#i would write more fucking johnlock if anyone actually cared about reading it from me

[homosociallyyours]

Okay, I got it wrong. I thought it was mashup between prompt and a pairing. I'd like to correct my request. Green eyed epiphany+ poorly timed confessions, please. Love you ❤

This is for johnlock, as you said in your other ask, and BLESS!!, bc those dingdongs are all about jealousy and poorly timed confessions, damn. 

Sherlock won’t stop waxing poetic about fucking murderers-- ok, one murderer in particular --and it’s driving John to the brink. 

It’s always been about the cases; he knows that well enough. But this isn’t just cases. It isn’t facts and deductions and solving it. This is about one man. One man and many murders and a puzzle that makes Sherlock forget not only when John’s not in the room, but that he would be there at all. 

John wakes to Sherlock sitting cross-legged on his bedroom floor. It’s 4am and he almost reaches for his gun before he realizes it’s his flatmate. He’s on his phone and the door is open, light spilling in from the staircase over a sprawling pile of papers. When John flicks the light on, Sherlock flinches for a moment like a creature discovered. 

“Oh,” he says, blinking and shaking his head as if to clear it. He looks back down at his papers as if that’s all he needs to say about being in John’s room, and when John asks him what’s happening he brushes it off. “I thought you were out,” he says, speed-reading a bit of a paper on serial killers before setting it aside. John clenches his hand into a fist at his side and throws himself back into bed, flicking his light off and pretending to want to fall back to sleep. 

As Sherlock obsesses over the murderer, John grows more and more frustrated. He finds himself on tinder, swiping til he can find a woman who’ll meet him that night for a date. He brings her back to the flat, not acknowledging the fact that all he wants is for Sherlock to flay her open verbally so that she’ll run away and John can heave a put-upon sigh before complaining about Sherlock ruining his love life. 

Of course he does no such thing. No. Instead he ignores John leaving, ignores John stumbling up the stairs with her, ignores the two of them in the kitchen, John pouring her two fingers of scotch from the bottle they keep in the cupboard. He presses her against the fridge and kisses her neck til she starts moaning, letting her rut against his leg in the hopes Sherlock will walk through and begin talking to John as if she isn’t there. 

When nothing like that happens, he gets her off right there in the kitchen with his hand in her knickers and then kisses her before she goes, promising to be in touch. Then he unmatches her and deletes the app. 

Things progress just like that for another week. Nothing John tries works, even his attempts to show Sherlock how much he wants to focus on him by trying to write up one of their old cases. Sherlock practically ignores him; he doesn’t preen over the details or read over John’s shoulder to correct him while he types. He just stares at the details of the latest murder while whispering to himself about this mysterious man who he hasn’t figured out yet. The puzzle that John will never be to him. 

It comes to a head on a Thursday night during the worst heatwave London’s ever seen. The flat is suffocatingly hot, and John feels like he’s about to crumble. When the case breaks, Sherlock yells loud enough that John hears Mrs. Hudson drop a glass below them. He’s out the door almost before John can follow him, in the cab faster than ever before. Beside him, John is on the knife’s edge, needy and frightened and aching for more from Sherlock. More attention, more affection, more devotion, more. More something. 

The warehouse is dark, all the windows blacked out and a furnace blazing to pump out heat in the already hellish air around them. John has texted Lestrade of course, and he’s coming. But Sherlock insists they go inside first. His eyes are shining with need, and John feels a spark of rage and want inside that he tries to swallow down. 

As they crouch in a corner of the warehouse, the eerie orange glow from the open furnace casting the room in a macabre mixture of light and shadow, Sherlock eyes the murderer across the room. He’s setting the stage for his next murder, and Sherlock watches carefully as he lays out his tools, barely breathing as the murderer holds a gleaming blade up in the light. 

John feels sick, the heat engulfing him entirely. Behind him the sound of NSY bursting in breaks through the thick quiet of the warehouse. John grabs Sherlock’s arm, holding him back from leading the charge. 

“I-- Sherlock, fuck. I’m in love with you.” 

[tea-at-221]

The TJLC Debacle: 3 years out from S4 and counting; the copyright mini-theory; so much salt I’m bloated; but in the end, there is peace (I love you Johnlockers)

Ugh, don't even talk to me about Mary.

Don't even talk to me about the way Mofftiss have said they're sick of responding to fans on the subject of Johnlock. Of how they've said they're "not telling anyone else what to think or write about them" (as if they could stop us; as if they even own Sherlock themselves. Do keep reading, because this point becomes much more relevant and in-jokey later on). Don't even mention how they've bitched and whined incessantly because--god forbid--fans got *really really* into their show and emotionally invested.

They're so eager to discount all the beautiful little moments they wrote as accidents. And Arwel, who planted all those props, continually demonstrates that he's on their side (a not-very in-depth-analysis of his Instagram account and the way he interacted with fans towards the beginning of the pandemic showed as much, but I think maybe he’s grown a bit wiser and quieter since at least in terms of Johnlock and all things elephant-related. I don’t know for sure because I stopped looking.)

Anyway--they'd actually prefer for us to celebrate our own intelligence, is I suppose a charitable way of looking at it: our ability to make connections between things in the show; our metas on symbolism; our insightful fanfic; etc., and denounce them as the bad writers that they ultimately are.

More under the cut.

(This post may be of interest to you especially if you came to the fandom a bit later: multiple links to things of relevance/quotes/explanations appear both within and at the end of this entry.)

Because what makes a writer good?

Well, an ability to make people feel an emotional connection to their work, for one. I know this is just my own perspective, but if not for Johnlock, all my emotion about the show would evaporate. There wouldn't be much else there. Other people might get something, but I wouldn’t. Is some of the writing witty and entertaining regardless of any inferred/implied Johnlock? Yeah but, eh, a lot of shows have some good writing and I just don’t give a damn about them.

What makes a writer good?

Not making promises to the reader/viewer that they'll never keep. Plot holes, leading dialogue ("There’s stuff you wanted to say...but didn’t say it.” “Yeah”) never followed through on, puns that are apparently, I suppose, unintentional (e.g. "'Previous' commander?" "I meant 'ex'").

Uh, not writing continual gay jokes that aren't actually pointing toward the inference that people are making them because there's actually something going on there under the surface. (How about just don't make those jokes ever.)

Not being, apparently, oblivious (? questionable) to the queerbaiting they're engaging in *as they’re writing it.*

Acting like their LGBT audience is in the wrong/the bad guy, instead of choosing to remain respectful in the face of dissent. Instead it's just, "we never wrote it that way" / "We never played it that way."

A lot of those other mildly witty shows don’t actually blatantly drag their most passionate fans face-down through the mud the writers themselves created. Imagine that.

I'm not even a fan of Martin Freeman anymore, for the way he handled the whole thing (getting angry, the comments he made about how the fans made Sherlock “not fun anymore”...apparently Martin’s packing up his crayons and going home?)...no offense to anyone who is still a fan of his. I don’t make it a habit to drag him. I do to some degree understand his frustration with having the whole situation taken out on him--he’s just an actor in the show--but I simply wish he’d remained as cool and professional about it as Benedict Cumberbatch instead of pointing at the fans. You’re pointing in the wrong direction, mate.

What also irks me at the end of the day is this: the subsection of people who legitimately responded badly to the TJLC/S4 debacle and went above and beyond to harass the writers and actors/actresses on social media are *few and far between*, but we've been lumped in with them by what feels like...everyone, Martin included. TJLCers/Johnlockers (not the same group, but often treated as such) have been made to look like a bunch of rambunctious, immature, demanding children time and time and again in the wake of S4.

They'd rather, what, suggest John was so in love with Mary? THAT was the relationship they wanted to uphold in that show as so significant and...what, a demonstration of how honorable it is to respect your heterosexual relationship despite, you know...ANYTHING?

Yeah sorry, I don’t believe in that. John’s text-based affair, whether a disappointment for some as to his supposed character, was a very human reaction and I kinda sorta feel like I would have reacted MUCH more strongly than that had I been John. But nope. He stayed with Mary and was *ashamed* of his wandering eye. Ashamed that maybe he wanted to be admired by someone. I can’t think of a scene, off the top of my head, where Mary ever interacted with John without belittling him in some way--if not with words, then with consistently patronizing glances.

The message here is that heterosexuality is not just acceptable, but VALUABLE, however it manifests--but god forbid anyone see a queer subtext. (Why are lgbt+ writers some of the very WORST offenders where this is concerned? And they defend it! Is this childhood nostalgia/Stockholm Syndrome of the very fondest variety or what? Gay angst is all they got if they got anything at all, so it’s still good enough as far as “representation” goes?)

They really want to tell the story of John as so emotionally/mentally fucked up that he surrounds himself with unstable people time and again. They never give any reason *why* he might do that (which they could have done even soooo subtly), or delve into his past--just, apparently it's okay to assume that Sherlock's comment about "she's like that because you chose her" is exactly that.

No. Sherlock and Mary are NOT the same. Not...*remotely*!

Mary is underhanded and evil. She lies. She manipulates. She schemes. Her “love” is based on selfishness, and her assumption that John is a simpleton and hers to mold. She's in it for herself.

