#i would’ve spent the whole night pathetically trying to impress him and failing miserably because i’m literally not impressive | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fingertipsmp3 · 2 years ago

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I have a long and varied list of regrets, but possibly the funniest one is the time my former flatmate had a friend over and I saw that he was hot so I went “not today Satan” and hid in my bedroom until he left

#i was fucking.. cooking my dinner and sb walked in with this man who had to be at least 6’3 and looked like someone had tried to build him #to fit my specifications for an ideal boyfriend. not like.. ridiculously good looking or anything but he had nice hair and a kind face #and i immediately thought ‘oh no’ and then sb introduced me to him and he said ‘hi ellen nice to meet you’ and i babbled some similar words #and took my food and left. and i could hear that everyone else was hanging out downstairs and drinking but i was just like.. no #not today satan. i don’t want to know what the deal is with this man. i just don’t #i did have to pack for easter break anyway (i was literally leaving early the next morning) so i used that as my excuse #but like. realistically i just looked a perfectly nice man in the face and just thought ‘i can’t do this. i’m not simping tonight’#because the thing is; i have this curse on me where romance simply does not happen to me. so it would’ve been a complete waste of time #i can tell you exactly what happened in the parallel universe where i went down to the living room to talk to him #and it is SWEET FUCK ALL #i would’ve spent the whole night pathetically trying to impress him and failing miserably because i’m literally not impressive #and then i would’ve hated myself for being a pickme. like. i just wasn’t in the mood lmao #it’s still something i would list as a regret because like.. who knows if god sent that man to me and he was supposed to be my soulmate #i do feel like when i die god is going to send me to hell for stuff like this. he’s going to be like ‘you LITERALLY didn’t have to leave #your house… i was sending men to you and you just ignored them’#you should’ve made me better at flirting with people i actually like then. that’s all i can say #personal

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