearly against a lightsource. LED panels are an affordable option that is easily obtainable in Amazon, and one which provides strong, uniform light.

Exhibition application fees - $50

I want this artwork to be shown at exhibitions, not just during RaCAS. The exhibitions are TBD, but the average application fee is usually $25. This will allow me to apply to two of them.

[sizablelad]

holy shit i just realised i wrote a video essay for my final paper in gsfs (gender and sexuality studies) 250 class last semester and fully got a high A on it.

[amandi-mga2024mi5015]

Artist Research - Ana Mendieta

1948 - 1985

Cuban - born in Havana

Died in New York, USA 

Was a pioneer of the earth art/land art movement of the ‘60s and ‘70s that rose in response to the growing commercialisation of art.

She did work in photography, film, video, drawing, sculpture, and site-specific installations. 

The major themes in her work are exile, displacement, and a return to the landscape.

“My art is the way I reestablish the bonds that unite me to the Universe. It is a return to the maternal source.”

Throughout her career, Mendieta’s explorations of representation were grounded in an intersectional conception of identity where race, gender, age, and class operated simultaneously. “As non-white women, our struggles are two-fold,” Mendieta wrote in a curatorial statement for an exhibition of women artists of colour. “This exhibition points not necessarily to the injustice or incapacity of a society that has not been willing to include us, but more towards a personal will to continue being ‘other.’”

She also explored multiple layers of meaning ascribed to blood—from death to rebirth. This is seen from her Body Tracks series as well as her elegant drawings of abstracted outlines of paleolithic goddesses, repeatedly inscribed on a variety of surfaces, from modern paper to an actual leaf to an ancient style of bark cloth.  

Biography:

She was born in Cuba in 1948 — the time of the Cuban revolution.

She belonged to a wealthy aristocratic family. Her father, Ignacio Mendieta, had worked closely with Fidel Castro until the late 1950s, when Cuba became riddled with conflict, and Castro confirmed his communist ideologies. Ignacio parted ways with Castro, and aligned himself with counterrevolutionary activity.

Mendieta moved to an orphanage in Iowa, USA, at age 12 with her sister as part of a US government asylum program for adolescents after the Cuban revolution (Operation Pedro Pan), due to her parents being targeted by Castro’s new regime.  

The understanding was that the parents would be reunited with their children in about a year or two, but Mendieta would not be able to return to Cuba until 20 years later. 

The new environment, combined with the racial climate of the 1960s Civil Rights Movement, heightened Ana Mendieta’s awareness of racialised misogyny. as both girls would experience targeted gendered discrimination from their high school classmates in the form of derogatory ethnic terms and sexualization. Mendieta remembers being told, ‘Go back to Cuba, you whore.”

Mendieta eventually enrolled at the University of Iowa and, upon completing her undergraduate degree, began her graduate studies in art. After training as a painter, Mendieta quickly grew dissatisfied with the medium and transitioned to the university’s new MFA in Intermedia program, where she began to develop her interdisciplinary work.

On a class trip to Mexico in 1973, Mendieta visited several pre-Hispanic sites and became interested in Indigenous Central American and Caribbean rituals. This manifested in her work through her exploration of the concept of a goddess figure into her work

 Ana met artist Carl Andre through mutual friends in 1979, dating for many years before marrying in January of 1985. Andre was born and raised American. He grew up in Quincy, Massachusetts, attended school at Phillips Academy, and then enlisted in the U.S. Army all before moving to New York City in 1956. Andre would come to make a name for himself in the art world as one of the pioneers of American minimalism sculpture.

In autumn of 1985, less than a year after getting married, Ana fell to her death from their 34th floor apartment window after a night of drinking and arguing, Andre was arrested and charged with second degree murder.

The trial wouldn’t take place until 1988. Unsurprisingly many of those who maintained his innocence were prominent white male artists, gallerists, and collectors who favored protecting patriarchy over bringing light to the injustices and erasure of Ana Mendieta

[drawntothedarkside]

So I wrote a paper on this. No, I’m serious. It was for a Gender Studies course in college and I focused on female representation in media. I talked about Arya Stark, Brienne of Tarth, Captain Marvel, Black Widow, and Rey. Obviously the third movie hadn’t come out yet, so my big line at the end was how you could be “a nobody” and still be a hero.