Sherlock hides. He prevaricates. He feels. He loves John. He does fucked up things in the name of love, but always for the benefit of those he loves. When he screws up, which he obviously does, it’s painful to us as the audience because we see that it is painful for him when he recognizes and regrets it.

I have never seen Mary regret anything. Those crocodile tears at Christmas? More manipulation. Inconsistent with anything else we were shown about her as a character.

To even think for a SECOND that people could ship Mary and John and mentally condemn John for cheating on Mary AFTER SHE SHOT HIS BEST FRIEND...as if marriage is the be-all-end-all free pass in which every sin must be forgiven until the end of time...as if John broke any covenant with his wife beyond those she broke from the very moment she walked into his life *with an entire fake past.* Is just. Well. It's asking us to accept gaslighting as healthy, loving, normal, *preferable* behavior, so...given the source that message is coming from, it's all a bit meta.

THAT. Is insanity. Maybe Mofftiss are the sociopaths.

How these men could write characters they themselves understand so little (or tell us they understand so little because their emotional maturity has yet to surpass that of the average three-year-old’s), I will never know. I can only imagine that they have absorbed, by osmosis over their lives, real and nuanced human behavior...then churned it back out again in their writing unaware, a bit like psychopaths who teach themselves what "normal" people do so that they can pass as psychologically sound in regular society.

Remember, we *are* talking about men who do these sorts of things:

Moffat says that Sherlock is celibate and that people who claim he's misogynistic when he does things like make Irene Adler imply she's attracted to the detective (even though she's a lesbian) are, ironically, "deeply offensive" (despite lines like "look at us both" in Battersea. We aren't your therapists, Moffat--we don't care what you meant, we care what you said, and what you *said* was clear. *Implying* it does not let you off the hook).

Gatiss has proclaimed that "I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting" than the idea of ever making a show addressing LGBT issues. (That link is to a reddit forum, and I can't find the original interview anymore, but I assure you I had seen the actual article myself ages back and can't find it online again now along with some of the Martin quotes I wanted to link to. And nevermind what Gatiss has done with LGBT shows/issues since--my focus here is on what he has said, versus what he and Moffat have since claimed regarding their queerbaiting.)

Here’s a transcript of this screenshot:

"...many people come up and say they didn't realise." Despite this lack of public awareness, being part of the gay community is clearly important to Gatiss: "The older I get the more I want to give something back. I mean, I keep meaning to do something." When asked if he'd be interested in making a series about gay issues his response was enlightening:

"No, I don't think I'd make a kind of gay programme. It's much more interesting when it's not about a single issue. And equally, I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting. Of course this reflects the grand picture of everyone's strange make-up; there are good gay people and bad gay people. I wouldn't like to make an issue film around the culture of being gay."

Instead Gatiss' interest seems to lie in making a drama where sexuality is, if not mundane, part of the wider framework: "I'd quite like to do something about a quite happy, ordinary gay person who's just incidentally gay. For example, a three-part thriller for ITV where the lead character just happens to be gay; when they finally go home, say 45 minutes in, and they had a same sex partner. That to me would be genuinely progressive. It wouldn't be a three-part gay thriller for ITV. It would be that this character just happened to be gay."

--End article quote.

And instead, who is canonically gay in the series? Well, Irene Adler. The innkeepers at the Cross Keys. And perhaps most notably, the *villains*, because that's a helpful trope: Moriarty and Eurus are, in S4, both implied to be at least bisexual.

Any character should be able to be any sexuality, this is true. But can we have some main characters, the good guys, give some good representation? Can't we start making that the standard, rather than the villains and the background characters? Because so far, that is the exception and not the rule.

Writers need to be aware of the damage they are perpetuating. We are not quite in a world yet where any character should be able to be any sexuality but isn't, yet we have no problem with saying the villain is LGBT+ or looks different/functions differently than much of the viewing audience.

"Male friendship is important and valid, not everything has to be gay"--this is a popular point with casual heterosexual viewers (and, to my chagrin, some of my LGBT+ friends) who don't fully grasp what "queerbaiting" is, often even when it's pointed out to them.

The lens of heterosexuality is real. My first time through watching BBC Sherlock, I didn't see the Johnlock at all. I had to look for it and read about it. When I saw it, the lens was lifted for me, and it changed my life and the way I view things forever (and for the best).

But back to my point about how little Mofftiss seem to understand their own story/most ardent fans, and then on to my other theory: in S4 it must be that they dropped their “psychopaths emulating empathy” act and indulged in their own "insane wish fulfillment" by doing away with all of the meaning, continuity, and sense. Right?

So, here’s the alternate theory. One which is not, please remember, in their defense.

Remember that S4 is what Mofftiss are *happy* to have us believe is what they'd do with these characters, given the chance to do whatever they wanted. I repeat, in Moffat’s own words: “Insane wish fulfillment.”

Okay I get it, this pasta has been over-salted.

Without further delay: MY COPYRIGHT RESEARCH THEORY THAT EVEN I DON'T PUT MUCH STOCK IN AND WHICH DOESN’T MAKE UP FOR THEIR CRUELTY EVEN IF TRUE

Part of me also raises an eyebrow at S4 as perhaps an example of the effect of the Conan Doyle estate on any modern production in the US. While it’s true that all of Sherlock is part of public domain in the UK and has been for quite a long time, Gatiss and Moffat still talk about it being partially under copyright. Specifically, the last 10 stories. I’m supposing that this means that because Sherlock airs internationally, or due to whatever contract the BBC has with the Doyle estate, they are still limited by the copyright as to what they can “publish”.

The Doyle estate is known for being a pain in the ass when it comes to abiding by copyright law as everyone else knows and practices it. They’ve tried to argue, for example (in 2013 and, much more recently, with the advent of Enola Holmes), that because Holmes and Watson were not fully developed as their final selves until the conclusion of all 10 stories still under copyright, then perhaps the characters themselves should still be protected, basically, in full.

It’s true that certain elements of the remaining stories are still under copyright here in the US (Watson had more than one wife--uh huh, we have that to look forward to, Johnlockers; the Garridebs moment is still under copyright--yeah, I’m getting to that too; and Sherlock didn’t care much for dogs til later so that’s not allowed either, fuck off Redbeard), but the estate’s problem in 2013 seemed to be based around a fear that *gasp* some day--if not right now!--anyone could write a Sherlock Holmes story in any way they pleased, changing the characters however they wished to and giving those characters “multiple personalities.”

See the following excerpt from the Estate’s case:

“...at any given point in their fictional lives, the two men's characters depend on the Ten Stories. It is impossible to split the characters into public domain versions and complete versions.”

(Click for full transcript.)

Obviously, by this point, that’s been done in multiple iterations. So I dunno. Their argument was *more* than muddy to begin with--they just grasp at straws to stay in control, it seems.

But okay. Backing up: wasn’t there sort-of a Garridebs moment in S4?!?? you cry. Yep. But imagine this: the Conan Doyle estate taking Mofftiss to court to argue that they depicted the Garridebs moment--a moment still under copyright--in The Final Problem.

Did they, though? Did they really?

The fandom cried out about the ridiculousness--the utter disappointment--of that moment when it was shown. It was not what we would have expected/wanted. We didn’t see John injured, Sherlock reacting with tender outrage to the good doctor’s attacker.

Instead we saw some ludicrous BS that was as bad as the clown with the sword-gun-umbrella. More of that.

I think Martin probably found that it was easy to produce real tears when he thought about how fucking terrible the S4 scripts were.

Ahem. Yet, this all seems very Mofftiss-flavored in terms of humor.

I can all-too-easily imagine them saying, “HA. We’re going to show some of these supposedly copyrighted things--and if they take us to court, they’ll be laughed out of the room.” Could that explain some of the overall S4 fuckery?

Sherlock wasn’t supposed to like dogs til later stories, as previously mentioned-- is that why Redbeard pulled a “Cinderella’s carriage” and transformed into a pumpkin (Victor Trevor)? Hmm. Sigh.

It...doesn’t actually appear that the estate has any qualms about taking laughable stuff to court, I mean...*shrug.* They have the money to do it, and money is the name of the game, because you’ve got to pay for rights (cha-ching sounds).

Yep, it does seem that the estate is open to the copyrighted materials being made reality, but who knows for what price or with what caveats. The BBC isn’t, so far as I’ve ever heard, known for throwing money around. Early Doctor Who would be so much less entertaining if they’d had any sort of budget. (And in fact, more of the older episodes would exist, but apparently the BBC--in part to cut costs--reused some of their tapes.)

My bottom-line bitter is this: Mofftiss do like to amuse themselves. To please themselves and no one else, as they’ve shown time and again. Sure, they could do whatever they wanted with S4...and they did...but they were also cruel about it, and that’s what I’ll never forgive them--OR the BBC--for.

A lot of fans gave up after series 4. I was very nearly one of them. I was angry, like just about every other Johnlocker and/or TJLCer, but I was really truly heartbroken. I couldn’t look at fanfiction. My days were full of bitterness and I keenly felt the lack of the fandom outlet that had become so essential to my mental well-being. I didn't know how to overcome the disparity between TJLC and what the show actually was. I didn't know how to separate the things I loved so much from the shitty writers and the way the BBC handled things with their whole response letter (that atrocious, childish blanket response they sent to everyone who complained about S4, not just the Johnlockers/TJLCers. Related to your complaint or not, if you filed one post-S4, this was the response you got). I still boycott BBC shows/merchandise, just by the way.

