#i write a lot of characters being intensely desperate and unable to control themselves in my fics because it's what I *know*

[nametakensff]

you just casually posting about how long it's been since you've nutted and how its affectin u is insanely hot to this snzfucker combination orgasm denial kink-haver.

So glad to hear that, anon! 🥰 I'm always happy when my oversharing on here turns other people on. It feels like as suitable a place as any for me to be unabashedly explicit

That being said, much more graphic details of my frustration under the readmore for anyone who is interested! 😤

I think by the time Monday rolls around this may well be the longest I've gone without actively masturbating or having an orgasm since I started to actively do so aged 14 lol

I foolishly thought I would be okay to listen to wavs yesterday but of course that was the stupidest idea - had to turn one off after a minute because I was going mad and was moments away from masturbating. I did touch myself a little, just to feel how wet I was and how sensitive, but forced myself to stop before it really started to feel great...

All day today my hand has been finding its way between my legs. I touch myself a lot out of habit, and normally this wouldn't be an issue - I'm home alone on weekdays, I can back away from work for a moment (or longer) to get myself off - but right now the temptation just feels like torture 😫

I was on my daily walk earlier and as my mind is prone to doing, my thoughts wandered into sneezing and fucking territory - my favs sneezing on and fucking each other, me eating out a woman as she sneezes all over me, me pegging a fav whilst they bury their face in a feather pillow and sneeze over and over...

I had to physically stop walking for a moment because my cunt felt heavy and engorged, I was so suddenly turned on. It almost ached with the sudden rush of blood, and I was unmistakably wet. I switched from listening to music to a serious podcast for a while and used to that to distract me, and I was successfully able to get home with no further issues

I feel like I may even have to extend my masturbation ban until Tuesday when I'm alone all day, since this Monday is a bank holiday and my sister and flatmate will both be home...I don't want to start touching myself or I just won't be able to stop, and I want to be able to enjoy orgasms with all my toys for as long as I want and as loudly as I want. Work will just have to wait, I'm afraid 😌

But yeah. I think if I attempted to do this whilst I was going through one of my intense horny spells, I genuinely would not have lasted this long. If it feels like this much of a tease now, I feel like I would actually lose my mind under those conditions!!

Cannot wait to reward myself for my hard work. I feel like I won't be making a habit of this because I'm far too hedonistic and orgasm driven - buuut if I feel again in the future that I need to take a break, I now know I can at least pull off 5 days! Honestly, I would much rather tease somebody else like this for a week then reward them myself if they manage to last 😇

I hope you get something out of this, anon! I'm trying my best to be good but I'm sporadically typing this one-handed. Still not giving in, though!! 🥲

[deltaruiner]

Ok so, my favorites are:

(Lots of Sayaka themes in this)

Witch World #2 (the theme in the scene with Elsa Maria in the movies), i especislly liked the the repeat of the verse when Elsa Maria knocks Sayaka to the heavens, the change in the intensity really shows how Sayaka always forces herself to stay on the same path (verse) even when it sbsolutely brutalizes heri really love that scene!! Elsa Maria is also so far the only witch that felt like she is actually saying to herself "im gonna kill you" against the girls, the rest all felt somewhat either unaware of themselves or unthreatening tbh, and the music with Elsa's outburst really cements her as my favorite scene n song evah

also THE LOW STRINGS AAAAA the dissonance between decretum absolutely SCREAMING at high notes and the low ones feel like a desperate cry being supressed when the low instruments are playing their high notes, it really makes ot feel like a limit is being Pushed

My next favorite is Something, Everything, is Wrong along with all leitmotif songs of Mada Dame Yo, the song really gives me a vibe of cheerful yet hiding something in some versions, and twisted fairy tale vibes in others.

Mada Dame Yo itself is also a favorite, its a song that confidently "banishes" Nightmares, but also kind of comes out of nowhere in its style and the voice doesnt match any of the characters or previous songs, which makes it a lot like a witch theme (homura's!) despite being in a point where we dont even suspect witches

I loved Symposium Magarum, the repeating and loud orchestra hits really give me a "Sayaka isolating from the outside" or her saying "SHUT UP" vibes

lyric version of Sagitta Luminis just made me straight up cry, its so bittersweet and highlights just how wrong the situation is yet how wonderful what was done is and starts a new beginning and-

i dont think i need to explain why i like Decretum and Credens Justitiam

Magia really gives the vibe Homura lives by, aka, being incredibly metal yet still unable to push back despair and still being a "losing" theme despite being so hardcore and full ot determined lyrics

Connect, both the regular version and the show credits orchestra version, just make me wanna run forwards and never look back despite ANY obstacle, and just have sooooo much courage in themmmm

Same with the Holy Quintet theme from the group transformation in rebellion, it just captures all of them so well. ofc i especially love Sayaka's part bc im a sucker for my blue daughter and her and her stupid little heroic themes..... grah......

my heart cannot explain what She is a Witch does to me... it's such a burst of despair and you can't take it anymore so you curse everything around...

Human Bullet is just very unrelenting like Kyoukos personality

Confessio is very old in vibe and feels like an unapproachable monolith of a mindset formed many years ago

just like Kyoukos personality since the Incident! (i love her stubborn self)

And I'm Home just straight up killed me i will not start on this just see how i write about kyousaya

see above for Kimino Ginno Niwa but change to madohomu it just takes all of their journey and elegantly drop bombs it on you in a condensed package trimmed of everything else to maximise emotional grief like Yuki Kaijura composed it while possesed by the Incubator himself

And finally, Flame of despair...

the motifs of Oktavia's theme to show Homura finally understands what it's like to really lose it ALL... Fort/Da in the background of the scene because she simply Must pretend she is in control to simply EXIST.... the back and forth between the instruments giving ballet vibes and a ferling of chasing something which always will escape, doing so alone withe the lonely single instrument beats in between... im ILLLL

.

Anyway i like almost all songs and probs forgot a few i really like but yeah :D

watched madoka amvs and osts for 4 hours it is early morning and i have yet to sleep send rescue

[alyxia91]

A little distance

I have never in my life attempted to write a fanfic, let alone post it. This is just a little feeler to see if this is something I can actually do. I guess a teaser? This is not proof read and Bakugo is (I think) a bit out of character. I apologize in advance if this is terrible. Also I’m bored at work.

In all the days that you’d known him, Bakugo had been an overly proud, egotistical hothead. You’d attempted to keep his head from flying too far above the clouds, but the consistent praise over how amazing his quirk was had blasted him above them too fast for you to react. You’d never admit it, but while his pride annoyed the ever living hell out of you, you were also proud that he had such a strong quirk - it kept those hero dreams of his very much a possibility.

When your own quirk had presented itself, you learned quickly that it likely wouldn’t be well received...your own mother being horrified to learn that you had a “void” quirk - allowing you to absorb negative feelings and change them into tangible objects of your choosing. It was an incredibly powerful quirk, and one that was difficult to control when it first manifested. You’d been taken out of classes until you learned to control it better, being able to pick and choose the negative emotions now rather than all of them coming to you at once. The drawback to this quirk, was that you retained the emotions rather tan expelling them when you created something. Your councilor had likened it to a “dark empathy”, the ability to feel others emotions, but unable to rid yourself of them.

Because of this, you pulled yourself away from Bakugo, the overwhelming anger that radiated off of him being too much for you to handle as a small child, and the fear of losing yourself in the emotion too strong. When the two of you had gotten accepted into the Hero Program at UA, you worried that you might be overwhelmed again - which you were, but not by Bakugo. Everyone in that class seemed to have trauma in their past, something that made them want to be a hero - something to fight for. While you couldn’t help but be inspired by your classmates, and proud to call them your friends, you also felt yourself becoming increasingly more mentally withdrawn as time passed, keeping yourself at arms length to keep your sanity, and keeping your quirk firmly hidden.