(The good news is my professor loved the paper and said she would show it to future classes. But in the back of my mind I always wonder how it goes down for anyone that watched TROS)

Thinking wistfully back on the palpable relief I felt watching The Last Jedi for the first time and hearing it confirmed that Rey's parents were a couple of drunken nobodies.

In the words of the renowned philosopher Bob Seger, wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

[hyuckmov]

haechan — just for you

boyfriend!haechan x afab reader 1.6k, smut, minors dni, some fluff warnings: light dom/sub themes (haechan as dom), slight dumbification, fingering (f recieving), some aftercare, some subspace, haechan is a terms of endearment kind of guy, overuse of the word baby a/n: idk everyone...SORRY if this is what no one was expecting i have other works otw with no smut but i was just feeling kind of ~stressed~ so i wrote this. it's basically completely smut so minors dni please! first time writing something like this i hope it's at least kind of hot LOL anyway do leave an ask or reply if you enjoyed this <3 other pg works on the way i PROMISE

“you need to relax, babe.” 

haechan reaches over and plucks the keys from your fumbling hands. slotting them easily into the door, he holds it open for you as you storm in, still fuming. 

“i have no idea who that guy thinks he is. how am i going to do this paper with him? who’s going to tell him that diminishing romeo and juliet to a cheap love story about two idiot kids completely undermines the point Shakespeare was trying to make to us? i mean, the characterisation, and the development…” 

“you’ll tell him sweetheart, i’m sure.” 

flinging your bag onto the chair, you grab your many binders and folders and lay them out on the table. fishing your well-worn copy of romeo and juliet out onto the table, you thumbed through your annotations. you couldn’t believe your classmate, who thought he was better than the whole class, had picked another fight with you just as class was about to end, with one of his horrible horrible takes. 

“you know, maybe he’s a little in love with you.” 

your head snaps up. “what?” 

haechan lounged easily on the couch. somewhere between the front door and the living room he had taken off his large hoodie, leaving him in a thin white t-shirt and ripped jeans. his legs spread haphazardly, he propped his head up with a hand, eyes fixed on you. “i mean, it reminds me a little of how we got together. us arguing all the time…you finding reasons to talk to me in the hallway to call me out for something…” 

you had tuned out what he was saying, just a little bit. you loved those ripped jeans, and the way his legs seemed to stretch on for miles… 

looking at the dazed expression on your face, haechan bit back a smile. “y/n? earth to y/n?” 

shaking your head to bring yourself out of it, you look back at your book. “sorry, what were you saying?” 

“i was saying…”, enjoying this immensely, haechan played with the rips in his jeans, tugging at the fabric. “maybe he’s just trying to get your attention.” 

“or maybe he just doesn’t understand the reading.” you scowled. “you know, he dismissed gender roles as important to the context of the play. it’s just so infuriating when he’s going at it from such a limited perspective, this lack of sensitivity to the nuances and dismissals of whatever he deems unimportant from his contemporary views…” 

unbeknownst to you, haechan’s mind was beginning to wander as he continued to fix his gaze on yours. he loved it when you would talk academic, loved it when you got competitive. those passionate rants on anything from literature to bioengineering always made you look sexy to him. his eyes take in your flushed cheeks, your hair coming undone from the ponytail, the tightness of your pencil skirt and the way your chest heaved up and down.

“baby,” he called softly. turning around to face him, he opened his arms. “put down your book and come here.” 

sighing, you set down your study materials and walked over to your boyfriend. as you got ready to settle down on his lap, he shook his head, and maneuvered you until you were straddling him. brushing the hair out of your eyes tenderly, he began to kiss down the side of your neck. 

“haechan,” you whisper. he hums against your skin, and you feel chills running down your spine. “i really need to go finish my paper.” 

“it can wait, can’t it baby?” pulling away, he looks at you, his eyes dark. “that pretty little head of yours needs a break from all that thinking.” 

because haechan thought you were irresistible when you were clever, if only because he knew he was the only one who could make your brain go empty. 

slipping his hands under the hem of your skirt, his fingers snake their way around the back of your thighs.

"haechan, what are you doing?"

"trying to make you feel good. is it working?" his boyish smile spreads across his face, and you practically swoon.

you’re beginning to feel hazy, whimpering slightly as he leans forward to kiss you deeply, swallowing all your sounds. you let out a moan when his fingers brush over your core, and you can feel him smile into the kiss. 