I tried to link to the blanket response letter but the link didn’t want to work (it’s an old reddit post; I had difficulty finding a copy of the letter elsewhere though at one point it wasn’t so hard...Google is weird these days y’all...tell me it’s not just me) so here’s a screenshot:

Transcript:

“Thank you for contacting us about “Sherlock”.

The BBC and Hartswood Films have received feedback from some viewers who were disappointed there was not a romantic resolution to the relationship between Sherlcok and John in the finale of the latest season of “Sherlock”.

We are aware that the majority of this feedback uses the same text posted on websites and circulated on social media.

Through four series and thirteen episodes, Sherlock and John have never shown any romantic or sexual interest in each other. Furthermore, whenever the creators of “Sherlock” have been asked by fans if the relationship might develop in that direction, they have always made it clear that it would not.

Sherlock’s writers, cast and producers have long been firm and vocal supporters of LGBT rights.

The BBC does not accept the allegations leveled at “Sherlock” or its writers, and we wholeheartedly support the creative freedom of the writers to develop the story as they see fit.

We will of course register your disappointment.

Thank you for contacting us.

Kind Regards,

BBC Complaints Team

So how about that? *Did* they “register our disappointment”? We can actually check that. The BBC’s website has a monthly summary of complaints received. So what did they receive in January 2017, the month S4 aired?

Huh, what do you know. Sounds like that blanket response was exactly the “fuck you” it came across as.

But the show--the FANDOM--had filled a need in my life, and so I had to own that and make it mine, or just...let something in me die: something that felt like an actual vital organ. I had to decide that these characters mean something to me beyond what anyone else tells me they should. I had to accept my own perceptions as truth, as I do with everything else in my life. I had to overcome the idea of canon as law (BBC Sherlock isn't canon anyway; ACD is canon. BBC Sherlock is, in the end, badly written fanfiction--or--worse?--decent pre-slash fanfiction distorted by consistent lies and the hazing of the LGBT audience, topped with the dumpster fire of S4′s incoherent nonsense).

I had to take the good and throw away the bad, just like anyone else who chose to stay. The good bits of the show...dialogue, yes. Plot points, yes. These awful writers did write some good stuff sometimes.

They just broke all the unspoken rules of what not to do to your audience. And then did and said everything they could not to apologize, and to justify their own failings. Which, in the years since I began shipping queer ships beyond any others, I have unfortunately experienced more than once.

So, my vulnerability has been yeeted into the vacuum of broke-my-trustdom: no one can tell me what things should mean to me. I will decide.

I decide that all of the FUCKING AMAZING writing in the Sherlock fandom is a staple in my life that makes it worth living. And that that's okay. And takes precedence over anything the writers or anyone else associated with the show could ever say or do.

Johnlock can not be taken away. It doesn't belong to them. It never did, even if they brought us to it. It belongs to us. To the group of amazingly creative, brainy, empathetic, resourceful, vibrant, resilient people who make up this fandom.

So thank YOU, all of YOU, for giving me Sherlock, Johnlock, and TJLC.

I am SO SAD for those who never found a way to make peace with this fandom again. Let me just say that I understand that inability entirely.

I am fortunate that I found the ability in myself to cling to the joy (something it has taken my whole life to be able to do). I hope others will who haven’t yet but wish they could.

Let Mofftiss and whoever sides with them stay angry and bitter and vicious, always looking over their shoulders for anyone who dares to whisper about subtext.

I’m proud to be part of what they’re whispering so angrily about.

Thanks for sticking it out if you made it this far. I know this was very self-indulgent and rambly.

Articles of interest:

A Study in Queerbaiting (Or How Sherlock Got it All Wrong) by Marty Greyson

“We never played it like that.” - Martin on Johnlock

Henry Cavill on the Enola Holmes lawsuit

More on that--and by the way Sherlock isn’t allowed to like dogs

The way Sherlock creators told fans Sherlock & John aren’t gay is so rude

Especially for those new to the fandom who may not know the distinction between TJLC and Johnlockers and want to know more about TJLC's evolution/what it is/meta through the years

Moffat's view on asexuality, offensive to me in particular *as* an asexual person (same article where he claims he isn't misogynistic): "If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that – it's someone who abstains who's interesting."

Yet he says Sherlock isn't gay or straight and that he's trying to keep his brain pure which is a "very Victorian attitude"

(Nice historical research there, Moff--actually the Victorians were sex-positive).

Sherlock fans were robbed of the gay ending they deserved

Benedict Cumberbatch has lashed out at his Sherlock co-star Martin Freeman over his negative attitude towards fans

BBC complaints January 2017

Martin Freeman: 'Sherlock is gayest story ever'

From 2016: UNPOPULAR OPINION: "Sherlock" Isn't Sexist or Queerbaiting; It's Actually Trying to Stage a Revolution

Queer-baiting on the BBC's Sherlock: Addressing the Invalidation of Queer Identities through Online Fan Fiction Communities by Cassidy Sheehan

[marsixm]

edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)

anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist

so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have

in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it

basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se

looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.

theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect

first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago

the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress

2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS

so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope) 

another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc

for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn

i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???

another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]

the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl

anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid

also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!

anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts

[serpensthesia]

1. Who do you ship, if anyone, besides Drarry? 2. Do you read any other fandoms?

Oh! A fun question! My primary ships, in order of how… involved? I am in those fandoms are:

(obvs) Drarry - Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter, from JKR’s Harry Potter series

Johnlock - John Watson and Sherlock Holmes, mostly from BBC’s Sherlock

Hannigram - Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter, from NBC’s Hannibal

Otayuri - Yuri Plisetsky and Otabek Altin from Yuuri on Ice!! (not because I really care about this ship, per se, but because I fucking love Yurio)

Victuuri - Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki from Yuuri on Ice!!

Bubbline/Gumlee - Princess Bubblegum and Marceline the Vampire Queen/Prince Gumball and Marshall Lee from Adventure Time

Lawlight - L Lawliet/Ryuzaki and Light Yagami from Death Note

It is perhaps quite noticeable from the content of this blog, but I’m really, really, really down for the art of all these ships. I just love art a lot and I like to be able to look at my blog and see such stunning work.

(As an aside - I don’t reblog fics as frequently because I like to reblog things that I have read and loved and woefully, I don’t often have enough time to read all the wonderful things everyone writes (even though I desperately wish that I did have time, because you are all so amazing). I tumblr-like things to use as bookmarks and when I have time, I do go back and read what you've written! I also primarily run things from my queue (because trust me, it would be nothing for days on end and then a million posts all at once if I didn’t), and I’m just a space-ace, so adding art to my queue is generally easier than adding fics. I’m working on it, though, I promise I am!)

As far as reading goes, I obviously read my OG OTP (Drarry). I took a break from Drarry for a number of years and fell hard into the Johnlock ship after I started watching Sherlock, so I read basically only Johnlock for a few years until Johnlock lead me back to Drarry. I’ve been reading a lot more Drarry now, but I will still occasionally read some Johnlock.

I read a lot of my big ships (Drarry and Johnlock) because things in the original canon left me wanting something more, but I don't necessarily feel that for any of my YOI!! or Hannibal ships. Hannibal played with Will and Hannibal's relationship so well (especially in the last season) that I've never felt the need to read lots of fic (but I have read some, just not a lot). I don't know that I've read any long YOI!! fics, but I like to read the little drabbles that I see on my dash.

I’ve only ever watched the Death Note anime, but not read the manga, and a lot of the Death Note fic involves characters that I’m not familiar with or presents the Lawlight relationship in way that I’m not that interested in reading, so I'm really picky about the Lawlight fic that I will read.

And I sort of... have no interest in reading any Adventure Time fic just because... it's a cartoon that is very clearly geared towards children (tho watching it from an adult perspective is def a riot, let me tell you and there are DEFINITELY jokes thrown in that are only meant to be understood by adults) and the fic I read tends to be mostly smut plus feels and reading about children's cartoon characters fucking just feels strange to me? So I'm pretty much strictly here for the art for Bubbline/Gumlee.

[midgardiannerd]

ALL. THE. LETTERS.

A: Your current OTP. 

Fabien Marchal & Claudine Masson from Versailles. I was binge watching the two seasons since last week.

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.

Sherstrade. Actually, I was liking them as father/son dynamic but then I spot the Sherstrade fandom and the truth has been shown to me. 

C: A pairing you wish you shipped, but just can't.

Hartwin. Hartwin shippers are really creative and productive and as a Merlahad shipper, I’m jealous that they have so much to read or to enjoy when we have so few. Unfortunately, I can’t conceive Eggsy in a relationship with Harry other than mentor/protégé. 

D: What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom?

Fanfiction. I’m better with words than with pencils. Even if I would love to be a productive fan artist. 

E: Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what?