It wasn’t until your encounter with the Hero Killer, Stain, that everything became too much. The aura around him immediately smashing through every mental barrier you had, and the all consuming - and ever growing - rage swallowing you whole. You had been completely paralyzed without even doing anything, Stain not needing to use his quirk on you. As soon as you were close enough, his essence clung to you, scrambling your mind and numbing your senses. He felt it, his anger being pulled away - it had been the first time in years he’d felt some semblance of peace, his mind clear and thoughts almost rational. But he had a job to do, and he’d be damned if a child stopped him.

You remembered nothing leading to the end of the fight, but the moment you saw Ida, Midoriya and Todoroki get hurt, everything suddenly came into hyper-focus.  Pulling on ever dark thought you had, you felt the emotions pool into your fingertips, purple and black smoke falling from them as you thought only of the intense anger and fear you felt. Around you, a twisting storm of deep purple fog settled on the ground, skeletal hands and bodies being created and pulling themselves upward from seemingly nowhere. As many as you needed, you told yourself, to protect my friends. Standing behind you, an army of (really rather creepy) purple and black skeletal spirits stood, focus locked on Stain. A ripple of fear shot through his heart to the ends of every limb;  ‘What the hell...what is this?!’ His body screamed at him to run, to get the hell away. Each spirit seemed to carry with them the weight of his past, all the anger, hurt, fear and disappointment that had haunted him his entire life. Quite literally, it felt as though he was facing his demons.

“I will give you one chance” you said, voice eerily calm “ you let my friends go, to stop killing heroes. This isn’t the way to get what you want”

“What do you know about what I want” Stain raged, voice tight with either fear or anger, you couldn’t tell

“I know everything. I’ve felt everything. Your anger, your hatred. You want heroes to be what they used to be - good people with the ability to help. Right?” You’re met with silence, but you notice his muscles tensing, the grip on his swords firming. Instead of answering, he lunged at you, no longer aiming to simply paralyze you. This lunge was to kill.

Throwing your arms forward, your spirits flew past you, swarming him midair and stopping his attack. Black and purple clouded his vision, only the broken faces of the skulls surrounding him keeping him from falling. Screams invaded his ears, visions of his past flying passed him too fast to really grasp. Suddenly the wind was knocked out of him, your face mere inches from his own. When did you get here? When had he landed on the ground? Why were you looking at him like that? Why can’t he freaking MOVE. What the hell was happening. You stood in front of him, ignoring the screams and faces swirling around you two, your hair whipping around you, the feeling the only thing keeping you grounded. You watched as his eyes flew in every direction, desperately trying to find something to look at other than you. Reaching out, you placed your hands on either side of his head, pulling his face and eyes to look directly into yours. You saw the broken pieces of his life hidden behind years of building disappointment and anger in his. In yours, he saw the same thing reflected, but behind that still was undeniable hope. He couldn’t think, he could barely breathe. Suddenly, the cloud surrounding the two of you dissipated, and you threw yourself backwards. Suddenly pain shot through him, a punch landing on the left side of his face, and a strong kick landing directly at his ribcage on his right side; then nothing.

As soon as you got away, you fell to your knees. You’d never used your quirk in that way before; you didn’t even know it was possible. But God, you had been so angry...so scared. You felt your nose bleeding, your body not yet strong enough to handle a release that sudden or powerful. Todoroki was next to you in an instant, asking if you were okay. You couldn’t hear him, only make out the words leaving his lips. Shaking your head, you felt yourself draw in a shaky breath before collapsing.

A dull white ceiling came into view, soft beeping pulling you out of your comfortable nothingness. Blinking, you tried to bring the world into focus, brain still foggy from sleep. Pulling yourself up, you peered around the room. TO your surprise, Bakugo was sleeping in a chair to your left, head resting against the window. To your right, you saw Ida, Midoriya and Todoroki, all sitting up in their hospital beds. “You’re awake” Ida smiled, relief washing over his face “you scared us there” “How long was I out?” “Two days. It took a lot out of you, what you did” Todoroki answered, heterochromatic eyes looking you over “it was amazing to see” he added quietly. “I’ve known you for years, I never knew you could do that” Midoriya mumbled, the smallest hint of sadness in his eyes. “It wasn’t something I tried to hide Deku, I didn’t know my quirk could do that either...”  “What a time to learn something like that. I’m shocked. You seemed like you knew exactly what you were doing” Ida remarked, wonder dancing across his face “I assure you, I didn’t. I honestly don’t remember thinking at any point...it was all insticntual” Ida opened his mouth to respond, but a loud crack stopped him. Turning to your left, you saw Bakugo awake, glaring daggers at you. ‘Well, I’m in trouble’ you thought, eyes widening slightly at the anger, but also the fear rolling off of him. “Do you have ANY idea what could have happened to you?! You went head-to-head with the freaking HERO KILLER and used something you didn’t even know you HAD? Are you STUPID?!” he roared, face turning red and he glared at you “Why does it matter Bakugo? I’m fine, everyone else is fine, right?” “It matters because you could have DIED you idiot!” “You weren’t even there! How do you even know what happened?” “Deku told Kirishima, he told me. I came here.” Simple. “And you came here for me? Why?” he paused. “Can I talk to her alone” The other three nodded, Ida and Todoroki helping Midoriya out.

“Why did you stop talking to me” he asked the moment the door closed “What?” “We were always together. Partners in crime. Then you left, you came back, and avoided me. Why” “Bakugo...” “No. I deserve to know why. You were my best friend. Why” “Bak -” “Why” “I can’t -” “Why” “It’s not that sim-” “Make it simple” “I don’t -” “WHY” he exploded, sparks flying out of the palms of his hands. He trembled, the anger rolling off of him changing to such strong sadness you couldn’t help but feel guilty. “I couldn’t do it” you whispered “What?” “Do you know what why quirk does” you asked, eye raising to meet his. “Not exactly, but I know is affects emotions. I was able to pick up that much at least” “It feed off them. Negative ones specifically. I absorb them, take them as my own, and can manipulate them into tangible things -- I don’t know what limits there are in that though” you paused, waiting for a sign he was following. A simple nod was all you got. “When I do make something from them, the emotions don’t leave me. They stay, and I have to figure out how to deal with them. I was pulled because I couldn’t control WHEN I absorbed those emotions, so any negative emotion that was felt around me, I immediately took in...” You watched as a flicker of realization flashed in his eyes, His body slumped down into the chair, eyes never leaving yours. “You were always so angry... I didn’t know how to deal with it. I couldn’t. Not at that age -” “Why didn’t you tell me” “I didn’t know how to. How do you tell a child to stop being angry? You can’t. You can barely control your anger now Baku” “I could learn to if it meant -” he started to whisper, stopping himself before he revealed too much “If it meant...what?” you pried “Nothing” “No no, I answered your question, you answer mine” “Not a chance. I deserved to know” “And I don’t?” “No. Not after that stunt you pulled” “Bakugo” “Piss off. I’m not telling you shit” “Baku” “No” “Please” “No” he resigned himself, crossing his arms and straightening up in his chair. Signing, you smiled softly. “Stubborn as ever. I’m glad you’re still you” “Well who the hell else would I be?” “People change as they get stronger, you know that. I’m glad that you haven’t changed too much” “Not like you would know...” he mumbled to himself, but you caught it “...it wasn’t easy, you know. Distancing myself from you. My instinct has always been to run to you when anything happens. It was hard to fight that...” “You shouldn’t have. I would have learned how to deal with the anger. I would have helped you” “At that age?” “You were my best friend. I would have tried” “...I’m sorry” “Yeah yeah, sort your shit out you dumbass. And stop running from me. You’re stuck with me now, I’m not letting you do something stupid like that again. You’re gonna learn to control that shit” “How, exactly?” “Dunno, but we’re gonna figure it out” “We?” “Yes ‘we’ you idiot. Like I said, you’re stuck with me. I’m not getting another call that you’ve landed yourself in the hospital. I’m not doing this shit again....it’s too much” he whispered the last part, so soft it barely made it to your ears. "I’ll let you rest, let me know when you’re out of here” Standing up, Bakugo stretched his back, arms raising above his head to extend towards the ceiling. Sighing as he brought them down, he walked towards the door, not sparing you a glance. Half way to the door he paused, turning around suddenly and marching up to you. Bending down, he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, a blush painting its way across his cheeks. “Don’t scare me like that again. I don’t know what I would do if you died” he whispered, standing upright to march out of the room. He didn’t bother to wait for your reaction, too embarrassed to turn back.