“you okay, y/n?” 

not knowing what to say, no longer able to find the words for it, you are completely enveloped in your boyfriends hands and his perfume. letting out a whine and hoping it would suffice, you push yourself further into his hold.

“mmm, i can’t understand that baby.” he laughs, and the sound vibrates against you. 

“please.” 

“please what?” 

his hands make their way back down your skirt and come up to hold you at your hips. the lack of warmth makes you squirm, and you push yourself against him again. “haechan….” 

“what’s wrong, baby?” he pulls your face away from his neck, and although his tone is sweet and soothing, the way he licks his puffy lips is completely sinful. “thought you wanted to talk about the…characterisation, was it?”

“the what?” 

he grins at that. “your paper?” slowly, you blink up at him, lost. “babe, i’ve just kissed you a little. lost your mind already?” 

his words were a nice muddle of sounds, but what you did know, and what you could feel, was his hard-on, pressing against your thigh through his jeans. “mmh,” you mumble, absentmindedly, as you begin to grind against him. 

letting out a moan, he throws his head back, and you melt at the way his eyes roll into the back of his head. but soon, he refocuses, and grabs your hips. “baby, wait. i’m in charge right now.” 

struck, you halt your movements. “okay” you say, in a small voice. 

“good girl,” he sighs, bringing one hand to your core again while the other strokes the small of your back. he makes shushing sounds at you as your thighs quiver and your lip begins to wobble. pulling your panties to the side, he brushes his fingers against the lips of your pussy. “fuck, you’re so wet. ” 

“haechan-” 

“shhhh…” he slips a finger inside, continuing to shush you as you let out a moan. “how does it feel, baby?” 

“it hurts.” your mind has gone completely fuzzy, except for the man in front of you, his eyes half-lidded and his mouth hanging slightly open, breaths coming quick with lust. “it hurts haechan.” 

“where does it hurt, baby? be a good girl and tell me.” 

“i don’t know.” you shake your head, trying to clear it, but he chooses that moment to add another finger, angling them deep inside you. 

“there? does it feel better now?” you nod, but then you shake your head, because you want more. he pouts at you, sweetly, but somewhere in the haze of your mind you can see that he’s putting on an act. he knows exactly what you want, and he’s dangling it just out of your reach. 

“i don’t know what you mean,” he pouts, and withdraws his fingers. you whine, as he sucks on them, not breaking eye contact the whole time. “it’s okay, let’s try that again, okay baby?” he slides them past your entrance, and curls them against your walls, “does this feel good,” he stops his movements, and spreads his fingers apart instead, scissoring motions stretching you out. “or this?” 

“both,” you nod, eagerly. 

he clicks his tongue at you, and shakes his head, slowly. “pick one.” 

you blink at him, the movement of his fingers dominating your entire mind. you just don’t want him to stop. “the first one.” 

“whatever my baby wants.” he presses his palm to your clit to rub slow, heavy circles. “are you going to cum?” 

you moan. you’ve given up on verbal answers entirely, lost in the haze of pleasure. burying your face in his neck, you bite and lick at the skin, as he hums satisfactorily. “haechan, wanna, gonna…” 

“go for it, baby,” he whispers, quickening the movement of his hand. you begin to rut against him, riding his fingers. “you’re just mine aren’t you? bet your classmate would kill to see you like this, all fucked out and dumb over my fingers.” you cry out, your hands grasping his shoulders desperately, your hips moving as if they had a mind of their own. 

he lets out a growl, his hand on your back coming up roughly to untuck your blouse from your skirt, as he shoves a hand up to palm your chest over your bra. “come. now.” blubbering, a moan of pretty half-words and swears come tumbling out as you reach your climax, his fingers relentless against your clit and inside of you, riding out your high until you slump down against him, spent and tired. 

haechan removes his fingers from you, licking them clean as he looks down at you fondly. gathering up your limbs, he strokes your hair to comfort you as you come down from your high, and the fog in your head slowly clears. 

“baby? are you with me?”

“mmh,” idly, you blink up at him. 

“okay, maybe not yet.” he chuckles, smiling to himself at how cute you could be. “you’ve been so good for me today. the best girl.” he presses a kiss to your forehead.

preening at the praise, you press against him. “wait, haechan-” you sit up suddenly, and his hands go to your waist to steady you. 