Sometimes I share silly head canons in the Kingsman fandom because that’s just an hilarious fandom. 

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? What fandom was it?G: What was your first fandom?

5 years. Sherlock.

H: Do you prefer real-life TV shows or animated TV shows?

Real-life TV shows.

I: Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Sherlock. Mainly because the TJLC shippers. Johnlock has just become THE ship that even people outside the fandom are convinced that everyone ships it. And their agressive behavior is fucking exhausting. I’m just talking with Sherstraders now. Because Sherlock fandom is now TJLCers against everybody else. No anymore metas without ships involved. 

J: Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr.

The West Wing.

K: How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom(s).

I love Kingsman people. I love people in the Darkpilot fandom. And I love people in the Sherstrade fandom. They’re all great. 

L: Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for?

Writing an AU about one of my ships based on one of my fav films. 

M: A person who got you into a fandom and what fandom they pulled you in to.

@sithofren dragged me in the Darkpilot fandom. I could never be thankful to anyone else than DC. 

N: Your favorite fandom (for the people; not the thing you fangirl over).

I think it goes to Kingsman. Creative, funny and wonderful people. And maybe I’m not enough involved but ship wars in Kingsman are inexistant. 

O: Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of?

Maybe I’m amazed_ Paul McCartney & The Wings. For Darkpilot. All the way.

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

A going alone to watch a movie at the theater. The room being crowed, A is obligated to take the only free seat next to B. The movie is bad and B is bitching all the way about it. A finds his reactions hilarious. Other people are enjoying the movie and not liking someone bitching about it so loudly. B is fired from the room. A is following B because A doesn’t want to waste any more time on this awful movie and is really interesting about what B was saying. 

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why.

Steve Rogers & Phil Coulson. Got over my MCU obsession. 

R: A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships.

Paul & Steve from Fever Pitch. Blame my obsession with Firthstrong. Or better, blame Mark Strong & Colin Firth to have so much chemistry in every movie they play together. 

S: What's a headcanon you have?

Merlin & Harry are together since the 80s. Everybody suspects it and is acting like they’re in couple even when they never had the confirmation of it. 

T: What are your favorite male/male ships or female/female ships?

Merlahad. Darkpilot. Benwash. Sherstrade. 

U: What are your favorite male/female ships?

Romelza. Abigail & John André. George Washington & Martha Washington. Fabien/Claudine. Mary Poppins/ Bert. 

V: Do you have any 3-way ships? If so, what?

Not really. I’m not a poly or multi shipper and sometimes it really frustrates me. Maybe Merhartwin. Or Bucky/Sam/Nat.

W: 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms.

Merlin from Kinsgman. Greg Lestrade from Sherlock. Kylo Ren from Star Wars. Benjamin Tallmadge from TURN amc. Lucille Sharpe from Crimson Peak.

X: 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms.

Ardeth/ Jonathan from The Mummy movies. Gwaine/Leon from Merlin. Benjamin Tallmadge & George Washington from TURN amc.

Y: A fandom you’re in but have no ships from.

Don’t know. I’m always ending with shipping. But in fact, I love when there is no romance in canon. 

Z: What's a ship that you want to ship publicly, but everyone on tumblr hates it so you keep your mouth shut about it?

Lucille & Thomas Sharpe (Sharpecest) from Crimson Peak. I know how problematic it is with incest and abuse. But I ship it. I love their dynamic. 

[sixteenthbuny]

Fanfiction Questions

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? warrior cats

2. What is your latest fandom? Doctor Who

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in? BBC Sherlock

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms? no??? but wc is tough to cope with tbh-

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for? YGO, Assassin’s Creed, Warrior Cats, Naruto, Bleach, Noragami, D. Gray-Man, Supernatural, BBC Sherlock, Doctor Who, Avengers, Hobbit? etc.

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in. YamiYugi, Yullen, Destiel, Sam/Gabriel, Tony/Gabriel, Johnlock, Sheriarty, MinaKushi, NaruSasu, TenRose, human!Smaug/Bilbo (LMAO), KakaObi, KakaNaru, Desmond/Altair

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. i’ve only felt the NoTP for Sherlolly tbh-

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? BBC One

9. What are the best things about your current fandom? the amount of debates on tjlc and theories tbh, it get hilarious and ridiculous, and mofftiss is probably having as much fun as i am watching everyone

10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in? no, not really

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP? Johnlock, Sheriarty

12. Who is your current OT3? don’t got one but i’d read a good threeway anyday

13. Any NoTPs? SHERLOLLY

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs? tbh, Sherstrade

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love? LMAO MYSTRADE-

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? S H ERLOCLLY

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? Johnlock, and i love them because their chemistry echoes from hell and back in all 200+ SH adaptations

18. What ship have you written the most about? ObiKaka

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them? i don’t think so

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Sheriarty, Mystrade, human!Smaug/Bilbo and Twelara

Author Questions

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? oh god.. idk? warrior cats, definitely :) such old times, i miss those days

22. Is there anything you regret writing? um yuri licking a knife fic lmao

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. i’ve got a few, and one of them is “sherlock in the vignette” because it fits my short attention span and it allowed me to cover a female-genderqueer!Sherlock falling in love with a male!John because i don’t see those often. it’s also tragic in some ways and it gave me stress-free flexibility to allow johnlock biological child happen without any scientific probability complications that fucks me over like it has been for the past four years lmao.

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit? Live in the Moment. a plotty naruto mess fic..

25. What’s your most popular fanfic? um. probably Disturbed w/ 44k reads, 120+ favs and 100+ follows, and Ephemeral with ~10k reads, 130+ favs and 190+ follows (both on ff.net)

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles? sometimes they embody the main plot point or the whole point of the story or a simple characteristic or they’re just punny and random

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries? SU MMARIAES SKSJNXBFK

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? um.. i’m not sure; either Disturbed, Ephemeral or The One Who Is Bound; they were liked and they would probably be something action-based, or a character?

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? no, i usually am the beta reader and i am my own beta reader

30. What inspires you to write? my muse and thoughts and fascination with the concept of fandom

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing? “it’s brilliant, i love it, you do amazing with your plots and word choices,” kind of complements. they’re really nice and i feel really appreciated and loved when people say those things to me

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you? i always listen to music. it’s like an addiction tbh, and i listen to varying things from chilltrap to epic steampunk mixes. doesn’t inspire me for sHIT tho lmaoo

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics? all of them on a good muse :) but mostly huge epics because i do not have chapter tolerance

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic? um ??? 50k? or 80k. somewhere in between, but i’ve written up to 100k words before dividing it into two stories that never made it because the decision may or may not have been a bit premature asdjkijhahn

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about? no, i usually try but they tend to fail

36. What’s your favourite genre to write? angst, hurt/comfort, family, romance, action, adventure, drama and suspense

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why? third person present or pst tense, depending on the story. i don’t do first pov unless i’m r e a l l y feeling it lol

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs? i don’t use ocs as often but they have come across my stories multiple times

39. What is you greatest strength as a writer? i’m not sure. my craftiness for a plot, i guess.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing? staying with it. so basically what everyone else suffers from LOL

Fanfiction Questions

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: The Loss of Flesh and Soul on AO3 (Sherlock/Silence of the Lambs) http://archiveofourown.org/works/387339 and that is literally it :(

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing: @vitruvianwatson tammy hybrid (already tagged) @blackkatmagic @highfunctioninggaybaby i haven’t really got anyone else on my tumblr that i read.. not off the top of my head at least, but they're all so much fun to follow and read!

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you? Sherlock and Minato tbh, their minds, priorities and moralities are inspiring

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention? um mystrade lmao especially in canon

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic shit, i’m not sure. i’ve got a lot, but i really like reverse and backslide :) they were so original and golden for me, thanks to kat for blessing fanfiction.net with that lol

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? probably Disturbed, The One Who is Bound, The One Who is Free and maybe Son of Pseudo Gods ??? only two of them are finished tho

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why? all three of them, everyone’s stories on here are fantastical whenever i run into them and i need some more on my timeline

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not? yes, sometimes. it depends on the amounts of reviews already received/types of criticism. and my energy to actually write one beyond saying (contextually) “I LOVE IT I NEED MORE AAAAA”

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not? DEFINITELY! i would recommend everyone at least give some feedback or love, especially to new authors. criticism is vv important :^)

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction? i started by writing my own at the age of 8 thinking “omggggg no one else has EVER DONE THIS! I WILL BE THE FIRST!” and then discovering many other authors..

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

SH I P AWARS A RE OVE R. L E TTHE M BE O VER

and the lack of recognition is kind of ridiculous. i’m talking like professional recognition because i have read fucking. fanficjtions that harare better than actual fucking bookks fjosbfknd

[burstingbone]

BBC Sherlock: On Giftedness, Queer Readings,  and Fan Labor

This is not about the resolution of a TV show which is currently an open text and may as well continue to be so for the next 20 years.

This is not about predictions or decoding.

This is about intelligent readings and queer subtext and the labor that goes into fans making sense of convoluted narratives in the search for satisfying media and queer representation.

This is about giftedness and queerness and the wages of being different. 

(This also got long).