If he had, he would have seen the matching blush painted across your face, a beautiful and soft smile gracing your lips. “I care about you too...” you said to yourself. Maybe distancing yourself from him had not been the right call...

[s-creations]

Return the Flames - Chapter 11

All at Dead Bird Studios knew of Amos' (The  Conductor's) ability. How the owl could suddenly erupt into flames if  angered enough. When the studio first opened, Dominic (DJ Grooves) was  told that Amos had his ability under control. Nothing to worry about. No  possible loss of anything from an open flame.

A few years later however, and that control seems to have lessened to a dangerous degree.

It should have just been a simple, week long drive to fix the problem. It really should have been.

Dominic should have asked a lot more questions and should have been prepared for a twist ending.

_________________

Fandom: A Hat in Time         Rating: General Audience         Relationships/Pairings: The ConductorXDJ Grooves       Warnings: Eventual depictions of violence, slow burn relationship, named characters, attempt of an accent, being hunted down, a race against time (sort of).

Author's Note: This was the chapter I've been waiting forever to write. This is what got me to write this story. This deals with backstories for both characters, so I hope you enjoy it! 

Amos was not happy with the pounding headache he woke up. Sure, he was honestly used to it. Still doesn’t mean he liked it.  He let out a groan, silently berating himself for drinking so much once again, and moved to get up. Only to have something hold him in place. It took a while for his mind to put together that he was pressed against Dominic. The penguin snoring softly, hair a bit of a mess and his sunglasses askew on his face. An arm wrapped around the other director, Amos unable to move away. The owl felt his cheek becoming warmer. Realizing he felt the familiar warmth in his chest growing once again. 

 “And how are we feeling this morning?”

 Further awake and startled into action, Amos was able to break free. Feathers puffing up in embarrassment upon seeing the Elder in the doorway. 

 “...What happened last night?”

 “Ah ah, I asked a question first.”

 Amos really did not like this goat.

 “I have a peckin’ headache. But ‘m honestly used to that. The flame is back. So, whatever was put in me is gone. And ‘m ready for this whole thin’ ta be over with.”

 “That’s a fair assessment. As per your question, you became drunk last night after which you shared a rather… ‘intense’ dance with Dominic. And when you couldn’t support your own weight, you both retreated here. Where I’m going to assume you two just went to sleep.”

 Amos groaned, rubbing his forehead. Why did he feel like a teenager being caught by their parents? “Sounds like it was quite the party.” 

 “You certainly made it one. Now, you made mention that the flame has returned.”

 “Aye.”

 “Then you two will need to finish the rest of your journey. It will only be a one to two day treck. I would recommend you leave as soon as possible. Your car will remain here and you can retrieve it after you’ve returned to the village. But walking would be best in order for you to avoid unwanted attention.”

 Amos sat up further at that. “Do you think they’re here? The agents?”

 “I doubt a pursuer who’s done what they have so far would give up at the end of the line. While the jungle will provide coverage, you two will need to move carefully.”

 “Right...right…”

 “I will have a few packs put together for you. Wake Dominic, you will need to leave soon.”

 Amos merely nodded at that. He attempted to wake his companion as soon as they were left alone. The penguin seemed unconcerned at sharing a bed with the owl when he woke up. More upset about supporting his own headache than anything else. It took awhile for them to collect themselves and join the outside world. Bags waiting for them when they finally emerged.

 “Just head straight for the mountain. You can’t miss it and there are no natural obstacles in your way. Be careful you two.”

 Those were the Elder’s final words before they departed.

 The trek was quiet. Amos caught up in his own head to think about conversing with Dominic. It was both a joy and a strange sorrow in the thought that this ordeal was almost over. 

 He was tired of being chased, being hunted down, being in constant pain. To think it was almost over raised his spirits slightly. Only for it to be stomped back down in fear of what was going to come after. Was he going to survive this? Were he and Dominic an ‘item’, as his daughter liked to say. Were these emotions only being created because of the situation? Did he want it to be real? Was he willing to let someone get close again?

 “It’s getting dark.” Dominic’s voice cut through the buzz in Amos’ mind. The owl looked up to see the sky painted in that familiar colors of sunset. 

 “Uh...yeah, it is…”

 “I’m not a huge fan of tromping through the jungle in the dark. We should set up camp.”

 The owl’s ears twitched. Looking between the sinking sun and the mountain. It was a lot closer than before, they could honestly make it there before tonight fully arrived if they wanted to. But if Dominic wanted to sleep, Amos wasn’t going to argue.

 “Sure… One more night of peace?”

 “Yeah, something like that.”

 They fell quiet after that. A small, smokeless fire was soon burning away between the two. The sky a deep purple with stars starting to dot the night sky. With how wide and ever expanding space seemed to be out here, Amos was becoming nervous. There was no coverage of a hotel or a hut to keep the night sky away. The constant reminder just hanging over his head.

 Letting out a sigh, Amos reached over and dug further into his bag. Another sigh, this time of relief, sounded as he pulled out a familiar fermented fruit. “Maybe the old goat wasn’t too bad. Heads up Dominic.”

 The penguin fumbled slightly as he caught the said fruit, voicing his frustration with a deadpan, “Really.”

  “One final hurrah.”

 Dominic frowned as he watched Amos take a large bite of his own fruit. The penguin let out a soft sigh, deciding the owl may have a point, and took a bite as well. While he was able to hold his own and cut himself off when he needed to, Dominic was soon supporting a flushed face and a drunken owl. Laughing and beaming as he joined the other in singing shanties that they both only knew a few words to. Or that their drunken mind was making them forget the words. 

 As they belted out the final note, they collapsed onto the ground. Lying head to head as they laughed, slowly calming down as they stared up at the sky. Even with what felt like impending doom was on the horizon, Dominic was happy at that moment. He wasn’t sure how this was going to end. But, at the moment, he just wanted to enjoy the atmosphere. The calm, the quiet, the false peace with the possibly threat being mere steps away from where they lied. 

 He let out a yawn, feeling himself starting to drift off…

 “Ma couldn’t have kids.”

 Dominic flinched slightly. He rolled his head to the side to look at Amos. “Pardon?”

 “She couldn’t have kids,” Amos repeated, “No matter how many times she tried. Or how badly she wanted it. Nothin’ worked. Married three times. Got the reputation as a bed hopper. ...I think she thought that havin’ a kid would brin’ her some kind of happiness in her life…”

 “In a final desperation, she prayed for a higher power to help. And the Celestial Phoenix appeared… She was pregnant the next day. Ostracized the day after. Who ever heard of a God appearing before a divorced and ‘bed warmer’? She told me she didn’t care because she was so happy ta be carryin’ me. Then I was born and… I honestly think I made everythin’ so much worse.” 

 “Amos…” Dominic frowned, unsure of what he could say.

 “Ya can’t look at this ugly mug and tell me this is a solver of problems. I honestly believe I made things worse. I was the demon child created from wedlock with a mother who’s insane. We had to leave the backwash of a town when our house was burnt down. Ma was mentally broken when I was a teenager and only became worse with her age. ‘M pretty sure she was gone before she finally passed away.”

 “My wife left when Amelia was born. She...the wife...married me in a sort of novelty. A stab at her stuffy family by havin’ a monstrous thing be her husband instead of nobility. But when Amelia held more of my features then was ‘acceptable’, the wife had to leave. She couldn’t handle it. I raised Amelia the best I could. I was hopeful she could have a happier, easier life than what my childhood was.” 