“what is it, baby?” 

“you’re still hard.” you begin to fumble with his belt. “wanna make you feel good.” 

swatting your hands away gently, he holds them in his and places a light kiss to your fingertips. “no, baby. you can make me feel good later. you have a paper to write.” 

your face falls. “a paper?” 

he smiles. “it’ll come to you soon.” he’s so proud that he’s the one that gets to make you fall apart this way, the one version of you that no one else gets to see. “come on, baby. let’s go take a bath.” carefully, he scoops you up in his arms, and heads for the bathroom.

[nsmhrniki]

✰ to be rewarded w/ a kiss (2/2)！,,

WARNINGS: cussing, suggestive stuff on kenny's part but nothing really happens LMAO, mention of the word "piss" 😧

PAIRING/S: kenny, cartman x reader [ platonic // romantic ]

PRONOUNS: they/them (gender neutral)

GENRE: fluff fluff fluff, sort of crack on kenny's part because

REQUESTED: yes // no (@buffandpuff)

A/N: god i'm finally doneskhs. cartman's is sorta different than the others since it's not reader trying to help him study but im kinda proud of his part 😯 i can finally update my masterlist

here's kyle's and stan's 👍

mccormick, kenny ✰ !

the bell had just rang and you immediately rushed towards kenny's side, nudging him a bit as his head slightly tilts towards you as a way of saying "i'm listening", even with his eyes trained in front of him.

"kenny, quiz right? i'll help u study"

"y/n i really dont ca-"

"2 pm, my house."

you toddle away to your own locker, leaving kenny to mope about how "he doesn't care." it was science; the periodic table. he's only stupid enough to fail that class (and fail the others too). it's been on his mind all day, his eyes drooping in exaggerated pettiness until they drastically widen, as if a light bulb just lit on.

study?? at your house?? for sure, you mean....,, do you? for god you two are glued and drawn together like magnets. he's not sure what your motive is, to confess, or whether it's truly, hopefully like in cliché movies when a couple– when someone invites their partner to "study."

only you two aren't a couple, at least not yet–that's gonna change today!!!!

"you got me to walk all the way here just for you to lend me your books?"

"did you prefer me walking to yours? how ungentlemanly."

"you have a wholeass bike" "that's nothing."

"oh and those aren't the school books they're more of just like summarized stuff i wrote, like way less complicated and easier to study"

"can you at least let me in? i hate to walk like two blocks just to go back after like, i don't know 2 minutes?"

"it's been thre- you know what just get in here. my parents aren't home anyway."

that one line sparks kenny, and if it were possible, his tail would have been startled high and wagging furiously.. giddily, he steps in his delight. you sigh as you reluctantly close the door

"you know where my room is."

this is it!!!

"in the meantime i'll go wash the cherries to eat." ... "what's with that face? go or beat it."

kenny huffs and does as he was told,, dragging his misery and pettiness behind him as it leaves a trail up the stairs.

"y/n i literally hate cherries you know that"

"come on just a bite, my aunt handpicked them!!"

"no"

"i promise you wont regret it"

giving into you practically shoving the cherry into his mouth, he bites it off the stem and uneagerly chews. eyes dramatically squinted with eyebrows quirked in such a way that they put a two-year-old's effort to write a straight line to shame.

"i do regret it–and i also regret being here"

"well if you pass this quiz then you won't and i'll help you with that!", you say confidentally, plopping your books on your table with a force, causing it to shake a little. in an instant, you flip through your pages and stop by the exact lesson the two of you need to study

"you just want a study buddy because if you don't have one you get distracted and completely neglect what you needed to do"

"NOT true, let's get started before i shove all these cherries in your mouth."

it's been a day after that, and right now kenny is staring at the piece of paper you've given to him before you shoved him out your door. telling him to figure that out before quiz day and that he BETTER does because it's easy as hell. and even with that he only decided to think about it an hour before science class

"i dont know what she means man"

after a few seconds of silence kyle finally has it figured out.

"it's a code dude! you gotta make out what it says by their- short forms or whatever i dont know!"

"i thought that too but what she wants me to piss if i pass??? pass equals piss, what??"

...