Because if there’s one thing I learned from being part of the BBC Sherlock fandom is that a large number of you, us, fans, are unusually gifted. Whether that giftedness manifests as mental prowess, scholarly achievements, high empathetic IQ, artistic talent or writing virtuosity, we got invested in this show because we all wanted more: more compelling plots, more complex characters, more nuanced queer representation. We wanted more. We wanted something different, different from heteronormative romcoms and linear crime stories. We wanted messy and clever and queer and human. Why wouldn’t we want that? That sounds groundbreaking.

I think it’s no coincidence that we got hooked in a show centered on a protagonist that is coded as gifted, neuro-divergent, and queer. We—so many of us female-identified people—are tired of having the world explained to us by men. And Sherlock, that most human human calculator, seemed miraculously positioned beyond the world of rigid binaries. He appears brilliant but insecure, suicidal and arrogant, interested in humanity but disinterested in heteronormativity. He can be read as trans, a gay man, an asexual, a demiromantic, autistic, bipolar. Different always. Gifted always. Conventional never.

We have been writing this amazing character, you and you and you and you. For years. Your labor gave it life. Your intelligence gave him depth. (The same can be said about John Watson). When canon gave you scraps, you made tapestries. When it gave you gaps, you filled them with intricate designs. You made this show rich and warm and human. You did. You did. With your creative and interpretative labor. By following the clues embedded in a carefully crafted queer subtext. You. Your labor did it. Your giftedness did it. Your desire for different representation, for deeper meaning did it.

Now. We were always in for this ride of humanizing the gifted detective, soften  the edges of the broken doctor. With love. (fan love, textual love, queer love, creators’ love) Love, not abuse masquerading as pedagogy. Humanization, not humiliation—fans, girls, people, there’s an abyss of difference between these words.

And that’s it. This is where I draw a harsh line: if you are a gifted/ neuro-divergent/ queer person you probably have been told at some point in life that you need to apologize for your difference, that you need to learn to take what love you can get because you aren’t worth much. That you must labor twice as much to get little back. If on top of that you perceived as a “fangirl” then your labor loses even more value—you only care about sex and schmaltz and “gay men doing it.” Your work of reading texts, of LOVING TEXTS, gets undermined by male creators devaluing your intelligence, your interpretation, your emotional investment. 

Well. Fuck that. Please say this with me. Fuck that toxic excuse boys will be boys so violence between them is condoned. Fuck the idea female characters must invariably conform into Victorian models of wifely care-taking and self-sacrifice, EVEN if they are presented as assassins. Fuck the destructive narrative gifted people must be beaten down until they apologize for their capacities, as if betrayal and physical abuse ever made anyone a better human being.

Fuck the notion queer audiences must scrounge for every ounce of subtext and then origami inconsistent narratives into tiny slivers of positive representation because we are SO starved for queer happy endings.

Fuck “fangirls” having to make excuses for male creators’ mistakes, inconsistencies, failures and shortcomings.

And above all, fuck the idea that mass produced and distributed fiction/media should *not* be held to a higher standard than “harmless entertainment”.

Damn it, let’s be real here: we all most likely were saved by fiction at some point in our lives. Books, movies, video games, songs—stories save lives, they make sense of lives. Hell, history has we know it is mostly stories told by victors or people in positions of privileged (beginning with alphabetization).

So damn it, stop letting media (male!) creators off the hook that easily. You stuff your show with queer subtext, you are RESPONSIBLE for it and you are liable to your audiences to address it. You don’t get to keep gaslighting and whiplashing your fans—all your freaking fans at this point— with plot inconsistencies, unaddressed callbacks, and veiled queer references, only to deride them if they refuse to keep laboring for YOU by attempting to make sense of the mess you made of your own show. (You don’t get to call bright fans stupid if they call you out on your muddled writing).

Guess what: Johnlock fans asking for canon queer representation are only following the clues you seeded in your own show. And they deserve better than a contrived plot where gifted queer people only earn love after a beating, or only find their humanity after losing their pride and sense of security.

Or that they can only experience a moment of same-sex intimacy (that long-awaited hug) after said physical contact is followed by discussions on heterosexual courtship behavior (having John’s texts to E being equated with Sherlock’s texts to Irene and both linked with sexual interest). Damn it if that’s not too close to no-homo for my comfort. I don’t want have to write/read 20 posts on subtext to be able to validate a reading of queer romance. I want it to be in PLAIN VIEW, to be TEXT, literal, formalized, spoken, made clear as day, for everybody to see, the same way hetero romance is, every day, all the time!!

Damn it. You know you deserve better when the only way to salvage positive queer representation is to erase the whole narrative in a “it was all a dream” deus-ex-machina scenario (and I love you EMP people, but to me your brilliant and well-researched theory signifies more keenly how intrinsically discontent fans have been with the inconsistencies of canonical narrative since HLV, so much so that some fans had to outsmart the creators and come up with a theory that would actually be clever, if albeit unlikely).

Yes, it’s an open text. You can stick with it or you can walk away. You are not smarter for staying, nor dumb for leaving. You are not an “anti”, nor a fair-weather fan (that’s not a thing, by the way).

Whatever you do remember this (particularly if you are young/alienated/oppressed):  your labor is valid. Your emotional investment is valid. Your non-normative readings are valid. You are a fan and you are queer and you are different and you are neuro-atypical and you are pretty damn smart. And for that alone, you always deserve more, better than a queer world designed according to some men’s tipsy-turvy views on what giftedness and same-sex love looks like.

Tagging some people I have been following regarding this: @a-different-equation, @femmelocked, @sweeter-than-cynicism, @ravenmorganleigh, @sussexbound, @wssh-watson, @atikiology (yes you are that person now), @xistentialangst

[paperlacejane]

In the light of Season 4 of BBC Sherlock,

I’m going to post my archived reaction to S3 and the Victorian Christmas Special, and some thoughts about the state of things. Completely unwanted and unrequested, but I want to share.

I also feel I should say that there is some positivity amongst the torrent of negativity.

I initially wrote the reaction to The Abominable Bride for my own personal catharsis. I considered posting it, tailored it as a review of the episode, even, but ultimately decided that I didn’t want to spread the negativity. If people were still enjoying it, then I didn't want to spoil it (I'm a sensitive type, and seeing negativity can easily harsh my buzz, so I didn't want to do that with anyone.)

I also still didn't want to believe where the show was heading. But now, given S4, I feel it's inescapable. Right now, I feel like I'm jumping out of the wood-work now to say: "SORRY GUYS, I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO END BADLY." But I also really do want to make a point about the direction that the series took with S3 and the hideous Christmas special. [There were some considerable insulting blips along the way before that, but S3 (my main problem is His Last Vow) and TAB were so concentrated in their shitness, that I feel I need to single them out.]

I just want to point out that this wasn't a sudden thing. I feel like I need to say this, because a lot of people I'm seeing have been saying: "how did it go so wrong, you fucked up, this season was horrible" as if there weren't signs before this. People much more eloquent (and concise/pithy) than me have highlighted some of the questionable shit that has cropped up in Sherlock. I'm not going to write out all those points here. What I focus on are the glaring bits that offended me the most, that jarred the hardest, that really hurt -- and which appear to have been dialed up to 11 for this last series/season. I haven't read any (?? I think?) critiques of The Abominable Bride, so I can't say whether people have commented similar. I hope they have. (I had read over a couple of positive ones before writing this, on the IMDB page for that episode. This 'review' was what I was going to submit as a review on that page, because I was frustrated with the positivity, but I decided it was too-ranty and too downer-like for there.)

Very very few people are going to see this, let alone read this. But I just want to let out something that I’ve felt for a long time. That the signs of the fall were there, and that the writers, the actors, they've been screwing with us for ages, and that they've been wronging us in more ways than the no-johnlock queerbaiting-turned-queerbashing thing (which is a huge WRONG.)

So, this is my cathartic rant from however many years ago. I titled it, because Evernote wanted me to title it, "Notes on The Abominable Bride and the Questionable Direction of BBC's Sherlock" (the original title, I recall was: "what the actual fuck," or similar.)

In two words? Truly repugnant.

There is an aggressive amount of sarcasm at several points in the following paragraphs. Just, be warned. It should be obvious, and I've switched some of it out for easier reading with fewer double-negatives, but.

Given the era that Conan Doyle's stories were written, sexism is evident. Even within the character of Sherlock Holmes. He is quite gynophobic in the original stories, I have no illusions there. And yet he still respects women. He respects them when they're intelligent, when they're clever -- and those are not 'masculine' traits. He defends women, and threatens righteous violence against people who prey on them - one of my favourite moments is when he literally goes to get his riding crop to whip a man who has been manipulating and catfishing his own daughter. But still, there is sexism in Sherlock Holmes.

But I have never felt so attacked and demeaned as a woman by a Sherlock Holmes story as I have while watching this episode of BBC Sherlock. Whose idea was it to dress feminists in purple KKK hoods? To have them adopt KKK methods? To have pretty much all the women of the series thrown into a cultish vendetta club who specialised in systematic terror and serial murder? Oh, bravo. I don't care if it was all in Sherlock's head, or supposed to be justified within the narrative, or if it's supposed to be 'real'. Why would they put that on screen? Why would they make those links, create those parallels? And who thought having Steven Moffat tackle the topic of women and sexism was a good idea?