 “Only for her husband to leave. Because Amelia fell ill after givin’ birth to all the kids. It was too much responsibility for him. ...She’s always smilin’. I do wonder sometimes how she turned out so perfectly. When she has a...a curse of a father. Because that’s what I am. ‘M a curse. I shouldn’t even be here! Only divine intervention brought this monster into reality. So the laws of nature themselves had to be broken. And all it produced was a cursed, hideous creature that is me. My own body is even tryin’ to tear itself apart. I’ve been tryin’ to destroy myself since I was born and no one is safe. ‘M a walkin’, tickin’ bomb of destruction.”

 Dominic swallowed weakly, feeling sick as he watched Amos breakdown. What was he supposed to say? What could he say?

 “My father is an ice tycoon.”

 Amos slowly looked over to the flushed penguin. 

 “What?”

 “Ah, so… That largest commodity from the Moon is ice.”

 “I know that.”

 “Right, well, it only comes from three different families. Mine being the top company, run by my father. We’re the typical high brow, snooty people you’d think of. Appearance is everything to us. We have to be as clean as the ice we produce.”

 Amos sat up slowly, swaying slightly. “Ya can’t control the creation of ice that closely. It’s ice.”

 Letting out a small huff and sitting up as well, Dominic laid his hand out flat, palm up. The owl let out a chirp of shock as a chunk of ice was formed. Resting directly in the center of Dominic’s hand. “We can make our own ice. Quite literally.”

 “No peckin’ way… Wait, did ye make that wall of ice before? When those government goons were chasin’ after us?”

 “Uh...yeah. I really only intended to make the road slick and trip them up. I was a little on edge at the moment.”

 “That was peckin’ amazin’.”

 Dominic laughed softly. “It...just comes naturally.”

 Amos laughed this time, almost falling back onto the ground if Dominic hadn’t kept him upright. “Peckin’ amazin’... So, yer loaded right? Ice companies make a lot.”

 “No… I’m disowned,” Dominic’s feathers puffed at the owl’s raised brow, “Parents weren’t happy that I wanted to become a movie director. I’m the oldest of four and the only male. I was supposed to take over the business. But I made it very clear how I wasn’t interested with it in any way. So, I was given a choice. Join the business or never talk to them again. And...here I am…”

 It fell quiet for a moment. Dominic had never told anyone this before. Not even his Moon Penguins knew his full story. They were just aware that the director wasn’t on good terms with his family. But, if Amos was sharing the sacred life’s story, why shouldn’t Dominic?

 “I didn’t know ya had siblings.” Amos eventually voiced. 

 “Well, I didn’t know you were part mystical fire being. So I guess we’re even.” Dominic teased, smiling hearing Amos laugh at that.

 “That’s fair. Ta be fair to myself, however, I never thought I would be in a situation like this.”

 “We were also never on good speaking terms with each other before either.”

 “Aye, another fair point. Did ya ever think how weird it was that we both were given the same studio?”

 “Oh absolutely! We really should have gone to the main office to complain about that.”

 “But then we would have argued about who would be kicked out first.”

 “It would have been you for sure.”

 “As peckin’ if!” They shared another laugh at that. Amos eventually leaned over to rest himself against Dominic. The penguin welcomed the contact. “...Tell me about your siblings.”

 “Three sisters.”

 “Oh, fun.” 

 “Hey, how do you think I came across this amazing sense of fashion?”

 “Thought you were color blind to be honest.”

 “How rude.”

 Amos chuckled before pushing Dominic gently. “Anyway, three sisters?”

 “Abigail is only one year younger than me. We were very close growing up. She had a backbone sturdier than I could ever hope for and stuck up for me when our parents started their ‘talks’. As far as I can tell, she’ll be taking over the business… I hope she’s okay with that.”

 “She sounds like a business woman.”

 “I think you’d get along with her. Shila’s next. If you think I’m a diva, you need to meet her. If attention wasn’t on her at all times, she would throw an absolute fit. She was actually one of my first actresses. Gave me my first headache too.”

 Dominic paused to listen to Amos laugh softly. He really loved that sound. “Last is Bethany. I don’t really remember much of her. She was only two when I left. I do remember she was very quiet. With wide curious eyes. I really hope she was able to keep that curiosity…”

 “Abigail made sure to do so, no doubt in my mind. If she was as determined to keep ya safe, ‘m sure that focus went to Bethany as well.”

 “I hope so… I hope they’re all okay…”

 “‘M sure they are.”

 The penguin hummed softly, attention on the large, luminous sphere that was above them. Amos shuffled closer, his chin resting on Dominic’s shoulder. His attention going to the same place. “...Do you miss them?”

 “Every day.”

 “Have you tried to find them? Talk to them?”

 “I think they’re on the Moon still...and I’m not overly fond with contacting that place.”

 “Honestly, that’s fair.”

 Giving another hum, Dominic reached up and scratched behind Amos’ ear. The owl let out a small chirp as he pressed closer. “...Did you ever think your life would end up like this?”

 “I knew I would eventually have to travel here. Another burden to carry because of my birth right. But I wasn’t expected to be hunted down…or the company… I know I don’t say it. In fact, I’ve said the opposite a lot. But…’m glad you came.”

 “More of I berated you to let me come because you’re so stubborn.”

 Amos laughed. “Ya got me there…”

 “...I’m glad I came along as well. I would have been worrying the entire time.”

 “I’d probably be dead at this point if you hadn’t come.”

 “That’s frightening to think about,” Dominic frowned, wrapping his arm around the other. “Do you think we could call this feud over? I’m...honestly so tired of it.”

 “Yeah… ‘m too. It should have ended a long time ago…”

 “We’re both just two, old, stubborn fools.”

 “Oi, easy on those adjectives.”

 “I’m describing both of us. Calm down… How do you think the crew will react?”

 “Shocked but absolutely thrilled. I think everyone's more over this than we are.”

 Dominic laughed at that. “Yeah, probably. We should make a movie together. After all of this.”

 “Ah...kind of a big step.”

 “But I think it’s an appropriate one.”

 “...Yeah...yeah, I think it is too.”

 They fell quiet once more. A warm, happy buzz falling over them. Dominic’s eyes on the dancing fire while Amos’ remained on the Moon. Both falling asleep curled next to each other as the luminous orb traveled over them.

[seirity]

Part 3: The aftermath

I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long write this post. Originally, I was just going to write this post about the aftermath and then another one regarding Taichi’s character development, but in the end, after much deliberation, I decided to combine the two posts into one. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

This is the third part of my post regarding episode 23 of Chihayafuru 3. If you would like to read the first two parts of this series, you can find them here and here.

So, it’s been at least a few days since Taichi’s confession and there’s clearly some tension between the two. We aren’t explicitly told how much time has passed exactly, but it seems at least five days have passed based off of the number of times their clothes have changed. It’s surprisingly how no one has made a comment about it, since Chihaya and Taichi are clearly not talking to each other.

It’s interesting to see how Suetsugu-sensei makes this evident by covering both Chihaya and Taichi’s eyes.

Suetsugu-sensei has also done this before in episode 21 when Chihaya was trying to figure out why Taichi always has to do things by himself.

I’ve noticed it before, but there is such a clear focus on eyes in Chihayafuru. Suetsugu-sensei uses them for a variety of purposes. She uses them to inform us when Chihaya is serious about her match and is going to play without holding back. She also uses them to tell when there’s going to be a change of pace within a match or when Chihaya is having pivotal moments during her self-reflections.  

When she realizes she’ll have to figure out why Taichi does what he does after the tournament:

When she wonders whether or not this will be the start of something new for herself after witnessing Shinobu-chan fall apart emotionally only to pick herself up again, Harada-sensei’s passion, Suou-san’s strength, Arata’s determination, and Taichi throwing down the gauntlet:

When she realizes Taichi had created a placement just to play against her:

When she realizes that Taichi loved her all this time:

These are just a few examples that come to mind when I think of Suetsugu-sensei’s inclination of focusing on eyes to get the audience to focus on certain key pivotal moments or emotions the characters are feeling at that point in time.