"dude, try a little harder, alright? get that figured out and you won't regret it."

with that, kyle walks away.

psh, regret. that's what you said too and he sure as hell regrets it. he turns to stare at the peice of paper again...

Phosphorus, Arsenic, Sulfur, Sulfur = Potassium, Iodine, Sulfur, Sulfur

what...does that...mean.. 😰

poor kenny had already given up, handing you the paper awkwardly and confessing his failure.

"god kenny you're so dumb what i meant to say is i'll kiss you properly if you pass!!"

"what..." it's only now that it hits him, reminded that you kissed the side of his mouth before handing him that dumb peice of paper.

"so go ahead and prove it to me that i didn't waste my time trying to teach you!! although you sorta gave that away already thinking potassium is P"

"is it really MY fault that the table tricked me into thinking the short forms are just the first letters of the elements???"

"youre just dumb. no kiss for you."

"NO no i can do this, trust me y/n. watch me"– and that's when your professor hands you the quiz papers. kenny's eyebrows knitted in what you can't figure out as either nervousness or concentration.

he ends up being 3 points away from failure though and you still kiss him because that was your plan anyway 😋

cartman, eric ✰ !

"eric, please at least pass this one quiz and i'll let you off the hook."

"mom!"

"just ONE quiz, eric. please?? this is really important and i dont know why you keep failing all your tests but just this one time i need you to pass this!. it's important and your teacher himself texted me to remind you about it. eric??"

"but..." his voice comes off as meek–far from what he intended. or overall just not what he intended at all

"eric? is there someone, or something bothering you? you know you can tell me anything, you dont need to hide from me."

"u-um,,, y/n! yeah! theyre bothering me and i cant study because of it! theyre really scary, mom!"

nothing but silence from the other door, cartman finally pushes his jacket down in relief.

he has no idea why he chose you, but any student would have been enough to trick her. any student that comes to his mind first

little will he admit you dont just come to his mind first but have been in his mind all day, every day, and he doesnt remember how or when it started. its starting to get,, annoying?????

you're the only person cartman leaves alone, like just not bothers that much in comparison to the others. you can't lay a finger on it. you presume it's because of how you're the only one who cares about him, passing him your school notes even when he literally will not use them (but keeps them anyway for like a day), sharing your food and end up having only two or three bites left, lending to help him with injuries because he doesn't want to go to the nurse's office, etc. and that is exactly why liane loves you, and at that point just mistook you two as best friends when really you're not.

he walked up to you one day during lunch and grabbed you by the shoulders to turn to him, staring at you intently with a threatening scowl as if you've just thrown him the biggest earth-shattering insult ever. your shoulders tense and your eyebrows furrow in confusion, you remain silent.

"you! i dont know what you did to me but you better put this spell out or you're dead!"

from that day on, he's been calling you witch,, holding the "you hexed me" card to your face until he shapes it into some sort of spear to annoyingly stab you on the daily,,,thirteen times minimum

really he's just finding an excuse to "talk to you." but i dont think he's aware of that. neither will he ever admit that in that case.

cartman felt he had his mother wrapped around his little finger when he claimed you scare him, which was undoubtedly ridiculous in her sense. liane had to speak with you. she makes it clear that she doubts you scare him, of all people. It may be because cartman isn't used to being cared for; when it's his mother, he denies any concern. you'll never get the answer out of him

you promised to mrs cartman you'd find a way to convince him to study for this test, and she trusted you.

when oh where in his life would he expect you to pull him to a more secluded area in the hall not even a minute after class was dismissed, pecking him on the corner of his mouth while your hands are wrapped around the collar of his jacket.

"pass the quiz and i'll kiss you properly."

he's left on the same spot, confused but rather more stupefied.

he's juggled between purposely failing the quiz or even putting an effort to pass it but the balls keeps slipping from his hands and eyes can't focus on that ball and this ball.

he, for some reason he still doesn't know, did study. eric cartman, studying.

and he doesn't know, and at this point he doesn't want to know.

he did pass, and everyone was beyond stunned. so later that day he'd find you in the halls and out of nowhere snatch you from whatever business you have and look at you dead in the eye.

"i passed, bitch. and i'm waiting."

he supposes he mistook this "spell" as a curse, could it have been a blessing? there's no way, he's still in denial about it. but he doesn't mind having a witch like you maybe make his life a little better.

(he cheated)

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