The only truly respectable life-like woman I have seen in this series is Sarah - a simple doctor, everyday but exceptional, who was clever and held her own. And yet she was disappeared. To be replaced by vindictive hags, insipid would-be love-interests, charicature land-ladies, and a woman who shot and technically killed the most-loved literary character of all time - who we're supposed to have forgiven because she "didn't mean to kill him," because her killshot was supposedly "surgery." The writers of this series would do well to remember that this isn't Doctor Who. It's not a science-magical world where the audience is obliged to grudgingly swallow down all the unlikely and downright absurd rationalisations that are thrown at us. If you use that sort of bullshit logic for a story which is supposed to be more-or-less realistic, it just looks exceedingly lazy -- even lazier than it does in Doctor Who. Not only that, It's fantastically cheap, and, at least personally, your audience ends up feeling cheated.

It also looks immoral in the extreme. How is it that all the characters -- John and Mycroft particularly (a pragmatic but emotional man who is supposedly devoted to Sherlock, as well as Sherlock's own brother who tenderly takes care of him every time he ODs) -- how are they supposed to have forgiven Mary too? I could, maybe, believe that Sherlock's self-esteem is so low that he might try to rationalise Mary's actions away in order to not rock the boat and not lose the people that he thinks of as his friends. But why in fuck's name are John and Mycroft believing that crock of shit? Even if it were "surgery," you're telling me that they can both just let the bare fact that she shot Sherlock slide? No visceral rejection of a person who could do that to someone you care about? No wish to see them pay, or be brought to justice? They're not repulsed by her actions in any way? They still trust her, when that's what she's capable of? When "I'll shoot Sherlock in the chest and maybe/probably he'll die," is a perfectly acceptable risk for her to take? (I say 'probably' because he flat-lined. And if it weren't a TV show, everyone has a good chance of dying if shot near point-blank in the fucking chest.)

Sherlock may be portrayed unsympathetically in this series, particularly in this latest episode, but he's no Magnussen. I wasn't torn up when Sherlock shot him in the face -- there was common decency on Sherlock's side, which goes a surprisingly long way. Magnussen was a blackmailing creep who had a penchant for sexual intimidation and degradation after all. But Mary shot Sherlock. Sherlock still equals 'good guy.' Let me break that down for you: A deceiving unrepentant liar and serial killer shoots good guy in chest for no good reason except so that she can go on lying. But not only are Mycroft and John letting that slide with little to absolutely no fuss, they're then letting Mary make smarmy little snide comments about Sherlock and joking about the lacking security of MI5 (and yeah, of course Mary can hack Mi5 instantaneously on an iPhone. Why not! Who cares about believability when you have the opportunity for 'witty' banter?) Mary is all-round a despicable character who somehow gets away with being a piece of shit because... She's sassy? The result is that she is a bad guy who gets no repercussions for her actions, and appears as shallow as a shower to boot. (I'm reminded forcibly of River Song.) The whole thing makes all of the main characters appear void of all human feeling, all basic human reasoning. They have no principles. Given that the show's main characters are meant to be crime-solvers, justice-dealers, law-and-order types, and "the British Government," you'd think there'd at least be some sense of moral rectitude abounding. And yet, no. There's a difference between "just enough of an arsehole to be worth liking," and just plain old arsehole. There's also a difference between morally grey and morally bankrupt. I feel increasingly under the impression that the writers don't know the difference.

On a related note: the true Sherlock Holmes was never, ever a sociopath (the term "sociopath" hasn't been used by any respected psychiatric authority since the 1960s - Sherlock would know that, even if the writers don't.) He has been sexist, but he has never been devoid of moral feeling. He has occassionally been devoid of tact, and often focused on fact over feelings, which are clearly very very different things. It's often remarked that as a character Sherlock Holmes is admirable, but that it's hard to like him. That's never stopped me before. That is, it's never stopped me with the original stories. Even within other adaptations, I have a great deal of affection for him and the stories he inhabits. With this series, they've done a good job of twisting that affection into disdain and disappointment.  

Oh! And whose idea was it to harass a historically asexual/non-sexual character on his orientation? That was an added touch of pure ignorance - and that amidst the existing pool of unreason, it must have been the audience's birthday! Then, of course, they couldn't possibly forget to lean on the fact that Sherlock kept Irene Adler's photo in the stories! I mean, it's a given that he should be harassed for being non-sexual and non-romantic, but of ~course, if he were actually interested in sex and romance, he's obviously secretly definitely, ~definitely straight. Never mind that he also kept a bust and picture of Goethe. Nevermind that he has a picture of Poe in his bedroom. Nevermind that Irene was (in the original stories) a woman who just barely outwitted him, who ~just got away. Forget that it's perfectly conceivable that he might admire her resourcefulness and cunning -- they're just the things that as a character he always admires -- no, he obviously kept her picture because he wants to fuck her. Of course! God forbid a man admire and wish to remember a woman and not want to fuck her. Never mind all other evidence that he's content being a non-sexual non-romantic creature. Never mind respecting his orientation as valid. Never mind that Watson explicitly states that Holmes wasn't interested in Irene romantically/sexually, nevermind that he was willing witness at her wedding-- Oh, but they've found a solution for that as well! Watson was lying! Of course he was! How convenient for them!

I cannot adequately express just how disgusting it is that they are trying to suggest, in this same scene, that this particular interpretation/incarnation of the character of Sherlock Holmes is somehow the secretly ultra-accurate portrait of the 'real' Sherlock Holmes. They literally state that the original stories are glossed-over for the good of Dr Watson's reading public of the time. How narcissistic and power-hungry (and delusional) do you have to be to say that your adaptation is somehow a more 'real' or 'accurate' portrayal? "Oh, he's arguably one of the best-loved characters of all time? Well ours is more accurate and better and we have mobile phones!" The original Holmes is an icon, a simple character who is at the same time exceedingly complex, he's paradoxical and he's wonderful. He stands the test of time. And there was once a time when I would have defended this BBC portrayal of Sherlock as the most accurate adaptation I've seen - a rougher, younger Sherlock, but tactfully brought into the real and present day. Not anymore. They've ended up exaggerating Sherlock's flaws so that they consume his entire character - the drug-use/-addiction, the tactlessness. Then they have all the other characters hate on him, slap him, mock him because of the exaggerated character traits that once accented Sherlock Holmes, and that the audience once loved so much. I just feel like the entire series is being geared towards people hating Sherlock Holmes, hating this series. I don't understand what the intent is for making these narrative choices.

You cannot put your characters into situations, have them graphically violated and manipulated and slander them in-text, and then give a small throw-away line as if to forgive all trespasses. Audience engagement doesn't work like that. You're working towards your audience feeling violated. Offended. And we're given no justice, no closure. And rest assured: we remember everything. Why are there no repercussions? Why is there so much that doesn't add up, why is so much skated over, if this is meant to be the accurate depiction of the 'real' Sherlock Holmes and his world?

I don't trust the writers of this series. I don't trust them to give me closure, to take me on a journey or tell me a story that doesn't rankle in the wrong way -  that doesn't violate reasonable sensibilities and then shrug off the trespass in the following moment. I feel like I should be slapping the creators with a glove and screaming "I demand satisfaction!" Because this latest instalment (the latest two instalments) have done little more than alienate and aggravate me. Even to the point that I'm ashamed of having once been a fan of this series. Even saying that I ask myself: am I over-reacting here? But I reason with myself, and I still feel it's true. It's become a series that I truly don't even recognise anymore. It feels warped. And I don't know how they can turn it back into a story about Sherlock making the transition from great man to good one. I'm not convinced that they have an idea of what a good man is, given what they're letting their characters get away with.

Moral relativity is a thing, but surely it's not just me that thinks the BBC Sherlock bar for "good" or "acceptable" is severely and unrepentantly low. Like I said: there's a difference between morally grey and morally bankrupt. There's not even any in-depth critique about actions, no reasonable discussion - everything's allowed, everything's thrown under the rug of "I'm a sociopath! He's a sociopath! She's a sociopath! Everyone's a sociopath!" Not only is that boring in the extreme to watch, it's so unsubtle that it's infuriating. There's no examination of what someone's shitty remark or action means. There's no weight to any interaction. It's pointless banter. It's flimsy. And when anything goes, then by what basis can they be solving crimes and catching 'bad guys'?