It’s so iconic that even the live-action uses this framing technique.

But I digress.

It’s not until the start of the new year that something actually happens: Taichi quits the karuta club.

Only Nikuman-kun and Tsukue-kun are aware that this is going to happen. None of the girls in the club know. Funny enough, it’s Chihaya who realizes something is amiss when Taichi is no where to be seen before it’s her turn to introduce the karuta club.

Interesting, huh?

It’s only when Miyauchi-sensei comes to make a revision to Chihaya’s script that all the girls realize what has happened.

The framing used here is beautiful and once again Chihaya’s eye is visible.

The sound effects in this particular scene gave me the chills. I loved how the fact that Madhouse suddenly made the introductions from the other clubs and the accompanying applause audible. I could literally feel my heart drop during this scene.

I also liked how they added an animation to make the image drop, since you could also visually see the moment when Chihaya’s heart just drops.

While this particular scene isn’t in the actual manga, I feel like this addition definitely had an impact. It’s almost as if you can see the wheels turning in Chihaya’s mind as she’s processing this sudden change.

Once again, eyes anyone?

It’s only after she’s vocalized how many members are in the club that she’s finally processed what has happened. The audience can feel time stop and my heart just breaks. I felt myself tearing up as tears began to well up in Chihaya’s eyes.

As tragic as this scene is, it is also done really well. Madhouse timed everything perfectly. From the moment where she stops to the poignant climax the soundtrack comes to when tears well up in Chihaya’s eyes, and even when she finally drops the microphone. The animation for this scene is amazing, and even though my heart breaks, it’s still one of my favorite scenes in this episode because of how well it was executed.

Chihaya rushes off to catch up to Taichi as he leaves school and tells him that she doesn’t want him to quit the club. She’s desperate and completely distraught over the fact that he’s quitting the club. She can’t even comprehend him not being a part of the club anymore.

Chihaya’s reaction to the news is not a surprise when we consider how selfish and self-centered she can be. What’s different here is the desperation you can hear in her voice and the way she basically throws herself at him to make him stop walking away.

Now we’ve reached the second most controversial part of this episode: the kiss.

The scene is so powerful all on it’s own that they simply chose to have nothing in the background, except for Chihaya’s crying. It’s only when Taichi takes a hold of her sleeve and brings her face closer to him that you hear a chime-like sound effect, almost like an eureka moment of sorts. The only difference is this time Chihaya is actually realizing how Taichi is not as calm as he has seemed to be since his confession.

I love the use of silence here and to be honest simplicity is best in these kinds of situations.

As controversial as this scene is, I think the fact that Taichi starts to kiss her, but stops himself from completely doing so is extremely significant.

While on one hand, Chihaya did technically earn a kiss as a prize for winning the tournament on Taichi’s birthday, I’m sure this wasn’t really what she had in mind when this happened.

Eyes!

As funny and ironic as this may seem, I digress.

For me, this kiss is NOT something that Taichi TRIES to force on Chihaya, but something that happened in the spur of the moment. He’s at the end of his rope and seeing Chihaya absolutely devastated because of him is something that’s never happened.

From Taichi’s point of view, it only looks like Arata has the power to sway Chihaya’s heart or to have an impact on her. Taichi always thinks he is insignificant and that she will be fine without him.

There’s only so much someone can take before they reach their limit and realize that they need to just focus on themselves. It’s why he asks Chihaya this particular question:

Taichi is only human. He can only take so much and it hurts for him to be near her so shortly after his confession.

As conflicted as he may feel, Taichi’s eyes here are animated in such a manner where you can feel the intensity of his gaze. His eyes appear to be burning here with how intense his feelings are and the audience is naturally drawn to them.

Other than being something that he did in the spur of the moment, a part of me also feels like Taichi almost kissed her to get Chihaya to actually realize what him loving her means. Or in other words: to make her realize that even though he is a gentleman, he is STILL a man. In general, Chihaya has little to no qualms about invading someone’s personal space. In Taichi’s case, she has no concept of what personal space is for him, especially since they are childhood friends. As a result, I feel like the kiss is his self-control finally breaking and he suddenly has the urge to kiss her because she is so close to him. However, Taichi’s resolve returns before he can completely kiss her, hence why he stops midway. He stops because he knows it’s wrong and that once he crosses that line, he can never go back. It’s the point of no return.

Once again his eyes are covered and the audience is unable to see his true emotions.

The inner-turmoil that he feels is apparent here by how he clenches Chihaya’s shoulder, but suddenly let’s go of her.

And tells her that all 100 cards are completely pitch black to him.

These screen shots don’t do this scene justice, but I love how the flashbacks that are used in the background are ALL crucial moments of Taichi’s life where karuta was involved.

By saying the cards are completely pitch black to him, Suetsugu-sensei is letting the audience know how devastated Taichi is after confessing to Chihaya.

In English, we often say the world looks a little brighter when you’re in love. In Japanese culture, there is a similar saying that can literally be translated along the lines of “adding color to one’s world.” I can’t remember where I’ve read this, but I did see it somewhere that in Asian culture “dyeing/adding color” to someone else’s or one’s world also has a sexual connotation. For me, this makes a lot of sense since I always hear lines like 「世界に色が付く」 (literally: to add color to the world) or  「貴方が私の心を朝焼けに染めた」 (You’ve dyed my heart with morning glow/You’ve dyed my heart red like the sky as the sun rises) in Japanese love songs whether they’re happy or sad ones.  As a result, no matter what culture you come from, the fact that love is often associated with colors is universal.

Thus, Taichi saying the cards are completely pitch black to him now is the equivalent of saying he feels like he’s lost the one thing that played a key role behind his motivation to play karuta: his love for Chihaya.

This isn’t to say that he doesn’t love her anymore, but more the fact that his heart is broken, which makes it feel as if his love for her is completely gone.

Notice that I’m NOT saying his love for Chihaya was the sole reason why he plays/played karuta. While Chihaya was definitely the reason why Taichi started and was one of the reasons as to why he worked so hard at karuta, she is not the sole reason why he played.

At this point in time, he just doesn’t know it.

DISCLAIMER: this includes spoilers for those who only watch the anime, so please proceed at your own risk.

There are scenes in the manga that allude to how Taichi has come to enjoy playing karuta over the years. Despite the fact that all 100 cards look completely pitch black to him, he continues to play with Suou-san after quitting the club. If his sole motivation to play karuta was Chihaya, then why play karuta without her at all? He has to enjoy playing it on some level, even if he himself doesn’t realize it or is in complete denial.

Yes, I know there is a huge scene where Sudou essentially calls Taichi out on the fact that Taichi always looks like he’s ready to throw in the towel and quit playing karuta forever, but then why continue to try to get better after leaving the club?

The answer lies in a scene that happens long before Taichi has that match with Sudou at the Queen/Meijin qualifying matches of Taichi’s senior year. This particular scene is when Suou-san tells Taichi that it was admirable how Taichi continued to play karuta and tried so hard at it, despite not liking it. That he loved those who played karuta so much that he continued to play, while essentially sacrificing his own happiness and enduring such hardships for their sake. Taichi himself even acknowledges the fact that he doesn’t like karuta, but could never say that because he wouldn’t be able to stay by their side anymore. Instead of just leaving things as they are and essentially admitting that Harada-sensei’s words and the days he spent with the Mizusawa karuta club turned into a curse, he refuses to continue believing that everything was for naught. For me, this is the moment where Taichi starts playing karuta, not for Chihaya or for all the people he loves, but honestly for himself. It’s unclear what actually happens after this sudden realization, but I have a feeling he runs after and catches up with Suou-san. 

But, I digress.

END SPOILERS

Anyways, the symbolism here is just beautiful.