The vision for the series feels shot to shit. It feels like the series' universe has become an absolute fiction, devoid of any consequences, lacking in insight, depth, and subtlety, and populated almost exclusively by characters who drive me to be empty of any sympathetic feeling. I know that it's perfectly possible to write hateful characters who are never-the-less engaging, who inspire sympathy and empathy. But this series does neither. Look at the characters on paper and they become nothing. They're empty. I struggle to find instances of cogent speech that reflect some semblance of a fleshed out character beneath the flaking veneer. It's like they're just spouting words, but the words themselves have lost all meaning. And even when I find a moment that seems like it rings true and clear to the character that's speaking (Mycroft asking Sherlock if he'd made a list of narcotics used was the first that came to mind), that poignant moment is directly contradicted by their actions in a multitude of ways (your brother's killer is sitting right next to you, and you don't mind). That's a man who loves his baby brother (emotional reasoning) who is fine with his brother's flippant murderer a) still breathing, b) un-punished, c) being all sassy and nonchalant about Sherlock's drug abuse, and d) hacking into government restricted records in front of 'The British Government'. THAT SHOULD TRIGGER A FUCKING EMOTIONAL REACTION. It results in the portrayal of an inconceivable level of self-deception and compartmentalisation that reasonable men with moral feeling wouldn't stand. The characters don't feel solid. There's no integrity to them. You examine their reasoning, their internal logic, their actions, and they crumble to pieces. That, or they're so two-dimensional that they don't stand up to scrutiny anyway. It's all contradictions -- but they don't make a beautiful paradox, they make a jumble of nonsense tropes.

Beyond my perverse observation of how... wrong they seem, how much they betray how they're straying from the vision of the first and even the second series, these last episodes have simply served to make me disinterested in practically every single character. This is a truly impressive feat when they were once among my most-loved. I feel so fucking jaded. But all of the crap is just piling up to the point where I'm literally just stepping away from this series. I'm figuratively and literally throwing my hands up and saying: you know what? Fuck off. I have a feeling it may be like a car-crash for me for the next few episodes -- "don't wanna look but you can't turn away" -- but I don't see how they could bring the series back from this. I can't be the only person that's feeling seriously, seriously wronged by this episode. I can't be. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me. Burn me thrice? Fuck. Off. I'm off to watch something that doesn't make me want to throw up and claw my own face off .

So yeah.

After quietly “breaking up” with the show -- think in the style of Jon Snow bitterly saying: “My Watch is Ended“ -- I semi-waited for S4. I say semi-waited because I wasn’t going to watch it. But I was still hopeful, at least a little bit, on the behalf of the people that I followed on here, that I met in real life, that still had hope for the series. I thought to myself: “maybe. maybe it won’t be shit. maybe they’ll explain what the fuck why the fuck how the fuck.“

As we've found, and as I've mentioned, from what I have seen from my tumblr feed tonight, it went about as well as I expected.

I still haven't seen S4. The last episode I watched was TAB. But from what I've seen on here, it's been a clusterfuck of queer-coded villains, and copious dashings of even bigger plotholes than before, logical blackholes, more morally reprehensible crap -- and so many inconsistencies, it'll make your head spin worse than the hammed-up cinematography.

So, I'm so sorry for the people that had such high hopes, and who were deceived and let down in a big way. I -- and all of us, I think -- know that in the greater scheme of things, one TV show that went to shit, as TV shows are prone to do, isn’t so horrible a thing. But this show meant a huge amount to me. It meant an enormous amount to many, many others. I think of the creative fan-community, so many hours making gorgeously complex filthy brilliant heartwarming heartbreaking fic (so so much better than what we received)... to have what spawned that creative storm of brilliance and engaging life-affirming work -- life-consuming and life-ruining (in the good way) in equal measure -- to have what brought these works about go so bad, it actually hurts. It hurts less for me now, because I'm much further away from it than I was a couple of years ago. But it still stinks. And if it hurts me, I can't imagine how much that'd suck to have the show you spent so long making intensive work around go down the gurgler. The fandom and the general community that surrounded this show, for the most part, were way beyond what it ended up deserving.

In further efforts to legitimise my (our) frustration and disappointment, I'll reiterate that engagement in fiction is a huge part of our modern lives. We care about what happens to these characters and these stories. It matters, for one thing, because representation matters (be that queer, female, moral). Media fucking matters. It mirrors and exaggerates reality, and they ended up giving us a steaming pile of bullshit. (In a positive metaphor, this bullshit may still be used as effective manure from which better works can spring. Just be careful handling it.)

But, I have to say, given the backlash, I am also giddy. Because people aren't standing for it.

People are still making up theories to excuse where the show has gone, and what they've done, but at this point it really is super-keen denial, which some have realised even as they speak it. But the denial, the desperate “surely this is a trick” reaction, while sweet in its idealism, is also really sad. Because I don't think 'The Show' is gonna come back from this. I don't think they can get away with what they have been putting on the screens anymore. How can they? I can't forgive them. And after S4? I'm getting the impression that most of the world who gave the slightest of shits about BBC Sherlock can't forgive them either.

But lastly, I just want to say: okay, it hurts now. It really hurts. I remember that I was going through some horrible shit when they first started fucking up this show. Really shit timing, Show. I don't remember much from that time, just snippets, because that's how the brain copes. But I remember saying to my sister in a fit of desperate honesty: "all the therapy things I read, they say you're meant to hold onto the little things that makes life worth living, that you live for, that you want to see and experience more of... But BBC Sherlock was that for me, and it can't be that for me anymore?" I remember so clearly it being a question because I was fucking lost and BBC Sherlock was my refuge, anchor, thing that I could cling to as a source of enjoyment and escape and engagement. And it disappeared, nonsensically. There was no beauty to the unravelling, it just turned to crap on me. So if I sound like I'm being overly dramatic, trust that it’s coming from a real place, of just... complete disillusionment and disappointment. And to be not only without that refuge, but to have it turn into something grotesque that appalled me on a number of levels... that was just insult to injury.

“Breaking up with the show“ actually felt like a real-life relationship breakdown. Recently, I remember reblogging that post by alecslightvood:

one of the saddest things is when a show you invested so much of your time into and became emotionally attached to seriously fucks up and you are no longer captivated by it whether it’s because of illogical plots with zero substance, ooc characters, sexist writing or because the show kills off and treats minorities horrendously, and all you have left is this bitterness at how things turned out because something that once made you happy now leaves you emotionally and mentally drained.

and I remember tagging it: "it feels like being betrayed, the mixture of heartbreak frustration and disbelief, 'why are you doing this?', 'you're not who I fell in love with', 'you're not who I thought you were', 'you're not who I'd hoped you'd be', BBC Sherlock, I'm looking at you." Because my god, that descriptor fits Sherlock to a tee. I don't know what show they were talking about (the original post is gone,) but god that fits Sherlock so well.

I’m glad I jumped ship when I did (I actually mistyped “shit” there, guys, Freudian slip,) because honestly, I’m so so sorry for you guys that stuck it out. I had some closet hope for your wishes and genius plots (the ones you wove, not theirs) to come together in a beautiful climax that would justify everything. That would have been glorious.

But as it is. You are allowed to dump this show. You are certainly not alone. And I highly recommend it. The reason I’m pleased with this shows catastrophic fall (hah,) amidst the outrage and frustration, is because to be rid of it is freeing. To be rid of the quietly-but-growing-louder queer-baiting queer-bashing woman-hating show that does everything it can to insult the majority of those minorities who watch it, that insults the intelligence of its viewers with stupidity while screaming that it's the best... That's a good thing.

[stevethehairington]

FIC WRITER MEME

Ahh thank you to the wonderful, lovely, amazing, sunshine flower child @skamfairy​ for tagging me in this. Love youuu <333

Tagging: @julian-dahl​ @julieseven​ @fxckxxp​ @valtersass​

What is your total word count on AO3?

My total word count on ao3 is 186888, and 85224 of that was written all last year while 101664 of that has been written just this year! I’m actually pretty proud that I’ve already managed to write more than I did last year and that I broke 100k this year already! 

How often do you write?

Hmm. This is kind of a tough question because I don’t really have like a set and stone writing regiment. Like I just write whenever I feel like writing. When I’m working on big projects like Fic Exchanges and stuff like that I try to write 1k a day for those fics (not that that always works because let’s be real it doesn’t lmao). This past week I wrote at least 3k a day which was hella fucking nice. But yeah, I go through periods where I’ll write hella like that almost every day and then periods where I can barely even get like 50 words out everyday or where I won’t write for like 2 weeks straight (that sucked. so so much.) I do like to try t write at least a little bit everyday though just so I can say I’ve gotten something done haha.

Do you have a routine for writing?

Mm, not really? I kinda just sit down and write. Usually I sit at my desk and write (I kinda have to sit there if I’m writing for a deadline because then it feels like Business lmao) but occasionally I’ll get comfy on my bed and write there too. I usually write between classes (or sometimes in class tbh) so it’s really just whenever I get the free time to. I always listen to music while I write, usually I try to match what songs/artists/genres/playlsits I listen to to what I’m trying to write and the mood/genre of the fic. But then sometimes I don’t and I just listen to whatever comes on haha. Sometimes when I’m just writing all day and I start getting frustrated because either I’m not finished yet or the words just aren’t working I find it helpful to just step away from my laptop and take a shower or something. That really helps because then I come back refreshed and ready to try again.

What are your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Oooh this is a fun question haha. I love a shit ton of tropes so let’s see... I think my all time favorite trope is fake relationship, but I’m a huuuge sucker for coffee shop aus, and when they’re done well I really like enemies to lovers too. Oh and give me alllllll the harry potter aus in the world I fuckin love those omg. And I really enjoy parent fics or kid fics, those are nice. And the whole “oh no we have to share a bed” trope- sign me the fuck up.

As for favorite pairing... well I’m partial to Evak and Spierfeld because I’ve written for those a shit ton, so I guess those are my favorites. Buuut I do like Nooreva (which I’ve written!) and Jokael (which I haven’t written but would like to at some point!) and Evilde (which I also haven’t written but wouldn’t mind writing one day). Also from different fandoms I kind of want to write a stucky fic one day eventually maybe. And I do love a good scorbus, wolfstar, johnlock fic in terms of reading.

And then kinks hm. Not really sure what it means by this lmao, like what kinks I like to write?? I guess Isak’s public bathroom kink is always a fun one, and I 100% believe he has a thing for Even’s thighs (is this me projecting? whaaaaat?) Even seems like the kind of guy with a hair pulling kink maybe... idk man. Oh actually, Even totally absolutely 100% gets off on domesticity, he fucking loves that shit. Isak made him breakfast in bed? Boner. He and Isak tag team the dishes with one of them washing the other drying? Boner. Buying furniture for a new house? Boner. He eats that shit up for sure. 

Wow that got long.... lmao

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

Ooh okay hmm. I think my favorite Evak fic that I’ve written is probably I Have Hella Feelings because one I just fucking love the title of it lmao and two that one originally was just supposed to be a oneshot but then I wrote a second part and was like well shit I already know people are going to ask for me to write the smut that would inevitably be a third part and then I just,,,, kept,,, writing,,, and suddenly it was a full on chaptered fic. And I remember that I had absolutely nothing planned for it and literally wrote each and every chapter the night before I posted it lmao so I kinda liked how spontaneous it was and how it actually worked. Idk that fic just makes me really proud. 

As for Speirfeld fics, I think my favorite one of those that I’ve written is either my soulmate au Where I Like You Best or my college au Lies as Sweet as Chocolate. I was really really happy with how both of those fics turned out, especially the soulmate one tbh because I hadn’t ever written a soulmate au before that and tbh they kind of scared me to write idek why but they did. But I wrote that one and I kinda loved it. And then the college au one was just so much fun to write and the end product made me really happy. So yeah, I’d say one of those is my favorite!

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

Haha. Of course there is. Would I be a writer if I loved every single thing about my writing and didn’t have things I hate? No. Exactly. Nah but I think one thing I don’t like is that I feel like I use certain phrases or actions a lot and like I have a few in mind and I’m not going to mention them because even though no one probably is even reading this lmao the off chance that someone is and sees those and then notices it in every single one of my fics.... yeah no thanks. Lmao. But yeah there’s certain phrases/actions I feel like I overuse and I’m trying my best to not overuse them but it’s hard lmao.

Also, I can tell when I’m rushing through something or I like, don’t really care I guess, anymore. I don’t think not caring is the right way to word it because I do care, but I think it’s just when I get to that point where the writing isn’t working and I’m getting frustrated I feel like I start to rush through the writing just so I can finally be done with it and then I end up skipping over the details and it just sounds really stiff and choppy and stilted to me. And like idk but when that happens that’s when I really start to hate my writing because I know that it’s not my best and that I can do better. 

Now something you do like?

Hmmm. For the most part I like my writing and I typically don’t hate every single thing I write or my writing in general because like idk I think it’s because I know that every time I sit down to write I’m writing for me and because I enjoy writing and I like these characters and this world enough to expand on it, not because I feel like I owe anyone anything. 

I guess I like the way that I try to pay attention to details a lot. Like I like making sure that my works are descriptive enough that the reader can see it come to life in their mind and like actually envision the characters doing whatever it is they’re doing or picture the location they’re at like the reader themselves are there too. I don’t know I just really like detailing things and focusing on the small things that can like help to really make a story yknow? Like in my Simon vs. fics I’ve tried to incorporate small little nods to the book and the movie alike and when people comment that they like that I’ve done that that makes me happy haha. And I’ve tried to do that in my skam fics as well, little references to events/details in the show too. So yeah, I guess I’m pretty good at the small details like that. 

(Oh my god, that last question was a lot harder than I expected it to be lmaoo)

[piraticalarchive]

&&!

send me ‘&’ and I’ll tell you about 3 blogs I recommend

@trickstercaptain - LOTTIE! First of all, this is one of those people I group with Glitzy and Jen in the POTC fandom (hush. I know Charles Vane isn’t POTC but these guys just all fit together, okay?) and like the two of them, her writing skills blow me away. I honestly didn’t care really about POTC until I came across Lottie’s love for the fandom and the ability she has to add depth and layers to a character I honestly originally thought was just a cheap shot by Disney for humor. She gives reasons for Jack Sparrow’s behavior, she builds a world around him and creates this complex man that you just can’t wait to find out more about. Not to mention her meta game is on point. Seriously. I used to think I could meta with the best of them but holy crap, Lottie is the meta master. And she makes these long things that ARE ACTUALLY INTERESTING TO READ!! Its so hard for me to stay concentrated on really long discourses but I’m always enthralled by any meta Lottle has on Jack and I find myself reading to the end every time. A+ mun and A+ characterization ... you NEED to be following.

@lordiism - Stephanie is this gem of a person.. The first time I came across her on the dash my mouth sort of dropped open because I was like ‘holy shit. Cutler Beckett’s original writers have decided to make a tumblr account’. Honestly I was a little intimidated at first. Beckett is an intimidating character, especially for the mun of a pirate blog, and I was little unsure of whether I would be able to accurately portray Hook in a situation where the two meet. But Stephanie was so welcoming, so wonderful and over time (both through writing with her and through seeing her replies to others on the dash) I’ve developed this love for a character I honestly never gave two fucks about. She gives him motivations, she gives him fears, she makes him more than just the man created to fill a villain role. Whether you’re a fan of POTC or not, this is a blog that will forever be worth a follow.

@thecodekeeper - ACE !! So first off, I have to say that though for a bit Ace and I were in the same fandom (ouat - ish), I didn’t really get to know them until they began to write Teague and for that I’ll always be a little sad because I missed out on knowing a hell of a person those few months. They manage to write this fantastic portrayal of Captain Teague based on a few obscure references in film and book that is completely their own and honestly nothing short of magic. Teague lives through their meta and their (angsty! so much angst!) headcanons and I can’t imagine this character being developed by anyone else in any other way. Not to mention that Ace is one of the NICEST people I have ever come across. They are always willing to lend a hand, always willing to offer an ear and always sending positivity to any on the dash who seem to be in need of it. Honestly Ace makes me want to be a better person, they make me want to reach out, to help others ... and I think thats the best mark you can leave on someone. If you’re not following, you’re missing out.

@monstrauma - Okay this is a little jump from my POTC cluster of peeps, BUT THIS BLOG !! THIS !! BLOG !!. My childhood trauma was clowns. I hate them. I can’t stand them. ‘IT’ haunted my dreams growing up after a rather sucky ( in my opinion) baby sitter sat me and my brother down and made us watch it. But Jay has this incredible ability to tell a story that leaves me wanting more. I don’t care that its something that terrifies me. I dont care if its subject matter that I usually avoid. Its that worth it to read. I haven’t had the opportunity to write with Jay yet but the replies I see on the dash are just .. they leave me sitting on the edge of my seat, eyes wide, scrolling through every word with baited breath. The atmosphere created is perfect, the tone just right ... its honestly a piece of art in its own right. I am not one for horror blogs usually. I tend to steer clear. But this is one you need on your dash. This is a person you need to follow. Not to mention that my experiences of talking with Jay have been nothing short of pleasant. They are so supportive, so positive, its a joy to be in a mutual with them. Definitely worth following.

@crimeblogger - Michelle is another one of those people who I’ve had around as a friend for literal years. Always we were mutuals, always we were fawning over each other’s writing .. but we never really did much about it. Thankfully that recently changed with the formation of her John Watson blog. I finally have a thread with her, but more than that, I have the honor of reading her replies on my dash. I watched I think 3 seasons of Sherlock. Maybe. I definitely remember 2 and I vaguely remember there being a third in there as well - but I was never too impressed. I was never sucked in, as it were. But Michelle has so much love for John Watson, for the portrayal brought to life by Martin Freeman, that she’s really made me give a bit of a damn as well. I sure as fuck never shipped JohnLock before, but now (thanks to michelle and her depictions of it) I can see it. I can understand it. And i find myself shipping it in some of her threads. Thats what it means to be a good writer in my opinion. You push people’s boundaries, you press their opinions and in some cases make them reform them - you breathe life into your character in such a way that it lives and breathes for them. Not to mention Michelle is truly one of the most supportive individuals I know. 

@nimueries - Another wonderful Michelle. Perhaps its just something in the name? I’ve adored this mun since I first came across her blog for Henry VII two or three years ago. Born with a soft spot for the Tudor Era I immediately followed, in awe of her ability to capture such a complex historical figure so well. I just recently read The Mists of Avalon, was just recently introduced to the background and character of her Nimue muse - and honestly, it felt as if I were reading a background story to the character Michelle had created. Everything she creates is beautiful - from her support of others and her love of history, to her insane graphics and amazing replies. I am so glad to be mutuals with Michelle, to know her and to write with her and to be privy to each and every world she brings to light.