As Chihaya realizes what Taichi is truly saying, her eyes widen and the second half of poem #46 flashes across the screen.

‘Where, over the deep of love, The end lies, I do not know “

行く方もしらぬ 恋の道かな

This scene isn’t in the manga, but I love how the animators did this since it just reiterates what happened: Despite not knowing where this love would lead him, Taichi look the chance and told her how he felt anyways.

Episode 23 ends with this haunting scene: Taichi walking away from Chihaya as she stands there in complete shock in the background while the black cards flutter in the foreground.

To be honest, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for Taichi to force himself to stay in the club until the start of the new school year. It’s tortuous: Wanting to be near here because he’s in love with her, but at the same time wanting to run away from her because it’s a reminder of what happened/what he thinks he’s lost.

Yet, it’s almost as if him not being first in his class was the excuse he needed to quit the club and end this long, endless cycle of suffering. My heart bleeds for him. He put himself out there to tell Chihaya how he felt, even when he wasn’t really sure how it would turn out.

Confessing to Chihaya is very significant to Taichi’s character for two reasons. The first is by doing so, he is no longer a coward. He’s put his feelings out there and he’s stopped taking the easy way out. It’s easier for him to be a coward and simply maintain the status quo by not confessing to Chihaya. Not telling her how he feels would allow him to stay by her side, but he would be forever making himself the martyr. He would never truly be able to be happy, especially if she ends up with Arata because he never took a chance to see what would happen if he told her how he felt.

It’s only with Sumire’s confession and her plead for Taichi to tell Chihaya how he feels that Taichi is finally able to take that leap of faith and muster up the courage to finally do it.

However, by confessing to her, he’s made the declaration that he doesn’t want to be a coward and take the easy way out, which is to simply maintain the status quo.  He confessed to Chihaya because it was something that he had to do in order to become someone who wasn’t a coward.

"It doesn’t matter how this looks to other people. If this is something that you got to do, then you do it." (Geraldine Hughes)

There are people who would argue that Taichi confessing to Chihaya now is simply because he’s being selfish and that he’s only doing it because he doesn’t want to stay her friend. It is really selfish if we are simply doing something because we don’t want to live with regret of what could have been if we had done what we wanted to do? Perhaps it is on some level, but haven’t we all felt this way before? If you must condemn Taichi for confessing to Chihaya because of this, then you too must face the same fate for doing something that you want to do because you didn’t want to live with regrets for the rest of your life.

Honestly, this same logic can be applied to Arata’s confession in the sense that wanting Chihaya to see him as something more than a friend is also selfish. Just the act of confessing your feelings and watching someone else to see you as more than a friend is fundamentally selfish on some level.

The second reason is that by confessing to Chihaya, Taichi is now living for himself. This sounds very similar to the first point I’ve made, but there is a very subtle, but crucial difference: he’s no longer putting his needs on the back burner and he’s prioritizing himself over others, especially Chihaya. This is also why it makes sense for him to leave the club and to focus on his studies. He has to start thinking about his own future and needs to stop focusing on Chihaya. Not to mention the fact that seeing her right now is completely painful for him. Up to this point, Taichi has managed to flawlessly maintain his grades, support the Mizusawa karuta club, and be there for Chihaya in whatever capacity she needed him to be.

I will probably get around to doing a post regarding Taichihaya in the most recent chapters of the manga. There’s still quite a bit I wanted to say, but I feel this is a good place to end things.

Anyways, that was an extremely long post. I hope it all made sense! Thank you to everyone who have read this entire series of posts! As always, please let me know your thoughts!

[impalementation]

What are your official takes on each of Buffy's major love interests?

i am…really afraid to answer this. heh. so i will put the caveat that i’m indulging myself here and am basically going to drive straight into headcanon territory. these aren’t really “takes” in a textual-analysis sense, and i’m not particularly attached to them. more like descriptions of how the relationships read to me. i’ll take them in chronological order.

buffy/angel: i think…that buffy and angel deeply and sincerely loved each other. but that love was wrapped up in a lot of other stuff that makes it hard to say what exactly it means that they loved each other. i think that buffy was a beacon of light in angel’s pretty sad and lonely existence, and that a big part of his love for her was the sheer joy of finding someone to love at all. the feeling of, oh god, i’m capable of really caring about someone. that’s how i see his characterization in light of becoming especially. (because so much of angel’s unhappiness is related to guilt-driven isolation and detachment, i find something nice in the fact that his love for buffy was a stepping stone to angel being more engaged in the world and able to care for people in general. not just buffy.) meanwhile buffy was a teenage girl, and angel was this confounding, yet romantic figure. i get a vibe like, angel is the hope that something beautiful can be made out of her dark and violent life. it just makes complete sense to me that buffy would be deeply drawn to the idea of a vampire with a soul, a vampire who rejects vampirism, in view of her own fears of losing herself to her calling*. it also makes sense to me that buffy goes back and forth between keeping angel close and pushing him away all through season three, because season three is a big season for identity. and angel, like faith, is strongly linked to buffy’s sense of self. i see her reluctance to give him up not just as a matter of loving him a lot, but of not wanting to feel like nothing beautiful can be made out of a life of slaying. especially given her guilt over killing him in the early part of the season, and especially since faith is busy transforming slaying into something ugly. but of course, angel’s unattainableness is also bad for buffy, because it magnifies these guilts and fears of hers. 

*(this is also my read of her pretty intense protectiveness over spike in season seven. i don’t think her feelings towards him change because she sees him getting a soul as a big romantic gesture. buffy has never been impressed by spike making romantic gestures. i think her feelings towards him change because making something light out of something dark is very very important to her. like it’s at the fundamentals of her character. and that’s what spike did. so it’s important to her to protect it.) (this is also my read of why buffy is such a forgiving person in general. she’s desperate to make light from dark. hence why she takes it so personally when faith goes bad, and then rejects the many chances that buffy tries to give her. i think that buffy has a harder time being moved–or more like, letting herself be moved–by faith’s efforts towards redemption in sanctuary and season seven because faith made something dark out of something light first. and that initial choice, plus faith’s repeated commitment to it, scared the shit out of buffy. it’s her worst fear.)

buffy/faith: mainly doing this one because the subtext is so obvious and because faith was written in a way that has seemingly-if-not-actually-deliberate similarities with buffy’s other love interests. i see attraction on faith’s end, but in a ha-ha-just-kidding…unless? way. i see attraction on buffy’s end too, but in that way that is completely unable to register that it’s attraction, since it’s for another girl. that said. i personally think that if they had acted on an attraction during the run of the show, the plot would have still gone basically the way it does in canon. their relationship still would have blown up. because both of them have mad identity issues with each other, and that kind of thing doesn’t go away when you add sex or romance to it—it makes it worse (witness: season six spike/buffy). not to mention the fact that faith has a distinct pattern of weaponizing sex during seasons three and four. if buffy/faith were to ever happen in an actually-sustainable way, i see it happening post-series.

buffy/riley: i think one of the more unfortunate things about how this relationship was written is that it doesn’t feel like we get a ton of information about buffy’s side of things. why buffy likes riley. or even what the show is trying to say with the relationship at all. so you kind of have to read between the lines. i think that riley likes buffy because she’s different. he reminds me of an online dating message telling a girl she’s “intriguing” (“i’m sure every pretty girl has some guy telling her she’s a mystery” …yeah). i think that riley does really care for buffy, but he also wants to feel important, and an interesting girl makes him feel that way. up until it turns out that he can’t handle a girl being more interesting than him. i don’t think riley is a bad guy, but i do think that he and buffy had fundamentally incompatible needs, and he handled that realization badly. buffy, from what i can gather, seems to value his safety and loyalty. which is why the show has riley flirt with danger and disloyalty when it’s trying to introduce friction into the buffy/riley relationship (see: riley sleeping with faith, riley letting vampires bite him). i think ironically, buffy specifically wanted a boyfriend who was not stronger than her at this point in her life. but maybe gets off on the fact that riley has the aesthetic of strength. like, i think she likes having control over male strength and normalcy, likes being desired by it, after the whole drama of angel—in which she didn’t have much control. and at some point, that was always going to end up in conflict with riley’s insecurities. but riley’s insecurities blindside buffy because she never saw him as weak—i think she genuinely values safe, loyal people. she picked lovable outcasts as her friends, after all. i think she really admires those traits in riley, and is startled that they aren’t good enough for him. and maybe aren’t good enough for her, either.

buffy/spike: i think it’s a shame that people try to read a conventional romantic dynamic into this pairing as-written, because—in my opinion—it’s way more narratively and emotionally satisfying when you don’t. like i enjoy watching it, but i enjoy watching it because it’s dark and weird and ambiguous. i don’t think that they were writing a love story with these two characters. i think that they were writing a character story. it just so happens that character stories often make very compelling love stories, because of the time spent on…character. in fact, i think kind of the whole point of buffy/spike in seasons five and six is that spike thinks he’s in a love story, and the audience might be tempted to agree with him, but he isn’t*. i think the writers saw that buffy and spike were good at exploiting the vulnerabilities in the other, and leaned into it. why wouldn’t you exploit character vulnerabilities? that’s good drama. all of which is to say, questions like whether buffy loved spike romantically, or whether they could be good for each other, are sort of…uninteresting to me. they don’t feel like the point. the point is the self-knowledge that buffy and spike gain from being involved with each other. the big and uncomfortable things that they provoke each other into learning about themselves. it’s a specific kind of dynamic. one that is inherently intimate and not-incompatible with romance, but is still something other than romance. “i’ve seen the best and the worst of you”: that is the point of buffy/spike, to me. they are each other’s mortifying ordeal, and the payoff is that scene in touched. the payoff of being known is not a matter of being in a sexual or romantic relationship. the payoff is that when someone tells you they love you, you believe they love you. (this is why their final scene in chosen is supposed to be so bittersweet. both of them are trying to say that they understand and accept each other—only this time, the same history that made that understanding possible gets in their way.)

*(contrast with season seven, when he’s convinced up to his death that he’s not in a love story, but maybe accidentally is. and contrast with buffy/angel in seasons two and three when they think they’re in a love story, and they are in a love story. but that doesn’t mean they’ll be happy. and contrast with buffy/riley who aren’t in a love story, and know they aren’t in a love story. but haven’t quite accepted it. note how their attempts to pull off love story tropes in into the woods totally fail.)

[miyomiikonran]

Whumptober Day 4

Extra rules: Each short story will be between 500-1000 words and will include at least one of my or @ironic-artist's OCs.

Today's theme: Running out of time

Choosen prompt: Collapsed building

Universe: Wakfu (explanation in notes)

Character: Takashi

Word count: ~1000

Trigger warnings: Emotional and mental distress

For more notes please look at the end!

___________________________________________

Who would have thought that's how he's gonna end up. Under a tons of stone chunks, bricks, tiles… Definitely not the way Takashi imagined himself to go. But one thing was sure, he took that bitch with him.

It was supposed to be their big day, the day when they're either gonna win or everything will go to shit and they're gonna die one way or another. Pretty much a day to look forward to. Attack on palace started before dawn, as they had to get through old dungeons leading from prison all the way under the palace, possibly undetected for as long as possible, with all forces available at the moment. Whole island was tense for a few days now. Both sides knew final clash will happen eventually, as army's reinforcements were on their way to help with ongoing revolt against King Adale. Rebels would obviously stand no chance against them, because of their high tech, despite higher numbers.

After they arrived under the palace, real battle finally began. Everything was going smoothly at first, as they managed to get lower levels under control. But once they started moving further, losses were starting to grow as King's personal guard was protecting central parts of palace. First fall back and need for regroup caused doubts to grow, which was the main reason for officer meeting to be called. His shoulder still felt stiff while he moved it, because of that blow from axe he got three weeks ago. Thanks to Shinuo it was mostly healed, otherwise he couldn't be here now.

In the end it was decided that they have to give it all they got in last deciding offensive. They thought they would had few hours left till dusk to prepare… Till King's General didn't appear out of nowhere in her damn robotic suit. Of course that crazy bitch had to somehow get ahead of rest reinforcements! Just her presence alone caused a lot of panic as she was known for having no mercy even towards her own soldiers not even mentioning any traitors to the kingdom. That's when he and maybe dozen other people from his old unit got the same idea, just as batshit crazy as their enemy. They did their best to provoke her and take her away from main forces. Unfortunately, they were lucky enough for it to work.

That's how they found themselves in ballroom at the far west section of the palace, which was topped with huge dome and surrounded with massive, thick columns all round. These were great hiding places, at least for as long as Miss General didn't decide to put her portable cannon to use. Soon they felt how whole construction started to shake with each heavy step of robotic suit jumping around. It was the last chance to leave, they all knew it. But he didn't make it. Entrance got blocked by stone supports from ceiling just before his eyes. Just his kind of luck.

One of his last pieces of memory before ceiling completely fell apart was being chased by her, trying to hide behind what remained from all the columns and other rubble, right as piece of ceiling fell onto robotic suit, causing General herself to crawl out of it, pissed and bloodthristy. Last seconds got filled with their struggle on the ground, exchanging hits. His last thought hardly could be called sane, as he used a small fire spell Shinuo taught him to ignite whatever shit was seeping from broken robotic suit. Explosion was the last hit, right after it whole ballroom turned into rubble. Heavy, suffocating grave for the both of them.

Being burried alive is new kind of nightmare he never had to imagine. It was so hard to breathe... He knew his ribs got smashed, pain basically was going through his spine with every deeper inhale or exhale. Dust all around, on his face, in his hair, flying all around in all these tight spaces, tangling in his throat, as he desperately tried not to cough. He couldn't move his legs, that's for sure, but hey, at least he felt them! Mostly more pain but that's something... If someone's gonna find him.

Takashi's thoughts were going crazy at the time. Panic was slowly seeping in as more and more scenarios were apprearing in his mind. How's Shinuo gonna react? Will he be alright? As long as rest succeeds, probably… If not, then even doctors treating rebels might pay heavy price. Feeling of powerlessness was kinda terrifing. He tried to calm his breath but panic finally made him cough so hard his vision got black for a second. He asked Shinuo to stay away from this whole mess! But obviously he wouldn't listen, so so devoted to help in whatever way he could. Of course he would... He's never gonna see Hidemichi again, or his girlfriend. Maybe Hide will help Shinuo to get out of trouble? He could take him to Amakna, or something… That thought was weirdly reassuring, despite being stuck. Even if he's gonna die here… Thought sent shivers down his spine. How long will it take….? His head started to feel dizzy. It already hurt before, now it only was getting worse. With time it started to get pretty chilly, so he suspected that night came already. He couldn't hear anything though. No sounds of battle, nor someone digging through these damn stones. He finally lost his consciousness as new day came.

* * *

Is there anything more terrifing than thinking you might've lost your twin?

Shinuo just couldn't be stopped since information that Takashi's probably burried somewhere under collapsed part of palace reached him. Uncertainty was there, of course, but his mind was too skilled in sending him more and more visions of painful death in that scenario. He wanted to help but most stones were too heavy for him to lift... Finally he left, heartbroken, but aware there's nothing he could've done to help. He went back to field hospital instead. That's where he can make a difference. He had to occupy himself with something, anything! It's not like they had any free time on their hands anyway, with so many injured, among rebels, soldiers and civilians alike.

As late evening came, he heard some shouts. And even a bit of cheering from nerby tent. He rushed there right away...and there he was, unconscious, worn out, with his legs so heavily bloodied but at least alive. However, elderly doctor stopped him before he could get close to Takashi, who was taken to their "intensive care" tent. If you can call a tent like that...

- That's bad idea. Look at yourself, you're barely on your feet right now. Better leave it to others, you're already a ball of nerves. Go and rest, have some sleep. - woman insisted, but before she let him go, she pushed something into his own hand.- Take a look, he had it in his hand.

It was a little, golden like metal badge, now heavily scratched and bent in one place. The General's badge.

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Sloooowly but I'm still going. Today's lil writing is still about my two main babies, but in completely different setting, in universe known from fantasy MMORPG called Wakfu, as well as anime series. It's Takashi and Shinuo's original world, I created them while game was still in beta qwq. Good old days. For those of you who might not know, it's a world with twelve main races, each with it's own God/Goddess, powers based on them and stuff. It also has four nations player is able to choose as their character's main base. Takashi and Shinuo are born as Eniripsas (healing class in this universe) and their nation was ocean-oriented island of Sufokia, who also appears in anime series. My plot for them is basically a mix of both game elements and anime's setting with some of my own twists.

This scene was in my head for years by now. You see, in anime series we can see a young, egoistic prince Adale of Sufokia, who's absolute dipshit unable to properly command his troops as he tries to take over an island for his father's kingdom. Just to spice things a bit I made him a King in here for good chunk of time only to plan a revolt against him when city guards (which was actually position you could have in game too!) and civilians had enough of his neverending wars with other nations that kept ruining Sufokia as a whole. Takashi who worked hard for few years to become a guard and actually get his own small team of people, obviously joined the fight as the hot-head he is. Shinuo as a good brother and skilled doctor he is, followed him into this chaos.

What's kinda funny is that mentioned General also appeared in anime series and was just as crazy and ridiculous in her behaviour as I described. If you don't believe me then go check up 2-3 last episodes from season 2 of anime series :')

[abeautifulblog]

Hi!! I just reread all of ABDitN for like the 10th time because I got my friend hooked on it, and a thought then occurred to me when I went on to replay the game: You've talked before about Joseph and the allusion to his having a bondage kink before. I think that a facet of the Robert/Joseph History might be that Robert did a scene (or multiple) with Joseph, mild stuff, consensually, and Joseph did exactly 0 aftercare. Would that mesh with your interpretation of the characters?

Hello! Okay, how to even organize my answer, because I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this and discussing it with my housemate, and it goes in a lot of different directions. (No joke, I have a file that is 7k words of meta called “robert being fucked up about sex.doc”, because he has that many issues. And yes, one of the lines in it reads, “zero aftercare.”)

I’ll share the whole thing once Beautiful Day the hookup AU is posted (there are some things in it that are spoilers) – in the mean time, I’m gonna toss this answer behind a cut, because I have a feeling it’s going to get long.

So, first off, I’m 99% certain they only fucked once, or had only one sex-session anyway. Joseph is on record saying that the affair “began and ended on the same day,” and I believe him when he makes a statement that is concrete and falsifiable, something that he could defend as some form of the truth if pressed to do so.

As for Joseph having a bondage kink, I’m of two minds on that. On one hand, it’s a clear extension of his predilection for control, but on the other, it adds structure and ritual to the sex  – and for some kinksters that’s part of the appeal, but for Joseph, I think structure-and-ritual would put several checks in the cons column.

For one, it leaves a metaphorical paper trail – “LOCAL YOUTH MINISTER HAS FETISH FOR ROPE BONDAGE” makes a pithy soundbite, a secret that’s far easier to spill than Robert helplessly trying to articulate what Joseph did that made him feel so violated. “Joseph’s into rope bondage” is the sort of deliciously scandalous rumor that you could drop into just about any ear in Maple Bay and be guaranteed that it’s going to get around, whether or not the people repeating it even believe it – it’s just too juicy not to share.

Structured bondage also creates a target for the uneasy feelings Joseph leaves his jilted lovers with, something for them to point the finger at when they’re trying to understand what happened. It’s an explanation (though perhaps the wrong one) for why it felt wrong, and would make it easier to blame Joseph instead of blaming themselves. Joseph doesn’t want you to have a framework for understanding what happened to you.

It also makes it much easier to paint him as the villain in the court of public opinion. Rope bondage is pretty tame from where I’m sitting, but I suspect for the general public (particularly the WASPy church-going general public), any sort of kink is proof that someone is dangerously degenerate. (Can we trust someone like that around children??) As is stands now, the Joseph-dadsona-Mary triumvirate is engineered to distribute blame equally between the three of them, but if Joseph were outed as kinky, he’d get all of it.

And lastly, doing an actual bondage scene requires the other person’s consent – when there are actualfax ropes involved, they know what’s going on, and if that’s not their thing, they could potentially nope out of it. (And, depending on how off-putting they found the request, they might have no compunctions about blowing that secret wide open.) Far more reliable to skip the ropes and mindfuck ‘em without it.

So, all that said, I’m inclined to think that he doesn’t structure it like a scene, or use props, or do anything that would overtly alert his partners that he’s dipping into bdsm territory. (Spoiler, there’s no safeword for fucking Joseph.) He gets off on control, yes, but his interest really seems to lie in what he can make people do without realizing they’re being controlled, what they think they’re doing for him of their own volition.

(On the flip side: there are plenty of abusers who style themselves as doms because of the leeway it gives them to misbehave – they’ve got subs flocking to them in droves, and can target the ones who are inexperienced and unable to recognize when consensual bdsm tips over into straight-up abuse.)

I’m not into it myself, but I got my start in leatherworking doing fetish gear, so I’ve been hanging out on the fringes of the kink scene for many years now. And on the whole, it’s perfectly sane and perfectly healthy – people with complementary kinks hooking up for sex that is mutually satisfactory and enthusiastically consensual. But it does require more forethought than vanilla sex – discussing boundaries ahead of time, setting a safeword in case things get out of hand, and choosing a dom who isn’t going to take advantage in the heat of the moment, because I’m given to understand that subspace is a very vulnerable place to be.

And aftercare is essential after an intense scene – to ease the sub back down gently from that high, to draw a clear line between that-was-play and this-is-reality, to shore up their feelings of safety, self-esteem, and being loved.

But given how Joseph thrives on keeping you off-balance, I don’t expect that aftercare is one of the services he provides.

(As for Robert’s side of things, that’s… a whole ‘nother story. There’s a section in the aforementioned .doc file to the effect of “Robert: subby or not??” because on one hand, he comes across so strong and take-charge when it comes to sex that he’s practically a dom, but on the other, I find myself coming back to the conviction, time and again, that Robert is desperate to do whatever his loved ones tell him to do. It’s wound up being fundamental to my characterization of him, even though I didn’t set out to write him that way. And it has more to do with insecurity than kink, but that’s still going to be a factor in any relationship he’s in.)

So – yeah. I think Robert consented to the sex, with no idea what he was in for. I think Joseph got off on seeing how far he could push him, knowing full well that Robert wasn’t enjoying it but also knowing that Robert wasn’t going to stop him. I think it involved a lot of subtle, unsettling talking (because that was a theme that emerged strongly in the story, as early as the first Zara shirt chapter, that Joseph’s voice itself is triggering to Robert in a way that the sight of Joseph is not). And when it was over, Joseph rolled over and went to sleep and left Robert spinning, trying to understand what just happened, why he’s feeling like crap, trying to convince himself that it was good, or at least, that it’ll be good next time.

Because it’s kind of astonishing how long someone acting bad faith can string along someone acting in good faith.

And then Joseph dumps him. Which at the time was devastating for Robert, because he is a man who puts all his emotional eggs in one basket, and I think the immediate post-Joseph aftermath was the absolute nadir of Robert’s life, and he literally would not have survived it if Mary hadn’t intervened and chosen that moment to befriend him.

(In a sense, keeping Robert alive is one of her many fuck-yous to Joseph – because god knows his secret would be safer if Robert would just drink himself to death already.)

I can’t remember if it’s a line that appears in the fic or not, but ultimately Robert says that the best thing Joseph ever did for him was cut him loose.